Understanding Non-Binary: Excerpts from a Correspondence | Robbin Derry and Saga Darnell | TEDxULeth

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  • Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
  • As a business ethics professor at the University of Lethbridge’s Calgary campus, Robbin Derry is deeply interested in questions of social justice. Saga Darnell is an actor, singer, dancer and playwright studying gender and performance at Reed College in Portland, Oregon. After Saga came out as non-binary in 2016, Saga and Robbin began a correspondence, chronicling their thoughts and understanding around transness and non-binary identity. These are a few of those letters between mother and child. As a business ethics professor at the University of Lethbridge’s Calgary campus, Robbin Derry is deeply interested in questions of social justice. Saga Darnell is an actor, singer, dancer, and playwright studying gender and performance at Reed College in Portland, Oregon. After Saga came out as non-binary in 2016, Saga and Robbin began a correspondence, chronicling their thoughts and understanding around transness and non-binary identity. These are a few of those letters between mother and child. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

КОМЕНТАРІ • 295

  • @sharleenandrade15
    @sharleenandrade15 5 місяців тому +28

    This is the reality. I’m the parent of non-binary person. I have never left their side. I have worked hard to ‘see’ them. Educate people about out beautiful children. My heart was in deep pain knowing my child struggles. But proud that they did not give up and continued to fight and live their truth. I trusted their intelligence and choice as they had top surgery done. In fact I reached out to friends to help raise money because insurance would not cover the costs. This is a life saving procedure! All my friends donated, it was amazing. I will save this video because it touches on all the important aspects that our children and parents go through. Thank you for doing this, in exactly the way you did it. This is life saving.

    • @paulmisty8998
      @paulmisty8998 28 днів тому +1

      I believe that this has to do with trauma, genetics, genetic trauma, self identity issues and non acceptance of mother or father / female and male energy.

  • @idwtdt
    @idwtdt 3 роки тому +92

    The openness. The vulnerability. The courage. The love. It was all too visible in this correspondence. It supports the narrative that even though having understanding and accepting parents doesn't ensure a painless existence, it does bring a lot of comfort to know that someone you love loves you just as much, if not more, and is trying to do right by you.
    Dear Saga and Robbin,
    I try to be an empathetic and understanding person, and I have learnt so much from watching this correspondence today. I would like to have as big a heart as you two have. I will work on that so that one day when I have a duckling of my own, I honour them and cherish them the way they'd want me to. Thank you for guiding us into a small part of your lives and that of others who might be going through the same.
    With love,
    Kavya

    • @_Sakidora_
      @_Sakidora_ Рік тому

      The bollocks.

    • @kavyabanka4482
      @kavyabanka4482 Рік тому

      Mam if you understand what is non binary Are they comfortable in their body

    • @kavyabanka4482
      @kavyabanka4482 Рік тому

      ​@@_Sakidora_ what is non binary

    • @_Sakidora_
      @_Sakidora_ Рік тому +1

      @@kavyabanka4482 Good question. Nothing real, that's for sure.

    • @benjaminfranklin8412
      @benjaminfranklin8412 5 місяців тому

      She is being absolutely cruel to her parents. She is selfish and psychotic. So sad. Her parents have to lie to her. Despicable woman...but she is clearly mentally ill so we can't be too hard on her.

  • @TruceLucid
    @TruceLucid 2 місяці тому +4

    Such a beautiful exchange. This shows yet again that it starts with parents creating a safe environment, being our first cheerleader, because even if "if it's not that important", it matters so much.

    • @askejen5207
      @askejen5207 Місяць тому

      hello. I have some deeper questions about what being nonbinary is. I don't really understand it the way I am able to understand trans mtf or ftm. Thank you for any clarification, and I have no meaning to invalidate somebody's existance I just hope to understand more.

  • @shireematthews9824
    @shireematthews9824 3 роки тому +132

    Showing their vulnerablity, compassion and love for one another. You are both so courageous. Thank you so much. I recently came out non-binary/agender and I'm 50. Self love, self acceptance and self love for everyone ❤

    • @wintertidedreamer3181
      @wintertidedreamer3181 3 роки тому +8

      You are truly brave for coming out and showing people your true self. I pray those around you will continue to love and support you like you deserve.

    • @mrbrainnyc258
      @mrbrainnyc258 2 роки тому

      PROVE you're non binary. If you can't its because there is no such thing.

    • @mastouriedam5845
      @mastouriedam5845 2 роки тому

      If you have a stick between your legs you're a male if you dont have one you're a female

    • @Kornknealious
      @Kornknealious 2 роки тому

      No one was brave or vulnerable .. they are selfish, spoiled rotten brats who are constant attention seeking whores.

    • @ladivaeu7795
      @ladivaeu7795 2 роки тому +15

      You are not non-binary. EVERYBODY has a masculine and feminine side.

  • @ehrlichv
    @ehrlichv 3 роки тому +98

    Wow. Tears. They are both so self aware and open minded, I'm awestruck that a mother and child are able to have such a complex conversation what seems so gracefully. I also resonate so much with Sage's experience and admire their courage to open up about this and be vulnerable. I feel I have a lot to learn from this exchange, thank you for sharing!

    • @Seeyatellite
      @Seeyatellite Рік тому +2

      When I'd originally watched it and surely every rewatch... it's moving, saddening, and affirming for myself... my mother was my truest communication. She was always open to everything and being nonbinary, myself... had I known a label beyond how I've always described myself... my mother would have dived in and helped me in every way possible.
      The hug at the end killed me... it was so beautiful, as was each exchange.
      It hurts to know my mother could have been there for my gender discovery journey.

    • @Kornknealious
      @Kornknealious Рік тому

      Please remove yourself from this planet ASAP before you do more harm

    • @cartergomez5390
      @cartergomez5390 Рік тому

      I've only seen 5 minutes of it and was wondering if they are mother and child or if they are just two academics. It's very helpful when both mother and child are academics because they can understand the dynamics a little bit better.

  • @TheThoughtfulTraveler
    @TheThoughtfulTraveler 2 роки тому +53

    This was nothing short of beautiful. As a cis person, I have been having a difficult time understanding what it means to be non-binary, but this beautiful exchange of feelings between mother and child really helped open my eyes. Thank you.

  • @JanvanOordt
    @JanvanOordt 7 місяців тому +4

    I listen to TED talks all the time and I take the words in...I do learn basic information shared during these talks but this one-this one allowed me to take it all in on an emotional level...I best learn thru feeling and understanding other peoples feelings...thank you so much for this format and I thank the presenters so much for allowing us to witness the beauty of your love so deeply...you are the kind of people who give me hope for the well-being of our world...this was absolute beauty...thank you (hug)

  • @KarolaTea
    @KarolaTea Місяць тому +1

    Thank you!
    It's so good to hear the thoughts of a parent (or other loved one) about gender/transitioning in such a reflected and compassionate way. A lot of people still have never knowingly met a trans person, let alone someone who's nonbinary. Learning about a new concept, something that most likely shakes up the worldview you've known so far, takes time and isn't always easy, but it can reward you with a greater understanding of the world, the people you love, and yourself. Thank you for being open about the times you both struggled finding your way, and for also sharing the ways to made it through those obstacles. The puzzle piece analogy is a great one, I'll remember that and probably share it.

  • @Queerventurers
    @Queerventurers 4 роки тому +42

    I cried so much! What a beautiful story, and what a nice format, with letters being read between recipients! But seriously, when they said "Who would want to be by my side? Or be by my side after surgery?" I was literally with my hand in the air.

  • @underthetable73
    @underthetable73 2 роки тому +39

    "I love my body and think that my body is beautiful. I just dont feel like it is mine. I want somebody else to have this beautiful body" - i cried. Because that's what i've been saying to myself for a long time. Now i think that i might be agender

    • @Mel-wn9gb
      @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому +6

      That's tragic. It's dissociation, not 'being nonbinary'.

    • @acreklaw
      @acreklaw Рік тому +4

      @@Mel-wn9gb the comments section of youtube really isn't any place to be diagnosing. I guess it is definitely the place to be judgmental, from my past experience here.

    • @Mel-wn9gb
      @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому

      @@acreklaw Unless you self diagnose as 'nonbinary'. Then it's ok apparently. And exercising judgement is an essential life skill.

    • @themindbenderr
      @themindbenderr 6 місяців тому

      @@Mel-wn9gb you can be diagnosed with dissociative disorders but you can't be diagnosed as 'non-binary' cuz it is not a disorder.

    • @TrackerNeil
      @TrackerNeil 2 місяці тому +1

      @@Mel-wn9gb I'm still waiting for someone to coherently define "non-binary." People can live and dress as they please, of course, but if I'm to be lectured about pronouns and whatnot, I'd first like to understand the topic.

  • @spoonsm8292
    @spoonsm8292 4 роки тому +114

    I wish my mother took my gender nonconformity as well as their mother does. Their mom seems to try and wants to be present and there for her duckling, and that’s how it should be.
    You aren’t losing a daughter, if anything you’re gaining a full person! (Or both? Idk. I always feel guilty for making my mother feel like “she lost a daughter” but she didn’t lose a daughter? I’m not lost? I’m just not a daughter, nor a son! It’s more like she gained a daughter and a son, lol!)

    • @outestuniverse6569
      @outestuniverse6569 2 роки тому +6

      Listen to your mother. The good etiquette is to listen to the advice of parents if they mean well. That is the right etiquette for a cultivated person.

    • @Mel-wn9gb
      @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому

      Are you saying that girls aren't full people?

    • @calebandxion
      @calebandxion Рік тому +3

      I don't understand. Could you please explain? How is it gaining a full person? It would just be a child changing who they are. I can't understand this whole narrative/ perspective.

    • @petertownend7777
      @petertownend7777 Рік тому +1

      Fkn sad bstds,get a grip... born with a co.k don't wear a frock freaks 🤮🤮🤮

    • @user-qu8jq5xk5e
      @user-qu8jq5xk5e Рік тому

      ​@@outestuniverse6569 too bad your mom didn't teach you the good etiquette of understanding others perspectives outside your own sheltered world. Tragic.

  • @helenalovelock1030
    @helenalovelock1030 11 місяців тому +5

    Cis woman here. This has helped me understand sooooo much. Thank you💕

  • @rebeccayoung4019
    @rebeccayoung4019 5 місяців тому +2

    This is really great. Thanks to you both for sharing.

  • @sephardicshqiptar2699
    @sephardicshqiptar2699 5 місяців тому +4

    Beautifully done :)

  • @anniebird248
    @anniebird248 Рік тому +9

    Beautiful! Best TEDx talk I've ever heard.

  • @CharlieRoseHunter
    @CharlieRoseHunter Рік тому +11

    This was so healing. It was every conversation I needed to hear. Thank you ❤

  • @vamaku
    @vamaku 3 роки тому +49

    This is everything I want to tell my parents. I hope they take it as well as their mum

    • @msjackson6131
      @msjackson6131 2 роки тому +5

      I hope they do/did as well
      As a mother I watched this with my non binary 12 yr old. They hugged me and said their dad and I had responded much like this mother. I have never been so proud and relieved ….. loving them made it necessary, not necessarily easy. I slipped up pronouns for months. I still do occasionally. But our baby reminds me gently ( lol and at times forcibly)
      Wishing you well❤️

    • @customfantasyhotwheels
      @customfantasyhotwheels Рік тому +4

      HER*
      "I hope they take it as well as *her* mom."
      Get out of this woke BS.

    • @chaos_flower
      @chaos_flower Рік тому +4

      @@customfantasyhotwheels you are adding nothing productive with your comment other than demonstrating your blatant ignorance.

    • @customfantasyhotwheels
      @customfantasyhotwheels Рік тому +5

      @@chaos_flower - Ignorance? Do you not realize that she is *1* (ONE) person? She isn't a 2-headed human🤦🏻‍♂️
      You need to realize that this came out in 2020, when people were locked up inside their homes with boredom and too much time to think about silly things, such as this "they/them" 💩

    • @johnshea7871
      @johnshea7871 Рік тому

      @@customfantasyhotwheels Not believing in the nonbinary is a form of discrimination. It is just like transphobia and whenever someone comes out as either trans and/or nonbinary of course rightists will lash out on their bigotry.

  • @kaitlinobrien243
    @kaitlinobrien243 2 роки тому +6

    Thank you for inviting me in! 💕🌻🌼💐💕

  • @viviannichols3582
    @viviannichols3582 2 роки тому +63

    You can’t go through life depending on someone else’s choices, actions, thoughts or feelings. People are not always going to understand you. They aren’t going to always obey you. Your well-being cannot be contingent on that or else you will almost certainly be unwell.

    • @TehChuckeh
      @TehChuckeh Рік тому +3

      Bingo

    • @city8742
      @city8742 4 місяці тому

      Using they in your sentence is correct, and that is the reason we cant call single person call they. The word already has it meaning.

  • @boybreakdowns
    @boybreakdowns 4 роки тому +35

    How is this so underrated?

  • @phoenixlaw3653
    @phoenixlaw3653 4 роки тому +40

    I wish I came out the same way this story did. Everything would be so much easier right now

  • @neomayer600
    @neomayer600 3 роки тому +17

    This was so beautiful! I can relate to their description of the feeling of their changes in body are sooo relatable for me and so well described

  • @scarletthanley5704
    @scarletthanley5704 4 роки тому +35

    As a nobinary person, All of the yes.

  • @tarajamespower9022
    @tarajamespower9022 2 роки тому +12

    Hello, I am crying. I think I will show this to my parents

  • @jd42305
    @jd42305 10 місяців тому +14

    It's just hard for me to understand why personality isn't a more important overriding factor than gender. I don't think gender should limit anyone, live and let live, if you're a man or a woman do what you want and don't be constrained by supposed gender roles. So that being said it's hard for me to wrap my head around why one feels compelled to not be called by one gender or another. So for example, I've known many women who maybe in adolescence would be referred to as a "tomboy", meaning they don't enjoy having the appearance or participating in activities that would typically be associated with most girls. I just don't understand what that extra compulsion is to not only disregard gender roles (which I'm all for) but to go out of your way to disregard gender pronouns, which themselves are irrelevant in my opinion. If I refer to someone as he or she it has no bearing on what I think he or she should think, do, say, or wear. So what makes removing those pronouns so important? This is a genuine question.

    • @eol273
      @eol273 9 місяців тому +3

      There are people who identify as men or women, AND there are also people who don’t. It’s not about destroying things, it’s more about creating things
      For me it’s very important that people will perceive me as gender neutral, for some it’s not. It’s all about being different in so many ways and to accept that i guess

    • @Rarrkelstarr
      @Rarrkelstarr 5 місяців тому +1

      Changing laws changes things though. When it becomes unlawful to misgender someone, then you're bringing everyone into the conversation, so you can't just tell people to shut up and accept it and call anyone who doesn't initial agree with you a transphobe if they have questions and struggle to understand. ​@eol273

    • @city8742
      @city8742 4 місяці тому

      If they want ther own pronounce then don't use existing ones. We gave defined meaning of am/is/are and you know that, so you can't feel to be called "they" when you know meaning of they.

    • @city8742
      @city8742 4 місяці тому

      We cant call you "they" because in english am/is/are is already in use. So you can's ask someone to cally you "they" because you are a single person. If you soeak English you can't feel better if someone is referring to you in plural.

    • @city8742
      @city8742 4 місяці тому

      So I am, they are.. those words are already taken and has own meaning. No way you feel better when someone call you in plural.

  • @radiosilence289
    @radiosilence289 4 роки тому +20

    this was so beautiful to watch!

  • @AmyChappell
    @AmyChappell Рік тому +4

    Thank you. I needed this information. My NB and their partner had emotionally manipulated me, but it was a shock tactic. I think I can do better now, but I can't take any more manipulation to destroy me on purpose.
    I want to heal this rift that has been going on for a week now. I want my child to feel how much I care and love them, but understand that I can't imagine what is going on with them, only because I'm not them. I don't have the same experiences.
    This video has a great potential to help others in my situation and a situation like yours.

  • @acreklaw
    @acreklaw Рік тому +7

    sooooo powerful. thank you for this

  • @ferasabuzahra7592
    @ferasabuzahra7592 Рік тому +12

    I wanted an answer.
    Does science have any relation in here?
    I heard nothing but nonsense, this entire drama is based on emotional reactions.

    • @Caves_of_Altamira
      @Caves_of_Altamira Рік тому +2

      emotions are science. Stop acting like they're not a chemical reality.

    • @ferasabuzahra7592
      @ferasabuzahra7592 Рік тому +1

      @@Caves_of_Altamira emotional reactions are linked to our thoughts and psychological state.
      But where is science when we identify a gender?
      Is it based on what we feel?
      What if your feelings are based on wrong ideas or beliefs?

  • @emmagray5130
    @emmagray5130 3 роки тому +13

    Fabulous, thank you both.

  • @davefisher1840
    @davefisher1840 2 роки тому +6

    Very good and very touching. Thank you so much for sharing 😊🙏

  • @juliafelixeventduo7829
    @juliafelixeventduo7829 Рік тому +4

    love this so much

  • @DKTGSupport
    @DKTGSupport Рік тому +4

    For me being MAAB and being agender with warm feelings for the term neutrois. I describe it as if a person put on a jumpsuit. For each gender you've patches of a different color depending on male/female. For non-binary's you have only one color to cover your body.

  • @ryan3442
    @ryan3442 2 роки тому +8

    Wow. I cried. I love this family.

  • @mitchfindergeneral
    @mitchfindergeneral 3 роки тому +10

    I can't say I really understand after watching this, but thanks for trying.

    • @acreklaw
      @acreklaw Рік тому +1

      TRYING to understand and failing to is a whole lot better than dismissing someone

  • @jennifervieira3692
    @jennifervieira3692 3 роки тому +30

    oh god, I'm crying so hard right now 😭🫂 that was beautiful

  • @elinszelkinaholdvolgyi7156
    @elinszelkinaholdvolgyi7156 2 роки тому +13

    Wow, so this is what it would be like to have a parent who loves you o.O

  • @djanderson7599
    @djanderson7599 2 роки тому +14

    I love the fact that your mom said I could call you my duckling because what my adoptive mom calls me is her bunny

  • @marloestibben3133
    @marloestibben3133 2 роки тому +7

    this is on of the most beautyfull speaches i have ever seen. thank you

  • @babeena_gt_3645
    @babeena_gt_3645 2 роки тому +6

    Thus helped me get a better understanding ,thank you

  • @howardkoor9365
    @howardkoor9365 2 роки тому +3

    Beautiful share! ❤️❤️

  • @laralaluu
    @laralaluu Рік тому +2

    Crying

  • @cariaidyn4274
    @cariaidyn4274 2 роки тому +5

    This is one of the most beautiful stories I have heard!

  • @keyboarddancers7751
    @keyboarddancers7751 2 роки тому +7

    In the land riven by conflict and scarcity, the primary concerns are always food and shelter.
    In the land of peace where all needs are satisfied, we are at liberty to indulge the mind.

  • @LAU-ik6dp
    @LAU-ik6dp Рік тому +3

    ❤❤❤

  • @marc-antoinegagne2951
    @marc-antoinegagne2951 5 днів тому

    The more I watch this, the more it's obvious that *WOMAN* was indoctrinated past any point of no return, and the mother is bound by love to same the unsalvageable. Like the dreaded Anakin/Obiwan meeting after the Jedi Temple massacre.

  • @andreafimmela5462
    @andreafimmela5462 2 роки тому +6

    This is so beautiful.

  • @brycejones4821
    @brycejones4821 11 місяців тому +1

    I think i am so incredibly special and unique, yall will never know how special and unique i think i am.

  • @toreoft
    @toreoft Рік тому +6

    I am not a Marsman. What am I?

  • @roxytocin_216
    @roxytocin_216 8 місяців тому +1

  • @Angeliceskulls
    @Angeliceskulls 2 роки тому +6

    This hit hard 😭💕👍

  • @etanaf
    @etanaf 2 роки тому +24

    This used to be called androgynous, and we were free to be ourselves, not the commercial advertisement of a woman, but we didn't cut healthy body parts off, trying to be something in our fantasies. We didn't addict ourselves to the pharmaceutical industry, and permanently live on medication, with the poor health that ensued. Good luck. Too bad this trend/fad is so permanent medically.

    • @keyboarddancers7751
      @keyboarddancers7751 2 роки тому

      Actually I'd argue we're heading down the off ramp towards an obscure back road with this sociological Lysenkoism.

    • @Mel-wn9gb
      @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому +4

      Too true. A lot of these people are too young, uneducated or lack perspective to see how ideological and profit driven this movement is.

    • @slacktoryrecords4193
      @slacktoryrecords4193 Рік тому +4

      @@Mel-wn9gb they also haven’t put in the thought necessary to realize how nonsensical and self-contradictory it all is.

    • @honeypot9867
      @honeypot9867 Рік тому +2

      I understand where your coming from. And in some instances I agree. Education in gender dysphoria needs to be further explored and shared. And for those diagnosed need to explore multiple coping options before turning to medical procedures
      However, I’ll share my own story. For years I was unhappy, I was struggling with depression, derealization and dissociation, anxiety, and insomnia. I couldn’t understand why. All I knew is that I hated myself. I couldn’t look in the mirror, or even take a shower without breaking into tears. I would get dressed in the dark just to avoid looking at myself.
      When I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I knew it was true. But k was still lost, I had no desire to be the opposite gender and yet my assigned gender caused me so much mental pain.
      I work through all of this in therapy for years before learning to accept a non binary gender identity. I still struggle with feeling invalid or what not, and it’s those points where my depression creeps back up.
      I got surgery to help my body image and all of a sudden, I noticed the insomnia stopped, the mental breakdowns lessened, my social anxiety was easier to manage, the depression I struggled with felt so small compared to before
      Everyone has their own truth. Everyone needs to follow their own path. Surgery isn’t the answer for everyone, but for some it is. Surgery saved my life, for a long time I thought I would never be happy, and I saw no point to trying. But now-a-days, I feel like myself. I feel like I’m no longer trapped within my own body
      Gender dysphoria is very complex, and it takes a lifetime to learn to cope with it, and if surgery can help someone cope, then why tell them otherwise

  • @johnnyrockit
    @johnnyrockit 10 місяців тому

    Intense

  • @Mel-wn9gb
    @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому +9

    "It takes attention and work". That's what this is really about. Give me attention, make it all about me.

  • @sirfrogsalot4738
    @sirfrogsalot4738 Рік тому +4

    I don't feel like either gender but I'm going to take T to be a man

  • @ludaw2975
    @ludaw2975 Рік тому +16

    It's just self-obsession, trying to be different, unique, relevant in this big world where none of us really matters as an individual.

    • @JerryMetal
      @JerryMetal Рік тому +5

      A cry for attention and wanting to be different. We used to have this need met with music, I used to be a punk rocker. It seems those anti-establishment movements in music no longer exists and it turned inward, kids now want to be anti-establisment by changing how people need to treat them. But it's unacceptable by society, punk-rockers know this and accept this, non-binary people seems to want to inform everyone about themselves and how they want to be treated. It's a big difference.

    • @tottoni1245
      @tottoni1245 Рік тому +1

      No

    • @acreklaw
      @acreklaw Рік тому +8

      @@JerryMetal the good ol' "kids these days" rant... old as time itself. guess what, the kids are ok. punk rockers turned out fine, despite what the parents said. so will this generation, and guess what... the generation after that: totally fine. People have been worried about the next generation forever and EVERY SIGNLE TIME they've been proven wrong.

    • @JerryMetal
      @JerryMetal Рік тому

      @@acreklaw i hope so too!

    • @TehChuckeh
      @TehChuckeh Рік тому +3

      ​@@acreklaw you can't seriously compare that with taking hormones and chopping off healthy body parts...

  • @sexychad1605
    @sexychad1605 11 місяців тому

    I guess Julius Evola was right about America.

  • @alicetkron4296
    @alicetkron4296 2 роки тому +9

    When the mind disassociates itself from the body, specially gender, it never stops; not even when you transition. You will brag in the new body/form and seem happy for the way you look. Because you think you've found the solution to your inproblem. But later you will realize it's not so, because the new body and the mind will never reconcile. I admire the mother so much for the courage to go on and accepting so bravely, what she cannot change. She loves her daughter and should continue to pray for. I love the poetic demonstration of the event by both mother and daughter.

    • @helenknight5261
      @helenknight5261 2 роки тому +19

      Whilst your opinion is yours to have and may be true for some you cannot say this is absolute truth for all. Are you even aware you have misgendered this person here in your comment? As a mother going through this situation with my 18 yr old child having just come out as gender non conforming I am in the thick of the learning of changing my language and understanding what it all means and why etc. I do not know your story but I felt your comment shows you have completely missed the whole point of this beautiful exchange.

    • @Mel-wn9gb
      @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому

      @@helenknight5261 What exactly does it mean to come out as 'gender nonconforming'? Conforming to what?

    • @slacktoryrecords4193
      @slacktoryrecords4193 Рік тому

      @@Mel-wn9gb and why does a person need to “come out as” gender nonconforming? So many of us-perhaps even the majority-are gender nonconforming to some degree or another. That’s why non-binary makes so little sense to me. It’s actually completely meaningless.

    • @ClicStudio
      @ClicStudio Рік тому +4

      @@Mel-wn9gb what society decided it should be, it’s a cultural thing, I made a playlist on my channel explaining the history of it and the science behind it, it’s still wip tho so not all your questions will be answered, but hopefully you can get a better understanding of it

  • @runewt
    @runewt 4 роки тому +6

    So beautiful! ❤️❤️

  • @midnightwatchman1
    @midnightwatchman1 2 роки тому +7

    this is a strange mathematics talk. binary mathematics certainly changed since my time in university

  • @Mel-wn9gb
    @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому +13

    Using the threat of suicide to get what you want or need is unethical and shows ignorance about the complexity of suicide, suggestibility and suicide contagion. It's also considered emotional abuse.

    • @ClicStudio
      @ClicStudio Рік тому +3

      I agree that it wasn’t well presented, although it is a real issue maybe not relevant here tho, they didn’t mention if they felt like that :/

  • @yolandast
    @yolandast Рік тому +1

    brave

  • @dansmith1661
    @dansmith1661 11 місяців тому

    RIP for zey

  • @Jcon4002
    @Jcon4002 Рік тому +7

    Not gonna lie I think non binary is a trend popularized by social media and entertainment, was anyone before the 2010s using singular they/them or identifying as non binary?

    • @stumblingdancer
      @stumblingdancer Рік тому

      gender binary, so that there is only woman or man, is a construct by white, colonialist history. you can check that out.

    • @joeljohnson4208
      @joeljohnson4208 Рік тому

      @@stumblingdancer adam and eve?

    • @s66458---
      @s66458--- Рік тому +1

      I went to university in the early 2000s, we had a non-binary person in a few lectures. So yes, nonbinary has been around for a long time.

    • @bird4816
      @bird4816 Рік тому

      ​@@stumblingdancer
      stop using our white, colonist internet please

    • @bird4816
      @bird4816 Рік тому

      @@riza3908
      I think they said something about gender being a white, colonialist concept.

  • @TrackerNeil
    @TrackerNeil 2 місяці тому

    "Your support could make the difference in whether I am here at all."
    That sounds like, "Agree with me or I might kill myself." Crikey.

  • @drshreddi7040
    @drshreddi7040 2 роки тому +6

    If they have no other problems in life - good for them.

  • @jjshamoon
    @jjshamoon 2 роки тому +2

    This is beautiful.

  • @sgilmour47
    @sgilmour47 Рік тому +19

    Non-binary is the new emo. Tell me I'm wrong.

    • @honeypot9867
      @honeypot9867 Рік тому +13

      You’re wrong

    • @sgilmour47
      @sgilmour47 Рік тому +6

      @@honeypot9867 every anxty teen is non binary. My friends daughter is 13, 7/10 of her female friends are apparently non binary. Hahaha.

    • @honeypot9867
      @honeypot9867 Рік тому +4

      @@sgilmour47 listen, I was just fulfilling the prophecy. You said « tell me I’m wrong » so I did lol

    • @Jcon4002
      @Jcon4002 Рік тому +4

      Yeah not gonna lie I notice most people identifying as non binary are young teenage girls with bright neon dyed hair and nose ring piercings lol

    • @bird4816
      @bird4816 Рік тому +2

      you're absolutely not wrong. we call these girls theyfabs

  • @benjaminfranklin8412
    @benjaminfranklin8412 Рік тому +5

    She is clearly a woman. Society should not be affirming internalized misogyny. This is so depressing.

  • @calebandxion
    @calebandxion Рік тому +6

    Seems like people gotta learn to be strong. Live life, get your experiences through life, enjoy yourself. You are you, and there's nothing wrong with that. But why worry so much about pronouns? Why does it hurt so much? Or feel the way it feels to be "misgendered"? Life is too short to worry about that, not to mention that if you ever transition, you'll no longer be able to reproduce. Maybe I'm just indoctrinated or some other issue, but i genuinely don't understand anything of this nonbinary concept, doesn't make scientific sense. It seems like it's to the point where we may as well identify by numbers because nobody on the planet is the same as anyone else.
    Own yourself, love yourself, take care of yourself. But also consider if it's worth the pain and struggle to be hurt over something like being "misgendered" when instead you can love yourself for who you are.

  • @Mel-wn9gb
    @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому +12

    Your self worth and comfort within your skin can't be attained by controlling the thought and speech of others, from manipulating, guilt tripping, threatening, demanding, controlling. It can only come from within. This young woman is in for a world of pain. I feel much worse for her mother though. She's practically grovelling at her daughter's feet to appease her control issues and ideologically driven self obsession. I wouldn't tolerate this from my child.

    • @snow4summer515
      @snow4summer515 Рік тому +1

      I hear this a lot from the anti-trans movement "you have to have comfort within" and I understand that idea of thinking but I do think it comes from a miss understanding, or miss framing every day you and I both negotiate our comfort with others our identity every time you correct someone saying your name or telling your kid to call you "mom" or "dad" instead of your given name every time a parent says "I'm your parent, not you friend" its all one big negotiation
      the only thing I believe the problem to be is legislation because none of these negotiations are legislated and that's the only way to live, if someone insists you are not a "real mom or brother or Ph.D. holder" you can argue or you can walk away
      that's the problem with the trans community right now the inability to walk away
      if this was your child groveling is just as bad as shutting them down that how you get a kid that doesn't speak to you

    • @ClicStudio
      @ClicStudio Рік тому +8

      If you’re not ready to love your child for whomever they are, then don’t have one. That person is discovering a part of themselves they never truly understood and now that they do, they want their mother to help them be who they truly are inside, hopefully you’ve seen my other comment, you should go watch the playlist it’ll probably help you understand:)

    • @Mel-wn9gb
      @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому +8

      @@ClicStudio I have two children. One of my children passed away, so I think I know what it means to love a child. Loving your child unconditionally doesn't mean agreeing with everything they think, believe, say or do. If my child wanted to self harm because they bought into a regressive, sexist ideology I wouldn't just passively go along with that. I would question and challenge their thinking so that I could support them to be who they truly are, not who they think they are according to a highly problematic dogma.

    • @ClicStudio
      @ClicStudio Рік тому +8

      @@Mel-wn9gb I’m sorry for your loss, I couldn’t have known. However, gender identity is not a problematic dogma, for whatever that means. I guess I can understand where you’re coming from, my own dad didn’t believe me at first, so I explained to him my thought process and now he understands that it’s not my choice to feel this way, we can’t all correspond to the gender binary that has been established throughout the years. I agree that you can disagree with their views, their beliefs, but you can’t dispute who they are directly and saying that they are wrong to believe to be who they are. I thought that’s what you meant here.

  • @radubradu
    @radubradu 11 місяців тому +6

    I still don't understand non binary and I have a feeling neither do these people.

  • @kosog6584
    @kosog6584 7 місяців тому +2

    "If I don't understand what it is, it's not a real thing" Actual facebook boomer logic 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I can see homeschool is doing well for some of yall in the comments

    • @5-Volt
      @5-Volt 3 місяці тому

      You could flip the script though & say "If you can't provide a valid justification to create this concept then it isn't a real thing." So far the only justification is that it makes them feel better.

  • @jamielunes1841
    @jamielunes1841 3 роки тому +9

    So basically man and women!😃

  • @henmaydostuff8338
    @henmaydostuff8338 3 роки тому +4

    so beautiful

  • @lannguyen-pu1db
    @lannguyen-pu1db 2 роки тому +2

    Do U just remove everything surgically?

  • @benjaminfranklin8412
    @benjaminfranklin8412 5 місяців тому +3

    Everyone listening to this...how could we not have sympathy for her parents. So sad. Her identity is not real and her parents know something went terribly, terribly wrong.

  • @ElenaKomleva
    @ElenaKomleva 2 роки тому +9

    Poor mother....

  • @fantasy89boi
    @fantasy89boi Рік тому +2

    What an emotional available parent 🥹💗

  • @czerkitka141
    @czerkitka141 2 роки тому +10

    Another „not like other girls” woman

  • @chrispbacon7533
    @chrispbacon7533 Рік тому +14

    This is the biggest nonsense ever!

    • @ok.-
      @ok.- Рік тому

      How so?

  • @jimiwills
    @jimiwills Рік тому +1

    😭😭😭😭😭😭
    💛🤍💜🖤

  • @faithkwaku
    @faithkwaku 4 роки тому +3

    Oh boy

  • @JP600LT
    @JP600LT 8 місяців тому +1

    😂

  • @chaos_flower
    @chaos_flower Рік тому +3

    💛🤍💜🖤

  • @sirfrogsalot4738
    @sirfrogsalot4738 Рік тому +7

    This makes no sense

  • @KouJunk
    @KouJunk Рік тому +8

    First world problems lol

    • @ok.-
      @ok.- Рік тому +2

      I know it sure helped me understand non-binary a bit more, and probably helped other non-binary people understand themselves.
      It’s not a first world problem. They’re not trying to say it is. They’re sharing a story for those who are willing to listen, and help those who need it most.

  • @LeonParis
    @LeonParis 11 місяців тому +4

    Is they wearing a Pfizer vial as an earring pendant ? That would explain so much.

  • @lennymclean.
    @lennymclean. Рік тому +2

    Genesis 1:27 perfectly describes the entire situation as regards humanity.

  • @cjthompson420
    @cjthompson420 2 роки тому +7

    … who is this for? Why is this being filmed? Weird none of us coming out in the 80’s would have recorded much less been on stage to be kicked out of home publicly. I’m sorry but you know yourself your biggest issue is mean tweets.

    • @bellewells2099
      @bellewells2099 2 роки тому +9

      It's to show a positive example not to deny or devalue less positive experiences you don't have to show your own lack of confidence in this shallow way. I hope you give yourself permission to be happy and make better choices

  • @sebastiand.9534
    @sebastiand.9534 3 роки тому +16

    I identify myself as a nuclear submarine.
    Ben Shapiro has some interesinting things to tell you all.

    • @Crowiferous
      @Crowiferous 3 роки тому +25

      I doubt we would ever consider something Ben says to be interesting

    • @iolair1973
      @iolair1973 2 роки тому +3

      Sooo... if we draw a line from M to F, most non-binary people find themselves somewhere along that line. Perhaps not always the same place.
      I don't see where "nuclear submarine" sits on that line... So, that would be the "false equivalency" fallacy.

    • @Fedupwithbullshits
      @Fedupwithbullshits Рік тому

      @Nymm Gratton if gender is something that is not based on your biology/Anatomy and based on what you choose to be, then being a human being falls under the same Umberlla. Let's say I Identify myself as a Tiger eventhough I don't have biology/Anatomy, why it's not the same as this ? It's a sickness needed to be cured. Shouldn't be encouraged. Same goes to Obesity movement and many other wokism ideology.

    • @josephrichards7624
      @josephrichards7624 Рік тому

      @@iolair1973 right, but if it is a spectrum then it is infinitely divisible meaning that no one isnt non binary. This fallacy is called "fallacy of the beard"

    • @iolair1973
      @iolair1973 Рік тому +1

      @@josephrichards7624 Except no-one (AFAIK) is saying M and F don't exist at all. The existence of a gender spectrum doesn't stop definitions along that spectrum.

  • @VonRix
    @VonRix 9 місяців тому +1

    The person identifies with singular. But nevertheless expects from everyone to be refer to by plural? But if you are not? You don’t identify with plural, isn’t that a bit too much to ask everyone to use that plural reference ?

  • @benjaminfranklin8412
    @benjaminfranklin8412 Рік тому +3

    Thanks for clarifying how nonsensical and narcissistic the concept of nonbinary is.

  • @leonoros5023
    @leonoros5023 3 роки тому +13

    Saga literally says “they” shifted their gender after staying with non conforming gender persons... this is literally madness

    • @ehrlichv
      @ehrlichv 3 роки тому +34

      Maybe they didn't realize being non-binary was an option or that they related to it until they were around non-binary people. Sometimes others bring aspects of ourselves out that we may not be aware of yet!

    • @iolair1973
      @iolair1973 2 роки тому +11

      Non-binary identities are still not well known in modern western society, so people with these identities often don't have the vocabulary and framework to make sense of how they're feeling until encountering others that have gone there before. And then, everything clicks into place.
      (I say "modern western society" because there are and have been societies that do see genders differently).

    • @slacktoryrecords4193
      @slacktoryrecords4193 Рік тому

      @@iolair1973 or we could just do away with the navel-gazing narcissism that is ‘gender identity’ and just be gender nonconforming without a label. How does “identifying as non-binary” change *anything* about a person?

  • @Yesica1993
    @Yesica1993 Рік тому +2

    0:15
    I'm writing you because I'm coming out as non-binary.
    LOL!
    What did the doctor/nurse/midwife who delivered you announce when you came out of your mother's womb? Answer me.

  • @keyboarddancers7751
    @keyboarddancers7751 2 роки тому +3

    Portland; tells you all you need to know. Employers beware!

  • @jt_mallett_ii
    @jt_mallett_ii Рік тому +1

    This start off sad, get almost hopeful but ends sad. Because basing truth emotions kills you. Christ is enough christ knows you. He wants you to know Him so you can know perfect peace perfect love and be saved from this limmit mined often convoluted stuff

  • @jennymay330
    @jennymay330 Рік тому +2

    What a problem, omg... 😅

  • @jt_mallett_ii
    @jt_mallett_ii Рік тому

    So is Tom boy exeptable in your preferred names lol?

  • @Mel-wn9gb
    @Mel-wn9gb Рік тому +4

    "Most of the time I won't think about it at all". Meanwhile they never stop talking and thinking and over-analyzing and navel gazing and getting more surgeries and making more tik toks and doing more Ted Talks...