Is Everyone Else Normal? Feeling Painfully Different
Вставка
- Опубліковано 15 тра 2024
- Much is said about the virtues and pleasures of individuality but let's also admit to how frankly lonely and frightening it can be to find ourselves (yet again) in a peculiar minority, where the differences between us and others strike us as bewildering rather than emboldening, how do we alleviate these isolating thoughts?
Enjoying our UA-cam videos? Get full access to all our audio content, videos, and thousands of thought-provoking articles, conversation cards and more with The School of Life Subscription: bit.ly/4cWPq6D
Learn, heal and grow; get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox:
bit.ly/4aVl6r3
FURTHER READING
You can read more on this and other subjects in our articles, here: bit.ly/4aBcjuB
“Much is said about the virtues and pleasures of individuality - of being someone who stands out from the crowd and delights in their particularity. But let’s also admit to how frankly lonely and frightening it can be to find ourselves (yet again) in a peculiar minority, where the differences between us and others strike us as bewildering rather than emboldening, when for example:
- Everyone wants to gossip but we prefer generosity and forgiveness.
- Everyone is at ease but we’re melancholy and self-conscious.
- Everyone is cheerful but we can’t let go of anxiety and apprehension.”
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLself
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
Facebook: / theschooloflifelondon
Twitter: / theschooloflife
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
LinkedIn: / the-school-of-life-for...
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Natalia Ramos
www.behance.net/sofiaramosf93f
Title animation produced in collaboration with
Graeme Probert
www.gpmotion.co.uk
"Given how many books were written because their authors couldn't find anyone to talk to." Oh, this last phrase nearly made me cry. Such a wonderful and profound video
Loneliness is simply the price we'll have to pay for a certain complexity of mind - - - absolutely beautiful qoute, thank you as always
This... I find it hard to connect with people because of this... But I'm happy to hear them out, then I'm just stoic about how I view my life as much as I can with this lonely challenge that my mind gave me...
This was his best one yet! And he always delivers 100% banger quotes, i talk like this because i now realise who i am and no longer sad for it!
"Isolation MAY just be a price we have to pay for a certain complexity of mind" was the actual quote.
Emphasis the may, don't get caught up thinking you have to stay lonely just because you think you're more complex than most. There are many others out there like you ❤
@@Sylar-451yeah...this word makes all the difference... maybe the person is just a pain in the ass 🤷🏻
Maybe it's the depression talking, but this quote stood out to me as upsetting. What if the cost of isolation is just too much, and you can't afford to pay it? It's not like I made a conscious decision to be lonely, yet my soul still goes into debt for the sake of 'complexity'
"Don't compare what inside you with other people outside" this quote helped me from unending loop of comparison, and i have one in mind for coping as poignant as it is for what i called desperation to be normal "a web to a spider is normal but to a fly, it's chaotic" i think profoundly, as a being, normal is an illusion, i wouldn't call people with autism that they're "not normal" we have our own portion, and we are good enough.
Love these quotes
Nice 👍
For what i would like to add is, normal is a state of majority subjective perspectives. It isnt universal and its bound to change, but likes to stay as permanant as possible. Its all in the mind.
I say that as regards to if u look at mercury, its hot af, but given the circumstances that it stands closest to sun, its "normal" for it to be that hot, but, comparitively to earth, its abnormaly hot for us.
Exactly, when such spiders are under influence of hallucinogens (yt video reference) they tend to make different patterns of web. For what we think that they are being abnormal, they think they are normal, doing best they could, under the influence. *Becoz, Its all in the mind.*
Quote doesn't even make sense reading what you wrote?
The last line! My my!
"Because their authors couldn't find anyone to talk to."
Finding our tribe is difficult as it's always been i guess.
Human Family is our tribe. There is no true separation, only constructs created ... by our Human Family.
The only common thing about individuality is the desire to be accepted for who you are, the good and the bad, inside to outside.
I always thought I was too different from everyone else and the weird one out.
turns out, we are all as weird as each other... some people just suppress their true self for social & cultural expectations
and they project their shadow on others and hate others for things they themselves suppress
This. I've seen so many people who mask their real self out of fear of being judged. But the irony of it all is that they become the exact person they fear. Judging others for being just their normal selves because they don't want the "weirdness" to rub off of them and become an outcast. All for the sake of the companionship of shallow people who don't understand the value and what it means to be able to just be your true self.
Absolutely. Everyone is complicated, strange and difficult. If you think someone is 'normal' or boring, that just means they don't show their inner life to you.
Yes, this is the main point I took from the video
Omg the timing!! Everything I am going through.. word by word! Thank you for sharing this!
Same here timing was perfect
Same, think I should start reading books
Same 🫂
Same here mate!
Hugs all around (if you consent)
The author of these essays just don't realise how much he is helping people to not go the sucidal way❤
It really is the School of Life 🥰
My Mother once said the time will come when you embrace being different. Look closely, there is always a kindred spirit nearby. ❤
Guess what: everyone is a weirdo if you look closely. And that's a good thing.
no. not like this.
that you say such means you dont know at all
try being ACTULLY different from every single person you have ever met
@wrongfootmcgee
Every single soul in the world IS different from any other around them. Don't forget that. 🙂
You know, even robots will never be an exact carbon copy of one another.
There are some weirdos who are not good. Generally it's awsome, sometimes it's just wrong. 😳
@@shanynidam8943
The word 'weirdo' may be a little too much.
'Weird' should be enough.
@@freconsbo that's not sufficient enough to conclude the discussion. It's like saying 'crasy' is too much, 'mad would be enough. I think i might used the plural of weird in a way that sometimes seen as offending. I did not mean that, and sorry about that if it is the case. Back to the other point, i just think it very important to remember that even the closest people to you can have a totally diffetent way of attaching meanings to words you might use all the time.
Someone might say "wow, she is provocative", and his friend will say "o.m.g. wow"
One meant it positively, the other negatively. So here, it's no big deal...not gonna go deep in to that. At least they are sure they had an agreement moment. But other times, these gaps of not even knowing what certain words are for a person we are talking to, is what keeps people arguing and fighting ...such a shame, better to argue knowing you are on the same page.
But this is hard to remember mostly. And people dont like to stop in the middle of an argument to just clear something out...cause maybe they are fighting about something they actually agree about. Hope you find some sense here, i used too many words, and its hard enough to try understanding one. 🤭
I love the slow and steady narration of this one, as opposed to the usual slightly more fast paced ones.
The most frightening thought I have is of the romance landscape, where everyone else seems to either be in a couple or very content with their situation, and I seem to be in an unending search for a partner that I will never find. This makes me feel lonely in this way. Even though I try to remain hopeful.
I also am aware of the fact that the worst way to try to find a lifelong partner is to constantly look for it, which makes me try to not even think about it and just enjoy the things I like. But it is a thought that never goes away
2:06 was this moment for me. Everything you just said is how I feel too.
And this timestamp makes me sigh with both relief if I'm being optimistic, as well as pessimism.
May we both find those who will honor and love us the way we yearn to be honored, loved, for a very long time.
Consider that just because they're in a relationship, it doesn't mean it's a happy relationship, but simply two people agreeing to ignore each others flaws. Or consider that most people who are in relationships are really just afraid to be alone, and needing someone around to constantly validate you is a terrible basis for any relationship. The best thing you can do is get to know yourself so well that a relationship becomes a bonus of life, rather than a condition for living.
I used to have this phenomenon too in my early 20s, constantly wondering and searching for a partner. Even though I didn't even really want one. It was like a compulsive thought and it made me kind of self conscious. Now that I'm over it, I think it was societal conditioning. There is so much emphasis put on romance and partnership in our world, that it can make you feel useless or incomplete without it. All this to be said, it is totally valid and normal to want a partner. But you are good just as you are.
@@ThisIsMyFullName so true. Traditional relationships are deeply unfulfilling, as beautiful as they feel at first.
Same.
To be reminded that I lived different than most have always make me feel weirdly vulnerable, but I know I'm not alone....
That was very encouraging. I’m realizing more and more that I don’t need my loneliness to go away but make peace with it, find some comfort and dwell on its good sides.
Remembers me of a quote of one very pure hearted and lovely friend I have ;
"Strangers? Those are just friends I haven't met yet."
I have been this way for 60 years, so I am pretty accustomed to it. As always, excellent, School of Life. Thank you.
I have studied philosophy and psychology my whole life. I tend to find the more self-aware I have become, the more detached from 'normal' human trials/tribulations. And I guess the more isolated I have become. But I am a 'red pill' sort of person. I would rather know the painful reality, than live in blissful ignorance.
I have been 'different' all my life . Five and a half decades of being the weirdo. Trust me, you'll get used to it, and furthermore, you'll actually get to a point where being 'different ' is what makes you better and more virtue than the rest. Wouldn't change a thing.
Hi fellow weirdo! I have spent a lot of time mulling over in my head how strange I am that I don't fit in, to then realise it doesn't matter in the first place! As we age we care less that's for sure!
You're not better than the rest.
Love this! We shall never forget that we all only know a small circle of humanity. We tend to generalize our behaviours, experiences, from what we know. But we don't know much on a big scale. Nothing at all. For me, the best we can do is always considering us as kids, constantly learning, being curious, and open-minded.
I grew up hating feeling like an alien. I didn’t think like a normal girl or act like one. It bothered me for decades until I turned 50. If i was like a normal girl, I’d probably live a normal life path (falling in love, marriage, children etc.). There is nothing wrong with being in the majority. Thankfully i ended up accepting my minority mindset and lived in peace with my life’s path. I don’t have what most women have but i live the way that I prefer and not being forced to be “normal”.
People seem to always forget one fact:
Each individual is unique, even twins. That means everyone is different. And that's okay. Being different IS normal.
Sometimes It feels like you are the only ant that left the line and stopped to contemplate the immensity of the universe. People don't see how small they are or how vast and wonderful everything is. this is very sad.
Thank you ❤
It’s not the loneliness that makes me feel anxious. In fact, I feel lonely because I am anxious. Anxiety is in the core of all my actions and thoughts.
I’d still feel anxious if I belong to a majority because I know deep inside of me there’s something that pursues greater things. So pursuing the complexity of mind itself is anxiety driven. Whatever way I take, anxiety is around me (being in the majority to avoid feeling lonely or pursuing the solitary journey).
I don’t think we can ever differentiate anxiety and self-consciousness. The question I should ask myself is not “how not to feel lonely”, but “where to find a compromise in between my anxiety and self-rationalization”. Which “form of anxiety” most makes sense to me logically.
"Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.
The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth."
-Dostoevsky
Why is this topic being handled like I’m gonna jump off a cliff if the tone changes
BAHAHAH
I used to think there was nobody sharing the same thoughts on certain things, but I realized that shit aint true, everyone is so similar and no matter what you're thinking about, someone will think exactly the same. We are not so different from one another.
These thoughts having been going through me since long. Thanks for giving a solution.
This made me tear up, ngl. This exactly hits what i've been struggling with lately.
Really needed this, thank you for posting
Sobbing my heart out after watching this. I needed this. Thank you.
Thank you ❤
This was like a bandage to my heart, your videos always speak to me ❤
Are you stalking me school of life?? You literally upload videos of what I’m feeling at the exact same time😭
"his always watchin"
I have never felt more isolated from everything and everyone right now and this was just what I needed to hear
The last part about “this community” didn’t go unheard. Thank you School of Life, indeed it is.
It couldn't have come at a better time! So relatable. To all those who feel lonely amidst a sea of "normal" people I feel you, I understand you, and you arent lonely, you will just take more time in finding your tribe ❤
I am dogged by dread as my federally funded work is likely to be cut, and finding this short essay is such a boon to life, such a blessing to have come across today. Thank you sincerely.
This is the question I've been asking in my head for years
How come everyone online can relate to me but everyone in person just thinks I’m weird?
This channel is pure medicine.
I just love this channel, honestly!
They laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at them because they're all the same.
I have always felt different my whole life for being very introverted but what really made me feel like I was from another planet was when I started losing my hair at only 17 years old. I became an anomaly and people would sometimes stare at me in public probably wondering why my youthful face was adjacent to a hairstyle of an old man. Now that I’m in my 20s it’s not as big of a deal as it used to be but I don’t care much about being normal anymore, there is so much more to life that exist outside the societal expectations we cooperate with.
I’m a media major … the Art part really spoke to me
Oh, exactly what I needed today! Keep it up, school of life x
Thank you, as always
Love this deep explanations through short videos
Thank you 😢 you describe exactly how I feel now
Feeling different used to be a source of melancholy, frustration and sadness for me, now I have to embrace it, revel in it and celebrate it.
Beautifully illustrated
I love this videos, as always they came to relief me and makes me feel so calm.
I needed this right now. great video
Thanks very much for this.
Thank you!
thank you, I am at ease now
I wish you continue your work, because these videos are as good as an excellent book
I recall the unflinchingly true line uttered by the late Nanci Griffith in her song "Late Night Grande Hotel" - "no one really knows the heart of anyone else...". Perhaps the best we can hope for is truly know ourselves and learn how expressive our thoughts & feelings in a constructive way.
And there is always more variation within a group than between groups. This is true both genetically and psychologically.
I love this channel so much
I had no idea there were any positives in life till reading your posts. You have transformed my life from simply existing to finding joy. I have stopped my medication.
I’m wanting to give you a warm hug and ask you if you’ve discussed this with your doctor? I’m on medication too and sometimes I feel so well that I think I might stop. But often chatting with someone who knows how you’re going is a good idea. Mmmm big hugs from me 🥰
1:06 this hit me. I watch my aunts and uncles and cousins enjoy doing things in life so much and their just able to connect with people so easily. But I always feel anxiety and generally unsatisfying boredom even when I do the things I love. My two main modes are anxiety and apathy. The only thing that brings me any long-lasting positive feelings is finding a really good show/anime that distracts me.
Wow. Never felt this understood. Thanks
the school of life be reading my mind these days
Well spoken!
From where I came from, I often feel no one shares my point of view. As so, I usually try to understand them. Its quite tiring.
Going through my second divorce at 37, I needed this video
Thanks
Such a beautiful beautiful beautiful video this is ❤❤❤ thanks a ton for making this simply superb video👌🏻🙏🏻
They overestimate their ability & we underestimate our ability to adjust in the crowd! What we don't know is that adjusting becomes easy with kind people and what they don't know is that adjusting is not needed when we meet like minded people! The singles are searching for a like minded person and haven't met or they met a kind person but that person did not have the same thoughts and therefore they became single! But they will keep looking for it cause their basic criteria is kindness whereas our basic criteria is like mindedness and since we never or rarely found one we won't actively be looking for a person!
I like your mind.
I'm going to be attending my grandpa's funeral soon and will reunite and meet new people. This helps.
I love you, you give me hope when i cant find it
Yes.
I think that seeing ourselves as so completely different from others, in a negative light, is really just the other side of the coin from thinking we are so much uniquely better than everyone. Either way, we are seeing ourselves as so especially "different" that nobody could understand us and or least we could never understand them. It's simply narcissistic in my opinion, to differentiate ourselves so largely from others who are just as human, and are made of the same flesh blood and bone.
So next time you catch yourself thinking like this, just remember, you are just as insignificant as those around you. :))
Haha love this😂❤
Great video!
Yeah, that "everyone else" (people in our social circle) not only is a biased sample (there are too many people out of it), but also it's a sample we can't even measure properly (people often just present themselves to be what is expected from them, but that doesn't mean they actually feel that way on the inside).
ong i needed this today
My answer was to stop overthinking. It's important to think, and to let the thought be what it is.
Melancholy would probably be the favorite word of The School of Life.
Everyone thinks they are special. Everyone thinks they stand out from the crowd.
the book quote hit HARRRRRRDDDDDDD
I was reading Bettany Hughes' book Helen of Troy in which was a photo of an ancient wall mural in which the ancient women were picking saffron. I read Hughes' description of it and what the ancients used it for and looked it up. I now take saffron every day and I feel much better. This also might help others. It's not a cure-all, but more of an attitude adjuster.
Every word represents me but I became so indifferent to hobbies and can't stand people anymore 😢
THE NARRATORS VOICE IS SO PRETTY
I just wish people were not afraid to fully be themselves and express themselves, explore themselves with love, with support. I wish that in school it would be taught that the main goal in life is not to be successful, but to discover your authentic self. I always imagine that a lot of taught and care was put into our creation by the universe - and I must respect that by being me.
I always related very strongly to these videos, and recently I discovered I'm on the autism spectrum. And that discovery has benefitted me more than thousands of self help videos. I'm just trying to say maybe you feel different cause you are different, and that's ok too.
As an ND individual who also knows a girl once who is on the autism spectrum. We both rarely speak & interact much in class. I think this is how we individuals feel towards people who are neurotypical
There is nothing wrong of being different from each other. Cause we understand what is the best for ourselves
Normality is when a lot of people do the same thing, but not necessarily the right thing.
True, I like bookshop
What I fear the most is not letting being different push me into a sort of superiority complex. I'm different and I never want to come across as someone above others yet normal people feel it's okay to belittle me. Idk if anyone else feels this way
I get what you mean. I know that i have things interested in that people in my close circle may or may not understand. To me, i dont see others as less than becauze to an extent, there are things about us all we won't be able to fully understand; and if you're the type of person who liles to stay at home and read while you friend liles going out at 12 in the morning, that's ok; as long as you both know that you guys are humans and are not always going to het each other.
So for me, while i do still wonder if i will ever find someone who i will feel comfortable sharing my hobbies and thougths with, i know that these people do exist; for some people they find them on the other side of the world, and some at their local book shop.
Embrace yourself, but don't push away others❤
Right now I am in same situation..
Didn't help. I'm struggling so much to overcome my lifetime isolation. I want to connect with others and I want so much to be loved back when I finally find someone I care about. I don't want to be mocked at for wearing my heart on my sleeve. I don't want to find myself, in every damn group I enter, standing all alone, while others seem to have a great time easily chatting. I just don't understand why am I so rejected. I life of trying and a life of failing. Still alone, still unwanted.
I want you to know that it's ok to feel this way❤ i would give you words of encouragement, but i don't want to tell you things you've probably heard a thousand times from other people; but i will say that wearing your heart on your sleeve isn't a weakness, ni matter what anyone tells you❤
Some of us aren't meant to belong. Some of us have to turn the world upside down and shake the hell out of it until we make our own place in it.
Too many minorities can assemble and create their own place of true belongingness. I hope I'll be able to do it someday 🥺
In HS I went to the library and had lunch by myself because I had no friends. Even now as an adult I prefer books over people
Deeply resonating 🩷🩷🙏🏾
It's so lonely. I have lived my entire life in a small town, that is too small for me. It's painfully lonely
I don't think most people are legitimately concerned about the future of the planet as one portion of the video states as something that makes you stick out from the crowd. It's easy to express concern about the planet or climate change, but most people don't alter their behaviour to demonstrate concern. For example - getting an electric vehicle instead of not having a vehicle and using bicycle, public transit, and car sharing to get around.
or not eating meat
@@FruityHachi I agree.
Not having children is another descion that makes you "abnormal" yet can help the future of the planet. Doing more than lip service to the future of the planet is what makes a person different than the norm.
Дякую
Making a mental note: Go to local bookshop this weekend. (And remember to return my library books that are also due this weekend. 😉😊)
Yup
This hits different when you're trans. Especially growing up in an environment that was deeply religious and toxic about the roles of men and women