Males VS Female Autism (FT Orion Kelly) | AN HONEST AUTISM CHAT
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- Опубліковано 25 тра 2022
- Hello guys! My name is Olivia Hops and welcome to my channel! In today's video, I have a very special guest joining me for my first ever collaboration video. @orionkelly and I have a brutally honest chat about all things Autism, specifically the differences between male vs. female Autism. We hope you enjoy!
A huge thank you again to Orion for joining me. He's an incredible guy, so 1000% go check him out on his channel below!
⭐️ Please subscribe to Orion's channel HERE: / orionkelly
⭐️ And see the Part 1 to this video on Orion's channel HERE: • Women & Autism - Trait...
#ActuallyAutistic #OliviaHops #OrionKelly
I tell people with full time jobs that I don't know how they do it, and they are doing a good job, and most of them just shrug and say it is normal, or that they are not even tired. I am exhausted with my little part time/gig type jobs, so I can't imagine it. All I can say, is wow, they are doing a super good job.
SAME.
Nearly everyone I know are exhausted from their job!
@@tomjones2157 yep. It's true.
@@DeborahAnnsuperversatile then you probably mostly know neurodivergent people
I feel like gig jobs would be way more exhausting. The lack of structure itself would just be extremely difficult for me. I enjoy having a job where somebody else tells me when to work and what to do, and the bonus is that it will structure my life for 8 hours a day, five days a week.
My husband and I got together as teenagers and got our autism diagnoses in our early 40s. It has its pros and cons. There is a really deep bond between us based on mutual understanding. When we are both struggling, it's bad, but usually only one is struggling and the other can support. When we are both working full time, it is difficult. We have taken turns with being the main support for the two of us. We didn't have kids, because we didn't think we could manage that.
Hi Olivia & Orion,
It's not just "A" lost generation. I'm 78, & have only recently learned enough about the autistic spectrum to realize that 1.) that is me, & 2.) that was also my late husband. Orion's videos first brought me to this important realization. I can't thank you enough!
Hi, Linda. I'm 75 and have realized within the past year that I'm probably autistic. I have one more session before I get an official diagnosis (or maybe not). The psychologist told me I'm definitely neurodivergent in some way. Our generation and all the ones before us were "lost generations" when it comes to getting help for autism.
❤️ 💙💜💛 Thanks so much for having me on your channel Olivia! You’re the best 🙏
You got me at the point where you said "God, I hope so..." hahahahahahahahaha
@@IntrepidIanRinon 😂
Hi, Orion. Thank you for doing this video with Olivia. This video is how I found learned of your channel. I truly enjoy and relate to your videos so much. Thanks for all you do.
"You truly belong when your around people who force you to be yourself."
Yes.
❤🎉 once we find em 😊
A great quote.
Unfortunately for me, those people are extremely rare.
So for now, I am alone :(
My daughter’s psychiatrist was also one of my high school teachers. I was invited to sit in on her first interview with him. During that session he told me that they knew back in high school that I was autistic, but no one ever told me until I was in my 30s. In fact I had to go to the VA hospital with the sole purpose of finding out why I am treated so much worse than everyone else.
Did you serve in the military? If so, thank you. It would be cool if you could make a video about what it was like.
I mean... I found out I was autistic, cause my partner is autistic 😅😅
I like to think there are some pros to having an autistic partner, cause there's a lot of understanding...
We take turns for the meltdowns 😂 and we are very comited to be there for one another when one of us is doing fine and the other one is not, lots of unconditional support and love. And we understand when the other is not available or needs time off, or just can't be present, cause we are in our world or just too overwhelmed to handle things... The key is total honesty and commitment to our growth and our relationship, and it's been beautiful, and of course at times very hard too, but we are doing great so far ❤️
But yeah definetly it can be a challenge too. But I imagine having a neurotypical partner can be also a challenge... Man, being in a relationship is a challenge in of itself. Lol
I think the most important thing, neuro diverse or neurotypical aside, is communication, understanding and compatibility.
Yeah I’m trying to understand what exactly they’re talking about with having a neurotypical partner being more beneficial 😅
I didn’t even know I was autistic until recently and my partner still hasn’t been diagnosed; we’re both just learning about our neurodivergencies. I find it really hard to talk to anyone neurotypical and that was before I knew I was autistic. Them saying that they have more oppourtunities to be successful because they have an allistic breadmaker also makes me feel like I will never be successful if me and my partner try living independently.
That's how it is for me and my husband too. Both autistic.
@@kikiwannabananawatermelonmango I know, that gave me a bit of anxiety too 😅😅
But I can get by pretty well on my own, been independent for some years, still don't live with my partner yet, but for sure hope we can join forces and be stronger together, and I think it can be done, from a place of understanding our needs and etc...
At least hope so
I personally would only date other people with autism and ADHD because most of my friends are neurodivergent and we understand each other better. With neurotypical people I feel like I need a manual to understand them lol.
I come from 12 years in Bible college and it's kind-of fun to be able to refer to something new now other than the New Testament with the acronym NT (Neuro-Typical) lol.
My wife learned a lot of traits from me. She is not autistic, but she adapted the things she liked into her way of thinking and doing things. It sounds like your spouses did the same. It's perfectly natural. When 2 people love one another, each will adapt, and to some extent, they will become as one.
I'm autistic and married to a neurotypical person. Thank you for showing the good side of that pairing! Everything I read recommends partnership with another ND person, and I can see why. However I imagine it's got to be so hard surviving in this world with two NDs. It shouldn't be like that, but that's the world we live in. My husband and I have had misunderstandings due to communication, but now that we know I'm autistic, those issues have disappeared. Knowledge is key. We have been married almost 30 years and I wish we had had this info years ago. I have three grown or almost-grown children who are on the spectrum or at least ND. It would have reduced the stress immensely if we had understood fully.
"Knowledge is key". You are so right. I wish we would teach people the difference between neurotypes in kindergarten. I think that would be one of the best ways to reduce childhood bullying. Understanding is key.
I am not diagnosed, but my problems with work are ASD-typical. So I have signed up to work with an autism employment coach, as the practical help is more urgently needed than the actual label. I might seek diagnosis in future when I can afford it.
Hello OLIVIA HOPS and I am 37 years old. And I am a male. And I am on the Autism spectrum I have PDD-NOS. And I am a disabled person. And I am 5'0 feet tall. And I was born on march 29th 1985. And I live in the united states of America. I live in Waynesboro, Pennsylvania. I live on the east coast. And I love your UA-cam channel. And I subscribe to your UA-cam channel.
My husband and I have been arrived for almost 22 years, we have 5 diagnosed autistic children. I didn't know I was autistic til a month ago (self diagnosed). We both had anxiety issues but we over looked that because we loved each other, we have so much in common, we have lots of special interests that we are both busy with.
Well in the last month I recognize as autistic, I see it all throughout my life. Things that never readers sense about myself now make sense. He has also done self examination and now he recognizes as adhd. I want to say this has made us closer and more patient with each other.
"don't tell me to just get over it, I can't get out of the wheelchair and suddenly just walk up the stairs." - YES YES YES!! I've thought of that analogy many times! People just don't understand... even siblings.
I hope you guys do another collaboration soon. I love hearing honest opinions and experiences especially when they are bounced back and forth between two alike people because it gives a wider range of perspective. Not everyone has the same experience as you two, and that's perfectly ok. The more we listen to a variety of autistic people, the more we as a society can grip the idea that we are all just as unique as allistic people. But you both do have similar experiences which I love, because that makes for more free flowing autistic thoughts 😂 for lack of a better term. When you can relate and connect to another individual it can set your neurons on FIRE! In a good way lol.
Sidenote:Also I don't know if I'll ever be able to remember which spelling of experience (expirience) is correct no matter how many times I google it......Autism? 😂
Literally just gotta remember
"My ex teaches pe"
I’m flat out telling my Psychiatrists and they still haven’t given me the diagnosis.I had a few moments in life where I thought I could have Autism but kept getting diagnosed with other things.Once I met my Husband who is also Autistic and specifically Asberger’s,which is what I believe I have.There was no doubt in my mind.I had just never known another Autistic person and just thought I was a crazy weirdo outsider that was going to die alone cause I was tired of explaining myself to others and feeling rejected.After meeting my Husband I started really digging into research and started to fully accept this is what I have.Once I started watching videos though of other Autistic people,especially females,I started to get huge sighs of relief and validation that I wasn’t alone and that nothing was wrong with me.I am just different and that’s a good thing.I am now working on not masking as much b/c I’m olde and deal with a lot of physical ailments and pain so masking just causes more.Learning I’m not alone out here has def helped with giving me the confidence to not Mask.Thanks for bringing awareness to others.Especially younger females cause it wouldn’t have def made a difference if I would have known sooner.
I'm beginning my journey on being an autistic women. I recently opened up to my brother about be being on the spectrum after I watched your videos. I recently experienced a terrible spell of burnout and now I know its because I'm wired differently. Thanks for your videos! ☺️❤
I went through 59 years of life before getting the diagnosis of ASD, ADHD, and some other serious mental and physical diagnosis. My past life feels like a bad dream now. It helps so much to know why I was such a failure at human relationships. Knowing early could have helped me and all the other people in my life to have had a much better life. So glad that people are getting diagnosed earlier now. I don't want anyone to go through what I did.
Also, words cannot describe how much I love Orion's shirt!! 💜💜💜💜
Really love Olivia's input for the community
10:30
"belonging is being around people who force you to be yourself"
Orion Kelly
very well said sir
cheers
Holy crap I totally get the “radar!” I’ve had to learn to not say that part out loud because my wife is nt (I’m late diagnosed autistic) and I “see undiagnosed autism / autistic behaviors” everywhere and I’ve definitely been called out for stating “well that person is definitely autistic!” 😅
I loved listening to your chat with Orion Kelly, you both brought up some interesting things. Keep up the great videos Olivia.
I am also late diagnosed Autistic and my name also starts with 'O' and also already following both you... Great to watching you in a combined way.
You have the COOLEST name! (Sorry Orion & Olivia) how does one pronounce it? Or-sun?
@@LaceyMyriah Thank you. You also have a cool name. Orçun is a Turkish name. There is a dot underneath the c letter, so it is pronounced as Or-chu-un.
Wow. I was so happy to hear O hear that he loves the mall, because I do too. I'm 74 and Australian and love watching the crazy aliens doing their thing. They're so cute.
This is a fascinating discussion. I did not know I was neuro-atypical until about a week ago. It is very interesting to look at my life through that lens. No one payed much attention to me outside academics in art because I accelerate in school, and I was emotionally intuitive (or it appeared that way).
When I had a car accident in march of this year, in which my car flipped all the way into the other side of a divorced highway landing upside down-I came out unscathed,- and I think that was the trigger of the start of an awakening.
In elementary school, I lived with my dad and his then-gf and her two daughters (one a year older, the other 4 years younger). I was somehow pigeon-holed as the black sheep early on and that lead to suicidal feelings that I knew were not safe to share starting at age 7-8. They told me I was stubborn, and I believed them. They told me I was selfish, and I believed them. Looking back, I can see that I was neuro-atypical struggling with a big change (moving into a house with a built in family with entirely new set of rules), and no one cared enough to genuinely ask how that made me feel, which made me start to believe it did not matter.
I did not realize until a week ago that I had C-PTSD, which in short means that I learned that while I was somehow responsible for every other person’s emotional state, they were never looking after mine (Or so it felt). Kindness felt like a trick meant to dupe me. And I knew I wouldn’t fall for it again.
I was luck I had academia to be able to ask questions and explore the world With curiosity. It also gave me tools like the scientific method that helped me frame the patterns that I noticed in different social situations.
All people seemed to care about was the “what” of things, and I wanted to know “why.” I quickly learned that you are not supposed to ask questions about things that apparently everyone knows (somehow?), and it led me to be a neurotic depressed, socially anxious (how could I not be when I felt like an imposture trying to make the correct move to not get found out). Unbeknownst to me, I was also feeling guilty when I made strides to have my own needs met. It somehow seemed selfish.
A week ago I found myself in crisis after I had decided to go to therapy for my perceived depression and anxiety. I told my mom, she had no reaction, and the damn broke. Emotions I had left long ago resurfaced, and I realized how much effort (all my energy) had gone into maintaining others stability in my environment. There was hardly enough energy left for me to function.
Somehow I managed to let go of whatever it was keeping me stuck. I feel spiritually enlightened, able to access my emotions, but they never become me.
I changed overnight from someone who barely did more then eat junk and watch TV to someone with boundless creativity and energy to go forward into the world.
I quit school, started eating correctly, I have made efforts to change unhealthy habits, I am moving out of my mother’s house, I am connecting more with my sister and father (also undiagnosed on the spectrum, which I found out this week), and have big goals to help the world with the skills available to me.
I think the biggest revelation in regards to neuro-atypicalness and my perception of people is that I think that people who are neuro-atypical people have access to at least part of the sub conscience. I think that is why they struggle with words. If you sometimes think in the Ineffable, how are you supposed to make that bite size for a neuotypical person?
The only down side of letting go of my shame and guilt and letting myself make mistakes, is now it is harder to remember the little things like appointments, etc. well worth it. For the first time in my adult life, I don’t have that voice telling me that the world would be better off without me. 10/10 would recommend.
❤
When I think about the growth of my emotion maturity, it’s in how I handle a Colts loss now compared to middle school. But never interrupt during the Colts. So true. I think the Peyton Manning era spoiled me.
Reality is here in Spain most doctors don't even go to educational workshops to learn about advances in general medicine never mind Autism. We are in the dark ages here.
Lo siento. ¡Muy triste! It's the same here in the Philippines. What's worse is that the parents of autistic kids here still believe they are the best resources regarding autism when autistic Filipino adults can help but are being sidelined.
I was ~37Y until a blind date got this autism stuff up and after some own reasearch it makes so much clear, why i struggled with social things, be rude, unctonrolled outbreaks as a kid, and so on.
I am 41Y today and my 1st diagnosis was a nightmare and she wrote that thing very contradictory and its only a half baked and fishy thing.....currently, I am on the waiting list for a 2nd diagnose, it is another place, but i have a very bad feeling about this.
This "lost generation" is also a thing i can agree to 100%, so much potential is unused. In every company i was, and i changed my place every 6-12 months and was in many, I pushed them forward and optimized many things....but they told me many times "Thats not your job here" or "uhhmm you pushed us forward, but you seem not to fit into this team, sorry, but you are fired." I have a very high education and this opens me many doors beforehand, but when my autism shows up......bye bye
That was SUCH A GOOD VIDEO. I'm NT (husband) and my wife is AS - you two have helped me understand things from a very different point of view. I hope you're able to bring us more content. Kind regards and best wishes from North Wales UK ❤❤
I'm relating so much to both of you talking about your relationships and partners!! My husband is totally chill and I cannot imagine going through life with someone that is like me (which is the exact opposite of chill haha)
On the other hand, I'm also relating to Orion when he talked about his autistic son. I don't have kids, but my dad is autistic. But he has only accepted that he is after I got my own diagnosis, which was recently and he's in his 60s. Now I'm actually advocating for HIM and helping him get help when I can see he needs it due to an autistic trait. And this type of relationship between 2 autistic people is also super nice to have.
I always compared being autistic to being dyslexic in English Class, except my life is always English Class with dyslexia, and nobody even believes me when I tell them I'm dyslexic, and as I learn to read out of necessity to survive, despite not being properly taught how to read based on the needs of my neurology, the better I get at it the more people doubt I actually struggle and question all the gears that have to turn in my head just to function. It's the best comparison I can think of to describe why I have a massive chip on my shoulder despite being a successful autistic person, even though it's a flawed comparison because having dyslexia is a genuine problem of visual perception, and being autistic is not inherently a flaw in our neurological programming, just a different perception.
Honestly this collab was better than my expectations!! So thankful for you both ❤
In my experience having autistic partner when you are autistic yourself is not so good as we both had to deal with unfulfilled expectation frim each other.
In other words, neither could lean on each other in the times of need and that brought lots of resentment on both sides.
I had to hold steady job becaus he couldn't do it.
He always made sure to inform me that I can never lean on him financial.
That feeling of not being protected while we were raising one child together made me fell alone, scared, depressed, unloved and unappreciated.
Needless to say that most of the work around child was left to me to do as I was the mother.
By behaving that way he managed his autistic life with less stress and it alway made me frustrated, angry and hateful towards him.
I found some peace after separation but my personal struggle and confusion about not being content never left me.
And I didn't understand why. Suddenly I haven't had him in my life as I view him as an burden but there was no much of the improvement of my personal life. I also never wanted new partner as I found partnership hard and tedious chore.
Our child is obviously autistic but having gaing lots of knowledge about autism lately I want to believe that she is going to make fare less mistakes then we did simply by knowing her own limitation.
No competions, no compering, no unrealistic expectation that made us all previous generations of autistic people to suffocate, drown, burn out or drop dead while we tried to prove ourself to ourself, to the parents, to the siblings, to our own kids that we can do the same as the other people can do.
I surrender now and I admit now that I can't and perception of other people if me now matter less.
Much less then ever before. And that feels liberating. Not that struggle is over, but I am much more gentle and understanding to myself nowadays then ever before!!!!
My wife just discovered (actually it was me) that she is an Aspie Girl ... AND she says that so much "you be better off with out me, your life would better" ... to which I reply " stop !!! saying that I live for you !!! You are my reason for living. We've been a couple 24 years (married 22) .. what worked for us was working together. Unfortunately working couples jobs have all but vanished. We are retired now but I may have to go back to work. I'm 67 and she's 43 but it would literally be easier and more practical for me to go back than her. She also has a rare genetic physical disability, and it was the DNA report for that illness that pointed to ASD as well. Then I went and digging, but it wasn't until I showed her one of Olivia's video she became convinced ...still a lot more digging and yes
I've always had these 8 hr jobs to 40 hr per week jobs. But I can never stay in them. I always feel overwhelmed and cry all the time. The only reason I've recently started thinking I may be autistic is when I was at my new job... 1st day at a new location and there was so many things going on and my tasks kept changing every 10 to 30 minutes made me have a breakdown. Then I started realizing I've had these types of breakdowns in every job I've been in. It was just like a ... woah moment for me.
I’m a 42 year old female autistic. I began suspecting I was autistic in 2020 when I was 40. I did a ton of research and found a therapist who specializes in helping autistic people (found her by a recommendation from another autistic person) and she diagnosed me autistic in the beginning of 2021. It’s been such a relief and a burden at the same time. But I work full time because I have to. I’m a single parent of two. My oldest is out on her own, but my youngest isn’t (he’s 19 but I believe he’s also autistic) and I need to provide for us. Being autistic is just so hard sometimes. On the one hand I feel that being autistic is great and everyone should be autistic, but on the other had it’s just so challenging that I wish it could just be done with already.
Hello! I really enjoyed this video. I'm a younger autistic adult and it's really nice to hear the perspective of other autistic adults. I was slightly wary of the title {with the way gender and autism were looked at in the past), but I liked how you both approached the conversation. Also, it really makes me happy to see other people with speech patterns similar to my own, which feels like a weird thing to say, but there's just a certain way a lot of other autistic folks talk in terms of cadence that feels really distinct.
I have something I'd like to add in the relationship area. I think autistic people can definitely be compatible in relationships, but our strengths and weaknesses need to compliment each other. For example, the roommate I've gotten along the best with is also neurodivergent, but we're able to get what we need done because we can each do different things. Hopefully this isn't as rambly as I feel it is and I hope what I said makes sense.
I love that the two of you did another collaboration together.
Glad you have a great supportive family; loving your O'shirt! Congrats!
I just recently discovered your channel and appreciate your insight into autism. I have a son on the spectrum and right now he is driving me crazy! Your insights help me to better understand him, so thank you.
I am autistic and my husband autistic . It works well. It has been hard at times but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Thank you both for this excellent conversation. It means world to me!!!! ❤️
O'Diane.....J/K! I too am 30's diagnosed. Thank you 80's/90's.
4:20 I think about the “lost generation” a little bit differently when it comes to ppl who were diagnosed as adults.
I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life (so I can’t speak on autism), but I think those that go undiagnosed for a period of time develop coping skills that can payoff when you start getting treatment and/or medication.
There was also a self discovery process that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I remember my childhood with a lot more empathy for the younger version of myself and in retrospect I’m pretty proud that I got as far as I did, all things considered.
Really good video. The quiet party area really hit home. I was at a house party and retreated to a quiet area and the daughter of one of my friends came over and asked if I was ‘on the spectrum’. Probably yes but undiagnosed. We had a good conversation about masking, work, and relationships. I’ve managed the work situation pretty well, I’ve found a job I am good at, I have a routine there, and I have not changed jobs for 27 years.
Hello Olivia I have a grandson has autism and just found Orion and just found my daughter has adhd you have so opened up our world a huge thank you xx
I don’t think if i could date an autistic person, but it’s because I think my stims and triggers would conflict. I married a NT introverted male. He’s good at planning and executing a plan, which is great since I also have ADHD. He can act extroverted, but he prefers to be a homebody. It works well. The main conflict we have had is him thinking my touch aversion was person, but once he mentioned to me that he thought I was autistic (I was already over a year into deep research) that eased up a lot. There’s still some communication we have, but we’ve been working on it and figuring out what works best.
Awesome video! Enjoyed you both!
Fun fact: one of my favourite songs is called Orion by Metallica, on their Master of Puppets album and it’s an instrumental. Also in Europe in the 80’s and 90’s Ford had a model of car called Orion, which was a sedan (saloon) and was the first model of car I drove after my driving test back in 2001.
Both Ford and Metallica are two of my intense interests, and could be considered part of bigger intense interests when it comes to my love of cars and heavy metal music.
I’m not diagnosed yet, but I have recently started to process of getting a possible diagnose of being on the autistic spectrum. Saying that is also a good Segway to me pointing out that computers/technology is another one of my intense interests and my first home computer was a Sinclair ZX Spectrum.
Orion, you express yourself so clearly regarding the signing up for this part. This very helpful. ❤
I'm not sure if I'm autistic or not (pretty certain I'm neurodivergent in some way), but I agree completely about having the benefits of having a neurotypical partner. I've never really understood why two autistics together would always be the best option, as many claim. Yes, there could be a greater level of understanding from the point of view of brain wiring, but there are too many practical things that could go wrong! Plus, the saying "if you've met one autistic person you've met one autistic person" is relevant and so there's no guarantee that a fellow ND partner would be better. My husband is a slightly eccentric but definitely neurotypical person and he helps me so much. He knows exactly what to do in social situations and isn't socially confused or afraid of people, as I tend to be. He is also extremely practical and makes sure we eat well etc. I'm better at looking after myself than I used to be, but I really have to concentrate sometimes. I do my share of the chores/pay my share of the bills etc., but he keeps everything together and running smoothly.
Olivia, thank you so much for all you do. I began learning that I have autism with your videos. With this one, I’ve found another great autism UA-camr. Orion is great and I enjoy his personality.
Thank you.
Wow!!! I haven't watched the video yet but I want to say that I am super excited to se two of my favorite people in one video, working together when it comes to spreading info and awareness about AUTISM.
I always relate all what you have said so far 100% and more!!!!
I feel great in your virtual company!!!! That sense that someone gets you totally and that event say that it is OK to be different is PRICELESS!!!!
Now, let me dive into your discussion and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.......
Im female awaiting diagnosis at 43, while I resonate with Olivia’s hermit personality I feel like I have the same animated mentality as Orion.
Can relate to what Oliva says at 11:00. A friend asked me to come over and it was like my whole being just shouted 'NO!' at the very concept. So I forced myself, bitterly, to get on a bus and just hang out as I didn't want to seem like a bad friend. Worst part is that once I got there the feeling just stopped, which just made me feel even more guilty.
YES!!! "Belonging is being around people who force you to be yourself" Truth! Thank you O & O for this helpful and informative video, especially for females :)
Excellent video and I loved the interview you did on his channel, too. I’d love a series with you two talking like this regularly. It’s so fun to listen to.
Oh it’s in the way!
Loved the talk. You guys are funny 💝
Thank you, Olivia !! 🙂
This was such a great video! Thank you for giving perspectives from different genders🙏🏽
Could you please cover the topic of asking for help, the difficulties that autistic people have with asking for help & strategies or hacks to address this?
I also received a late diagnosis as a 31 yr old female…it’s been rough, okayyy🥲 And my biggest struggle is asking for help when I need to avoid triggers or need extra support doing simple day-to-day tasks. My inability to ask for help causes my brain to be super mean by telling me that I’m useless and undeserving. And this usually leads to a meltdown which traps me and makes it even more difficult to get my needs met. Help please!!🌻🌻🌻
I feel the same way when it comes to getting along with other girls as I'm almost 20 now...but I looove collecting dolls- and I always thought I was weird-
To learn that's a common special interests in females
((still struggling to find a place to diagnose-))
There are places you can get your assessment online. We struggled to find a place for my adult child. Eventually we found GRASP. The assessor she had was fabulous and thorough - all telehealth. Afterward, she was provided with the diagnostic report as well as letters for Healthcare providers, employers, etc. Best of luck!
I love the part Olivia shares about the guilt of the everyday.
My nickname is Otis. Man, Orion sounds like me so often it's scary.. I made a post on a forum I'm on a few weeks ago talking about gender disparity and how it favors women in today's society because men aren't allowed to be stay at home dads/husbads/boyfriends because you HAVE to be the bread winner. If you don't have you own place/car/job and pull in a good amount of money, you're completely worthless and no one will ever want to date you, but we HAVE to accept that from a woman if that's her choice.. Doesn't matter what disabilities a man has, he HAS to be the status quot... just like it doesn't matter if a man is autistic, he better be woke and say things perfectly or he's going to get torn a new one with absolutely no leniency at all. (having a big fight over that one on reddit right now)
I hate the idea that only autistics will ever understand autistics.. For the most part, other than one Canadian woman, I've never found another autistic person I get along with. In my experiences they are even less accepting of my issues with speaking and are extremely strict about having to be woke, will quickly call you sexist or incel or whatever catchphrase they can instead of just accepting that you are just trying to ask a question. I've been booted from so many groups for not knowing how to say what I mean acceptably it's not even funny... and I get completely vilified for it.
BTW, I'm straight, I never knew I was autistic until 30 which was 7 years ago now, and I've never actually been on a real date. I tried to spend time with a girl I met online (that approached me go figure) but it didn't turn out well because she expected normal from me and I wasn't. (this was when I was 22) I have no clue how to meet anyone, let alone notice the little hints she's giving while I'm worried about sounding stupid/childish/missing those very signs... and after all this time alone I have no clue why anyone would want me (especially with all my medical issues and no job and not on disability) and I feel so far behind that interacting with anyone is painful, let alone someone I'm attracted to. It really feels like I'm still just a stupid little kid despite being 37 and 6'10. Orion saying he feels bad for his wife.. I definitely feel sorry for whatever woman that decides she wants me to be a part of her life, it's going to be so damn hard.. if she exists.
I love your collaboration!!
I am always focusing on Name similarities. I noticed in the last video I watched with both of you that both of your names stared with O’s
In the uk the simple difference with male and female autism is mental health egnore males all the time.
As a male i was diagnosed 13years ago with only 2 visits to to hospital, never had any assistance after that. But I know many females with autism have way more support access to therapy social help.
But every time I as a male need assistance I'm egnored.
I've never been able to find my name either (Philleen) I think its kind of cool but somewhat disappointed at times, btw i love both of your channels ! ^.^ I had my first evaluation appointment and my next one is the last day of august! Relieved and anxious
Awesome vid!!
I think people on the spectrum are more likely to end up together because no one else will give us a chance. I tell my hubbs all the time that I don't know what other woman would put up with him 😂 but he puts up with me too... until we met each other we had no one who understood us. It's a totally different connection, we are on the same page in ways that we never have been with anyone else, because our brains function so similarly
My boyfriend of 11 years is some kind of neurodivergent but he is much more functional than I am. I get money from disability. He is a handyman. We don't have children by choice. I do feel shame about not doing as many chores as him. (I do have physical problems also.) But we get along well. I think the most important thing is to be open minded to different types of people like you said, Olivia. Different autistic people can have different strengths though. Just like NT's.
I joke that couples have to have compatible weaknesses (so you can cover for each other) as well as compatible personalities.
This video is a lot of fun!
My life in industry was helped by the fact that I was put on a late shift but running 2 shifts and a laboratory, to cut down on my social interaction with the normal people, bonus for me was a lot of back shift people are broken to so we all got along.
I am a male and diagnosed in my 50's. P am 58 now. I spent my entire life not understanding why I was different. Even after being diagnose I could not accept my ASD. But as I looked at it more closely I realized that the Dr was correct. Now that I say I have ASD I wonder what all my friends over the decade feel about me. Now that I realized that I have ASD I don't want them to think about me differently but at the same time I do. I am different from normals.
Me and my husband are both autistic but have the exact opposite difficulties... I usually think that the two of us together make ONE neurotypical 😅
My husband and I watch Reacher too, and I recently made the same observation to him about Reacher as you and Alex did!! It seems so obvious to me! 😂
I'm not sure it would work if my husband was Autistic. Now he isn't neurotypical, he has ADHD and Dyslexia. Hu is the "bread winner" of the family. He balances me out. He talks on the phone for me, handles appointments, and is my shield if I start getting overwhelmed. I probably depend on him too much. At least he never ever has to worry about me cheating on him though. That would require talking to people, and I'm very happy to be a hermit.
Hey, I just subscribed to you channel and I love y'alls perspective here with everything you guys had to say. I am, too Autistic (Aspergers), and as far as relationships go, from my personal experience, I rather be married to a neurodivergent, than be married to a neurotypical. My husband is probably on the highest side of the spectrum, yet I am more obvious, but c'mon..it's so nice to understand each other. Now, unlike me, he can hold a job and socialize...and blah blah blah (maybe it's because he talks too much...lol). We can also be our authentic selves together, especially having fun with our crude sense of humor. We also know when to adult though (ugh...adulting sucks!). Other than that, I can relate to everything else you *O*some (awesome) guys said. See what I did there with the O by the way? Hehe! Thanks again!
Orion is a cool name!
Thanks!
I named my cat Orion. I like the song called "Orion" by Jethro Tull and it is one of a couple constellations I can recognize.
I call what I have a neuro-diverse aspie light version of ptsd brain!
well said. thank you!
I just simply cant even say how very much a relief and yet guilt it is as Ive sat binge watching your videos and some others and just amazed how many , Dr's, therapists, specialists weve gone to asking how to help my children and now realizing it is extremely likely my son and daughter are Austic. It's confusing to me that no medical people or professionals ever suggested testing for Autism.
If you are in the U.S. I think it might work better to work through your children's school rather than with most doctors. Schools deal with autism in kids constantly.
Linda Jones
0 seconds ago
Great points, but I personally struggled with neurotypical folks a lot in my life because their judgement about me or my intentions were not true.I learned in a hard way to become more aware of what I say, do, and share with people after learning some underlying “ power plays” rotted on social games. My mother thought me well how to clean my own dishes and be independent; although, standard workplace still a “horror movie” to be debunked in my personal experience. Thru experience I learned how manage myself around people who runs relationships like a business transaction. Yeah, it might take longer for me to achieve certain things in life, but I prefer having a partner that understands my struggles instead of labeling me useless or putting pressure on me to be who I will never be! I learned my limits and thru therapy I learned that making a choice doesn’t have to be a life/death experience. Having a partner that chooses you in death and sickness is a very rare thing anywhere you go and nothing to be ashamed off. It gives hope to think that not everyone is out there with the intention to use you as his “frying pan.”; although, I know that if an aspie says bananas it actually means bananas!
The Lost Generation sounds like a sequel to a Will Farrel, hollow-earth movie. I love the notion that the big, bad world of intimidating, sometimes smirking therapy being in the dark ages was wonderful to hear. I thought the aversion to small talk was an Indigo trait but it can very much be an Autistic trait, eh? All this talk about preferring game day accompanied by as few other people as possible if any ... I agree wholespiritedly but in the realm of movies and Oscar Night. The only person's opinions I cherish and like are my Wife and two Children ... I really really reaaally don't enjoy hearing strangers related/unrelated comments during the show. Please shut the heaven up and let me hear the presenters, actors, and red carpet interviewers and preview scene clips even though I've already seen the films. Please shut the love up, especially if it's shallow excrement - I want/need to hear the show.
"Undiagnosed moments"
In Massachusetts trying to get an appointment is frustrating the waiting list to see a doctor is a year wait… Both my grandkids are on the spectrum.. My grandson struggles at school and labeled as bad and a troubled kid…
I feel your pain ... no keychains, no mugs, no door signs with Georgia. :( Lol! I love your channel!
You haven’t failed at friendships and relationships they have failed you by not accommodating you.
What you describe, describes my wife as well. Also she has said the exact same thing to me too.
It’s interesting how you mention Formula One. I also am a big fan of F1, in particular, and I wonder if the repetitive nature of circuit racing is something which people with ASD find pleasurable.
I’m curious… why am I looking for a diagnosis now and what will it do?
For me, an understanding of what I am and how to live in a healthy manner.
Also, how to relate to jobs, spouses, family, by having them recognize what they don’t acknowledge.
I have to hide or get over stressed or blamed or this or
That and at this point I feel gaslight by others and myself.
I’ve started shutting myself
Out of everything after 40 years of trying and have no other out…
It’s either die or be vindicated and see what I am and have others see.
This makes me want to cry so badly when I think about all this…. It’s like
Sacrificing ourselves and our health…..
There is
Too much to say and I’m tired so I’ll keep it short….
Finding out where we fit
In and with whom and how
To support ourselves and reach our goals, etc
I’ve been “bad” all my life…. And no bipolar, ADd, etc fully explains it.
Try having a name that starts w a "Y"? I've met exactly one Yvonne and one Yves. Thanks for the humor and all the information about Autism.
I started having a lot of problems in junior highschool but I just got diagnosed with mental health issues.
I LOVE your videos. I have a 22 yr old daughter who I think is autistic, but she refuses to be tested because she says she doesn't want to be labled. Your videos describe her almost perfectly. She has been diagnosed with OTD, but doesn't have the typical OCD behavior. Do you or anyone on here have any advice how to approach her that would make her more open to being tested?
Well, it is up to her. You put the idea in her head maybe someday she will change her mind and look into it.
I understand where you’re both coming from with having allistic partners, and maybe it’s beneficial for you, but the way you jusified it being “better” to have a neurotypical partner does make me feel less valid and like I’ll be less successful because I am neurodivergent and so is my partner.
I’m not sure how to go about living my own life, so worrying about my partner’s is something I think about a lot. I can’t decide who to love and we can be successful in careers we love despite being autistic. I know these are your personal experiences, and this is my different one.
We have really fantastic communication and completely understand each other’s social cues and personal feelings about certain situations. We agree that the work ethic expected of us in society is too much, but if we both have part time careers and some savings, we should be able to get by. I don’t really know what you mean by an autistic person dating an autistic person could cause some problems? I’ve had no problems in my relationship. I think you’re making a very general statement which you don’t have personal experience with.
I agree. There are some very real benefits to both partners being autistic. Easier and more effective communication. Real understanding and empathy. Autistic people are also good in a crises so when their partner is in trouble they can respond really well. It's one of the reasons autistic people often have apocalypse fantasies.
I think one of the biggest issues is the unrecognized and unresolved trauma we bring to a relationship. (Several studies have been unable to find autistic adults without PTSD type trauma). Two unregulated autistic people can end up traumatizing each other out of ignorance. By having a relationship with a neurotypical that can be less of an issue.
The lampshade and bedside table and headboard betrays she’s set up in her bedroom 😀
Just out of curiosity, I think you mentioned in a previous video how socializing can be exhausting. How was your energy level after this conversation? Is it easier/less stressful to talk to someone else with autism?
I was energized and happy after our chats.
I kind of wondered this too! I suspect there was some level of nervous energy masking going on especially with Olivia. Putting myself in her shoes, I would have felt really pleased and relieved when it was over that it went well, but would have probably felt extremely low on energy sometime later because my social battery was at like 5% and I’d need to isolate.
If you could please pray for my daughter, she has her first of two 3hr evaluations for autism next week. I can see that she has been internalizing struggles for years, and it is likely related to being neurodiverse when her brother and my husband are both autistic and I have ADHD. However, it will likely be an uphill battle to get a diagnosis for her when she is a truly exceptional social mimic. She is only 5 and I can see her developing a mask and see the toll masking can be for her, and it is heartbreaking when I don't have answers I can give her.
What makes it difficult for us as autistic people is that society is designed for neuro typical people and yet so Many of us are neuro diverse and feel completely like we are the ones that need to change and get therapy. Orion was right about the wheelchair analogy. We can’t just get up the stairs.
I am autistic ,aswell as my husband and my three boys.
Therapy without autism diagnosis doesn't address the root issues
Every job I’ve had I quit after a breakdown
I want part time but I just started a new job and so far it is easy and I work with my brother (in different areas) which makes it all the better.
I hope this job never makes me feel overwhelmed like the rest.
Also it’s through a temp agency.
Any job I’ve tried to get myself, especially over phone interview, I never got.
God forbid anyone hires someone awkward or quiet (sarcasm) 🙄
Sending you lots of love on your new job. I also had moments in my jobs where I wanted to quit because I was so overwhelmed. From one autistic woman to another, you can do this! 🤝
@@ivanbraginskienjoyer2089 thank you so much. This was very kind 🤍
@@deana6410 You're welcome! The best thing we can do is be in tune with ourselves. 😇💙
Job interviews are the worst. Best wishes to you!