This was so helpful 2 me and I hope 2 others also because might be going through this and don't want 2 talk 2 anyone about what is happening 2 them;yes it does take a vey long time 2 recover from;more so if u live on ur own;I'll keep watching I find it very helpful;
God knows I've made the mistake of trying to explain, desperate that someone will get it. It's a futile pursuit. Not only do ppl not understand the extent of the impact of the abuse but I have also been invalidated numerous times,retraumatizing me further.
I told some people my friend died last year. He didn't, he just upped and ghosted me after a silent treatment and months of head games and insults. After we'd been friends for 5 years! Saying he'd died suddenly, was the only way to portray the enormity of what had happened to me at the end. The fact that it was *worse* than that in my book, I could never explain to anyone.
The depression is so heavy. So is the rebirth. My mind keeps tormenting me, challenging the way I recall interactions and the relationship, insisting that I get through to my ex narc that he WAS the huge problem. I can't believe any of this. Ugh😢
Excellent video! Much needed. Ot explains very well the devastation that happens. I thought I should feel “great” after finally escaping. And then after going to court to have the Protection Order upheld and the judge appalled at the blatant sarcasm and disrespectful attitude even for the court was a huge “win”. But I got VERY DEPRESSED for several weeks after. I did not understand why. I should have felt good about being understood and heard. But in reality it just put a huge spotlight on how ABSOLUTELY AWFUL this person IS. AND THAT THEY WILL NEVER HAVE ANY REGRETS OR ACKNOWLEDGMENT of the abuse. Someone is supposed to have been loving you and yet they can treat a “loved one” so badly is soul crushing. I pray that all of those out there who are going through this process will find peace. NO CONTACT is a great beginning. Getting them OUT OF YOUR HEAD is the next big hurdle. This information helps us! Thank you for the content!
THIS is helping me so much! 5 months no contact and now that I’m not distracting myself with unhealthy activities. I’m sitting in it and feeling depressed! I know it will pass. I just like to feel UP and wonderful all the time . This is painful, you gave me a sense of relief that this process is important and I will come out the other side!
When it hapoens in families, and is finally pinpointed, a realisation of wasted years, is deoressing. Wrong decisions becase of the narcissist's twisted behaviour.
Strangely, my depression is going away *while still living with the narcissist!!!* i think I just needed confirmation and I'm now no longer grappling with her (and her enabling husband) telling me it's her "clinical depression" and being scolded to "learn how to talk to people with depression" and that calling her out is "uncalled for". I'm no longer thinking to myself "but is it really? Something doesn't add up, but I don't know what..." when I hear that now!
In 1 months i will rwach the 2 year mark since i ended the hellish relationship. She was cruel. Left me in a complete shambles alone. Im far better now then when it ended. I still wake up in the morning with relationship flashbacks. I was physically, emotionally and financially abused. I pray everyday my depression will end.
The depression stems from the time lost and that you are wasting time with recovering and having wasted your time on problems and dark memories, instead of living the present and future in developing yourself healthily and having normal relationship with family. The narcissistic abuse seems to be more painful if your own parents are the narcissists, hence why I will still be enchained to them even after I leave them. However, if I had a narcissist spouse or girlfriend, being an adult male I could always walk away from them and forget them. I think that it is more difficult for women because they are enchained to a narcissist if they have a family together. I experienced this with my mother as financial abuse was his weapon and I was the center of the abuse on my mother early in childhood. This is why later on my mother was conditioned as a narcissist and started also her abuse when I was in my teenage years complementing my father's. I could not leave them due to becoming ill, being unemployed, and staying longer for my sibling so that she can avoid the abuse and mother when I was a young adult. This is how my narc father trapped me and undermined me.
Actually the only working way I've found for myself is reconnecting with the abuser years after the relationship and talking/going through everything. But I changed through those years and no longer allowed abuse. But it's not for everyone.
Coming to terms with the fact that I did all the work, the filling up of every narcissists cup in my life. And was completely left empty. That part is where the depression hits out the blue because truth sets in that I was never a thought or care to them. On the flip side I am the filler, all the amazing goods, all within me that if I continue to pour back into myself each day, overtime I will be built into who I was meant to be never again to be wasted on another soulless being because I am more aware than ever in life. Thank you Danish for your experience and God given gifts. ❤
Very interesting! Thank you so much for this dividing apart of depression and grief and pointing out the complexity. This is precious content, helping me to understand myself! Thanks!
My experience is just accept the situation . Do your research so you better understand what happened. Do the research and try to lower your emotional feeling. Just learn and look to a more happier life. Yes it takes time and take that time but more important know there are positive and less positive moments that is normal
Because we are rewarded, brain gets its addicted high when we take them/agree to put up with (mom gave me a horrendous visit at her place which also equalled 2K from her, b4 and after but that's it, last time I went to visit and then, if course, covid, not my fault and she really should have been aware of age-old careful what you ask for, you might just get it, it wanes, rock on!
My counsellor said she felt like I was fitting together pieces of a jigsaw. I said that it was like someone had thrown a hundred balls of wool into a dryer and I needed to untangle it but every now and then they threw it back into the dryer.
This is so insightful. When I was 25, my narcissistically abusive parent physically assaulted me for the last time. He kept pushing and throwing me to the ground and hitting me in the face while calling me names, like "filth". I managed to shove him and ran and locked myself in the bathroom and screamed at him to go away. The police came to the house and bullied me to give them the name of the person who attacked me and I wouldn't tell them my father's name. I protected him. I was physically sick for a week, nausea, headache and I shook for hours that day. He came to the house a week later and when I opened the door for him - (because he'd come to do some work on my mother's house) - without saying hello, he called me a bitch. I sank into a deep cycle of depression and your video made me realize this was grief. Grief in realizing he'd never loved me and that I was just an object to him, a scapegoat for him to displace his own traumas. People in my family disdained me and minimized what I went through. There was no awareness. But my body knew and I went into a deep hole. I stopped contact with my father. My body simply repelled away from him like a force field was pushing me. Sometimes the trauma is so deep and unworkable that your body and mind retreat. You lose yourself. It took a long time to resurface but I did. It's possible. I wish anyone who goes through this to find the power within themselves. In the throes of it, you think you don't exist. But you do. You're always there if in hiding. Hang on. Keep fighting. Be good to yourself.
Thank you for your story. I have a narcissist father also that I am in no contact with. It's extremely depressing and sad. At least we are alone. It's a little bit comforting to know there are others like us ❤
Wow sugar, at 13 I ran across town in the dead of winter (I'm in Québec) in my socks/at night to my bud's house across town b4 dad could whack me as I was defended covert mom from another beating, then he became a deadbeat dad.. I saw him yrs later and we never talked about it cuz he was probably drunk at the time of that incident, guy (and that was his real name) even owned 2 pubs, I had no qualms ditching his wake, guy didn't leave me anything anyway, love from Montreal!
I just had a deep realization.. I hated my narcissistic mom, so deeply so intensely, that I literally didn't feel anything else after they got divorced. I reconciled with her, my mom. I became numb, I didn't feel hatred angry rage, which was healthy protection of my self. Hate him. Deeply rage, hate, dont apologize to anyone, I get it. I stopped fighting, because it doesn't win.. now I see I should never ever have re engaged with her, but fear and denial and need , disenfranchised grief, is real. You will have insights over time, keep a diary, but find the rage.. hate him.. it's not socially acceptable, love is hate. To truly love yourself.. you hate the deceiver, the liar. He, your dad is in a room without windows, only mirrors which is his looking at himself and talking to you. It's horrible, and don't go back.
Grief is a big reason why depression happens. 😢 Even this alone is the main contributing factor to why it takes so long to heal. For the traumatic event, it is necessary to reach out to others. I've had several therapists, each focusing on different parts of trauma. It's a progression to keep going and find more resources to help your life become meaningful again. 😅❤
Well this was exactly what I needed right now, because I'm feeling ashamed about still being depressed. Like, OK I learned my lesson, can I just move on now, but I still feel paralyzed.
3:40 I've read and read, seen therapists, and watched other videos but no one broke it down to 1. Cognitive Dissonance and 2. Trauma bonding. THAT IS different than other kinds of grief. Yes, these losses are not easy to make peace with because they are deep and so many. TY, Sir! ★★★★★
Such a deeply compassionate, comprehensive, and beautifully articulated, healing explanation of post narc abuse depression! Thank u, Danish. You are a natural poet! ❤
Thank you so much for this. I had narcissistic abuse for 33 years and came out of that relationship not realising what had happened to me. I remember people expecting me to just pick myself up and move on but nobody realises when you leave a narcissistic abusive marriage, you come out as an empty shell. It takes such a long time to find yourself again. It took me 5 years but I'm in such a good place now and so in charge of my own life. I go to bed every night and thank God for the beautiful peace in my life, which I never knew for that 33 years. ❤
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
I've come a long way in my healing process and I see the flashbacks of my self going through all this dying and rebirth, in the process. I'm literally in tears watching this
Beautiful video. ❤ The topic reminded me of one of Sam Vaknin's videos called "Your grief is shared fantasy too". I don’t know if you're familiar with his concept of the "coerced snapshotting", it brought me so much clarity. This grief is also, according to Sam, for the loss of the idealized version of us in such interactions with narcissists. I liked your anology with the rebirth process because to recover a sense of self you must mourn the loss of the fake identities that were conditioned and forced upon you, while also giving birth to this new consciousness that sees it all and saw - and felt - what happened.
In my last relationship, I thought I was the narcissist. But then she left and completely erased me from her life. Super painful. Was years ago and I still think about it.
If you look up the symptom criteria and you find yourself not matching up with the signs of narcissism, then you're not. I'm fortunate I never developed that assumption about myself. Thinking about it after years is normal for some, especially when they did not realize while in the relationship. The trauma bonding can be hard to get out of. Consider yourself fortunate for not being in it anymore! You may still think about it, but remember, at least you're no longer with them! I have some videos that I found really helpful, even while still living with a narcissist. if you like, I can send them to you.
@@sitascott8446This is my gripe about people talking about narcissism without speaking to a professional (I am generalizing, not specifically pointing anyone out here) I was labelled being emotionally abusive because of my reactions to my narc ex gf. Did I have my moments? Sure. I am not innocent. There are things I wish I could take back. However, after she dumped me...which btw she found a place 2 months prior behind my back while still living with me. I was and still am in a state of confusion. I felt guilty and pleaded with her. I was taking all the blame. Now some will say this is what narcs do. Love bomb, beg, etc. But, I wasn't trying to be manipulating. So what is it? I don't care to label her I just want to know if I am fucked up and need to change things about myself. If this post confuses you...welcome to my world lol
@nathantrudgill5057 was so wild. She just completely turned it all off. Like it never meant anything. I laugh about it now but it destroyed me for 2 years straight.
Thank you Danish- I love all your vids, you’ve helped me understand more about narc abuse and And the healing journey. What’s been depressing for me is the loss of friendships I’ve made with the narc after 25 years of marriage. I chose to walk away from it all and not look back.
Our brain's been through it sssooo many times it's looking for that "Oh I'll give 'em another chance scenario" but going no contact means just that and our brains are in limbo, don't know what's coming..... Peace, unfamiliar well earned peace!
The shock of realizing you escaped the clutches of a sadist that tried to destroy you, and they may have been successful to a great degree. It's as surreal as you describe. Thank you for thisinformation, Dr. 🙌
Danish, whatever u said is totally true...thank you for uploading this video because it will help a lot of narcissistic abuse survivors...the points u have highlighted.. most people need to be aware of these... thank you...
I understand now after 17 long years of being single. But God blessed me with a very loving husband. ❤we have been together 4 yr plus and been married for 2 plus years now. I’m so happy now.❤
Your best video yet on narcissistic abuse in my opinion. I am over a year out of the relationship, and 22 days from one year of no contact (yes, I am counting down), and I am rebuilding myself, piece by piece. Everything in this video makes absolute sense. I have no desire to date at the moment because I am just enjoying the peace and serenity of not having him around. I appreciate just being able to make my own decisions again. And that's where I am in the recovery stage of that mindf*** of a "relationship." Thank you so much for your insight on this horrific abuse!
That was a big mistake for me. It just delayed the healing process and extended avoiding to deal with the train wreck. I wish a kick-butt breakthrough for you and put the whole mistake behind. Inch by inch is still moving towards a better life!
@@jhavajoe3792"""" the big mistake """s dealing with a collapsed narcissist who drained the hell out of me and in order to get rid of him i had to sell my furniture!!!!!!
It's been two years, those memories of betrayal and grief still hit so hard. He has moved on conveniently but I still feel stuck. I hope I feel better.
I’m at 22.5 months out, and while my life is generally very very good, I just got hit hard yesterday with a memory of how freakishly desperate I was mere months before I left with the kids. I knew I needed to create an income, but couldn’t remember my own skills…even that self awareness and confidence had been stripped from me. I have shed many tears over this these past two days. I do wonder if the grief ever stops. You’ll get there. You are not alone, even though it is lonely. Hugs!!
Exactly! Together:35 years! By the end… I was terrified of this stranger. I filed for divorce. He immediately married within the year. He told OUR son… “I’m seeing someone that I wanted BEFORE I met your mother.”! Wait… He was already married to her… And never told our kids. He STILL thinks they don’t know! She lives in another state! He came across as shy and awkward for the first few years. Then, he would do the “silent treatment” all the time! If anyone was watching… He was nice to us. Alone… He ignored us. One word answers. Nothing was good enough. He threw out my things when I was at work… slowly. Things just disappeared! He never wanted to help with anything… He wanted to do what he wanted to do. Every holiday was a nightmare! He started traveling alone to see “family.” Yeah I know! Started going to the gym… And he got worse! Towards the end there was sooo much! I feel sooo ashamed! I moved half-way across the country, and he will contact me to complain only. I am sharing this because I’m hoping it will help someone get out sooner than I did!
You may need to change the way you see yourself in relation to the event. You may have gotten stripped of dignity and self worth. Try to create a new life, one that eclipses your past
You know who helped me most? Older ladies 70 80+. I just had some pancakes with both ladies who could at least be my mother or older. I remember also when I still was in my narcissistic relationship it was a woman of 80+ that made me feel ok. It is not that I’m against women because my woman abused me. It’s not that I cannot trust a woman again. I had to go through my process of letting go of someone who isn’t worth fighting for. Thank you for bringing your thoughts about this abuse because many people are struggling, male and female.
Some of the kindest women I have ever met have been in their senior years. The last thing they would want to do is belittle you. They listened without waiting for their turn to speak and made me feel like I mattered.
I'm also going through depression it's crazy knowing all these things of narcissists n all is it possible to miss not miss as such but rather it feels strange realizing it stopped not completely but it's like waiting for it when is it going to start
Thank you for breaking this process down. You explained everything I have been experiencing this past year. I cried two days ago and I thought I was through my depression but you have explained that it takes more time. I was married to someone who took so much from me. I feel all the losses you spoke about and its tremendous. I know I am healing and I will be more patient with myself. Some days I am still shocked that a being walking this earth could do this to another being. This work you are doing is amazing and its so sad that society is unaware of these crimes against so many.
I think im coming through this. Though there's days I want to scream and be mad at everything. Then there's days I'm overly happy. Will I come to a happy medium.
I’m getting better but the toughest is now him telling everyone that he was done so wrong because i finally stopped replying to his breadcrumb messages! I wish I cld get past caring abt the smearing of my name in our small town. Blessings to everyone here!🙏💪💛
Yes this is so crazy but are explaining it word by word what is happening he was all a lie and left me like nothing I so needed him out of my life and now doing Y best to get out of this depression others think I have issues but we can’t give all these details to every new person…
I cried through this whole video. 😢 I really wanted to move this depression process along but knowing that its something I have to go through makes me feel a little relieved.
I am going through depression after divorcing my narcissist who I was married to for 28 yrs but together for 45. He was unfaithful and though I gave him a chance he never stopped. It hurts when I see he doesn’t care and has moved on and I’m still grieving. Thank you!! Listening to your videos help me, as all you describe I have gone through and felt.
You Channel is a Blessing. I can't explain in words how much you make me feel validated. Keep up the good work. I am so grateful for your existence and efforts. May God bless you with abundance of Happiness and Peace❤❤
Great video Danish 👌 I have just shared this with a friend who is really struggling with this very thing and has found it very helpful ❤ thankyou for your awesome channel and insightful information it really is helping so many people! 🌻
Have you ever seen double-sided puzzles, where there’s one picture on one side and another picture on the other side? Each puzzle piece fits into both puzzles…you just have to figure out which puzzle you’re building to know how the piece fits in. I liken healing from narcissistic abuse to destroying the existing puzzle (the one the narcissist wanted), then picking up each puzzle piece to examine it. In examining each piece, you must simultaneously decide which puzzle you want to build, grieve the puzzle you are no longer building, and feel empowered for choosing to build YOUR own puzzle. Every. Single. Piece. Every memory, hope, and dream. The future you envisioned, your health, your finances. The years you can never get back. That so many friends are fair-weather and shallow. The utter betrayal of everyone, even your own self. That your kids oftentimes can’t be protected from the narcissist. That a custody schedule is a false reality. That you have to cram 20 years of adulting into 5 to make up for lost time. There’s so much grief with each piece. Then one day you wake up and you actually want to face the day because finally you’ve grieved enough to see sunlight in your future again. And your friends are your own and are genuine. And you’re not so triggered. And you’ve tried a few things, failed, and came out strong…and are empowered by the process of falling on your face and not dying. Yes, facing the depression and the unparalleled grief feels like death by fire. And then the rebirth comes. I am drawn to the phoenix, because I am one. And so are you all. We’re just at different points in our journey. It is worth it to grieve and be depressed. That’s being real with yourself. And haven’t you earned the right to have reality in your own life again? Haven’t you earned the right to actually process those feelings you had to suppress and pretend away for all that time? You are worthy of reality, phoenix. And someday we will all rise. Together we are changing the world into a truly more beautiful place.
I had a narc mother, narc (golden child) sister and unwittingly married a narc (now divorced) Even on her deathbed my mother did not apologize for how she treated me. I left almost everything with my ex just to get away from the abuse and what little I took, he contacted me, wanting it. My narc sister said during the pandemic that she hoped I got sick. When I reminded her that was not 'love' she actually snorted. I have no family at all now. All the non-narcs have passed away. Not the life I'd envisioned....I don't strike up friendships anymore because I just don't feel fit for it. It can take far longer than 2-3 years to recover if the abuse is from multiple sources and long standing and severe.
I left a narcissistic husband almost two years ago, and in the process of grieving, discovered just how many narcs and traumatized people (dare I say borderlines) were in my upbringing. I had to play my cards carefully, as I have been financially dependent upon several of these during this time. Every one of them attempting to make me dependent on them forever. 22 months into this grieving/healing process, and I feel like I am finally at my launching pad. I am strong and like who I am. I still grieve regularly, and have to push through doubts and fears daily. I have a career in sales that feels like it’s about to take off in the next month. I have real friends who align with my best self, and who challenge me to grow and get better. My kids are finally not so passive aggressive and draining. And this next year, for the first time in my life, I anticipate being completely independent, and in a position to choose my family from among my family. The others can just get their validation from someplace else. I applaud you for recognizing so much abuse, and for freeing yourself from it. You are worthy of a happy life based in reality. You’re doing it.
Thank you for a brilliant video Danish. It is exactly the way it goes, we often go through depression because of the grief following the narcisistic abuse. We need to tell ourselves the truth and sit with the pain in order to get over it. We need to feel it to heal it.
5 stages of grief: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. And Acceptance. In no specific order. Can revisit each stage or get stuck in one particular stage. Until or unless reach acceptance.
Thank you endlessly, I am almost 2 years into the healing process from exactly everything you described. It really is unbelievable unless you have experienced that grief & sadness. Thank God, I persisted with the no contact, I am finally able to get out of bed & function. I also had severe exhaustion without any words to describe. This is the absolute best video & you are fantastic! I just know you are really helping a lot of people. I have been binge watching your videos, because they are all so good. I wish I had found you 2 years ago, I would have moved thru this process faster.
Thank you so much for this much needed detail. Nobody understands what we are going through and everyone says that its all over don't over think. You addressed Delayed realisation, cognitive desonance and disenfranchised grief ..... Thank you
Oh Danish thank you for helping me to understand what I am just now trying to come out of. My narcissist was in my life for over 32 years before I escaped. He destroyed me physically, emotionally and mentally. I had no idea who I was or even who I was before. I went into a deep dark depression for over three years. At one point I believed I was grieving his loss. He died two years after our divorce and I mourned because I wasn't there to care for him until the end. Sick!!! It wasn't until this January that God spoke to me and helped me to begin what I was really suffering from. And you my friend came into my life when I needed you and certainly helped me to make sense of this nightmare I lived. You are the best and I wish you many more years of peace and happiness. ♥️🙏♥️
I agree that it feels like being the worst experience one can go through. And the fact that society pushes to quickly move on is making it worse. Most people just don´t get it. Thank you Danish ❤
I am extremely grateful to your videos which gave me so many answers. I didnt realise even after 3 yrs of seperation that the person was narcissistic. I always used to think about the good memories thinking how tajt person changed overnight. But the truth is that he was probably that way, hence he wasnt scared of cheating me and getting into another relationship while being with me. I am really grateful as igot answers whcih i suppose should help me get over the depression. I am still scared of new attachments and have developed trust issues.
Well tbh my days quickly got sparkly and shiny again after I discarded him. It felt like relief the first few days. Torment gone! Maybe thats also because I allready took 3 years healing from narc abuse earlier in my life. I never lost myself in either situation tho. I do feel alot of dissociation though. My mind simply cant comprehend so much evil existing. My boundaries are clear and Im never losing myself, I know who I am. These things safed me from the worst damage. 💪🏼
Good to have this channel and other channels that walk us through this tremendous amount of pain , suffering, confusion...anger.....and all the people that have been through the same abuse Thank you 💜
Link to all my resources:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
This was so helpful 2 me and I hope 2 others also because might be going through this and don't want 2 talk 2 anyone about what is happening 2 them;yes it does take a vey long time 2 recover from;more so if u live on ur own;I'll keep watching I find it very helpful;
This helped me so much 🙏❤️
"The source of your pain, cannot be the source of your healing". That hit home! Thank you for sharing that.
This is why I'm not religious anymore! 😂
You cannot heal in the same environment that you got sick in.
@@jordanferguson2254me too
Said brilliantly! Most people just don’t get it at all. Worst than a death of a loved one!
Well said (and undoubtedly lived too)... We're ripped off in our relationship with them, very shortchanged!
God knows I've made the mistake of trying to explain, desperate that someone will get it. It's a futile pursuit. Not only do ppl not understand the extent of the impact of the abuse but I have also been invalidated numerous times,retraumatizing me further.
I told some people my friend died last year. He didn't, he just upped and ghosted me after a silent treatment and months of head games and insults. After we'd been friends for 5 years!
Saying he'd died suddenly, was the only way to portray the enormity of what had happened to me at the end. The fact that it was *worse* than that in my book, I could never explain to anyone.
The depression is so heavy. So is the rebirth. My mind keeps tormenting me, challenging the way I recall interactions and the relationship, insisting that I get through to my ex narc that he WAS the huge problem. I can't believe any of this. Ugh😢
Excellent video! Much needed. Ot explains very well the devastation that happens. I thought I should feel “great” after finally escaping. And then after going to court to have the Protection Order upheld and the judge appalled at the blatant sarcasm and disrespectful attitude even for the court was a huge “win”. But I got VERY DEPRESSED for several weeks after.
I did not understand why.
I should have felt good about being understood and heard. But in reality it just put a huge spotlight on how ABSOLUTELY AWFUL this person IS. AND THAT THEY WILL NEVER HAVE ANY REGRETS OR ACKNOWLEDGMENT of the abuse. Someone is supposed to have been loving you and yet they can treat a “loved one” so badly is soul crushing.
I pray that all of those out there who are going through this process will find peace. NO CONTACT is a great beginning. Getting them OUT OF YOUR HEAD is the next big hurdle. This information helps us! Thank you for the content!
@@jbrown2908 ABSOLUTELY AGREE! It takes loads of energy and mindfulness! Well worth the hard work!
This Depression Anxiety And Grief Is Very High 📈 Sometimes The Loneliness Makes Me Just Wanna Keep Crying
THIS is helping me so much! 5 months no contact and now that I’m not distracting myself with unhealthy activities. I’m sitting in it and feeling depressed! I know it will pass. I just like to feel UP and wonderful all the time .
This is painful, you gave me a sense of relief that this process is important and I will come out the other side!
When it hapoens in families, and is finally pinpointed, a realisation of wasted years, is deoressing. Wrong decisions becase of the narcissist's twisted behaviour.
Sometimes your being broken situation, Lasts for lifetime until you die.❤
Strangely, my depression is going away *while still living with the narcissist!!!* i think I just needed confirmation and I'm now no longer grappling with her (and her enabling husband) telling me it's her "clinical depression" and being scolded to "learn how to talk to people with depression" and that calling her out is "uncalled for". I'm no longer thinking to myself "but is it really? Something doesn't add up, but I don't know what..." when I hear that now!
Danish dropped another fire video I really like it how facts where fired in this one. Thank you Danish you are our savior
In 1 months i will rwach the 2 year mark since i ended the hellish relationship.
She was cruel. Left me in a complete shambles alone.
Im far better now then when it ended. I still wake up in the morning with relationship flashbacks.
I was physically, emotionally and financially abused.
I pray everyday my depression will end.
You are the only person who understands what I'm going through
The depression stems from the time lost and that you are wasting time with recovering and having wasted your time on problems and dark memories, instead of living the present and future in developing yourself healthily and having normal relationship with family. The narcissistic abuse seems to be more painful if your own parents are the narcissists, hence why I will still be enchained to them even after I leave them. However, if I had a narcissist spouse or girlfriend, being an adult male I could always walk away from them and forget them. I think that it is more difficult for women because they are enchained to a narcissist if they have a family together. I experienced this with my mother as financial abuse was his weapon and I was the center of the abuse on my mother early in childhood. This is why later on my mother was conditioned as a narcissist and started also her abuse when I was in my teenage years complementing my father's. I could not leave them due to becoming ill, being unemployed, and staying longer for my sibling so that she can avoid the abuse and mother when I was a young adult. This is how my narc father trapped me and undermined me.
Danish you are god sent.
Bless you for using your knowledge and helping others.
Actually the only working way I've found for myself is reconnecting with the abuser years after the relationship and talking/going through everything.
But I changed through those years and no longer allowed abuse.
But it's not for everyone.
yes ... yes ... yes! to all of this.
yes, the realizations come in packs and bits !
Depression is a natural response of a sick society, You need deep rest to heal.
Deep-rest ion
Very clear, strong, and empowering. Danish Bashir may well be the best in this
field..
"The dating pool is full of sharks." Not the wisdom I was expecting, but wisdom nonetheless.
Coming to terms with the fact that I did all the work, the filling up of every narcissists cup in my life. And was completely left empty. That part is where the depression hits out the blue because truth sets in that I was never a thought or care to them. On the flip side I am the filler, all the amazing goods, all within me that if I continue to pour back into myself each day, overtime I will be built into who I was meant to be never again to be wasted on another soulless being because I am more aware than ever in life. Thank you Danish for your experience and God given gifts. ❤
so brilliantly expressed...thank you....have been through the depression more than once and thankfully am now emerging as my true self
Brilliant insights again and right on the money……
This may be the best most informative video you have brought us. So many gems here that help. Thank you.
Very interesting! Thank you so much for this dividing apart of depression and grief and pointing out the complexity. This is precious content, helping me to understand myself! Thanks!
Thank you 💖
Thank you very much 😢🙏
My experience is just accept the situation . Do your research so you better understand what happened. Do the research and try to lower your emotional feeling. Just learn and look to a more happier life. Yes it takes time and take that time but more important know there are positive and less positive moments that is normal
Because we are rewarded, brain gets its addicted high when we take them/agree to put up with (mom gave me a horrendous visit at her place which also equalled 2K from her, b4 and after but that's it, last time I went to visit and then, if course, covid, not my fault and she really should have been aware of age-old careful what you ask for, you might just get it, it wanes, rock on!
Thank you
Thank you!
Such a painful realization. He wasted 12 years of my life
Why won't I feel better
Add into the mix the alienation of you from your children.....
My counsellor said she felt like I was fitting together pieces of a jigsaw.
I said that it was like someone had thrown a hundred balls of wool into a dryer and I needed to untangle it but every now and then they threw it back into the dryer.
Say”
Depression goes away with healing from Jesus.
This is so insightful. When I was 25, my narcissistically abusive parent physically assaulted me for the last time. He kept pushing and throwing me to the ground and hitting me in the face while calling me names, like "filth". I managed to shove him and ran and locked myself in the bathroom and screamed at him to go away. The police came to the house and bullied me to give them the name of the person who attacked me and I wouldn't tell them my father's name. I protected him. I was physically sick for a week, nausea, headache and I shook for hours that day. He came to the house a week later and when I opened the door for him - (because he'd come to do some work on my mother's house) - without saying hello, he called me a bitch.
I sank into a deep cycle of depression and your video made me realize this was grief. Grief in realizing he'd never loved me and that I was just an object to him, a scapegoat for him to displace his own traumas. People in my family disdained me and minimized what I went through. There was no awareness. But my body knew and I went into a deep hole. I stopped contact with my father. My body simply repelled away from him like a force field was pushing me.
Sometimes the trauma is so deep and unworkable that your body and mind retreat. You lose yourself. It took a long time to resurface but I did. It's possible. I wish anyone who goes through this to find the power within themselves. In the throes of it, you think you don't exist. But you do. You're always there if in hiding. Hang on. Keep fighting. Be good to yourself.
Thank you for your story and encouragement ❤
Thank you for your story. I have a narcissist father also that I am in no contact with. It's extremely depressing and sad. At least we are alone. It's a little bit comforting to know there are others like us ❤
Wow sugar, at 13 I ran across town in the dead of winter (I'm in Québec) in my socks/at night to my bud's house across town b4 dad could whack me as I was defended covert mom from another beating, then he became a deadbeat dad.. I saw him yrs later and we never talked about it cuz he was probably drunk at the time of that incident, guy (and that was his real name) even owned 2 pubs, I had no qualms ditching his wake, guy didn't leave me anything anyway, love from Montreal!
I'm sorry you went through this. One day they will get judged for it all. Take care, heal...🙏
I just had a deep realization.. I hated my narcissistic mom, so deeply so intensely, that I literally didn't feel anything else after they got divorced. I reconciled with her, my mom. I became numb, I didn't feel hatred angry rage, which was healthy protection of my self.
Hate him. Deeply rage, hate, dont apologize to anyone, I get it. I stopped fighting, because it doesn't win.. now I see I should never ever have re engaged with her, but fear and denial and need , disenfranchised grief, is real. You will have insights over time, keep a diary, but find the rage.. hate him.. it's not socially acceptable, love is hate. To truly love yourself.. you hate the deceiver, the liar. He, your dad is in a room without windows, only mirrors which is his looking at himself and talking to you.
It's horrible, and don't go back.
Grief is a big reason why depression happens. 😢 Even this alone is the main contributing factor to why it takes so long to heal. For the traumatic event, it is necessary to reach out to others. I've had several therapists, each focusing on different parts of trauma. It's a progression to keep going and find more resources to help your life become meaningful again. 😅❤
Thank You for your wisdom and deep heart. You are helping me heal and know my Self better. Gratitude💖💖💖💖💖
currently going through the depression ugh
Promise it won't last forever. Working out and delving into personal projects will help.
Do not let sadness destry you, when you go through you will be happy again and wonder why were you so sad and see.... ❤❤
@@Nick-dg3fk ❤️
@@ksenijaorel6386 ❤️
@@caroleminke6116 ❤️
Well this was exactly what I needed right now, because I'm feeling ashamed about still being depressed. Like, OK I learned my lesson, can I just move on now, but I still feel paralyzed.
I'm struggling with anger and distrust.
Worn out after smear campaign
3:40 I've read and read, seen therapists, and watched other videos but no one broke it down to 1. Cognitive Dissonance and 2. Trauma bonding. THAT IS different than other kinds of grief. Yes, these losses are not easy to make peace with because they are deep and so many. TY, Sir! ★★★★★
Such a deeply compassionate, comprehensive, and beautifully articulated, healing explanation of post narc abuse depression!
Thank u, Danish. You are a natural poet! ❤
I agree! He has a thorough understanding of narcissism.
Very nicely explained with each and every word, you are doing great work to humanity 👍
Thank you so much for this. I had narcissistic abuse for 33 years and came out of that relationship not realising what had happened to me. I remember people expecting me to just pick myself up and move on but nobody realises when you leave a narcissistic abusive marriage, you come out as an empty shell. It takes such a long time to find yourself again. It took me 5 years but I'm in such a good place now and so in charge of my own life. I go to bed every night and thank God for the beautiful peace in my life, which I never knew for that 33 years. ❤
And you’re still tuning in to videos like this ? Why if you’re healed
Is not of your business she just sharing her experience, you have a problem with that?@@RaphaelAndrews-f9r
Because she wants to and she can.@@RaphaelAndrews-f9r
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
I've come a long way in my healing process and I see the flashbacks of my self going through all this dying and rebirth, in the process. I'm literally in tears watching this
Beautiful video. ❤
The topic reminded me of one of Sam Vaknin's videos called "Your grief is shared fantasy too". I don’t know if you're familiar with his concept of the "coerced snapshotting", it brought me so much clarity. This grief is also, according to Sam, for the loss of the idealized version of us in such interactions with narcissists.
I liked your anology with the rebirth process because to recover a sense of self you must mourn the loss of the fake identities that were conditioned and forced upon you, while also giving birth to this new consciousness that sees it all and saw - and felt - what happened.
In my last relationship, I thought I was the narcissist. But then she left and completely erased me from her life. Super painful. Was years ago and I still think about it.
If you look up the symptom criteria and you find yourself not matching up with the signs of narcissism, then you're not. I'm fortunate I never developed that assumption about myself. Thinking about it after years is normal for some, especially when they did not realize while in the relationship. The trauma bonding can be hard to get out of. Consider yourself fortunate for not being in it anymore! You may still think about it, but remember, at least you're no longer with them!
I have some videos that I found really helpful, even while still living with a narcissist. if you like, I can send them to you.
They like to tell you that you are the narcissist.
Women will cut you out there life so easily when they want to
@@sitascott8446This is my gripe about people talking about narcissism without speaking to a professional (I am generalizing, not specifically pointing anyone out here) I was labelled being emotionally abusive because of my reactions to my narc ex gf. Did I have my moments? Sure. I am not innocent. There are things I wish I could take back. However, after she dumped me...which btw she found a place 2 months prior behind my back while still living with me. I was and still am in a state of confusion. I felt guilty and pleaded with her. I was taking all the blame. Now some will say this is what narcs do. Love bomb, beg, etc. But, I wasn't trying to be manipulating. So what is it? I don't care to label her I just want to know if I am fucked up and need to change things about myself. If this post confuses you...welcome to my world lol
@nathantrudgill5057 was so wild. She just completely turned it all off. Like it never meant anything. I laugh about it now but it destroyed me for 2 years straight.
Danish
Sir I thank you
Great /helpful information
Thank you
Thank you Danish- I love all your vids, you’ve helped me understand more about narc abuse and And the healing journey. What’s been depressing for me is the loss of friendships I’ve made with the narc after 25 years of marriage. I chose to walk away from it all and not look back.
Congrats on your success!
Never look back try to find your true happiness for your soul best of luck
Thank you for this! It is so validating. People who haven't experienced narcissistic abuse just don't get it.
So true
Thank you, Danish.
I thought I had to heal all at once.
You are correct, little bits of healing at a time. Yes back in forth of healing.
Our brain's been through it sssooo many times it's looking for that "Oh I'll give 'em another chance scenario" but going no contact means just that and our brains are in limbo, don't know what's coming..... Peace, unfamiliar well earned peace!
The shock of realizing you escaped the clutches of a sadist that tried to destroy you, and they may have been successful to a great degree. It's as surreal as you describe. Thank you for thisinformation, Dr. 🙌
Danish, whatever u said is totally true...thank you for uploading this video because it will help a lot of narcissistic abuse survivors...the points u have highlighted.. most people need to be aware of these... thank you...
I understand now after 17 long years of being single. But God blessed me with a very loving husband. ❤we have been together 4 yr plus and been married for 2 plus years now. I’m so happy now.❤
Your best video yet on narcissistic abuse in my opinion. I am over a year out of the relationship, and 22 days from one year of no contact (yes, I am counting down), and I am rebuilding myself, piece by piece. Everything in this video makes absolute sense. I have no desire to date at the moment because I am just enjoying the peace and serenity of not having him around. I appreciate just being able to make my own decisions again. And that's where I am in the recovery stage of that mindf*** of a "relationship." Thank you so much for your insight on this horrific abuse!
Alcohol abuse. Soul crushing. May God restore is.
🙏
That was a big mistake for me. It just delayed the healing process and extended avoiding to deal with the train wreck. I wish a kick-butt breakthrough for you and put the whole mistake behind. Inch by inch is still moving towards a better life!
@@jhavajoe3792"""" the big mistake """s dealing with a collapsed narcissist who drained the hell out of me and in order to get rid of him i had to sell my furniture!!!!!!
For me without it I would have lost my mind. I am not recommending it but give your self some slack and understanding 💜🕊
I could see drinking being with them
It's been two years, those memories of betrayal and grief still hit so hard. He has moved on conveniently but I still feel stuck. I hope I feel better.
I’m at 22.5 months out, and while my life is generally very very good, I just got hit hard yesterday with a memory of how freakishly desperate I was mere months before I left with the kids. I knew I needed to create an income, but couldn’t remember my own skills…even that self awareness and confidence had been stripped from me. I have shed many tears over this these past two days. I do wonder if the grief ever stops. You’ll get there. You are not alone, even though it is lonely. Hugs!!
Exactly!
Together:35 years!
By the end…
I was terrified of this stranger.
I filed for divorce.
He immediately married within the year.
He told OUR son…
“I’m seeing someone that I wanted BEFORE I met your mother.”!
Wait…
He was already married to her…
And never told our kids.
He STILL thinks they don’t know!
She lives in another state!
He came across as shy and awkward for the first few years.
Then, he would do the “silent treatment” all the time!
If anyone was watching…
He was nice to us.
Alone…
He ignored us.
One word answers.
Nothing was good enough.
He threw out my things when I was at work… slowly.
Things just disappeared!
He never wanted to help with anything…
He wanted to do what he wanted to do.
Every holiday was a nightmare!
He started traveling alone to see “family.” Yeah I know!
Started going to the gym…
And he got worse!
Towards the end there was sooo much!
I feel sooo ashamed!
I moved half-way across the country, and he will contact me to complain only.
I am sharing this because I’m hoping it will help someone get out sooner than I did!
You may need to change the way you see yourself in relation to the event. You may have gotten stripped of dignity and self worth. Try to create a new life, one that eclipses your past
You know who helped me most? Older ladies 70 80+. I just had some pancakes with both ladies who could at least be my mother or older. I remember also when I still was in my narcissistic relationship it was a woman of 80+ that made me feel ok. It is not that I’m against women because my woman abused me. It’s not that I cannot trust a woman again. I had to go through my process of letting go of someone who isn’t worth fighting for. Thank you for bringing your thoughts about this abuse because many people are struggling, male and female.
Some of the kindest women I have ever met have been in their senior years.
The last thing they would want to do is belittle you. They listened without waiting for their turn to speak and made me feel like I mattered.
I'm also going through depression it's crazy knowing all these things of narcissists n all is it possible to miss not miss as such but rather it feels strange realizing it stopped not completely but it's like waiting for it when is it going to start
Thank you for breaking this process down. You explained everything I have been experiencing this past year. I cried two days ago and I thought I was through my depression but you have explained that it takes more time. I was married to someone who took so much from me. I feel all the losses you spoke about and its tremendous. I know I am healing and I will be more patient with myself. Some days I am still shocked that a being walking this earth could do this to another being. This work you are doing is amazing and its so sad that society is unaware of these crimes against so many.
Pool of sharks?! 🦈🦈🦈 How true!
I think im coming through this. Though there's days I want to scream and be mad at everything. Then there's days I'm overly happy. Will I come to a happy medium.
Thank you for validating this healing process!
They never loved me. My parents and seven siblings never loved me at all. I love me!
I’m getting better but the toughest is now him telling everyone that he was done so wrong because i finally stopped replying to his breadcrumb messages! I wish I cld get past caring abt the smearing of my name in our small town. Blessings to everyone here!🙏💪💛
Danish, pls forgive the excessive nature of this: I love you for understanding what I/we are going through. Thank you and God bless you.
The dating pool is a pool of sharks. Truth.
Yes this is so crazy but are explaining it word by word what is happening he was all a lie and left me like nothing I so needed him out of my life and now doing
Y best to get out of this depression others think I have issues but we can’t give all these details to every new person…
I cried through this whole video. 😢 I really wanted to move this depression process along but knowing that its something I have to go through makes me feel a little relieved.
Exactly. Excellent explanation. So well said. Thank you.
I am now getting off antidepressants too it took the last five years of my life!😂
🙏
I am going through depression after divorcing my narcissist who I was married to for 28 yrs but together for 45. He was unfaithful and though I gave him a chance he never stopped. It hurts when I see he doesn’t care and has moved on and I’m still grieving. Thank you!! Listening to your videos help me, as all you describe I have gone through and felt.
You Channel is a Blessing. I can't explain in words how much you make me feel validated. Keep up the good work. I am so grateful for your existence and efforts. May God bless you with abundance of Happiness and Peace❤❤
I really needed this explanation and breakdown of emotions in dealing with this dead man walking. Thank you!🙌🏾
Great video Danish 👌 I have just shared this with a friend who is really struggling with this very thing and has found it very helpful ❤ thankyou for your awesome channel and insightful information it really is helping so many people! 🌻
Have you ever seen double-sided puzzles, where there’s one picture on one side and another picture on the other side? Each puzzle piece fits into both puzzles…you just have to figure out which puzzle you’re building to know how the piece fits in.
I liken healing from narcissistic abuse to destroying the existing puzzle (the one the narcissist wanted), then picking up each puzzle piece to examine it. In examining each piece, you must simultaneously decide which puzzle you want to build, grieve the puzzle you are no longer building, and feel empowered for choosing to build YOUR own puzzle.
Every. Single. Piece.
Every memory, hope, and dream. The future you envisioned, your health, your finances. The years you can never get back. That so many friends are fair-weather and shallow. The utter betrayal of everyone, even your own self. That your kids oftentimes can’t be protected from the narcissist. That a custody schedule is a false reality. That you have to cram 20 years of adulting into 5 to make up for lost time.
There’s so much grief with each piece.
Then one day you wake up and you actually want to face the day because finally you’ve grieved enough to see sunlight in your future again. And your friends are your own and are genuine. And you’re not so triggered. And you’ve tried a few things, failed, and came out strong…and are empowered by the process of falling on your face and not dying.
Yes, facing the depression and the unparalleled grief feels like death by fire. And then the rebirth comes.
I am drawn to the phoenix, because I am one. And so are you all. We’re just at different points in our journey. It is worth it to grieve and be depressed. That’s being real with yourself. And haven’t you earned the right to have reality in your own life again? Haven’t you earned the right to actually process those feelings you had to suppress and pretend away for all that time? You are worthy of reality, phoenix. And someday we will all rise. Together we are changing the world into a truly more beautiful place.
The relationship is only to gain access. The abuse continues afterwards, even if youre no contact. For quite a while.
I had a narc mother, narc (golden child) sister and unwittingly married a narc (now divorced) Even on her deathbed my mother did not apologize for how she treated me. I left almost everything with my ex just to get away from the abuse and what little I took, he contacted me, wanting it. My narc sister said during the pandemic that she hoped I got sick. When I reminded her that was not 'love' she actually snorted. I have no family at all now. All the non-narcs have passed away. Not the life I'd envisioned....I don't strike up friendships anymore because I just don't feel fit for it. It can take far longer than 2-3 years to recover if the abuse is from multiple sources and long standing and severe.
I left a narcissistic husband almost two years ago, and in the process of grieving, discovered just how many narcs and traumatized people (dare I say borderlines) were in my upbringing. I had to play my cards carefully, as I have been financially dependent upon several of these during this time. Every one of them attempting to make me dependent on them forever.
22 months into this grieving/healing process, and I feel like I am finally at my launching pad. I am strong and like who I am. I still grieve regularly, and have to push through doubts and fears daily. I have a career in sales that feels like it’s about to take off in the next month. I have real friends who align with my best self, and who challenge me to grow and get better. My kids are finally not so passive aggressive and draining.
And this next year, for the first time in my life, I anticipate being completely independent, and in a position to choose my family from among my family. The others can just get their validation from someplace else.
I applaud you for recognizing so much abuse, and for freeing yourself from it. You are worthy of a happy life based in reality. You’re doing it.
Thank you for a brilliant video Danish. It is exactly the way it goes, we often go through depression because of the grief following the narcisistic abuse. We need to tell ourselves the truth and sit with the pain in order to get over it. We need to feel it to heal it.
5 stages of grief: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. And Acceptance. In no specific order. Can revisit each stage or get stuck in one particular stage. Until or unless reach acceptance.
I thought something was wrong with me until I saw this video.Thank you for the clarification.
It was very insightfull, thank you. I am 3 years now in the proces of healing, I am better, but not yet healed.
Thank you endlessly, I am almost 2 years into the healing process from exactly everything you described. It really is unbelievable unless you have experienced that grief & sadness. Thank God, I persisted with the no contact, I am finally able to get out of bed & function. I also had severe exhaustion without any words to describe. This is the absolute best video & you are fantastic! I just know you are really helping a lot of people. I have been binge watching your videos, because they are all so good. I wish I had found you 2 years ago, I would have moved thru this process faster.
Thank you so much for this much needed detail. Nobody understands what we are going through and everyone says that its all over don't over think. You addressed Delayed realisation, cognitive desonance and disenfranchised grief ..... Thank you
Thank you!
Thank you and God bless you, Brother. Your videos have helped me to understand that it wasn't just me, and the real healing has begun...SMILE!!!
Oh Danish thank you for helping me to understand what I am just now trying to come out of. My narcissist was in my life for over 32 years before I escaped. He destroyed me physically, emotionally and mentally. I had no idea who I was or even who I was before. I went into a deep dark depression for over three years. At one point I believed I was grieving his loss. He died two years after our divorce and I mourned because I wasn't there to care for him until the end. Sick!!! It wasn't until this January that God spoke to me and helped me to begin what I was really suffering from. And you my friend came into my life when I needed you and certainly helped me to make sense of this nightmare I lived. You are the best and I wish you many more years of peace and happiness. ♥️🙏♥️
It seems you have seen all my life and what I’m going through right now.
Still a loss, and you think about the time you wasted, why it took so long to learn the lesson, etc. 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🙏🏼🤍
I agree that it feels like being the worst experience one can go through. And the fact that society pushes to quickly move on is making it worse. Most people just don´t get it. Thank you Danish ❤
Thanks for breaking it down and providing so s much detail. Please continue to share information. I look forward to your sessions.
this video was so much comforting after going through this for 10 months, finally something made me feel understood. thank you
I am extremely grateful to your videos which gave me so many answers. I didnt realise even after 3 yrs of seperation that the person was narcissistic. I always used to think about the good memories thinking how tajt person changed overnight. But the truth is that he was probably that way, hence he wasnt scared of cheating me and getting into another relationship while being with me.
I am really grateful as igot answers whcih i suppose should help me get over the depression. I am still scared of new attachments and have developed trust issues.
My mind, body, heart and soul hurt.
I am with you.
Thanks helping people understand what they are going through and not understand what is happening 2 them;
One thing i had to do was to accept that evil exist. It was very difficult, but things got much better.
Well tbh my days quickly got sparkly and shiny again after I discarded him. It felt like relief the first few days. Torment gone!
Maybe thats also because I allready took 3 years healing from narc abuse earlier in my life. I never lost myself in either situation tho.
I do feel alot of dissociation though. My mind simply cant comprehend so much evil existing.
My boundaries are clear and Im never losing myself, I know who I am. These things safed me from the worst damage. 💪🏼
Day 12 in a woman's shelter. I am so depressed!!!!
Good to have this channel and other channels that walk us through this tremendous amount of pain , suffering, confusion...anger.....and all the people that have been through the same abuse
Thank you 💜