The family “loved “me until I finally stood up for my self and left my abusive adulterous husband after 30 years . They turned on me and spread his vile lies without question .
The family also “loved” me until I stood up for myself and ran away with our son from that sociopath. His relatives give false evidence now against me in court. After they told me in private they know their son needs mental help professional. Now - they are helping him to take my son away from me 😮
Yes Yes Yes! I am so much happier since I stoped having anything to do with them. He is thier golden child and can do no wrong I can do nothing right.Everything was always my fault.They don't care.
So true! It's like a cult of clones. My mother-in-law was the queen bee narcissist. The insanity in this family was beyond description. My spouse was the golden child and an enmeshed narcissist. 😳.
Yes my mother in law watching me softly and smiled when I was in depressed mood because of my bullying narcissist husband betrayed me scolds me beat me... I have no idea about narcissist untill watch your video. But nw I'm clear my MIL queen of narcissist mother for my husband now he followed her footsteps. like mother he also been a king of narcissist. I lost my complete physical and mental health bcz of him. Nw I'm in recovery mode of myself soon everything will be ok oneday
@@reenakensha Once early in my narcissistic marriage, I complained to my mother in law that my husband avoids intimacy. She said I should not seek intimacy as he is meditating when he appears to be sleeping.
You are so right!! Yes, my ex mother-in-law knew of her sons affairs for at least 2-3 years before he left. When me and our kids (their grandchildren) weren't at their house, my ex and his mistress would be at their house. They thought me and our kids were crazy because we should have been happy for him ( she literally said that). Imagine your mother-in-law telling her grandchildren to be happy for their dad. 1 month after he left, the kids went to drop off a mothers day gift to her and the mistress was right there where i would normally sit. No filing of a divorce yet. I've know them since I was 14 years old and called her mom and couldn't believe it. Was married for 20 years and it was a house of mirrors I found out.
They have made a life habit out of ignoring it that goes all the way to the narcissist childhood . The family could never do anything to change it so they ignored it
Went to the narc daughter in laws mother with a humble heart and willingness to help in any way I could. Her husband hid in the back room. I left with a massive “gunshot” wound to my soul. Learned real quick about this phenomenon
I presented my case to my narcissistic husband’s family and as you predicted, they took his side & made me feel even more distressed than I was already. My husband has also done a good job convincing my son that I am crazy.
Videos like this really frustrate me. I suffer from chronic health issues, and am financially dependent on my narcissistic parents as a result. If there was any way out of this situation, I would definitely take it. But sometimes there really are no options. You have to have financial resources to solve problems. You have to have financial resources to be able to get therapy. You have to have financial resources to be able to live independently.
That has nothing to do with this video. He's saying if you try to seek support for narc abuse from their family, you won't get it. And he's correct. Your situation sucks but how about remote work and living with roommates?
@@madeleinegrayson8372 Your ideas are good ones. It would be hard to find roommates who would be willing to accommodate my needs (like being quiet when I need to sleep, etc.) I tried living with roommates for a while once, and this was an issue for them.
I find some difference in this topic. when the family of my dad was told about his idea to spend money and I was against such kind of spending money bc for me it was kind of dangerous investment they told him not to becouse for them it was also his own and their own interest. but when I tried to tell them that he should have a bit more listen to my ideas (bc he does not listen of course of any ideas) then they ignored my plea :) bc that was not about their family loosing money :)
I am not concerned seeking help from a bunch of weak minded enablers, the narcissist family. I once did, but realized the family has been corrupted by manipulation, engulfed by gullibility. Thank you Danish.
What always stunned me about the narc family was how when they turned on me all I had to do was remove myself from all of them for a while and wait.. they'd always eventually turn on each other
Throughout my journey, I've learned that seeking help from a narcissistic family can be a double-edged sword. While they may offer temporary support, their self-centered nature often blinds them to the true needs and emotions of others. It's unsettling to rely on individuals who prioritize their own agenda above genuine care and understanding. Instead, I've found solace in building a support system of empathetic and compassionate individuals who truly value my well-being. Sometimes, the healthiest choice we can make is to distance ourselves from toxic influences, even if they share familial ties.
@thehotcoffeehouse6081 Ah, I must apologize for the misconception, but I assure you, my dear acquaintance, that the wit you witnessed was a product of my own clever mind. No AI intervention required. For you see, my quick thinking and sharp tongue have always been my trusty companions in this realm of banter and repartee. So fret not, my friend, for the brilliance you encounter is purely of human origin.
@@thehotcoffeehouse6081 It's my little therapy experiment, where I aim to bring a smile or offer support to anyone who needs it. It's amazing how a few kind words can brighten someone's day, including mine. So, if I can make a difference here, even in the smallest way, then it's all good. Also, I find myself acting up before lunch sometimes, too. 😆
I complained to ex’s mother about his adultery, as we had young children. I was very upset. She laughed in my face and said “well he just fancied a change, didn’t he” She would make friends with his girlfriends.
Lord I would have loved to be there “so you think it’s “that big an achievement “ for your son to be a male whore and for your grand children to be aware their father is an adulterer what morality do you possess if any?” What a b! Not sure how you tolerated her so graciously
During a horrific collapse the narc was self destructing, hallucinating, threatening, and destroying every relationship he had. I reached out to the Narc’s brother. He didn’t seem to act surprised, but said he will check on the narc the morning. The brother was a no-show and I was accused of lying, and bringing shame to his family. He acted like he was a mob boss and his 87-year-old mother was going to come and stab me with knitting needles after she poisoned me with tapioca. You are correct the narcissist’s family a cult. They exalt narcissist they created, and will defend his shitty behavior and walk away, straightening their crowns, and give everyone the finger.
I had to cut all contact with my entire disordered family. Even though my sociopathic mother abused all her children horrifically, they go along with her delusions and overlook the terrible cruel behavior. She abused them too and they allowed her to abuse their own children as well. She somehow brainwashed all of them, like a cult leader. I'm the only one who sees it, stood up to it and got away. I'm the outcast, which is fine, they are CRAZY and very dangerous. The craziest part is not her delusions but that they all go along with her delusions. This is what I just cannot wrap my brain around.
My ex was a psychopath with strong narcissistic traits as well. Her father turned out to be a narcissist. Everything Danish states was very true in my experience. Their family really is a mini-cult full of triangulation, blaming and gaslighting. When I cut off my ex, I kept the family in my life for a while for the sake of my child. Big mistake. When the narcissist father eventually showed his fangs, I cut off the entire family immediately, as well as his non-familial religious flying monkeys.
I am deeply grateful that I did not have children with the narcissist. You have put up with a lot because of that connection. You survived. Well done. I hope that you and your child are doing well.
I told my ex mother in law about some of the physical abuse I suffered at the hands of her son. SHE DID AND SAID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HELP ME. She was also afraid of his wrath. But fully backed him when I left. You are correct about being a mini cult. Sick and wrong.
Omg this happened to me too. Even though my ex’s mom was also abused by him. After a night of terror and violence she took his daughter and left me in the house with him and went to the pool! I was shocked but now I understand everything.
I felt my ex was “trapped” in roles defined for him by his family. They kept him acting inauthenticlly and did not want him growing into an authentic, empowered, married adult. Of course, this is precisely what I needed from him and I thought he’d do it. However, the sick family would not give him up and he ultimately abandoned me to join up with them. They won, however they prevented a successful marriage with someone who truly loved him and wanted his growth. As the years progressed and challenges arose in our marriage he turned to them for support & of course this was their “in” to sabotage the marriage. He ended up being married much more to them than me.
This is exactly what has happened to me, and I cut his family off, thinking that he would see, and save our marriage, instead he is now going ahead with the divorce after 38 1/2 years!! I always used to say how can you believe their lies you live with me!! Thanks to Danish I now understand, and see that it has to end!!!
My narcissistic mother in law once said to me I could “handle” her narcissistic son a little bit better (i.e. I could be a little more co-dependent, could ‘mother’ his tantrums better, submit to his dominance better, and manipulate him better to get my own needs met). Yep, I get it now, she thought I should develop some narcissistic traits too in order to suffer better thru his reign. I see it now❤
Once again you free the soul...Once again you are 100% correc..they are not individuals but all collectively a big hot dangerous mess..like a wasps nest...or a den of killer bees...all working in unison...like one mind ...they will kill you in every single way and watch you drop dead..and still meet each other for dinner that night!!..and discuss everything else under the sun...Danish Bashir!!!!!
I moved in with my controlling, narcissistic, abusive, alcoholic, drug addicted boyfriend at 18. He was living in an apartment with his mother. So it was the 3 of us. One day when he was out partying with his friends his mom sat me down at the kitchen table and told me that she regreted raising her son to become a spoiled entitled brat. She said she loved him with all her heart, and wanted to give him everything she could as a single mother since his father was never in the picture, but that now she realized that what she had done wasn't good. She said she loved having me live with them because I was friendly, polite, helped out with cooking and cleaning, and held down a job while he was unemployed and still received weekly allowance from his mother and was out with friends instead of helping with chores. She said if he ever gets physically violent with me, she asked me to promise I would leave. I agreed. A few weeks later he came home and got violent with BOTH his mother and I, she called the cops on him, and I left. I was traumatized by the whole ordeal and months later wrote my ex an email asking for an apology and he wrote an obnoxious email back laughing at me and making a mockery of my pain. I called his mother and read her the email and she said her son was an idiot and that I'm better off without him because he has a lot of issues to work out and she was totally on my side but also stood her ground that I shouldn't get back together with him for my sake and safety. She was very sad about it. She kept reiterating that I was a good person, too good for her son with the way he was acting. But she also reiterated that she still loves him and is going to try to ubdo some of the damage she did to him and their relationship by spoiling him his whole life and bringing him up without a father figure to guide him. She totally took accountability in the situation for the monster she created. She was trauma bonbed to her own son. She was happy I was able to escape and walk away free. She was sad that he lost a good woman for her son, in her words. I'm just saying that while I wouldn't count on support from a narcissist's family members, sometimes you DO get the acknowledgment in a few rare cases. But I still wouldn't count on it over all. I'll never forget the kindness you showed me, Deborah VanderGriend💖💐Thank you for seeing me and acknowledging the pain and trauma your son put me through and taking accountability for the role you played in his upbringing and I hope all is well for you now and that your son has seen the error of his ways 🙏.
DONT EVER GO BACK. EVER. AND I hate to say it but be careful about connections with his mother. Keep her love close to your heart and always revere her for her honesty, but NEVER RETURN to their realm or home. Kiss her forehead, tell her you love her, and disappear - forever. Good luck to you and congratulations on escaping.
I understand the difficulties of especially single mothers with boys. It's a failure on purpose. Glad she still takes responsability but the ultimate solution is forgiveness in Christ Jesus. 🙏
not sure there’s an ultimate solution in Jesus Christ. My childhood friend’s father got convicted for paedophilia in his later yrs. turns out he’d been ‘problematic’ for yrs. The family were Christians and didn’t do anything about his behaviour preferring to let God help him and save him from himself. That certainly didn’t help the young girls he abused.
@@seaweedeater3104 Well the problem is the FAKE Christianity for sure which is the sin of MAN. But that doesn't make Jesus Christ and the Word of the Bible untrue.
I had a situation and reached out to "the tribe" and they all had the narcs back. Now they have to nerve to ask why I dont attend family events. eff them all
You are so right. They are the biggest enablers especially his brother. He has his brother in on his smear campaign with his friends. It is exhausting and frustrating. The family is so dysfunctional.
I wanted to seek support from his mother when my grandmother died. Good thing my guts screamed "NO!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!" while my fingers wrote the message. Yes, his mom did like me, we talked a lot before our split but she's his mom, not mine. She also didn't see anything wrong about his behavior, although she always was his main victim. Yes, she wished me to replace her as his babysitter but fortunately, I didn't share that sentiment.
@@ShadowJerker-st3lj Well, he's an immature alcoholic who hates working. His mom suffers from cancer. From the very beginning, she secretly groomed me as her replacement so he would have at least one person caring about him after she dies. My sincere condolences to her, but he's not my problem anymore. Now it's up to his new supply who enables his addictions every chance she got, because she's the same as him, apparently.
Same thing in my experience. It feels so good to know I wasn’t crazy. Seeing these comments really is such validation. I am happy I found a community on UA-cam to share stories and experiences. 🙏
The family believed everything he said and I was the problem. I felt sad and alone. Then I realized they’d been enabling him thru all Of his relationships and all 7 of his marriages and so I finely realized they were gonna do the same with me. Once I realized this I felt empowered. I still morn the relationship and support I thought i Had from them but it’s taught me valuable Lessons and helped me to grow stronger.
100%correct...I never got support from his family. On the contrary they warned me and threatened me. Thank you,now I realize why they want us to separate...
I never call or talk to his family. I figured out from the start that they raised a monster and I didn't know he's a narcissist. In later years, he probably complaining about me to his mother. The mother said he should leave me. I was elated jumping of joy that finally I could get rid of him. I didn't get upset and I replied, hey, your mother is doing me a great favor. When are you leaving? I'm sure, he knows he's a big dodo in my ife. I can't believe, he went fighting with his mother badly. Honestly speaking, his mother and several of his siblings are Narcissists. There's only one that is not and this brother of him is not talking to them protecting his wife and children. The rest are all crazy. That's how disorder they are. I didn't know they're so messed up. If you see them for the first time, they look dignified and honorable but behind those deceiving faces are pathological liars and monsters. Imagine my situation. My family are living 1000 miles away. No one can protects me. I have to do it on my own but God is watching over me. Thank you God.🙏🙏🙏
My mother in law told me about her own abuse with his father and later his abuse toward her. When I tried to talk to her about his abuse and suicidal ideation. She told me he was manipulating me. When he started becoming out of control and she was around she turned on me. I had a traumatic brain injury. She basically asked me if I talked to a head doctor- like I was crazy.
I reached out to the mother, she talked and acted like she cared and understood. And that I should just act like nothing is going on or wrong. Then she didn’t and began accusing me of any and everything with her daughter, eventually taking my daughter and preventing me and my son access to my daughter.
It back fired on me. Most of my family and mother's family are on her side. No one bothered reaching out for my side of the story. Relatives I thought loved me turned cruel to me and support my narcissistic mother. I feel hurt. And betrayed. And not believed. It's so hurtful because my maternal aunts and uncles know my mother mistreated me and psychologically, emotionally abused me. Manipulated me. Used me. BTW, I have no father in the picture.) I always had abusive, emotionally distant, substance abuser stepdads.
My family did the same but without the scapegoat(me) they turned on one another. Now they throw the abuse and mistreatment they each did to me at each other. They all denied it even happened before but now it's used as ammo against one another. Oh, the irony! Same is likely to happen in your case. Narcs can't help themselves, they are compelled to steal, kill, and destroy. I still wish they would stop and mend the broken pieces but that requires one to be humble first. Not holding my breath. Maybe the next year of global turmoil will scare them straight. It's going to become very terrifying, even for me, and I know what's coming and am somewhat prepared. If only we could stop fighting over trivial BS and come together so that we may survive what is coming. If only...
She conditioned the family behind your back while you were living your life like a normal person would. She was counting on you to feel betrayed and such. It’s punishment because they are passive aggressive cowards. You thought the family would hear you out, but what really backfired here was they were played by a liar.
Omg this is so true. I spent the weekend with my husband's family without him and it was like I wasn't even away from him. It is definitely like a mini cult. They all have the same narcissistic personalities.
My narcissist father's mother, brothers & sister were NO HELP whatsoever! They believed what they wanted! Enablers is the PERFECT word to use to describe them!!!
So true I tried reaching out to my mom's friends and family for support only to be told I was overreacting to her behavior. I then realized in order to completely cut my mom of I had to cut her friends/family out of my life
The whole family was weird I couldn’t never really click with them and I was right they showed they true colors in the end. Glad I don’t have to be around those people no more
My experience with my malignant narcisisstic husbands family is exactly that. No reaction on his obvious malignancy and abuse. They watched me suffering and let me look like I am the problem. After 23 years I finally left him and all my mother in law could say was that she was happy for him being free from me and put all the smear on me. Now she suddenly died 3 days ago and I was thinking to go to her funeral. Just to show that I exist. Thanks to your video I'm clear now what to do.
Don't go. The way you show you exist is to Not show anything! Live YOUR life, and do not waste any more of your precious time on people who never cared about you. Plus, if you show up, you just encourage the gossip circus to start up anew. These people have a million flaws of their own, but to deflect from anyone noticing all their own issues, they will pull you down to inflate their fragile egos. It is far easier to make themselves look better that way than to do any actual work on themselves. You are out, so stay clear - and stay free.
Yes, when I stood up for myself the entire family came after me like wolves. The father is retired SP but could not stand up against his Narcassist wife, my mother in law. It is scary!
I had open heart surgery and the monster-in-law wanted to know what for! Afterwards, she came over and stated she didn't bring her son something to eat since I don't cook like SHE (me) does. WTF. She also complained the he now had to do everything. The bish is nuts! Several years later, she underwent open heart surgery. I did nothing for her, nor did I visit her in the Hospital/home. No reason to. That family never ever offered any assistance, not even to sit with me so he could get groceries, never offered any help when we had hard times, yet we were expected to financially help his brothers out! We did nothing for them, it's a 2 way street. We are expected to take in his older brother when the monster dies and we said not only no, but hell no! We have gone no contact for some time and life is peaceful. We don't need them and their BS.
i reached out to my golden child brother asking for help/ reassurance to the way my parents abuse me and in return he just gaslighted me and told me im the problem. He said im responsible for the way they treat me and im not worthy of basic respect.
@RuneMace Regarding what your brother tells you - YOU'RE NOT in any way responsible for the way your parents treat you - as your parents and caregivers THEY are, and obviously failing at their job💔. This is emotional abuse. Please try to find other people genuinely good at their core who can validate and support you... they're out there! :) Also, as a child of God/the universe, you are of intrinsic value and are worthy of infinite love and respect FOR WHO YOU ARE, above and beyond what you do and don't and have yet accomplished. You are absolutely unique, a breathing miracle deserving of love because you were created in the Divine's image! A big hug from a mama who understands 💓
@@reesedaniel5835 Thank you!:) I actually may be your big sister, but it may be the nicest compliment someone has ever given me.. I don't know you personally, but I know you deserve what your heart is longing for! May you get all the validation, support, respect, kindness, and LOVE you need and have a right to, from people who truly care about you❤ In the meantime, please keep taking care of your own healing and love of your self. The world needs you, the world needs us survivers of abuse who managed to overcome darkness and remain true to ourselves! I personally got tremendous help from praying, doing positive affirmations (Louisa Hay, simply wonderful!), listening to podcasts, starting to speak up about the abuse and thus ending years of silence and self-isolation, and collecting pearls of wisdom from remarkable people like Najwa Zebian and Etty Hillesum. Today I'm on my way out of the abuse🙏 Day by day, even I sometimes don't see the light at the end of my tunnel... I wish the two of us freedom to be who we are, and much happiness 🌞!! Much love dear Reese💗💗💗
Oh man. So true. I reached out to her mom to try to help resolve the slow motion car crash and after months of bizarre conversation, I realized she was a narc herself!
Thanks for this revelation. For a long time I believe this but sure found out the truce about this. Better late than never and be subjected to these family members only see their own as being always right.
The narcissist was having a medical emergency and was blaming me. I called the narcissist's mother who was aware of his alcoholism. I asked her to talk to the narcissist, her son, so I could get urgent medical treatment for the narcissist. The narcissist mother's response - she had to run errands, she said. That was the one and only time that I called on her for help.
This video is so informative. There is one person in my husband’s immediate family I can always trust, but I do not tell him anything important. Same for him, but we have a stronger bond and we both are no longer afraid to tell our narc no. Not at the same time but separately. She smeared both of us in one made up post yesterday!! Didn’t name us, but it was something he had told the narcissist no on so that is how we knew. I don’t know how he has survived 45 + years with her. He is the alienated parent. Anyway, I do not even answer my narcs family members. 2020 many of them stalked my social media. I blocked one and all their enablers went mad.
I agree Danish, the thought of contacting his family did cross my mind, I refrained from doing that... thank you for re enforcing that in this video. I have learned so much by watching your video's
When my narcissist ex discarded me, I was told by his mom and dad that they didn't want to be 'in the middle' of it. It finally dawned on me, that these were the people that trained him. These were the people that conditioned him. Even if I had their support? What would that mean? Why would that help me...? Unfortunately, they didn't bet on my silence when my kids - their grandchildren - didn't want to be in contact with them either!
I used to say that I would rather die in lin ed at a soup kitchen, than ask my mother for help !! Before I understood the narcissistic personality disorder of my mother...I thought I would see if she had changed...I didn't need the money, but I asked her for a small loan...which was denied. I said to myself then that...since she was never there for me...I would not be guilted into being her caretaker. Her flying monkey son lives with her, & I'm good with that.
I have loved and appreciated all of Danish's videos.......priceless. This one in particular has resonated with so many viewers like me. I refer to my ex mother-in-law as enabler #1, and my ex father-in-law as enabler #2. Mini cult is so accurate and apropos. They have an in bred mentality, and they all make excuses for her bad behavior. Of course, my ex learned from the best, her narcissistic mother. Wish I knew then what I know now...... Glad to have escaped with my sanity in tact.
spot on !! every word u spoke was worth gold and is for real.. To even know via this video… why this happened the way it happened.. itself is a great healer.
All that is said here still often applies in the case even when you and the narcissist share the same family- speaking from 1st hand experience with multiple narc fam members
They enabled they abused me further they were actually unaware that they are his flying monkey and enablers. They wanted me to break up with him as well. They warned me how dangerous he is, but they still loved him and supported him, and were his flying monkey’s but also my narc used me to make a better relationship with his family.
They do help with money but you feel some resistance in them which gives you a feeling of a failure or guilt. Always hard to ask for help when there is no trust in that relationship
If you encounter a problem, your narcissistic family will be an additional one by worsening everything. Take care of yourself and, if needed, search help elsewhere.
I was the perfect person in the family. Until I stood up against the narcissist. Then they all turned against me. They made me culprit and the narcissist as victim when i asked narcissist's family for help.
My narcissist’s parents gave me advice. Her step dad said, “dont tell her anything, she will use anything she knows about you to hurt you.” They admitted she had been a bully in high school and they tried getting her help with a counselor. They then said we thought shed outgrow this but she is in her 30’s, it is obvious she will never out grow this behavior. They were kind but in the end that was all the help I got from them. Nothing but words.
His mom loved me and claimed her son was a liar, verbally abusive, and not good enough for me until I stood up for myself and left him. Now she blames "alcoholism" for why he is the way he is. Never mind that he told most of his lies and was just as verbally abusive when he was sober. Her poor baby is just misunderstood.
You nailed it. Friends and family were enablers, except for the scapegoat child who was supportive, as this person understood (thankgod). Yes, some of the family members treated me in very similar ways to the narcissist, including - stonewalling, telling us to break up, trying to dominate, deliberate exclusion, attempting to give orders, absolute neglect at times of highest need, passive aggressive b.s, selfishness and cruelty. This video was so good, so validating, thankyou!! It's handy to remember them as a cult, thanks.
Loved this video 😊 I have a dilemma…my mother is a narcissist towards me but treats my siblings and bro-in-law as royalty! So I know that I can’t step to any of them to allay my concerns as I don’t believe they would support me 😢
Narcissistic sociopath ex was enmeshed with his mother. After break up, he refused to give me backy property for months unless we met in person. I texted his mother and told her I was getting married, had zero interest in meeting her son, and her son wouldn't let go of me. Told her if he didn't give back my stuff, the police was my next option 😂😂. She had no choice but to arrange for her little bastard to return my stuff ASAP
I called on a male narcissistic friend of 30 years (last 10 supporting him thinking I could help ease his victim hood) to help me move one day and he later mentioned it to his son and the son said "why are you helping, why are you bothering?" His narc dad mentioned this apathy to me since he was left surprised and felt the need to justifying it to his enabler son. I have since ditch the hole lot of that toxic selfish family and blocked them.
Wish I would've known this in 2020. I emailed his whole family and was told he was a god and does no wrong. His brother even covered up his cheating. He moved home and now they say 'why should we care what he did in New York?' Even after seeing photos of my black eyes and bruised neck.
Time is on your side. Maybe sometime in the future you'll encounter some good people who'll remind that sick fuck hat he did to you. Of course not in a polite manner.
I feel this. My older brother was abusive to me even as a child and my mother allowed it. Boys will be boys blah blah…fast forward 40 yrs. I told my parents that my brother displays many of the characteristics of a narcissist. My father was surprised and confused. My mother was angry and resentful that I called it out.
Nice video sir 👍 My narcissistic husband is same as u said. my mother in law initially supported me,later my husband changed her by threatening and manipulating her, now mother in law is also supporting him. My husbands parents r afraid of him and doing what ever he is saying, without opposing him.
I finally got up the nerve to tell my narc husband I was leaving. His step-mother promised me she would be on my side. That lasted about a minute. She was backstabbing me and telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing so fast it would make your head spin. I thought she was my friend., Narcissists have no friends.
When the first traumatic breakup happened I sat there trying to leave. I didn't know anything about narcissism beyond what I had read in passing. She reached out to my mother apologizing for it not working out with me. The woman who cheated on me the week of my father's death. I didn't know so I saw it as remorseful and genuine. The excuses piled onto the back of a man grieving. You asked to share experiences of reaching out to the person's family and where it got you. I was never that way, usually when something ends I've been privy to mutual understanding of the end. So it was new to me and when I reached out I was greeted with many people telling me to run away as fast as possible. Telling me I'm a good man and they know I love her but I can't save her. I didn't listen to a single word. You know who I did listen to? The flying monkeys who came out and told me not to give up. She is worth it, she just never had a real love, all the men damaged her and she tried to be a mom with 4 kids by 4 men. That is what I heard and chose to accept. Not the family members who didn't hunt me down. The ones who had their lives together, the ones who were walking the walk and talking the talk of day to day healthy life. I don't reach out anymore because it isn't healthy. Whatever happens in their lives is none of my concern anymore. That there is where the problem began in the first place. Giving yourself freely without giving to yourself first.
The family “loved “me until I finally stood up for my self and left my abusive adulterous husband after 30 years . They turned on me and spread his vile lies without question .
The family also “loved” me until I stood up for myself and ran away with our son from that sociopath.
His relatives give false evidence now against me in court.
After they told me in private they know their son needs mental help professional.
Now - they are helping him to take my son away from me 😮
Me too … 30 years too… I reached out when he strangled me… they didn’t believe me and enabled his abuse
Yes Yes Yes! I am so much happier since I stoped having anything to do with them. He is thier golden child and can do no wrong I can do nothing right.Everything was always my fault.They don't care.
Going through this right now!
@@MissHollliday😢
Once you walk out, you need to realize that the abuser and their whole family is your enemies. Stay out of them.
"chaos doesn't exist in isolation, there has to be a source"
So true! It's like a cult of clones. My mother-in-law was the queen bee narcissist. The insanity in this family was beyond description. My spouse was the golden child and an enmeshed narcissist. 😳.
Queen 🐝 yup, you got that right.
Pls advice, what were their first second and so on actions after you requested their help/assistance
Yes my mother in law watching me softly and smiled when I was in depressed mood because of my bullying narcissist husband betrayed me scolds me beat me... I have no idea about narcissist untill watch your video. But nw I'm clear my MIL queen of narcissist mother for my husband now he followed her footsteps. like mother he also been a king of narcissist. I lost my complete physical and mental health bcz of him. Nw I'm in recovery mode of myself soon everything will be ok oneday
@@reenakensha Once early in my narcissistic marriage, I complained to my mother in law that my husband avoids intimacy. She said I should not seek intimacy as he is meditating when he appears to be sleeping.
You are so right!!
Yes, my ex mother-in-law knew of her sons affairs for at least 2-3 years before he left. When me and our kids (their grandchildren) weren't at their house, my ex and his mistress would be at their house.
They thought me and our kids were crazy because we should have been happy for him ( she literally said that).
Imagine your mother-in-law telling her grandchildren to be happy for their dad. 1 month after he left, the kids went to drop off a mothers day gift to her and the mistress was right there where i would normally sit. No filing of a divorce yet.
I've know them since I was 14 years old and called her mom and couldn't believe it.
Was married for 20 years and it was a house of mirrors I found out.
They know the narcissist is making them look bad, and they don’t want to deal with it.
Super cool!
They have made a life habit out of ignoring it that goes all the way to the narcissist childhood . The family could never do anything to change it so they ignored it
Yup. They don't want to admit they created the monster.
Lesson learned the hard way. After 20 years they're still blind. Enablers.
This is true. Never seek help from the narcisistic family. You will regret it.
I didn't knew, I was made feel that they are with me, support me ... I trusted their words. Their actions were exactly opposite to their words
Went to the narc daughter in laws mother with a humble heart and willingness to help in any way I could. Her husband hid in the back room. I left with a massive “gunshot” wound to my soul. Learned real quick about this phenomenon
They most definitely will not help in any way, shape, or form. They will make you feel worse !!
Honestly this is an important message and please listen to this man to save your mind and heart.
My in-laws have always made me feel like an outsider. They are so cult-like, its disgusting.
I presented my case to my narcissistic husband’s family and as you predicted, they took his side & made me feel even more distressed than I was already. My husband has also done a good job convincing my son that I am crazy.
My daughter and her narssiccist husband tried to do the same with me .. they wanted to brand me MAD....but God was kind I was saved.
I personally give 10 stars for this video , I have experienced something like this with bitter regrets ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐🌟
Videos like this really frustrate me. I suffer from chronic health issues, and am financially dependent on my narcissistic parents as a result. If there was any way out of this situation, I would definitely take it. But sometimes there really are no options. You have to have financial resources to solve problems. You have to have financial resources to be able to get therapy. You have to have financial resources to be able to live independently.
That has nothing to do with this video. He's saying if you try to seek support for narc abuse from their family, you won't get it. And he's correct.
Your situation sucks but how about remote work and living with roommates?
@@madeleinegrayson8372 Your ideas are good ones. It would be hard to find roommates who would be willing to accommodate my needs (like being quiet when I need to sleep, etc.) I tried living with roommates for a while once, and this was an issue for them.
Absolutely true. They’re not going to help you and blame you for everything.
I find some difference in this topic. when the family of my dad was told about his idea to spend money and I was against such kind of spending money bc for me it was kind of dangerous investment they told him not to becouse for them it was also his own and their own interest. but when I tried to tell them that he should have a bit more listen to my ideas (bc he does not listen of course of any ideas) then they ignored my plea :) bc that was not about their family loosing money :)
This is so true. Cult familly so well explained!
Someone said, 'They love -- that you love them'. They don't love you. 🤓
💯
I asked my niece to try and help me with my narcissistic brother. I hit a blank wall each time as she defended her father each and every time.
I am not concerned seeking help from a bunch of weak minded enablers, the narcissist family. I once did, but realized the family has been corrupted by manipulation, engulfed by gullibility. Thank you Danish.
What always stunned me about the narc family was how when they turned on me all I had to do was remove myself from all of them for a while and wait.. they'd always eventually turn on each other
Throughout my journey, I've learned that seeking help from a narcissistic family can be a double-edged sword. While they may offer temporary support, their self-centered nature often blinds them to the true needs and emotions of others. It's unsettling to rely on individuals who prioritize their own agenda above genuine care and understanding. Instead, I've found solace in building a support system of empathetic and compassionate individuals who truly value my well-being. Sometimes, the healthiest choice we can make is to distance ourselves from toxic influences, even if they share familial ties.
Did chatgpt write that??
@thehotcoffeehouse6081 Ah, I must apologize for the misconception, but I assure you, my dear acquaintance, that the wit you witnessed was a product of my own clever mind. No AI intervention required. For you see, my quick thinking and sharp tongue have always been my trusty companions in this realm of banter and repartee. So fret not, my friend, for the brilliance you encounter is purely of human origin.
@@JamesNGames I need to encounter it before lunch, apparently.
@@thehotcoffeehouse6081 It's my little therapy experiment, where I aim to bring a smile or offer support to anyone who needs it. It's amazing how a few kind words can brighten someone's day, including mine. So, if I can make a difference here, even in the smallest way, then it's all good.
Also, I find myself acting up before lunch sometimes, too. 😆
@@JamesNGames Have a good day James and God bless your whole life 😊🤍🙏🌿
I complained to ex’s mother about his adultery, as we had young children.
I was very upset.
She laughed in my face and said “well he just fancied a change, didn’t he”
She would make friends with his girlfriends.
Yes they are already friends with the girlfriends 😮
Yep ! His mother thought his cheating was a big freakin joke!
@@christineanne7834 these people are evil and enjoy when they see people are affected by their cruelty!
😣
Lord I would have loved to be there “so you think it’s “that big an achievement “ for your son to be a male whore and for your grand children to be aware their father is an adulterer what morality do you possess if any?”
What a b! Not sure how you tolerated her so graciously
Sadists!
During a horrific collapse the narc was self destructing, hallucinating, threatening, and destroying every relationship he had. I reached out to the Narc’s brother. He didn’t seem to act surprised, but said he will check on the narc the morning. The brother was a no-show and I was accused of lying, and bringing shame to his family. He acted like he was a mob boss and his 87-year-old mother was going to come and stab me with knitting needles after she poisoned me with tapioca. You are correct the narcissist’s family a cult. They exalt narcissist they created, and will defend his shitty behavior and walk away, straightening their crowns, and give everyone the finger.
I realized that when the family did not "take sides" or remained "neutral" they were, actually, supporting the narcissist.
I had to cut all contact with my entire disordered family. Even though my sociopathic mother abused all her children horrifically, they go along with her delusions and overlook the terrible cruel behavior. She abused them too and they allowed her to abuse their own children as well. She somehow brainwashed all of them, like a cult leader. I'm the only one who sees it, stood up to it and got away. I'm the outcast, which is fine, they are CRAZY and very dangerous. The craziest part is not her delusions but that they all go along with her delusions. This is what I just cannot wrap my brain around.
My ex was a psychopath with strong narcissistic traits as well. Her father turned out to be a narcissist. Everything Danish states was very true in my experience. Their family really is a mini-cult full of triangulation, blaming and gaslighting. When I cut off my ex, I kept the family in my life for a while for the sake of my child. Big mistake. When the narcissist father eventually showed his fangs, I cut off the entire family immediately, as well as his non-familial religious flying monkeys.
Very wise move, congrats!
Same exact story. #NARCCULTFAMILY #feignedreligion
@@warriormom5843 Amazing. It’s like these malignant clowns all operate off the same script.
I am deeply grateful that I did not have children with the narcissist. You have put up with a lot because of that connection. You survived. Well done. I hope that you and your child are doing well.
@@malibu90265❤ thanks you ❤
And yeahhhh you HAVE to be grateful... Thanks God for your case cause Its too painful
They will help you in ways you don't want to be helped. Guarantee
I have gone through the same situation and trust me this man is absolutely right.
I have never regretted going no contact with my narc ex spouse & his parents and this video confirmed I was right.
I told my ex mother in law about some of the physical abuse I suffered at the hands of her son. SHE DID AND SAID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HELP ME. She was also afraid of his wrath. But fully backed him when I left. You are correct about being a mini cult. Sick and wrong.
Omg this happened to me too. Even though my ex’s mom was also abused by him. After a night of terror and violence she took his daughter and left me in the house with him and went to the pool! I was shocked but now I understand everything.
I felt my ex was “trapped” in roles defined for him by his family. They kept him acting inauthenticlly and did not want him growing into an authentic, empowered, married adult. Of course, this is precisely what I needed from him and I thought he’d do it. However, the sick family would not give him up and he ultimately abandoned me to join up with them. They won, however they prevented a successful marriage with someone who truly loved him and wanted his growth. As the years progressed and challenges arose in our marriage he turned to them for support & of course this was their “in” to sabotage the marriage. He ended up being married much more to them than me.
I empathise. I have a similar experience. It was soo frustrating, maddening, and sickening to watch.
This is exactly what has happened to me, and I cut his family off, thinking that he would see, and save our marriage, instead he is now going ahead with the divorce after 38 1/2 years!! I always used to say how can you believe their lies you live with me!! Thanks to Danish I now understand, and see that it has to end!!!
Same exact thing. My ex was basically married to his mother. I truly felt like the other woman it was so cringey and weird. So happy I broke free.
My narcissistic mother in law once said to me I could “handle” her narcissistic son a little bit better (i.e. I could be a little more co-dependent, could ‘mother’ his tantrums better, submit to his dominance better, and manipulate him better to get my own needs met). Yep, I get it now, she thought I should develop some narcissistic traits too in order to suffer better thru his reign. I see it now❤
I made this mistake, and now I am here to tell you: run far away from all of them.
Once again you free the soul...Once again you are 100% correc..they are not individuals but all collectively a big hot dangerous mess..like a wasps nest...or a den of killer bees...all working in unison...like one mind ...they will kill you in every single way and watch you drop dead..and still meet each other for dinner that night!!..and discuss everything else under the sun...Danish Bashir!!!!!
I can't even seek help from my own family.
I have made this mistake ...
Lessons learned
I moved in with my controlling, narcissistic, abusive, alcoholic, drug addicted boyfriend at 18. He was living in an apartment with his mother. So it was the 3 of us.
One day when he was out partying with his friends his mom sat me down at the kitchen table and told me that she regreted raising her son to become a spoiled entitled brat. She said she loved him with all her heart, and wanted to give him everything she could as a single mother since his father was never in the picture, but that now she realized that what she had done wasn't good. She said she loved having me live with them because I was friendly, polite, helped out with cooking and cleaning, and held down a job while he was unemployed and still received weekly allowance from his mother and was out with friends instead of helping with chores.
She said if he ever gets physically violent with me, she asked me to promise I would leave. I agreed. A few weeks later he came home and got violent with BOTH his mother and I, she called the cops on him, and I left.
I was traumatized by the whole ordeal and months later wrote my ex an email asking for an apology and he wrote an obnoxious email back laughing at me and making a mockery of my pain.
I called his mother and read her the email and she said her son was an idiot and that I'm better off without him because he has a lot of issues to work out and she was totally on my side but also stood her ground that I shouldn't get back together with him for my sake and safety. She was very sad about it. She kept reiterating that I was a good person, too good for her son with the way he was acting. But she also reiterated that she still loves him and is going to try to ubdo some of the damage she did to him and their relationship by spoiling him his whole life and bringing him up without a father figure to guide him.
She totally took accountability in the situation for the monster she created. She was trauma bonbed to her own son. She was happy I was able to escape and walk away free. She was sad that he lost a good woman for her son, in her words.
I'm just saying that while I wouldn't count on support from a narcissist's family members, sometimes you DO get the acknowledgment in a few rare cases. But I still wouldn't count on it over all.
I'll never forget the kindness you showed me, Deborah VanderGriend💖💐Thank you for seeing me and acknowledging the pain and trauma your son put me through and taking accountability for the role you played in his upbringing and I hope all is well for you now and that your son has seen the error of his ways 🙏.
DONT EVER GO BACK. EVER.
AND I hate to say it but be careful about connections with his mother. Keep her love close to your heart and always revere her for her honesty, but NEVER RETURN to their realm or home. Kiss her forehead, tell her you love her, and disappear - forever. Good luck to you and congratulations on escaping.
I understand the difficulties of especially single mothers with boys. It's a failure on purpose. Glad she still takes responsability but the ultimate solution is forgiveness in Christ Jesus. 🙏
not sure there’s an ultimate solution in Jesus Christ.
My childhood friend’s father got convicted for paedophilia in his later yrs. turns out he’d been ‘problematic’ for yrs. The family were Christians and didn’t do anything about his behaviour preferring to let God help him and save him from himself. That certainly didn’t help the young girls he abused.
@@seaweedeater3104 Well the problem is the FAKE Christianity for sure which is the sin of MAN. But that doesn't make Jesus Christ and the Word of the Bible untrue.
@@seaweedeater3104 amen 🎯 glad someone besides me said it 💯
I had a situation and reached out to "the tribe" and they all had the narcs back. Now they have to nerve to ask why I dont attend family events. eff them all
I luv this energy of urs.
You are so right. They are the biggest enablers especially his brother. He has his brother in on his smear campaign with his friends. It is exhausting and frustrating. The family is so dysfunctional.
I wanted to seek support from his mother when my grandmother died. Good thing my guts screamed "NO!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!" while my fingers wrote the message.
Yes, his mom did like me, we talked a lot before our split but she's his mom, not mine. She also didn't see anything wrong about his behavior, although she always was his main victim. Yes, she wished me to replace her as his babysitter but fortunately, I didn't share that sentiment.
Sounds better than my exes mother. She was obsessed and wants her baby back, she got him.
@@ShadowJerker-st3lj Well, he's an immature alcoholic who hates working. His mom suffers from cancer. From the very beginning, she secretly groomed me as her replacement so he would have at least one person caring about him after she dies. My sincere condolences to her, but he's not my problem anymore. Now it's up to his new supply who enables his addictions every chance she got, because she's the same as him, apparently.
Same thing in my experience. It feels so good to know I wasn’t crazy. Seeing these comments really is such validation. I am happy I found a community on UA-cam to share stories and experiences. 🙏
Thank you Danish, everything you said is true, Im in a narcisssist relationship and crying for help....I cant seem to get out.
I'm in same situation
The family believed everything he said and I was the problem. I felt sad and alone. Then I realized they’d been enabling him thru all
Of his relationships and all 7 of his marriages and so I finely realized they were gonna do the same with me. Once I realized this I felt empowered. I still morn the relationship and support I thought i
Had from them but it’s taught me valuable
Lessons and helped me to grow stronger.
100%correct...I never got support from his family. On the contrary they warned me and threatened me. Thank you,now I realize why they want us to separate...
I never call or talk to his family. I figured out from the start that they raised a monster and I didn't know he's a narcissist. In later years, he probably complaining about me to his mother. The mother said he should leave me. I was elated jumping of joy that finally I could get rid of him. I didn't get upset and I replied, hey, your mother is doing me a great favor. When are you leaving? I'm sure, he knows he's a big dodo in my ife. I can't believe, he went fighting with his mother badly. Honestly speaking, his mother and several of his siblings are Narcissists. There's only one that is not and this brother of him is not talking to them protecting his wife and children. The rest are all crazy. That's how disorder they are. I didn't know they're so messed up. If you see them for the first time, they look dignified and honorable but behind those deceiving faces are pathological liars and monsters. Imagine my situation. My family are living 1000 miles away. No one can protects me. I have to do it on my own but God is watching over me. Thank you God.🙏🙏🙏
My mother in law told me about her own abuse with his father and later his abuse toward her.
When I tried to talk to her about his abuse and suicidal ideation. She told me he was manipulating me.
When he started becoming out of control and she was around she turned on me. I had a traumatic brain injury. She basically asked me if I talked to a head doctor- like I was crazy.
Similar experience. Somehow it was perfectly ok when it was happening to me by her son. Totally dehumanizing experience.
I reached out to the mother, she talked and acted like she cared and understood. And that I should just act like nothing is going on or wrong. Then she didn’t and began accusing me of any and everything with her daughter, eventually taking my daughter and preventing me and my son access to my daughter.
It back fired on me. Most of my family and mother's family are on her side. No one bothered reaching out for my side of the story. Relatives I thought loved me turned cruel to me and support my narcissistic mother. I feel hurt. And betrayed. And not believed. It's so hurtful because my maternal aunts and uncles know my mother mistreated me and psychologically, emotionally abused me. Manipulated me. Used me. BTW, I have no father in the picture.) I always had abusive, emotionally distant, substance abuser stepdads.
My family did the same but without the scapegoat(me) they turned on one another. Now they throw the abuse and mistreatment they each did to me at each other. They all denied it even happened before but now it's used as ammo against one another. Oh, the irony! Same is likely to happen in your case. Narcs can't help themselves, they are compelled to steal, kill, and destroy.
I still wish they would stop and mend the broken pieces but that requires one to be humble first. Not holding my breath. Maybe the next year of global turmoil will scare them straight. It's going to become very terrifying, even for me, and I know what's coming and am somewhat prepared. If only we could stop fighting over trivial BS and come together so that we may survive what is coming. If only...
She conditioned the family behind your back while you were living your life like a normal person would. She was counting on you to feel betrayed and such. It’s punishment because they are passive aggressive cowards. You thought the family would hear you out, but what really backfired here was they were played by a liar.
Omg this is so true. I spent the weekend with my husband's family without him and it was like I wasn't even away from him. It is definitely like a mini cult. They all have the same narcissistic personalities.
My narcissist father's mother, brothers & sister were NO HELP whatsoever! They believed what they wanted! Enablers is the PERFECT word to use to describe them!!!
So true I tried reaching out to my mom's friends and family for support only to be told I was overreacting to her behavior. I then realized in order to completely cut my mom of I had to cut her friends/family out of my life
The whole family was weird I couldn’t never really click with them and I was right they showed they true colors in the end. Glad I don’t have to be around those people no more
My experience with my malignant narcisisstic husbands family is exactly that. No reaction on his obvious malignancy and abuse. They watched me suffering and let me look like I am the problem. After 23 years I finally left him and all my mother in law could say was that she was happy for him being free from me and put all the smear on me. Now she suddenly died 3 days ago and I was thinking to go to her funeral. Just to show that I exist. Thanks to your video I'm clear now what to do.
Don't go. The way you show you exist is to Not show anything! Live YOUR life, and do not waste any more of your precious time on people who never cared about you. Plus, if you show up, you just encourage the gossip circus to start up anew. These people have a million flaws of their own, but to deflect from anyone noticing all their own issues, they will pull you down to inflate their fragile egos. It is far easier to make themselves look better that way than to do any actual work on themselves. You are out, so stay clear - and stay free.
Exactly this happened to me and the stress caused me to be hospitalised.
Yes, when I stood up for myself the entire family came after me like wolves. The father is retired SP but could not stand up against his Narcassist wife, my mother in law. It is scary!
This is why I want to protect my son from his dad, I don't want him to mistreat people.
I had open heart surgery and the monster-in-law wanted to know what for! Afterwards, she came over and stated she didn't bring her son something to eat since I don't cook like SHE (me) does. WTF. She also complained the he now had to do everything. The bish is nuts! Several years later, she underwent open heart surgery. I did nothing for her, nor did I visit her in the Hospital/home. No reason to. That family never ever offered any assistance, not even to sit with me so he could get groceries, never offered any help when we had hard times, yet we were expected to financially help his brothers out! We did nothing for them, it's a 2 way street. We are expected to take in his older brother when the monster dies and we said not only no, but hell no! We have gone no contact for some time and life is peaceful. We don't need them and their BS.
An essential rule to understand and even to understand early in life!
i reached out to my golden child brother asking for help/ reassurance to the way my parents abuse me and in return he just gaslighted me and told me im the problem. He said im responsible for the way they treat me and im not worthy of basic respect.
@RuneMace Regarding what your brother tells you - YOU'RE NOT in any way responsible for the way your parents treat you - as your parents and caregivers THEY are, and obviously failing at their job💔. This is emotional abuse. Please try to find other people genuinely good at their core who can validate and support you... they're out there! :)
Also, as a child of God/the universe, you are of intrinsic value and are worthy of infinite love and respect FOR WHO YOU ARE, above and beyond what you do and don't and have yet accomplished. You are absolutely unique, a breathing miracle deserving of love because you were created in the Divine's image!
A big hug from a mama who understands 💓
@@Titpomderen8 thank you :)
@@RuneMace You're very welcome! I'm glad if I've helped put a smile on your face.. You deserve to smile each and every day!!🦋🌻🎈
@@Titpomderen8 Oh, how I wish you were my mama....🥲
@@reesedaniel5835 Thank you!:) I actually may be your big sister, but it may be the nicest compliment someone has ever given me.. I don't know you personally, but I know you deserve what your heart is longing for! May you get all the validation, support, respect, kindness, and LOVE you need and have a right to, from people who truly care about you❤ In the meantime, please keep taking care of your own healing and love of your self. The world needs you, the world needs us survivers of abuse who managed to overcome darkness and remain true to ourselves!
I personally got tremendous help from praying, doing positive affirmations (Louisa Hay, simply wonderful!), listening to podcasts, starting to speak up about the abuse and thus ending years of silence and self-isolation, and collecting pearls of wisdom from remarkable people like Najwa Zebian and Etty Hillesum. Today I'm on my way out of the abuse🙏 Day by day, even I sometimes don't see the light at the end of my tunnel... I wish the two of us freedom to be who we are, and much happiness 🌞!!
Much love dear Reese💗💗💗
Oh man. So true. I reached out to her mom to try to help resolve the slow motion car crash and after months of bizarre conversation, I realized she was a narc herself!
Thanks for this revelation. For a long time I believe this but sure found out the truce about this. Better late than never and be subjected to these family members only see their own as being always right.
The narcissist was having a medical emergency and was blaming me. I called the narcissist's mother who was aware of his alcoholism. I asked her to talk to the narcissist, her son, so I could get urgent medical treatment for the narcissist. The narcissist mother's response - she had to run errands, she said. That was the one and only time that I called on her for help.
This video is so informative. There is one person in my husband’s immediate family I can always trust, but I do not tell him anything important. Same for him, but we have a stronger bond and we both are no longer afraid to tell our narc no. Not at the same time but separately. She smeared both of us in one made up post yesterday!! Didn’t name us, but it was something he had told the narcissist no on so that is how we knew. I don’t know how he has survived 45 + years with her. He is the alienated parent. Anyway, I do not even answer my narcs family members. 2020 many of them stalked my social media. I blocked one and all their enablers went mad.
I agree Danish, the thought of contacting his family did cross my mind, I refrained from doing that... thank you for re enforcing that in this video.
I have learned so much by watching your video's
I was the scapegoat.
You are amazing thank you for these videos!!! Wow what ur saying is exactly what happened to me!!
When my narcissist ex discarded me, I was told by his mom and dad that they didn't want to be 'in the middle' of it. It finally dawned on me, that these were the people that trained him. These were the people that conditioned him. Even if I had their support? What would that mean? Why would that help me...? Unfortunately, they didn't bet on my silence when my kids - their grandchildren - didn't want to be in contact with them either!
I used to say that I would rather die in lin ed at a soup kitchen, than ask my mother for help !! Before I understood the narcissistic personality disorder of my mother...I thought I would see if she had changed...I didn't need the money, but I asked her for a small loan...which was denied. I said to myself then that...since she was never there for me...I would not be guilted into being her caretaker. Her flying monkey son lives with her, & I'm good with that.
I have loved and appreciated all of Danish's videos.......priceless. This one in particular has resonated with so many viewers like me. I refer to my ex mother-in-law as enabler #1, and my ex father-in-law as enabler #2. Mini cult is so accurate and apropos. They have an in bred mentality, and they all make excuses for her bad behavior. Of course, my ex learned from the best, her narcissistic mother. Wish I knew then what I know now......
Glad to have escaped with my sanity in tact.
spot on !! every word u spoke was worth gold and is for real..
To even know via this video… why this happened the way it happened.. itself is a great healer.
All that is said here still often applies in the case even when you and the narcissist share the same family- speaking from 1st hand experience with multiple narc fam members
So true.
I never tried to get support from them, as they spent their days trying to dig up dirt on me, and smear my name,and trying to steal from me 😏🚩🏃♀️
Very well said,Danish!
It happened to me ...clearly!
They enabled they abused me further they were actually unaware that they are his flying monkey and enablers. They wanted me to break up with him as well. They warned me how dangerous he is, but they still loved him and supported him, and were his flying monkey’s but also my narc used me to make a better relationship with his family.
They do help with money but you feel some resistance in them which gives you a feeling of a failure or guilt. Always hard to ask for help when there is no trust in that relationship
If you encounter a problem, your narcissistic family will be an additional one by worsening everything. Take care of yourself and, if needed, search help elsewhere.
Any contact with them almost always leaves me with some kind of loss, financial and emotional.
I was the perfect person in the family. Until I stood up against the narcissist. Then they all turned against me. They made me culprit and the narcissist as victim when i asked narcissist's family for help.
I experienced this. Every word here is true. Please listen.
My narcissist’s parents gave me advice. Her step dad said, “dont tell her anything, she will use anything she knows about you to hurt you.” They admitted she had been a bully in high school and they tried getting her help with a counselor. They then said we thought shed outgrow this but she is in her 30’s, it is obvious she will never out grow this behavior. They were kind but in the end that was all the help I got from them. Nothing but words.
What else would you expect them to do?
@@NDnf84 some help would have been nice, but thats not what narcs parents do. He is right don’t expect much from the narcs family.
His mom loved me and claimed her son was a liar, verbally abusive, and not good enough for me until I stood up for myself and left him. Now she blames "alcoholism" for why he is the way he is. Never mind that he told most of his lies and was just as verbally abusive when he was sober. Her poor baby is just misunderstood.
In the end he actually admitted to me that he did it because he got away with it. I said "I hate you and will never forgive you for this."
You nailed it. Friends and family were enablers, except for the scapegoat child who was supportive, as this person understood (thankgod).
Yes, some of the family members treated me in very similar ways to the narcissist, including - stonewalling, telling us to break up, trying to dominate, deliberate exclusion, attempting to give orders, absolute neglect at times of highest need, passive aggressive b.s, selfishness and cruelty. This video was so good, so validating, thankyou!! It's handy to remember them as a cult, thanks.
Mine was the Overt type. He was perfect. Never said a negative word. Happy all the time Very helpful. Except at home behind doors
They do that so you will look crazy when you attempt to expose them.
Agreed. 💯❤
That was the mistake I did for years, I had no I idea what I was dealing with you !!
Loved this video 😊
I have a dilemma…my mother is a narcissist towards me but treats my siblings and bro-in-law as royalty! So I know that I can’t step to any of them to allay my concerns as I don’t believe they would support me 😢
Narcissistic sociopath ex was enmeshed with his mother. After break up, he refused to give me backy property for months unless we met in person. I texted his mother and told her I was getting married, had zero interest in meeting her son, and her son wouldn't let go of me. Told her if he didn't give back my stuff, the police was my next option 😂😂. She had no choice but to arrange for her little bastard to return my stuff ASAP
Never say anything bad about the narcissist except to these videos😊
Its so true.. narcissist family is a pack of wolves ,waiting to tear you apart..
Yup, even when the Narcissist family is YOUR family
I thank Jesus for you my friend. Your Chanel has helped me so much...God bless you!
I called on a male narcissistic friend of 30 years (last 10 supporting him thinking I could help ease his victim hood) to help me move one day and he later mentioned it to his son and the son said "why are you helping, why are you bothering?" His narc dad mentioned this apathy to me since he was left surprised and felt the need to justifying it to his enabler son. I have since ditch the hole lot of that toxic selfish family and blocked them.
Thanks beta .... I am a 72 years old woman living in india. I have suffered all this.
Wish I would've known this in 2020. I emailed his whole family and was told he was a god and does no wrong. His brother even covered up his cheating. He moved home and now they say 'why should we care what he did in New York?' Even after seeing photos of my black eyes and bruised neck.
Time is on your side. Maybe sometime in the future you'll encounter some good people who'll remind that sick fuck hat he did to you. Of course not in a polite manner.
@xyrius I have love for you for taking the time to write this. It means a lot. Thank you. ❤️
Thank you for such right knowledge for foolish like me.
I feel this.
My older brother was abusive to me even as a child and my mother allowed it. Boys will be boys blah blah…fast forward 40 yrs. I told my parents that my brother displays many of the characteristics of a narcissist. My father was surprised and confused. My mother was angry and resentful that I called it out.
Nice video sir 👍
My narcissistic husband is same as u said.
my mother in law initially supported me,later my husband changed her by threatening and manipulating her, now mother in law is also supporting him.
My husbands parents r afraid of him and doing what ever he is saying, without opposing him.
I finally got up the nerve to tell my narc husband I was leaving. His step-mother promised me she would be on my side. That lasted about a minute. She was backstabbing me and telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing so fast it would make your head spin. I thought she was my friend., Narcissists have no friends.
I don’t miss any of them❤ So praise God❤
Chaos cannot exiT in isolation,the greatest thing i have heard in a long time,😊😊😊
When the first traumatic breakup happened I sat there trying to leave. I didn't know anything about narcissism beyond what I had read in passing. She reached out to my mother apologizing for it not working out with me. The woman who cheated on me the week of my father's death. I didn't know so I saw it as remorseful and genuine. The excuses piled onto the back of a man grieving.
You asked to share experiences of reaching out to the person's family and where it got you. I was never that way, usually when something ends I've been privy to mutual understanding of the end. So it was new to me and when I reached out I was greeted with many people telling me to run away as fast as possible. Telling me I'm a good man and they know I love her but I can't save her.
I didn't listen to a single word. You know who I did listen to? The flying monkeys who came out and told me not to give up. She is worth it, she just never had a real love, all the men damaged her and she tried to be a mom with 4 kids by 4 men. That is what I heard and chose to accept. Not the family members who didn't hunt me down. The ones who had their lives together, the ones who were walking the walk and talking the talk of day to day healthy life.
I don't reach out anymore because it isn't healthy. Whatever happens in their lives is none of my concern anymore. That there is where the problem began in the first place. Giving yourself freely without giving to yourself first.