Don't Be So Nice - It's Not Worth It
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
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So many among us were taught to be nice in certain ways that may actually be both hurting and harming us. Many of these was can also be bad for our relationships. If you think that you're trying so hard to be nice, but also feel really overwhelmed, resentful, guilty, stressed or anxious, then there's a good chance that the ways you are being 'nice' need to change. In this talk, I'll show you ways you are being too nice that are not good for you, or really anyone else.
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ABOUT JULIA:
Julia Kristina, MA, is a speaker, teacher, master therapist and mental wealth coach who helps smart, highly sensitive, heart centred humans get past anxiety, stress, and self-doubt so they can have better: Better relationships, a better life and feel better about themselves.
Through her membership program, The Shift Society, she helps people identify their deep rooted thoughts and beliefs that are keeping them stuck and struggling, and then teaches them how to take charge of their minds and emotions so they can thrive in all areas of their lives.
Julia’s expertise has been featured in Inc magazine, Psych Central, Mind Body Green and numerous other publications, podcasts and television outlets. She has also given talks in front of audiences of hundreds on stages across North America. Videos on her UA-cam channel have been watched more than 15 million times and she has built a community of over 375,000 people across social media platforms. When she’s not helping her clients and students increase their emotional intelligence and mental strength, she’s out on some kind of adventure with her three children in Vancouver, Canada.
My thoughts and notes on Julia’s UA-cam video (10/04/2024),
Don’t Be So Nice - It's Not Worth It.
Number 3 is one that comes to my mind. My mom seems to bring up frequently “You need a girlfriend!” and this is a very sensitive topic for me and it stings when she does that. It isn’t like you can just easily find someone. I also know that I need to continue to work more on my own mind management and inner healing. I am growing in the relationship with myself first. I have placed a boundary to her and told her to not bring up that topic but she still does.
Here are my notes:
1. Thinking that you're being nice by ignoring your needs.
2. Thinking that not having boundaries is nice.
3. If you do have boundaries, it's not nice to also let those boundaries be continuously violated.
4. Giving people endless chances.
5. Pretending everything is okay when it's not.
6. Thinking that we need to forgive and forget immediately.
7. Not saying anything because we want to keep the peace.
* Use clean, clear and classy communication.
I would say, believe in your own super power. I will give my example. I was always told “you are too sensitive, you are way too emotional”. But the day I understood that these very aspects were my super power, I came into rhythm with my true self and now I see how respected I am by others. I am still nice with people but my aura has become different
I am very similar. I am a guy and I too have been told I’m too emotional and sensitive but it is who I am, why should I change for others? 3/4 wouldn’t change for me.
I can so totally relate to this. I was told you too sensitive many times by my mom
I realize this is gaslighting. A great job coach I had said to tell her I consider my sensitivity to be an asset
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@@CarolePletka that’s wonderful Carole!! Yes we have been misguided so much. The truth we should feel great about our unique gifts. Sensitivity and emotions are so so much in need today to help others
@@mumbaiblues2987 Thanks
This could not have showed up at a more perfect time! So glad I had subscribed
Welcome here! and I’m really glad it came at the right time.
3rd point is so tough and it's the 🔑. Recognition is everything.
I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder how I got to know about this was whenever I have an argument with anyone in my family or anyone I always beat myself up any agree with their name calling that ‘I’m a bad person’ hence I’ve struggled with people pleasing all my life I can’t resonate with anyone this reaches me to an extent of wanting to take my own life. In my country Zambia therapy is not something we’re familiar with thanks to UA-cam I wouldn’t have learned about mental health without it, Mental Health videos have really been a game changer I took a step 2 months ago to go to a mental health clinic without shame and I was helped. Right now I’m learning to understand myself even more whenever I am in a tense situation I’m no longer beating myself up because I know I’m a good person and everyday is educational for me I’ve clicked this video because I’m guilty of all the things Julia has mentioned and I have seen that I’ve been a doormat it’s high time I stood up for myself.
I let it slide when I really should’ve slid 😮💨
EXCELLENT and INFORMATIVE.
- thanks
Great video, I’m in this stage of life currently. ❤ figuring out how to be nice, but not too nice.
Really glad you’re here. Thanks for watching.
Thank you for this 🙏 you give such good advice!
Thank you. Couldn’t have heard this at a better time. x
Thank you Julia for another great video! :)
As always - you are so welcome. Thanks for your support Marek.
I think I've already been enrolled and your boot camp maybe not online here but in life in general haha funny funny thanks for all your help have a great night
Thanks for being here. So glad you found it helpful!
lying and pretending is not actually nice/kind. by doing that we're not allowing others to receive the feedback they need to improve themselves. so really it's quite selfish.
This is great stuff and excellent advice. Thanks.
First off love the style of the vid Julia.
Second I’m guilty of them all and it’s hurt me throughout my life.😢. I’m grateful for the video and have been learning the content the hard way but I’m doing better with my self respect.😃
Thanks for your help with balancing self out❤
I will be friendly to the world and allow that to be my emnity with it, letting them and the spirit in them explain my emnity to them while I am just friendly. And nice. Because I want to. So i shall be seen eternally. Inside. Very Large Smile.
U not wrong I really agree
Thank you
Apart from the excellent content, your English is so beautiful, its so pure. How would you call this (non-)accent or where do people speak like this?
I would love to know how to create boundaries with an in-law I first met 28 years ago. I was young, unhealed and unaware of boundaries back then. They have not treated me well. So now, how do I all of a sudden have boundaries with them? I do not see them often, but I believe they and their family may be covert narcissists. Would you consider a video on this topic? Thank you!
Yes no means no.
Hy please help me too whatever u saying is very true.i am right now going through this 😭😭
I was always very stressed and confused. Wanted to be like others. Wanted to be rude to others like they were to me. But I came across someone who asked me “ how many people do you think are as emotional as you are?” “How many do you know are as sensitive as you”. I said “None”. That’s when he said your being emotional or sensitive is YOUR own super power. Try believing in it and stay believing it for the next 1 month. I did it and to my surprise I developed a sense of pride in myself (not in a negative way) and I started witnessing the same people reacting to me very respectfully. Yes it did take some time but I continued feeling great about being me.
@@mumbaiblues2987 I would call that a sense of appreciation!