As a sociology student I get so excited about how passionate Sarah gets on the topic. Also, I would be really cautious about accepting anything Malcolm Gladwell says as fact. His research is dubious at best
My boyfriend went no contact with his parents and siblings, and he's been so much happier. They were nothing but a drain, and he put in way more effort than they did, even as the baby by 7 years. On the flip side, my nana went no contact with my dad (her son) because of his verbal abuse and mental health issues that they've endlessly tried to help. It's very sad, but I'm really proud of her because he doesn't know how to love. This is such a great topic! Love you guys!
Re: ambiguous grief potentially being harder than unambiguous grief in some ways - I lost my mom to cancer and my dad to estrangement, and my experience has been that there’s an extra layer of difficulty involved with the ambiguous grief of estrangement. The bargaining stage in estrangement is so intense and persistent. You made the choice to cut the person off and in a lot of cases you could STILL make the choice to let them back into your life if you wanted to. You have to make the choice every day to pretend that person is dead even though you know they are not. When someone dies, you have no choice. You must adapt to their absence and there is no changing it. Bargaining and denial are common in death grief but they’re less intense. No conscious part of my brain thinks my mom is ever going to be a part of my life again. That’s a brutal reality, but it rips off the bandaid. With my dad, I have days all the time where I question whether I made the right choice to cut him out. I can convince myself a lot more easily that I can do something to change the situation. It is a constant internal fight.
Kendahl you are right! There are studies about kids who are raised in less structured homes with healthier attachments to parents vs. More structured with less healthy attachments to parents and the kids with healthier attachments want to please their parents more, even if rules to do so are not enforced. If you love and respect someone, and they love and respect you, you want to make them happy because it makes you happy.
as someone who was kicked out of home/ estranged/ blocked by their immediate family at seventeen (last year)i just want to thank you guys for showing representation of going no contact
im so sorry this happened to you. the same happened to me a couppe days after my 18th birthday. please ignore if not helpful, but i wanted to tell you it gets better the more time goes on. its been 7 years for me and ive never been happier even if its extremely painful to not have a family at times.
Hey! Just so everyone knows one of Kate’s children has come out against her alleging abuse from her. As well as sent him to a “troubled teen” facility.
I thought that I was strong enough to handle this but this has been a huge trigger. I keep pausing and thinking about my situation with my parents. I want to cry and bury myself deep into my boyfriends arms. To anyone going through similar situations: I am so sorry that the people that were supposed to love you the most failed you. May we all heal from this and find the love that we deserve.
Yeah I have to keep coming back to it because I do love listening to their takes, but it is really bringing up a lot for me as someone who is no contact with most of my family due to their addiction and transphobia.
Hi friends in the comments can y’all recommend me some podcasts similar to this one?! I also listen to kendahl’s other pod and I just wish they (including Sarah) had more cuz I’m so obsessed with hearing all three of them talk and I can’t keep rewatching old stuff😭😓
Same lol, Sarah had another podcast called Violating Community Guidelines with Britney Broski that's funny, Sarah has a thing on her channel building Legos with people, Trixie and Katya's (Sarah's been on twice) the bald and the beautiful podcast is good, and Smosh reddit stories is pretty fun to listen to 💞
Perfect Person (Sarah guested on it), Two Idiot Girls, VCG, Artist on Artist (improv podcast, but very funny), Broski Report, Smosh Reddit, Two Hot Takes (Sarah appeared twice) A lot of these have similar humor and are all conversational. Artist on Artist podcast recently had both Jordan and Kendahl on!
This is one of my favorite episodes you guys have done. I am no-contact with about half of my family; one for abuse and the rest for their bigoted beliefs and behavior. I really appreciated both of your thoughts here and I loved every tangent you both went on and found so much truth and comfort in both of your words and wisdom. I wish you’d both be less hard on yourselves for going on “tangents”
To answer Kendahl's question about what mistakes parents of this generation are making, I definitely think the top two are raising iPad babies and also vlogging too much of their children's lives. Also! I cut off my biological father this year with the encouragement of my therapist and it was a decision I definitely don't regret. It's been making the trauma he inflicted on me easier to let go of. I also cut off a long term friend and although I do miss them from time to time I think it's better for the both of us in the long run as we were kind of like oil and water.
my partner has gone no contact and their parents have made little to no effort in keeping up with us or contacting her. which makes it easier for her but also is very telling of them
I would love Sarah’s thoughts on the book It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn. There’s a lot of science based evidence on inheriting specific traumas from family members before you. One woman for example, plans to unalive by jumping into a vat of toxic waste at her brothers job. She goes to a psychologist, the author, and by looking through her family history they find that her great aunt I think was killed in the showers at a concentration camp. There’s a lot of interesting theories but one of them is that you can’t fully heal without having a relationship with both biological parents. I’m halfway through the book. I’ve been no contact with my dad since late July but this chapter makes me feel guilty. I wanted to know Sarah’s thoughts since their brother is adopted and they read a lot of psychology books.
"man thats an OLD movie!! Sorry its not an old movie, its a very young...hot movie" dude I cant 😂
😂😂😂😂
have y'all heard about the regretful parents community? i think that would make an interesting episode
THIS!!!!!
Major agreed
guys at this point, just call the podcast "lets talk about our week and dive into the last sociology book Sarah read"
As a sociology student I get so excited about how passionate Sarah gets on the topic. Also, I would be really cautious about accepting anything Malcolm Gladwell says as fact. His research is dubious at best
the number of beverages on the table increases with every episode
My boyfriend went no contact with his parents and siblings, and he's been so much happier. They were nothing but a drain, and he put in way more effort than they did, even as the baby by 7 years. On the flip side, my nana went no contact with my dad (her son) because of his verbal abuse and mental health issues that they've endlessly tried to help. It's very sad, but I'm really proud of her because he doesn't know how to love. This is such a great topic! Love you guys!
Re: ambiguous grief potentially being harder than unambiguous grief in some ways - I lost my mom to cancer and my dad to estrangement, and my experience has been that there’s an extra layer of difficulty involved with the ambiguous grief of estrangement.
The bargaining stage in estrangement is so intense and persistent. You made the choice to cut the person off and in a lot of cases you could STILL make the choice to let them back into your life if you wanted to. You have to make the choice every day to pretend that person is dead even though you know they are not.
When someone dies, you have no choice. You must adapt to their absence and there is no changing it. Bargaining and denial are common in death grief but they’re less intense. No conscious part of my brain thinks my mom is ever going to be a part of my life again. That’s a brutal reality, but it rips off the bandaid.
With my dad, I have days all the time where I question whether I made the right choice to cut him out. I can convince myself a lot more easily that I can do something to change the situation. It is a constant internal fight.
What a great episode. As someone who’s recently lost their mom and is no contact with their dad this was amazing. Happy birthday Sarah!
Kendahl you are right! There are studies about kids who are raised in less structured homes with healthier attachments to parents vs. More structured with less healthy attachments to parents and the kids with healthier attachments want to please their parents more, even if rules to do so are not enforced. If you love and respect someone, and they love and respect you, you want to make them happy because it makes you happy.
as someone who was kicked out of home/ estranged/ blocked by their immediate family at seventeen (last year)i just want to thank you guys for showing representation of going no contact
im so sorry this happened to you. the same happened to me a couppe days after my 18th birthday. please ignore if not helpful, but i wanted to tell you it gets better the more time goes on. its been 7 years for me and ive never been happier even if its extremely painful to not have a family at times.
@@ozzyoxo no thank you it helps :))
Hey! Just so everyone knows one of Kate’s children has come out against her alleging abuse from her. As well as sent him to a “troubled teen” facility.
gag (good afternoon gays)
I thought that I was strong enough to handle this but this has been a huge trigger. I keep pausing and thinking about my situation with my parents. I want to cry and bury myself deep into my boyfriends arms. To anyone going through similar situations: I am so sorry that the people that were supposed to love you the most failed you. May we all heal from this and find the love that we deserve.
Yeah I have to keep coming back to it because I do love listening to their takes, but it is really bringing up a lot for me as someone who is no contact with most of my family due to their addiction and transphobia.
Sarah your thick country accent at the beginning sounded just like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes 😂 like EXACTLY LIKE her
Hi friends in the comments can y’all recommend me some podcasts similar to this one?! I also listen to kendahl’s other pod and I just wish they (including Sarah) had more cuz I’m so obsessed with hearing all three of them talk and I can’t keep rewatching old stuff😭😓
Idk if you’ve heard of two hot takes… it’s not exactly similar but they read and react to Reddit stories and it’s very talky like this. I love it!
Same lol, Sarah had another podcast called Violating Community Guidelines with Britney Broski that's funny, Sarah has a thing on her channel building Legos with people, Trixie and Katya's (Sarah's been on twice) the bald and the beautiful podcast is good, and Smosh reddit stories is pretty fun to listen to 💞
Go touch grass!(that’s the name of the podcast)
Perfect Person (Sarah guested on it), Two Idiot Girls, VCG, Artist on Artist (improv podcast, but very funny), Broski Report, Smosh Reddit, Two Hot Takes (Sarah appeared twice)
A lot of these have similar humor and are all conversational.
Artist on Artist podcast recently had both Jordan and Kendahl on!
This is one of my favorite episodes you guys have done. I am no-contact with about half of my family; one for abuse and the rest for their bigoted beliefs and behavior. I really appreciated both of your thoughts here and I loved every tangent you both went on and found so much truth and comfort in both of your words and wisdom. I wish you’d both be less hard on yourselves for going on “tangents”
Always so grateful for the honesty and vulnerability on the podcast :) ❤
1:23:46 lol is that in reference to Sarah’s previous co-podcaster?
that’s what i was thinkinggggggg lol
Not so subtle dig ;) 😂😂
This episode just made my soul like beam up
The show Kendahl is talking about is called “English Teacher” it’s a good show!
Happy birthday!
To answer Kendahl's question about what mistakes parents of this generation are making, I definitely think the top two are raising iPad babies and also vlogging too much of their children's lives.
Also! I cut off my biological father this year with the encouragement of my therapist and it was a decision I definitely don't regret. It's been making the trauma he inflicted on me easier to let go of. I also cut off a long term friend and although I do miss them from time to time I think it's better for the both of us in the long run as we were kind of like oil and water.
1:23:49 OH MAN I LAUGHED SO HARD SARAH
Love yall
This is/was a great discussion and episode. Thank you so much, Keep it up
Whoa happy birthday sarah !
my partner has gone no contact and their parents have made little to no effort in keeping up with us or contacting her. which makes it easier for her but also is very telling of them
I BEEN WAITING FOR
hello to my fellow no-contact queer people !!! 👋
The show Kendall is talking about is “the English teacher” on Hulu. Quite hilarious.
Happy BIRTHDAY
Happy Wednesday
I would love Sarah’s thoughts on the book It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn. There’s a lot of science based evidence on inheriting specific traumas from family members before you. One woman for example, plans to unalive by jumping into a vat of toxic waste at her brothers job. She goes to a psychologist, the author, and by looking through her family history they find that her great aunt I think was killed in the showers at a concentration camp. There’s a lot of interesting theories but one of them is that you can’t fully heal without having a relationship with both biological parents. I’m halfway through the book. I’ve been no contact with my dad since late July but this chapter makes me feel guilty. I wanted to know Sarah’s thoughts since their brother is adopted and they read a lot of psychology books.
BIRTHDAY
what's the name of the book about bargaining?
Hii
Screaming iPad kids for the mistakes modern parents are making
First 🎉
grown men doing what?