The problem with social media no-one is talking about
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
- In this video I explain why spending too long on the internet made me feel angry all the time. Subscribe to my Substack to support this channel and receive weekly essays from me! charlierewilding.substack.com/
Resources referenced in this video:
calnewport.com/writing/
www.health.harvard.edu/blog/t...
cordis.europa.eu/article/id/4...
00:00 the problem
00:42 defining anger
01:20 anger & dysregulation
03:48 processing anger
05:18 alternative approaches
07:31 why anger...
07:54 anger addicts
10:20 emotional distance
13:20 information overload
15:02 it's personal
#digitalminimalism #socialmediadetox #socialmediabreak
They need us to be glued to the screen 24/7, and anger motivates us to engage with social media more than any other feeling. I've deleted all my social media except youtube and since then I feel I've relearned how to think, rebuilt my attention span and my peace of mind.
I kept FB for endless cat pics and cat vids because they cheer me up. I avoid situations that include arguments and dont allow ads or posts from people I dont already know. I need it to tell me, that the people I like or places I went to as a kid, still exist even though I cannot see them real time, else my disorder will tell me they are dead, they dont exist, they've been erased, maybe they never existed. Weirdly, FB is like my reality checker that everything is still there, even though I'm not there in person to verify this. This part of BPD, isn't spoken about enough that we need physical PROOF that reality is REAL, its actually there. If you can see it, and touch it, its a real thing so any time I go anywhere, I bring something back that was there, like a nick nack so if I forget, or wonder if it ever happened, I can look at that item and WHAM, the memory comes flooding back and yes you were there, and that item was there and thats where you got it from. Because photos can be altered, they aren't always a reliable way to remember. Not everyone has this problem. I dont use Tik Tok, I have a smartphone but dont use it because I still have a cellphone because I dont want to be avaliable 24/7. I need time away from the outside world as well. I also use UA-cam for music videos and other interests.
Relatable.
The internet, social media, smart phones all feed into distracting you from the real world, your emotions and problems.
You get numb and don't deal with things that you should.
Sometimes you don't even realize you're so detached.
I'd like to just also add, to those that have tried quitting and failed before, there's no shame in that.
It's not easy in our modern world, but everyone should keep trying to do it.
I live alone, all my friends work, all my family are dead. The internet allows me to remain connected to the world and also order things to the home, that I cannot find in my local shops. As long as its used properly, like any other tool, you are fine.
@@starscreamthecruel8026 Same here and you're exactly right. They used to say the same thing about 'the boobtube' television. There's nothing wrong with any of this at all, it's how you use it. Don't use anything for validation, we already can validate our own selves. If people think that 'likes' and heart's are a measure of yuor worth, then you're in big trouble. Use the internet correctly as you've said, and I do the same, and it's a wonderful learning tool, entertainment and a place to meet really interesting people too.We can make a few friends just like in the real world. It is not 'dangerous' anymore than the real life world is. We all use the same precautions and it's all good.
Social media shatters your boundaries. That alone will break your ability to have control over yourself
Social media, dating sites, internet forums, even youtube bring out some of the worst traits of humanity unfortunately. As technology progresses and becomes more in synch with human physicality, it will only get worse.
"Even youtube" is damn right.
@@nauticdixonsand yet here we are… on UA-cam.
I have burn out from all social media for years. The last one was Twitter and I’m not there since October because I finally couldn’t handle it
Same, twitter has become such a divisive place and most social media spaces have become too emotionally hostile, filled with fear mongering. It's better to just go outside and keep social media for art and other creative outlets.
Twitter is one of the best examples of what you talked about. We are so bombarded with information in the 21st century that it’s easy to get angry and overwhelmed. Thanks for this video!
Thankfully never did Twitter. But I can see how it would not be good for peoples brains.
@@mollieanneit's great for creatives/artists, a very nice platform for sharing that stuff, but sadly that is not the primary purpose though i wish it were lol
Also autistic, have gotten so so burnt out from the overload of all that is online, even the good stuff. In a pleace of reevaluation, thank you for expressing these things and sharing perspective
This is exactly why I stopped using social media. Being transgender, I was really addicted to seeking out the negative comments on social media posts. But it’s wild how much people will argue over anything, and bring in unrelated topics! Like there was a post about 80s punk culture, and there was people arguing about trans people there too!! I’ve been working a lot on breaking this cycle, and I’m finally getting a flip phone this week, after months of considering it. I really only use social media on my desktop and tablet now, and even that’s been pretty infrequent.
But I think I need to be careful, because I’ve noticed youtube has been replacing that source of anger for me. I’m working on breaking that cycle too by returning to less algorithmic media like local radio and physical media like dvds and cds.
Good video! Hope your journey keeps going well :-)
I can really relate to this, I'm also trans and have been hooked on those dumpster fire comments sections. What's hurting me most right now is the way that sites, but especially facebook, intentionally feed you posts to make you upset. Facebook clearly knows I'm trans because whenever I log on my homepage has anti-gay and anti-trans posts. And pro-Israel posts too. They know I'm likely to get riled up and then fight with people in the comments section. It's all about engagement with posts and ads, no regard for how it affects the user negatively.
It's really cool the distance you've put between yourself and social media. UA-cam is the final frontier for me, it's the hardest one to spend time away from.
Well moderated, small-community bulletin boards were a good place to actually debate issues back before the big algorithmic social media sites eclipsed them.
Transgenderism is one of the topics that has been over exposed to make people angry with misinformation, etc. Even when you don't seek it out, it just pops up on twitter.
Agreed. I miss the days of internet forums (obviously some are still around today). There was etiquette and room for nuance in discourse, which has majorly been lost with the arrival of social media platforms.
"Old man yells at (the) cloud"
Quit Facebook years ago, one of the best decisions I’ve made
So freaking true! I have ADHD and sometimes use it to stimulate myself while I do boring tasks (music, podcasts, etc) but I realized this year that even though I’m not on social media anymore, I’m still affected by all the emails, news, etc that I see whenever I do use the internet.
I just had this same revelation myself! As someone who is Autistic and prone to depression, being online constantly and not being mindful of what I'm filling my head with has been having a big impact on my wellbeing and I hadn't really noticed it until now. I think humans naturally can gravitate towards drama or controversial things. When listening to sad music (when you're not even sad) it can invoke emotions in you that aren't actually your own, if that makes sense? vs just feeling your own emotions and having your own thoughts, I know we'll always be influenced by things and people regardless of how much time we spend online. Still, I can't help but think it's not healthy for our human brains to have so much information given to us at the fast pace it currently is. It's only getting faster, so I do appreciate those of us who are making a conscious effort to slow down and be with ourselves.
Thank you for another insightful video Charlie, they're always a pleasure to watch and reflect upon 😊.
I've noticed something similar as someone with ADHD, depression/anxiety. I've found my practice in the Plum Village tradition of Buddhism (founded by Thich Nhat Hanh) incredibly helpful here. TNH talks a LOT about the importance of how we feed ourselves, not just in terms of literal food, but the media we expose ourselves to and how it can affect us. As someone who can be a bit of an information sponge, one of the most powerful aspects of my practice has been to become more mindful of the media I'm exposing myself to, and how its affecting me.
@@frankm.2850 What I find interesting is almost all religions/spirituality will say something similar about being careful of what you expose yourself to, the fact people thousands of years ago were aware of this speaks to how harmful certain media can be if we're not careful. Thank you for sharing, I always love hearing how other people manage to stay sane in this seemingly chaotic world.
I read 'Digital Minimalism' a long time ago on audiobook, I'm feeling like maybe it's time for a re-read! You always highlight really great points from it.
The physical book is not that expensive on eBay, i just got it. I struggle with concentrating on reading but the text is quite clear. Hoping to read it soonish too!
That's not reading, that's listening. Someone else is reading. Words make a difference.
Being kind makes a difference, too. This is unnecessarily condescending.
@@charlierewilding No, it isn't. In fact, it goes to what I thought was the whole point of the video - that the passivity of the internet is starting to snuff out the activity of real life. People think they're doing something active, when they're really doing something passive. It's one of, if not the, most dangerous aspect of social media and the internet in general, and I'm both puzzled and rather alarmed that you didn't see that.
@@Serai3 Accessibility is important too. For some folks, reading is a better experience. Some people really struggle with reading and audiobooks are better for them.
Audiobooks are valid whoever you are, but it's important to remember people with learning disabilities who rely on them.
Picking an audiobook over a physical book is a neutral choice. When we say audiobooks are a worse or passive choice we're excluding people with disabilities from participating in the book we're talking about.
Great topic, Charlie! Personally, I haven't so much felt anger as confusion by spending too much time on the internet, and social media in particular. I've felt confused because I think that subconsciously, I tend to compare myself (and my artwork especially) to other people. I've recently also quit social media and feel SO much lighter and more clear about my own preferences - and as a result, I make A LOT more art now :) Your videos bring me so much relief - it's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling that being online is overwhelming :)
I'm subbed to watercolor, acrylic, and other art subreddits over on Reddit, but I'm beginning to wonder if looking at all that stuff, comparing my mediocre talent to that of people who've probably been painting for years is holding me back.
This video is underrated, the lesson you share here is very important. "In social media, anger is rewarded" is something that's very true. That's why I think worrying about stuff you can't control and losing so much time and patience on that is pointless. I think everyone should use that same amount of time to create something meaningful instead.
anger is such a touchy topic, i appreciate you exploring this.
Social media is so overwhelming and we forget certain algorithms are rewarded. Good video.
< No social media except watching UA-cam vids. I’m too weak and compare myself to everyone and everything. I can’t compare if I don’t see it. Besides, most of the things out there are masked/fake/curated.
A big part of what got me interested in your journey is the fact that your neurodivergent, as am I. I have ADHD and depression/anxiety, along with a fun mix of other differences. One of my main projects this year has been to regulate my relationship with the internet, and I'm slowly realizing how disregulated, angry, and pessimistic it was making me. I no longer have social media on my phone and use it strictly as a tool, a sort of advanced PDA phone combo. My laptop spends most of its time out of sight stored away. I'm also highly critical of the podcasts/youtube channels/etc I expose myself to, and cut out anything unwholesome/triggering/negative/pessimistic. I still find myself sliding back into old habits, but its a work in progress, and I'm feeling a lot better, spending time on things I actually want to do.
Angry and negative posts/videos definitely attract more attention than positive posts. I'm currently only on TikTok (post whenever I feel like it and whatever I want to) and UA-cam. I deleted my Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. Being on all of those platforms was draining me, mentally. It was too much information about people's personal lives that I really did not need to know and honestly did not care to know.
I'm barely on TikTok, basically only when I post. I limit myself to watching and checking my stats on UA-cam, too.
I thought it was just me! ! This so true. I've ditched ALL he social Apps and limited my UA-cam to education and TV & Movies i can watch for free. Now I can see the anger seeping through other peoples pores.
At one point I felt I had to destroy my mental and physical wellbeing to maintain an image of success. I was an online sw so it was a bit more difficult to simply walk away from. I managed to walk for all the right reasons, am learning to cope with life’s challenges in a more sustainable way. I look back and the stuff I was feeding my brain , I still do need to keep in check. Real world outside sucks rn but I’m hopeful i develop a better relationship.
Yeah you nailed a lot of it. I still have social media but as soon as I see one thing that I don't enjoy I shut down the app. It's already made me start asking myself, "well if I'm not going to use that to waste time then I guess I have to go find something to do".
Being aware of what the algorithms are trying to make you feel is sort of the first step towards cutting it out. Then just like cutting back on junk foods, everything else starts feeling way more worthwhile and filling, until you finally no longer enjoy how junk food makes you feel so you only have small doses of it.
The biggest causes I have found with this feeling of anger from social media are being exposed to a lot of:
negative, sad, news content to do with political concerns, situations and worries - you can find it on news websites too, but social media is worse for it because it spreads misinformation and you can get into arguments with people over things quite easily.
people have a tendency to rant online and sometimes you find you don't agree with it, or they say something that is really insulting to a group of people or person LGBT, race, sexist, disability and religious posts are very good at doing this - sometimes it's a genuine rant where the person has been hurt, or they are defending someone who has been hurt, or it can just be trolling to cause disagreements online and it's not always easy to see which is the case, but it will make you angry anyway - anger for the hurt that has been caused to someone or anger for feeling like you've been insulted.
Then there is bad customer service (which I've experienced today.)
You have to change how you use the internet to avoid the first and second causes as much as possible and sometimes I think certain social media sites (twitter is a good one for this) are just designed to make you feel angry because of the topics that trend with the algorithm. When I found away to hide trending topics on twitter, I found that I didn't feel as angry because I wasn't seeing topics that were making me feel that way.
I see most of discussion being around anger as a fuel for engagement (almost like a desirable feeling in the internet), but really people are not talking enough of how we deal w it when we disconnect.
Last night I finished the book Stolen focus. Why you can't pay attention and how to think deeply again by Johann Hari. This book gave me a number of very plausible reasons why there is an epidemic of mental health issues in our society.
Throughout history, there are “technology panics” that occur after every big innovation in communications. I remember “video game addiction” being constantly reported on when I was a teen, replacing “TV addiction” from my early childhood. I remember hearing about kids being kicked out of the house because they spent all their time listening to radio dramas. These concerns seem laughable today. 😂
That's not to say that the phenomena isn’t real, but maybe the problem is that new media is so... new? When I was a kid, I remember being enthralled by online message boards and chatting with people all around the globe, but the novelty has worn off today.
Who are the people who watch cable television and get angry at it? And does the next generation react the same way? I’d argue that we will see a similar progression with all new media, whether it is social media or whatever will replace it.
This is super interesting. I have felt increasingly angry inside, not outward rage similar to you, but I feel this constant anger and irritation. I quit Facebook and my personal instagram, and took a break, came back to post on my art account now. I thought it would help but I still feel that rage, perhaps more so. Each time I take a social media break then return I feel worse. I can relate with the last point about overwhelm as an autistic person. I also feel such anger at not being seen. It’s an anger almost at the system (algorithm and how if you have lots of followers etc then your posts get shown more - how is that fair?) and the ever changing rules. Realise I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent/rant there but I do appreciate your thoughts on the internet/media, makes me feel less alone as a nearly 30 year old. I wish I could stop using it but feel it’s one of my only ways I can try to fit in with the norm.
been a while since i considered anger being a main negative of social media but it does ring true, for me i think it's topped by fear which i'm not happy about either as an "emotionally-charged draining extreme"!
find it really helpful to build the awareness and step in more carefully when these emotions arise online but such a trouble to keep up with in how quickly algorithms change how they're feeding into different emotional qualities (atleast they tend to for me) find it so sad that so many thoughtful and beautiful creations get warped by what the algorithms chaotically clutter-up around them
This was very refreshing and relatable! I’m glad the algorithm suggested this video. Recently deleted my twitter for this very reason!
Love this topic of conversation. I added Digital Minimalism to my library requests and am very excited to dig in. I think it’s a very interesting conversation about how social media emotionally affects others. Repeated use for me leads to a sense of profound sadness and doom as opposed to your anger, and it’s hard to say is that due to the content I’m provided with or just a difference in reaction to information. Silencing the outside noise that impacts my emotional state is so important to finding my hope and creativity again.
Some great points discussed here. I don't enjoy using social media and I know if it wasn't for running my own business I definitely wouldn't be using it. It's definitely lost it's excitement for me
This is so accurate. I noticed this reaction for myself. I do limit myself and leave the internet when I am triggered. I have tried to respond to comments by de-escalating the writer and make positive comebacks. I do find the whole situation draining.
I believe there is an underlying disppointment in myself that much time online is unproductive and/or a waste of time, that contributes to anger. It is like an anger with myself that projects outwards in inrritability directed at others.
I remember in the 90s people saying kids growing up with the internet( social media and smart phones were yrs away) would be a experiment as no one had a clue how they would turn out.
Listening to you, I'm also reminded of the hypocrisy around anger in the West - it's socially taboo *unless* it's justified by your tribe, which leads to addictions related to venting about the same subject over and over.
Gabor Mate also differentiated between anger and rage, with rage being essentially anxiety, and (healthy) anger being about a centered fight standing up for what's important to you. There's a major difference between a mother getting angry because something was unsafe for her child (over quickly and a source of esteem for both mother and child) and a helpless rage at something like a car cutting you off. The latter is more anxiety driven.
Matias Desmet has correlated the increasing isolation of our society as a source of what he called free floating anxiety and frustration, desperately looking for a target to vent at, which is easily manipulated.
I did the same thing. I became so angry when I would get online. I’m happier when I’m not connected to my phone
By what you put in place in your last video, I knew Cal Newport would be mentioned!
I noticed you weren't on other social media platforms anymore, so I'm glad to find you here and talking about a subject that I love documenting myself on. Plus it helps me relax to watch your content.
I've learned listening to Jaron Lanier in a podcast that just by looking more at some specific comments, the ones with a lot of anger for example, the algorithm will take that information to show you the same type of comments first. And the more you engage with it, the more it will be on top of the comments appearing. So eventually, everyone online will appear angry, stubborn, stupid, etc, when in fact the comment section is customised according to how you interact with it - I hope I'm delivering what he said correctly.
And with the whole controversy with one specific female author on Twitter these past few years, I don't remember hearing/reading someone who addressed the issue of anger fuelled by the way the platform is built. I'm not picking side here (I'm tired of being forced and told to do it), I just think it's a thing to take into account as everything started on Twitter and has been for years now.
I don't remember where I wanted to go with that comment but thank you for your video. It's giving me courage to pick up again the rules I made for myself a while ago.
All the best to you in your new journey!
You inspired me to pick up a copy of Digital Minimalism which I’ve been listening to on audiobook, and I’m 10 days into my own digital detox with a flip phone. I’ve always considered myself to have a pretty good grip on my phone usage as I rarely had more than 3-4 hours of screen time average per day (which didn’t include time with my laptop, which I’m also now limiting) but going completely without has really made me notice how insidious it all is and how I check into it more than I ever realized. I’m not far enough into the detox to notice any benefits to my mental health yet, but I’m enjoying being able to read a book without feeling like I need to put it down every 5 minutes to look up something random on my phone! I’ve had trouble focusing on anything for years, I think I found out why! I’m really hoping it’ll help my anxiety, I don’t engage in online discourse but I definitely get caught up reading it and feeling frustrated or anxious from it and falling into that spiral.
Thank you for inspiring me to start this journey!
What a lovely video. I completely understand this. I would have a great day, go online & see something vehemently racist that would ruin my day resulting in me getting into arguments with people online. I’ve limited social media in general and specifically socials where I’m more likely to see negative content (Twitter & Reddit). The only social media I really go on is Instagram because it’s an epistemic bubble. While that seems negative, it is a safe space for me because I’m less likely to see things that will anger me. I have no problem with broadening my horizons and expanding my views, but I’ve learned that social media isn’t a great place for that because opposing arguments are often rooted in hate & not education. I agree, books, news articles, podcasts, etc. are much better forms of media for me to learn about what is going on in the world & expand my knowledge. Thank you for this video! I was just having a conversation with my family about how long this social media era would last considering that we’re experiencing these same feelings. I’m concerned about how this will impact generation alpha as they don’t know a world before widespread social media.
I clicked on this because the past few months of my life I've been finding myself pulling more and more away from participating in social media. I'm also autistic and i used it to feel socially connected since i dont get out much. But my strong sense of justice and my inability to like the things that I like in moderation put me in a lot of situations where I saw the worst of humanity. I lost a lot of respect for people I previously respected and I spent more time than not being pretty discouraged even when it was just pthird party observation. I still have these things and I still engage in them here and there but it's a far more detached approach and it's far less often. I feel a little better but I'm pretty lonely still. However before I even made the decision to participate less I was already feeling that so nothing really changed there unfortunately lol
Thanks for your time making this! You've precisely articled a lot of thoughts that have been recently floating around my head.
My main motivation to limit my Instagram use is precisely the decrease of anger and sadness.
It reminds me how many awful people are out there. Comment sections angered me the most, they even made me feel better about myself. I only watch what my friends post in under 30 minutes now.
Thank you for this video. I recently started using twitter specifically to see content about a show I watch. But, Twitter’s algorithm quickly identified broader posts I would like and it’s become a bit addictive. I notice that a lot of the posts I engage with are critical, even if I agree with the point being made, the level of superiority and judgment and a lack of empathy make it really an overall unpleasant experience… so why do I keep going back to it? It’s messed up…
I love your sincerity.. don't lose it!
I really appreciate your perspective on this stuff, Charlie. Thank you for making these videos.
Very insightful and relatable! Well spoken. Our heavily commodified / capitalist society profits from making sure we stay on the screen , well being is not of concern the most they will do is censor curse words. The solution is decommodificatoon
Thank you for speaking up on this topic.
I think what changes this whole addiction (at least for me) was having a baby. Before it was so easy to take detox breaks and disconnect and even read when I want stimulation. But after you have a baby your up at all hours, and you can’t hold a book and turn the page when your so hands on and feeding your baby....so it’s easy to scroll. Also, you desperately want to connect with other mums so your not so alone in this massive new journey. So for me, my relationship with my phone and the internet has completely shifted. Working now to wind it back to where I was. Also, especially when you have children, the anger part gets ignited even faster than when you were just by yourself imo! So if you are a single person, do the work now so you don’t fall into the wide web later on!!
Great video! Lots to think about 😊
I totally agree with you. I was becoming more of a hateful person when I spent countless hours on social media. Because I live in a very small city in Venezuela there is not a lot to do there and my entertainment was social media. Now that I'm reading more books (thank you Kindle and Anna's Archive sometimes) I feel like I'm gathering more knowledge and becoming more peaceful, and also I'm reading more fiction which allows me to distract myself from social issues, that, yes, are very important but you don't have to be reading and getting information about them every single second to be knowledgeable about them, you want to detox as well.
Two weeks into my detox and I'm feeling better than I was before.
Yes. I decded to cut social media and some forums off for Lent this year. It's hard, but I do feel less angry than I used to. Some of them really bring out the rage inside of me, which ruins my desire to be online, but unfortunately, I'm so hooked that not being on these sites feels like getting off drugs.
I enjoy these videos so much! You really make me think. Now that I know I am autistic and can better accommodate myself why didnt I think of the social media effect and whether its helping or not? Social media helped me "find" that I am actually autistic so it became my safe place, but there is so much truth in what you say and its time to rethink. Interestingly, I grew up in the 80ies, in communist Yugoslavia, no internet. We were middle class but my parents were very alternative and they didnt want a tv nor radio. I was quite traumatised due to that in school as I couldnt contribute to talks about cartoons and series and my parents were very strict, they never talked to me about it, I just had to obey. It felt very lonely (I know now part of that was that I was autistic). But then I had my world of books, I wrote a diary, played instruments and was very creative in inventing different plays with my brother. I had a phase as a young adult where endlessly watched tv to make up for all that time 😆 But I soon lost interest. Its funny how now I am more like my parents (dont have a tv but they have 😆) although I hated them back then for it 😉
Very interesting relation to anger. I’d never heard that before but perhaps it sums up how I feel as well. I’ve explored anger in therapy as it being the tip of the iceberg sort of thing, with underlying emotions such as your needs not being met just piling up until anger surfaces. Thank you for sharing. I’ve gone down a rabbit hole with your videos because I feel these things but I don’t hear them talked about much. It has made me feel like a broken person because I don’t know how to social media in a healthy way like “everyone else.” Perhaps really I just don’t accept it as taking over my life. I am a highly sensitive person and wonder if I am in fact neurodivergent as well. Anyway, on to your next video that I have qued!
I really like lots of the points you’ve made regarding social media.
I'm amazed to see you self-reflect and share your thoughts with us. Thank you.
This entire video is SO relatable! It’s been hard to put this into words! I got off all social media in like, 2018, but then I was addicted to tiktok for like 2-3 years. When I got off of it, it’s like I felt present for the first time in a long time. And I didn’t realize how stressed out it made me, how angry I was, how not present was with my family. Anyways, thanks for sharing, I hope more people can come to understand this.❤
Yes. Great topic. I feel overloaded too. I may have to go back to flip phone too.
Another thoughtful video, thank you. I thought about road rage just before you said it!! I too am generally calm and patient in my life (not always of course, my children will tell you unfortunately (hello ADHD emotional dysregulation which happens much less now they are teens thankfully).) but can become very road ragey (not usually visibly to other drivers) when driving, like I become a different person. I would never be like that walking down the street if people bumped into me etc.
I am down to UA-cam and Instagram, after leaving Facebook a few months ago and not missing it one bit. One of the main reasons I stay on Instagram is to bear witness to and support the spread of knowledge of what is happening in Palestine. That is the main thing keeping me there now, well apart from silly mindless reels, talk about the flip side 😔. I'm trying to think of other ways of supporting, which I have done already, like donating, signing petitions and if I can, attending marchs (I've only attended a local one) & writing to my MP. But I still feel that if I leave it is like turning a blind eye...
I don't so much feel anger, but a sense of frustration, powerlessness and hopelessness when seeing things on Instagram that I feel are unjust (& don't us ADHDers feel a strong sense of injustice for a whole range of issues!). I'm still learning how to feel my feelings as I've used binge eating (BED diagnosed, now receiving treatment) and silly social media (mindless reels) to push down those feelings. So another reason to reduce my social media usage.
I know I also live vicariously through UA-cam, watching lovely UA-camrs I follow doing all the things I know I want to do, but then not actually having the time or get up and go (hello un treated self diagnosed ADHD!) to do them. I want to paint and do pottery (& have started doing these but very stop starty) and can spend a lot of time liking inspiring creations but at the same time, seeing these wonderful creations can be intimidating and paralysing when it comes to starting myself.
I recall hearing, on a Netflix documentary, how social media has created this world of polarised views. We all get fed more of the information we like that just reinforces the views we have (unless we are more mindful and proactive in our social media usage). This to me is really worrying and really very evident in politics globally and in depressing comments sections.
How are you getting on with your art projects? 😊 Thanks for your content Charlie. Hope you appreciate all my parentheses!! 🤪 I don't usually comment on social media, but when I do it usually becomes an essay!!
Excellent insight. Very clearly explained. People in the "public eye" need training or some education in how to deal with both trolls and fans so as not to be consumed by the whole experience - just as we consumers of the media need to be moderate in our approach as to how much time we allow ourselves online and what we watch etc. Many thanks and good wishes.
This is a excellent topic!!
Thank you Charlie ❤
Possibly a simplistic take, but I was born in 1973 and most, if not all of our social interactions were in person or over the phone. Since the advent of the internet, it is so much easier to misinterpret and misunderstand others with whom, if we were to sit down face to face for coffee for example, could avoid or rationally talk through these conflicts.
yea, I definitely feel the most at peace and have the most love for my fellow humans when I both don't have any social media accounts and don't own a car.
Thanks for sharing Charlie. For me I get bored on social media and have trouble posting the pictures I take because I simply forget. However it seems my UA-cam consumption is quite high. My adhd 🧠 likes things to think about. But my mental health gets better if I stick to channels with constructive content.
This is so spot on!❤
2024 The year to quit social media and use the internet only to send emails and nothing more
Thank you!!
Great video! I limited my social media use due to the information overload & w the goal of increasing my ability to process information & come up with unique thought
Nicholas Carr and his book the shallows and Marshall McLuhan and his book the medium is the message, helped me understand how the media and advancements in technology changes society forever.
being immersed in this context to only recently go through my adhd diagnosis + a bonus of bpd
i love the idea of having one room (if you have the luxury of more than one room) for using the internet, which came from staying in a hotel on holiday that only had wifi in the reception, not in any of the guest rooms.
Fascinating!
Great video!😁
I'm amazed at how committed you are to trying to get something right in every discussion. I'm not interested in anything that's going on in the world around me if it doesn't interfere with my everyday life. E.g. the war in Israel, the Black Lives Matter movement, etc. . Sure, these are important issues, but it's not my responsibility to fix things like that - that's what politicians and civil servants are there for. In addition, my life without social media is much quieter than what I hear about recurring TikTok trends on UA-cam, although I'm glad I'm not on any of these platforms.
This woman is exactly right.
I so agree. I am way older than you and am turning 55. But I actually miss so much how life was before the internet and iphone's. I was telling my husband that I want to go back to live like what life was before, and really before was only 20 years ago. I am going to do like you and get a flip phone. I also, am just using email and that is it. NO Instgram, no Facebook and never did the other stuff so that will be easy lol. I do love UA-cam though and learning new things. SO I am okay with that. But just watch videos on self-help and learning. I have four huge dollhouses that I am wiring now. I escape to my houses to get away from social media lol Also, I read a ton of novels.
don't forget the fear and loathing
It's worth going to back to basics. Triggering is simply a way to expose us to advertising.
Can you imagine what life would be like if everyone just had it with social media and got rid of it. I think that would be so great and of course then there would not be any social media if nobody had it lol. But that will not happen ever. However, I see a big movement coming of a lot of people just doing it like you are and me and hopefully lots more. Google also made me get health anxiety too so I had to stop looking up symptoms.
Yeah I kinda decided to go and make my own game... With everything to learn. So I can't ditch an online presence, but I can in fact drop in and out of social media per my need of the moment.
And I probably should make that choice.
yes i had so much internal anger the more i was on facebook then instagram
That anger is exactly what lead me to finally leave twitter two weeks ago.
I noticed alot of the online community are passive aggressive and take out their frustration because they would never in physical reality. Women and marginalized people the most seem to vent online.
Hi Charlie, I'm really trying to recover from emotional and physical burnout, all due to poor mental health and trauma (not from grinding hard at work) I don't have a job, yet feel like my brain is the CEO of 20 businesses. I have such guilt not working because of burn out and fatigue and mental health, so my recovery isn't happening because I'm blocked by being so judgemental and feeling deep shame that makes mental health worse. I compare myself to others, like my friends working long hours, yet I can barely get through the basics. Have you dealt with these feelings and triggers? How have you managed them so that you can be confident, consistent and successful in your recovery? despite what anyone else thinks?
I feel you 💜🪐💜
I served in the French foreign legion and fought in Chad. That was the 80's raise your hand if you heard of the Toyota War? It rarely made the papers but trust me it was disgusting to see. If we hate each other we won't cooperate with each other and we need each other
Hello. I had a problem with a few comments on my creativity a few years ago, but I had to start all over. I decided that if I wanted to not get emotional about other's opinion I would have to change. I did. I stopped reading them. I just kept reading articles, and making comments, but not going back to read replies. I also look for what I want to read. It's always educational based, scientific, or anything that will be beneficial for me. Everything else is not important to me. I use my time wisely.
The thing that makes me angry is that whenever I go on social media to be entertained everyone’s begging for my money. There’s ads everywhere, everyone has sponsors, everyone has a Patreon or something. I just don’t feel like I’m supposed to be employing a ton of other people who are richer than me anyway. I will 100% donate to charities or people in need, but why should I donate to rich influencers?? Now I set up AdGuard and a limit all of my social media apps so that I can only spend an hour a day on them. After that I entertain myself with real life or apps that are free to use through my public library like Hoopla, Kanopy, and Libby.
Social media plays on the idea(ls) of Fame. It pings the various mental architectures that focus for Fame. It "notices" it. And social media is basically a fire-hose and dumpster fire for the Fame Instinct. Fame inevitably is about the constant collision of the viewed by the viewer. And when you can be both, in various measures, at the speed of delivery that social media enjoys, it causes one to oscillate very quickly between manic then depressive states. And tuning your nervous system for such swings as a steady-drip diet is like mainlining. There's just nothing healthy about social media. Not for the sharing of ideas, not for the sharing of personal happenings, not for interacting politically... nothing. It hollows out what's truly true and presents it as a full meal of the true. At best it's a shadow, a pale candle. And in all else, it's just some form of lying.
Fame. Is. A. Poison.
because of family dynamics, and having friends who were in similar dynamics, being a negative ass bitch was already a strongly learned behavior. getting upset about shit that didn't matter, because that's what some of my family always did. add that to an anxiety disorder and then give a kid social media? then you have ten million more things to be angry about that don't actually matter to your tangible life.
it took a person coming into my life who was healthier than me, in that regard, to realize i was torturing myself every day for no reason. i have to stay away from a lot of topics online because i'm just not able to stay neutral about seeing comments and videos that are stupid or hateful
that's my secret cap🧢
for me, it's a lot of "everything is fine ... until it isn't." i spend a lot of time cultivating patience, calm, and a quieter lifestyle .... so when the anger/frustration/annoyance (THAT IS ALWAYS THERE) gets triggered ... whammo.
Luckily, the “rest of the internet” still somewhat exists - that multitude of fuzzy sources outside of any platform economy. You know, Berners-Lee’s original dream of available knowledge. Sure, source criticism is mandatory, but actually easier to trace outside of SoMe.
As long as capitalism has been our internalised normative, every invention or development gets owned and monetised. The outcome has varied across the decades, according to our shifting political economy.
So yes, find sources that are as free from self-entitlement as possible. Funny thing is that objective knowledge also soothes emotions over time. Time is of essence to us all, and I resent how we’re taught that time can and must be saved!
We’re better off using time instead, and ask more contemplative questions, as you do so well - thanks for sharing…!
I don’t honestly know how to use it less as im autistic and i kinda just gree with it in with me so jts really hard as not doing it will cause me a lot of distress and meltdowns.
I have been playing minecraft for 10 years and it has become like a need almost.
Has anyone ever seen smartphones & social media as VERY similar to Plato’s “Allegory of The Cave”?
All valid points.
Unfortunately, the meandering and monotone presentation detracts from the topic.
Perhaps its a clever way to give a contra to the anger being discussed, but makes it hard to follow.
hi! it's not intentional, that's just the way I speak. I'm autistic and my voice and facial expressions tend to be less animated than others - it's something I've always been self conscious about, but I'd rather be me than put on an act to make others more comfortable.
Resonance... affect, effect and or is, simulation and or is substitution? Parallax.
They dont call it the web and net for nothing. Its easy to get caught up in them.
I strongly dislike excitement. I'm peaceful. I agree with you. Twitter makes my ass itch.
I don’t do social media or low-fat yogurt.
Hello Hello 🎉😊
I had to delete everything but youtube, does wonders.
wait - do most folks from the UK use the Cambridge dictionary? Here in the states, we use merriam-webster, and I hate it. Worst dictionary ever. Cambridge and Oxford have the easiest definitions to understand imo