What's The Best "COMEBACK" You've Ever Witnessed?
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- Опубліковано 16 бер 2024
- 🧶 CUSTOM TUFTED RUGS: bit.ly/3QtaNlo
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Back in high school, before class in the library a bunch of us nerds would play Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh. One day when I'm dueling my friend Matt, a pregnant senior walked by us, laughed at us and said "Aren't you guys a little too OLD be be playing Pokemon?" Matt immediately snapped back with "Aren't you a little YOUNG to be a mother?" The librarian wasn't happy with the amount of laughter we caused, but it was so worth being there for that. Edit: in case you're wondering, he won the duel, I forgot he had a Blastoise in his deck lol
I once was eating something with dairy in the dining hall at my college. Now, I'm lactose intolerant so I had lactase tablets on the table. Some dude comes up and asks what they are in a could be accusatory tone. I simply said they were lactase enzyme for lactose intolerant people. He replied that they looked like condoms. Keep in mind that these tablet packs are only a little more than one square centimeter, while a typical condom is like four square inches. I simply replied "For you maybe." He just kind of bluescreened. His girlfriend on the other hand died of laughter until he dragged her away. Never saw them again. 8/10 would do again.
Friend got married in September 2013, they bought a dog as a joint wedding gift (female, a cute black labrador). Two years later, wife moved out to another guy. Splitting their assets, she basically took most of decorations, furniture, some kitchen appliances. Then, she sat with my friend and ask him: "You know, I am moving from this small flat to a big house with garden, maybe dog should come with me?"
To which my guy responded: "Take the washing machine, take the bed and the matress, even dissasemble the wardrobe in the bedroom, but, for the love of God, let me have at least one loyal b!tch in my house."
I was not there to see it, but just when my friend finished this part of his story, she entered his place to take her clothes while her dude was in the car downstairs. My smile and muffled hysterical laughter were enough to let her know that I know.
I hope I don't dislocate my arm patting myself on the back: I used to catch crap all the time where I worked for being the oldest one there. I acknowledged it but said, "Two things--I've made it and YOU haven't, and there are a lot of stupid things behind me that are still ahead for you!"
I recently was being trained on how to utilize the LiveScan device in order to submit somebody's fingerprints and the scanner kept having issues.
The lady having their fingerprints taken asked if there was something wrong with her fingers.
The person training me told the lady "These alerts are normal, they come up when the scanner doesn't get a good capture of the fingerprint."
I can't help but giggle and say "We are trying to make a good impression."
I got everybody to groan with that one
Nice to meet a fellow corny punster. 😂
Work closing shift and was told by my manger after asking if we should empty the trash: "That sounds like a morning crew problem". My other favorite line to use is when I have to go to the bathroom that "I'm expediting a McNugget order".
When we go to the bathroom, we are dropping some kids off at the pool.
My son was about 10, maybe 12 and he was not happy with something I was telling him. I don’t even remember what it was about now. But he said what probably just about every child has said to a parent they are not happy with,
“You’re mean Mom.”
Me, “I’m going for meanest mom in the world. You think I’ll get it?”
Him, grinning, “I think you’ve already got it.”
He’s 30 now and still comes up with good comebacks.
My mother started falling down the conspiracy rabbit-hole a few years ago. My patience for this ran out when she insisted on lecturing a bunch of my brother's friends at his birthday party. She said something like "If you're unsure about something. Talk to me, I have the answers." I butted in saying "She has answers, but really bad ones."
I have a few but this one happened this school year. It's September, f-€king hot, so I had my T-shirt tied up more to allow my waist to breeze a little bit. It was going fine(hosted by the school board, newcomers went to a forest trip) till one of my classmates said: You have such a hairy belly(I have auburn hair, and a bit more hair is visible, and I cannot control this). I simply responded: Do you like it? Are you jealous of it? She haven't tried again ever since😂
I am not quite sure if this does indeed count as a comeback, but depending on how you look at the situation, it could be one.
I was a high school senior at the time. It was just another day for the most part, except that on this particular day, the Bloodmobile was there. It happened twice a year at the school (last I checked, it still is the case in the nearly 20 years since this story), and students could sign up for certain time slots to give blood. This was used as an excused absence from the class(es) in the chosen slot, so you can imagine how many students used it. I was not one of those students, partly because I was a nerd who enjoyed being in class and partly because I was a bit phobic of needles (I have largely gotten over that fear and have been regularly donating blood for the past few years). One of my friends, though - I will only call him "Ed" - did choose to donate, and he chose a slot that would have him finish just in time for our lunch break.
Now, I should mention that there were a few strange circumstances around Ed. This was in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, and through some weird confluence of events, he ended up spending most of his senior year out of his normal school in New Orleans and with us in San Antonio (like I said, some weird confluence, culminating in there being a little newspaper article of him officially graduating from two high schools - ours and the New Orleans one). Ed was weird, but in a good way. As one example, we all had a good laugh at how he sported a big USSR flag on his letterman jacket. Some of the funniest stories we heard came from him, and sure, looking back, maybe we should have taken at least some of them with some salt, but there is that adage about how truth is stranger than fiction, so we just took them at his word.
Fast forward to our lunch break that day, me and the rest of our little group were having our lunch outside. Now, this was already about as rare as you could get for us, as we always had our lunch in the cafeteria. What made us decide to have it outside this day, none of us know. It was also a particularly rare occasion when one of the "supervising" teachers, who was also the school's basketball coach, decided to make small talk with us - not bad in any way, just different, especially given that our little group was a bunch of nerds and geeks.
Anyway, we were having our lunches and making small talk when Ed finally joined us. We all knew he was going to be later than usual because he had told us that he would be donating. We all turned to look at him, and the first thing we all saw was a little sticker on his jacket: a simple red heart with "I tried" in white lettering. That told us all of the critical info about what happened.
Now, I want to mention that a lot of the funny stories he shared involved alcohol. That may sound bad, but for those who did not live this way, when you live in the southern US, alcohol and minors tend to mix, though I should also say that just because they tend to mix does not always mean that they mix well. It was just how everyone is a redneck to some degree, and when it came to alcohol, Ed was more of one than the rest of us. Besides, when you are raised Catholic, where you are given wine in a church at as young as 7 - or as one comedian put it, "Body of Christ, [Pittsburgh accent] Here's a chaser, tell your dad I said 'Hi'" - you are not exactly a stranger to the mixing. Keep this in mind for the climax of the story.
So we saw that sticker, we read it, and Ed was the first to speak up, saying that his plan did not work. I ended up responding first, asking, "What happened? Did they see your BAC level this morning?" All of us, the coach and Ed included, burst out with roaring laughter at my response. In fairness, even in our litrle group, I tended to be the quietest one, so me being the one who said what was said must have come out of left field for everyone else, but that still remains one of the funniest things I said.
As for why Ed was rejected, he was taking meds that prevent seizures.
I'm not reading all of that. I'm happy for you though. Or sorry that happened.
Oh yeah? You can't give blood when you have a BAC that's not 0? I mean, I guess, but why? Won't it break down in the blood anyways, eventually? Also, don't they heat it up or whatever to make plasma?
It would be a nice little hit if not, and you're the recipient of a transfusion ;)
@@CyclistChristhen why did you reply?
Remebered another one from my eve online days back when the dark night movie with the joker came out one guys mockingly asks: "You know how I got these scars?" Other pilot: "BJ gone wrong?"
One of my friend who is literally jelous of everyone one time told me that whenever she stared at me for a long time I slowly start to look like an alien and I quietly whispered "that's cuz I'm out of this world", she didn't hear me but now I regreat not saying that a bit louder
When i was in highschool i was volunteering at a tricky tray. (One of the serious people came in with an armload of tickets.) Had to inform her, her five year old grandson wasnt allowed to participate. She asked rudely "Whats your problem with him".
Me: "Hes not the problem, youre the problem". (Everyone who heard this cheered).
listen man, I am fully aware it sounds like an: "and then everyone clapped" story, but I swear this actually happend:
Jim was a flabby, loud, annoying guy in my class. School was over and he kept bugging me and I told him to leave me alone, and guys, to this day I cannot fathom why he'd say the following but he said: "But why did you pay me to come over last night?"
like ??? I guess he thought he was so hot girls would pay him? I answered: "I'd pay you to LEAVE" and a group of girls I was friendly with just passed by and hollored at him. He left me alone after that.
I know that one time in high school, my then GF and I would meet up after class. One time, this jock walks past me and asks "Is that your GF?" I replied that yea, she was and he replied "I have 4" I shot back with: "Oh, the ones in your head don't count." Had to hide my laughter as I shuffled out into the hallway XD
Kids just want to be different, just like the other kids.. while looking back with admiration for standing out & rebelling.
Last thing I knew it was about 20 minutes ago, turns out watching a wandering cat with somebody telling stories apparently put my brain in stand by mode.
8:29 I have a feeling this story includes the 2014 Bathurst 1000...
Back in my freshman year in high school, my algebra teacher had a TA. He was a senior and happened to be gay. One day, when the TA was teaching us, one of my classmates tried being a smartass around him because he was feeling a bit homophobic. The smartass asked him, "What's penis minus penis?".
The TA cleverly replied: "I don't know, can you show me?". The whole class burst out laughing, even our teacher! Meanwhile the smartass' face turned bright red with extreme embarrassment. It was hilarious! It was the most amazing comeback I've ever witnessed! 😂👌
I'm completely on board with not having a traditional wedding cake. (We weren't planning on having one but my MIL realllllly wanted one and offered to pay for it, so okay cool.) But what does the guy mean than no one likes wedding cake? Cake is delicious!
A friend of mine had different kinds of pie instead.
@@thejourney1369That sounds awesome!
One of my better comebacks was at a Christmas party in 2007. We were playing Who's Line Is It Anyway? I was being an "angry, pedantic lollipop man" (aka road traffic man). So I was going ballistic at the other players, pretending to be really browned off, and then one of them, who's being a "radio counsellor", says, "Come on, guys. Calm down. We can work it out." I immediately yelled at him, "We can work it out? Who do you think you are, The Beatles?" That got folks laughing, and I must have done all right, because I won that game.😊 Must have been a convincing performance, because later one of the ladies said to me, "I thought you really were angry." I'm like, nope.😊 Just a performance put on for the game.
I'm not gonna lie I had to look up the Holden logo. I've never heard of that brand in my life.
Had this very weird guy hitting on me and my friends at a bar.. He was one of those guys had a deep fake tan, couple of gold chain necklaces, tight jeans with his shirt unbottoned way to much: nothing we did could defer him.. Finally he ask, what would it take to get a date with one of you? I was already buzzed and sick of this guy and without thinking said "chloroform and duct tape"!!
When i was a kid i was hamging with my great aunt and we were having watermelon when i accidentally dropped one slice i got up to clean when she dropped hers on purpose and said "anything you can do i can do better"
In the case of the Samoan part, more like a movie with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Jason Statham vs. Idris Elba.
I understood that reference.
Jokes on the dad in the last story. Jr's been deeper in her than the dad could ever dream of
i love that u use stray gameplay btw so yea
i was bulled relentlessly when i was in high school. one day one of the mroe promanant bullies came up to me and said i was gay because i dont like football. istg without a seconds thought i turned round to him and replied. "hey dude. im not the guy who enjoys watching 22 men in short shorts and tight T-shirts kicking balls about for 90 minuets at the weekend."
No U, absolutely obliterated me.
5:12 My favorite one so far.
2:33 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
what's the game being played?
That cheater Reddit post in story 8, that commenter showed no mercy and nuked her from orbit.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
From heaven XD
Me and my friend talking crap over the phone:
Him: At least I don't attract lesbians
Me: At least I talk to women
Okay, that first one...😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 That guy passed the vibe check! He's cool. 🫱🏿🫲🏻