why I didn't speak to my husband for 2 weeks.
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- Опубліковано 17 лип 2024
- Todays video is intimate and so personal. I hope that our story is encouraging to you guys...that is my main reason for sharing and talking on the internet in general... I'm a verbal processor so hopefully some of you who are the same enjoy this video. I LOVE YOU GUYS
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THANKS TO THESE PEEPS FOR HELPING MAKE THIS VIDEO COME TO LIFE!
Dan: @dan_phillippi
Melissa: @melissa_weldon
Emily: @MissEmilyOlson1 ● bit.ly/MissEmilyOlson1
Kendall: @itskenn ● bit.ly/2palGeL
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Wanting more of your husband is such a precious desire. Many people would think "I am not satisfied; I need to look elsewhere. " Instead, your instinct was to desire his inner self. Love that! In my marriage, I sometimes crave my husband, and when we have a deep conversation where we are open and vulnerable, I actually get goose bumps! Chills!! I love knowing him and digging into who he is. That is what I hear you saying, Nikki.
Can we get Dan's perspective on this story?! I think that would be an interesting video!
agreed, I'd love to hear Dan's perspective. This would be a great video to do together!
Props for putting this out there. It’s so helpful to drop the false persona of perfection that some people may have about marriages/relationships we see on YT, I admire the effort and energy you guys put into figuring out what was best for you. All the best!
LittleMissCrista True but sometimes it's best not to put all your business out there
I wish you would have filmed this with dan, so we could get his side and how he felt. I love y’all and I’m so happy y’all can grow together even more on a deeper level. Marriage is wonderful, especially falling in love all over again, and remembering why you are together in the first place! I love being married, and having my best friend with me all the time! 💕💕💕
I’ve been married for a small two months but I’ve been with my husband for a much larger eight years (and have known him for a total of ten years.) So I suppose because of the fact that we had already been living together for years and loving one another and certainly getting to know one another for all of that time, that it feels like we’ve been married for ages. Which is not a bad thing. But marriage is challenging and I’ve almost immediately found that out . I’m learning that as we’re in this new phase of our relationship as husband and wife that marriage takes a whole lot of work and willingness. It’s tough. So whether or not I personally agree with what works in your marriage, I respect the hell out of you for openly talking about the trials and tribulations that two people can go through when being in a long term commitment. Sometimes people, especially very young people, think that getting married is all rainbows and butterflies and I think that talking about the rocky times is important.
I hope the very best for your marriage in continuation ❤️
*You are such an inspiration! I think people believe that marriage is the "happily ever after" and rarely think that it's still every single day!*
I think the reason that Nikki’s counselor suggested this approach was because she understood that Dan is not emotionally driven, and because of that, he would need to be put in a situation where he could understand and empathize with how Nikki felt in order for him to connect with her on a deeper level emotionally. This definitely wouldn’t work for everyone. In their case it worked because of the interplay between their two personality types. I also think that, perhaps, it was a way to encourage Nikki to let go of trying to get him to get it and put the ball in Dan’s court so he could have the epiphany he needed to have.
+deedeebolden ding ding ding 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
Thank you for sharing this video. I respectfully disagree with how you handled the situation with your husband. You have made many videos over many years about your anxiety, imagine being in Dan's shoes and being ignored. You would go crazy. I understand you needed a change but it could have been done in a different way. I'm sure Dan is fine with how it was handled but there are many men who would not be fine with their significant other treating them in that way.
I can’t stop crying. I’m not married but I am in a very serious relationship and you honestly spoke the words for me. I always thought I may be clingy and over dramatic but this hit the spot for me.. it really did. Thank you so much Nikki, God definitely spoke to me through you. I’m so happy your marriage is working out, you guys are my inspiration ❤️
Paige Fuentes God is good Paige, I will pray for you. ❤️
I totally agree with you! This video was right on time with me. I started tearing up throughout the video because this hit Home so much!
Me too!
Prayers for you, Paige! Hope all is well girlie.
I’m a civil engineer so it’s super cool to me that Dan was a welding inspector!
+TheLightOfMyWindow oh that’s so cool!!!!🤠
You should read the 5 Love Languages. Everyone displays and receives love in different ways. Understanding how you and Dan receive and show is SO important. He may be showing his love in a different language. Doesn’t mean it’s wrong, just means you need to recognize it.
She has already made a video about the five love languages :) i think it was one of the tea talks
I tried to do this but my husband says none of the languages are his. I didn't know where to go from there 😂
Stacey Murphy while I agree with you, I will say Dan can't just give and receive love in his OWN love language. That won't fulfill their relationship if she has a different love language than him.
I was just about to comment about the 5 Love Languages! Learning how my significant other receives and portrays his love was an absolute life saver. And vice versa! I could go on and on about how important recognizing each other’s love language is for a relationship!
Zanya Rahming ask him what you do that he likes. That if you were to stop he wouldn’t be content
i took this video with a grain of salt. I've tried this in a past relationship and it didnt work as well. I did the whole not talking, and it would work until it didnt. and he said it was because he knew it wasn't "that bad" until i stopped talking. and then i would just stop talking when i wanted the attention for him to really listen to me. in my new relationship i have found that open honest communication is key. we just say what we're thinking and if its to a point where its "that bad" then we sit each other down and really talk with no filters.
sometimes in a relationship we put on filters so we don't hurt the person. but in turn we hurt ourselves because we don't say what we're really thinking and we hope the other person figures it out. now i just say "ok love, no filters here, but i want you to decide what we're gonna eat for lunch because I'm too tired for work. k thanks" and thats that. but if it worked for you guys. I'm glad. keep the marriage strong :)
I appreciate your vulnerability and boldness. I am 20 and have been in a long term relationship for a few years now, and many topics you addressed are genuine fears and concerns of mine. It's nice to know others face the same problems.
Jenna Spell girl me too!!
Jenna Spell p
I'm glad it worked out, but this seems like a huge risk. I doubt this would work for most people
Shew...reading these comments overwhelmed me. Don't y'all know marriage and relationships in general aren't black and white? There is no book of guidelines that's the be all end all, guaranteed to work for everyone handbook on marriage. Take the positive, leave the negative. This may not be what you need but you have no idea that it's not exactly what someone else needs. Marriages last because two people did whatever they needed to to make it work...not necessarily exactly what their friends did to make theirs work. Every situation is different. Just take it all with an open mind and move on.
Everyone is criticizing her therapist. Her therapist knew Nikki very well & over time grew to learn about her & Dans marriage. She believed that going silent would help & it transformed their marriage. Nikki found a therapist she trusted. If you don’t think something would work with you, its because it might not. It all boils down to having a trusting relationship with the therapist.
I completely agree with you! By trusting her therapist she was able to change her marriage for the better. Her therapist would have never said that if she didn't think that it would benefit them.
Agreed, she’s not speaking on last weeks issues like dan just said what she wanted to hear. They’re living proof that the advice helped them. People commenting as well are largely single or divorced. Sorry, but I’d rather listen to the therapist that helped a marriage and a couple that worked through something than people who aren’t living the life I want. Marriages all need their own individualized technique and someone who’s been speaking with you for two years knows your hearts and lives. It’s not some random internet comment that reinforces what you already think, it’s a challenge and that’s how we grow together.
Wait a sec..silent treatment can be dangerous, glad it worked for you. It must have been so challenging! BUT kudos for wanting to know your husband deeper. 28-29 is the Saturn return when we seriously have to grow up and major life changes happen. Please look it up y'all! Thanks for being candid. :)
Thank you for being so vulnerable and for normalizing relationship struggles and counseling. I started going to counseling last year and it changed me and freed me and because I was free I was able to connect to my husband more emotionally than I had in a while. Praise Jesus for the healing he has done in us and for you and Dan!
i’m so glad you uploaded this!! honestly this helps when it comes to the true idea marriage, which i will definitely remember when i come to be married! love your videos so much!
Thank you for opening up and sharing your story with us. I️ know it must have been exceedingly difficult because it’s so personal. I’m glad you’re embracing therapy and that it’s been helpful. I’m currently studying to be a therapist bc I’ve found talking through my thoughts to be super helpful and enlightening. You’re such an inspiration and such a strong woman, thank you for sharing your strength with all of us!
Wow. This was such a breath of fresh air. I definitely get where you're coming from. I've been drowning in my own situation within the past year and a half and watching this video was absolutely inspiring and made me cry because it hit so close to home. Thank you so much for sharing, both of you. I needed this.
this was very insightful. would love more like these. actions definitely speak louder than words 💜
This video is so nice compared to your others. You are so much calmer and easy going and it doesn't seem like you're trying to put on a show. I would like more videos like this one
I loved this video. I love how honest you are in these types of videos, I will always watch the whole thing when it’s you. Please keep them coming! I have so much respect for you for sharing these experiences.
Thank you so much for posting such honest and raw content! This video really resonated with me. I have been with my boyfriend for over three and a half years and sometimes it feels like you just talk and talk and talk and nothing changes, or they hear you but don't really HEAR you. I admire the step of faith you took to fight for the health of your marriage!!
I've realized that going silent can actually be therapeutic and help the situation. I've also done it to one of my best friends after they really hurt me (I was silent for three months 🙊 lol) It was hard but sometimes it's the best thing to do in order for them to get it and understand! I really enjoyed watching this, you're one of the few people I can stand to listen to talk in a long video.
I agree!! I think there was quick judgment in some comments but silence can be powerful. It can also be a great time to reflect on our own feelings and work on our selves.
When my husband and I have a real fight we tend to silent each other for a short period of time in order for us to both simmer down. And then we resolve. I think everyone is different, but that's what works for us.
Silence in short bursts is healthy. Anything longer than a day in an intimate relationship or a few days in close friendship is a problem. At that point, your friend or lover becomes the victim.
Mande Loo back when we were dating, we had gone up to a week. We lived in different cities for a while and when he moved back, we made a decision not to do that. Again, I think it's a personal decision, but communication is so important and needs to be prioritized above everything else.
See, this is the stuff you don’t see on UA-cam. I’m happy that everything is figured out between you and Dan because you two are so cute! This is actually a great tip for any relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend and marriage. Thank you so much for sharing!!
This was so helpful, you have no idea. It’s like the message in your video was made just for me.. thank you so much for sharing. I just want you to know you’ve helped at least one person by posting this, because you’ve really helped me.
This is sooo good. You truly have a gift talking about things like this, Nikki! I️ could listen to you for hours!!
I have to say that I find the suggestion from a therapist to basically use the silent treatment is pretty surprising and not something most would recommend. I'm glad it worked for you but I just hope that ladies across the country don’t just decide to stop talking to their SO because in general I don't think that is a solid way to fix things in a relationship.
Dawn Torres The therapist sounds so manipulative. Choosing the healthcare professionals that you work with wisely is so important.
I agree. I’m a therapist and I would never recommend using the silent treatment as a way to solve a problem, it’s actually viewed as a shaming behavior by most which shaming is never recommended to do to someone else, especially someone you are in a relationship with. It’s basically saying, you aren’t good enough for me to pay attention to right now.
Rachel Hardin I also think it really pushes up against your spouse’s boundaries. It shows a huge lack of respect when you’re trying to force a person to fulfill your needs and ignore theirs. A wife should be the husband’s best friend and biggest support and removing that because you want to prove a point is just plain mean and disrespects the bond that you have.
Chelsea's Chatter Exactly. It might work the first couple of times. But the partners will learn that the way to solve problems is to not communicate and isolate each other. It’s not affective long term at all and why it’s not recommended.
Yeah that seems odd... I've worked with a lot of therapists and Life Coaches, and the silent treatment is never a good idea. Communication is key, even if it has to be as basic as writing your thoughts in a note if you can't bring yourself to speak them.
I love this. Too many people give up when things get hard, so two weeks of silence is almost unimaginable. However, you both were strong and dedicated enough to make it through. Thank you so much for sharing. I know it wasn't easy for either one of you.
I really appreciate this video! I love when you talk about topics like mental health, therapy, change, emotions, marriage, etc. I have loved watching you for years and I am inspired to see where your’s and Dan’s relationship will grow to! ❤️
I commented on this a year ago and loved it because of how honest and open it was. Now I am here a year later having to watch it again because of going through something similar in my marriage. I just wanted to say thank you so much for making this video and being brave enough to post it on UA-cam where so many people will have an opinion. I know everyone will always have their own opinion but even I'm overwhelmed reading all the comments that disagree. I just wanted to remind you in case you are ever overwhelmed with negative comments or reading opposing opinions that you are amazing and strong for sharing so much on the internet. Keep listening to what God puts in your heart to share because it really is making a difference. You're vulnerability has really encourage me in this tough season I am going through and I am so thankful for that.
I wonder if people with traditional jobs have a lot more problems than they realize, but don’t have the time or energy to sort through it as youtubers. Or do youtubers just have more mental/psych issues in general bc the lack of routine, schedule, and daily human interactions. It may also be that people with traditional jobs don’t have the opportunity share it publicly like youtubers. I don’t know, those are just my thoughts. It’s so interesting!
Thats a very thought provoking thing to say tbh, never thought of it that way. It really does seem like people on youtube deal with mental health a lot more than the average person doesnt it... but then again youre right... other people dont have the chance to share it publicly so... it could be silent suffering ... :(
This is such an interesting observation...I do wonder wether the nature of such a public career causes such issues to be so prevalent, or wether this is something many of us suffer with and dont have the luxury of exploring.
Good point..do a UA-cam video on it! UA-cam vs outside world. I do UA-cam and a "normal" job (but self employed) Both give me what I need. Not sure I could just do UA-cam...maybe one day..but would deffo need social interaction..
Mind blown
Amber or do they have mental health issues and that leads them into a field where they can work for themselves, from home?
I feel like that is soooo risky. Because you not speaking could lead him to believe that you don't care anymore then and everything could unravel
Hayley Pandolfi in a mature relationship there is an understanding that you go through things and sometimes not talking helps get thoughts together and simmer down tempers. Not talking is sometimes better than talking and as adults does not mean the end of a relationship, it's breathing time.
Hayley Pandolfi if ur the only one who cares it needs to unravel baby. Hang in there... love hurts. But it's worth it.
Thank you so much for this Nikki!! I’m sure it took so much to make his video. I’ve been struggling with this recently in my relationship and your video has helped me feel less alone and given me the strength to do something about it. I’ve been watching and loved you for years but this video has made me respect you SO MUCH MORE. I love you!!!
I am floored by how much I can relate to this video. I felt like every word you said just hit the nail on the head for me, especially when you were talking about what you needed from your husband. Happy to hear you guys are on the right track!
I totally understand where you are coming from Nikki. I don't think that going silent is appropriate for every situation. And it can be used to manipulate. But in my household the only thing I saw was constant nagging as a way of getting a message across. (Which can also be a form of control too.) As a very verbal person, when something upsets me, and I feel like I'm not heard or understood, I literally will not stop talking and talking until I feel like the other person finally gets it. But in relationships, and with some men, all they do is tune you out. You are talking and talking and they have heard you 100 times over and yet still, nothing changes. So what is the constant talking, explaining, elaborating doing? I'm in a situation similar to what Nikki described and I totally get it. In fact, this video is uncannily similar to my BF and I. I just want to say thanks for this video, it made me think.
Emily Counts sheep
I wish I could like this 200 more times
I definitely get what you mean about people seeming anti-relationship. Sometimes when I vent or look for advice, people almost immediately turn to say I should end my relationship instead of trying to grow and fix things.
I could not have stumbled across your channel and this video at a more perfect time. Thank you so much for being so real and open about a problem that almost everyone goes through at some point.
Thank you for being so transparent and vulnerable. Love these videos!
I love this video so much. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year and lately have been having some relationship issues and I just want to say thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story because it allowed me to realize how I am feeling about my relationship so hopefully we can fix it and start being more open with each other and focus on growing our relationship. Love you Nikki!! ❤️❤️❤️
I’m curious about what specifically changed in your marriage? What did Dan start or stop doing that helped you feel more emotionally connected to him?
This is my favourite video you've ever made! Thanks for much for sharing and being so vulnerable
Loved this so much as a person who got married at 19 and is also a believer I think this is so encouraging... the insight about what your therapist said is super interesting and I love that you two care more about “fighting it out” if you will more then just ending it and moving in to what till make you happy in the moment!
Looking beau tiful!!!
Let the rough go with the smoothie
+Rebecca Vocal Athlete thank you Rebecca! 💜💜💜
To be perfectly honest, I stopped watching your videos for about two years ago but stayed subscribed because I don't like unsubscribing from people, anywho, I felt you had lost some passion a few years back and hadn't watched you for sooo long but this video has inspired me. So beautifully put and I can really see just how much you've grown. Maybe it's because I'm growing too that I really relate to you at this point in my life but I just wanted to let you know that I'll be watching and supporting from here on out ❤️
njonovic96 I second this! ❤️
I third this!
i really like the chatty advice videos, they inspire me and make me feel more able to understand the things in my life. please keep making them!!!!
Ah you just spoke to my soul 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 thank you for getting so vulnerable and for always being so authentic ❤️❤️
This was so helpful and such a great video to watch. A nice switch up from the continuous beauty videos I watch. I enjoyed this sit down talk. I am struggling in my marriage right now and this has been refreshing to watch.
Lots of psychologists consider the silent treatment as emotional abuse : /
+Katie Schick it wasn’t the “silent treatment” at least in my opinion.... I feel like a 30 min video can NOT encapsulate 10 years of marriage and or fully explain the situation.. I communicated to the best of my ability the entire time... going quiet was so that he could fully understand how hurt I was and have time to think and process. I needed to finally shut up and stop blabbering hahaha also, you can still think it’s emotional abuse cuz everyone’s entitled to their own opinion obviously... but I just wanted to clarify a bit:)
I totally get that and also it obviously worked for the two of you and your marriage, and that's what really matters. I used to use the silent treatment on my significant others, though, and I know how incredibly hurtful it was and I vowed to never try to solve things that way with my own husband. My comment was a bit of a knee jerk reply and I'm sorry for that, I didn't really mean to throw shade! I'm glad things seem to be on the up and up with you two!
NikkiPhillippi I understood. (I'm 31, married 8 years.) sometimes it's so hard to just. stop. talking. And explaining. And give him room to think and process. I don't think that complete silence is necessary unless it's something more extreme, but allowing a little healthy space, continuing to be polite, and just disciplining yourself to be quiet... I get that. And I also completely understand wanting to change a pattern and knowing that nothing will change unless you change the way you're acting. So I don't totally agree with the dead silence or ignoring, but I do think it's wise to just be quiet. I hope that makes sense.
It wasn’t the silent treatment, because she gave an explanation as to why she was going to be silent. As someone who has been on the receiving end of the silent treatment, it was hurtful because it came out of nowhere with no explanation and the message I got was that I was not worth talking to, or that my SO would rather be petty than fight for the relationship.
Wow thank you for being so vunerable and giving us this insight into your personal life/marriage! Its very inspirational to hear about how you worked through this tough spot in your marriage and let it allow you to build a stronger connection with one another.
This is amazing. I have loved you sharing this transformational year. My husband and I are 6 years into our marriage and this has definitely given me things to think about. As you go on it’s easy to settle into something when you can strive for a deeper and better marriage. I appreciate you friend.
Do you have a podcast??
This would make a perfect podcast! I would listen to you all day if you had a marriage podcast....hint hint wink wink?
Kaley Payne yesss totally agree!!
I second this!!
My husband and I got married at 20 and will be celebrating our 6th anniversary in May and we had issues with expressing romance to each other until we read the 5 Love Languages book and it helped us learn how we both receive love (I am Words of Affirmation/Acts of Service and my husband is Physical Touch). We kept expressing love to each other the way we received it so neither of us was really feeling satisfied. Once we learned that, our marriage did a complete 180 and we're happier than ever with two little boys.
This is exactly the video I needed to see today. Working through some struggles of my own and working through some struggles with my husband as well. I completely agree that it feels like there's too much of the throw it away mentality in regards to relationships and I have to look up this emotions wheel! Thanks for sharing Nikki!
I respect you so much for this. This entire video was really eye opening for me. My relationship has been struggling for a while now and I feel like we share some of the problems you two did. Thank you Nikki, seriously.
Hopefully his needs are met too. I think a lot of growing together means recognizing where you need to change and putting your spouse first.
She did explain that her therapist is pretty bipartisan and will tell each of them honestly the areas they need to change.
5 love languages.. get it. Read it. Understand it.
Dee J doesn't work for everyone. A lot of people (one being my husband) claim they don't have a love language. Unfortunately in situations like this, it could be hard to work with men who have a particular personality/way of things. If you can give me some other suggestion that could help I would LOVE that. I find some men could just be so non-chalant and you can be a broken record for years and as much as they may be like 'ok, i heard ya' it takes drastic things for them to actually change (or make the effort to be present emotionally)
Thats so hard to believe that he doesn't have a love language because he has to accept love some how, some way. Through just telling him, doing things for him that you know he loves, rubbing his back etc... My husband to this day doesn't know mine and didn't read that book but i did. I learned his love language and know exactly what to do to make him happy and feel loved. He however, still has his training wheels with learning what mine is. But what I have seen is, the more i speak in his love language he's SLOWLY making the effort in learning mine. I do agree with a lot you've said because im living it... But great things take time and women just seem to get these things quicker than most men..
Dee J agreed. Yea I tried to fully explain all to him and he still claims he doesn't have one. I even tried to suggest what I think his is based on what I know he likes but still nothing. He'll get it one day (I hope)
Nikki’s talked about that book a lot in past videos
Wow thank you for being so real. I absolutely loved this video. My husband and I have been talking about getting a therapist for a little while just to help us work through some communication issues and deepen our relationship and now we definitely will! By far my favorite video of yours I’ve seen. Thank you for sharing. Xx
Please continue to make videos that are similar to this, i really appreciated your honestly and willingness to be open.
As a young person about to get married this is sooo helpful. Its crazy how much you guys are like my fiance and I. Did anyone ever say the marriage wouldn't work? You guys are super inspiring so thank you!
+Alaina Pecor oh yaaaaa. Tons of people discouraged us from getting married... I think because the statistics are stacked against you when you get married young people were just trying to look out for us... but ultimately it’s your life and only you know what’s best for you guys! Also thank you:) I’m glad you’re likin the video! 💜💜💜
I love your makeup....... it’s so simple and cute🧡 I also love your sweater😘perfect for fall
+Unique Mckelvin thank youuu! This sweater is soooo cozy😭
Can you tell us what the exact sweater you’re wearing is? I️ appreciate you linking similar styles but the one you have on is so much cuter. Also, I️ love this video and I’m definitely going to be printing out an emotions wheel to post up in my house. I️ think we all have a hard time defining our emotions sometimes.
This was such a beautiful, honest video & I thank you for sharing this. I have a wonderful therapist who has helped changed my life in so many beautiful ways, but I love hearing the wisdom you’ve learned from your therapist. It makes so much sense & even though my husband is deceased, it is very relevant to relationships in my life right now. Thank you again for sharing.
I loved this video! I actually could wait to watch it when you announced on Instagram it’s upload. Your relationship so beautiful. As a 21 year old wishing for the right man, when I hear your stories it makes me stop and think about what marriage really is and the ups and downs. Thank you for being open
Well you are not alone. Now I am single but back in about 2010 I hired a relationship coach to help me work on myself really from a man's perspective. One of the main things I got out of it was I realized my dad was never emotionally available and I had thought that was normal. Now I am a very emotional person, I think I am a lot like you and its probably why I like your channel. But that realization that having an emotional connection was what was healthy broke open my life. With that said I think I always draw emotional closeness out in men because I have always needed it. But for a long time I thought men were born without feelings. hahaha Now I at least know that I am looking for a heart connection above all else. So I totally get your journey even being single :)
This is awesome! We all deserve the connection we desire
I feel that everything you said is so true. I also agree and feel that prayer is so important!! I also feel that it is a quick remedy to say get out you don't need him/her. I feel it seems that some people feel its just easier to get out than to work on the relationship. Look at what you did that was 2 weeks of not talking, I'm sure there were moments that he wanted to just scream TALK TO ME. But you toughed it through and it was a lot of work its never easy. I'm so proud of you to put this video up. I hope that you are able to help someone who is in need. I hope you have a fantastic week God Bless you and Dan. :)
100% needed to hear this, I️ enjoyed listening to your story in this way! It feels so raw and so down to earth. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, we’ve been married for 2 months. Started dating at 15 with crazy lives and have done amazing but recently I’ve felt this same way you have. Amazing video
I love this video and I’m so glad you were more open and vulnerable in this video. Thank you!
My husband and I got married at 19 and 18, respectively. We got married a year and a half ago! It's been fantastic. Of course, there are always bumps in the road but we wouldn't have it any other way!
I would really love to see dans perspective in this what he was going through during those two weeks.y husband is a very internal processor as well and I think this would work on him for sure. I crave to know him more but he’s not in touch with deep feelings. Thanks for sharing!
Nikki, this is such a great video and was exactly what I needed to hear tonight, it is great to know that I’ll not the only person going through emotions like this! Thank you for sharing!
yes yes yes yes yes to these videos. you inspire me so much and I love to listen to you talk about the challenges you have gone through and how you have come out of it with a positive outlook. I LOVE YOU NIKKI!!! Thank you so much for being such a bright light in the darkness
Yaaas, thank you for this video! Ever since you mentioned wanting to make chatty videos I’ve been dying for you to make one :)
+AshleyMaureen omg I’m soooo glad to hear you say that cuz i was like “um. Is this too much?!” LOl so ya, glad to hear that and thank you:)
Oh wow! This so personal to share! Thank you so much Nikki! I am not married, as a marrer of fact I am currently single, but I can soooo relate to what you are telling. As I believe I would like to know what some of my closest people feel and not just what they think about Stranger Things or about what is the weather like today...got you! Again. Thank you. Love you. Bisous de France 🇫🇷 😘
Exactly.
Thank you so much for sharing this and being so vulnerable!! As a young wife, this resonated deeply with me. I’ve worried a lot about “growing apart” as we grow up, and this just reminded me that no relationship is perfect and that there is ALWAYS a way to improve your marriage and turn things around. You are amazing. Please consider doing more videos on relationships or maybe a marriage series!!❤️
No lie, I need a friend like you. You are always so positive and honest and encouraging. I’ve know my husband since kindergarten and have been together for a little less than 10 years and married for 5 of those years. He’s honestly my best friend but after watching this video, I think I’m you but a year ago. I’ve been feeling almost exactly how you had been feeling so hearing how things have been turning out for you and Dan gives me so much hope and truly encourage me to take action whether it be by going to counseling or reading a book, etc. I’m just so beyond happy after watching this and am sobbing like a fool right now because it is so comforting knowing that I’m not alone and again, that things can get better.
That was lol a probably really repetitive but I seriously can’t find a better way to explain how I’m feeling. Lol anyway, thank you so much for this video. It was so insightful and beyond helpful. 💕
If I tried this it would end up like that scene from the office where Micheal refuses to speak first to daryl in a interview but after like 5 seconds goes like “I’m declining to speak first” haha
This is the thing guys, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. This lack of emotional communication or intimacy is so common in relationships and especially in long term relationships where you start to get very comfortable and complacent.
And this is why this worked for them. Because she needed to show him how much this was a priority and how important this was to her to have a happy relationship. Instead of talking about it again and again, she tried a different approach to tell him "hey this is important to me"
I know why some people might think she is being manipulative or stomping her feet till she gets her way but that is not what's been done here.
When you keep talking to your partner in a way they don't understand or they feel is important to them enough to make a change to the relationship then nothing will be done.
In marriage we often take for granted that that person will just always be with us and by doing this she is nipping her nagging negative feelings about the marriage in the bud instead of passively letting it go or worse talking about it until it becomes background noise to him.
Sometimes we need to show our partners that what is important to us is really important!!
Asia098 this is how I see it too. But I keep seeing things over and over again that it’s abuse and no good.
What a BEAUTIFUL video! Thank you so much for sharing! This was amazing insight. Speaking for myself I can say I really appreciate you being vulnerable in this video and sharing.
I love watching videos like this. I really love learning from you and keeping in mind how long and serious relationships can be and how to get over the obstacles. Especially since I’m engaged, this is so insightful for me💜
I understand. My parter is a lot like Dan. He tends to just try to fix the problem (if I’m sad or hurt), and it sometimes feels as if I’m not being listened to in a meaningful way. Like he’s listening to me to respond, not listening to HEAR me and internalize. We recently had a very big bump in our five year relationship, and I was sitting on the floor having panic attacks and bawling and he was trying to fix me, while I was just trying to be heard. It was ultra frustrating and took me a few days to think about and work out what I actually needed. It was frustrating feeling like I needed to tell him what I needed instead of him listening and doing his best to work on the problem internally the way I was. We didn’t talk for a few days. I told him I needed time, that I was deeply hurt, and needed to basically fast from the relationship. I needed time to handle myself and not worry about handling him, and I needed him to truly get how badly my heart had been damaged. After a while, we eased back into it and it’s been really helpful. I don’t think you should freeze your partner out or anything, but sometimes, when you’ve been together for a while, you just need a break and a chance to think about what’s going on individually. It’s hard to grow sometimes when you’re busy figuring out what to say. 💘
Emy Anderson this sounds a lot like what my bf of 4 years is going through. he broke up with me saying he needed to focus of himself mentally, I didn't wanna break up but he needed time and hasn't spoken to me at all. how long did it take for you guys to ease back in? because I feel like hes not coming back..
Such an interesting video
+Jenn Jenn 💕
NikkiPhillippi this really speaks to a lot of relationships. Great video. Thank you so much for sharing.
Nikki, i can't thank you enough for posting this video! Ive had a very similar experience with my current boyfriend and even just ignoring him for a few hours forces him to think and reflect on his actions instead of "justifying" them in the moment. Im seriously considering trying this after watching this video. You took the words out of my mouth and i applaud you for staring your private and intimate moments with us. You did this in such a positive and courageous way and explained your feelings perfectly. I dont think i could have even began to explain my feelings better than you have in this. I hope youve both learned and reflected from this experience and will continue to grow 💜
Nikki - this resonated with my relationship with my husband in so many ways... all I can say is thank you because this has helped me so much in trying to figure out how I can handle my own situation. Thank you so much
Very interesting and different video, but in a good way! It opens your eyes and makes you think. I don't feel my boyfriend and I lack this, we are very open with each other. He always knows when something is wrong or bothering me and we sit and talk about it- same for when something is going on in his corporate work world. We spend a lot of time together and will be moving in together soon! He's truly a gentleman and I've never known what love was until I met him!
Being 'emotionally connected' is important but at the same time it's a fact of life that some people are more emotionally open than others. I think the results of trying to prise it out of someone would really depend on the person. Some people are just better at sharing than others. I find it really surprising that a therapist recommended that, it's almost like playing mind games and could be enough to end a marriage. I also wonder had the therapist considered the needs of the other person during the time he was being ignored. I know every marriage is different but if I know my huband would be so hurt by something like that. I'm glad it worked out for you but it was a huge risk.
emmalcm this comment is really on point with the emotional sharing thing
Absolutely incredible video nikki. I have been a long time fan of yours and find all your content awesome, but these kinds of sit down chatty videos are just the best. Keep it coming :)
love love love these talks! they are so insightful and deeep which i love. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and experiences. ive been married for a year and a half together for 5 and i get you when you say you desire to know your husbands heart and thoughts more ! Its so precious :)
Very interesting. I’ve always thought of being silent as a passive aggressive move.
Woo hoo! Another video! 🙃 Can I say that I just love the color of your nails! Haha. I feel like I’m always staring at them. 😂
+Carmen Fg Hahahah thanks Carmen! This was my first time doing dip instead of gel! They were a little thick but they last well and didn’t hurt my nails like gel does!
totally want to see more of these! i also love listening to people talk about their marriage so this was great!
kels xx
Love this video so so much. Thank you for being so vulnerable. I wish you and Dan much love and success.
Thank you for this. I am at home from work with a fever and I needed something to keep my mind of being 🤒. Ty love you.
+starsdaisuki oh man! I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well! I hope the fever subsided fast! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
It starts at 8:00
+Mariela R.Martinez what?! Hahahaha
haha the intro its to long 😉😂😂😂
Nah it starts at 0:00 😊 you’re welcome
Thanks 🙏
Haha! Thx!
Thank you for all your positivity Nikki! You’ve really brightened my day. Thank you for sharing your story today. I feel like marriage doesn’t get talked about and related to modern life much anymore so it was great to hear about it realistically. I’m not married, but it gave me some great insights
I cried. Long time lurker of your channel, I'm in a relationship of three years and this gave me a renewed passion and hope for our future after experiencing some improvements in our relationship as well.
Me and my hubby got married in June and we’re both 21. Yup young married couple! But it’s great so far 😁💜💜
Haley's Corner cool, I got married at 21 too, 6 years ago :)
We also got married young! Well, young for New Zealand's standards -- 22 and 24! x
19 & 20. 3 year anniversary on Thanksgiving❤️
19 & 22. Almost 3 years ago! Has only gotten better 💕
Congratulations! I got married at 22! :) best wishes and love ❤️
I am actually quite shocked that this was recommended by a reputable therapist and that it took your husband being reduced to tears in front of you to consider him worthy of your speech again. If a man had done this to a woman, I feel sure he would be labelled as abusive -- and I think the term would be warranted.
Thank you so much for sharing! You are always so honest with us and I feel like that is why we love you so much! ♥️ I cannot even imagine how hard it was to not talk to Dan. I feel like god definitely came through your voice to so many people! So glad that things are looking brighter for you! So much love Babe! ♥️
Your videos add so much light to my life in these darker days and I truly appreciate you sharing some an intimate story in your marriage as well as your heartfelt words at the end of the video about keep swimming through the tough times.