Dating (when you're autistic)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 28 кві 2024
- hereforthechaos.com or trdng.shop/collections/illyma...
00:00 - 02:00 - first impressions
02:01 - 03:05 - chaos cards!
03:06 - 6:16 - surviving dating apps
6:17 - 10:48 - meeting a fellow autistic
10:49 - 15:30 - turning evil
15:31 - 20:45 - autistic people aren't all the same!
AUDIO EDITOR: Cory
/ morningjoeaudio
BACKGROUNDS + ASSETS:
Oskar
/ oskardraws
/ polaroskar
Nunu
/ nunuistaken
/ nunu91011
STORYBOARDS:
Tyler
/ tylerletson_
Laddi
/ theladdi
Rachel Green
/ rachelgreenart
Hannah Jurgens
/ wetmonsoon
ANIMATION:
Laddi
/ theladdi
Breeezy
/ breeezy.png
Viral
/ viral_genesis
/ viralgenesis
Riah (PUPPET WRANGLER)
/ @missriah
/ missriahart
Annika
/ @grunkleann
Michael Nahem
www.artstation.com/mnahem
CHANNEL MANAGEMENT: Carlee Wilson, David Seelos
www.endcard.com/
#illymation - Фільми й анімація
My heart breaks for Kermit that his parents didn’t tell him he was autistic growing up. I would’ve given anything to know I was autistic as a child instead of as a near adult
This is quite common sadly. I have a lot of autistic friends and quite a few have excperienced this
It could be a double edged sword however. I am not sure I would have put effort if I was told from the start I was "lagging" behind, maybe even using it as an excuse. That said, the opposite is also true as stated by your comment.
As mentioned in the video, everybody is different.
My parents did the same for me. I don't hate them for it, they have apologized and are trying to do better, but it still stings. I can't get those years back and those were the foundations of who I am now.
My dad knew I was autistic and legit would physically abuse me for bad grades knowing why I got them..... told me years later he knew I was autistic when he punished me for not knowing how to get good grades as a autistic child in a Christian school
0:00 AYO WAS THAT THE KLUDGE FROM BIG CITY GREENS?!?!
As someone who found out they were autistic after getting married, this video really explains so much of the relationship dynamics. Thank you
@shawngaliley8830 what's your 5 favorite disney shows?
@@joshwright4799Pooh's heffalump movie.💜🐘🦘
This is to true though
@@Blade-Animations indeed.🌈🏳️🌈🫂👍
Off-topic, I love how Illy bleeped out the word, "hell" when saying "modern hell would taste like!" Don't know why though. I find it very funny! LMAO
The worst of telling someone your autistic is when they just deny it and say ‘no ur not’ it’s so invalidating and degrading it’s like ur experiences and struggles don’t matter
Honestly just the absolute straight honest communication in this is so freaking awesome. Just laying it out, having the yeah dude I got you energy, and realizing that people can forget and lightly reiterating with honest communication is so cool.
How about we stop normalizing turning mental illness into an identity. If you fit the "neurodivergent" architype, use your intelligence to learn charisma and communication. People universally will never respect weakness.
I was banned from tinder for the same reason and also wasn’t approved to be on raya lmaooo
LMAOO MAC 😭😭
MAC😭😭
lmao
HEYY MACC
omg mac!
"I liked his kermit impression, He liked my big sword" is one of the truest loves there is. One for the ages.
thats how you know he's a keeper
Usually that happens the other way around, at least for the opposite genders but I’m really rooting for these two! They’re super cute!
i believe we shouldn't downplay size... she did say MASSIVE sword
@@Parsnip5782 Oh yeah. She said *MASSIVE* To undersell that would be blasphemous
@@willpower8289 nice word "blasphemous" it fills my soul with entire bushels of jolly joy.
I'm neurodivergent as well, and a few months ago I got out of a 5-year-long relationship. That whole time, I blamed myself for my neurodivergent behavior, rejection sensitivity, overstimulation and masking. This video made me realize just how harmful to me that was. My psychological needs weren't being met or accommodated despite me trying my absolute hardest. I felt like a failure ever since that relationship ended. Now I realize how negatively it ended up impacting me. Thank you.
This video just became very important to me. I hope things go well with you and Kermit :)
I'm there with you! My last ex didn't understand my issues at all. He was a nice, giving person but he was extremely logical. I was often made to feel dumb, insensitive, lazy, etc. I blamed myself for the two years we were together. But one day I suddenly just realised that we don't mesh well. He couldn't get me, and I needed to be understood. Situations like that are really sad sometimes.
i really hope you’re healing and doing better!! you deserve so much more and i’m rooting for you!
@@carlybarker6180 ❤
It was certainly hard at first. But as of right now, I'm doing better than ever before.@@sherbetron
I haven’t been to a therapist, (which I really should, soon enough) but the more i hear people’s experience being autistic the more i relate and feel validated, hearing how sometimes some places, scenarios, events, just take so much of your energy to the point where you just shut down, MADE ME FEEL SO VALIDATED
There have been so many family gatherings and even friend outings that have drained me to the point where I become shut off and blunt, and I never completely understood why this happened because I enjoyed a lot of the things/scenes/whatever going on, but still would HATE that it was happening around me, and it just makes me feel bad that I both have to deal with it for family gatherings AND that im ruining others time by just being there all shut off
So it was nice to hear that its not just a me thing at least 😭
Tbh, you might benefit from watching the TikTok gave me autism video. (Can't link it or YT nukes me lmao)
Being a people pleaser until you get so overwhelmed that you become irrationally angry is so relatable.
Being Autisic Myself there were some cringey moments in my childhood.
Fr I try to make everybody happy but most of them end up being fake and making me break down crying like every day lol
@@PeachyyyBobaaren't you also being fake by trying to be a "people pleasure"??
I am the gosh-darn biggest people pleaser you will ever meet, I always say I’m not, but I am, let’s be honest. Thats not healthy though, I wanna stop but I can’t. It gets really annoying sometimes. That’s not the only thing going for me though, I also have ADHD and OCD, so my mind is basically split in half, I’m always in a cluttered space, and it annoys me, but I can’t do anything about it! Good stuff, eh?
Ps. I’m not 100% sure, but a lot of people think I’m autistic, not because I socialize differently, but because I’m really smart? I don’t know they are comparing me to Young Sheldon. Should I look into it, Y’know, like try to figure out if I am?
@@Era_Manaj_Was_Here no need to get that checked, I can very easily tell based of your response ya ain't super smart
As a person with ADHD, autism and anxiety, I can 100% feel your pain
I feel all of that
A FELLOW TRIPLE A BATTERY
I don’t have autism, but my brother does, but he is non-verbal
TRIPLE A BATERY I CAN'T 😭
i’m also a triple a battery along with depression and PTSD
@illymation , i recently discovered your videos and started watching when this video caught my attention. I have Asperger's syndrome, which is a form of autism and i found this extremely relatable and i really appreciated hearing your personal experience with dating with autism and it made me feel like im not alone im my experience. Thank you
I LOVED THE KLUDGE!!! Great easter egg Illy :) it made my day.
this was super sweet. finding another autistic person certainly can relieve the anxiety of dating and not having to mask and worry they dislike who you really are.
There should be a dating app just for neurodivergent people 😭 meeting people is exhausting
DIDN'T ASK, + I MAKE SUPERIOR CONTENT LOL
@@ItzzCrowvaI didn’t ask about your comment.
@@ItzzCrowvayou don’t have to ask for this person to share their opinion ?
@@merlin88888YES. Dating/friendship finding app for neurodivergent people, where there’s a little category for special interest pictures and another for sensory overloads. So you know EXACTLY what the issues are and the special interests so you can ask about them and make that person you met VERY happy. 😂
Communicating your needs to your partner is such a good thing, good on you Kermit.
DIDN'T ASK, + I MAKE SUPERIOR CONTENT LOL
@@ItzzCrowva SHUT UP! >:(
/j (You're funny but also unfunny at the same time)
I don't think I'm autistic but as someone who has c-ptsd and anxiety (as well as chronic pain and fatigue), I can relate to so much of this. Between the dating difficulty and growing up with little to no friends, hyperfixating from time to time.... it really hit home and was nice to feel like I was being represented. Thank you for making this video, best wishes to you and Kermit
I ordered the tarot deck and just got it today. It looks beautiful 😍❤️ I hope illy makes a minor arcana cards to add to it later ❤❤
My mom decided to tell me i was autistic when i was 19, she said she didnt want me to feel less than others or use it in my favor...all through my life, mostly highschool i started realizing the similar traits i had to other peple with autism so i brought it up to her and she was like " yeah your therapist told me you are on the spectrum but on the light end" and i was HUUUH?
"but on the light end"
Just because your autism isn't as noticeable to others doesn't mean it isn't as noticeable and important to YOU!
ESPECIALLY with masking!
Gods I’m so sorry she withheld such important information from you 😢. I hope you’re doing alright ❤
i think your mom did the right thing would you really want to know for all of high school that your autistic some people use autism as a excuse for stuff
Same 🫠
@@radicaldude2000No. She definitely did not do the right thing. Witholding important information like that from a struggling child just makes it worse.
my parents didn't tell me I was autistic until I was 13, when asked why they didn't tell me earlier, they said I "wouldn't have been able to handle it"
bruh
oh yes, the grieving and pain of finding out you’re autistic would be sooo hard i bet
My mom didn’t tell me I was autistic until I was 14.
I was told when I was 8 or so but my parents found out they where autistic in there 30s or so
I’m not sure if this is just a me experience, but I was also diagnosed when I was 13 and since my whole life, I was treated like the outcast and everyone kind of knew I was some kind of neurodivergent except me it felt like the stars align when I was finally diagnosed and so many things were explained! Of course I still struggle a lot and some days I wish I wasn’t but at the end of the day I’m really proud to be who I am!
16:45 y’all’s boundaries and communication about what you’re comfortable with is beautiful and I want that in my future relationships ❤
I absolutely adore the cat rad in the background of the cat scene!! He’s so cute! Love ur vids!!!!
That whole "turning evil" when you're out of spoons is so insightful. I've never heard it described that way, but it makes so much sense!
true true
id say for me its more like cold and quiet, which for sure prolly would come off as extra rude when someone like a teacher is tryna help out and im just purely siltent and unresponsive, doodling
DIDN'T ASK, + I MAKE SUPERIOR CONTENT LOL
@@ItzzCrowva you are so creative
I related so hard to that part of the video! My fiance calls it "feral goblin mode" for me when I get in that headspace lmao
I'm better@@kaitlin9288
“People either got weird or were weirdly mean to me or treated me like I was 6”
That third one perfectly describes like half the kids in my PE class.
As always, phenomenal work, Illy. I hope you and Kermit are doing well.
DIDN'T ASK, + I MAKE SUPERIOR CONTENT LOL
@@ItzzCrowvaNobody asked about ur content
@@ItzzCrowva imagine not having a father figure
@@ItzzCrowva I'm seeing these comments everywhere.
@@Nacreous99being honest, people need to stop using the wird "fatherless" as an insult, it's a serious thing people go through and it's not funny as someone who has a friend with no father it isn't easy with just one parental figure, I'm not fatherless myself although it must be hard for people with just one parental figure, stop using it as an insult
overwhelmed by the LOVELINESS of your sharing/video 🥺😍😭🌟 ~love
Omg... The adhd-invasion you drew when you realized you had forgotten what he said he needs, hit me HARD 😭 I hate that I come off as insensitive because of having BOTH diagnoses 💀 (I do try rly hard to remember what people say about their needs tho but sometimes it slips)
Honestly, a huge lesson in this video is not just finding someone who gets you, but COMMUNICATION. I love that "Kermit" took you away and talked to you seriously, and that you understood and worked through it. Everyone thinks finding a good personality is IT, but noooo it's everything else.
i read "COMMUNISIM" in full caps well scrolling through comments and thought "why is there a communist comment on a lilymation video??"
@@coledoesyt7788 dyslexia moment (real)
@@kixen13 yes, because when i read this i read "dementia moment" im not dyslexic, just stupid lol
@@coledoesyt7788 HELP THATS SO REAL
Another huge lesson is that a good kermit impression is a great benefit
Dating another autistic person, after years with an allistic ex, is so liberating. He takes me seriously, and we problem solve situations together. Being with him is the best thing that's ever happened to me
That sounds so nice :)
Her- “SOOBWAY!”
Me- “ODDONESOUT!” * chuckles sheepishly * “Nailed it.”
This would’ve did numbers 8 years ago
Thank you both for sharing and making me feel so validated.
As a person with AUDHD (autism and adhd, inattentive type) I find this really inspiring. It sucks Kirmet’s parents didn’t tell him he was autistic but I’m glad you guys found each other. I hope your relationship lasts a long time and you can make each other happy together ^-^
I have the exact concoction, on top of not really knowing until I was older. This video was made for me I swear
i have a question
how does it feel to be autistic
@@radicaldude2000something tells me its not in good faith jfc dude☠️
@@wafflecandy4236 no im just interested its just because i have a autistic kid in my class and i wanna just know how he is feeling
My parents were similar to Kermit's, I wasn't diagnosed until 19 but my mom knew about ADHD and autism spectrum and could see I was somewhere on that spectrum, but she didn't take me to be diagnosed because she didn't want me to feel different. Which backfired horribly XD
Same here! Also got diagnosed at 19
Yeaah my mom has struggled w mental health and bc of that and getting diagnosed and ostracized from people she was afraid to have me get judged… but bc I didn’t know I was just ostracized more by peers 💀🚶♂️
I haven't been diagnosed as my parents did not want me to "use it as a crutch" and be ostracized as "the kid with autism." Unfortunately it makes things harder as they don't see my hearing sensitivity as real and I get bullied and s-harassed on a daily basis in school. It's not a very easy existence being me.
@@FryingPanOfDeathI’m sorry your going through that❤❤
Was diagnosed at 22 😢cried when I found out like great another label 🏷️ but helped and answered a lot of questions
11:30 the spoon theory is really interesting! :)
I can definitely relate to that, the same thing with my dad (we're both autistic)
Omg I love ur vids so much!!! Keep it up
My boyfriend has ADHD and he knew I was autistic before I even realized... it’s so nice having someone to reassure me though and make me feel like a person with autism and not just autistic.
saying “with autism” isnt right n technically its kinda ableist… u r autistic u dont have autism
@@yokunethere isn’t a right term. There’s been tests of person-first vs identity-first language and sure the majority of autistic people prefer identity-first, but it’s not like that makes the people who prefer the other suddenly ableist… almost everyone says they have, not are adhd too and it’s not like that’s really made it more harmful.
@@yokuneit’s their neurodiversity. Why should we get to decide what they call it?
@@yokune I'm someone who says both "I have"/"with" and "I am". To me there's no much difference, like having a life and being alive. It's usually ableist when the person suffers because of labels of the ways of saying it.
i like to say i have the 'tism XD
Kermit telling the prom story and the way Illy was giggling at it just gave me all the warm fuzzies ❤
DIDN'T ASK, + I MAKE SUPERIOR CONTENT LOL
@@ItzzCrowvayour content is terrible buddy.
@@ItzzCrowva I do not recall anyone inquiring thy whatsoever
and tbh kermits reaction is still warranted even if he didn't have autism. like "the worst she can say is no right" she hit him with the WHY! and left
i found out i have high-functioning autism + asperger syndrome when i was around 12 or 13 years old. I did not know what it meant until later on, and now i just embrace it. Half of my friends are like "wait you're autistic?" and the other half basically just already knew after realizing how weird at times i was. This video really made my day :D
At 8:40 it became way too REAL for me.
I thought I was the only one doing that.
The tactic of shifting the focus to the other person and mimicking their body language!
Thank you for this video.
As someone who is autistic, I’m scared about getting into a relationship because I feel I’ll be judge for and maybe take advantage of my traits, but hopefully someday I’ll have someone who understands that im autistic and is good and kind to me, this video has really helped me Illysa 💚💚💚
Maybe you’ll attract another autistic person so don’t worry about it
Same here! I wish you the best of luck
Best of luck
Same
I know your pain my friend my anxiety gets the best of me all the time
As an autistic human who just married their autistic partner in August, this video made us feel so SEEN! I'm so glad you found your happiness girl, and I hope it goes in the exact direction you both want the way it did for me and my wife :)
Congratulations! Hope you have a beautiful life with them! ❤
@@spice4life. 🥰🥰🥰 thank you!
Hey, i just wanted to say that this video has been a huge comfort for me. Ive always felt like an outcast, and i thought that it was simply because i was stupid, but after watching your "times i should have realized" video and this video, so many feelings you and kermit expressed ring out to me and make me feel validated about things like this. Like the constant balancing act of what to do and not to do with seemingly normal interactions. Im so glad you two found each other, because you both seem very nice, and im very happy for you two. It also gives me hope for my future as well. Me and my best friend recently went to universal, and it was the time pf our lives, but it was certainly a task. As the staff were even ruder then the patrons. I realize that probably no one will read this, but i just wanted to say thank you and congrats. And thanks for sharing your stories
I have been with the same guy for over 10 years, since we were in school. I always felt like something about me was different from others. I got diagnosed as Autistic at age 21. My boyfriend has known me since I was 9. If anything, since my diagnosis, it's made my relationship better. It feels like I understand myself more. And it greatly improved my sense of humor X3
I agree I too have W rizz(I'm autistic)
On the off-chance Illy sees this, I just wanted to say thank you for making your first video about your autistic experience. (If that’s the right term, idk.) Since that video came out, I realized that I might be autistic. Because of that, I’ve stopped thinking that there’s something “wrong” or “off” with me and I’m able to be a lot kinder to myself.
So, yeah. From one stranger on the internet to another one, thanks. ^^
@dreamis_studios what's your 3 favorite disney shows?
Same!
@joshwright4799 why are you asking?
that video led me on the path to realization too 😊
For questions
I was diagnosed when I was 25, already married, and my husband fully accepted it. I mean, he fell in love with me as I was, so the only thing that changed was me trying to unmask more and we honestly fell more in love. The bigger issue I had was when I told my family, and all them were like, "Oh, we kind of had a feeling you were." And me saying back, "Then you should have told me."
This, I feel this so much. It took a diagnosis for my parents to admit they always thought I was somewhere on the spectrum. That should've been communicated and even if they weren't sure, there were ways to go and get tested that wouldn't have been financially devastating at the time. It infuriates me to no end that people can just casually say they had a feeling, like a whole family collectively know something and not do anything about it.
My parents said the same thing lol expect it was for ADHD. My Grandma said she didn’t wanna me to be "Highly Medicated" aswell.
Bro I told my parents I thought I was autistic once and my mom said smth like “yeah I thought you had it” I thought I’d hopefully get tested but didn’t. My dad also said I was fine as if autism is a disease
I had the same issue with my brother. I'm 35 and told him I'm very likely autistic and he said "Well duh". Would've been nice to have 1 person speak up, at least earlier.
Oh ... see, one of my best friensds (I know them from 3years) has a lot of autistic-adjacent traits ? They hold their morals to very high standards, have sensory issues, socialize differently I guess, and also a passion for ATLA. I dunno, the thing is I think they're kind of aware of it, and I always got the vibe they were uncomfortable about digging more into it, and I respect that ?
It feels like if I talked more explicitly about it to them, I would disrespect their wish. But now that I've read your comments, maybe I'm actually cowering out of helping them.
I dunno xD
Also as a side note, I'm usually very clueless about this stuff, it was actually only after an ex-common friend made a remark about how they are obviously autistic bc of how weird they are (??????) that I kind of connected the dots. I confronted them afterwards ofc and turns they were ignorant and not actually *this* offensive, but still glad I cut ties lol
Anyways yeah if someone read this comment and has any advice It'd be awesome :)) have a nice day stranger 🤍
paused comments lmfaooo
What a relevant topic for me. I started dating for the first time recently and I as well am autistic, he is too, though, so that’s nice.
Same❤
yes
Haven’t Been through it ?
@kadeorade5296 what's your 4 favorite disney shows?
Same :)
I'm 16 and autistic. People have also told me that I shouldn't use autism as a "crutch." I say that if my leg is broken, then a crutch is needed. My disability disables me and its just a fact of life. Doesn't make me pitiful, doesn't make me weird, doesn't make me weak. Kermit's parents had some serious ableism going on, to know both how and why their kid was suffering and not giving him the truth he deserved.
Yeah. I understand that. Although even after I found out about being autistic. I really, really did not want to use it as a crutch.
No one told me to not use it as a crutch. I just didn’t want to make it a problem for anyone. And I’ll admit it was easy for me, because I’m on the very mild end of the spectrum.
And not being told until I was 13-14 benefited me in a way. But I do agree we deserve to know, and have an explanation. We all have different needs after all.
Facts, but at the same time it is not fun at all because people will react like you have the plague or another virus and you'll get bullied by kids, adults (they will tell their kids to stay away from me) and even my teachers. Like: come on people! I am not poisonous, you can't "catch" autsim
and just like the broken leg, there is 2 ways to deal with life, sit back, do nothing and expect everyone to understand your situation, or try your best to go out and learn how to live day to day life with your broken leg.
I'm also an autistic teen/young adult (don't want to reveal my exact age) and I get the same crap. What makes it even more infuriating is that a great deal of the people who say this will also treat you completely different due to your autism. They can define you entirely based of your autism, but you can't let autism define you at all.
I am not autistic however i have psychotic depression and honestly i feel so alone. I struggle more than a lot og autistic kids in my school simply to complete non function due to depression. And for months i was also hallucinating as well. However there is rarely a community or presence of this kind of stuff online (psychosis).
Depression is just something else. Everyone talks about mental health but people who severely struggle with it dont actually get the help they need or get it too late. Its so strange.
I dont know. I guess what im trying to say is that with autism, people can build a positive identity with a supportive community, but the same cannot be said for depression. There is no upside to depression and nothing to be proud of like a lot of autistic people feel.
Your videos have calmed my anxiety lol
I may be late in the party, but as a 30something with Asperger’s, I enjoyed your story of how you and Kermit met on Hinge!
I haven’t dated anyone in almost 6-years, and I’ve yet to find the right person who’s just like you both. Even when I used apps like Bumble and Wink, a handful of people I interacted find me “different” from men. By different, I mean someone who doesn’t go by their expectations of finding what they would have in-common. And in most cases, being misunderstood. I can relate to Kermit because of the masking trait, and the fact that I didn’t go to the high school prom because I didn’t have the courage to ask anyone because of my weirdness. People suck sometimes, but I don’t want to give up yet. What I watched was quite of an inspiration you and Kermit made for everyone, and I want to thank you for bringing up this important topic. :)
I'm glad we're moving from the "I'm not like other girls" mindset to "I'm *just* like other girls!"
I think an even more advanced and not self hating(as in internalized mysoginy)take of it is saving wether the way you are or what you like are popular or socially acceptable or encouraged at the time doesn't make you or your interests any better or worse than other people and their likes.
Like...
I mean is there even a way to be a girl or even many ways of being a girl? There are people and all people are different on their each way, girls are just a fraction of people so like they are still people, every girl is different just like every boy is different person and behave and have different tastes!
There's no personality entity like all girls are Y and like Y and all boys like Z and are Z , each person I'd different regardless if they happen to be a boy or a girl :)
@@lmcb8447 why are you bring in mysoginy every one wants fit in jeez
Eh, I disagree. The phrase "I'm not like other girls," in my case, came from a place of shame and self-loathing---it was basically what Illy said in the video; a way to validate an insecurity rather than confront it. But saying "I'm just like other girls" isn't right either; I can tell just by looking at the girls around me that I present differently from most of them. And I can tell by engaging in conversation with these girls that we have (mostly) different interests and outlooks on life. But there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to say that you're the same as someone else in order to respect them. You just have to know how to respect yourself. And you don't have to be "just like the other girls" in order to do that. /nm
The I'm like other girls mindset is what i used to have as a mentality now i realize how lame no reason for all of us women to put each other down for not being the same
@@lmcb8447 based
Thank you for making content like this. I'm also autistic/disabled, and it's so difficult in this social order. I feel like I'm so behind everyone and like I'm constantly failing. Videos like this make me feel so much less alone. So just thank you
you arent alone and you will not be left behind! you have a whole community out here rooting for you!
@@illymation
@@cottagecorefrog-ru9jb*insert cat here*
i have not been diagnosed, but i relate to both this comment and the video a lot
My therapist said that you could also think of it like DND spell slots! It adds nuance to the spoon theory
And i think it's more accurate
Giving you both the biggest Nurodivergent Muppet hugs!! I'm so happy for you both to find eachother!
As fellow autistic person, this gives me hope to find love.
U will find love buddy, just keep swimming
You can! I did, and he loves my stimming! You can do it!
as a fellow tism, i don't wanna find love. I wanna HUSTLEEEEEE
What does that MEAN!? You SOUND just like any other guy!
Same here
My parents didn’t tell me I was autistic until I was 15, and when they told me it wasn’t particularly their choice. I had been researching autism myself for a year, I annotated the entire DSM-5 criteria to illustrate how it applied to me, I was going to present this to a new psychologist, but my mother asked what I was writing and I can’t lie well so she found out. She then informed me I had been diagnosed when I was 7. My sibling had been diagnosed at that time too, and they still didn’t want to tell them even though I knew. I did eventually force them to though.
My mom and sister know my brother has autism because it is so obvious even though he isnt diagnosed, it makes me really mad but they don't want to tell him because idk they think its something bad
@@CrazyKidPapaya youre his sibling just like your sister...... You can tell him easily. Dont put it all on her.
Me egg donor and sperm donor were awful people for different reasons but he never entertained the idea of me being autistic, in fact he always bashed people for being "autistic" whenever they couldn't understand him (a college professor). She always denied my autism but always whine about my obviously autistic behaviors like forgetting to greet or not following some hierarchies/hierarchical roles.
I had to find out I was autistic on my own and then helped my wife (while we were still dating) to accept her own autism. I just knew she was autistic the moment I heard her talk so she was very surprised when I asked if she was on the spectrum.
I have told him and my mom has even told me not to before@@spacebar9733
living with Autism and ADHD for me kinda.... sucks in many ways. I'm still only 15, but social interactions are hell. I can't relate to all the things you have mentioned with autism, I don't freeze up when I'm overwhelmed but instead i explode, i burst out screaming even though I'm usually pretty quiet, and sometimes it ends in tears. Honestly I'm just trying to figure out life, and I don't even know who I am. It feel's nice knowing there are others out there who are like me, about 70 million others to be exact, but life is rough and I don't know what it has in store for me.
I don't try to mask entirely, I'm myself for the most part around my friends, but around those I dislike or don't want to speak to I'm quiet and I don't say anything. But... I feel empty. Stoic. I can't be myself if I don't know who myself is, who I am. And my emotions of late have been intense. Gotta say, the worst part of having Autism and ADHD is definitely puberty, especially with how late I tend to stay up on school days. In school I feel like I'm surrounded by.... idiots to say the least. And not just because of their behavior, I also mean that literally. I don't get along well with those I consider to have a considerably lower intelligence. I dislike stupid people because they dislike me. Truth is I feel stupid myself. My mom always told me I'm some genius, smart or whatever but I don't feel like it of late. But then I compare myself to the surrounding people and see the painful truth. I don't want to be smart or a genius, because there is bliss and ignorance in stupidity. Part of me wishes I could be "normal" or neurotypical, but at the same time I don't know if I would want to give up my logical reasoning just so I can get a girlfriend and a million friends and be a social king or whatever. Life is just painful
"logical reasoning" maybe you just have an ego and that's what's stopping you from making friends. Not autism.
You being an autistic art kid who was also bullied makes me feel so welcome and normal on this channel and I respect you so hard.
I just want to thank Illy for having these conversations. I have recently been diagnosed with autism, and I don’t feel like I would’ve come around to understanding it more without you. And a video like this also helps a lot, and a lot of things make sense now 😂
these are more common than people think, most undiagnosed people think that's just how people always live
10:15 dats a big word for Elmo XD
Oh my GOD. Your depiction of rejection-sensitive dysphoria was so accurate, and really hit close to home for me. Like, the way a handful of words can suddenly shatter every good feeling around you and make you feel so anxious and dissociative that you can barely even mask the worry?? I've dealt with that my entire life! I've never seen it portrayed so well, even when it's just a small detail of the animation. I felt so recognized in watching that part
I saw that and was like "holy shit. that's me." And I will now be talking to my therapist about it first thing in our next session :D
EXACTLY!!! for me my rsd is horrible. literally one sentence can wreck an entire half hour (edit: fixed the spelling mistake)
Omg same! And they put the ADHD character there because they forgor is basically me. I have ADHD and it's hard because it's my fault for for forgetting but also not? And then the rejection sensitivity just sucks
SAME
@@SkiNekoKitty fr!!
OMG, I literally cried at the end. You guys are so cute!!!
Why is the new video got its comments disabled? Genuinely curious
This is probably one of your best made videos, and utilising the interview with Kermit in different ways throughout the video was a genius touch and a thorough way to approach the topic. ❤️
Seriously it really is. The timing, the insights, so so good
I’m 12, and have recently been getting looked into for autism. My therapist recommended the spoon theory as I have high anxiety and OCD, so it can cause burn out. I’ve not heard about it anywhere else and to hear it from one my favourite UA-camrs makes me so happy!! Thank u!!
Also thank you so much for liking my comment!!
Same! My mom is looking into getting me a therapist to help control my anger issues and anxiety, and forget about the problems that I’m facing in life, too!
Its a really great tool to use.
My therapist asked me to have to bowls at my table and replace the spoons with something else, i choose cute rubbers in many shapes haha!
Then she asked me to put them from one bowl into the other during the day so i could visualize how much energy i used on different tasks, it helped a lot to have it in front of me too 😊
0:16 the little BMO is so cute in the corner... great touch!
Love the background of the fandoms that you are in
That kermit impression is hilarious. I am so happy for both of you.
My biggest challenges in finding a date on an app:
- someone my age
- not obsessed with weed
- not a rando looking for a 3rd partner
- their 1st response isn’t about banging
A literal conversation I had
“Hi there”
“Hi ….. wanna f*ck in a fox costume?”
“…. no thank you”
Look, whatever you’re into, that’s fine you do you. But maybe wait till the 2nd conversation before dropping that nugget?
@@Talongirl333
Yeah ppl are weird like that, and when it is behind a screen people are even weirder.
For me it was always hard to find someone who would match and when we matched alot of the time I could tell I was the third or fourth match the person was chatting with.
Like:
Me: "Hey, how was your day?"
The next day:
Her: "Hi, it was ok"
.... Like it took you a day to answer that?
So true !!!
Yeah weed is a real problem on the apps! Even in my country where it's not legal anywhere!
Actual 1st message I got
Him: "Hi, I'll be over your's in 15mins and have you on all fours."
Me: how about you buy me dinner first, or at least a drink?
He blocked me 😂
Dating in general is so hard, adding having a only pamphlet for my social skills just made it a shit show. Honestly Hinge is so great and I met my finacé on there.
This was so sweet and heartfelt and cute and relatable brb sobbing 🥹🥹🥹
I also have autism but I'm also transgender female to male, so when I told my boyfriend all that I was SUPER SCARED; but he's been nothing but supportive and the most incredible boyfriend I could ask for; 3 years and 4 months strong and not planning on ending any time soon
I was also diagnosed with autism as a kid but not told until later in life I felt like I was the only one who had that experience!
Me too! I really thought I was alone...
this sounds very cruel. is it?
it happned more often than we think. happened to me too. they told me in middle school
@@justonechessguy yea it is i spent my childhood trying to tell people i felt different only to be shut down and called "narcissistic" it was very traumatic
same. diagnosed at age 8, and then i thought about it and like logic'd my way into thinking i had it, asked my mom if i did and she confirmed i did (i was 14 when i realized)
Just a note I feel is important for people to hear, neurodivergent or neurotypical: If you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable in a situation, an emotionally mature, respectful partner will support you and cater to your needs. It is completely fine to want time to refresh, to slow down or to just not feel for a few minutes or longer if you need it.
I have been diagnosed with adhd but to hear the masking that people with autism have is making my head spin, I thought it was just me! Thank you for sharing your experience ❤
I’m so glad you guys are happy with each other and for me having cousins with autism they are by far the best cousins I can ask for and I love you guys very much. Again I’m glad you have so many wonderful people in your life that you can feel safe and secure with 😁😁
This is adorable and SO relatable. I too met my autistic boyfriend over Hinge. It was his spot on Elmo impression that got us to match.
Damn, i better quickly learn how to do a good cookie monster impression. Apparently its the optimal mating call for autistic people.
It's lovely to see a neurodivergent couple supporting each other in life's daily struggles. I'm on the autism spectrum and my partner has ADHD and dyslexia and it's just really good to see people understanding our conditions more or putting more reliable information out there to help people understand. I find it really reassuring and good to know you have someone special who understands the way you see the world and can support you when it can become a bit too much. My best wishes to you and Kermit!!
Edit: Thank you so much for the likes. It means a lot 😄
The end of the video had me overlly giddy, yall ate so cute, illy
I always love all the little easter eggs different characters and all of that but the little sneak of shima and mitsumi definitely is placing in top of my favorite ones. 😭😭😭
i cringe at romance normally but the amount of emotional maturity that runs in the veins of this relationship makes it not cringe
Literally I honestly started tearing up. I want what they have 😭♥️
Aro moment
What's cringy about romance? If it's healthy, it's beautiful.
@@Kyriakos703 sometimes romance can just be.. too sweet to the point where it's too much sweetness to take in. I think that's what they meant
TRUE
This has seriously comforted me. As an autistic person myself, my autism was partially the reason why my last relationship ended and it was also my first one ever and I'm still processing getting over it even though he dumped me in June. Thank you for making me realize even with my autism, my spoons, my shutdowns and my stimming, somebody out there, who may or may not be autistic too could still be my partner. Your the best Illy!
4:40
illy: I like your Kermit impression
Kermit: I like your massive sword!
Yakko Warner: *kiss* Goodnight Everybody!
my adhd ass absolutely loves this. i cannot describe how relatable this is. also at the end did anyone see the grunkle ann paper airplane?? gravity falls is amazing. also illy you are soo inspiring, you deal with your mental health issues so well, and just, you're amazing
A small thing that I noticed as a fellow autistic is that you called it a disability. I LOVE THIS. So many people call autistic people "special" or just in general dancing around the word disabled but that's what we are. Honestly thank you for spreading awareness! Your amazing ❤️
I agree with you! As an autistic person, I hate when people call it anything else but a disability because it literally disables me. (Or like when people say to use people-first language, person with autism, instead of autistic person) it annoys me so much, because my autism made me who I am, I would be totally different if I didn’t have autism. In a way, it also makes me better in certain areas, and because of that probably better at my future career. (I’m in college study sociology on the mental health counseling track)
I completely agree. It really makes navigating life more difficult. Sometimes I ask myself "why am I this way, everything is so difficult"
Idk, I kinda disagree. Ig it depends on who you are, but being called disabled can make me feel like there's something wrong with me or that I'm broken in some way. It is disabling admittedly but I guess be told that can drudge the emotions above. Maybe it's just me but that's how I feel.
@@christhefro2844 that is completely understandable!! While I feel different I see why you feel like this, can you please explain why?
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was close to the age of 21, and then I got diagnosed with ADD at the age of 25. My mom did always have a hunch because I was struggling so much, but every doctor she spoke to just told her that I was "stubborn and shy", and that nothing was wrong with me. Up until my official diagnoses as an adult, I was also considered as an oddball among my peers, and I could never seem to fit in anywhere.
I was dx'd with autism at 6, but at 18 I was (mis)diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I'd noticed how I get really excited about something, to the point where I get anxious (or even depressed) if I don't do whatever that thing is. When I do the thing, I feel euphoric.
Anyway, so for about 8 years, I went through the standard depression/anxiety treatment regimen. I tried every antidepressant, anxiolytic, therapy, etc. they threw at me. In the middle of all this, I was diagnosed with ADHD, but my providers decided not to add ADHD treatment to my treatment plan.
I then read a news article about a man with ADHD, who was suicidally depressed and - like me - couldn't find any relief from the depression treatments they gave him. In this man's case, one doctor suspected ADHD and started him on a stimulant. That stimulant lifted his mood tremendously.
So I began to suspect that I wasn't depressed - it was my neurodivergence this whole time.
I've since had that suspicion confirmed by the opinion of a wonderful psychiatric NP who's heard it all so much.
I was pretty much the same way, except I was diagnosed (in about 15 minutes) as schizoid personality disorder in 1980. The more I learned about it the more I thought, "That's not me."
The therapist said I don't fit the criteria for SPD, but a proper autism diagnosis is to long and expensive for older adults, but I do fit the description, so let's just call it good.
Fine.
@@moonman239 Yes its interesting because ADHD actually has a lot more to it then you would think. It can actually drain you like someone with autism gets drained, but for a completely different reason. I myself have no issues socialising (in that I am not socially awkward etc) but I sometimes stumble because emotionally its a lot rather than it just being an actual struggle no matter what in the case of autism. It turns out emotional dysregulation caused by ADHD can actually drain you a lot, give you problems socialising and even make progressing a career difficult. Despite not having any inherent social challenges, you just have no net to filter emotions and it just becomes so overwhelming even if nothing is actually happening and sometimes normal conversations can get you down or make you anxious.
I can confirm ADHD meds fix it completely, in fact I am able to hold relationships down and take on endless job responsibilities whilst on them. It literally feels like god powers.
9:18
MY EX GF SAID ONE TIME " i just, ya'know, like you. you're just different"
then we broke up 3 months later because i found out she was talking crap about me behind my back and started calling me " R3tarded" and stuff like that
Something I found important to remember about being an aspie, is that I'm not fundamentally different from other people. Many aspects of my personality are influenced, but that just means that I have to pay more attention and work harder on parts of myself than others, and less hard in some ways as well. Though I'm sure with more extreme forms of autism, more autism-specific solutions are required, but most of my issues can be worked through the same way other people work through them, just with more difficulty.
For instance, and I don't know how much of this is just me, but I don't like/go out of my way to talk to people, but I don't fear society as much as many people nowadays. I don't have social anxiety, I just like being alone, and working alone. But when I have to talk to someone about something, I find it easy to build the courage to be straightforward, and indeed, I have to reign in my bluntness very often, or risk offending people.
Something I find different about myself is I don't have trouble approaching women to ask them out. Not so much as most men, I've observed, anyways. I find it easy to get into a conversational flow with them and ask them out. However, I also have to actively think about how to go about such a conversation. Though I find the actual approach part easy, and I don't have to build up courage very much, I do have to think a great deal about how to ask them out. Once I got that figured out, it's fairly smooth sailing.
Most of me isn't very special, just very extreme. So if a problem can be dealt with by normal people in a normal way, I can deal with it the same. And that's encouraging, to me at least. The only thing I find really specially difficult is navigating social situations. I have to pay a lot of attention, and deliberately think things through, or I will miss a whole lot. Almost nothing comes to me instinctually. But that's alright, because I can talk with family and close friends about such things, and many people online put out lessons on various aspects of conversation and society, which lay things out explicitly.
Indeed, once you know how to deliberately navigate society, you're way ahead of people who have a good intuitive understanding of it to begin with. Hard work beats talent, as they say.
"Not being so autistic" is a thing that I have been told to do many times, so turning it into a joke got me choking on laughter
I feel so bad for Kermit. Keeping his autism a secret for years just sounds horrifying. I was diagnosed when I was eleven and stuff like school and social interactions in general were already pretty difficult even with being aware of being autistic. Going through school without that knowledge and just confused sounds like the worst. Unfortunately, I don't think it's that uncommon for parents to do that. I've heard of other people whose parents kept their autism diagnosis a secret for years at least. Your relationship looks so sweet and his Kermit impression is quite good too. I hope that you'll both be happy together.
I was diagnosed at 6. Mom never specifically told me until 13, but she didn't exactly try to hide it either. She enrolled me in various interventions so that we could mitigate the effects of autism. She homeschooled me from grade 2 to basically grade 12, in part because I was the subject of bullying in 1st grade.
She was actually surprised when, at age 13, I told her "but I don't have autism" - for context, we were discussing how I might write a Website about my journey with autism. Looking back, I guess she figured I'd pick up on that fact from how I'd behave differently from my peers or attend therapies and stuff that they probably weren't doing or something.
this is my entire social experience cuz I’m married but finding friends is so hard on the spectrum
Also I hope ur doing good illy all the way from nc :,))
You both are a god dam good match, lad you found each other and with healthy communication like that it will last forever.
After watching this I just realized because of my autism that I do most of those masking and behavioral things without even realizing it
@@catskura99 I don't think that's what they meant but sure
Clarification if anyone needs it. What I meant is that I do the masking thing in my everyday life at school without even noticing it and hearing her talk about it made me realize that I do it subconsciously
@@The_fastfreddy Same, I thought I was the only one who did this! Like, I don't consciously mask (I have tried and failed miserably), but at times it seems like my neurotypical peers don't even notice. So, maybe I unconsciously picked up some habits from them as a kid?
My gosh, my mum always tells me I’m “not allowed to use my autism as a crutch”
I'm so sorry. I hate that phrase so much.
Imagine saying that to someone with a visible disability "Don't use your paralysis as a clutch and climb those stairs"😡
This mentality has pushed me so far in life. I've done things most normal people never get a chance to do. Recognize your weakness, but never let it completely limit you. That's what not using it as a crutch means to me. Using it as an excuse why you can't do something you want to do.
My parents told me not to use my autism as an excuse, too, but who decides what is and isn't an excuse when no one knows what's going on in my head, not even me? I did well in school, so people began to expect great things from me when I grew up. So I was told I was just being lazy when I'd refuse to do homework because it stressed me out so much. I still don't know how right or wrong they were. And I still can't tell when I'm asking for something I need or just being selfish.
To me, it's all based on results. You, or any other autistic people may not agree, but I want to integrate with society, not change it. Everyone's focused on making the world better. I'm much more focused on accepting the way it is and changing the easier thing to change, that being my own actions before the actions of others.
I can't say that's anyone else's definition of success, but I think that the world's changes are difficult to predict, and even more difficult to direct.
I live for me. The direct anthesis of this is wasting my life trying to change the world that may not even take. So I focus not on my current limits, but on what I can do to improve myself. Doesn't matter what others think really, beyond do they accept me. That may never came, but so too may the world change to be more fair. I'd put money on myself becoming indistinguishable from normal before the world changing. Whether or not people think I'm lazy or anything is rather pointless on it's own. I've made great strides throwing myself into some of the most difficult situations. Situations where misstep means the loss of my own life, or the lives of others, multiple even. Firefighting, EMS. Ironically, these are easier than college sports, or fraternity socials and parties. I've had successes, I've had failures. But, ultimately, I am alive. I'm not sitting alone in a corner slowly dying alone. I'm not nailing myself to the wall as a martyr crying about my plight and the plight of others like me. Sure, I suppose it doesn't help others, but I'm not a help everyone kind of guy. I'm more a help individuals, one on one. And, first and foremost, I am happy.
I think that's what people forget. In firefighting, there's a priority of priorities. The individual firefighter comes first, followed by fellow first responders, followed by the victims and everyone else. You must secure your own means before securing your brothers, and then everyone else. Because you can't save anyone if you are dead.
And thus, my happiness comes first. Afterwards, I help those around me, and beyond that, strangers as I am able.@@sparroweyes498
@TurtleSauceGaming I get that, but I feel its different choosing that mindset for yourself and feeling its beneficial to you rather than someone who doesn't have your condition/disability/etc. telling you that any other mindset is wrong, you know? I feel like thats what hits differently
I had an "eyes fell out" moment when I'd taken my brother to the ER when he passed out. This lady walked into my personal space and looked me right in the eye and said "I know you from somewhere don't I?" I basically reacted with a very confused smile that probably looked like a deranged maniac, proceeded to say nothing while staring directly back at her and then she walked away. I'm glad she walked away because I was super close to panicking.
I dated an Autistic person for a bit, they were sweet, but they didn't like to touch or be touched and I kinda need that in a relationship
Anxiety is hard as an autistic adult thank you Illymations for your story,
Omg you and Kermit are a great couple! As a fellow autistic, I think it’s wonderful that you two found each other because you’ll have such a greater understanding of each other’s autistic quirks. I’m still educating myself and my loved ones about my autism and it can be really hard sometimes, so your relationship is really heartwarming.
you make me feel special because when i watched your psych ward video, it reminded me because my dad forced me to go there
Came from Think Before You Sleep's recent video where he recommended this as a good video of yours to watch, and I can say as an autistic person that most of these experiences are super relatable! Like specifically I like the spoon theory analogy, there really are times where I run myself down way too much.
I also want to ask if you also got this when trying to date or find love of being more awkward when it comes to physically intimate moments, like more reading when and what to do is appropriate. I'm finding that out now more than ever as I'm trying to step my toes into dating, but I like want physical touch but also don't know what is too much, when is too soon, etc. I find it also difficult for me to read people when it comes to them not responding to texts or message, like I overanalyze and think I fucked up somehow being too forward and blunt, like I'm scaring them off a bit by just trying to find times to connect and get to know them. Idk if this is something you have also had to experience or if other autistic people can chime in, I just thought it was interesting to add.
Again, good video, I can heavily relate, but I just wanted to add in an additional thing
Finding out I was Autistic at 35 hit different. Thank you for being you and spreading awareness 🥰
You have a cool head 👍
I found out I had Autism in 2020 and the more I think about it, It Just very DISAPOINTING of me cause my dad said it himself, that I'm just so sensitive because I feel like he's can be easily upset at me because, of his tone of voice sometimes. he's not mad but, I think that. and the fact that I don't do well around loud noises seems pathetic of me if you really think about it.
As someone with POTS (chronic illness), ADHD and OCD I understand the spoon theory thing… I always ignore it though because I want to have a social life and If I don’t hang out with my friends I loose my mind.. it’s so hard balancing mental health and physical health
i also have clinical ocd and get so exhausted from compulsions and anxieties so everyday shit is double exhausting lol
Holy crap I got POTS and ADHD too ive never met anyone else who has them both
I had such a "holy crap" moment when spoon theory was mentioned.
Years ago I read a random comment somewhere that mentioned it, but I could never remember what it actually was about and have had a difficult time trying to explain how my chronic illnesses can affect my energy levels.
Can't believe I found it again in a youtube video that was randomly recommended to me
Stop are we literally the same person? 😭
I have also pots and eds plus having crippling depression because of it, it causes me to be so out of society but when one day i went to a meet thing for people with chronic illness i met my gf who also has pots so i understand so much one day youl hopefully meet someone like u that understands u!
illy you’re my biggest inspiration ❤❤
Dude…am I…noooo cause why do I relate so much to the video rn. 😭 I’m happy you made this video I need to do some research
As a person currently being tested for autism, I greatly appreciated all of the traits described because I feel so much less alone. I feel that I'm in a similar situation as Kermit, where I had no idea as a child because my parents wouldn't acknowledge my struggles (they still don't). Thank you so much for making this video and best of luck and health to both of you!