THE DEVEILISH TACTICS TOXIC FAMILY BULLIES USE TO HURT YOU
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
- No one wants to believe they have a toxic family and are being bullied by them.
But when family members team up against another family member to accomplish a united goal, psychotherapists call that coalitions and alliances.
Coalitions and alliances are "family agreements" that can feel like a "family agreement" to bully and intimidate you.
Family bullying is toxic, dark, evil, and sinnester within dysfunctional families.
Sadly, in some situations it isn't easy to put a stop to family coalitions and alliance but you can certainly learn to identify this "perverse triangle" and family coalition.
In this video, I discuss the "family trap" you may feel you have been sucked into within your family.
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#trauma #TOXICFAMILY
#tamarahilllpc
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
2:19 what a family coalition looks like
2:58 power disparity or power differential
3:45 siblings may enter the coalition or alliance against you
4:19 Jay Haley and family systems function in particular ways
-Cross generational parent-child coalition
6:59 Jay Haley says 3 conditions must be met for a cross generational parent-child coalition
7:50 the "peverse triangle"
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Mentioned In The Video:
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Music:
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🎵 Track Info:
Epidemic Sound
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
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I've done absolutely nothing to deserve being on the receiving end of a nasty family coalition, quite the opposite. It's like they're projecting their nonsense into me. I decided to leave the situation entirely. I'm finding out more and more nasty family secrets, this is the reason they need a distraction!
It’s the no family & no support that hurts the most
This is all too familiar to me. It’s me against the “coalition” because the “matriarch”in my family can do no wrong except towards me and I see right through it.
When you know, you know. I removed myself from the abuse. I refuse to be the scapegoat and punching bag due to others mental and physical abuse. Remove yourself from them and let them continue to live their false facade. I will have no part of the games, manipulation and absolute mental abuse and triangulation with these emotionally empty beings.
Here's To Loving Authentically not Perversely
Oh my gosh Tamara, this explains the Dynamic I grew up in perfectly. Parents chose one child, Grandparents chose another and a power struggle ensued my whole childhood. Thanks for making it make sense a little. so confusing to me as an adult, I can just imagine how confused I was as a child. I'm no contact now because my sibling has managed to turn the family against me but its ok I'm educating myself and continuing my beautiful life. Thank you Tamara
I swear you’re a psychic therapist!
🙊🙈🙉
Currently that I love myself and feel I am surrounded by love from the spirit world is and has been enough.
Happening within toxic Sisters-In-Law. We are all in our middle 69s. They have always been the mean girls to me. I was the goody-two-shoes sending anniversary and birthday cards to everyone. That lasted 20 years. When I finally realized that I had not received ANY in those 20 years, they started talking about me behind my back. Then it got to where they would see something that my grown children posted, and they would gossip about that: can you BELIEVE her Son is dating THAT girl?! 🙄🙄😮. Snobby things like that. Finally I realized there was nothing I could do to get them to like me, so I deleted them off my social media. My family and I see them for Christmas, but they no longer have direct access to me. 😁
Thank you so much for your help. I've been so sad about this for so long but I'm not going to let it hurt me anymore.
You're very welcome. I completely understand that feeling. I do pray you find peace. Once you make up your mind like you have, life can sometimes get much better.
This is Our Situation. My husband and I with his Siblings. My husband is the Scapegoat Now for 2 yrs
Sounds like what I'm dealing with 😢unfortunately he's turned my sister against me she don't believe anything I say but she believes and defends anything and everything my dad does and says .
This is tough. I'm sorry you are experiencing this.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thanks for your understanding and support !
@mikesmith6594 you're welcome. Absolutely.
The Russian novelist said in his book Anna Karenina "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". But he was wrong, sure details may be different but the basics are the same; disrespectful/superior attitude, emotional and other forms of abuse, gaslighting, selfishness and deception.
My narcissistic father did the same with my two younger sisters.
Much needed topic!! Right on time! You were sent from heaven!!
❤Thank you🙏 Very glad this was helpful to you.
May the sunshine of His love embrace each of you today ❤
This is beautiful! Thank you. And same to you.
Thanks so much for doing this video I needed this been going through this very same thing on both Mom and Dad's side of the family. It seems to never end
You're welcome! Glad this was helpful to you. And I'm sorry you have experienced this dynamic.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you!❤
❤❤ thanks so much Tamara 100 my case exactly the way you explained it narcissistic Sun turns on dad and coalition forms on the rest of the family sorry I missed your live thing is what to do about it thanks for all your work😢❤
You are so welcome😊 Very glad this has been helpful!!
My pregnant younger sibling posted a video saying that I’m jealous that I’m older than her and she got pregnant first ..she also stated that I’m jealous because my husband and I can’t get pregnant and have been trying (we have not been trying btw). My gyn literally stated “everything kinda looks too good down there, so when you’re ready to have kids things look great”- my sister also doesn’t know that I’m leaning towards not ever having children because i like having my fur babies. The scary thing is she made an entire video about me when I haven’t spoken to her for two years smh 🤦🏽 very scary to create false narratives in your head. She views having kids and marriage as a competition. This example is just one of the many reasons why I had to cut my mother and siblings off. Another scary and weird factor is that the same sister claims that she’s the one who cut me off. This just further confirmed to me that I made the right decision to block all of them..
How does the outcasted family member dynamic differ when they develop into an addict? It’s like the drug masks the previous abuse. I feel my big sister has been outcasted. I used to be the rescuer, turned enabler but I’m 34 now she is 38. I stopped contact and now she is far far away due to drugs but I feel an underlying sense that she has been “forgotten” singled out and abandoned. To some degree it’s self inflicted, drugs etc but what about the rescuer in me? I feel that was more of a reaction & I don’t want her legacy to be centered around that. She has a story and I feel she has been silenced 😢
Glad I came across your channel today. Just subscribed. Watched a few videos so far. Good to see a professional who is breaking things down at every level. You don't come off as one of those cookie cutter therapists who seem to be repeating what they've memorized out of a book using the same tactics on every client who have different issues to deal with. We know one size does not fit all. I'm looking forward to more of your videos. I like how you use detailed examples to break things down.
It was done to me recently. A family member by marriage. Because she steps over boundaries AS A JOB 💡😛🤟she seems to think she has the entitled judgement to say something about me in public without ever saying TO ME, to my wife/fiancé. She just went way out on a limb to describe my family dynamics without any concern whatsoever for what we had to say about it.” 😂❤yikes. Yucky. 🤢🤮😆🤘🏼💯