My heart breaks for Kermit that his parents didn’t tell him he was autistic growing up. I would’ve given anything to know I was autistic as a child instead of as a near adult
It could be a double edged sword however. I am not sure I would have put effort if I was told from the start I was "lagging" behind, maybe even using it as an excuse. That said, the opposite is also true as stated by your comment. As mentioned in the video, everybody is different.
My parents did the same for me. I don't hate them for it, they have apologized and are trying to do better, but it still stings. I can't get those years back and those were the foundations of who I am now.
My dad knew I was autistic and legit would physically abuse me for bad grades knowing why I got them..... told me years later he knew I was autistic when he punished me for not knowing how to get good grades as a autistic child in a Christian school
As a person with AUDHD (autism and adhd, inattentive type) I find this really inspiring. It sucks Kirmet’s parents didn’t tell him he was autistic but I’m glad you guys found each other. I hope your relationship lasts a long time and you can make each other happy together ^-^
this was super sweet. finding another autistic person certainly can relieve the anxiety of dating and not having to mask and worry they dislike who you really are.
@@merlin88888YES. Dating/friendship finding app for neurodivergent people, where there’s a little category for special interest pictures and another for sensory overloads. So you know EXACTLY what the issues are and the special interests so you can ask about them and make that person you met VERY happy. 😂
As someone who is autistic, I’m scared about getting into a relationship because I feel I’ll be judge for and maybe take advantage of my traits, but hopefully someday I’ll have someone who understands that im autistic and is good and kind to me, this video has really helped me Illysa 💚💚💚
“People either got weird or were weirdly mean to me or treated me like I was 6” That third one perfectly describes like half the kids in my PE class. As always, phenomenal work, Illy. I hope you and Kermit are doing well.
@@Nacreous99being honest, people need to stop using the wird "fatherless" as an insult, it's a serious thing people go through and it's not funny as someone who has a friend with no father it isn't easy with just one parental figure, I'm not fatherless myself although it must be hard for people with just one parental figure, stop using it as an insult
I am the gosh-darn biggest people pleaser you will ever meet, I always say I’m not, but I am, let’s be honest. Thats not healthy though, I wanna stop but I can’t. It gets really annoying sometimes. That’s not the only thing going for me though, I also have ADHD and OCD, so my mind is basically split in half, I’m always in a cluttered space, and it annoys me, but I can’t do anything about it! Good stuff, eh? Ps. I’m not 100% sure, but a lot of people think I’m autistic, not because I socialize differently, but because I’m really smart? I don’t know they are comparing me to Young Sheldon. Should I look into it, Y’know, like try to figure out if I am?
Omg... The adhd-invasion you drew when you realized you had forgotten what he said he needs, hit me HARD 😭 I hate that I come off as insensitive because of having BOTH diagnoses 💀 (I do try rly hard to remember what people say about their needs tho but sometimes it slips)
Dating another autistic person, after years with an allistic ex, is so liberating. He takes me seriously, and we problem solve situations together. Being with him is the best thing that's ever happened to me
true true id say for me its more like cold and quiet, which for sure prolly would come off as extra rude when someone like a teacher is tryna help out and im just purely siltent and unresponsive, doodling
god it truly is such an apt description though. i've been called a "demon" before because all my energy to mask once evaporated and i just suddenly felt like i was going to kill people :') being overwhelmed is no joke when you're autistic.
Same I got really angry and bad tempered when things fill up my spoons like in Vietnam to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore and it was the last straw to point where I lashes out and cried like a child (shoulda seen how I was) and break down so hard that I wished to be out of there once and for all. Everything, like genuinely everything annoyed me, it's nice to see people who understand this speak out because at that, I thought I was the only person in this world
i found out i have high-functioning autism + asperger syndrome when i was around 12 or 13 years old. I did not know what it meant until later on, and now i just embrace it. Half of my friends are like "wait you're autistic?" and the other half basically just already knew after realizing how weird at times i was. This video really made my day :D
I have high functioning autism to I got told when I was 14-15 I got made fun of alot but I kinda learned how to make it seem like I don’t have but I still struggle when it comes to jokes and face aspersions
Thank you for making content like this. I'm also autistic/disabled, and it's so difficult in this social order. I feel like I'm so behind everyone and like I'm constantly failing. Videos like this make me feel so much less alone. So just thank you
As an autistic human who just married their autistic partner in August, this video made us feel so SEEN! I'm so glad you found your happiness girl, and I hope it goes in the exact direction you both want the way it did for me and my wife :)
Thank you for making this video. it made me cry I was diagnosed at 16 and it was wild to see that other people go through this kind of experience, especially with trying to date and make friends.
I was diagnosed when I was 25, already married, and my husband fully accepted it. I mean, he fell in love with me as I was, so the only thing that changed was me trying to unmask more and we honestly fell more in love. The bigger issue I had was when I told my family, and all them were like, "Oh, we kind of had a feeling you were." And me saying back, "Then you should have told me."
This, I feel this so much. It took a diagnosis for my parents to admit they always thought I was somewhere on the spectrum. That should've been communicated and even if they weren't sure, there were ways to go and get tested that wouldn't have been financially devastating at the time. It infuriates me to no end that people can just casually say they had a feeling, like a whole family collectively know something and not do anything about it.
Bro I told my parents I thought I was autistic once and my mom said smth like “yeah I thought you had it” I thought I’d hopefully get tested but didn’t. My dad also said I was fine as if autism is a disease
I had the same issue with my brother. I'm 35 and told him I'm very likely autistic and he said "Well duh". Would've been nice to have 1 person speak up, at least earlier.
Oh ... see, one of my best friensds (I know them from 3years) has a lot of autistic-adjacent traits ? They hold their morals to very high standards, have sensory issues, socialize differently I guess, and also a passion for ATLA. I dunno, the thing is I think they're kind of aware of it, and I always got the vibe they were uncomfortable about digging more into it, and I respect that ? It feels like if I talked more explicitly about it to them, I would disrespect their wish. But now that I've read your comments, maybe I'm actually cowering out of helping them. I dunno xD Also as a side note, I'm usually very clueless about this stuff, it was actually only after an ex-common friend made a remark about how they are obviously autistic bc of how weird they are (??????) that I kind of connected the dots. I confronted them afterwards ofc and turns they were ignorant and not actually *this* offensive, but still glad I cut ties lol Anyways yeah if someone read this comment and has any advice It'd be awesome :)) have a nice day stranger 🤍
my parents didn't tell me I was autistic until I was 13, when asked why they didn't tell me earlier, they said I "wouldn't have been able to handle it"
I’m not sure if this is just a me experience, but I was also diagnosed when I was 13 and since my whole life, I was treated like the outcast and everyone kind of knew I was some kind of neurodivergent except me it felt like the stars align when I was finally diagnosed and so many things were explained! Of course I still struggle a lot and some days I wish I wasn’t but at the end of the day I’m really proud to be who I am!
I also have autism but I'm also transgender female to male, so when I told my boyfriend all that I was SUPER SCARED; but he's been nothing but supportive and the most incredible boyfriend I could ask for; 3 years and 4 months strong and not planning on ending any time soon
My mom decided to tell me i was autistic when i was 19, she said she didnt want me to feel less than others or use it in my favor...all through my life, mostly highschool i started realizing the similar traits i had to other peple with autism so i brought it up to her and she was like " yeah your therapist told me you are on the spectrum but on the light end" and i was HUUUH?
"but on the light end" Just because your autism isn't as noticeable to others doesn't mean it isn't as noticeable and important to YOU! ESPECIALLY with masking!
i think your mom did the right thing would you really want to know for all of high school that your autistic some people use autism as a excuse for stuff
@@radicaldude2000No. She definitely did not do the right thing. Witholding important information like that from a struggling child just makes it worse.
Honestly, a huge lesson in this video is not just finding someone who gets you, but COMMUNICATION. I love that "Kermit" took you away and talked to you seriously, and that you understood and worked through it. Everyone thinks finding a good personality is IT, but noooo it's everything else.
This is probably one of your best made videos, and utilising the interview with Kermit in different ways throughout the video was a genius touch and a thorough way to approach the topic. ❤️
I just want to thank Illy for having these conversations. I have recently been diagnosed with autism, and I don’t feel like I would’ve come around to understanding it more without you. And a video like this also helps a lot, and a lot of things make sense now 😂
My parents didn’t tell me I was autistic until I was 15, and when they told me it wasn’t particularly their choice. I had been researching autism myself for a year, I annotated the entire DSM-5 criteria to illustrate how it applied to me, I was going to present this to a new psychologist, but my mother asked what I was writing and I can’t lie well so she found out. She then informed me I had been diagnosed when I was 7. My sibling had been diagnosed at that time too, and they still didn’t want to tell them even though I knew. I did eventually force them to though.
My mom and sister know my brother has autism because it is so obvious even though he isnt diagnosed, it makes me really mad but they don't want to tell him because idk they think its something bad
Me egg donor and sperm donor were awful people for different reasons but he never entertained the idea of me being autistic, in fact he always bashed people for being "autistic" whenever they couldn't understand him (a college professor). She always denied my autism but always whine about my obviously autistic behaviors like forgetting to greet or not following some hierarchies/hierarchical roles. I had to find out I was autistic on my own and then helped my wife (while we were still dating) to accept her own autism. I just knew she was autistic the moment I heard her talk so she was very surprised when I asked if she was on the spectrum.
@illymation , i recently discovered your videos and started watching when this video caught my attention. I have Asperger's syndrome, which is a form of autism and i found this extremely relatable and i really appreciated hearing your personal experience with dating with autism and it made me feel like im not alone im my experience. Thank you
It's lovely to see a neurodivergent couple supporting each other in life's daily struggles. I'm on the autism spectrum and my partner has ADHD and dyslexia and it's just really good to see people understanding our conditions more or putting more reliable information out there to help people understand. I find it really reassuring and good to know you have someone special who understands the way you see the world and can support you when it can become a bit too much. My best wishes to you and Kermit!! Edit: Thank you so much for the likes. It means a lot 😄
Just a note I feel is important for people to hear, neurodivergent or neurotypical: If you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable in a situation, an emotionally mature, respectful partner will support you and cater to your needs. It is completely fine to want time to refresh, to slow down or to just not feel for a few minutes or longer if you need it.
On the off-chance Illy sees this, I just wanted to say thank you for making your first video about your autistic experience. (If that’s the right term, idk.) Since that video came out, I realized that I might be autistic. Because of that, I’ve stopped thinking that there’s something “wrong” or “off” with me and I’m able to be a lot kinder to myself. So, yeah. From one stranger on the internet to another one, thanks. ^^
Exactly people are always like "well (name) is autistic and you don't act like them" Well if you were educated enough you would know not everyone's autism is the same there's multiple different kinds of autism... and people treat me like i'm 6 just because i have autism...😢😢
I’m 12, and have recently been getting looked into for autism. My therapist recommended the spoon theory as I have high anxiety and OCD, so it can cause burn out. I’ve not heard about it anywhere else and to hear it from one my favourite UA-camrs makes me so happy!! Thank u!!
Same! My mom is looking into getting me a therapist to help control my anger issues and anxiety, and forget about the problems that I’m facing in life, too!
Its a really great tool to use. My therapist asked me to have to bowls at my table and replace the spoons with something else, i choose cute rubbers in many shapes haha! Then she asked me to put them from one bowl into the other during the day so i could visualize how much energy i used on different tasks, it helped a lot to have it in front of me too 😊
@@justonechessguy yea it is i spent my childhood trying to tell people i felt different only to be shut down and called "narcissistic" it was very traumatic
same. diagnosed at age 8, and then i thought about it and like logic'd my way into thinking i had it, asked my mom if i did and she confirmed i did (i was 14 when i realized)
I have been with the same guy for over 10 years, since we were in school. I always felt like something about me was different from others. I got diagnosed as Autistic at age 21. My boyfriend has known me since I was 9. If anything, since my diagnosis, it's made my relationship better. It feels like I understand myself more. And it greatly improved my sense of humor X3
The worst of telling someone your autistic is when they just deny it and say ‘no ur not’ it’s so invalidating and degrading it’s like ur experiences and struggles don’t matter
My boyfriend has ADHD and he knew I was autistic before I even realized... it’s so nice having someone to reassure me though and make me feel like a person with autism and not just autistic.
@@yokunethere isn’t a right term. There’s been tests of person-first vs identity-first language and sure the majority of autistic people prefer identity-first, but it’s not like that makes the people who prefer the other suddenly ableist… almost everyone says they have, not are adhd too and it’s not like that’s really made it more harmful.
@@yokune I'm someone who says both "I have"/"with" and "I am". To me there's no much difference, like having a life and being alive. It's usually ableist when the person suffers because of labels of the ways of saying it.
Oh my GOD. Your depiction of rejection-sensitive dysphoria was so accurate, and really hit close to home for me. Like, the way a handful of words can suddenly shatter every good feeling around you and make you feel so anxious and dissociative that you can barely even mask the worry?? I've dealt with that my entire life! I've never seen it portrayed so well, even when it's just a small detail of the animation. I felt so recognized in watching that part
Omg same! And they put the ADHD character there because they forgor is basically me. I have ADHD and it's hard because it's my fault for for forgetting but also not? And then the rejection sensitivity just sucks
A small thing that I noticed as a fellow autistic is that you called it a disability. I LOVE THIS. So many people call autistic people "special" or just in general dancing around the word disabled but that's what we are. Honestly thank you for spreading awareness! Your amazing ❤️
I agree with you! As an autistic person, I hate when people call it anything else but a disability because it literally disables me. (Or like when people say to use people-first language, person with autism, instead of autistic person) it annoys me so much, because my autism made me who I am, I would be totally different if I didn’t have autism. In a way, it also makes me better in certain areas, and because of that probably better at my future career. (I’m in college study sociology on the mental health counseling track)
Idk, I kinda disagree. Ig it depends on who you are, but being called disabled can make me feel like there's something wrong with me or that I'm broken in some way. It is disabling admittedly but I guess be told that can drudge the emotions above. Maybe it's just me but that's how I feel.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was close to the age of 21, and then I got diagnosed with ADD at the age of 25. My mom did always have a hunch because I was struggling so much, but every doctor she spoke to just told her that I was "stubborn and shy", and that nothing was wrong with me. Up until my official diagnoses as an adult, I was also considered as an oddball among my peers, and I could never seem to fit in anywhere.
I was dx'd with autism at 6, but at 18 I was (mis)diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I'd noticed how I get really excited about something, to the point where I get anxious (or even depressed) if I don't do whatever that thing is. When I do the thing, I feel euphoric. Anyway, so for about 8 years, I went through the standard depression/anxiety treatment regimen. I tried every antidepressant, anxiolytic, therapy, etc. they threw at me. In the middle of all this, I was diagnosed with ADHD, but my providers decided not to add ADHD treatment to my treatment plan. I then read a news article about a man with ADHD, who was suicidally depressed and - like me - couldn't find any relief from the depression treatments they gave him. In this man's case, one doctor suspected ADHD and started him on a stimulant. That stimulant lifted his mood tremendously. So I began to suspect that I wasn't depressed - it was my neurodivergence this whole time. I've since had that suspicion confirmed by the opinion of a wonderful psychiatric NP who's heard it all so much.
I was pretty much the same way, except I was diagnosed (in about 15 minutes) as schizoid personality disorder in 1980. The more I learned about it the more I thought, "That's not me." The therapist said I don't fit the criteria for SPD, but a proper autism diagnosis is to long and expensive for older adults, but I do fit the description, so let's just call it good. Fine.
@@moonman239 Yes its interesting because ADHD actually has a lot more to it then you would think. It can actually drain you like someone with autism gets drained, but for a completely different reason. I myself have no issues socialising (in that I am not socially awkward etc) but I sometimes stumble because emotionally its a lot rather than it just being an actual struggle no matter what in the case of autism. It turns out emotional dysregulation caused by ADHD can actually drain you a lot, give you problems socialising and even make progressing a career difficult. Despite not having any inherent social challenges, you just have no net to filter emotions and it just becomes so overwhelming even if nothing is actually happening and sometimes normal conversations can get you down or make you anxious. I can confirm ADHD meds fix it completely, in fact I am able to hold relationships down and take on endless job responsibilities whilst on them. It literally feels like god powers.
This has seriously comforted me. As an autistic person myself, my autism was partially the reason why my last relationship ended and it was also my first one ever and I'm still processing getting over it even though he dumped me in June. Thank you for making me realize even with my autism, my spoons, my shutdowns and my stimming, somebody out there, who may or may not be autistic too could still be my partner. Your the best Illy!
Not only did this make me laugh, it made me realize that what I'm feeling is real and I'm not just 'being lazy' or 'overdramatic'. It made me feel like someday I'll find someone who's like me too. Also that's so real, getting anxious when someone says "can we talk about this later", my heartrate goes to TEN THOUSAND BEATS PER MINUTE... also I completely agree with going 'evil mode'. By the end of the school day I'm grumpy because I don't have any spoons left, and people are confused on why I'm angry. Thank you for making this video
First off KERMIT👏🏻 IS 👏🏻 SO 👏🏻 SWEET!!! 👏🏻 He legit sounds like a warm hug 🥺💕🥲 Second, it's very understandable, and as a person with ADHD and anxiety myself, I can't exactly handle loud stuff either since feel really drained afterwards. But still, I'm so happy for you Illy, and welcome Kermit!!! :3
Omg you and Kermit are a great couple! As a fellow autistic, I think it’s wonderful that you two found each other because you’ll have such a greater understanding of each other’s autistic quirks. I’m still educating myself and my loved ones about my autism and it can be really hard sometimes, so your relationship is really heartwarming.
Thank you for making this video. I have some anxiety and depression as well as some other stuff. This kind of gave me some hope in that dating might be hard, but will be worth it once I find that person
I'm 16 and autistic. People have also told me that I shouldn't use autism as a "crutch." I say that if my leg is broken, then a crutch is needed. My disability disables me and its just a fact of life. Doesn't make me pitiful, doesn't make me weird, doesn't make me weak. Kermit's parents had some serious ableism going on, to know both how and why their kid was suffering and not giving him the truth he deserved.
Yeah. I understand that. Although even after I found out about being autistic. I really, really did not want to use it as a crutch. No one told me to not use it as a crutch. I just didn’t want to make it a problem for anyone. And I’ll admit it was easy for me, because I’m on the very mild end of the spectrum. And not being told until I was 13-14 benefited me in a way. But I do agree we deserve to know, and have an explanation. We all have different needs after all.
Facts, but at the same time it is not fun at all because people will react like you have the plague or another virus and you'll get bullied by kids, adults (they will tell their kids to stay away from me) and even my teachers. Like: come on people! I am not poisonous, you can't "catch" autsim
and just like the broken leg, there is 2 ways to deal with life, sit back, do nothing and expect everyone to understand your situation, or try your best to go out and learn how to live day to day life with your broken leg.
I'm also an autistic teen/young adult (don't want to reveal my exact age) and I get the same crap. What makes it even more infuriating is that a great deal of the people who say this will also treat you completely different due to your autism. They can define you entirely based of your autism, but you can't let autism define you at all.
I am not autistic however i have psychotic depression and honestly i feel so alone. I struggle more than a lot og autistic kids in my school simply to complete non function due to depression. And for months i was also hallucinating as well. However there is rarely a community or presence of this kind of stuff online (psychosis). Depression is just something else. Everyone talks about mental health but people who severely struggle with it dont actually get the help they need or get it too late. Its so strange. I dont know. I guess what im trying to say is that with autism, people can build a positive identity with a supportive community, but the same cannot be said for depression. There is no upside to depression and nothing to be proud of like a lot of autistic people feel.
As someone with POTS (chronic illness), ADHD and OCD I understand the spoon theory thing… I always ignore it though because I want to have a social life and If I don’t hang out with my friends I loose my mind.. it’s so hard balancing mental health and physical health
I had such a "holy crap" moment when spoon theory was mentioned. Years ago I read a random comment somewhere that mentioned it, but I could never remember what it actually was about and have had a difficult time trying to explain how my chronic illnesses can affect my energy levels. Can't believe I found it again in a youtube video that was randomly recommended to me
I have also pots and eds plus having crippling depression because of it, it causes me to be so out of society but when one day i went to a meet thing for people with chronic illness i met my gf who also has pots so i understand so much one day youl hopefully meet someone like u that understands u!
As a person currently being tested for autism, I greatly appreciated all of the traits described because I feel so much less alone. I feel that I'm in a similar situation as Kermit, where I had no idea as a child because my parents wouldn't acknowledge my struggles (they still don't). Thank you so much for making this video and best of luck and health to both of you!
Hey, Illy. As someone married with an autistic person and neurodivergent myself, this hits too close to home. Thanks for this! And best wishes to both of you!
romance absolutly makes my heart swell and literally every interaction you guys had SCREAMED mutual trust and reliability, I 100% congratulate yall's relationship and its so heartwarming.
I feel so bad for Kermit. Keeping his autism a secret for years just sounds horrifying. I was diagnosed when I was eleven and stuff like school and social interactions in general were already pretty difficult even with being aware of being autistic. Going through school without that knowledge and just confused sounds like the worst. Unfortunately, I don't think it's that uncommon for parents to do that. I've heard of other people whose parents kept their autism diagnosis a secret for years at least. Your relationship looks so sweet and his Kermit impression is quite good too. I hope that you'll both be happy together.
I was diagnosed at 6. Mom never specifically told me until 13, but she didn't exactly try to hide it either. She enrolled me in various interventions so that we could mitigate the effects of autism. She homeschooled me from grade 2 to basically grade 12, in part because I was the subject of bullying in 1st grade. She was actually surprised when, at age 13, I told her "but I don't have autism" - for context, we were discussing how I might write a Website about my journey with autism. Looking back, I guess she figured I'd pick up on that fact from how I'd behave differently from my peers or attend therapies and stuff that they probably weren't doing or something.
As a high schooler whose friends are all getting boyfriends and girlfriends (and I've always had a hard time understanding myself in that sense) this video made me realize that there is someone out there for me and for everyone. Thank you for always inspiring me
to me there isn't someone in a romantic way, as i am aromantic, but there are friends waiting for me later and my family will probably also be supportive eventually
how Kermit was still able to joke around even when expressing his emotions just shows how good of a relationship the two have! I am very happpy for the both of you!
The whole "turning evil" thing resonated with me. I'm not autistic (as far as I know) but I can get sensory overload too, especially if I'm already stressed out or my anxiety is up there, and there are times I feel so overwhelmed I just want to act mean and nasty and angry, when I'm normally pretty nice and try my best to be kind, in an attempt to stop whatever it is that's causing my sensory overload. I've already had to deal with this the other day at work, and boy did I try to keep myself calm.
I'm on the same page. Even around my kids though I never like to express anger or stress around them because they can end up mirroring it at times. Sometimes I question myself if I'm on the spectrum at all because I have a hard time conversating in groups and I have a hard time making eye contact when I'm talking to people. I also have to keep my hands busy and I'm always fidgeting with things like in a restaurant I'll mess with the paper from the straw or something like that or to play video games or guitar rather than just sitting and watching tv. I'm probably being ignorant and I'm not on the spectrum at all but it's still something I think about lol
@@cameronpeterson6734 I think you should get an appointment with a doctor to check on that. It's a best case scenario either way cause you'll know if you have it and can care for yourself better, and if you don't have it, well then you know and don't have to wonder.
Clarification if anyone needs it. What I meant is that I do the masking thing in my everyday life at school without even noticing it and hearing her talk about it made me realize that I do it subconsciously
@@The_fastfreddy Same, I thought I was the only one who did this! Like, I don't consciously mask (I have tried and failed miserably), but at times it seems like my neurotypical peers don't even notice. So, maybe I unconsciously picked up some habits from them as a kid?
As a neurodivergent person I’ve always had the strange feeling there was something “ wrong “ with me growing up because I didn’t understand and experience everything like neurotypical people did. I didn’t become aware of it until 4th grade and that grade was the time I just completely lost all my self worth and shut down because I was stressed why I couldn’t seem normal. I had no friends to comfort me through it so I had to deal w the wonderful experience of the teacher taking me a to a random group of girls in my class at recess and saying “ hey can she hang out with you guys for today?? I’m sure you’ll become great friends..!! “ and then they wouldn’t pay attention to me or acknowledge I was there lol I’m sure a ton of ppl had the same experience 😭😭🙏 but here I am now with the bestest friends I could ever ask for with a fair share of other neurodivergent people so we understand each other quite well
My heart honestly goes out to Kermit, because I went through the same exact thing. Only I was 14-15 years old when I was told that I was autistic (my memory is a bit fuzzy), the shock, confusion, and crushing realization about why I never really fit in hit me like a truck. I can only imagine how he felt after becoming an adult an finding it out. It honestly shocked me that we had such similar experiences, down to the wording his parents used. Mine used the same exact reason as "not wanting me to use it as a crutch." It sickens me that a lot of parents likely think like this honestly.
Not really sickening. It's still a double edged sword and it all really depends on the child's innate work ethic. Some seem it as an obstacle to overcome and conquer. Some deal with and coexist with it. And some use it as an excuse to act and perfrom terrible. It just depends on the child.
@@RockinRocketScience For me, it’s the fact that being autistic is something that impacts someone’s day to day life, how they react and handle things, as well as how they communicate with others. Not knowing that I was autistic kept me from being able to learn strategies to help me control my emotions, as well as trying to avoid being overstimulated. Ever since I learned that I was autistic it’s helped me develop skills to keep my emotions in check, as well as just understand myself more as a person. I honestly believe that keeping information like that away from a person just because you “don’t want them to use it as a crutch”, when they could actively be developing skills to help them is a bad thing to me.
You have no idea how much I needed this video without even knowing it (or actually, you probably do and that's why you made it after all) Thank you so much Illy and Kermit ❤ You guys are the best!
I’m 13 and autistic and I actually rly liked this video it helps me a lot when other people talk about masking bc I’ve had a rly big issue with it a lot and it’s rly messed with my mental health thank u for talking about it and also I want to say I HATE it when people say “everyone has a bit of autism” whenever I say I’m autistic
Yeah, I'm under the impression that people who say that might mean well, it's just... you know, not true. We're not all a little bit Italian, or diabetic, or Muslim, or Opera fans, or what-have-you-there are meaningful differences between people and how they experience the world, and the world's a richer place for it; we certainly shouldn't have to minimize those differences just to treat others decently. Take care, Internet stranger!
I usually don't like it when people say "I'm so OCD" or "My mood swings are kind of bi-polar" or "I'm kind of autistic about that" when they don't have those disorders. It's very diminishing to people who actually have those problems. When it comes to autism, I think the dialogue about autism has contributed to the problem. I think there's been a lot of effort put into "normalizing" autism, so people are less weirded out when they find out you're autistic. However, I think that also contributes to people being casual and cavalier about the use of the word "autistic". I also the research history surrounding autism also kind of messes things up. Autism used to be defined as a rare psychotic disorder where an individual is disconnected from reality. Then, autism was considered to be a developmental disorder and while there are forms of autism that are developmental disorders, currently the autism spectrum has expanded to include high functioning autistic people and people with Asperger's. I think the gradual expansion of autism has contributed again to the casual use of a diagnostic term. Honestly, I think there could be some better definitions of what autism is. At the moment, you have high functioning people who more-or-less can live normal lives with some relatively minor accommodations under the same umbrella as people who can't speak or take care of themselves and can become violent when something upsets them.
My biggest challenges in finding a date on an app: - someone my age - not obsessed with weed - not a rando looking for a 3rd partner - their 1st response isn’t about banging
A literal conversation I had “Hi there” “Hi ….. wanna f*ck in a fox costume?” “…. no thank you” Look, whatever you’re into, that’s fine you do you. But maybe wait till the 2nd conversation before dropping that nugget?
@@Talongirl333 Yeah ppl are weird like that, and when it is behind a screen people are even weirder. For me it was always hard to find someone who would match and when we matched alot of the time I could tell I was the third or fourth match the person was chatting with. Like: Me: "Hey, how was your day?" The next day: Her: "Hi, it was ok" .... Like it took you a day to answer that?
Actual 1st message I got Him: "Hi, I'll be over your's in 15mins and have you on all fours." Me: how about you buy me dinner first, or at least a drink? He blocked me 😂 Dating in general is so hard, adding having a only pamphlet for my social skills just made it a shit show. Honestly Hinge is so great and I met my finacé on there.
Kermit’s finding out story is almost exact for me too, I got diagnosed when I was an adult but had memories of a similar testing thing when I was younger and asked my parents for the paperwork. Sure enough, I had been diagnosed 10 years ago and no one told me because the Autism Speaks lady that was educating my parents said I would be fine
Well that explains why they didn’t tell you, they got advice from one of the worst sources out there! Joking aside, I went through something similar myself, I was told when I was 14, and I didn’t handle it well. Honestly, I think most people have to go through an experience of hating yourself/blaming everything on it to gradually accepting yourself as you are, and my parents were new to everything too so it just kind of culminated. The important thing is that you are here now and able to go through life in your way with accommodations and support ❤
Dude your parents made you waste so much money getting a second assessment. In my area assessments can be around $3000. And they're always booked for months in advance.
Don't worry, Ilyssa! I am autistic as well, and it's very nerve-wracking when I'm trying to ask out a girl! I just turned 20 about 2 weeks ago on October 27th and I'm a young woman who is struggling with self-anxiety! I eventually learned how to control it! I am so happy for you and your boyfriend! I hope all goes well for you guys!
I think an even more advanced and not self hating(as in internalized mysoginy)take of it is saving wether the way you are or what you like are popular or socially acceptable or encouraged at the time doesn't make you or your interests any better or worse than other people and their likes. Like... I mean is there even a way to be a girl or even many ways of being a girl? There are people and all people are different on their each way, girls are just a fraction of people so like they are still people, every girl is different just like every boy is different person and behave and have different tastes! There's no personality entity like all girls are Y and like Y and all boys like Z and are Z , each person I'd different regardless if they happen to be a boy or a girl :)
Eh, I disagree. The phrase "I'm not like other girls," in my case, came from a place of shame and self-loathing---it was basically what Illy said in the video; a way to validate an insecurity rather than confront it. But saying "I'm just like other girls" isn't right either; I can tell just by looking at the girls around me that I present differently from most of them. And I can tell by engaging in conversation with these girls that we have (mostly) different interests and outlooks on life. But there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to say that you're the same as someone else in order to respect them. You just have to know how to respect yourself. And you don't have to be "just like the other girls" in order to do that. /nm
The I'm like other girls mindset is what i used to have as a mentality now i realize how lame no reason for all of us women to put each other down for not being the same
Oh man, Kermit telling about how his parents didn’t tell him because they didn’t want him to use it as a crutch brought me to tears. My parents did the same thing, and I would tell them about issues I was having and things that now I know are autistic traits, and as I got older did some research and asked them if I might be autistic, only to be met with the whole “you can’t use that as a crutch” speech. They got upset at me when I went to see a therapist and then it turned out they knew the whole time. So much childhood pain, Kermit’s story hit me like a truck.
OMG I relate to this man so much! Using the so “they don’t use it as a crutch thing” my parents did the same thing to me to the point I didn’t know what autism was until I googled it myself. Because my parents told me I was autistic, but never told me what it was so I just felt broken and ended up masking.
As an autistic introvert, I strongly relate to your boyfriend, Illy. I socialising find socialising difficult, especially when I don't have the spoons to do so.❤ The ending made me cry a little bit because I get so anxious socialising.
This is actually very on point with my life right now. I recently found out that I’m autistic, and dating has been hard. Thanks for making this video, Illy :)
I’m autistic and my autism makes it hard for me to be attracted to people so I’ve never dated anyone. It confuses me how two people can be attracted to each other especially when they don’t know each other very well. The other reason I’ve never dated is because I realize I wasn’t a typical straight woman. I also called myself that because that’s all I knew. Eventually, I stop identifying as that and I feel a lot freer to be myself as a trans man that likes men. I feel free to express myself as a normally do but without having the pressures of sexism.
could you be demisexual as well? demi means you don't fall in love w/ people until you have a bond w/ that person already. so love at first sight never happens
@@lilGreenYoshiit's honestly more of demi-romantic, since Demi-Sexual is feeling sexual attraction after knowing a person you can still be demi-aroace tho
You don’t have to label these things if you don’t want to, but you could look into being on the aroace spectrum. I realised i was aroace before i was diagnosed with autism, but i know enough other autistic people to know that me not being attracted to people is an ace thing, not an autism thing. It’s different for different people though, i know
@@AnEmu404There is an increased chance for autistic people to be aro, ace, or aroace, just like there is an increased chance for autistic people to be transgender, adhd, etc. Neurological divergence rarely fits neatly into one diagnostic criteria. I, for example am AuDHD and demisexual, and the two are definitely linked, as feeling sexual attraction to someone who I dont have an established social bond with overwhelms me mentally, makes me feel yucky, and then reverses that feeling of attraction into revulsion.
Honestly just the absolute straight honest communication in this is so freaking awesome. Just laying it out, having the yeah dude I got you energy, and realizing that people can forget and lightly reiterating with honest communication is so cool.
How about we stop normalizing turning mental illness into an identity. If you fit the "neurodivergent" architype, use your intelligence to learn charisma and communication. People universally will never respect weakness.
My boyfriend suspects he is Autistic and I can confirm he checks off a lot of boxes. I also think he has ADHD (I was diagnosed borderline in my youth ) and it’s SO much fun distracting him with questions like “I wonder if there are animals that don’t poop” It’s guaranteed he will hyperfocus on google searching that and NOTHING will stop him. Asking him questions and watching him spiral into a google search binge is a good way to have me wheezing 😂
While I don’t have autism, I have massive ADHD. My best friend has Autism, and we both are weird in the same way. Moral of the story, open up your true self, and ignore everyone that hates you.
this is a great video that explains all those autistic feelings while dating so well, and i am so happy for you and kermit! dating other autistic people can truly be a blessing, not having to mask in front of one another. i never thought i could even live with another person, up until i met my girlfriend, who is autistic too and has similar traits to me. we just clicked so quickly and now it'll be almost three years since we've lived together and it feels wonderful! really wishing you and kermit all of the best, you sound great for one another 💕
I can relate to Kermit. I was diagnosed in middle school after my mother died. But they never explained it to me but my step mom would constantly say me being frustrated was my Asperger’s acting up and flat out told me I would never amount to anything be of my disability.
I was diagnosed when the elementary school principal was forcing everyone to get tested and then tried to force anyone even a little bit on the spectrum into special Ed and on drugs (I kid you not). What's worse is we later found out she and the school was getting massive payouts for every kid tested, drugged, or put in special ed. Seriously and she still got to finish her career and retire
@jaguarlegoanimations9826 unfortunately not, there was only one of the elementary schools open at that point and no chance for private or school in another county.
I was diagnosed as autistic as a todler back in the 1980's, started dating nearly 5 years ago to a lovely persons who def is autistic (altough not diagnosed), engaged nearly 2 years ago hoping to get married soon
Unrelated to dating, I sometimes struggle with the feeling that I'm not "autistic enough" compared to other autistics because I don't experience similar symptoms. So thanks for making these types of videos, as they really help with my self confidence!!
The girl I've been seeing is also autistic, and she's an absolute angel. While she, like you, Illy, is more social and likes a louder environment, loud things overwhelm me, and when we're in a loud place, or an alarm goes off, she makes sure I'm okay and holds my hands when I hold them over my ears and tells me that she's there. She's just. So lovely :')
That's so precious omg, my girlfriend and I are both autistic and whenever one of us is overwhelmed we just ask if being hugged/held is warranted or when we need space and immediately respect it without question or second thought. Being inherently understood on an intuitive level feels so... right!
As someone who found out they were autistic after getting married, this video really explains so much of the relationship dynamics. Thank you
@shawngaliley8830 what's your 5 favorite disney shows?
@@joshwright4799Pooh's heffalump movie.💜🐘🦘
This is to true though
@@Blade-Animations indeed.🌈🏳️🌈🫂👍
Off-topic, I love how Illy bleeped out the word, "hell" when saying "modern hell would taste like!" Don't know why though. I find it very funny! LMAO
My heart breaks for Kermit that his parents didn’t tell him he was autistic growing up. I would’ve given anything to know I was autistic as a child instead of as a near adult
This is quite common sadly. I have a lot of autistic friends and quite a few have excperienced this
It could be a double edged sword however. I am not sure I would have put effort if I was told from the start I was "lagging" behind, maybe even using it as an excuse. That said, the opposite is also true as stated by your comment.
As mentioned in the video, everybody is different.
My parents did the same for me. I don't hate them for it, they have apologized and are trying to do better, but it still stings. I can't get those years back and those were the foundations of who I am now.
My dad knew I was autistic and legit would physically abuse me for bad grades knowing why I got them..... told me years later he knew I was autistic when he punished me for not knowing how to get good grades as a autistic child in a Christian school
0:00 AYO WAS THAT THE KLUDGE FROM BIG CITY GREENS?!?!
I was banned from tinder for the same reason and also wasn’t approved to be on raya lmaooo
LMAOO MAC 😭😭
MAC😭😭
lmao
HEYY MACC
omg mac!
His kermit voice is actually insanely good lol
Its not though lol
@@kyle9699it is.
@@kyle9699 😮opinions are opinions lol
@@CWTheWeezerFan ye
Just like water + more water = water
As a person with AUDHD (autism and adhd, inattentive type) I find this really inspiring. It sucks Kirmet’s parents didn’t tell him he was autistic but I’m glad you guys found each other. I hope your relationship lasts a long time and you can make each other happy together ^-^
I have the exact concoction, on top of not really knowing until I was older. This video was made for me I swear
i have a question
how does it feel to be autistic
@@radicaldude2000something tells me its not in good faith jfc dude☠️
@@waffleccandy no im just interested its just because i have a autistic kid in my class and i wanna just know how he is feeling
this was super sweet. finding another autistic person certainly can relieve the anxiety of dating and not having to mask and worry they dislike who you really are.
There should be a dating app just for neurodivergent people 😭 meeting people is exhausting
@andrewbuckley921I didn’t ask about your comment.
@andrewbuckley921you don’t have to ask for this person to share their opinion ?
@@merlin88888YES. Dating/friendship finding app for neurodivergent people, where there’s a little category for special interest pictures and another for sensory overloads. So you know EXACTLY what the issues are and the special interests so you can ask about them and make that person you met VERY happy. 😂
@andrewbuckley921???? Dude who tf r u
As a person with ADHD, autism and anxiety, I can 100% feel your pain
I feel all of that
A FELLOW TRIPLE A BATTERY
I don’t have autism, but my brother does, but he is non-verbal
TRIPLE A BATERY I CAN'T 😭
i’m also a triple a battery along with depression and PTSD
🐸I CANT HELP IT JUST KEEPS OVER FLOWING🐸 thats my favorite part
As someone who is autistic, I’m scared about getting into a relationship because I feel I’ll be judge for and maybe take advantage of my traits, but hopefully someday I’ll have someone who understands that im autistic and is good and kind to me, this video has really helped me Illysa 💚💚💚
Maybe you’ll attract another autistic person so don’t worry about it
Same here! I wish you the best of luck
Best of luck
Same
I know your pain my friend my anxiety gets the best of me all the time
“People either got weird or were weirdly mean to me or treated me like I was 6”
That third one perfectly describes like half the kids in my PE class.
As always, phenomenal work, Illy. I hope you and Kermit are doing well.
@andrewbuckley921Nobody asked about ur content
@andrewbuckley921 imagine not having a father figure
@andrewbuckley921 I'm seeing these comments everywhere.
@@Nacreous99being honest, people need to stop using the wird "fatherless" as an insult, it's a serious thing people go through and it's not funny as someone who has a friend with no father it isn't easy with just one parental figure, I'm not fatherless myself although it must be hard for people with just one parental figure, stop using it as an insult
@@Limenade8ok??
Being a people pleaser until you get so overwhelmed that you become irrationally angry is so relatable.
Being Autisic Myself there were some cringey moments in my childhood.
Fr I try to make everybody happy but most of them end up being fake and making me break down crying like every day lol
@@PeachyyyBobaaren't you also being fake by trying to be a "people pleasure"??
I am the gosh-darn biggest people pleaser you will ever meet, I always say I’m not, but I am, let’s be honest. Thats not healthy though, I wanna stop but I can’t. It gets really annoying sometimes. That’s not the only thing going for me though, I also have ADHD and OCD, so my mind is basically split in half, I’m always in a cluttered space, and it annoys me, but I can’t do anything about it! Good stuff, eh?
Ps. I’m not 100% sure, but a lot of people think I’m autistic, not because I socialize differently, but because I’m really smart? I don’t know they are comparing me to Young Sheldon. Should I look into it, Y’know, like try to figure out if I am?
@@Era_Manaj_Was_Here no need to get that checked, I can very easily tell based of your response ya ain't super smart
Omg... The adhd-invasion you drew when you realized you had forgotten what he said he needs, hit me HARD 😭 I hate that I come off as insensitive because of having BOTH diagnoses 💀 (I do try rly hard to remember what people say about their needs tho but sometimes it slips)
I forgot the name of all of my coworkers when I worked at the library... like, 5 -10 seconds after they introduced themselves.
Dating another autistic person, after years with an allistic ex, is so liberating. He takes me seriously, and we problem solve situations together. Being with him is the best thing that's ever happened to me
That sounds so nice :)
That whole "turning evil" when you're out of spoons is so insightful. I've never heard it described that way, but it makes so much sense!
true true
id say for me its more like cold and quiet, which for sure prolly would come off as extra rude when someone like a teacher is tryna help out and im just purely siltent and unresponsive, doodling
@andrewbuckley921 you are so creative
I related so hard to that part of the video! My fiance calls it "feral goblin mode" for me when I get in that headspace lmao
god it truly is such an apt description though. i've been called a "demon" before because all my energy to mask once evaporated and i just suddenly felt like i was going to kill people :') being overwhelmed is no joke when you're autistic.
Same I got really angry and bad tempered when things fill up my spoons like in Vietnam to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore and it was the last straw to point where I lashes out and cried like a child (shoulda seen how I was) and break down so hard that I wished to be out of there once and for all. Everything, like genuinely everything annoyed me, it's nice to see people who understand this speak out because at that, I thought I was the only person in this world
Communicating your needs to your partner is such a good thing, good on you Kermit.
@andrewbuckley921 SHUT UP! >:(
/j (You're funny but also unfunny at the same time)
i found out i have high-functioning autism + asperger syndrome when i was around 12 or 13 years old. I did not know what it meant until later on, and now i just embrace it. Half of my friends are like "wait you're autistic?" and the other half basically just already knew after realizing how weird at times i was. This video really made my day :D
I have high functioning autism to I got told when I was 14-15 I got made fun of alot but I kinda learned how to make it seem like I don’t have but I still struggle when it comes to jokes and face aspersions
I love your pfp
@@Taliathemurderer Thanks
"I liked his kermit impression, He liked my big sword" is one of the truest loves there is. One for the ages.
thats how you know he's a keeper
Usually that happens the other way around, at least for the opposite genders but I’m really rooting for these two! They’re super cute!
i believe we shouldn't downplay size... she did say MASSIVE sword
@@Parsnip5782 Oh yeah. She said *MASSIVE* To undersell that would be blasphemous
@@willpower8289 nice word "blasphemous" it fills my soul with entire bushels of jolly joy.
Thank you for making content like this. I'm also autistic/disabled, and it's so difficult in this social order. I feel like I'm so behind everyone and like I'm constantly failing. Videos like this make me feel so much less alone. So just thank you
you arent alone and you will not be left behind! you have a whole community out here rooting for you!
@@illymation
@@cottagecorefrog-ru9jb*insert cat here*
i have not been diagnosed, but i relate to both this comment and the video a lot
As an autistic human who just married their autistic partner in August, this video made us feel so SEEN! I'm so glad you found your happiness girl, and I hope it goes in the exact direction you both want the way it did for me and my wife :)
Congratulations! Hope you have a beautiful life with them! ❤
@@spice4life. 🥰🥰🥰 thank you!
Thank you for making this video. it made me cry I was diagnosed at 16 and it was wild to see that other people go through this kind of experience, especially with trying to date and make friends.
I was diagnosed when I was 25, already married, and my husband fully accepted it. I mean, he fell in love with me as I was, so the only thing that changed was me trying to unmask more and we honestly fell more in love. The bigger issue I had was when I told my family, and all them were like, "Oh, we kind of had a feeling you were." And me saying back, "Then you should have told me."
This, I feel this so much. It took a diagnosis for my parents to admit they always thought I was somewhere on the spectrum. That should've been communicated and even if they weren't sure, there were ways to go and get tested that wouldn't have been financially devastating at the time. It infuriates me to no end that people can just casually say they had a feeling, like a whole family collectively know something and not do anything about it.
My parents said the same thing lol expect it was for ADHD. My Grandma said she didn’t wanna me to be "Highly Medicated" aswell.
Bro I told my parents I thought I was autistic once and my mom said smth like “yeah I thought you had it” I thought I’d hopefully get tested but didn’t. My dad also said I was fine as if autism is a disease
I had the same issue with my brother. I'm 35 and told him I'm very likely autistic and he said "Well duh". Would've been nice to have 1 person speak up, at least earlier.
Oh ... see, one of my best friensds (I know them from 3years) has a lot of autistic-adjacent traits ? They hold their morals to very high standards, have sensory issues, socialize differently I guess, and also a passion for ATLA. I dunno, the thing is I think they're kind of aware of it, and I always got the vibe they were uncomfortable about digging more into it, and I respect that ?
It feels like if I talked more explicitly about it to them, I would disrespect their wish. But now that I've read your comments, maybe I'm actually cowering out of helping them.
I dunno xD
Also as a side note, I'm usually very clueless about this stuff, it was actually only after an ex-common friend made a remark about how they are obviously autistic bc of how weird they are (??????) that I kind of connected the dots. I confronted them afterwards ofc and turns they were ignorant and not actually *this* offensive, but still glad I cut ties lol
Anyways yeah if someone read this comment and has any advice It'd be awesome :)) have a nice day stranger 🤍
my parents didn't tell me I was autistic until I was 13, when asked why they didn't tell me earlier, they said I "wouldn't have been able to handle it"
bruh
oh yes, the grieving and pain of finding out you’re autistic would be sooo hard i bet
My mom didn’t tell me I was autistic until I was 14.
I was told when I was 8 or so but my parents found out they where autistic in there 30s or so
I’m not sure if this is just a me experience, but I was also diagnosed when I was 13 and since my whole life, I was treated like the outcast and everyone kind of knew I was some kind of neurodivergent except me it felt like the stars align when I was finally diagnosed and so many things were explained! Of course I still struggle a lot and some days I wish I wasn’t but at the end of the day I’m really proud to be who I am!
What a relevant topic for me. I started dating for the first time recently and I as well am autistic, he is too, though, so that’s nice.
yes
Haven’t Been through it ?
@kadeorade5296 what's your 4 favorite disney shows?
Same :)
@DontReadMyProfilePicture.233 bro you got me subed
I also have autism but I'm also transgender female to male, so when I told my boyfriend all that I was SUPER SCARED; but he's been nothing but supportive and the most incredible boyfriend I could ask for; 3 years and 4 months strong and not planning on ending any time soon
Stay strong out there! ❤
Happy pride!
My mom decided to tell me i was autistic when i was 19, she said she didnt want me to feel less than others or use it in my favor...all through my life, mostly highschool i started realizing the similar traits i had to other peple with autism so i brought it up to her and she was like " yeah your therapist told me you are on the spectrum but on the light end" and i was HUUUH?
"but on the light end"
Just because your autism isn't as noticeable to others doesn't mean it isn't as noticeable and important to YOU!
ESPECIALLY with masking!
Gods I’m so sorry she withheld such important information from you 😢. I hope you’re doing alright ❤
i think your mom did the right thing would you really want to know for all of high school that your autistic some people use autism as a excuse for stuff
Same 🫠
@@radicaldude2000No. She definitely did not do the right thing. Witholding important information like that from a struggling child just makes it worse.
Kermit telling the prom story and the way Illy was giggling at it just gave me all the warm fuzzies ❤
@andrewbuckley921your content is terrible buddy.
@andrewbuckley921 I do not recall anyone inquiring thy whatsoever
and tbh kermits reaction is still warranted even if he didn't have autism. like "the worst she can say is no right" she hit him with the WHY! and left
Honestly, a huge lesson in this video is not just finding someone who gets you, but COMMUNICATION. I love that "Kermit" took you away and talked to you seriously, and that you understood and worked through it. Everyone thinks finding a good personality is IT, but noooo it's everything else.
i read "COMMUNISIM" in full caps well scrolling through comments and thought "why is there a communist comment on a lilymation video??"
@@soupcide dyslexia moment (real)
@@kixen13 yes, because when i read this i read "dementia moment" im not dyslexic, just stupid lol
@@soupcide HELP THATS SO REAL
Another huge lesson is that a good kermit impression is a great benefit
My mom once told me, in these exact words, “Don’t diss the ‘tism”. And she’s right. It’s fun when your brain works different :)
This is probably one of your best made videos, and utilising the interview with Kermit in different ways throughout the video was a genius touch and a thorough way to approach the topic. ❤️
Seriously it really is. The timing, the insights, so so good
I just want to thank Illy for having these conversations. I have recently been diagnosed with autism, and I don’t feel like I would’ve come around to understanding it more without you. And a video like this also helps a lot, and a lot of things make sense now 😂
these are more common than people think, most undiagnosed people think that's just how people always live
10:15 dats a big word for Elmo XD
My parents didn’t tell me I was autistic until I was 15, and when they told me it wasn’t particularly their choice. I had been researching autism myself for a year, I annotated the entire DSM-5 criteria to illustrate how it applied to me, I was going to present this to a new psychologist, but my mother asked what I was writing and I can’t lie well so she found out. She then informed me I had been diagnosed when I was 7. My sibling had been diagnosed at that time too, and they still didn’t want to tell them even though I knew. I did eventually force them to though.
My mom and sister know my brother has autism because it is so obvious even though he isnt diagnosed, it makes me really mad but they don't want to tell him because idk they think its something bad
@@ThePurplePapaya youre his sibling just like your sister...... You can tell him easily. Dont put it all on her.
Me egg donor and sperm donor were awful people for different reasons but he never entertained the idea of me being autistic, in fact he always bashed people for being "autistic" whenever they couldn't understand him (a college professor). She always denied my autism but always whine about my obviously autistic behaviors like forgetting to greet or not following some hierarchies/hierarchical roles.
I had to find out I was autistic on my own and then helped my wife (while we were still dating) to accept her own autism. I just knew she was autistic the moment I heard her talk so she was very surprised when I asked if she was on the spectrum.
I have told him and my mom has even told me not to before@@spacebar9733
@illymation , i recently discovered your videos and started watching when this video caught my attention. I have Asperger's syndrome, which is a form of autism and i found this extremely relatable and i really appreciated hearing your personal experience with dating with autism and it made me feel like im not alone im my experience. Thank you
Same here, mate. Same here.
It's lovely to see a neurodivergent couple supporting each other in life's daily struggles. I'm on the autism spectrum and my partner has ADHD and dyslexia and it's just really good to see people understanding our conditions more or putting more reliable information out there to help people understand. I find it really reassuring and good to know you have someone special who understands the way you see the world and can support you when it can become a bit too much. My best wishes to you and Kermit!!
Edit: Thank you so much for the likes. It means a lot 😄
Just a note I feel is important for people to hear, neurodivergent or neurotypical: If you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable in a situation, an emotionally mature, respectful partner will support you and cater to your needs. It is completely fine to want time to refresh, to slow down or to just not feel for a few minutes or longer if you need it.
On the off-chance Illy sees this, I just wanted to say thank you for making your first video about your autistic experience. (If that’s the right term, idk.) Since that video came out, I realized that I might be autistic. Because of that, I’ve stopped thinking that there’s something “wrong” or “off” with me and I’m able to be a lot kinder to myself.
So, yeah. From one stranger on the internet to another one, thanks. ^^
@dreamis_studios what's your 3 favorite disney shows?
Same!
@joshwright4799 why are you asking?
that video led me on the path to realization too 😊
For questions
Exactly people are always like "well (name) is autistic and you don't act like them" Well if you were educated enough you would know not everyone's autism is the same there's multiple different kinds of autism... and people treat me like i'm 6 just because i have autism...😢😢
I’m 12, and have recently been getting looked into for autism. My therapist recommended the spoon theory as I have high anxiety and OCD, so it can cause burn out. I’ve not heard about it anywhere else and to hear it from one my favourite UA-camrs makes me so happy!! Thank u!!
Also thank you so much for liking my comment!!
Same! My mom is looking into getting me a therapist to help control my anger issues and anxiety, and forget about the problems that I’m facing in life, too!
Its a really great tool to use.
My therapist asked me to have to bowls at my table and replace the spoons with something else, i choose cute rubbers in many shapes haha!
Then she asked me to put them from one bowl into the other during the day so i could visualize how much energy i used on different tasks, it helped a lot to have it in front of me too 😊
I was also diagnosed with autism as a kid but not told until later in life I felt like I was the only one who had that experience!
Me too! I really thought I was alone...
this sounds very cruel. is it?
it happned more often than we think. happened to me too. they told me in middle school
@@justonechessguy yea it is i spent my childhood trying to tell people i felt different only to be shut down and called "narcissistic" it was very traumatic
same. diagnosed at age 8, and then i thought about it and like logic'd my way into thinking i had it, asked my mom if i did and she confirmed i did (i was 14 when i realized)
This is adorable and SO relatable. I too met my autistic boyfriend over Hinge. It was his spot on Elmo impression that got us to match.
Damn, i better quickly learn how to do a good cookie monster impression. Apparently its the optimal mating call for autistic people.
I have been with the same guy for over 10 years, since we were in school. I always felt like something about me was different from others. I got diagnosed as Autistic at age 21. My boyfriend has known me since I was 9. If anything, since my diagnosis, it's made my relationship better. It feels like I understand myself more. And it greatly improved my sense of humor X3
I agree I too have W rizz(I'm autistic)
So you can say you have W rizzed some people?
I have a W rizzed too. It holds my hand on my arm
The worst of telling someone your autistic is when they just deny it and say ‘no ur not’ it’s so invalidating and degrading it’s like ur experiences and struggles don’t matter
man why would someone even say that? that is actually so disgusting.
thats literally the equivalent of saying: NUH UH
i once had someone tell me i dont LOOK autistic and funtion too well to be autistic. like what???
@@whateverchannel5344 people like you need to meet an actual, non-verbal autistic person.
how dare you question my convenient self-diagnosis
My boyfriend has ADHD and he knew I was autistic before I even realized... it’s so nice having someone to reassure me though and make me feel like a person with autism and not just autistic.
saying “with autism” isnt right n technically its kinda ableist… u r autistic u dont have autism
@@yokunethere isn’t a right term. There’s been tests of person-first vs identity-first language and sure the majority of autistic people prefer identity-first, but it’s not like that makes the people who prefer the other suddenly ableist… almost everyone says they have, not are adhd too and it’s not like that’s really made it more harmful.
@@yokuneit’s their neurodiversity. Why should we get to decide what they call it?
@@yokune I'm someone who says both "I have"/"with" and "I am". To me there's no much difference, like having a life and being alive. It's usually ableist when the person suffers because of labels of the ways of saying it.
i like to say i have the 'tism XD
Oh my GOD. Your depiction of rejection-sensitive dysphoria was so accurate, and really hit close to home for me. Like, the way a handful of words can suddenly shatter every good feeling around you and make you feel so anxious and dissociative that you can barely even mask the worry?? I've dealt with that my entire life! I've never seen it portrayed so well, even when it's just a small detail of the animation. I felt so recognized in watching that part
I saw that and was like "holy shit. that's me." And I will now be talking to my therapist about it first thing in our next session :D
EXACTLY!!! for me my rsd is horrible. literally one sentence can wreck an entire half hour (edit: fixed the spelling mistake)
Omg same! And they put the ADHD character there because they forgor is basically me. I have ADHD and it's hard because it's my fault for for forgetting but also not? And then the rejection sensitivity just sucks
SAME
@@SkiNekoKitty fr!!
Kermit reafirming you and opening up about not wanting to fail 😭😭😭 the interaction was so cute
A small thing that I noticed as a fellow autistic is that you called it a disability. I LOVE THIS. So many people call autistic people "special" or just in general dancing around the word disabled but that's what we are. Honestly thank you for spreading awareness! Your amazing ❤️
I agree with you! As an autistic person, I hate when people call it anything else but a disability because it literally disables me. (Or like when people say to use people-first language, person with autism, instead of autistic person) it annoys me so much, because my autism made me who I am, I would be totally different if I didn’t have autism. In a way, it also makes me better in certain areas, and because of that probably better at my future career. (I’m in college study sociology on the mental health counseling track)
I completely agree. It really makes navigating life more difficult. Sometimes I ask myself "why am I this way, everything is so difficult"
Idk, I kinda disagree. Ig it depends on who you are, but being called disabled can make me feel like there's something wrong with me or that I'm broken in some way. It is disabling admittedly but I guess be told that can drudge the emotions above. Maybe it's just me but that's how I feel.
@@christhefro2844 that is completely understandable!! While I feel different I see why you feel like this, can you please explain why?
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was close to the age of 21, and then I got diagnosed with ADD at the age of 25. My mom did always have a hunch because I was struggling so much, but every doctor she spoke to just told her that I was "stubborn and shy", and that nothing was wrong with me. Up until my official diagnoses as an adult, I was also considered as an oddball among my peers, and I could never seem to fit in anywhere.
I was dx'd with autism at 6, but at 18 I was (mis)diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I'd noticed how I get really excited about something, to the point where I get anxious (or even depressed) if I don't do whatever that thing is. When I do the thing, I feel euphoric.
Anyway, so for about 8 years, I went through the standard depression/anxiety treatment regimen. I tried every antidepressant, anxiolytic, therapy, etc. they threw at me. In the middle of all this, I was diagnosed with ADHD, but my providers decided not to add ADHD treatment to my treatment plan.
I then read a news article about a man with ADHD, who was suicidally depressed and - like me - couldn't find any relief from the depression treatments they gave him. In this man's case, one doctor suspected ADHD and started him on a stimulant. That stimulant lifted his mood tremendously.
So I began to suspect that I wasn't depressed - it was my neurodivergence this whole time.
I've since had that suspicion confirmed by the opinion of a wonderful psychiatric NP who's heard it all so much.
I was pretty much the same way, except I was diagnosed (in about 15 minutes) as schizoid personality disorder in 1980. The more I learned about it the more I thought, "That's not me."
The therapist said I don't fit the criteria for SPD, but a proper autism diagnosis is to long and expensive for older adults, but I do fit the description, so let's just call it good.
Fine.
@@moonman239 Yes its interesting because ADHD actually has a lot more to it then you would think. It can actually drain you like someone with autism gets drained, but for a completely different reason. I myself have no issues socialising (in that I am not socially awkward etc) but I sometimes stumble because emotionally its a lot rather than it just being an actual struggle no matter what in the case of autism. It turns out emotional dysregulation caused by ADHD can actually drain you a lot, give you problems socialising and even make progressing a career difficult. Despite not having any inherent social challenges, you just have no net to filter emotions and it just becomes so overwhelming even if nothing is actually happening and sometimes normal conversations can get you down or make you anxious.
I can confirm ADHD meds fix it completely, in fact I am able to hold relationships down and take on endless job responsibilities whilst on them. It literally feels like god powers.
This has seriously comforted me. As an autistic person myself, my autism was partially the reason why my last relationship ended and it was also my first one ever and I'm still processing getting over it even though he dumped me in June. Thank you for making me realize even with my autism, my spoons, my shutdowns and my stimming, somebody out there, who may or may not be autistic too could still be my partner. Your the best Illy!
Not only did this make me laugh, it made me realize that what I'm feeling is real and I'm not just 'being lazy' or 'overdramatic'. It made me feel like someday I'll find someone who's like me too.
Also that's so real, getting anxious when someone says "can we talk about this later", my heartrate goes to TEN THOUSAND BEATS PER MINUTE... also I completely agree with going 'evil mode'. By the end of the school day I'm grumpy because I don't have any spoons left, and people are confused on why I'm angry. Thank you for making this video
First off KERMIT👏🏻 IS 👏🏻 SO 👏🏻 SWEET!!! 👏🏻
He legit sounds like a warm hug 🥺💕🥲
Second, it's very understandable, and as a person with ADHD and anxiety myself, I can't exactly handle loud stuff either since feel really drained afterwards.
But still, I'm so happy for you Illy, and welcome Kermit!!! :3
That kermit impression is hilarious. I am so happy for both of you.
Omg you and Kermit are a great couple! As a fellow autistic, I think it’s wonderful that you two found each other because you’ll have such a greater understanding of each other’s autistic quirks. I’m still educating myself and my loved ones about my autism and it can be really hard sometimes, so your relationship is really heartwarming.
Thank you for making this video. I have some anxiety and depression as well as some other stuff. This kind of gave me some hope in that dating might be hard, but will be worth it once I find that person
Anxiety is hard as an autistic adult thank you Illymations for your story,
I'm 16 and autistic. People have also told me that I shouldn't use autism as a "crutch." I say that if my leg is broken, then a crutch is needed. My disability disables me and its just a fact of life. Doesn't make me pitiful, doesn't make me weird, doesn't make me weak. Kermit's parents had some serious ableism going on, to know both how and why their kid was suffering and not giving him the truth he deserved.
Yeah. I understand that. Although even after I found out about being autistic. I really, really did not want to use it as a crutch.
No one told me to not use it as a crutch. I just didn’t want to make it a problem for anyone. And I’ll admit it was easy for me, because I’m on the very mild end of the spectrum.
And not being told until I was 13-14 benefited me in a way. But I do agree we deserve to know, and have an explanation. We all have different needs after all.
Facts, but at the same time it is not fun at all because people will react like you have the plague or another virus and you'll get bullied by kids, adults (they will tell their kids to stay away from me) and even my teachers. Like: come on people! I am not poisonous, you can't "catch" autsim
and just like the broken leg, there is 2 ways to deal with life, sit back, do nothing and expect everyone to understand your situation, or try your best to go out and learn how to live day to day life with your broken leg.
I'm also an autistic teen/young adult (don't want to reveal my exact age) and I get the same crap. What makes it even more infuriating is that a great deal of the people who say this will also treat you completely different due to your autism. They can define you entirely based of your autism, but you can't let autism define you at all.
I am not autistic however i have psychotic depression and honestly i feel so alone. I struggle more than a lot og autistic kids in my school simply to complete non function due to depression. And for months i was also hallucinating as well. However there is rarely a community or presence of this kind of stuff online (psychosis).
Depression is just something else. Everyone talks about mental health but people who severely struggle with it dont actually get the help they need or get it too late. Its so strange.
I dont know. I guess what im trying to say is that with autism, people can build a positive identity with a supportive community, but the same cannot be said for depression. There is no upside to depression and nothing to be proud of like a lot of autistic people feel.
As someone with POTS (chronic illness), ADHD and OCD I understand the spoon theory thing… I always ignore it though because I want to have a social life and If I don’t hang out with my friends I loose my mind.. it’s so hard balancing mental health and physical health
i also have clinical ocd and get so exhausted from compulsions and anxieties so everyday shit is double exhausting lol
Holy crap I got POTS and ADHD too ive never met anyone else who has them both
I had such a "holy crap" moment when spoon theory was mentioned.
Years ago I read a random comment somewhere that mentioned it, but I could never remember what it actually was about and have had a difficult time trying to explain how my chronic illnesses can affect my energy levels.
Can't believe I found it again in a youtube video that was randomly recommended to me
Stop are we literally the same person? 😭
I have also pots and eds plus having crippling depression because of it, it causes me to be so out of society but when one day i went to a meet thing for people with chronic illness i met my gf who also has pots so i understand so much one day youl hopefully meet someone like u that understands u!
I LOVED THE KLUDGE!!! Great easter egg Illy :) it made my day.
As fellow autistic person, this gives me hope to find love.
U will find love buddy, just keep swimming
You can! I did, and he loves my stimming! You can do it!
as a fellow tism, i don't wanna find love. I wanna HUSTLEEEEEE
What does that MEAN!? You SOUND just like any other guy!
Same here
As a person currently being tested for autism, I greatly appreciated all of the traits described because I feel so much less alone. I feel that I'm in a similar situation as Kermit, where I had no idea as a child because my parents wouldn't acknowledge my struggles (they still don't). Thank you so much for making this video and best of luck and health to both of you!
Hey, Illy. As someone married with an autistic person and neurodivergent myself, this hits too close to home. Thanks for this! And best wishes to both of you!
romance absolutly makes my heart swell and literally every interaction you guys had SCREAMED mutual trust and reliability, I 100% congratulate yall's relationship and its so heartwarming.
I feel so bad for Kermit. Keeping his autism a secret for years just sounds horrifying. I was diagnosed when I was eleven and stuff like school and social interactions in general were already pretty difficult even with being aware of being autistic. Going through school without that knowledge and just confused sounds like the worst. Unfortunately, I don't think it's that uncommon for parents to do that. I've heard of other people whose parents kept their autism diagnosis a secret for years at least. Your relationship looks so sweet and his Kermit impression is quite good too. I hope that you'll both be happy together.
I was diagnosed at 6. Mom never specifically told me until 13, but she didn't exactly try to hide it either. She enrolled me in various interventions so that we could mitigate the effects of autism. She homeschooled me from grade 2 to basically grade 12, in part because I was the subject of bullying in 1st grade.
She was actually surprised when, at age 13, I told her "but I don't have autism" - for context, we were discussing how I might write a Website about my journey with autism. Looking back, I guess she figured I'd pick up on that fact from how I'd behave differently from my peers or attend therapies and stuff that they probably weren't doing or something.
i cringe at romance normally but the amount of emotional maturity that runs in the veins of this relationship makes it not cringe
Literally I honestly started tearing up. I want what they have 😭♥️
Aro moment
What's cringy about romance? If it's healthy, it's beautiful.
@@Kyriakos703 sometimes romance can just be.. too sweet to the point where it's too much sweetness to take in. I think that's what they meant
TRUE
As a high schooler whose friends are all getting boyfriends and girlfriends (and I've always had a hard time understanding myself in that sense) this video made me realize that there is someone out there for me and for everyone. Thank you for always inspiring me
go away. nobody asked you either@andrewbuckley921
@andrewbuckley921ur a furry.
to me there isn't someone in a romantic way, as i am aromantic, but there are friends waiting for me later and my family will probably also be supportive eventually
I'd like to believe there's someone for everyone but at my age I find it to be an absolute lie.
i notice your interests in cartoons you added so many background characters not very noticeable but you have in the diner and movie theatre!
how Kermit was still able to joke around even when expressing his emotions just shows how good of a relationship the two have! I am very happpy for the both of you!
The whole "turning evil" thing resonated with me. I'm not autistic (as far as I know) but I can get sensory overload too, especially if I'm already stressed out or my anxiety is up there, and there are times I feel so overwhelmed I just want to act mean and nasty and angry, when I'm normally pretty nice and try my best to be kind, in an attempt to stop whatever it is that's causing my sensory overload. I've already had to deal with this the other day at work, and boy did I try to keep myself calm.
I'm on the same page. Even around my kids though I never like to express anger or stress around them because they can end up mirroring it at times. Sometimes I question myself if I'm on the spectrum at all because I have a hard time conversating in groups and I have a hard time making eye contact when I'm talking to people. I also have to keep my hands busy and I'm always fidgeting with things like in a restaurant I'll mess with the paper from the straw or something like that or to play video games or guitar rather than just sitting and watching tv. I'm probably being ignorant and I'm not on the spectrum at all but it's still something I think about lol
@@cameronpeterson6734it's worth checking if you're curious! 😊
@@cameronpeterson6734 I think you should get an appointment with a doctor to check on that. It's a best case scenario either way cause you'll know if you have it and can care for yourself better, and if you don't have it, well then you know and don't have to wonder.
After watching this I just realized because of my autism that I do most of those masking and behavioral things without even realizing it
@@catskura99 I don't think that's what they meant but sure
Clarification if anyone needs it. What I meant is that I do the masking thing in my everyday life at school without even noticing it and hearing her talk about it made me realize that I do it subconsciously
@@The_fastfreddy Same, I thought I was the only one who did this! Like, I don't consciously mask (I have tried and failed miserably), but at times it seems like my neurotypical peers don't even notice. So, maybe I unconsciously picked up some habits from them as a kid?
Her- “SOOBWAY!”
Me- “ODDONESOUT!” * chuckles sheepishly * “Nailed it.”
This would’ve did numbers 8 years ago
As a neurodivergent person I’ve always had the strange feeling there was something “ wrong “ with me growing up because I didn’t understand and experience everything like neurotypical people did. I didn’t become aware of it until 4th grade and that grade was the time I just completely lost all my self worth and shut down because I was stressed why I couldn’t seem normal. I had no friends to comfort me through it so I had to deal w the wonderful experience of the teacher taking me a to a random group of girls in my class at recess and saying “ hey can she hang out with you guys for today?? I’m sure you’ll become great friends..!! “ and then they wouldn’t pay attention to me or acknowledge I was there lol I’m sure a ton of ppl had the same experience 😭😭🙏 but here I am now with the bestest friends I could ever ask for with a fair share of other neurodivergent people so we understand each other quite well
That’s crazzzzyy afff
hi same
@@Onedirectionfan-z8l yayyyy I’m glad ppl can relate 🫂
it is hard and with the combenation of other disabilitys it is hard i di coment if u wana read it u dont got to just wanted to say@@Sleepydollyyy
My heart honestly goes out to Kermit, because I went through the same exact thing. Only I was 14-15 years old when I was told that I was autistic (my memory is a bit fuzzy), the shock, confusion, and crushing realization about why I never really fit in hit me like a truck. I can only imagine how he felt after becoming an adult an finding it out. It honestly shocked me that we had such similar experiences, down to the wording his parents used. Mine used the same exact reason as "not wanting me to use it as a crutch." It sickens me that a lot of parents likely think like this honestly.
Oof, I learned that I was autistic around that age too. Apparently because I wouldn't "understand it" if I was younger! 😭
Not really sickening. It's still a double edged sword and it all really depends on the child's innate work ethic. Some seem it as an obstacle to overcome and conquer. Some deal with and coexist with it. And some use it as an excuse to act and perfrom terrible. It just depends on the child.
@@RockinRocketScience For me, it’s the fact that being autistic is something that impacts someone’s day to day life, how they react and handle things, as well as how they communicate with others. Not knowing that I was autistic kept me from being able to learn strategies to help me control my emotions, as well as trying to avoid being overstimulated. Ever since I learned that I was autistic it’s helped me develop skills to keep my emotions in check, as well as just understand myself more as a person. I honestly believe that keeping information like that away from a person just because you “don’t want them to use it as a crutch”, when they could actively be developing skills to help them is a bad thing to me.
Not going to lie, I teared up a little at the conversation you guys have in the car at the end. So genuine.
Right it was so communicative and cute 😭
sameee
You have no idea how much I needed this video without even knowing it (or actually, you probably do and that's why you made it after all)
Thank you so much Illy and Kermit ❤
You guys are the best!
I’m 13 and autistic and I actually rly liked this video it helps me a lot when other people talk about masking bc I’ve had a rly big issue with it a lot and it’s rly messed with my mental health thank u for talking about it and also I want to say I HATE it when people say “everyone has a bit of autism” whenever I say I’m autistic
Yeah, I'm under the impression that people who say that might mean well, it's just... you know, not true. We're not all a little bit Italian, or diabetic, or Muslim, or Opera fans, or what-have-you-there are meaningful differences between people and how they experience the world, and the world's a richer place for it; we certainly shouldn't have to minimize those differences just to treat others decently. Take care, Internet stranger!
@@isaac_buckley I haven’t heard it be put that well before 👍
"Okay well I have an amount that legitimately makes my life really hard. Please stop dismissing that"
I usually don't like it when people say "I'm so OCD" or "My mood swings are kind of bi-polar" or "I'm kind of autistic about that" when they don't have those disorders. It's very diminishing to people who actually have those problems.
When it comes to autism, I think the dialogue about autism has contributed to the problem. I think there's been a lot of effort put into "normalizing" autism, so people are less weirded out when they find out you're autistic. However, I think that also contributes to people being casual and cavalier about the use of the word "autistic".
I also the research history surrounding autism also kind of messes things up. Autism used to be defined as a rare psychotic disorder where an individual is disconnected from reality. Then, autism was considered to be a developmental disorder and while there are forms of autism that are developmental disorders, currently the autism spectrum has expanded to include high functioning autistic people and people with Asperger's. I think the gradual expansion of autism has contributed again to the casual use of a diagnostic term.
Honestly, I think there could be some better definitions of what autism is. At the moment, you have high functioning people who more-or-less can live normal lives with some relatively minor accommodations under the same umbrella as people who can't speak or take care of themselves and can become violent when something upsets them.
Honestly same 😢 I’m 13 and I’m undiagnosed but quite obviously autistic 😅
My biggest challenges in finding a date on an app:
- someone my age
- not obsessed with weed
- not a rando looking for a 3rd partner
- their 1st response isn’t about banging
A literal conversation I had
“Hi there”
“Hi ….. wanna f*ck in a fox costume?”
“…. no thank you”
Look, whatever you’re into, that’s fine you do you. But maybe wait till the 2nd conversation before dropping that nugget?
@@Talongirl333
Yeah ppl are weird like that, and when it is behind a screen people are even weirder.
For me it was always hard to find someone who would match and when we matched alot of the time I could tell I was the third or fourth match the person was chatting with.
Like:
Me: "Hey, how was your day?"
The next day:
Her: "Hi, it was ok"
.... Like it took you a day to answer that?
So true !!!
Yeah weed is a real problem on the apps! Even in my country where it's not legal anywhere!
Actual 1st message I got
Him: "Hi, I'll be over your's in 15mins and have you on all fours."
Me: how about you buy me dinner first, or at least a drink?
He blocked me 😂
Dating in general is so hard, adding having a only pamphlet for my social skills just made it a shit show. Honestly Hinge is so great and I met my finacé on there.
Kermit’s finding out story is almost exact for me too, I got diagnosed when I was an adult but had memories of a similar testing thing when I was younger and asked my parents for the paperwork. Sure enough, I had been diagnosed 10 years ago and no one told me because the Autism Speaks lady that was educating my parents said I would be fine
Well that explains why they didn’t tell you, they got advice from one of the worst sources out there!
Joking aside, I went through something similar myself, I was told when I was 14, and I didn’t handle it well. Honestly, I think most people have to go through an experience of hating yourself/blaming everything on it to gradually accepting yourself as you are, and my parents were new to everything too so it just kind of culminated.
The important thing is that you are here now and able to go through life in your way with accommodations and support ❤
Dude your parents made you waste so much money getting a second assessment. In my area assessments can be around $3000. And they're always booked for months in advance.
As an autistic person myself who struggles with maintaining energy levels and social graces, being tired is NOT an excuse to be an asshole.
Don't worry, Ilyssa! I am autistic as well, and it's very nerve-wracking when I'm trying to ask out a girl! I just turned 20 about 2 weeks ago on October 27th and I'm a young woman who is struggling with self-anxiety! I eventually learned how to control it! I am so happy for you and your boyfriend! I hope all goes well for you guys!
I'm glad we're moving from the "I'm not like other girls" mindset to "I'm *just* like other girls!"
I think an even more advanced and not self hating(as in internalized mysoginy)take of it is saving wether the way you are or what you like are popular or socially acceptable or encouraged at the time doesn't make you or your interests any better or worse than other people and their likes.
Like...
I mean is there even a way to be a girl or even many ways of being a girl? There are people and all people are different on their each way, girls are just a fraction of people so like they are still people, every girl is different just like every boy is different person and behave and have different tastes!
There's no personality entity like all girls are Y and like Y and all boys like Z and are Z , each person I'd different regardless if they happen to be a boy or a girl :)
@@lmcb8447 why are you bring in mysoginy every one wants fit in jeez
Eh, I disagree. The phrase "I'm not like other girls," in my case, came from a place of shame and self-loathing---it was basically what Illy said in the video; a way to validate an insecurity rather than confront it. But saying "I'm just like other girls" isn't right either; I can tell just by looking at the girls around me that I present differently from most of them. And I can tell by engaging in conversation with these girls that we have (mostly) different interests and outlooks on life. But there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to say that you're the same as someone else in order to respect them. You just have to know how to respect yourself. And you don't have to be "just like the other girls" in order to do that. /nm
The I'm like other girls mindset is what i used to have as a mentality now i realize how lame no reason for all of us women to put each other down for not being the same
@@lmcb8447 based
Oh man, Kermit telling about how his parents didn’t tell him because they didn’t want him to use it as a crutch brought me to tears. My parents did the same thing, and I would tell them about issues I was having and things that now I know are autistic traits, and as I got older did some research and asked them if I might be autistic, only to be met with the whole “you can’t use that as a crutch” speech. They got upset at me when I went to see a therapist and then it turned out they knew the whole time. So much childhood pain, Kermit’s story hit me like a truck.
OMG I relate to this man so much! Using the so “they don’t use it as a crutch thing” my parents did the same thing to me to the point I didn’t know what autism was until I googled it myself. Because my parents told me I was autistic, but never told me what it was so I just felt broken and ended up masking.
Listening to music helps keep me calm while driving, maybe It can help you and Kermit.
As an autistic introvert, I strongly relate to your boyfriend, Illy. I socialising find socialising difficult, especially when I don't have the spoons to do so.❤ The ending made me cry a little bit because I get so anxious socialising.
This is actually very on point with my life right now. I recently found out that I’m autistic, and dating has been hard. Thanks for making this video, Illy :)
That was what that elephant was used for!
@Jelly_Elli what's your 3 favorite superpowers?
I’m autistic and my autism makes it hard for me to be attracted to people so I’ve never dated anyone. It confuses me how two people can be attracted to each other especially when they don’t know each other very well. The other reason I’ve never dated is because I realize I wasn’t a typical straight woman. I also called myself that because that’s all I knew. Eventually, I stop identifying as that and I feel a lot freer to be myself as a trans man that likes men. I feel free to express myself as a normally do but without having the pressures of sexism.
could you be demisexual as well? demi means you don't fall in love w/ people until you have a bond w/ that person already. so love at first sight never happens
@@lilGreenYoshiit's honestly more of demi-romantic,
since Demi-Sexual is feeling sexual attraction after knowing a person
you can still be demi-aroace tho
You don’t have to label these things if you don’t want to, but you could look into being on the aroace spectrum. I realised i was aroace before i was diagnosed with autism, but i know enough other autistic people to know that me not being attracted to people is an ace thing, not an autism thing. It’s different for different people though, i know
@@AnEmu404There is an increased chance for autistic people to be aro, ace, or aroace, just like there is an increased chance for autistic people to be transgender, adhd, etc.
Neurological divergence rarely fits neatly into one diagnostic criteria. I, for example am AuDHD and demisexual, and the two are definitely linked, as feeling sexual attraction to someone who I dont have an established social bond with overwhelms me mentally, makes me feel yucky, and then reverses that feeling of attraction into revulsion.
@18:06 *weeps uncontrollably because youre so cute together*
Honestly just the absolute straight honest communication in this is so freaking awesome. Just laying it out, having the yeah dude I got you energy, and realizing that people can forget and lightly reiterating with honest communication is so cool.
How about we stop normalizing turning mental illness into an identity. If you fit the "neurodivergent" architype, use your intelligence to learn charisma and communication. People universally will never respect weakness.
Illy and Kermit's relationship is so adorable, i hope they have a long and healthy relationship ❤
both me and my bf have adhd and it's really fun when we both hyperfocus on something stupid together.
My boyfriend suspects he is Autistic and I can confirm he checks off a lot of boxes. I also think he has ADHD (I was diagnosed borderline in my youth ) and it’s SO much fun distracting him with questions like “I wonder if there are animals that don’t poop” It’s guaranteed he will hyperfocus on google searching that and NOTHING will stop him.
Asking him questions and watching him spiral into a google search binge is a good way to have me wheezing 😂
Lmao same
Those fat seals
When I was told I have autism, my parents treated me the exact same way they did with my brothers. And I am thankful.
While I don’t have autism, I have massive ADHD. My best friend has Autism, and we both are weird in the same way. Moral of the story, open up your true self, and ignore everyone that hates you.
this is a great video that explains all those autistic feelings while dating so well, and i am so happy for you and kermit! dating other autistic people can truly be a blessing, not having to mask in front of one another. i never thought i could even live with another person, up until i met my girlfriend, who is autistic too and has similar traits to me. we just clicked so quickly and now it'll be almost three years since we've lived together and it feels wonderful! really wishing you and kermit all of the best, you sound great for one another 💕
I have autism and adhd and sometimes your videos are all I have so thank you for getting me through my hardest times ❤
this video made me cry happy tears, and gave me the resolve to keep trying in the dating world
I can relate to Kermit. I was diagnosed in middle school after my mother died. But they never explained it to me but my step mom would constantly say me being frustrated was my Asperger’s acting up and flat out told me I would never amount to anything be of my disability.
I’m so sorry. Sending love ❤
I was diagnosed when the elementary school principal was forcing everyone to get tested and then tried to force anyone even a little bit on the spectrum into special Ed and on drugs (I kid you not). What's worse is we later found out she and the school was getting massive payouts for every kid tested, drugged, or put in special ed. Seriously and she still got to finish her career and retire
@@oblitusunum6979 that's f*cked
@@oblitusunum6979i hope you changed school when that happened? I thought my school was hellish smh, i feel sorry for you
@jaguarlegoanimations9826 unfortunately not, there was only one of the elementary schools open at that point and no chance for private or school in another county.
I was diagnosed as autistic as a todler back in the 1980's, started dating nearly 5 years ago to a lovely persons who def is autistic (altough not diagnosed), engaged nearly 2 years ago hoping to get married soon
As a single, neurodivergent person, I love this for you.
@Alkalez0 *High fives back*
Same
Same here! ^^
rock and stone, fellow neurodivergent ones
3:12 i was genuinely startled when i heard this part because i heard my name
Slay
@@ExiledChunk456-dx3lr stop
As an autistic person this video is so relatable to me it just feels good to have someone else who knows how I feel sincerely thank you
Unrelated to dating, I sometimes struggle with the feeling that I'm not "autistic enough" compared to other autistics because I don't experience similar symptoms.
So thanks for making these types of videos, as they really help with my self confidence!!
The girl I've been seeing is also autistic, and she's an absolute angel. While she, like you, Illy, is more social and likes a louder environment, loud things overwhelm me, and when we're in a loud place, or an alarm goes off, she makes sure I'm okay and holds my hands when I hold them over my ears and tells me that she's there. She's just. So lovely :')
OMG WAIT THAT IS ACTUALLY SO SWEETTTTT LIKEEE🥺🥺🥺🥺I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL SO SAFE TOOOO :DDD
(Like, im autistic myself, and i very often gotta recharge myself socially bc of how many people i couldve spoken on the day lol)
That's so precious omg, my girlfriend and I are both autistic and whenever one of us is overwhelmed we just ask if being hugged/held is warranted or when we need space and immediately respect it without question or second thought. Being inherently understood on an intuitive level feels so... right!
@@Autumn9 she dumped me :')
noooooooo :c @@BeePissed420
Pulling the popcorn out for this one, girl you chose the wrong youtuber to mess with LMAO