Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
I left a narcissistic husband 7 months ago, I was on a waiting list for therapy. During that time waiting, I have had a lot of time to process what happened to me. My 1st appointment is next week and I am ready to let the healing process begin . Thank you Danish for all of your help.
Absolutely true I lived 30 years with the narcist huband and left 10 years ago Now before 3 years i come back to my children i found my daughter have same problem i am very worried about her she has suffering from ms disease also Thank you so much helping i have tharapy for 4 years
@jen, I am so tremendously proud of you! Getting help and getting out are 2 things that are not easy. Give it all you've got, no matter how it might hurt , because it will. But you are stronger than that, and better than that. Unfortunately, my narcissist was my father. Loathesome man, and he made it clear to me since I was about 4 or 5 that he could not stand me. I made it in life, maybe because of hammer and spider film
Jen, I am so proud of you! Getting out and getting help are 2 of the hardest things there are. But you are stronger than that, you are better than that, I am sending you big hugs for a successful and wonderful rest of your future!
@@MexicoDigDoctor Thank you for your support. He is a covert, malignant, psychopath narcissist. He physically abused me very badly. Everyone thinks he is so wonderful, but I know the truth. My elderly parents are taking care of me. I suffered a traumatic brain injury, 2 strokes and just recovered from heart surgery. I moved into my parents , at 52 yrs old. I have severe CPTSD and suffer from nightmares and flashbacks. I know in time I will recover completely, but in the meantime I am going to physical, occupational and now counseling/therapy. I never knew what a narcissist was until I found this platform. Danish gave me the tool to leave and by God's grace, I am still alive. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your kind words. You have no idea how much it means to me. I have lost everything and everyone I once knew, moved a couple hundred miles away and started my life over. But I have one thing he can never take from me, MY FREEDOM. Thank you and God bless you, your Sister in Christ, Just Jen.
I am so terribly sorry. Your heart will soften again, but it will take time. I choose to live alone with my five cats, who give me all the unconditional love I could ever want. I talk to my old friends from where I grew up and it is wonderful to see them and hear their voices. I just love the Internet for that reason! I am sending you all the moral support I can muster up, and I wish you nothing but joy, joy, and more joy! Take it slow, but don’t quit whatever therapy you are doing. If it doesn’t work for you, try another one. Even after all that time at the hands of an abuser, as long as there is life, there is hope. May God richly bless you!
Janet, you don't look like someone who i would openly speak to in public. Through your words, I felt compelled to say that I can't imagine going through that type of abuse for so long. I hope you find healing
Hang in there, nurture yourself, be very kind to yourself because you've walked through the fire. May your remaining years bring you health, peace, tranquility. 💐
You are right. I know all of those signs. It is hard to heal trauma. Your body has to feel safe to heal your trauma. It is very challenging when the narcisist is stalking you.
The stalking does make it worse I left 2 weeks ago and for some weird reason he didn’t ask me to leave neither did he force me to stay, I knew I’m my spirit that he had found a supply. He knew I would leave him cause I told him previously. Then after leaving he started to beg, call, wait outside my gate for hours, he would harass the security showing them pictures of me. He also randomly pops up at places where I’d be with friend etc Then he did something very disrespectful. He sent me a present via a mutual friend and inside the gift box he packed perfume, chocolates, candles and LINGERIE. Lingerie he bought for a few bugs. This is someone who cheated on me with people who were 20 years older then the both of us. I don’t want to lie, he made me feel very insecure cause I’m constantly asking myself “ is my body really that bad” but I know it’s not. It just hurts Shouldn’t he buy lingerie for his girlies
My memory is not good at all. In 2016 I became very sick and I lost my memory, the pressure of narcissistic abuse was so bad, my son, my boss ( 2 of them) , my work colleagues and so on. I got a panic attack and started crying, was not able to walk, not even to the rest room alone, the ambulance was called and I was taking to a psychiatrist and then to a psychologist. They studied me under 3 years and decided that I could not go back to work ever again. I moved to another country just to find some peace. I am alone but happy, and I am much better and taking care of my self 😊. I've got chronic stress, amnesia, brain exhaustion, I'm very nervous still. Although I am doing much better and I have made a lot of friends. Thanks so much for the video it's very helpful. 😊
I simply WALKED AWAY 4 years ago, and never looked back not even for a second. I got into therapy and my life just took off. I had to go back to my child hood for a lot of answers and I'm glad I did. I continue to work on myself and grow every day. I love the woman looking back at me, and will never put her through anything like that again. I LEARNED how to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, PHYSICALLY!! I'm so proud of myself, I TRULY love the skin I'm in and only have my heavenly father to thank for it!! I GOT OUT, AND SO CAN ANYONE ELSE ❤
Same !! Even while he continues to cyber stalk me for 4 straight years !! I just block and keep it moving ! I know he trying to hinder me but I want none of his karma !!
I don't know how a child can ever heal from a narcissistic parent. It feels as if it will never end until the parent no longer lives. Going "no contact" doesn't totally work because of the invisible, deep tendrils of trauma that the parent instilled in the child as they stole their identity, forced them into social slavery for appearance sake, and and raged at the child who had the audacity to express authentic unique ideas.
It is absolutely possible for complete healing from narcissistic parental abuse/narcissistic abuse! I am living testimony of this truth. I was born into abuse and neglect. 3 Narc parents. Sadistic psychopath step father. Then married a covert narc psychopath. 10 yrs ago, I gave my life to Jesus Christ, walked free from all the abuse and have slowly but surely journeyed through the abuse, with Jesus guiding and leading me. I am totally free from all mental illnesses and narc poison side effects. I know who I am and my identity is totally restored. I have reclaimed all authority over my personhood, my life, my choices, my relationships, my ideas, The narcs and their insidious poison, no longer has a hold on me at all. I'm narcissistic aware now and I thank God that I have compassion and Truth to walk alongside others who have suffered in this way, helping them find their way to the freedom I've found through Jesus Christ. You can walk in total freedom too! God bless
You gotta realize they're lunatics, I'm grateful I wasn't sexually molested as I could probably do as much about that as I could to divert mom and siblings cruelties, dad just took off as it was easiest thing to do, I treat my kids like the golden gifts they are! When dad's second family called and called I must attend his wake I had no problem telling them to f-off. I'm good at that! Don't begrudge your past, move forward, bullies and enablers all around, better to know!
Their death will not heal you, you have to heal yourself on your own. Their death will heal this planet as a whole, because that awfull energy will not be here anymore.
After 10 years of narcissistic abuse, I have been isolated and free of the abuse for 1 1/2 years. I’m healing slowly. I’ve learned how much trauma has been stored in my body and have been working on releasing this through EMDR, breath work, muscle relaxation and EFT (tapping). I still have issues with memory loss, focus, trust, clutter and irregular sleep patterns. I mostly self-isolate to keep myself safe and avoid stress at all costs. Little by little I’ve seen signs of progress.
I am glad to hear I have made some progress. I’m very discouraged about the memory loss and difficulty reading. I am not out of the situation, it has shifted to less abuse and violence, but I am stuck for now because of the physical damage and health problems he directly and indirectly caused. I wonder if some of the memory blockages are due to not being ready to deal with the sheer enormity of abuse over decades. Existing like this with no access to any good memories is despairing. A complete waste of my life. Not really having hope, but for lack of a better term, I hope that I am able to get to a place that I can access any good from the past and not have it directly tied to trauma.
I also wasted 2 decades of my life, but I have been recalling times before being with the narc where I was happy. i did have childhood trauma, but, I also have some good memories to look back on and feel some hope. I also have physical damage done, high BP, enlarged heart, cortisol levels borderline Cushings, CFS and severe fatigue, but it is slowly improving. My mind is slowly realising that I am free of that man now. I hope you will be ok. I think it takes time for us to heal. Sending virtual hugs from Australia.
It took until I was over 50 y old, to understand that my adoption mother have covert narcissist traits... and that it was the same with the father of my sons. We lived together for about 20 years. He tried to controll me but he didn't manage, because I didn't let him , he have told me. After him I lived with a man "grandios N", I hot sicker and sicker until he left me, I was not fun to live together with anymore..... After that I livet with a man with no drive at all gor home or grow as a human.... Now I have lived over 2 y alone, with my animals. That Is the best for me. Got a best friend , we help each other with everything ❤. Healing takes time, having one good friend helps. Hugs fr ne in Sweden
I told friends that I didn't want to get into another relationship because I was broken inside and I didn't want anyone else to hurt like that. I still feel this way. I've made a lot of progress, but there's still so much damage. Not just my narc, but other narcs in my family have hurt me. So it is accumulated hurt and damage.
I left my boyfriend 10 days ago. After three years with him I discovered he has a wife and multiple other girls. I have struggled to eat or sleep since. I am with a psychologist and an hypnotherapist. I don't think is enough. My stomach is a knot and my doctor thinks my liver is failing. I do need help but don't know if I am going in the right direction. I started to learn about narcissism and now everything makes sense. All his behaviour is explained. He was getting his supply from me. But still cannot understand how a human being could be so cruel.
I think he sounds like a sociopath read up on it -they spawn from narcissistic traits and add another layer of cruelty - and I’m genuinely sorry about that extreme betrayal. Make eventual goals to come out of the victimization of all this learning your own personal value and power so you remain out of reach from him or rebounding with another you ‘somehow feel comfortable or familiar’ being around. Forgive yourself, ask God/ Source/ to show you a way out that will help you right now where you are at. Read comments on channels like this as something you read that helped another may resonate. (Reishi mushroom can help keep you from completely spiraling with debilitating depression ). This channel of course is good therapy too.
@@eyeshalfwayopeneyeshalfway2603 thank you so much. He might be sociopath. He is also a doctor. He was expulsed years ago for sexually harassing some patients. After a few years he got his license back. I also know a colleague raised recently a complaint for the same matter but due to his charm was disregarded. I am in so much pain. I gave up my last chance to have babies. He told me he would like to and now I discovered he did a vasectomy yeats ago.
@@rosapequeable So sorry. Can relate. Had similar experience. Escaped 5 Months ago and still struggle mental and emotional. Feels like I lost my inner compass and brain does not work like before. Still in freeze and shut down mode as soon as I get home. I close doors, turn out light and sleep no matter what time. No music, not really interested to get to know new people. Everything seems too much. Regretting wasted years. I hope to recover one day. Life is not like it used to be.
@@maximalzufrieden1349 I am so sorry you had that horrible experience. I totally understand your words. I try to keep myself busy all the time. I got two jobs, but as soon as I get home, my mind does not stop asking the same questions you do. I have also lost memory capacity. I have also connected with more people in the same situation and I wonder if we could create a group where we can have some support.
It’s been 2.5 years since I left my narcissistic partner. Ended up moving in with my parents to help with my dad’s terminal illness - and my mother is a covert narcissist. Since dad died I have been her caregiver, and it has been brutal. She loved my ex partner like a son. She makes me I feel like I am crazy and thus, I have never really healed, I just traded one narcissist for another. She caused me to have a mental breakdown during my father’s illness and since he died a few months ago, she has ruined my reputation within the family and I am getting to the point where I no longer take care of my health. Two grief counsellors and my regular therapist told me that staying with her is high risk for my mental health. I can say without a doubt they were correct. She polices my diet and weight and criticizes me almost daily, this has caused me to stress eat more and gain more weight. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. I wanted to do the right thing and be a good daughter, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this before I lose my mind. My biggest regret in life is not going no-contact with her decades ago.
Thank you for this. ❤ A therapy team I was with a couple years ago first talked about cognitive dissonance and self compassion. I am still healing and releasing so that I attract healthy and authentic relationships that resonate with me (work, friends, men).
My body and mind still feel so exhausted. I’m 8 months out of living with my husband but still going through the divorce process. Healing has been so hard.
Three years ago I left .. over all I feel good but .. I still have a deep funk I’m trying to shake . I am trying to find a narsistic counselor but they are all full . I’ll get better, thank you Danish . You have helped me beyond words 😊
Try meditation, it worked for me. My narcissistic father died almost 15 years ago. I still have some "fight, or flight" issues from time to time. Remember everyone is different. You're not going to heal up in 5 minutes. Someone standing next to you, might. But, look at me, 15 years later and I still have "fight, or flight" issues whenever someone gets angry near me. It happened the other day at work, a co-worker pounded his fist on his desk to "fix a stapler". I jumped out of my seat so fast! Gosh, it's been almost 15 years and I STILL jump that fast?! Oh, boy! Hang in there, it WILL get better! :)
I prayed, prayed, amd prayed.. Connection with God healed me and that's my new life now...Left him, some family and some friends also. Not going back.❤
Its been 18 months now since I had any contact,I still feel that I 'love'him even though it was all a lie,lots of things trigger me,I cant seem to enjoy anything and I really cannot see a future anymore. Im just existing and getting through each day best I can.
If you were a psychologist in Australia, I would make an appointment straight away. It has been almost 12 years since I left my narcissistic ex husband and about 6 years since my narcissistic ex best friend used me up and discarded me when I had nothing left to give. I have been a recluse now for years. I live for my 3 children, 1 still at home, but don't trust anyone else. Everything you said is 100% me. I constantly have a knot in my stomach. I don't fight or flight but I am in a constant state of fawning. The only men who like me are narcissists. Good men don't find me attractive, they like women with self confidence and spark. I feel like I am broken and wounded.
You'll get there, my husband's part narc, shock of my life! He wants me to worship him, I married and gave him kids (one after the other against my wishes) and I give it back to him with both barrels, when need be, I said how does one go from "What's not to like to no one likes you?". Stay strong, there's someone out there for you, most men want another mother to dote on them (😝), they also want to go to bed with a prostitute and wake up with a virgin, beware!
I've never had a relationship that wasn't with a narcissist. I don't trust anybody. I probably do something that puts off everyone else but I don't know what it is or how to correct it.
Yin, Iyengar and Hatha Yoga helped me release the trauma from my body. When I would practice yoga, there would be random waves of emotional release. Yoga is an important routine in my life for core strength, flexibility, and general well-being.🙏
I knew who she was but she was my mother. After YEARS of therapy, I feel that I've healed- I've accepted that I never had a mother who loved me. The end. That said, I had a horrible trigger come up recently that was due to me never feeling safe and never feeling like I had a home. It was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever experienced. I didn’t even realize it was a trigger until I was 54 years old. More work is needed!
My abuser kidnapped me the summer before 9/11 and i ended up hospitalized for a month after his plan failed when i almost died. I didnt realize it until facebook memories told me, but i almost always end up very sick and back in the hospital every anniversary. I had no idea it was the anniversary, but my body knew! However, since my children i had from my abuser are now adults, i havent had to deal with my abuser anymore and i havent been hospitalized in about 3 years. The last hospitalization was a heart attack i had during a time when my abuser was giving me and our then minor daughter a particularly hard time. Having children with an abuser is truly an 18 year sentence to hell. Im so relieved to be FREE! 🕊
I am suffering from all these symptoms even though i have left my narcissistic parents 7 months ago. Flashback of traumas never end, i cant concentrate on anything, so scared of everyone that i cant open up in front of anyone
Give it a bit more time, be a little entitled about yourself too, find the balance your parents could not. Expect/want the same softness from others towards you the same way you give them grace
There is also a pre-PTSD period early on after a disruptive trauma event, indicative of dissonance and a rebound effect that can also halt the healing process. 😢 Afterward, neurosis may be "discovered" or "uncovered" with therapy. Triggers and flashbacks are post-traumatic due to brain damage the narcissist caused to you. 😮 Healing and memories are connected and its a long healing process. ❤️🩹
So true! I thought I was doing well and my car broke down. I had such a panic attack! Ugh! Then again I felt like I was doing well and loud sounds began triggering me again. I had that years ago from a different and severely abusive relationship I had left. Loud noises set me into panic mode. But even that I though I had healed from! That came back now. It helps so much that people are explaining what this is now. I’ve been to therapy years ago and I never seem to find one that’s actually helpful in any way.
Yes it is a long process. I had a lot of flashbacks from simple things like cooking certain foods and remembering him standing over me attacking me while I was making the same food. I feel like I could be mostly healed by now but going through divorce for almost a year now and having to brace my self for repeated revenge streaks based on what happens in the divorce doesn’t exactly help. Plus having family that’s not understanding and just tells me move on, he’s not your life, there’s other men out there doesn’t help either.
@pocahontas4583 The therapy I asked for was necessary in every way. There was a loss of identity that was the hardest thing for me to "get back" or recover, and many triggers to avoid. I learned to think about his attacks in a different way, in terms of narcissism, and it has helped. It was very personal, but the knowledge and healing have provided some comfort, and I keep myself out of harm's way. There are people in my life who show narcissistic behaviors, and I know better how to handle it. I have to keep an emotional distance with them, so that never helps. I'm glad I also have people in my life who display gratitude for my friendship, love, and compassion. ❤️
I am a 62 yr old female. My father was an overt narcissist and my mother a covert. After watching these videos, I can't believe that I am an accomplished, independent, loving and caring human.
There is the psychological trauma and the practical trauma done to yr life. It totally derailed my life and now I have to set forth from a basis of steps removed from me to go forward in life. Difficult.
I’ve been gone for 2 months, but not TRULY free. 😢 I became so ill, both physically and mentally, after staying near 40years, I absolutely lost myself. Lost my job, unable to work at all. Couldn’t get out of bed for days!! Lost my will to live. Smear campaign destroyed my friendships, and even relationships with family, children, and grandchildren!!! I may as well have been dead already! Financial abuse kept me trapped. Found out my daughter was having a baby, and actually might NEED me! Grabbed my purse, and little dog, and left. But finding help has been painfully slow. Many times, had to come back and grovel for gas money, or anything I needed. Still have to!! Just waiting to find a little help up, until I’m able to take care of myself again. 😢 Raised 3 kids while working in a career in dentistry for almost 30 years!! Now, I can’t even find my bra in the morning. 😢 Don’t want to go back-but don’t know what to do.
Many MANY THANKS! So many thoughts and comments I want to share. Very insightful and comforting too. “Get over it”… the message from those who haven’t walked our path.. is of No support of course! These somatic expressions are the toughest. And difficult to recognize as trauma responses. The memory losses are very disturbing and disheartening. I’m grateful you mention it and validate the reason. AND .. when to know how to keep making progress. It’s been 3 1/2 years since the first No contact order. The second one was in April. Death of my mother 7 months ago definitely triggered me. That part is getting better. It’s comforting to know that an additional trauma can leave us temporarily derailed. I do isolate still however I’m working on it and feel I’m making progress. Thank you again to this community and YOUR CONTENT!
What you say is so true,people think you should 'be over it' by now,they do not have experience of this type of break up,it is not a normal break up. There is no support and its very difficult to face this alone. Sending you big hugs my darling ❤
Yes! Within the first month I had so many people already trying to set me up on a date, then telling me to get over it. And those comments of “leave the past behind you” blah blah blah! They have no idea what it’s like! I’m 8 1/2 months free and feeling somewhat normal again finally! I’m still realizing things he did that I “forgot” out of keeping the peace. I know people mean well, but they just don’t understand.
I was abused by narcissistic mother father and then my ex husband for 16 years. After my divorce it was hard for me to give people eye contact and as a result my professional career has been damaged. My ex husband use to attack me when I got home if thought I looked at or into another man’s eye. As a result I would practiced not looking at people in general and it is costing me my career and social life to be damaged. Can you please make video on how to gain confidence in looking at people eye contact thank you.
Protective thinking definitely. Taking small dose 450 mg ashwaganda at night and will be trying reishi again for chronic rheumatoid arthritis pain which sometimes gave me too many trips to BR. There is a meditation practice I need to do more consistently to rid myself of the fight - flight ( 7 min meditation Roy Masters here on YT ) as it dissipates internal stress out of one’s body through fingers pathway and also it separates psyche from chronic obsessive thinking that keeps one locked into the fight- flight… it’s easy I just forget and stay lazy( less than 7 min 2x /day) Grounding or earthing has some anxiety diminishing effects but I would benefit the most with a sleeping mat for the chronic anxiety and pain inflammation. Crystals- experimenting with them. Things to do!
@@jbrown2908 ty, my hands and body have been very limited functionally but I like the gratitude thing it’s definitely a manifesting hack I’ve read, and WILL implement the suggestion more as an attitude of gratitude state of being brings about many ‘miracles’ … appreciate the reminder!!
Hi, bro how to heal yourself if narcissistic destroy all levels of empathy's life mentally, emotional, socially, illness, financially, spiritually, , no one in this world help and support except God. How to solve this situation . Please reply bro. 🙏🙏
Thank you for all your videos which are a real help to put the final pieces in the puzzle. You have helped me beyond measure. And mostly thank you for saying without hindrance that narcissistic behaviour is evil. It truly is straight from hell.
My mother was a narcissist and I married several narcissists so I can't get started on healing. The trauma has caused brain bleeds, CPTSD, mental breakdowns, more physical diseases than I thought one person could have. I'm 65, still in that constant fight or flight, ever-vigilant state of being.
Oh crap. I'm staying in a constant state of fight or flight. I'm always taking a deep breath to try to calm down. This is off and on all day everyday. Thank you. I have a ton. If work to do I'm many years away from the situation
You're the first person I've heard address this. I was married to my narc ex-husband for 24 years before finally leaving him in 1994, with no understanding of what I was embroiled in. Aside from ongoing Fibromyalgia, in 2019 I started having vivid flashbacks and nightmares of him and hypervigilance that I learned (after researching) are classic CPTSD systems - and I was diagnosed with CPTSD. It was at that point that I fell down the rabbit hole into the world of "narcissistic abuse" information and my eyes opened to the truth! I'm in the process of healing now (meeting with a Counselor who specializes in this) all these years later.
It's been 22 years since I left my ex narcissistic husband. I'm only now realising what myself and my 2 children lived through. There were signs there all the time. But I didn't realize it was all a huge lie. At my divorce hearing, I learnt that he had Hep C since he was 14..and never told me... EVER. My whole life with him was fake and lies. I saw he had no empathy with our children. He was very cruel, to the 3 of us, but severely cruel with our children. I had no idea he was such a horrible person. He was so kind to me at the beginning. And he really reeled me into his control. I suffer now with so many symptoms from narcissistic abuse. And I still do have flashbacks and nightmares. And I've been told that I lived in severe stress from this relationship. I still suffer with memory loss... Badly. He turned everyone we knew against me. I had no friends of my own thought the 27 years I was with him. And I have severe trust issues, still. I didn't even know I suffered with C-PTSD.
Having NO fond memories of being with him for 23 years, combined with how enraged and covertly on the attack he became in response to my finally divorcing him, at LEAST I never wanted things to ever “go back” to how they were. But, thanks to your multitude of insightful videos, I see where I delayed healing (it’s been over ten years now) and how I fell into the trap from day one! I trust you will understand when I say my mother’s abuse was the ideal training ground to “prepare” me for tolerating all that I did (and for as long as I did). Thank you, Danish. I appreciate you.
Hello Danish. Thank you so much. I have no way of knowing that who I escaped from was a narcissist or someone with NPD or someone who is bipolar or another cluster of personality disorder. Could you kindly shed some light on how one can understand this better? So many of the abusive symptoms are shared between disordered people.
I find that watching videos on narcissism is making my healing take longer. While learning why I was vulnerable to a narcissist is important like my codependency issues. Actual videos about narcissism just bring back up the the whole thing. The only time I think about her is because I am watching a video about "what narcissists do when you do this" and then I look back "Oh yeah she used to do that!" Educating yourself is important but honestly these videos in a way just keep it all fresh in your head.
I try to take breaks when I am feeling “triggered.” It does help. But like you I also want to understand so I don’t keep making the same mistakes I’ve made all my life. Getting out into nature was helpful for me.
Went no contact from narc mother and sister a few years ago. Guilt, sadness, and anger hang over me. Overly defensive and sensitive with my spouse. Continuing digestive problems and chronic inflammation in muscles. Feel inadequate and anxious. Afraid they will reappear suddenly. Don't know how to get over this stuff. I don't hate them, I pray for them, but I thank God that they are staying away as well. Can't afford effective counseling.
Hi Danish it's been nearly 18 months but my fight flight instinct is still strong I can feel it in my stomach every day. Also because of this I'm sure my cortisol levels are too high. But on the whole I think I'm getting there slowly but surely. All 5 of your reasons I suffer with most to a lesser degree than when we parted after he attacked me very violently. Now I'm on my own he's 2000miles away and I've cut off all contact. That has helped greatly. It's a slow process and it's made me disabled with polyneuropathy I can hardly walk.but thank you for addressing the memory aspect I thought I was going crazy. That's been affected quite badly.
Rumination is my problem.i move on but there's still hurting when I remember the bad things what tgey did to me ,I realized it's all lies not existing .
I really stopped having panic attacks after I left the state that is my home state. I only have to take the anxiety/panic attack medication bc my body is addicted to the medication but I am wanting off the medication and my new doctor is cutting me back a little at a time. But all the other feelings are still happening . 😢
I have no friends, I believed from my father that I was a bad kid so I pushed all friendships away. Why should I burden someone I liked with my presence, disrupting their good time?
I am struggling with recovery. Poor concentration, extreme anxiety,, i dont leave the house for long because of it. Fear, lack of trust, insomnia, memory loss. I still have enjoy places i feel at peace & nature. Nature is amazing for peace of mind. Also talking to friends. I have two narcs in my life. One covert pathological one cerebral. God help me find the strenth to walk away and start my life again.
Create new good memories.. by visiting calming places, listening to soothing sounds, (watch buddhist monastries, mountains, rivers on YT , listen to buddhist chantings, tibetian music, sounds used by meditators etc) . Eat well and healthy to heal gut inflammation and taut nerves. Do tiny acts of charity ( even smiling, to cheer up some one), do loving kindness meditation, listen to talks by Ajhan Brahm for laughter and wisdom... look towards heaven (and think of all the good things they must have done to go to heaven).❤❤❤
Where are the trauma centers in the United States? I can't heal alone. I can't heal at all. I'm lost. I don't know where to go for help.I need support and professionals please 🙏 God bless all of you
I realized he has Narcissistic personality disorder about 4 months ago after 17y of marriage. I’m still in the same household (have to until divorce is finalized) making the healing process difficult. I was on the edge and he was still trying to push me. This is when I realized this is not a normal human being. I didn’t know anything about NPD. Reading about it I realize I went through all and was close to being completely destroyed. I was left with daily panic attacks preventing me from doing daily chores. I feel better but know it will take a while to heal as all the abuse caused not only mental distress but also physical problems. I was betrayed for half of my life and can’t even grieve because none of it was real. He was fake.. the relationship was fake.. I’m not able to trust people I meet, as you described questioning their motives. I still hope..
My position right now?, i have acquired a ton of info about narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse, but precious little understanding about it, and I can't really explain why I cannot convert information into understanding, So basically feel nervous unsteady about the whole phenomenon. Like my reactions are still basically the same though less intense, less lasting, and less damaging. So that's a start, that's all good. It only get's bad whenever I feel I should be further along by now, that I should be able to exit my hermitage and be ready to take on the world by now.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get past this. He told me he cheated in 2018 in Jan 2020. For 2 years we tried on and off trying to get past it. He could never say the things I needed him to in order to heal. I realize they can't but that is my personality. I think I am getting past it and just turning in my driveway triggers it. I thot about selling and move elsewhere but financially cannot. I can be fine and past by an eating place and I fall to pieces all over again. I guess not really having an ending is what is trapping me. I have sent text many times to you. Everyone says just get over it. OK, tell me how and I will. I did do therapy and it's no telling where I would be without it. Married 30 years. Cheated in the 28th year for what I think no reason. He has triangulation his daughter who is handling his business now and that makes it worse. He was good to me, kind, loving, etc . If he had been mean to me I could get over this. He is on some kind of medication and his daughter makes all decisions for him. He is in an assisted living home. So, my heart goes out to him and I think the worse of his daughter who I think has inherited a lot of his ways. I think if I could face him, ask questions, etc, I could see/feel his spirit. He is very compliant with what she says. It is so involved. I am 75 and he is now 81. I am mistaken for someone in their early 60's but realistically how many men would I be able to have a friendship with. No offense to anyone but some look as old or older than my daddy. This is so much more than I should put on here but this really hit home with me. I do very fine 80% of the day but it still triggers. It's not like I need a man-actually I have now gotten in the habit of doing my life like I want to not answering to anyone. But, I do miss companionship, extra arms to do stuff around the house, miss intimacy etc. In this stage of the game, this is silly and taking away from so much. I know all the right thoughts and things but just can't get past this man!!!!
@jbrown2908 I did divorce him. Filed almost immediately, changed to separation, pulled that back, proceeded with divorce. Was going to stop divorce but got covid delta variance and could not stop it in time. Daughter kept calling court house for judge to sign. He has no one but this daughter. He has more kids but she is the only one that fools with him. Also, oldest. She and I had several run-ins so she is not my friend. I was visiting him but she said I upset him and threaten a restraining order. I thot he was like hating me but now I think he wanted us back together and she would lose control. He was never mean to move. Never raised his voice to me except right before we parted ways the final time. He did the utmost disrespect but supposedly we had a good marriage. Friends and family cannot believe it either as he always went around saying how much he loved me. He did special little things that he did not have to do. I keep saying to myself he cheated but all the other gets in the way. He was 77 so things did not work but there was a lot of talk and sexual touches. Our sex life was full and active-every 3 or 4 days so just can't understand. I called her and she said all he does is talk about you. I said what was in it for you? She said he made us laugh and he was funny (?)
This one really got to me, Danish, thanks for the wake-up call ~ initially I thought that the topic would resonate with what my kids are going through, but it's a clear actuality that I have issues that relate to all 5 signs and so, I still need some serious therapy even though it's been 11 years since the divorce from my narc ex wife. Thanks again for sharing your knowledge and experience❣️👍
Love your videos, thank you! We can become more discerning and aware, but ultimately we can only trust Jesus. Even the Bible says "Jesus trusted no one because he knew the heart of man."
This was great information, rang true on every level. I enjoyed how you set out each of the points very clearly & with accompanying relatable scenarios. For me, the abuse came from a sadistic workplace bully who knew how to fake it with the bosses & get others on side via triangulation & smear campaign against me. Nothing worse when people believe you are something you're not. Several years later after leaving that toxic place and I still get triggered now and then despite counselling, yoga etc. Still working on it.
I left fourteen years ago, and didn't file for divorce because I didn't have the money and he said he'd never give me one. All that tie,I didn't know he was a narc. I started watching these videos for other reasons. Well, he hunted me down to file for divorce. I'm 1600 miles away. For about a month, yeah. I relapsed. But the minute I realized that he, too is a narc, al feelings for him were gone. FINALLY rid of him legally, emotionally. I have to say, there were many days and even months that I never thought of him during that time.
I am far from even beginning the healing process. I'm stuck mentally yet I don't want to be. The desire to be better to be free is inside me and has been for over a year now even if I just left the ex. Memory loss. I've had extreme examples of it and it is terrifying. The things I pushed out that rush in when I least expect it. The shame of what I allowed in those memories haunt me. Thank you for this video. I'm actively seeking help at the moment.
I still feel stressed as I realised everyone I have known in my 43yrs of life has had narcissistic traits . I thought I was healing froma narc rekationship, but only just realised a friend of 14 yrs was a covert narc, plus eveyone I ever known had had narc traits, Inwasnt too aware of covert traits! Im living with covert narc mum and narc family, I cant heal from long covid. I lost my job from long covid and can't afford therapy with narcissistic specialists, nhs in uk are usekess in understanding narcissism just make it worse.
The First Sign Is Very Much Visible In Me Still I Am Trauma Bonded And Even After Knowing What He is Who He Is I Still Have A Desire To Go Back And Second One Is Not Present In Me I Know It Wasn't My Fault At All Not The Third Sign Is Also Present In Me I Can Get Trigger Very Easily By Him I Can't Show Indifference Or Block Him Even Though I'm in my City Now Fourth One Is that My memory gone better but Sometimes I loose focus and I get anxiety and I have my fears and sometimes I loose my focus and then it take days to get over those feelings and the fifth and last sign is Trust Issues Is Also Present In Me But I Think it's Not That Bad Because Earlier I Used To Be Very Trusting This One Made Me Bit Clever Now I Can Judge Who Is A Narc And Lastly It's Not Been Easy It's Been A Year And Two Months And I Am Still Struggling And I Wanna Say To All Survivors Like Me I Know How Much Pain We Are In But We Are Not Alone God Is With Each One Of Us And Narcs Have A Very Bad Ending We All Know And Those Flying Monkeys Will Also Get Their Due And Living With Them Is A Nightmare For Everyone! Stay Safe Please Give Me Some Advices On My Issues If Anyone Can How I Cope Up With Trauma Bonding And Anxiety And Triggering Issues
My narcissistic father was verbally abusive, & somewhat physically abusive to both she and I (both as a child & adult), until my Mom passed away. Then he became physically abusive to me (as an adult). The least little thing he would get angry about (dinner was a huge issue for him), would immediately result in pounding his fist on the counter/table etc. Then I would be beaten, thrown down the basement stairs, punched, kicked you name it! Now my father died almost 15 years ago. The "fight, or flight syndrome" is the only thing that hasn't seemed to completely leave me. My biggest problem, that I can't seem to get over, is feeling the "fight, or flight" syndrome whenever my husband gets angry. Now, my husband is a very sweet and loving man! He's very easy going and has a lot of tolerance when it comes to what he calls, "Ok, you're getting upset over nothing. I'm just yelling at the game." (He plays computer games.) My husband plays his computer games in a different room from where I am watching television. When he yells, I immediately "stiffen up" and start contemplating where I can "go to get away." My husband doesn't pound his fist. He would NEVER a raise a hand to hurt me, I KNOW that in my heart....but, my mind...not so much! That is really the only thing that becomes difficult rarely. We have spoken about it. My husband assures me that he'll never hurt me physically! But it still happens every single time he yells at his computer game! I still have nightmares occasionally, but those are under control. What I find is very helpful is meditation! It helps me to clear my mind and just calm down things in my head that won't seem to just go away. I take some songs that I like, for example "Within You, and Without You" by The Beatles; "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve. Something that has one underlying note going on throughout the whole song. Just focus on that one note and breath in and out slowly for the entire song. Makes you extremely relaxed!
I’ve done okay on my own but I definitely know it’s been almost ten years and I’m not nearly as far as I should be. I still can’t move out of my parents house and I almost went back to the narcissist in the past month. Im proud of where I’ve gotten but i know consciously I could be further along. I can see light at the end but im not there yet… memory lost that one hit home… last year I ate an orange for the first time since (had to be before 2015) and I remember how much I loved oranges… or one time I brought my lunch to work two days in a row and thought “wow more people should do this, this is amazing not to go hungry throughout your whole shift” and looked up and saw everyone was eating lunch and then I remembered people do this, it’s not a crazy concept. Normal people bring lunch to work. Anyway I know it’s been a long slow journey but those two moments especially remembering how much I love oranges really made me proud and happy gave me hope that I will continue to get better. Even with being around the narcissist the past few weeks. Me telling him he’s not good for my mental health and walking away then him accusing me I’m not good for him. I was proud of myself because instead of taking it personal I saw him saying that as “this is get out of jail free with minimal damage” card and just agreed with him that I’m not good for him and I wish him the best of luck in life. So I almost got trapped again but caught myself this time.
I have a negative physical and emotional reaction when my narc travels to our condo in another state (it's close to company HQ) because he hates being alone and uses the distance as an excuse to have inappropriate relationships with other women. It was supposed to be a place where we could get away and relax but all I can think about is the other women who have or might have been there. Everything we do I imagine he's done with them. Cruising in the golf cart, taking out the jet skis, hanging out at the sand bar.
Read my post … everyone is different but can’t hurt. Also, try ‘loving’ your stress narcissist wounds/ self… it’s another method I need to do myself just pausing and choosing to feel love when darkness descends.
I'm scarred for life. It's completely shaped my personality. How else could I be after being raised by a horrifically crazed narcissist mother?? I will never be a 'normal' person.
I like your content. And best part is in our country we really need this information about narcissism because we dont have much professionals in India who expertise on this topic I believe that our society thrives on narcissism. Also, I believe atleast 50 percent of familes in this country must have atleast one parent with narcissistic traits if not full blown NPD. can you make more videos on narcissistic parents ..?
25 years together, then 11 years estranged, but not divorced. Finally divorced 8 years ago. Also abused by my church and a couple of bosses (emotionally, not sexually, thank God). Trusting and making me connections is extremely hard for me. My stamina is very low, and my memory was damaged. EMDR has helped. Whatever i do, I'm not giving up!
We’ve been gone almost 8 years, sometimes I still have anxiety, my children are still suffering although they are adults and understand narcissistic abuse. They are learning to walk in their power and know when the triggers happen. So we continue to heal
I was in a physically, emotional & verbally abusive marriage for 10 years. He was the worst narciccist but I didn't know it at the time. I raised my two boys but unfortunately my youngest son who is now 43 followed in his father's footsteps. He has made my life hell. I am ready to walk away. Looking for a therapist before I lose my mind!
I am so glad I found your channel. I don't feel alone and like it's all in my head. He did a real number on me and it's been years of trying to heal and its only been recently that I even learnt about narcissistic abuse and that has helped so much in understanding why I am the way I am now.
It’s been two years for me what’s help is : leaving the abuser, having my personnalité space, giving me Time, journaling, reconnecting with my inner self, embracing my pain and négative thoughts, educate myself on narcissistic abuse , understanding my childwood trauma, having the strong desire to breakfree from generational trauma… Hope you the best.
All people i knew until recently were NPD....now i just don't care a damn.....only i won't trust anyone...i feel it is good....we should never trust anyone completely....
I left in 2016 and it is now 2024 and I still deal with cognitive dissonance, brain fog, aches pains, headaches, nervous system issues. Learning how to relax and pray.
How to rewire? 8 months?? It has been More than a decade since I Saw him. I still think of the times he was good to me.that trauma bonding is because my nervous system has completely absorbed that. Add peptide addiction to this. So I ignore cognitive dissonance, and enjoy peptide feelings to an excruciating painful extent while smiling and dreaming about how good he was and the promises he made. That gives me joy and maybe happiness too. I enjoy being the fool. It is easier this way because I don’t know to rewire
My narcissistic husband who was after me big time for money, didn’t let me invest in IRA. He only allowed me to the percentage where the employer match is done on 401 K. He said we needed rest of the money for survival.
It took me a long time to get over self doubt. Ppl can make u feel guilty by saying "that's ur family" or when the narcissists pass away, your feeling guilty about wht u know is the truth - just because the narcissists die, doesn't mean they become a Saint. Don't feel guilty about wht is real & truthful. Those memories still come to the forefront & I must find my peaceful place & not dwell ther. The narcissists hv taught me to be aware & vigilant of others, and yes, listen carefully
Great video,,Danish! I definitely have found myself focusing on somatic practices like African based dancing such as salsa, kizomba where my hips are activated. Releases TONS of trapped emotion. Deep breathing techniques and meditation where I involve my hands to my chest, stomach and other senses, have been so helpful to calming my body and, mind, and keeping me present and grounded. I've also been doing bonfires which help get me into a trance like state, feel wonderful and soothing physically as well as mentally. I found myself processing through loneliness the other night while staring into the fire and let myself feel it, then, let it go. 6 weeks post breakup where I was discarded. It hasn't been easy, but it's getting easier every day
It has just been a month away from narc husband i filed divorce memories comes to me in bits n dots im confused .. im not willing to live ... i feel so empty in my soul .. im having memory loss also ..sometime im also blank for may b 5 to 10 mins i dnt understand what to do😢😢😢
I’m 67, and I went no contact with my mother, the narcissist and her dysfunctional family, for eight years now. And I still don’t feel healed. However I’ve been abused by them since I was three. Mentally, physically and sexually. . . They are mean and evil people.
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
I left a narcissistic husband 7 months ago, I was on a waiting list for therapy. During that time waiting, I have had a lot of time to process what happened to me. My 1st appointment is next week and I am ready to let the healing process begin . Thank you Danish for all of your help.
Absolutely true
I lived 30 years with the narcist huband and left 10 years ago
Now before 3 years i come back to my children i found my daughter have same problem i am very worried about her she has suffering from ms disease also
Thank you so much helping i have tharapy for 4 years
@jen, I am so tremendously proud of you! Getting help and getting out are 2 things that are not easy. Give it all you've got, no matter how it might hurt , because it will. But you are stronger than that, and better than that. Unfortunately, my narcissist was my father. Loathesome man, and he made it clear to me since I was about 4 or 5 that he could not stand me. I made it in life, maybe because of hammer and spider film
Jen, I am so proud of you! Getting out and getting help are 2 of the hardest things there are. But you are stronger than that, you are better than that, I am sending you big hugs for a successful and wonderful rest of your future!
@@MexicoDigDoctor Thank you for your support. He is a covert, malignant, psychopath narcissist. He physically abused me very badly. Everyone thinks he is so wonderful, but I know the truth. My elderly parents are taking care of me. I suffered a traumatic brain injury, 2 strokes and just recovered from heart surgery. I moved into my parents , at 52 yrs old. I have severe CPTSD and suffer from nightmares and flashbacks. I know in time I will recover completely, but in the meantime I am going to physical, occupational and now counseling/therapy. I never knew what a narcissist was until I found this platform. Danish gave me the tool to leave and by God's grace, I am still alive. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your kind words. You have no idea how much it means to me. I have lost everything and everyone I once knew, moved a couple hundred miles away and started my life over. But I have one thing he can never take from me, MY FREEDOM. Thank you and God bless you, your Sister in Christ, Just Jen.
Thank you for the knowledge! It is very helpful.
It's been 8 years since I escaped. He died 3 years ago. Married 48 years. Doing EMDR therapy. I hardened my heart to survive the emotional abuse.
Mild memory loss. Wondering about psychedelics.
How does EMDR help? Is it working for you?
I am so terribly sorry. Your heart will soften again, but it will take time. I choose to live alone with my five cats, who give me all the unconditional love I could ever want. I talk to my old friends from where I grew up and it is wonderful to see them and hear their voices. I just love the Internet for that reason! I am sending you all the moral support I can muster up, and I wish you nothing but joy, joy, and more joy! Take it slow, but don’t quit whatever therapy you are doing. If it doesn’t work for you, try another one. Even after all that time at the hands of an abuser, as long as there is life, there is hope. May God richly bless you!
Janet, you don't look like someone who i would openly speak to in public. Through your words, I felt compelled to say that I can't imagine going through that type of abuse for so long. I hope you find healing
Hang in there, nurture yourself, be very kind to yourself because you've walked through the fire. May your remaining years bring you health, peace, tranquility. 💐
You are right. I know all of those signs. It is hard to heal trauma. Your body has to feel safe to heal your trauma. It is very challenging when the narcisist is stalking you.
mine instigated gang / cyber stalking. been stalking me for 15yrs!!! police do nothing. so no I am still not safe. now trying to hoover!!!
20 year's later, I was feeling good and him and his rage came at me from nowhere. They never stop.
Oh yeah! The stalking is the absolute worst! I had to move every 3-6 months to get away (again) from my father!
@@susanplatt5331 WOW.
The stalking does make it worse
I left 2 weeks ago and for some weird reason he didn’t ask me to leave neither did he force me to stay, I knew I’m my spirit that he had found a supply. He knew I would leave him cause I told him previously.
Then after leaving he started to beg, call, wait outside my gate for hours, he would harass the security showing them pictures of me.
He also randomly pops up at places where I’d be with friend etc
Then he did something very disrespectful. He sent me a present via a mutual friend and inside the gift box he packed perfume, chocolates, candles and LINGERIE. Lingerie he bought for a few bugs. This is someone who cheated on me with people who were 20 years older then the both of us. I don’t want to lie, he made me feel very insecure cause I’m constantly asking myself “ is my body really that bad” but I know it’s not. It just hurts
Shouldn’t he buy lingerie for his girlies
My memory is not good at all. In 2016 I became very sick and I lost my memory, the pressure of narcissistic abuse was so bad, my son, my boss ( 2 of them) , my work colleagues and so on. I got a panic attack and started crying, was not able to walk, not even to the rest room alone, the ambulance was called and I was taking to a psychiatrist and then to a psychologist. They studied me under 3 years and decided that I could not go back to work ever again. I moved to another country just to find some peace. I am alone but happy, and I am much better and taking care of my self 😊. I've got chronic stress, amnesia, brain exhaustion, I'm very nervous still. Although I am doing much better and I have made a lot of friends. Thanks so much for the video it's very helpful. 😊
Danish you are God sent. Thank you for this one. I needed it sooo much at the moment. Your guidance means so much to me. Thank you🙏
It’s been 26 years since the end of the relationship and I’m still not over it. I had a narcissistic mother too.
I simply WALKED AWAY 4 years ago, and never looked back not even for a second. I got into therapy and my life just took off. I had to go back to my child hood for a lot of answers and I'm glad I did. I continue to work on myself and grow every day. I love the woman looking back at me, and will never put her through anything like that again. I LEARNED how to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, PHYSICALLY!! I'm so proud of myself, I TRULY love the skin I'm in and only have my heavenly father to thank for it!! I GOT OUT, AND SO CAN ANYONE ELSE ❤
Same !! Even while he continues to cyber stalk me for 4 straight years !! I just block and keep it moving ! I know he trying to hinder me but I want none of his karma !!
I don't know how a child can ever heal from a narcissistic parent. It feels as if it will never end until the parent no longer lives. Going "no contact" doesn't totally work because of the invisible, deep tendrils of trauma that the parent instilled in the child as they stole their identity, forced them into social slavery for appearance sake, and and raged at the child who had the audacity to express authentic unique ideas.
They usually don’t they become narcs themselves some are self aware
It is absolutely possible for complete healing from narcissistic parental abuse/narcissistic abuse!
I am living testimony of this truth.
I was born into abuse and neglect. 3 Narc parents. Sadistic psychopath step father. Then married a covert narc psychopath.
10 yrs ago, I gave my life to Jesus Christ, walked free from all the abuse and have slowly but surely journeyed through the abuse, with Jesus guiding and leading me. I am totally free from all mental illnesses and narc poison side effects. I know who I am and my identity is totally restored. I have reclaimed all authority over my personhood, my life, my choices, my relationships, my ideas, The narcs and their insidious poison, no longer has a hold on me at all.
I'm narcissistic aware now and I thank God that I have compassion and Truth to walk alongside others who have suffered in this way, helping them find their way to the freedom I've found through Jesus Christ.
You can walk in total freedom too!
God bless
Healing takes time but the trauma seems forever...
Narcissists should be all identified and criminalized.
You gotta realize they're lunatics, I'm grateful I wasn't sexually molested as I could probably do as much about that as I could to divert mom and siblings cruelties, dad just took off as it was easiest thing to do, I treat my kids like the golden gifts they are! When dad's second family called and called I must attend his wake I had no problem telling them to f-off. I'm good at that! Don't begrudge your past, move forward, bullies and enablers all around, better to know!
Their death will not heal you, you have to heal yourself on your own. Their death will heal this planet as a whole, because that awfull energy will not be here anymore.
After 10 years of narcissistic abuse, I have been isolated and free of the abuse for 1 1/2 years. I’m healing slowly. I’ve learned how much trauma has been stored in my body and have been working on releasing this through EMDR, breath work, muscle relaxation and EFT (tapping). I still have issues with memory loss, focus, trust, clutter and irregular sleep patterns. I mostly self-isolate to keep myself safe and avoid stress at all costs. Little by little I’ve seen signs of progress.
I am glad to hear I have made some progress. I’m very discouraged about the memory loss and difficulty reading. I am not out of the situation, it has shifted to less abuse and violence, but I am stuck for now because of the physical damage and health problems he directly and indirectly caused.
I wonder if some of the memory blockages are due to not being ready to deal with the sheer enormity of abuse over decades. Existing like this with no access to any good memories is despairing. A complete waste of my life. Not really having hope, but for lack of a better term, I hope that I am able to get to a place that I can access any good from the past and not have it directly tied to trauma.
❤
@@jbrown2908 Thank you. It helps to hear this.
I also wasted 2 decades of my life, but I have been recalling times before being with the narc where I was happy. i did have childhood trauma, but, I also have some good memories to look back on and feel some hope. I also have physical damage done, high BP, enlarged heart, cortisol levels borderline Cushings, CFS and severe fatigue, but it is slowly improving. My mind is slowly realising that I am free of that man now. I hope you will be ok. I think it takes time for us to heal.
Sending virtual hugs from Australia.
It took until I was over 50 y old, to understand that my adoption mother have covert narcissist traits... and that it was the same with the father of my sons. We lived together for about 20 years.
He tried to controll me but he didn't manage, because I didn't let him , he have told me.
After him I lived with a man "grandios N", I hot sicker and sicker until he left me, I was not fun to live together with anymore.....
After that I livet with a man with no drive at all gor home or grow as a human....
Now I have lived over 2 y alone, with my animals. That Is the best for me.
Got a best friend , we help each other with everything ❤.
Healing takes time, having one good friend helps.
Hugs fr ne in Sweden
I'm struggling with all of this with no therapy- just had to try and work on myself. thank you Danish. relaxation.
I told friends that I didn't want to get into another relationship because I was broken inside and I didn't want anyone else to hurt like that. I still feel this way. I've made a lot of progress, but there's still so much damage. Not just my narc, but other narcs in my family have hurt me.
So it is accumulated hurt and damage.
❤ Big Huggs 🫶🙏
I left my boyfriend 10 days ago. After three years with him I discovered he has a wife and multiple other girls.
I have struggled to eat or sleep since. I am with a psychologist and an hypnotherapist. I don't think is enough. My stomach is a knot and my doctor thinks my liver is failing.
I do need help but don't know if I am going in the right direction.
I started to learn about narcissism and now everything makes sense. All his behaviour is explained. He was getting his supply from me. But still cannot understand how a human being could be so cruel.
I think he sounds like a sociopath read up on it -they spawn from narcissistic traits and add another layer of cruelty - and I’m genuinely sorry about that extreme betrayal. Make eventual goals to come out of the victimization of all this learning your own personal value and power so you remain out of reach from him or rebounding with another you ‘somehow feel comfortable or familiar’ being around. Forgive yourself, ask God/ Source/ to show you a way out that will help you right now where you are at. Read comments on channels like this as something you read that helped another may resonate. (Reishi mushroom can help keep you from completely spiraling with debilitating depression ). This channel of course is good therapy too.
@@eyeshalfwayopeneyeshalfway2603 thank you so much. He might be sociopath. He is also a doctor. He was expulsed years ago for sexually harassing some patients. After a few years he got his license back. I also know a colleague raised recently a complaint for the same matter but due to his charm was disregarded.
I am in so much pain.
I gave up my last chance to have babies. He told me he would like to and now I discovered he did a vasectomy yeats ago.
@@rosapequeable So sorry. Can relate. Had similar experience. Escaped 5 Months ago and still struggle mental and emotional. Feels like I lost my inner compass and brain does not work like before. Still in freeze and shut down mode as soon as I get home. I close doors, turn out light and sleep no matter what time. No music, not really interested to get to know new people. Everything seems too much. Regretting wasted years. I hope to recover one day. Life is not like it used to be.
@@maximalzufrieden1349 I am so sorry you had that horrible experience.
I totally understand your words. I try to keep myself busy all the time. I got two jobs, but as soon as I get home, my mind does not stop asking the same questions you do. I have also lost memory capacity.
I have also connected with more people in the same situation and I wonder if we could create a group where we can have some support.
It’s been 2.5 years since I left my narcissistic partner. Ended up moving in with my parents to help with my dad’s terminal illness - and my mother is a covert narcissist. Since dad died I have been her caregiver, and it has been brutal. She loved my ex partner like a son. She makes me I feel like I am crazy and thus, I have never really healed, I just traded one narcissist for another. She caused me to have a mental breakdown during my father’s illness and since he died a few months ago, she has ruined my reputation within the family and I am getting to the point where I no longer take care of my health. Two grief counsellors and my regular therapist told me that staying with her is high risk for my mental health. I can say without a doubt they were correct. She polices my diet and weight and criticizes me almost daily, this has caused me to stress eat more and gain more weight. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this.
I wanted to do the right thing and be a good daughter, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this before I lose my mind. My biggest regret in life is not going no-contact with her decades ago.
Leave her alone and live your life freely!
Thank you for this. ❤ A therapy team I was with a couple years ago first talked about cognitive dissonance and self compassion. I am still healing and releasing so that I attract healthy and authentic relationships that resonate with me (work, friends, men).
My body and mind still feel so exhausted. I’m 8 months out of living with my husband but still going through the divorce process. Healing has been so hard.
❤ Huggs 🫶
Three years ago I left .. over all I feel good but .. I still have a deep funk I’m trying to shake . I am trying to find a narsistic counselor but they are all full . I’ll get better, thank you Danish . You have helped me beyond words 😊
Try meditation, it worked for me. My narcissistic father died almost 15 years ago. I still have some "fight, or flight" issues from time to time. Remember everyone is different. You're not going to heal up in 5 minutes. Someone standing next to you, might. But, look at me, 15 years later and I still have "fight, or flight" issues whenever someone gets angry near me. It happened the other day at work, a co-worker pounded his fist on his desk to "fix a stapler". I jumped out of my seat so fast! Gosh, it's been almost 15 years and I STILL jump that fast?! Oh, boy! Hang in there, it WILL get better! :)
I prayed, prayed, amd prayed.. Connection with God healed me and that's my new life now...Left him, some family and some friends also. Not going back.❤
I’m so happy for you.
Its been 18 months now since I had any contact,I still feel that I 'love'him even though it was all a lie,lots of things trigger me,I cant seem to enjoy anything and I really cannot see a future anymore. Im just existing and getting through each day best I can.
If you were a psychologist in Australia, I would make an appointment straight away. It has been almost 12 years since I left my narcissistic ex husband and about 6 years since my narcissistic ex best friend used me up and discarded me when I had nothing left to give. I have been a recluse now for years. I live for my 3 children, 1 still at home, but don't trust anyone else.
Everything you said is 100% me. I constantly have a knot in my stomach. I don't fight or flight but I am in a constant state of fawning. The only men who like me are narcissists. Good men don't find me attractive, they like women with self confidence and spark. I feel like I am broken and wounded.
Sending you prayers and big hug as you continue healing.
You'll get there, my husband's part narc, shock of my life! He wants me to worship him, I married and gave him kids (one after the other against my wishes) and I give it back to him with both barrels, when need be, I said how does one go from "What's not to like to no one likes you?". Stay strong, there's someone out there for you, most men want another mother to dote on them (😝), they also want to go to bed with a prostitute and wake up with a virgin, beware!
Me too I’m in Canada and I need him 😭
I've never had a relationship that wasn't with a narcissist. I don't trust anybody. I probably do something that puts off everyone else but I don't know what it is or how to correct it.
Yin, Iyengar and Hatha Yoga helped me release the trauma from my body. When I would practice yoga, there would be random waves of emotional release. Yoga is an important routine in my life for core strength, flexibility, and general well-being.🙏
I knew who she was but she was my mother. After YEARS of therapy, I feel that I've healed- I've accepted that I never had a mother who loved me. The end. That said, I had a horrible trigger come up recently that was due to me never feeling safe and never feeling like I had a home. It was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever experienced. I didn’t even realize it was a trigger until I was 54 years old. More work is needed!
My abuser kidnapped me the summer before 9/11 and i ended up hospitalized for a month after his plan failed when i almost died. I didnt realize it until facebook memories told me, but i almost always end up very sick and back in the hospital every anniversary. I had no idea it was the anniversary, but my body knew!
However, since my children i had from my abuser are now adults, i havent had to deal with my abuser anymore and i havent been hospitalized in about 3 years. The last hospitalization was a heart attack i had during a time when my abuser was giving me and our then minor daughter a particularly hard time. Having children with an abuser is truly an 18 year sentence to hell. Im so relieved to be FREE! 🕊
I am suffering from all these symptoms even though i have left my narcissistic parents 7 months ago. Flashback of traumas never end, i cant concentrate on anything, so scared of everyone that i cant open up in front of anyone
Huggs ❤.
Give it a bit more time, be a little entitled about yourself too, find the balance your parents could not. Expect/want the same softness from others towards you the same way you give them grace
There is also a pre-PTSD period early on after a disruptive trauma event, indicative of dissonance and a rebound effect that can also halt the healing process. 😢 Afterward, neurosis may be "discovered" or "uncovered" with therapy. Triggers and flashbacks are post-traumatic due to brain damage the narcissist caused to you. 😮 Healing and memories are connected and its a long healing process. ❤️🩹
So true! I thought I was doing well and my car broke down. I had such a panic attack! Ugh! Then again I felt like I was doing well and loud sounds began triggering me again. I had that years ago from a different and severely abusive relationship I had left. Loud noises set me into panic mode. But even that I though I had healed from! That came back now. It helps so much that people are explaining what this is now. I’ve been to therapy years ago and I never seem to find one that’s actually helpful in any way.
Yes it is a long process. I had a lot of flashbacks from simple things like cooking certain foods and remembering him standing over me attacking me while I was making the same food. I feel like I could be mostly healed by now but going through divorce for almost a year now and having to brace my self for repeated revenge streaks based on what happens in the divorce doesn’t exactly help. Plus having family that’s not understanding and just tells me move on, he’s not your life, there’s other men out there doesn’t help either.
@pocahontas4583 The therapy I asked for was necessary in every way. There was a loss of identity that was the hardest thing for me to "get back" or recover, and many triggers to avoid. I learned to think about his attacks in a different way, in terms of narcissism, and it has helped. It was very personal, but the knowledge and healing have provided some comfort, and I keep myself out of harm's way. There are people in my life who show narcissistic behaviors, and I know better how to handle it. I have to keep an emotional distance with them, so that never helps. I'm glad I also have people in my life who display gratitude for my friendship, love, and compassion. ❤️
I am a 62 yr old female. My father was an overt narcissist and my mother a covert. After watching these videos, I can't believe that I am an accomplished, independent, loving and caring human.
I feel guilty about avoiding my mother because she’s old but I don’t want to hear me out down and my brother praised
There is the psychological trauma and the practical trauma done to yr life. It totally derailed my life and now I have to set forth from a basis of steps removed from me to go forward in life. Difficult.
I’ve been gone for 2 months, but not TRULY free. 😢
I became so ill, both physically and mentally, after staying near 40years, I absolutely lost myself. Lost my job, unable to work at all. Couldn’t get out of bed for days!! Lost my will to live. Smear campaign destroyed my friendships, and even relationships with family, children, and grandchildren!!! I may as well have been dead already! Financial abuse kept me trapped.
Found out my daughter was having a baby, and actually might NEED me!
Grabbed my purse, and little dog, and left.
But finding help has been painfully slow. Many times, had to come back and grovel for gas money, or anything I needed. Still have to!!
Just waiting to find a little help up, until I’m able to take care of myself again. 😢
Raised 3 kids while working in a career in dentistry for almost 30 years!! Now, I can’t even find my bra in the morning. 😢
Don’t want to go back-but don’t know what to do.
Many MANY THANKS! So many thoughts and comments I want to share. Very insightful and comforting too. “Get over it”… the message from those who haven’t walked our path.. is of No support of course!
These somatic expressions are the toughest. And difficult to recognize as trauma responses.
The memory losses are very disturbing and disheartening. I’m grateful you mention it and validate the reason. AND .. when to know how to keep making progress.
It’s been 3 1/2 years since the first No contact order. The second one was in April.
Death of my mother 7 months ago definitely triggered me. That part is getting better. It’s comforting to know that an additional trauma can leave us temporarily derailed.
I do isolate still however I’m working on it and feel I’m making progress.
Thank you again to this community and YOUR CONTENT!
What you say is so true,people think you should 'be over it' by now,they do not have experience of this type of break up,it is not a normal break up.
There is no support and its very difficult to face this alone.
Sending you big hugs my darling ❤
Yes! Within the first month I had so many people already trying to set me up on a date, then telling me to get over it. And those comments of “leave the past behind you” blah blah blah! They have no idea what it’s like! I’m 8 1/2 months free and feeling somewhat normal again finally! I’m still realizing things he did that I “forgot” out of keeping the peace. I know people mean well, but they just don’t understand.
I was abused by narcissistic mother father and then my ex husband for 16 years. After my divorce it was hard for me to give people eye contact and as a result my professional career has been damaged. My ex husband use to attack me when I got home if thought I looked at or into another man’s eye. As a result I would practiced not looking at people in general and it is costing me my career and social life to be damaged. Can you please make video on how to gain confidence in looking at people eye contact thank you.
Protective thinking definitely. Taking small dose 450 mg ashwaganda at night and will be trying reishi again for chronic rheumatoid arthritis pain which sometimes gave me too many trips to BR. There is a meditation practice I need to do more consistently to rid myself of the fight - flight ( 7 min meditation Roy Masters here on YT ) as it dissipates internal stress out of one’s body through fingers pathway and also it separates psyche from chronic obsessive thinking that keeps one locked into the fight- flight… it’s easy I just forget and stay lazy( less than 7 min 2x /day) Grounding or earthing has some anxiety diminishing effects but I would benefit the most with a sleeping mat for the chronic anxiety and pain inflammation. Crystals- experimenting with them. Things to do!
@@jbrown2908 ty, my hands and body have been very limited functionally but I like the gratitude thing it’s definitely a manifesting hack I’ve read, and WILL implement the suggestion more as an attitude of gratitude state of being brings about many ‘miracles’ … appreciate the reminder!!
Hi, bro how to heal yourself if narcissistic destroy all levels of empathy's life mentally, emotional, socially, illness, financially, spiritually, , no one in this world help and support except God. How to solve this situation . Please reply bro. 🙏🙏
Thank you for all your videos which are a real help to put the final pieces in the puzzle. You have helped me beyond measure. And mostly thank you for saying without hindrance that narcissistic behaviour is evil. It truly is straight from hell.
My mother was a narcissist and I married several narcissists so I can't get started on healing. The trauma has caused brain bleeds, CPTSD, mental breakdowns, more physical diseases than I thought one person could have. I'm 65, still in that constant fight or flight, ever-vigilant state of being.
I know how you feel 😢
@@caracalfashions6435leave
Oh crap. I'm staying in a constant state of fight or flight. I'm always taking a deep breath to try to calm down. This is off and on all day everyday. Thank you. I have a ton. If work to do
I'm many years away from the situation
You're the first person I've heard address this. I was married to my narc ex-husband for 24 years before finally leaving him in 1994, with no understanding of what I was embroiled in. Aside from ongoing Fibromyalgia, in 2019 I started having vivid flashbacks and nightmares of him and hypervigilance that I learned (after researching) are classic CPTSD systems - and I was diagnosed with CPTSD. It was at that point that I fell down the rabbit hole into the world of "narcissistic abuse" information and my eyes opened to the truth! I'm in the process of healing now (meeting with a Counselor who specializes in this) all these years later.
It's been 22 years since I left my ex narcissistic husband. I'm only now realising what myself and my 2 children lived through. There were signs there all the time. But I didn't realize it was all a huge lie. At my divorce hearing, I learnt that he had Hep C since he was 14..and never told me... EVER. My whole life with him was fake and lies. I saw he had no empathy with our children. He was very cruel, to the 3 of us, but severely cruel with our children. I had no idea he was such a horrible person. He was so kind to me at the beginning. And he really reeled me into his control. I suffer now with so many symptoms from narcissistic abuse. And I still do have flashbacks and nightmares. And I've been told that I lived in severe stress from this relationship. I still suffer with memory loss... Badly. He turned everyone we knew against me. I had no friends of my own thought the 27 years I was with him. And I have severe trust issues, still. I didn't even know I suffered with C-PTSD.
Leave the devil alone , he works thru many . Let Christ lead and raise u out of Confusion. HE WILL KILL YOUR SOUL THROUGH OTHERS , THRU FALSE LOVE
Having NO fond memories of being with him for 23 years, combined with how enraged and covertly on the attack he became in response to my finally divorcing him, at LEAST I never wanted things to ever “go back” to how they were. But, thanks to your multitude of insightful videos, I see where I delayed healing (it’s been over ten years now) and how I fell into the trap from day one! I trust you will understand when I say my mother’s abuse was the ideal training ground to “prepare” me for tolerating all that I did (and for as long as I did). Thank you, Danish. I appreciate you.
Based on this instruction, I am healing! The trusting part will take time...
Thousand and one thank youse Danish, Bless you for bringing these videos and circumstances tonight❤️👩🏻🦳
5 signs you’re not healing well after
Narcissistic abuse.. number 1, you’re watching this video
Hello Danish. Thank you so much. I have no way of knowing that who I escaped from was a narcissist or someone with NPD or someone who is bipolar or another cluster of personality disorder. Could you kindly shed some light on how one can understand this better? So many of the abusive symptoms are shared between disordered people.
@@jbrown2908 Thank you so much.
This was very valuable and helps reintrospect oneself
I find that watching videos on narcissism is making my healing take longer. While learning why I was vulnerable to a narcissist is important like my codependency issues. Actual videos about narcissism just bring back up the the whole thing. The only time I think about her is because I am watching a video about "what narcissists do when you do this" and then I look back "Oh yeah she used to do that!" Educating yourself is important but honestly these videos in a way just keep it all fresh in your head.
I try to take breaks when I am feeling “triggered.” It does help. But like you I also want to understand so I don’t keep making the same mistakes I’ve made all my life. Getting out into nature was helpful for me.
Went no contact from narc mother and sister a few years ago. Guilt, sadness, and anger hang over me. Overly defensive and sensitive with my spouse. Continuing digestive problems and chronic inflammation in muscles. Feel inadequate and anxious. Afraid they will reappear suddenly. Don't know how to get over this stuff. I don't hate them, I pray for them, but I thank God that they are staying away as well. Can't afford effective counseling.
Hi Danish it's been nearly 18 months but my fight flight instinct is still strong I can feel it in my stomach every day. Also because of this I'm sure my cortisol levels are too high. But on the whole I think I'm getting there slowly but surely. All 5 of your reasons I suffer with most to a lesser degree than when we parted after he attacked me very violently. Now I'm on my own he's 2000miles away and I've cut off all contact. That has helped greatly. It's a slow process and it's made me disabled with polyneuropathy I can hardly walk.but thank you for addressing the memory aspect I thought I was going crazy. That's been affected quite badly.
That Stomach Feeling Will Go Away Just Become Carefree And Try To Relax Alot Don't Care About Anything As We Are Not With Them Anymore
Rumination is my problem.i move on but there's still hurting when I remember the bad things what tgey did to me ,I realized it's all lies not existing .
I really stopped having panic attacks after I left the state that is my home state. I only have to take the anxiety/panic attack medication bc my body is addicted to the medication but I am wanting off the medication and my new doctor is cutting me back a little at a time. But all the other feelings are still happening . 😢
Can sudden bouts of Anxiety Dizziness be related to this??? Left toxic relationship 2 yrs ago. I also have mild memory, mood swings and trust issues
I have no friends, I believed from my father that I was a bad kid so I pushed all friendships away. Why should I burden someone I liked with my presence, disrupting their good time?
I am struggling with recovery. Poor concentration, extreme anxiety,, i dont leave the house for long because of it. Fear, lack of trust, insomnia, memory loss. I still have enjoy places i feel at peace & nature. Nature is amazing for peace of mind. Also talking to friends. I have two narcs in my life. One covert pathological one cerebral. God help me find the strenth to walk away and start my life again.
Create new good memories.. by visiting calming places, listening to soothing sounds, (watch buddhist monastries, mountains, rivers on YT , listen to buddhist chantings, tibetian music, sounds used by meditators etc) . Eat well and healthy to heal gut inflammation and taut nerves. Do tiny acts of charity ( even smiling, to cheer up some one), do loving kindness meditation, listen to talks by Ajhan Brahm for laughter and wisdom... look towards heaven (and think of all the good things they must have done to go to heaven).❤❤❤
Where are the trauma centers in the United States? I can't heal alone. I can't heal at all. I'm lost. I don't know where to go for help.I need support and professionals please 🙏 God bless all of you
I realized he has Narcissistic personality disorder about 4 months ago after 17y of marriage. I’m still in the same household (have to until divorce is finalized) making the healing process difficult. I was on the edge and he was still trying to push me. This is when I realized this is not a normal human being. I didn’t know anything about NPD. Reading about it I realize I went through all and was close to being completely destroyed. I was left with daily panic attacks preventing me from doing daily chores. I feel better but know it will take a while to heal as all the abuse caused not only mental distress but also physical problems. I was betrayed for half of my life and can’t even grieve because none of it was real. He was fake.. the relationship was fake.. I’m not able to trust people I meet, as you described questioning their motives. I still hope..
These things come back even if you’re fully healed from time to time
My position right now?, i have acquired a ton of info about narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse, but precious little understanding about it, and I can't really explain why I cannot convert information into understanding, So basically feel nervous unsteady about the whole phenomenon. Like my reactions are still basically the same though less intense, less lasting, and less damaging. So that's a start, that's all good. It only get's bad whenever I feel I should be further along by now, that I should be able to exit my hermitage and be ready to take on the world by now.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get past this. He told me he cheated in 2018 in Jan 2020. For 2 years we tried on and off trying to get past it. He could never say the things I needed him to in order to heal. I realize they can't but that is my personality. I think I am getting past it and just turning in my driveway triggers it. I thot about selling and move elsewhere but financially cannot. I can be fine and past by an eating place and I fall to pieces all over again. I guess not really having an ending is what is trapping me. I have sent text many times to you. Everyone says just get over it. OK, tell me how and I will. I did do therapy and it's no telling where I would be without it. Married 30 years. Cheated in the 28th year for what I think no reason. He has triangulation his daughter who is handling his business now and that makes it worse. He was good to me, kind, loving, etc . If he had been mean to me I could get over this. He is on some kind of medication and his daughter makes all decisions for him. He is in an assisted living home. So, my heart goes out to him and I think the worse of his daughter who I think has inherited a lot of his ways. I think if I could face him, ask questions, etc, I could see/feel his spirit. He is very compliant with what she says. It is so involved. I am 75 and he is now 81. I am mistaken for someone in their early 60's but realistically how many men would I be able to have a friendship with. No offense to anyone but some look as old or older than my daddy. This is so much more than I should put on here but this really hit home with me. I do very fine 80% of the day but it still triggers. It's not like I need a man-actually I have now gotten in the habit of doing my life like I want to not answering to anyone. But, I do miss companionship, extra arms to do stuff around the house, miss intimacy etc. In this stage of the game, this is silly and taking away from so much. I know all the right thoughts and things but just can't get past this man!!!!
God bless u & plz keep praying…I have a feeling that you’ll be just fine🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
@jbrown2908 I did divorce him. Filed almost immediately, changed to separation, pulled that back, proceeded with divorce. Was going to stop divorce but got covid delta variance and could not stop it in time. Daughter kept calling court house for judge to sign. He has no one but this daughter. He has more kids but she is the only one that fools with him. Also, oldest. She and I had several run-ins so she is not my friend. I was visiting him but she said I upset him and threaten a restraining order. I thot he was like hating me but now I think he wanted us back together and she would lose control. He was never mean to move. Never raised his voice to me except right before we parted ways the final time. He did the utmost disrespect but supposedly we had a good marriage. Friends and family cannot believe it either as he always went around saying how much he loved me. He did special little things that he did not have to do. I keep saying to myself he cheated but all the other gets in the way. He was 77 so things did not work but there was a lot of talk and sexual touches. Our sex life was full and active-every 3 or 4 days so just can't understand. I called her and she said all he does is talk about you. I said what was in it for you? She said he made us laugh and he was funny (?)
Also, I'm not sure I understood - what is cognitive dissonance?
This one really got to me, Danish, thanks for the wake-up call ~ initially I thought that the topic would resonate with what my kids are going through, but it's a clear actuality that I have issues that relate to all 5 signs and so, I still need some serious therapy even though it's been 11 years since the divorce from my narc ex wife.
Thanks again for sharing your knowledge and experience❣️👍
Love your videos, thank you! We can become more discerning and aware, but ultimately we can only trust Jesus. Even the Bible says "Jesus trusted no one because he knew the heart of man."
This was great information, rang true on every level. I enjoyed how you set out each of the points very clearly & with accompanying relatable scenarios. For me, the abuse came from a sadistic workplace bully who knew how to fake it with the bosses & get others on side via triangulation & smear campaign against me. Nothing worse when people believe you are something you're not. Several years later after leaving that toxic place and I still get triggered now and then despite counselling, yoga etc. Still working on it.
What if the narcissist is your own mother? I cannot leave her, she lives with me.
I left fourteen years ago, and didn't file for divorce because I didn't have the money and he said he'd never give me one. All that tie,I didn't know he was a narc. I started watching these videos for other reasons. Well, he hunted me down to file for divorce. I'm 1600 miles away. For about a month, yeah. I relapsed. But the minute I realized that he, too is a narc, al feelings for him were gone.
FINALLY rid of him legally, emotionally.
I have to say, there were many days and even months that I never thought of him during that time.
This was very helpful. Thank you!
11 months separated, nine months no contact I’m in therapy
I am far from even beginning the healing process. I'm stuck mentally yet I don't want to be. The desire to be better to be free is inside me and has been for over a year now even if I just left the ex.
Memory loss. I've had extreme examples of it and it is terrifying. The things I pushed out that rush in when I least expect it. The shame of what I allowed in those memories haunt me.
Thank you for this video. I'm actively seeking help at the moment.
I'm in stage five actually I don't trust men
I still feel stressed as I realised everyone I have known in my 43yrs of life has had narcissistic traits . I thought I was healing froma narc rekationship, but only just realised a friend of 14 yrs was a covert narc, plus eveyone I ever known had had narc traits, Inwasnt too aware of covert traits! Im living with covert narc mum and narc family, I cant heal from long covid. I lost my job from long covid and can't afford therapy with narcissistic specialists, nhs in uk are usekess in understanding narcissism just make it worse.
The First Sign Is Very Much Visible In Me Still I Am Trauma Bonded And Even After Knowing What He is Who He Is I Still Have A Desire To Go Back And Second One Is Not Present In Me I Know It Wasn't My Fault At All Not The Third Sign Is Also Present In Me I Can Get Trigger Very Easily By Him I Can't Show Indifference Or Block Him Even Though I'm in my City Now Fourth One Is that My memory gone better but Sometimes I loose focus and I get anxiety and I have my fears and sometimes I loose my focus and then it take days to get over those feelings and the fifth and last sign is Trust Issues Is Also Present In Me But I Think it's Not That Bad Because Earlier I Used To Be Very Trusting This One Made Me Bit Clever Now I Can Judge Who Is A Narc And Lastly It's Not Been Easy It's Been A Year And Two Months And I Am Still Struggling And I Wanna Say To All Survivors Like Me I Know How Much Pain We Are In But We Are Not Alone God Is With Each One Of Us And Narcs Have A Very Bad Ending We All Know And Those Flying Monkeys Will Also Get Their Due And Living With Them Is A Nightmare For Everyone! Stay Safe Please Give Me Some Advices On My Issues If Anyone Can How I Cope Up With Trauma Bonding And Anxiety And Triggering Issues
My narcissistic father was verbally abusive, & somewhat physically abusive to both she and I (both as a child & adult), until my Mom passed away. Then he became physically abusive to me (as an adult). The least little thing he would get angry about (dinner was a huge issue for him), would immediately result in pounding his fist on the counter/table etc. Then I would be beaten, thrown down the basement stairs, punched, kicked you name it! Now my father died almost 15 years ago.
The "fight, or flight syndrome" is the only thing that hasn't seemed to completely leave me. My biggest problem, that I can't seem to get over, is feeling the "fight, or flight" syndrome whenever my husband gets angry. Now, my husband is a very sweet and loving man! He's very easy going and has a lot of tolerance when it comes to what he calls, "Ok, you're getting upset over nothing. I'm just yelling at the game." (He plays computer games.) My husband plays his computer games in a different room from where I am watching television. When he yells, I immediately "stiffen up" and start contemplating where I can "go to get away." My husband doesn't pound his fist. He would NEVER a raise a hand to hurt me, I KNOW that in my heart....but, my mind...not so much! That is really the only thing that becomes difficult rarely. We have spoken about it. My husband assures me that he'll never hurt me physically! But it still happens every single time he yells at his computer game!
I still have nightmares occasionally, but those are under control. What I find is very helpful is meditation! It helps me to clear my mind and just calm down things in my head that won't seem to just go away. I take some songs that I like, for example "Within You, and Without You" by The Beatles; "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve. Something that has one underlying note going on throughout the whole song. Just focus on that one note and breath in and out slowly for the entire song. Makes you extremely relaxed!
I’ve done okay on my own but I definitely know it’s been almost ten years and I’m not nearly as far as I should be. I still can’t move out of my parents house and I almost went back to the narcissist in the past month. Im proud of where I’ve gotten but i know consciously I could be further along. I can see light at the end but im not there yet… memory lost that one hit home… last year I ate an orange for the first time since (had to be before 2015) and I remember how much I loved oranges… or one time I brought my lunch to work two days in a row and thought “wow more people should do this, this is amazing not to go hungry throughout your whole shift” and looked up and saw everyone was eating lunch and then I remembered people do this, it’s not a crazy concept. Normal people bring lunch to work. Anyway I know it’s been a long slow journey but those two moments especially remembering how much I love oranges really made me proud and happy gave me hope that I will continue to get better. Even with being around the narcissist the past few weeks. Me telling him he’s not good for my mental health and walking away then him accusing me I’m not good for him. I was proud of myself because instead of taking it personal I saw him saying that as “this is get out of jail free with minimal damage” card and just agreed with him that I’m not good for him and I wish him the best of luck in life. So I almost got trapped again but caught myself this time.
I have a negative physical and emotional reaction when my narc travels to our condo in another state (it's close to company HQ) because he hates being alone and uses the distance as an excuse to have inappropriate relationships with other women. It was supposed to be a place where we could get away and relax but all I can think about is the other women who have or might have been there. Everything we do I imagine he's done with them. Cruising in the golf cart, taking out the jet skis, hanging out at the sand bar.
Facing each one of said signs. How to start healing!!
Read my post … everyone is different but can’t hurt. Also, try ‘loving’ your stress narcissist wounds/ self… it’s another method I need to do myself just pausing and choosing to feel love when darkness descends.
I'm scarred for life. It's completely shaped my personality. How else could I be after being raised by a horrifically crazed narcissist mother?? I will never be a 'normal' person.
But you have a lot of friends here❤
I like your content. And best part is in our country we really need this information about narcissism because we dont have much professionals in India who expertise on this topic
I believe that our society thrives on narcissism. Also, I believe atleast 50 percent of familes in this country must have atleast one parent with narcissistic traits if not full blown NPD.
can you make more videos on narcissistic parents ..?
Appreciate you so much !!!
Thank you for posting this video. It's been like a light in a dark room finding the words you say together. Thank you. 8:22 is where I'm at!
25 years together, then 11 years estranged, but not divorced. Finally divorced 8 years ago. Also abused by my church and a couple of bosses (emotionally, not sexually, thank God). Trusting and making me connections is extremely hard for me. My stamina is very low, and my memory was damaged. EMDR has helped. Whatever i do, I'm not giving up!
1. 2:32 Trauma Bonding & Cognitive Dissonance
2. 5:04 Chronic Self Doubt
3. 6:44 Getting Triggered Easily & Emotional Flashbacks
4. 8:24 Extreme Memory Loss
5. 10:02 Extreme Trust Issues
We’ve been gone almost 8 years, sometimes I still have anxiety, my children are still suffering although they are adults and understand narcissistic abuse. They are learning to walk in their power and know when the triggers happen. So we continue to heal
I was in a physically, emotional & verbally abusive marriage for 10 years. He was the worst narciccist but I didn't know it at the time. I raised my two boys but unfortunately my youngest son who is now 43 followed in his father's footsteps. He has made my life hell. I am ready to walk away. Looking for a therapist before I lose my mind!
I feel lost and empty.
yeah constant self doubt, / anxiety, emotional flashbacks etc
I am so glad I found your channel. I don't feel alone and like it's all in my head. He did a real number on me and it's been years of trying to heal and its only been recently that I even learnt about narcissistic abuse and that has helped so much in understanding why I am the way I am now.
It’s been two years for me what’s help is : leaving the abuser, having my personnalité space, giving me Time, journaling, reconnecting with my inner self, embracing my pain and négative thoughts, educate myself on narcissistic abuse , understanding my childwood trauma, having the strong desire to breakfree from generational trauma… Hope you the best.
Thanks Danish. ❤
All people i knew until recently were NPD....now i just don't care a damn.....only i won't trust anyone...i feel it is good....we should never trust anyone completely....
I left in 2016 and it is now 2024 and I still deal with cognitive dissonance, brain fog, aches pains, headaches, nervous system issues. Learning how to relax and pray.
Try relaxing having 2 kids 24/7.. mental.birn out will be continuous .. then u see the narc behaving like an asshol3 ...
How to rewire? 8 months?? It has been
More than a decade since I
Saw him. I still think of the times he was good to me.that trauma bonding is because my nervous system has completely absorbed that. Add peptide addiction to this. So I ignore cognitive dissonance, and enjoy peptide feelings to an excruciating painful extent while smiling and dreaming about how good he was and the promises he made. That gives me joy and maybe happiness too. I enjoy being the fool. It is easier this way because I don’t know to rewire
My narcissistic husband who was after me big time for money, didn’t let me invest in IRA. He only allowed me to the percentage where the employer match is done on 401 K. He said we needed rest of the money for survival.
It took me a long time to get over self doubt. Ppl can make u feel guilty by saying "that's ur family" or when the narcissists pass away, your feeling guilty about wht u know is the truth - just because the narcissists die, doesn't mean they become a Saint. Don't feel guilty about wht is real & truthful. Those memories still come to the forefront & I must find my peaceful place & not dwell ther. The narcissists hv taught me to be aware & vigilant of others, and yes, listen carefully
Great video,,Danish! I definitely have found myself focusing on somatic practices like African based dancing such as salsa, kizomba where my hips are activated. Releases TONS of trapped emotion. Deep breathing techniques and meditation where I involve my hands to my chest, stomach and other senses, have been so helpful to calming my body and, mind, and keeping me present and grounded. I've also been doing bonfires which help get me into a trance like state, feel wonderful and soothing physically as well as mentally. I found myself processing through loneliness the other night while staring into the fire and let myself feel it, then, let it go. 6 weeks post breakup where I was discarded. It hasn't been easy, but it's getting easier every day
It has just been a month away from narc husband i filed divorce memories comes to me in bits n dots im confused .. im not willing to live ... i feel so empty in my soul .. im having memory loss also ..sometime im also blank for may b 5 to 10 mins i dnt understand what to do😢😢😢
I’m 67, and I went no contact with my mother, the narcissist and her dysfunctional family, for eight years now. And I still don’t feel healed.
However I’ve been abused by them since I was three.
Mentally, physically and sexually. . . They are mean and evil people.
I feel so tired and drained all the time.... no matter what I've been put on depression meds... I can't really lose weight or even get enough sleep 😢
I have made leaps and bounds in my journey. One of my biggest challenge is accepting the grooming on my kids.