I just wanted to add (as I didn't make this clear in the video) that all the help i've had with my mental health has been accessed via the NHS, so I haven't had to pay for any of it. There has been increasing awareness of the fact that mental health is a serious issue for women and birthing people in the first year of motherhood and pregnancy, so I think these services have been improved in recent years. That being said, it is still pot luck with how services will be depending on where you live, and I was very lucky that my area had a good service + my mental health issues were severe enough to get me seen pretty quickly, and once I was in that system accessing more help was easier.
Hi Bryony, I watched your video about why you chose a planned c-section a few months ago. I had a traumatic (vaginal) birth with my first baby who is now 18 months old and I’m now 17 weeks pregnant with my second baby. I spoke to my midwife at my booking appointment this time about how I have struggled mentally to process my first birth and how it’s affecting me now that I am pregnant again. From that conversation I have been referred to a maternity and neonatal psychological intervention team and I had my first meeting with a specialist midwife last week… and it was amazing. It’s been such a relief to find someone who has listened to my concerns properly and has validated my feelings. I still have lots of time to continue these visits and we will decide on my “birth plan” this time around at a later date, but because of your video I felt able to bring up how I was feeling and really advocate for my mental health postpartum - thank you 🥰
Bryony you are like a breath of fresh air in the family vlogging space! Dont ever change, l truly believe that you will help more people than you realise. Thank you for keeping it real.
My last pregnancy is a similar story. I became suicidal the last few weeks. My whole pregnancy I was really bad but the end was the worst. I had a planned c section and when I heard her cry, I had instant relief emotionally, but it took probably like 3-4 hours for me to start to bond with her. She’s now 10 months. I had my tubes clamped and I’m not having any more kids, I’m done and happy
I love how honest and open you are. You're normalizing things that not enough people talk about. I'm honestly one of those people that *loves* to know people's experiences giving birth.
As a child of a mother who wouldn't/couldn't get help and didn't get out of that spiral, it's so good to hear you recovered well. It's good for me to hear as well. ❤ thank you for talking about it.
I agree with you in not understanding people who are so intense about birth choices. It's not like you get audited based on your birth choices. Go meds-free if that's what you want, but any way of delivering your baby (including all medical interventions) that's safe for the baby and mom is all valid.
My first pregnancy was amazing, the delivery was HORRENDOUS. So much so I didn't get pregnant frlor another 10 years. That pregnancy was fine, delivery was great, but the postpartum was awful. I had no help & sought no help because I felt ashamed. That was 13 years ago. I'm happy to see more people bringing attention to this kind of stuff. A new baby is of course wonder, but it's definitely not all rainbows & sunshine for everyone! It's ok to not be ok.
I've had severe mental illness, although not related to pregnancy. You're exactly right. When you are severely mentally unwell, you don't always realise just how ill you are. My illness was such that I was a risk to myself at one stage, but I didn't realise that I was that unwell. Not helped, I don't think, by the reaction of mental health services which was to basically dismiss it and tell me it was "just social issues" and I didn't actually need intensive support. Frankly they were completely negligent to the point where it could have been fatal if not for the intervention of the police and my family paying for private care. It's only now I'm well that I've really realised just how bad things were and how dangerous my illness really was. Severe mental illness doesn't get discussed or acknowledged enough, and there's nowhere near enough support available.
It's so lovely to hear an experience so matter of fact and down to earth. You're exactly right about birthing choices. I sat in my last midwife appointment and cried, saying I just need this baby in my arms (I suffer severe OCD). She suggested considering an induction, which I did (terrified of c section) - a week later baby was in my arms safe and sound after an induction. It wasn't how I imagined the birth before I was pregnant, and I did have some complications that were difficult, but I thank the universe every day for that midwife. I really agree - so whatever you need to so you feel safe and get the baby safe in your arms. Thank you for this video.
With my first I went through 17 hours of labour and then 2.5 hours of pushing. Eventually rushed to surgery. Where they tried the spinal 7 times. All failed. Through this I was contracting every 30 seconds, fighting the urge to keep pushing. Finally they said they needed to put me under general. Recovery was a breeze. I choose c section the next two times. I didn't even have to think about it. Recovery was easy for me and I was able to enjoy pregnancy and birth a little more and not have to dread the ending the entire time.
I feel exactly the same about the birth being special moments, but there are nine million special moments as your child grows. I viewed my wedding the same way, it was special, but only a day - we focus on the marriage - been over 20 years
Obviously things can go wrong with any surgery in recovery, but barring that, what I've heard is that elective/planned c-sections are typically easier than either a vaginal birth or an emergency c-section. I've often heard emergency c-section is worst because depending on how long you labored prior to surgery, it can feel like recovering from both. You don't have any energy, etc. Plus the nature of it being an emergency can be scary. But my friends who have had planned c-section were all very happy with their experience.
I am so so glad for you and Oryn that you're in such a good place now. I feel like your videos will help so many people as well, so thank you for being so open and honest about your journey
Having seen you previously say you’d thought you’d made the biggest mistake of your life by getting pregnant, it’s so amazing to see you say you definitely did the right thing. So happy it’s all worked out for you Bryony ❤
You are amazing and so strong to make it through that tough time and having the courage to ask for help and share what has gone on. I have been watching for about a year before year pregnancy and our kiddos are about a month apart in age. I have enjoyed watching you be such a strong, encouraging person.
I'm so very glad that you're doing so good! I'm glad you were able to have the therapies that helped you so much! You're such a great resource for other women too! A lot of people aren't open or able to be open about their struggles with pregnancy and you sharing your story will be great for them! I seriously just can't say enough how happy it makes me to know and see how well you are and doing! 😊
Thank you so much for sharing these intrusive ocd-like-thoughts, you're very brave. These kind of thoughts are more common than is known and most don't talk about it because of shame. Generally, it is often comorbid with postnatal depression. Having depression during pregnancy puts you at higher risk of postpartum depression. Very happy to hear you're feeling well now and can fully enjoy the experience of being a new mum.
This was so lovely to watch! I agree with the previous comment completely you truly are a breath of fresh air. So glad you are doing well and wishing you and your little boy all the best for the future! ❤❤
I follow your channel about 5 years ago? I admire your strength to having a baby and I'm so happy for you, wishing the best for you and your little baby❤
I’m so happy for you! I got all teared up when you said you love being a mum. I have 3,5 month old and for me it’s been very different - pregnancy was when I felt best mentally my entire adult life, vaginal birth which went smoothly but left me unsure if I want to go through that again in the future and it was the postpartum that’s been the most difficult of them all mentally, especially towards the 12th week when I really wanted the purple crying stage to be over. Now I’m the 15th week I still struggle with how unpredictable the baby can be mood and sleepwise (I’ve been suspecting that I might be on the autistic spectrum for a couple years now) and it brings out the worst parts of me. I spoke to my paediatrician about it and she gave me number to the family counsellor at the clinic to reach out to, and I try to work on regulating my stress levels when I start to get too overwhelmed.
I feel like I really relate to a lot of your feelings and some experiences even though none it has anything to do with pregnancy. I have struggled with my mental health for a long time. I also have a fluctuating physical health condition (FND) so I know the feeling of having symptoms return and how it feels sometimes worse, than in just in the situation that you are in now, because it also feels like when you were ill before. With mental health I have to say-it feels entirely real when you are in it, and when you have thoughts and feelings that are continuous over a long period, somehow you can lose sense of what is you and what is part of the illness that has come about. I think because as the illness starts it usually starts more slowly we don’t realise the extent of how much different everything is until it’s more extreme. I have to say it’s awesome to hear your story about how you have been able to move past it and recover and get the help you needed when you need it. Also just from the perspective of someone with C-PTSD, Depression and Anxiety it’s just really validating honestly to hear how different you felt to how you normally would, to me that is something I don’t think I’ve exactly heard before. Because it can be torturous, painful and scary and the feeling of not trusting yourself, it’s not always something that is easy to compare or explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it, so to hear your experience of someone without mental health issues for a long time and hopefully long after, hearing you tell how it felt compared to now gives me hope, that things can be better and life can feel easier. Even though everyones experience is different it really does explain everything in such an honest way. Thank you for that. ❤
At a guess your terror was related to your previous experiences with your crippling period pains. They are extremely painful, distressing and your life (like mine) was based around the fear of the pain coming and wanting to catch it before it happens. If giving birth is more painful then you knew what was coming - and more. It makes complete sense you had this intense fear.
I think it's expected for a lady to be over the moan. My little boy was a surprise when I was aged 39 nearly 40. He is now 10 months old. I love him to pieces but was that surprised of what people would think I did call abortion clinic but never got through. And when I thought of it it wasn't up to me to get rid of an innocent babies life who had been the biggest surprise and I realized my surprise was just fear. It's all a long journey filled with appointments. But when they are here you can't imagine life before they where here ❤
I had a similar experience with hypermesis with symptoms that went away within about two hours of giving birth (hormones are wild). I was so thrilled to have my baby and also for my pregnancy to be over! I did give birth vaginally with an epidural and the giving birth was hands down the easiest part of the experience. I’d give birth again, but I’d never want to experience pregnancy again. I did not have intense mental health struggles, but that was the first time in my life that I felt like I could understand suicidal thoughts or feelings of 0 control over their body with no end in sight. Happily I knew there was a finish line at 8-9 months.
I had a very similar experience as you. Had hyperemisis, was admitted to the hospital 9 times and stayed approximately 3 months all together. Almost had a vaginal birth with epidural, but it ended in an emergency c-section with general anesthesia, and it was still so much better than the pregnancy. I never ever want to be pregnant again. My daughter turned 15 yesterday, and the thought of another pregnancy still make me so scared. She was of course 100% worth it though 😉❤️
I'm so happy that you are doing good! Really!! 🥰For me, I had a lovely pregnancy but I'm fighting post-partum depression, and it sucks so much!! But, I feel I'm getting better with my psychiatry and psychology and I know I will get better, I just hope is sooner rather than later.
I both agree and disagree about the "easy option" thing. Having had a vaginal birth with gas and air and an emergency ceseian (not during labour) I would take the vaginal birth any day in terms of pain and recovery. I wouldn't describe my vaginal birth as painful, I found it really enjoyable and cathartic after hating being pregnant. However I think a lot of that is to do with me personally, my tolerance and understanding of pain, my body and phycology. The ceseian though, while I don't consider it traumatic despite the drama, I am hating the recovery for. It's been 4 months, I'm still in pain, It was horrible not being able to care for my older child properly and having to rely on other people. But as with many things in motherhood there is a feminist issue here. I think many, including many women, feel like mothering is suffering and we should experience pain to be a real woman. It's deeply wrong and woman should just make their own informed choice. I guess the issue is information - bit of a battle ground in womens health
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It has been really eye opening. How interesting our brains can be! I am truly glad you are feeling better.
I think choosing the easiest option makes complete sense. I think there is still a problematic cultural expectation that women should literally suffer in childbirth. If I ever do have a child, I will choose whatever route seems easiet and most comfortable.
I wanted vaginal birth and a c section was so much more of a scary thought. Ended up having a c section, it is definitely not the easy way as u have the recovery.
As someone who went through vaginal birth without any pain medication... I decided I did not want any because of the risk / benefits associated. I'm happy I didn't as it really vasn't that painfull (was in a tub nearly till the end) especially for someone with endometrosis... So I think there shouldn't be such an automatic "why not get pain meds when offrered" as there are known risks associated for birthing person and baby, and quite often it's not that bad? intense sure, but managebale, and if you want and need them, sure, get them! But telling people they should have gotten them because we are not in the olden days is a bit... meh. (PS: I do not think a C-section is the easy option, on the contrary)
Don’t underestimate the impact of this period of mental ill health in the child in utero and in the first year … be vigilant and understanding of your son’s development going forward
Are you paying for all this ? It sounds like a rolls Royce service I don’t recognise from the NHS … Most people will not be able to access this - especially poor - non English speaking mums 😢
I just wanted to add (as I didn't make this clear in the video) that all the help i've had with my mental health has been accessed via the NHS, so I haven't had to pay for any of it. There has been increasing awareness of the fact that mental health is a serious issue for women and birthing people in the first year of motherhood and pregnancy, so I think these services have been improved in recent years. That being said, it is still pot luck with how services will be depending on where you live, and I was very lucky that my area had a good service + my mental health issues were severe enough to get me seen pretty quickly, and once I was in that system accessing more help was easier.
Hi Bryony, I watched your video about why you chose a planned c-section a few months ago. I had a traumatic (vaginal) birth with my first baby who is now 18 months old and I’m now 17 weeks pregnant with my second baby. I spoke to my midwife at my booking appointment this time about how I have struggled mentally to process my first birth and how it’s affecting me now that I am pregnant again. From that conversation I have been referred to a maternity and neonatal psychological intervention team and I had my first meeting with a specialist midwife last week… and it was amazing. It’s been such a relief to find someone who has listened to my concerns properly and has validated my feelings. I still have lots of time to continue these visits and we will decide on my “birth plan” this time around at a later date, but because of your video I felt able to bring up how I was feeling and really advocate for my mental health postpartum - thank you 🥰
Bryony you are like a breath of fresh air in the family vlogging space! Dont ever change, l truly believe that you will help more people than you realise. Thank you for keeping it real.
My last pregnancy is a similar story. I became suicidal the last few weeks. My whole pregnancy I was really bad but the end was the worst. I had a planned c section and when I heard her cry, I had instant relief emotionally, but it took probably like 3-4 hours for me to start to bond with her. She’s now 10 months. I had my tubes clamped and I’m not having any more kids, I’m done and happy
I love how honest and open you are. You're normalizing things that not enough people talk about.
I'm honestly one of those people that *loves* to know people's experiences giving birth.
As a child of a mother who wouldn't/couldn't get help and didn't get out of that spiral, it's so good to hear you recovered well. It's good for me to hear as well. ❤ thank you for talking about it.
I agree with you in not understanding people who are so intense about birth choices. It's not like you get audited based on your birth choices. Go meds-free if that's what you want, but any way of delivering your baby (including all medical interventions) that's safe for the baby and mom is all valid.
My first pregnancy was amazing, the delivery was HORRENDOUS. So much so I didn't get pregnant frlor another 10 years. That pregnancy was fine, delivery was great, but the postpartum was awful. I had no help & sought no help because I felt ashamed. That was 13 years ago. I'm happy to see more people bringing attention to this kind of stuff. A new baby is of course wonder, but it's definitely not all rainbows & sunshine for everyone! It's ok to not be ok.
❤
I've had severe mental illness, although not related to pregnancy. You're exactly right. When you are severely mentally unwell, you don't always realise just how ill you are. My illness was such that I was a risk to myself at one stage, but I didn't realise that I was that unwell. Not helped, I don't think, by the reaction of mental health services which was to basically dismiss it and tell me it was "just social issues" and I didn't actually need intensive support. Frankly they were completely negligent to the point where it could have been fatal if not for the intervention of the police and my family paying for private care.
It's only now I'm well that I've really realised just how bad things were and how dangerous my illness really was. Severe mental illness doesn't get discussed or acknowledged enough, and there's nowhere near enough support available.
It's so lovely to hear an experience so matter of fact and down to earth. You're exactly right about birthing choices. I sat in my last midwife appointment and cried, saying I just need this baby in my arms (I suffer severe OCD). She suggested considering an induction, which I did (terrified of c section) - a week later baby was in my arms safe and sound after an induction. It wasn't how I imagined the birth before I was pregnant, and I did have some complications that were difficult, but I thank the universe every day for that midwife. I really agree - so whatever you need to so you feel safe and get the baby safe in your arms. Thank you for this video.
With my first I went through 17 hours of labour and then 2.5 hours of pushing. Eventually rushed to surgery. Where they tried the spinal 7 times. All failed. Through this I was contracting every 30 seconds, fighting the urge to keep pushing. Finally they said they needed to put me under general.
Recovery was a breeze.
I choose c section the next two times. I didn't even have to think about it. Recovery was easy for me and I was able to enjoy pregnancy and birth a little more and not have to dread the ending the entire time.
I feel exactly the same about the birth being special moments, but there are nine million special moments as your child grows. I viewed my wedding the same way, it was special, but only a day - we focus on the marriage - been over 20 years
Obviously things can go wrong with any surgery in recovery, but barring that, what I've heard is that elective/planned c-sections are typically easier than either a vaginal birth or an emergency c-section. I've often heard emergency c-section is worst because depending on how long you labored prior to surgery, it can feel like recovering from both. You don't have any energy, etc. Plus the nature of it being an emergency can be scary. But my friends who have had planned c-section were all very happy with their experience.
I am so so glad for you and Oryn that you're in such a good place now. I feel like your videos will help so many people as well, so thank you for being so open and honest about your journey
Having seen you previously say you’d thought you’d made the biggest mistake of your life by getting pregnant, it’s so amazing to see you say you definitely did the right thing. So happy it’s all worked out for you Bryony ❤
You are amazing and so strong to make it through that tough time and having the courage to ask for help and share what has gone on. I have been watching for about a year before year pregnancy and our kiddos are about a month apart in age. I have enjoyed watching you be such a strong, encouraging person.
I'm so very glad that you're doing so good! I'm glad you were able to have the therapies that helped you so much! You're such a great resource for other women too! A lot of people aren't open or able to be open about their struggles with pregnancy and you sharing your story will be great for them!
I seriously just can't say enough how happy it makes me to know and see how well you are and doing! 😊
Thank you so much for sharing these intrusive ocd-like-thoughts, you're very brave. These kind of thoughts are more common than is known and most don't talk about it because of shame. Generally, it is often comorbid with postnatal depression. Having depression during pregnancy puts you at higher risk of postpartum depression. Very happy to hear you're feeling well now and can fully enjoy the experience of being a new mum.
This was so lovely to watch! I agree with the previous comment completely you truly are a breath of fresh air. So glad you are doing well and wishing you and your little boy all the best for the future! ❤❤
I follow your channel about 5 years ago? I admire your strength to having a baby and I'm so happy for you, wishing the best for you and your little baby❤
I’m so happy for you! I got all teared up when you said you love being a mum. I have 3,5 month old and for me it’s been very different - pregnancy was when I felt best mentally my entire adult life, vaginal birth which went smoothly but left me unsure if I want to go through that again in the future and it was the postpartum that’s been the most difficult of them all mentally, especially towards the 12th week when I really wanted the purple crying stage to be over. Now I’m the 15th week I still struggle with how unpredictable the baby can be mood and sleepwise (I’ve been suspecting that I might be on the autistic spectrum for a couple years now) and it brings out the worst parts of me. I spoke to my paediatrician about it and she gave me number to the family counsellor at the clinic to reach out to, and I try to work on regulating my stress levels when I start to get too overwhelmed.
I feel like I really relate to a lot of your feelings and some experiences even though none it has anything to do with pregnancy.
I have struggled with my mental health for a long time.
I also have a fluctuating physical health condition (FND) so I know the feeling of having symptoms return and how it feels sometimes worse, than in just in the situation that you are in now, because it also feels like when you were ill before.
With mental health I have to say-it feels entirely real when you are in it, and when you have thoughts and feelings that are continuous over a long period, somehow you can lose sense of what is you and what is part of the illness that has come about. I think because as the illness starts it usually starts more slowly we don’t realise the extent of how much different everything is until it’s more extreme.
I have to say it’s awesome to hear your story about how you have been able to move past it and recover and get the help you needed when you need it. Also just from the perspective of someone with C-PTSD, Depression and Anxiety it’s just really validating honestly to hear how different you felt to how you normally would, to me that is something I don’t think I’ve exactly heard before.
Because it can be torturous, painful and scary and the feeling of not trusting yourself, it’s not always something that is easy to compare or explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it, so to hear your experience of someone without mental health issues for a long time and hopefully long after, hearing you tell how it felt compared to now gives me hope, that things can be better and life can feel easier. Even though everyones experience is different it really does explain everything in such an honest way.
Thank you for that. ❤
At a guess your terror was related to your previous experiences with your crippling period pains. They are extremely painful, distressing and your life (like mine) was based around the fear of the pain coming and wanting to catch it before it happens.
If giving birth is more painful then you knew what was coming - and more.
It makes complete sense you had this intense fear.
I think it's expected for a lady to be over the moan. My little boy was a surprise when I was aged 39 nearly 40. He is now 10 months old. I love him to pieces but was that surprised of what people would think I did call abortion clinic but never got through. And when I thought of it it wasn't up to me to get rid of an innocent babies life who had been the biggest surprise and I realized my surprise was just fear. It's all a long journey filled with appointments. But when they are here you can't imagine life before they where here ❤
I had a similar experience with hypermesis with symptoms that went away within about two hours of giving birth (hormones are wild). I was so thrilled to have my baby and also for my pregnancy to be over! I did give birth vaginally with an epidural and the giving birth was hands down the easiest part of the experience. I’d give birth again, but I’d never want to experience pregnancy again. I did not have intense mental health struggles, but that was the first time in my life that I felt like I could understand suicidal thoughts or feelings of 0 control over their body with no end in sight. Happily I knew there was a finish line at 8-9 months.
I had a very similar experience as you. Had hyperemisis, was admitted to the hospital 9 times and stayed approximately 3 months all together. Almost had a vaginal birth with epidural, but it ended in an emergency c-section with general anesthesia, and it was still so much better than the pregnancy. I never ever want to be pregnant again. My daughter turned 15 yesterday, and the thought of another pregnancy still make me so scared. She was of course 100% worth it though 😉❤️
I'm so happy that you are doing good! Really!! 🥰For me, I had a lovely pregnancy but I'm fighting post-partum depression, and it sucks so much!! But, I feel I'm getting better with my psychiatry and psychology and I know I will get better, I just hope is sooner rather than later.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and giving such wonderful advice.
I both agree and disagree about the "easy option" thing. Having had a vaginal birth with gas and air and an emergency ceseian (not during labour) I would take the vaginal birth any day in terms of pain and recovery. I wouldn't describe my vaginal birth as painful, I found it really enjoyable and cathartic after hating being pregnant. However I think a lot of that is to do with me personally, my tolerance and understanding of pain, my body and phycology. The ceseian though, while I don't consider it traumatic despite the drama, I am hating the recovery for. It's been 4 months, I'm still in pain, It was horrible not being able to care for my older child properly and having to rely on other people.
But as with many things in motherhood there is a feminist issue here. I think many, including many women, feel like mothering is suffering and we should experience pain to be a real woman. It's deeply wrong and woman should just make their own informed choice. I guess the issue is information - bit of a battle ground in womens health
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It has been really eye opening. How interesting our brains can be! I am truly glad you are feeling better.
I think choosing the easiest option makes complete sense. I think there is still a problematic cultural expectation that women should literally suffer in childbirth. If I ever do have a child, I will choose whatever route seems easiet and most comfortable.
I wanted vaginal birth and a c section was so much more of a scary thought. Ended up having a c section, it is definitely not the easy way as u have the recovery.
Weightloss surgery has the same stigma.
As someone who went through vaginal birth without any pain medication... I decided I did not want any because of the risk / benefits associated. I'm happy I didn't as it really vasn't that painfull (was in a tub nearly till the end) especially for someone with endometrosis...
So I think there shouldn't be such an automatic "why not get pain meds when offrered" as there are known risks associated for birthing person and baby, and quite often it's not that bad? intense sure, but managebale, and if you want and need them, sure, get them!
But telling people they should have gotten them because we are not in the olden days is a bit... meh.
(PS: I do not think a C-section is the easy option, on the contrary)
Don’t underestimate the impact of this period of mental ill health in the child in utero and in the first year … be vigilant and understanding of your son’s development going forward
Are you paying for all this ? It sounds like a rolls Royce service I don’t recognise from the NHS … Most people will not be able to access this - especially poor - non English speaking mums 😢
You can have a planned cesarean NHS.