Living as a non-binary in a binary world | Graysen Hall | TEDxUniversityofKent
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- Опубліковано 6 вер 2024
- A talk addressing the hardships and obstacles facing the day-to-day life of those who identify outside of the gender binary. Graysen Hall, a 23 year-old non-binary individual, sets out to promote awareness and educate their audience on some of the trials that the transgender community faces.
Graysen Hall is a 23 year-old non-binary individual, who is in the process of completing a Masters degree at the UKC in the School of English. Their talk is based on their experiences of living as non-binary and the hardships that are part of that experience. Living under the transgender umbrella, they often feel that their identity is invalidated by others, often from within the transgender community. In today’s talk they aim to educate those who are not aware of non-binary genders and to promote awareness, acceptance and equality.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
In Sweden the pronoune "Hen" is usually used for non-gender-specifik individuals.
For reference:
Han = He,
Hon = She
and Hen = non gender specifik.
Which is idiotic.
@@Feisenbach weird flex that an entire language is idiotic but okay 🤔
@@MegaUltraLindrix Silly comment. Who said anything about the entire language?
Sweden is light years ahead, it's amazing
In Rwanda too:
a= 3rd person singular subject
mu=3rd person singular object
I believe this is the case for most Bantu languages though.
As a disabled person, please please feel free to use our bathrooms! At least until we fix the real problem!
Awww
Thank you so much :)
As a disabled enby (nonbinary person), I LOVE THIS COMMENT
the real issue is that the person in the video IS DISABLED. If one suffers so severely from anxiety that makes them NOT ABLE to enter a public bathroom that aligns with their genitals, then the disabled loo is the one that is appropriate.
its not rocket science.
Oh, thanks!
As a side note, that person on crutches should not have said anything. I am disabled, with chronic pain, and I don't look disabled. I've encountered this energy from folks and I have to decide if it's worth sharing my personal information information to shut them up.
Thank you for this. I am a mother, raising a non-binary teenager. While I want to do everything I can to support them; it helps to hear from people who live as non-binary themselves, to know how to be a better support, and to help them feel less alone. I hope as the years progress, we start breaking the binary barriers, so that those who identify within the non-binary umbrella become more visible and seen. Great talk. Thanks again.
Starry Night Well, uhh, i’m glad to hear that you are supporting your child. That’s something I’m scared my parents will never do for me.
this is heartwarming, i came out as non-binary to my parents at age 16 and they have never been supportive, they don’t even believe it is a thing. i’m almost 19 now and my craving for top surgery is getting bigger by the week. i know if i would try, i’d be able to get the surgery, but knowing that i wouldn’t have a place to come home to and receive some caring, i know i shouldn’t even look to make an appointment.
thank you for accepting your child. i wish you both good luck and happiness.
You’re an amazing mother!! Thank you for being there for your kid and for researching and being involved.
Please show your daughter facts and delete her tumblr.
I ❤ you I don't know you but I know your a great mom your so awesome
Just wanted to share this for every trans and nonbinary person here-
You are VALID and LOVED. There will always be people who disagree and cannot understand. And sometimes their words are so hateful beyond belief. But this life is your story and not theirs. Regardless of how this world perceives you, always be true to yourself and love that person you see. Because that person is beautiful and special in so many ways. Be loving, kind, and patient to yourself. Even towards those who choose to be hateful. There is something broken about them and they use that to hurt other people. Don’t put their mistakes and brokenness on you. You are so much more than that and I hope you always remember this.
Preach
Rhythm Bean ❤️❤️
Love it. :)
Wholesome
You speak like someone very privileged gab. You're very fortunate.
I expected a dumpsterfire of a comments section, it's so refreshing to see so many genuinely supportive people!
verytiredtorin right. But I don’t think trolls know what a ted talk is lol
TED removes the negative comments and dislikes.
Google doesn’t mind Publishers like TED spreading lies.
There are dumpster fires... people are calling me and a few others entitled delusional brats because we want to be respected like anyone else and not told how we are supposed to identify. I like the supportive people though!
@@Kai-lg8ib I would never call you a delusional brat. I see you much more as an attention seeking clown. But a hilarious one! You people are giving me some really good laughs.
Feisenbach an attention seeking clown? Actually I don’t go around saying my identity. Unless talking with my friends or on this video. To me the only attention seeking clown here are those going around being rude the moment one of us says we identify as Nonbinary.
their voice and overall presence is so intelligent and calming.
So true! Super earnest and yet calming.
Except that intelligent part apparently.
The comments on this video aren’t too bad, but the replies on them are toxic af
Everblue 22 some folks only have negativity to share with the word. It’s indicative of their own misery.
Everblue, you have it backwards
Thanks for the warning (*´ω｀*)
@@Kornknealious You just proved his point lol
Well, what could you except from people who somehow don't agree with their own body?
OML I’m looking through the comments and seeing the same like three users commenting on everyone that’s non Binary saying “no you’re not” and “you don’t exist” it’s almost like they’re looking for an argument....
I’m non Binary and proud so fight me 🤪
I don't believed it exists, change my mind
Alaina Howard What?
@Alaina Howard Technically yeah
Alaina Howard Being non binary doesn’t mean you’re sexist.... we don’t identify as part of the gender binary, we don’t have anything against gender
@@eaziem8061 Yes, it does. You assign those sexist stereotypes to everyone else and think you are special. You are just labelling and boxing others to fit in your sexist ideals so that you get to "opt-out" from that.
Such a wonderful, clear, honest and inspiring account of what it is to be non binary and the issues non binary folk face. So proud to know you my friend, after this you should be snapped up to talk everywhere!
cool, non binary doesnt exist but... ok
manu longboarder yes it does
@@Hepoxni really! Explain that in a biological level
No it doesn't exist.
There is no scientific proof to back up the statement that non binary is real. Not a hint of proof.
Not all Non-binary individuals are wee little teenagers.
Look like them though.
Martina That's actually more if a compliment imo since you're saying they all look young
Yes because there are no non binary people at all. Just because you're a masc woman or fem man doesn't mean you're a completely different gender now.
@Snead Lydia I always hear that
@@berlinwall6674 It sounds like you're trying to define gender based on physical features (specifically genitalia)...If that's the case, what about intersex people?
I am a nonbinary teenager and this really made me feel better.
So am I... I've only just came to terms that I'm non-binary at the age of 16, agender specifically.
Can i ask you questions ?
@@erica892 It could be but you could also be something else it just matters what makes you feel better. Hope that helps.
@@p_star1237 thank you for your answer, I asked this because, I do not know what I am and am not comfortable in binarity.
@@erica892 Just trying to help
I am non binary and I'm tired of being quiet
Shush
No one cares...
@@ottovonbismarck7715 No thank you.
@Lynn 😂
@@tyttiMK Cool, neither do I. Have a good day though, love.
Conveniently, I'm both non-binary and disabled.
But I take your point.
hahahah you cracked the system
Me too
@@heylol3909Me three. 💚
Great talk. I came out as NB about two years ago, and just having the knowledge that I'm not alone in feeling like I don't fit is a massive relief. When I first got a Portland ID that acknowledged me as NB, I cried, and felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders.
Anyone scrolling through comments in the future, no matter what your identity is, you deserve to be seen and acknowledged. You don't have to believe in me (though it'd be nice), so long as you believe in you. If you are unsure, that's okay. I am almost 30, and I am finally figuring out who I am. You've got time.
Thank you so much for sharing your story,,,
@A M. While I would love to answer your question, I have determined, based on your interactions with others in this comments section, that it would be better for my mental health, and a better use of my time, not to engage. This will be my only reply to you. I hope you have a wonderful morning, afternoon, or evening wherever you are in the world.
@A M. You see, I have seen some of your previous comments, and plenty of people how answered you questions, but you just overlook them, or say that the person is wrong because they don't agree with you.
@A M. no it's just how you behaved in your other replies
I heard the words "public bathroom" and shuddered
For anybody reading this comment don’t look in the replies they are so toxic and I want to tell those people to put their shoes on the wrong feet wear really tight clothes and to go and just accept it.
The world is built on people having different opinions. It is healthy public discourse.
@@xz740 It's healthy as long as the opinions are respectful and the discussions, constructive. I totally agree with you that differences in opinions are healthy for society. However, toxicity comes from messages that verbally attack the other people involved in cruel and disregarding ways, spreading hate and not an actual discussion environment.
@@ugavs2294 my argument is if you feel like neither a boy or a girl then why does a biological female go out of their way to be more masculine and why do biological males go out of their way to be feminine. If you’re non binary and don’t conform to any gender then why even bother being more feminine or masculine? Why not just be yourself?
So I binded my chest for the first time today. I feel a lot better. Pray my mum doesn’t notice.
*nervous screeching *
OwO nice! Do you know if you're binding right tho? You could accidentally hurt yourself and that'll be hard to explain...
Sage Hoff just with several sports bras at the moment? Is that okay? Do you have any better ideas you can recommend?
@@themoonlit-wolf3773 Ye, that's what I use! But I just wanted to make sure you weren't using tape or bandages, or wearing it 24/7. You should only wear a binder for 6-8 hours a day. The tape would hurt your skin, the bandages wouldn't stop squeezing since they're supposed to stop blood, and wearing it 24/7 is just... really bad. If you can't breathe even when you get a proper one (like from gc2b or underworks) then it's too small. And! Remember to take breaks and not to wear them during exercise!
Sage Hoff my mum would never get me a real binder
theMoonlit -Wolf just be careful because we love you and despite the fact that we are strangers on the internet we have a shared human experience.
I'm 14 and non-binary, and this was really nice for me to see. I don't know that many other non-binary folks, so it was nice to see someone else like me giving an important talk like this. I'm hoping to be able to transition soon. If there's any other trans/non-binary people reading this, I want you to know that you are valid, and there's so many people who love and support you! I hope you have a great day!
Thanks pal
I’m 14 too, idk my gender right now. Idk if i’m either nonbinary or a demigirl 😅
UHM no, non binary isn't real.
@@ugavs2294 i guess i don’t exist lmao have a great day
@@maryb.7177 does non binary not existing mean you don't exist. No,just simply means your something else that isn't non binary.
I had inklings of my nature from about 3 -4, although I had none of the labels or descriptors.
I had an aha moment on the school playing fields at 7 when I realised I didn't 'fit' the body I was in.
At 37 I started to come out as being Bi.
At 42 I started coming out as trans.
12 years on I'm finally starting to understand, accept and embrace all of myself, my non binary nature
And then you went back to female.
@@xbduf4gb And you know this how?
I'm very happy for you
@@cubedgecko9394 don't worry about them, found Alx here making transphobic comments on another vid
Wdym by "i had inklings"?
really good speech
i’m glad TED allowed this talk, so non-binary people can get noticed more and people understanding them more
Why exactly?
Yeah, why?
Why?
NO DON'T LET THEM GET NOTICED! THEY FEED OFF OF ATTENTION!
@@trevnev2780 shut up lmao
I'm seeing loads of supportive comments but the replies aren't as accepting, its not my place to speak but can you just like...let people live how they want?? Sure if you don't believe their identity is valid that's your opinion but its not that hard to be respectful and just let them express how they feel
Because they are upholding gender roles and stereotypes and forcing other people into boxes so they could feel special and opt out of them. It's especially detrimental to girls and women.
@@tyttiMK Actually, it's cis people like yourself who are forcing non binary folks into boxes, my dude.
@@diddles3383 No, you see those boxes only exist in their own heads because they need that binary so they can then say they are not a part of it, when it reality there is no binary, no one is a walking sexist stereotype, no matter how much they think other people are like that.
MsTiK imagine having such a fragile sense of your own identity that you have to go around shouting at people on the internet who do something your poor world view can’t comprehend. Just shut up, and do some actual research.
@@tyttiMK is actually saying true. As a cis woman, seeing men who like to wear makeup, wear dresses and doing all the "traditional feminine" things is cool. But when they say that THIS is what defines them as a woman with she/her pronouns is offensive! No, you can be a man and do all these kinds of things, you can be a woman and not do any of these things. We have spent so many years trying to tell society that women need not wear dresses, need not wear makeup. Non-binary, for me, is actually embracing these steretype.
all my baby enbys we are all here for you are loved and so valid dont waste your time(like i just did haha) in the comments and replies you have a beautiful life to live and I love you all
Can i ask you questions ?
I have time to waste lol
Jared D how very first world privileged of you.
@@sandygonsalves4646 wat
thanks for this comment, reading some triggering comments here makes me feel really bad but somehow it's like, addictive lmao, like I hate how it makes me feel but I can't stop scrolling and reading them. I should just stop, enjoy the video and go on with my day, thanks for making me realize!
Brilliant talk
What a brave delusion.
@@deathbecomeshim5262 Brave delusion, indeed it is. Sadly, Tumblr is now a big trend and children are being brainwashed by these delusions.
What issues?
So brave to say you are something made up so you can get attention and oppression points
@@trevnev2780 wut
To all of my fellow non-binary and trans folk: I love you, you are valid, whatever way you present, as someone who hasn't really ever felt an inherent sense of gender within my own body that fits with what people believe to be true genders. I realised that when I was 17. My parents didn't accept it, and after years of them abusing me and taking advantage of me for my disability, I left. And this wasn't about developing a thick skin. These people tried to kill me. And I'm much more of myself than I ever was with them. I made a new family for myself when I went and it was the best thing I ever did. Just know that for every shamer, there will be twice as many supporters, and they're the only people you need to listen to. 🖤
Also, ignore the people trying to tell us we don't exist. We do. Some people weren't meant for and don't identify with the kinds of human bodies we're in now, but here we are. A lot of these people don't understand that because it's inconceivable to them how a person can't identify as a more binary gender. Just don't give them the time of day. They don't deserve it if they're going to be transphobic. 🤷🏻♀️
As for those who do want to attack me, I *will* just report you. Nothing you can say will make me change the way I feel about my own gender. I'm suffering from an eating disorder rn because my female body doesn't feel like it belongs to me. Have a care. If you're not going to do your research on us and how we feel about gender and our bodies, don't say anything. It doesn't matter whether or not it has an explanation for it yet - the term non-binary wouldn't exist if there wasn't some kind of reason for it biologically or otherwise. We're still valid, regardless of what you believe. 🤷🏻♀️
Then shouldnt you guys be pushing for an explanation for it?
@@sandygonsalves4646 We are. There just isn't a lot of support for it, especially from governments who already don't like the LGBTQIA+ community. People who are trans have already had to fight and are still fighting for validation as it is, but for those of us without a method to make us what we feel like we are the most, it's more difficult because there's not as much visibility. It's more about gatekeeping from both the government and scientific professions and communities than that we don't want to have an explanation.
@@litavisdethmonias but trans people do have a lot of medical backing and empirical data to help explain their identities and transition. But there isn't much or any for non binary, shouldn't you be pushing for medical and empirical research into non binary identities? Just seems like the non binary community is distancing themeselves from the medical aspect too much.
Btw I question the idea that gender can be inherently felt. You don't really feel the sense of your gender unless you have some sense of gender dysphoria.
@@sandygonsalves4646 I feel like a lot of that is because media does push the idea of it being medical away as well. It's treated more like a trend than an actual issue by both the media and some LGBTQIA+ folk, which is why a lot of those of us who identify feel invalid - because the media portrays us looking or presenting a certain way to be non-binary, which isn't necessarily the case for everybody. So it's a matter of making people feel like they can identify validly before the medical aspect necessarily comes in, just the same as other LGBTQIA+ folk have had to, however they identify. It's not a case of us not wanting medical evidence, it's a case of us not only being allowed to, but also not being ridiculed for it.
As a demigirl, seeing my non-binary term on the screen made me feel better. Like I had been noticed. Finally.
Dafuq is demi
Ayyy Boi I used to identify as a demigirl also! I identify as agender now.
PhoenixTDM nice
Which is funny as you don't exist.
Martina woah take it easy mannn
0:49- 1:39 just helped me realize and help me see that there are people out there like me, I finally found something that I can relate to. 😭💜💜 thank you so much
@A M. just because someone finds part of their identity on the internet doesn't make it any less real or valid
I'm non binary in transition ftm and you have put into words how I feel in every aspect of my life. Pronouns is an issue I struggle with every day whenever I socialise. Feel sick to tell please call me he, cose I'm not a man but calling me she triggers my disphoria. I live in Italy and in Italian every noun has a gender and we decline every verb. So even a common question like "where have you been?" is declined to the gender of the person you're talking to. In Italian you get constantly misgendered. it's so frustrating
Wait how are you non binary when you're using male pronouns? I thought you identified as a man.
@@sandygonsalves4646 I
Not being offensive but sometimes the logic of these terms falls apart under its own weight.
You can't be both binary and non-binary. Being a man is a binary.
how can u say you're nonbinary but transition? how would that even look? how does a guy transition to nothing? jesus christ u people are insufferable
@Sandy Gonsalves pronouns ≠ gender, I am an enby and I go by any pronouns 🤷♂️
I'm a 14-year-old nonbinary person & it can be really difficult when everywhere I look, there's people telling me that my identity in invalid, I don't care whether or not you think its real, its about respect.
same.
In french: il=he, elle= she and IEL for non-binary.
that sounds like the sort of change the Academie Francaise will absolutely love
Hey transfolk, I just wanted to let you know that you are all valid 💙
It is nice to be told this 💙
@@priestgoober5160 in reality the human race as a whole should disappear
If you cared about trans people you would not validate their struggle with genders. You are only encouraging them to mutilate their genitalia. It is unloving to encourage these confused people into self-mutilation. Loving them is telling them the truth about gender and listening to their struggles about accepting the reality that they were born male or female. People don't choose their gender, people do however struggle to accept their gender. If you loved them, you would tell them the truth instead of encouraging them to live a lie that actually harms them more then it helps them.
You cannot be transgendered and non binary. The two are at odds with each other.
@@Kornknealious look mister corny im having a blast reporting all your comments but please if you don't know anything about this subject, stay away
Shame on that entitled person for fussing that you were using the only available bathroom. I have body dysmorphia and I've used disabled/single occupancy/family toilets and locker rooms perhaps 1000 times, and not once have I come out to find anyone waiting, much less someone expecting to have no wait even when arriving after others. You just got unlucky with both timing and her attitude.
Informative, helpful, memorable. Thank you! I will be sharing widely with families and kids. So many need to hear you.
Yes, people need a good laugh now and then.
Can people use a little empathy -.-
All we're saying is that gender is scientific. You don't show how water molecules look like and
back it up with your feelings. That's just flat out false. I'm not trying to be mean and I would be glad to have a constructive debate, as long as it is constructive.
Nah
I don't like people spreading sexist stereotypes like these "non-binaries".
MsTiK Not all of them are Sexist. Also some non-binary people have gender dysphoria. We have to go through the same hoops as binary trans people to get things like top surgery or hormones.
If I catch any of y’all using any pronouns except They/Them for this beautiful person, your spine is mine.
A M.
No matter what your beliefs are, you should have the decency to respect people’s pronouns.
GalaxyWolf875 no thank u
Devilodado *_*
And why not?
@A M. What's your gender??
I would love to have such Nonbinary pronounces in Germany.
Im in the US and im only out to my spouse and a handful of friends. Im planning on waiting until im legally allowed to change my name to come out to other people
My ex broke up with me because I identify as nonbinary and he wanted me to be a girl and wear dresses
It may seem really hard right now, but i think u should be glad their your ex. Stay strong and remember that people controlling you and what they think you should do and wear is wrong. You are so beutiful/handsome and so much stronger than you think! ❤️🧡💛💚💙✝️
@@foziart1325 thank you, I needed this
@@Eersian no problem :)
Honestly, this is kinda why I'm scared to come out to my boyfriend that I'm nb haha :')
I know he supports my being ace and not straight but idk if he'll accept my gender identity, so I just sit here waiting for the right time-
I am really glad I found this video today. Very brave human
A very lost human. Brave in the sense that this speaker openly expresses their belief in a delusion about gender; knowing that people who know the truth will confront him. Imagine how much more of a powerful speaker this person would be if they professed messages that were true rather than a lie. I feel sorry for all those people who are confused on this matter and this speaker only serves to confuse and cause those who are lost to become even more lost.
Where is the bravery here? I don't see it.
I think they are brave too
I'm non-binary 😊
Me too ^^
No sweetie, you’re not
I am non binary too! 😀
Evie Hunt no, you are not
How do you know? And anyway it’s my life and I choose how to live it and I know If I’m non binary or not. If you have nothing nice to say don’t say it.
NB people are valid, just as binary transpeople, like myself, are valid. Only invalid people are those who try to make us feel less than them, for being ourself.
mr_Rikard If you thought it was all right you wouldn’t need to keep seeking validation.
nope.. you're just lazy and selfish.
A M. Yep.
❤️
Alx we seek validation because people like you keep saying that we don’t exist
Officer someone stole my wallet
Officer: Was it a man or woman?
Neither they stole my wallet
Officer: Well I guess they can help you get it back
A fantastic and enlightening talk which helps greatly to understand what it means to be non binary.
aww this warms my heart. the bar is so unbelievably low nowadays I can't help but thank you for even trying 😭
Man, clicking 'Sort By Newest First' on any video about trans or nonbinary people these days really uncovers the snake pit...
For real…. I was trying to find other enby ppl who agree recently but it’s so full of hatred
This video deserves more love ❤️❤️❤️
wow im satan no it doesn’t
tim huynh I’m Jesus and YES it does
The persian (Farsi) language has only one pronoun in third-singular person, which is nongendered.
It's "او" and pronounced "Oo".
I am described as a cisgendered man. People tend to use he/him pronuns to describe me. I am comfortable with this because of both 39 years of familiarity and the fact that the opposite usually comes with a beating. Growing up, I never really thought of myself as like other boys and sometimes felt more akin to girls. Because of this, I expanded my definition of what a girl is, and what a boy is. I'm now grown up and have seen/met a very large spectrum of men and women. Each of these individuals have pushed the boundaries of what a man or a woman is - all the way to pretty much taking it at face value, with such a large overlap that the idea of somewhere inbetween makes literally no sense to me. (And I've been trying to make sense of this for about 2 months now.) The idea of taking gender at face value, for the vast majority of people, works.
The idea that gender is a social construct is something I can buy into. But, I don't understand why we need so many more labels and pronouns to build up this construct further. Instead, we should be tearing down gender norms and stereotypes and encouraging people to be their true individual selves regardless of gender.
I've seen a lot of people saying non-binary people exist and are valid. I agree with this but, to put the argument more diplomatically, I don't share your view of gender. You are a valid human being, with a valid view of gender (equally as valid as mine). I just don't agree with you on that one point alone. I am not saying you cannot be your true individual self. Dress hoe you want, express yourself the way you choose, take HRT, have surgery, do whatever you feel necessary to feel comfortable in your own body. I will celebrate the beauty of your own unique individuality. But please, don't get offended if I don't share your view of gender. Have the self confidence to laugh at me for getting your gender "wrong". To quote somebody with an unknown origin "A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you." (note, I will use your chosen pronouns if asked to)
I will leave with a question, if you read this far - There are people who identify as non-binary who claim to dress androgenusly with the intention of appearing more non-binary in order to get people to use the correct pronouns. Why? Isn't being true to yourself more important than pronouns?
Thank you! I’m a non-binary teen
PanicAtTheEverywhere Don’t get brainwashed.
Same!
Panic; no you are not. you're just a teenager.
Alx they aren’t brainwashed. Most of us felt this way before we knew the term.
@@Kai-lg8ib no.. you're brainwashed.
This made me so happy.
Non Bunnary You should be happy being different, difference doesn’t mean being weird.
If I see a non-binary that looks either male or female or both, then I try to think of what pronouns I need to use, it’s like calling a boy a girl or a girl a boy, I think that you can be a feminine They/Them or a masculine They/Them!
☮️
Kara Smith we’re all different as every human is unique. You will be more different if you stop subscribing to this “non-binary” trend
@@xbduf4gb not everyone is after the trend,Lots of people have identitified as Non-binary way before it was a trend.People who identify as it to be "trendy" are the ones who flunt it and make everyone else who is just trying to live seems like attention seekers by just asking to be referred to by words.
So happy we are taking space and speaking our truth.
ACK THEY'RE CUTE
Woah, nice icon! I made one for myself too with nonbinary flag in the background as well. I'm an enby also.
they are cute tbh
I've identified myself as no binary for a year and a half. I have allot of difficulty with people understanding me. I feel my birth name is too feminine. I don't like being called by it because the second people hear it they think of me as girl. I started to go by Sam because it was a more universal name. My family continues to call me by my birth name and tells everyone else my birth name. Can anyone help me in what to do during those situations?
Yeas
Just push through it, it's hard but by this point, they probably aren't going to change their minds unless you specifically tell them and it goes over well. Surround yourself with people who accept you, it'll get easier for us one day :)
The Prince Of Cats There is no condition. And no you can’t force people to change their language to suit you.
We need a third bathroom that is gender neutral. Problem solved.
@@happythoughts7792Actually, Greyson was afraid they would be abused for looking too feminine in the men's room.
@@allisonm.323 That's an interesting point. I don't recall him mentioning having that fear. Even if that's the case. Wasn't his confusion because he views himself as having no gender? Therefor no restroom for a non-gender person?
The topic of gender has gone from being based on definitive physical genitalia; to instead, gender being considered a mental state. Psychology and gender are to separate topics when it comes to defining what is male or female. Yet those who are lost and attempting to make sense of their thoughts have adopted an irrational framework of thinking. For reasons I don't know.
Adopting this public speakers irrational thinking will... At best.... Give a sense of security and belonging, that is temporary. Yet if a person truly wants to be loved, fit in, be understood, know where you belong... They will go to a private place, and start talking to God, pray, build a relationship. Start reading the Bible. Because from God comes all love, wisdom, knowledge, and truth.
This gender non-sense is not some revelation of human thought. It is meant to confuse and distract as many people as possible from God, from Jesus Christ; from the truth.
You need to grow up. Problem solved.
I cringe every time I hear the words "disabled bathroom" of even worst ""handicaped" bathroom". We should really get used to using the term "accessible bathroom" I could be mentally disabled and not need to use it, I could be in a wheelchair or using crotches recovering from an injury and need to use it. I could be like the gentleman in the video facing the fact that a gender's bathroom is not serviceable and need to use it. The bathroom is the same, it just usually has a wider door, is more spacious, and has additional handles to help with the mobility of the user... Sorry about the rant, it's my pet peeve!
You're Soft
@@boyreason9213 is that good of bad?
The "accessible bathrooms" are easier for poeple in a wheelchair to use because they have been designed to facilitate their entry and exit as well as the transfer from the chair to the toilet seat and back. Blindness is a handicap, deafness is a handicap, missing an arm is a handicap and yet none of those people usually require to use a larger bathroom stall with additional handle bars. A handicap is not what designates a person or dictates what bathroom they need to use.
You're a lucky man if this is your biggest problem.
Uhhh the word "bathroom" is already gender neautral...
Just clicked on this because the speaker is hot! But hey, I learned something too.
It quite obviously exists, there are many non-binary people.
@@Meccarox Correction, there are many people who claiM to be non binary.
@Ronny Meow
They are real human beings who experience their own gender in that way. It’s not even a big deal. Some people happen to be non-binary and some people happen to be binary. That’s just a part of life and the human experience.
@@manuelxops How about you educate yourself on the topic, they do exist
👏🏻 I AM an ALLIE!
Isabella C thank you for being an ally!
“Living as a person pretending to be something that they’re not”
I got confused. Why did Graysen wants to transition if they is non-binary?? Shouldn't they not care about the gender they was born with, since they doesn't identifie as a particular gender?
Also, great empowering talk :)
Non-binary people can have gender dysphoria, and can transition socially and medically.
He*
......it doesn’t matter what you identify as....transitioning is fine even if he doesn’t identify as a particular gender.
That's one more issue we non-binary people have to go through. Since bodies are binarily gendered, "transitioning" becomes something complicated : how do you look for a body that suits you when we automaticaly see bodies as male and female ? What is a non-binary body ?
In the end, the non-binary body is the one in which the person feel is the best.. Here, I think (I obviously can't be sure) Graysen likes to pass as androgenous (like me!), and transitioning meens having a body that somehow achieves this goal. Personally, and that might be the feeling he has too, when people are confused with my gender, I feel more comfortable because they don't assign me a gender-role.
Hope this helps you understand!
AltruisticFlower Transition to what?
How are you assigned a gender at birth, does someone stand there with a clipboard and say this one is male, or this one is female?
That is more or less how it happens. Medical professional observes biological features and writes something on paper/keyboard and a complicated legal machine turns couple revolutions and pushes out a choice the society made for you, without asking.
they look at you and assign you a gender you couldn't decide because of a singular chromosome
@@averywow Whats so bad about being called the gender that matches your genitals. It literally changes nothing about you unless you're a bigot who thinks Women do X and men do Y.
I am non-binary.
No. You are not.
Same
@@happythoughts7792 of course they are. If someone feels a certain gender, they are that gender.
Hii fellow enby!
@@subhasraj9297 How are you?
SO WELL SPOKEN!! I loved that. So valid points and although this video is 4 years old I kinda feel like we're still at the same point with our society. Sadly.
This video is amazing and what I like to see since I am non binary
(Please remember you don't need dysphoria to be trans or non binary 💜💜)
Um...you do tho....i have horeible dysphoria, and this is very wrong
@@thisisaperson9137 hi, no you don't. The idea that you need dysphoria to be any form of trans pushes a lot of people out of the community. It's not good.
@@sspu4669 it is one way of being trans. Sometimes people are comfortable with their body because they are surrounded by people who give them body positivity
@@sspu4669 I'm not? I'm saying you don't have to have dysphoria. I'm sorry you have dysphoria, and so do I, but having it shouldn't be a prerequisite of being trans. If you have dysphoria then you're valid but if you're trans without dysphoria you are valid as well.
@@sspu4669 oh, i though that it was boyh
Just because you don't meet gender stereotypes doesn't mean that you're not that gender. For example, I am a girl, I never have played with dolls, I always liked cars. I never liked women's clothing. I am still a girl.
At last something sensible posted.
No one's said your gender depends on how much you adhere to sexist stereotypes. I'm sure Gray didn't start identifying as non-binary simply because they didn't like to play with cars. Within the LGBTQ community, there's plenty of people who reject these stereotypes and just are the way they are without being trans(butch women, femme men). There's a very important distinction between people who don't fit the stereotypes of their gender and people whose gender is actually different from the one they were born with. Trans people don't figure out their trans because they don't adhere to stereotypes; they figure out they're trans because they feel strong dysphoria directed towards their body or gendered social position, or because they feel strong euphoria when presenting and being accepted as another gender. No-one said you're not a girl for not liking dolls. Not to you, and not to anyone else
gender is like light. it has spectrum deal with it.
2054.3801 \N16 If gender is a spectrum (continuous data) what is the unit of measurement? How do you account for the fact that a gender spectrum has no binary (categorical data) therefore there is no “non--binary”?
Your profile makes this comment all the much better. I wish people could just deal with it but sadly not everyone will accept someone like me.
@A M. Gender is different for every person and each one could define it differently. There is no way to list all of the genders that have, do or will exist
@A M. How would you define being male or female? How would someone else define the same thing? It changes for every person so what can you do but accept people for who they are?
I'd have appreciated hearing a definition of "non-binary" that does not reference gender stereotypes.
I'm nonbinary and disabled.
just enable
I use disabled bathrooms all the time. Never been caught
There are also two "you" .
One you is 2° singular person and refer to one person, instead The another one The 2° plural person is plural so....
Why fearing them because it may refer to plural number of people and you is okay? :)
Maybe everyone else isn't sexist enough to think that how you dress and talk affects your gender like some 1950s bigot.
In scotland you can self-refer
He talks about boxes but by labeling yourself something else you aren't out of the box either, you just create more boxes and more stereotypes and more things to fit into.
And more importantly forces other people into boxes they don't want to be in.
They
The title of this video should be either "Living as a non-binary person" or "Living as non-binary."
Thank you! I am non-binary though I have yet to come out to my family.
You're not non binary. No one is
Thomas Korn Actually yes I am. Anatomy doesn’t define gender.
Thomas Korn just respect people’s identities.
Everfree Bliss This dude has commented on like every non Binary person in the comment section and somehow made it his goal to tell them that they’re not non Binary as if his opinion is going to make them suddenly think
“oh you know what this stranger over the internet who disapproves of me must be right, I guess something that I, myself have contemplated for as long as I can remember must be wrong!”
Us non Binary peeps have gotta stick together from all the people who try to tell us that we don’t exist 😤
Okay rant over 😂
@@Kornknealious do everyone a favor: why don't you shut your mouth full of ignorance and so-called "facts" and let people be? I literaly see you in every comment section in non-binary videos. Get a life.
My question is; what is the proof of the non binarity ? What are the references to recognize a non binary person?
The fact that gender is a social concept does.
@@aspennie Actually, there is absolutely no evidence of that, studies show the opposite. It's not "a fact " it's just false hood There is something called science and it never showed any evidence of that. There plenty of studies that showed the very opposite, our behaviors is programmed for the majority by biological conditions. A "feeling" isn't an evidence if yes, religious people would have proved that God exists simply by saying it. Can you even show me a scientific article about this? I'm pretty much sure you just invented it. If this is a social construct that intrasecally means non binary is also a social construct and by saying it you admit it's a falsehood. It's logical
@@icursemystarsinbittergrief nope. Literally just read Wikipedia on gender
@@aspennie wow 🤣 wikipedia is a pretty reliable thing i think pretty much everyone knows it's not. It's just using your brain. If a gender is a social construct that also means by default non binary is. You learn at college how to make research and every single teacher will say not to count on wikipedia for research 🤣.
@@aspennie So what? Just because it's a social construct doesn't mean it's legitimate.
Singular they has existed since old English. And I’m an amab demiguy.
whats wrong with being an effeminate man?! im still a man, I still identify as male, I don't care about the stereotypes! im male!
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. But non-binary and trans people tend to experience a kind of dysphoria. With their body, the pronouns used to describe them and/or their name. It's not so much about stereotypical feminine or masculine ways of behaving. - For example. Someone could be a trans man, yet still be very feminine, a trans woman and being very masculine, a non-binary person yet still mostly like things that are stereotypically thought of as male/female. - It's just the way people feel more comfortable being called and perceived as the identity they see themselves. The same way people want to look in the mirror and feel "yes, this is me". Because this is a luxury some people don't have. Sometimes people colour their hair to feel more themselves, or they work out a lot to be happy in their body, think of transitioning as a deeper way of that same need.
@@Link_Ezzie I'm a dysphoric butch woman, non binary is just a label that creates another box instead of pushing the boundaries of male and female as gender roles
@Snead Lydia I'm not diminishing your life, we probably have very similar experiences and expression. I just think it's language that upholds sexist gender norms
@Snead Lydia It's not really our problem if facts make you uncomfortable, and there is nothing we can do about it. I am not going to lie to go along with your delusion.
@Snead Lydia I don't have a problem with facts, it's you who wants everyone else to ignore them. Maybe because you have a victim complex?
A good speech! I got a little confused though because my nb friend said that nb people arent trans?
You're friend is confused. That's what been non binary and trans is
@@delmanglar maybe you should learn your grammar first before commenting 😊 i did not ask for anyone disrespecting my friend and their humanity 🖖
There are many trans people that do not regard NB as trans. That is usually because trans people are transitioning from one gender to another. They absolutely buy into the idea of femininity and masculinity. That is, they buy into the binary and want to change from one binary to the other. While non binary people are defined by the fact they do not buy into the binary and many don't transition in any way. It therefore would seem almost contradictory to place both under the umbrella of 'trans'.
Some nb people feel uncomfortable with calling themselves trans but others are fine with it, it just depends on the person
A M. They also used to call the earth the center of the universe. Funny how scientists notice new things, isn’t it.
A 23 year old explaining how life works...yeah right
A 23 year old who is experienced with gender talking about gender*
I really want to look more or less like this beautiful person. They're my inspiration :)
Thank you...
That is a lot of strength and courage you put out into the universe, I trust it will come back to you. Much love.
Slay my fellow enbies!! NY now has "X" as a gender on Driver's Licenses!!
Why not use the name of the person rather than, "they", to refer to the person? Instead of, "She is nice", we can say, "Jane is nice". And replace "she" with "Jane" wherever "she" is used.
I have a non binary friend (im also nb myself) and while i dont have any issue using their pronouns its easier to use their name to avoid making a mistake. So thats also nice
What happens if u dunno their name.
@@benji0054 You ask
That's a nice idea. Although it would probably sound a bit odd to say someone's name so many times. That's just how I see it though.
because that would take a lot of effort in day to day conversation and can sound odd
This talk does nothing to help explain this complicated subject. You're mixing terms about the place so much that you end up making no sense. Male, man, masculine should not be interchangeable when you are trying to help people understand. Being a man doesn't mean that you can't like "girlie" things or have feminine traits or characteristics.
@A M. Im just as confused as everyone else! That's why I'm critical of this ridiculous talk, that does nothing to help people understand, yet it's on TED so people would assume that it's sciencetific or well researched.
I think a good way to find out people's pronouns is to tell them your own pronouns first.
Just use the correct pronouns,He/She/ , Him/Her
No one cares about pronouns in the real world.
Morgan Stiefvater
Why would I introduce myself with a pronoun? No one cares. Just your first name will do.
In a meeting my aunt had, she said when everyone made their speech they said their name and pronouns first. She was really happy with it and so was I when I heard it, since I use they/them pronouns!
Queer Monarch :3 This is ridiculous. Stop typecasting people.
I can never understand what is meant by spectrum, mammals reproduce by mixing gametes you either have XX or XY, it is by definition binary.
you have quite obviously never heard of intersex people
Also XXY, XYY,XO
Be aware that most languages arent as neutral as english is. Some are heavily gendered and you cant avoid pronouns as well as in english. Its a shame but its true...
Why is it ashame? Maybe everyone else isnt sexist enough to think that how you dress affects your gender.
i just started identifying as nonbianery and im phisicaly female so i usaly use the girls bathroom but i hate it becuse even tho its oveous im female amd becuse i were more masculine cloths i have been told im in the wrong bathroom. and its uncomfterbal
Just because you have stereotyped how women should dress doesn't mean you lose your gender when you cross those stereotyped lines. The truth is that you are a women who wears the cloths she wants to wear. Take away how you have stereotyped how women should dress and you find that you are simply a women who is wearing clothing; nothing more. Don't deny the reality of your gender because you boxed how men and women should dress based on your standards. Just be a women who dresses how she wants and stop stereotyping how people should dress; especially if it makes you confused about being a women!
If someone thought you were a man because you wore “more masculine clothes” they weren’t very astute.
@MissKatiKawaii no..you're just a spoiled rotten brat.
Maybe you're just a woman that doesn't dress like the majority.
@MissKatiKawaii you can dress however you wish. Wearing different cloths does not change your gender.
I Feel Terrible because I Still Don’t Get It!😢I’m sorry I Desperately want to Understand... I’m a Feminineish Male but I identify as Man(Blue) I don’t understand the Spectrum... I’m sorry I really am😞
William Long its ok if you dont completely understand how everything works as long as you are respectful :)
Hey it's ok!! You don't have to fully understand as long as you're, like, a decent human being, as I Non-Binary person myself, I also had to do my research and even now, being enby can mean slightly different things for different people :)
this is.. i would say ridiculous,we don't say someone is a man or woman becuase of the gender or what they feel or identify, is becuase in what they are in estrict rigor, we evolved to identify in matter of seconds who is man or woman. men and woman are definitions or male human and female human, nothing more, not even an intersex can say its not one of them. everything else are genderoles. if some individual say mental gymnastics like "i am a man.but i don't like male stuff.. but i don't like women stuff either, so i am not any of them" is not a smart conclusion either. is a problem to call people depending in how they percieve themselves, is not practical.
the bathroom stuff, is not a gender issue either. because its never meant to be.
So non-binary folks are the new urban-tribe for teens aparently. and i can accept that is some degree becuase that is really happening (what? yes i don't agree with x and y reason..nothing more, do what you want).
after all i am a neurodivergent and i fought to be acepted in society and being functional
people tell me "oh... so you support lgbtiq and neurodivergent activists"
nope, because they are forcing others to feel acepted, the exact opossite of i do.
I’m nonbinary too 🖤 tysm
I feel for these outliers of society. I really do. We should help these people and listen to them. But, seriously, why do they want society to radically change to fit their world view? Why don’t they care about their impact on society? If they don’t care about society or a higher power why should society care about them? Empathy works both way.
We don’t care for society gender norms. Radically change? Wanting them to accept us and allow us to transition without being mistreated is a radical change? We care about our impact. We want it to be positive so people change and accept us.
Tbh I have a lot of problems/criticisms of this video. First of all when explaining the bathroom situation, the speaker does not define "masculine presenting" or "female presenting". I've personally plenty of masculine women using female toilets and nobody bats an eye. I think the speaker should have been more specific when it comes to presentation because that directly correlates to the bathroom experience outcomes. When they spoke about urinary infections they also did not source that information or gave a specific percentage of people. So how are we to know how significant the problem is without a source or percentage?
we are the theys. we are the neo-pronouns. we are the toasters. ^_^ o_o
I'm sorry I find it kind of ridiculous that this person thinks that if their gender isn't recognized they don't "exist". Hello you have a name, passport and most likely a citizenship. That's more then most people living undocumented, or even struggling to get a citizenship.
I'm non binary and I sent this to my teacher, hopefully she shows it in class
The language. I must admit, I am a humansexual. I have only ever ever made love to other people who. Oh I can't even say it. That I, that I loved and cared about. I know it's just terrible.
Non-binary is the new name for doing what you want, you just want it to sound important . People have all of a sudden become so fragile . You don’t identify with what ? Your either male or female, this gender spectrum is called having a taste for something. In my days there was another name for this . But , it sounds so nice and important : non-binary .
Sound so important? So important that I’m afraid to tell my family how I identify because I don’t want them to be upset? Yes I have a taste for Gender Dysphoria and fear that people close to me will turn their backs on me. It’s not a taste I like.
@@Kai-lg8ib back In the day, you could be a Tom-boy or a Tom-girl and that was "acceptable" , why? because most everyone eventually grew out of it, and grew up to have normal productive lives. Now that we have an official TITLE, it make being a Tom-boy/girl something more important and some people have decided to help this normal process into something more eloquent, growing up is a time of finding who one wants to be and how we act. Being judged by your peers and family is 100% normal , there is no way to make everyone happy or accepting of us as we are, you must chose to either please certain people or please yourself and alienate other people. Only in a fantasy world will everyone be happy with everyone, then we would have world peace, no hunger or famine, BUT while there are different types of people , they will continue to think their own way, its called FREEWILL and this can not be taken away. So you must chose, either please yourself or please others there is no having both, or try for a happy medium. Hope you can find yours.
You are muddling up gender with how you express yourself. If you honestly would like to have a conversation aout the difference, I'd be happy to speak with you about it. But as it is you seem quite combative
Legalisation in the 20teens...names on a list or at least for any legal authority that asks for ID.
I am agender and panromantic-asexual.
Boy! Why can't you just accept being a flamboyant boy! Why do you assume this box is so rigid!
I can be legally me now, I’m so happy
How? This person has no effect on legislation
0:59 honestly this is what is concerning to me as a cis women. In the past women were not allowed to take jobs which were "traditionally masculine" and the other way around too. Non-binary is not only embracing this fact, but in 100 years it will result in the thought that if woman wants to take the "traditional masculine" job they have to use he/him pronouns. Apparently every individual who's working, all property owners would be he/him and whatever feminism in the 1800s and 1900s has done would be ruined.
@V S but I am cis, what do you mean? (No offence, probably couldn't understand your comment😅)
@@muskanarora7262 You are a woman, and "just" a woman, no need to use "cis" or any other qualifier, ''a woman" is enough.
@@muskanarora7262 Not really.
The concept of being non binary has been around for centuries.
@@helensmith3073 Yes the bigoted idea that men and women have to do different things has been around for centuries.
@@helensmith3073 is that why when you search it on google trends there is pretty much like one or two searches or whatever until 2014?