"If they're mad at you it's probably because you're trying to help them, if they are happy with you it's because you are enabling them" .... This! Wow!
You cannot help someone who does not want help. Until the addict has had a spiritual awakening that opens the mind and heal the soul they will not stop.
1. Presenting the user with the problem 2. Talking about how its impacting them, why youre concerned 3. How its impacting you, your life, your health, your routines 4. Present them with options 5. Create and hold boundaries Thank you! ❤
My son is an addict of anything he can get his hands on and now I am finally done. I am exhausted and can't go on helping him. I probably have been enabling him for over 20 years and it's killing me.
16:51 Listen and relisten: "I'm a firm believer now that if you've got someone in your life who's struggling with substance use disorder and they're mad at you it's probably because you're trying to help them and if they're happy with you it's because you're enabling them." Needed to hear this. Thanks!
If someone doesn't want to get help don't fight, criticise, or pontificate. Let them know you love them, stay positive and hopeful and most importantly lay down your boundaries and do not enable.
My dad is a functional alcholic. He doesn't think it's a problem. He feels enormous shame about it. Deep down. Everyone around him are pretty much alcoholics too, so his behaviour too him, is somewhat normal, masked in the culture of the place we live. I'm way beyond the "I wanna help you get better Dad" I wanna help me be OK having a Dad who completely abandon emotional accountability. I have struggled with low self esteem, eating disorder, depression, suicidal thoughts and all sorts of dark emotional responses to being child to someone who manipulates, shames, neglects, and violate the boundaries of an other all my life. As I've grown, and he's become elder, it's less severe. But he still hasnt admitted to it and it still destroys me having a relationship to my Dad. Cause sometime he act likea human, and we get close and I think its safe, and feels briefly, like I actually got the Dad back, late in life, that I never had - , and other times he's a real asshole. And everything we built up, just slips right away again. It' super sressfull and painfull to me, dealing with that. I don't wanna do it anymore.
I feel your pain. I won't say which family member it is, but it is someone who I'm supposed to be very close to. But for my own mental health, I have to keep them at an arm's length. It's like walking on eggshells around them. You never know what will set them off, but when it does, they're the victim and you're to blame. Just today that person blocked me on FB, but then texted me later as if nothing at all was wrong and asking me about some stupid show. I would love to just not have them in my life at all, but due to other family members, I can't just do that. They will always be in my life. It really sucks. And I know alcoholism is a disease and they don't think like a normal person, and I should be giving them grace, but I am really struggling to forgive them and act like it doesn't bother me.
I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HONORING MOTHERS! Most moms love their children no matter what the age SO VERY MUCH!!! I rarely hear anyone share gratitude for their parents. Very healing especially from 2 strong men. ❤❤❤❤
Today is Wednesday 15th Dec 2023. I am a parent dealing with my 33 year old daughter who, 5 days ago, informed me that she is a cocaine addict. She is attending a help group. I feel that I need to find a parents help group to allow me to understand what she has been doing and why. I am totally lost because I am in a situation that I have no experience of. I enjoyed your podcast and I will be watching more of them, thank you guys.
I sympathize, I pray you keep your sanity in the trenches of relative addiction. Ultimately you cannot save anyone, even loved ones. It won't work until they sincerely desire change.
My situation is tough. My boyfriend does not want to stop. He thinks because he no longer blacks out, that his problem is fixed. He is high functioning. Even when he used to drink a lot (before we were together), he still went to work and supported his family. He owns a house and has money. There honestly aren't many consequences to his drinking other than health problems but nothing is presenting yet so he thinks he "is immune" to the issues others suffer from alcohol. I know he needs help but treatment has not worked in the past and he refuses to try again. I do not want to start a life and family with an alcoholic. I love this man so much. I don't know how long to support, not enable, while he works on it (and he is making improvements) and when to walk away. It's so hard
Before you start a family with your alcoholic remember that alcoholism is hereditary. A child of a biological alcoholic parent has 40% risk of becoming alcoholic himself. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. All 'high functioning' alcoholics will turn into non functioning ones but before that they lose all their assets and probably get their family into debt. From all the alcoholics I came across in my life maybe 95% are in slow/fast destructive downward spiral. In the end stage - alcoholics are living zombies. This stage can last for decades.
Got a ring on that finger? You owe him nothing. This is harsh. I know. But you have a responsibility to yourself and future self. "and supported his family" So, he has another one? Girl. Run. It is hard. But do it for your own life and sanity.
My son is 42. He has a phd in physics, but has PTSd from being in Iraq and being a cancer survivor. He has been given a medical marijuana card for his chronic pain and anxiety. He smokes concentrate THC all day and is in danger of losing his job. He doesn’t think he has a problem, but it has changed his personality and he won’t stop. It is heartbreaking to see his gifted mind being trashed by this. The marijuana available today is not the same as what people smoked twenty years ago. Thanks so much for your program! You have given me some hope. Keep up the great work.
It really help me stop blaming myself and it help me stop crying so😢much. Thank you your so much. For shearing. I really try so hard to get my son help but he doesn’t want help.. He even OD . In front of me. One time. And O.D. Orther times in the streets. It’s very painful. It hurts so much. As well as it affects me mentally as well as physically. I had to turn my back on him and close my door. And said no more. I lift it in Gods hands 🙌
Iam a mother of 3 son’s in addiction one of my son’s is already getting help, the other he is just living by day, I don’t see him that much, but the one that makes my life a living hell is my middle son, I don’t know what to do anymore I just kicked him out in the streets because it was causing me a lot of stress between my husband and my younger son would blame me for keep letting him stay in the house, but the reason is because I did not want him in the streets, I have told him many times to please get help, my son acts very wired when under the influence it’s scary, he hears voices and always wants to have a knife 🔪 when he would be home I would hide all the kitchen knifes, as a mother it is so hard for me to just not help my son , but I had enough of it it’s causing me to get anxiety and bad, I need to learn to let go, but my fear is knowing that being homeless could be dangerous, he keeps coming home and I will not open the door 🚪 everything you are saying is my story with my son, my son has gone beaten, stabbed at 14 yrs old, he has gone to prison, many times going to jail , gotten beat up by the police and has ended up in the hospital, but he still does not learn, he has lost everything his childern, and us his family, because he does not want to change, his addiction is affecting me so much because family blames me, I cry so much and feel lonely 😞 sometimes I ask god why me why do I have to go through this pain of my son going crazy little by little , sometimes I feel so hopeless with no way out, and the problem I have is when I hear the ambulance and the police 👮♀️ I feel like something happened to my son and I feel anxious and I run out like a crazy women to check, one time by my area they fund a dead person by an alley and I just went crazy thinking it was my son, but it was not I cried for that person and because it was not my son, and because all of this stress I have stomach problems and could not sleep well at night, glad I saw this post it helped me a lot ty🙏✨💖🤦♀️ I just hope my son changes and that he will be safe out there in the streets. The problem is that many rehabilitations want lots of money and that is something I don’t have, but I pray everyday for my son’s but mostly for my middle son who needs lots of help.
I can relate so much to your comment. My oldest son is out there on the streets because of his addiction to heroin. We can't have him live with us as we've tried it and it doesn't end well. I pray that he will see the light and return to sober living that's really all I can do. The hardest part is watching them spiral. I have a very heavy heart right now 😞😢
I pray that all the people who are suffering addictions a quick recognition of addiction and a successful recovery❤ my husband starts developing a chronic addiction to alchol. I did a bad job setting boundaries. My "help" isn't really help but to enable him to go farther. I need to learn let go. Allow God let him learn some hard lessons to wake up to a clear recognition. I hope that day will come. I feel lost, lonely, sad, mad, disappointment, leaving, all kinds of mixed negative feelings until I watch the video. Thank you very much for making this video. Thank you for sharing your experience as a loving mom. You all help me get stronger and starting realize loving myself is also important. I very much appreciate 🙏
You can not make someone do anything about an addiction. But, you can let them feel all the pain they bring to themselves by not enabling, don’t give them Money, food, bail them out of jail etc. you will drive yourself crazy trying to get anyone to stop their addictive behaviour. Other wise it is control, Let go, Let God and get on with your life. Welcome them when they ask for help.
Rock bottom quite often means death. You can help your loved ones by getting educated about addiction, join a support group like ITC, SMART, Alanon. You can help your loved by letting them you love them. Don't do for them what they can do for themselves. If they want recovery, help them to access detox, rehab, therapy. Most of all look after your own needs too. You must live your life no matter whether your loved one recovers or not ❤
These recovery facilities charge way too much money for their services. Most people can't even afford them. Plus they know full well that only a small percentage of addicts do not recover their first go around. I think when it comes right down to it, it's not about the drugs, it's about deeper issues that need resolving. I am a mom of a son who did not make it. It was so chaotic and hurtful to all involved. It's been 14 years but sometimes it feels like it just happened. I believe this is because so much is still a mystery. So many unanswered questions. I've just had to learn to live with what happened. I understand the dynamics, but it still brings me to my knees at times. Thank you for your channel. I imagine it's a light to many. It brought me back, but that's okay. My great love for my son is what remains.
A close relative whom I will call Helene, who is now in her seventies, is raising her son's two children. He and his wife have both been addicts (drugs, alcohol and gambling) since they first met and have never tried to seek help. They've never held down a job and depend entirely on Helene for financial support. After years of squatting her house and having babies, Helene finally kicked them out, but doesn't have the heart to deprive the children of a safe and comfortable home. Basically the parents are both homeless, but Helene can't bear to see her grandchildren (5 and 10 yrs old) living on the street. After dealing with an addict son for the past twenty years, she now has to raise his children as well. Meanwhile her son and his wife are constantly breaking up, and then regularly re-bonding, as they binge on drugs and alcohol. Helene finally had to forbid her daughter-in-law from entering her house, since she can't stop stealing money from her mother-in-law and has even managed to hack her online bank numbers. Helene keeps having to change her accounts and credit cards. She won't press criminal charges because she wants to protect the grandchildren from the pain of seeing their mother in trouble with the law. The grandchildren can only see their mother outside Helen's house, which sometimes causes resentment against the only person who cares enough about them to give them a normal childhood. The stress of having an addict child reaches a much greater level when the children become parents themselves and can't even begin to take care of their own children. I'm worried about Helene's mental and physical health. Any suggestions where she can look for support?
Sadly I went on a bender from c15 Dec - 15 January. Not a bad effort. I knew deep down that this time I didn't have what it would take to stop on my own. I have always known I have a problem so - despite not wanting to do it all again - I got myself to hospital to detox safely, and this time during the four days there I was determined to leave with a structured plan. Inside I got the help I needed, I'm so very lucky. I do have a solid plan and and so far so good.
I hope you are still well. If not try again it may be different this time and stick. If you are still on track don’t give up no matter what. Life is hard but even harder when addiction has taken over.
Today is July 4, 2024. I am a wife with an addict husband, who has been an addict for 15 years. He was sober for 2.7 years before he relapsed this past November. He went to rehab, got clean and relapsed again 6 months later. We have 3 children and because of his drinking, he’s pushed our to older children away. He has been verbally abusive since his relapse and now we are separated. I’ll spare you with the details, but this has devastated me. 4:58 really resonated with the situation in my life currently with my partner. Long story short…I needed to hear this. New subbie. Thank you.
I am also in a similar situation..My husband is a severe alcoholic and addict and he has been battling this for about 50yrs..Long story short..we have been separated for almost 2yrs now however we were married for 15+ yrs and have 4 children ages (12-20) my biggest dilemma at the moment is our 15yr old daughter has become my ex's new "source" he has also been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and he is abusive in every way.. He was given only supervised visits by courts last year and has only made it to 1 visit that was for 2hrs in June/2024 however my daughter ended visit after 15min because he was completely wasted and under the influence of alcohol and something else..🤷🏻♀️ and was belligerent and slurring words and couldn't stand up or walk hardly...my daughter was embarrassed and she said that she felt disgusted and uncomfortable because he was making inappropriate comments to the cashier (they were at a fast food place) and the girl was the same age as our daughter and she even said that to him and he literally told her that "she didn't look like jailbait"..😲 she has since then only had contact with him via text messages and has had to temporarily block him from time to time..she says that she wants closure and she wants answers from him..like why he is choosing alcohol and substances over her and his family? Why does he not want to stop drinking? Why does he keep lying to me about his drinking or saying that he is "sober now"..? I personally have been clean for over 6yrs now so I understand all the different perspectives of surrounding addiction I grew up with both parents who were addicts and I married my 1st husband who was an addict then I became an addict and I got married to husband #2 and we were codependent until I got clean 6+ yrs ago so I understand exactly how my daughter feels and I also have many questions and I would love closure from my Ex but I am pretty much convinced that I will not get those answers and sadly I don't think that my daughter will either..She has now become in some aspects his "fixer" and I am not sure what or how to explain all this to her..she thinks everyone is just giving up on him and I dont know how to explain to her that is not the case...🤷🏻♀️ Any advice?
Just found out my boyfriend is a heroine addict. I honestly suspected that he was getting high. I've offered help and he agreed but then played victim and manipulated me. I'm letting go and letting God bc I'm not going to lose myself in the process. He knows I love him but he is in a downward spiral and my kids need me more.
Just found out my boyfriend is addicted to meth. There were signs but I missed them because I’m totally unfamiliar with this. Trying to decide if it’s even possible to help him. If so I will stay. But if it’s not then I have to walk away.
@@LetGo0007 I am dealing with the same issue. I am so unfamiliar with any and all drugs. I’m assuming is heroine as well. Wondering if I should stay and support or if i need to walk away.
Best decision to make, putting those kids first. He needs to want to be sober for himself before he will get the help. I wish him luck and hope he recovers.
This is the first time I have listened to you ! Thank you so much. I am the step mother of an addict. I too, went thru addiction and spent a year in treatment. My partner (addicts dad) is really angry right now. I want to help him understand what his son is experiencing but struggling a little bit on how to get the message across ! I will keep listening to you both. Thank you ❤
I appreciate this pod cast. As a mother so heartbreaking. I am and have been taking care of her daughter. Everyday I am scared that the knock on my door will be the police saying she is gone. She has been to treatment at least 5 times. It’s been 3 years or maybe more. The not taking accountability for her actions makes me think she will never except help.
Thank you so much for this message. I really needed to hear this. I’ve kicked my son out 4-times. He has been smoking fentanyl in my home and now I have developed respiratory issues and am very sick. He constantly steals from me. He tries to manipulate me and begs to come home. He tells me he is in dangerous situations and being sexually assaulted in order for me to allow him back in the house. I almost died this last time in the hospital from whatever is ruining my lungs (the second hand fentanyl) so I cannot allow him back in. My heart is broken and I cry continually. I’ve almost lost my job, my health, my life. This is hell. He won’t get help. Broken hearted 💔 mom. 😢😢😢
i love you guys. listening to this conversation came at just the right time for me, as a mom of an addicted daughter, and confirmed all the right things. thank you from the bottom of my heart. two strong men who went through self-destruction and came out the other side, stronger than before. good on you both.
I had to sign my son into state custody so he could get into a long term residental facility so they can help him the way I cant. It was the hardest thing to do, but when you know they are going to kill themselves, and there is nothing you can do about it, any option I had I ran down the path. Our son is 16 and drinks heavily, w the percocets. Can anyone talk about when they dont think they have a problem, and when you try to get help or XYZ is going to have to happen. When your child blames you for them getting high, tells you , "you are a f'ing terrible mother to do this to your son" It breaks me to pieces trying to be strong enough to get him to the light at the other end. I am only human myself, but as his mother, If I have any way left, I will do it. Anything to save him. I will not enable him however, but going from setting the boundaries to sticking to them and having to put them in place. It is the absolute hardest thing to do.
Thank you very much for the video! I feel much better that i found your help! My husband developes an addiction of alchol. Our trust is broken because of his lies. I feel disappointed, sad, angry, worry, anxious. My life becomes a 24/7 job of worrying and work. I lost myself and want to get out of this cage. I realized with my own power i'm not able to handle all these physically and emotionally. I start search help and found this video. I immediately feel much better and steonger. I very much appreciate your video!!!
I'm in the same situation, addiction to alcohol developed from coping with mental illness. What do we do next? I can't let him die but he has pushed me away. I'm looking up videos because I'm desperate for help. I want to save him, my heart is broken. I hope you are doing well given the circumstances 😢❤
Addictions so painful. I’m 12 years clean and my best friend who was always there for me is now the one using daily and can’t admit he has a problem. Im finding it so hard as he lies, and boy is he good at it. He did admit he had a problem when he was ill many months ago but he said he stopped and continues to say his stopped but he hasn’t. Not really sure why I’m commenting. All I can do is be there to support him when he is ready to admit and accept help. I’m just concerned he’ll die before getting to that point. I’ve known so many die from addiction I’m terrified he will too 😢
@@garymurakami4867 Sounds harsh but get away from him. Many times addicts will say "remember when I did this for you? " It's manipulative. If you know he lies, he's not good at it. You aren't responsible for him.
Thank you for this video. Exactly what I needed to hear today. My qualifier doesn't want help and I'm trying to learn about my codependence and what actions are enabling vs what's helping the situation.
I am new to dealing with this. Yesterday was a bad day. Son knows he has a problem and admitted it. He was acting irratic and strange last night. I asked him if had been drinking today, he became instantly angry and confrontational. I'm now trying to figure out how to navigate this tense terrible situation. His GF is newly pregnant which adds to the stress. I am an abnormally strong person, been through a lot in my life. I am quite calm in stressful Situations. I can see this is going to be a rough journey for even me to deal with. He called me all kinds of names, said such terrible things, surprising it really didn't affect me, I guess cuz I knew he was not sober. Plan to talk to him tonight if he is sober.
Its so hard. You did not cause is, you can't control it, and YOU can't cure it. Detachment with love ❤ read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Alanon is a great way to get support. "God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." We have to learn that we can live our own life, with boundaries, and thats OK
I've done this to my family as I hit rock bottom and spiraled out of control. My family were EXTREMELY patient with me and eventually just planned a trip out of the country and just told me they needed me to come for family business. After returning from the month long trip I never looked back and I am now 3 years sober. I think the drastic change of environment really did the trick for me as well as a very supportive family.
I just found this video. I have this friend who has some problems with probably depression, alcohol, cigarettes and maybe even drugs (I know she did it before, but she didn't inform me if it happened again. She just said she wouldn't do it anymore since I seemed to care a lot). I care so much about her. I love her so much, and I feel so incapable of helping her. I can't help but cry every time I think about it. I'm so desperate to just take a fly, grab her hand and take her to therapy, but I know I shouldn't do it, and that it should come from her. I feel very selfish because she rejects most of my advice, but I can't endure watching her destroy herself anymore. She doesn't deserve being so blind and harming herself like that. She is not religious, but I pray for her. In some way, it calms me down. I just want her to recover, to seek help and to be truly happy, not just wait for it to happen if nothing goes wrong (I went through it before and it was like hell. You can't control how things go around you, only how you perceive it). Despite all of this, I find her an amazing person who's trapped in a situation she doesn't even acknowledge is harmful for her. I hope I can somehow influence her in a positive way, not force her or anything. I don't think she has many people attempting, so I'll try a hundred times harder! I know she is strong, I know her. I know she can do it. I hope all she needs is someone to support her and show her how much she matters. If anyone in a similar situation comes across this comment, know that you're not alone trying to support a loved one. You're absolutely brave and a caring soul. You deserve all the happiness just for trying your best for someone else. I pray that this person will also recover and become the best version of themselves as well.
You never get between an alcoholic and their bottom.. I also just had to bury a friend last week so his bottom unfortunately was death.. it's such a rough road
I tried to help my best friend but she ignored me. In the end I ended the friendship because the drugs made her go wild doing bad things. I told her that she can talk to me again and come near me when she is clean off drugs
Thank you guys for your transparency and concern for loved ones in the heat of the battle. I was battling my decision to separate and this confirmed I did what was right for me and helped strengthen my resolve.
I'm a parent with an addicted adult child living with me. After screaming and threats of violence, I told her get help or I will evict you. Now she is talking to strange foreign men to take her in and wants me to pay for the plane ticket. This is crazy. Because I said no, she screams at me.
Love your show, Tommy and Nate. Have you already done an episode that covers both of your turning points when you finally had enough relapses and said "No More".
I did not realize until it was too late, and I felt obligated and was in love with him. Nothing has changed but that I've become bitter, don't care if he does or not. The manipulation, the lies, the gaslighting, the making me feel like I am the worse person in the world, my reality was all a lie. The only help he keep telling me that if I just not argue with him, he will stop. This has not happened. Am I wrong for not caring anymore. I wish I had the strength to put him out or make him hit bottom to change, instead I hit bottom.
This is always a tough one .I lost my older brother to a over dose 😪 I found your video very helpful everyone know someone that needs help. But think they quite on there own and for some there not that lucky . If you think you need help please for the sake of your family and loves get help 🙏
I just lost the freindship of one of my best friends because of alcohol, and blocked every one of us, and we are so scared for him and don’t want to lose him. Thank you guys
My brother has been a “functioning” alcoholic for 20 years with an undiagnosed antisocial disorder. He’s never been sober in that time. He’s 44. And my parents have built a financial support system around him. Like, he rents an apartment my mom owns. So he doesn’t really have to worry about money. My mom is basically an enabler. Thoughts?
Thank you guys so much, I have a sibling in this exact position and I have never dealt with this before. After listening to this I know now what to do and how to approach it. Wish me luck
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. If that's the case I had the first step down right off the bat. The first time I realized I was dependent on opiates was the first moment I realized I had a serious problem on my hands.
Great points! Tough Love! If the addictive(s) end up in jail let 'them' stay in jail for a few weeks or as long as possible. And hopefully it's during their birthday or special holidays... Accept their calls from jail & tell 'them' you have no money for bail only advice & love to give to 'them.' And if 'they' hang on you while you're on the phone with 'them' while giving 'them' advice. Write them a letter about that Advice Is Free & what 'they' do with it is up to 'them"... Make copies of that letter & give this letter to 'them' over & over again until they decide to change for the good. If you can once 'they' are out of jail give them vitamin B1 for sure. They also need supplements for sleeping like magnesium & D3 (5k units) K2. Get them healthy with great soups & teas! Get them to go for walks, but time the walks & ask them how far they walked. And advice them to try to walk with a faster pace - things like this. Love them, but don't get them a car nor money. They have to work for these things.
My daughter has dual diagnosis bipolar plus substance abuse. We finally kicked her out after 4 years of hell. She doesn’t want to accept her diagnosis of bipolar plus she uses many substances and becomes the devil. She’s 28 and I finally accepted that unless she wants help I can’t help her. It’s so sad
I have the same dilemma. Refuses to accept the bipolar diagnosis & self medicates with booze. I have tried to separate myself from alcoholics but they keep finding me. My dad, sister, former father in law, former spouse , a boss and now a 45 year old daughter all with alcohol issues. It is so sad.
5 years of lies. 5 years of devastation, with the man I love. I found his dead body and recesistated him. He tells me he needs me and begs me to come back everytime I try boundaries. How do you leave someone when theyre drowning? 😔
Imagine you are on a plane and suddenly there is no oxygen The masks fall from above you Who do you put the mask on first ? The man you love ? Your children ? No you must put the mask on you first or else you are useless. Yes he is in deep pain and suffering But so are you Can you control anyone or anything in this world but you? No. You know the answer Put yourself first THEN if you are feeling strong and free, you can help But guess who’s the ONLY person who can actually help him ? Himself.
You're not his mother, he is not your burden...yes it hurts, it's painful but u are not helping him get clean because u are his safety net and that's all u are to him right now the drug is number 1 in his life and u have to understand that! U gotta let him hit rock bottom and remove yourself from his life, if he loves u not having u ever again should be his motivation to get clean!!! Or else u just gonna hurt yourself in the process u aren't going to know if he actually loves u for real, cuz he using u right now!!! 😒 trust me I know the pain 😒 but I had to do it...cuz i started to drink after a while just dealing with him (which i stopped doing cuz it wasn't helping me trying to run from the fact that yes this is reality I chose this smh) and he hid the drug problem well until my son showed me his tablet his dad had been using it and i saw the text now message he sent to his dealer (i knew he smoked weed but the stuff he was talking about wasnt about no damn weed!) smh it was like God wanted me to know for sure yep his weird behaviors and outrageous mood swings this is why it's exactly what u been thinking 🤦🏽♀️ smh 😒
I learned the hard way my daughter and her husband on drugs and now I'm in the process of going to court to force treatment they have 4 kids together and he has 2 kids outside of my daughter. I refuse to live with drug addicts period I don't care who you are. I don't do drugs and I'm not gonna keep being subjected to addicts
My best friend was kicked out too, her parents gave up. I still bring her food and clothes. She is a good person, i ask God to keep her safe and i will do my best. Wish i could get her an Ayuasca treatment, but i don't think that exists here. I haven't been able to convince regular treatment.
I cry. Every night. My head is always hurting. It making me do bad at work ..I’m so depressed cause I want. My daughter to be clean and and live a happy life
Have a very young relative spiraling and drinking dangerous amounts of alchohol daily. He has refused multiple interventions, and at this point hes surrounded by enablers who interefere with the family who is a trying ro help him.
I myself have recently tried to stop both of us are alcoholics. I was able to go about a week but when he drinks he is just miserable to be around . I did good for a while but went right back to it , it seems it is the only way I can handle being around him when he is drunk. Which is pretty much every night. Such a sad situation . I can’t leave him as I love him so and we made a commitment.
I’m a single mother with a 33 year old son who Lives in Hawaii with his 14 year old son. He is a drug addict and his girlfriend died last year of an accidental overdose of fentanyl that she did not use. She only smoked marijuana. This has devastated my son to the point of complete self destruction. He has been offered help but will not take it. It is tearing our family apart. I don’t know how to handle this.
Mother here of a 27 yr old daughter struggling with addiction since she was in high school. Her boyfriend since high school also had a problem and he passed away last July ‘23 from a fentanyl overdose. They were both in out of many rehabs, would do ok for a bit then relapse. Since his death she has also gone into self destruction and using fentanyl and other things. We have tried everything including a treatment called Ibogaine that has an over 90% success rate but she still couldn’t stop. She has come home and each time we try to help her she starts withdrawing and takes off to the point she’s hanging around a park in the middle of downtown LA and makes herself homeless and is around dangerous people and situations. She gets her drugs there. We try to get her to stay and not leave but she won’t. She knows she’s bad but says she does it cause she’s depressed. I have been through hell and back in this. I’m extremely scared for her. The only thing I have control over is taking cared of myself and my health and pray daily for her. To be there if and when she is ready for help. I would say try to find a support group like Al Anon or others. I’ve been to one awhile back but I’m going to start again. My heart goes out to you cause I’m here in it also. Stay strong and remember to take care of yourself.
My brother was released from prison after serving 10 years he went in an addicted and came out one. My mom passed a year before he was released and all she wanted was for him to do good. She asked me to please look after him if she ever passed. Mind you I’m his younger sister. Well long story short now he’s out in the street, the addiction took a toll on his mental health. He is a totally different person. All my siblings tell me that enough is enough but I feel so guilty idk how to deal with this. I feel like I let my mom down. I have spent hundreds of dollars on stuff to make him comfortable and he sold all of it. Today I drove him an hour in traffic to a home because his parole officer told him he needed to get treatment. He wasted my time had me bring him back to his hood because he refused to stay. His parole officer told me there is nothing he can do. Idk I’m so lost. I experienced an anxiety attack for the first time today and it really scared me. I think it’s time for me to cut ties, but how do I do that without carrying guilt. Especially if god forbid it he were to pass alone in the street. 😔
I ask this all the time. Lets discuss this ..... I believe financial reasons play a huge factor in why people don't approach addictive behavior. What does a family do financially if that person that has addictive (alcohol or drugs) would go into financial ruins. People need to develop coping skills and have a network to fall back on financially. Most don't have the resources to approach and stop enabling. What's a person or family to do? Some people still function well enough to work. Other's are enabled by the system (government) for money etc etc. Its a BIGGER problem and treatment only works if the network financial or whatever is there. Usually it's not!
Thanks for doing this, your content is truly valuable. I'd be so grateful if you could outline the researched chemicals, such as alpha-PHP or spice in one of the talks. How can I help my brother through a strong addiction with those cathinones? I don't know where to search for help. Thank you so much in advance!
Thank you . What about when someone wants help but insists his issues are mental health. But jail rehabs crimes drugs are past behaviors. And old behaviors coming back . Is advice same For if mental health is primary issue? How do you even know?
I don’t know what to do. My son is not only on methadone but also takes clonophine and steroids. He has had multiple wrecks and still tries to drive. He is mean from the steroids. In lala land from the pills and refuses help of any kind. So afraid of him killing himself or others driving. I don’t want to be around him at all anymore. What can I do?
You are obligated to report him driving under the influence. Refusing to is enabling. The discomfort this causes him is a step to turning on the light for him.
I am in recovery now 40 days clean🎉 but my son still addict and homeless in street he said he doesn't need help do not know what do. I scared he will OD he has 3 time on now not there for him I am 3 hour away from him. Case relapse when I was near were he was😢
I have my fiance that has a drug problem he started saying I want to hurt him and just got so paranoid and he left I'm worried about him being out there how can I help him
Thank you ... enablers are really loving the addict to death 😢 listening to this gives me courage to set healthy boundaries with my partner of 15+ years who has a cocaine addiction... I am planning my exit plan this summer . Can no longer watch him slowly destroy himself 😢
I bet if the US Gov. put more (OR HOW ABOUT SOME) importance on addiction recovery and made sure that drug counselors made more $$ like Drs do- we’d have less addicts on the streets and more places they could turn too! Drugs are killing this country in a major way and more focus needs to be put on this issue
Maybe if there was a content provider that has videos showing the love , pain, detriment, and loss that the families of addicts feel , it would help addicts see what they are causing to everyone else
Im hvg anxiety attacks over my 31yo son struggling with addiction!!!! It hurts!!!!!! Im a Mom who has done just that, look to see if my son is breathing, od 5 times in the Home. Now h and I moved son homeless and using. What to do now? Had son visiting does heroin in guest room,
My sister is addicted to meth feels like there's absolutely no help, cops didn't submit her in court, hospital just let's her walk away every time. Her mental health is so bad she litterally thinks everyone's out to get her, telling us ridiculous scenarios.. we've tried to get her help and bring her places to get help but she absolutely refuses to go and will not admit she has a problem. We all love her so much but theres litterally nothing we can do anymore but its hard cus you dont want anything bad to happen to them..
Do you have any resources or places you recommend in St Louis. Metro area. Any help is appreciated. I am an exhausted mom with a 34 year old daughter addicted to Meth.
"If they're mad at you it's probably because you're trying to help them, if they are happy with you it's because you are enabling them" .... This! Wow!
This hits hard.
You cannot help someone who does not want help. Until the addict has had a spiritual awakening that opens the mind and heal the soul they will not stop.
1. Presenting the user with the problem
2. Talking about how its impacting them, why youre concerned
3. How its impacting you, your life, your health, your routines
4. Present them with options
5. Create and hold boundaries
Thank you! ❤
My son is an addict of anything he can get his hands on and now I am finally done. I am exhausted and can't go on helping him. I probably have been enabling him for over 20 years and it's killing me.
I feel you.. me too
@@gladysbinion8029 it's so difficult your heart skips when the phone rings or the door knocks....
16:51 Listen and relisten: "I'm a firm believer now that if you've got someone in your life who's struggling with substance use disorder and they're mad at you it's probably because you're trying to help them and if they're happy with you it's because you're enabling them." Needed to hear this. Thanks!
My life currently
In this as we speak 😢
That is me. Really has no way out.😢
If someone doesn't want to get help don't fight, criticise, or pontificate. Let them know you love them, stay positive and hopeful and most importantly lay down your boundaries and do not enable.
My dad is a functional alcholic. He doesn't think it's a problem. He feels enormous shame about it. Deep down. Everyone around him are pretty much alcoholics too, so his behaviour too him, is somewhat normal, masked in the culture of the place we live.
I'm way beyond the "I wanna help you get better Dad"
I wanna help me be OK having a Dad who completely abandon emotional accountability.
I have struggled with low self esteem, eating disorder, depression, suicidal thoughts and all sorts of dark emotional responses to being child to someone who manipulates, shames, neglects, and violate the boundaries of an other all my life. As I've grown, and he's become elder, it's less severe. But he still hasnt admitted to it and it still destroys me having a relationship to my Dad. Cause sometime he act likea human, and we get close and I think its safe, and feels briefly, like I actually got the Dad back, late in life, that I never had - , and other times he's a real asshole. And everything we built up, just slips right away again. It' super sressfull and painfull to me, dealing with that. I don't wanna do it anymore.
I feel your pain. I won't say which family member it is, but it is someone who I'm supposed to be very close to. But for my own mental health, I have to keep them at an arm's length.
It's like walking on eggshells around them. You never know what will set them off, but when it does, they're the victim and you're to blame. Just today that person blocked me on FB, but then texted me later as if nothing at all was wrong and asking me about some stupid show.
I would love to just not have them in my life at all, but due to other family members, I can't just do that. They will always be in my life. It really sucks. And I know alcoholism is a disease and they don't think like a normal person, and I should be giving them grace, but I am really struggling to forgive them and act like it doesn't bother me.
Have you looked into ACoA, adult children off alcoholics? Don’t let the name “adult children” deter you.
Absolutely same case with me ..I am in situation where all my doors are closed to change my father ..waiting for him to die and rest in peace
I heard being the child of an addict is harder than being the parent or sibling
I THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HONORING MOTHERS! Most moms love their children no matter what the age SO VERY MUCH!!! I rarely hear anyone share gratitude for their parents. Very healing especially from 2 strong men. ❤❤❤❤
It does help us to be acknowledged, and we need help too. 😢
Today is Wednesday 15th Dec 2023. I am a parent dealing with my 33 year old daughter who, 5 days ago, informed me that she is a cocaine addict. She is attending a help group. I feel that I need to find a parents help group to allow me to understand what she has been doing and why. I am totally lost because I am in a situation that I have no experience of. I enjoyed your podcast and I will be watching more of them, thank you guys.
Try smart recovery for family group
As a recovering addict and alcoholic and a parent of a suffering addict, I can also suggest AlAnon. Praying for you and your daughter!
I’ve recently heard about CRAFT
And some areas have NarAnon family groups
I sympathize, I pray you keep your sanity in the trenches of relative addiction. Ultimately you cannot save anyone, even loved ones. It won't work until they sincerely desire change.
My situation is tough. My boyfriend does not want to stop. He thinks because he no longer blacks out, that his problem is fixed. He is high functioning. Even when he used to drink a lot (before we were together), he still went to work and supported his family. He owns a house and has money. There honestly aren't many consequences to his drinking other than health problems but nothing is presenting yet so he thinks he "is immune" to the issues others suffer from alcohol. I know he needs help but treatment has not worked in the past and he refuses to try again. I do not want to start a life and family with an alcoholic. I love this man so much. I don't know how long to support, not enable, while he works on it (and he is making improvements) and when to walk away. It's so hard
Before you start a family with your alcoholic remember that alcoholism is hereditary. A child of a biological alcoholic parent has 40% risk of becoming alcoholic himself. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. All 'high functioning' alcoholics will turn into non functioning ones but before that they lose all their assets and probably get their family into debt. From all the alcoholics I came across in my life maybe 95% are in slow/fast destructive downward spiral. In the end stage - alcoholics are living zombies. This stage can last for decades.
Got a ring on that finger? You owe him nothing. This is harsh. I know. But you have a responsibility to yourself and future self. "and supported his family" So, he has another one? Girl. Run. It is hard. But do it for your own life and sanity.
@@tungstenanderson5991 I was speaking about the relationship he was in before me, hence saying before we were together ...
Leave and tell him WHY you are leaving
Turn and run❤ youll thank yourself in the end
My son is 42. He has a phd in physics, but has PTSd from being in Iraq and being a cancer survivor. He has been given a medical marijuana card for his chronic pain and anxiety. He smokes concentrate THC all day and is in danger of losing his job. He doesn’t think he has a problem, but it has changed his personality and he won’t stop. It is heartbreaking to see his gifted mind being trashed by this. The marijuana available today is not the same as what people smoked twenty years ago. Thanks so much for your program! You have given me some hope. Keep up the great work.
It really help me stop blaming myself and it help me stop crying so😢much. Thank you your so much. For shearing. I really try so hard to get my son help but he doesn’t want help.. He even OD . In front of me. One time. And O.D. Orther times in the streets. It’s very painful. It hurts so much. As well as it affects me mentally as well as physically. I had to turn my back on him and close my door. And said no more. I lift it in Gods hands 🙌
I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts. My son did not make it. I wish the very best for yours. It's a situation that brings so much pain. Blessings.
Iam a mother of 3 son’s in addiction one of my son’s is already getting help, the other he is just living by day, I don’t see him that much, but the one that makes my life a living hell is my middle son, I don’t know what to do anymore I just kicked him out in the streets because it was causing me a lot of stress between my husband and my younger son would blame me for keep letting him stay in the house, but the reason is because I did not want him in the streets, I have told him many times to please get help, my son acts very wired when under the influence it’s scary, he hears voices and always wants to have a knife 🔪 when he would be home I would hide all the kitchen knifes, as a mother it is so hard for me to just not help my son , but I had enough of it it’s causing me to get anxiety and bad, I need to learn to let go, but my fear is knowing that being homeless could be dangerous, he keeps coming home and I will not open the door 🚪 everything you are saying is my story with my son, my son has gone beaten, stabbed at 14 yrs old, he has gone to prison, many times going to jail , gotten beat up by the police and has ended up in the hospital, but he still does not learn, he has lost everything his childern, and us his family, because he does not want to change, his addiction is affecting me so much because family blames me, I cry so much and feel lonely 😞 sometimes I ask god why me why do I have to go through this pain of my son going crazy little by little , sometimes I feel so hopeless with no way out, and the problem I have is when I hear the ambulance and the police 👮♀️ I feel like something happened to my son and I feel anxious and I run out like a crazy women to check, one time by my area they fund a dead person by an alley and I just went crazy thinking it was my son, but it was not I cried for that person and because it was not my son, and because all of this stress I have stomach problems and could not sleep well at night, glad I saw this post it helped me a lot ty🙏✨💖🤦♀️ I just hope my son changes and that he will be safe out there in the streets. The problem is that many rehabilitations want lots of money and that is something I don’t have, but I pray everyday for my son’s but mostly for my middle son who needs lots of help.
I pray for you and your son. I hope all the suffering stops.
I can relate so much to your comment. My oldest son is out there on the streets because of his addiction to heroin. We can't have him live with us as we've tried it and it doesn't end well. I pray that he will see the light and return to sober living that's really all I can do. The hardest part is watching them spiral. I have a very heavy heart right now 😞😢
You and I are twins. Ditto on the shit you've gone through, I'm out 50k and hate myself for ever bailing him out.
I pray that all the people who are suffering addictions a quick recognition of addiction and a successful recovery❤ my husband starts developing a chronic addiction to alchol. I did a bad job setting boundaries. My "help" isn't really help but to enable him to go farther. I need to learn let go. Allow God let him learn some hard lessons to wake up to a clear recognition. I hope that day will come. I feel lost, lonely, sad, mad, disappointment, leaving, all kinds of mixed negative feelings until I watch the video. Thank you very much for making this video. Thank you for sharing your experience as a loving mom. You all help me get stronger and starting realize loving myself is also important. I very much appreciate 🙏
Oh God this resonated so deeply. The cost to get help is a barrier for the majority of Americans.
You can not make someone do anything about an addiction. But, you can let them feel all the pain they bring to themselves by not enabling, don’t give them
Money, food, bail them out of jail etc. you will drive yourself crazy trying to get anyone to stop their addictive behaviour. Other wise it is control, Let go, Let God and get on with your life. Welcome them when they ask for help.
Your so right the person has to really want it.
That's it that's all they gotta hit rock bottom by themself!
Detachment with love❤
yes.. you need to fall deep to get back up... not just in addiction... in depression etc
Rock bottom quite often means death. You can help your loved ones by getting educated about addiction, join a support group like ITC, SMART, Alanon. You can help your loved by letting them you love them. Don't do for them what they can do for themselves. If they want recovery, help them to access detox, rehab, therapy. Most of all look after your own needs too. You must live your life no matter whether your loved one recovers or not ❤
These recovery facilities charge way too much money for their services. Most people can't even afford them. Plus they know full well that only a small percentage of addicts do not recover their first go around. I think when it comes right down to it, it's not about the drugs, it's about deeper issues that need resolving. I am a mom of a son who did not make it. It was so chaotic and hurtful to all involved. It's been 14 years but sometimes it feels like it just happened. I believe this is because so much is still a mystery. So many unanswered questions. I've just had to learn to live with what happened. I understand the dynamics, but it still brings me to my knees at times. Thank you for your channel. I imagine it's a light to many. It brought me back, but that's okay. My great love for my son is what remains.
Thank you for sharing. I'm the sister of an addict who feels he doesn't need help this was very informative
A close relative whom I will call Helene, who is now in her seventies, is raising her son's two children. He and his wife have both been addicts (drugs, alcohol and gambling) since they first met and have never tried to seek help. They've never held down a job and depend entirely on Helene for financial support. After years of squatting her house and having babies, Helene finally kicked them out, but doesn't have the heart to deprive the children of a safe and comfortable home. Basically the parents are both homeless, but Helene can't bear to see her grandchildren (5 and 10 yrs old) living on the street. After dealing with an addict son for the past twenty years, she now has to raise his children as well. Meanwhile her son and his wife are constantly breaking up, and then regularly re-bonding, as they binge on drugs and alcohol. Helene finally had to forbid her daughter-in-law from entering her house, since she can't stop stealing money from her mother-in-law and has even managed to hack her online bank numbers. Helene keeps having to change her accounts and credit cards. She won't press criminal charges because she wants to protect the grandchildren from the pain of seeing their mother in trouble with the law. The grandchildren can only see their mother outside Helen's house, which sometimes causes resentment against the only person who cares enough about them to give them a normal childhood.
The stress of having an addict child reaches a much greater level when the children become parents themselves and can't even begin to take care of their own children. I'm worried about Helene's mental and physical health. Any suggestions where she can look for support?
She can try al-anon to start.
Sadly I went on a bender from c15 Dec - 15 January. Not a bad effort. I knew deep down that this time I didn't have what it would take to stop on my own. I have always known I have a problem so - despite not wanting to do it all again - I got myself to hospital to detox safely, and this time during the four days there I was determined to leave with a structured plan. Inside I got the help I needed, I'm so very lucky. I do have a solid plan and and so far so good.
I know you don't know me from a hole in the wall, but I'm really proud of you.
@@tungstenanderson5991
I hope you are still well. If not try again it may be different this time and stick. If you are still on track don’t give up no matter what. Life is hard but even harder when addiction has taken over.
Today is July 4, 2024. I am a wife with an addict husband, who has been an addict for 15 years. He was sober for 2.7 years before he relapsed this past November. He went to rehab, got clean and relapsed again 6 months later. We have 3 children and because of his drinking, he’s pushed our to older children away. He has been verbally abusive since his relapse and now we are separated. I’ll spare you with the details, but this has devastated me. 4:58 really resonated with the situation in my life currently with my partner.
Long story short…I needed to hear this. New subbie.
Thank you.
Similar situation and I definitely needed to hear this as well. Praying for you and your family
I am also in a similar situation..My husband is a severe alcoholic and addict and he has been battling this for about 50yrs..Long story short..we have been separated for almost 2yrs now however we were married for
15+ yrs and have 4 children ages (12-20) my biggest dilemma at the moment is our 15yr old daughter has become my ex's new "source" he has also been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and he is abusive in every way..
He was given only supervised visits by courts last year and has only made it to 1 visit that was for 2hrs in June/2024 however my daughter ended visit after 15min because he was completely wasted and under the influence of alcohol and something else..🤷🏻♀️ and was belligerent and slurring words and couldn't stand up or walk hardly...my daughter was embarrassed and she said that she felt disgusted and uncomfortable because he was making inappropriate comments to the cashier (they were at a fast food place) and the girl was the same age as our daughter and she even said that to him and he literally told her that "she didn't look like jailbait"..😲 she has since then only had contact with him via text messages and has had to temporarily block him from time to time..she says that she wants closure and she wants answers from him..like why he is choosing alcohol and substances over her and his family?
Why does he not want to stop drinking?
Why does he keep lying to me about his drinking or saying that he is "sober now"..?
I personally have been clean for over 6yrs now so I understand all the different perspectives of surrounding addiction I grew up with both parents who were addicts and I married my 1st husband who was an addict then I became an addict and I got married to husband #2 and we were codependent until I got clean 6+ yrs ago so I understand exactly how my daughter feels and I also have many questions and I would love closure from my Ex but I am pretty much convinced that I will not get those answers and sadly I don't think that my daughter will either..She has now become in some aspects his "fixer" and I am not sure what or how to explain all this to her..she thinks everyone is just giving up on him and I dont know how to explain to her that is not the case...🤷🏻♀️ Any advice?
Just found out my boyfriend is a heroine addict. I honestly suspected that he was getting high. I've offered help and he agreed but then played victim and manipulated me. I'm letting go and letting God bc I'm not going to lose myself in the process. He knows I love him but he is in a downward spiral and my kids need me more.
Heroin is help
Just found out my boyfriend is addicted to meth. There were signs but I missed them because I’m totally unfamiliar with this. Trying to decide if it’s even possible to help him. If so I will stay. But if it’s not then I have to walk away.
@@LetGo0007 I am dealing with the same issue. I am so unfamiliar with any and all drugs. I’m assuming is heroine as well. Wondering if I should stay and support or if i need to walk away.
Best decision to make, putting those kids first. He needs to want to be sober for himself before he will get the help. I wish him luck and hope he recovers.
@@Heather-ik8kr Accepting child renoval because someone uses a different drug to you is evil. "Recovery" is a scam
This is the first time I have listened to you !
Thank you so much. I am the step mother of an addict. I too, went thru addiction and spent a year in treatment. My partner (addicts dad) is really angry right now. I want to help him understand what his son is experiencing but struggling a little bit on how to get the message across !
I will keep listening to you both.
Thank you ❤
Thank you for talking openly about your experiences.
3-C you Can’t control it , you didn’t Cause it ; You can’t Cure it .
Thank you for this Divine Reminder, Much GRATITUDE 🪷
it's hard when they blame you for their addiction
I appreciate this pod cast. As a mother so heartbreaking. I am and have been taking care of her daughter. Everyday I am scared that the knock on my door will be the police saying she is gone. She has been to treatment at least 5 times. It’s been 3 years or maybe more. The not taking accountability for her actions makes me think she will never except help.
Bless you both for what you do. You have no idea how many people you help with this podcast❤
Thank you so much for this message. I really needed to hear this. I’ve kicked my son out 4-times. He has been smoking fentanyl in my home and now I have developed respiratory issues and am very sick. He constantly steals from me. He tries to manipulate me and begs to come home. He tells me he is in dangerous situations and being sexually assaulted in order for me to allow him back in the house. I almost died this last time in the hospital from whatever is ruining my lungs (the second hand fentanyl) so I cannot allow him back in. My heart is broken and I cry continually. I’ve almost lost my job, my health, my life. This is hell. He won’t get help. Broken hearted 💔 mom. 😢😢😢
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
i love you guys. listening to this conversation came at just the right time for me, as a mom of an addicted daughter, and confirmed all the right things. thank you from the bottom of my heart. two strong men who went through self-destruction and came out the other side, stronger than before. good on you both.
I had to sign my son into state custody so he could get into a long term residental facility so they can help him the way I cant. It was the hardest thing to do, but when you know they are going to kill themselves, and there is nothing you can do about it, any option I had I ran down the path. Our son is 16 and drinks heavily, w the percocets. Can anyone talk about when they dont think they have a problem, and when you try to get help or XYZ is going to have to happen. When your child blames you for them getting high, tells you , "you are a f'ing terrible mother to do this to your son"
It breaks me to pieces trying to be strong enough to get him to the light at the other end. I am only human myself, but as his mother, If I have any way left, I will do it. Anything to save him. I will not enable him however, but going from setting the boundaries to sticking to them and having to put them in place. It is the absolute hardest thing to do.
Thank you very much for the video! I feel much better that i found your help! My husband developes an addiction of alchol. Our trust is broken because of his lies. I feel disappointed, sad, angry, worry, anxious. My life becomes a 24/7 job of worrying and work. I lost myself and want to get out of this cage. I realized with my own power i'm not able to handle all these physically and emotionally. I start search help and found this video. I immediately feel much better and steonger. I very much appreciate your video!!!
As an adult child of a drug addict…this helped me with guilt. Thank you for sharing🙏
I’m also the adult child of an addict. It’s unbearable.
My brother has an addiction. & It's devastating. He doesn't want the help. And I can't just sit by and let him die...
I'm in the same situation, addiction to alcohol developed from coping with mental illness. What do we do next? I can't let him die but he has pushed me away. I'm looking up videos because I'm desperate for help. I want to save him, my heart is broken. I hope you are doing well given the circumstances 😢❤
Same situation. Heart breaking
Same here
Thank you for sharing your story!
Thanks guys!… good info from recovering people ❤
Thank you so much i needed to hear this so bad
Addictions so painful. I’m 12 years clean and my best friend who was always there for me is now the one using daily and can’t admit he has a problem. Im finding it so hard as he lies, and boy is he good at it. He did admit he had a problem when he was ill many months ago but he said he stopped and continues to say his stopped but he hasn’t. Not really sure why I’m commenting. All I can do is be there to support him when he is ready to admit and accept help. I’m just concerned he’ll die before getting to that point. I’ve known so many die from addiction I’m terrified he will too 😢
Thank you for saying this because I've a friend in a similar situation. It's hard knowing they could die at any moment.
@@garymurakami4867 Sounds harsh but get away from him. Many times addicts will say "remember when I did this for you? " It's manipulative. If you know he lies, he's not good at it. You aren't responsible for him.
@@tungstenanderson5991 thank you. I finally had to leave the situation. I hope they help themselves.
Thank you for this video. Exactly what I needed to hear today. My qualifier doesn't want help and I'm trying to learn about my codependence and what actions are enabling vs what's helping the situation.
Thank you so much for shearing. It really helps me as a 64 year old mother who been dealing with a 34 year old son who is addicted to drugs.
Good for you boys getting sober! God loves you. Get in a good church . God is the answer
I am new to dealing with this. Yesterday was a bad day. Son knows he has a problem and admitted it. He was acting irratic and strange last night. I asked him if had been drinking today, he became instantly angry and confrontational.
I'm now trying to figure out how to navigate this tense terrible situation. His GF is newly pregnant which adds to the stress.
I am an abnormally strong person, been through a lot in my life. I am quite calm in stressful Situations. I can see this is going to be a rough journey for even me to deal with. He called me all kinds of names, said such terrible things, surprising it really didn't affect me, I guess cuz I knew he was not sober. Plan to talk to him tonight if he is sober.
I wish you the best and will have you in my prayers it’s so hard and painful to see how our son’s are turning into another person😭😞🤦♀️🙏
I feel like I could have written this myself. I hope we can get our kids sober.
I wish you all the best and your son.
Its so hard. You did not cause is, you can't control it, and YOU can't cure it. Detachment with love ❤ read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Alanon is a great way to get support.
"God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." We have to learn that we can live our own life, with boundaries, and thats OK
I've done this to my family as I hit rock bottom and spiraled out of control. My family were EXTREMELY patient with me and eventually just planned a trip out of the country and just told me they needed me to come for family business. After returning from the month long trip I never looked back and I am now 3 years sober.
I think the drastic change of environment really did the trick for me as well as a very supportive family.
I just found this video. I have this friend who has some problems with probably depression, alcohol, cigarettes and maybe even drugs (I know she did it before, but she didn't inform me if it happened again. She just said she wouldn't do it anymore since I seemed to care a lot).
I care so much about her. I love her so much, and I feel so incapable of helping her. I can't help but cry every time I think about it. I'm so desperate to just take a fly, grab her hand and take her to therapy, but I know I shouldn't do it, and that it should come from her. I feel very selfish because she rejects most of my advice, but I can't endure watching her destroy herself anymore. She doesn't deserve being so blind and harming herself like that.
She is not religious, but I pray for her. In some way, it calms me down. I just want her to recover, to seek help and to be truly happy, not just wait for it to happen if nothing goes wrong (I went through it before and it was like hell. You can't control how things go around you, only how you perceive it).
Despite all of this, I find her an amazing person who's trapped in a situation she doesn't even acknowledge is harmful for her. I hope I can somehow influence her in a positive way, not force her or anything. I don't think she has many people attempting, so I'll try a hundred times harder! I know she is strong, I know her. I know she can do it. I hope all she needs is someone to support her and show her how much she matters.
If anyone in a similar situation comes across this comment, know that you're not alone trying to support a loved one. You're absolutely brave and a caring soul. You deserve all the happiness just for trying your best for someone else. I pray that this person will also recover and become the best version of themselves as well.
You never get between an alcoholic and their bottom.. I also just had to bury a friend last week so his bottom unfortunately was death.. it's such a rough road
My condolences to you..
This was very informative. Thank you, guys, for sharing. A real eye opener into addiction. ❤❤
I've been in recovery 4 years now and I'm about to start my podcasts on recovery I like your content thanks
I tried to help my best friend but she ignored me. In the end I ended the friendship because the drugs made her go wild doing bad things. I told her that she can talk to me again and come near me when she is clean off drugs
I don’t know what to do, my partner recognizes he has a problem but is unwilling to do anything about it.
Thank you guys for your transparency and concern for loved ones in the heat of the battle. I was battling my decision to separate and this confirmed I did what was right for me and helped strengthen my resolve.
I'm a parent with an addicted adult child living with me. After screaming and threats of violence, I told her get help or I will evict you. Now she is talking to strange foreign men to take her in and wants me to pay for the plane ticket. This is crazy. Because I said no, she screams at me.
Can't the law in your country help you to get her to forced rehab because she might be a danger
Love your show, Tommy and Nate. Have you already done an episode that covers both of your turning points when you finally had enough relapses and said "No More".
I did not realize until it was too late, and I felt obligated and was in love with him. Nothing has changed but that I've become bitter, don't care if he does or not. The manipulation, the lies, the gaslighting, the making me feel like I am the worse person in the world, my reality was all a lie. The only help he keep telling me that if I just not argue with him, he will stop. This has not happened. Am I wrong for not caring anymore. I wish I had the strength to put him out or make him hit bottom to change, instead I hit bottom.
This is always a tough one .I lost my older brother to a over dose 😪 I found your video very helpful everyone know someone that needs help. But think they quite on there own and for some there not that lucky . If you think you need help please for the sake of your family and loves get help 🙏
How can you help someone with children? How do you “kick them from the house”? Do you take the kids away? What do you do then?
I just lost the freindship of one of my best friends because of alcohol, and blocked every one of us, and we are so scared for him and don’t want to lose him. Thank you guys
You can’t stop him
My brother has been a “functioning” alcoholic for 20 years with an undiagnosed antisocial disorder. He’s never been sober in that time. He’s 44. And my parents have built a financial support system around him. Like, he rents an apartment my mom owns. So he doesn’t really have to worry about money. My mom is basically an enabler. Thoughts?
Thank you guys so much, I have a sibling in this exact position and I have never dealt with this before. After listening to this I know now what to do and how to approach it. Wish me luck
I appreciate all the things you talked about. So helpful with the hard conversation I am going to have this evening.
DON’T! You’ll exhaust yourself helping someone who doesn’t want help.
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. If that's the case I had the first step down right off the bat. The first time I realized I was dependent on opiates was the first moment I realized I had a serious problem on my hands.
Thankyou guys for this content. You should have WAY more likes with what you are doing and what’s going on in this country
This was very helpful. You answered alot of my questions
Well done guys for your honest and helpful advice for families. Bless you and stay strong!!
Thank you for sharing your experience, it really really helps
Great points! Tough Love! If the addictive(s) end up in jail let 'them' stay in jail for a few weeks or as long as possible. And hopefully it's during their birthday or special holidays... Accept their calls from jail & tell 'them' you have no money for bail only advice & love to give to 'them.' And if 'they' hang on you while you're on the phone with 'them' while giving 'them' advice. Write them a letter about that Advice Is Free & what 'they' do with it is up to 'them"... Make copies of that letter & give this letter to 'them' over & over again until they decide to change for the good. If you can once 'they' are out of jail give them vitamin B1 for sure. They also need supplements for sleeping like magnesium & D3 (5k units) K2. Get them healthy with great soups & teas! Get them to go for walks, but time the walks & ask them how far they walked. And advice them to try to walk with a faster pace - things like this. Love them, but don't get them a car nor money. They have to work for these things.
Excruciating pain to watch my precious son suffer with drug addiction 😮
Relatable to me. But helpful as well.
Thank you.
My daughter has dual diagnosis bipolar plus substance abuse. We finally kicked her out after 4 years of hell. She doesn’t want to accept her diagnosis of bipolar plus she uses many substances and becomes the devil. She’s 28 and I finally accepted that unless she wants help I can’t help her. It’s so sad
I have the same dilemma. Refuses to accept the bipolar diagnosis & self medicates with booze. I have tried to separate myself from alcoholics but they keep finding me. My dad, sister, former father in law, former spouse , a boss and now a 45 year old daughter all with alcohol issues. It is so sad.
5 years of lies. 5 years of devastation, with the man I love. I found his dead body and recesistated him. He tells me he needs me and begs me to come back everytime I try boundaries. How do you leave someone when theyre drowning? 😔
Imagine you are on a plane and suddenly there is no oxygen
The masks fall from above you
Who do you put the mask on first ? The man you love ? Your children ?
No you must put the mask on you first or else you are useless.
Yes he is in deep pain and suffering
But so are you
Can you control anyone or anything in this world but you?
No.
You know the answer
Put yourself first
THEN if you are feeling strong and free, you can help
But guess who’s the ONLY person who can actually help him ?
Himself.
@@christophermendeslarsenand that's the hard truth! Only he can save himself!
You're not his mother, he is not your burden...yes it hurts, it's painful but u are not helping him get clean because u are his safety net and that's all u are to him right now the drug is number 1 in his life and u have to understand that! U gotta let him hit rock bottom and remove yourself from his life, if he loves u not having u ever again should be his motivation to get clean!!! Or else u just gonna hurt yourself in the process u aren't going to know if he actually loves u for real, cuz he using u right now!!! 😒 trust me I know the pain 😒 but I had to do it...cuz i started to drink after a while just dealing with him (which i stopped doing cuz it wasn't helping me trying to run from the fact that yes this is reality I chose this smh) and he hid the drug problem well until my son showed me his tablet his dad had been using it and i saw the text now message he sent to his dealer (i knew he smoked weed but the stuff he was talking about wasnt about no damn weed!) smh it was like God wanted me to know for sure yep his weird behaviors and outrageous mood swings this is why it's exactly what u been thinking 🤦🏽♀️ smh 😒
@@christophermendeslarsenspot on.
Thank you so much
I learned the hard way my daughter and her husband on drugs and now I'm in the process of going to court to force treatment they have 4 kids together and he has 2 kids outside of my daughter. I refuse to live with drug addicts period I don't care who you are. I don't do drugs and I'm not gonna keep being subjected to addicts
What if they want help but only on their terms?
Thank you guys so so much you give me hope God Bless i will be subscribing
My best friend was kicked out too, her parents gave up. I still bring her food and clothes. She is a good person, i ask God to keep her safe and i will do my best. Wish i could get her an Ayuasca treatment, but i don't think that exists here. I haven't been able to convince regular treatment.
Really helpful, thank you
I cry. Every night. My head is always hurting. It making me do bad at work ..I’m so depressed cause I want. My daughter to be clean and and live a happy life
Have a very young relative spiraling and drinking dangerous amounts of alchohol daily. He has refused multiple interventions, and at this point hes surrounded by enablers who interefere with the family who is a trying ro help him.
I myself have recently tried to stop both of us are alcoholics. I was able to go about a week but when he drinks he is just miserable to be around . I did good for a while but went right back to it , it seems it is the only way I can handle being around him when he is drunk. Which is pretty much every night. Such a sad situation . I can’t leave him as I love him so and we made a commitment.
14:11
I’m a single mother with a 33 year old son who
Lives in Hawaii with his 14 year old son. He is a drug addict and his girlfriend died last year of an accidental overdose of fentanyl that she did not use. She only smoked marijuana. This has devastated my son to the point of complete self destruction. He has been offered help but will not take it. It is tearing our family apart. I don’t know how to handle this.
Mother here of a 27 yr old daughter struggling with addiction since she was in high school. Her boyfriend since high school also had a problem and he passed away last July ‘23 from a fentanyl overdose. They were both in out of many rehabs, would do ok for a bit then relapse. Since his death she has also gone into self destruction and using fentanyl and other things. We have tried everything including a treatment called Ibogaine that has an over 90% success rate but she still couldn’t stop. She has come home and each time we try to help her she starts withdrawing and takes off to the point she’s hanging around a park in the middle of downtown LA and makes herself homeless and is around dangerous people and situations. She gets her drugs there. We try to get her to stay and not leave but she won’t. She knows she’s bad but says she does it cause she’s depressed. I have been through hell and back in this. I’m extremely scared for her. The only thing I have control over is taking cared of myself and my health and pray daily for her. To be there if and when she is ready for help. I would say try to find a support group like Al Anon or others. I’ve been to one awhile back but I’m going to start again. My heart goes out to you cause I’m here in it also. Stay strong and remember to take care of yourself.
My brother was released from prison after serving 10 years he went in an addicted and came out one. My mom passed a year before he was released and all she wanted was for him to do good. She asked me to please look after him if she ever passed. Mind you I’m his younger sister. Well long story short now he’s out in the street, the addiction took a toll on his mental health. He is a totally different person. All my siblings tell me that enough is enough but I feel so guilty idk how to deal with this. I feel like I let my mom down. I have spent hundreds of dollars on stuff to make him comfortable and he sold all of it. Today I drove him an hour in traffic to a home because his parole officer told him he needed to get treatment. He wasted my time had me bring him back to his hood because he refused to stay. His parole officer told me there is nothing he can do. Idk I’m so lost. I experienced an anxiety attack for the first time today and it really scared me. I think it’s time for me to cut ties, but how do I do that without carrying guilt. Especially if god forbid it he were to pass alone in the street. 😔
Topic, MAT and having Dr Greer on to educate 😍
I ask this all the time. Lets discuss this ..... I believe financial reasons play a huge factor in why people don't approach addictive behavior. What does a family do financially if that person that has addictive (alcohol or drugs) would go into financial ruins. People need to develop coping skills and have a network to fall back on financially. Most don't have the resources to approach and stop enabling. What's a person or family to do? Some people still function well enough to work. Other's are enabled by the system (government) for money etc etc. Its a BIGGER problem and treatment only works if the network financial or whatever is there. Usually it's not!
mental illness is also a huge factor - people without coping skills or insurance use drugs to cope and use unhealthy behaviors.....
Eventually people get arrested and the problem snowballs .... and the family or love ones suffer.
Thanks for doing this, your content is truly valuable. I'd be so grateful if you could outline the researched chemicals, such as alpha-PHP or spice in one of the talks. How can I help my brother through a strong addiction with those cathinones? I don't know where to search for help. Thank you so much in advance!
Thank you . What about when someone wants help but insists his issues are mental health. But jail rehabs crimes drugs are past
behaviors. And old behaviors coming back . Is advice same
For if mental health is primary issue? How do you even know?
good point, sometimes it can start with trauma, a therapist before addiction treatment may be the answer
I don’t know what to do. My son is not only on methadone but also takes clonophine and steroids. He has had multiple wrecks and still tries to drive. He is mean from the steroids. In lala land from the pills and refuses help of any kind. So afraid of him killing himself or others driving. I don’t want to be around him at all anymore. What can I do?
You are obligated to report him driving under the influence. Refusing to is enabling. The discomfort this causes him is a step to turning on the light for him.
This is exactly what I am going through with my 36 year old son.
Same
Thank you!
I'm in the northeast. Can you recommend a contact for adict and parent in Syracuse, NY or Vermont?
This is great, very practical and real-life. Have you seen Dr. KJ Foster's videos on addiction? They're also great.
I am in recovery now 40 days clean🎉 but my son still addict and homeless in street he said he doesn't need help do not know what do. I scared he will OD he has 3 time on now not there for him I am 3 hour away from him. Case relapse when I was near were he was😢
Please stay on your new clean path. You can't help your son if you don't set an example. Be strong, you can do this 🙏🏾
I have my fiance that has a drug problem he started saying I want to hurt him and just got so paranoid and he left I'm worried about him being out there how can I help him
It is but letting go for our own sanity is the best thing. I hope my daughter one day gets better but I’ll leave it in God’s hands
Thank you ... enablers are really loving the addict to death 😢 listening to this gives me courage to set healthy boundaries with my partner of 15+ years who has a cocaine addiction... I am planning my exit plan this summer . Can no longer watch him slowly destroy himself 😢
35 yr old son in hospital now. Repeated severe alcohol withdrawal. Numerous hospital admissions.
And who should pay for treatment? Do you offer as the parent?
I bet if the US Gov. put more (OR HOW ABOUT SOME) importance on addiction recovery and made sure that drug counselors made more $$ like Drs do- we’d have less addicts on the streets and more places they could turn too! Drugs are killing this country in a major way and more focus needs to be put on this issue
Maybe if there was a content provider that has videos showing the love , pain, detriment, and loss that the families of addicts feel , it would help addicts see what they are causing to everyone else
How do i help my mum who’s had an alcohol addiction for some time.
Im hvg anxiety attacks over my 31yo son struggling with addiction!!!! It hurts!!!!!! Im a
Mom who has done just that, look to see if my son is breathing, od 5 times in the
Home. Now h and I moved son homeless and using. What to do now? Had son visiting does heroin in guest room,
My sister is addicted to meth feels like there's absolutely no help, cops didn't submit her in court, hospital just let's her walk away every time. Her mental health is so bad she litterally thinks everyone's out to get her, telling us ridiculous scenarios.. we've tried to get her help and bring her places to get help but she absolutely refuses to go and will not admit she has a problem. We all love her so much but theres litterally nothing we can do anymore but its hard cus you dont want anything bad to happen to them..
Do you have any resources or places you recommend in St Louis. Metro area. Any help is appreciated. I am an exhausted mom with a 34 year old daughter addicted to Meth.
Where is a rehan or counselling place in Plano Dallas Texas
I pray you have found help.