You could NOT have known. Don't blame yourself. These types are beyond sneaky, the are predators that scan your emotions and the things that are important to you and then exploit them to your harm. And that SUCKS. ITS.NOT.YOUR.FAULT
yes, my husband was damaging my children by making them think that I was crazy!!! He would gaslight me so bad and in private and would whisper in my ear to cause me to act out and my children would get scared of me...He would plant seeds here and there, and would smear my name to them behind my back....eventually they woke up and they got alittle older and I told them that he was abusing me. He was also trying to train my children to be like him and cheat and have many women.....He hated me that much...I was only 15 when I met him...I went through hell with this man....
Exactly what happened to me. He caught me when I was 16. I was running away from my malignant narcissist mother. He turned my 4 children against me exactly like your ex husband did to you. I never thought he could be that evil but it turns out he was a sociopath. Diagnosed through court ordered testing. I tested normal
She manipulated my 10 year old daughter to call the police last August.My 5 year old daughter asked me if i am bad.Now she uses my kids for hoovering.I cannot handle it anymore.It is a spiritual warfare.Everytime i try to get close to my kids me we get traumatized psycologically.I leave it to Jesus.It is a mission impossible!!!
Take care of yourself first bro. I’m in the same situation. It’s something you can never control. They never change. Make a new life bro. It’s not easy but you can
@@douglaslandfield Your kids are apart of the bad seed narcissists have Nephilim blood not human beings 100%. You deny God without actually knowing God by wanting to find out all the answers in the Bible, and lost books of the Bible. The mark of the beast will change your DNA that is another reason we can not be saved after that.
My ex and my cousin (who he went off with) has done this for years and my 23 and 21 year old still have a weird connection with me now because of years of it yet I have done nothing wrong and always been there when their dad has left them to fend for themselves.. it was their dad who was the violent one yet they seem to idolise him.
After multiple rounds in court of false allegations of sexual abuse, spousal rape, murder, attempted murder, identity theft and the list goes on, and her failure to follow visitation orders so I went long periods without seeing my kids, she turned them against me. It's like a nightmare that never ends. I finally walked away because I could see it tearing my kids, and me, apart. I hope my kids see the truth one day and reconnect. Narcissist are evil incarnate.
I am very sorry to hear that man. I am going through the exact same thing now. Accused of rape, accused of fighting her, her parents yet she only wants to do drop-offs @ her house and her parents house even though I have made it mandatory to meet @ the precinct. Unbelievable. Somehow, no one seems to understand. I don’t get it!
They are awful. It breaks my heart that my son is so different when he comes home. He's scared, he started saying he wants to die. Their dad is evil, and I can't handle it.
I identify with this so much that I'm sure we both carry that same constant pang of anguish. Sometimes it seizes up my chest and i don't know how i can keep going where there is no law or morality. We have no choice but to be our own champions. I cannot even the score with a lawyer for myself, the truth, or justice. Nature's law told me that the violater must be torn to shreds. In the face of alienation at this very moment, i choose to lay my armor down. I could petition for mediation, stand up for myself and my inalieable rights, and i would be a fool to do so. Water will extinguish fire. Resistance is futile but to learn the art of war is to value the concept of time. This is but a battle, in a great and terrible war. My fears and insecurities are great and terrible. Why swing blindingly whilst the children stand helpless in between? I can never do it again. Through understanding what love really requires, i am able to sacrifice knowing it is better that i exist without friction for my children to percieve me in truth. The pain is insurmountable. "Father, father, Why have you forsaken me?" I used to cry Now i just bow my head and pray, "forgive them father for they know not what they do. "
Spot on ma’am, they don’t really want anything to do with their children ( only when they need something or benefit from it even if in the sickest way). Kids do see it , just be there for them ( is hell for a while after). Poor kids, they are just trying so hard to process it all
My narcissist likes to play "good cop, bad cop", to triangulate myself with the kids. She is more interested in presenting herself as their equal (like bending the rules for them), where I'm scapegoated as the enforcing parent, that's always "the rain on the parade".
They're so cruel to the kids. My ex told my kids I didn't care about them and visitation was only so I could get rid of them. Narcissists are monsters (yes, I know, they're human) but they're monsters all the same. Be safe out there.
I've had to deal with this good cop bad cop scenario for years, my ex would keep telling our son that he's his best friend, he would keep undermining me when I'm trying to parent for example I would tell our son to have a shower, and my ex would shout down and say but he had one this morning, and my son would be like yeah mum I had one this morning, but I'm like we are in the middle of a pandemic and you've just come back from school running around sweaty you can go take a shower and it would be shit like that. He would always be the fun one buy gifts all the time. Constantly trying to compete with me it's exhausting.
@@soonermckay2935 my heart goes out to you. Stay on your toes and RECORD EVERYTHING either on paper or with a device. The sooner you start "adding perspective", the better off you will be. Stay strong.
😥😥😥 This is exactly what I am experiencing right now, 4 years post divorce. I accepted 50/50 custody because the ex threatened to drag the kids through a horrible court battle. My ex is really involved and is working to align our youngest daughter to him. My heart feels like it is breaking every day.
I’m so thankful to hear this because I really needed it ,” my child doesn’t see me clear right now, but she will.” This is really scary place to be with your child. Long way to go.
From my experience, there needs to be protections in place for divorces. Narcs (at least the one I left) used the court aggressively to harass and traumatize me while I was already in shock and traumatized. He rushed EVERYTHING along, forcing me to make decisions I was not ready to make. And the courts encourage this crap.
My girls are 18 and 16. They have started for about 2 years to see who their Dad truly is. The oldest has been the scapegoat child with the young one being the golden child and was sexually abused by him. He constantly talks bad about me and the 18 year old to the 16 year old. They both figured out on their own that he is toxic. He is currently drawing them back in by love bombing the 18 year old after years of treating her very poorly and pretty much giving her the silent treatment. It gets so exhausting picking up the pieces when he triangulates them and when they come home from seeing him they definitely act differently towards me which is so painful. I’m working on healing myself and not letting him have real estate in my head. I’m exhausted, sad, and angry.
he is love bombing her with car buying and gifts and its sick… after he wanted me to abort her, he only wanted his son… but he’s lost control of my oldest so he is focused on her, and she is eating it up after craving his attention and it’s beyond awful
My narcissistic mother used my oldest daughter to punish me and created a smear campaign. No contact is the best thing to do, these narcissistic parents will never change!
I agree, my mother did that with my eldest daughter after threatening to take my children away from me. The hatred and loathing was very easy to see and the rages and fear she created is impossible to forgive. As much as I love her, I can't take it anymore and our home should not be a place to be feared. The smear campaign has already well and truly started, but it won't change anything. We've all pretty much gone no contact and I'm getting too old for her rubbish anymore, I'm 52 and my kids deserve better.
@@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm I agree with you, there's nothing much we can do narcissistic parents will never change, I also had to give up and go completely no contact with my narcissistic mother and entire dysfunctional family, no matter how much we love them, care about them , they will never do the same in return, they are evil and love chaos and problems, and is true what you said we are old to be going through this insanity they create in our daily lives, sending you hugs and blessings.
@@glendaruiz2477 thankyou that's so nice to receive, I've become very unused to kindness by others. Sending kindness, hugs, prosperity and blessings to you too🙂
The scary part about a Covert Passive aggressive Narc ( CPAN) is they hide every abusive comment and manipulation in their “concern” for you. Painful to realize he has been triangulating the children against me since they were young. My children are young adults and very confused as they are seeing their father suddenly care deeply about them and attend all their events and expressing interest in their interests. Trying to give them each space to figure it out is so hard and painful. He is way better at hiding the abuse and manipulation than I ever thought possible!
Thank you for the acronym because I seen a bunch of narcissistic acronyms and I have no idea what all of them are so seeing this one makes me want to go learn all of them because my husband is a straight narcissist but he fits the Spectrum on so many levels I don't even know what alphabets he is I feel like he's all of them but thank you for this comment
Yup so true my narcissistic mother does the same, she is good at hiding the demon she is. But she won't fool me anymore I know her game, no contact since 2016!
that is exactly how narcissists are. Don't believe them and don't listen to them or they will make you like them, and they are bad people. Protect your mind from their brainwashing tricks ok! Be safe and trust your other parent more.
Everytime i say no to her she screams at me .I prefer my daughters to remember their father as he really is.I do not risk it anymore.This war must be over , the circle of hatred must be stopped.
When divorce was final, he decided to take kids on vacation to see extended family. My one son, who was about 13 at the time, forgot his toothbrush and asked his dad to get one for him. His dad's response was, "That is what I pay your mother child support for." Such a low-life! And he couldn't figure out why I wanted out of the marriage! My son did get upset with him and told him off and he did buy the toothbrush for him. The narc has no clue why you need to get out. They are given so many opportunities to reform, but instead they get worse with their antics. It is the perfect time for them to reflect upon their actions and how they might change to prove their love. It never happens. I know that the more time went on, the worse he got, post divorce. If I ever questioned my decision to get out, he confirmed that I didn't make a mistake in doing so.
Thank you so much for this. I really needed to hear the part that “they may not see me clearly right now”. It’s so sad. It explains my sons behavior completely. When u said it may take a whole day to reconnect, you couldn’t be more spot on. It’s sad because he’s so so confused, but you’re right....eventually the truth WILL come out. Thank you for this!!!! I’m thankful for you!
I have 13 years of material on the worst psychopathic Narc divorce and “coparenting” ever! The kids are teens now and well aware that Narcissism is a mental illness and they also know to not allow anyone to manipulate them into a financial or emotional trap. Plus, children nowadays are different, they’re no fools. Awesome video! I have endless material for you, I’m not good at expressing this like you do. Thank you 🙏
Thank you, that really helped a lot. Still mind boggles my mind that there are people like this. The more I learn the more i realize their behavior still shocks me.
You are describing my life since 2006 when we divorced. I have 2 daughters. My youngest is the golden child and my oldest is the scapegoat. The youngest moved in with her narcissist dad and my oldest is in therapy. I went through the EXACT school situation.
Me too. He only agreed to the school when he realised he could benefit financially from the other children's parents as potential clients!!! The first year my child attended he put a flashy double page advertisement in the program of the Christmas Pageant! !! Talk about crass. I was mortified.
My youngest who is now 19 is so brainwashed. I have asked her what have I done to hurt you so much and she doesn’t know she responded with ... You should know. I asked her if she could please write down how I have disappointed her as a mother so I can acknowledge her feelings and be accountable and it ends there. I want so badly to try to explain to her how this happened but she is so attached to her dad my husband I can’t see her understanding it clearly and I don’t want her to dislike him the way she dislikes me. I also feel that she has been abused already and have lost me along the way I dont want to mess her up even more. It’s so complicated I really am at a loss.
U are talking about my daughter's aunts! I didn't understand how evil those ppl are until my children were grown ups! Narcissist are extremely evil ppl who want good ppl to fall & hurt real bad! It's so sad they have nothing better to do than to hurt good ppl who want kiss up to them!!!
God bless you. Never give up! Truth will ALWAYS win! Your sons will find out the truth one day! My mom made up terrible things about my dad. For example, a big earthquake a couple of moments before I went into my parent's room because of a nightmare. I climbed in the middle. Cozy. The earth shook! It was a BIG one! Daddy layover me to protect me. I was only eight years old. For year's mother accused Daddy of the unconscionable humping me! I didn't know what it implied, only that it was bad. There were many other things as well 😢. However, my Dad is wonderful ❤️😇. He is ninety. He was thrown out at gunpoint in the dark one night. I had been told as long as I didn't say anything, she would not hurt him. I didn't breathe. He still doesn't know that I would have chased him and gone with him. I was robbed of a beautiful love. So was he. I grieve all the time. I love him so much. I was horribly abused by my stepdad and mother. We were wealthy, white privileged. It doesn't matter what side of the street you live on bad goes both ways. If not for the love of God and my good brothers. My Dad. My dog. I would not be here. God put blessings on my head. I was homeless for a bit. Yes, poor little rich girl. Drugs. Etc. Just trust in God. Pray for your boys, and I will too. I promise you this they will know. Don't give up. Even if it is years, watch their progress. If you have to take pictures from a distance. Do that! Ok? Love in Christ. I'm so sorry 💔 for your suffering. My daughter is doing the same thing with my granddaughter. It is all written in the word of God. Trust in Him. 🙏😇🤗👑Amen
This is for all who are suffering parental alienation i want you to know that i am suffering the same. My covert narc ex. wife turned my kids against me and now its been 2 years. Since i have had any real communication with them, i never see them and they never inquire as to my well being, my phone calls go unanswered as well as my texts or emails, my ex told them that i am the Narcissist and they have gone no contact with me as a result. It has been bitter sweet , for the growth that I have received through this experience I would not trade it for anything, I miss my children none the less and it brings up my issues that I have learned how to regulate , bc at the beginning death would have been sweeter than enduring this psychological anguish! However, it is the pain and suffering of this world which is the fire that refines our character. And it is through acknowledgement and acceptance of our wounded inner child that brings us much joy even in the face of suffering. I want you to remember one thing and that is we suffer because we hold on to when we are able to let go of then our suffering diminishes, it doesn't mean you don't love any less , it means you are able now to love without the need of external validation or someone having to return your love, it is the most fulfilling experience and thus can only come about by the process i am about to share with you. Love returns unto you as you embellish love upon yourself, it is by this that you are able to love others without condition. When we have days like that, when we are feeling depressed or any other negative emotion it is our inner child crying out and giving us notice that there is an issue that requires our attention, now these issues go back to our childhood from our father and our mother either through our DNA or our environmental experience with or without our father and mother these issues come up from time to time and we don't address them they continually keep nagging us like a little child asking their daddy or mommy for something so they can be satisfied. it is at this time that you have to welcome your wounded inner child with acknowledgement and acceptance instead of running from him or her, By permitting distraction. As you do, you acknowledge and accept yourself. And if you acknowledge and accept yourself you are able to treat others the same.Do you understand the weight of that statement? So now by you taking the objective role as father or mother in the acknowledgment and acceptance of your own inner child you are now seeing what you were not willing to see previously and now you can have a discussion with your own inner child as to the intent as to the resolution through the acceptance of your inner child and the issue bringing it to full resolve through the love kindness and acceptance of the issue and of yourself. For love without condition begins with acceptance of all, both good and evil. i have simplified the process to better help your understanding or application remember your wounded inner child is represented in the issues caused by unforgiven offense or issues that you were innately born with, these issues are abandonment , abuse,betrayal, rejection , devalue , degrade , neglected, robbed or violated and being unloved. Everyone has these issues and we offend others with these issues as we are triggered, by circumstances that make our issues to surface into our momentary experience. Talking to yourself and acknowledging and accepting the pain of issue and or feeling as a parent acknowledges and accepts the presence of their own child is the key to healing , think of your issue or when someone offends you, as a river, if you will leave it alone let it go forgive immediately , then it will run its course, that's why Jesus says to turn the other cheek, problems arise when we seek to stop the flow thus damming up the river. by holding onto the offense and not letting it go! If we will just let it go it will run its course and that particular issue will no longer bother you, and acknowledging and accepting must happen first , then letting go is easy also understanding your parental relationship to yourself is essential. but remember we have a full lifetime of subjective issues that want to surface and finish their course , so be kind to yourself and let them come up and love on them and experience the feelings and when they are done , they leave and you feel right as rain! be thankful that they came. This is part of being refined by the fire! Submit to the process and you will heal! That i promise you! This is how you release all of your psychological baggage through loving yourself and understanding your relationship to your issues and feelings always be the loving and accepting parent to them.in the same way by treating your wounded inner child with acknowledgement and acceptance in loving kindness and hospitality. You are able to treat your own physical children the same. This is worth everything because your whole life it's all about how you treat yourself with love and kindness with acknowledgement and acceptance because now you can treat others the same way without hypocrisy it's not just a face it is your now authentic self. Jesus says to love the Lord God with all of your heart mind and soul and to LOVE OTHERS AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF! THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY COMMANDMENT THAT BOTH THE LAW AND THE PROPHETS HANG ON. It's the most important thing you can ever learn in your life! Here is the process in a more step by step form to alleviate your anxiety or any uncomfortable feeling , emotion or issue. it's a three step process and as you feel the issue , emotion uncomfortable feeling, or anxiety; 1.LET IT SURFACE into your experience Don't suppress or run or be distracted from it, embrace it like your very own wounded inner child, feel the feeling and discomfort , Very important: to Acknowledge and Accept it, with loving kindness and welcome it, with hospitality. 2.LET IT BE in whatever state that your feeling , let it remain with you until patience has her perfect work inside your heart and when it is finished, 3.LET IT GO and be thankful that it has run its course through the river or spring of your consciousness. Sidenote: Letting it run its course is essential bc normally we resist it and dam it up by suppressing it. Blessings!
Yes to all of this! My ex emailed out of the blue saying he was taking over the kids' schooling because I'm an "incompetent mother." I'm like, "you haven't seen them in 6 months....oh you have a new girlfriend you need to impress. Well that makes sense." 😂
This breaking my heart to see what is going on and knowingly what is going on cuz I'm studying his behavior and there's nothing I can do because I can't get the help I need and I don't want my son to suffer like that I don't want to do.
The narcissists in my life never wanted to have family meetings to go over their constant complaints. It’s because they were manipulating, and triangulating between the entire family. They didn’t want us to come together. Unity makes it hard for them to manipulate.
This is so eerily accurate. I'm a single mum living with a very covert narc mom. I can tell that when I'm away there are subtle conversations between her and my 2 kids because my son has hurled these unnecessary issues and criticism at me and it comes so randomly. It's so triggering and the need to explain and deal with it in a way that is gentle is such WORK . I really pray for everyone who has gone thru this 🙏
I need legal help with everything along with my case that I was wrongly I've done by The Narcissist to the fact that the game stocking and the stocking and my son and the my puppy my dog you know she controls that whole situation where I absolutely have nothing
My narcissist has had me in a constant cycle of kicking me out and then harassing me immediately after by calling 40 times and sending novels all day every day through text talking about how much of a shitty person I am and calling me a narcissist for abandoning her and the kids when she's the one who puts me out. Then manipulates my emotions using the children as weapons to force me back home
It is very sad to tell your kid. ..I am sorry I'll not try to explain exactly what is going on and you will understand when you're older. Specially when you have had this experience in your childhood and you know how it feels. They won't understand same way as an adult. It's heart breaking!
My n mother did her best to alienate my father against us. She eventually drove him away. She bullied is, neglected us…the emotional abuse caused lasting problems well into our 30s. All of us have struggled with addictions, anxiety, no confidence, depression, physical health problems, you name it. She never owned what she did to our family. All of us were broken by her narcissism. Please fight tooth and nail for your children. Narcissism is insidious and evil.
They will try anything withholding your car keys, taking your phone if they bought it, throwing you out their house in loud public scenes. Telling you the kids hate you living here anything really. Its usually what they saw their dad do to their mother make you feel uncapable of anything and anything you do is small or rubbish in their eyes. Karma
My child was completely turned against me by my narcissistic ex. He was raging because I filed for divorce . I’ve moved on and am engaged and very happy in a new relationship with a new baby . My child has turned very nasty and rude toward me. His father doesn’t care about him but pretends to . My child who is 13 suffered from emotional issues . He contacted cps while staying with his grandma, and accused me of abusing him. He has turned into a liar who will say anything. His father is confusing him and I feel bad for my son because he really thinks he is on the right side. I am fighting them in court and currently trying to protect my younger children
I am so exhausted of feeling like this I just want the best and it feels like all the right I'm doing, it just isnt enough I'm holding back everything I want to unleash. Feels like those who are genuinely doing the wrong thing. I just can't serve justice. I'm so fed up of waiting. It feels like it will never end no matter the good i do. I do find some comfort in this video so thank you.
This happened to me but with my Aunt and her daughter. They turned my daughter against me. And then when my daughter finally became an adult and wouldn't be exactly who they wanted they didn't want much to do with her anymore. Now they call me once in a while to see how my daughter is doing, probably just to mess with me. My family has been broken because of this since our daughter was little. It's been a very painful process. 💔 advice: be very careful who you let your children spend time with, even if they are relatives. Just because you are related doesn't mean it's healthy.
The malignant narc alcoholic ex has managed to smear campaign and triangulated my children against me. I dedicated and devoted my whole life..heart and soul to raising my children basically alone while also dealing with an abusive negligent cheating alcoholic ex who only takes care of his self serving needs. I was busy prioritizing protecting defending advocating for my children’s best interests and always will continue to unconditionally love care for and be there for them
This is so true for so many dedicated mothers with lazy self indulgent narc husbands. They take full advantage of your hard work and dedication and then try and break your heart by saying you're LAZY when the TRUTH is they are WORTHLESS LAZY SLOBS WHO DONT CARE ABOUT ANYONE EXCEPT THEMSELVES and make you do all the work around the place! As well as BRING UP THE CHILDREN AND TAKE THE PRIME RESPONSIBILITY!
This is a common tactic from the narc and it goes deep. It is not restricted to minor children in a custody dispute, it goes far beyond that. My narc abuser likes to post pictures of my son online, who passed away a year before I met the abuser. It bothers me a lot, and that is why he does it. These people have no limits to the depths that they will sink.
I resonate. The only way is communicate with your children. Reconnect and give them a lot more time and clarity. I believe truth does come out. Teach them rationality.Its simple that they simply want to do everything against you.
My stepfather did this to me and my siblings (who are his bio kids). He was telling us things to turn us against my mother and my uncle, who's close with my mother and he helped to raise us. He was planting seeds and lying on both my uncle and mom and even told us the reason why he and my mom broke up is because of my uncle and we were angry and resentful towards them but I eventually woke up and saw it but he still got his bio children under his spell. I pray that God open up their eyes and see the truth.
The points that you have raised in this are indeed all the things my partner’s ex partner does to this day. She is abusing the child and has physically and mentally tortured my partner and is still allowed to see the child…. It’s the unthinkable. I’m helping deal with the aftermath of this right now as we speak, thank you for your help x
Brought to tears 😓😭 just to hear you say it has nothing to do with me being a bad mother and everything to do with my narcissist parents... why did I ever let her go though this. I should have left and never looked back second my daughter was born. Thank you..
Yes Inoticed early on, when i read books about kindness , empathy on my then toddler then , the narc would sabotage and encourage the kid to throw rocks on geese we see at the parks, or talk about food chain, hunting and just hurting animals , it bothers me so much, I fight him all the time for that infront of the kid. now at 5 I find myself drilling good characters on my son. My son gets it and practice it, he corrects his dad every time he hears unkind things the narc dad would say or think, honestly unbelievable to hear a 5 yr old tell a old narc to be kind or the golden rule. one reason I’m still not leaving. I know for a fact hell get 50/50 and will manage to turn my kid into a narcissist like himself and take him away from him. So leaving the nightmare to save my son. So for people who say just leave.. this is not reality for others.
I groan over what all of you are going through. My ex left with the kids more than 17 years ago. I realized after about a month that her intention was for me to never see or hear from the kids ever again. I spent 4 years and over $25k (mostly debt) on attorneys and psychologists begging for someone to intervene to try and stop what she was doing. In the end, the only person anyone did anything to protect was the only one in my family that had never been abused. They all thought they were protecting the kids from a "potentially" abusive father. My son has told me I'll never see my grand kids, ever. This past January, I sent my daughter a letter, briefly explaining that her grandmother had passed away. She showed up at my door accusing me of stalking and if I didn't stop she would get a restraining order against me. Fortunately, I wasn't home. It rattled my wife who had never met her. My current wife's kids have known me for over 16 years and my wife comments that they've never uttered a single complaint against me. I have a family, now, that values me. life does go on but it is hard as hell. I still wake up at night wondering what I could have done differently. It's an unsolvable problem that never goes away. Live your life!! It's the only thing you can do.
Mark, you do go forward with one foot in front of the other. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, but with NPD you do end up having to cut your losses and move forward with those who value you. I've had to cut from my NPD relatives and it is very difficult to handle, but it is for the best. It goes against everything we think about ourselves as being kind people to turn and walk away from a child, a sister, a brother, a spouse - but in the end it turns out to be the only way. Pray about it and give it to God. He is the only one that can sooth and fix impossible problems.
My daughter attends dance school, she’s an amazing dancer. My covertly narc mother keeps saying “it’s not good for her to dance because she will not be able to have children in the future” 😳😂😂
It's so sad, your exactly right yes, they also bizarrely get mad when you show the kids more attention than them the big overgrown kids, omg wt heck? hah ha.
Glad to run across this youtube. My daughter has totally discarded me. Her dad was like a cancer. He made me out to be the abuser. I didn't know what was going on for the longest time. Church, friends, his family, my daughters friends I knew well, my daughters husband and his family etc. he has infected with lies about me. He had a world with my daughter that I didn't even know about. He set me up by getting together with friends, family, with my daughter taking trips. He then would make it seem like he didn't know where I was or why I didn't go to various events. He made new memories with my daughter and has destroyed the good memories she and I had. My daughter even hates my family and I do not really know why. My husband imploded in the Pastors office and said I screened at him and scared him. He said to the Pastor I cussed his mom out and put her in the corner of our house with the lights off. I have known his mom for over 40 yrs. Why would I do that. But people believed him and look at me as if I am horrible. That is not what I am made of. His acting skills are very good. He lied as if he was drinking water. It has broken my heart but with therapy of mindfulness I am learning to evolve. Though I will always love my daughter it will be up to her to come back to see me. She was given free will given to all of us by God which she is in control of. This is a crime I cant prove and he has gotten away with it.
He used our daughter as a pawn. He has always used money as a bribe. Married 22 years ,, I had to leave. He never thought I would have the strength. I have been paying for it since. I love my freedom, but it came at a cost. My young adult daughter has now fallen into my old role. He controls everything with money, and you need me. And she believes it. I'm now the outsider. His father did this to his mother , when she left and now he has done it with us.
I wish that was true, my daughter projected everything the mother did on me, & when presented the facts she would just say she didnt remember that or just get upset & walk away, my tears didnt even matter so I just had to let go.
You are not alone! It’s hard letting go when you never wanted to!!! What I continue to do with my 5kids is I’m always here if they call…. In my case yes i give way to much rope than I ever got from my exs or kids…. At least inside I can’t be blamed. . (I personally know the truth of what happened). My advice learn what’s meant will be, rather they return or we move on, how you behave is what matters. Finally be kind to yourself and pray not only for you but them to and mean it! Above that always Love you !!!! your all you got! God bless
@@mannyrob your absolutely right unless they experienced it they can't understand. If this helps it doesn't matter what they say, what is important is you know yourself. And yes God sees too or for atheists out there no judgment here. We personally know how we are treated... that's good enough at least to me
@@ericn.2374 thank you, it took a while to develop the who cares what they say mindset, im surprised know one has started a victims of narcissist abuse support group.
I was married to an evil Narcissist I haven't seen my only son in 3 years he turned my son against me got him to lie on me and say I threw a vase at him and went behind my back and took an order of protection for both of them had me falsely arrested pushed my elderly mom cause he knew that would trigger me. I had never been in trouble in my life tricked the system like he was innocent and made it look like I was a monster and he have custody of our son has me paying child support and won"t even allow me to see my son he brain washed my son so bad and told my son so many lies he acts like he doesn't have a mom it hurts me cause I know I was a good mom.I just married the wrong person now he took my son and moved away I don't know where they are we are divorced now.He took everything I owned he stole my apartment I had new furniture Ieverytime I went to my own apt they were arresting me so I left with the clothes on my back and had to start over from scratch Im still trying to recover from what iI lost So I had to give my situation to God and leave it alone.I pray everyday that God will open my sons eyes hes 14 now.
My parents set up an account from my six year old niece and keep trying to get me to see them through the child. My initial tactic was to only say nice things and to keep the mood light but that upsets them as much sas anything else.
Eventually, the children will wake up.. Heal yourself and find peace within . Today and tomorrow and the whole weeks ahead are going to be beautiful. Nobody can destroy yourself worth... The narcissistic person will fall . They can't keep that mask up forever. People will see and they will be exposed. Your children will communicate soon just give it time.
It doesn’t even have to be an ex. There was a lady that hated my guts and she barely knew me. She knew my parents, so she tried to get them against me. When she saw me at a clinic with my daughter, she tried to get her against me by lying to her that I don’t love her.
With a covert narcissist it can just be how they look at you. Yes you trigger from all the previous techniques used to keep you mentally unbalanced. You have no rights. No voice. They don't care about you. It's all about control and using you for their needs. It's their way or the highway, I cannot adequately describe the interior shattering. Look at a box of puzzle pieces. All the shades, textures, unmatched, scattered, displaced cookie-cutter bits of a larger image. The image of your life. After the narcissist got hold of it.
They also can "buy" a children. My ex is living with a narcissist now, for over a year, she got teenage girl. And what I see (and it's just a top of the iceberg), that this creep bying a girl. He spends a lot of money on her: he give her money on expensive clothes, for easy living, gave hwer freedom to came home at night (she's 13 years old!!). He also tryes to be like a buddy to her, wearing the same brand, for example. He got his own kid, but he didn't care about him (more like he hates him).
This has been such a hard decision for me to keep but I know it is the best thing I could ever do. On Christmas I was suppose to visit with my grand babies and they never picked up the phone to let me see them and I had to act like it did not bother me to not negatively react but that just it I have to act like it does not bother me, and this is the frame of mind they want me to act like nothing happens whenever they do stuff that I don't like and I am tired of all the games and the lies too, I been told stories in conversations, but I am not sure of any of it is true, it sounds good and it sounds like growth but in action it does not happen like that, they want me to pretend and not step on toes sort of speak to continue in the conversation act like what I am dealing with did not happen
One of the things my husband used to do when our children were younger was to say to them; "your mother doesn't want you to do such and such" when I would ask him to back me up. He wanted to make sure the children knew it was mom who was the bad guy saying no to something they wanted to do. He has never backed me up in the raising of our children. He rarely made any rules himself for them leaving all parenting up to me except to play with them. To this day the children in their adult years prefer him and spurn me. He almost never said no to them about anything and I was the one who tried to have boundaries for them. I had a rule that they couldn't just leave home to go somewhere without discussing it with me so I know who they were with and where they were going, he would tell them in front of them, "just let them go, you don't need to know all that." He was raised without rules and no accountability, allowed to run wild without supervision so he thought that was the way to raise children.
This is not true. I went through this @ my children grew up to lie, gaslight, manipulate me just like their father did. I had to cut them all out of my life. He was more of an influence on them than I was. I lost myself & it was extremely heartbreaking.
I’m currently facing a situation where my son (5 yr old) mother is not letting me talk to him, and she moved out of my knowledge to another state. We agreed I was going to see him for my birthday so I booked a plane ticket, I came and she is ignoring all my messages and not responding. I booked to stay 7 days so I can be with him until I go back to florida and I’m on day 4 and still haven’t seen him. It sucks because it takes me off my center. I started to do UA-cam videos and even takes me out of my creativity. So I’m looking for a way to transmute this energy, some days have been harder than others. I don’t know what else to do. Thanks for sharing this video.
My mother used to tell me that my children didn’t care about me and will treat me badly when they grow up. She was a narcissist and liked to hurt me. My children didn’t like her much and didn’t like to see her. I think that was the reason she said that. It was jealousy I think. .
What if a narcissistic step father makes you the scapegoat of the family because you were the only one who tried to call out his abusive behavior? I'm 40 years now, couldn't escape from that situation until I moved to another country and my mom supported me to get here and make my life, but I'm still struggling because she enabled him so bad there was always fights, yellings and I'd be blamed often for him getting angrier, because I defended myself. So many family reunions, Christmas and party events, ruined because of their fights and drinking. 😣
Debbie, 🎯🙏🏽Thank you. Spot On!. I always find it so challenging to explain but I'm thinking pretty much verbatim would suffice! Spot on!! to others, like authority figures, law enforcement, schools, doctors office, or judiciary basically verbatim of how you did here. Any other suggestions for folks when we're asked to defend ourselves for the 50thK time?🤔🙏🏽
But why? Its clear that they don't care. He keep saying he's going to take me to court for the kids but he doesn't even want to see them. Every 3 months he pops up at my door empty-handed.
With me, I also said that I was not comfortable for my child to go to holiday with my narc ex and his wife because I had safety concerns and not because I want to stop their fun or anything. However he did not ask me what my concerns were and escalated to his lawyers before you can click your fingers and then recorded me as he knew the lawyers were a trigger for me.
I cancelled a trip he planned without giving me any details where we were going. Very scary. Turns out it was the desert…. He made me take time off work for it so I planned a mini trip with just my son and I. I told him I refuse to go when he was screaming at both of us about cereal. What kind of a vacation do you just get yelled at in the desert?! He was so furious he started to retaliate by eating my food out of the fridge (knowing I’m a broke daycare worker), canceled my auto insurance the day before my birthday and all sorts of little things. Then took my son to an amusement park to outdo any adventures he and I had together. One day I hope my son sees these things clearly.
Last night he asked me what I plan to do to support myself if we separate And how I plan to be a mother and work at the same time and he said he’s just concerned Why is he not asking himself how he plans to be a father and work at the same time??? 😂 I’m starting to realize that most things he says to me are indeed attacks
Kalina I'm going through the same he has cheated and now he's telling me if I leave he doesn't want anything to do with the kids, and he's asking me how are you going to pay the rent I work, but I don't make as much as him. It's so hard when dealing with these people. They don't want what's best for the kids.
I'm definitely not passive I'm down right pissed off straight forward aggressive.and not forgiving when double-crossed disrespected and it gets me in Trouble for sure.. now I'll not be able to my see my sweet young daughter for awhile every time I can't seem to hold my tongue.. the good news is Ava will tell her mother straight up she misses me and wants to see her daddy so I guess I just need a little patience I..
I think my granddaughters mother is a narcissistic. It’s her way or the highway. We have missed two weekends seeing our granddaughter now and it breaking my heart and it’s killing me to that we can’t even tell our granddaughter that we haven’t forgot her. She want to erase her out of our lives. We raised her 5 and half years she’s had her the last year. My heart is broken
@Gemma Dann My son as contacted by CPS someone in her apartment turned her in about my granddaughters baby brother which was 2 and half months old. We have a lawyer involved since September our lawyer can’t get the CPS file due to they are still investigating it. Her mother is still ghosting us even our son the father. We do still get to see our granddaughter and our granddaughter says now they are moving. Also says her mothers putting thing into storage. She’s not going to live in a apartment if she thinks she will get turned in again. I have been praying hard for both my granddaughter and her baby brother
It's hard for me to forgive myself for marrying and procreating with narcissists...my poor children.
You could NOT have known. Don't blame yourself. These types are beyond sneaky, the are predators that scan your emotions and the things that are important to you and then exploit them to your harm. And that SUCKS. ITS.NOT.YOUR.FAULT
@@Sebyo Much appreciated....thank you!
Yes I feel the same. I waited a while before having a child too. I think something deep inside of me was trying to warn me.😕
Oh how I would like to talk! Most dont admit how procreation with a narcissist becomes a hell of something that should've been such a joy.
You didn’t know! It’s not your fault 💜🙏🏼
yes, my husband was damaging my children by making them think that I was crazy!!! He would gaslight me so bad and in private and would whisper in my ear to cause me to act out and my children would get scared of me...He would plant seeds here and there, and would smear my name to them behind my back....eventually they woke up and they got alittle older and I told them that he was abusing me. He was also trying to train my children to be like him and cheat and have many women.....He hated me that much...I was only 15 when I met him...I went through hell with this man....
I went through exactly the same.
Exactly what happened to me. He caught me when I was 16. I was running away from my malignant narcissist mother. He turned my 4 children against me exactly like your ex husband did to you. I never thought he could be that evil but it turns out he was a sociopath. Diagnosed through court ordered testing. I tested normal
@@Erika-my5kz I’m sorry to hear that. My 4 are adults and I still don’t speak to them. They are exactly like him.
She manipulated my 10 year old daughter to call the police last August.My 5 year old daughter asked me if i am bad.Now she uses my kids for hoovering.I cannot handle it anymore.It is a spiritual warfare.Everytime i try to get close to my kids me we get traumatized psycologically.I leave it to Jesus.It is a mission impossible!!!
Take care of yourself first bro. I’m in the same situation. It’s something you can never control. They never change. Make a new life bro. It’s not easy but you can
These people are truly sick you just have to give it to God
@@douglaslandfield Your kids are apart of the bad seed narcissists have Nephilim blood not human beings 100%. You deny God without actually knowing God by wanting to find out all the answers in the Bible, and lost books of the Bible. The mark of the beast will change your DNA that is another reason we can not be saved after that.
My ex and my cousin (who he went off with) has done this for years and my 23 and 21 year old still have a weird connection with me now because of years of it yet I have done nothing wrong and always been there when their dad has left them to fend for themselves.. it was their dad who was the violent one yet they seem to idolise him.
After multiple rounds in court of false allegations of sexual abuse, spousal rape, murder, attempted murder, identity theft and the list goes on, and her failure to follow visitation orders so I went long periods without seeing my kids, she turned them against me. It's like a nightmare that never ends. I finally walked away because I could see it tearing my kids, and me, apart. I hope my kids see the truth one day and reconnect. Narcissist are evil incarnate.
Stay strong .
I can empathize with you because I see that coming real soon.
I am very sorry to hear that man. I am going through the exact same thing now. Accused of rape, accused of fighting her, her parents yet she only wants to do drop-offs @ her house and her parents house even though I have made it mandatory to meet @ the precinct. Unbelievable. Somehow, no one seems to understand. I don’t get it!
They are awful. It breaks my heart that my son is so different when he comes home. He's scared, he started saying he wants to die. Their dad is evil, and I can't handle it.
I identify with this so much that I'm sure we both carry that same constant pang of anguish. Sometimes it seizes up my chest and i don't know how i can keep going where there is no law or morality. We have no choice but to be our own champions. I cannot even the score with a lawyer for myself, the truth, or justice. Nature's law told me that the violater must be torn to shreds. In the face of alienation at this very moment, i choose to lay my armor down. I could petition for mediation, stand up for myself and my inalieable rights, and i would be a fool to do so. Water will extinguish fire. Resistance is futile but to learn the art of war is to value the concept of time. This is but a battle, in a great and terrible war. My fears and insecurities are great and terrible. Why swing blindingly whilst the children stand helpless in between? I can never do it again. Through understanding what love really requires, i am able to sacrifice knowing it is better that i exist without friction for my children to percieve me in truth. The pain is insurmountable.
"Father, father, Why have you forsaken me?"
I used to cry
Now i just bow my head and pray, "forgive them father for they know not what they do. "
So painful when your kids turned against you 😩😩😩😓
Spot on ma’am, they don’t really want anything to do with their children ( only when they need something or benefit from it even if in the sickest way). Kids do see it , just be there for them ( is hell for a while after). Poor kids, they are just trying so hard to process it all
My narcissist likes to play "good cop, bad cop", to triangulate myself with the kids. She is more interested in presenting herself as their equal (like bending the rules for them), where I'm scapegoated as the enforcing parent, that's always "the rain on the parade".
They're so cruel to the kids. My ex told my kids I didn't care about them and visitation was only so I could get rid of them. Narcissists are monsters (yes, I know, they're human) but they're monsters all the same. Be safe out there.
I've had to deal with this good cop bad cop scenario for years, my ex would keep telling our son that he's his best friend, he would keep undermining me when I'm trying to parent for example I would tell our son to have a shower, and my ex would shout down and say but he had one this morning, and my son would be like yeah mum I had one this morning, but I'm like we are in the middle of a pandemic and you've just come back from school running around sweaty you can go take a shower and it would be shit like that. He would always be the fun one buy gifts all the time. Constantly trying to compete with me it's exhausting.
You and me both man
Mine does the same and he actually is a cop 😭
@@soonermckay2935 my heart goes out to you. Stay on your toes and RECORD EVERYTHING either on paper or with a device. The sooner you start "adding perspective", the better off you will be. Stay strong.
Everything you said is SPOT ON!! Its worst than Sad!! Its like a wound that Never Heals.😢😢😢😢
I am from a family of narcissists. My mother has nothing good in her. Lucky for me she is old because she will never change.
😥😥😥 This is exactly what I am experiencing right now, 4 years post divorce. I accepted 50/50 custody because the ex threatened to drag the kids through a horrible court battle. My ex is really involved and is working to align our youngest daughter to him. My heart feels like it is breaking every day.
I’m so thankful to hear this because I really needed it ,” my child doesn’t see me clear right now, but she will.” This is really scary place to be with your child. Long way to go.
Prayers to help and do not give up.
ua-cam.com/play/PLPNQdAefzkSNenmX0clUUdyZEr7m2AYte.html
I know freaking out.
May god bless ur soul... For being that... Patient.. i promise truth is very powerful and ur intentions will be understood by ur kid soon.
In same boat
From my experience, there needs to be protections in place for divorces. Narcs (at least the one I left) used the court aggressively to harass and traumatize me while I was already in shock and traumatized. He rushed EVERYTHING along, forcing me to make decisions I was not ready to make. And the courts encourage this crap.
My girls are 18 and 16. They have started for about 2 years to see who their Dad truly is. The oldest has been the scapegoat child with the young one being the golden child and was sexually abused by him. He constantly talks bad about me and the 18 year old to the 16 year old. They both figured out on their own that he is toxic. He is currently drawing them back in by love bombing the 18 year old after years of treating her very poorly and pretty much giving her the silent treatment. It gets so exhausting picking up the pieces when he triangulates them and when they come home from seeing him they definitely act differently towards me which is so painful. I’m working on healing myself and not letting him have real estate in my head. I’m exhausted, sad, and angry.
Prayers to help and do not give up.
ua-cam.com/play/PLPNQdAefzkSNenmX0clUUdyZEr7m2AYte.html
Believe me I understand your situation perfectly.
But why in the fu?$& are they still going around him if he sexually abused him slow ass bi5)!
its so horrific to watch, my daughter even told her friend that me and my dad never had relationship until the divorce
he is love bombing her with car buying and gifts and its sick… after he wanted me to abort her, he only wanted his son… but he’s lost control of my oldest so he is focused on her, and she is eating it up after craving his attention and it’s beyond awful
Recognized all the behaviours the kids bring home after visitation.
Sometimes do they act mean for no reason after visitation?
My narcissistic mother used my oldest daughter to punish me and created a smear campaign. No contact is the best thing to do, these narcissistic parents will never change!
How do you go no contact having a child with one?
I agree, no contact is best. If not possible then a very controlled visit would be in order. It is such a hard situation that sneaks up on you.
I agree, my mother did that with my eldest daughter after threatening to take my children away from me. The hatred and loathing was very easy to see and the rages and fear she created is impossible to forgive. As much as I love her, I can't take it anymore and our home should not be a place to be feared. The smear campaign has already well and truly started, but it won't change anything. We've all pretty much gone no contact and I'm getting too old for her rubbish anymore, I'm 52 and my kids deserve better.
@@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm I agree with you, there's nothing much we can do narcissistic parents will never change, I also had to give up and go completely no contact with my narcissistic mother and entire dysfunctional family, no matter how much we love them, care about them , they will never do the same in return, they are evil and love chaos and problems, and is true what you said we are old to be going through this insanity they create in our daily lives, sending you hugs and blessings.
@@glendaruiz2477 thankyou that's so nice to receive, I've become very unused to kindness by others. Sending kindness, hugs, prosperity and blessings to you too🙂
The scary part about a Covert Passive aggressive Narc ( CPAN) is they hide every abusive comment and manipulation in their “concern” for you. Painful to realize he has been triangulating the children against me since they were young. My children are young adults and very confused as they are seeing their father suddenly care deeply about them and attend all their events and expressing interest in their interests. Trying to give them each space to figure it out is so hard and painful. He is way better at hiding the abuse and manipulation than I ever thought possible!
Thank you for the acronym because I seen a bunch of narcissistic acronyms and I have no idea what all of them are so seeing this one makes me want to go learn all of them because my husband is a straight narcissist but he fits the Spectrum on so many levels I don't even know what alphabets he is I feel like he's all of them but thank you for this comment
Yup so true my narcissistic mother does the same, she is good at hiding the demon she is. But she won't fool me anymore I know her game, no contact since 2016!
well they start feeling pretty lonely once everyone leaves them They try to.pretend they were ALWAYS caring! haha what a joke!
My mum and gran make turning me against people like a fun exciting game
that is exactly how narcissists are. Don't believe them and don't listen to them or they will make you like them, and they are bad people. Protect your mind from their brainwashing tricks ok! Be safe and trust your other parent more.
Everytime i say no to her she screams at me .I prefer my daughters to remember their father as he really is.I do not risk it anymore.This war must be over , the circle of hatred must be stopped.
I definitely agree
When divorce was final, he decided to take kids on vacation to see extended family. My one son, who was about 13 at the time, forgot his toothbrush and asked his dad to get one for him. His dad's response was, "That is what I pay your mother child support for." Such a low-life! And he couldn't figure out why I wanted out of the marriage! My son did get upset with him and told him off and he did buy the toothbrush for him.
The narc has no clue why you need to get out. They are given so many opportunities to reform, but instead they get worse with their antics. It is the perfect time for them to reflect upon their actions and how they might change to prove their love. It never happens.
I know that the more time went on, the worse he got, post divorce. If I ever questioned my decision to get out, he confirmed that I didn't make a mistake in doing so.
Thank you so much for this. I really needed to hear the part that “they may not see me clearly right now”. It’s so sad. It explains my sons behavior completely. When u said it may take a whole day to reconnect, you couldn’t be more spot on. It’s sad because he’s so so confused, but you’re right....eventually the truth WILL come out. Thank you for this!!!! I’m thankful for you!
Prayers to help and do not give up.
ua-cam.com/play/PLPNQdAefzkSNenmX0clUUdyZEr7m2AYte.html
I have 13 years of material on the worst psychopathic Narc divorce and “coparenting” ever! The kids are teens now and well aware that Narcissism is a mental illness and they also know to not allow anyone to manipulate them into a financial or emotional trap. Plus, children nowadays are different, they’re no fools. Awesome video! I have endless material for you, I’m not good at expressing this like you do. Thank you 🙏
Thank you, that really helped a lot. Still mind boggles my mind that there are people like this. The more I learn the more i realize their behavior still shocks me.
I feel the same way Lisa. So glad the video was helpful xx
You are describing my life since 2006 when we divorced. I have 2 daughters. My youngest is the golden child and my oldest is the scapegoat. The youngest moved in with her narcissist dad and my oldest is in therapy.
I went through the EXACT school situation.
Me too. He only agreed to the school when he realised he could benefit financially from the other children's parents as potential clients!!! The first year my child attended he put a flashy double page advertisement in the program of the Christmas Pageant! !! Talk about crass. I was mortified.
Oh my God, it’s the same pattern! I thought you describe my situation 😲. Thank you for your support 😘🤗
My youngest who is now 19 is so brainwashed. I have asked her what have I done to hurt you so much and she doesn’t know she responded with ... You should know. I asked her if she could please write down how I have disappointed her as a mother so I can acknowledge her feelings and be accountable and it ends there. I want so badly to try to explain to her how this happened but she is so attached to her dad my husband I can’t see her understanding it clearly and I don’t want her to dislike him the way she dislikes me. I also feel that she has been abused already and have lost me along the way I dont want to mess her up even more. It’s so complicated I really am at a loss.
I'm sorry
They really BUILD attachment with certain kids who are vulnerable so they can use them later to validate their parenthood. sick!
..sad...a devil in human flesh..i wish i didnt marry & procreate with nasty soul...God help us from this evil woman
U are talking about my daughter's aunts! I didn't understand how evil those ppl are until my children were grown ups! Narcissist are extremely evil ppl who want good ppl to fall & hurt real bad! It's so sad they have nothing better to do than to hurt good ppl who want kiss up to them!!!
I'm a black father going through a divorce with 2 young son's.... this is the worst pain...I'm better than my father but I'm not allowed to be 😠😞😩
I understand bro
God bless you. Never give up! Truth will ALWAYS win! Your sons will find out the truth one day! My mom made up terrible things about my dad. For example, a big earthquake a couple of moments before I went into my parent's room because of a nightmare. I climbed in the middle. Cozy. The earth shook! It was a BIG one! Daddy layover me to protect me. I was only eight years old. For year's mother accused Daddy of the unconscionable humping me! I didn't know what it implied, only that it was bad. There were many other things as well 😢. However, my Dad is wonderful ❤️😇. He is ninety. He was thrown out at gunpoint in the dark one night. I had been told as long as I didn't say anything, she would not hurt him. I didn't breathe. He still doesn't know that I would have chased him and gone with him. I was robbed of a beautiful love. So was he. I grieve all the time. I love him so much.
I was horribly abused by my stepdad and mother. We were wealthy, white privileged. It doesn't matter what side of the street you live on bad goes both ways.
If not for the love of God and my good brothers. My Dad. My dog. I would not be here. God put blessings on my head. I was homeless for a bit. Yes, poor little rich girl. Drugs. Etc. Just trust in God. Pray for your boys, and I will too. I promise you this they will know. Don't give up. Even if it is years, watch their progress. If you have to take pictures from a distance. Do that! Ok? Love in Christ. I'm so sorry 💔 for your suffering.
My daughter is doing the same thing with my granddaughter. It is all written in the word of God. Trust in Him. 🙏😇🤗👑Amen
This is for all who are suffering parental alienation i want you to know that i am suffering the same. My covert narc ex. wife turned my kids against me and now its been 2 years. Since i have had any real communication with them, i never see them and they never inquire as to my well being, my phone calls go unanswered as well as my texts or emails, my ex told them that i am the Narcissist and they have gone no contact with me as a result.
It has been bitter sweet , for the growth that I have received through this experience I would not trade it for anything, I miss my children none the less and it brings up my issues that I have learned how to regulate , bc at the beginning death would have been sweeter than enduring this psychological anguish!
However, it is the pain and suffering of this world which is the fire that refines our character.
And it is through acknowledgement and acceptance of our wounded inner child that brings us much joy even in the face of suffering.
I want you to remember one thing and that is we suffer because we hold on to when we are able to let go of then our suffering diminishes, it doesn't mean you don't love any less , it means you are able now to love without the need of external validation or someone having to return your love, it is the most fulfilling experience and thus can only come about by the process i am about to share with you.
Love returns unto you as you embellish love upon yourself, it is by this that you are able to love others without condition.
When we have days like that, when we are feeling depressed or any other negative emotion it is our inner child crying out and giving us notice that there is an issue that requires our attention, now these issues go back to our childhood from our father and our mother either through our DNA or our environmental experience with or without our father and mother these issues come up from time to time and we don't address them they continually keep nagging us like a little child asking their daddy or mommy for something so they can be satisfied. it is at this time that you have to welcome your wounded inner child with acknowledgement and acceptance instead of running from him or her, By permitting distraction.
As you do, you acknowledge and accept yourself. And if you acknowledge and accept yourself you are able to treat others the same.Do you understand the weight of that statement?
So now by you taking the objective role as father or mother in the acknowledgment and acceptance of your own inner child you are now seeing what you were not willing to see previously and now you can have a discussion with your own inner child as to the intent as to the resolution through the acceptance of your inner child and the issue bringing it to full resolve through the love kindness and acceptance of the issue and of yourself.
For love without condition begins with acceptance of all, both good and evil.
i have simplified the process to better help your understanding or application remember your wounded inner child is represented in the issues caused by unforgiven offense or issues that you were innately born with, these issues are abandonment , abuse,betrayal, rejection , devalue , degrade , neglected, robbed or violated and being unloved.
Everyone has these issues and we offend others with these issues as we are triggered, by circumstances that make our issues to surface into our momentary experience.
Talking to yourself and acknowledging and accepting the pain of issue and or feeling as a parent acknowledges and accepts the presence of their own child is the key to healing , think of your issue or when someone offends you, as a river, if you will leave it alone let it go forgive immediately , then it will run its course, that's why Jesus says to turn the other cheek, problems arise when we seek to stop the flow thus damming up the river. by holding onto the offense and not letting it go!
If we will just let it go it will run its course and that particular issue will no longer bother you, and acknowledging and accepting must happen first , then letting go is easy also understanding your parental relationship to yourself is essential. but remember we have a full lifetime of subjective issues that want to surface and finish their course , so be kind to yourself and let them come up and love on them and experience the feelings and when they are done , they leave and you feel right as rain!
be thankful that they came. This is part of being refined by the fire! Submit to the process and you will heal! That i promise you!
This is how you release all of your psychological baggage through loving yourself and understanding your relationship to your issues and feelings always be the loving and accepting parent to them.in the same way by treating your wounded inner child with acknowledgement and acceptance in loving kindness and hospitality. You are able to treat your own physical children the same. This is worth everything because your whole life it's all about how you treat yourself with love and kindness with acknowledgement and acceptance because now you can treat others the same way without hypocrisy it's not just a face it is your now authentic self.
Jesus says to love the Lord God with all of your heart mind and soul and to LOVE OTHERS AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF!
THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY COMMANDMENT THAT BOTH THE LAW AND THE PROPHETS HANG ON.
It's the most important thing you can ever learn in your life!
Here is the process in a more step by step form to alleviate your anxiety or any uncomfortable feeling , emotion or issue.
it's a three step process and as you feel the issue , emotion uncomfortable feeling, or anxiety;
1.LET IT SURFACE into your experience
Don't suppress or run or be distracted from it, embrace it like your very own wounded inner child, feel the feeling and discomfort ,
Very important: to Acknowledge and Accept it, with loving kindness and welcome it, with hospitality.
2.LET IT BE in whatever state that your feeling , let it remain with you until patience has her perfect work inside your heart and when it is finished,
3.LET IT GO and be thankful that it has run its course through the river or spring of your consciousness.
Sidenote: Letting it run its course is essential bc normally we resist it and dam it up by suppressing it.
Blessings!
Thank you I'm so sorry for you 😢
Wow! I’m lost for words. This is so powerful.
even my grandson was used as my husband saw how close wewere he would inject himself with zero thought or planning and then nothing
Yes to all of this! My ex emailed out of the blue saying he was taking over the kids' schooling because I'm an "incompetent mother." I'm like, "you haven't seen them in 6 months....oh you have a new girlfriend you need to impress. Well that makes sense." 😂
Spot on Debbie.
I'm facing a family a group of narcissist. I will resist them to my last breath.
Same here❤💪🏾
This breaking my heart to see what is going on and knowingly what is going on cuz I'm studying his behavior and there's nothing I can do because I can't get the help I need and I don't want my son to suffer like that I don't want to do.
I can't even imagine until I learned this today. This is worst like hell
The narcissists in my life never wanted to have family meetings to go over their constant complaints. It’s because they were manipulating, and triangulating between the entire family. They didn’t want us to come together. Unity makes it hard for them to manipulate.
Blessings and hope to all of you!
This video is incredibly validating, over and over again. You speak right to me and for me. Thank you, Debbie, for another help for healing.
I'm so glad Donnell. You are so welcome xx
This is so eerily accurate. I'm a single mum living with a very covert narc mom. I can tell that when I'm away there are subtle conversations between her and my 2 kids because my son has hurled these unnecessary issues and criticism at me and it comes so randomly. It's so triggering and the need to explain and deal with it in a way that is gentle is such WORK . I really pray for everyone who has gone thru this 🙏
Thank you for helping me
Thank you, this is so true and helpful x
I needed this. So much. Thank you.
Thank you :) So appreciate your sharing this.
I need legal help with everything along with my case that I was wrongly I've done by The Narcissist to the fact that the game stocking and the stocking and my son and the my puppy my dog you know she controls that whole situation where I absolutely have nothing
My narcissist has had me in a constant cycle of kicking me out and then harassing me immediately after by calling 40 times and sending novels all day every day through text talking about how much of a shitty person I am and calling me a narcissist for abandoning her and the kids when she's the one who puts me out. Then manipulates my emotions using the children as weapons to force me back home
That’s what’s happening to me right now
In similar situations!! I am done with the narc, but a tough road lies ahead.
Great content! Especially about her attorney not being able to reach her after the kids brought up and the self doubt state of mind.
Teaching to help and do not give.
ua-cam.com/play/PLPNQdAefzkSMKMcCCZAROMCxCJF0VkaKs.html
Reminds me of my dad and my sister with their kids. Heartbreaking.
It is very sad to tell your kid. ..I am sorry I'll not try to explain exactly what is going on and you will understand when you're older. Specially when you have had this experience in your childhood and you know how it feels. They won't understand same way as an adult. It's heart breaking!
thanks Debbie!!!
Thank you. This information is right on. What you say is very helpful.
I'm so glad. Thank you Keith!
Thank you for helping me understand
You're so welcome! xx
Me too! The worst mistake of my life!
My n mother did her best to alienate my father against us. She eventually drove him away. She bullied is, neglected us…the emotional abuse caused lasting problems well into our 30s. All of us have struggled with addictions, anxiety, no confidence, depression, physical health problems, you name it. She never owned what she did to our family. All of us were broken by her narcissism. Please fight tooth and nail for your children. Narcissism is insidious and evil.
Great video Debbie. Exactly what happened to me. Xx
They will try anything withholding your car keys, taking your phone if they bought it, throwing you out their house in loud public scenes. Telling you the kids hate you living here anything really. Its usually what they saw their dad do to their mother make you feel uncapable of anything and anything you do is small or rubbish in their eyes. Karma
My child was completely turned against me by my narcissistic ex. He was raging because I filed for divorce . I’ve moved on and am engaged and very happy in a new relationship with a new baby . My child has turned very nasty and rude toward me. His father doesn’t care about him but pretends to . My child who is 13 suffered from emotional issues . He contacted cps while staying with his grandma, and accused me of abusing him. He has turned into a liar who will say anything. His father is confusing him and I feel bad for my son because he really thinks he is on the right side. I am fighting them in court and currently trying to protect my younger children
I am so exhausted of feeling like this I just want the best and it feels like all the right I'm doing, it just isnt enough I'm holding back everything I want to unleash. Feels like those who are genuinely doing the wrong thing. I just can't serve justice. I'm so fed up of waiting. It feels like it will never end no matter the good i do. I do find some comfort in this video so thank you.
This happened to me but with my Aunt and her daughter. They turned my daughter against me. And then when my daughter finally became an adult and wouldn't be exactly who they wanted they didn't want much to do with her anymore. Now they call me once in a while to see how my daughter is doing, probably just to mess with me. My family has been broken because of this since our daughter was little. It's been a very painful process. 💔 advice: be very careful who you let your children spend time with, even if they are relatives. Just because you are related doesn't mean it's healthy.
The malignant narc alcoholic ex has managed to smear campaign and triangulated my children against me.
I dedicated and devoted my whole life..heart and soul to raising my children basically alone while also dealing with an abusive negligent cheating alcoholic ex who only takes care of his self serving needs.
I was busy prioritizing protecting defending advocating for my children’s best interests and always will continue to unconditionally love care for and be there for them
This is so true for so many dedicated mothers with lazy self indulgent narc husbands. They take full advantage of your hard work and dedication and then try and break your heart by saying you're LAZY when the TRUTH is they are WORTHLESS LAZY SLOBS WHO DONT CARE ABOUT ANYONE EXCEPT THEMSELVES and make you do all the work around the place! As well as BRING UP THE CHILDREN AND TAKE THE PRIME RESPONSIBILITY!
This is a common tactic from the narc and it goes deep. It is not restricted to minor children in a custody dispute, it goes far beyond that. My narc abuser likes to post pictures of my son online, who passed away a year before I met the abuser. It bothers me a lot, and that is why he does it. These people have no limits to the depths that they will sink.
I resonate. The only way is communicate with your children. Reconnect and give them a lot more time and clarity. I believe truth does come out. Teach them rationality.Its simple that they simply want to do everything against you.
My stepfather did this to me and my siblings (who are his bio kids). He was telling us things to turn us against my mother and my uncle, who's close with my mother and he helped to raise us. He was planting seeds and lying on both my uncle and mom and even told us the reason why he and my mom broke up is because of my uncle and we were angry and resentful towards them but I eventually woke up and saw it but he still got his bio children under his spell. I pray that God open up their eyes and see the truth.
The points that you have raised in this are indeed all the things my partner’s ex partner does to this day. She is abusing the child and has physically and mentally tortured my partner and is still allowed to see the child…. It’s the unthinkable. I’m helping deal with the aftermath of this right now as we speak, thank you for your help x
Brought to tears 😓😭 just to hear you say it has nothing to do with me being a bad mother and everything to do with my narcissist parents... why did I ever let her go though this. I should have left and never looked back second my daughter was born.
Thank you..
Teaching to help and do not give.
ua-cam.com/play/PLPNQdAefzkSMKMcCCZAROMCxCJF0VkaKs.html
This was really helpful. The holidays are extra rough.
Yes Inoticed early on, when i read books about kindness , empathy on my then toddler then , the narc would sabotage and encourage the kid to throw rocks on geese we see at the parks, or talk about food chain, hunting and just hurting animals , it bothers me so much, I fight him all the time for that infront of the kid. now at 5 I find myself drilling good characters on my son. My son gets it and practice it, he corrects his dad every time he hears unkind things the narc dad would say or think, honestly unbelievable to hear a 5 yr old tell a old narc to be kind or the golden rule. one reason I’m still not leaving. I know for a fact hell get 50/50 and will manage to turn my kid into a narcissist like himself and take him away from him. So leaving the nightmare to save my son. So for people who say just leave.. this is not reality for others.
I groan over what all of you are going through. My ex left with the kids more than 17 years ago. I realized after about a month that her intention was for me to never see or hear from the kids ever again. I spent 4 years and over $25k (mostly debt) on attorneys and psychologists begging for someone to intervene to try and stop what she was doing. In the end, the only person anyone did anything to protect was the only one in my family that had never been abused. They all thought they were protecting the kids from a "potentially" abusive father. My son has told me I'll never see my grand kids, ever. This past January, I sent my daughter a letter, briefly explaining that her grandmother had passed away. She showed up at my door accusing me of stalking and if I didn't stop she would get a restraining order against me. Fortunately, I wasn't home. It rattled my wife who had never met her. My current wife's kids have known me for over 16 years and my wife comments that they've never uttered a single complaint against me. I have a family, now, that values me. life does go on but it is hard as hell. I still wake up at night wondering what I could have done differently. It's an unsolvable problem that never goes away. Live your life!! It's the only thing you can do.
Mark, you do go forward with one foot in front of the other. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, but with NPD you do end up having to cut your losses and move forward with those who value you. I've had to cut from my NPD relatives and it is very difficult to handle, but it is for the best. It goes against everything we think about ourselves as being kind people to turn and walk away from a child, a sister, a brother, a spouse - but in the end it turns out to be the only way. Pray about it and give it to God. He is the only one that can sooth and fix impossible problems.
THANK YOUUUU 💙💙💙💙💙
I'm just grateful that it's a narc grandparent and not a narc co-parent
My daughter attends dance school, she’s an amazing dancer. My covertly narc mother keeps saying “it’s not good for her to dance because she will not be able to have children in the future” 😳😂😂
It's so sad, your exactly right yes, they also bizarrely get mad when you show the kids more attention than them the big overgrown kids, omg wt heck? hah ha.
Glad to run across this youtube. My daughter has totally discarded me. Her dad was like a cancer. He made me out to be the abuser. I didn't know what was going on for the longest time. Church, friends, his family, my daughters friends I knew well, my daughters husband and his family etc. he has infected with lies about me. He had a world with my daughter that I didn't even know about. He set me up by getting together with friends, family, with my daughter taking trips. He then would make it seem like he didn't know where I was or why I didn't go to various events. He made new memories with my daughter and has destroyed the good memories she and I had.
My daughter even hates my family and I do not really know why. My husband imploded in the Pastors office and said I screened at him and scared him. He said to the Pastor I cussed his mom out and put her in the corner of our house with the lights off. I have known his mom for over 40 yrs. Why would I do that. But people believed him and look at me as if I am horrible. That is not what I am made of. His acting skills are very good. He lied as if he was drinking water. It has broken my heart but with therapy of mindfulness I am learning to evolve. Though I will always love my daughter it will be up to her to come back to see me. She was given free will given to all of us by God which she is in control of. This is a crime I cant prove and he has gotten away with it.
Thank you
He used our daughter as a pawn. He has always used money as a bribe. Married 22 years ,, I had to leave. He never thought I would have the strength. I have been paying for it since. I love my freedom, but it came at a cost. My young adult daughter has now fallen into my old role. He controls everything with money, and you need me. And she believes it. I'm now the outsider. His father did this to his mother , when she left and now he has done it with us.
I wish that was true, my daughter projected everything the mother did on me, & when presented the facts she would just say she didnt remember that or just get upset & walk away, my tears didnt even matter so I just had to let go.
You are not alone! It’s hard letting go when you never wanted to!!! What I continue to do with my 5kids is I’m always here if they call…. In my case yes i give way to much rope than I ever got from my exs or kids…. At least inside I can’t be blamed. . (I personally know the truth of what happened). My advice learn what’s meant will be, rather they return or we move on, how you behave is what matters. Finally be kind to yourself and pray not only for you but them to and mean it! Above that always Love you !!!! your all you got! God bless
@@ericn.2374 so true, people will criticize us for staying away but unless you have gone through this they will never understand
@@mannyrob your absolutely right unless they experienced it they can't understand. If this helps it doesn't matter what they say, what is important is you know yourself. And yes God sees too or for atheists out there no judgment here. We personally know how we are treated... that's good enough at least to me
@@ericn.2374 thank you, it took a while to develop the who cares what they say mindset, im surprised know one has started a victims of narcissist abuse support group.
The only thing worse is staying, the toxicity doesn’t do your kids any favors. Hope you got out.
I was married to an evil Narcissist I haven't seen my only son in 3 years he turned my son against me got him to lie on me and say I threw a vase at him and went behind my back and took an order of protection for both of them had me falsely arrested pushed my elderly mom cause he knew that would trigger me. I had never been in trouble in my life tricked the system like he was innocent and made it look like I was a monster and he have custody of our son has me paying child support and won"t even allow me to see my son he brain washed my son so bad and told my son so many lies he acts like he doesn't have a mom it hurts me cause I know I was a good mom.I just married the wrong person now he took my son and moved away I don't know where they are we are divorced now.He took everything I owned he stole my apartment I had new furniture Ieverytime I went to my own apt they were arresting me so I left with the clothes on my back and had to start over from scratch Im still trying to recover from what iI lost So I had to give my situation to God and leave it alone.I pray everyday that God will open my sons eyes hes 14 now.
My parents set up an account from my six year old niece and keep trying to get me to see them through the child.
My initial tactic was to only say nice things and to keep the mood light but that upsets them as much sas anything else.
I remember my oldest daughter studying the behavior of narcissistic people
Eventually, the children will wake up.. Heal yourself and find peace within . Today and tomorrow and the whole weeks ahead are going to be beautiful. Nobody can destroy yourself worth...
The narcissistic person will fall . They can't keep that mask up forever. People will see and they will be exposed. Your children will communicate soon just give it time.
It doesn’t even have to be an ex. There was a lady that hated my guts and she barely knew me. She knew my parents, so she tried to get them against me. When she saw me at a clinic with my daughter, she tried to get her against me by lying to her that I don’t love her.
With a covert narcissist it can just be how they look at you. Yes you trigger from all the previous techniques used to keep you mentally unbalanced. You have no rights. No voice. They don't care about you. It's all about control and using you for their needs. It's their way or the highway, I cannot adequately describe the interior shattering. Look at a box of puzzle pieces. All the shades, textures, unmatched, scattered, displaced cookie-cutter bits of a larger image. The image of your life. After the narcissist got hold of it.
They also can "buy" a children.
My ex is living with a narcissist now, for over a year, she got teenage girl. And what I see (and it's just a top of the iceberg), that this creep bying a girl. He spends a lot of money on her: he give her money on expensive clothes, for easy living, gave hwer freedom to came home at night (she's 13 years old!!). He also tryes to be like a buddy to her, wearing the same brand, for example.
He got his own kid, but he didn't care about him (more like he hates him).
This has been such a hard decision for me to keep but I know it is the best thing I could ever do. On Christmas I was suppose to visit with my grand babies and they never picked up the phone to let me see them and I had to act like it did not bother me to not negatively react but that just it I have to act like it does not bother me, and this is the frame of mind they want me to act like nothing happens whenever they do stuff that I don't like and I am tired of all the games and the lies too, I been told stories in conversations, but I am not sure of any of it is true, it sounds good and it sounds like growth but in action it does not happen like that, they want me to pretend and not step on toes sort of speak to continue in the conversation act like what I am dealing with did not happen
All true!^^^God with us all
❤️🤘✝️
One of the things my husband used to do when our children were younger was to say to them; "your mother doesn't want you to do such and such" when I would ask him to back me up. He wanted to make sure the children knew it was mom who was the bad guy saying no to something they wanted to do. He has never backed me up in the raising of our children. He rarely made any rules himself for them leaving all parenting up to me except to play with them. To this day the children in their adult years prefer him and spurn me. He almost never said no to them about anything and I was the one who tried to have boundaries for them. I had a rule that they couldn't just leave home to go somewhere without discussing it with me so I know who they were with and where they were going, he would tell them in front of them, "just let them go, you don't need to know all that." He was raised without rules and no accountability, allowed to run wild without supervision so he thought that was the way to raise children.
This is not true. I went through this @ my children grew up to lie, gaslight, manipulate me just like their father did. I had to cut them all out of my life. He was more of an influence on them than I was. I lost myself & it was extremely heartbreaking.
Debbie - wish you were my next door neighbour! We would be friends, I'm sure. Great video. Thank you.
Thank you Odette! You sound like you would be a wonderful neighbour! xxxx
I’m currently facing a situation where my son (5 yr old) mother is not letting me talk to him, and she moved out of my knowledge to another state. We agreed I was going to see him for my birthday so I booked a plane ticket, I came and she is ignoring all my messages and not responding. I booked to stay 7 days so I can be with him until I go back to florida and I’m on day 4 and still haven’t seen him. It sucks because it takes me off my center. I started to do UA-cam videos and even takes me out of my creativity. So I’m looking for a way to transmute this energy, some days have been harder than others. I don’t know what else to do. Thanks for sharing this video.
My mother used to tell me that my children didn’t care about me and will treat me badly when
they grow up. She was a narcissist and liked to hurt me. My children didn’t like her much and
didn’t like to see her. I think that was the reason she said that. It was jealousy I think.
.
It’s so disappointing to see every video say they will never change. I love growth and like to believe that everyone can grow.
What if a narcissistic step father makes you the scapegoat of the family because you were the only one who tried to call out his abusive behavior? I'm 40 years now, couldn't escape from that situation until I moved to another country and my mom supported me to get here and make my life, but I'm still struggling because she enabled him so bad there was always fights, yellings and I'd be blamed often for him getting angrier, because I defended myself. So many family reunions, Christmas and party events, ruined because of their fights and drinking. 😣
Debbie, 🎯🙏🏽Thank you.
Spot On!.
I always find it so challenging to explain but I'm thinking pretty much verbatim would suffice!
Spot on!! to others, like authority figures, law enforcement, schools, doctors office, or judiciary basically verbatim of how you did here.
Any other suggestions for folks when we're asked to defend ourselves for the 50thK time?🤔🙏🏽
Teaching to help and do not give.
ua-cam.com/play/PLPNQdAefzkSMKMcCCZAROMCxCJF0VkaKs.html
But why? Its clear that they don't care. He keep saying he's going to take me to court for the kids but he doesn't even want to see them. Every 3 months he pops up at my door empty-handed.
Agents of chaos!!
With me, I also said that I was not comfortable for my child to go to holiday with my narc ex and his wife because I had safety concerns and not because I want to stop their fun or anything. However he did not ask me what my concerns were and escalated to his lawyers before you can click your fingers and then recorded me as he knew the lawyers were a trigger for me.
Yup always thinking about crazy shit because of similar not all the same but its whatever man people do it all the time
I cancelled a trip he planned without giving me any details where we were going. Very scary. Turns out it was the desert….
He made me take time off work for it so I planned a mini trip with just my son and I. I told him I refuse to go when he was screaming at both of us about cereal. What kind of a vacation do you just get yelled at in the desert?!
He was so furious he started to retaliate by eating my food out of the fridge (knowing I’m a broke daycare worker), canceled my auto insurance the day before my birthday and all sorts of little things. Then took my son to an amusement park to outdo any adventures he and I had together. One day I hope my son sees these things clearly.
My mother does the same thing of turning children against me
Last night he asked me what I plan to do to support myself if we separate
And how I plan to be a mother and work at the same time and he said he’s just concerned
Why is he not asking himself how he plans to be a father and work at the same time??? 😂
I’m starting to realize that most things he says to me are indeed attacks
Teaching to help and do not give.
ua-cam.com/play/PLPNQdAefzkSMKMcCCZAROMCxCJF0VkaKs.html
Kalina I'm going through the same he has cheated and now he's telling me if I leave he doesn't want anything to do with the kids, and he's asking me how are you going to pay the rent I work, but I don't make as much as him. It's so hard when dealing with these people. They don't want what's best for the kids.
I'm definitely not passive I'm down right pissed off straight forward aggressive.and not forgiving when double-crossed disrespected and it gets me in Trouble for sure.. now I'll not be able to my see my sweet young daughter for awhile every time I can't seem to hold my tongue.. the good news is Ava will tell her mother straight up she misses me and wants to see her daddy so I guess I just need a little patience I..
I think my granddaughters mother is a narcissistic. It’s her way or the highway. We have missed two weekends seeing our granddaughter now and it breaking my heart and it’s killing me to that we can’t even tell our granddaughter that we haven’t forgot her. She want to erase her out of our lives. We raised her 5 and half years she’s had her the last year. My heart is broken
@Gemma Dann My son as contacted by CPS someone in her apartment turned her in about my granddaughters baby brother which was 2 and half months old. We have a lawyer involved since September our lawyer can’t get the CPS file due to they are still investigating it. Her mother is still ghosting us even our son the father. We do still get to see our granddaughter and our granddaughter says now they are moving. Also says her mothers putting thing into storage. She’s not going to live in a apartment if she thinks she will get turned in again. I have been praying hard for both my granddaughter and her baby brother