Being a Big Sister While (Unknowingly) Autistic
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- Опубліковано 3 чер 2024
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In this video, I talk about how bad of a big sister I was while growing up (unknowingly) autistic.
Other ...While (Unknowingly) Autistic videos:
1️⃣ • Growing Up While (Unkn...
2️⃣ • Working a 9-5 While (U...
3️⃣ • Going to School While ...
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Hey my love another reason why you and your sister have different life and interest and a different personality because if everybody had the same likes and interest in same personality life would be boring that's the other reason why you and your sister had different like sand different interest and a different personality
So that's the other reason why you and your sister have different lives in different interest and a different personality because of everybody had the same personality in the same interest in the same life life would be boring
So if everybody had the same likes and the same interest life would be boring and that's why you and your sister have different interest in different likes and a different personality
For some reason, I was hoping to see your sister in this video and to hear her perspective, what it was like for her to have you as her sister.
I asked her, but she declined to be a part of it. So, please respect her decision and privacy! 🙏🏻💙
Hi, Olivia! I was diagnosed with ASD 7 years ago by a mental health social worker. My challenges are specifically under Aspergers. I also struggle with ADD and OCD. Over time, as I researched information to learn about my disorder, I learned that my mental and intellectual development have always been delayed since childhood. I used to think I was just a late bloomer. I was shocked at my diagnosis. I never suspected it. But then, a lot of my behavior finally made sense.
BTW, I am 65 years of age, going on 66 next month.
Now, about sisters....I am the first daughter in my family, and over the years I always got along with my little sister, but the middle sister, well, that's another story. Last Christmas, she blasted me out because she stated I had failed her as her big sister. I think she was, and probably still is, ashamed of me. What I regret most is communication is super difficult. We grew up in a dysfunctional family, and the dynamics were not conducive to family relationships. We always talked at each other, but not with each other. I can write my thoughts, but I can barely talk. The written words can still be misunderstood. One more challenge I have is that neuropsychologists in my area treat only children on the spectrum, there is no one to treat adults with ASD.
Sometimes I try to crack jokes and not take myself seriously. But it depends on my level of confidence. It's inconsistent.
One thing I can count on for sure is that I am a follower of Jesus. He gives me hope when I feel hopeless and helpless. I love that He accepts me as I am. I don't have to perform to receive His love and approval. Without Him, I don't know how I would cope, never mind survive.
Olivia, I hope and pray that you and Natalie can find a way to mend your relationship. Family still matters. Be blessed, my young friend! Please keep posting your videos. I feel less alone because you have the courage to be open about your struggles. I feel encouraged! I pray you have a wonderful and blessed marriage. 😊🤗👍
I just started this video and YES I can relate to this title SO MUCH 😅 I didn't get diagnosed until I was 19 (21'), and my younger brother thought I was just crazy, faking a lot of my outbursts, and didn't always understand. But ever since the diagnosis, he's one of the most understanding and accommodating people in my life I know 🔥 and what's great is that we still have an awesome relationship where he respects the fact that I'm older, but still accommodates me in ways so he doesn't mess with my sensories and really autistic side of my personality.
just clicked on the video, I am ready to cry
edit: oh no I am not ready to cry but glad I could boost the algorithm
I have a little brother that's on the Autism Spectrum I have a mild intellectual Disability myself and very independent I have a little brother that's on the Autism Spectrum
My daughter is high functioning autistic. Everything you said matches. Thank you for making this video.
My oldest daughter was diagnosed Autistic just a few months ago, she’s 13 and my middle daughter is 11 so this video is so relatable. I think we all just knew Kensie was different and accepted it early on, so that helped. They are very much like you and your sister. My middle is a very neurotypical middle school girl into makeup, fashion, art etc and my oldest is not interested in any of that. She likes space, learning, and sports. I definitely see a bigger divide as they get older. I think their relationship when they were little was pretty good, their personalities helped. Sophie the middle just accepted that Kensie was the boss and went along with whatever she wanted to do. 😂 They both laugh looking back at how they played together. One time while playing with beanie boos, Kensie had them all lined up in color and species order on FaceTime with their grandmother. Sophie was only allowed to pick them up individually to show them to the camera and then place them right back in their spot. Don’t feel guilty about your childhood and relationship with your sister. Every personality is different and that creates a different dynamic. I think it also helped that my girls also had another little sister to play with. Sophie was able to be the boss in one relationship and also follow along in another. ❤
Thanks for another relatable video, Olivia. I grew up with a neurotypical brother, and the differences between how we perceived the world were apparent from young ages. It's a bit better as adults, now that we know more about my condition.
Yes it was same with me and my brother.
15:45 Now I don't feel bad for saying literally any of the things I told to people's faces EVER 😂😂😂 because it can't be any worse than that 💀🤣🤣🤣
OMG Olivia, SO relatable! I have a daughter turning 18 in April and a daughter turning 16 in June. It's like you explained their life and relationship to a T!! My oldest doesn't have an "official" diagnosis yet, however we've been trying to get her help for years and figure out what her needs are and we've been through so much testing. She always thought, "Why are you always looking for something"wrong " with me"?! It wasn't that, it was uncovering, discovering, and trying to get her the appropriate help to make living better for ALL of us! My 2 kids are night and day, yin and yang, Mutt and Jeff!! Our biggest issue though is that the youngest feels like we use ASD as an "excuse", if you will, for her behavior. Maybe it's their ages, and as they mature and become adults my youngest will be more understanding and my oldest will "own her behavior" like you are able to recognize now that you've been diagnosed, but the in-between time is tearing us up! We can't "take sides" or "blame ASD", all the while the youngest who used to love to sing and has a beautiful voice, is forced to not sing because her sister can't stand it. She hates the way she breathes, eats, chews, etc. Both kids are seeing therapists, but any coping techniques don't seem to alleviate anything. If I'm understanding that the oldest is over stimulated and needs space and quiet the youngest thinks I'm "taking her side", but I also understand that if we DON'T give her the quiet and space she needs it's going to be a HUGE blow up. I really wish there was a survival guide. My youngest feels she can never do anything right, can't talk, can't breathe, etc. It's awful at times. My youngest is into boys, makeup, and fashion and my oldest could care less! She loves school and being in band and everything band related. I just wish there was compromise!!
*Side note! Sorry for the long comment. Do you think there is a benefit to getting an actual medical diagnosis? Would it harm or help her in/with college? Her last therapist used to be licensed to diagnose ASD. Although no longer licensed for it, she ran an "off the record " type analysis and ran all the usual testing and she definitely felt like she had enough characteristics and such to be diagnosed. My daughter is ok with it, she's supported and understanding, and does a lot of her own research and I have her watching your videos too, but I was wondering if it was worth or if there was actual benefits to get an official diagnosis?!
THANK YOU for sharing so much of yourself! You're very helpful and have shed so much light!!!!!
How about noise cancelling headphones for your older daughter? Or specific times when your older daughter will be out of the house when your daughter can specifically sing and make any noise she wants?
There us also a condition called misophonia where certain sounds trigger anger responses. Obviously, the conditions are not mutually exclusive.
@@powderandpaint14 Yes, she has those, but a lot of times the issues come at dinner time or when we're trying to have family time together. She definitely takes advantage of when her sister is out of the house. Funny thing is, I don't get yelled at or asked to stop singing, and trust me, we'd all rather listen to my youngest!!
@@theresawolf109 I'm aware of the condition, but she doesn't get upset when anyone else sings! It's VERY sister based!
@@kjoscrappinmama that's interesting.
OMG 😳 thank you for sharing… that could’ve been me, I feel validated. (My mom was abusive with me, I always felt her angst and acted out. I’ve always rebelled in search of emotional freedom, mom’s ways weren’t my ways).
Some people repeat their bad relation to their parents in their later relationship to their partner. It seems as if your sister repeats her bad experiences with you in her friendships. But the result of this can become something you both have in common: to think about how to process feelings! Don't give up to have a good relationship to your sister. The relationship to our siblings is mostly the longest in our life!
7:55 my cousins got annoyed of me when I was little about this, because all my Barbies had to have the perfect outfit and the correct accessories, along with consistent backstories before I could play. They had to also have their hair done as well (not even a strand out of place), and I would wash their hair regularly once a week before our play dates so that everyone was ready to go 😅 I still collect dolls to this day at age 20, and not a hair can be out place now either.
I'm coming up on my 5th year since my ASD diagnosis - I was 59 at the time - Best wishes to you this 3rd anniversary and "Welcome Home"!
12:44 at 20, this still happens in my family. We just go to the place I want to go if it's already been preplanned, because if there's a change it's an instant meltdown.
Great insights and explanations, thank you for sharing this incredibly honest info! This reminds me of how important it is for families to have knowledge of neurotypes and how this effects the family dynamics. We have a nonverbal autistic son/little brother/big brother in our family and it really is such a challenge to not let his needs overshadow everyone else’s. You seem to be doing wonderfully with piecing your past together with your new understanding of yourself and how this effected others. You exhibit a ton of self awareness and Empathy in this vid! 🌺
Thank you so much for this nice comment 🙏🏻💙 God Bless you and your boys!
I love both you and BRATT!!!. Miss you kiddo and thanks for your donation to my basketball team. Love you and your family dearly!!
And I coached her in football!!!
So glad you’re back on your channel. My granddaughter is ASD, and listening to you makes so much sense out of her behavior. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
Great video!! Makes me wonder in what ways my autism may have affected my relationship with the oldest of my younger siblings. I got along with the rest but I've never gotten along with him. I have lots of empathy but I'm sure there are things I did that negatively affected him as well. He did lots of things that negatively affected everyone and I've always assumed he was the problem....this makes me wonder though.
Totally relate to this, me and my younger brother are complete opposites. It was very difficult when we were growing up.
Hey my love I have Asperger's mixed with mental illness and behavioural problems and bipolar social disorder and most of my disabling social behavior is due to mental illness behavioural problems and bipolar social disorder besides Asperger's and that's why my Situation's a little more independent
I think it's cool that you are willing to speak so openly and honestly about this, including about your own mistakes. Btw, the necklace you are wearing in this video is really pretty.
I can relate so much to this. And another thing that came between my sister and I was was alongside me being autistic, I'm also asexual and aromantic. So that was a whole thing. Suddenly things that I was supposed to do first and make them easier for her to do, she had to be the one to do them and then get compared to me that just.. didn't. If I didn't invite boys to my birthday parties, why would she? If I didn't have boyfriends, why would she? Etc. So that, I think was also difficult for her. Im also very much an introvert so while I was fine staying in my room literally all day long, she had to be the one to ask my parents permission to hang out with her friends, go to parties, etc. And even now.. I'm 22 and have never touched a drink in my life. So my parents kind of still compare us with that because she's someone who does like to drink and would like to drink, but my parents only let her have a little bit on special occasions (because she's not 21 yet). And like. Neither my dad nor I drink. So she kind of has to be the one to break that barrier. The only thing that helps her with that is that my mom does like to drink on occasions, so yeah. But... Yeah... Again. Things that I was supposed to make easier for her to do, I just..... Didn't. I actually made it harder for her to do them at all.
I have a sister 2 years younger. All I can say to this video is YES.
Omg just realized, how you feel about your sister when she was born (being an intruder) is how I feel as an autistic towards bugs 😅 (trespassing on our property). But when my brother was born (also two years younger than me), I just remember thinking that that kid had a really big head 🤔 but we didn't get along until we were older. I was the problem too, in that I was too harsh with him, and shut him out a lot. I didn't know why he kept coming after me and wanted to be with me all the time. But eventually when I got older, I finally got the fact that I'm older and have to be the bigger person about everything. And since we've gotten older, the roles have sort of been reversed, now that my brother is into video games, and doesn't want to hang with the fam all the time 🤣 but anyway-
When I was younger I shared a room.with my younger sister(it was my room first) between when my brother was born when I was 7 to when I was about 11 we had to swap the rooms around as we kept fighting and it was so bad luckily my mum did have a rule that if one of us had a friend round the other had to stay out the room
And I always get in trouble as my siblings wind me up and I get angry then get in trouble
Thanks again for sharing your newfound insight with the world!! Praise God 👏 🙌, you are loved and thanks for being real!!!
You just mentioned two times when you stood up for the people you love. That doesn’t sound like someone who lacks empathy to me, Olivia! And putting out these videos which have helped so many people. Maybe there’s a difference between lacking empathy and not always understanding the emotions of others.
I am self-diagnosed and I’ve SORT OF told my little sister about it but not exactly…and I don’t think she fully gets it yet, but this video explains a lot about our relationship. Same dynamic! I’ve always beat myself up about it, my whole life I’ve hated myself for not being able to be more available for her and supportive of her. I just don’t know how! She has a million friends whom she calls sisters and they are so present in her life and I’ve always felt like I’m just watching through a window, wishing I could be one of them. She’s an incredible person but just like you and yours, we have nothing in common. We’re both very opinionated but with different opinions and she’s also a button pusher, especially with me for some reason!
Eeek!! Makes me happy to be (basically) an only child!!! I would not have done well with people touching my stuff!!
Speaking of football, Eagles game was good! I'm not into football much, but it's my husband's team. I'm tomboy but kind oblivious with team sports.
Also sorry about that when I do text talkin text Hawking types what it wants but not what I want
Damn. I wasn't there for my little brother for very similar reasons and now he's dead. If you are autistic I really recommend facing the truth and accepting it so that you can be more open with yourself and your family rather than just avoiding them, not only because you need to be alone but also out of embarrassment to even ask for the accommodations and considerations you need. I still feel utterly pathetic when I need family, or anyone, to accommodate me and I wish I had started trying to become more comfortable with my needs before he died that way I could have had more room inside myself to give him attention and friendship like we used to have as toddlers. It also doesn't help that my dad will absolutely never understand or accommodate me in any way, but at least my mom can understand. Obviously there are some special cases where it isn't safe to open up to family because they are malicious... But generally, please for the love of God do not be willfully ignorant of how your mind operates and absolutely mess yourself up like I have.
Great video!
I needed to see this… thank you 🙏 Olivia
Sometimes I have to much empathy, but I have to have a basic understanding to have that.
Other times I don't know how to express it or what i could do, so I over think it or I have none at all.
Like someone say my pet died over the weekend end once I am over my own pet dieing feeling as a pet has not died on me in 8 years I like "oh". (I focusing right now I process what you said later. )
I forgot all the social interaction you are supposed to have until hours later. Or congratulations on you baby i not sure if they think it good or bad so i say nothing. I am so focus on the basics of good morning, hello and how are you plus I am fine. Different conversation either throw me into into mute or like I said I'll process it later.
I hate it when someone say good morning how are you? Than I answer the how are you before saying hello.
Lucky the people here are use to me but I hate saying Good .... morning. I just can't come back from that to work out how to say it differently.
Correct way could have been good morning I am fine as I am really focusing on my job I don't have a mood so fine will do.
I do try so hard to avoid people until I can be in a position to interact with out looking werid or cold. Yet I only just noticed after 7 years in this morning job I do forget to look at people when I respond. So I often know I being wetid again as I suppose to give a nice smile and look in their direction but i looking the orher way just going throw my list of what i need to do where stuff needs to be trying to be in my ninja mode so looking in people direction is last on my list of things. Until i hear a nosie or a movement that makes me realise i done thing strangely. If I keep moving I dont have a melt down . Sorry I went off topic.
This was awesome. Thx for sharing🤍
This was so good, and I'm glad to hear that now you and your sister have a better relationship.
Hi, I was almost 2 when my brother was born, in 1995, and 2 1/2 (probably late 1995/early 1996) when I was diagnosed. My mom says that my original diagnosis was a language disorder and sensory sensitivities. However, after further testing, it was ultimately determined that I actually had an autism spectrum disorder that was then known as Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified or PDD-NOS. However, I was not informed of my diagnosis until I was 12. Growing up, I did get annoyed with my brother, but that's how it is with most siblings. I have explained to my brother that I have autism, hoping that would clear things up for him, just as learning of my diagnosis did for me. However, he has made it clear that he doesn't see me as anything but his sister.
This is so relatable! I also had to share a room with my sister while unknowingly autistic which caused me to not get the alone time I needed. We can at least talk now. I also had a brother a year older than me who was very popular and I knew I embarrassed him. He beat me up and I didn't feel safe at home.
PS I am glad you mentioned empathy! I too am not very empathetic.
This was great. I am the youngest and grew up with a sister who was 1.5 years older than me, who is apparently not autistic. For whatever reason, she and I were the same height when we were toddlers and my mom dressed us as twins a lot, which I loved and she hated, of course. I think her status as older sister was reduced when equated to me, her younger sister, and mine was elevated. I always looked up to her and wanted to copy her and be with her and learn from her, but she wasn't having it most of the time and ended up resenting me. I didn't know how else to be. She ended up abusing my respect for her and there's a lot of trauma I'm just now unpacking, but I do need to revisit my past and understand it with my new, autistic perspective, so thank you for sharing your story.
You're so sweet Olivia ❤ thanks to share us your life's experiences. I identify with you in many things. I'm very introvert, I think I have a low level of autism. It has been hard, specially in the social field. I have an extrovert sister, I see her all the time with friends, happy, and deep down, I would like be like her.
I wanna you know, you're very special, Olivia, for what you are. Your channel have helped me to know there's more people with my characteristics. Surely we understand each other if we talked, we could be friends.
Sorry if a made a mistake in writing, english is not my mother tongue.
Greetings n.n
I think it was you, in another film, you mentioned you were very interested in horses, so much so, that at one time you thought you were a horse.
I was into cats. I had one. Read a lot of books about them, how to care for them etc. And, as a child, I walked on all fours and purred like a cat. So... me too!
My parents, especially my dad, was not thrilled that I'm behaving like a cat. He would say "grow up", "you are so immature", "act your age", "behave like a normal human being".
How ware your impersonations of a horse, looked at by your parents?
I do. I'm struggling with ASD with no empathy. I've been deeply affected by this from other ASDs and I believe those people shouldn't have had children. It causes trauma when you simply don't care.
Caring about Natalie. Her person and her feelings.
How did you get your diagnosis and what kind of questions did you ask? I've been diagnosed with mental health issues, and I have talked to my husband about maybe being on the spectrum, and he thinks maybe I might be, and I'm just wondering how I might be able to know if I might have asd. Thank you so much for sharing.
Eek, it felt like she had to walk on eggshells and you had lots of things triggering/hurting you. Hugs
I'm only a few minutes in but my sister is extroverted and as a kid wasn't yet diagnosed with bipolar ii, and I as a kid wasn't yet diagnosed with audhd and even tho my sister and I are v similar (and SO close now) I feel like watching this might be cathartic
I'm 31 (32 in August) and got my autism diagnosis about a month ago (the ADHD one several years ago)
Me and my sister are both autistic and did not know 😅 it was horrible
You both have fashion in common! Yours is 50's!
Does your sister know about this now?
No not cool of her just coming in there and trashing your toys around disrespectfully and potentially breaking your pride and joy toys lol
Can't relate ... I'm pretty sure I have mild autism, my cousin is diagnosed. I was abused as a kid and I always protected my sister and loved her more than myself. Tbh I just feel bad for ur sister and its weird to me that u attribute being mean as something to do with being autistic because I know a lot of REALLY calm and self controlled autistic people... but I only had meltdowns when the abuse got really bad, I suppressed my emotions and body sensations, since I could not afford to be picky or affected by sensory issues I had to lean to deal with it and ignore it due to my upbringing.
Being “mean” is to be unkind to the eyes and understanding of neurotypicals. Austism is a spectrum, meaning it will differ for everyone. I wouldn’t call Olivia “mean”. I also share the same lack of empathy as her and will only come natural to me when I myself have gone through a similar situation. It’s difficult to put ourselves in other people’s positions and we can easily cut off people who we see as “bad”. But just like you, I also was abused in different ways by my own caregiver and a family friend. Because of this, I was able to grow protective of my younger sister and help her manage her own anxiety when I had already developed many mental issues myself. Had I had “good” parents and adults around me, I probably wouldn’t be as nurturing to my little sister and cousins. All children, autistic or not, will always be shaped by their environment and upbringing. Child abuse survivors can become incredibly merciful and good-hearted or vengeful and violent…or perhaps a little bit of both. Who are we to judge so harshly? I can proudly say, thanks to God, I learned how vulnerable children are and decided to learn how to help and care for children and even adults with similar pasts as mine. Once again, don’t believe everyone on the spectrum is the same and don’t be surprised when you meet someone who simply can not understand certain human emotions. The human brain is complex and intricate. Human’s behavior, and thoughts will always have an explanation.
"Mild autism" is not a thing. People are either autistic or they're not. You would probably benefit from speaking to a therapist and examining why your issues are and whether you may be struggling with c-ptsd.