What is Relationship OCD (ROCD)?
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
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Relationship OCD, also known as ROCD, is a subset of OCD in which sufferers are consumed with doubts about their relationship. They question their love for their partner, their attraction to their partner, their compatibility with their partner, and their partner’s love for them. The anxiety can be so high that this is the red flag that can keep them doubting about their relationship.
I have never found someone who has voiced so clearly how I feel. I knew I would get anxiety but trying to explain how you think to others is so hard. People often think, “well, if you’re experiencing so many doubts, there’s a reason for that.” Which just escalates the anxiety for me. Thank you so much for explaining this and making this available to people. This video has made me more hopeful.
EXACTLY!!! People tell me that I lose my mind.
Bingo
That’s the last thing you should ever say to someone struggling with ocd. That just made it 10 times worse.
Hi, my rocd got better, almost disappeared, but there was another problem. I have a great fear of falling in love with someone else and physically betraying my partner. When I was 15, I loved flirting with guys, I loved attention and communication, I also took photos where my figure is visible and sent and enjoyed the reaction. I'm 20 now, and I understand that I'm afraid I'll start doing it again, because for me it's essentially a betrayal. I am so afraid that I control my behavior so as not to fall in love with someone else. I am afraid that if I let go of control, I will immediately betray my partner. I am afraid that because I did not have many partners, but only my husband, I did not get fat and that I want other men and that I will physically betray. I also have the following thoughts:
1 "What if I become happy and realize that I do not love my husband and we will break up"
2 "what if I put my figure and head in order and realize that I never loved my partner and I will stop choosing him and we will divorce"
3 "what if I start loving myself and stop loving my partner and we break up"
4 "what if I fall in love with another and betray my partner and we break up"
5 "what if I'm already in love with someone, literally looking at someone"
6 "what if I met my classmate not just like that, but it's fate and I'm in love with him"
these thoughts bother me
I want to develop, to be happy both inside and next to my husband, but I am afraid that if I become globally happy, successful, beautiful, I will definitely lose my husband. How do I deal with this, what to do? Maybe someone had something similar and you have advice?
Amen
Bro I might cry I thought I was just crazy
me too. i literally thought i was crazy because i was making my partner go crazy because of my ocd, i can’t fucking do this. it’s too much, i wish i can just get rid of my ocd.
Facts 🎯 ❤️🩹
I had severe ROCD about 14 years ago. Questioning my love for my partner. Noticing every SINGLE thing that they did. Wonderered if I was ACTUALLY attracted to them. Wondering if I would be in 50 years. Wondering if I thought they were funny. If i liked his body, was a sexually attracted to him, was he annoying? Love was such a grey idea and I didn't understand how to prove to myself that I loved him. I would sit around and over analyze photos of him. Compare him to other peoples boyfriends. I became a shell of myself. I remember being with him and feeling so depressed. almost to the point of derealization. My mom would say... "well you don't have to be with him, there are plenty of fish in the sea" and I would say BUT I DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HIM!!! She didn't get this at all. (Same for my past themes... telling her I kept thinking about suicide but I didn't want to kill myself.) It was like a mind game I was playing with myself. Well... during this time he proposed to me. Not the best time to be proposed to at all. But I said yes.... even though I was having all of these thoughts. That's what did it for me. Saying yes to his proposal, slowly took those thoughts away. I committed to him regardless of the thoughts. I gave myself more power than the thoughts. Suddenly the thoughts started going away. I truly believe this was a weird form of exposure therapy. after I committed in this way the thoughts disappeared.. there was no room for questioning anymore. We are still married and have 2 kids. It gets better... and those thoughts will go away. Have they popped up here and there randomly... sure... but they are NO WHERE NEAR where they used to be, and I can easily brush them off.
Thanks for sharing your experiences my friend! I hope you can find some relief through your struggles. 😃Make sure you check out the ROCD treatment video to see if it can help you through what you are experiencing.
Hi can you help me PLEASE I just told my boyfriend I wanted a break I didn’t mean it I just was very overwhelmed and had the urge to do it, so after I looked up videos on “taking breaks with your boyfriend” and it triggered me more into questioning myself if what I did was the right thing to do, I know deep down I want him and only him but I just want the thought to go away so I can fully be myself again, these thoughts come right when quarantine started and I’m very stuck PLEASE help me I beg
J West I am sorry I don’t have an answer since I am going through similar things right now with quarantine and also the fact that I will be going off to school half way across the country and we will have to be long distance. I feel completely hopeless most of the time. I think it stems from my own insecurities and this quarantine and going off to school is making it soooo much worse 😭😭😭😭
Thank you so much for sharing this❤️
Jackie, thank you for sharing.
I'm currently experiencing ROCD and have for the past 3 months but I do believe it gets better. I'm taking medication now for it and plan to explore options for a therapist that specializes or at least understands ROCD.
Seeking validation or understanding from friends and family on this issue is very isolating and debilitating because they act as triggers with their responses. The standard response they and society will give is "there are plenty of fish in the sea," or "if your feelings haven't improved about your partner then that's a sign you need to break up," or "you're still young; you can find another." The latter two phrases were said to me by my own twin sister which was hurtful and confused me more.
You must know, though, that seeking validation from family and friends is a compulsion and should be avoided as soon as you learn that it is bad for people with ROCD. Also understand that not many people will understand ROCD considering the norm of society and the mythical "gut feeling/use your intuition" narrative. I mean...this is why the average relationship only lasts 2.5 years because people aren't willing to put in the work.
Just know that we as ROCD sufferers are strong and the more knowledge we have, the more power we have over.
I encourage you all to keep learning and keep being strong! We can do this thing.
Was starting to think I was a terrible person for having these worries and thoughts. Along the lines of "I must not be in love in I'm this uncertain all the time or this easily shaken". And my boyfriend is so wonderful, which makes it so much worse to have these struggles while being aware of how lovely he is. Thank you for explaining in such a genuine (and at times funny) way, I'm nearly sobbing watching this because it's so nice to feel seen for once ❤️
This is great I feel the same way
I feel same. It was so chaotic.
Guys, please don’t you stop fighting! These thoughts are only the thoughts and your love is e real love and it’s your choice! Don’t listen to these silly voices in your head! You are muuuuuch more stronger! You are already won if you are here and watching these video! You are already won if you have a person who loves you by your side, you are already won because you are not giving up! I promise to you that it will pass, but please don’t you stop fighting, all my girlfriends who used to have this rocd are now happily married those guys! ROCD means only one: THAT YOU LOVE THIS PERSON SO MUCH AND YOU ARE AFRAID TO LOSE HIM! do not panic, you can’t imagine how strong you are! This will never break you and this shit will never influence on your amazing relationship! OCD is always opposite! Which means you will never do this if your brain plying this tricks with you! You deserve love, you deserve to be loved and you deserve all the best!
Amen a
I fucking love this, thank you
Thank you I needed this so damn much 🥺
This is what I keep hope for
Oh my god thank you for this 🥺💞 it's so hard to trust myself
For all my homies wondering if their current partner is 'the one': it's not because not everything is perfect all the time that you're not meant to be together. The person that you're meant to be with, is maybe the person that is so important to you that you're finally ready to tackle your ROCD patterns. The fact that you're watching this video, means that you are ready to go through the fear. Now THAT'S a soulmate ;). (note: considering the fact that you are in a healthy relationship of course!)
I might just cried. Thank u ❤
I just cried to this video because I thought something was wrong with me all this time
It's ok to not be ok sometimes, hope you feel better now
same im literally sobbing rn
Same right now with me.
I deal with ROCD and didn’t notice I’ve actually shown many ocd symptoms at different points in my life until now. Sometimes I am fascinated by how ridiculous the thoughts can be, the ice chewing analogy made me laugh because it’s true, to most people it’s just annoying ice chewing but in the mind of ROCD it’s “because you find the ice chewing annoying you will be annoyed for the rest of your life with this person they can’t be right for you, leave now or figure this out!!!!” And you’re just sitting beside your SO on the couch like a normal Friday night and you’re fighting your brain going what the hell and they have no idea what you just went through in the last 5 minutes. 😂
OCDandAnxiety Oh but the relief is only short remember! Lol 😉 It was a very informative video thank you!
@@sydneyproulx5174 Thanks for the kind words! I wish you the best!
This is so painful but had me in tears laughing because I've done it too. I will be sitting next to him on a nice evening and suddenly go through my own meltdown all silently, and 5 mins later he asks me 'you okay?' and I snap back to reality like 'yeah' but also having no idea what just happened. And then I realise how ridiculous my thoughts are but at the same time still grapple with them on and off the rest of the night until the next day and I 'reset'. Seriously... The worst thing about it is it happens when everything is fine! It's like my brain is like 'okay everything is fine, that can't be right. Let's find something.'
Hi, my rocd got better, almost disappeared, but there was another problem. I have a great fear of falling in love with someone else and physically betraying my partner. When I was 15, I loved flirting with guys, I loved attention and communication, I also took photos where my figure is visible and sent and enjoyed the reaction. I'm 20 now, and I understand that I'm afraid I'll start doing it again, because for me it's essentially a betrayal. I am so afraid that I control my behavior so as not to fall in love with someone else. I am afraid that if I let go of control, I will immediately betray my partner. I am afraid that because I did not have many partners, but only my husband, I did not get fat and that I want other men and that I will physically betray. I also have the following thoughts:
1 "What if I become happy and realize that I do not love my husband and we will break up"
2 "what if I put my figure and head in order and realize that I never loved my partner and I will stop choosing him and we will divorce"
3 "what if I start loving myself and stop loving my partner and we break up"
4 "what if I fall in love with another and betray my partner and we break up"
5 "what if I'm already in love with someone, literally looking at someone"
6 "what if I met my classmate not just like that, but it's fate and I'm in love with him"
these thoughts bother me
I want to develop, to be happy both inside and next to my husband, but I am afraid that if I become globally happy, successful, beautiful, I will definitely lose my husband. How do I deal with this, what to do? Maybe someone had something similar and you have advice?
@@Yappy_Catu definitely typed that out as a compulsion/confession. sit with the uncertainty that you wont ever know whether u’ll ever be unfaithful. sit with the anxiety.
Lately i’ve been thinking like this ”what if im just in love with the thought of love and not really in love with my partner”. It’s so annoying :(
Nathan Peterson thank you!
oh yes this! :(
I was actually thinking this same thing today. It’s hard to know for sure. I wish I knew.
My therapist said ocd only targets the things you really care about otherwise it wouldn't have power
This is how I feel. I’ve been with my partner for four years and it makes me feel horrible. Some days I feel like I want to leave him because I’m so stressed but then I know if I do I’ll totally regret it. Some days I’m good and others I just can’t shut down these thoughts. I just love him so much and it’s torture to feel like this.
Oh, I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this. I have a treatment video for ROCD. I hope it can help you guys! 😃
Sounds like me. I just reached a point where I dont even know if I know how to love. ughhh
@@karinanikoghos7285 dude right? like I’m just so confused..how do people do it.
@@brandifjoy I learnt that indecision is a decision. Once you are not sure - it is over
@@karinanikoghos7285 I don’t think I agree with that & I don’t think that’s helpful in regulars to people with OCD.
Never knew this was a thing. Explains my entire life.
Mine too!
Same
Right?!!! 😅
Yep, this hits the nail on the head. It's comforting to see that others think and feel the same as I do. However, I don't wish this on anyone. It's weird because, when I'm not in a relationship, the OCD goes away, so I feel like I solved my problem. Granted, it still pops up in other areas, like choosing a career. However, that's a little easier to stomach because it's just me. There isn't someone on the other end that can get hurt from my unhealthy thoughts, behavior.
THIS!!
Can you tell me how it effect in choosing career because I always have problems with this and wanted to make sure it's not because of ocd
That’s so true!!!! Dude, I experience the same exact thing. Wow. It makes me feel like I made the right choice since the anxiety is gone, but it’s just gonna happen again the next go around
Daniel, I relate to you so very much. 🤍
100% me. Thank you for sharing this thought!
I realized I had rocd when my themes were:
I'm going to cheat on my spouse
I'm going to leave my spouse for someone better
If I leave my spouse ill get bad karma
Then trying to find all the reasons why those aren't true until I felt it was believable. The thoughts just kept returning and I'm like. Ok this is ocd. Lol
I've been free from OCD for years now, but watching your videos makes me cry because I realise how hard it was to be in this hell and have no help. Thank you so much, you're changing lives. Much love from the UK. 💕
We’re you in a relationship
@@moniqueelopez3176 thats deep af
@@moniqueelopez3176 thats deep af
Why is it sometimes my thoughts tell me or try to convince me I don’t need my partner and I should be single ? You can tell how scary this is since she’s the girl I want to marry in the future
Your mind tries to protect you from emotional pain. There is always the risk she ll leave you...
Hi, im in this position, its been making me feel sick all week- how are you coping 10 months on?
I feel so scared with this
What if m waiting for him to leave
What if I hate him
What if what if
Why I feel this way suddenly
What if there is no distortion and m just avoiding breakup
It's scary
Exactly what I’m going through! So scary
@@user-go3nz9mf1t any change after 3 months?
I haven’t been diagnosed but I heavily believe I have ROCD. I doubt my relationship all the time. “Do I love him? I should feel butterflies if I love him” “I find this other stranger attractive this must mean I need to break up with my bf because he’s not right for me” “he takes naps during the day, he’s lazy, how will he be able to provide for me in the future” SO MANY THOUGHTS. Please make them stop. I just want to enjoy my relationship but I my mind fights for a clear answer.
I’m married and struggle with ROCD. It can be hard on my partner when I am questioning whether I love him or not. I know he loves me, and he treats me well. He understands that this is just the way my brain works.
I think I may have ROCD. As soon as I get close enough to establish a relationship with someone I begin to analyze everything about them, nitpick their flaws, and drift away. I've ruined relationships with great potential in the past because of it. I think my main desire is to be with someone who is a good person, so next time I am presented with a good person I hope what I learned through this video will help me overcome my intrusive thoughts. I have exhibited other signs of OCD in my life, like constantly checking locks and excessive hand washing, so it would make sense that this has bled over into my relationships.
Finally I thank God that many people are feeling the way I felt and as a teenager, I find myself wierd about my thoughts. I thought there's something wrong and I'm exceptional. No one couldn't understand my problem, my friends gave me so many advices which led me to disastrous decisions. And it's not our fault but our responsibility to correct it. I used to think a lot about my relationship, I would worry a lot about what if the relationship ends and what if I regret for loving this person after 10 yrs....many thoughts came across my mind. And I often worry about hurting my partner and I start to blame my partner. First doubting, then overanalyzing, blaming him, regretting, blaming myself and thinking the other way around and again doubting...oh my gosh!! I've been stuck in this cycle for 1 year and this affected my studies a lot
This is crazy that this is a thing and I never had it until now. I am so confused why this has to happen my boyfriend is literally amazing attractive and everything I could ask for and idk why I have these thoughts that keep me up at night and i just wish they would stop. It makes me happy I’m not alone but it makes me scared to have them. Mine started during quarantine but before that things were going well
I understand you... I think the quarantine worsens everything. I know my rocd appeared during quarantine too and since I stay at home 24/7 with online classes and don't see my partner and don't know when I'll see him again (we are long distance he is in another country) it leaves space for the thoughts. Stay strong, we must remember these are just thoughts
Same here
I’ve just found out about this, Wow, so I’m not going mad?
I’ve been doing this all through my 26 year marriage, it got out of control a few years ago, thoughts constant throughout the day and i told my husband I wasn’t happy and we’ve been living separately for 3 years about to split.
I always thought if I was blind then I would be happy in this relationship because I’m constantly looking/ seeing flaws.
In therapy I’m confused because I have a strong connection to my husband and my feelings flip back and forth but we tried getting back together, after 10 days the doubts came back with a vengeance and I had panic attacks about breaking up again which caused severe depression. Now I dont ever want a relationship again because I feel my brain won’t let me love.
Lara
How are you doing now Laura?
I had never heard of ROCD before your channel. In every relationship I’ve had I’ve struggled with obsessive thoughts, and this feels so spot on to me. I stumbled on your channel looking for ways to support my partner with OCD and kinda got my mind blown when I heard about this.
It feels like as time goes on, I'm finding more and more ways that OCD rules my life. It's amazing how just a short while ago I completely denied the fact that I had it, even though I was suffering. Now I'm finding out that the course of my life has been driven by OCD for years.
Trying to be with the person I love, who I ended things with years ago because of my doubts that they weren't "the one," which also played heavy on our intimacy problems. We've loved each other all this time but I've stopped us from being together many times, because I don't want those doubts to spill in again. But I don't love anyone else. I'm so glad to know ROCD is a thing that's treatable instead of something being inherently wrong with me.
Maybe I’m wrong, but the recommended treatment of “exposure and response prevention” seems insufficient. Simply put, it doesn’t account for the scenario where the thing that somebody is obsessing about is a legitimate concern. You can’t just ignore a legitimate problem like he suggested in his ice chewing example. Ice chewing seems more like a pet peeve rather than an actual relationship concern.
So then the question becomes: how do you determine if what you are obsessing about is legitimately a concern? Which unfortunately I think puts you right back at square one, and you just have to make a decision of whether you can deal with the issue or not.
This explains EVERYTHING. Jeesh. My relationships have been hard, and so much of it has been on me and this noggin of mine. The thought spiral is real, and I sometimes get caught in mine for DAYS...
Covid has really unearthed mine, too much time to think about things, overthink and then obsess
@@phoebetompkins7546 I understand. There's been so much of a focus on maintaining the physical well being of people during this time that in many cases people have failed to take into account the emotional and mental states we live with and how they've been affected. Social connections and self care are so very important, particularly now.
Great video. I have all of the taboo obsessions that I wish I didn’t have that make up pure o. Now as I get ready to elope, my ocd is attacking my relationship big time, which has been wonderful all along. It’s interesting as these things never bothered me in the past about my partner, and now the smallest things are magnified and make me very anxious. Thank you for your videos! Erp does help but takes time.
This is exactly how I feel. I went to to see doctor and seen a nurse practitioner instead to get diagnosed . I tried to express the best way I can of what I’m suffering from and she said it seems like a mood swing disorder, Since I go though these cycles of when I’m feeling good and other days I’m feeling completely lost by my relationship thoughts. And when I brought up OCD she right away shut it down saying thoughts weren’t considered as ocd but more of a physical aspect.
Now I’m completely lost. And scared of getting another opinion...
Thanks for sharing your experience! That sounds so frustrating. Really, unless you see someone who is even familiar with OCD or even ROCD they probably won't make this connection. I would see if you can find someone on iocdf.org who can help you diagnose what is happening. 😃
The doctor is a quack. ROCD is most certainly a real condition and like this channel said, you need to find someone who understands ROCD in order to be properly treated for it. iocdf.org is a great resource to find therapists specializing in all forms of OCD.
This exact things happens to me!!! Where i go through periods where i feel great, others i feel terrible, and few other where i go on a full blown crisis with anxiety attacks, and such an anguish that i can't even eat. It's hard, but i hope you can find a second opinion so you can get treatment!!
How are you guys?
Hi PLEASE ANSWER my rocd made me take a break w my boyfriend, I’ve been crying for so long because I’m stressed so after I looked up videos about “taking breaks in relationships” and now it triggered me more then ever, now I feel really numb and not sure what to do PKEASE HELP ME
I'm sorry. I'm not sure how much I can help you. Each relationship is different. I hope you two can figure out the best thing for you!
This video alone is triggering why do I feel relieve but I also feel like here you go looking around for answers . (Thought)
I started having ROCD intrusive thoughts about a year ago and I still struggle. I know lots of people use ERP for ROCD but I really struggle to put it into use. Do you think you'll do a more in detail video on ERP for ROCD?
Wish I found this video a few months ago before leaving my partner from listening to those intrusive thoughts.
I’ve been worried for so long that I was the only one experiencing this. The relief I feel as I listen to this video is immense. Thank you for validating that I’m not crazy.
Idk if this explains my problem but ima explain it and hopefully someone will help So about 3 weeks ago I just woke up and boom I wake up and I was just "do I love her" and it wouldn't stop id wake up with these thoughts id have break downs all the time bc these thoughts were so painful and its been a week or so and the thoughts have died down alot but now every time I think about her im like "do I really wanna be in this relationship" and like "would I be happier without her" stuff like that and when we talk the thoughts are always in my head and it makes it very hard to enjoy talking to her and every time I think about her these thoughts are there I love her to death and she's done nothing wrong its just these annoying thoughts that won't go away and idk what to do anymore I dont wanna leave her but sometimes I question if I do or not 😔 its miserable bc I know I love her I know I do these thoughts are killing me please someone help me 😔😭😭😭
I recently just started seeing someone about two months after a four year relationship and I had these thoughts with my ex that ultimately had me ending the relationship. My ex was extremely toxic though and my mind is thinking it ended because I knew I wasn’t going to be happy any longer. Now that I’m seeing this guy all of these similar thoughts are coming up that feel like they’re threatening to have me end what I’ve found. I keep thinking is it maybe because it’s too soon? Is it because now that I’ve met him and flew out to see him (we’re long distance btw) the excitement of doing what I did was all over and he’s not actually the one? But I’m so in awe of how amazing this guy is. I’ve never wanted to not lose someone in my entire life (I thought this with my ex too which further escalates my anxiety, but the biggest difference was w my ex I was merely afraid to lose him because I thought he was the only one who would deal w the anxieties I have, even though he did it poorly unlike this new guy). And it’s an endless cycle. I haven’t been able to work eat or sleep because of how debilitating the anxiety is. I need to know for sure if this is right for me and I can’t express how difficult it is when he lives on the other side of the country. I want the thoughts to leave me alone because truly this one I’ve met is the most precious and amazing person for me. I hate that the battle in my head sounds like me convincing myself when in reality I feel like I know how I feel even though the anxious thoughts making me feel otherwise. I could go on and on about how hard it’s been but my next step is therapy, and making sure I keep our connection close while being so far apart. I worry I won’t feel how I did when we meet again but I just need to be patient. I will have to struggle until we meet again. But know you’re not alone in your thoughts. Reach out for help. You got this, day by day.
I really need help, Im constantly thinking about my girlfriends past relationships and how many people she's been with or slept with, it even hurts for me to type this and it makes me really depressed, I really need help, this really helped and part of it is right and I understand and can relate to some of this for sure, thank you
I’m going through divorce right now with my parents it’s the second time ironically , I grew up in a chaotic household, I’m afraid my relationship will be this way I’m so afraid. But I love my girlfreind with all my heart she’s very supportive of my mental issues she’s means the world to me I won’t ever leave her but my thoughts in my head create fake scenarios and I’m hurting myself and I feel so sad and numb 🥺 I love her I just want to feel good and enjoy things I would enjoy prior to the divorce like playing music, going out etc, now I just feel like sleeping all day but trust me it’s hard but love is a choice and I’ll keep going ....
Man, I think this this explains a lot. I just recently came across this type of OCD. I think I may have/had it with my partner. The unrelenting doubt that I had forced me to eventually confess to her about these doubts I had (as I had done many times previously) and ended up breaking up with her. The thoughts kept on going even after we broke up, I think I need help.
Man u saved my awesome relationship
I remember finding out that this was a thing when I was in a panic mode and was finding stuff online to see if what I was feeling was normal
The very thing that it's something many go through brought it down by multiples, it's about realising they are just thoughts and not reality
I was sure about him I never doubted it and that's what made me keep going I will never let go of him no matter what come what thoughts May I know this too shall pass.
Great video btw and yes this issue is something very hard to live with but it gets better I'm struggling with it even now I have times where it ruins everything for me my mood my days but it's not worth letting go of the person .
Just hang in there you're good and not alone ❤️
Beautiful comment
@@dianacortes5337 thank you🙏🏻❤️
I found this video way too late. I’m still trying to understand her from every single point even months after she left me.
Hey !!!
I need your help!
I've had thoughts like "no feelings for my partner" for months. I can remember the day it started. I had these thoughts that I had no more feelings for my partner .. and my head started with "Call him then you will see whether you have feelings or not" I started to control on the first day.
is it part of ROCD when I keep asking my friends "is it love if ..."?
I would be very happy to receive an answer.
The whole thing makes me very sad and I almost always cry ..
I can't really tell you if what you are experiencing is ROCD or not. I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds really tough!
If you've had consistent unwanted, intrusive thoughts that contradict your feelings about your partner, it is likely ROCD and you should be clinically evaluated.
A common thought of ROCD is "do I really have feelings for my partner?" These thoughts are called obsessions. When you have ROCD, you combat obsessions with what are called compulsions. Compulsions manifest themselves in a lot of different ways with ROCD. It's also called "checking". You calling your partner to see if you have feelings or not or asking for outward validation from family and friends on your relationship are common compulsions sufferers of ROCD act out in order to ease the anxiety.
The problem is, when we do the compulsions, we get relief...only temporarily. This reinforces the ROCD cycle and causes further spirals and more frequent, powerful intrusive thoughts.
I encourage you to do research on this as it can be very debilitating. I have suffered with ROCD for the last 3 months but learning that there is such a condition has helped me to understand what steps I need for treatment.
I have these and other ocd themes too. I don't wanna feel numb
I feel that some of us who are marriage focused due to our faith might have more of a tendency to do this. I always thought I was just analyzing the relationship. I also theorize my ROCD might be from having a domestic violence in my past marriage and might be a self protective mechanism as well.
Can you have a mix of the two types of ROCD?
My gf is in this state and she doesn't understand about herself... should i just share this video to her....but somehow it could make her disappointed...she is so insecure....our main problem was "she doesn't like the way she treats me, despite how i treat her... although i don't have any problem how she treats me"...NEED A QUICK HELP! QUICK REPLY!
Seems like we are all here looking for answers and so I’m glad I came! I struggle with ocd when it comes to organization and routine, I have set ways in how things should looks and feel and be and I strain that on my love life as well. For the longest time I never realized this behaviour was so demeaning and abusive and I just felt entitled to my opinions. I picked on him from anything from his beard shape, type of pants he wears, the size of his jacket, the way he moves and asking why he moves like that, the way he touches me and the way he comes off towards me, types of jokes, eye shape, mouth shape, wanting them to loose weight or gain weight. and I struggled like this in every relationship. None of them ever made me feel as bad as I made them feel and it’s a constant battle with anxiety justifying these actions and my empathy regretting them.
So I feel my partner and I are great together. We love being with eachother, we like similar things, we engage in alot of activities, we care for eachother. But I do feel a problem if it is a problem; that is my sexual attraction to my partner is gone. He knows this, says it happens, but i still feel horrible about it. Now I knew I used to oogle here and there, but I dont anymore. Honestly since losing more of my libito, i feel ALOT worse. I put so much effort in appearance of myself, or focus on my health; some days I feel I project that onto my husband, regret it, apologize. I'm not sure if it's because its rooted from insecurity learned from years of emotional abuse, or it's something else. I do have a therapist, may bring it up. It's hard to talk about because I'm afraid I sound like I dont like my husband, sad because i really love him and there are plenty of examples of me not judging a book by its cover. Why us my husband any different? This ROCD sounds familiar to feeling. Not self diagnosing. I have brought up in therapy of looking into testing for OCD or autism because mental illness and development disorders runs in my family, and I have an interesting nail/bodily mutilating issue that is triggered by some emotion, but more like certain sensory or texture, or physical feeling will irritate me. Like you know how you have a really bad itch that you need to scratch? Put that on steroids, that's my problem.
Thanks for sharing your experiences! I hope you can feel some relief soon and that you and your therapist can work through whatever is interfering in your life. 😃
Its very tiring dealing with this. Im proud of all of us for still being here, and caring. Give yourself a hug. We're doing the work, so we can live full lives and be ourselves truly. I wish for peace for all of us, won through productive work.
The concept of ROCD is new to me even though it's been a part of my life from the beginning. Both my parents weaponized me against the other. I ended-up driving my mother away from my father (she finally won the combat). Consequently, relationships of all kinds became anathema to me. No close friends, never dated or attended any social events in high school. Unable to make close friendships in college. Married the first woman who paid any attention to me; the relationship headed South after a couple of years. Due to my fear of relationships I couldn't settle on a job for long. Moved from position to position because of my fear of failure.. Was seldom home with my 2 children due to my obsession with work. Divorced and remarried a very unstable woman. My life is one of Obsession/Compulsion with ROCD being at the core. It's Repeat and Repeat and Repeat. You have made me aware of my ROCD as it has impacted every facet of my life. Thank You.
Hi! May be an odd question but does ROCD worsen during a women’s cycle?
YES! Well, OCD symptoms tend to be worse for some during their cycle. I'm not sure on the medical side why this is the case but it's something I have seen with individuals I work with. 😃
Can ROCD also revolve around consistent every minute thoughts of the person cheating because of the actions I see or think I see?
My wife has a severe case of ocd and it really negatively affects our lives to the point we can't stand each other. I try to not "help" her by backing away or telling her to stop her compulsions but this generally leads to arguments. When I do "help" her I know in the long run it makes her OCD worse. This is killing our relationship.
This video is 100% me. I cannot believe this is an actual thing. I wish I saw this video years ago. Two months ago I left my 9 year relationship because of this exact reason. It was constant thoughts & feelings of guilt for having these thoughts. I do dart therapy December 15, this upcoming Tuesday & I hope to find help & practice strategies to help me control ROCD.
I felt some of these things. I also judged photos of my boyfriend.
Your channel literally saves my life as an OCD sufferer, thank you so much 💜
I have a weird form of OCD among many others, I always have a fear my partner is lying to me or doing something I fear the most. My mind tries to look for clues to get a black and white answer and then I get major anxiety. Not sure if anyone else has this because I havent been able to find a type that fits it, but I'll often resort to questions and reassurance seeking from my partner which really strains our relationship, he's lied in the past, not about cheating or anything but other things which seems to feed anxiety more, but then again who hasn't lied? He is truly a great guy and most of the time I know that, but theres always that voice and fear of wasting time
Its SO stressful, I'll remember instances or things that my mind doesnt think add up to what he's told me from as far back as 5 years ago and ask about them
It's a mess
same girl, you know your guy is a good guy but still every minute you think he lies or wants to cheat. I am super exhausted because of this, really
I have had pure ocd for about a year now growing from regular ocd I haev developed rocd about 10 months ago and its TERRIBLE, lately I am stuck on the thought that I love my ex and that mayeb I had rocd wuth them even though I know it was not right for me it scares me becasue I am in love with my boyfriend and he is an amazing person but my intrusive thoughts keep leading towards me ex girlfriend
Have your intrusive thoughts passed?
I met a girl a month ago and at first I thought she was very beautiful and I also like her personality, but because of HOCD I can't tell if I'm in love with her or if I'm just trying to force myself to feel something .
this is exactly how i feel!! i also find myself becoming almost obsessed with certain people without knowing really anything about them and thinking that it happened for a reason, “sign from the universe blah blah” and it makes me sad because i don’t want to end my beautiful long term relationship, i love them so much but i don’t know why i become so obsessed about other people so quickly
does anybody else relate to this too??
I've just started seeing someone who i think has OCD, and they're obsessed with me being unfaithful and has huge paranoia and jumps to delusions and constantly needs reassurance. Anything can trigger the intrusive thoughts, facts that are unrelated can be twisted and somehow they're able to relate it back to their initial paranoia. They ruminate for what seems to be like hours. I feel like i'm walking on egg shells as i don't want to trigger the questioning but it doesn't help, they frequently start questioning me and get very angry at their own accusations they've made up. I'm trying not to give into answering their questions or providing the reassurance they're seeking as no matter how much i comfort it doesn't stop. I'm wondering if this sounds like OCD?
yeah. it's ocd which is specifically a form of anxiety. ocd can include "what if" questions in their mind. i have exactly what your partner has minus my partner being unfaithful.
i struggle with OCD and this is the main issue i’m having. however i don’t believe my partner is unfaithful at all, it’s just a lot of ‘what if’s’ and paranoia. not quite sure how to cope, i’m open with her about it but feel stressed quite often. did you and your partner manage to get through it, and if so, what made it easier?
It's very hard to be on the receiving end of rocd. I've been doing it for 3 years now and I'm exhausted. Hoping that me leaning about it now will help us handle it better, help me respond to his anxiety/delusions in a way that helps us move forward together.
I loved so much how you explained this. I have dealt with this a lot and it gets better everyday with understanding how the mind works. I am looking forward to the treatment of part 2 to see if I can relate to that as well and compare it.
I have recently learned, like maybe a couple weeks ago, that I have ROCD. I believed these thoughts/behaviors aka compulsions were borderline personality disorder but ROCD (relationship focused) is exactly what it is. I'm just entering the proper counseling for it. I'm excited but super scared and almost feel sad all at the same time for ERP. I will overcome this. Just like I did with my 20 year addiction (5.5 years free) this too will be stomped. Why? I have God and I refuse to stay stuck.
I have both ROCD, and OCD. Plus I deal with depression and anxiety. I dissect my marriage, my wife’s flaws and My flaws daily. It’s exhausting, plus I feel so guilty for doing it. I question if I’m in the right relationship, if I love her enough, and attraction as well. I’m definitely an unhappy person. I don’t know how to handle my OCD? I take meds for depression and anxiety, but what do I do about OCD? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
man, everything he's saying. me. me. definitely me.
How can I figure out if my thoughts are anxiety and rumination or OCD? I feel like maybe I have a combination of both. I get anxious about my thoughts and sometimes they go all over the place but specific ones get stuck. There are days where I just let them be stuck and deal with the anxiety. There are days where I seek reassurance by trying to figure out if it's GAD (which is what I'm diagnosed with) or if it's OCD?
I relive the terror every day wondering if I'm wasting my time; Panicking that I could be missing a much better fitting girl by staying with this one. It's horrifying to me to think I could be stuck with someone I'm not in love with the rest of my life. But I love her and she's superb. I'm easily distracted by everything appearing better. And I'm afraid of myself. Especially my own wandering thoughts and eyes and how women already approach me. I want to be married one day. Everyone I've talked to says that urge never ends. And I hate it. I don't want it to be true. How can I become in love to halt all these thoughts?! ☹️ I don't want to be distracted by other women or unable to accept particular behaviors in my woman. I want to want her only!
Going with this 3 years
My husband and kids involved in thoughts
Makes me feel so guilty and feel emotionally devastated
Would like more about how to do erp in these theme
Thanks for the video
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I hope you can find some relief soon! I do have a video on the treatment for ROCD if that's helpful.
Idk if this is exactly related to ROCD. I don’t have a partner but I do find people attractive? And this person has a girlfriend and it’s like a youtuber lol. But I get intrusive jealousy over her? It’s better now which is good but idk I think this may relate to retroactive jealousy? I think this is a good thing for me to comment this for exposure yay ✌🏼👏🏼👌🏼
I LOVE YOUR BLOOPERZ AT THE END AHHHH. .. Haha seriously though so cute °○•
Haha. Thanks! I make a lot of mistakes. 😃
This sounds... Really really miserable. This vid was reccomended by an acquaintence in a Discord server and I'm really glad they sent this. Thank you for educating people!
i am already suffering because of the ROCD. I HOPE I CAN GET RID OF IT BECAUSE MY WIFE IS SUFFERING AS WELL BECAUSE OF ME.
I had thoughts like "what if i dont love him anymore ?" "What if im not attracted to my partner ?", "What if he is not the one?" It all drived me crazy ,i talked with my sister about it ,who had ocdd , she said that i have rocd , and it gave me a relief that its not real , but i used to think think think and think, my mind never gave me a break ,at that point ,i literally stopped eatingg .. i was at my worst , the only thing that gave me hopeee was my partner ,he was there for me , and within 4months i kind of healed from it , the success line was not straight ,i used to feel good and the ither i used to feel shitty ,but now when those thought come . I challenge them ,i dont do any compulsions ,i just sit there numbing myself up and i healed like that but... Its been like a week now rocd striked again with other thoughts " what if he doesn't love me?" Egat if he doesn't care?", What if im a burden to him?" What if this ,what if that and that is wayyyyyyy harder than what i had beforeee , its all about him , like my mind always looks through the negetive side ,they are killing me , and whenever thoughts like this come , i keep thinking about it ,i ask for resurance to him and my sister , he keeps saying , like my mind finds reason to prove him wrong ... Like i sent him a meme and my mind is like " if he doesn't reacts with a heart he doesn't love you" and it is soooooo fustrating , sometimes i question myself is it actually rocd ,or not , and i really cant take this anymore
Its sooooo hard for me to take this ,i ask him 19488483838 times a day ,'do you love me '
''Is this true? '' ''will i heal?"
I seriously dont wanna loose him, if i lose him i'll loose myself , im scared of losing him
And this types of thoughts striked because ,i study in a boarding school (, we are not allowed to take our phone there) sooo while i was studying their , his schedule got really busy ,before we used to talk 24*7 but now we dont get that much time but he still manages to talk to me everyday , he takes care of me like no one else ,he is the besttt person , i just wanna heal from these thoughts ,i dont wanna doubt him and when rocd doesn't triggers i feel happy ,but i feel sooooooo guilty for feeling this way ,please do make a video about thoughts like this, i would be highly obliged if you could talk about these thoughts more, thankssss
Have had a case of HOCD in the past. I'm not 100% sure I'm dealing with ROCD right now, but I've met someone new that seems great (or seamed great at first), but now I've gotten really picky and I'm consumed with doubts about this person. It's taking up all of my time. I'm even scared it might not be ROCD. Well, that was my two cents.
Listen every one , I had ocd but it wasn’t rocd, my ocd was about religion ,what I did was just ignoring the thoughts and try not to make sure its wrong or right , it may take time but you have to have hope inside you please that’s so important and just keep in mind that nothing is your fault and your not bad people .
Love this video. I find it very encouraging! What's the difference between fear to commit aka an actual relationship problem and ROCD? If I have ROCD, I've been unable to commit to a partner for a long time lol
Hey man! Thanks! Sometimes individuals have a hard time committing due to the doubts or fears they have regarding their obsessions with someone. Almost a form of a compulsion for some to not be in a relationship to not have to deal with it. 👊
@@ocdandanxiety thank you for your insight! For me my whole body feels depressed and my mind loops and I don't find relief until I'm "free of them"...and then I want them back almost immediately. I'm trying to piece together my healing with attachment theory, ocd, etc. with little success.
@@lukenystrompratt1 I'm exactly the same! Left my GF over this and was in a dark place begging for her back immediately. Now that she's back I'm doubting all the time.
Emotionally, my boyfriend suffered as much as me. I always felt like my six year old relationship won't last, we wont be happy especially since it is a long distance relationship. He always asked for my trust and love. But i firmly believed we won't work out. Always back to square one with thoughts of letting him go and that we were not meant for each other. Its so scary that i actually believed in my thoughts until i found what rocd was. But the damage was done and i let him go, this time for him so he can find someone better. And me, i don't know what I'm gonna do..
I have this constant thoughts about someone. After analyzing everything, i think the only constant is the kind of people that i obsession about, are like "perfect matchs" or guys i would like to be in a relationship with. The thing is, i don't know if this could be OCD, ROCD or if it even is something.
Hey so i am a teen with a lot of anxiety just entered my 18 bday with my gf which i love and i ve been trying to face my anxiety and overthinking for a lot of time doing meditation etc with my head being overwhelmed by various thoughts. From doubts to myself to doubts to loving people etc. I sometimes think that i dont need my friends or partner etc. I know i love my gf and she has been there for me and understood me like no other. Given me confidence, made me feel loved and like i was special something that no one could make me feel. Howeveri am getting so many mixed thoughts in my head that literally make no sense. I might be just standing and be like omg l love her sm and in the next moment my head will be like break up with her which is something that i definitely dont want to do and the reason isnt that i dont want to be alone but because i truly love her. I am keeping these thoughts inside because i dont want to tell her since they might cause her anxiety and even worse make her break up with me. I have experienced a lot of intrusive thoughts in my short life time and i know that these are too ,intrusive thoughts however since we meet up frequently they are more intense and they hurt the most.They make me doubt stuff that i am sure of
At the start of our relationship my anxiety would be focused on wether they loved and sometimes on whether i loved them. Being afraid that she may cheat on me or i may cheat on her.If she takes too much time out of my day or if we are gonna have a lot things to talk about.Whether i am getting boring or she is.This anxiety eats me up in my day to day out of my relationship but because my gf and i meet up alot they mostly conquer my mind these days
Honestly I wish I had this, I'm not sure if I do or I really don't love him, I've been with my boyfriend since I was 19 and I'm 24 now and I'm scared because he's the best and I have great time with him
Can R-OCD get worse after you have an argument with your partner? Also, would looking at photos of yourself with your partner to check that you still feel a certain way when looking at the photo is an example of a compulsion?
Yes and yes.
I bet he, as an licensed professional would agree.
Are you diagnosed?
Kostas Tade I’m not specifically diagnosed with any particular ocd theme but I do have generalised anxiety and OCD.
WOW. I wish I had found this video YEARS ago.
Unfortunately, I’ve really hurt my partner in the past because I wasn’t sure how to overcome my doubts.
Eventually I did overcome them, but now the OCD has switched to obsessing about whether he’s still in love with me and guilt about the past- although he states over and over that he forgives me and understands. Do you have a video for this? :/
God thank you for sharing. I feel better knowing I’m not crazy cause I had a similar story
I can’t ever get over the fear that one day he will just break it off because I’m too boring or because my OCD is too annoying to deal with…it’s sad because if I was just someone without OCD I could probably enjoy so much more
With ROCD I feel like mine is different than explained in the video. It’s not about if I’m attracted to them, it’s if they’re attracted to me. I have doubts about THEIR feelings, not mine. Why isn’t this explained in the video? Is it not a part of ROCD??
For the longest time I thought I was alone in this. Until I saw a random girl on Tiktok who used this term with examples or her thoughts. Since I regonized myself in those thoughts I googled it and my mind was blown. I now finally understand what is “wrong” with me and why I was too scared to date for two years. I am more confident now and I hope I can hold on to that once I start dating again. My therapist never used this term either when I described my thoughts and struggles. So I feel very blessed to randomly find that video on Tiktok and I’ve been reading about it ever since
Hey , I have seen in the comments how everyone is somehow going through ROCD when in relationship, and that sucks. But in my case, I just really really like this person and I'm already seeing so many symptoms of ROCD. The up and down of the feelings and thoughts, without even being in a relationship, and I can't even tell it to anyone, not even him, feels worst.
This is so hard to deal with being in a long distance relationship. We’ve been together 6 years and I’m sure he’s the one for me, but he’s in a bad living situation and I obsess all the time over the bad things that could happen to him and being unable to help. It’s so awful.
my main irk with OCD is that (and for reference, i think i might have it but im not sure) a lot of the intrusive thoughts just feel like... thoughts. Like, they can be distressing, but they feel like valid concerns to think about, so i don't flag them as intrusive or OCD in the slightest, which makes it harder for me to determine what they are. it's hard to describe OCD that you might have to a therapist when it's hard to even see for what it maybe is in the first place ;-;
Hi I have a question. Me and my partner are pretty sure he has ROCD. I also have a lot of psychological issues mostly insecurity. How do I deal with the fact knowing that he's constantly comparing/doubting me. I know he doesn't want to but I already have problems not feeling worthy enough. How do I uplift myself knowing all this. How can I feel like I'm enough for him. Because not only does it bring me down, it causes for me to express my anxiety which in turn doesn't help him at all. Thank you
Hey bro! Thanks for the info! Its great..i have an issue that im not in a relationship yet but my brain is already worried about dating someone because it seems im always looking for someone better..wich i kw theres no such thing
I think the hardest thing is that yhe longer we're together and the more he knows that I truly do want to be with him, the more afraid he becomes of losing us and the more his ROCD increases. Its so sad
Hi guys
my rocd says i am in love with a man, who is not my girlfriend. the crazy thing is that i am a lesbian, of course this resulted in hocd. So I have ROCD and HOCD. And every time I remember this guy (just a random human being) I feel anxious and my brain starts "hmmm, this is passion!"
Is it the same with someone here?
I heard this term somewhere and I thought it might be me but I'm not sure if it describes me. I had these feelings really strongly about my relationship when it first started but now I feel more certain since I got more comfortable with my boyfriend. But I do have compulsions but not related to romantic relationships in specific. I feel like with some specific people I know I have to talk to them only with statement starting with "I" and others only broad statements. With some people I only say statements about what happened and others I talk about opinions. And it's not just a regular thing I think I have to do it all the time cause I don't want to know what happens if I don't.
What if you experience some partner focus things, but then you beat up and criticize on yourself instead of your partner?
Wow wow I was wondering what the hell is wrong with my husband??? Obsessed on our relationship!!! Focuses on me and unrealistic flaws in me but he constantly accuses me with his intrusive thoughts and I end up being abused!!! Plz advise I’ll be in abused by his intrusive thoughts and accused!!
it sucks..
Omg your inner monologue is hysterical, I'm laughing so much...! 😂😂
Hello, please do answer! What if you've been with your partner for only a short amount of time? Like 3 months? Is this still a possibility of ROCD? I truly believe I love him dearly and want to be with him and I know he feels the same way but I get these intrusive thoughts and once I get started thinking about them! It's pure hell!
I ended up watching one of your videos on pocd 2 years ago it took me so long to even research my thoughts as I was so scared they would be true!! I was so relieved after I watched it and instead of explaining the thoughts to my mam I showed her the video. I’ve now completed therapy two years later and I’m on medication I can’t thank you enough for these videos ❤
I think i have this, i'm in a LDR and tbh OCD makes me doubt about my partner, today they told me they needed time alone and OCD kinda made me scared idk (we spoke before and interacted good tho and i'm pretty sure i didn't do or say anything wrong but still OCD scares me soo much idk)
Please help me. Ive lately stopped asking for reassurences from my partner because I realised it isn't healthy, since then, voice keep talking in my head telling me "you don't love him" or if I think of a good time with him there is always that voice saying "no" as if it doesn't want me to be happy with my partner, it's always a call and response, for example I think "omg I love his smile" and that voice says "no u don't" and then a whole war starts in my head. it's slowly getting better but still not going away, when I'm with my partner these voices are way quieter and don't effect me as I'm happy when I'm with him, ours it's a really good relatioship, I feel heard, loved, calm and safe, there are no red flegs and I truly feel like I love this guy and the thought of losing him makes me cry, I don't know what it is, but I'm tired, I just want to be happy.
Someone help me
I definitely feel you! Like the same. Sometimes I ignore the voice but is still there. And when is not, I’m also scared of it coming again so I call it and get crazy struggling with my own self. This is just horrible and I hate it messing with what I love the most. My boy is perfect for me despite his imperfections but my mind notices and makes me feel irritated sometimes that’s even worse
It makes sooooo much sense!
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years and I have always had mild questions about our relationship, but it recently got worse when everybody marries around us and asks when we will get married.
Im coping by fantasizing about one of my friends I have always found attractive. Its very unhealthy I know, there was a time when I layed on the couch for hours just daydreaming and abandoning basic chores like cooking or cleaning.
Now that im aware I hope I can start the healning process, thank you so much for the video!