I dated a girl with BPD for 8 years, I was in the constant loop of hell and then rebuild, then another trip to hell. All my friends and family could see how it was destroying me and they all tried so hard to get me away from her. But like a drug addict I couldn't stay away, even knowing it was ruining me, even though I was losing myself, even though I could never see a future with her, I couldn't even see past the end of that day with her. It took a very devoted girl to break me out, she worked really hard to save me and get me away. She did it just because she couldn't see me in that pain anymore. I ended up falling in love with the girl who saved me and we have been married happily for ten years, going from my past relationship to a healthy one was such an eye-opener. It is important to get away and allow yourself to be happy.
I myself am in this situation. I have no girl to help break me out, I pray for one but it seems that I’m meant to find my own way out. The fear of leaving my 7 year old daughter to be raised mainly by the Oman my wife has revealed herself to be and the knowledge of what I’m in for when it comes to the skewed and bias family court systems only adds to the difficulty
I bet the normal relationship is soooo "boring". Crazy what we have normalized while being with a BPD. To me the craziest part was that I could finally make plans a month or six months in advance with my normal relationship whereas with a BPD I had no idea how the dinner date was going to finish.
Jesus Christ Christopher, where is my girl to get me away from my fucking narcissist wife? It feels like she takes away my future . I’m always just running in place waiting because I love her so much. I wanna make every choice in my life involve her but she doesn’t wanna be involved until she’s not involved. I don’t even know how to explain it and fml She Slept with a coworker of mine I’ve known over 10 years knowing full well I was gonna get fired Triangulated different men against me I swear I got five PPO’s on me right now… where I’m from you don’t sleep with another man’s wife without accountability. Then I figured out this is not a normal situation and I cannot whip the entire city of Grand Rapids. I need to get my ass back to the country get away from her, but I love her so much. I’ll be the very first one to ever get a narcissist to be cured with unconditional love guys watch this. I honestly believe that, but I know I’m stupid as fuck. I had full custody of my children, and they called her mom. She swore in the beginning that she would be their mom no matter what even if we divorced. Well that never fucking happened. My son cried for four days because he missed her so bad. She’s getting drunk, and fycked partying. We married each other after knowing one another six months, it was hands-down, the happiest six months of my entire goddamn life. She would drop these hints all the time about marriage about how I was the only true marriage. I was the only true love she ever had. So I had never been in a relationship like this felt like the greatest thing I’ve ever felt in my life and I’ve done lots of drugs in my past. (Sober since 2014, big mistake to divulge to her) she would leave her Adderall on the counter on purpose after I specifically asked her the beginning of our relationship to keep it hidden from me. Just to get me to relapse. I’m certain of it. I didn’t know at the time I believed her lies. This is hands-down, the most coldhearted woman I’ve ever met my life, and I still love her to death What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t handle this shit I went through years and years of pain before I met narc wife , abuse by my stepfather when I was young, physically beating my ass. In the hospital every other week with my mom whispering in my ears stories to tell the hospital I still have scars in my body. I don’t quite remember what happened I remember remember two different stories. I was with my two young kids mom (baby mama , NOT my wife… but she has a whole set of problems too) for 10 years. and she cheated on me and ran off with a dude to California when I was at work I got home and she had shut all her phones off, and I didn’t know if family was alive or dead. Mustard all my strength. Took out money from my 401k and waged absolute war on her with lawyers and private investigators. First, finding my children, then getting them back safe then getting full custody then she abandoned them after she couldn’t win, even though she was gonna get parental time. That time frame that I was doing this is when I met my now narcissistic wife. I really thought she was the universe or God’s gift to me from overcoming all my pain from addiction in 2014 to my stepdad between the ages of eight and 12 to my children’s mom putting me through horrible horrible pain for three months straight … this woman made me so happy. I look back on pictures. I don’t even recognize myself. She had all the answers. She was my soulmate. Goddamn was wrong. She has put me through so much these last two years. Blamed me for the relationship being rushed because she would play both sides of the fence. She would say both sides she would say statements from either side of the argument so then later on she always say she was right because she said that right. She was saying she wanted to get married now was 1000 times but it didn’t matter to her. She said she wanted to wait one time even though she’s the one that pushed it. Why couldn’t somebody years ago just push her in front of a train? Fuck my life My wife knew life was hard because of my five-year-old little girl being autistic. She waited till I had to have leg surgery. My leg was swelled up from something called a Venus ulcer and then she just jet on me. Left me one legged trying to take care of two kids with Daycare and trying to figure out how to heal so I can go back to work… me and my nine-year-old son broke down in my truck in the middle of the winter. The water pump went out. I called her to come get us. It was 0° outside and she told me she wouldn’t come get me because I didn’t help her with the dishes. She would get my son attention when he was really sick with 101.8° temperature because I stay in the bedroom with him and gave him cold washcloth and kept him cool for him but I didn’t sleep in the bed with her that night so I got punished for weeks The promises they broke me The most, I think, Repeating promises after promises of how I wouldn’t hurt her. Ultimately breaking at least one of the hundred on accident and then she would tell me I wasn’t a man. I’m not a man of my word. I’m nothing I have no integrity. Until I turned into a man that was nothing with no integrity. I’m drowning. So here I sit in my truck that’s behind five months on payments it’ll get taken by the repo man second, I am not looking, with no job job that paid 90,000 a year I had for 10 years. No home no savings. I had to give my children to my sister. Fuck this shit. If I somehow by the grace of God, make it out of this without hanging myself. I dare anybody to say to me the rest of my life that words are more important than actions … She would literally say that every day words are more important than actions Right now I’m so paralyzed with depression. I can’t even open my laptop to apply to a new job hopefully right and these words are gonna get me a job without me acting Edit: but on a positive side, the sex is phenomenal… and i mean, PHENOMENAL… ugh 😂😂😂😂😂 I’m homeless living in my truck, lost my children (or I’m certain I will soon cause I don’t know what’s wrong with my head) but the goddamn sex was good Also, once every couple days sometimes twice a week sometimes once every two or three weeks depending on how short her next relationship is, she calls me for a “let’s fix our marriage” session. We have sex for two or three days and than I’m gone again because she found another guy. DeValued me even quicker than before. BUT HEY!!! I FUCKING LOVE HER RIGHT GUYS!!!
A majority of people have no idea of how such a woman can ruin a mans life - completely. Women are given the benefit of the doubt that it is always the mans fault.
Unbelievable Lisa you have described me! After 8yrs with this roller coaster relationship I’ve finally cut loose. You are so right on point and it’s warming to know that this is a pattern we can and must break free from. Although she’s in therapy and has been for some time ….. hand on heart I know there will be no changes. There is no normal with BPD. WASTED YEARS ….
The first time I saw a woman immediately turn off the water works when she realized it wasn't going to work on me absolutely chilled me to my core. It was like a light switch. She went from tears to a very pragmatic stone faced step two. What he sees as genuine remorse is nothing of the sort. It is theater.
Not always. I have BPD, and most of the times I go after someone with remorse, I am truly sorry and I hate myself for having acted that way. But before doing tons of therapy and finally understanding myself and how others saw me, I would flip my emotions without any control and they could go from sadness to anger for that person not seeing how sorry I was, etc… borderliners are the “nicest” of the cluster B personality disorder in a way that we create chaos and dig our own grave, but we do repent and usually mean it when we apologize. The other 2 types don’t.
If she could turn it off that quickly, you weren't dealing with a BPD disregulation at that moment. There can always be some small tear manipulation, but the meltdowns aren't fake.
@@rayo1883 narcissists and histrionics will fake cry trying to get what they want also. But you won’t see tears coming down and they can flop their emotions at the same instance. BPD has similar characteristics, but we mean our cry and we mean our other emotions too, and they don’t flip AS abruptly.
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration , unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward , I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
If you are watching this video because your ex-partner did in fact suffer from BPD, then the relationship is not salvageable. You're just setting yourself up for more pain.
You are awsome and informative as always Lise , due to your vids on youtube i finally set my soul free from a trauma bond that incaged me for 2 years. Thank you for being light for so many men who would naturally blame themselves for the colapse of a relationship.❤
This is a top 1 video on BPD relationship/breakup! Remember, this is NOT your fault. Block and move on. If she does not want to be healed and only wants to be "saved", there's nothing you can do. "I love you - I feel you don't care about me anymore - I slept with someone else because I felt lonely and scared that you'd leave me - Don't leave me 'cause I love you so much" She will repeat the vicious cycle as many times as you allow her.
Video left out things like hoovering, splitting, discarding which fails to show the seriousness of this illness. It's a chronic mental illness. They NEVER heal but they can manage their emotions with many years of therapy. They always have to be in therapy. Therapist hate working with BPDs as it's extremely challenging. And even then I would accept them as a friend and not a romantic partner. Romantic relationships is simply something to be avoided. They are predators like a lion. Best not go into a cage with one.
It’s easy for a woman to monkey branch to a new relationship. It’s very difficult for a man with an attractive partner to find another partner who is as attractive. And that’s how we get stuck in these bad relationships where we know better.
No, you get stuck because a pretty sex kitten looked at you and gave you value. Codependents think they have very little value and look outside for it and once a pretty girl starts adoring you all of a sudden you are on a biggest high of your life. You feel like superman. But just how she "gave" you value she also takes it away. With BPDs it's by design. You need to realize you have all the value you ever needed simply because you exist.
@@seanb3303 that's what I thought as well that I did have good amount of self esteem. I then started looking into codependency and it clicked. If there is abuse involved and you are putting up with it you are codependent even if she is 9/10. No healthy person will put up with their crap. First red flag and they are out the door.
As always Lise, great to see & hear your podcasts about mental health, especially to help men understand better what’s happening, or what happened, since women seem more naturally in touch with their emotions. If not for Lise and her wonderful coaching & explanations about BPD & other personality disorders, I’d be wallowing in despair over being unexpectedly discarded. You saved my own mental health from deteriorating any further. Thanks Lise you’re awesome! 💕☀️
Thanks Lise, Every guy should first switch his BPD-detector on and check the remaining battery life, before talking or interacting with any woman. Keywords to keep in mind are: irrationality, unable to take criticism, character assassination, rages that last for several hours, twisting the facts, flying off the handle over nothing, resentfulness, total lack of self-knowledge, lying, etc., etc.
Thanks for your videos. It helped me understand and get out of a bad relationship (which was hard). 8t has been almost 1.5 years now out of the relationship. Still healing I think from what started as the best and got crazy.
In the very UNLIKELY event she sticks with the intense therapy long enough to make it successful, she will no longer need the attention of a co-dependent person. So there's your irony, you want her to get therapy so you can have a relationship, but successful therapy would make it almost impossible. The harm in this relationship goes in both directions, and your presence would not be a good thing for her in the long run.
Best comment on the relationship dynamic with a BPD I read in a long time. This is the conclusion you arrive at once you understand how they tick and the seriousness of the illness.
I've never delt with BPD, and it's addictive cyclic patterns until now. Being the final discard, I've been completely ghosted. I love her fiercely. It'll take time to recover. At least I can say my love is constant, hers? A roller coaster.
I feel bad for this guy. I can relate he got lucky ! No marriage no kids no house no job loss because of her acting out. Consider yourself lucky. Trust me RUN !
Thank you so much Lisa you have been a godsend to me since the very beginning of my relationship with a narcissistic partner. I have been diagnosed with BPD and have a therapist that I am working with. I have learned that we can't blame or change others for our relationships. Blame is a story that we make up in our heads and is not resonant and as such, not reality. You'll be surprised that the dysfunction is caused by only ourselves.
Thanks to all your videos, I was able to see that she was constantly trying to manipulate me… Know That I can See I kindly asked her to leave my house and She did because she can see that I can now see through her BS and I ain’t falling for her game… thank you Lise.
It’s such a scary experience because they hide that horrible side of them from the rest of the world. I lived with Jekyll and Hyde type of woman for almost 11 YEARS! I am still trying to pick up the pieces that were continually shattered by false hope and trauma bond.
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 6 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Parting ways with someone you deeply cherish is an agonizing experience. I understand firsthand, having encountered a parallel situation at the end of my 7 year relationship. Driven by an unyielding determination, I explored every avenue to salvage our bond. Seeking guidance from a spiritual counselor proved pivotal, as their intervention played a crucial role in rekindling our love.
Good video. "Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" I finally stopped the dance after many years when i finally stuck on my bounderies and did not take the manipulation. One might say i was "gray rocking" while i was observing her intent and focused more on my well being. She did not even tried to correct "our situation". It was automatic monkey branch from her side after that quite fast. That told alot. She tried to keep a "triangulation" thing going on, but i refused all of it. Wished her the best and went no contact. Also, it was easier to see the real picture when i focused on her actions vs her words. Live and learn, day by day.
I've dated two people with quiet BPD, one for a year and the other for a good few months but it was a situationship. Never have i ever questioned my will to live until i was a part of that. Im the most patient person but it felt impossible when they can do it on their own so they dont get help or even work on themselves so it's a lost cause.
There’s actually a single, simpler piece of advice that works best: Do not engage, break up, delete, block, and ignore. How do you deal with this kind of relationship? You simply *DON’T* - leave immediately and protect your mental health.
@@rogerwhoareyou You’re not alone. It took me 5 years to recognize the patterns and manipulation, which included a lot of emotional abuse characterized by constant highs and lows. It took that long for me to understand what was happening and to bail immediately. Now I can spot BPD in others much more easily and cut them out of my life right away. Of course, they get angry and play the victim (as they often do), but they’re upset only because their manipulations won’t work when you establish healthy boundaries.
My toxicity has landed me make decisions and laying in bed that I made I’m paying for it so badly now that I’m sober and healthy I cannot believe I’m stuck in a situation in another toxic situation. I already do want to live this way anymore, but it’s so hard and different when it’s a BDP male and you have a child with them.
I have borderline and I don't cheat. you can't umbrella everyone with a diagnosis as if were all the same. If you have bpd ptsd by dating the wrong person just don't date people with bpd then
These videos make me think that the father-daughter duo that does the ThorpTV UA-cam channel have BPD (the daughter) and bipolar disorder (the father) and that the father is the daughter's "favorite person." But maybe I'm wrong (I'm no psychologist). But as they routinely do 6+ hour long daily streams, I think there is probably enough footage to come to a definite conclusion. Love your videos, btw. Thanks for the upload.
Please Lise, Don’t get Caught up in Sampling Video from other Movies… sure way to end one’s career. Although. It may be because you hire Young Video Editor. Please don’t go for it. People look to you for Calm Grownding. Playing those videos is Alfule Triggering. Then you you will be living the role of the Narcissist give and take.
I've gone no contact with my daughter, I explained exactly how I felt and made it clear that I want her to leave me alone. She's hundreds of miles away but if she shows up at my door, I'm going to hide in the closet.
My best friend has BPD and I need help trying to stick to boundaries. I need so much help actually, I have every struggle of favorite person which I watched that video.
I’m struggling with leaving my exwBPD. I know it’s toxic and I’m married and love my wife but still friends with her. I just cannot bring myself to cut her off. I am emotionally attached to her. I know I shouldn’t be it’s cheating and nothing good will come of it, especially for her. I care about her deeply but I know she’s better off without me. We went NC for years but we keep coming back.
Lise, I just discovered your wondrous work, very good sister. Please identify for us, the name of the Aaron Paul movie from which you extrapolated such an appropriate theatrical illustration? Chris
Very often CPTSD is misdiagnosed as borderline. Point her to a professional and get her some help. If she sticks to it, great. If not, walk. No exceptions.
No, it's not. All BPDs got it, and their life mission is to give everyone else CPTSD. BPD is aggressive, open sore, weeping blister of the soul! Plus, it's contagious like NPD.
If anyone wants to see a brilliant rendition of BPD and narcissism, watch the series "The Affair". The actress playing Allison is a perfect BPD and the actor playing Noah does a great job of being a narcissist.
never heard that little voice saying "i'm not so bad. i AM lovable" ? ...never told that voice to "shut up and toughen up" ? who's talking to who here?
I had 10 years… bdp or female covert narcisism? The repeat of breaking in 3 months cycle are consistent with bdp? How much bdp is similar to covert narcisism? In 10 years, to end the relation every 3 months seams like bpd… even If all the rest looks like narcisim. You’re so acurrate as always! 🙏🏻 Lise, You’re in a class of your own 👌
@aristark559 It´s so complex that i must say... all of them. Gasslighting; Devaluation; Love Bombing; Triangulation; Breathfeeding; provoque my PHIL atittude; Abuse in manipulation; Drama; Validation; and inventing narrative alternative to simple reality... But now i see that it was BDP too, for constant breakout, and dependance on not beeing alone, etc...
@aristark559 Lise is the best I found about that complicated theme. She explains the exact process that creates a link between a co-dependant and a covert female narcisist. Until this moment she is the only one to explain in detail that, and many other subtilities. She is N.1.
Dr Daniel fox is an expert I feel with more understanding and experience his perspective is still more in the compassionate sense n understanding of the illness not so demonizing yet it can be the most toxic diabolical experience ever but it’s not intentional but u have to stay away
been dating someone with bpd and most probably a narc for the past 4 years to the point i don’t recognize myself anymore and worst part she’s an escort, she drink on daily basis everytime she’s drunk i don’t recognize her anymore, the lies, the manipulations, the triangulations, the comparisons, the problems reaching orgasmes when drunk, everything im to blame, my size my skills she blocks all the emotions coming from me yet she blames me, she turns her head if trying to kiss then blames me, she does stupid things when she is drunk and says doesn’t remember if i tell her don’t drink if u can’t know right from wrong she says im boring and a hater and i don’t want her to have fun she give me booty calls suddenly at night to come to her house or else i question everything in her behavior she says am dramatic and she wants peace and fun, she lies in my face cheats in my face then gaslights me and call me delusional and paranoid and imagining, the amount of accusations and delusions when she is drunk are out of this world accuse me smiling at girls or looking at girls then she return is doing 10 times worse while i wasn’t even looking, plz whoever is out there don’t get too involved u can’t save these ppl the more u stay the more crazy u become i started seing a psychiatrist because of this and breaking up is never easy they come with lies and manipulations and weaponize intimacy to get what they want plz raise ur children to have strong personality and not vulnerable her mood is either 100 or 0 during intimacy sudden mood changes within seconds and blame me that im clueless in bed they r not happy never satisfied they bully u shame u everything u say will be used against u control freaks u cant save them run for ur lives
IF they are not in honest therapy, they're an enemy. If kids are involved then never, ever take your knee off their throat legally and economically, as well as personally. Without help they are a wild predator and a tornado of destruction. Boundaries are your best friend if you have some sort of legal or familial tie but always watch and scrutinize them. Sadly, they force you to be more ruthless than them because they will always go lower to hurt you, even using children to do it.
Video was OK, but doesn't convey the seriousness of the illness. They are very effective predators that seek out prey with even a slight insecurity. Then they suck out the living energy until one becomes a shadow of their former self.
I liked your videos better when they didn’t have the pics and video clips. They’re super distracting and not helpful. As a woman with BPD, these comments are very hurtful. If people only understood where the behaviors come from. I agree that we are accountable for our words and behaviors, but please be kind. It does feel like life and death for us. The emotional pain and chaos inside is just as difficult for us. I have been in intense therapy (2x/week sessions) for 2 yrs and I’ve made a lot of progress and done a lot of trauma and attachment work, and it is still a struggle to manage the intense emotions and mood swings. It’s a daily struggle. Please know that our fear of perceived/real abandonment and rejection is sooo intense and real and is absolutely terrifying for us. We’re not all monsters and not all of us are looking to destroy our relationship and the people in our lives. We’re not out *trying* purposely to hurt people. The most helpful thing my husband (of 18 yrs) has done, was to create safety in our relationship. I feel comfortable and safe telling him how I’m feeling and what is going on for me. I’m no longer triggered so intensely in wanting to be vulnerable with him. When I start to fly off the handle, he knows where it comes from and he steps back and encourages to release the energy of the anger in a healthy way. Compassion and a desire to understand go a long way for us bc we very rarely received it from those who were supposed to care for us and who we were supposed to be able to trust. Lise, I enjoyed your videos when they were geared towards those of us with the disorder. But now, you more often than not, paint us as “sick” and hateful malicious monsters and that is so discouraging. Not all of us are totally not self aware. Some of us really are trying to be better and healthier.
Well said. Sometimes YT influencers get so caught up in perfecting their finished product they inadvertently shame the very souls they were trying to heal in the past! Thanks for your courage to speak out. 💯💪
All 💯accurate. 12 year relationship with a few months apart. It seems like much longer. I'm determined to not get sucked in again, but after a year of no contact she succeeded. I feel like a heroin addict. Two kids with her makes it much worse, but she's poisoned them against me as well. Your analogy of letting your child be abused is so powerful.
Is it possible to have been diagnosed adhd bipolar disorder early since adolescence with cptsd diagnosed late in adulthood that of which I started to finally become more open and honest about my childhood trauma and ongoing experiences. That I have been told by a professional I may have some traits of bdp when I was 15 years old and I had ran away from home I was at that time in family crisis. IRemember that doctor he did state the difference and that I did not have or met the full criteria yet that stayed with me is it possible that someone with history of childhood trauma, major depression and instability, but very trauma based that can experience BDP behavior for a while or a time. And that time period usually under a substance abuse state of mind, but the behavior patterns can match, except for the self harm, except for the abandonment of fear abandonment was very seasonal. It’s not a constant fee fear I finally was able to be able to be comfortable and you’re an even and need and want to be alone be comfortable being alone since I was very codependent people pleasing that I burnt out but what I’m trying to say, is it possible for somebody to adopt those behaviors and their relationship with others that’s when they come out when I have relationships with toxic narcissistic like men I will behave that way if I knew someone healthy I would spare them from that toxic shame I was stuck in at the time I took off due to life traumatic events a 3 year run of pure toxic self sabotage I feel like it was a reckless younger version of myself taking over I documented a lot of vlogs I can barely recognize myself. What I’m asking cause I’m over explaining this is it possible for someone to go through for personality behaviors, and patterns and like grow or heal out of it or it was a phase and then see it in someone else and see it for really what it is and experience howdebilitating and depleting and how draining and hurtful and incredibly hard it could be from the outside in it or am I just projecting?
Recognition cause I finally got with somebody that was BDP and I see a lot of my old behaviors. I see right through all those things, but I don’t have that perception or live through those lack of insight or values anymore. I don’t I don’t know how to explain it. accountability and I’m very self-aware and I’m just like did I go through years because I was abusing substances and depressed and isolated myself was that the substances that made my borderline traits like totally take over and I was just like reaching out on toxic, like I was targeting toxic people so they could take my toxicity because I knew they were toxic so I didn’t care to have them and do a taste of their own medicine but sacrificing my own self at the same time it was just really crazy. That was three years. I don’t know how to explain it, but is it possible for somebody? Just have temporary Bdp
I don’t have identity disturbances but I’ve done that before that desperation pulling them in, but it wasn’t someone like that person I would not do it too. I’m sorry to say this healthy people that know for some reason I chose only like narcissistic people. It’s like I was reliving some weird toxic shame to punish myself or something I don’t knowI wouldn’t do a lot of abusive person and then I will be turned around and play the same toxic games that they did to me only if I was pushed to a defense.
This is great advice and all, but not mentioning "splitting" and "discarding" and the inevitable ultimate discard and "hoovering" is missing the key parts of her illness. How every time you think you finally cracked the code it all blows up in your face and you see the psychopath side of her. That's how one realizes that you cannot expect somebody to run a marathon after they just broke their leg, or for a BDP to love you the way normal people understand love. It's simply not possible. Do not fool yourself.
I follow with much interest the videos of this channel, but recently it has been much more difficult to watch the videos till the end. I find all these interruptions for ilustrative films really really annoying.
I was thinking my ex is a NPD, her daughter accused her of this, but looking at the crazy range of feelings its probably BPD. There is definitely overlap. I will say, it was the best training ground to grow, turn off my buttons, grow out of my codependency. In the end, she was in the discard phase with me as a result. I was patiently hoping she would see herself because she talked as if she did. This is why i think it wasn't NPD and she could apologize.
From firsthand experience, having a parent with BPD very much affects a child. In my case, parentification and hypervigilance were the results. By age eight I had to be the adult of the family emotionally, and managed my parents' feelings at the slightest sign of downward mood to prevent trauma from repeating.
I have heard bpd can be healed. You are making people loose hope in the relationship. Why don’t you guide so that your guidance helps the relationship and not break the relationship. Why don’t you help rather than advice for break up.
A healthy relationship is possible with a person with BPD *if* that person is in intensive treatment and is able to recognise the difference between healthy or unhealthy behaviour, if the person with BPD is not at that point yet, being in a relationship can hold you both back from making personal progress. A person with a solid diagnosis and treatment plan makes a big difference. And like she said, getting into a unhealthy BPD relationship and staying during these abusive periods is a bad sign for both partners - chances are if you're in a relationship that mirrors the dynamic being discussed in the video then both partners should be working on themselves instead of the relationship. If its meant to be, dating can come after
Please do a similar video on a BPD sibling. I can't find anything like this. People understand when you cut a toxic romantic partner out of your life. (Though, w/ a borderline, they may have already tried to control the narrative in a way that makes you look bad.) Imagine trying to cut out a sibling. They triangulate extended family. No one believes that they could be violent. Their "favorite person" is our mother (despite being married). Our mother is very elderly and near the end of her life. What happens when she dies? The sibling is already trying to generate ways for the fam who have cut them off to need to talk to them or be in their presence. We share a dying parent, so it's hard. When she dies, and the other sibs permanently cut out the toxic sib, I can hear it already: "why are you doing this to Sib? Why are you so mean?" etc. Could really use a plan and some advice. Thanks.
I can see HER doing exactly that ⏩️ 1:16 “it’s a trap 🪤 she’s going to take this as an opportunity to keep pushing my boundaries until she gets me to agree to give her👱🏻♀️another chance. She’s going to try to spoil me with attention, gifts and wait until I have a weak moment and offer SEX (her usual currency for her services)” Every single man should know these common hoovering techniques of those toxic women, who prey for a GREAT MEN just to destroy him completely in the end, leaving his self esteem in shambles and his health in troubles. 🙏PLEASE, BE YOUR OWN HERO AND SAVE YOURSELF until it’s too late🥺
My toxicity has landed me make decisions and laying in bed that I made I’m paying for it so badly now that I’m sober and healthy I cannot believe I’m stuck in a situation in another toxic situation. I already do want to live this way anymore, but it’s so hard and different when it’s a BDP male and you have a child with them.
I dated a girl with BPD for 8 years, I was in the constant loop of hell and then rebuild, then another trip to hell. All my friends and family could see how it was destroying me and they all tried so hard to get me away from her. But like a drug addict I couldn't stay away, even knowing it was ruining me, even though I was losing myself, even though I could never see a future with her, I couldn't even see past the end of that day with her. It took a very devoted girl to break me out, she worked really hard to save me and get me away. She did it just because she couldn't see me in that pain anymore. I ended up falling in love with the girl who saved me and we have been married happily for ten years, going from my past relationship to a healthy one was such an eye-opener. It is important to get away and allow yourself to be happy.
I lived your story. I'm finally happy, with the woman who saved me. I'm so grateful, please know that you deserve better.
I myself am in this situation. I have no girl to help break me out, I pray for one but it seems that I’m meant to find my own way out. The fear of leaving my 7 year old daughter to be raised mainly by the Oman my wife has revealed herself to be and the knowledge of what I’m in for when it comes to the skewed and bias family court systems only adds to the difficulty
I bet the normal relationship is soooo "boring". Crazy what we have normalized while being with a BPD. To me the craziest part was that I could finally make plans a month or six months in advance with my normal relationship whereas with a BPD I had no idea how the dinner date was going to finish.
Jesus Christ Christopher, where is my girl to get me away from my fucking narcissist wife?
It feels like she takes away my future . I’m always just running in place waiting because I love her so much. I wanna make every choice in my life involve her but she doesn’t wanna be involved until she’s not involved. I don’t even know how to explain it and fml
She Slept with a coworker of mine I’ve known over 10 years knowing full well I was gonna get fired
Triangulated different men against me I swear I got five PPO’s on me right now… where I’m from you don’t sleep with another man’s wife without accountability. Then I figured out this is not a normal situation and I cannot whip the entire city of Grand Rapids. I need to get my ass back to the country get away from her, but I love her so much. I’ll be the very first one to ever get a narcissist to be cured with unconditional love guys watch this. I honestly believe that, but I know I’m stupid as fuck.
I had full custody of my children, and they called her mom. She swore in the beginning that she would be their mom no matter what even if we divorced. Well that never fucking happened. My son cried for four days because he missed her so bad. She’s getting drunk, and fycked partying. We married each other after knowing one another six months, it was hands-down, the happiest six months of my entire goddamn life. She would drop these hints all the time about marriage about how I was the only true marriage. I was the only true love she ever had. So I had never been in a relationship like this felt like the greatest thing I’ve ever felt in my life and I’ve done lots of drugs in my past. (Sober since 2014, big mistake to divulge to her) she would leave her Adderall on the counter on purpose after I specifically asked her the beginning of our relationship to keep it hidden from me. Just to get me to relapse. I’m certain of it. I didn’t know at the time I believed her lies.
This is hands-down, the most coldhearted woman I’ve ever met my life, and I still love her to death
What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t handle this shit
I went through years and years of pain before I met narc wife , abuse by my stepfather when I was young, physically beating my ass. In the hospital every other week with my mom whispering in my ears stories to tell the hospital I still have scars in my body. I don’t quite remember what happened I remember remember two different stories. I was with my two young kids mom (baby mama , NOT my wife… but she has a whole set of problems too) for 10 years. and she cheated on me and ran off with a dude to California when I was at work I got home and she had shut all her phones off, and I didn’t know if family was alive or dead. Mustard all my strength. Took out money from my 401k and waged absolute war on her with lawyers and private investigators. First, finding my children, then getting them back safe then getting full custody then she abandoned them after she couldn’t win, even though she was gonna get parental time. That time frame that I was doing this is when I met my now narcissistic wife.
I really thought she was the universe or God’s gift to me from overcoming all my pain from addiction in 2014 to my stepdad between the ages of eight and 12 to my children’s mom putting me through horrible horrible pain for three months straight … this woman made me so happy. I look back on pictures. I don’t even recognize myself. She had all the answers. She was my soulmate. Goddamn was wrong. She has put me through so much these last two years. Blamed me for the relationship being rushed because she would play both sides of the fence. She would say both sides she would say statements from either side of the argument so then later on she always say she was right because she said that right. She was saying she wanted to get married now was 1000 times but it didn’t matter to her. She said she wanted to wait one time even though she’s the one that pushed it.
Why couldn’t somebody years ago just push her in front of a train?
Fuck my life
My wife knew life was hard because of my five-year-old little girl being autistic. She waited till I had to have leg surgery. My leg was swelled up from something called a Venus ulcer and then she just jet on me. Left me one legged trying to take care of two kids with Daycare and trying to figure out how to heal so I can go back to work… me and my nine-year-old son broke down in my truck in the middle of the winter. The water pump went out. I called her to come get us. It was 0° outside and she told me she wouldn’t come get me because I didn’t help her with the dishes. She would get my son attention when he was really sick with 101.8° temperature because I stay in the bedroom with him and gave him cold washcloth and kept him cool for him but I didn’t sleep in the bed with her that night so I got punished for weeks
The promises they broke me The most, I think, Repeating promises after promises of how I wouldn’t hurt her. Ultimately breaking at least one of the hundred on accident and then she would tell me I wasn’t a man. I’m not a man of my word. I’m nothing I have no integrity. Until I turned into a man that was nothing with no integrity. I’m drowning.
So here I sit in my truck that’s behind five months on payments it’ll get taken by the repo man second, I am not looking, with no job job that paid 90,000 a year I had for 10 years. No home no savings. I had to give my children to my sister. Fuck this shit. If I somehow by the grace of God, make it out of this without hanging myself.
I dare anybody to say to me the rest of my life that words are more important than actions … She would literally say that every day words are more important than actions
Right now I’m so paralyzed with depression. I can’t even open my laptop to apply to a new job hopefully right and these words are gonna get me a job without me acting
Edit: but on a positive side, the sex is phenomenal… and i mean, PHENOMENAL… ugh
😂😂😂😂😂 I’m homeless living in my truck, lost my children (or I’m certain I will soon cause I don’t know what’s wrong with my head) but the goddamn sex was good
Also, once every couple days sometimes twice a week sometimes once every two or three weeks depending on how short her next relationship is, she calls me for a “let’s fix our marriage” session. We have sex for two or three days and than I’m gone again because she found another guy. DeValued me even quicker than before.
BUT HEY!!! I FUCKING LOVE HER RIGHT GUYS!!!
Happy for you
A majority of people have no idea of how such a woman can ruin a mans life - completely. Women are given the benefit of the doubt that it is always the mans fault.
Unbelievable Lisa you have described me! After 8yrs with this roller coaster relationship I’ve finally cut loose. You are so right on point and it’s warming to know that this is a pattern we can and must break free from. Although she’s in therapy and has been for some time ….. hand on heart I know there will be no changes. There is no normal with BPD. WASTED YEARS ….
Yeah, those "wasted years", emotional and monetary wise here. Uh oh ! Seems like a waste cause my ex kept stuck on the same paradime.
The first time I saw a woman immediately turn off the water works when she realized it wasn't going to work on me absolutely chilled me to my core. It was like a light switch. She went from tears to a very pragmatic stone faced step two. What he sees as genuine remorse is nothing of the sort. It is theater.
Not always. I have BPD, and most of the times I go after someone with remorse, I am truly sorry and I hate myself for having acted that way. But before doing tons of therapy and finally understanding myself and how others saw me, I would flip my emotions without any control and they could go from sadness to anger for that person not seeing how sorry I was, etc… borderliners are the “nicest” of the cluster B personality disorder in a way that we create chaos and dig our own grave, but we do repent and usually mean it when we apologize. The other 2 types don’t.
Therapy and learning to regulate our emotions make a huge difference for us!
If she could turn it off that quickly, you weren't dealing with a BPD disregulation at that moment.
There can always be some small tear manipulation, but the meltdowns aren't fake.
@@rayo1883 narcissists and histrionics will fake cry trying to get what they want also. But you won’t see tears coming down and they can flop their emotions at the same instance. BPD has similar characteristics, but we mean our cry and we mean our other emotions too, and they don’t flip AS abruptly.
Pure, calculated Evil. True Monster vision.
Watching this mesmerizing video dredges up painful memories of the recent dissolution of my 4 year relationship. The departure of my beloved, the one I adore deeply, has left me in a perpetual state of longing. Despite my tireless attempts at reconciliation, I find myself mired in frustration , unable to shake the persistent thoughts of her. Despite my efforts to move forward , I'm compelled to share my inner turmoil and the overwhelming sense of missing her here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
Remarkable! How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for her talent in bringing back ex-partners.
Many thanks for providing this valuable information; I've just conducted an online search for her.
If you are watching this video because your ex-partner did in fact suffer from BPD, then the relationship is not salvageable.
You're just setting yourself up for more pain.
You are awsome and informative as always Lise , due to your vids on youtube i finally set my soul free from a trauma bond that incaged me for 2 years.
Thank you for being light for so many men who would naturally blame themselves for the colapse of a relationship.❤
This is a top 1 video on BPD relationship/breakup! Remember, this is NOT your fault. Block and move on. If she does not want to be healed and only wants to be "saved", there's nothing you can do. "I love you - I feel you don't care about me anymore - I slept with someone else because I felt lonely and scared that you'd leave me - Don't leave me 'cause I love you so much" She will repeat the vicious cycle as many times as you allow her.
8 guys she slept with since me.. and she still in my life, trying hard to get rid of her.
@@geoffreybester7953 Get rid of this shi***. Dont let her destroy you. You have 1 life. A lot of good people and healthy out there
Video left out things like hoovering, splitting, discarding which fails to show the seriousness of this illness. It's a chronic mental illness. They NEVER heal but they can manage their emotions with many years of therapy. They always have to be in therapy. Therapist hate working with BPDs as it's extremely challenging. And even then I would accept them as a friend and not a romantic partner. Romantic relationships is simply something to be avoided. They are predators like a lion. Best not go into a cage with one.
It’s easy for a woman to monkey branch to a new relationship. It’s very difficult for a man with an attractive partner to find another partner who is as attractive. And that’s how we get stuck in these bad relationships where we know better.
Definitely.
No, you get stuck because a pretty sex kitten looked at you and gave you value. Codependents think they have very little value and look outside for it and once a pretty girl starts adoring you all of a sudden you are on a biggest high of your life. You feel like superman. But just how she "gave" you value she also takes it away. With BPDs it's by design. You need to realize you have all the value you ever needed simply because you exist.
@@DConnectEmpire i have a pretty healthy opinion of myself but i will let pretty girls get away with more because they are harder to replace.
@@seanb3303 that's what I thought as well that I did have good amount of self esteem. I then started looking into codependency and it clicked. If there is abuse involved and you are putting up with it you are codependent even if she is 9/10. No healthy person will put up with their crap. First red flag and they are out the door.
@@DConnectEmpire i can’t say I’ve dealt with abuse. Just behavior that i wouldn’t put up with if it was a guy friend
To the guy : Block her. Do as Lise said and in 6 months you ll see that it worthed it! Good luck to you. We stand by you.
As always Lise, great to see & hear your podcasts about mental health, especially to help men understand better what’s happening, or what happened, since women seem more naturally in touch with their emotions. If not for Lise and her wonderful coaching & explanations about BPD & other personality disorders, I’d be wallowing in despair over being unexpectedly discarded. You saved my own mental health from deteriorating any further. Thanks Lise you’re awesome! 💕☀️
Thanks Lise,
Every guy should first switch his BPD-detector on and check the remaining battery life, before talking or interacting with any woman. Keywords to keep in mind are: irrationality, unable to take criticism, character assassination, rages that last for several hours, twisting the facts, flying off the handle over nothing, resentfulness, total lack of self-knowledge, lying, etc., etc.
Thanks for your videos. It helped me understand and get out of a bad relationship (which was hard). 8t has been almost 1.5 years now out of the relationship. Still healing I think from what started as the best and got crazy.
In the very UNLIKELY event she sticks with the intense therapy long enough to make it successful, she will no longer need the attention of a co-dependent person.
So there's your irony, you want her to get therapy so you can have a relationship, but successful therapy would make it almost impossible.
The harm in this relationship goes in both directions, and your presence would not be a good thing for her in the long run.
Best comment on the relationship dynamic with a BPD I read in a long time. This is the conclusion you arrive at once you understand how they tick and the seriousness of the illness.
This was amazing !! Need more content on BPD I’ve had such a similar experience but fortunately left once I recognised the pattern. So helpful
I've never delt with BPD, and it's addictive cyclic patterns until now. Being the final discard, I've been completely ghosted. I love her fiercely. It'll take time to recover. At least I can say my love is constant, hers? A roller coaster.
@aristark559 I pity anyone covertly keeping track of me😂, they'd be bored outta their mind.
One more fantastic video from Lise Leblanc! Full of explanation and advises, step by step. 👏👏👏👏👏👏
I feel bad for this guy. I can relate he got lucky ! No marriage no kids no house no job loss because of her acting out. Consider yourself lucky. Trust me RUN !
Not worth the relationship, even if yall share kids
Great advice. This goes to all empaths
Thank you so much Lisa you have been a godsend to me since the very beginning of my relationship with a narcissistic partner. I have been diagnosed with BPD and have a therapist that I am working with. I have learned that we can't blame or change others for our relationships. Blame is a story that we make up in our heads and is not resonant and as such, not reality. You'll be surprised that the dysfunction is caused by only ourselves.
Thanks to all your videos, I was able to see that she was constantly trying to manipulate me… Know That I can See I kindly asked her to leave my house and She did because she can see that I can now see through her BS and I ain’t falling for her game… thank you Lise.
It’s such a scary experience because they hide that horrible side of them from the rest of the world. I lived with Jekyll and Hyde type of woman for almost 11 YEARS! I am still trying to pick up the pieces that were continually shattered by false hope and trauma bond.
Lise hit the nail on the head
A very fascinating video, this brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 6 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Parting ways with someone you deeply cherish is an agonizing experience. I understand firsthand, having encountered a parallel situation at the end of my 7 year relationship. Driven by an unyielding determination, I explored every avenue to salvage our bond. Seeking guidance from a spiritual counselor proved pivotal, as their intervention played a crucial role in rekindling our love.
That's fascinating! How did you come across a spiritual counselor, and what's the best way for me to contact her?
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, an outstanding spiritual counselor with the power to restore your relationship with your ex.
I'm grateful for this valuable information; I've just taken a moment to find her online.
The longer you stay the harder it is to recover from.
Thank you! I really like this personalised video format.
Thank you for your positive feedback!
Good video. "Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" I finally stopped the dance after many years when i finally stuck on my bounderies and did not take the manipulation. One might say i was "gray rocking" while i was observing her intent and focused more on my well being. She did not even tried to correct "our situation". It was automatic monkey branch from her side after that quite fast. That told alot. She tried to keep a "triangulation" thing going on, but i refused all of it. Wished her the best and went no contact. Also, it was easier to see the real picture when i focused on her actions vs her words. Live and learn, day by day.
That man needs to leave. There is no resolution with such people. They will ruin your life in every way possible.
I've dated two people with quiet BPD, one for a year and the other for a good few months but it was a situationship. Never have i ever questioned my will to live until i was a part of that. Im the most patient person but it felt impossible when they can do it on their own so they dont get help or even work on themselves so it's a lost cause.
There’s actually a single, simpler piece of advice that works best: Do not engage, break up, delete, block, and ignore.
How do you deal with this kind of relationship? You simply *DON’T* - leave immediately and protect your mental health.
This is probably the most correct answer as hoping for change is not really possible with someone like this.
I wish I could have heard your's and Lese Lebanc's advise years and years ago; it would have saved me so much heart ache.
Yeah, and if you have a child with them, you just walk away from them also?
@@rogerwhoareyou You’re not alone. It took me 5 years to recognize the patterns and manipulation, which included a lot of emotional abuse characterized by constant highs and lows. It took that long for me to understand what was happening and to bail immediately.
Now I can spot BPD in others much more easily and cut them out of my life right away. Of course, they get angry and play the victim (as they often do), but they’re upset only because their manipulations won’t work when you establish healthy boundaries.
@@Shredder858 Damn bro, you gotta catch the red flags before it gets this far.
Raise your standards, big dog.
My toxicity has landed me make decisions and laying in bed that I made I’m paying for it so badly now that I’m sober and healthy I cannot believe I’m stuck in a situation in another toxic situation. I already do want to live this way anymore, but it’s so hard and different when it’s a BDP male and you have a child with them.
Nah...let me be the first...if she got bpd...SHE CHEATN 😅. Peace to the survivors
I have borderline and I don't cheat. you can't umbrella everyone with a diagnosis as if were all the same. If you have bpd ptsd by dating the wrong person just don't date people with bpd then
I can relate to this guy..
These videos make me think that the father-daughter duo that does the ThorpTV UA-cam channel have BPD (the daughter) and bipolar disorder (the father) and that the father is the daughter's "favorite person." But maybe I'm wrong (I'm no psychologist). But as they routinely do 6+ hour long daily streams, I think there is probably enough footage to come to a definite conclusion.
Love your videos, btw. Thanks for the upload.
Please Lise, Don’t get Caught up in Sampling Video from other Movies… sure way to end one’s career. Although. It may be because you hire Young Video Editor. Please don’t go for it. People look to you for Calm Grownding. Playing those videos is Alfule Triggering. Then you you will be living the role of the Narcissist give and take.
Its confusing.
I thought i clicked something.
I've gone no contact with my daughter, I explained exactly how I felt and made it clear that I want her to leave me alone. She's hundreds of miles away but if she shows up at my door, I'm going to hide in the closet.
My best friend has BPD and I need help trying to stick to boundaries. I need so much help actually, I have every struggle of favorite person which I watched that video.
I agree u are amazing
great vid, fr fr
Id love for you to say the positive things about bpd and dbt, ways that we can learn, grow and change. But maybe you wouldn't get the views.
I’m struggling with leaving my exwBPD. I know it’s toxic and I’m married and love my wife but still friends with her. I just cannot bring myself to cut her off. I am emotionally attached to her. I know I shouldn’t be it’s cheating and nothing good will come of it, especially for her. I care about her deeply but I know she’s better off without me. We went NC for years but we keep coming back.
Lise, I just discovered your wondrous work, very good sister. Please identify for us, the name of the Aaron Paul movie from which you extrapolated such an appropriate theatrical illustration? Chris
Thanks for dropping the actor's name. Was able to find, "Fathers and Daughters", from 2015.
ua-cam.com/video/fAWzt3aER-0/v-deo.htmlsi=j3sOe7-KKYfD6OKc
@@VinnyTafuro and gratitude 🙏 in you also Vinny by virtue of your abilities.
This was an excellent video. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your positive feedback!
great info. thanks again
Thank you!
Thank you so much ❤❤❤
Very often CPTSD is misdiagnosed as borderline. Point her to a professional and get her some help. If she sticks to it, great. If not, walk. No exceptions.
My BPD person has been diagnosed with CPTSD but refuses to accept that she has BPD, even though she meets every criteria and every behavior to a T.
@@chuckb470Run!
No, it's not. All BPDs got it, and their life mission is to give everyone else CPTSD.
BPD is aggressive, open sore, weeping blister of the soul! Plus, it's contagious like NPD.
Usually the person with CPTSD is dating the person with BPD.
If anyone wants to see a brilliant rendition of BPD and narcissism, watch the series "The Affair". The actress playing Allison is a perfect BPD and the actor playing Noah does a great job of being a narcissist.
I am sure it is tame in comparison to real BPD!
Are Lisa's clips from that movie? 🤔
"Girl, Interrupted" is very good as is "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".
I always come here for great advice.
I appreciate you so much
Can you write the movie name ?
You had me until "inner child", but the journaling suggestion is spot on.
never heard that little voice saying "i'm not so bad. i AM lovable" ? ...never told that voice to "shut up and toughen up" ? who's talking to who here?
I had 10 years… bdp or female covert narcisism? The repeat of breaking in 3 months cycle are consistent with bdp?
How much bdp is similar to covert narcisism? In 10 years, to end the relation every 3 months seams like bpd… even If all the rest looks like narcisim.
You’re so acurrate as always! 🙏🏻 Lise, You’re in a class of your own 👌
@aristark559 It´s so complex that i must say... all of them. Gasslighting; Devaluation; Love Bombing; Triangulation; Breathfeeding; provoque my PHIL atittude; Abuse in manipulation; Drama; Validation; and inventing narrative alternative to simple reality... But now i see that it was BDP too, for constant breakout, and dependance on not beeing alone, etc...
@aristark559 Lise is the best I found about that complicated theme. She explains the exact process that creates a link between a co-dependant and a covert female narcisist. Until this moment she is the only one to explain in detail that, and many other subtilities. She is N.1.
Hey, what movie is that? 😅
Dr Daniel fox is an expert I feel with more understanding and experience his perspective is still more in the compassionate sense n understanding of the illness not so demonizing yet it can be the most toxic diabolical experience ever but it’s not intentional but u have to stay away
I enjoyed this video.
been dating someone with bpd and most probably a narc for the past 4 years to the point i don’t recognize myself anymore and worst part she’s an escort, she drink on daily basis everytime she’s drunk i don’t recognize her anymore, the lies, the manipulations, the triangulations, the comparisons, the problems reaching orgasmes when drunk, everything im to blame, my size my skills she blocks all the emotions coming from me yet she blames me, she turns her head if trying to kiss then blames me, she does stupid things when she is drunk and says doesn’t remember if i tell her don’t drink if u can’t know right from wrong she says im boring and a hater and i don’t want her to have fun she give me booty calls suddenly at night to come to her house or else i question everything in her behavior she says am dramatic and she wants peace and fun, she lies in my face cheats in my face then gaslights me and call me delusional and paranoid and imagining, the amount of accusations and delusions when she is drunk are out of this world accuse me smiling at girls or looking at girls then she return is doing 10 times worse while i wasn’t even looking, plz whoever is out there don’t get too involved u can’t save these ppl the more u stay the more crazy u become i started seing a psychiatrist because of this and breaking up is never easy they come with lies and manipulations and weaponize intimacy to get what they want plz raise ur children to have strong personality and not vulnerable her mood is either 100 or 0 during intimacy sudden mood changes within seconds and blame me that im clueless in bed they r not happy never satisfied they bully u shame u everything u say will be used against u control freaks u cant save them run for ur lives
Thank you
IF they are not in honest therapy, they're an enemy. If kids are involved then never, ever take your knee off their throat legally and economically, as well as personally. Without help they are a wild predator and a tornado of destruction. Boundaries are your best friend if you have some sort of legal or familial tie but always watch and scrutinize them. Sadly, they force you to be more ruthless than them because they will always go lower to hurt you, even using children to do it.
Video was OK, but doesn't convey the seriousness of the illness. They are very effective predators that seek out prey with even a slight insecurity. Then they suck out the living energy until one becomes a shadow of their former self.
He needs to leave her alone I seen this I have been this before but with my abusers . He needs to leave it’s a vicious cycle
I liked your videos better when they didn’t have the pics and video clips. They’re super distracting and not helpful.
As a woman with BPD, these comments are very hurtful. If people only understood where the behaviors come from. I agree that we are accountable for our words and behaviors, but please be kind. It does feel like life and death for us. The emotional pain and chaos inside is just as difficult for us. I have been in intense therapy (2x/week sessions) for 2 yrs and I’ve made a lot of progress and done a lot of trauma and attachment work, and it is still a struggle to manage the intense emotions and mood swings. It’s a daily struggle. Please know that our fear of perceived/real abandonment and rejection is sooo intense and real and is absolutely terrifying for us. We’re not all monsters and not all of us are looking to destroy our relationship and the people in our lives. We’re not out *trying* purposely to hurt people. The most helpful thing my husband (of 18 yrs) has done, was to create safety in our relationship. I feel comfortable and safe telling him how I’m feeling and what is going on for me. I’m no longer triggered so intensely in wanting to be vulnerable with him. When I start to fly off the handle, he knows where it comes from and he steps back and encourages to release the energy of the anger in a healthy way. Compassion and a desire to understand go a long way for us bc we very rarely received it from those who were supposed to care for us and who we were supposed to be able to trust.
Lise, I enjoyed your videos when they were geared towards those of us with the disorder. But now, you more often than not, paint us as “sick” and hateful malicious monsters and that is so discouraging. Not all of us are totally not self aware. Some of us really are trying to be better and healthier.
Well said. Sometimes YT influencers get so caught up in perfecting their finished product they inadvertently shame the very souls they were trying to heal in the past! Thanks for your courage to speak out. 💯💪
Meanwhile, no wife would endure a man with BPD for 18 months, let alone years.
I have sympathy, but not empathy.
Leave. The longer you stay the harder it is to leave and recover from.
All 💯accurate. 12 year relationship with a few months apart. It seems like much longer. I'm determined to not get sucked in again, but after a year of no contact she succeeded. I feel like a heroin addict. Two kids with her makes it much worse, but she's poisoned them against me as well. Your analogy of letting your child be abused is so powerful.
We both have BPD. Two years into relationship. I am in therapy. She just seems to keep getting worse. Now I am stuck in a lease with her.
Stay strong brother.
I wish I understood everything I know now back when I was in a terrible relationship.
Is it possible to have been diagnosed adhd bipolar disorder early since adolescence with cptsd diagnosed late in adulthood that of which I started to finally become more open and honest about my childhood trauma and ongoing experiences. That I have been told by a professional I may have some traits of bdp when I was 15 years old and I had ran away from home I was at that time in family crisis. IRemember that doctor he did state the difference and that I did not have or met the full criteria yet that stayed with me is it possible that someone with history of childhood trauma, major depression and instability, but very trauma based that can experience BDP behavior for a while or a time. And that time period usually under a substance abuse state of mind, but the behavior patterns can match, except for the self harm, except for the abandonment of fear abandonment was very seasonal. It’s not a constant fee fear I finally was able to be able to be comfortable and you’re an even and need and want to be alone be comfortable being alone since I was very codependent people pleasing that I burnt out but what I’m trying to say, is it possible for somebody to adopt those behaviors and their relationship with others that’s when they come out when I have relationships with toxic narcissistic like men I will behave that way if I knew someone healthy I would spare them from that toxic shame I was stuck in at the time I took off due to life traumatic events a 3 year run of pure toxic self sabotage I feel like it was a reckless younger version of myself taking over I documented a lot of vlogs I can barely recognize myself. What I’m asking cause I’m over explaining this is it possible for someone to go through for personality behaviors, and patterns and like grow or heal out of it or it was a phase and then see it in someone else and see it for really what it is and experience howdebilitating and depleting and how draining and hurtful and incredibly hard it could be from the outside in it or am I just projecting?
Recognition cause I finally got with somebody that was BDP and I see a lot of my old behaviors. I see right through all those things, but I don’t have that perception or live through those lack of insight or values anymore. I don’t I don’t know how to explain it. accountability and I’m very self-aware and I’m just like did I go through years because I was abusing substances and depressed and isolated myself was that the substances that made my borderline traits like totally take over and I was just like reaching out on toxic, like I was targeting toxic people so they could take my toxicity because I knew they were toxic so I didn’t care to have them and do a taste of their own medicine but sacrificing my own self at the same time it was just really crazy. That was three years. I don’t know how to explain it, but is it possible for somebody? Just have temporary Bdp
I don’t have identity disturbances but I’ve done that before that desperation pulling them in, but it wasn’t someone like that person I would not do it too. I’m sorry to say this healthy people that know for some reason I chose only like narcissistic people. It’s like I was reliving some weird toxic shame to punish myself or something I don’t knowI wouldn’t do a lot of abusive person and then I will be turned around and play the same toxic games that they did to me only if I was pushed to a defense.
This is great advice and all, but not mentioning "splitting" and "discarding" and the inevitable ultimate discard and "hoovering" is missing the key parts of her illness. How every time you think you finally cracked the code it all blows up in your face and you see the psychopath side of her. That's how one realizes that you cannot expect somebody to run a marathon after they just broke their leg, or for a BDP to love you the way normal people understand love. It's simply not possible. Do not fool yourself.
Truth ❤
I follow with much interest the videos of this channel, but recently it has been much more difficult to watch the videos till the end. I find all these interruptions for ilustrative films really really annoying.
I was thinking my ex is a NPD, her daughter accused her of this, but looking at the crazy range of feelings its probably BPD. There is definitely overlap.
I will say, it was the best training ground to grow, turn off my buttons, grow out of my codependency. In the end, she was in the discard phase with me as a result. I was patiently hoping she would see herself because she talked as if she did. This is why i think it wasn't NPD and she could apologize.
I think the key difference between them is that the BPD feels remorse, while the NPD does not.
It's a spectrum on the personality disorders. Hardly any fit into a single box. Very few pure BPDs.
Get out now. Run as fast as you can. Your future self will thank you.
Great video but have you ever done one where there’s a child involved? Not so easy to just walk away
What movie is she displaying in here?
Any tips on this situation, while you have a child together? And furthermore, does a parent with BPD affect their children?
Great videos,,thank you!
From firsthand experience, having a parent with BPD very much affects a child. In my case, parentification and hypervigilance were the results. By age eight I had to be the adult of the family emotionally, and managed my parents' feelings at the slightest sign of downward mood to prevent trauma from repeating.
How to survive number one just don't do it.
Number two just don't do it
Number three
You should be a long distance away by now...😅
😊
What move is this?
I am 3 years in with my BPD gf, and still can't find a way to escape.
😢
@@histreasure3189 Same as dating whores.
🔪or 🔫?
I have heard bpd can be healed.
You are making people loose hope in the relationship. Why don’t you guide so that your guidance helps the relationship and not break the relationship. Why don’t you help rather than advice for break up.
Agree. It's very treatabke, esp with a stable partner.
@@Shortkonner is that so? Why do you say that?
A healthy relationship is possible with a person with BPD *if* that person is in intensive treatment and is able to recognise the difference between healthy or unhealthy behaviour, if the person with BPD is not at that point yet, being in a relationship can hold you both back from making personal progress. A person with a solid diagnosis and treatment plan makes a big difference. And like she said, getting into a unhealthy BPD relationship and staying during these abusive periods is a bad sign for both partners - chances are if you're in a relationship that mirrors the dynamic being discussed in the video then both partners should be working on themselves instead of the relationship. If its meant to be, dating can come after
Please do a similar video on a BPD sibling. I can't find anything like this. People understand when you cut a toxic romantic partner out of your life. (Though, w/ a borderline, they may have already tried to control the narrative in a way that makes you look bad.) Imagine trying to cut out a sibling. They triangulate extended family. No one believes that they could be violent. Their "favorite person" is our mother (despite being married). Our mother is very elderly and near the end of her life. What happens when she dies? The sibling is already trying to generate ways for the fam who have cut them off to need to talk to them or be in their presence. We share a dying parent, so it's hard. When she dies, and the other sibs permanently cut out the toxic sib, I can hear it already: "why are you doing this to Sib? Why are you so mean?" etc. Could really use a plan and some advice. Thanks.
Is it wrong to say that Lise is extremely attractive?
To All Confused Men…
ua-cam.com/video/20ViFpURIDk/v-deo.htmlsi=lwiYGTWiOwPebjSc
I can see HER doing exactly that ⏩️ 1:16 “it’s a trap 🪤 she’s going to take this as an opportunity to keep pushing my boundaries until she gets me to agree to give her👱🏻♀️another chance. She’s going to try to spoil me with attention, gifts and wait until I have a weak moment and offer SEX (her usual currency for her services)” Every single man should know these common hoovering techniques of those toxic women, who prey for a GREAT MEN just to destroy him completely in the end, leaving his self esteem in shambles and his health in troubles. 🙏PLEASE, BE YOUR OWN HERO AND SAVE YOURSELF until it’s too late🥺
My toxicity has landed me make decisions and laying in bed that I made I’m paying for it so badly now that I’m sober and healthy I cannot believe I’m stuck in a situation in another toxic situation. I already do want to live this way anymore, but it’s so hard and different when it’s a BDP male and you have a child with them.