It's Either Me or the Church Pt. 2: Fontella Hicklin v Vincent Hicklin
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- Опубліковано 2 січ 2024
- Fontella says her husband’s dedication to his church is ruining their marriage of 13 years. As the pastor’s wife, she feels invisible and unimportant. She’s ready to sign divorce papers if things don’t change.
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He’s using the church as an excuse for being a lousy husband. He will probably act right for a few minutes. Let there be another “big ministry opportunity” 😮
😂😂😂
Oh shut up. Did you see the end? Things are better and workung out for them.
@@bonitaweekes4366 wow why so extra lol 😂 !! I mean he WAS lousy for not being there for her when she needed him the most, didn’t you hear CANCER, and he wasn’t there to care for her needs, who does that to someone you supposed to love , you should be able to depend on your mate or family outside of anyone else at your weakest …
I agree with everything u said.
so what did you want them to do.. divorce ?
Not taking care of one's home is worse than unbelief
This part!!!! He is cursing himself and his wife is paying for it.
1 Timothy 5:8
Dang he feels more compelled to help people in the church than his own wife, skipped over the scriptures of her being first 😬🙄
This is a perfect example of wanting the title of LEADER and have no idea how to lead! How was he even selected? Did he not go through a mentorship from the prior pastor? No marriage counseling for their marriage. Lack of communication, lack of empathy, lack of compassion, his wife should never feel alone. He needs to learn how to lead and delegate things to his deacons, youth pastors, church mothers….
The only LEADER in true Christianity is Jesus Christ.
My sister, how is it that folk are quick to tell the Man of God his responsibilities when there is no mention of her responsibilities? He has to answer to God. He does need balance in his church life and home life, but imagine the weight of responsibility he must deal with? He will be judged eternally for not adhering to his calling. Be careful, sister, for your comments
He not only failed his wife but he also failed God. I could write a book here but I don't have the time. He should love his wife as God loves the church. Guess he did not repeat the part about "In sickness and in health" and he violated so many scriptures during this marriage. Shame.
He rolled his eyes in his head when her sister said she was her hero. He doesn’t like his wife anymore. He has made his choice. Bye pastor I would move on if I were her.
Life is tuff gotta clean it up ❤
Omg I just typed this same message. He doesn’t like her, much less love her.
Yessssss
He clearly shook his head no. Body language does not lie.
They won't last
Oh Please' STOP! 🤔 That Lady needs to RUN and Don't Look Back! ❤🙏🏼☝🏿🙌🏼
No she doesn’t. This can be fixed. There’s no perfect relationship
@@queenmonea4966 He's not looking to REALLY Fix Anything. His actions are very, "It's ALL about Him".
@@queenmonea4966letting your spouse suffer by herself why you go mingle with the men do the church is malicious that’s not something you stay and deal with smh. If he can’t even put you first when your life is on the line run
@Sabrewood13 He has to grow in grace in his pastoral calling just like you would want in whatever endeavor you are called into? It's amazing how people expect our pastors to be people who are infallible and who are not allowed to grow in grace as they would want for themselves. She can not have it all. He needs to balance more better but again she cannot have it all as if the Lord and His people do not matter? If we are going to discuss his accountability, let's discuss her accountability? It's amazing how quick our women love to discuss accountability in reference to men, but then are unaccountable themselves
@@ANGELAKCLAY YEAH RUN HE BE BETTER OFF. She should've been left.
...Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church! Does he not know that scripture?
Duh. No he doesn’t
He only wants a person for the house and not a wife
Platform and prestige are more important.
THAT PART!
I came to the comment to see if someone quote that scripture. You cannot love the church more than your wife. That is why you have associate pastor and other board of members so that you are not on call 24/7
He is bugging. He said the cancer HIT HIM harder than it HIT HER. Yeah, divorce him.
Bugging indeed. That was a selfish statement. Judge stroked his ego some more
T-huh!! Okay?! 😤
They always make everything about them! 🤦🏿♀️🤬
That comment hit me Hard Too 😢
YEAH, divorce him. He would be better off
It may have started off as a calling from God. It seems to have quickly turned to the desire for fame and notoriety.
Definitely about that for him...because many men who are not believers would have tenderly cared for their wife..how could he be a believer and not take care of his wife
Excuses do not cut it, Pastor!!! Your first obligation is to GOD, your wife, and then the Church!! I pray that you will humble yourself!!
Amen people
She is a bit selfish for a pastors wife 😮
@@kattiethomas4687he is too
A narcissist is incapable of showing empathy. I can't imagine your wife just having major surgery and you leave her home alone and with no pain medication. Wicked and cruel.
This man is not a narcissist.
@@elizeelismahe’s not.
@@katrinakatrinakatrina they will defend a man not matter what. He could killed his wife and kids and they will still find a way to justify it. Bro code has not accountability. That man seems so cold. Didn't see any emotions not even when they were talking when he was sick.
@@katrinakatrinakatrinaprime example: Jude: why weren't you there for your wife during her recovery. Him: I I me me I I me me I I me me and then I had to go drive somewhere to cry. Like, what? Smh
I don't think they will last much longer. He's not for this
He seems selfish, ex giving him gifts, and he's worried about his image. I think he's not all that into her. He's got excuses for everything. She can do better without him. Lives too short to be an option.
Yuppp
I see it the other way. He is a man with a mission and purpose for his life. She wants him to break his promise to God and to worship her instead. We do agree on one thing though.. she should go. He should let her go and find a First Lady that understands the mission.
@@chat.lives.matter What mission is there in a false religion that goes against the teachings of God's Word?
your opinion about his religion is irrelevant to whats going on in this case. @@sereneamani1713
And goes to lunch with the ex 😳 And the ex got the nerve to ask his wife, does she want anything 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Being a man of God does not mean you cannot show emotions,does not mean you cannot show your partner empathy and compassion, does not mean you cannot hold your partner and cry..it does not make you less of a man.Humble yourself and show you care a lot more
Can you believe that the Judge is doing to the Pastor what the Pastor should be doing to the Judge, Giving instructions in scriptures. Wow!!!! He is neither a pastor or a husband.
This is the part 2 I’ve been waiting for! This is the reality of being a “1st lady” or pastors wife… It’s NOT glamorous‼️
We never want it to be glamorous. We just want to know that we are just as important as the church and you can turn off pastor mode and just be human with us. Signed a pk from a failed marriage.
@@msjessy6041 it’s called balance and boundaries‼️ the church isn’t responsible for failed marriages… the individuals in the marriage is‼️I’m not a pk child or a pastors wife and would never want to be‼️ I’ve seen so much when it comes to the pulpit… IF YOU SAY YOURE CALLED YOU BETTER BE‼️
I wonder how he would feel if the situation was reversed and she stuck to her work instead of being there for help in doing her medication
He would be furious!
@@humbleheart2650 and would cheate or divorce for not putting him 1st smh.
Here we go with the pointless gender wars and comparisons.
@@TheNyakaatexactly, if i had a dime for all the times people used this argument, i would be rich.
Rite
I can relate. The Church Elder husband left me feeling real sick with a 2 weeks old baby, me hungry, a toddler that needed a bath and food, and went to church to minister to people. That broke my marriage right there and then. I wondered why the pastor didn't send him back home to his family
I'm a Pastor myself....and the Pastor of your church should have definitely sent him back home to you! Praying for yall
He tolerates his Wife/ kids by avoiding them. He does not like this Lady; he's not even concerned about her well-being. All the love & consideration is coming from her, not him. Its evident that he got married b/c it was a "good-look" for his ministry rather than love. If they divorce, he's gonna marry his ex.
Exactly,he is still messing with is ex
When he said, “The cancer hit me harder than it did her”….I knew it was over!!! This woman literally had cancer in her body twice!! He had no empathy and that is alarming, huge red flag!
Is he really at church events or with that woman? Because he shows no interest in his wife AT ALL and didn’t even nod while her sister was calling her a hero. No grown adult needs someone to tell them that his sick wife should’ve taken precedence over a church. He seems very checked out.
8:40 He really just stood there and made her Cancer battle about him!!! Talk about self-absorbed!! Where is the tiny violin??? He has checked out and she is his last priority!!!
😮😮😮😮she went thru a lot but stealing money from the church is a no no
The worst that happened to this woman was the cancer, but she hadn't gone through nothing. Which I can't imagine that. But this man is doing God's job, and God allows his wife to survive.
Just as much as a no no as not taking care of a wife with cancer.
That’s why I say shut up thief
Gone through cancer ALONE@@elizeelisma
@@sharmainearroyo7113 she felt alone doesn't mean she was alone. The pastor wasn't there as much as she wished he had been but she wasn't alone.
Family let me tell you. I was married for 23yrs to a wonderful man he was my soul mate. He had colon cancer for 3yrs. He passed last year around this time. I was there for him 110 percent. Changing bandages, keeping drains clean, cleaning colostomy bags filled in bowel. I made a vow for better or worse. I meant it. I worked full time with children. Sir. Please cherish your wife, I did but I miss him so much😔
You have my deepest sympathy and condolences
Condolences and comfort
🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
my condolences
My sincere condolences and prayers to you and your family. 🙏🏾❤️
OK. This has been my favorite episode! I know I’ve been very hard on judge Star, but that’s only because I’m a really long time Judge Lynn, Toler rider! But Judge Star really showed her wisdom, compassion and understanding here and this is definitely my favorite episode.
My favorite too
May their dedication to God Almighty and others serve their happiness as well❤
Judge Star ALWAYS conducts herself with class, ruling with wisdom and unbiased judgment! I Love her!
I think he used the church to avoid the cancer situation. Some men run away when they can’t handle things. He thought he was losing his wife; his church responsibilities provided an easy escape
Naw. She had covid before cancer and HE wasnt there FOR HER then
Nope..he just doesn't care for her like a husband should 😢
And he ran to his ex AT the church
I’m a strong believer that when someone SHOWS you who they are you believe them. The fact that he showed up for the church moreso and not her in her worst moment spoke volumes. I’d been done with him after that!! Even a regular person with lots of responsibilities & without a title would know to drop everything when it came down to life threatening issues for there spouse. He seem like someone who wanna be right about everything he do. I couldn’t with him after that cancer incident.
💯
Oh he loved the judge stroking his ego😡
Right?! The narcissistic smirk on his face when she fell in line to provide that supply though! The judge is so clueless, delusional, and blind!
He is probably hollering in church, "God healed my wife" but can't tell anyone what he has done for her as her husband. He needs to leave his ex alone.
I thought he was there to save his marriage. He’s throwing her under the bus. Seems like he expected her to know his calling was as a pastor, but did he know he signed up to be HER HUSBAND? He acts like what she said. The church is important than her. Let it go, ma’am. He’s not husband material.
Her update was about being a better wife and supporter. His update was that she can support him even more 🤦🏾♀️
OMG...This was sooo good! I am a former First Lady (as my husband is now retired from pastoring) and I can attest to some of this. There is so much I can say here. However, as always Judge Star handled it with such wisdom and clarity. She is nothing shy of awesome! And I love how beautiful she looks today!🥰 I'm so glad that this couple took heed and are doing well! 🙌🏽 And...Judge tearing up those divorce papers and quoting the scripture "What God hath put together, let no man put asunder". OUTSTANDING! 👏🏽👏🏽❤️
Amen
He has no business going to lunch with his ex. Smh. So many red flags on both sides. God is not pleased.
How is he counseling other marriages and can't get his home life together.
When I was in high school I dated a guy that wanted to be a minister. My wise old neighbor lady told me I wouldn’t be a good ministers wife
Oh boy! Was she right on that one.
50 years s later , I am so grateful for her wisdom and honesty
Can he say I’m sorry? I think that’s what she’s waiting on.
I think all new pastors should seek counsel on how to prioritize things. He was new and hit the grown going and leading but forgot about home. She checked out because she wasbt feeling supported when she needed him most. Glad they worked it out and things are better.
If unequally yoke was a person this is it !
This is ridiculous where is female empowerment here what is her purpose in life what is her calling that's what she needs to be focused on and that's what the judge should encourage in her but instead she's stroking the pastor's ego by saying the church is this and the church is that she is not a pastor she has her own life to live she's too busy saying yes ma'am yes ma'am to the judge and it is a very serious thing when a husband is not there when his wife has cancer and covid
I like the advice Judge Starr gave regarding how the Pastor can split up the church responsibilities, so there will be ample time spent at home with his wife and children…
But when it comes to the family trials & tribulations each partner should be there for each other..
I’m not gonna be ANYONE’S emotional parole officer. I’m force and fight someone to care for me the way their role is supposed to.
1 Timothy
But if any doesn’t provide for his own and specially for those in his own home, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Awww. That was awesome! I appreciated Judge Star's wise counsel on this one.
Amen what God had put together let no man put it under . Thank you Star for ministering to this couple .
Marriage is honorable in all. God will not be pleased with neglecting of family. Others needs to be trained to take part in helping people in the church.
I didn’t love Judge Starr in this role at first. I LOVE HER NOW!! 🩷
PREACH JUDGE STAR. THEY NEED TO PRACTICE WHAT THEY PREACH AND BE A EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS.
This episode made me teary-eyed 😢. I love Judge Star!
The Bible says love your wife as Christ loves the church..
Judge Star helped her see that they're better together. Great episodes!
Thank you judge, may God bless you with long healthy life❤❤❤
The look on his face as she talks about the other woman.She smirking.
He has checked out as well they both have let the marriage fall by the wayside and it’s gonna take corrections of actions and lots of work to help their marriage and it’s so worth it a marriage is always worth fighting for💯💯. It’s like the body one must go to doctor, and have proper exams in order too keep the body right or at least able to have a proper diagnosis so that the proper steps are in place for how to fix whats broken
You would not want your wife to go to her grave thinking you didn't fully love her, when you did. This is the time you should be spending the most together because no one knows the time nor the day we will leave this Earth.
I LOVE THIS! It's always easy to say what you would do when you're not in the situation. Glad that they are working things out TOGETHER, no one is perfect but that doesn't mean the situation can't be worked on. Now they have a testimony that can help others and are building a stronger marriage and ministry. God bless you both on your journey.
Very common problem for wives/husband of ministry.
Judge Starr gave solid words of wisdom. Congratulations to the couples for reconnecting ❤
I love both of them, I hope things work out for them.
I loved judge Toler, was hurt when she left... But I have grown to adore Judge Jones as well... Both have excellent insight and wisdom. You picked wisely this time Divorce Court...
I’m so sad by this man that called himself a pastor 😂
How is the 1st lady of the church NOT ATTEND church...I think he started resenting her and her resenting him bc he wasn't there with her bc of the illness.Wish them luck🙏🏼
Greeting and holy heights Judge Star 🌟 you rock . That information you gave all the way through was Gods words coming straight from your mouth. What a wonderful show today. I really wish them the very best. Men are one ☝️ track mind and it’s not a bad thing, woman just really needs to overstand that. All it takes is a calm conversation ❤. When doing Doing Gods work there’s apart of us that feels like we have to do what ever it is. Thinking we can fix everything. When that’s Gods Job. ❤ love ❤️ the update ✊🏽👍🏽🙏🏽
Amen Gods Job, we take it to him and don’t leave it there
Judge Star gave excellent advice on this one. I hope that they continue to work things out.
I believe the inability to be heard is causing trauma which have lead to those buying decisions. She deserves better, nobody should be feeling like number 2 for so long. He doesn’t even care. Go on and be your best self!!!! You deserve way better.❤
I absolutely love Judge Stars makeup and hair! Gorgeous.
I can’t help but to feel he doesn’t care much about his wife.. it seems both has checked out. Sad
I do believe that she have been prioritising him but realise that she was putting so much and getting little in return..its vice versa..And no she's isn't perfect but who in the kitchen feels the heat..
This has been one of my favorite episodes.. Wonderful Job Judge Star ⭐️
I was pleasantly surprised with their outcome, hope they figure it out together ❤️
I would think if the church knows the pastors wife is battling an illness, the associate pastor and some deacons would step up
I JUST FELL INLOVE WITH THIS JUDGE. Thought I just wanted Tollerrrrrrrrr in my Life.😅❤🎉
You can tell he wasn’t there for his wife and is a selfish man because anyone who has ever taken care of an individual with a life threatening disease knows that they can NEVER place their pain above the individual’s pain. I was 13 years old helping to take care of my mom that had breast cancer. There is no denying it was a traumatic event for me but it was only traumatic because I couldn’t even imagine the pain my mother was going through. It wasn’t all about me me me. Sad he can’t see that man has not empathy at all 🤦🏿♀️
I feel like his facade is pastorship, but he craves the attention and authority that comes with the title. Not taking care of home as a pastor and the inability to show love, compassion or empathy to your wife; all in the same breath as entertaining another woman at church is a RED FLAG. Even at the end, he neglected to say what compromise he has made, only what SHE can add to the church!!!
Awesome episode with realistic solutions for both of them. Great job Judge ⭐️
WAIT NOW…I’m FEELING this new update section. Go head now Divorce Court!!! Keep the Updates coming 😉❤️🥰
When you are married to a high performer whether a pastor or businessperson, be ready to accept he can’t be there for you all the time. Nothing like marrying someone who shares your values and vision. Who loves your dreams as much as you love them. He married the wrong woman unfortunately. She’s not a bad person per se but just not compatible to him
But he is not a "priest"! He has a wife. If he didn't want a wife with all the responsibilities that come with him being a husband to a wife, he needs to do something else.
Beautiful couple ! --- Some Pastor's don't know how to put their wife's needs first. They need to DELEGATE!!! I want to say that he's not empathetic, BUT he/they find empathy for everyone else. IMO, God is NOT pleased with this from any of them !!!
I think Mrs. Hickling went for the Pastor because she wanted to be the one out of all the young ladies at the church to say I got him. She was and is not ready for what came with the title of "first Lady of the church." Now her sister is saying this, that is why the church is a community. While he's doing the Lord's work, his support team, his family, community is supposed to show up for him. Now taken he should put his Family 2nd and God's first, then the church. Overall though she went after him because he was a catch. Now she doesn't like what she caught. I agree with you Judge. Church Business is a whole Business. I'm sure he has an associate pastor who he should delegate to do certain things and step in for him to cater to his Family.
I didn't hear him mention how he can be a better husband at the end, just how she can help the ministry
Who God calls he equips. The enemy will try anyone. This couple needs a circle around them as one.
Marriage restoration....all for it.
Extremely, high level advice from Judge Starr.
Judge ...you did a great job with this couple. Thank you!!!!
The ending made me cry, What God has drawn together let no man put asunder and the update, they looked so happy. Praise God, I'm in tears. They look so happy that 10 years came off of both of them. Wow. Amen.
All in all, I loved the update. Good luck to them both.
YAY!! Post-episode updates are back!!
Thank you judge. You were so on point in your advice for each. I really admire the pastor, not because he is handsome but he has s strong calling. He needs support but she needs his support,,Excellent judge.,
Great advice Judge Star! I hope they endure.
I am loving these episodes! Hope to meet Judge Star and Robert someday! Or even be a part of the jury! Classy and smart woman with so much knowledge!
@divorcecourt
Here’s real talk… you went after this man… knowing fully well the other women were after him… knowing what direction he was going in… these behaviors didn’t just manifest, they were there the whole time… he was going to always be busy and driven… he was not the man for you… it’s only a matter of time before it falls and crumbles
Wow this was a beautiful transparent episode. I love the way how the judge spoke the truth about being in the ministry to both couples. I remembered a minister and his wife going through the same thing. Am happy that they work it out because being a Pastor is a big shoe to fit including the first Lady. I pray that there marriage last forever they look pretty young for there age
She has been stealing the church funds. The members need to have a word with the Pastor. He needs to sort his wife out or she should leave him alone and stop stealing and using him. She should stick to her husband and stop stealing the peoples' money. The Church board should dig right down into the accounts and get rid of her.
GREAT ADVICE JUDGE 🌟✝️🛐☮️💟
Judge Star I Love your life advice Straight to the Truth,
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH!
This was the best episode to date. Judge Star did amazing with this one❤
I can’t understand how you work at the church use church money but don’t attend church… as a First Lady 😵💫🫣🥴
The Judge is excellent. May God continue to guide her.
She better throw them away-- that's ridiculous.
Where is your perfect husband ma’am?
😭😂😂 the sister’s face though
Being a Pastors wife is a tough job, everybody is not called to be in that office.
Bingo you would think if god place you in that role god will provide a ram in the bush but this brother done made the ram run away
@@evelynannettegordon3697I like it when you say if God place you there, because a lot of people were not chosen or placed by God...