Sometimes family just isn't everything because of how they hurt and mistreat their family. In more cases than we may think, walking away is the healthiest option: ua-cam.com/video/gmsxwUyQIpk/v-deo.html.
Tamara… for financial reasons I currently cannot walk away from my daughter, or my husband, who I am separated from so the only way I can deal with it is in my head and separate myself and see myself as a totally separate individual. I still go on with my life, while still living in the presence of people who are completely unaware of themselves or how their actions impact me and others and if I keep reminding myself that they are not aware and that this is not personal, I’m able to cope with it but it takes a lot of practice. I wonder if it can be done if you cannot go no contact with someone…? I believe the answer to that is yes, that you can continue to heal and grow even while being in their presence from time to time. In fact, I look at it as a means of challenging me to continue to grow. You can’t always walk away from people and situations all the time simply because it’s easier or it would be simpler because you walk away from the situation and walk into another and so on… I can’t count how many times I’ve been told to walk away from this, and I simply am financially unable to do so, so there’s no other option, but to encapsulate myself in such a way that I can continue on living my life and being who I want to be without anyone else’s opinions or behaviors, influencing me…
Being a child to the “hero/rescuer” of a toxic family is so exhausting. Especially when they expect you to embody the same traits as your parent. Then your parent knows they’re toxic however the parent just “accepts” it and justifies it as saying well “that’s just how we are”. I learned to accept that and recently found peace in knowing I may have to start distancing myself. Nervous but I know it’s for the best.
i started the detox a few months ago and suddenly my life seems so weird and easy to navigate. I see now how much low standards I had for everything in my life.
This was very educational. I've learned when you walk away to detox if family members are still gaslighting you that's an indication they are still unhealed and it's ok to continue detaching.
@@TherapistTamaraHill You know what is sad , my sisters don't know me as a person. A situation arose today and I was abused by my sister her husband and my nephew ( their son ) . The things they were saying has made me realise that I can't take the abuse anymore 😔. I have said that so many times but today feels different. I am a piece of trash in their eyes. I have to get away from these awful people 😭
i live over 1000 miles away & never hear from anyone in my family but a few cousins. its been such a weight lifted & has been so much better for my life. 10/10 reccomend. you make your family & healthy life out in this world.
Looking forward to this. I still need to figure out how to grieve for the loss. I think that's an important part of detoxing. Even if it's grieving for what we thought we had, not what we really had for a family.
Our parents hold such power over us - even into their old age! The grieving process can take years! There will be days when we sort of regress to how we felt as children...then there are normal days when it's OK. Meditation helped me focus on the NOW.
You are doing the Lord’s work. I’ve shared your videos. And you’ve helped me know that I’m not crazy in what I’ve discerned in my toxic family dynamic.
The competition. It's from my parent, triangulates any one he can. He has taken over my adult children. Everything has been a competition, he needs to prove himself constantly. It's a false self, I think because he doesn't do what's right, but he wants to control everything, and so much projection, too.
Yep!!! My crazy family does all of this. I’m the scapegoat. I was even molested when I was a little girl by my dad and the whole family rallied around to make me the bad guy (knowing what he did to me.) How crazy & toxic is that???
Congrats on dealing with such a taboo Topic with so much logic and bluntness. It's such a hard decision to walk away from family of origin. I had this feelings and fantasies of going Far away and never looking back since I was a kid. Despite of that I tried so much to maintain a relationship with them, until I realized that I was the only one doing this tremenduous effort while they didnt even Care. I'm done with the disfunction. I absolutely can't keep living like my family anymore, It's too painful.
Thankyou Tamara. This explained and helped so much in my own experience of moving away from my very harmful and unhealthy family unit over ten years ago and helped with further determination that returning now would only result in further bad behaviour (maybe not right away as I’m sure they’d all be ‘nice’ to me initially), but eventually things would return to the way they were. My ‘mother’ did not once try and connect with me other than to attempt to get me to come back and help her take care of her husband who now has Parkinson’s disease and they are both old so it’s been hard to continue no contact knowing this and my own conditioning around wanting to care for them as I’m very caring and nurturing, but have also grown a lot to be able yo now put myself and my own safety and needs before theirs so that’s progress! They don’t get to reject me with zero compassion when I’m an inconvenience for them then suddenly expect me to come running back at their beckoned call when they need hired help they don’t want to pay for! My boundaries have remained firm for this decade, despite it being intensely emotionally painful for years! They’ve gotten the message that I’m not going to just come back and kiss their ass as I’m sure they suspected (once I had my drama hissy fit of course in their eyes) Im so grateful people like you exist and I have access to the internet and you tube to be able to heal from feeling validated by people who truly understand the dynamics and support estranged adult children of narcissistic parents and siblings by proxy!
I understand what you’re going thru. Some days i feel strong in detoxing, somedays it feels isolating, questioning. For my peace, i ask the higher source for strength, for forgiveness, for kindness in thoughts, words, and actions that direct upon myself primarily. Now with the help of teachers like Tamara, i show up for myself. I wish you well.
Tamara thank you. MIL of 33 yrs. This year i found ways to distance myself from her manipulation, blaming, guilt, the put downs. Your videos help me palpate what i’ve been through with her. I only have compassion for MIL, minus her manipulation. 😊 Thank you.
This information is Golden. You have me thinking about what role I play in my family. Based on what you said, I’m currently detoxing and and I’m loving. It’s freeing. I just to realize my family was toxic after I got married. Keep up the good work 🎉🎉🎉
Is it possible that the scapegoat can also be the lost child? I feel like I was both at various times and sometimes at the same time. I am an artist of 25 years and they thought I went mad as I spent years being a literal hermit and not social at all but I was actually the happiest Ive been in my life and loved my own company!
Ms Tamara You really changed my life for better. You were the first one from whom I learned that I can leave some family members and it's OK +about cluster B personalities. Now my life has much better quality. Thanks to this knowledge I explained to my parents what we are dealing with in our family so they got detached from these family members too. Love Your lectures, love what You do. You are my favorite youtuber who really changes lives for better. Thank You so much ❤️
This is such a beautiful comment. 🤗😭 Thank you for these words and I'm so grateful that you feel this channel has had a hand in your healing process. That's an answered prayer for me. And it's so empowering to hear that you are seeing real and lasting change in your life. Thank God for access to things like UA-cam that can facilitate change. I hope and pray you continue down the right path.
I do not think my siblings will have the nerve to try to pretend they don't know why I've jumped ship.. although.. maybe it IS running out of them mouths. I was supposed to drive a 10 hour round trip to participate in my toxic mother's 95th birthday. She has dementia now, and revealed to me a couple of bad things that happened during my life, behind the scenes, that cemented my unworthiness in my paren'ts' minds. But my siblings are the ones I've gone NC with. I decided to stay in minimal contact with one sister, the one who is most hands on taking care of our mother. The rest of my sibs are dead to me. The day I was supposed to drive up there, I realized I was beginning to panic/hyperventilate/shake. I said to myself.. you do not have to do this.I called the sister I still talk to and told her that I wasn't able to drive. Her immediate reaction was that my beau must be abusing me and not allowing me to come. That was completely out of the blue. They don't know him.. I've tried to keep him away from them, to spare him having to be part of the shitshow. I told her maybe she was right... but it felt to ME more like I just didn't want to deal with all of them up there. I would visit my mom when I could spend quiet time with her on my own terms, and not have to make nice with the same people who crapped all over me a year ago. I am not quite sure when I'll go up there.. but I will slide up there without alerting anyone except my own daughter, who I stay with. They can hear it after the fact, that I was up there and took mom out for lunch.. or whatever we decide to do.
Sometimes family just isn't everything because of how they hurt and mistreat their family. In more cases than we may think, walking away is the healthiest option: ua-cam.com/video/gmsxwUyQIpk/v-deo.html.
Tamara… for financial reasons I currently cannot walk away from my daughter, or my husband, who I am separated from so the only way I can deal with it is in my head and separate myself and see myself as a totally separate individual. I still go on with my life, while still living in the presence of people who are completely unaware of themselves or how their actions impact me and others and if I keep reminding myself that they are not aware and that this is not personal, I’m able to cope with it but it takes a lot of practice. I wonder if it can be done if you cannot go no contact with someone…? I believe the answer to that is yes, that you can continue to heal and grow even while being in their presence from time to time. In fact, I look at it as a means of challenging me to continue to grow. You can’t always walk away from people and situations all the time simply because it’s easier or it would be simpler because you walk away from the situation and walk into another and so on… I can’t count how many times I’ve been told to walk away from this, and I simply am financially unable to do so, so there’s no other option, but to encapsulate myself in such a way that I can continue on living my life and being who I want to be without anyone else’s opinions or behaviors, influencing me…
Me too
Absolutely sometimes your friends are more like family then your family
@frankiebrady2796 agreed and the others who are blood are nete relatives!
Being a child to the “hero/rescuer” of a toxic family is so exhausting. Especially when they expect you to embody the same traits as your parent. Then your parent knows they’re toxic however the parent just “accepts” it and justifies it as saying well “that’s just how we are”. I learned to accept that and recently found peace in knowing I may have to start distancing myself. Nervous but I know it’s for the best.
Walling away is something I should have done along time ago.
Same💯🙏
i started the detox a few months ago and suddenly my life seems so weird and easy to navigate. I see now how much low standards I had for everything in my life.
Leaving my toxic family was the best decision I've ever made.
💗
Healing has been quite the journey ..
Can you tell me did you ran away...? I also want to run away from my toxic family.. I'm just 15teeb year old
This was very educational. I've learned when you walk away to detox if family members are still gaslighting you that's an indication they are still unhealed and it's ok to continue detaching.
Thank you!! Glad this was helpful.
And I very much agree. The battle sometimes grts worse before better.
@@TherapistTamaraHill You know what is sad , my sisters don't know me as a person. A situation arose today and I was abused by my sister her husband and my nephew ( their son ) . The things they were saying has made me realise that I can't take the abuse anymore 😔. I have said that so many times but today feels different. I am a piece of trash in their eyes. I have to get away from these awful people 😭
@@chewbaccassecretlovechild2607 I’m so sorry. I get it.
i live over 1000 miles away & never hear from anyone in my family but a few cousins. its been such a weight lifted & has been so much better for my life. 10/10 reccomend. you make your family & healthy life out in this world.
Wow. This is my family. My family definitely has a profile of me and there’s no escaping it.
Looking forward to this. I still need to figure out how to grieve for the loss. I think that's an important part of detoxing. Even if it's grieving for what we thought we had, not what we really had for a family.
This is an important point Deb. I agree. That's actually the next live chat coming up this Friday.
Our parents hold such power over us - even into their old age! The grieving process can take years! There will be days when we sort of regress to how we felt as children...then there are normal days when it's OK. Meditation helped me focus on the NOW.
very true. What we thought we had. It takes sooo long to realize you can find a better family. And painful to realize your family was not that good.
💯💯🎯
I agree. Don't just push it away, but feel the sadness. It will fade.
Thank you💕 it is absolutely okay for you to walk away from toxic narcissist 👿family members🙏 live your best life you only get one🎯🙏🏽
You are doing the Lord’s work. I’ve shared your videos. And you’ve helped me know that I’m not crazy in what I’ve discerned in my toxic family dynamic.
Thanks so much🤗 That's an answered prayer.
Glad this was helpful to you as well.
The competition. It's from my parent, triangulates any one he can. He has taken over my adult children. Everything has been a competition, he needs to prove himself constantly. It's a false self, I think because he doesn't do what's right, but he wants to control everything, and so much projection, too.
That's a very difficult dynamic to be apart of. I'm sorry.
Your videos help me put it into words, helps me untangle.
🤗
Yep!!! My crazy family does all of this. I’m the scapegoat. I was even molested when I was a little girl by my dad and the whole family rallied around to make me the bad guy (knowing what he did to me.) How crazy & toxic is that???
Congrats on dealing with such a taboo Topic with so much logic and bluntness. It's such a hard decision to walk away from family of origin. I had this feelings and fantasies of going Far away and never looking back since I was a kid. Despite of that I tried so much to maintain a relationship with them, until I realized that I was the only one doing this tremenduous effort while they didnt even Care. I'm done with the disfunction. I absolutely can't keep living like my family anymore, It's too painful.
You have been a game changer for my life issues.
🤗that's so good to know! Thank you. Very happy for you!
Thankyou Tamara. This explained and helped so much in my own experience of moving away from my very harmful and unhealthy family unit over ten years ago and helped with further determination that returning now would only result in further bad behaviour (maybe not right away as I’m sure they’d all be ‘nice’ to me initially), but eventually things would return to the way they were.
My ‘mother’ did not once try and connect with me other than to attempt to get me to come back and help her take care of her husband who now has Parkinson’s disease and they are both old so it’s been hard to continue no contact knowing this and my own conditioning around wanting to care for them as I’m very caring and nurturing, but have also grown a lot to be able yo now put myself and my own safety and needs before theirs so that’s progress! They don’t get to reject me with zero compassion when I’m an inconvenience for them then suddenly expect me to come running back at their beckoned call when they need hired help they don’t want to pay for!
My boundaries have remained firm for this decade, despite it being intensely emotionally painful for years! They’ve gotten the message that I’m not going to just come back and kiss their ass as I’m sure they suspected (once I had my drama hissy fit of course in their eyes)
Im so grateful people like you exist and I have access to the internet and you tube to be able to heal from feeling validated by people who truly understand the dynamics and support estranged adult children of narcissistic parents and siblings by proxy!
I understand what you’re going thru. Some days i feel strong in detoxing, somedays it feels isolating, questioning. For my peace, i ask the higher source for strength, for forgiveness, for kindness in thoughts, words, and actions that direct upon myself primarily. Now with the help of teachers like Tamara, i show up for myself. I wish you well.
Ohhhh thank you because I’ve separated myself from my family for all the right reasons
You're welcome. Sometimes you have to and it's healthy to get validation for that.
Love you lady. ❤🎉 I was sadly busy not distracted this time.
Love back to you!! Grateful for your continued support on the channel. Hope you are well today 😊
❤
Tamara thank you.
MIL of 33 yrs.
This year i found ways to distance myself from her manipulation, blaming, guilt, the put downs.
Your videos help me palpate what i’ve been through with her.
I only have compassion for MIL, minus her manipulation. 😊
Thank you.
You're welcome!!☺ I'm so glad to hear that. And thank you!
Had the same problem ❤
This information is Golden. You have me thinking about what role I play in my family. Based on what you said, I’m currently detoxing and and I’m loving. It’s freeing. I just to realize my family was toxic after I got married. Keep up the good work 🎉🎉🎉
Thank you!! So glad this is helpful.
And I totally get that detox period. It's so significant to moving forward.
Is it possible that the scapegoat can also be the lost child? I feel like I was both at various times and sometimes at the same time. I am an artist of 25 years and they thought I went mad as I spent years being a literal hermit and not social at all but I was actually the happiest Ive been in my life and loved my own company!
Ms Tamara You really changed my life for better. You were the first one from whom I learned that I can leave some family members and it's OK +about cluster B personalities. Now my life has much better quality. Thanks to this knowledge I explained to my parents what we are dealing with in our family so they got detached from these family members too. Love Your lectures, love what You do. You are my favorite youtuber who really changes lives for better. Thank You so much ❤️
This is such a beautiful comment. 🤗😭 Thank you for these words and I'm so grateful that you feel this channel has had a hand in your healing process. That's an answered prayer for me. And it's so empowering to hear that you are seeing real and lasting change in your life. Thank God for access to things like UA-cam that can facilitate change. I hope and pray you continue down the right path.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I DO agree with You and thank You once more, God bless You 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤
Thank you so much for this ❤
I went no contact with my mom and now I am a pariah with the family.
This is EXACTLY what my sister did!
Thank you Tamara! This helps!
You're so welcome! Glad this was to you.
I knw this is off topic but I cant believe how thick this woman's hair is. #Beautifulnaturalhair #healthiswealth
😊 thank you! It's a true headache and a blessing. LOL
I know right 😅😊
@TherapistTamaraHill your so blessed omg
I do not think my siblings will have the nerve to try to pretend they don't know why I've jumped ship.. although.. maybe it IS running out of them mouths. I was supposed to drive a 10 hour round trip to participate in my toxic mother's 95th birthday. She has dementia now, and revealed to me a couple of bad things that happened during my life, behind the scenes, that cemented my unworthiness in my paren'ts' minds. But my siblings are the ones I've gone NC with. I decided to stay in minimal contact with one sister, the one who is most hands on taking care of our mother. The rest of my sibs are dead to me. The day I was supposed to drive up there, I realized I was beginning to panic/hyperventilate/shake. I said to myself.. you do not have to do this.I called the sister I still talk to and told her that I wasn't able to drive. Her immediate reaction was that my beau must be abusing me and not allowing me to come. That was completely out of the blue. They don't know him.. I've tried to keep him away from them, to spare him having to be part of the shitshow. I told her maybe she was right... but it felt to ME more like I just didn't want to deal with all of them up there. I would visit my mom when I could spend quiet time with her on my own terms, and not have to make nice with the same people who crapped all over me a year ago. I am not quite sure when I'll go up there.. but I will slide up there without alerting anyone except my own daughter, who I stay with. They can hear it after the fact, that I was up there and took mom out for lunch.. or whatever we decide to do.
❤
Currently going thru this!!!!
Please remember to always let your last thoughts be god please forgive me for all of my wrongdoings. . .
Amen 🙏
i was the emotional punching bag
You better
Detoxing has been the most freeing yet painful experience. i am thankful dor you 🤎🙏🏽