THE PSYCHOLOGY OF BEING "BAD" |Scapegoating|Psychotherapy Crash Course
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2024
- Scapegoating is a form of abuse (i.e., verbal, emotional, social).
It can cause you to feel blamed for every manner of evil in your family.
Scapegoating has been defined, by laymen, as "scapegoating syndrome" because of the pattern of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that is often associated with being abused or bullied within a family.
Family mobbing is another concept that has been associated with scapegoating syndrome.
In this video, I discuss "scapegoat syndrome" and what commonly happens within an toxic family.
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#trauma #SCAPEGOATINGCHILD
#tamarahilllpc
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
1:50 is the family in denial?
3:20 a self-fulfilling prophecy
3:56 scapegoating in a narcissistic family
4:25 bad energy
4:58 addiction
5:34 why the family blames you
6:32 WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU
-Parental projection identification
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Mentioned In The Video:
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Music:
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🎵 Track Info:
Epidemic Sound
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at contact@anchoredinknowledge.com. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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Thank you so much Támara 🙏🏼❤ your videos are incredibly insightful! I felt so seen and validated with how you verbalized everything; that’s how I always felt in my family system. You’re such a light in this world and I appreciate you 🩵
Thank you for this beautiful and humbling comment Chirstine! Thank you. I'm very glad to hear that you found this helpful. I think so many people cannot understand the role of the scapegoat and the painful experience of not being "seen." I will be bringing this topic back on Friday during my live chat. :)
Bullying in a family is huge. HUGE!!
Yes, agree! Some family members may even believe they have the right to bully because you are blood to them.
Outcast, scapegoat, black sheep, empathetic, truth teller, lost child. Whole life is this video. I am existing so I am constantly unimportant, unprotected, unsupported.
Picked on, bullied, teased, abused. I'm noone to everyone.
💞We Were Not Responsible For Our Parents Failures
I find this to be true even if the scapegoated person doesn't intermingle with the family at all as in estrangement. They still keep you in their role because it somehow works (?!) for them? Toxic. Toxic. Toxic.
Very true. Agree.
There are many families who make "outsiders" within the family system scapegoats with no feedback or relationship with the scapegoat. Complicated to do counseling with as well.
@@TherapistTamaraHillthat is my situation. I am on the outside looking in, always have been, always will be. I went no contact almost a decade ago. They've never reached out to me nor do I expect them to. It is so complicated. I am in therapy and have been for years. It is difficult to not see myself the way they all labelled me to be as the failure and SGC. It makes for a very painful life. Thank you for making these videos.
It's truly an act of God when the blinders fall off! I was blind but now I see, twas grace that set me free! I just started listening to you, you have an amazing gift of knowledge, connection, understanding, and empathy for us scapegoats. When it comes down to it, I have a choice, do I listen to this evil machine, siblings, or do I listen to my loving God who guides me out of this false image of what they want me to believe. I praise God who led me to you! Thank you, you offer a great service to humanity!
This is a great comment!! Thank you for pointing this out.
And I'm glad to have you on this channel. It's my pleasure to offer this service. I welcome you to my live chats on Fridays (and some Saturdays) after 6pm!
I'm really glad I came across you. I've often described myself as the "villian" in my family because I am very stubborn and closed off. I don't know how else to be myself with them, I express very little and act stoic. But with my friends its a completely different story and I feel freer & happier. I definitely seek unconditional love from my friends. My mother has accused me of a lot of things growing up, albeit not overly terrible (though she did make up things), but it would be to the point that I would "keep her up at night" even though I was too anxious to drink alcohol, do drugs, party, or anything that a normal 20-something year old would have done. I admit I'm not a great daughter, but it's always been hard to live with parents who never really "see you" but see what they believe you are. It's hard to tell myself that I'm not a bad person. My friends have told me time and time again that I'm good but, I guess there's a part of me that still doesn't believe them. If family who have known me this whole time think I'm "always angry", "always unhappy", and "selfish", then i rationalize it as my friends don't know the real me and that I really must be this bad. It's hard to live with when I think about it too much.
Most recent Revelations with my family members it is becoming clear that I just met fit this category. Thank you so much I was thinking about these things just the other day. All these years I had no idea things that I had family members that would organize and coordinate against my wellbeing. These are the kind of people that will say praise the Lord and God bless you and every conversation they have. Dark deception hiding behind religiosity
This is embarrassing with families
Spot on...this is my story. Then, spreading this concept about me out, beyond to others, siblings, relatives, friends, etc.. Once this dynamic took hold, there's been momentum in it growing, and as if other siblings want to make sure the target never falls on their backs. In actuality, I'm seeing the same negative traits of our narc father really beginning to to take root in my sibling brothers, especially towards me.
What's interesting _(too)_ is that over the decades never has there been effort from our narc father to truly communicate with each of his children to try to get to the root of any of the perceived issues he may have had with us, to work through with _that_ specific child, but instead our narc father takes his grievances _outside/away_ from the family by talking to outsiders about just how _bad_ a specific family member may _supposedly_ be _towards_ him. If it was a genuine concern you'd think a parent would want to work through matters with the actual other person, _right?_ _(So, now it takes on a feeling of being gossiped about to others; meanwhile this narc father can come out smelling like a rose as he plays the victim to outsiders. Very UNparent-like, and instead, evil and diabolic behavior.)_
My family is really weird. Each member has a "black sheep" but its a different person for each individual. Even more than that, totally different realities for each person. This is more than different perspectives- everyone disagrees about EVERYTHING!
Great point! Sometimes the role of the scapegoat changes depending on the person, time of year, the kind of issue that is occurring, culture, age, etc. It's like musical chairs in some families!
I'm sorry you have had to experience this. It's very exhausting.
In some ways this lack of unity of my family narrative helped me see through all this nonsense.
Thank you. This is sadly too important a topic
You're welcome! And I agree.
@@TherapistTamaraHillcan you cover medical neglect? I can't find much on it but some of what I read on scapegoating where the parent assumes you're lying and faking because they themselves are liars and project that on you and fail to provide care. But I only saw one little sentence about it and it's not covered very much. Direction to resources/ research on that dynamic would also be very much appreciated. Thank you for all you do ❤
I'm a 53 year old 'lost child'. Thank you for seeing me. I've just come across your channel and have subscribed. I'm looking forward to learning how to heal with your videos. Deep gratitude 🙏💙
Welcome to the channel! I'm glad to hear that my videos have been helpful to you. I encourage you to join me on Fridays after 6pm which is when you can catch me live. I'm always happy to get questions throughout the live chat.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you I will try to do that!
So true . I experienced it myself.
It's so difficult. I'm sorry.
More coming on this topic Friday live chat, after 6pm. Join us.
It's felt like I've had a 3-headed lifelong role of scapegoat, lost child and hero, but the part of scapegoat is the only role that any family members zero in to acknowledging about me. This is where they're most invested when it's come to me, and videos like this have revealed what the _pay-off_ is to them each individually and collectively as a _family._
Additionally, my narc father is also a _helicopter_ parent. Not in any positive way, but in the negative sense where he meddles behind the scenes in matters that affect us, so as he can pre-set whatever narrative that he needs that will set him in a positive light, yet still as a victim. So, in essence, he maintains control by contaminating family members' relations to others with whatever _poison_ he chooses to spread. I've actually caught him in the act doing this about me or learned of it thereafter numerous times. _"Toxic"_ would be an understatement in describing my narc father or the _[dare I say it]_ family he has molded.
I've been told I'm Satan by my parents.
I have to admit I might be really stubborn at times, I swear a lot, and I'm always complaining, trying to fix everything.
Basically, I'm evil for them.
The problem is that I reached a point where I'm starting to believe that I'm evil.
I do believe I'm alone, even around people.
What should I do?
Thank you for reading me.
Don't believe them if they call you evil. Sounds like they're projecting to me.
You are not Satan child/ you are a strong person and knows what you want, they probably are jealous of you that is why they call you names. Be yourself and be kind to others. God is on your side.
You know deep down that you are the kind one. Don’t let them self-gaslight yourself.
I can definitely relate to what you said about the scapegoat rotating or alternating.
Yes. For me, that's the most perplexing element in families like this. And sometimes this alone can lead to intergenerational or generational trauma.
You are a Godsend-Unfortunately, you just broke my entire life scenario down to the T 😮
Are you taking on new clients?! I’m on the east coast 😂 PA is not too far for this kind of service!! Seriously, I am grateful to have found your channel and I appreciate you to infinity and beyond!!!
lol ❤Thank you! I'm so glad this was helpful to you. That's why these videos keep coming -- so many need these topics. And I'd love to do a consultation with you. I'm booked up, however, until January. I might be able to offer a consultation. Feel free to email me at the email in the description box.
This is going to be Good; Tam Fam! ❤️❤️❤️❤️Patiently waiting!
❤🤗
True💯
One of the main reasons I am the black sheep of my family is because Im the only daddy's girl in the family. I have been hated because my dad has always been in my life.
Thank you Tamara.
You're welcome!
Great video! These topics are very insightful and healing! Thank you for taking the time to dive into these topics.
My father is a narc and so is my sister and brother. They call me crazy yet they do all the crazy stuff. I have discarded all of them and as far as im concerned they can all kick rocks.
New here: Cherrys Jubilee hiking buddy from another channel.
Welcome! Glad to have you. She's great on the channel!
This explains so much!
I have it in reverse somehow. I am the scapegoat in my family, being blamed for the shortcomings of my unsuccessful older brother
Thank you!!
You're welcome!
Thank you!
You're welcome!
TY 🙏
You're welcome! ☺
Thank you
You're welcome!
Times I feel like crying how mad it all is that I don't have faith in commitment because nobody will see through all that sh*t and when people see you happy it's crazy what people do to make your life hell it's like I'm nothing to you I'd understand if you loved me valued me but there's nothing it drives you nutts I found it mad when my dad took he's key out he's pocket and said cut this way not that way they can fix you this way they can't is it weird how nutts it feels to have a parents tell you how to cut parts of your bloody after the lost of a child when I became ill knowing my oldest sister slept with my unborns dad .
Thank you for helping, very informative, Question on how to stop the stalking once Scapegoat goes no contact?
Every time I watch one of your videos I would love to speak to you one-on-one. How do I make an appointment?
Trying to break away from blood relatives . They rang child services and I was forced to live and stay in the room I was sexually touched by my cousin and attacked by blood parents I was in my 20s . I wasn't taking drugs no alcohol because they would have found it in my blood or what ever all the toxic people I got away from moved away had my own flat doing maths English baby groups and seemed guidance to help with paper work . I'm glad the lady from baby group came up to me said we are a charity home start we would like to help you because the way you are being treated is not right . They were deciding to take my baby before I had my baby because false reports they only had to do blood tests which they already had the police man was discussing didnt even look at police records where I reported my blood dad told me I married out of revenge I said that's madness .I married and that's because my own feelings nothing to do with them. I just lost an unhealthy unborn violent marriage. My blood dad punched me at the back of the head 1st time I ever hit my blood dad back in my hole life but I already lost a baby before that because coming out hospital my blood mum said tell your dad the babies dead but I was happy my babies alive because my blood dad found out I was still pregnant he speeded over the speed bump just as got home that rip I was told your baby's dead flush it .they even blanked me out intel the trash sister who slept with my baby's daddy said ring an ambulance I had reasons why I cut my reltives off . I reported my blood dad my blood mum ran in body slamed me to the ground with my blood dad stamping and kicking me i reported them to madley police They did a record of the assault. I cut away when I found out I was pregnant with my son . It was crazy the amount of toxic people I was forced to have my baby and me in that room at there home the police man didn't even know nothing now if they asked me why I cut people off . Instead the police man said why do you think there's so many reports . They even put an ankle bracelet on my baby's foot at the hospital I asked why am I being treat like this the hurtful thing is the craziest i don't no I'm just doing my job . The way I talk I used to have a stutter she's retarded as a kid I learnt to talk better lips to a speaker the vibrations . I was forced in my 20s to sign a piece of paper the lady who said we would like to help you I didn't know I could have my baby took away way out in the country side forced to live in this toxic place you can't feed your baby dress nothing without being watched you'd have loads different people reading a record of reports from toxic people . When I was a kid I told my blood family I will not lie for them parents in and out of jail I was told my my blood mum I will make your life hell . My sister made it out I was like her the amount of people who believed I wanted my brother descusting . If they all knew the truth I'd stay around my sister because she told me she wants to kill her self my baby nephew upstairs I stayed even when she asked me to leave . Then when her fella was in the army I'd stay around her I turned up and walked into her strangling my little niece my nephew crying if people knew the truth . Of course I turned to everyone in the family they were not taking it seriously she used to rock backwards forwards . I've gone through hell with rape so suicide as a kid before kids .hearing my sister and walking into what I saw I felt insanely responsible if anything happened I spoken to counciler I didn't have kids back then my sister was a kid when she had a kid. I think children's services got involved. She even tried getting a job in a primary school and I said I will report her to the school. I believe in doing what's right but toxic people threaten you and believe me they kept their words about making my life hell . Soon as you have a kid people like you should never get married spastics like you shouldn't ever have the rights to have baby's . I have learning delays because I grew up trying just to get through each day. My son leaves school to go to college soon I feel like crying we made it son but the hell we have gone through is madness . I have false information on records that have prefeashunls treat you like scum . It's soul destroying if that police man looked at the record the rape and asults he failed us big time . I went to have a three month scan she read in front of my son it says you tryed suicide I was multipley raped in London and sexshuly asulated by coursens . When I was a kid I was told my unborns are daddy as another women pragnat he's who works at the pregnancy place the crap I received.
The one where she said it says you where raped in what way where you raped because people think rape but it's not rape smug then she read more I told her that was when I was a kid way before marriage.i was there for red baby book and three month scan . It's crazy no sorry for the hell they put us through even forced to stay in the room at my parents I was sexshuly assaulted in and abused violently in . To have my blood dad go to Puch me in the face with my baby was crazy to have this blood mum say I can right anything who they gonna believe me or you soul destroying .
Of the entire family its 2 cousins they praised and put on pedestals! I kept my distance cuz they liked to brag about material things that had which annoyed me! Some information made it to my ears, it contained news about the 2 annoying cousins! Somehow They were inspired to target our girl cousin that had existing mental health issues! They raped her together and it continued over a period of time. They added to her mental illness so bad that she had to be placed in the Mental Hospital regularly! I was instantly ready to find them and get lil cuz some Justice! Quickly i asked when it happened, it was already old news & i was the last to find out! Nobody not even her mother an she has a foul mouth and a history of violence did nothing to them dudes, believe it or not they were seemingly embraced by the entire family more! They were still allowed to attend family gathering laughing and joking with everyone as if it never happened! After learning that i knew I would've been more disliked than I was. They didn't even care to call the police, this happened in a small town in Texas... this is a real incident that happened within a family that since I was a child expressed fake Love an eventually slandered me, helped corrupt my away from me, then scapegoated me! I've dealt with every emotion that presented itself, although still horrible, i can share parts of it in this community! As a reminder to keep going an don't put a timer on self healing!
Hey
Hi I didn't get any feedback from your email this is nw did u get my email it said sent thank u
You know my family???🤔🤣😢
🙈🙉🙊
Get out asap.
It will kill you.
It almost did me.