They make it look like ❤ but in reality it’s a 🗡️in the back over and over again. The whole relationship is based on their needs and getting what they want and if not they will smear, torment, become vindictive and lash out physically and sinisterly. I have no doubt that my 4 siblings run from being a toxic enabler, a covert narcissist’s, a sociopath and even a psychopath. It’s totally gutted me to the point where I trust no one and have even lost the will to pretend it’s going to get better, or that I can even “heal” from it. There’s just to much to work through and to little time to do it.
Yes! This is my sick, dysfunctional, narcissistic family “to a T.” I’ve had to distance myself after they ostracized me for more than a decade and cut me out of a family business when I stood up to the Queen Bee matriarch, my dad’s wife. My dad & his wife both abused me growing up and continued to attempt to control me in adulthood. The whole sick family went along. How dare I stand up for myself & set boundaries!!! I have no rights according to the family cult. I’m their whooping girl, the family scapegoat. They came back (after ostracizing me for about 12 years) when I was diagnosed with late stage cancer wanting all up in my business! They had even contacted the family attorney to find out what their rights are to my assets at the time of my death.
My father feels like a stranger to me 😢. He does nothing but gaslight in the relationship ! I have trouble trusting or connecting with people because of him .
I'm so sorry😔 I see this all the time and it's damaging. But you can regain your strength and continue moving forward. This might be something you can work on with a trusted person, therapist, etc.
It’s totally understandable. The world is full of cluster B personalities. If one’s parent is untrustworthy, IT WILL BE difficult to trust others. But just like in any other scenario, trust has levels to it and it should always be earned! People who could trust their parents it’s because those parents earned it by being good people first.
Just try to remember that the bad tapes from him don’t mean others will be that way. Now thats easy to say. But try applying it. Not easy. Comes with a lot of rolaids and calming programs to stomach it. 🤢🚫I just mean, I hear you, I feel you on that. The remedy or prescribed answer is to try to change the way we think. As if our minds we made them up to be were based off the old system. The same one that they judge us with, we judge ourselves by. That’s the kicker. 💯👈🏻😉💡so we can feel better once we realize we’re judging ourselves in every way. You’re probably such a nice person, I’m sure of it. But inside somewhere, I can relate, to an internal critic, constantly keeping us lit up with shame, embarrassment, guilt. Why though? ❤because you judge yourself right here for having trouble with trust. When the answer might be, exactly, don’t have any. You deserve to feel angry. It’s right. You deserve to be suspect of people. Look at what you’ve been through? Who could judge? We do. That’s who. Us. It’s so difficult. 😂❤Na mean. Because it’s almost like it’s us that punish us the most because someone else is confused or unhappy about something. For sure, if the person who formed your bias was toxic, not much empathy, you’ll definitely look for comfort going forward. I know I did. ❤
Such a queen for this video. You literally broke my trauma bond with this information and cleared so much confusion 🙏 Key note: if it doesn’t feel like love it isn’t.
Deceptive affection, I’ve experienced this my whole life and am grateful now to have the language for it. What a great listen this night. Happy weekend Tamara, enjoy.
Your channel has helped me so much to understand why my relationship with my mother has always been so strained, hurtful and difficult. Through your explanations, I have finally gained the knowledge I need to move on for good.
I'm so glad this was helpful including the other chats/videos! That's an answered prayer! Thank you! Sometimes all healing takes is understanding and having the access to resources that can enlighten you.
Thank you for providing a name for this phenomenon. Thinking about children who experience deceptive affection from parents who cannot love -- it is so sad. Itbis no wonder that children of narcissists and psychopaths may develop such a denial of reality, and why it is hard to release it even as adults. It makes sense.
My brother loved me, then one day, he didn't. I felt so manipulated. I thought it was a "smear" champagne. It made me question myself and how didn't I see this. He has changed our relationship forever. How could I trust him. I couldn't.
I always knew deep down my mothers affections were never unconditional, there was often a undertone of spitefulness and manipulation i felt at an energetic level( i just never wanted to admit to myself)as it was just too painful, so i minimised her toxic behaviours for many years until enough was enough(then to cut a long story short in 2020) i gathered the strength and courage to finally cut all ties with her and never look back, its been liberating to say the least !!!
Conspired closeness is exactly what this is! I'm so beyond shocked at this betrayal and fraudulent lies... you're not even allowed to make peace and move on. It's crazy
It's insane that your channel popped up on my FEED! the algorithm is listening to my thoughts...they had my little brothers graduation/21st birthday party on Saturday night...my older brother called me MID PARTY will everyone was having fun and they had the NERVE to ask me if I wanted to come as if all the invitations didn't go out months ago...my mom is the ring leader and she has successfully iced me out the family...I also don't feel safe going around them alone because I don't want to end up like Shanquilla Robinson
Finally have leisure time to watch this particular video. So far, I've heard discussion about unjust slander through gossip. Let me fasten my seatbelt for this. Thank you in advance Tamara! Also, Hoping you all the very blessed and good wishes in your health journey. Stay well in everything.
yes, this makes me think of kill you with kindness. i had a family friend since i was little, and it always felt as though she diidnt like me. finally in my late 30s i said why are we even friends? it got to the point where i didnt have peace in my life. she showed up when she needed a friend and i dropped everything to be there. but the whole time knowing she doesnt have basic respect for me, others and probably herself. its unfortunate. i said i cannot be her friend, at this time.
Is resonates with me especially blood family relatives, because I have discovered they are broken from childhood trauma however am committed to God and therapy embracing my healing community plus accountability ..healing is painful but it is worth it becoming the best version whole best version of myself holistically unapologetically . Thank you for this context it's like a missing puzzle I needed. Again I really appreciate you because you are a blessing! 💞😊
This completely resonates with my husband big time. Tamara, I worry about you giving so much of yourself to us all. I had a medical procedure on Friday and missed your live. Please take care of yourself.... you are such a blessing!!! I'm also a Libra like your mom... guess I'm mothering you.😂 ❤❤❤
lol. Awwww. Thank you! ❤🙏That's so kind and I know you are right. My mom has been telling me to be wise with myself. So I appreciate you! And I hope you are doing okay too. It's a hard road when health issues stir up. It's truly something we have to pray for.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I just want to hug 🫂 you right now. Hope that's okay with you ☺️. I'm deeply touched by your words of comfort, understanding and truth. You are one in a million!!! I mean that sincerely. My husband also adores you as well....in a fatherly way.☺️😁💕
🙏Your information is so valuable. My mother and her sisters behaves in this manner, it causes so much conflicts within their family. Today this one is talking with each other and tomorrow they are at each other’s throats. This is such a dysfunctional situation. lot of in the family. I think it is such an immature behaviour.
My father had a daughter with another woman. He made us call her "princess" and our children "aunt princess", while he beat me with belts and wire hangers. Thanks for this conversation.
I have a relative through marriage, who acts like she’s down to clown, she’s hip, on the level, honest, cares. But then in every case fails to show you respect, bad mouths you in front of others to seem smart or more knowledgeable. Refuses to even see that you have a side, a story, count. So... I’m like, Ya.... right. 😂❤see... when you or somebody you love is being treated unfairly, talked bad about, emotions are created OUT OF THIN AIR. Putting on airs. Entitlement, grandiose self opinions. These are intelligent people in some cases, manipulative behavior always has intentions behind it. A deal. That’s the sick twist we didn’t see coming. So what that means is, in short words. You’ll find yourself having to defend even though you know differently. Guilt. Shame. Based on false beliefs created in the minds of people not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt in any case. But why? Because you’re being judged. That’s why. By someone with an agenda. 💡😛💯👈🏻
I feel like my mother doesn’t fall into the exact narc box, and even believed she did love me at times, but she is able to turn it off too easily too. I feel like she tried to love me, she just didn’t.
IM 63 but the youngest of 3 siblings one going on 77 brother, sister 74 and sister 71, she talks and confides at times in them. I cut commination off with all of them because of key moments that they've said things that made me think they don't care about me and never really did period especially the two older ones this, in this video what you're talking about is exactly what they would do., when I used to live years ago around my brother and sister-in-law in another state we will always go out to eat, well recently he came to the state that we were brought up in and they both wanted to take me out to eat but I knew that I was the tail end of their visit having been pretty much suspicious of how they were towards me and then found out for sure that I was right. And listening to your videos just spells it all out to me to me, well anyway when they wanted to take me out take me out for dinner, knowing that I was the tail end of their visit, I did not even answer the text until I found the words to say found the words to say. But I almost didn't answer. Also my oldest sister has always been my mother's Golden Child also the thing that I wanted to say which was really important and I think it's important for other people on here who've gone through the same thing is that my family never wanted to have what I call," THE TALK" if you wanted to use that terminology that's quite alright with me. I believe you know what I'm talking about the talk meaning the reason why we feel the way we do and how the things that they've done to us made us feel the Deep wounds that it caused and feelings of rejection and in some cases abandonment which was also what I went through because they left the state and went to another state when they had invited me to live with them in the state in the first place after I went through an abusive relationship after a marriage when I was 18 or 19. I've also experienced scapegoating abuse with my mother growing up and she really didn't want another child, me being the fourth
I believe there are actual kind people.The ‘niceness’ I think you are speaking of isn’t the same as being kind. A kind person imo becomes a target or scapegoat, because being kind is also being a truth teller….oooops?😊
I experienced this with my aunt and her two kids. Somehow my aunt has convinced them of them to were they dont bother to talk to me and have wanted to use me. Also, my aunt took my mom out of a group home around 2008 when I moved back to Memphis and sense then tried to make it seem like I am supposed to have the responsibility of my mom. My mom was never there for me and I was not in contact with her from 14 to 18. I lived with my dad during that time. I had poor judgement to trust my aunt. When I moved back I had 3 year old twins and I came back because it was cheaper to live there. My aunt told me when I was there that no one has to help you, but at times when it came to using me financially her and her kids were doing that. Also, she has tried to force me to take care of my mom and has made her kids feel that I should. Yet they havent comprehended not having a mother your whole life and you were abused your entire life and had to figure things out on your own.
To learn more about family bullies, family mobbing, and family alliances, click here to see my video: ua-cam.com/video/MfJ065WvwIU/v-deo.html
I forgot about the time difference and missed the live. Thank you for addressing this issue.
They make it look like ❤ but in reality it’s a 🗡️in the back over and over again. The whole relationship is based on their needs and getting what they want and if not they will smear, torment, become vindictive and lash out physically and sinisterly. I have no doubt that my 4 siblings run from being a toxic enabler, a covert narcissist’s, a sociopath and even a psychopath.
It’s totally gutted me to the point where I trust no one and have even lost the will to pretend it’s going to get better, or that I can even “heal” from it. There’s just to much to work through and to little time to do it.
Yes! This is my sick, dysfunctional, narcissistic family “to a T.” I’ve had to distance myself after they ostracized me for more than a decade and cut me out of a family business when I stood up to the Queen Bee matriarch, my dad’s wife. My dad & his wife both abused me growing up and continued to attempt to control me in adulthood. The whole sick family went along. How dare I stand up for myself & set boundaries!!! I have no rights according to the family cult. I’m their whooping girl, the family scapegoat. They came back (after ostracizing me for about 12 years) when I was diagnosed with late stage cancer wanting all up in my business! They had even contacted the family attorney to find out what their rights are to my assets at the time of my death.
It must hurt, So sorry , big hugs
I'm so sorry 💔
My father feels like a stranger to me 😢. He does nothing but gaslight in the relationship ! I have trouble trusting or connecting with people because of him .
I'm so sorry😔 I see this all the time and it's damaging. But you can regain your strength and continue moving forward. This might be something you can work on with a trusted person, therapist, etc.
I understand the trust issue. I feel like I just can't.
It’s totally understandable. The world is full of cluster B personalities. If one’s parent is untrustworthy, IT WILL BE difficult to trust others. But just like in any other scenario, trust has levels to it and it should always be earned! People who could trust their parents it’s because those parents earned it by being good people first.
Just try to remember that the bad tapes from him don’t mean others will be that way. Now thats easy to say. But try applying it. Not easy. Comes with a lot of rolaids and calming programs to stomach it. 🤢🚫I just mean, I hear you, I feel you on that. The remedy or prescribed answer is to try to change the way we think. As if our minds we made them up to be were based off the old system. The same one that they judge us with, we judge ourselves by. That’s the kicker. 💯👈🏻😉💡so we can feel better once we realize we’re judging ourselves in every way. You’re probably such a nice person, I’m sure of it. But inside somewhere, I can relate, to an internal critic, constantly keeping us lit up with shame, embarrassment, guilt. Why though? ❤because you judge yourself right here for having trouble with trust. When the answer might be, exactly, don’t have any. You deserve to feel angry. It’s right. You deserve to be suspect of people. Look at what you’ve been through? Who could judge? We do. That’s who. Us. It’s so difficult. 😂❤Na mean. Because it’s almost like it’s us that punish us the most because someone else is confused or unhappy about something. For sure, if the person who formed your bias was toxic, not much empathy, you’ll definitely look for comfort going forward. I know I did. ❤
Such a queen for this video. You literally broke my trauma bond with this information and cleared so much confusion 🙏
Key note: if it doesn’t feel like love it isn’t.
Thank you!! And I'm very glad this was helpful to you.
Deceptive affection, I’ve experienced this my whole life and am grateful now to have the language for it.
What a great listen this night. Happy weekend Tamara, enjoy.
Thank you and I'm very glad this was helpful! Have a wonderful weekend too.
Trust yourself. When your intuition says stay detached hold that space for yourself.
Your channel has helped me so much to understand why my relationship with my mother has always been so strained, hurtful and difficult. Through your explanations, I have finally gained the knowledge I need to move on for good.
I'm so glad this was helpful including the other chats/videos! That's an answered prayer! Thank you! Sometimes all healing takes is understanding and having the access to resources that can enlighten you.
Thank you for providing a name for this phenomenon. Thinking about children who experience deceptive affection from parents who cannot love -- it is so sad. Itbis no wonder that children of narcissists and psychopaths may develop such a denial of reality, and why it is hard to release it even as adults. It makes sense.
Trust is earned! Once you lose it; it’s hard to get it back )
Thank you Tamara good information. Wow deceptive affection didn't know it had a name.
Glad it was helpful! You're welcome!!
My brother loved me, then one day, he didn't. I felt so manipulated. I thought it was a "smear" champagne. It made me question myself and how didn't I see this. He has changed our relationship forever. How could I trust him. I couldn't.
If they get it…. Things could all change
Thanks for all the free therapy...you're blessing people who can't afford it
You're welcome!! And thank you so much! That's an answered prayer of mine to put forth truth and real help.
@@TherapistTamaraHill You are! ! ! You're literally doing God's work LOL...breaking generational patterns and you're BRILLIANT!
🤗💖thank you
I always knew deep down my mothers affections were never unconditional, there was often a undertone of spitefulness and manipulation i felt at an energetic level( i just never wanted to admit to myself)as it was just too painful, so i minimised her toxic behaviours for many years until enough was enough(then to cut a long story short in 2020) i gathered the strength and courage to finally cut all ties with her and never look back, its been liberating to say the least !!!
I am so appreciative of you finding the words to articulate many of our shared experiences. God bless you
I appreciate that🤗 Thank you. God bless you too. Such a blessing to know these discussions are needed.
Conspired closeness is exactly what this is! I'm so beyond shocked at this betrayal and fraudulent lies... you're not even allowed to make peace and move on. It's crazy
It's insane that your channel popped up on my FEED! the algorithm is listening to my thoughts...they had my little brothers graduation/21st birthday party on Saturday night...my older brother called me MID PARTY will everyone was having fun and they had the NERVE to ask me if I wanted to come as if all the invitations didn't go out months ago...my mom is the ring leader and she has successfully iced me out the family...I also don't feel safe going around them alone because I don't want to end up like Shanquilla Robinson
Deceptive affection is a real situation among families! People are thirsty for negativity!
Thank you! I just found your channel. It's already helped me so much!❤
Thank you!!
And You're welcome! Welcome to the channel. Glad to have you.
Finally have leisure time to watch this particular video. So far, I've heard discussion about unjust slander through gossip. Let me fasten my seatbelt for this. Thank you in advance Tamara! Also, Hoping you all the very blessed and good wishes in your health journey. Stay well in everything.
Good Therapy Teaching 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾.
Thank you!
yes, this makes me think of kill you with kindness. i had a family friend since i was little, and it always felt as though she diidnt like me. finally in my late 30s i said why are we even friends? it got to the point where i didnt have peace in my life. she showed up when she needed a friend and i dropped everything to be there. but the whole time knowing she doesnt have basic respect for me, others and probably herself. its unfortunate. i said i cannot be her friend, at this time.
Is resonates with me especially blood family relatives, because I have discovered they are broken from childhood trauma however am committed to God and therapy embracing my healing community plus accountability ..healing is painful but it is worth it becoming the best version whole best version of myself holistically unapologetically . Thank you for this context it's like a missing puzzle I needed. Again I really appreciate you because you are a blessing! 💞😊
This completely resonates with my husband big time. Tamara, I worry about you giving so much of yourself to us all. I had a medical procedure on Friday and missed your live. Please take care of yourself.... you are such a blessing!!! I'm also a Libra like your mom... guess I'm mothering you.😂 ❤❤❤
lol.
Awwww. Thank you! ❤🙏That's so kind and I know you are right. My mom has been telling me to be wise with myself. So I appreciate you!
And I hope you are doing okay too. It's a hard road when health issues stir up. It's truly something we have to pray for.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I just want to hug 🫂 you right now. Hope that's okay with you ☺️. I'm deeply touched by your words of comfort, understanding and truth. You are one in a million!!! I mean that sincerely. My husband also adores you as well....in a fatherly way.☺️😁💕
❤🤗😀😂Love that! Thank you!
🙏Your information is so valuable. My mother and her sisters behaves in this manner, it causes so much
conflicts within their family. Today this one is talking with each other and tomorrow they are at each other’s throats.
This is such a dysfunctional situation.
lot of
in the family. I think it is such an immature behaviour.
This was incredibly insightful. Thank you so much for your service.
Glad it was helpful to you! And you're welcome. Thank you for watching!!
I really enjoyed the portion of this video that I saw live...I am a victim of gang stalking so I like your info.
Thank you. That's great!
I'm glad you could join us live.
My father had a daughter with another woman. He made us call her "princess" and our children "aunt princess", while he beat me with belts and wire hangers.
Thanks for this conversation.
This is such a helpful video. Thank you so much!
You're welcome. Glad this was helpful to you! And thank you.
I have a relative through marriage, who acts like she’s down to clown, she’s hip, on the level, honest, cares. But then in every case fails to show you respect, bad mouths you in front of others to seem smart or more knowledgeable. Refuses to even see that you have a side, a story, count. So... I’m like, Ya.... right. 😂❤see... when you or somebody you love is being treated unfairly, talked bad about, emotions are created OUT OF THIN AIR. Putting on airs. Entitlement, grandiose self opinions. These are intelligent people in some cases, manipulative behavior always has intentions behind it. A deal. That’s the sick twist we didn’t see coming. So what that means is, in short words. You’ll find yourself having to defend even though you know differently. Guilt. Shame. Based on false beliefs created in the minds of people not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt in any case. But why? Because you’re being judged. That’s why. By someone with an agenda. 💡😛💯👈🏻
I have experienced this in my family. Too much jealousy and competition. Giving the impression of better!
Ugh
Gonna go ahead and give this a thumbs for the algorithm!
Great content!
Thank you!!
I feel like my mother doesn’t fall into the exact narc box, and even believed she did love me at times, but she is able to turn it off too easily too. I feel like she tried to love me, she just didn’t.
IM 63 but the youngest of 3 siblings one going on 77 brother, sister 74 and sister 71, she talks and confides at times in them. I cut commination off with all of them because of key moments that they've said things that made me think they don't care about me and never really did period especially the two older ones this, in this video what you're talking about is exactly what they would do., when I used to live years ago around my brother and sister-in-law in another state we will always go out to eat, well recently he came to the state that we were brought up in and they both wanted to take me out to eat but I knew that I was the tail end of their visit having been pretty much suspicious of how they were towards me and then found out for sure that I was right. And listening to your videos just spells it all out to me to me, well anyway when they wanted to take me out take me out for dinner, knowing that I was the tail end of their visit, I did not even answer the text until I found the words to say found the words to say. But I almost didn't answer. Also my oldest sister has always been my mother's Golden Child also the thing that I wanted to say which was really important and I think it's important for other people on here who've gone through the same thing is that my family never wanted to have what I call," THE TALK" if you wanted to use that terminology that's quite alright with me. I believe you know what I'm talking about the talk meaning the reason why we feel the way we do and how the things that they've done to us made us feel the Deep wounds that it caused and feelings of rejection and in some cases abandonment which was also what I went through because they left the state and went to another state when they had invited me to live with them in the state in the first place after I went through an abusive relationship after a marriage when I was 18 or 19. I've also experienced scapegoating abuse with my mother growing up and she really didn't want another child, me being the fourth
Strategically plan how they are going to love you. Oof.
It's really sad when your behaviors can be pin pointed and revealed on
Social media for That person to be Educated about YOUR toxic Self
I believe there are actual kind people.The ‘niceness’ I think you are speaking of isn’t the same as being kind. A kind person imo becomes a target or scapegoat, because being kind is also being a truth teller….oooops?😊
The toxic positivity is the way of deception. A genuine person keeps it realistic.
Deceptive affection occurs in churches
No, they can't start caring because they are pretending to love you so much!! Whateve the research says lol....!!
Right! I agree. Some of our research is unbelievable.
Ain't that the TRUTH! 😂
I experienced this with my aunt and her two kids. Somehow my aunt has convinced them of them to were they dont bother to talk to me and have wanted to use me. Also, my aunt took my mom out of a group home around 2008 when I moved back to Memphis and sense then tried to make it seem like I am supposed to have the responsibility of my mom. My mom was never there for me and I was not in contact with her from 14 to 18. I lived with my dad during that time. I had poor judgement to trust my aunt. When I moved back I had 3 year old twins and I came back because it was cheaper to live there. My aunt told me when I was there that no one has to help you, but at times when it came to using me financially her and her kids were doing that. Also, she has tried to force me to take care of my mom and has made her kids feel that I should. Yet they havent comprehended not having a mother your whole life and you were abused your entire life and had to figure things out on your own.
Thanks ❤🎉😊
You're welcome 😊
Deceptive affection sounds like the church.