Emotional abuse isn’t an argument or your partner having a bad day, it’s trauma that keeps you in a cycle making you doubt your own reality, feeling confused and powerless.
No excuses! Run from the drama. Life is too short to spend it with anyone hid these behaviors from you early on. We are all responsible to regulate or medicate. Having grown up with parents like these people is more than enough to bear.
If you see it in your partner and experience it for a longer period of time (in my case years), run. If tried it for years, had therapy, walked on egg shells for so long… Finally, I broke free and feel so much better now.
This was my ex and after you said "When they're regulated they can be the sweetest person", I looked back and realised, they weren't even that anyway. Even when she wasn't dysregulated, she was pessimistic, judgemental, critical, condescending and self-centred. It's nice having moments of realisation like this because it makes me realise how much I tried to gaslight myself into thinking she was still the sweet person I met at the start, amidst the behaviour mentioned above.
Exactly. I told myself that I missed the good times. But when I thought objectively about it, even in the “Good times,” she was consistently escalating small things into crises, judging “friends” and family who had a different viewpoint or lifestyle (all while claiming that she was the most nonjudgmental person you would ever meet), and blowing up when she was triggered or when anyone challenged the person she believed herself to be (including yelling at my kids). And now that it has ended and I have my eyes open, the worst part is the shear amount of lies she told. About her experience. About her family. About herself. About mutual friends. About me. About my kids. The exaggerations. The half truths. The conflicting stories. The downright malicious lies. My word. It is maddening to know that someone you trusted so completely likely lied to you in some capacity in probably 80-90% of interactions.
@@cjbrantlyI hear you. The disregulation is frustrating enough, but the lies are intolerable. And of course, anytime you try to challenge the lies, it triggers the dysregulation so it’s a vicious circle with no solutions.
After tolerating 11 episodes in six months from my last partner I pulled the plug. All the apologies, and promises in the word every time after every episode were not enough to stay with her. She was in therapy, it didn't help. Shame, as outside of those manic emotional blitzkrieg tirades she was great. Onward.
❤❤ Very informative. I left my partner years ago because it got too toxic for both of us. If I had this information back then, we would have had a better chance to work things out. I would like to say that emotionally disregulated people aren't bad, or evil , even though it seems that way. They are just tortured souls with a disorder. They deserve to be loved and cared for like everyone. Thank you Lise.❤❤
They have to realize knowing their actions hurt people and just can’t be brushed off until the next episode. Self reflection needs to be addressed by them to help themselves when it comes up again.
Wow! This whole video is what I’m going through. I can’t handle the ups and downs any more tho it’s taken it’s toll on me to much. The egg shells and anger I get towards me is to much. I can’t actually do it any more I’m so stressed my self.
I love your content, keep it up please you are amazing. I recently finished a 6 year relationship with a BPD 25Fyo im a 27M, if only we've found your channel sooner maybe we could have work things out. Sadly her whole personality was the disorder, she needed medication and i needed more patience.
Hang in there brother. You sound most similar to mine that it hurts. Her 24f me 32m at the time of her discard last year. And this year, I find out she was cheating on me for 2 out of 4 of the years we were together, and kept it secret the entire time since she had gaslight/trained me to just trust her
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
Lise, you're one of the few voices that kept me crawling toward freedom. PS: Please ease up on the THC criticisms. In my state, it's legal for a reason ...and its legalization and subsequent regulation happens to be one of our prime weapons in the fight against abusive and narcissistic relationships. That said, live long and prosper, O' Queen. I love your work!
THC is not naive as it seems, this comes from a regular smoker, 10 years soon, i can confidently say that it fucked me up on many fields.. and still continues, its hard to battle addiction of any kind and THC addiction is not talked about enough
Its called toxic family attributes and insecurities that one has to tolerate in a relationship. I'm accountable for my actions, however, my X was accountable for her actions. It's a shame that we can't communicate to an extent that we can work things out. In the end my X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together.
I try it all, i wanted to talk about our relationship, because it was not healthy and more like toxic or traumabond, so I said one time: I think that what we have is not good for each other, it feels toxic. She got mad and instead to talk about it, she was angry and said: “if you think that, than we are done” After all the painfully arguments and crying I pulled the plug, I can’t take it anymore, than I worked very hard on myself and my anxiety, came back and than got discarded on the most horrible way, get block without clossure, now 12 months later, still in a limerence state 😢 I just want to keep the peace and build up a healthy relationship, she told me so much that I was everything and that I always get in touch with her no matter what 😓💔
What if the disregulation looks like long silent treatments for days? Where you can’t talk about the trigger, the behaviors without them being triggered again. Just a black hole of ill will and communication
The only thing that triggers me bad into where I go full on defense mode is when I'm in danger from people otherwise I can be ok with seeing them or whatever ever but if I feel in immediate danger I flip to have some sence of controlling the outcome especially if the people are unreasonable and won't talk
It's very difficult. I feel that along with many people, you see how hard it can be being with someone like this. And personally, I would try for ages and ages to make sense and tey and work on all this. But unfortunately, it can be impossible and regardless of how much you love the person, whether they mean it or not, it can be very abusive and it can make you feel very down and useless almost. I understand that they may not mean the hurtful and abusive things that they say and do but that is besides the point. It's almost being unfair on yourself and if the relationship is ended by them, it makes you feel so down that you stayed with them and tried to help them so much in thr first place-all for nothing and just to be hurt.
Step 11. Buy yourself a nice little second hand van, a propane cooker and a portable toilet. If you have to put up with crap, it might as well be your own! No just kidding, well kind of, although I have been watching a lot of van life content lately 😅😅😅
Same boat here. I've been dealing with emotional abuse for years. I'm used to it. But my son is getting older, and he's catching the brunt of it a lot of times now. He's a really good kid, and I'm worried she's going to ruin him.
TELL YOUR SON WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIS MOTHER. GET INFORMATION AND LET HIM READ UP ON IT AND MAKE IT CLEAR VERY CLEAR THAT SHE IS SICK MENTALLY AND TO ANSOLITELY NOT TAKE THE NEGATIVE THINGS SHE SAYS PERSONAL AND TELL HIM TO STAY POSITIVE DO NOT FOLLOW HER NEGATIVE WAYS AND THAT HE SHOULD KEEP LOVING AND RESPECTING HER. TAKE HIM SOMEWHERE YOU AND HIM AWAY FROM HER LET HIM WATCH THESE VIDEOS YOU CAN ALSO GO TO A MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC AND GET INFORMATION ON HER ILLNESS AND WHAT TO DO SO HE CAN READ AND GO OVER IT. YOU SIR RUN INTERFERENCE IF SHE STARTS IN ON HIM. MAYBE SEND HIM TO DO A CHORE OR GET SOMETHING TO DRINK TO GET HIM OUT OF THE LINE OF FIRE. MOST OF ALL PRAY AND ASK THE LORD for WISDOM
I’m going through this now. It hurts. We have been married for 3 years, and what my wife doesn’t realize is that she is becoming less and less attractive in my eyes. Almost every one of these points is to a T with us. She has BPD and doesn’t have any interest in wanting to work on it. We have 2 kids and one on the way and I just feel stuck. I don’t know how to live life anymore. It really is hard, especially since she has isolated me from everyone close I once had. I am just lost.
A little before minute 8, it was mentioned how they can be one person when regulated and another person when dysregulated. That really hit. Who was she? I still don’t know.
I'm still trying to figure it out after 22 years. She once told me early on in our marriage Please don't let the bad me ruin your feelings for the good me.
I recently was in a relationship with an NPD woman who would intentionally trigger me in this way. Putting my hands up I did get to the point after enough time where I would have episodes of extreme emotional dysregulation. Im a very calm, loving and patient person...and 99% of the time would be in total control, if maybe a little too caring until recently...The problem was that my NPD ex would deliberately perpetuate my dysregulation. I know fully that I eventually lost control...but the series of trigger testing, abuse, insults, gaslighting, long periods of silent treatment and abandonment etc. Was what causes the snap sometimes. This eventually lead to the final discard and has left me entirely broken. Even when some of my past damage and pain was not her fault...being an NPD she would target these moments of personal weakness to cause the most amount of chaos and damage herself. I have been going through therapy since before the discard, once I realised beforehand that I was contributing towards this trauma bonded codependent relationship and i wanted to get to the bottom of my past trauma and find more personal security...I genuinely thought the problems in the relationship were all my fault. My ex NPD seemed to have been in some sort of therapy and help since she was about 20 (17 years) but the work would never truly land or become absorbed to have any real world effect. Like it was just an act or a virtue signal. Anyway. The damage has been catastrophic to me during a point I was weakest. What I'm saying is. Emotional dysregulation doesn't mean you're a bad person. But if you had a partner who genuinely cared about you as a person, it would not often get to this kind of stage. Noone can fix you but yourself and your own introspection and work...but a genuine partner would encourage and support you during periods of heightened need...if they abandon, abuse, manipulate, exacerbate, stonewall, maginalise and minimalise your feelings or the reality of the situation you are trying to overcome. Then when you are calm...cut them out your life...Because you (or them) cannot heal with a person who seeks to or unknowingly constantly re opens your wounds.
Both my energy level and apart from that my romantic feelings can really ebb and flow for no apparent reason, making me come across as very whimsical , unpredictable, arbitrary. Very frustrating for me and partner.
Can u discuss situations where a spouse (in this case, a husband) will hit/punch/bite himself when the wife tries to bring up issues to work thru? This immediately curtails any attempt to address the issue and causes the spouse witnessing this violence major trauma. Is this abuse? What can be done, especially if the spouse hitting themselves refuses therapy (or does therapy for a couple sessions, then stops, only to start therapy again to keep the wife from leaving, then stops therapy again, repeat repeat)?
@@summersalix has your self-harming spouse had a comprehensive psychological evaluation? This behaviour could be related to autism, BPD or another serious mental disorder. I would encourage you to get professional support to help you cope and perhaps leave this relationship, especially considering the fact that he is not engaging in intensive therapy.
How you deal with it is you leave the relationship. Obviously this is easier said than done, especially in a longer relationship. Your sanity and health are not worth sacrificing for someone else's dysfunction.
Guys, have some self respect, and just end things. Your life will be a living hell otherwise, and you will be dragged down to her level. Let her destroy her own life rather than yours as well.
You can get emotional dysregulation as reaction to being abused. Also, many people that experience an acute episode of emotional dysregulation will try to isolate themselves in an attempt to shield close ones from the intensity of their negative emotions. Lastly, many people with a disorder associated with emotional dysregulation never attack close ones verbally or physically. Close ones may however, experience trauma due to witnessing such an episode.
Yes some of them do attack verbally and FALSE accuse and are very negative and dont take responsibility for what they do and try to turn everything around on you.
Lise, I have a question - would you say that emotional deregulation can be considered as some sort of “BPD-lite”? There are a couple of interesting behavioral patterns on both disorders but it seems that the proportions are “a bit” lower on emotional deregulation, hence the “lite” aspect comparing it to BPD.
@@ChrisPTY507 emotional deregulation can be present without other BPD symptoms (ie: autism) and so in some cases, emotional dysregulation is not related to BPD.
It’s interesting all the “Run Away & Fast” commentary . Where will you run? Into the arms of a drug addict? How about a Gambler? What about a two timing sociopathic liar? What about a drunk? Or an OCD badgering, nagging emasculating critic? EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING! This is life. If you love someone and they’re adult enough to WORK ON IT, don’t run because you have 200 likes on your bikini photo on Facebook. In the end, we all need love. Real love isn’t simply expressed in the bed or on vacation. Real love isn’t simply pleasure based. You have to have resiliency to weather the storms. Yeah, if you’re being chased with a butcher knife or it’s constant drama teaching the kids with a late night episode every night of the week; yeah get out. But if you have a compassionate adult that is remorseful and ACTIVELY SEEKING HELP for their shortcomings, pray and don’t throw the “baby out with the dirty bath water” . It’s not enabling. This video repeatedly said, “Create Boundaries” . There is a lot that triggers bad behavior. Sometimes the individual recognizes YOU ARE FOLLOWING A PATTERN that crushed them traumatically in the past. Be the light In their dark. Eventually, they can regulate themselves. If not, yes, preserve your sanity.
wtf, it looks like every comment is about 'leave your partner right now if this is happening with you'? I think if you love her and if she's trying to get better why don't give a little understanding and support..?
Because ALL of the understanding and support you've ever given WILL go to waste. She will pretend to be trying to "get better" all the way to the very moment she walks out on you. And then you'll be here too commenting the same.
Many of us did that, some for years. In most cases it won't get better, just more worse. Many of us have given all we could trying to help them get better and neglecting our own needs for a long time. And many of us were then just painted as the most horrible person ever, thrown away like trash and immediately replaced with someone "better".
wife gets extremely narcissistic right before her period, it goes beyond the "funny period jokes" it is totally abusive, and she has 2 periods a month, once in the beginning and one at the end, only time there is peace is mid month, she refuses to acknowledge there is a problem and continues to blame me for her bad behavior, I don't know what to do, been married for 15 years, love my wife deeply, maybe i should start never reacting back with any form of emotionalism, she can drive me completely insane
The continued abuse and refusal to acknowledge the problem, is excuse making. She's using that as an excuse to be an abusive person. 2 periods a month? Never heard of that.
Get her to therapy. Find a way. Either that, or *you* find your way to therapy. You *do* need it. Otherwise she'll make you a wreck. If you start, maybe she'll follow. As it is, and without such steps, it spells doom for your mental and psychical health....
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Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Emotional abuse isn’t an argument or your partner having a bad day, it’s trauma that keeps you in a cycle making you doubt your own reality, feeling confused and powerless.
No excuses! Run from the drama. Life is too short to spend it with anyone hid these behaviors from you early on. We are all responsible to regulate or medicate. Having grown up with parents like these people is more than enough to bear.
If you see it in your partner and experience it for a longer period of time (in my case years), run.
If tried it for years, had therapy, walked on egg shells for so long…
Finally, I broke free and feel so much better now.
First they need to take responsibility consistently. Then you apply this while they're working with it. Otherwise you only enable toxic behavior.
No one deserves to be verbally abused, emotionally abused or gaslit...i wish i knew about all of this from the start....thanks Lise
Never too late. Sending you prayers!
This was my ex and after you said "When they're regulated they can be the sweetest person", I looked back and realised, they weren't even that anyway. Even when she wasn't dysregulated, she was pessimistic, judgemental, critical, condescending and self-centred.
It's nice having moments of realisation like this because it makes me realise how much I tried to gaslight myself into thinking she was still the sweet person I met at the start, amidst the behaviour mentioned above.
Exactly. I told myself that I missed the good times. But when I thought objectively about it, even in the “Good times,” she was consistently escalating small things into crises, judging “friends” and family who had a different viewpoint or lifestyle (all while claiming that she was the most nonjudgmental person you would ever meet), and blowing up when she was triggered or when anyone challenged the person she believed herself to be (including yelling at my kids).
And now that it has ended and I have my eyes open, the worst part is the shear amount of lies she told. About her experience. About her family. About herself. About mutual friends. About me. About my kids. The exaggerations. The half truths. The conflicting stories. The downright malicious lies. My word. It is maddening to know that someone you trusted so completely likely lied to you in some capacity in probably 80-90% of interactions.
@@cjbrantlyI hear you. The disregulation is frustrating enough, but the lies are intolerable. And of course, anytime you try to challenge the lies, it triggers the dysregulation so it’s a vicious circle with no solutions.
After tolerating 11 episodes in six months from my last partner I pulled the plug. All the apologies, and promises in the word every time after every episode were not enough to stay with her. She was in therapy, it didn't help. Shame, as outside of those manic emotional blitzkrieg tirades she was great. Onward.
Sad stuff
I'm right there with you.
All I know is that after years with a disregulated partner I’m now feeling pretty disregulated myself …
❤❤ Very informative. I left my partner years ago because it got too toxic for both of us. If I had this information back then, we would have had a better chance to work things out. I would like to say that emotionally disregulated people aren't bad, or evil , even though it seems that way. They are just tortured souls with a disorder. They deserve to be loved and cared for like everyone. Thank you Lise.❤❤
What you are describing is a 'white knight'. Sure, they might not be evil, but you are under no obligation to be their psychologist.
"I can fix her" *yawns... I don't owe anyone love and care, especially if they are abusive. Love and care are earned.
@@rawthe I'm not saying try to fix them, thats impossible. All I'm saying is don't hate her. Would you hate someone with autism or turrets syndrome?
It’s not your job to rescue another capable, functional adult.
Then we are all curiously waiting for your definition of bad or evil people.
It's not our responsibility to fix anyone. Be supportive but never allow yourself to accept their poor behavior.
I have ptsd adhd autism and a head injury , this speaks to me seriously ptsd makes you push people away and paranoid af agoraphobic
Watching this video and can't help but think this is a horrible way to live. Recognize the signs and RUN!!!!!
A good list - how I coud have used itb 5 years ago!
They have to realize knowing their actions hurt people and just can’t be brushed off until the next episode. Self reflection needs to be addressed by them to help themselves when it comes up again.
Wow! This whole video is what I’m going through. I can’t handle the ups and downs any more tho it’s taken it’s toll on me to much. The egg shells and anger I get towards me is to much. I can’t actually do it any more I’m so stressed my self.
I love your content, keep it up please you are amazing. I recently finished a 6 year relationship with a BPD 25Fyo im a 27M, if only we've found your channel sooner maybe we could have work things out. Sadly her whole personality was the disorder, she needed medication and i needed more patience.
You spent 6 years ? You had all the patience, do not blame yourself.
@LuizMirandaLMT Thx man.. its rough.
@@EsotericPain life goes on brother, keep your head up
Hang in there brother. You sound most similar to mine that it hurts. Her 24f me 32m at the time of her discard last year. And this year, I find out she was cheating on me for 2 out of 4 of the years we were together, and kept it secret the entire time since she had gaslight/trained me to just trust her
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
You don’t. Run!
Lise, you're one of the few voices that kept me crawling toward freedom.
PS: Please ease up on the THC criticisms. In my state, it's legal for a reason ...and its legalization and subsequent regulation happens to be one of our prime weapons in the fight against abusive and narcissistic relationships.
That said, live long and prosper, O' Queen. I love your work!
THC is not naive as it seems, this comes from a regular smoker, 10 years soon, i can confidently say that it fucked me up on many fields.. and still continues, its hard to battle addiction of any kind and THC addiction is not talked about enough
I wish I had this video years ago
This is my daughters mother she has ruined our lives with this past episode:(
You are an Angel! Your videos are a life saver! 😘✨
Its called toxic family attributes and insecurities that one has to tolerate in a relationship. I'm accountable for my actions, however, my X was accountable for her actions. It's a shame that we can't communicate to an extent that we can work things out. In the end my X left me for a rebound guy after a few years together.
I try it all, i wanted to talk about our relationship, because it was not healthy and more like toxic or traumabond, so I said one time: I think that what we have is not good for each other, it feels toxic.
She got mad and instead to talk about it, she was angry and said: “if you think that, than we are done”
After all the painfully arguments and crying I pulled the plug, I can’t take it anymore, than I worked very hard on myself and my anxiety, came back and than got discarded on the most horrible way, get block without clossure, now 12 months later, still in a limerence state 😢 I just want to keep the peace and build up a healthy relationship, she told me so much that I was everything and that I always get in touch with her no matter what 😓💔
What if the disregulation looks like long silent treatments for days? Where you can’t talk about the trigger, the behaviors without them being triggered again. Just a black hole of ill will and communication
The only thing that triggers me bad into where I go full on defense mode is when I'm in danger from people otherwise I can be ok with seeing them or whatever ever but if I feel in immediate danger I flip to have some sence of controlling the outcome especially if the people are unreasonable and won't talk
It's very difficult. I feel that along with many people, you see how hard it can be being with someone like this. And personally, I would try for ages and ages to make sense and tey and work on all this.
But unfortunately, it can be impossible and regardless of how much you love the person, whether they mean it or not, it can be very abusive and it can make you feel very down and useless almost.
I understand that they may not mean the hurtful and abusive things that they say and do but that is besides the point. It's almost being unfair on yourself and if the relationship is ended by them, it makes you feel so down that you stayed with them and tried to help them so much in thr first place-all for nothing and just to be hurt.
1st comment! Posted 1 min ago! Thank you Lise your work has been amazing and this is exactly what I have been going through. 👏
@@conorbroughton thanks so much for watching and commenting!
How can we tell if emotional disregulation is from PMS?
Track the cycle 😂 only way 😅
Step 11. Buy yourself a nice little second hand van, a propane cooker and a portable toilet. If you have to put up with crap, it might as well be your own! No just kidding, well kind of, although I have been watching a lot of van life content lately 😅😅😅
Yes, take a massive ski trip and maybe never come back. I'm down!
How to explain this kind of behaviour to the children? I can take it. It hurts but I will live. But what about the kids? 😢
Good question
Same boat here. I've been dealing with emotional abuse for years. I'm used to it. But my son is getting older, and he's catching the brunt of it a lot of times now. He's a really good kid, and I'm worried she's going to ruin him.
Simple, tell the truth.
TELL YOUR SON WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIS MOTHER. GET INFORMATION AND LET HIM READ UP ON IT AND MAKE IT CLEAR VERY CLEAR THAT SHE IS SICK MENTALLY AND TO ANSOLITELY NOT TAKE THE NEGATIVE THINGS SHE SAYS PERSONAL AND TELL HIM TO STAY POSITIVE DO NOT FOLLOW HER NEGATIVE WAYS AND THAT HE SHOULD KEEP LOVING AND RESPECTING HER. TAKE HIM SOMEWHERE YOU AND HIM AWAY FROM HER LET HIM WATCH THESE VIDEOS YOU CAN ALSO GO TO A MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC AND GET INFORMATION ON HER ILLNESS AND WHAT TO DO SO HE CAN READ AND GO OVER IT. YOU SIR RUN INTERFERENCE IF SHE STARTS IN ON HIM. MAYBE SEND HIM TO DO A CHORE OR GET SOMETHING TO DRINK TO GET HIM OUT OF THE LINE OF FIRE. MOST OF ALL PRAY AND ASK THE LORD for WISDOM
This was a most informative video. Thank you so much.
I’m going through this now. It hurts. We have been married for 3 years, and what my wife doesn’t realize is that she is becoming less and less attractive in my eyes. Almost every one of these points is to a T with us. She has BPD and doesn’t have any interest in wanting to work on it. We have 2 kids and one on the way and I just feel stuck. I don’t know how to live life anymore. It really is hard, especially since she has isolated me from everyone close I once had. I am just lost.
A little before minute 8, it was mentioned how they can be one person when regulated and another person when dysregulated.
That really hit. Who was she? I still don’t know.
I'm still trying to figure it out after 22 years. She once told me early on in our marriage Please don't let the bad me ruin your feelings for the good me.
I recently was in a relationship with an NPD woman who would intentionally trigger me in this way. Putting my hands up I did get to the point after enough time where I would have episodes of extreme emotional dysregulation. Im a very calm, loving and patient person...and 99% of the time would be in total control, if maybe a little too caring until recently...The problem was that my NPD ex would deliberately perpetuate my dysregulation. I know fully that I eventually lost control...but the series of trigger testing, abuse, insults, gaslighting, long periods of silent treatment and abandonment etc. Was what causes the snap sometimes. This eventually lead to the final discard and has left me entirely broken.
Even when some of my past damage and pain was not her fault...being an NPD she would target these moments of personal weakness to cause the most amount of chaos and damage herself. I have been going through therapy since before the discard, once I realised beforehand that I was contributing towards this trauma bonded codependent relationship and i wanted to get to the bottom of my past trauma and find more personal security...I genuinely thought the problems in the relationship were all my fault. My ex NPD seemed to have been in some sort of therapy and help since she was about 20 (17 years) but the work would never truly land or become absorbed to have any real world effect. Like it was just an act or a virtue signal.
Anyway. The damage has been catastrophic to me during a point I was weakest. What I'm saying is. Emotional dysregulation doesn't mean you're a bad person. But if you had a partner who genuinely cared about you as a person, it would not often get to this kind of stage. Noone can fix you but yourself and your own introspection and work...but a genuine partner would encourage and support you during periods of heightened need...if they abandon, abuse, manipulate, exacerbate, stonewall, maginalise and minimalise your feelings or the reality of the situation you are trying to overcome. Then when you are calm...cut them out your life...Because you (or them) cannot heal with a person who seeks to or unknowingly constantly re opens your wounds.
Yup and it ended up days after episode it was all my fault in all ways then led to break up days later with no love for me at all.
Both my energy level and apart from that my romantic feelings can really ebb and flow for no apparent reason, making me come across as very whimsical , unpredictable, arbitrary. Very frustrating for me and partner.
What if they refuse to go to therapy or the doctor, or get help.
If she wont work on herself, leave, cos its impossible.
Thank you. This video means a lot to me.
Isn’t this tiring to deal with?
Can u discuss situations where a spouse (in this case, a husband) will hit/punch/bite himself when the wife tries to bring up issues to work thru?
This immediately curtails any attempt to address the issue and causes the spouse witnessing this violence major trauma. Is this abuse? What can be done, especially if the spouse hitting themselves refuses therapy (or does therapy for a couple sessions, then stops, only to start therapy again to keep the wife from leaving, then stops therapy again, repeat repeat)?
@@summersalix has your self-harming spouse had a comprehensive psychological evaluation? This behaviour could be related to autism, BPD or another serious mental disorder. I would encourage you to get professional support to help you cope and perhaps leave this relationship, especially considering the fact that he is not engaging in intensive therapy.
I received reflection on emotions who have nothing to do with me
Feels like a misplacement
How you deal with it is you leave the relationship. Obviously this is easier said than done, especially in a longer relationship.
Your sanity and health are not worth sacrificing for someone else's dysfunction.
Could you please do a video on partners with adhd 🙏🏼
Guys, have some self respect, and just end things. Your life will be a living hell otherwise, and you will be dragged down to her level. Let her destroy her own life rather than yours as well.
You can get emotional dysregulation as reaction to being abused.
Also, many people that experience an acute episode of emotional dysregulation will try to isolate themselves in an attempt to shield close ones from the intensity of their negative emotions.
Lastly, many people with a disorder associated with emotional dysregulation never attack close ones verbally or physically.
Close ones may however, experience trauma due to witnessing such an episode.
Yes some of them do attack verbally and FALSE accuse and are very negative and dont take responsibility for what they do and try to turn everything around on you.
Lise, I have a question - would you say that emotional deregulation can be considered as some sort of “BPD-lite”?
There are a couple of interesting behavioral patterns on both disorders but it seems that the proportions are “a bit” lower on emotional deregulation, hence the “lite” aspect comparing it to BPD.
@@ChrisPTY507 emotional deregulation can be present without other BPD symptoms (ie: autism) and so in some cases, emotional dysregulation is not related to BPD.
Every video this woman makes is recommending you end your relationship.
It’s interesting all the “Run Away & Fast” commentary . Where will you run? Into the arms of a drug addict? How about a Gambler? What about a two timing sociopathic liar? What about a drunk? Or an OCD badgering, nagging emasculating critic? EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING! This is life. If you love someone and they’re adult enough to WORK ON IT, don’t run because you have 200 likes on your bikini photo on Facebook. In the end, we all need love. Real love isn’t simply expressed in the bed or on vacation. Real love isn’t simply pleasure based. You have to have resiliency to weather the storms. Yeah, if you’re being chased with a butcher knife or it’s constant drama teaching the kids with a late night episode every night of the week; yeah get out. But if you have a compassionate adult that is remorseful and ACTIVELY SEEKING HELP for their shortcomings, pray and don’t throw the “baby out with the dirty bath water” . It’s not enabling. This video repeatedly said, “Create Boundaries” . There is a lot that triggers bad behavior. Sometimes the individual recognizes YOU ARE FOLLOWING A PATTERN that crushed them traumatically in the past. Be the light In their dark. Eventually, they can regulate themselves. If not, yes, preserve your sanity.
wtf, it looks like every comment is about 'leave your partner right now if this is happening with you'? I think if you love her and if she's trying to get better why don't give a little understanding and support..?
Because ALL of the understanding and support you've ever given WILL go to waste.
She will pretend to be trying to "get better" all the way to the very moment she walks out on you.
And then you'll be here too commenting the same.
Many of us did that, some for years. In most cases it won't get better, just more worse. Many of us have given all we could trying to help them get better and neglecting our own needs for a long time. And many of us were then just painted as the most horrible person ever, thrown away like trash and immediately replaced with someone "better".
And no one in the comments is the problem themselves….im sure of it.
wife gets extremely narcissistic right before her period, it goes beyond the "funny period jokes" it is totally abusive, and she has 2 periods a month, once in the beginning and one at the end, only time there is peace is mid month, she refuses to acknowledge there is a problem and continues to blame me for her bad behavior, I don't know what to do, been married for 15 years, love my wife deeply, maybe i should start never reacting back with any form of emotionalism, she can drive me completely insane
The continued abuse and refusal to acknowledge the problem, is excuse making. She's using that as an excuse to be an abusive person. 2 periods a month? Never heard of that.
Look up PMDD. It is basically PMS x10. good luck.
She needs to see a doctor and get a comprehensive hormonal panel.
Get her to therapy. Find a way. Either that, or *you* find your way to therapy. You *do* need it. Otherwise she'll make you a wreck. If you start, maybe she'll follow. As it is, and without such steps, it spells doom for your mental and psychical health....
@@hurricaneaquatics yep two a month, i have a daughter that also has two periods a month
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Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤