I have a deep love for my spouse, she is nothing short of amazing to me. I have no doubt that I love her, yet when she doesn't look a certain way I get anxious and start having intrusive thoughts about her beauty or why dont I find her attractive. Other days she dresses nice, and all my thoughts go away. I feel so shallow and disgusted with myself. So I tell myself I don't care how she looks she is the love of my life and when she doesn't look a certain way I start having the anxious thoughts again, it is so debilitating. I whish I could aways see her beautiful regardless of how she looks that day and not deal with these ridiculous thoughts. But well there's no wishing here, only exposure and response prevention and my prayers will become true. Thanks for all your help my friend, you are an expert in your field of work and a blessing to us with ocd.
I have the same with my bf. Before we started dateing i was very much attracted to him. As son as we started our relationship it was the next thing after another. I have been obssesed about every little thing about him. Curently its his hair. When he gets a hair cut everything is fine. As soon as his hair grows a tiny bit it all goes to shit. Same with his weight gain due to lockdown. There are days where I think to myself thats it I am breaking up with him, he is not the right one for me. But I keep asking myself.... Should I really do that cause I cant handle his hair for half a month? I am really getting tired...
@@ocdandanxiety Please, doctor I keep focusing on my partner's nose and it became a compulsion. Every time I feel stressed I go and look at her nose.... what should I do? I mean should I focus on her nose or should I ignore it ... it's confusing because ignoring is like avoiding looking at her nose
This is highly relatable that I tear up. I feel happy I know what the diagnosis is but then of course my doubt comes in to tell me 'maybe it isn't this..' Thank you for the informative video.
I’m the same, but I also watch a video by a channel called awaken into love which mainly focuses on relationship OCD and the host said that most people with rOCD will doubt they have it or constantly look for proof they have it, I’d really recommend you check out the channel.
Could you talk about the role of avoidance in OCD? As far as rOCD goes, it is always making me want to avoid the person or acting a certain way or isolate myself from them. My rOCD comes in so many different ways, from fixating on flaws, to obsessing over the balance in effort, obsessing that they’re not the right person, that they’re losing interest in me, that they are (ironically) obsessed with bad things, obsessing that they might be abusive
My ROCD morphs from relationship-focused to partner-focused and now it’s on parter-focused. You’re right, it’s tough to find OCD informed therapists (which blows my mind). I found 2 OCD therapists that fall under my insurance and when I reached out to them, I received radio silence. It’s been discouraging, but I send my current therapist your videos and it helps him understand as well, so thank you. I’ll check out your course, no idea if I can afford it but it’s worth the look!
This is what I've been struggling with for more than a year now. A looot of progress made, and I've used your tips extensively in my treatment for my ROCD, but damn it's really really hard. Thanks for all you do Nathan 💕
@@ocdandanxiety @OCD and Anxiety Please, doctor I keep focusing on my partner's nose and it became a compulsion. Every time I feel stressed I go and look at her nose.... what should I do? I mean should I focus on her nose or should I ignore it ... it's confusing because ignoring is like avoiding looking at her nose..? Can I just say I don't care ?
I’ve been in the greatest relationship ever firstly I am a anxious person for me to meet someone is so hard, and I finally met someone who makes me feel calm, we got through the honeymoon phase, before ocd I used to have happiness calmness, feeling like home, so happy, now I feel anxious to see him. I feel angry for no reason, I have these doubts, I feel like I don’t like him, if I feel anxious around him it must be something.
I tip my cap to anyone who was able to actually form a relationship while dealing with ROCD. I believe I have ROCD and that’s the reason I’m in my 40s and never married. I’ve dated good women, but there was always something that wasn’t right that caused me to believe they weren’t “the one”. It really sucks because ROCD makes you think you’re “settling” unless you meet someone who is absolutely perfect, and while I know perfection doesn’t exist, ROCD is a wall that I just can’t seem get over.
Sorry to hear that, and I mean it. But all is not lost. If you want to be in a relationship in the future, maybe try Nathan’s advice. Decide that it’s cool and great even when your partner has flaws. There are many good channels on rocd here. I personally found a channel called Awaken into love beneficial. They take a gentle, accepting view on this problem.
I have this with my boyfriend , with morality. Since morality is a big thing for me and i want to be on the same page with my partner when it comes to this. I love my boyfriend so damn much but my ocd always just focuses on things he said or did once (most of them being far in the past) and for that he already apologized for and it makes me insane since it feels like there's something between us which is not spoken. But if I'd confront him once again, it would be reassurance seeking and since that's a compulsion I'd rather not do that. Thank you for this video , it kinda opened my eyes to what is going on inside of me and I'm trying to work on my ocd. You helped me a lot!
Yep, wow!! Just found your UA-cam a couple days ago from Instagram and learning so much already from you. This is another type of OCD that I just found out I have/experience. Had no idea this was an actual sub-category (whatever it's called) of OCD. I am happy in my relationship, but I often find myself obsessing and noticing small things. I love the comment section on your channel because people share so much and I really had no idea how many others are so relatable. Thank you Nathan and thank you everybody else for sharing!
Totally stuck. Now, after a quick honeymoon phase, I find myself looking for reasons to leave her. The way she looks, what her eyes communicate, the way she laughs, the kind of jokes she makes. It’s like I don’t like her, despite the attraction that occurred. But I don’t actually want to leave her, even though there is a great impulse to leave her inside of me. I am getting crazy, this situation is wearing me out. I look at her and think “she is not right for me at all”. I am walking on eggshells here, because I think she isn’t right for me. Something is off here, and sometimes I feel like I am forcing myself to stay with her because I don’t want to repeat t he experience of breaking up. However, what I am working on right now is “I don’t mind”. Probably this relationship is wrong for me, I may not like her, but it is not a problem, it’s not an issue. I thought I overcame this, but in fact I am still working on lessening my anxiety towards her. Plus, she is making her choice. She wants to stay with me, even though I am not sure, and she knows. Uncertainty is the key here. But I swear, today I was sick of seeing her, listening to her. And you know what? I don’t mind. I am who I am and feel what I feel.
@@Nicole-yx8ms Thank you for your support. It got better and bettter, then it worsened dramatically. My mind finds thousands of strategies to sabotage this relationship, and I am really struggling here. Plus, when daily stress occurs, the whole thing increases. I think I should play a second round here, in which I will have no mercy for fears. Like “Yeah, this is just fear and I am going to deal with it no matter what”.
@@Nicole-yx8ms I believe I started to feel better as I looked at the whole matter from a different perspective. By the time, any discomfort resulted as a facet of my compulsion, and it wasn't actually real. There was some anxiety and anguish, but i dealt with it way better. Then, all of a sudden, one day I though "Stop it! This is all wrong for me, I am sick of this". And everything fell apart. Believe me, I am quite a strong guy. I am a drama teacher, and i deal with feelings very well. But in this case... God, this is awful. For some reason, my brain sentenced that she isn't right for me. And there's no appeal, no debate, no second guessing. My brain says "She is bad for you, and you will be miserable with her". But she is, actually, caring, lovely, pretty, generous and SINCERE. I am getting maf
@@compagniaelvira I'm so terribly sorry. I can relate very deeply on some levels... it's truly hell. Have you heard of attachment theory? Its helped me to understand myself deeper. I've also started therapy with NOCD (I feel confident they have adequately trained OCD therapists.. not all are trained with trauma awareness). I wish I would've done so at the start, as time has only allowed my ROCD to get unbearably worse, but the reality is that I wasn't strong enough then. Have you gone for specific OCD therapy/ERP?
Knowledge is power, we need it as a foundation. I recommend the books 'Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' and 'Break Free from OCD,' I read them throughout my therapy and they taught me all the tools I use today. If we really want to overcome this affliction, we have to commit to change. It's challenging, and unfair, but it's the reality; we have to do what's best for us
I've lost 4 partners to ocd of various themes . I lost the last one to rocd , don't be me. This guy knows his stuff wish I had watched this last year now.
:(( Too late, Nathan, I saw it too late. But I believe my partner was also reinforcing the obsessions and making them so much stronger. When OCD started showing up in my relationship I was very confused and absolutely terrified of my own thoughts. I’d break down any minute just because of the intensity of my obsessions. The monster was taking a small thing, some evidence and blow it out of proportion so much, that I would question my reality, myself. It lasted for months until now. Our relationship ended by him ghosting me. Maybe healing on my own will actually be better for me. I still catch myself obsessing over our relationship, if cutting him off is the right thing to do (since he’s ghosting anyway) or whose fault that was. My mind is still foggy. I’m working with a therapist and hoping for improvement. I’ve always loved your videos and the personality you’re showing in these! Thank you!
It was too late for me , too. I just resorted to hating myself instead yet was so frustrated and just gave in. Figured well I didn’t deserve the person any way. Then it was too easy to ‘justify’ since we’re all human and decided ok ; well maybe just not the right person. I think this video will be helpful in the future for me though; for future relationships. :) At least I have a better grasp on it now. Ive always hated in myself to ‘notice or pick out flaws’ because I genuinely love people and I know everyone has their gifts to offer (I’m not talking about actual abuse/toxic people here). But my brain kept honing in on the ‘bad’ which just made me feel like a super shallow and judge-y person. I also don’t like when if I have that anxiety about it and someone who is actually mean is like: well duh of course it’s ok to be ‘grossed out by someone’. I’m like NO that’s freaking rude, I don’t actually ‘want’ to be an ass but thanks for the suggestion.
Been struggling with rocd for over a year but I’ve come a long way. These videos have def helped. Going through a rough couple of days but I’ve gotten through them before and I Olán on getting through them again. Thanks for the work you do 👍🏼
I’ve been struggling for a year too and hasn’t been easy. There are some days that it gets worse and you feel like in the starting point, but being aware helps a lot. Are you feeling better now?
Last summer I was really struggling with HOCD and it wasn’t much fun but your videos and this “maybe I am, maybe I am not, so what?” attitude really helped me and I didn’t have intrusive thoughts for months. Now since this fall I’m in a relationship with this wonderful boy and I’m starting to doubt again. I sometimes seem to be looking for reasons not to be with him because I’m always focussing on his flaws. It’s ROCD now but the thoughts and the urgency behind the feeling that I might do something wrong, that I might ignore the signs are just the same. It’s very frustrating right now for me because I thought I had my OCD under control and now I feel like I have to start all over again. I so hope I’ll be able to choose to stay strong and to not do the “easier” thing and just break up.
You literally show up with another video telling the signs i have been recently experiencing... Thank you for explaining every little thing that even i didnt notice it Thnk you nathan You are a gem...❤
Great video. Ive been a huge fan of your advice. I was waiting for a video regarding this. Ive struggled for a long time with ROCD. Although ive heard what you mentioned here before. The way you deliver your advice is great. You have a good personality. Thanks for the help. Your changing alot of people. Or rather, helping them change themselves.
I feel like career choice OCD is probably a thing. I'm 5 years into a pretty good career but I can't stop shooting holes in it, researching other careers, etc. I can fill all the holes my current job has (never outside, not helping many people) by doing other things outside of work, but another part of me keeps insisting that I have to switch to something else. I lose days to researching other fields. I never make the switch because eventually I shoot holes in the new career I've settled on. Meanwhile my performance at my actual job suffers do to the distraction. Would love to see some research or content on this.
Same!! Would love to learn more about this subtype - so far i’ve just decided to try and treat this struggle like any other OCD form. It took me years to realize this might be OCD even if i’ve suffered from different themes all my life.
There is this girl I like that I fell in love with just at first sight. We been talking for a month and then for some instances I noticed that her appearance is not for my liking.. I've know that I have OCD and this made me anxious about her appearance. I'm literally crying because i felt that all of the love and affection I have for her gone just because that thought pop out of nowhere. Could some one help, She's really a great person and I wouldn't want to like a person just because of their looks. I would to like based who they really are.
Idk if it's ROCD or not but it's been so bad lately. This past week has just be so bad and I've cried almost every day over it. It's constantly I don't love him, I zhould leave him, I'm scared to leave him, I want to find someone new. I felt so like numb and depressed lately and my family talks bad about my partner and it doesn't helo at all. I honeslty knew it was ROCD but now I'm question if it's even that. I'm so sick of crying. Please send help.
I have used you other videos and done a lot of exposures. I don’t feel very anxious anymore but numb and irritated. I feel more like I don’t even care anymore, and that feeling is not very nice
Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry that you feel numb and irritated. Often with OCD there can be multiple things happening like depression, anger, etc. In therapy, we tend to address all these different areas. I hope you can feel better my friend.
@@ocdandanxiety thanks :) In many ways I’m so much better. But how to do ERP for the angry feelings? Because I get so many break up urges when I feel like this. I try just to sit with it and feel it
I’ve been having ROCD for 4 years and now my boyfriend left me because he never saw me happy and needed time alone. Now I’m devastated and don’t know how to cure this ocd because after 2 years of therapy barely nothing changed
Does anybody else have really negative type daydreams where your completely conscious and aware of what's going on around you but you imagine things very intently and detailed, things like terror attacks, war, my kids getting stolen, car crashes etc etc? To the extent that you feel all the negative emotions as if you are there, even if my wife starts chatting to me while I'm in one I have to pretend to go to the toilet and finish the negative daydream even though I do not want to be doing it or thinking it at all.. I know it sounds crazy but I would love to know what it is.. So u can better find help for it, I have autism (mild) and pretty heavy Ocd and anxiety not sure if that would be a connection.. Any help would be great 😊
Possibly some pretty intense intrusive thoughts that must "feel right" to finish with the thought process. Some have to go through it, or else their brain says it will actually happen. Some may just experience derealization.
@@ocdandanxiety do you have any tips or links to anyrhing at all that may help? It's been going on for years but they are getting longer and much more intense and even very graphic.. Seeing my little boy murdered brutally in my mind is getting pretty draining
How do you do exposure therapy for obsessive thoughts about the other cheating, or specifically finding others attractive, etc...Both during the relationship or even after the relationship is over?
For me it got so bad that I actually don't even know if I really love my partner deep down. I only focus on his flaws, think that his personality matches 0% with me and so on. I honestly don't even remember if I had that in love feeling in the first stage of our relationship. It gets so hard because I can't differentiate between ROCD and Reality. I see all these comments saying "I know I love him/her but..." and I don't even know if I actually love him. I have that picture of the "perfect" boyfriend but I know it's unrealistic.
@@Sumadinac1389 It was honestly the best and most relieving thing I could've done. The fear of breaking up was not a result of feelings that may existed, it was a result of not wanting to be alone. But now I know its better to be single, than to be unhappy in a relationship.
I've learnt about this too late. I'm absolutely gutted because my anxiety was so bad I had to get out of it.. I've done this several times and I refuse to put her through pain again. but I'm so sad because I was getting this because I actually did love her.
I should have seen all your videos sooner.... I had a boyfriend with turrettic OCD. It ended a week ago out of the blue. He started arguing with me about everything in the last few weeks. I tried to be understanding. I tried to listen to him and tell him I was there. He even got mad at me because I asked him too many times if he was OK. Unfortunately the relationship was long distance and that was it. It ended because I told him that at the end of a trip my mother would come to visit me because it was my birthday and I didn't know when because it was a surprise. I didn't know the exact time my mother would arrive or if she had already arrived during the trip.... In my head it was obvious it was coming on my birthday which was the day after the trip.... He started saying I never tell her things. But I told him she was coming. I just didn't tell him the day because I didn't know. He started saying that he couldn't be dependent on my wishes and that I never tell him things or tell him half things.... I said he should have asked.... And he said he didn't have to ask anything that it was courtesy for me to say things.... And that I never told the whole picture so he had to imagine... And that triggered a fight... In his head I was manipulating him... that I was only saying the right things to trap him... or in order to trap him... He broke up with me and doesn't want to see me at all. He hates me like I did the worst thing in the world... I got really bad. And he's just already getting into another relationship...
Hi, Nathan! Thank you for this vídeo! I have a question: and when the intrusive thoughts are "I don't love him like I used to" or "I'm not in love with him anymore?" how to do the ERP in these cases?
The purpose of ERP is to expose you to that fear that you keep wanting to problem solve. In this case, everytime you think that you can say: “Maybe I truly don’t love him like I used to” “yea maybe something HAS changed” “okay, thank you for the thought, brain”. Embrace the uncertainty, that is how you can progress with ocd
This is a big stuggle for me ! Okay I’m disregarding these irritates things but at the same time I have to decide sooner or later if I want to stay or leave. So then what ? I don’t know how can I make a difference between my ROCD or my intuition. Idk what would be the good decision. Pls help me! thanks !
@OCD and Anxiety Please, doctor I keep focusing on my partner's nose and it became a compulsion. Every time I feel stressed I go and look at her nose.... what should I do? I mean should I focus on her nose or should I ignore it ... it's confusing because ignoring is like avoiding looking at her nose
How can I do ERP for my partner focused OCD ..l keep focusing and checking her nose and feeling bad about it ?... because I feel if I meant to look at her nose it would be checking rituals and if I ignore it would be avoidance
Please, I really need guidance from someone on this (can’t afford a therapist now). I’ve had OCD for about 6 years, but about 2 years ago I developed this “mild panic attacks” whenever I hear words related to my OCD or that could normally make me mildly anxious (like sex-related stuff near family members). I get a neck spasm, sometimes hard blinks, hot flashes and a sharp pain to my stomach. I don’t know how to stop them! I notice I try to move a lot or hide my face/neck whenever I anticipate those reactions, but it’s weird in public and I also suspect those might be compulsions. It is hell when I’m listening to a lecture that could mention those words, I’m always afraid someone might notice me. I just don’t know what to do... Are these panic attacks? Should I try to keep still and “ride” it off until my anxiety lessens? Should I pretend to be unbothered or is actively “waiting” for my trigger words/images a form of defying it? Please, I’m so lost...
Is it possible to be obsessed about a mistake that your partner made in the past that you've already dealt with? Im constantly doubting wether if I took the right decision in continouing the relationship, if I actually love him and I feel the urge to solve that doubts immediately. I solve the doubts, feel better but maybe later I see something in social media that triggers me that subject and that doubts and the cycle start again and again. But Im not sure if thats ocd
I've. Been with my partner for last 4 years ..he has been such a supporting person ...I just feel sooo guilty for thinking and doubting my love for him I used to make his potraits I use to love him so deeply but now these thoughts they keep messing with me sooo much ....he is handsome then I feel I love him coz of his looks and not his heart..and when he doesn't look the way he looks then the thought which troubles me is how can u talk ABT ur partners looks this way ...it's frustrating now I'm having medications I'm a bit fine but still somewhere I feel sub consciously I'm doubting myself
I understand OCD thoughts are not the problem but symptoms of compulsions I mean when I punch my face every day the pain isn't the issue I must cut out punching my face right? Same as OCD is
Is it possible that severe OCD obsessions can make you literally start to believe your internal thoughts and doubts? I sometimes feel like I have two personalities, one where I am "myself" and the other where "I am someone else, the Obessing OCD one.
Yes totally, this could also be something else. Something like depersonalization, I would definitely check it with a good professional but don't obsese with it.
I am just scared he is a bad person even though I love him and for 2 years I accepted him. Now I think he has unacceptable flaws like being a racist or hating fat people.
@@linneasilfverberg hi! To be honest I forgot I wrote this comment! I’m a lot better and I know I love him. We’ve been together nearly 3 years. My OCD has shifted a lot since I wrote this, it’s gone to another theme and then back to this and then to another. For example I was worrying I was actually a tw for sexual orientation ocd----> lesbian and just in denial (I’m Bi). So yeah it’s not magically all gone but I’m not spiking at the moment and I’m working on seeing it all as OCD thoughts, no matter the theme. They’re just thoughts. Hope you’re okay!
@@linneasilfverberg no problem! I’m trying to do opposite of what my OCD says and is scared of. For example I got an art book about drawing female nude anatomy from the library even if it makes me ‘seem like a lesbian’.
The course costs $197. This is the cost of seeing a specialists once and you can access it for life! I just counted 41 videos in it! I just moved it to a new system this weekend. 😃 ocd-and-anxiety-online.mykajabi.com/
Do you feel anxious in your relationship? 🤭
i am anxious about chemicals that i can get through him .( it is kind of socially unacceptable type)
Yes
Yes when i feel disconnection
@@lorrainecorbin2180 allow these feelings to be here they can’t hurt you, sit with them and grow with them love is a choice not a feeling ! 😊
@@heatherstirling6008 i try :(
I came here as a compulsion. I'm in therapy but I caved today and looked up ROCD. The anxiety and guilt gets so high sometimes that I need a break.
I have a deep love for my spouse, she is nothing short of amazing to me. I have no doubt that I love her, yet when she doesn't look a certain way I get anxious and start having intrusive thoughts about her beauty or why dont I find her attractive. Other days she dresses nice, and all my thoughts go away. I feel so shallow and disgusted with myself. So I tell myself I don't care how she looks she is the love of my life and when she doesn't look a certain way I start having the anxious thoughts again, it is so debilitating. I whish I could aways see her beautiful regardless of how she looks that day and not deal with these ridiculous thoughts. But well there's no wishing here, only exposure and response prevention and my prayers will become true. Thanks for all your help my friend, you are an expert in your field of work and a blessing to us with ocd.
Thank you so much for sharing! You're awesome!
I have the same with my bf. Before we started dateing i was very much attracted to him. As son as we started our relationship it was the next thing after another. I have been obssesed about every little thing about him. Curently its his hair. When he gets a hair cut everything is fine. As soon as his hair grows a tiny bit it all goes to shit. Same with his weight gain due to lockdown. There are days where I think to myself thats it I am breaking up with him, he is not the right one for me. But I keep asking myself.... Should I really do that cause I cant handle his hair for half a month? I am really getting tired...
@@ocdandanxiety Please, doctor I keep focusing on my partner's nose and it became a compulsion. Every time I feel stressed I go and look at her nose.... what should I do?
I mean should I focus on her nose or should I ignore it ... it's confusing because ignoring is like avoiding looking at her nose
Hey. Can I ask for your guidance on this issue? I have struggled for months now with a girl who is also nothing short of amazing.
How do you get yourself to love her with these intrusive thoughts?
Constantly obsessed over his qualities. I feel crazy. You explained this so well.
This is highly relatable that I tear up. I feel happy I know what the diagnosis is but then of course my doubt comes in to tell me 'maybe it isn't this..' Thank you for the informative video.
I’m the same, but I also watch a video by a channel called awaken into love which mainly focuses on relationship OCD and the host said that most people with rOCD will doubt they have it or constantly look for proof they have it, I’d really recommend you check out the channel.
Could you talk about the role of avoidance in OCD? As far as rOCD goes, it is always making me want to avoid the person or acting a certain way or isolate myself from them. My rOCD comes in so many different ways, from fixating on flaws, to obsessing over the balance in effort, obsessing that they’re not the right person, that they’re losing interest in me, that they are (ironically) obsessed with bad things, obsessing that they might be abusive
Yes. I avoid as well
Oh the last two I need help with
Avoidance is a form of compulsion. Avoiding them to avoid feeling anxious is literally compulsion
OCD is about both obsessions and compulsions
My ROCD morphs from relationship-focused to partner-focused and now it’s on parter-focused. You’re right, it’s tough to find OCD informed therapists (which blows my mind). I found 2 OCD therapists that fall under my insurance and when I reached out to them, I received radio silence. It’s been discouraging, but I send my current therapist your videos and it helps him understand as well, so thank you. I’ll check out your course, no idea if I can afford it but it’s worth the look!
This is what I've been struggling with for more than a year now. A looot of progress made, and I've used your tips extensively in my treatment for my ROCD, but damn it's really really hard. Thanks for all you do Nathan 💕
You're awesome! Thanks so much for sharing. Keep doing well!
@@ocdandanxiety @OCD and Anxiety Please, doctor I keep focusing on my partner's nose and it became a compulsion. Every time I feel stressed I go and look at her nose.... what should I do?
I mean should I focus on her nose or should I ignore it ... it's confusing because ignoring is like avoiding looking at her nose..? Can I just say I don't care ?
I’ve been in the greatest relationship ever firstly I am a anxious person for me to meet someone is so hard, and I finally met someone who makes me feel calm, we got through the honeymoon phase, before ocd I used to have happiness calmness, feeling like home, so happy, now I feel anxious to see him. I feel angry for no reason, I have these doubts, I feel like I don’t like him, if I feel anxious around him it must be something.
How are you doing now?🙏
I tip my cap to anyone who was able to actually form a relationship while dealing with ROCD. I believe I have ROCD and that’s the reason I’m in my 40s and never married. I’ve dated good women, but there was always something that wasn’t right that caused me to believe they weren’t “the one”. It really sucks because ROCD makes you think you’re “settling” unless you meet someone who is absolutely perfect, and while I know perfection doesn’t exist, ROCD is a wall that I just can’t seem get over.
Sorry to hear that, and I mean it. But all is not lost. If you want to be in a relationship in the future, maybe try Nathan’s advice. Decide that it’s cool and great even when your partner has flaws. There are many good channels on rocd here. I personally found a channel called Awaken into love beneficial. They take a gentle, accepting view on this problem.
I feel the same exact way
I have this with my boyfriend , with morality. Since morality is a big thing for me and i want to be on the same page with my partner when it comes to this. I love my boyfriend so damn much but my ocd always just focuses on things he said or did once (most of them being far in the past) and for that he already apologized for and it makes me insane since it feels like there's something between us which is not spoken. But if I'd confront him once again, it would be reassurance seeking and since that's a compulsion I'd rather not do that. Thank you for this video , it kinda opened my eyes to what is going on inside of me and I'm trying to work on my ocd. You helped me a lot!
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am so glad that I could help in some way. Wishing you the best in your recovery journey!
Thank you for this comment. This form of ROCD isn’t talked about enough!
just like me.
Yep, wow!! Just found your UA-cam a couple days ago from Instagram and learning so much already from you. This is another type of OCD that I just found out I have/experience. Had no idea this was an actual sub-category (whatever it's called) of OCD. I am happy in my relationship, but I often find myself obsessing and noticing small things. I love the comment section on your channel because people share so much and I really had no idea how many others are so relatable. Thank you Nathan and thank you everybody else for sharing!
Just found your page, as a therapist I love hearing more & more about ROCD. I hope we see more studies in the future! Keep up the great channel :)
You helped me so much I slayed my OCD monster like a rabid viking thank you 🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺😮
Haha
@@ocdandanxiety How can I do ERP for my partner's nose. I keep looking at her nose and wait to see my feelings?
Totally stuck. Now, after a quick honeymoon phase, I find myself looking for reasons to leave her. The way she looks, what her eyes communicate, the way she laughs, the kind of jokes she makes. It’s like I don’t like her, despite the attraction that occurred. But I don’t actually want to leave her, even though there is a great impulse to leave her inside of me. I am getting crazy, this situation is wearing me out. I look at her and think “she is not right for me at all”. I am walking on eggshells here, because I think she isn’t right for me. Something is off here, and sometimes I feel like I am forcing myself to stay with her because I don’t want to repeat t he experience of breaking up. However, what I am working on right now is “I don’t mind”. Probably this relationship is wrong for me, I may not like her, but it is not a problem, it’s not an issue. I thought I overcame this, but in fact I am still working on lessening my anxiety towards her. Plus, she is making her choice. She wants to stay with me, even though I am not sure, and she knows. Uncertainty is the key here. But I swear, today I was sick of seeing her, listening to her. And you know what? I don’t mind. I am who I am and feel what I feel.
How are you doing now? Sending hugs.
@@Nicole-yx8ms Thank you for your support. It got better and bettter, then it worsened dramatically. My mind finds thousands of strategies to sabotage this relationship, and I am really struggling here. Plus, when daily stress occurs, the whole thing increases. I think I should play a second round here, in which I will have no mercy for fears. Like “Yeah, this is just fear and I am going to deal with it no matter what”.
@@compagniaelvira I'm so sorry for your struggles.
What do you think aided in the improvement?
What changed when things got worse?
@@Nicole-yx8ms I believe I started to feel better as I looked at the whole matter from a different perspective. By the time, any discomfort resulted as a facet of my compulsion, and it wasn't actually real. There was some anxiety and anguish, but i dealt with it way better. Then, all of a sudden, one day I though "Stop it! This is all wrong for me, I am sick of this". And everything fell apart.
Believe me, I am quite a strong guy. I am a drama teacher, and i deal with feelings very well. But in this case... God, this is awful.
For some reason, my brain sentenced that she isn't right for me. And there's no appeal, no debate, no second guessing. My brain says "She is bad for you, and you will be miserable with her". But she is, actually, caring, lovely, pretty, generous and SINCERE. I am getting maf
@@compagniaelvira I'm so terribly sorry. I can relate very deeply on some levels... it's truly hell.
Have you heard of attachment theory? Its helped me to understand myself deeper.
I've also started therapy with NOCD (I feel confident they have adequately trained OCD therapists.. not all are trained with trauma awareness). I wish I would've done so at the start, as time has only allowed my ROCD to get unbearably worse, but the reality is that I wasn't strong enough then.
Have you gone for specific OCD therapy/ERP?
I’m going to make Dua for you tonight, Ramadan and layltul Qadr- InshAllah we both catch it 🙏
Knowledge is power, we need it as a foundation. I recommend the books 'Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' and 'Break Free from OCD,' I read them throughout my therapy and they taught me all the tools I use today. If we really want to overcome this affliction, we have to commit to change. It's challenging, and unfair, but it's the reality; we have to do what's best for us
I've lost 4 partners to ocd of various themes . I lost the last one to rocd , don't be me. This guy knows his stuff wish I had watched this last year now.
:(( Too late, Nathan, I saw it too late. But I believe my partner was also reinforcing the obsessions and making them so much stronger. When OCD started showing up in my relationship I was very confused and absolutely terrified of my own thoughts. I’d break down any minute just because of the intensity of my obsessions. The monster was taking a small thing, some evidence and blow it out of proportion so much, that I would question my reality, myself. It lasted for months until now. Our relationship ended by him ghosting me. Maybe healing on my own will actually be better for me. I still catch myself obsessing over our relationship, if cutting him off is the right thing to do (since he’s ghosting anyway) or whose fault that was. My mind is still foggy. I’m working with a therapist and hoping for improvement. I’ve always loved your videos and the personality you’re showing in these! Thank you!
It was too late for me , too. I just resorted to hating myself instead yet was so frustrated and just gave in. Figured well I didn’t deserve the person any way. Then it was too easy to ‘justify’ since we’re all human and decided ok ; well maybe just not the right person. I think this video will be helpful in the future for me though; for future relationships. :) At least I have a better grasp on it now. Ive always hated in myself to ‘notice or pick out flaws’ because I genuinely love people and I know everyone has their gifts to offer (I’m not talking about actual abuse/toxic people here). But my brain kept honing in on the ‘bad’ which just made me feel like a super shallow and judge-y person. I also don’t like when if I have that anxiety about it and someone who is actually mean is like: well duh of course it’s ok to be ‘grossed out by someone’. I’m like NO that’s freaking rude, I don’t actually ‘want’ to be an ass but thanks for the suggestion.
Been struggling with rocd for over a year but I’ve come a long way. These videos have def helped. Going through a rough couple of days but I’ve gotten through them before and I Olán on getting through them again. Thanks for the work you do 👍🏼
I’ve been struggling for a year too and hasn’t been easy. There are some days that it gets worse and you feel like in the starting point, but being aware helps a lot. Are you feeling better now?
@@dianacortes5337 hey how are you
Last summer I was really struggling with HOCD and it wasn’t much fun but your videos and this “maybe I am, maybe I am not, so what?” attitude really helped me and I didn’t have intrusive thoughts for months. Now since this fall I’m in a relationship with this wonderful boy and I’m starting to doubt again. I sometimes seem to be looking for reasons not to be with him because I’m always focussing on his flaws. It’s ROCD now but the thoughts and the urgency behind the feeling that I might do something wrong, that I might ignore the signs are just the same. It’s very frustrating right now for me because I thought I had my OCD under control and now I feel like I have to start all over again. I so hope I’ll be able to choose to stay strong and to not do the “easier” thing and just break up.
You literally show up with another video telling the signs i have been recently experiencing... Thank you for explaining every little thing that even i didnt notice it Thnk you nathan
You are a gem...❤
Great video. Ive been a huge fan of your advice. I was waiting for a video regarding this. Ive struggled for a long time with ROCD. Although ive heard what you mentioned here before. The way you deliver your advice is great. You have a good personality. Thanks for the help. Your changing alot of people. Or rather, helping them change themselves.
I have ROCD but it's about my partner cheating. I don't doubt anything but this. I wish there was more support for people with my subtype.
How to help your partner heal from all the pain you caused him or her with your partner-centered ROCD? Please help
I feel like career choice OCD is probably a thing. I'm 5 years into a pretty good career but I can't stop shooting holes in it, researching other careers, etc. I can fill all the holes my current job has (never outside, not helping many people) by doing other things outside of work, but another part of me keeps insisting that I have to switch to something else. I lose days to researching other fields. I never make the switch because eventually I shoot holes in the new career I've settled on. Meanwhile my performance at my actual job suffers do to the distraction. Would love to see some research or content on this.
@Mandy Marylane Tell me, can relationship OCD be together with love addiction?
Same!! Would love to learn more about this subtype - so far i’ve just decided to try and treat this struggle like any other OCD form. It took me years to realize this might be OCD even if i’ve suffered from different themes all my life.
There is this girl I like that I fell in love with just at first sight. We been talking for a month and then for some instances I noticed that her appearance is not for my liking.. I've know that I have OCD and this made me anxious about her appearance. I'm literally crying because i felt that all of the love and affection I have for her gone just because that thought pop out of nowhere. Could some one help, She's really a great person and I wouldn't want to like a person just because of their looks. I would to like based who they really are.
Idk if it's ROCD or not but it's been so bad lately. This past week has just be so bad and I've cried almost every day over it. It's constantly I don't love him, I zhould leave him, I'm scared to leave him, I want to find someone new. I felt so like numb and depressed lately and my family talks bad about my partner and it doesn't helo at all. I honeslty knew it was ROCD but now I'm question if it's even that. I'm so sick of crying. Please send help.
I’m extremely anxious and sabotage my relationships bcz I just can’t stop worrying that my partner is unfaithful. Tired of this
I have used you other videos and done a lot of exposures. I don’t feel very anxious anymore but numb and irritated. I feel more like I don’t even care anymore, and that feeling is not very nice
Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry that you feel numb and irritated. Often with OCD there can be multiple things happening like depression, anger, etc. In therapy, we tend to address all these different areas. I hope you can feel better my friend.
@@ocdandanxiety thanks :) In many ways I’m so much better. But how to do ERP for the angry feelings? Because I get so many break up urges when I feel like this. I try just to sit with it and feel it
Thanks for sharing with us. How are you doing now?
How are you doing now?
I’ve been having ROCD for 4 years and now my boyfriend left me because he never saw me happy and needed time alone. Now I’m devastated and don’t know how to cure this ocd because after 2 years of therapy barely nothing changed
Sorry to hear that.
This is tricky but I would find a professional or check other channels.
Does anybody else have really negative type daydreams where your completely conscious and aware of what's going on around you but you imagine things very intently and detailed, things like terror attacks, war, my kids getting stolen, car crashes etc etc? To the extent that you feel all the negative emotions as if you are there, even if my wife starts chatting to me while I'm in one I have to pretend to go to the toilet and finish the negative daydream even though I do not want to be doing it or thinking it at all..
I know it sounds crazy but I would love to know what it is.. So u can better find help for it, I have autism (mild) and pretty heavy Ocd and anxiety not sure if that would be a connection.. Any help would be great 😊
Possibly some pretty intense intrusive thoughts that must "feel right" to finish with the thought process. Some have to go through it, or else their brain says it will actually happen. Some may just experience derealization.
@@ocdandanxiety do you have any tips or links to anyrhing at all that may help? It's been going on for years but they are getting longer and much more intense and even very graphic..
Seeing my little boy murdered brutally in my mind is getting pretty draining
Wow great Video. Thank you very much.
How do you do exposure therapy for obsessive thoughts about the other cheating, or specifically finding others attractive, etc...Both during the relationship or even after the relationship is over?
How do I do ERP for my partner's nose ? Can you help.
For me it got so bad that I actually don't even know if I really love my partner deep down. I only focus on his flaws, think that his personality matches 0% with me and so on. I honestly don't even remember if I had that in love feeling in the first stage of our relationship. It gets so hard because I can't differentiate between ROCD and Reality. I see all these comments saying "I know I love him/her but..." and I don't even know if I actually love him. I have that picture of the "perfect" boyfriend but I know it's unrealistic.
Any updates? How are you feeling now?
@@anonymousbee Sorry for the late reply. I broke up with him and it's honestly the best thing I could do. I'm so mich happier now.
@@josh-jy3kd snd how you think now about it ?
@@Sumadinac1389 It was honestly the best and most relieving thing I could've done. The fear of breaking up was not a result of feelings that may existed, it was a result of not wanting to be alone. But now I know its better to be single, than to be unhappy in a relationship.
a okee you scared me very much because it triggered my rocd
I've learnt about this too late. I'm absolutely gutted because my anxiety was so bad I had to get out of it.. I've done this several times and I refuse to put her through pain again. but I'm so sad because I was getting this because I actually did love her.
reach out to them and explain maybe!
How do you ensure that replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is not a compulsion in itself?
It would be a compulsion if you feel like you HAVE to do it to find relief from anxiety.
I should have seen all your videos sooner.... I had a boyfriend with turrettic OCD. It ended a week ago out of the blue. He started arguing with me about everything in the last few weeks. I tried to be understanding. I tried to listen to him and tell him I was there. He even got mad at me because I asked him too many times if he was OK. Unfortunately the relationship was long distance and that was it. It ended because I told him that at the end of a trip my mother would come to visit me because it was my birthday and I didn't know when because it was a surprise. I didn't know the exact time my mother would arrive or if she had already arrived during the trip.... In my head it was obvious it was coming on my birthday which was the day after the trip.... He started saying I never tell her things. But I told him she was coming. I just didn't tell him the day because I didn't know. He started saying that he couldn't be dependent on my wishes and that I never tell him things or tell him half things.... I said he should have asked.... And he said he didn't have to ask anything that it was courtesy for me to say things.... And that I never told the whole picture so he had to imagine... And that triggered a fight... In his head I was manipulating him... that I was only saying the right things to trap him... or in order to trap him... He broke up with me and doesn't want to see me at all. He hates me like I did the worst thing in the world... I got really bad. And he's just already getting into another relationship...
this hits home thank you
could you do a video about how ocd impacts sex life ?
Hi, Nathan! Thank you for this vídeo! I have a question: and when the intrusive thoughts are "I don't love him like I used to" or "I'm not in love with him anymore?" how to do the ERP in these cases?
I’d love to know too 🥹
The purpose of ERP is to expose you to that fear that you keep wanting to problem solve. In this case, everytime you think that you can say: “Maybe I truly don’t love him like I used to” “yea maybe something HAS changed” “okay, thank you for the thought, brain”. Embrace the uncertainty, that is how you can progress with ocd
I worry so much about the morals part. Did anyone get figure this out?
@OCD and Anxiety How long should I focus on her nose , please?
This is a big stuggle for me ! Okay I’m disregarding these irritates things but at the same time I have to decide sooner or later if I want to stay or leave. So then what ?
I don’t know how can I make a difference between my ROCD or my intuition.
Idk what would be the good decision. Pls help me! thanks !
@OCD and Anxiety Please, doctor I keep focusing on my partner's nose and it became a compulsion. Every time I feel stressed I go and look at her nose.... what should I do?
I mean should I focus on her nose or should I ignore it ... it's confusing because ignoring is like avoiding looking at her nose
How can I do ERP for my partner focused OCD ..l keep focusing and checking her nose and feeling bad about it ?... because I feel if I meant to look at her nose it would be checking rituals and if I ignore it would be avoidance
Please, I really need guidance from someone on this (can’t afford a therapist now). I’ve had OCD for about 6 years, but about 2 years ago I developed this “mild panic attacks” whenever I hear words related to my OCD or that could normally make me mildly anxious (like sex-related stuff near family members). I get a neck spasm, sometimes hard blinks, hot flashes and a sharp pain to my stomach. I don’t know how to stop them! I notice I try to move a lot or hide my face/neck whenever I anticipate those reactions, but it’s weird in public and I also suspect those might be compulsions. It is hell when I’m listening to a lecture that could mention those words, I’m always afraid someone might notice me. I just don’t know what to do... Are these panic attacks? Should I try to keep still and “ride” it off until my anxiety lessens? Should I pretend to be unbothered or is actively “waiting” for my trigger words/images a form of defying it? Please, I’m so lost...
If you found a way around this please let me know
Is it possible to be obsessed about a mistake that your partner made in the past that you've already dealt with? Im constantly doubting wether if I took the right decision in continouing the relationship, if I actually love him and I feel the urge to solve that doubts immediately. I solve the doubts, feel better but maybe later I see something in social media that triggers me that subject and that doubts and the cycle start again and again. But Im not sure if thats ocd
Can I have rocd about being obsessed or in love with someone else even though I am in a good and healthy relationship I want to keep ?
Yes!!
Absolutely, been there actually.
I've. Been with my partner for last 4 years ..he has been such a supporting person ...I just feel sooo guilty for thinking and doubting my love for him I used to make his potraits I use to love him so deeply but now these thoughts they keep messing with me sooo much ....he is handsome then I feel I love him coz of his looks and not his heart..and when he doesn't look the way he looks then the thought which troubles me is how can u talk ABT ur partners looks this way ...it's frustrating now I'm having medications I'm a bit fine but still somewhere I feel sub consciously I'm doubting myself
I understand OCD thoughts are not the problem but symptoms of compulsions I mean when I punch my face every day the pain isn't the issue I must cut out punching my face right? Same as OCD is
Totally right. The way we're responding to the obsessions tends to be the issue.
im not diagnosed with ocd or specifically rocd. should i still follow these methods if they work for me?
Ohhhh yeah bro
why wouldn't you?
Is it possible that severe OCD obsessions can make you literally start to believe your internal thoughts and doubts? I sometimes feel like I have two personalities, one where I am "myself" and the other where "I am someone else, the Obessing OCD one.
Yes totally, this could also be something else. Something like depersonalization, I would definitely check it with a good professional but don't obsese with it.
I have this ( focusing on my partner's nose) what should I do
I need help but it is so hard to find the right therapist
Can you have ROCD towards parents?
of course
I am just scared he is a bad person even though I love him and for 2 years I accepted him. Now I think he has unacceptable flaws like being a racist or hating fat people.
I'm going through this right now. How are you doing at the moment?
@@linneasilfverberg hi! To be honest I forgot I wrote this comment! I’m a lot better and I know I love him. We’ve been together nearly 3 years. My OCD has shifted a lot since I wrote this, it’s gone to another theme and then back to this and then to another. For example I was worrying I was actually a tw for sexual orientation ocd----> lesbian and just in denial (I’m Bi). So yeah it’s not magically all gone but I’m not spiking at the moment and I’m working on seeing it all as OCD thoughts, no matter the theme. They’re just thoughts.
Hope you’re okay!
@@justthatgamergirl1 mine shifts a lot too. Im also bi I think and sometimes I get thoughts that I'm a lesbian in denial too! Thank you for answering
@@linneasilfverberg no problem! I’m trying to do opposite of what my OCD says and is scared of. For example I got an art book about drawing female nude anatomy from the library even if it makes me ‘seem like a lesbian’.
I used to experience this
What if she has a kid though?
What's the price of your online course?❤
Greetings from Italy 😊❤
The course costs $197. This is the cost of seeing a specialists once and you can access it for life! I just counted 41 videos in it! I just moved it to a new system this weekend. 😃 ocd-and-anxiety-online.mykajabi.com/
@@ocdandanxiety thank you so much❤
I am so grateful for your work❣
How can I tell if the perceived flaw is a real flaw?
It's all subjective if it's a physical one.
@@antoniosandoval4014so attraction bet bet now I know what I must do