UA-cam is a gift to civilization. I sent my Boomer father a vid from UA-cam. Now, the man has been watching YT nonstop. I don’t think he even knew YT existed before.
@@owenlarson07366 I actually got into a fight with him after he called me a “conspiracy theorist”. I’m a realist. His generation seems to trust everything that’s been told and taught to them. Looking back at my schooling…history books written by them chose to ignore so much. This has got to change.
I spend half my life dreaming up my next project, buying materials etc, changing my mind and deciding to do it differently so buying more materials to do the new improved project when i suddenly stop and move on to something else 😢
Try reading & watching with subtitles on, or changing the playback speed to 1.25 or 1.5. It creates a bit more stimulation and can help make focusing a little bit easier
Plus, it doesn’t really start until 8:30. There are so many people who make videos for those of us with ADHD and they don’t seem to get that they should start with what the title promises or we will get lost waiting for them to get around to it.
My problem is once I start something and realize the effort it takes and don’t see progress, I become frustrated and overwhelmed so I lose interest and tell myself that’s not my ‘calling’.
72 yo male with super divergent ADHD. I LOVE MY ADHD. I feel like I hit the jackpot with all of the fun life experiences and skills that I've developed because of ever-changing interests. Traveled all over the world, started and sold two companies, taught myself to engineer, program, create graphics, have an advanced private pilot license, play guitar, banjo, dobro, piano, motorcycled through the Alps, loved many women (but found a keeper). The list goes on... If I could start life over again, I'd pick ADHD in a heartbeat. I can't imagine how boring normal life must be. My only complaint is that I can never just relax. I've got to be working on something.
I can so relate. I was watching dog training videos much to the amusement of my dog owning friend. I do not have a dog nor any intention of owning one 😂
I use procrastination as a tool. I always have the interest I'm working on in the moment, and the next one in line that I can research to death, but not do anything about until it's time. That way, I'm not trying to actively work on too much, and I'll be ready to jump in on the next one with what I consider to be the requisite expertise to start.
I very rarely drop anything - I keep ALL the interests! And so I never feel like an expert in anything, because I haven't spent enough time on it. I think it's some sort of career FOMO. Plus I'm interested in so many things, and choosing just one feels wrong and boring and not an expression of me. Because I'm all of those things 🙄
That’s not necessarily bad. At least there’s overlap between things you want to do and should do. If they’re “should”s that probably means they’re beneficial to your life in some way beyond a fleeting “hey that might be fun” :)
@@bloop6111I think they probably meant the feeling. I get that feeling too. Mine was a painting project. Not something I have to get done at all. It’s a personal project. And I really wanted to do it. But at some point it just felt like a chore. Like any other “should” feels. Which made me abandon it. I still really wish I could get it done because I like painting and it’s something I wanted to do but that chore like feeling is there when I think of it or try to start it. 😢
So, perhaps another video: MY scorecard, MY chosen goals. I'm old enough to have gotten rid of society's/others' expectations from my goals list. I'm left with several things I seriously WANT to do but am in the start-stop-move around-start again cycle. Five-plus years now. Every time I try to ONLY focus on one to completion, one of the others rears up and "demands" attention. Marie Forleo calls it "multi-passionate" and I've managed to figure out how to weave many of them together and have now three over-arching umbrellas it all fits under...but feel like I'm dealing with the same predicament I started out with. It's so incredibly frustrating. In doing your list of "what have you done in the spirit of" questions, it's all ME. I WANT these things. No one is forcing me, these are all things I want for myself...because I WANT them. Not for society, not for parents, friends, others' expectations. It's me. All me. Now what? Each one of those three "project areas" are aligned with who I am, things I want to do/have done. They're equally calling.
I don't have any 'should dos' and NEVER do anything that isn't authentic. I only do ''Hell Yes'' activities but yet still feel overwhelmed by all the cool things that resonate with my values. I have left many good jobs, relationships, places I live, friends, etc... because they didn't align with who i am. FREEDOM and authenticity are the most essential things in life yet most people actually fear both,
OMGoodness Jeff - I am blown away on what you wrote as it so resonated, and is so amazingly bang on!!! I actually journaled it as a reminder on living an authentic life with freedom. Bless your heart and I wish you the most incredible life which obviously you are already succeeding at!!!❤️
I’m a mixed media artist with a small farm. I am usually reading 5 different books at a time and have multiple art projects going on and then the work from my farm, I can barely get through one task at a time before getting distracted and starting something else. I am utterly exhausted to the point I am closing my farm. I could cry. I meditate daily and struggle with daily simple tasks. Thank you for the video
Embrace the multitude of interests and tasks. You sound highly intelligent to want to read multiple books at once. I do this with my audible books. If I'm in the mood for one particular book, I go for it. Managing a farm sounds very fun and comes with tons of work. Do what you love. If the farm life is not for you, maybe scale down or choose something else to open time for you to do your mixed media art. I do mixed media art too, so I know the challenges!
Thank you for posting. I'm thinking of closing my business too. I have no idea what to do. Financially I can't close. I feel trapped. Oh well, there's something shiney so back to my distracted life.
It's annoying to me how algorithms know what interests me but I was glad I saw this channel. I'm a 67 year old man who has struggled with almost all the characteristics of ADHD. I have self depracted since I was very young. Wondering what exactly was wrong with me. Why can't I do the basic tasks? Feeling of fear, anxiety, depression. Forgetting things. Losing things. Unable to focus and retain information. Unless it was something I loved. Sports, music, movie lines. Sounds familiar right? But my current spouse is a mental health professional and she has told me for a long time I was classic ADHD. My fight or flight mechanism refused to cave. Long story short. I was diagnosed and began a medication regimen. So glad I did because it has completely changed my life.
I tried adderall and it ended up being more bad than good. It never helped me focus or anything. Doing things was still impossible. I became extremely angry and even though I’ve been off it for a year I can feel that I’m still affected by that anger. The only bonus was that I could get by with a lot less sleep. What medication did you take if you don’t mind my asking? I wish it helped me
I truly, truly thought I wasn't holding onto others' expectations, but I was. Took an extensive burnout & shutdown period _(which put me in an in-patient therapy program)_ to realize this & grieve those things. 😮💨 The true work is in allowing that grief to happen & in radically accepting your reality. Otherwise, you'll end up in the same burnout cycle like I did.
I’ve been watching your videos and you’re the first (out of many) ADHD coaches who seems to get my particular brand of ADHD. It’s not a goofy and endearing trait that makes me forget my keys in the spice rack (actual anecdote by another coach) or makes me all a-tizzy over the oyster that is the world before me. It is a stumbling block not just in the way of my obligations, but also my passions. But on the other hand, ADHD fills me with wonder and curiosity and passion that I (not to be rude) don’t see in the people around me and I wouldn’t want to be nullified. Balancing the positives and the negatives isn’t always easy and I think you get that in a way that aligns to my thought processes more than other coaches have. Thank you!
I have so many of these ADHD videos saved for when I think I have more ability to focus, since it does seem vary. Then I forget I have them. Then I save another one. Rinse, repeat.
I was diagnosed at 50 with ADHD. Hobbies included electronics, photography, pistol and rifle(national level), play jazz(self taught), glider pilot (solo),ultralight pilot (when my wife lets me). Currently it's fencing working towards veteran national level. Learning now ai and robotics. I was a lab tech at a leading UK university, lots of skills I picked up. Downside, not good at socialising, always think I'm inferior. Though now I'm on medication, I'm still have this attitude of being inferior....
Self compassion is your friend. You have so much great and interesting stuff to talk about with other people. You are so not boring! Go for it -socially!
I am healing from my self-hate and not feeling enough, it is a big trait in ADHD. :( Louise Hay books and workbooks are a big help. Drown yourself in positive 🌻 You too are AMAZING!
What feels natural to me is to keep bee bopping around back and forth to whatever I’m able to focus on in the moment because anything else is not just torture but nearly impossible and extremely exhausting. The things I push through come at a great cost to my effectiveness in other aspects of my life.
THIS IS ME... In the last 2 years I've started an eBay Business, a copywriting business, a fitness coaching business, taking classes at night to get nutrition coach certified, started a newsletter, started a sports youtube channel, started a fitness youtube channel, bought more books to read about business, social media and copywriting, I workout 7 days per week and do all of these things I listed while still having a full time career completely unrelated. Im still juggling all of these things and now I will watch your video.
I have really been thinking about this topic a lot lately. As someone that wasn't diagnosed until my late 20s, and still didn't get treatment, acknowledgement, or understanding until my mid 30s. I now realize I have spent so much of my life masking, and people pleasing, I really don't know what I truly enjoy, and what I thought I enjoyed. I also still struggle a lot with adhd paralysis, due to fear of failure, or fear of letting those down around me. Which then leads me to let them down anyways because I don't follow through because I became paralyzed. All of these things seem to become such a vicious cycle. Thank you for this, though. It has at least given me a lot to think about.
A lot of this is great advice, thank you. My two issues with this video are 1) all the things I’ve done are too numerous to list, that said I get what you mean by recognizing the difference between what you do that is true to yourself and what you do to meet outside expectations. So I didn’t need the list thing, myself. 2) please don’t get too close to victim shaming. There are plenty of people who are legitimate victims of circumstances outside of their control. Telling someone who is absolutely stuck and actually has no options that are reasonable can’t just “snap out of it.” Sure most people have options they haven’t thought about but for some folks who simply don’t, how about saying something like “try looking at the things you *can* do, even if they’re not the best options. Sometimes you have to compromise now to be true to yourself later.” Any time I get advice that suggests that I’m “doing it wrong” I reject it. If someone says “What I do is look at it this way…” I find it much easier to consider. Just my opinion, of course. Hope you find it useful!
I've spent years thinking I just never finished anything because I was lazy. It wasn't until lately that I started thinking I might have ADHD! I'm 50-years-old and you just explained my entire adult life in one video!
Hi Caren, I’m an adult who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. I’m now 60 and within the past year, was moved from a position that suited me and my ADHD-ness to one that is so far away from what works for me and how my brain works. I’ve been feeling so broken and misunderstood and wondering why I can’t grasp or focus on my new job or tasks. I’ve been with my organization for over 20 years and have worked along side this department for many of these years. It has been so difficult for me that I feel like an outsider, almost like an intruder. I came across a ADHD magazine with an article in it about women and ADHD and found so much relief at reading through some of the articles. I then decided to look up some UA-cam videos to do more research and came across your videos. This particular video really spoke to me so thank you for that. I had found myself spiraling through my depression because I couldn’t understand why things were happening to me and why I couldn’t grasp. Because of you and others, I am learning so much about myself and am starting to feel so much better about me. Thank you for your insight d wisdom.
One problem for me is prioritizing and paralysis. For example, if I have 10 things to do at work and there is no clear priority for them, I'll have to pick one to do. But not even 2 seconds into starting that task, my brain melts with all the reasons why I should probably be doing one of the other 9 things and why one of those might be higher priority. If I have 10 house chores or projects, I can't pick one to do because as soon as I start, all the reasons why I should be doing the other ones start to paralyze me. What if I can't finish in time, what if I make a mess, what if I have to go buy something, there isn't enough time to run an errand, etc. So I don't get started because I don't want to pull out all the supplies and tools and things if I think I can't finish before bed, and don't want to leave a mess around the house while I have to go back to work. I also have a type of paralysis regarding how long I think it might take. If I'm 1.5 hours until closing time, I end up almost convincing myself not to start anything that might take longer than that, because I can't finish it. Or if I have a morning appointment, I almost can't start on anything because I'll have this meeting jump at me at a precise time and kill my workflow, so I don't even try. Other times, I'll get into the flow and actually have some focus, and then I blow by other responsibilities and timelines. I can fret about a meeting coming up in 2 hours but if I end up focused on a task, I might still miss the meeting. There have been times that I literally text someone 2 minutes before a meeting that I'm here, but suddenly I get locked focus on replying to an email and just like that I blew the meeting by 12 minutes. I either can't focus at all, or I focus too much at the wrong time. It gives me anxiety about doing anything at all. I try to make lists but those get pushed off if someone texts me or has an emergency or something that needs done now. So I tend to spend my time putting out fires and oiling squeaky wheels rather than doing larger tasks on my list. In other words, why start this large task when I know any moment someone is just going to call or demand I go do something else? I'm in paralysis because I have my own stack of priorities, plus everyone else dumping their stuff on me at random, plus not being able to really prioritize (or someone destroys my priority with their own demands). Focus is hard to come by. I'm now used to spending my whole day bouncing between 10 minute tasks and answering everyones' questions. If I stop and do a 6 hour project, piles of stuff jam up and hit me the next day to sort out. On top of all this, I escape it by being interested in random other things. Making gardens and ponds, philosophy, car repair, building projects, other studies and interests. Rarely get to decompress except sometimes if I get late night gaming for an hour or two after everyone is asleep.
I think this explains me. Not on the far end of either spectrum, but certainly struggle with losing interest in ideas. I was told years ago my personality type is always waiting for my ship to come in and never will - I am a dreamer. A lot of great ideas as a creative, but very little follow through. I'll be watching and learning more.
I'm pretty much retired. I now have about 25 projects on the go. Building kayaks, home renovations, bird feeders, landscaping, splitting wood, finishing my basement, solid wood work benches, Catio with 12' tower, car port(very labor intensive), too much gardening and tons of smaller projects at the same time. NONE are finished and some over 15 years in the process. It's exhausting when you keep switching back and forth, over and over. ADHD central. But.... it gives me something to look forward too.
I have adhd, and have always had a passion for many hobbies. But the main reason why I dont think the follow through is high is the lack of dopamine. I notice when I play video games, at some point the dopamine stops hitting, and I'll get bored. I then have to switch to a new game. This can take weeks or months for me. I think its the same with starting creative projects. I've learned when the feeling is happening, and how to hack my brain for it. I just try to go slowly with things. I've been working on making my own video game which takes a lot of different skills. I make sure I work on it even for 10 min a day. If I keep momentum in a task I want to complete. I notice Im far more likely to see it through! Idk if any of this makes sense. Just rambling my thoughts!
Not me engaging actively with your videos because I heard you state that youtube's score influences your motivation and self worth. Honestly, you are a life saver for me. Your way of thinking, speaking and just the cadence of your voice helps me throughout the day. I listen to you whenever I have to do something that feels impossible to me. So thank you! I hope you will feel intrinsically motivated again soon!
OMG! I keep saying I don't have ADHD, but I'm currently practicing/learning 5 musical instruments, have 8TB of unfinished music, am taking a course in meditation & orchestration, was studying to become an electrician, spanish, German, & created my own language, & script.... HELP ME! 😲 I want to do EVERYTHING... Thanks for this video!
Thank you for breaking it down and making it.... Squirrel! ..... Simple. I love that term Divergent Thinkers.... Squirrel!... love your channel and content.
I went to school because of social and legal obligation. I want to become a novelist, a digital 3D graphic designer, a leather worker, a parkour athlete, a coder, a game developer, a midwife, a.... And, yes, I want them for myself. If I went for what my social environment wants for me, I'd be a carpenter. I want all of those skills and vocationsfor myself, and I want them all too much to be willing to give up on any of them and non of them stands out so much above the rest that I would consider giving up any for the sake of that one. I am torn between choices not because of some externally inflicted score card or social pressure (in fact social pressure wants me to make a choice and stick with it) but because I have too many interests that are competing with each other, to the point of complete paralysis, stopping me from doing any of it.
100%. It's so overwhelming you can't do anything and the guilt that you should be doing more, makes everything worse. It's this annoying cycle, at least for me.
This is exactly the problem. ADHD is not inherently a disorder of caring too much what others think. There is often a genuine inability to do even things that we want to do. That's why it's not always accurate to believe someone with ADHD failed to do something they promised to do because they stopped caring. So while I think the idea of discerning what you want from what others want has merit, there perhaps remains another crucial step where you learn to eliminate your own ideas and desires that don't serve you or are misplaced in priority relative to other things you care about. Also, I don't like the idea of it feeling "easeful" being a key indicator of it being what you truly want. Scrolling through social media or TikTok is easeful, but many of us don't look back on it and feel glad we spent all that time on it. There needs to be a better guiding principle for deciding what to focus on, and I'm not exactly sure what that is. Perhaps as you get to know yourself, you get better at stopping yourself before diving into a new shiny idea and checking with everything else you're currently involved in?
I saved this video to my watch later Playlist. YT just suggested it, and I was like yes! I need that video only to realize it was in my watch later list.
Multipotentialite. I think I are one! 🤣🤣 (never heard the phrase before this vid; I am almost 72 years old and haven't figured out yet what I want to do when I grow up)
You are the most helpful coach on UA-cam ever, and I've watched a lot of videos looking for answers. I didn't even know an ADHD coach existed. I didn't struggle so much with it in my childhood, but it became more noticeable in adulthood. I believed for years I was broken. It's only in these last three years that I've considered that I might have ADHD. I came to that conclusion while observing someone else because we were so similar, and I think you may have confirmed my suspicions. I hope that your channel can teach me how to tackle it. So, thank you.
Great video! Never let someone else’s expectations or opinion of you drag you down. I was an awful high school student. Fast forward many years, I graduated at the top of my law school / MBA class. Consistently rated one of the top family law attorneys in my jurisdiction. Focus on the things that bring you joy and get you excited. Surround yourself with and learn from the right people. It’s never too late. As a creative hobby, I started uploading to my UA-cam channel a couple of years ago. (Just hit 9k subscribers). Strip away all of the negative people and negative influences in your life. ADD can literally be a gift if channeled the right way.
I think this saved me.. Ive been really struggling with unfulfilling work environment and low pay that suicide and just leaving this place had come to mind
You have good things inside of you to bring to the world. And I hope you can ask for better things that you deserve at work whether it is a pay raise, promotion, new position. Work can be tough and unfulfilling, but you have value to bring to your workplace . If they don’t recognize it, try to find a place that does. If it feels too overwhelming, make one tiny change and start there. Wishing you positive changes in your future.
It's crazy how perfectly timed your videos are to my life! I was thinking about this topic a lot in the last few weeks and had this exact realisation. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
I feel so seen! But is it true that getting excited about a million things is necessarily a harmful reaction to social expectation? Can it not be a side effect of naturally occurring curiosity? And that the inspired pursuit of many interests has intrinsic value? My challenge is that I am having a hard time defining my commitment to my interests. I pick up leads not because I feel I must, but because I want to. However, the way I engage with those interests once I’ve gained a foothold is problematic - I feel socially obligated to participate in a project, rather than just learning and contributing to the goal with cross-pollination of ideas and interpersonal introductions. I think, ultimately, that’s all I want to do. So what is the socially acceptable role of the hyper-social multi-passionate? Does it matter? I love the idea that the only scorecard that matters is how much you operated from your authentic self. By that metric, I’m doing great lately 😂 Thank you for the beautifully explained and compassionate discussion in your video!
This is arguably, my favorite video of 2024 and the most useful one. It's starting to make more sense why it's so hard for me to focus and concentrate on something that I don't like versus why it's so easy to concentrate on things I do like or I'm interested in. And you're right, you always have a choice. Excellent content 🙏
Listening to this as I am doing some of my "hundreds of things"😊 Towards the end you mentioned "victim mentality" and that's when I saw you getting CLOSER to what's underneath: FEAR 😱 It can take many forms. It masquerades as confidence, busyness, aloofness, etc. Keep digging, y'all, there just might be underlying fear that you are avoiding (sometimes it's fear of TRUTH 😢).
I am halfway through the video trying to listen to you explain the problem I already know I have and you STILL haven't begun offering your big solution!
Plus, the sound is not in sync with the video and her hand gestures are overly active - it's an ironically distracting presentation, and yes, way too slow to get to the point.
Yeah 😂 you would think that someone ficused pn add brains would realize they wobt have the patience to warch all the way if the solution isnt at the start
Actually….it behooves us all to practice patience and listen.. every word she spoke supported the whole.. listen again.. don’t watch it.. just listen… the tools are not all in the “ fixing “ the tools are also in the understanding of how we get there.. just relax.. sit back and listen ..
I can't believe that I finally found someone like me who can explain me. Throughout this video, I kept saying "yes exactly". I'm anxious to get to work on the homework you have assigned.
@10:30... Your words about having my own scorecard... definitely made my whole body and mind release and relax... WOW.. years of own mental torture, and You have made me cry in the best possible way ... THANK YOU!!!
I can't tell you how many websites I own right now lol.... and hardly any of them have been updated in months. I'm trying to slim the number down and start focusing on just my favorite projects. I'm even trying to figure out if I can possibly combine some projects into something bigger on just one website. That would be the ultimate fix for me.
6:50 The frame of “either do years and years of therapy” or “just accept this part of you” was an unfair reduction of how much more therapy offers you and a gross overestimation of how easy it is to ‘just accept’ parts of us. Have been enjoying the video so far but find it really off putting when coaches try and look down at therapy.
I have dealt with this issue my whole life and your description of it best describes how I feel, like I'm behind everyone else and that I'm not reaching my full potential. Jack of all trades, master of none, though it often feels like I don't even know enough of one thing to call myself even that.
When I get slightly bored, and it's going to happen even with something I'm very interested in, I lose focus and just can't concentrate anymore. No matter what method I try, I continue to drift off and think about something else. It truly sucks as I have SO many interests and can't complete any of them. Books take forever to get through. 😄
Thank you so much for that video. You describe me and my struggles so perfectly. I never thought I could have ADHD. I subscribe and I will, for sure, watch more of your videos. I need changes in my life. Thank you again for the help.
What if I am really sure that I want to do certain things but then feel like I don't deserve it because of all the necessary things I haven't done? Days are so short. I feel like there are so many things I need to do every day that take a lot of time, or add up to a lot of time. And I often cut corners on the daily necessities out of rebellion or tiredness. I'm bad at exercising and practicing my music and stuff. I used to think I was good at making decisions but I am actually not that great at it. I feel like I don't have the right info, which is understanding how to fit it all in and have enough time to focus.
I am watching wondering how much of your viewers click out the video early because of their ADHD?!! Great retention editing and I think you need it for your audience! (I struggle to watch videos all the way through and am here for the advice as I think I probably have this type of brain. Everything you say resonates!) Congrats on your channel!
I feel like I go round and around the same old pattern of behaviour jumping from one idea to the next. This is so helpful. ADHD really does take over without a clear structure and it’s so easy to lose your path.
I recently told my husband, “I am a Jill of all trades but I wish that I could be a Master of one thing and stick with it”. Sometimes I feel like it’s as if I am trying to find the one thing that I will love to do…painting, pottery, Bonsai, woodworking, photography…you name it, I’ve done it. Prob is that I love to do so much! It becomes overwhelming to the point I stop doing one thing completely for no apparent reason. Is it a fault to have so many interests? I’m at the point of frustration with myself for not being able to excel in a single area of interest. Another Issue I find with stopping something I love is simply because I feel nobody appreciates it, not even myself. Sad it is. Why can’t I just do things for my own sake and self fulfillments?
This perfectly describes me, my interests hop from one to another. Job hunting is a nightmare due to me giving up midway when it's too much. Thank you, I feel this vid helps normalise this emotion
I had a ballet teacher that told me I was a "late bloomer" ... i was a young aldult at this point... i was like, omg, she's right! And now, 20 years later I feel like that statement has followed me/haunted me and I continue to validate it by my actions, or shoukd I say lack of actions!! Fear of failure, making the wrong decision, any decision, even while in the process, 2nd guessing, allowing distraction, procrastination... I digress. RESULT: NO PROGRESS!! 🤨😤😩
I love this video! The only thing I would change is the idea of being in a victim mentality because someone can’t see they have a choice in a matter or situation. Anyone watching this video must have known, to a certain degree, the answers in this video. Yet, before this video it wasn’t apparent to us. Most if not all of us have watched the video because we knew it had something to do with ourselves. A victim mentality rarely ever internalizes their problems. In my experience, since I do feel the pressure of societal expectations, I do tend to solve my problems the neurotypical way. With no surprise to anyone reading, it never gets resolved and then I get stuck because the people around me think I must not be doing it right.
Thank you for this video. I don’t have ADHD, but I have autism and struggle so much with the too many interests/not enough follow through/not feeling like I’m good enough or have achieved enough. This video helped put a lot into perspective for me. On the one hand, I like that so much is interesting and enthralling to me - I’m never bored! But on the other hand, I’m exhausted and often feel downtrodden over the lack of progress. And while I have a lot of interests and things that pique my curiosity, my big interests (writing, making video games, drawing, crochet, sewing) have largely stayed with me through my entire adult life, I never get bored of them. But I get lots of project ideas and it’s hard sticking to one. Sometimes I think I get nervous too. Like, if I throw myself into this one book and it sucks or I go all in on crocheting this sweater and I have to redo the whole thing, then I wasted my time. But I appreciate the strategy you shared. It seems to cut through a lot of the noise, the shoulds vs want-tos. So thank you.
Thank you. Great points! Yes, I have a lot of interest and so much I want to do, and I am running out of time and I always feel like I can never get enough done.
I'm sure this applies to people but I don't find that I pursue things based on social pressure other than the required things you mentioned. I more have sort of a dopamine tank that causes me to start things I find interesting then after a while it hits that part of a skill where it gets harder and I want to switch again to refill the dopamine. I have found that if I switch then come back eventually to the thing I started on before I can sort of eventually get good at some things. It is an incredible slog though and takes me several times longer than most people mostly because I have to relearn things I've forgotten or I'm not constantly working on. In my mind though these are all things that I really want to learn and get really good at. I have managed over time to break things down into broad categories I wanted to learn like music, art, coding then break that down more into specifics versus just randomly looking around and letting things snag my interest. That has helped a bit but it's still hard to stick with things for very long stretches.
Yeah I felt the same way watching the video. I feel like I more relate to what you're saying then what she said about doing stuff based on pressure from others. I just do stuff because I find it interesting and my brain won't let me stop LOL
I took the test to become a licensed mortgage agent and passed it with no problem because I thought I wanted to be one. Then I was interested to become a licensed health insurance agent and passed that too. I still hold a real estate license and keep paying the renewal because maybe one day I will become one. I passed the real estate license in 2005. Now, I want to become a tax expert, learn to code, even enroll in nursing school, make YT videos, become a long-haul truck driver, electrician, etc. My mind will not settle to one thing once once I learn it, instead of sticking to one and becoming an expert. I'm 50 and empty nester, and my children don't need me, so it's also depressing. I thought making more money will make me happy but it's not. One day I'm high with the many ideas I want to achieve and the next day I'm defeated. I'm not sure what I have and how do I achieve part of the goals.
I completely agree.. I'm a visual artist and have SO many little projects and ideas that never reach completion because I switch partway through. Then after a break, my interest reignites and I have to re-learn what I'd forgotten and make a bit more progress. Then, I need another break and pick something else. It takes so long to master the skills I actually WANT to learn because I keep jumping ships.
I don't think I have ADHD but I know I have shiny object syndrome. This information really helped. I did the exercise and cut my list in HALF. Thanks Caren!
Knowing what I really want eludes me. All I ever knew was what I don't want, and that's what I always got. There's no hope for me and I'm too old now anyway.
Recognize this. Most of the passion for doing ideas, even starting, has diminished to nearly nothing. This is directly due to the age issue. Starting over in the past was no problem, but now, it is a such a challenge, and the words in my head repeat: what even is the point? ...there is more nuance to it, but this is a comment section, not a book or magazine.
I’m there. I’ve reduced my multiple project habit. Sold all equipment for passing hobbies and sports (except power tools of course!). Forced myself to finish one or two things a year. Still think & plan other things but banned myself from starting anything new. Hard because I’m a creative by profession. So constantly having new ideas is my job. Much harder in periods where I have no work.
You describe me perfectly -- a thousand ideas that I begin to work on --- and finish none. Eventually, coming back to old ideas or hobbies, but still not advancing too far. Growing - up my parents always saw my older brother and my sister as ' important' but well not me !! Years later a psychologist said I had an inferiority complex... but nothing was ever done with that ..... So, here I am in my 60's and still repeating the same old cycle I always did. Hopping from one topic to the next once I get bored......
I’m a stay at home mom with late diagnosed ADHD, and the only executive function I’ve been able to work really well around is big picture thinking. I have always journaled, and getting it in front of me instead of in my brain works well. I however am not vaguely feeling as if I’m falling behind, because I can big picture, I am agonizingly aware of where I’m falling short. I do agree with your point about the multiple, conflicting (especially for women) lists of what we are getting shoulded to death with.
I decided my hobby was organizing projects - now I just need to find somewhere to sell all the projects I bought everything for and never started (aka organized). 😂
I downloaded this information about 3 weeks ago.. watching now is a beautiful affirmation.. I’m in week two of accepting my dopamine needs.. figuring out flow in a way that supports that part of me instead of fighting it .. a peace is building!!
I definitely suffer from this but mainly because I genuinely have an interest in many things that give me energy! I also have a pretty clear vision of what I want my life to look like, I just don't know what the exact path to get there is! I've never felt 100% sure about a singular way forward and I really wish I would.
Caren: "So I'm gonna cut to the chase right now and start off with the real reason I think all of us deal with this problem: (We think that) who we are (right now) is not good enough." Me: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I go from feeling like an unworthy POS to feeling like I'm amazing and if I can't be a huge success right away (like I deserve) then why bother trying. Maybe that's just me haha
I'm just a random lay person with no education in this area, but a few years ago I thought through and wrote a lot about the very things in this presentation - it feels so validating to hear them back from someone with your level of experience! ❤
I’m so glad I found your channel today. To be understood like this is so validating. Thank you. (I will now spend the rest of the day watching every pertinent video on your channel, LOL) I'd like to distinguish another thing that happens 25% down the road that gets in the way of completing things (especially creative things and endeavors like brainstorming). 25% down the road of an idea I’ll see an entirely new possibility, a new creative idea available now by being 25% down the road of the 1st idea with the new combination of ideas I’ve gathered along the way-and that’s only and uniquely available at that point. So now I’ll have 2 bright shiny ideas instead of just one. And the 2nd one is a bit brighter and shinier at that moment (shining with possibilities). So I'll drop the first one and pick up the second one. I am turned on by possibility (probably getting a shot of dopamine whenever a new possibility arises) and I’ll diverge from that 1st path (that’s cycled 25% down the path of potentiality) and reach for the possibility instead and mainline that dopamine-following that new path to possibility. And so on, and so on, and so on.... I have a humongous landscape of possibilities.
Maybe I got this from one of your videos! :) I have been trying to understand why I'm all over the place. I haven't been diagnosed ADHD, but I sure see it. This is very helpful
skip to 7:30 for when it starts for real and just listen as the hand gestures and audio being out of sync with the video will drive you crazy, some good info in there, thanks for sharing
The first time I watched Jordan Peterson was a lecture in Canada about Creativity and how different our brains are and pretty much letting the world know that we’re wasting creative people’s (almost always adhd) gift to the world.. we’re meant to come up the ideas that have propelled humanity forward because we basically face an army of people who tell us we’re supposed to do it like they do… and that inherent belief that we’re not right! 😢 At 56 I finally learned that I was born with a one in a million super brains! The lecture is fantastic I cried so hard because it validated my inner feelings of damn it am not just good enough I am different and meant to be here as I am. Now I’m learning how to harness my super powers!
Fantastic! I hear you loud and clear, and I am 100% with you on that journey. And thank you for the Jordan Peterson suggestion, I had seen one of his videos years ago but it wasn't related to this. Now I just looked him up + 'creativity' and BAM, he's talking right to me as well. I'm thanking the universe right now, it's as if the clouds are parting, literally, and I'm finally starting to see a way forward. I'm sure that sounds like a bunch of rubbish to anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about, but I'm also sure that you and Caren will understand. I wish you all the best 🙏🏻
I think a lot of women who struggle with lack of follow through and too many ideas would be helped by cycle syncing. I have an ADHD diagnosis, and have still found that my biggest explosion of ideas happens in the follicular phase, which is exactly when it's supposed during your menstrual cycle.
Instantly clicked on this video because I know I needed to see it. Minute and a half in, I'm struggling to not find another video similar to this 🤦🏽♂️
This is not helpful at all. The 20 business ideas I have are all authentically aligned with me, and my indecision on which one to follow through on has nothing to do with all the social norms etc you mentioned. The indecision comes from not knowing which one is best for me and not a waste of time, which one will actually succeed, which one is actually manageable for my adhd, etc etc. My lack of follow through is the fear of making the wrong decision, and has nothing to do with societal expectations and scorecards 🤷🏻♀️
@esteebukay9096 That’s so great you have 20 business ideas that are all aligned with your authentic self. Go through your list of ideas & see if one idea really excites you, makes you smile, gives you energy. If they are all good ideas, pick any one of them & just make a start. The idea that will succeed is the one that you focus on, put the time into & master 💖
I completely agree with you. It is ADHD related BUT there's the more to it that you point out. Thank you. The ten great ideas I checked into I found wouldn't be right for me. Most grab an idea rush in throw money at it but don't really figure out if it will be sustainable for them. I say keep search the right one will resonate with you on all levels.
I have this same problem. Two pieces of advice I find helpful (though still hard to act upon: 1. A good decision is often determined by what you do AFTER the main decision. Deciding on Path X feels like just one choice, but especially with long term projects, any choice will inevitably lead to a fractal of thousands of other choices which will spawn more choices of their own. What makes the root choice the right choice is how you deal with those later choices. 2: You can't know what's going to happen with any given choice, but the things you learn will still help you. Even the best choice can fail because of bad luck or freak circumstances. for instance, you getting badly injured will spoil a lot of otherwise good plans. In art, you discover which skills you need to work on by making pieces you didn't realize were beyond your current skill level. Those pieces will look bad, but they still give you useful info. The plans you abandon will help you see which of your other plans are more viable, and help you discover weaknesses you can either strengthen or work around. So, basically, go into your plan with the expectation of struggle and possible failure. Choose plans that allow you to see quickly if they're a bad fit. Choose plans that make it easy to pivot to another plan if they don't work out. Focus on developing skills that are useful for multiple things you want to do. Invest in things that increase your ability to get things done with ADHD (time management systems, self care, support network, appliances that make your life easier, etc). If the issue is that you don't know how well you will handle whatever the plan is, gather data on yourself by trying smaller versions of your plans to see how they feel.
Sorry for the typos, I'm on mobile. One thing I forgot: The things you learn and experience from failed plans are rarely useless. Most plans, jobs, and hobbies require many skills. It's true that some skills will be unique to that particular situation, but a lot will transfer to others. If you decide you don't want to be an accountant and change your major, the classes you took will likely still be helpful if 10 years down the road you decide to start your own dog grooming business.
I think the invention of the internet literally made those of us with many interests made our brains explode.
🥲🥲🥲
Holy shit!!!! Could not agree more I want to learn and do and build everything I see. Almost 65,I’m running out of time
@@clintlarue520 this made me laugh
Absolutely!
haha good point.
Alas, UA-cam is the perfect drug for multipotentials. Amazing how many courses and job and hobby and life skills I can get just by changing channels
UA-cam is a gift to civilization. I sent my Boomer father a vid from UA-cam. Now, the man has been watching YT nonstop. I don’t think he even knew YT existed before.
😅 same here. I've learned how to make soap, and starting a fire in the rain tonight. 😂
❤ yep
@@KaraMiaSantaLuciaNow see how many new conspiracy theories he has in 12 months!
@@owenlarson07366 I actually got into a fight with him after he called me a “conspiracy theorist”. I’m a realist. His generation seems to trust everything that’s been told and taught to them. Looking back at my schooling…history books written by them chose to ignore so much. This has got to change.
“You want to do all of the things but can’t because you want to do all of the things.” OMFG right in the feels.
The 1st thing I thought when I heard her say that! I hope I can remember it so I can recall it in the future.
I spend half my life dreaming up my next project, buying materials etc, changing my mind and deciding to do it differently so buying more materials to do the new improved project when i suddenly stop and move on to something else 😢
I SOOOOO relate💔
1000 percent
I keep restarting this video because I CANT FOCUS on listening the entire time, UHG!!!
Lol I thought it was just me 🤣 I'm having a very ADHD day today!
@adhd_lifetips great idea, thanks
Try reading & watching with subtitles on, or changing the playback speed to 1.25 or 1.5. It creates a bit more stimulation and can help make focusing a little bit easier
What helps me is adding subtitles, so I focus on the text
Plus, it doesn’t really start until 8:30. There are so many people who make videos for those of us with ADHD and they don’t seem to get that they should start with what the title promises or we will get lost waiting for them to get around to it.
This is my life, excited focus for 3 seconds then depressed about a lack of motivation
Current spiral
There right now. I keep bobbing to the surface, but can’t find the energy to keep afloat.
Same. If I work out it (my focus & follow through for other things) gets better though.
this is why discipline exists, do it even if u don’t have any motivation.
My problem is once I start something and realize the effort it takes and don’t see progress, I become frustrated and overwhelmed so I lose interest and tell myself that’s not my ‘calling’.
You are TRULY my sister!
😂 relatable
We must be related😊
@@TizzyB23 deja vu!
There's free site called what i did today whid
72 yo male with super divergent ADHD. I LOVE MY ADHD. I feel like I hit the jackpot with all of the fun life experiences and skills that I've developed because of ever-changing interests.
Traveled all over the world, started and sold two companies, taught myself to engineer, program, create graphics, have an advanced private pilot license, play guitar, banjo, dobro, piano, motorcycled through the Alps, loved many women (but found a keeper). The list goes on...
If I could start life over again, I'd pick ADHD in a heartbeat. I can't imagine how boring normal life must be.
My only complaint is that I can never just relax. I've got to be working on something.
Nothing like ADHD. You are an achiever. The society wants us to be average that's why they are labelling creativity as a disease
you're not ADHD...you have NO idea!
Not to pop anyone‘a bubble but frantic busyness that is enjoyable, is a form of relaxation.
This is exactly the life I want to live!
Omg, thank you so much for sharing that! I think we all need to hear an encouraging perspective like this. 🥰
This month alone I went from wanting to open a home cafe to becoming a life coach to trading the cat for the cat show.
Ps. I don’t even have a cat.
😂
Now that's is funny. I have had similar thoughts. I now have 100 carved wooden whales made from palm tree husks because of one of these tangents ! 😂
I can so relate. I was watching dog training videos much to the amusement of my dog owning friend. I do not have a dog nor any intention of owning one 😂
I got plenty of cats. How many do you want?
@@joulsw3739 haha! 😃
The algorithm is getting scary accurate. This is exactly what I needed to see. Thank you SO MUCH.
I have 20 small business....ideas ....if I can only push through just one of them till the finish line .....id be golden
Same!
Same as well 😕
Co-sign. A big part of my problem is knowing that I could do well at any one I choose which adds to the confusion.
I started a fair few, got bored and closed them 😅😂
Same here.
I also feel the procrastination effect in this process of finding new interests. Lots of research but not enough DOING!!
Ahhh.... sooooo meee!!! Yes! God help me!
I use procrastination as a tool. I always have the interest I'm working on in the moment, and the next one in line that I can research to death, but not do anything about until it's time. That way, I'm not trying to actively work on too much, and I'll be ready to jump in on the next one with what I consider to be the requisite expertise to start.
Then there are those that just do & then redo because not enough research 1st
@@amandarada3242 God help US!
MEEEEEE 😅😅😅
I very rarely drop anything - I keep ALL the interests! And so I never feel like an expert in anything, because I haven't spent enough time on it. I think it's some sort of career FOMO. Plus I'm interested in so many things, and choosing just one feels wrong and boring and not an expression of me. Because I'm all of those things 🙄
I totally get this. 😃
Are you also a gemini
same
Too
Gemini moon here 🙋♀️🤦♀️@@aja1108
My life is a history of unfinished projects!
Mine too my brother calls me 80%
Even the things that I feel like I want to do end up feeling like "shoulds."
saaaaame. SOS
Maybe you are a PDA profile?
That sounds like me as well.
That’s not necessarily bad. At least there’s overlap between things you want to do and should do. If they’re “should”s that probably means they’re beneficial to your life in some way beyond a fleeting “hey that might be fun” :)
@@bloop6111I think they probably meant the feeling. I get that feeling too. Mine was a painting project. Not something I have to get done at all. It’s a personal project. And I really wanted to do it. But at some point it just felt like a chore. Like any other “should” feels. Which made me abandon it. I still really wish I could get it done because I like painting and it’s something I wanted to do but that chore like feeling is there when I think of it or try to start it. 😢
So, perhaps another video: MY scorecard, MY chosen goals. I'm old enough to have gotten rid of society's/others' expectations from my goals list. I'm left with several things I seriously WANT to do but am in the start-stop-move around-start again cycle. Five-plus years now. Every time I try to ONLY focus on one to completion, one of the others rears up and "demands" attention. Marie Forleo calls it "multi-passionate" and I've managed to figure out how to weave many of them together and have now three over-arching umbrellas it all fits under...but feel like I'm dealing with the same predicament I started out with. It's so incredibly frustrating.
In doing your list of "what have you done in the spirit of" questions, it's all ME. I WANT these things. No one is forcing me, these are all things I want for myself...because I WANT them. Not for society, not for parents, friends, others' expectations. It's me. All me. Now what?
Each one of those three "project areas" are aligned with who I am, things I want to do/have done. They're equally calling.
It's interesting that the goals we have "just for us" are the hardest ones to get started on.
@@CarenMagill Well, that's helpful...
I don't have any 'should dos' and NEVER do anything that isn't authentic. I only do ''Hell Yes'' activities but yet still feel overwhelmed by all the cool things that resonate with my values. I have left many good jobs, relationships, places I live, friends, etc... because they didn't align with who i am. FREEDOM and authenticity are the most essential things in life yet most people actually fear both,
OMGoodness Jeff - I am blown away on what you wrote as it so resonated, and is so amazingly bang on!!! I actually journaled it as a reminder on living an authentic life with freedom. Bless your heart and I wish you the most incredible life which obviously you are already succeeding at!!!❤️
@@Jasperdog3437 Thanks Cindy, I hope you have also followed your authentic path and can say to Hell Yes to what you are doing
I’m a mixed media artist with a small farm. I am usually reading 5 different books at a time and have multiple art projects going on and then the work from my farm, I can barely get through one task at a time before getting distracted and starting something else. I am utterly exhausted to the point I am closing my farm. I could cry. I meditate daily and struggle with daily simple tasks. Thank you for the video
Embrace the multitude of interests and tasks. You sound highly intelligent to want to read multiple books at once. I do this with my audible books. If I'm in the mood for one particular book, I go for it. Managing a farm sounds very fun and comes with tons of work. Do what you love. If the farm life is not for you, maybe scale down or choose something else to open time for you to do your mixed media art. I do mixed media art too, so I know the challenges!
Thank you
for posting. I'm thinking of closing my business too. I have no idea what to do. Financially I can't close. I feel trapped. Oh well, there's something shiney so back to my distracted life.
It's annoying to me how algorithms know what interests me but I was glad I saw this channel. I'm a 67 year old man who has struggled with almost all the characteristics of ADHD. I have self depracted since I was very young. Wondering what exactly was wrong with me. Why can't I do the basic tasks? Feeling of fear, anxiety, depression. Forgetting things. Losing things. Unable to focus and retain information. Unless it was something I loved. Sports, music, movie lines. Sounds familiar right? But my current spouse is a mental health professional and she has told me for a long time I was classic ADHD. My fight or flight mechanism refused to cave. Long story short. I was diagnosed and began a medication regimen. So glad I did because it has completely changed my life.
Sounds any solution requires medication so without that it will be an uphill battle.
What was the medication 😮💨
I tried adderall and it ended up being more bad than good. It never helped me focus or anything. Doing things was still impossible. I became extremely angry and even though I’ve been off it for a year I can feel that I’m still affected by that anger. The only bonus was that I could get by with a lot less sleep. What medication did you take if you don’t mind my asking? I wish it helped me
I truly, truly thought I wasn't holding onto others' expectations, but I was. Took an extensive burnout & shutdown period _(which put me in an in-patient therapy program)_ to realize this & grieve those things. 😮💨
The true work is in allowing that grief to happen & in radically accepting your reality. Otherwise, you'll end up in the same burnout cycle like I did.
100% agree with this.
Thank you 🦉
I’ve been watching your videos and you’re the first (out of many) ADHD coaches who seems to get my particular brand of ADHD. It’s not a goofy and endearing trait that makes me forget my keys in the spice rack (actual anecdote by another coach) or makes me all a-tizzy over the oyster that is the world before me. It is a stumbling block not just in the way of my obligations, but also my passions. But on the other hand, ADHD fills me with wonder and curiosity and passion that I (not to be rude) don’t see in the people around me and I wouldn’t want to be nullified. Balancing the positives and the negatives isn’t always easy and I think you get that in a way that aligns to my thought processes more than other coaches have. Thank you!
I have so many of these ADHD videos saved for when I think I have more ability to focus, since it does seem vary. Then I forget I have them. Then I save another one. Rinse, repeat.
I was diagnosed at 50 with ADHD. Hobbies included electronics, photography, pistol and rifle(national level), play jazz(self taught), glider pilot (solo),ultralight pilot (when my wife lets me). Currently it's fencing working towards veteran national level. Learning now ai and robotics. I was a lab tech at a leading UK university, lots of skills I picked up. Downside, not good at socialising, always think I'm inferior. Though now I'm on medication, I'm still have this attitude of being inferior....
Self compassion is your friend. You have so much great and interesting stuff to talk about with other people. You are so not boring! Go for it -socially!
I am healing from my self-hate and not feeling enough, it is a big trait in ADHD. :(
Louise Hay books and workbooks are a big help.
Drown yourself in positive 🌻
You too are AMAZING!
What feels natural to me is to keep bee bopping around back and forth to whatever I’m able to focus on in the moment because anything else is not just torture but nearly impossible and extremely exhausting. The things I push through come at a great cost to my effectiveness in other aspects of my life.
I call myself a multipassionaire😂
😊😅😮😮epic!!!
That's a good one. Ima coin that
100% Me
Hard
I'm Attention Diverse Hyperactive Discerning...😍
THIS IS ME... In the last 2 years I've started an eBay Business, a copywriting business, a fitness coaching business, taking classes at night to get nutrition coach certified, started a newsletter, started a sports youtube channel, started a fitness youtube channel, bought more books to read about business, social media and copywriting, I workout 7 days per week and do all of these things I listed while still having a full time career completely unrelated. Im still juggling all of these things and now I will watch your video.
I have really been thinking about this topic a lot lately. As someone that wasn't diagnosed until my late 20s, and still didn't get treatment, acknowledgement, or understanding until my mid 30s. I now realize I have spent so much of my life masking, and people pleasing, I really don't know what I truly enjoy, and what I thought I enjoyed. I also still struggle a lot with adhd paralysis, due to fear of failure, or fear of letting those down around me. Which then leads me to let them down anyways because I don't follow through because I became paralyzed. All of these things seem to become such a vicious cycle. Thank you for this, though. It has at least given me a lot to think about.
A lot of this is great advice, thank you. My two issues with this video are 1) all the things I’ve done are too numerous to list, that said I get what you mean by recognizing the difference between what you do that is true to yourself and what you do to meet outside expectations. So I didn’t need the list thing, myself. 2) please don’t get too close to victim shaming. There are plenty of people who are legitimate victims of circumstances outside of their control. Telling someone who is absolutely stuck and actually has no options that are reasonable can’t just “snap out of it.” Sure most people have options they haven’t thought about but for some folks who simply don’t, how about saying something like “try looking at the things you *can* do, even if they’re not the best options. Sometimes you have to compromise now to be true to yourself later.” Any time I get advice that suggests that I’m “doing it wrong” I reject it. If someone says “What I do is look at it this way…” I find it much easier to consider. Just my opinion, of course. Hope you find it useful!
I've spent years thinking I just never finished anything because I was lazy. It wasn't until lately that I started thinking I might have ADHD! I'm 50-years-old and you just explained my entire adult life in one video!
Hi Caren, I’m an adult who was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. I’m now 60 and within the past year, was moved from a position that suited me and my ADHD-ness to one that is so far away from what works for me and how my brain works. I’ve been feeling so broken and misunderstood and wondering why I can’t grasp or focus on my new job or tasks. I’ve been with my organization for over 20 years and have worked along side this department for many of these years. It has been so difficult for me that I feel like an outsider, almost like an intruder.
I came across a ADHD magazine with an article in it about women and ADHD and found so much relief at reading through some of the articles. I then decided to look up some UA-cam videos to do more research and came across your videos. This particular video really spoke to me so thank you for that.
I had found myself spiraling through my depression because I couldn’t understand why things were happening to me and why I couldn’t grasp. Because of you and others, I am learning so much about myself and am starting to feel so much better about me. Thank you for your insight d wisdom.
One problem for me is prioritizing and paralysis.
For example, if I have 10 things to do at work and there is no clear priority for them, I'll have to pick one to do. But not even 2 seconds into starting that task, my brain melts with all the reasons why I should probably be doing one of the other 9 things and why one of those might be higher priority.
If I have 10 house chores or projects, I can't pick one to do because as soon as I start, all the reasons why I should be doing the other ones start to paralyze me. What if I can't finish in time, what if I make a mess, what if I have to go buy something, there isn't enough time to run an errand, etc. So I don't get started because I don't want to pull out all the supplies and tools and things if I think I can't finish before bed, and don't want to leave a mess around the house while I have to go back to work.
I also have a type of paralysis regarding how long I think it might take. If I'm 1.5 hours until closing time, I end up almost convincing myself not to start anything that might take longer than that, because I can't finish it. Or if I have a morning appointment, I almost can't start on anything because I'll have this meeting jump at me at a precise time and kill my workflow, so I don't even try.
Other times, I'll get into the flow and actually have some focus, and then I blow by other responsibilities and timelines. I can fret about a meeting coming up in 2 hours but if I end up focused on a task, I might still miss the meeting. There have been times that I literally text someone 2 minutes before a meeting that I'm here, but suddenly I get locked focus on replying to an email and just like that I blew the meeting by 12 minutes. I either can't focus at all, or I focus too much at the wrong time. It gives me anxiety about doing anything at all.
I try to make lists but those get pushed off if someone texts me or has an emergency or something that needs done now. So I tend to spend my time putting out fires and oiling squeaky wheels rather than doing larger tasks on my list. In other words, why start this large task when I know any moment someone is just going to call or demand I go do something else?
I'm in paralysis because I have my own stack of priorities, plus everyone else dumping their stuff on me at random, plus not being able to really prioritize (or someone destroys my priority with their own demands). Focus is hard to come by. I'm now used to spending my whole day bouncing between 10 minute tasks and answering everyones' questions. If I stop and do a 6 hour project, piles of stuff jam up and hit me the next day to sort out.
On top of all this, I escape it by being interested in random other things. Making gardens and ponds, philosophy, car repair, building projects, other studies and interests.
Rarely get to decompress except sometimes if I get late night gaming for an hour or two after everyone is asleep.
I relate to everything you’ve said here. To my core
I think this explains me. Not on the far end of either spectrum, but certainly struggle with losing interest in ideas. I was told years ago my personality type is always waiting for my ship to come in and never will - I am a dreamer. A lot of great ideas as a creative, but very little follow through. I'll be watching and learning more.
I'm pretty much retired. I now have about 25 projects on the go. Building kayaks, home renovations, bird feeders, landscaping, splitting wood, finishing my basement, solid wood work benches, Catio with 12' tower, car port(very labor intensive), too much gardening and tons of smaller projects at the same time. NONE are finished and some over 15 years in the process.
It's exhausting when you keep switching back and forth, over and over. ADHD central. But.... it gives me something to look forward too.
same here at 78... sigh
I have adhd, and have always had a passion for many hobbies. But the main reason why I dont think the follow through is high is the lack of dopamine. I notice when I play video games, at some point the dopamine stops hitting, and I'll get bored. I then have to switch to a new game. This can take weeks or months for me. I think its the same with starting creative projects. I've learned when the feeling is happening, and how to hack my brain for it. I just try to go slowly with things. I've been working on making my own video game which takes a lot of different skills. I make sure I work on it even for 10 min a day. If I keep momentum in a task I want to complete. I notice Im far more likely to see it through! Idk if any of this makes sense. Just rambling my thoughts!
I have seen and abandoned so many "self help" videos. You nailed it, my love. Stunning presentation, BS-free Zone. Thank you.
Yes this has been my issue most of my life. Why UA-cam is where I spend so much time, so many interests!
Not me engaging actively with your videos because I heard you state that youtube's score influences your motivation and self worth. Honestly, you are a life saver for me. Your way of thinking, speaking and just the cadence of your voice helps me throughout the day. I listen to you whenever I have to do something that feels impossible to me. So thank you! I hope you will feel intrinsically motivated again soon!
I have never been diagnosed with ADHD.. but this is me! I never knew what my problem was, this gave me a lot of insight.
OMG! I keep saying I don't have ADHD, but I'm currently practicing/learning 5 musical instruments, have 8TB of unfinished music, am taking a course in meditation & orchestration, was studying to become an electrician, spanish, German, & created my own language, & script.... HELP ME! 😲 I want to do EVERYTHING... Thanks for this video!
Thank you for breaking it down and making it.... Squirrel! ..... Simple. I love that term Divergent Thinkers.... Squirrel!... love your channel and content.
I went to school because of social and legal obligation. I want to become a novelist, a digital 3D graphic designer, a leather worker, a parkour athlete, a coder, a game developer, a midwife, a.... And, yes, I want them for myself. If I went for what my social environment wants for me, I'd be a carpenter. I want all of those skills and vocationsfor myself, and I want them all too much to be willing to give up on any of them and non of them stands out so much above the rest that I would consider giving up any for the sake of that one. I am torn between choices not because of some externally inflicted score card or social pressure (in fact social pressure wants me to make a choice and stick with it) but because I have too many interests that are competing with each other, to the point of complete paralysis, stopping me from doing any of it.
Same 😔
100%. It's so overwhelming you can't do anything and the guilt that you should be doing more, makes everything worse. It's this annoying cycle, at least for me.
Same ❤
Just keep doing them all. Just be like those crazy looking sprinklers. DO IT
This is my approach so far. It’s fun.
This is exactly the problem. ADHD is not inherently a disorder of caring too much what others think. There is often a genuine inability to do even things that we want to do. That's why it's not always accurate to believe someone with ADHD failed to do something they promised to do because they stopped caring. So while I think the idea of discerning what you want from what others want has merit, there perhaps remains another crucial step where you learn to eliminate your own ideas and desires that don't serve you or are misplaced in priority relative to other things you care about.
Also, I don't like the idea of it feeling "easeful" being a key indicator of it being what you truly want. Scrolling through social media or TikTok is easeful, but many of us don't look back on it and feel glad we spent all that time on it. There needs to be a better guiding principle for deciding what to focus on, and I'm not exactly sure what that is. Perhaps as you get to know yourself, you get better at stopping yourself before diving into a new shiny idea and checking with everything else you're currently involved in?
I saved this video to my watch later Playlist. YT just suggested it, and I was like yes! I need that video only to realize it was in my watch later list.
Multipotentialite. I think I are one! 🤣🤣 (never heard the phrase before this vid; I am almost 72 years old and haven't figured out yet what I want to do when I grow up)
😂😂😂
I'm not alone???? Eerie, wonderful UA-cam algorithm.
You are the most helpful coach on UA-cam ever, and I've watched a lot of videos looking for answers. I didn't even know an ADHD coach existed. I didn't struggle so much with it in my childhood, but it became more noticeable in adulthood. I believed for years I was broken. It's only in these last three years that I've considered that I might have ADHD. I came to that conclusion while observing someone else because we were so similar, and I think you may have confirmed my suspicions. I hope that your channel can teach me how to tackle it. So, thank you.
Great video! Never let someone else’s expectations or opinion of you drag you down. I was an awful high school student. Fast forward many years, I graduated at the top of my law school / MBA class. Consistently rated one of the top family law attorneys in my jurisdiction. Focus on the things that bring you joy and get you excited. Surround yourself with and learn from the right people. It’s never too late. As a creative hobby, I started uploading to my UA-cam channel a couple of years ago. (Just hit 9k subscribers). Strip away all of the negative people and negative influences in your life. ADD can literally be a gift if channeled the right way.
I think this saved me.. Ive been really struggling with unfulfilling work environment and low pay that suicide and just leaving this place had come to mind
You have good things inside of you to bring to the world. And I hope you can ask for better things that you deserve at work whether it is a pay raise, promotion, new position. Work can be tough and unfulfilling, but you have value to bring to your workplace . If they don’t recognize it, try to find a place that does. If it feels too overwhelming, make one tiny change and start there. Wishing you positive changes in your future.
Hey @kineto7 I hope this finds you well. Sending love to you.
It's crazy how perfectly timed your videos are to my life! I was thinking about this topic a lot in the last few weeks and had this exact realisation.
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
I feel so seen! But is it true that getting excited about a million things is necessarily a harmful reaction to social expectation?
Can it not be a side effect of naturally occurring curiosity? And that the inspired pursuit of many interests has intrinsic value?
My challenge is that I am having a hard time defining my commitment to my interests. I pick up leads not because I feel I must, but because I want to. However, the way I engage with those interests once I’ve gained a foothold is problematic - I feel socially obligated to participate in a project, rather than just learning and contributing to the goal with cross-pollination of ideas and interpersonal introductions. I think, ultimately, that’s all I want to do. So what is the socially acceptable role of the hyper-social multi-passionate? Does it matter?
I love the idea that the only scorecard that matters is how much you operated from your authentic self. By that metric, I’m doing great lately 😂
Thank you for the beautifully explained and compassionate discussion in your video!
This is arguably, my favorite video of 2024 and the most useful one. It's starting to make more sense why it's so hard for me to focus and concentrate on something that I don't like versus why it's so easy to concentrate on things I do like or I'm interested in. And you're right, you always have a choice. Excellent content 🙏
Listening to this as I am doing some of my "hundreds of things"😊 Towards the end you mentioned "victim mentality" and that's when I saw you getting CLOSER to what's underneath: FEAR 😱 It can take many forms. It masquerades as confidence, busyness, aloofness, etc. Keep digging, y'all, there just might be underlying fear that you are avoiding (sometimes it's fear of TRUTH 😢).
I am halfway through the video trying to listen to you explain the problem I already know I have and you STILL haven't begun offering your big solution!
Plus, the sound is not in sync with the video and her hand gestures are overly active - it's an ironically distracting presentation, and yes, way too slow to get to the point.
Around 7:40 she moves into an exercise to help.
Yeah 😂 you would think that someone ficused pn add brains would realize they wobt have the patience to warch all the way if the solution isnt at the start
@@josephmello4517thank you very much
Actually….it behooves us all to practice patience and listen.. every word she spoke supported the whole.. listen again.. don’t watch it.. just listen… the tools are not all in the “ fixing “ the tools are also in the understanding of how we get there.. just relax.. sit back and listen ..
I can't believe that I finally found someone like me who can explain me. Throughout this video, I kept saying "yes exactly". I'm anxious to get to work on the homework you have assigned.
@10:30... Your words about having my own scorecard... definitely made my whole body and mind release and relax... WOW.. years of own mental torture, and You have made me cry in the best possible way ... THANK YOU!!!
I can't tell you how many websites I own right now lol.... and hardly any of them have been updated in months. I'm trying to slim the number down and start focusing on just my favorite projects. I'm even trying to figure out if I can possibly combine some projects into something bigger on just one website. That would be the ultimate fix for me.
6:50 The frame of “either do years and years of therapy” or “just accept this part of you” was an unfair reduction of how much more therapy offers you and a gross overestimation of how easy it is to ‘just accept’ parts of us. Have been enjoying the video so far but find it really off putting when coaches try and look down at therapy.
UA-cam algorithm is magic. Ive just came from my therapist we talked about adhd an here i am with the explanation of my life.
The cruelty of titling this video, targeting people with ADHD, and then meandering around the point for 7 minutes is wild. Wild work, Miss. 😅
If she has ADHD herself, that makes perfect sense.
Yep, she loves the sound of her own voice.
That's why I play all my videos at x1.5 speed 🙃
@willc8542 That's a mean assumption. There are plenty of other reasons for her to not be concise than that.
@maryisineffable me too! Sometimes 2x if they talk really slow.
I have dealt with this issue my whole life and your description of it best describes how I feel, like I'm behind everyone else and that I'm not reaching my full potential. Jack of all trades, master of none, though it often feels like I don't even know enough of one thing to call myself even that.
When I get slightly bored, and it's going to happen even with something I'm very interested in, I lose focus and just can't concentrate anymore. No matter what method I try, I continue to drift off and think about something else. It truly sucks as I have SO many interests and can't complete any of them. Books take forever to get through. 😄
Totally get this
wow, you have described me!
Thank you so much for that video. You describe me and my struggles so perfectly. I never thought I could have ADHD. I subscribe and I will, for sure, watch more of your videos. I need changes in my life. Thank you again for the help.
What if I am really sure that I want to do certain things but then feel like I don't deserve it because of all the necessary things I haven't done? Days are so short. I feel like there are so many things I need to do every day that take a lot of time, or add up to a lot of time. And I often cut corners on the daily necessities out of rebellion or tiredness. I'm bad at exercising and practicing my music and stuff.
I used to think I was good at making decisions but I am actually not that great at it. I feel like I don't have the right info, which is understanding how to fit it all in and have enough time to focus.
I am watching wondering how much of your viewers click out the video early because of their ADHD?!! Great retention editing and I think you need it for your audience! (I struggle to watch videos all the way through and am here for the advice as I think I probably have this type of brain. Everything you say resonates!) Congrats on your channel!
It's mildly scary how UA-cam's algorithm recommends this to me just as I'm starting to notice this issue pop up again in my life....
I know!
We would all love to have our passion become our career. But it's just not that simple.
I feel like I go round and around the same old pattern of behaviour jumping from one idea to the next. This is so helpful. ADHD really does take over without a clear structure and it’s so easy to lose your path.
I recently told my husband, “I am a Jill of all trades but I wish that I could be a Master of one thing and stick with it”.
Sometimes I feel like it’s as if I am trying to find the one thing that I will love to do…painting, pottery, Bonsai, woodworking, photography…you name it, I’ve done it. Prob is that I love to do so much! It becomes overwhelming to the point I stop doing one thing completely for no apparent reason. Is it a fault to have so many interests? I’m at the point of frustration with myself for not being able to excel in a single area of interest. Another Issue I find with stopping something I love is simply because I feel nobody appreciates it, not even myself. Sad it is. Why can’t I just do things for my own sake and self fulfillments?
This perfectly describes me, my interests hop from one to another. Job hunting is a nightmare due to me giving up midway when it's too much. Thank you, I feel this vid helps normalise this emotion
I had a ballet teacher that told me I was a "late bloomer" ... i was a young aldult at this point... i was like, omg, she's right! And now, 20 years later I feel like that statement has followed me/haunted me and I continue to validate it by my actions, or shoukd I say lack of actions!! Fear of failure, making the wrong decision, any decision, even while in the process, 2nd guessing, allowing distraction, procrastination... I digress. RESULT: NO PROGRESS!! 🤨😤😩
I love this video! The only thing I would change is the idea of being in a victim mentality because someone can’t see they have a choice in a matter or situation. Anyone watching this video must have known, to a certain degree, the answers in this video. Yet, before this video it wasn’t apparent to us. Most if not all of us have watched the video because we knew it had something to do with ourselves. A victim mentality rarely ever internalizes their problems. In my experience, since I do feel the pressure of societal expectations, I do tend to solve my problems the neurotypical way. With no surprise to anyone reading, it never gets resolved and then I get stuck because the people around me think I must not be doing it right.
All this exercise did was reinforce the fact that I can't complete things I want to do. And that made me feel AWERSOME!
Thank you for this video. I don’t have ADHD, but I have autism and struggle so much with the too many interests/not enough follow through/not feeling like I’m good enough or have achieved enough. This video helped put a lot into perspective for me. On the one hand, I like that so much is interesting and enthralling to me - I’m never bored! But on the other hand, I’m exhausted and often feel downtrodden over the lack of progress. And while I have a lot of interests and things that pique my curiosity, my big interests (writing, making video games, drawing, crochet, sewing) have largely stayed with me through my entire adult life, I never get bored of them. But I get lots of project ideas and it’s hard sticking to one. Sometimes I think I get nervous too. Like, if I throw myself into this one book and it sucks or I go all in on crocheting this sweater and I have to redo the whole thing, then I wasted my time. But I appreciate the strategy you shared. It seems to cut through a lot of the noise, the shoulds vs want-tos. So thank you.
Thank God I am not the only one like this!
This is really helpful. Yes, it seems like a hard thing to start, but I’ve never thought of this, I’m going to try to implement this. Thank you!
I am so glad I have found your channel. You clarified a lot of things for me and now I feel like can manage my life somewhat. Love from Ukraine ❤
Thank you. Great points! Yes, I have a lot of interest and so much I want to do, and I am running out of time and I always feel like I can never get enough done.
I'm sure this applies to people but I don't find that I pursue things based on social pressure other than the required things you mentioned. I more have sort of a dopamine tank that causes me to start things I find interesting then after a while it hits that part of a skill where it gets harder and I want to switch again to refill the dopamine. I have found that if I switch then come back eventually to the thing I started on before I can sort of eventually get good at some things. It is an incredible slog though and takes me several times longer than most people mostly because I have to relearn things I've forgotten or I'm not constantly working on. In my mind though these are all things that I really want to learn and get really good at. I have managed over time to break things down into broad categories I wanted to learn like music, art, coding then break that down more into specifics versus just randomly looking around and letting things snag my interest. That has helped a bit but it's still hard to stick with things for very long stretches.
Yeah I felt the same way watching the video. I feel like I more relate to what you're saying then what she said about doing stuff based on pressure from others. I just do stuff because I find it interesting and my brain won't let me stop LOL
I took the test to become a licensed mortgage agent and passed it with no problem because I thought I wanted to be one. Then I was interested to become a licensed health insurance agent and passed that too. I still hold a real estate license and keep paying the renewal because maybe one day I will become one. I passed the real estate license in 2005. Now, I want to become a tax expert, learn to code, even enroll in nursing school, make YT videos, become a long-haul truck driver, electrician, etc. My mind will not settle to one thing once once I learn it, instead of sticking to one and becoming an expert. I'm 50 and empty nester, and my children don't need me, so it's also depressing. I thought making more money will make me happy but it's not. One day I'm high with the many ideas I want to achieve and the next day I'm defeated. I'm not sure what I have and how do I achieve part of the goals.
I completely agree.. I'm a visual artist and have SO many little projects and ideas that never reach completion because I switch partway through. Then after a break, my interest reignites and I have to re-learn what I'd forgotten and make a bit more progress. Then, I need another break and pick something else. It takes so long to master the skills I actually WANT to learn because I keep jumping ships.
I don't think I have ADHD but I know I have shiny object syndrome. This information really helped. I did the exercise and cut my list in HALF. Thanks Caren!
Knowing what I really want eludes me. All I ever knew was what I don't want, and that's what I always got. There's no hope for me and I'm too old now anyway.
Recognize this. Most of the passion for doing ideas, even starting, has diminished to nearly nothing. This is directly due to the age issue. Starting over in the past was no problem, but now, it is a such a challenge, and the words in my head repeat: what even is the point? ...there is more nuance to it, but this is a comment section, not a book or magazine.
I’m there. I’ve reduced my multiple project habit. Sold all equipment for passing hobbies and sports (except power tools of course!). Forced myself to finish one or two things a year. Still think & plan other things but banned myself from starting anything new. Hard because I’m a creative by profession. So constantly having new ideas is my job. Much harder in periods where I have no work.
You describe me perfectly -- a thousand ideas that I begin to work on --- and finish none. Eventually, coming back to old ideas or hobbies, but still not advancing too far.
Growing - up my parents always saw my older brother and my sister as ' important' but well not me !!
Years later a psychologist said I had an inferiority complex... but nothing was ever done with that .....
So, here I am in my 60's and still repeating the same old cycle I always did. Hopping from one topic to the next once I get bored......
I’m a stay at home mom with late diagnosed ADHD, and the only executive function I’ve been able to work really well around is big picture thinking. I have always journaled, and getting it in front of me instead of in my brain works well. I however am not vaguely feeling as if I’m falling behind, because I can big picture, I am agonizingly aware of where I’m falling short. I do agree with your point about the multiple, conflicting (especially for women) lists of what we are getting shoulded to death with.
I think I'll be listening to this video several times! Even someone interested in it's hard to focus.
I decided my hobby was organizing projects - now I just need to find somewhere to sell all the projects I bought everything for and never started (aka organized). 😂
what sort of "projects" ?
Thank you for introducing the term mulitpotentialite, that is exactly what I am. Love that term.
Ahhh yes, this is me I just turned 39 and recently feel very unaccomplished. I keep saying I need help, but I do.
Same! I just turned 39 too. The mental games are exhausting !
I downloaded this information about 3 weeks ago.. watching now is a beautiful affirmation.. I’m in week two of accepting my dopamine needs.. figuring out flow in a way that supports that part of me instead of fighting it .. a peace is building!!
I definitely suffer from this but mainly because I genuinely have an interest in many things that give me energy! I also have a pretty clear vision of what I want my life to look like, I just don't know what the exact path to get there is! I've never felt 100% sure about a singular way forward and I really wish I would.
My list… everything… my list is everything…
What do I desire to do… nothing except random things
Some of us have more choices than others .
I watch this to help myself to understand my adult daughter. Thank you. It is a very needed topic.🐞
Caren: "So I'm gonna cut to the chase right now and start off with the real reason I think all of us deal with this problem: (We think that) who we are (right now) is not good enough."
Me: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
The imposter syndrome is ridiculously hard to overcome. I felt this!
I go from feeling like an unworthy POS to feeling like I'm amazing and if I can't be a huge success right away (like I deserve) then why bother trying.
Maybe that's just me haha
I'm just a random lay person with no education in this area, but a few years ago I thought through and wrote a lot about the very things in this presentation - it feels so validating to hear them back from someone with your level of experience! ❤
i feel like you just gave me external permission to finally do life my way - thank you, it was the missing little piece. ❤
Lol how’s that going?
I’m so glad I found your channel today. To be understood like this is so validating. Thank you. (I will now spend the rest of the day watching every pertinent video on your channel, LOL)
I'd like to distinguish another thing that happens 25% down the road that gets in the way of completing things (especially creative things and endeavors like brainstorming). 25% down the road of an idea I’ll see an entirely new possibility, a new creative idea available now by being 25% down the road of the 1st idea with the new combination of ideas I’ve gathered along the way-and that’s only and uniquely available at that point. So now I’ll have 2 bright shiny ideas instead of just one. And the 2nd one is a bit brighter and shinier at that moment (shining with possibilities). So I'll drop the first one and pick up the second one. I am turned on by possibility (probably getting a shot of dopamine whenever a new possibility arises) and I’ll diverge from that 1st path (that’s cycled 25% down the path of potentiality) and reach for the possibility instead and mainline that dopamine-following that new path to possibility. And so on, and so on, and so on.... I have a humongous landscape of possibilities.
Maybe I got this from one of your videos! :) I have been trying to understand why I'm all over the place. I haven't been diagnosed ADHD, but I sure see it. This is very helpful
skip to 7:30 for when it starts for real and just listen as the hand gestures and audio being out of sync with the video will drive you crazy, some good info in there, thanks for sharing
This video has been so helpful thankyouuu!!
The first time I watched Jordan Peterson was a lecture in Canada about Creativity and how different our brains are and pretty much letting the world know that we’re wasting creative people’s (almost always adhd) gift to the world.. we’re meant to come up the ideas that have propelled humanity forward because we basically face an army of people who tell us we’re supposed to do it like they do… and that inherent belief that we’re not right! 😢 At 56 I finally learned that I was born with a one in a million super brains! The lecture is fantastic I cried so hard because it validated my inner feelings of damn it am not just good enough I am different and meant to be here as I am. Now I’m learning how to harness my super powers!
Fantastic! I hear you loud and clear, and I am 100% with you on that journey. And thank you for the Jordan Peterson suggestion, I had seen one of his videos years ago but it wasn't related to this. Now I just looked him up + 'creativity' and BAM, he's talking right to me as well. I'm thanking the universe right now, it's as if the clouds are parting, literally, and I'm finally starting to see a way forward. I'm sure that sounds like a bunch of rubbish to anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about, but I'm also sure that you and Caren will understand. I wish you all the best 🙏🏻
I think a lot of women who struggle with lack of follow through and too many ideas would be helped by cycle syncing. I have an ADHD diagnosis, and have still found that my biggest explosion of ideas happens in the follicular phase, which is exactly when it's supposed during your menstrual cycle.
Yes! So many women have no idea that our cycle has that kind of impact. I just learned about it a few years ago.
Instantly clicked on this video because I know I needed to see it. Minute and a half in, I'm struggling to not find another video similar to this 🤦🏽♂️
This is not helpful at all. The 20 business ideas I have are all authentically aligned with me, and my indecision on which one to follow through on has nothing to do with all the social norms etc you mentioned. The indecision comes from not knowing which one is best for me and not a waste of time, which one will actually succeed, which one is actually manageable for my adhd, etc etc. My lack of follow through is the fear of making the wrong decision, and has nothing to do with societal expectations and scorecards 🤷🏻♀️
@esteebukay9096 That’s so great you have 20 business ideas that are all aligned with your authentic self. Go through your list of ideas & see if one idea really excites you, makes you smile, gives you energy.
If they are all good ideas, pick any one of them & just make a start. The idea that will succeed is the one that you focus on, put the time into & master 💖
I completely agree with you. It is ADHD related BUT there's the more to it that you point out. Thank you. The ten great ideas I checked into I found wouldn't be right for me. Most grab an idea rush in throw money at it but don't really figure out if it will be sustainable for them. I say keep search the right one will resonate with you on all levels.
I feel the exact same way.
I have this same problem. Two pieces of advice I find helpful (though still hard to act upon:
1. A good decision is often determined by what you do AFTER the main decision. Deciding on Path X feels like just one choice, but especially with long term projects, any choice will inevitably lead to a fractal of thousands of other choices which will spawn more choices of their own. What makes the root choice the right choice is how you deal with those later choices.
2: You can't know what's going to happen with any given choice, but the things you learn will still help you. Even the best choice can fail because of bad luck or freak circumstances. for instance, you getting badly injured will spoil a lot of otherwise good plans. In art, you discover which skills you need to work on by making pieces you didn't realize were beyond your current skill level. Those pieces will look bad, but they still give you useful info. The plans you abandon will help you see which of your other plans are more viable, and help you discover weaknesses you can either strengthen or work around.
So, basically, go into your plan with the expectation of struggle and possible failure. Choose plans that allow you to see quickly if they're a bad fit. Choose plans that make it easy to pivot to another plan if they don't work out. Focus on developing skills that are useful for multiple things you want to do. Invest in things that increase your ability to get things done with ADHD (time management systems, self care, support network, appliances that make your life easier, etc). If the issue is that you don't know how well you will handle whatever the plan is, gather data on yourself by trying smaller versions of your plans to see how they feel.
Sorry for the typos, I'm on mobile. One thing I forgot: The things you learn and experience from failed plans are rarely useless. Most plans, jobs, and hobbies require many skills. It's true that some skills will be unique to that particular situation, but a lot will transfer to others. If you decide you don't want to be an accountant and change your major, the classes you took will likely still be helpful if 10 years down the road you decide to start your own dog grooming business.