1. Love bombing. 2. Oversharing pattern. 3. Crazy impulsivity. 4. Extremely vindictive. 5. Frantic fear of abandonment. 6. Extreme emotional ups and downs. 7. Disproportionate Rage. 8. Emotional disregulation. 9. Battling false sense of reality. 10. CAN’T live WITH her, or live WITHOUT her.
1. Love bombing. 2. Oversharing pattern. 3. Crazy impulsivity. 4. Extremely vindictive. 5. Frantic fear of abandonment. 6. Extreme emotional ups and downs. 7. Disproportionate Rage. 8. Emotional disregulation. 9. Battling false sense of reality. She had all these traits "to a T".... I left... never looked back... she tried to ruin me, I ignored it all... That was 15+ years ago :)
@@Sideler74 just remember those terrible people can change, but we also have to self-evaluate ourselves, it is hard to know if we are fooling ourselves until 60 years has gone by
@@borgullet3376 I would add: run for a good, competent therapist. First one I met essentially said that I was triggering my mate's misbehavior and that I was responsible for it. This hurt me just as bad (triggering guilt, shame, self-hate) as my girlfriend's misbehavior.
Omg this is exactly what i went through. Exactly. After the discard and dealing and getting over that, I spent the next 3 years just trying to figure out what the heck happened. I still could not see because i was still trauma bonded. People that really fall for a BPD or NPD , you really go through a very traumatic experience. Most people don't understand how badly and psychologically you were abused. That's why you have to take the necessary steps to protect yourself against anyone. There is a lot of people walking around in this world that are disordered. It opened my eyes for sure. Right now i am happy being by myself and doing my own thing because i am just happy and grateful that i have my sanity back.
I went through the same exact thing. My ex-fiancé has NPD and BPD. Of all my relationships, this one felt the worst after it was over. It literally felt like I was grieving over someone that died, which was very weird! The trauma bond I had with her had me feeling confused about everything. Did your ex ever tried to Hoover you?
I lived this for 6 years… became suicidal… went to jail for reactive behavior, actually became self harming and attempted suicide, lost work, friends, tons of money and almost lost my life before (thanks to 2 years of therapy) I was finally able to break free. It’s been 4 months and the crazy thing is how at random moments almost every day, I still find myself missing her! I know it’s not real… but damn… one day at a time. Don’t let them win.
This is so accurate. Sadly, many relationship counsellors are so wedded to the idea of male abuser, female victim, that bipolar and borderline personality behaviours in women are attributed to shortcomings in men.
There is something to the idea, as men being off can trigger things in women like loss of respect or attraction. But the frequency and intensity of those things, and what comes with them (in terms of disrespect) is the difference maker. Men being off at all def trigger those things more in disordered women, so it makes sense that those therapists make those mistakes but it’s a damn shame they don’t grow past it and have a bigger perspective of possibilities. It could save a lot of human spirit, and eventually keep these things from generationally continuing so much. Also, if you are off your game as a guy, you’re not to blame. You need to be able to be off your game sometimes and have a partner that’s understanding of that and can compromise. Y’all can both still have your expectations but be gracious with them. Disordered folks can’t manage that. Maybe once they’re treated for a long while they can do better, but idk, I’m not a lifelong therapist.
@@21sparrow7 most therapists do not have the skills or experience to successfully hold tension that comes with challenging cluster b or bipolar women that position themselves as victims in relationships. In the current politic of believe all women we are simplifying the context of every relationship that is affected by poor mental health, greed, and dishonesty in such a way to as to give affect to a delusion.
Johnny Depp went thru it. I am a boomer female and have seen so many men being abused by women. I have been abused by women also. I am a leftist feminist and it makes me CRAZY that my friends don't SEE this. Men get traumatized by women also.
5 years now..don't know how will I got off from her. she has put trap around me and if I try to leave her, her family will know that all of her bad acts for years back will be my wrongdoing..
One thing you can count on with a borderline - they will rage and dump you, tell you they hate you and the they never want you to talk to them again. This will be followed by her apologizing and begging you to take her back. Use that window between the rage and the apologizing to get out of the relationship. Those windows of opportunity come in cycles. You can count on that. Just hang in there and jump out the next time the window is open. I’m currently waiting for that window, I need my life back.
I am in that window and so thanks for writing what you wrote. Being in that window, I hope I can tell her it just doesn't work between us, when she tries to reconnect. I hope I have the strength to stick to my guns. She can be so alluring, supportive, and even loving, and that makes it really difficult to not get sucked back into a sick relationship.
@@kernjames I completely relate to everything you said. They can be intoxicating, it feels like an addiction being with them sometimes. It can also drive you mad and like you’re in a cage and suffocating when it goes bad. I hope you are able to use the window that is presenting itself to you to escape. Good idea planning on what you plan to say, I too have my speech prepped. Wishing you nothing but luck and peace and happiness. There is a world outside of these relationships. We have to keep telling ourselves that.
@@jessc2064 You ask a great question. Timing is everything, that is why you wait or don't wait. It is different for everyone. No two people are alike. Each person has to decide when and how they leave a situation. Go too soon and your risk coming back with egg on your face. Leave too late, and you squander valuable time and maybe money. In any plan, timing is everything. A person doesn't want to act rashly or impulsively, and so, a person needs a plan and sometimes the plan means "you" wait for the right moment or window of opportunity. Sure, sometimes a person can just run with the ball, without any thought or plan (and make a touchdown). That can work in sports events. Sometimes spontaneity can pull a person through. Put all your money on Black or Red, and maybe you'll win. Or maybe you will lose it all. Having a plan, usually is far better than just winging it. Movies make it seem like we can act impulsively and come out a winner, but the odds are against that scenario.
The combination of her expertly matching my likes and needs, mixed with her being the best and wildest lover EVER! Had me so hooked. When the "crazy bug bit" I was floored. The destruction of $2k worth of fishing gear, because she wrongly thought I went with a woman rather than my friend. Followed by an effusive apology. And then total devotion and worshipping of me tied with her hating herself. To the point of self harm. These extremes would happen so quickly I wouldn't believe it at first. But then the sex and devotion on top of her self loathing would get me to overlook the incident. Soon I'd be working to boost her self esteem. Life would be so good for months then a blow up about something minor would lead to breaking up. Followed by her trying to get back together. I sadly continued for years. In the end, I feel none of it was real. Not the highs or the lows. Bad part is I don't fully trust women anymore. I intellectually try to but my gut will not believe. I don't trust my judgement in their regard. Especially once affection is involved. I prefer the company of dogs now
Excellent description of all i went through in my Borderline relationship. I got trauma bonded to this lady for four years, and thank goodness i finally got the wisdom and emotional strength to break up, and go no contact. There were some good times, but they were erased by her toxic behavior! Definitely a roller coaster ride to Hell and back.
Same here. 4 years. The good was SOO good. So kind, best friends, crazy intimacy. But the bad was worse. What is interesting to me, it’s like the first half of this video sounds like she knows her personally. But then a lot of the latter part is not her at all. I guess many of these people have different character traits, and not always all of the same ones necessarily to make them BPD. As she did not have the rages and degrading me in public or any of that stuff. But man the first part is so spot on. Build me up to a godlike status, then she will just cut it off like a switch like I’m a piece of trash. It really screws your mind up.. it is so toxic, as I loved her more than any woman in my entire life. No one even came close. Your mind knows they are terrible for you, but your heart remembers the wonderful things, and your emotions are very powerful things, and we are meant to bond strongly with someone like that. It’s really quite natural, but the problem is is they never actually bonded with you, yet you believe they did. As she said, it is super emotionally damaging and toxic
It is definitely true its a mental drug almost. Her kids from a dead beat dad , soo I stepped in as a bonus dad. I felt like superman, money,support w kids the car. Next thing you know I have too much going on and we can just be friends. Every excuse not try anymore.
she describes this incredibly, chilling, as if she was in my house. and so sad that if she can do this, it means so many guys have fallen victim to the exact same thing.
You've described EXACTLY what I'm currently going through. Like every single thing, from the random blow-ups to the not being able to reason with her, to the feelings that I'm going insane. Everything. This is a massive eye opener for me. Obviously I can't diagnose her, but this really helped me.
@@marvfromthecity She and I broke up back in February, but kept hanging out until mid March, when she had a massive blow up towards me due to me having a depressive episode. She started screaming at me, and when I tried to tell her that my thoughts were bordering on suicidal, she started screaming at me to kill myself and began assaulting me, before leaving my house and blocking me on everything. I haven't spoken to her in a week now. I'm incredibly sad about it, and still in a bit of denial, but I've also never had more motivation to do things. I'm back in the gym, I've signed up to an MMA gym, I'm looking after myself more than before. I'm hurting, but I'm sure I'll get better.
Aw man, im sorry to hear that and I totally feel your pain. My exwbpd discarded me a couple weeks ago in a wild physical way and I am actually devastated- and I know exactly what you mean about the depressive episodes. Going through that myself. I But shout out to you for getting into mma and taking care of yourself. You got this!
@therealdoc7350 resources like this are super validating! Just remember that none of this was your fault. Also remember there is no shame in talking to a professional to help you process your thoughts and feelings. I wish you luck with the MMA!
This list is scarily accurate and represented the patterns I saw with my ex. Once the borderline rages started, replete with screaming, throwing glass off our balcony, demanding I leave, accusations of cheating, claims I was narcissist - the list goes on - I knew I had to bail. Leaving was traumatic enough, but then what followed was stalking, a smear campaign and her contacting people in my circle to make assertions about my character. It. Is. Intense. The main saving grace for me in trying to recover from such a terrible experience is to remember this: I could not have known the absolute sh!tstorm I was walking into when I began dating this petite, cute, funny woman. I cannot blame myself, but I need to forgive myself for believing even the tiniest amount of negative projection she threw my way. If you're going through the devaluation stage (or worse), do yourself a favour and ensure you DO NOT internalise the blame shifting, projections of guilt or any other accusation. For the sake of your own mental health, please remember you're ok.
Reading these comments have reassured me that I'm not on my own going crazy with all the psychological shards currently puncturing my mind, heart and soul post break up.
Exactly what happened to me. Except she said she needed a break and then met someone to make her look good when in actual fact she met the guy before announcing the break.
Mine constantly accused me of cheating and then would go and find another guy to sleep with. Then she told me about all of it later to try and make me jealous. By then, I could care less, which meant I was a narcissist, of course!
I am going through this freshly all I can do is highly speculate but my BPD partner said the same exact thing. She said she needed a break but spending time with this specific dude and has gone cold and uninterested in me
I'm a U.S Army Ranger , a decorated combat veteran and I have never felt the level of hurt I just went thru and am still going thru . I have tried to understand borderline. To understand her. But I never will. I feel sorry for myself, but I feel sorry for her even more. She will never know any true happiness or love. The hardest thing is to give up on someone that you love even when you know you have to. I love her and hate her all at once. I feel like Im going insane. Why is it so hard to let go of someone that makes you feel so miserable....
Same here buddy. I still remember her primal screams when I had to physically restrain her during an episode. It will never leave me. Being with a person with this condition is the most distressing thing a person can go through in life. On a positive note at least we came out with our sanity in tact and no it wasn't our fault. It was merely our test in life!
Sir, brooo crazy! I’m a combat vet too. 3 deployments in Al Anbar and contracted with the DoD working for the AF at a skiff for years after the military. This bitch destrooooooyedddd me. Took years to figure out wtf was wrong with myself. Until I found out she was borderline. Nothing could repair the damage from false accusations,,legal restraints, and social destruction she’s done to me and my children. I feel like they go specifically after guys with our backgrounds because they know it’s hard to break us. She broke me man.
Damn...my gf did so much for me, But something inside was telling me not to marry her. I couldn't explain...I was in limbo. She got md that I was being indecisive and didn't know if I wanted to marry her. Before I said I want to marry her. I ended it,sabotaged it cos something wasn't right and I felt I couldn't have the conversation with her without it being difficult. then the pattern of behaviour truly came out, enotiokal to save the relationship. Then upset and angry. She mentioned hs ehas borderline, I dismissed it. I was like...lost. didn't know how to handle it. She is brilliant and I love her. But I made it worse - now it's ended... I think. Its killing me though
Every sign you shared describes my entire relationship with my bpd ex. One of the most traumatic experiences any human can go through. Thank you for sharing this.
So true, very traumatic and hardly understood, acknowledged and it's very rare as a male to find those that will actually validate what you went through and that it was abuse. Because I went through it too.
Trouble is your a very willing participant, I thought all my Christmases had came at once, I've just gone no contact for good this time. I woke from a crazy dream just now being attacked by a Lion trying go defend myself with a broom, as accurate as this is I'm going to take Lise's advice and stop researching but thanks to her I've eventually made sence of the jigsaw with four pieces missing.
20 years after I got out of- ran-abandoned (whatever you want to call it) a relationship like this; I finally hear someone articulate and describe what I went through. And even though I moved on and it was a long time ago, having someone, especially a women actually say it, heals a lot of shame around it.
It’s shocking how accurate this video is! Thank you for continuing to put out this information, especially for men. It’s a very valuable resource for understating and for healing from relationships of this sort 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
What a salvation it is to listen to you. You really talk to men as if they, too, are just as fragile, sensitive, and in need of care and love as much as any woman. That's the new perspective here. Men are often portrayed as irrational and mean. But, you give us all some fresh new perspectives.
I needed this reminder of the nightmare of trying to deal with borderline rage. My ex could go ballistic if I so much as looked to the side while she was speaking. The irony is that I often listen better when I'm not looking directly at the speaker. She would fly into a rage and start screaming that I never listened to her and didn't care about her. I would try to calmly respond that I had been listening to her carefully, and would summarize what she had been saying, which usually set her off even more. That and the constant criticizing and ridicule at the end make me realize how lucky I am to be free of this poison.
Had literally the same. Even if i recited everything she said she would be mad for not listening to her enough. I felt like i was in a military or some.other extremely abusive environment, as a child, where ypu are being punished for doing the slightest thing wrong.. goog thing i noticed the red flags early on, actually already after the first month pretty much, and managed to get out after half a year. Stay safe my dudes out there and if it's too nice to be true, it probably is. Run!
I do the same thing! If I look away, even when my eyes are open, I can better imagine what the other person is talking about in my mind. When I look at the person talking, that is the main focus. I had been told I was a great listener by so many other people, but she was always telling me I never listened to her... It is hard to understand someone who changes what they are saying if you summarize (loop) back to them.
The most accurate description and recall of events I have found on UA-cam. You literally described every single thing almost exactly as it occurred in my last relationship.
I started suspecting something was wrong a couple of years ago. Started watching videos about narcissistic personality disorder. This was one of the best videos I’ve seen. Roller coaster is a good description. It’s been 5 years and I’m starting to wear down. I know something is off . I’ll observe one more year and if she doesn’t improve I’ll have to make the move. Life is too short at 60. Thanks for the excellent information.
Don't wait! I too suspected something was off with my ex. That was 2 years into our relationship, I finally got away after 15 years! I felt the same way, that I could break up and be done, move on. You are free to make the best decision for YOURSELF.
Mine is a special-ed teacher who was diagnosed in 2017 with BPD. She emptied my bank accounts then stole my car and called the police on me making up outrageous lies. She then had an affair with the police officer she would call..! Burnt ALL of my I.D. (Took me years to get duplicates). Refused to file for my GreenCard (I’m British) even though we have a kid together, she then shipped our 6yr old daughter off (needed a P.I. To find her) after fraudulently obtaining a restraining order. She also introduced the guy she met during our marriage, as our kids father at the local church,. Over the years she hit me with a framing hammer, tried stabbing me with a carving knife, threw a large Marshall speaker at my head while I slept, etc,etc… Now happily divorced after an 8yr marriage and a 3yr separation and still battling her insanity in California family courts. Not really interested in dating again, I’m just focused on work and providing a good and loving example for our daughter. This Christmas, our daughter said “daddy, mom is there but she’s empty. I can never talk with her”. I didn’t know what to say…..
As someone who has a grown child with a BPD, I can tell you that your daughter will eventually realize her mother has some serious issues. Unfortunately, if your daughter is living with the mother, she may end up with some pretty deep issues too. It’s always a tricky situation because you don’t want to engage in alienating behavior, but you also need to help your child make sense of the insanity. A good therapist who understands BPD can be a great asset.
YES! What Jim said ^^^ My ex actually decided to not have kids because there is the possibility of genetically inheriting BPD, however it is actually worse if the parent has it. You need to insist that your children get to talk to counselors. Also check out some resources on children of parents with BPD and it's effects so you can look for those signs and try to help sooner than later. I feel for you, I know American courts overwhelmingly side with the mother in most cases involving children. I hope the best for you and your children.
Excellent video. After having been in about 5 relationships like this, I realized I had to take responsibility for my own childhood wounding and work to heal that. As it was what was putting me in vibrational alignment with that type of insanity. And more importantly why I could Never see any of it coming. Again, EXCELLENT video - thank you Lise Leblanc.
Dated one of these women for 3 months and it was so confusing until I found these resources. Interestingly enough that experience helped me make sense of an old male “friend” who had BPD. Live and learn don’t repeat
My ex was just like this it was hell, near the end of the relationship I dreaded coming home not knowing her mood. Her mom was a horrible narcissist who held her brother up on a pedestal and my ex was the family scapegoat, I always thought that was one of the reasons she was so dysfunctional.
Your ex was the family scapegoat, according to your ex. My ex pulled the same story on me, told me how her brother could do no wrong and she was blamed for everything. I found out later the truth was quite different. One of the things about dealing with a BPD, they are always the victim and someone else is always to blame. And the BPD is entirely convincing when they tell you this, because they give the impression of being so open and honest.
I believe you when you say it was hell, because it was for me also. However, the crappy thing is that we know in addition to the probable/possible genetic component, it seems to be a result of coping with some type of abuse growing up which wanted to help my ex see and heal from, but we have all learned that this is more than likely never going to happen. I guess all I am saying is I relate to your comment.
My ex (diagnosed BPD) had a similar story. Her mother is also diagnosed with BPD, and her older brother was always the saint. She was always the one at fault for everything going wrong. Strangely this seemed to not only be in her family, but almost every aspect of her life *sarcasm*. This is also a symptom of NPD, as most people with BPD have co morbidities. I also dreaded coming home from work, not knowing what her mood was, knowing that I would have to tread softly to avoid setting her off. She also often told me about her suicidal thoughts, which didn't help when I learned about husband's accused of killing their wives who committed suicide because they had already emotionally detached themselves from their wives. Before the end, I was depressed because I didn't feel like I had any controll over the situation, or of it ending. After it finally ended I felt such relief, like I could breathe again. Almost like I had found my way out of the mine field, or reached shore after a months long voyage across the ocean!
Wow...this is exactly to a T how my marriage has been with my wife. I went through all of this, and she always made me promise to never give up on her because she knows she discards. Everytime it's all my fault, but when we get back together she takes all the blame, but nothing ever gets fixed. Just an endless cycle.
This is the most spot on thing I have listened to re: my BPD ex. The only thing I don’t recall happening her downplaying the success of anyone else because I know there were some people who she professionally admired (for their skill) and did not seem to begrudge them their success at all. But, everything else was exactly what happened. The testing was brutal and how she could never forgive any mistakes, and yet asked for so much forgiveness for herself for MUCH bigger mistakes (ie/infidelity) It’s been a month since she left and I feel like the veil is lifting a bit and I can breathe easier. During the final months - she was drinking so much and so up and down, it started to impact my health in a huge way. Now, so many symptoms have stopped - no more headaches, GI issues, chest pain etc I feel so so much better physically despite the fact that I miss the good times. So scary what a person like this can do to a good partner with a sincere heart
She has been misdiagnosed with everything else you mentioned and medicated accordingly...this was like having a mirror held to my relationship laying bare every single soul crushing aspect of it
I show many symptoms of BPD, and have done some of the things she explained in the beginnings of relationships in the past. However, I know that I have these traits and have a sense of self and education. I try to instill self control even though it's hard for me as I'm also impulsive. I would never try to do the harmful things to the other person even if I think they deserve it in some cases and I contemplate doing those things. That's why past partners mostly remember the good times with me. This is who I am and I try to manifest the fun and enjoyable parts and internalize or control the mean parts of my personality. To each their own when it comes to relationships and the dynamic is also influenced by the partner. I must say that it took me a while and a lot of introspection while staying single for a long time to come to this mentality.
I don't have any of these except the jealousy = lapdog thing. This is based on my being continually cheated on in relationships and lied to. It's a trauma result and as such, I don't trust anyone. I am currently trapped in a marriage to a covert narcissist/BPD, it's one or the other, but It's making me crazy. He has threatened to call the police, have my children taken away, he takes off and goes places and I don't know where he went, then tells me he had to "get away" because I'm acting crazy, after he's pushed me to feel crazy! I want out of this nightmare so badly, but the good times are so good it's like "just push through the bad and count the days until it ends" approach. :(
We all need to realize that most of these diagnoses are on a scale. I can't remember exactly, but the DSM has say 10 symptoms of the condition. In order to be diagnosed (by a trained counselor/ psychologist) you need to express 8 of the symptoms. If you express 7 of them, you are still in the realm of normalcy and try to heal yourself and mitigate those triggers. It sounds like you have done some of this work already, and I applaud you. Remember, only a trained psychologist can diagnose you with a mental health condition.
This is the most accurate video describing to the "T" what my relationship was for 5 years! After much work I have finally gotten to the point I no longer believe in her false self. We would actually joke about her 2 personalities not realizing at the time how true it actually was. So sad they live their lives this way.
Wow! This video absolutely nails everything in my relationship. I have been trying to figure out why my girlfriend after 4 years together, and after I treated her to a trip to NYC and bought her all these gifts, she could just ghost me for weeks with no response and why she keeps talking to other men. It has been driving me nuts why she is doing this. Thank you for helping me understand why.
I cannot believe the honesty that comes out of your mouth lol. I mean that. Regarding BPD women: "There's not enough resources out there for men who are in toxic relationships with these women" isn't something I ever thought I'd ever hear from any woman in 2023. Just wow! It's somewhat rare to even find men who will say this outloud on a platform.
I understand BPD much better. I'm at a point that i realize it's not all her fault. There's a reason I went for a girl with this disorder and lived with it for years. I'm happy to see your channel growing.
take a look at attachment styles. Chances are, you might be avoidant, and she's anxious. Anxious are often OCD, BPD and NPD. And your coping mechanisms from childhood brought you to her, and her to you. Probably a cycle of toxicity.
@@canaweb yes, you could call me avoidant. You seen to understand very well. We get along better now I realize what her reactions are saying. Although I still get twisted up hearing them
Wow. I can't even. Even after getting a BPD diagnosis myself 20 years ago, and only in the past 3 years have I began to break free from the torture of it, I still couldn't admit to myself that she's exactly what you've described in this video. Every single thing. The only difference is, she's got it in her head that she's bipolar with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome (her Mother was textbook NPD), and has been trying meds and therapy for it. She's going to try more once the situation she's in gets less time-demanding - and in my opinion, any repeated effort in a pwBPD or NPD or even bipolar disorder is a good sign. As I mentioned, I've been through it myself, and have been giving her the understanding and compassion I didn't get from anyone. I know, if I had, it'd have been so much easier. I'd love to discuss this with someone highly experienced in BPD and NPD, but the therapists and psychiatrists in my area are sadly not much more knowledged than myself. I believe she's got an opportunity to successfully overcome it, and as near-impossible as that might be for most people, I think with my patience and experience and motivation, and with a psychiatrist or a therapy team to help us, we just might have a fighting chance at some semblance of normality in the future! Thank you for all your amazing videos, and your dedication to helping people. It's commendable, and I'm grateful I found you.
I love the way you jump straight into the topic without long introductions and the relaxed way of explaining without noise and rush. Thank you. How to help a dear one who is in a marriage with a woman like that?
Yardimci olamazsiniz, oyle bir enerjileri var ki insani miknatis gibi icine cekiyor. Yasayip gorecek. Cok enteresan insanlar, yasamayan bilmez sema hanim
There are resources on how to cope in a relationship with someone with BPD. This lady also has one, but I have found other resources as well. There are people that can handle being in a relationship with others who have mental health disorders. Just try to find the ones that say something other than run away, or go no contact, those sources know less about the topic.
Lise, as a man I cannot tell how much I appreciate that you talk about women abusing men. That said, I am sure the opposite configuration exists as well. Can you elaborate what kind of disorders can go under "deviant behavior"?
For those dealing with this directly - in addition to videos like this which are helpful and accurate- the book Stop Walking On Eggshells - is helpful. I gave my ex numerous opportunities to show some level of accountability and she couldn’t - and it just became to much drama that also involved children. I’ve never loved or fought so hard for someone. Love is not enough. I led her to a therapist multiple times - only to be told I was the problem.
Yes accountability is a key issue with these people. They're virtually incapable of taking accountability for anything they do, and if you ever push back or maintain some kind of boundary there WILL be some type of retaliation. It's so textbook, its disappointing. You really can predict just what you're in for if you see the warning signs and ignore them. People wired like this really do follow the same patterns over and over.
The main reason I found helpful resources like this video is because my ex told me I was a narcissist. So I started learning about it so I could help myself become better. With everything I have found out, the research points back at her, and not myself. She is diagnosed with BPD, and is statistically more likely to have NPD, which she shows high levels of. Not to say I am perfect, there are places where I can be better too.
I was happy.. I fought and worked for my happiness before my relationship. After almost 11 Months of emotional abuse, manipulations, gambling issues, and emotional affairs I became depressed again. Just as the video says, all my friends told me “you’re crazy”, but I swore she would change.. she was the sweetest person I knew. In the last months of this, I felt caged. I was scared of being in my own home. I became a prisoner. This video is spot on.. every point was basically my relationship. If this is happening to you, you always have the choice to leave.. and for the sake of your happiness and health, you should run every time you see a red flag. Don’t make the same mistake I made. It’s not worth it.
When you've lived in thus toxic pattern for a decade, you wake up in a world ignorant of self-worth. This video truly cracked my steel and made me realize how much healing I still require.
Thank you for this video, I came out of this type of relationship of just 8 months and couldn't wrap my head around this situation. In the beginning it was exactly how you described it then it was the other side of things just to break up with me and found out to be with one or multiple ex's, if it wasn't for this video and comments I would still be overthinking the entire situation and be in a depressed state of mind. So thank you doctor and all the people who commented on this video, stay strong and move on, everyone that is out of this type of relationship will be extremely thankful might not seem it in the beginning but in the end you dodged a bullet!!!!
Wow! Lise is pretty incredible at explaining BPD and the different types. I also fell prey to an Impulsive Borderline and literally EVERY thing Lise said was what I experienced. From having the most randy personal pornstar who worshipped me who became Cruela DeVille within days and needed to know where I was at all times and accused me of infidelity when I went to see my dad, and always assumed the worst of me. Rollercoaster is RIGHT! One that was off the rails far more than on them. Lise's videos have helped. As have the books Stop Walking on Eggshells and Understanding the Borderline Mother (my mom is a Petulant Borderline) have been invaluable. I realize that no matter WHAT I did or how I tried to please my ex, it never would have worked. The fact that I was the 5th serious boyfriend in 12 months (found out later) was pretty shocking. I also have much more insight into my mother's behavior and why she did the things she did abusively to me and my brothers growing up, and has zero memory of it. Lise and the other resources have brought me to a place of deep compassion for them (mom and ex) and all who suffer from BPD. My heart aches thinking about what their life must be like, and I also feel extreme gratitude that I am not walking in their shoes. So. Learning. Moving on. Not making the same mistakes. The human condition. I hope everyone in the comments is also finding compassion and peace in their hearts, not only for their BPD partner/ex but also for themselves. 💖 Peace to you all.
This describes my ex/last relationship. Its started out AMAZING...but the craziness eventually appears & takes a huge toll on a person and it's exhausting. Extreme jealousy over NOTHING and everyone...men, women, a cashier at the grocery store etc. Calling a lot, then disappearing for no apparent reason....then, reappearing as if nothing happened. VERY judgemental, nothing is ever good enough. EVERY single person in my life who knows how she behaves have warned me to RUN. Another signature move of hers is to get angry with me on the phone, saying she needs to get off of the phone and then moments later, sends me selfies!!!
dude mine slept with me and filed a protection order the same day, then starts trying to contact me wondering why I won't work it out with her, then starts sending nudes, they live for drama and then use it against you.
@@byefelicia7736 dude she tried to blackmail me all the way till the court date, then she dismissed it the day before cause I lawyered up, two weeks beforehand when I was served the injunction, the constable was standing their and my phone's going off over and over again it was her! And then four hours later there's a knock at my door, it's the cops, someone apparently called a "welfare check " on me. It was the next door neighbor under orders from my wife, who's at a woman's shelter. Two months before this all happened, I caught her taking nudes of herself and sending them to some guy on Snapchat, she would cut her arm with my son in the house, and wouldn't let me call a welfare check on her because she claimed at the time he was in another room so it didn't matter! I found out she was fucking guys behind my back the entire marriage while I was at work, everyday I'd come home to her sexually coercing me, it fucked with my head so bad knowing I was going down on her all those months after she was getting gacked out and turned out by ANYONE on tinder, Snapchat, Facebook...it's God damn insane what she did to me. After that first protection order she goes from loving me to hating me on and off for six months, all while I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. Then four night in a row in August 2020 she's trying to get into my house at 2am all the time, on August 9th I wake up and she's in my bed half naked telling me how much she loves me and like a complete jack ass I fell for it, slept with her thinking we are saving our marriage only to have her immediately the next morning start her shit up again, this time with her accusations that I pressured her to have sex...like wtf this shit sent me reeling off course cause it's like in her mind it's her fucked up fantasy crazy making bullshit. Needless to say we text back and forth, every message I sent she said I was harassing her, so she calls the cops boom arrested for stalking! Cause I sent numerous messages defending myself...anyways my charge was dismissed based on all the evidence in court. But it doesn't change the fact that she straight up gaslighted me and fucked with my head to the point of complete frustration...oh and nowadays she drives by my house, has contacted my next door neighbor and the cops don't do a fucking thing cause you know ..that's not stalking...even though I have her on camera driving by my house...they are insane they are literally neurotic
Exactly the same here. Extreme jealousy, but flirting with other men a lot at the same time. 3 months into our relationship where we almost broke up, 2 days after we reconciled she spent the whole company christmas with others and other dudes, staying very very late ans didn't care the slightest how i felt. I wouldn't have cared otherwise had it not been literally days after we almost broke up as she pushed me away and ghosted me for not calling her one afternoon.. so yeah, extreme gaslighting. I am still getting anxiety if i think back of being with her.. goog thing is now i am no contact, and although very very difficult, i did manage to realise she has something off and bpd to perfectly describe her, and got out of the relationship after 6 months. Stay safe out there!
This was an amazing video she does some great work and she’s spot on with her takes. Currently experiencing everything she explained in this video. One of the hardest parts is feeling bad knowing they are doing you wrong, you want to walk away but man it is extremely difficult, for her to explain it in perspective of what a man will experience is greatly appreciated thank you!
i know this video is extremely apathetic towards those suffering with bpd, it did help me realize that i suffer with this subtype and im becoming more self aware of my own behavior. so thanks for that. wish you would make videos that are favored towards helping us instead of helping others avoid us but you’re a therapist and im not so it’s cool
When the relationship lasts a year yiu let your guard down. You assume no one could put on an act for that long. As time passes you get deeper and deeper. You never see the betrayal coming.
This described my time with my ex from the first time we met until the divorce in August and still trying to figure out what happened now.... Even though the ride has stopped and literally across the country from each other, I still wonder if I did enough, should I have stayed, am I really all the things she said?...... Men definitely deal with this hell on earth as well, but trying to speak out shows weakness, (according to her male family) and as a man you should be able deal with anything. Thank you for your content. Healing and always on time.
In short I will say this.....once abused the relationship is over. It doesn't matter what her family says. It's your self respect that matters and you do whatever it takes to maintain it.
I would SWEAR you've been reading my journal if I actually kept one. :) Thanks so much for this validation/reality checking talk, Lise; it's really helping to recover my sense of self and reality after being lost in the shared fantasy for so long.
I have a history of being an insecure rock of stability. I tend to attract women like this. It’s amazing to me how much work it takes for me to remain unavailable. I don’t think I’m special, but people look for potential victims.
@@Nando_lifts2021 I like people simply because they like me (historically). I am also seen as emotionally stable and seen to be a solid and responsible person.
There is only one thing anyone can do. Run away fast. I endured 6 years of both MBPD and Antisocial insanity and refused to leave because we did have some good times but the toxicity destroyed my own sense of proportion and left me unbalanced and in a constant state of internal trauma. If I can share one word of advice it is this…RUN!
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and I understand that I’m messed up. My ex was as patient with me as he could be until he couldn’t be anymore. I’m not vindictive but the love bombing and putting on a pedestal is real. The VA doctors diagnosed me with Bipolar but they are treating me for BPD. I’ve been through DBT but I still messed up such a beautiful connection. I read another post that advised someone to wait until the BPD person rage and discard and then leave. I believe that he’s using this window to get out and I don’t blame him. It hurts, badly, but I would understand if he left. I love him so much 😔. This shit is horrible.
I am sorry for the pain you are suffering from. I just broke up with my gf two weeks ago and she matches many of the BPD symptoms-- maybe not the impulsive type exactly but the extreme fear of abandonment, anger issues, i pulsivity, feeling the void, etc were all there. I feel horrible right now. It feels like I have abandoned my own child without protection. But deep inside I know I did the right decision for both of us. We both wanted life partners and I just couldn't handle it anymore.
@@bobesfanchi I was married to a covert narc for 20 years, only to end up in divorce (bc once I started to go to counseling and was taught how not to respond to him, he filed for divorce) and then I remarried, but this time to what she's describing in this video. As a result, I have a lot of trauma that can sometimes manifest itself in personality disorders, yet I don't have any. I wonder how many of us exhibit some of these traits based on being trapped in these relationships, only to be rejected by someone who is "healthy." It's as if we actually aren't loveable by anyone sane.
My bf is a BPD with extremly violent rages, verbal abuse and hurtful discard. What annoys me, is, itsseems ,you guys, are doing this only with people that truely love you, not with those that dont give a toss about you?!?!?
@@bobesfanchiMy apologies for the delayed response. I appreciate you. Also, I understand that you had to protect yourself. It hurts to lose the one that you love; however, it’s not good to keep allowing yourself to be hurt. I wish you two could have worked it out but I truly understand.
Lise Leblanc, you just made me realize why I was dumped and discarded. I just made the mental shift from my subconscious to being fully aware that all that time, "I was simply breathing wrong" (what an idiot I was)….haha, not really, however, sad but true. Keep bringing these great videos and speaking the truth and raising awareness. The knowledge is key to fight the emotional part of the brain that tries to lie to the rational part despite all the evidence supporting the fact that this person is not well and more than likely suffering from a personality disorder. For me, they are worse than any drug or substance there. In my past I struggled wit substance abuse, but weaning off this type of drug hands down is worse than any substance I ever abused or was addicted to, no contest.
This is every relationship my brother’s ever had but he himself is absurdly narcissistic. When they’re not sabotaging each other they’re tag teaming other family members. Once they declare victory they’re attacking each other again.
OMG, I almost hate you for being so spot on you are. My mother and I, are both impulsive borderline personalitys. I've been married 2x, am older now, purposely staying alone, as not to subject myself to anyone. I can't help it! And it's not fair to those who involve themselves with me.
Wow I didn't know you met my ex 🤣 😭. Seriously everything you said I experienced or went through something very similar. I've been thinking NPD but BPD is starting to make way more sense. I even had a therapist I saw for 2 years say yep sounds like BPD. Thank you so much for your content and helping us guys. 🙏
Wow. This is spot on. So glad I left her. And this time I for sure won’t let her back in. Learned my lesson this time. The fourth was the last. She was great when it was good but it was the worst ever when it was bad, she destroyed my iPhone because she saw I talked to my one friend who she didn’t like. Thankfully she’s long distance and knows I’d file a restraining order if she ever got close again and I’m just hopeful she doesn’t try to Hoover back again. If she does, I’m going to continue blocking and hope she finds someone else to latch on to. She’s undiagnosed bpd, she has a psychiatrist degree and they diagnosed her bipolar, but the truth is that she’s a borderline. Thank you for this video it gives me further strength on my decision and helps me realize that even though I did all I could, I could have never done enough. Your video is also helping me in more ways than you even think to heal from this insane roller coaster. Keep up the amazing work!
I am a person with BPD, idk what type but this sounds like me, the difference is that I have the diagnosis and the treatment and also my fiancée know that and she support me a lot, when I’m mad she just prefer to wait until I’m not that mad anymore… I really appreciate her for her patience and her love, I am trying to do my best for her bc I don’t wanna hurt her I hope everyone find the help they need ❤
Oh my goodness! I went out with a woman like this. She was previously married 3 times when I met her. Luckily I was strong enough to leave her before giving her a ring. She is on her 5th marriage now.
This was spot on. First encountered this with my high school sweetheart. Love bombed me, impulsive, fits of unprovoked rage, vindictive... I graduated to attracting a few NPD's after that. I clearly had some work within myself to sort out to stop repeating those patterns of partners.
Nailed it. I've thoroughly researched all Narc and BPD behavioral characteristics and this one is at least 95% dead-on. My GF of 2 years has all you described, with strong Narcissist traits.
Oh NY God it 1000% accurate. I swear to God I've been blaming myself so much. I mean I wasn't perfect so thankfully I learned some things, but I noticed some of these flaws of mine weren't really present in past relationships. It's like being with my BPD ex brought out the worst in me. At least I don't feel completely insane though, just shook up from the crazy 3 year ride that it was.
You're simply brilliant. In every video of yours I hear you say or list things verbatim a recent ex has said or done. Always several 'jaw hanging open' moments where I'm just stunned at your accuracy!
After watching these vids all day I realize that a lot of bpd seem to hook up with other ppl who have mental health issues as well. So all these symptoms are triggered by not only the person with bpd but also by the person they have choosen.
I watched this video 3 times. This woman is so amazing at putting herself in the mind of the BPD partner role. I'm sick at my stomach thinking about all the therapy I'm going to need.
This is exactly what I’ve been through. My reputation and peace in my life has been destroyed. She’s lied to authorities multiple times about me just to get back at me for doing something she didn’t like even though I was honest about it. We have children together and I love her but it’s dragging me down
I thought I was alone, I thought I was the bad guy. I'm in the midst of a cycle now. Emotional pain that is hard to put into words... but like so many others have said, I cannot believe how accurately my girlfriend of almost 6 years has been described in this video. As i said, I'm in the middle of a cycle and I'm embarrassed to say how low I sank this morning but I got through it. Yet, I'm still scared because I'm not willing to give up yet. However, I now have an understanding and more importantly, I've been given an ounce of my self-esteem back watching this video. The flame of hope that almost burned out this morning is now a bit brighter. I'm not crazy and I have a name for what I'm going to see if I can help her battle. The difference this time is, if I lose, I know it wasn't all me and I'll have a better view of why I have to leave vs. feeling like I'm a terrible person who is now dumping the most amazing woman ever. Thank you for posting this video, it's literally a life saver 🙏
The problems most likely have nothing to do with you. Your GF of 6 years has just eaten away at you and made you feel like its your fault. I hope you can break away.
As much as I find some comfort in knowing she would have been hurting no matter what I did, I would rather carry that guilt than to know I was just one of many, and potentially many more. Feeling that this was once in a lifetime for me, but knowing it was just a pattern for her, is crushing, but something I need to realize. This information is so important.
thank you for these videos!! i finally broke the cycle and I am in such a better place. I had to block her on my phone completely as being her friend did not work. from writing me a 200 page book and painting my portrait, to repeatedly cancelling and fucking other guys . . . it was a rollercoaster. but one I am happy to be off of.
Thank you for this video! Described my ex wife to a T. And I never thought I would get away but I finally did manage to leave her after almost 2 years. Each month that passes I feel stronger. And it makes me sick to think of how she was my drug of choice for so long. But when I was in it, I lost myself more and more every day.
So true, I truly felt like she was helping me and I was helping her. Little did I know she would destroy my life in ways I could never imagine. She trapped me in a pregnancy and then began using the kids as a weapon
Smoking pot regularly can intensify these behaviours, as well as adding paranoia. Young women in North America smoke a lot more weed due to widespread legalization. It creates alternate realities.
Thank you. The last 45 seconds just made it all click. Just because I love her doesn't mean I need to be with her. I just keep saying,"If I don't give her the unconditional love she needs, no one else will." Now if i could only stop dating women with BPD. I'm so attracted to people with trauma. I see survivors. People that have been to hell and back. I find great attraction to people the can still find beauty in the world after so much suffering. But i ignore all the traits that they used to survive. Ugh. Why don't i find attraction to stability?
I always thought given time she would come to know how much I love her and become secure. Nope. After a few years I knew things weren't going to get better and I was never going to learn how to deal the next flare-up, it's impossible. With two children I couldn't bare to be separated from I hung in there for a total of 20-years. I'm grateful for wonderful relationships with my grown children, but keep to myself under a load of self-doubt. Be careful out there.
This is so dead on. I can’t believe I thought everything was normal and have done this for 20 years. Is there anyway to work through it all? Does any treatment ever truly work for the person?
It took me 3 weeks of daily watching UA-cam videos about borderline to realize now she was the impulsive type. I wanted to believe she was quite BPD, because she had a good job, she was a lawyer, and always thriving for more. We had a long distance relationship. When I was at her place, and found out she had back up man, she didn't like it and didn't admit it. When I wanted to go see her again, guess what ?? She started accusing me of being aggressive, jealous, insecure, narcissist. And she blocked me. I chased her from different phones 5 months. And she always accused me of the same things, throwing really bad words. In the same time, she was hooking up with different men.. So the lady who loved bombed me in the beginning, who made me believe she wanted a family, all the wonderful stuff, she was actually the type of woman who was sleeping with numerous men. Eventually I got better and sent her one more message, that I was done with chasing her and thanked her for the great time together. I feel sorry that it was just a fantasy...
Wow! This really hit the nail on the head! Every point mentioned here i`ve lived through, right down to the order in which they happened... The bit that still gives me nightmares is where her mask finally dropped and I saw the real creature beneath it...just before she grabbed a knife and exploded with rage because I had the absolute cheek to confront her, with concrete evidence, that she`d been sleeping with her ex behind my back... I got stabbed and slashed, she talked her way out of it when I called the police...I packed a bag and went to a friends place, two days later jumped on a plane and fled to the UK...
Had this with my ex. I was in a relationship with her for just over a year and what a rollercoaster it was. It took me nearly 7 months after I ended it to get out of her chokehold, which caused more damage to me mentally than the relationship itself. Trust your gut fellas, liten to the advice and run as fast as you can.
Oof. This hit me in the gut. I've been in relationships with several women just like this. Thanks for the clarity and understanding around a connection I've been struggling with.
Wow! Of all the countless videos I have watched about the covert narc and narcs... I knew my girl didn't quite have all the traits of a narcissist. After watching this, however, it was like a word for word review of my last 9 year relationship. With the exception of her never really rage quitting or raging, she hit 8 out of 10 of these out of the park. I was losing myself. Could never do good enough. Felt like a hamster that couldn't get off the wheel. The delusional jealousy made every engagement too tense. She even started to make things weird with the neighbors. Oh, you talked to your neighbor today. You care more about them than you do me. I am no professional, but I can safely say that she definitely suffers from BPD. As hard as it was, and as much as she lit my world on fire when it was good, I knew we had to split. She was bringing the worst out of me and making me the rage quitter. Thank you so much for posting this video. It has helped me heal a bit more from the realization that I could never have ever been enough.
My ex got her BPD diagnosis a few months ago but wasn’t getting treatment. It burned our relationship to the ground. 2 months after we split and I’m still reeling
This sounds exactly like my crazy ex girlfriend back in the 80s. 4 years of hell. Pretty much everything from the video is familiar. Lots of fights without any deescalation option. I am pretty sure she ruined my ability to have relationships.
1. Love bombing.
2. Oversharing pattern.
3. Crazy impulsivity.
4. Extremely vindictive.
5. Frantic fear of abandonment.
6. Extreme emotional ups and downs.
7. Disproportionate Rage.
8. Emotional disregulation.
9. Battling false sense of reality.
10. CAN’T live WITH her, or live WITHOUT her.
Number 7. can kill you. Number 4. WILL kill you.
- RUN FOR YOUR LIFE...And straight to a Therapist.
1. Love bombing.
2. Oversharing pattern.
3. Crazy impulsivity.
4. Extremely vindictive.
5. Frantic fear of abandonment.
6. Extreme emotional ups and downs.
7. Disproportionate Rage.
8. Emotional disregulation.
9. Battling false sense of reality.
She had all these traits "to a T".... I left... never looked back... she tried to ruin me, I ignored it all... That was 15+ years ago :)
@@Sideler74 just remember those terrible people can change, but we also have to self-evaluate ourselves, it is hard to know if we are fooling ourselves until 60 years has gone by
@@borgullet3376 I would add: run for a good, competent therapist. First one I met essentially said that I was triggering my mate's misbehavior and that I was responsible for it. This hurt me just as bad (triggering guilt, shame, self-hate) as my girlfriend's misbehavior.
@@MrGpoulin GOOD, being the keyword. Hugs
Omg this is exactly what i went through. Exactly. After the discard and dealing and getting over that, I spent the next 3 years just trying to figure out what the heck happened. I still could not see because i was still trauma bonded. People that really fall for a BPD or NPD , you really go through a very traumatic experience. Most people don't understand how badly and psychologically you were abused. That's why you have to take the necessary steps to protect yourself against anyone. There is a lot of people walking around in this world that are disordered. It opened my eyes for sure. Right now i am happy being by myself and doing my own thing because i am just happy and grateful that i have my sanity back.
very dangerous to empaths such as myself
@@robertswift6101 It happened to me too. Very dangerous to empaths is right. I almost LITERALLY lost my life. Shocking.
Happy for you
I went through the same exact thing. My ex-fiancé has NPD and BPD. Of all my relationships, this one felt the worst after it was over. It literally felt like I was grieving over someone that died, which was very weird! The trauma bond I had with her had me feeling confused about everything. Did your ex ever tried to Hoover you?
I lived this for 6 years… became suicidal… went to jail for reactive behavior, actually became self harming and attempted suicide, lost work, friends, tons of money and almost lost my life before (thanks to 2 years of therapy) I was finally able to break free. It’s been 4 months and the crazy thing is how at random moments almost every day, I still find myself missing her! I know it’s not real… but damn… one day at a time. Don’t let them win.
This is so accurate. Sadly, many relationship counsellors are so wedded to the idea of male abuser, female victim, that bipolar and borderline personality behaviours in women are attributed to shortcomings in men.
There is something to the idea, as men being off can trigger things in women like loss of respect or attraction. But the frequency and intensity of those things, and what comes with them (in terms of disrespect) is the difference maker.
Men being off at all def trigger those things more in disordered women, so it makes sense that those therapists make those mistakes but it’s a damn shame they don’t grow past it and have a bigger perspective of possibilities. It could save a lot of human spirit, and eventually keep these things from generationally continuing so much.
Also, if you are off your game as a guy, you’re not to blame. You need to be able to be off your game sometimes and have a partner that’s understanding of that and can compromise. Y’all can both still have your expectations but be gracious with them. Disordered folks can’t manage that. Maybe once they’re treated for a long while they can do better, but idk, I’m not a lifelong therapist.
@@21sparrow7 most therapists do not have the skills or experience to successfully hold tension that comes with challenging cluster b or bipolar women that position themselves as victims in relationships. In the current politic of believe all women we are simplifying the context of every relationship that is affected by poor mental health, greed, and dishonesty in such a way to as to give affect to a delusion.
Johnny Depp went thru it. I am a boomer female and have seen so many men being abused by women. I have been abused by women also. I am a leftist feminist and it makes me CRAZY that my friends don't SEE this. Men get traumatized by women also.
@@rw4754johnny went thru it?!?!have you actually watched the rushes of the cctv? The guy is blooming narcissist whatever the lassie hysteria!
In science......it's mainly men that suffer this and it's been diagnosed as bipolar.....now they realise bipolar is really NPD.
To make it short: Inconsistent,unpredictable and EXHAUSTIIIIING.
But FUN 😈
@@aaronbazilif you live to tell the tale...
@@inspirationalguy81 barely. Who's to say that nightmare will not come back to haunt me again
5 years now..don't know how will I got off from her. she has put trap around me and if I try to leave her, her family will know that all of her bad acts for years back will be my wrongdoing..
yes!! exhausting . . . ua-cam.com/video/WA4iX5D9Z64/v-deo.html
One thing you can count on with a borderline - they will rage and dump you, tell you they hate you and the they never want you to talk to them again. This will be followed by her apologizing and begging you to take her back. Use that window between the rage and the apologizing to get out of the relationship. Those windows of opportunity come in cycles. You can count on that. Just hang in there and jump out the next time the window is open. I’m currently waiting for that window, I need my life back.
I am in that window and so thanks for writing what you wrote. Being in that window, I hope I can tell her it just doesn't work between us, when she tries to reconnect. I hope I have the strength to stick to my guns. She can be so alluring, supportive, and even loving, and that makes it really difficult to not get sucked back into a sick relationship.
@@kernjames I completely relate to everything you said. They can be intoxicating, it feels like an addiction being with them sometimes. It can also drive you mad and like you’re in a cage and suffocating when it goes bad. I hope you are able to use the window that is presenting itself to you to escape. Good idea planning on what you plan to say, I too have my speech prepped. Wishing you nothing but luck and peace and happiness. There is a world outside of these relationships. We have to keep telling ourselves that.
@@ghostcircuitry thanks for the support. Guess what, she put a post on my Facebook page today! Here goes.
Why wait for the window? Open it yourself and leave.
@@jessc2064 You ask a great question. Timing is everything, that is why you wait or don't wait. It is different for everyone. No two people are alike. Each person has to decide when and how they leave a situation. Go too soon and your risk coming back with egg on your face. Leave too late, and you squander valuable time and maybe money. In any plan, timing is everything. A person doesn't want to act rashly or impulsively, and so, a person needs a plan and sometimes the plan means "you" wait for the right moment or window of opportunity. Sure, sometimes a person can just run with the ball, without any thought or plan (and make a touchdown). That can work in sports events. Sometimes spontaneity can pull a person through. Put all your money on Black or Red, and maybe you'll win. Or maybe you will lose it all. Having a plan, usually is far better than just winging it. Movies make it seem like we can act impulsively and come out a winner, but the odds are against that scenario.
The combination of her expertly matching my likes and needs, mixed with her being the best and wildest lover EVER! Had me so hooked. When the "crazy bug bit" I was floored. The destruction of $2k worth of fishing gear, because she wrongly thought I went with a woman rather than my friend. Followed by an effusive apology. And then total devotion and worshipping of me tied with her hating herself. To the point of self harm. These extremes would happen so quickly I wouldn't believe it at first. But then the sex and devotion on top of her self loathing would get me to overlook the incident. Soon I'd be working to boost her self esteem. Life would be so good for months then a blow up about something minor would lead to breaking up. Followed by her trying to get back together. I sadly continued for years. In the end, I feel none of it was real. Not the highs or the lows. Bad part is I don't fully trust women anymore. I intellectually try to but my gut will not believe. I don't trust my judgement in their regard. Especially once affection is involved. I prefer the company of dogs now
Dogs are just awesome!
No drama 👌🏾
Excellent description of all i went through in my Borderline relationship. I got trauma bonded to this lady for four years, and thank goodness i finally got the wisdom and emotional strength to break up, and go no contact. There were some good times, but they were erased by her toxic behavior! Definitely a roller coaster ride to Hell and back.
Sorry you went through that it's a nightmare
We went the same tunnel Bro... hard to comprehend the toxicity I passed through
It was exactly the same with my ex! To the letter!!
Same here. 4 years. The good was SOO good. So kind, best friends, crazy intimacy. But the bad was worse. What is interesting to me, it’s like the first half of this video sounds like she knows her personally. But then a lot of the latter part is not her at all. I guess many of these people have different character traits, and not always all of the same ones necessarily to make them BPD. As she did not have the rages and degrading me in public or any of that stuff. But man the first part is so spot on. Build me up to a godlike status, then she will just cut it off like a switch like I’m a piece of trash. It really screws your mind up.. it is so toxic, as I loved her more than any woman in my entire life. No one even came close. Your mind knows they are terrible for you, but your heart remembers the wonderful things, and your emotions are very powerful things, and we are meant to bond strongly with someone like that. It’s really quite natural, but the problem is is they never actually bonded with you, yet you believe they did. As she said, it is super emotionally damaging and toxic
It is definitely true its a mental drug almost. Her kids from a dead beat dad , soo I stepped in as a bonus dad. I felt like superman, money,support w kids the car. Next thing you know I have too much going on and we can just be friends. Every excuse not try anymore.
she describes this incredibly, chilling, as if she was in my house. and so sad that if she can do this, it means so many guys have fallen victim to the exact same thing.
You've described EXACTLY what I'm currently going through. Like every single thing, from the random blow-ups to the not being able to reason with her, to the feelings that I'm going insane. Everything. This is a massive eye opener for me. Obviously I can't diagnose her, but this really helped me.
How have you been?
@@marvfromthecity She and I broke up back in February, but kept hanging out until mid March, when she had a massive blow up towards me due to me having a depressive episode. She started screaming at me, and when I tried to tell her that my thoughts were bordering on suicidal, she started screaming at me to kill myself and began assaulting me, before leaving my house and blocking me on everything. I haven't spoken to her in a week now.
I'm incredibly sad about it, and still in a bit of denial, but I've also never had more motivation to do things. I'm back in the gym, I've signed up to an MMA gym, I'm looking after myself more than before.
I'm hurting, but I'm sure I'll get better.
Aw man, im sorry to hear that and I totally feel your pain. My exwbpd discarded me a couple weeks ago in a wild physical way and I am actually devastated- and I know exactly what you mean about the depressive episodes. Going through that myself. I But shout out to you for getting into mma and taking care of yourself. You got this!
@therealdoc7350 resources like this are super validating! Just remember that none of this was your fault. Also remember there is no shame in talking to a professional to help you process your thoughts and feelings. I wish you luck with the MMA!
This list is scarily accurate and represented the patterns I saw with my ex. Once the borderline rages started, replete with screaming, throwing glass off our balcony, demanding I leave, accusations of cheating, claims I was narcissist - the list goes on - I knew I had to bail. Leaving was traumatic enough, but then what followed was stalking, a smear campaign and her contacting people in my circle to make assertions about my character. It. Is. Intense.
The main saving grace for me in trying to recover from such a terrible experience is to remember this: I could not have known the absolute sh!tstorm I was walking into when I began dating this petite, cute, funny woman. I cannot blame myself, but I need to forgive myself for believing even the tiniest amount of negative projection she threw my way. If you're going through the devaluation stage (or worse), do yourself a favour and ensure you DO NOT internalise the blame shifting, projections of guilt or any other accusation. For the sake of your own mental health, please remember you're ok.
Keep going and keep pushing on to get your confidence and your old self back. It's there it just takes time to link back up with it again.
So its like a concentrated narcissist
Amen brother! I’ve been there too
How long did you ruminate about her after this nightmare was over?
Reading these comments have reassured me that I'm not on my own going crazy with all the psychological shards currently puncturing my mind, heart and soul post break up.
Thank you for giving a voice to men. We always get demonized.
Believe me, I'm borderline and you guys put up with a lot of bullshit from us.
You are right there are not enough videos for men abused by these women.
She breaks up with you to cheat so that she does not feel guilty
Exactly what happened to me. Except she said she needed a break and then met someone to make her look good when in actual fact she met the guy before announcing the break.
Yup
Mine constantly accused me of cheating and then would go and find another guy to sleep with. Then she told me about all of it later to try and make me jealous. By then, I could care less, which meant I was a narcissist, of course!
I am going through this freshly all I can do is highly speculate but my BPD partner said the same exact thing. She said she needed a break but spending time with this specific dude and has gone cold and uninterested in me
TRU
I'm a U.S Army Ranger , a decorated combat veteran and I have never felt the level of hurt I just went thru and am still going thru . I have tried to understand borderline. To understand her. But I never will. I feel sorry for myself, but I feel sorry for her even more. She will never know any true happiness or love. The hardest thing is to give up on someone that you love even when you know you have to. I love her and hate her all at once. I feel like Im going insane. Why is it so hard to let go of someone that makes you feel so miserable....
Same here buddy. I still remember her primal screams when I had to physically restrain her during an episode. It will never leave me. Being with a person with this condition is the most distressing thing a person can go through in life. On a positive note at least we came out with our sanity in tact and no it wasn't our fault. It was merely our test in life!
Sir, brooo crazy! I’m a combat vet too. 3 deployments in Al Anbar and contracted with the DoD working for the AF at a skiff for years after the military. This bitch destrooooooyedddd me. Took years to figure out wtf was wrong with myself. Until I found out she was borderline. Nothing could repair the damage from false accusations,,legal restraints, and social destruction she’s done to me and my children. I feel like they go specifically after guys with our backgrounds because they know it’s hard to break us. She broke me man.
Damn...my gf did so much for me, But something inside was telling me not to marry her. I couldn't explain...I was in limbo. She got md that I was being indecisive and didn't know if I wanted to marry her. Before I said I want to marry her. I ended it,sabotaged it cos something wasn't right and I felt I couldn't have the conversation with her without it being difficult. then the pattern of behaviour truly came out, enotiokal to save the relationship. Then upset and angry. She mentioned hs ehas borderline, I dismissed it. I was like...lost. didn't know how to handle it. She is brilliant and I love her. But I made it worse - now it's ended... I think. Its killing me though
@@michaelbrown1815 I’m with you on every word that you wrote. You’re absolutely not alone and your feelings are valid, I live this every day too!
This is information that literally saves tears and lives.
I've experienced this. The illusion of the amazing partner is incredibly difficult to let go of.
Every sign you shared describes my entire relationship with my bpd ex. One of the most traumatic experiences any human can go through. Thank you for sharing this.
So true, very traumatic and hardly understood, acknowledged and it's very rare as a male to find those that will actually validate what you went through and that it was abuse. Because I went through it too.
Trouble is your a very willing participant, I thought all my Christmases had came at once, I've just gone no contact for good this time. I woke from a crazy dream just now being attacked by a Lion trying go defend myself with a broom, as accurate as this is I'm going to take Lise's advice and stop researching but thanks to her I've eventually made sence of the jigsaw with four pieces missing.
20 years after I got out of- ran-abandoned (whatever you want to call it) a relationship like this; I finally hear someone articulate and describe what I went through. And even though I moved on and it was a long time ago, having someone, especially a women actually say it, heals a lot of shame around it.
It’s shocking how accurate this video is! Thank you for continuing to put out this information, especially for men. It’s a very valuable resource for understating and for healing from relationships of this sort 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Totally agree, you feel alot relieved after hearing what you exactly have been thru from a tierce person
What a salvation it is to listen to you. You really talk to men as if they, too, are just as fragile, sensitive, and in need of care and love as much as any woman. That's the new perspective here. Men are often portrayed as irrational and mean. But, you give us all some fresh new perspectives.
I needed this reminder of the nightmare of trying to deal with borderline rage. My ex could go ballistic if I so much as looked to the side while she was speaking. The irony is that I often listen better when I'm not looking directly at the speaker. She would fly into a rage and start screaming that I never listened to her and didn't care about her. I would try to calmly respond that I had been listening to her carefully, and would summarize what she had been saying, which usually set her off even more. That and the constant criticizing and ridicule at the end make me realize how lucky I am to be free of this poison.
Had literally the same. Even if i recited everything she said she would be mad for not listening to her enough. I felt like i was in a military or some.other extremely abusive environment, as a child, where ypu are being punished for doing the slightest thing wrong.. goog thing i noticed the red flags early on, actually already after the first month pretty much, and managed to get out after half a year. Stay safe my dudes out there and if it's too nice to be true, it probably is. Run!
I do the same thing! If I look away, even when my eyes are open, I can better imagine what the other person is talking about in my mind. When I look at the person talking, that is the main focus. I had been told I was a great listener by so many other people, but she was always telling me I never listened to her... It is hard to understand someone who changes what they are saying if you summarize (loop) back to them.
The most accurate description and recall of events I have found on UA-cam. You literally described every single thing almost exactly as it occurred in my last relationship.
I started suspecting something was wrong a couple of years ago. Started watching videos about narcissistic personality disorder. This was one of the best videos I’ve seen. Roller coaster is a good description. It’s been 5 years and I’m starting to wear down. I know something is off . I’ll observe one more year and if she doesn’t improve I’ll have to make the move. Life is too short at 60. Thanks for the excellent information.
Don't wait
Don't wait! I too suspected something was off with my ex. That was 2 years into our relationship, I finally got away after 15 years! I felt the same way, that I could break up and be done, move on. You are free to make the best decision for YOURSELF.
Mine is a special-ed teacher who was diagnosed in 2017 with BPD. She emptied my bank accounts then stole my car and called the police on me making up outrageous lies. She then had an affair with the police officer she would call..! Burnt ALL of my I.D. (Took me years to get duplicates). Refused to file for my GreenCard (I’m British) even though we have a kid together, she then shipped our 6yr old daughter off (needed a P.I. To find her) after fraudulently obtaining a restraining order. She also introduced the guy she met during our marriage, as our kids father at the local church,. Over the years she hit me with a framing hammer, tried stabbing me with a carving knife, threw a large Marshall speaker at my head while I slept, etc,etc…
Now happily divorced after an 8yr marriage and a 3yr separation and still battling her insanity in California family courts. Not really interested in dating again, I’m just focused on work and providing a good and loving example for our daughter.
This Christmas, our daughter said “daddy, mom is there but she’s empty. I can never talk with her”. I didn’t know what to say…..
As someone who has a grown child with a BPD, I can tell you that your daughter will eventually realize her mother has some serious issues. Unfortunately, if your daughter is living with the mother, she may end up with some pretty deep issues too. It’s always a tricky situation because you don’t want to engage in alienating behavior, but you also need to help your child make sense of the insanity. A good therapist who understands BPD can be a great asset.
YES! What Jim said ^^^ My ex actually decided to not have kids because there is the possibility of genetically inheriting BPD, however it is actually worse if the parent has it. You need to insist that your children get to talk to counselors. Also check out some resources on children of parents with BPD and it's effects so you can look for those signs and try to help sooner than later.
I feel for you, I know American courts overwhelmingly side with the mother in most cases involving children. I hope the best for you and your children.
Excellent video. After having been in about 5 relationships like this, I realized I had to take responsibility for my own childhood wounding and work to heal that. As it was what was putting me in vibrational alignment with that type of insanity. And more importantly why I could Never see any of it coming. Again, EXCELLENT video - thank you Lise Leblanc.
23 years for me. It gets worse over time. RUN!
Yikes wish you well
I think you just saved my life.
Dated one of these women for 3 months and it was so confusing until I found these resources. Interestingly enough that experience helped me make sense of an old male “friend” who had BPD. Live and learn don’t repeat
My ex was just like this it was hell, near the end of the relationship I dreaded coming home not knowing her mood. Her mom was a horrible narcissist who held her brother up on a pedestal and my ex was the family scapegoat, I always thought that was one of the reasons she was so dysfunctional.
Same here. It's like nothing I've ever experienced before. You almost don't want to believe it because it's just SO out there and insane.
Your ex was the family scapegoat, according to your ex. My ex pulled the same story on me, told me how her brother could do no wrong and she was blamed for everything. I found out later the truth was quite different. One of the things about dealing with a BPD, they are always the victim and someone else is always to blame. And the BPD is entirely convincing when they tell you this, because they give the impression of being so open and honest.
I believe you when you say it was hell, because it was for me also. However, the crappy thing is that we know in addition to the probable/possible genetic component, it seems to be a result of coping with some type of abuse growing up which wanted to help my ex see and heal from, but we have all learned that this is more than likely never going to happen. I guess all I am saying is I relate to your comment.
My ex (diagnosed BPD) had a similar story. Her mother is also diagnosed with BPD, and her older brother was always the saint. She was always the one at fault for everything going wrong. Strangely this seemed to not only be in her family, but almost every aspect of her life *sarcasm*. This is also a symptom of NPD, as most people with BPD have co morbidities. I also dreaded coming home from work, not knowing what her mood was, knowing that I would have to tread softly to avoid setting her off. She also often told me about her suicidal thoughts, which didn't help when I learned about husband's accused of killing their wives who committed suicide because they had already emotionally detached themselves from their wives. Before the end, I was depressed because I didn't feel like I had any controll over the situation, or of it ending. After it finally ended I felt such relief, like I could breathe again. Almost like I had found my way out of the mine field, or reached shore after a months long voyage across the ocean!
It's scary how accurate this video is. Thanks for raising my awareness!!!
You do the best bpd videos on UA-cam.
Thanks so much for your positive feedback!
Wow...this is exactly to a T how my marriage has been with my wife. I went through all of this, and she always made me promise to never give up on her because she knows she discards. Everytime it's all my fault, but when we get back together she takes all the blame, but nothing ever gets fixed. Just an endless cycle.
This is the most spot on thing I have listened to re: my BPD ex. The only thing I don’t recall happening her downplaying the success of anyone else because I know there were some people who she professionally admired (for their skill) and did not seem to begrudge them their success at all. But, everything else was exactly what happened. The testing was brutal and how she could never forgive any mistakes, and yet asked for so much forgiveness for herself for MUCH bigger mistakes (ie/infidelity) It’s been a month since she left and I feel like the veil is lifting a bit and I can breathe easier. During the final months - she was drinking so much and so up and down, it started to impact my health in a huge way. Now, so many symptoms have stopped - no more headaches, GI issues, chest pain etc I feel so so much better physically despite the fact that I miss the good times.
So scary what a person like this can do to a good partner with a sincere heart
She has been misdiagnosed with everything else you mentioned and medicated accordingly...this was like having a mirror held to my relationship laying bare every single soul crushing aspect of it
I show many symptoms of BPD, and have done some of the things she explained in the beginnings of relationships in the past. However, I know that I have these traits and have a sense of self and education. I try to instill self control even though it's hard for me as I'm also impulsive. I would never try to do the harmful things to the other person even if I think they deserve it in some cases and I contemplate doing those things. That's why past partners mostly remember the good times with me. This is who I am and I try to manifest the fun and enjoyable parts and internalize or control the mean parts of my personality. To each their own when it comes to relationships and the dynamic is also influenced by the partner. I must say that it took me a while and a lot of introspection while staying single for a long time to come to this mentality.
Same here.
Same thank you for ur detailed response honestly was triggered because this is not how all of us are completely
I don't have any of these except the jealousy = lapdog thing. This is based on my being continually cheated on in relationships and lied to. It's a trauma result and as such, I don't trust anyone. I am currently trapped in a marriage to a covert narcissist/BPD, it's one or the other, but It's making me crazy. He has threatened to call the police, have my children taken away, he takes off and goes places and I don't know where he went, then tells me he had to "get away" because I'm acting crazy, after he's pushed me to feel crazy! I want out of this nightmare so badly, but the good times are so good it's like "just push through the bad and count the days until it ends" approach. :(
It's so sad to see people generalize and villainize when so many of us do our best to be the best that we can be and communicate and handle ourselves.
We all need to realize that most of these diagnoses are on a scale. I can't remember exactly, but the DSM has say 10 symptoms of the condition. In order to be diagnosed (by a trained counselor/ psychologist) you need to express 8 of the symptoms. If you express 7 of them, you are still in the realm of normalcy and try to heal yourself and mitigate those triggers. It sounds like you have done some of this work already, and I applaud you.
Remember, only a trained psychologist can diagnose you with a mental health condition.
This is the most accurate video describing to the "T" what my relationship was for 5 years! After much work I have finally gotten to the point I no longer believe in her false self. We would actually joke about her 2 personalities not realizing at the time how true it actually was. So sad they live their lives this way.
this made my blood run cold, i didn't realize this condition was so well documented. I could give an example from experience to every sign. Scary.
Wow! This video absolutely nails everything in my relationship. I have been trying to figure out why my girlfriend after 4 years together, and after I treated her to a trip to NYC and bought her all these gifts, she could just ghost me for weeks with no response and why she keeps talking to other men. It has been driving me nuts why she is doing this. Thank you for helping me understand why.
I cannot believe the honesty that comes out of your mouth lol. I mean that. Regarding BPD women: "There's not enough resources out there for men who are in toxic relationships with these women" isn't something I ever thought I'd ever hear from any woman in 2023. Just wow! It's somewhat rare to even find men who will say this outloud on a platform.
Leblanc provides some of the most salient and accessible descriptions of this particular pathology and its discontents. Excellent work.
I understand BPD much better. I'm at a point that i realize it's not all her fault. There's a reason I went for a girl with this disorder and lived with it for years.
I'm happy to see your channel growing.
Why do you think you got involved with her?
take a look at attachment styles. Chances are, you might be avoidant, and she's anxious. Anxious are often OCD, BPD and NPD. And your coping mechanisms from childhood brought you to her, and her to you. Probably a cycle of toxicity.
@@canaweb yes, you could call me avoidant. You seen to understand very well. We get along better now I realize what her reactions are saying. Although I still get twisted up hearing them
@@canaweb every word you said is 100% true for me too
It is her fault because she's CHOOSING not to get help
.. she's describing untreated bpd
Wow. I can't even. Even after getting a BPD diagnosis myself 20 years ago, and only in the past 3 years have I began to break free from the torture of it, I still couldn't admit to myself that she's exactly what you've described in this video. Every single thing. The only difference is, she's got it in her head that she's bipolar with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome (her Mother was textbook NPD), and has been trying meds and therapy for it. She's going to try more once the situation she's in gets less time-demanding - and in my opinion, any repeated effort in a pwBPD or NPD or even bipolar disorder is a good sign. As I mentioned, I've been through it myself, and have been giving her the understanding and compassion I didn't get from anyone. I know, if I had, it'd have been so much easier. I'd love to discuss this with someone highly experienced in BPD and NPD, but the therapists and psychiatrists in my area are sadly not much more knowledged than myself. I believe she's got an opportunity to successfully overcome it, and as near-impossible as that might be for most people, I think with my patience and experience and motivation, and with a psychiatrist or a therapy team to help us, we just might have a fighting chance at some semblance of normality in the future! Thank you for all your amazing videos, and your dedication to helping people. It's commendable, and I'm grateful I found you.
This video was spot on. Everything she said happened to me.
I love the way you jump straight into the topic without long introductions and the relaxed way of explaining without noise and rush. Thank you. How to help a dear one who is in a marriage with a woman like that?
Yardimci olamazsiniz, oyle bir enerjileri var ki insani miknatis gibi icine cekiyor. Yasayip gorecek. Cok enteresan insanlar, yasamayan bilmez sema hanim
There are resources on how to cope in a relationship with someone with BPD. This lady also has one, but I have found other resources as well. There are people that can handle being in a relationship with others who have mental health disorders. Just try to find the ones that say something other than run away, or go no contact, those sources know less about the topic.
Lise, as a man I cannot tell how much I appreciate that you talk about women abusing men. That said, I am sure the opposite configuration exists as well. Can you elaborate what kind of disorders can go under "deviant behavior"?
For those dealing with this directly - in addition to videos like this which are helpful and accurate- the book Stop Walking On Eggshells - is helpful.
I gave my ex numerous opportunities to show some level of accountability and she couldn’t - and it just became to much drama that also involved children. I’ve never loved or fought so hard for someone. Love is not enough. I led her to a therapist multiple times - only to be told I was the problem.
Yes accountability is a key issue with these people. They're virtually incapable of taking accountability for anything they do, and if you ever push back or maintain some kind of boundary there WILL be some type of retaliation. It's so textbook, its disappointing. You really can predict just what you're in for if you see the warning signs and ignore them. People wired like this really do follow the same patterns over and over.
The main reason I found helpful resources like this video is because my ex told me I was a narcissist. So I started learning about it so I could help myself become better. With everything I have found out, the research points back at her, and not myself. She is diagnosed with BPD, and is statistically more likely to have NPD, which she shows high levels of. Not to say I am perfect, there are places where I can be better too.
I was happy.. I fought and worked for my happiness before my relationship. After almost 11 Months of emotional abuse, manipulations, gambling issues, and emotional affairs I became depressed again. Just as the video says, all my friends told me “you’re crazy”, but I swore she would change.. she was the sweetest person I knew. In the last months of this, I felt caged. I was scared of being in my own home. I became a prisoner. This video is spot on.. every point was basically my relationship. If this is happening to you, you always have the choice to leave.. and for the sake of your happiness and health, you should run every time you see a red flag. Don’t make the same mistake I made. It’s not worth it.
When you've lived in thus toxic pattern for a decade, you wake up in a world ignorant of self-worth. This video truly cracked my steel and made me realize how much healing I still require.
Thank you for this video, I came out of this type of relationship of just 8 months and couldn't wrap my head around this situation. In the beginning it was exactly how you described it then it was the other side of things just to break up with me and found out to be with one or multiple ex's, if it wasn't for this video and comments I would still be overthinking the entire situation and be in a depressed state of mind. So thank you doctor and all the people who commented on this video, stay strong and move on, everyone that is out of this type of relationship will be extremely thankful might not seem it in the beginning but in the end you dodged a bullet!!!!
This is so very accurate. I knew somebody exactly like this. Thank you.
Wow! Lise is pretty incredible at explaining BPD and the different types. I also fell prey to an Impulsive Borderline and literally EVERY thing Lise said was what I experienced. From having the most randy personal pornstar who worshipped me who became Cruela DeVille within days and needed to know where I was at all times and accused me of infidelity when I went to see my dad, and always assumed the worst of me.
Rollercoaster is RIGHT! One that was off the rails far more than on them.
Lise's videos have helped. As have the books Stop Walking on Eggshells and Understanding the Borderline Mother (my mom is a Petulant Borderline) have been invaluable.
I realize that no matter WHAT I did or how I tried to please my ex, it never would have worked. The fact that I was the 5th serious boyfriend in 12 months (found out later) was pretty shocking. I also have much more insight into my mother's behavior and why she did the things she did abusively to me and my brothers growing up, and has zero memory of it.
Lise and the other resources have brought me to a place of deep compassion for them (mom and ex) and all who suffer from BPD. My heart aches thinking about what their life must be like, and I also feel extreme gratitude that I am not walking in their shoes.
So. Learning. Moving on. Not making the same mistakes. The human condition.
I hope everyone in the comments is also finding compassion and peace in their hearts, not only for their BPD partner/ex but also for themselves. 💖 Peace to you all.
This describes my ex/last relationship. Its started out AMAZING...but the craziness eventually appears & takes a huge toll on a person and it's exhausting. Extreme jealousy over NOTHING and everyone...men, women, a cashier at the grocery store etc. Calling a lot, then disappearing for no apparent reason....then, reappearing as if nothing happened. VERY judgemental, nothing is ever good enough. EVERY single person in my life who knows how she behaves have warned me to RUN. Another signature move of hers is to get angry with me on the phone, saying she needs to get off of the phone and then moments later, sends me selfies!!!
Exactly!
dude mine slept with me and filed a protection order the same day, then starts trying to contact me wondering why I won't work it out with her, then starts sending nudes, they live for drama and then use it against you.
@@jessoftherocks omg. As unbelievable as that is, it's totally believable with these people!! Wow.
@@byefelicia7736 dude she tried to blackmail me all the way till the court date, then she dismissed it the day before cause I lawyered up, two weeks beforehand when I was served the injunction, the constable was standing their and my phone's going off over and over again it was her! And then four hours later there's a knock at my door, it's the cops, someone apparently called a "welfare check " on me. It was the next door neighbor under orders from my wife, who's at a woman's shelter. Two months before this all happened, I caught her taking nudes of herself and sending them to some guy on Snapchat, she would cut her arm with my son in the house, and wouldn't let me call a welfare check on her because she claimed at the time he was in another room so it didn't matter! I found out she was fucking guys behind my back the entire marriage while I was at work, everyday I'd come home to her sexually coercing me, it fucked with my head so bad knowing I was going down on her all those months after she was getting gacked out and turned out by ANYONE on tinder, Snapchat, Facebook...it's God damn insane what she did to me. After that first protection order she goes from loving me to hating me on and off for six months, all while I was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. Then four night in a row in August 2020 she's trying to get into my house at 2am all the time, on August 9th I wake up and she's in my bed half naked telling me how much she loves me and like a complete jack ass I fell for it, slept with her thinking we are saving our marriage only to have her immediately the next morning start her shit up again, this time with her accusations that I pressured her to have sex...like wtf this shit sent me reeling off course cause it's like in her mind it's her fucked up fantasy crazy making bullshit. Needless to say we text back and forth, every message I sent she said I was harassing her, so she calls the cops boom arrested for stalking! Cause I sent numerous messages defending myself...anyways my charge was dismissed based on all the evidence in court. But it doesn't change the fact that she straight up gaslighted me and fucked with my head to the point of complete frustration...oh and nowadays she drives by my house, has contacted my next door neighbor and the cops don't do a fucking thing cause you know ..that's not stalking...even though I have her on camera driving by my house...they are insane they are literally neurotic
Exactly the same here. Extreme jealousy, but flirting with other men a lot at the same time. 3 months into our relationship where we almost broke up, 2 days after we reconciled she spent the whole company christmas with others and other dudes, staying very very late ans didn't care the slightest how i felt. I wouldn't have cared otherwise had it not been literally days after we almost broke up as she pushed me away and ghosted me for not calling her one afternoon.. so yeah, extreme gaslighting. I am still getting anxiety if i think back of being with her.. goog thing is now i am no contact, and although very very difficult, i did manage to realise she has something off and bpd to perfectly describe her, and got out of the relationship after 6 months. Stay safe out there!
This was an amazing video she does some great work and she’s spot on with her takes. Currently experiencing everything she explained in this video. One of the hardest parts is feeling bad knowing they are doing you wrong, you want to walk away but man it is extremely difficult, for her to explain it in perspective of what a man will experience is greatly appreciated thank you!
i know this video is extremely apathetic towards those suffering with bpd, it did help me realize that i suffer with this subtype and im becoming more self aware of my own behavior. so thanks for that. wish you would make videos that are favored towards helping us instead of helping others avoid us but you’re a therapist and im not so it’s cool
When the relationship lasts a year yiu let your guard down. You assume no one could put on an act for that long. As time passes you get deeper and deeper. You never see the betrayal coming.
This described my time with my ex from the first time we met until the divorce in August and still trying to figure out what happened now....
Even though the ride has stopped and literally across the country from each other, I still wonder if I did enough, should I have stayed, am I really all the things she said?......
Men definitely deal with this hell on earth as well, but trying to speak out shows weakness, (according to her male family) and as a man you should be able deal with anything.
Thank you for your content. Healing and always on time.
In short I will say this.....once abused the relationship is over. It doesn't matter what her family says. It's your self respect that matters and you do whatever it takes to maintain it.
I would SWEAR you've been reading my journal if I actually kept one. :) Thanks so much for this validation/reality checking talk, Lise; it's really helping to recover my sense of self and reality after being lost in the shared fantasy for so long.
I have a history of being an insecure rock of stability. I tend to attract women like this. It’s amazing to me how much work it takes for me to remain unavailable. I don’t think I’m special, but people look for potential victims.
Insecure rock please explain
@@Nando_lifts2021 I like people simply because they like me (historically). I am also seen as emotionally stable and seen to be a solid and responsible person.
Unbelievably well done and accurate. Thank you. And thank God I was able to get out of my relationship that was exactly this.
There is only one thing anyone can do. Run away fast. I endured 6 years of both MBPD and Antisocial insanity and refused to leave because we did have some good times but the toxicity destroyed my own sense of proportion and left me unbalanced and in a constant state of internal trauma. If I can share one word of advice it is this…RUN!
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and I understand that I’m messed up. My ex was as patient with me as he could be until he couldn’t be anymore. I’m not vindictive but the love bombing and putting on a pedestal is real. The VA doctors diagnosed me with Bipolar but they are treating me for BPD. I’ve been through DBT but I still messed up such a beautiful connection. I read another post that advised someone to wait until the BPD person rage and discard and then leave. I believe that he’s using this window to get out and I don’t blame him. It hurts, badly, but I would understand if he left. I love him so much 😔. This shit is horrible.
I am sorry for the pain you are suffering from. I just broke up with my gf two weeks ago and she matches many of the BPD symptoms-- maybe not the impulsive type exactly but the extreme fear of abandonment, anger issues, i pulsivity, feeling the void, etc were all there. I feel horrible right now. It feels like I have abandoned my own child without protection. But deep inside I know I did the right decision for both of us. We both wanted life partners and I just couldn't handle it anymore.
@@bobesfanchi I was married to a covert narc for 20 years, only to end up in divorce (bc once I started to go to counseling and was taught how not to respond to him, he filed for divorce) and then I remarried, but this time to what she's describing in this video. As a result, I have a lot of trauma that can sometimes manifest itself in personality disorders, yet I don't have any. I wonder how many of us exhibit some of these traits based on being trapped in these relationships, only to be rejected by someone who is "healthy." It's as if we actually aren't loveable by anyone sane.
My bf is a BPD with extremly violent rages, verbal abuse and hurtful discard. What annoys me, is, itsseems ,you guys, are doing this only with people that truely love you, not with those that dont give a toss about you?!?!?
This woman is talking like we Bpd ask to be this way we don't it's life from day I e as a child made us this way we're not bad people
@@bobesfanchiMy apologies for the delayed response. I appreciate you. Also, I understand that you had to protect yourself. It hurts to lose the one that you love; however, it’s not good to keep allowing yourself to be hurt. I wish you two could have worked it out but I truly understand.
Lise Leblanc, you just made me realize why I was dumped and discarded. I just made the mental shift from my subconscious to being fully aware that all that time, "I was simply breathing wrong" (what an idiot I was)….haha, not really, however, sad but true. Keep bringing these great videos and speaking the truth and raising awareness. The knowledge is key to fight the emotional part of the brain that tries to lie to the rational part despite all the evidence supporting the fact that this person is not well and more than likely suffering from a personality disorder. For me, they are worse than any drug or substance there. In my past I struggled wit substance abuse, but weaning off this type of drug hands down is worse than any substance I ever abused or was addicted to, no contest.
This is every relationship my brother’s ever had but he himself is absurdly narcissistic.
When they’re not sabotaging each other they’re tag teaming other family members. Once they declare victory they’re attacking each other again.
OMG, I almost hate you for being so spot on you are. My mother and I, are both impulsive borderline personalitys. I've been married 2x, am older now, purposely staying alone, as not to subject myself to anyone. I can't help it! And it's not fair to those who involve themselves with me.
I love how self aware/mindful you are.
Wow I didn't know you met my ex 🤣 😭. Seriously everything you said I experienced or went through something very similar. I've been thinking NPD but BPD is starting to make way more sense. I even had a therapist I saw for 2 years say yep sounds like BPD. Thank you so much for your content and helping us guys. 🙏
Wow. This is spot on. So glad I left her. And this time I for sure won’t let her back in. Learned my lesson this time. The fourth was the last. She was great when it was good but it was the worst ever when it was bad, she destroyed my iPhone because she saw I talked to my one friend who she didn’t like. Thankfully she’s long distance and knows I’d file a restraining order if she ever got close again and I’m just hopeful she doesn’t try to Hoover back again. If she does, I’m going to continue blocking and hope she finds someone else to latch on to. She’s undiagnosed bpd, she has a psychiatrist degree and they diagnosed her bipolar, but the truth is that she’s a borderline. Thank you for this video it gives me further strength on my decision and helps me realize that even though I did all I could, I could have never done enough. Your video is also helping me in more ways than you even think to heal from this insane roller coaster. Keep up the amazing work!
I am a person with BPD, idk what type but this sounds like me, the difference is that I have the diagnosis and the treatment and also my fiancée know that and she support me a lot, when I’m mad she just prefer to wait until I’m not that mad anymore… I really appreciate her for her patience and her love, I am trying to do my best for her bc I don’t wanna hurt her
I hope everyone find the help they need ❤
Yes, its torment. No win situation. The best you can do is get out and find your peace. Once you are out you will find peace.
Oh my goodness! I went out with a woman like this. She was previously married 3 times when I met her. Luckily I was strong enough to leave her before giving her a ring. She is on her 5th marriage now.
This was spot on. First encountered this with my high school sweetheart. Love bombed me, impulsive, fits of unprovoked rage, vindictive... I graduated to attracting a few NPD's after that. I clearly had some work within myself to sort out to stop repeating those patterns of partners.
Let me guess, bordeliners are the most destructive and scary?
Nailed this. I was married 20 years to this. It’s pure hell.
Nailed it.
I've thoroughly researched all Narc and BPD behavioral characteristics and this one is at least 95% dead-on.
My GF of 2 years has all you described, with strong Narcissist traits.
Oh NY God it 1000% accurate. I swear to God I've been blaming myself so much. I mean I wasn't perfect so thankfully I learned some things, but I noticed some of these flaws of mine weren't really present in past relationships. It's like being with my BPD ex brought out the worst in me. At least I don't feel completely insane though, just shook up from the crazy 3 year ride that it was.
You're simply brilliant. In every video of yours I hear you say or list things verbatim a recent ex has said or done. Always several 'jaw hanging open' moments where I'm just stunned at your accuracy!
Did you help these people when you was a therapist?
Wow, you said EVERYTHING that happened to me when I was in a relationship with a borderline. Thank you so much for your clarification !!
After watching these vids all day I realize that a lot of bpd seem to hook up with other ppl who have mental health issues as well. So all these symptoms are triggered by not only the person with bpd but also by the person they have choosen.
I watched this video 3 times. This woman is so amazing at putting herself in the mind of the BPD partner role. I'm sick at my stomach thinking about all the therapy I'm going to need.
I'm floored. You nailed everyone. I'm living this life right now. It's tough.
Thank you so much for helping men who have suffered and are suffering .. the information is invaluable
This is exactly what I’ve been through. My reputation and peace in my life has been destroyed. She’s lied to authorities multiple times about me just to get back at me for doing something she didn’t like even though I was honest about it. We have children together and I love her but it’s dragging me down
You have to go through this with someone to have it deeply resonate, that's my guess, and boy, I did. Thanks, Lise!
I thought I was alone, I thought I was the bad guy. I'm in the midst of a cycle now. Emotional pain that is hard to put into words... but like so many others have said, I cannot believe how accurately my girlfriend of almost 6 years has been described in this video. As i said, I'm in the middle of a cycle and I'm embarrassed to say how low I sank this morning but I got through it. Yet, I'm still scared because I'm not willing to give up yet. However, I now have an understanding and more importantly, I've been given an ounce of my self-esteem back watching this video. The flame of hope that almost burned out this morning is now a bit brighter. I'm not crazy and I have a name for what I'm going to see if I can help her battle. The difference this time is, if I lose, I know it wasn't all me and I'll have a better view of why I have to leave vs. feeling like I'm a terrible person who is now dumping the most amazing woman ever. Thank you for posting this video, it's literally a life saver 🙏
The problems most likely have nothing to do with you. Your GF of 6 years has just eaten away at you and made you feel like its your fault. I hope you can break away.
As much as I find some comfort in knowing she would have been hurting no matter what I did, I would rather carry that guilt than to know I was just one of many, and potentially many more.
Feeling that this was once in a lifetime for me, but knowing it was just a pattern for her, is crushing, but something I need to realize.
This information is so important.
thank you for these videos!! i finally broke the cycle and I am in such a better place. I had to block her on my phone completely as being her friend did not work. from writing me a 200 page book and painting my portrait, to repeatedly cancelling and fucking other guys . . . it was a rollercoaster. but one I am happy to be off of.
Thank you for this video! Described my ex wife to a T. And I never thought I would get away but I finally did manage to leave her after almost 2 years. Each month that passes I feel stronger. And it makes me sick to think of how she was my drug of choice for so long. But when I was in it, I lost myself more and more every day.
So true, I truly felt like she was helping me and I was helping her. Little did I know she would destroy my life in ways I could never imagine. She trapped me in a pregnancy and then began using the kids as a weapon
you just end up hating them to the core of their being, no matter how much you loved them, this one is spot on
Smoking pot regularly can intensify these behaviours, as well as adding paranoia. Young women in North America smoke a lot more weed due to widespread legalization. It creates alternate realities.
Alochol women use more
Thank you. The last 45 seconds just made it all click. Just because I love her doesn't mean I need to be with her.
I just keep saying,"If I don't give her the unconditional love she needs, no one else will."
Now if i could only stop dating women with BPD. I'm so attracted to people with trauma. I see survivors. People that have been to hell and back. I find great attraction to people the can still find beauty in the world after so much suffering. But i ignore all the traits that they used to survive.
Ugh. Why don't i find attraction to stability?
I always thought given time she would come to know how much I love her and become secure. Nope. After a few years I knew things weren't going to get better and I was never going to learn how to deal the next flare-up, it's impossible. With two children I couldn't bare to be separated from I hung in there for a total of 20-years. I'm grateful for wonderful relationships with my grown children, but keep to myself under a load of self-doubt. Be careful out there.
This is so dead on. I can’t believe I thought everything was normal and have done this for 20 years. Is there anyway to work through it all? Does any treatment ever truly work for the person?
It took me 3 weeks of daily watching UA-cam videos about borderline to realize now she was the impulsive type. I wanted to believe she was quite BPD, because she had a good job, she was a lawyer, and always thriving for more. We had a long distance relationship. When I was at her place, and found out she had back up man, she didn't like it and didn't admit it. When I wanted to go see her again, guess what ?? She started accusing me of being aggressive, jealous, insecure, narcissist. And she blocked me. I chased her from different phones 5 months. And she always accused me of the same things, throwing really bad words. In the same time, she was hooking up with different men.. So the lady who loved bombed me in the beginning, who made me believe she wanted a family, all the wonderful stuff, she was actually the type of woman who was sleeping with numerous men. Eventually I got better and sent her one more message, that I was done with chasing her and thanked her for the great time together. I feel sorry that it was just a fantasy...
Wow!
This really hit the nail on the head!
Every point mentioned here i`ve lived through, right down to the order in which they happened...
The bit that still gives me nightmares is where her mask finally dropped and I saw the real creature beneath it...just before she grabbed a knife and exploded with rage because I had the absolute cheek to confront her, with concrete evidence, that she`d been sleeping with her ex behind my back...
I got stabbed and slashed, she talked her way out of it when I called the police...I packed a bag and went to a friends place, two days later jumped on a plane and fled to the UK...
Had this with my ex. I was in a relationship with her for just over a year and what a rollercoaster it was. It took me nearly 7 months after I ended it to get out of her chokehold, which caused more damage to me mentally than the relationship itself. Trust your gut fellas, liten to the advice and run as fast as you can.
Oof. This hit me in the gut. I've been in relationships with several women just like this. Thanks for the clarity and understanding around a connection I've been struggling with.
Had one 100% as described, it is unbelievable what she was capable to do.
Wow! Of all the countless videos I have watched about the covert narc and narcs... I knew my girl didn't quite have all the traits of a narcissist. After watching this, however, it was like a word for word review of my last 9 year relationship. With the exception of her never really rage quitting or raging, she hit 8 out of 10 of these out of the park. I was losing myself. Could never do good enough. Felt like a hamster that couldn't get off the wheel. The delusional jealousy made every engagement too tense. She even started to make things weird with the neighbors. Oh, you talked to your neighbor today. You care more about them than you do me. I am no professional, but I can safely say that she definitely suffers from BPD. As hard as it was, and as much as she lit my world on fire when it was good, I knew we had to split. She was bringing the worst out of me and making me the rage quitter. Thank you so much for posting this video. It has helped me heal a bit more from the realization that I could never have ever been enough.
that perfectly describes the woman i am currently dating
My ex got her BPD diagnosis a few months ago but wasn’t getting treatment. It burned our relationship to the ground. 2 months after we split and I’m still reeling
This sounds exactly like my crazy ex girlfriend back in the 80s.
4 years of hell. Pretty much everything from the video is familiar. Lots of fights without any deescalation option.
I am pretty sure she ruined my ability to have relationships.