Q+A with an Autism Mom: Mom of Autistic Girl Answers Questions
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- Опубліковано 3 чер 2024
- I'm Olivia Hops and welcome to my channel! In today's video (which happens to be on Mother's Day) my mom, Chrissy, will be joining me for a Q+A session. We'll be answering YOUR questions about Autism!
Watch this video to hear all about what it was like for a mom to raise an autistic daughter without knowing she has autism.
Thank you for all of the questions! We had a blast answering them. We hope our answers were helpful!
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I feel like you just told the story of my youngest and me before their diagnosis. Beats to their own drum, loud screaming as an infant, meltdowns because of low blood sugar, a student teachers really liked. They were and are so creative and funny. I was a fierce advocate for my kiddo, but not having a diagnosis led to a lot of unnecessary stress. I would NOT change them for the world but do wish that our society was a little more accepting. Olivia, I’m grateful for your video series. And thank you for brining your mom on.
I agree! You've described my daughter and I! I wish society would be more accepting!
I wish my mom was this understanding instead of trying to "beat it out of me."
Sure, you have to be super proud of your beautiful, smart, witty daughter.
She does amassing work of educating us on this topic, better then many professionals do.
I love this. Your mom is gentle, thoughtful, respectful, and loving. You both are lovely women. I am happy for you both.
I‘m a dad of a 25y Asperger girl. She got herself tested at 21y, when she had an autistic colleague at university showing her what’s „wrong“ with her. And I found out at 55, that I’m definitely her dad aka I’m a mild Asperger’s and suddenly a lot of strange things in my life made sense. I now understand meltdowns, just had one a view days before and I‘m able now to recognize and recover quickly. My daughter is not that far, but at least might have an experienced adviser for 20+ years. Unfortunately her mother does not understand what‘s happening to the kid at all. I found out she likes programming (like me) and we both now working in software development. She also has a sister (1,5y older) who was a crybaby and did not like that her younger sister was telling her how to calculate and read, when the older was in 1st class and the autistic still in kindergarten.
I have a question if you don't mind, does she ever "go mute" and stop talking to you and other family for weeks?
@@spikeSpiegel114 yes to „mute“, but no to „weeks“.
It‘s a normal thing, that if your brain „collapses“, you need a break. No discussion, just silence. But that’s typically hours, maybe 1..2 days.
hi - sorry to bother you, your story really touched me. I wanted to ask you a question? What was your attitude towards mental health before the diagnosies?
I would love to find an interview of the child of an autistic mother. I have a daughter and I’m always worried she won’t understand my anxieties that come with noises, lights, smells etc. She saw my meltdown once and I had to have a conversation with her about us having different brains, but I can’t do anything but hope she grows to understand.
I could also relate to this video but in a strange kind of opposite way. I am the one who gets drained from constant social demands, so how can I make sure my child meets his social needs? I also feel a certain obligation as a parent to get to know his friends, to make sure they're safe relationships, but it's just so exhausting. Similarly, with baby Olivia wanting to be held then switching to not wanting to be touched, as a mom it felt right to hold the baby but there was a switch at some point when I stopped like hugging or touching
@@nightyew2160 I’ve shouted at her for coming up behind me and touching me when I have headphones on before. I feel awful when stuff like this happens.
I hope you figure all your stuff out soon, the world feels impossible sometimes
Love this perspective. You are an amazing woman Olivia and so lucky to have such an amazing Mom! 🤩💕
Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I, too, let my son stay home on those overwhelming days. And isn't it beautiful that you grow up to help others; as they, or someone they love, make this journey with you!? Thank you!!!
You and your mom should do more videos together. You are amazing helping so many people with autism.❤
What I loved the most about this video is how we can see Olivia by another angle. When she's talking to a camera, one to one, its a bit harder to notice somethings; but here we can see her in a more natural way. For example, at 2:54; 3:25; 4:10 you can see how she exhibits some traits on her expression, the way she moves and looks. For those who think that she could be lying beucause she seems too "high-functioning", that's a way to notice how wrong you are. Also, funny thing, due to masking I usually find harder to pause the video of an autistic person and get a funny face when compared with a neurotypical person. That's also true with Olivia and that shows how much effort she puts on masking. Anyway, the whole video is just lovelly.
Thanks for this interview, Olivia. It's really interesting to see things from a parent's perspective.
Thank you so much for making this video, your honesty and sensitivity - lots to identify with, particularly dealing with the overwhelming family occasions, and having to advocate for your child (in my case, my daughter) time and again with school to remind them of the challenges they face every day, which they cover with their mask so well, but which leads to unrelenting exhaustion. Please do more of these Q + A's.
I was diagnosed at 29 (3 years ago), 3 years after my mothers passing. This video brings me a great peace because I think my mom would have felt very similarly to your mom.
It’s so important to have these conversations so other girls can be diagnosed and supported at an earlier age, but in addition, help the parents understand and get support too. I know that my moms perspective would have been very much changed by understanding the diagnosis and would have been able to bring our family a lot more peace.
A therapist turned my mom against me when I was 19 by telling her I had BPD traits and basically told her she needed to let me hit rock bottom. Many facets of our relationship were controlled by how much my mom trusted that therapist and a lot of trauma happened for both of us that was unnecessary.
Please keep doing what you are doing, these videos are very valuable and can change female autists experiences for the better. We deserve support and love, even if we want a little space.
I‘m a mild Asperger (found out at 55) and have a daughter of that kind and after I knew about me, I was looking at an old picture of my mom (died 35y ago) when she was 10..12 and I for the first time I saw that she was the same kind. I told a colleague, that I recognized his daughter about one of „our kind“ and she is in between happy to know what’s different to her.
@@fromgermany271 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I used to teach and spotted quite a few children on the spectrum and Ehlers Danlos, I picked up a child with dyspraxia too. It was always a kind of joke/good humour thing at work where they’d call me the autism whisperer 😂 We had our local education department pay for some experts from a well respected university in the Us, north or South Carolina. I sat between 2 workmates I was with, by the morning break of the first day my arms and ribs hurt from being nudged and poked 😂 you do that, that’s just like you etc 😂 the experts unofficially diagnosed me. Over the years I taught myself to mask it. I know if someone asks how I am, even when I don’t know them I’m supposed to ask them back 🤷🏼♀️ my teachers wanted to send me to a special needs school. My parents refused. Maybe life would have been easier & I wouldn’t have hated school. I’d have sometimes where the stress of school built up and I needed a sick day. Not helped by constant pain from eds that I was told everyone had pain so I thought it was normal. It wasn’t but I didn’t know that.
My school years taught me a lot, some teachers taught me how to treat children, others how not to treat them like robots. We had a teacher who would tell us that living in this area we’d never make it anywhere in life. The same one came to visit with a brilliant Hungarian choir. By boss introduced 3 of us to him, we’d all gone to the same school. She really made a point to praise us to him 😂 tho’ she always did that. I taught a child who was my best friend in an appropriate way. I got him & he got me. Long story but he’d come to my my house in school breaks to give his mum a break. His dad was on the spectrum too. Probably a similar level to me, but as we know girls mask it better.
On his last day before high school he hugged me and with tears in his eyes he said ‘I used to hate you but I love you now & I’ll miss you, but can I come help you do events?’ 👏🏼 he did come back to help, where we were comfortable away from the singing etc 😂 he hated me because I was always called to sort out his behaviour.
My mom passed away in December and I’m looking to get a diagnosis, did you have any issues with your therapist needing a “second opinion”?
@@arielerickson5554 No, I chose to cash pay and worked directly with an assessor who used to work at the UCLA center for autism.
That year my deductible was very high, and it was $600 to cash pay for assessment.
One of the most important things is making sure your assessor is well-versed in diagnosing adult women on the spectrum. If your therapist is giving you trouble about wanting to be assessed, honestly I’d throw out the whole therapist. There’s so much gaslighting and pigeonholing by mental health professionals that is not helpful.
I had a bad therapist for 10 years often on and all he ever told my mom was that I had BPD traits and an eating disorder, and basically not to trust me. That man destroyed so much of my mothers in my relationship because he thought he knew me without ever asking me questions about myself.
I think some of the most helpful information is coming from other women on the spectrum, and the more we talk and connect with each other the more we can help future generations not be lost girls.
I am so sorry for your loss and I wish I knew what to say. If you were on Facebook, there are some really good groups for females on the autism spectrum that has good files that can be helpful to take to providers. My primary care doctor said she never would have thought of me having autism, but she said because of the information she has now through me and my diagnosis, she refers girls out for assessment that she never would have before.
There are good providers, but it’s important we not waste our time with the ones who Are happy to take our money every week but blow off our trauma and how it affects us.
@@arielerickson5554 I’m sorry I’m just now getting back, somehow I missed your comment before
I just got my daughter’s diagnosis, she’s 4. Thank you so much for this
Thank you for this video. As someone with a young autistic girl who recently got her diagnosis these videos are helpful in knowing what to expect and how to help.
I identified with almost every single answer you gave. My daughter was diagnosed at seven, and the same struggles were there even though we knew. She didn’t come with a manual and all the traditional parenting techniques did NOT work. One therapist told me that she will be a more successful adult than child, and that is true! The older she gets the more options she has to be herself. Bless you for sharing your story.
This is so encouraging,thank you for sharing. I have an eight year old autistic daughter and four year old autistic son. Yes traditional parenting doesn't work for us either and I get so many peoples advice and opinions and judged.
@@melaniesanchez2442 Oh, YES!! “If that was MY kid…!” My daughter was so much worse in public than at home (also had ODD which went away around age 14). I could and should write a book. She would chew up and spit out teachers, principals, and therapists. But we continued as best we knew. We went from wondering if she’d graduate high school to her finishing a year early, found and applied for college on her own, and she’ll be starting dorm life in the fall at 17. We’ll see how this goes!! My advice to you is find another mom with a bit older autistic child for a mentor and also search for services (you can get free services regardless of your income which we didn’t know until later). It’s not made easy for parents, especially in rural America. Hang in there!!! God gave those babies to you because he knows you can handle it. ❤️
@@tmusa2002 thank you! Where do I get resources? I'm in Orlando. We keep trying to get Medicaid to cover therapy's but keep hitting a wall,the Dr said we can get it because of the kids diagnosis. Good job for your daughter,that is so encouraging! It's so neat to hear stories of how far they can come!
MUM IS SO LOVELY AND VERY ATTRACTIVE LIKEABLE LADY ..I SO ENJOYED AND LEARNT A LOT FROM MYSELF BEING A MUM BUT THOUGHT MY CHILD /ADULT WAS HAVING TEMPER TANTRUMS ..THANK YOU 🙏
I so agree with you letting her have a day,off school.My granddaughter is autistic and we also let her have mental health days when we can see she needs a reprieve from all the pressure and anxiety that school brings.Luckily for us the school she goes too has a lot of sen children and the autism is understood from both teachers and the children attending.I have always worked with sen children and adults so we were lucky enough that I had been around people with autism and we picked up on it from a very young age,although she has only just been diagnosed at the age of 9.We always tell her that her brain works differently but that doesnt mean she is any less a person than anybody else.Listening to you sounds so like our Olivia too😊
So nice to hear your stories
It help me understand my life and my daughter
Allot of great advice. My daughter is 7 recently diagnosed. Thank you very much for the video. ❤
Hearing you say as a mom, finding out it wasn’t you, rocked me to my core. I still don’t have a diagnosis for my 20 year old son but all the descriptions fit his struggles that we have never been able to help relieve. I am trying to convince him to get the evaluation upon consulting with a doctor at a local autistic center who thought he should be evaluated. The biggest struggle was the meltdowns and refusal to do things, it was more going places. The worst part is I had to send him somewhere in the midst of middle school and that is probably the worst thing I could have done if he is on the spectrum. So now he may have trauma in addition to whatever else he has undiagnosed. The mom guilt is real.
Wow, thank you for introducing us to your mom, mom thanks for coming on. This was terrific!! 🙏❤👍
I never knew i had autism until I was 29 years old. Everything the peers, therapists, teachers and even some doctors said just added up in my head one day and I told my dad while we were in the car "Im autistic. It makes sense and it's the only thing that makes sense".
I think for the parent the issue of how much to push, demand, challenge
and when to know that it will just not work is the challenge.
I can’t tell you how helpful this is. My niece is autistic and developmentally delayed. It has been so hard to understand her meltdowns because she can’t verbally convey what she needs. I have noticed that when she is hungry or tired we can expect a meltdown.
Thank you, Chrissy, for doing this video with Olivia!
You have such a beautiful, amazing momma! The two of you seem like wonderful, strong, very intelligent, kind women. Thank you so much for sharing. My ten year old daughter was recently diagnosed and I am so thrilled to have found your channel. And to hear things from your momma. Thank you!!
I really, really wish my mom thought like this woman. My mom doesn't think autistic people can be intelligent unless they're geniuses or react unless they react like male children. She recognized im different, just can't seem to realize maybe there's more to it. Your mom seems wonderful, im so so glad for you /gen
Thank you for this!! Your mom has such a good outlook, seems so down to earth and is such an inspiration for positivity!
The love you have for each other is palpable and it's what we all need more of!
Sorry I missed your live interview. I’m a 39 year old man on the autistic spectrum and would’ve loved to join!
For your mom: Thank you for not saying "having an autistic child is/was hard", because we know it's not easy, but it's also hard for us autistic people to live in society where autistic people have little to no helpful support(s). and neurotypicality is seen as the default setting.
I'm self diagnosed at the moment, working for a formal diagnosis, and my children are also autistic in the process of getting them evaluated/diagnosed.
Happy Mother’s Day and thanks for sharing your experiences. So many things are similar to what I experienced with my daughter who was diagnosed at 19.
Thank you Olivia for sharing! This will really help me with my daughter.
So glad to hear that!!!
Thank you for your videos. I’ve just spent about 2 hours watching them and I just want to cry because I feel like I’m watching my daughter’s life explained. She’s six years old but there’s always been “something” I can’t put my finger on. I love the comment that your mom says about trying discipline but it not working. And people saying you’re not strict enough. Then the meltdowns - that you just try to avoid by just not doing something. I feel not so alone! I’m going to talk to her pediatrician! Thank you!!
Thank you sooo much for this!!
I feel like in this situation mom did absolutely AMAZING with Olivia! I am glad she didn't know the diagnosis early that way she didn't put a "crutch" on her. She made her do dance and be social and even though it wasn't easy for Olivia I think it actually did help. Mom even knew when to let her daughter stay home from school to take a breather! So she knew what her daughter needed and how much she can handle. I feel like I held one of my sons back once I got the diagnosis. I babied him TO MUCH. I should have pushed more for certain things because I know he would of been capable to do it but just needed more time then another kid... overall it is absolutely great to know ur diagnosis but in this case Olivia ur mom did amazing and you are absolutely AMAZING!
This is the second video I have watched with Olivia. I just stumbled on her, but I believe the Lord led me to you. I have a beautiful granddaughter who will be 22 this month and was diagnosed two years ago. Your videos are a godsend and I'm so grateful to you for opening up your life to us. Thank you!
Wow that was amazing thanks you two
Super helpful, thanks for sharing
ny son didnt get diagnosed until 25. he shut down in junior high. couldnt stand the noise. we sent him to a small private school. he was at least successful there. the depression really hit him, especially in high school
Thank you!
I can't get enough of you guys!
😀🤗❣️
Thanks so much for sharing ❤️ I enjoyed this so much. ❤❤❤
Thank-you so much.
This is my favorite video of yours to date. This was great :)
Awe you have such a great mom 🖤
Thanks for answering my question and taking the time to make this video! 🙂
Thank you, this was very interesting!
Oh Thank God. This video is so helpful.
*This has been so helpful. Thank you!*
Thank you so much for doing this.
Aw - you seem like a wonderful mother!! I can see the love so clearly.
Olivia you have a remarkable mom 🥰
Mom, you did an excellent job and Olivia I love ALL of your videos. Thank you for the information and I will be sharing!
What a great, discerning Mom.
I’m the youngest of 7 and my mom also thought i was very different than the rest of my siblings, I had to do homeschooling and had a very hard time controlling my tantrums. I wasn’t diagnosed until i turned 33 it changed our lives.
Such a caring mom ❤
You both are so insightful and informative. As a school nurse I have a greater understanding from your Real Life perspective and living with Autism day by day. I will certainly use your advice to assist my students and families in the future. Well done and Thank you.
THIS IS AN AWESOME VIDEO AND I AM FIGHTING FOR MY DAUGHTER AS WE FEEL SHE HAS ASD!
THANK YOU BOTH FOR SHARING...GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!
Thank you so much for your videos and especially this one! I am a mother to an autistic daughter named Olivia as well. How you describe yourself is exactly how my Olivia acts. And its nice to hear a mother’s perspective. It is hard, but I love her quirkiness! Also, we have a nanny and papa too! Interesting!
Hi Olivia & Cressie,
I'm new at all of this & a new subscriber. I'm 78 & realized (with the help of lots of YT videos & online tests) 3 weeks ago that I am definitely on the spectrum. This has answered many, many questions about my life, & it's actually been an enormous relief. Thank you for making these videos.
Hi beautiful ladies. I’ve been trying to find info on mum and daughter late diagnosed autism. My daughter is 24 and just diagnosed. We have struggled.. together. I really appreciated your honesty. It’s tough but beautiful. Not many understand the complexity. Moving forward every day..
Thank you for this, to you & your mom-it was delightful and insightful (speaking as an adult female who wasn't dx'd until I was 30, which was 2 decades ago).
Thank you for sharing…it made me feel normal as a mum ❤❤
My 15 year old daughter just got diagnosed with mild to moderate autism this week. Your videos are very helpful.
I came across your channel yesterday, I’m 34 and I feel like you have answered every question I had about myself my entire life. Thank you for sharing your journey. I’m looking into getting diagnosed. Also I believe my 3 year old son may be autistic. You have helped so much, things just make sense. Thank you!
Thank you olivia and your mom! This is just what i needed to hear and really blessed me and encouraged me. I have an eight year old autistic daughter and i can relate to everything your saying. The day my daughter was born one of the nurses said she was "feisty" i was a little scared of what i was in for as a new mom. Lol my four year old son was just diagnosed with autism too and he was born screaming louder than my daughter even and screams daily with meltdowns,mostly sensory related,he panics and screams. There is screaming almost all the time in my house with one of the kids having a meltdown.no one seems to understand and many people dont even think they are autistic. Sometimes its so hard i cry and want to tell these people to just spend a week at my house and they will see the daily struggles,with bedtime, transitions, putting shoes on,a new shirt will cause a huge screaming meltdown,washing hair at bath,texture of toothbrush causes meltdowns,so much...anyhow thank you for giving me hope and encouragement. Your videos are so helpful.
You did great Mom!!!
We have so much in common. I went to private Christian school as well. Thank you so much for all you do.
Lovely mom
Great video. Thank you. I’m thinking I may need to switch doctors and try to get someone to take my daughters traits seriously.
You know your daughter best. Trust your instincts!
As a mother of a daughter who was diagnosed with autism at age 11 (she is now 16), I am SO grateful for the mothers perspective!! I need to find a support group with moms like you (Olivia’s Mom) Thank you both for all you are doing to help others in the autism community!!! Keep up the fantastic work! Love it all! ❤
I do have a question for your Mom. What things did you do while Olivia was in school to help her teacher’s know Olivia for who she was? How did you tell them of any assistance she needed in school? What were her struggles in school, if any? Thank you for your time. 😊
I used have times where I just knew I couldn’t go to school the next day. I’d be exhausted mentally and physically. Add in pain from EDS that I thought was normal school was horrible. I didn’t have a clue about either for a long time.
❤ thank you❤
What did your meltdowns look like as a child? What do they look like as an adult? I think you are an amazing young woman!
Thank you! Could you please tell me which video discusses bathing issues?
Thank you for making these videos. I have a question and I do not mean to be rude. I think you are awesome. Are you masking in the videos?
I have now found you who speak the same langue thank you xx
I have no diagnosis, but recently spoke to my mum about my "issues " and she stated "well I always knew you were different" in such a matter of fact way. 🤯
I'm 44.
Hi I’m new to this channel I just wanted to say that your mom is a (gem) 🫶🏽
25:30 I was always very concerned about getting sand in my shoes or getting dirty.
When I got my first shoes I refused to walk on snow. (Born in winter.)
I'm here because of myself but my goodness this sounds like my daughter... the screaming & screaming... 😱 "the minute she was born" 😂 this is me with my daughter, we called grandma to tell her she was born, and grandma said, you're joking, that's a toddler hollering in the background 😂 "strong willed" YES.
You are a fantastic mother. Kudos to you 💞
1 at and foremost thank you for the videos and my question for your mom is if she would have had the knowledge of you diagnosis at what age do you believe you should have told her of her condition and how helpful would it have been if she knew earlier in her life .
It's me 💯!
My meltdowns suck. It's an overdrive because I was told that I couldn't do something due to autism so I go into overdrive.
When I am overwhelmed I can't figure out things that should be together in the store. I have a hard time figuring it out and get into meltdown mode.
Don't make plans that I have to leave now because if I meltdown which is more likely when rushed to happen.
I bite myself during them.
Hm, I also like older kids, people but did not know that is typical. THX
Have you ever been tested for ADHD as well? Did you know that people with ADHD are three times more likely to start a business. And here you are doing your UA-cam show and it seems like you have a really creative bone. Just something to consider
I am a female and today i was diagnosed with autism. When i was younger i was diagnosed with Verbal dyspraxia!
Can you share that video you made for elementary school? I would love to have a better idea of how to explain it to other kids.
Love this, but I'm also jeLous. I am in my early 60s, and discovered that I was on the spectrum only in my mid-50s. The thing is, my mother (who died last summer) was also on the soectrum. I look at the relationship the two of you have with Olivia in her mid-20s, and realixe what both my mother and I missed. We actually loved each other fiercely, but communication was often difficult. I've actually communicated more easily with most of the autistic friends I've had thsn neurotypical friends, but this was different.
fyi I have read today on Quora that Benny Hill was very likely on the autism spectrum. From what I've read & know it makes sense. Many are being diagnosed today that even 20 years ago were just being medicated.
I'm a woman in my mid 50's, and I was just wondering if you could please help me learn if I might have autism. Thank you so much for your help.
My daughter is 19 a sophomore in college. Her therapist thinks she is asperger. She was super smart and minded her teachers in grade school so no one wanted to put her on meds for ADHD. I always knew there was something, just didn't know what??
(TW Childhood Neglect). Its hard for me in my journey for a diagnosis because I have little to no memory of my childhood. I was neglected as a child and grew up in an unstable household so I feel like a lot of my childhood is lost because even my parents don’t really remember how I was as a kid. This has been such a struggle in figuring out, has my brain always been like this since I was a kid? Cause i cant compare my experiences now as an adult to my experiences as a kid because I don’t remember! Has anybody else had this experience/ have any advice? I love your channel Olivia it has been an amazing resource for me :) ❤
I'm with you. So many questions unanswered
I am a dad. Two of my three boys were diagnosed with autism.
I'm shure I have it too, though I was never diagnosed.
I'm wondering about my wife: I think she has it, her opinion is different. It's hard to talk to her about it, it always ends in an argument. I feel she blames me for the way the kids came out (with autism). And she doesn't want to take part of the blame. According to her, it's all my fault.
I see it differently, she too is "inflexible". Very much so! This single word from your story, made me write this comment.
Aww That sucks. I don’t think it’s just one person to blame. There is no blame really. You & your children are just different. Your wife is obviously different also, just in denial abt her differences. I mean, who wants to be “blamed” for others (people that don’t really matter) having to try and understand something so “not normal”. It’s definitely easier to point a finger than to accept your differences in a society so judgmental & not willing to try & understand. I hope this made sense. 🙃 God bless. Embrace your differences for sure. 💪🏾🧩
@onletoi9523 It's the thief shouting, "Catch the thief!"
Is there a saying like this in English? I don't think so...
I'm from Poland, and I'm translating the polish saying. It describes my wife pretty well:
We all live in one house, with my dad and his wife. While I was on vacation with my kids, my wife took a fan from my dad's room. After we came back, the owner (my father's wife, who was on the trip with us) took her property back.
My wife accused me of taking HER fan.
I didn't do that. I have a fan already, in my room, which I don't use. I have no need for another one.
My point is, that my wife took something that did not belong to her, and accused me of stealling it from her. Is that normal?
My fathers wife had to come with the packaging (the box), just to proove that my dad bought the fan for her.
Faced with this evidence, my wife said "No problem".
Not sorry, or something along these lines, giving an explanation for what she did.
It was just "no problem".
Yes for her taking something belonging to someone else is not a problem.
Someone else has the problem of searching for their property.
This is my wife.
This is the reason why its almost impossible to talk to her. She will twist things around.
If she is quilty of something, she will say that she is innocent, and blame someone else.
Every conversation with her is like this.
She is working, earning money. I asked her to pay half of the gas bill.
In reply, I heard that she is not using gas, that she will not pay for something she is not using.
What? We have a gas stove. Everytime she cooks, she is using gas.
Every bath she takes, she uses gas to heat up the water.
And the kids? They also take baths and eat. What about them?
No, she will not pay.
I can understand her unwillingness to pay...
But her explanation, why she will not pay, is beyond belief!
We do not gather sticks to make a fire... We don't have coal powered equipment... What does she mean, when she says that she doesn't use gas? So what does she use?
I can't talk to her.
It always ends in a fight, because her arguments are false, completely false.
Having watched many films online about autism, I believe she is a narcissist.
Her wishes are top priority. Nobody else, not me, not the kids, or the people we live with, matter. In her mind, she lives alone, and all the things in the house are hers to take. And there are no responsibilities connected with having kids. As I write this, I'm with my son at his friends birthday party.
I have absolutely no idea where my wife is. It's Sunday, so I know she is not working. All I know, is that she is not at home. She tells me nothing. Not before leaving, and not after comming back. I'm not important - we have not had sex for months, because every time I suggest it, she is bussy. But she has time for everything else! That is, everything, except me and the kids.
The start of the new school year, she did not go with me and the kids to school. She was working.
The teachers meeting with parents, she was not there. It was in the afternoon, after her work, but she had other plans for the day.
And the examples above, are not one off occasions. We 'celebrated' our tenth marriage anniversary. I asked her to come with me to a nice hotel, outside the city. No time. I repeated the invitation several times. The answer was always the same.
How long have I waited for her?
Our 11th aniversery came, and went.
And in a months time, it will be our 12th aniversery.
And I have still not realised my plans for the 10th anniversary...
I do not have a wife. It is only on paper. On paper, I'm married.
There is just some strange woman living in my house, stopping me from finding someone else. Someone, who will notice that I exist.
Would be interesting if there are more on the spectrum on the fathers side of the family. In my family it's quite obvious on my fathers side of the family where I'd say most are on the spectrum (none diagnosed as far as I know). I'm still not sure on my mothers side.
Bye Olivia!
I've been diagnosed for about a year (I'm 28). My family is REALLY close, and we usually share everything. But I could NEVER tell my parents about my autism diagnosis. They would just tell me, that I was doing it for attention
That sounds hard for you, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Maybe they could receive films or books about autistic adults' biographies etc as gifts? This way they may eventually have an epiphany and figure it out on their own? Or at least they could become more educated about autism...
@@chreudinegueur6367 that's actually a really good idea. The most ironic thing is, that my we've "teased" my father for being autistic our whole lives, and my family has also been "teasing" me.. and yet, I know they would shut it down, if I told them. It really sucks :(
How do u deal with ppl who think "excuse" is a bad thing? Like if u give an explanation and they take it as an excuse (even tho they're synonymous), how do u make someone understand that you're providing an explanation with no expectation to be excused from the action? (I dont know if I'm making sense)
Blood sugar! Wow!
My mom is just like that. She gets hangry and rages. This just reinforces my belief that she is on the spectrum.
Have you tried CBD? did it make you feel any better?