My Mom Is Being A Financial Strain On Me!
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- Опубліковано 30 чер 2024
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When I got my first job, my parents sat me down and told me that, "under no circumstances should I feel like I owe them anything unless they desperately need help. Go on and grow and make us proud". Grateful for those two till this day
Cyril Ahiable you got great parents bro!
Thats nice your parents are a blessing. My parents left me to fend for my self since i was 7
@@sephorareynolds5786 Same here. Im learning how to be and do everything on my own. No guidance what so ever .
The LuxeTraveler ..only the creator watched over me and protected me... and he will protect you too if you lean on him... but i know its not an easy journey knowing that we have been abandoned/ neglected in some way.
@@sephorareynolds5786 So true. Through His love and grace Ive made it this far. ☺️
Unfortunately this is the kind of situation that leads to generational poverty. It goes both ways at times. Parents supporting adult children. Adult children supporting parents.
So true!!!
Build equity in a house, refinance and put into retirement accounts and rental properties.
Although, most people are financially ignorant so I would just go with Daves advice and pay off the house ASAP.
Robert Safuto so true. Using family as an emergency fund drags everyone to the poor house.
Very true.
Robert Safuto you wonder why some people choose to be childfree.
This poor woman is going to have a nervous breakdown. Oh my Lord. Poor woman.
Chook P. Jesus help her
Bless her heart ❤️
It sounds like it’s going to be tough for her to have this confrontation.
@@jackkelly4032 it's going to destroy their relationship for now.
Chook P.
I wish we could build some support network around her...
A saying I once heard:
"If you don't get ashamed to ask for money it doesn't shame me to say no"
This is one of the saddest calls I have ever heard. Bless her heart ❤️
I know it's unbelievable and sad too
She is her mother’s retirement plan. She says she’s “retired” but her bank account says otherwise.
@PoopCoin Patrick Yes, if the parent actually is desperate .... but this is an able bodied mother, who refuses to work, who has mismanaged money all her life, and now wants her daughter to clean up her mess and pay all her expenses like cell phones. Enabling someone to be a parasite and harm your ability to care for your young daughters is NOT Biblical or correct.
PoopCoin Patrick and it’s the parent’s responsibility not to be a burden to their children. Parenting does not stop once you retire. If you love your children do not burden them with your mistakes in life. Prepare, prepare, prepare.
PoopCoin Patrick No it isn’t, I don’t take care of my father. This woman was irresponsible and had no retirement plan. She’s selfish
@ PoopCoin Patrick
- What about a parent’s duty? If your kid moves out somewhere between 18 and 22 years of age, hopefully they’re no longer your financial responsibility. Time for the parent(s) to start saving if they haven’t started already. I know for other cultures, the “sandwich generation” may be normal. I doubt it is completely stress free, living with all those family members under one roof. That mom can’t just choose to quit working if she’s got bills and is still able bodied enough to work. Indeed, what mother tells a daughter “you’ll have to take me to court” to get her to move out?? Very sad that it would have to come to that.
PoopCoin Patrick
You're one of those that have kids so they can take care of you later.
Saying "no" is a game changer. My finances are in much better shape since I've set boundaries with my family. And for those who think it's only Americans, think again. It's very common for Africans, carribeans, South Americans to consider their kids as a cash cow, unfortunately. That's why many remain poor. It's a vicious circle.
Exactly! It's a horrible mentality.
I agree. I've been there with my family member and friend. It's tough, you have to put your foot down to say No.
Spot on 💯
How right you really are.
It's actually ingrained in most of those foreign cultures you mentioned. Kids are taught from the day they born to grow up, get good jobs and take care of their parents.
The mother is manipulative and selfish to leach off her daughter like that. You can hear the daughter’s pain in her voice.
The mother doesn't care. She will go after the grandkids next.
Sounds like the Mom can barely care for herself and her 2 kids. Her mother is being unreasonable.
Mommy dearest sounds like a narcissistic parasite.
Offgrid Jack that’s the lady’s plan for sure
Unicorn Soul - Yes, she does. She will turn into the "victim" narcissist next and crush the daughter if she lets her stay another 6 months. Send her packing ASAP!!
Mom has no business owning a car with $700. a month.
bob marker no she gives $200 to the daughter and the Theo other $500 for car insurance and car payment
I agree. She needs to get rid of that car and contribute more to the household.
@@cocomarineblu993 It doesn't matter because it should be the other way around. $500 to her daughter and grandbabies and $200 for her single broke freeloading a$$. Some people have no shame.
bob marker yes! mom has no job. she does not need a car
How about get rid of the car, get a decent hooptie and go be a greeter at Walmart.
Well I went through this. Sounds similar to my mom. When she threaten me call police she not leaving and lied I changed the locks tried to sue me for $5k. While still in my house. I evicted her.. Family can sometimes be the WORST ppl to deal with.
I love my mother but if she changed the locks on my house; I'd come through the door lock or no and give her the heave - ho
@@RealityGutPunch hahaha
Wow!!! I went through a lot in my past but dang thats intense!!!
This has nothing to do with money. It’s the abuse in the past her narc mom has put upon her. I understand completely..
Spot on. Glad you recognize this. Some of the comments are blaming the caller because "she owes her mom for raising her."
N. R. How can people say that?
exactly mother is clearly a narcissist!
exactly, this call made my skin crawl.
@Elle D I agree with you, but we need to respect our parents though.
Boundaries are important! Cut off toxic people from your life at all costs. Never take abuse from anyone.
Found that out the hard way.
Have her mother trade her car in for a van and she can go live in that and RETIRE!!! She will all of a sudden get a job.
@She Wolf Vans are better. Watch CheapRVLiving, RVs almost always leak, have fires, many expenses. Vans are better to live in, easier to park, easier to have a job and live in a van than RV.
People think their age dictates the age of retirement. No, it’s your retirement funds and bank account balance.
A van doesn't have heat or a bathroom . Yikes
My mother was the same till I created the boundary. My mother saw me as a cash machine. I have 3 children. I had to take us away from her, she is domineering and petuchelent like a child. She kicked off like a drug addicted teen. I got past the point of caring
My soul focus is my children and my financial stability in order to help my children and grandchildren in the future.
Good for you. Stay strong in your convictions to protect yourself and children.
Maybe ur mom had her soul focus on you when you were a child and now have expectations from you in return?
@@MrNetsecure Doesn't matter she can't behave like this. She didn't ask to be born it was her mom's responsibility to raise her, because she decided to give birth to a child. It is abusive behavior. Honor your mother? Yes! Let her abuse you emotionally and financially? No! Did you listen to how the mother is acting? It is not normal..
Saad Ahmed - This is also possible. Single mom. Raised her child single handedly?
Must look at all possible scenarios. Probably will really break the daughters heart to kick her mom out on the streets!
@@MrNetsecure that's unfair for the child. Once I raise my children my focus will go back to myself lol
My mom is 72 & still works part-time. She gets her Federal Reserve Pension, 401K, & SS check. My dad gets a GM Pension & SS. My parents have never asked me for money.
Thts something to be thankful for 🙌🏾
Wow this is unheard of. Congrats to them!! I pray this is me in my golden years😁😁😁
Good for your parents, most people don't have that.
You are blessed with good parents which you must know 🤗 God bless here in Boston to you
Your parents planned for their retirement just like thousands of other people do but this lady's mother didn't.
People that use their children as a retirement plan are living in an alternative reality. Time to snap out of it. 👍
Sadly, it is more widespread than you think.
That seems to be the new normal unfortunately
My parents did this to me. I didn’t see it coming
@@ponycoko
Your parents shouldve gave you up for adoption. You wouldnt see that coming.
Jesse that's how it is in most 2nd and 3rd world world countries in the world. 401(k)'s, pensions, and retirement plans are pretty new concepts. I agree with you 100%, but there's a reason why people in these countries have 5+ kids. Usually all the kids will chip in financially when a parent is too old to work.
I understand this poor young woman's dilemma. Been there, done that. The stress that my mother caused me almost made me have a heart attack. Literally, I ended up in the hospital many times with my heart. The stress was unbearable.
This is what I am afraid of...
@@mustangmare I understand. Sending you a cyber hug & prayers.
😳
Retired with no retirement fund 🥴
Her retirement fund is called 401K-daughter/grandkids next.
Don't worry about retirement, the government will pay for everything!
Unfortunately, my mom's "retirement" plan too. She wants to quit working, but can't afford to do that 😥
It´s so sad! 😢
She needs to get rid of her car
This is a real problem. If the mother has gone this far over the line then she really has her hooks in deep. Trying to get a person like that to respect you is never going to happen. I think the mother is the dominant force in this relationship and she is actually there to dominate the lives of her grand daughters.
I agree 100% Her mother is financially abusing her
Drogo Baggins, and she sounds like she might be a bad influence on her grandchildren by blatantly disrespecting her daughter in her own home. Something else for this Mom to consider seriously.
@@kayb6803 Showing disrespect to assert dominance is a classic control freak tactic. I remember it well. There's no way to know for sure what's going on in this ladies house but you're probably right and it's not good for the kids.
Drogo Baggins, so true. I remember it too! Sounds like we can both relate. I feel for her. I truly do.
@@anthonywaldrep5982 and psychology too, in my opinion.
...and why is she paying for a car if she has no job? She’s probably out shopping since her daughter is supporting her.
Her mother has Social Security....
TheBlack Metal she gets 700 a month and can’t afford other things
Sell the car 🚗!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's time to take mom out behind the woodshed.
@@bondedstars well, I'm poor.
That's why I listen to Dave Ramsey.
Also it's funny you know it's sarcasm, yet, you still got that internal itch to call me out on it huh?
Interesting. 🤔
My mom tried something like that. She had very little in her ROTH. Said she was retiring. I just looked at her and said how? She's only 51. She said living with you. I just said no. Power of no. Hard... But she'll need more help down the road than right now.
Her mother can look up HUD HOUSING an get an apartment it's based on your income
This is the best answer.
There's an 8 year waitlist for that.
@@marieabner not in all places. I got my father approved in two weeks and in his apartment within 5 weeks. You need motivation. I also got different types of assistance set up. She will need help with that. Those that get help know the system or are willing to do the research.
@@brendahere Like you said "Not in all places." Assistance like that is hard to come by, hence why so many people are homeless.
@@marieabner it depends where you live.
I wonder how many of these folks are scared to have these conversations with their family...so they just play back a copy of Dave’s video/response for them.
kwesireddick yup 😭
It helps
I did it long time ago and its game changing. You need to put yourself first.
I started supporting my parents when I turned 21. They where only in their mid 40s. 20 yrs later and still doing it. I wish I had the courage to say it back then. Our culture is so toxic, children as seen as retirement funds and saying No is a sign of being ungrateful.
I promised myself that I will never do that to my daughter. Im working extra hard now so I will have money for retirement.
Unfortunately, I foresee her having to cut ties with her mother completely. Mine tried to pull the same thing when she went $100,000 in debt for a psychology degree (only making $38,000 now) and wants me to help her pay for her life style (new car, horses, house, ext). I refused and was told I was ungrateful after everything she did for me growing up...
Lol, wow. Like you asked to be born or something.
She's using psychology to manipulate you, I guess the degree is worth it for her. Lol
Horses? With $100k of debt? She trippin.
This woman needs some support, her mother is draining her and might give her a nervous breakdown. What a witch!
Omg this home so hard for me. My mom literally did the same to me a couple of years ago. I was just getting out of college and was paying on credit cards and everything else to pay for her when I could barely take care of myself 🤦🏾♀️. Found Dave and set boundaries from listening to similar convo he had with someone else years ago. Luckily I didn’t have kids, just Sallie Mae on my back (paid her off and working on the Navient loans now). Wishing this lady all of the best!
What kind of boundaries did you set ? Going through this right now.
@jessica Hicks that is good to hear, am happy for you.
@@classygoetty1008 just stop taking care of the parent, my mom is doing the same thing
She’s not retiring on her daughter because she didn’t prepare for it. Jeez. Glad my parents aren’t like this.
PoopCoin Patrick my parents wouldn’t refuse to try to find work because they lost everything. Not sure if you listened to the episode at all.
Being an enabler isn’t being compassionate just by the way. You do you though.
PoopCoin Patrick sure.
PoopCoin Patrick
You don’t have time to listen to 5-10 min,
But you have time to make comments?
Agreed
My mom, sadly, is very similar to this women's mom. She can play the victim very well and hand out guilt trips like nobody's business. My siblings complain about it but no one ever tells her about it, so she continues. She has a bad habit of treating those around her very badly (including my dad) even when they're doing their best to help. I had to set some boundaries when she tried to involve my kids in one of her temper tantrums. I love my mom very much and I help her in every way that I can, take her to appointments, buy her groceries etc, since she no longer drives... but when you go after my family and my kids, wooosaaahhh... the mama bear in me will come for ya, no matter who you are...
Caller if you ever read this, I will not dare insult your mom, she is your mother. But what I will say is that for your own wellbeing and that of you daughters you must set some boundaries and keep them! Do not allow her to make you feel bad for taking care of yourself and your kids. By all means help her when you can and be respectful, but set boundaries. All she can do is get mad, but she'll get over it. Sometimes you just have to put toxic and manipulative people in their place and make sure they stay there.
Amen
In this situation, she needs to put herself and her daughters first. The grandma won't change.
She sounds broken
So sad
My thought also, the moment I heard her speaking.
It so sad to hear stories like this--about parents bleeding their kids. Unfortunately, there are people who think the one and only reason for having children is for future financial exploitation. It's so sad.
I feel so bad for people like this! I’d never speak to my parents if they acted this entitled
It's hard for some people. My mom was sweet and good to me. Fortunately they sold their house for enough to pay senior community. But as she aged and personality changed somewhat, it took awhile to get used to saying no to her and doing things she didn't like that were in her best interest.
Yet another example of a senior who (unfortunately) didn't plan or save for their retirement and expects their adult child to essentially 'finance' their retirement.
*the fact that one's parents can become a financial drain, is why I quietly concern myself in the financial condition of my Padres* 💪🌚
@PoopCoin Patrick true, & thanks
@9INE PLANETS yeah that's a roughly situation!! My parents only real problem is debt, but other than that they are fairly financially intelligent. My mother will likely be just fine, my dad is running a business which requires a lot of capital & i, to a minimum degree, have assisted him in this business predominantly with tax and accounting concerns. I wish to be of greater assistence in his business affaires, as it has potential to be a profitable endeavor albeit capital intensive(which is not ideal imo) 💪☺
Gosh I love my parents for being so responsible with money and having their burial funds all set up and paid off their house right before they retired (my dad is retiring in the summer).
@@Bae_mackx they're doing it right!
You do not have to support your parents. There apartments that charge a certain portion of what you get, whatever it is. Think low income. Then there is Medicaid or in California Medical. Don't fall into the trap of supporting them. You will need the money to take care of yourself so you are not a burden on your kids. Break the cycle.
If my mom or anyone else that I was doing a favor for threatened to take me to court, it would only encourage me greatly to do so.
Telling her mom no won’t make her a bad daughter. Taking care of her mother will make her a bad mother though.
And this is the reason why I work so hard to make sure my Financial future is in order...it is NOT my son's responsibility to care for me in my older years. Sadly a lot of parents bank on their kids taking care of them.
Whew... it is so sad some parents will take advantage of their kids like this. Poor woman seems like she's at her limit, wish her the best.
I used to have a best friend who's mom did exactly the same. Had been living on the back of her daughter since she was 21 year old. Because the mom didn't feel like working. She lives with her family and causes a lot of turmoil. It is one of the reasons I had to say goodbye to this friendship, could not keep acting as if all that manipulation was ok.
L DL did the friend ever get out?
@@pathairiston9493 No. And my gut feeling says she will only be free and herself when her mom dies. The mom is 66 now, so that could be a while.
What makes it worse is that this friend was fighting for her life a few years back (3 months in intensive care, coma, 18 operations, etc.), I actually took 3 months off from work (I'm a freelance consultant) to take care of her very young kids. Still her mom made it all about her. She was the big victim of it all: "I don't have energy to take care of the kids, I cannot handle this all... it's too much." When her daughter woke up again, the mom telling her all kinds of bad things about me that never happened. Everyone told my friend that it is was utter bullocks (her husband, her sister in law, her friends)... but she still felt like she needed to be loyal to her mom. That's when I knew that after +20 years of soulmate friendship, I had to say goodbye. This manipulation dynamic was never gonna change...
L DL man that’s wild! Good on you for working to do right by her as a friend, but man that’s crummy no matter how ya slice it. Glad you made the right call for you!
@@pathairiston9493 It wasn't easy. Took me a year (and lots of tears) to make the decission. And it took another year to be truely at peace and don't feel like I abandoned her. Now and then I get pieces of information through mutual friends and that's when I know I made the right decission. Because indeed: it's not changing, and the gaslighting has only increased. Everyone has to live their life and I cannot be responsible for someone else's journey. How hard that may be.
@@JustBeingAwesome So sad.
This is sad. I cannot imagine taking anything from my children. Shame on any parent that would take from their children.
My religious dad physically and emotionally abused my mom and sisters growing up. He blamed my mom for his incompetence and inability to make enough money for three kids. I'd hear my dad holler and beat my mom because of money problems. I silently cried one night, and my dad came into the room, screamed at me to stop crying.
And guess what he asked for us to do: to buy him a house so he can retire.
Shame on what the humans race having be doing for centuries.
Just in very recent history society has established a retirement system. Cultural children were always born with the obligation of taking care of elderly parents. That's how it was always done. That's why parents had alot more involvement with whom their kids married & into what family.
I wish my mom thought like this
@@yhctaw Did you buy it?
What do you think this girl is going to do when she goes to retire with nothing? She will expect her kids to be her retirement plan too. Two kids, no husband = guaranteed poverty. Poor decisions all over the place
My mom the same way. Gov. Income/housing. Got cable, smokes, soda, chips, meds. Calls me every month like i need help this month. 58yr old hasnt worked in 15yrs.
While i work 3 jobs. Im done!
58 and hasn't worked for 15yrs? Are you kidding me? Cut the cord buddy!
NeoAndersonReloaded bro shut that down homie! U got this!!
Ide tell her about herself and never give her another dime!
@@mspurplejade I feel you
This is what I FEAR will happen to me and my husband in the near future. It has already happened as far as them not having a place to stay, but I am worried once they are older older, we are the only one's on both sides of the family other than my mother who owns their house and has the "means" to do it. We work so HARD and are raising our kids. We look forward to the day our kids are older and we can do things that we are not able to do now when they are adults. I am so worried that we are going to get saddled with parents who made bad decisions, WILL NOT control their finances, and have ZERO retirement funds. I am so worried that my heart will have to be completely broken in order to live our dream. I will NOT give up what we are owed from working so hard and being financially responsible when others have chosen a hard life and feel like we owe then every spare dime we have. I feel this woman's pain so deeply and profoundly.
What price do the grandchildren pay when two free loaders appear in the home? If they are ready for a nursing home then let them go, otherwise as they probably told you "get a job".
Will your marriage survive them long-term?
Mum sounds like she shouldn’t have a car or a phone.
Catching buses to see friends is acceptable in her situation.
If she hasn’t planned for her retirement then she can’t expect luxuries in her retirement , and a car and phone are luxuries.
Good luck to this very kind daughter.🍀
My mother is like this or worse, glad I cut off contact with her years ago because I realized my mother would cut my throat to get ahead and that’s the gods honest truth
OMG. That is sad. Glad you stood up for yourself.
Same. I cut contact with my mom in early 2019; had been severely limited in 2018. It's disappointing. So many people think you're exaggerating when you say things like this, but it's true. My mom is a con and has done the unthinkable to many family members if it meant getting money out of them. She is a total narc. I don't trust her and at this point wouldn't put it past her to try to inflict harm.
Some mothers are not nice people, and so many people think moms are loving and sacrificed so much. Some mothers are pure evil and that's the truth.
@@n.r.7298 Narcissistic mothers are so hard for people to see because they are so nice to others and evil to their children.
@@lilirobin7136 Yep, it's called "sweet to mean". They put on a facade when there are witnesses. I remember being so puzzled by my mother when I was a child--she'd be an angel with the neighbors and then turn into a witch the moment we stepped into the house.
She needs to quietly investigate options with social services. Cross all the Ts. Then put the hammer down, set the date. Be 10 steps ahead of her. I hate control freaks. Pastor and church can be a good support system.
Robert Nicosia what do you mean with social services?
@@pathairiston9493 each county offers different programs, through the dept of aging. As a person who, does outreach work. We, use the public libraries, most of them have internet access.
With her mother's attitude, she needs to go to court tomorrow. That's what she needs to do.
I'm in the same exact situation , I help my mom get her car, 3 jobs she got fired from all 3, she still doesn't have a high school diploma, i offered pay for her classes and she never mad a move . I grew to hate her,
Don't blame you a bit!
Try not to hate people like that, in the long run it won't do you any good. Cut them out for sure, but don't let it stop you from enjoying your own life.
I am going through the same thing. This is the most painful thing to deal with. very painful. sometimes people take your kindness for whatever they want. people can careless about your financial goals. manipulative parents are worse then enemies because words and actions really feel like someone is stabbing your heart.
Stop paying her phone bill and her food cost. Get emotional support and file eviction. I am sorry 😐 you are going through this but you got this.
Lord keep this woman close and give her comfort in her boundaries, AMEN!
I feel so sorry for this woman :(
Her mom is financially abusing her.
Not just financially. The mental abuse is astounding that this woman is exhibiting.
She can just stop paying her Mother's bill's! And tell her Mother "she doesn't want to" the same way her Mother tells her that she doesn't want to work because she's retired! So, the daughter should retire paying her Mom's bills!
I was thinking that I can feed you and let you have a place but I'm stopping paying your bills. See if she don't get a job then.
@@erikgonzalez2278 lol exactly
@@erikgonzalez2278 I would stop feeding her also. I'd only make enough for the kids and force to work if she wants to eat and get bills paid.
Erik Gonzalez
Maybe but she needs to go back to work. Feeding someone makes your own budget go off.
It’s not like the daughter is wealthy. She has her own kids to feed. Plus the her mom is taking space that her kids are going to need for privacy. Sadly by keeping her mother there is a high probability her kids will end up resentful. Because mom is sad and worried and by the sound of her voice she is highly stressed and maybe even depressed. She can’t be the mom she needs to be.
That's why my mom will not live with me. I couldn't imagine.
Why is Dave's answer to every problem a good church and a pastor? These pastors must work a miracles unbelievable
It's more about having someone to talk to. Somebody that can help mediate the situation between her and her mother.
Because this situation is more about the emotional stuff, rather than money stuff. She is really emotionally destroyed because of her narcissistic and abusive mother. She needs a shrink and God
If they can help, why not?
They don’t. I went to a church for years, and as long as I didn’t need help of a serious nature, it was all sunshine and rainbows. When life got hard and I needed true help and counsel (not money), I got nothing. Seek God for help, not “the Church” or “the Pastor”.
@@msims1081 I'm so sorry you had an experience like that. I pray that you would find a loving group of true Christ followers, and know that God wants the best for you.
I wish Dave had asked where the mother was living before moving in. What is the matter with these parents that have no self-respect and leach off their kids?
When ur lease is up just move. And dont give her there new keys. See ya mom. Stay as long as you want! Lol
If the lease is in her name, she would be liable if the property is not vacated or worse yet allowed a tenant to occupy without the permission of the landlord. Knuckle up and tell Mom she has to go.
I can relate. I'm financially attached to my mother through a double mortgage that she had to have (with my father included). Parents' income wasn't good enough to buy the house, so I included my income as well. The WORST MISTAKE that I have EVER MADE! This mistake has costed me a number of possible long term relationships and the only way out of this situation now is to file for bankruptcy and live out in the streets homeless. Either way, I strongly encourage younger guys not to get financially attatched to their parents even if it's out of love, because now I currently suffer from bouts of anxiety and depression and on medication for it, yet another financial burden.
Hey, how is it going for you? Did you find a way out of this?
Yea sending ya good vibez 🙌🏾
If I had rights to the house I would just move in lol. If not, get yourself a lawyer and get out of that situation. Been a long time since the post so hope it worked out.
Oh my goodness....my heart breaks for this poor woman 😥
Tells her daughter you’re going to have to take me to court to get me out?? Wow! I’d have done that the next day.
What a sad situation. This lady is obviously overwhelmed and don't know how to handle this.
I'm 23 with 60k debt but I make 80k a year. Very happy I found Dave so I don't end up like these "retired" people without a nickel to their name...and end up being a burden to their own children. What an absolute nightmare, can't wait to be debt free and build wealth while I'm still young!
I’d put her out even if she had the money to pay me, with that attitude.
You probably cheat on your spouses too and have 3 baby daddies.
Typical Western lifestyle
Patrick Westerners are generally the only people I’ve met who don’t cheat.
@@theandrewhenderson
Uhh are you kidding?? 50% divorce rate lol.
Not only cheating but polygamy, open relationships and swinging are becoming the norm.
@@MichaelP-ke1tm I agree that westerners cheat its wrong and disgusting but when westerners cheat they get a divorce where as everywhere else they cheat and stay together because they would be literal social outcasts, jobless, and in some cases its illegal to get a divorce or you'll be killed no matter the reason for wanting one.
There being no divorce doesn't mean faithfulness, if you look at India should a woman wants a divorce (assuming shes allowed one) she cant ever get married again which is shameful to them and has a hard time finding a job regardless of weather her ex cheated or not. in china if a man or a woman wants a divorce they both become social outcasts as its considered a great shame in the family regardless of the wife or husband cheating. and in the middle east you just cant if your a woman . . . you die
@@livsweetdreams
True, those countries are a dump but families and households are tighter in other parts of the world compared to the U.S.
Sounds like my mom, except my mom wanted me to put 20% down on a home and if I didn't I would be a bad son. She tried it twice but I did not cosign or put money down. I have a family and a young daughter, so I got rid of mom, I haven't seen her going on a year this June 2020.
I'm 31 years old and bought my condo at 25 years old... a few months after I bought it.. my mom and sister moved in cause they're broke and they have been with me for 6 years now... they constantly are getting and losing their jobs, while I support them... they both have 0 money and between me, my brother and my dad, we pay their bills... it's to the point where I'm just going to have to kick them out, but it's hard cause they will literally be on the street!! What do I do???
Go to court and have them evicted.
I'm a case manager for social services refer them to the nearest welfare office. They can assist with job placement and affordable housing. No excuse! there is a reason why you pay those property taxes, put those dollars to work.
What happened? Do you still have them with you or did you kick them out?
If the Mother dont move, the daughter may have to move to keep her sanity. So sad 😑
Never put yourself in a position to take from your children.
Laziness and bad decisions are the only reason why ppl are in bad situations ppl actually bring life in this world just to make slaves out of for their own benefit. It’s a sad society.
Mom needs to apply for public housing or Section 8. She could apply for SNAP benefits and probably utility assistance programs. Trade in her car and get a used paid for one.
Agreed--there's so much the mother could be doing for herself and she's not. I bet this daughter has a lifetime of stories....
As long as she didn't have violence or drugs on her record she will qualify for federal assistance. We can't pick and choose or judge. Just assist. Try to find your happy and everyone else will work themselves out. :)
@NurturingTalents It sucks but in the long run it's cheaper for the taxpayers to provide her with a one bedroom apartment and some cheap food than have to pay $100k a year for prison when she decides it's easier to steal than to work.
Brakes my heart to hear someone suffering this much because of their own parent. Can’t imagine how it was when she was growing up. Hope she got mom out and found healing.
When she tell her mom to move out she going to say I raise you all my life 🤭 family members hate no they feel in titled I feel bad for her 😔
Yup, holding things over her head, typical
Her mother would take her to court?? She should call her local police dept and educate herself on the steps of a legal eviction.
There are several fantastic books out there now about recovering from growing up with narcissistic mothers! It's becoming a recognized issue, and these books can really change your life. Going through some of this discovery myself, you are *not* the problem, and you are worth putting yourself first. Take care of yourself and your babies!
This Mother is abusive. And if she is renting just find a new place and move. Just let the Mom take over the old apartment.
she doesnt have money.
He mother is a monster! How dare the mother mooch off of the daughter then threaten her with legal action. I hope the daughter wakes up and moves far away from her mother. So ungrateful.
God bless her soul she sounds like she was about to cry any second
My narcissistic mother is in her mid-seventies now. She has 2 properties. One she lives in. The other she’s allowing my younger sister to inherit early since I’m the one who did all the personal and professional work all these decades.
I’m glad I don’t really have anything do with either of them anymore. My mother has mostly destroyed the plumbing in both homes, although they’re still functional and I lent her money to get the work started for a new boiler and water heater for the one she’s most destroyed since that’s the one she lives in.
She told me over the past few years that she decided to stop filing taxes and I know her credit card issuers stopped renewing her cards, plus her accountant really wanted to talk to me because he said there are big problems. She runs a “family” business that has been in the red since my stepfather passed 10 years ago and she unsuccessfully tried to sue a company that slipped off with the business. She spent at least $200K on that. She tried to get me to fulfill orders, which I did for a bit but, there was the recession and what would I do in winter and I think the plan was for me to do the work, incur the expenses and the monies go into her bank account. It just goes on.
She has an annuity so, she’ll have to be good with that for the remainder of her life. Particularly after she has tried to toy with my livelihood a couple of times and because I think she’d kill my cats because I love them, she can’t stay here. She has neuropathy in her feet as, she refuses medication, except for pain medication.
She would not just BE a full time job, if she lived with me, she would INTEND TO BE a full time job. It would be like letting Satan live here and between her and my job, I would estimate I’d be dead in no more than 3 years and that’s a stretch.
Bottom line is that she’s a one person tornado wrecking ball and, at some point, the state is going to come take her, what they can of what’s left of both properties, even if she’s turned over one to my sister, if it’s within 5 years and that’s how it will go down.
Sooooooo glad I kicked the blast door shut on this nut!
Excel Detail I’ve been living in an apartment in a nearby town since I was 25.
My mother appeared to be quite an excellent parent for decades, but I was the Golden Child back then so, my perspective may be different than my sister, who may have been scapegoated. It may take her sometime to know she shouldn’t move up the street from our mother.
The ONLY reason I ever return a call from my mother, is so she doesn’t call my workplace and I have to take her to court.
Unlike this caller, I’ve never had any trouble telling my mother no. You can retire early and even destroy your life, if you want, but that’s not my concern.
Private Private
Oh my. I’m hoping your sister is not taking after your mom, otherwise I’m sure the City will be taking over both properties and putting them up for auction due to back property taxes.
Mom should have sold the other property and cleared up her debt and taxes.
She could have let your sister move in with her as a renter to save money.
But now both are going down the drain,
And you need to break off ALL contact with them. SAVE YOURSELF!
Do we have the same mom?! Mine was toxi, narcissistic and controlling from childhood though...the day I really stood up to her was not pretty, but it was the start of the best days of my life.
I have forgiven her-- sadly she has not reconciled or admitted anything so we are no longer in contact--and I have never felt more free in all my life. I still are walking through my healing from her and her actions, but the first step was removing her control and forced influence over my life!
Jaxmusicgal23 You always want to think your parents are superheroes but the truth is, they’re human like everybody else and some of them downright stink as people. Sorry you had to go through that.
Put your stuff in a storage shed and move out of state far away from your family. Don't let your family interfere with your destiny. Build your life without your family's interference. And you should set your kids free at 18 and don't interfere with their lives also.
But she has a job and two school age kids--she can't easily pull up and start over. It's on the mom to leave.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg She should have separated from her mother when she was 18 y/o. I should have done the same thing not only with my mother but with my whole family. If I can only go back in time that would be the first thing I would have done if I could go back when I was 18 y/o.
@@Eddie-3466 Me too; my family is awful. I wasted so many years and so much money on them--what a mistake.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg Start now doesn't waste no more of your life. Move away far away from your family as far as you can. Get a good job in another state. Learn everything about money, stay out of debt and learn how to invest. Something that my family never taught me .
If your mother tells you that you have to take her to court if you want her out of your home, she is NOT a mother, and never has been. She should have never let her in.
The "mother" is really the child in this case. She's a parasite.
I am in a similar situation, I am 36 years old and I have supported my family since I started working 15 years ago. I am from an Asian nation where we dont move out of our homes when we turn 18 and we are required to care for our parents when they are old, now my mom would always tell me that if ever i get married i would still need to give them financial support every two weeks and that my spouse should also understand the dynamics. I am living with them but i have saved enough to make a downpayment for my own house, now she is calling me an ingrate whenever I tell her that I am moving out and when I tell her to give me a chance to find someone to marry, she said it is okay but she also control that part of my life. I am worried about them growing old, my mom doesnt work, she is 53, my father is a driver who also just go to work when he wants, he is 61. I have no debts except for my house and I have been following Mr. Ramsey's plan. My mom said that she had children so that we can provide for her...me and my siblings are almost all in our 30s but no one has married and no one has moved out yet and I know i will get plenty of backlash once I moved out. I plan to give them a lumpsum before i leave but i know my mom will demand more.
wouldn't give a lumpsum. maybe $50 a month support
Sounds like your parents merely wanted some slaves.
Wow, that is guilt tripping at it's finest. I would never do kids that way. That is terrible. I am older than your Mom. I stand by what I say.
Your mom can only be a financial strain on you if you let her. Just. Say. No.
I have been going through this since my 20s. I am now 40. Get your mother off your purse strings immediately or you will regret not doing it as I am now. I have a lot of resentment towards my mother because of this. For a better relationship, force her to pay her own way or you will eventually not even want to see her around you. It is very painful.
She could live another 30 years or more!
At 65 and in decent health, she could work another 10 or so years, too. My former coworker turns 69 this year. My dad still does part time work and he is 76.
I had a Mom like this one. Somehow people think they have to put up with abusive behavior by family members. I don't know if it is the result of certain religious teachings, cultural norms, societal values, rigid role expectations of women, etc. etc. It got to the point where I had to put some distance between us: she was toxic.
I'm sick of this attitude "I'm 65 I've retired!" You're not retired if your finances say otherwise. This woman has had her whole life to save money and she didn't, that's her problem not her daughter's.
My mom is 50 and wants to retire. I thought she was joking...idk where this notion came from when you owe the world money and still ask for gas money.
Mungo Lewis craziest thing it seems this is getting a lot more common. Makes no sense why
Kids are supposed to help parents if they need help. This society is broken. 65 is old and that lady probably has health conditions and simply can't work.
@@user-oe8vw3zf3p Why don't you actually listen properly to the call.
@@munhl i did.
OMG, this sounds SO FAMILIAR! Whether you're broke or not.
What kind of job can you give to 65 years old? Moving furniture? Construction? Grocery packing?
Greeter at Walmart.
There are many jobs for 65 yrs olds to work. You act like a 65 yr old is incapacitated.
I know people who's parents were demanding Rent & Help with utilities from their children who just turned 18 just graduated HS with minimum wage job. So some of y'all are very lucky
I was just going to post that this mother sounds like a narcissist, and I saw that I posted those words a year ago. I hope this dear woman has been able to regain her life and freedom.
Older people who have no money when they retire get no sympathy from me. They had their entire life to make good financial decisions and chose not to.
65 years old. This lady could live another 30 years and try to mooch off her poor daughter for years and years and years.
That's so sad. The daughter is going to have to get a Judge and Sheriff involved to get her mom out that won't contribute. If the daughter had two or three million dollars that would be one thing but she's barely making it with her children. So sad. I live in Phoenix, I wish I could help this woman out.
This is emotional blackmail, shame on her mother!
It's actual blackmail lol. She said her mom threatened to take her to court if she gave her a 30 day notice!
Its really unfair, as a parent you have had more time to create wealth but since you fell asleep on the wheel financially your daughter has to pay for your financial sins.
It is amazing how entitled some people can be.
And then when you try to tell your parents to do better with their money you're labeled disrespectful😂 they don't wanna hear it.
Empathy is a 2 way street. If someone demands empathy from you but doesn't return it they are manipulating you and don't care about you. You must cut people like that out of your life if you want to be as happy as possible.
Well said.
Give her a 3 day notice to vacate then go file at your local Justice of the Peace. You will have her out in a few weeks.
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Tell he $500 is more reasonable and she does not need a car as much as she needs shelter. Your choice mom.
The caller does need a support system. She doesn't have the will to win this battle. Mom knows it with that "take me to court" response. Caller can fight, flee (move to a new place herself!) or find a champion to fight for her. I don't think some pastor can be a successful champion here. That will have to be a lawyer.
Wow - this woman sounds like my living situation. My mother has no bills and Depending on me financial solely. But, in return, she cooks and stay at home with my kids. Save me child care expenses. I am grateful for her ❤ but it can be very frustrating. I felt so ungrateful when I get frustrated with her.
Sorry, girl! I feel you! I wish I can give you a hug! 🙏🙏🙏
My mom is like this when I refused to co sign a housing loan. She threw a fit and I stopped talking to her. Not all mothers are built the same