Jordan Peterson: Too Nice? Rejected.
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- Опубліковано 13 лют 2018
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This video comes from professor Peterson's: "2014 Personality Lecture 17: Agreeableness and gender differences" • 2014 Personality Lectu...
He did not say that nice guys get rejected. He said that guys who are lazy and unskilled (useless) are less desireable.
George Gee My comment was a response to the title of this clip which is mismatched to the actual content of the clip. He did not say women reject "nice" men. That is my contention.
George Gee Those were not my words they were JPs. I am assuming what he means by useless is low in openess and conscientiousness.
You are correct, Judging Jordan Peterson based on this channel will give you an incomplete picture of his thinkings. The owner of this channel appears to have an issue with women and is justifying their reasoning by making strange, out of context delineations.
'nice guys' gets more clicks tho
Beeblebrox One But his comments on agreeableness had nothing to do with how women choose partners. They are actually two different clips. First is petersons intro to the agreeable/disagreeable spectrum then it cuts to a totally different clip of him talking about female mate selection.
I'm a female and I used to be very very agreeable. A basic doormat. I used to get resentful. Then, as the years marched on, I began to become more disagreeable but a beautiful thing happened. I grew a backbone and self respect and that led to being less resentful. It was a natural paradigm shift. I am much happier! Very very satisfied in life. It can happen over time.
Cool, like that's good stuff
We've got to stop telling girls to be 'nice'. It's brainwashing them to put others before themselves. It's just crap bordering on child abuse..
I used to be far too agreeable, to the point that I was selected to be the subject of a psychological experiment that I did not give consent for. Let me assure you, I now can be one of the miserable pricks you will ever run across. Although this happened 20 years ago, I know who my enemies are, and the damage they intentionally did to my family, it is neither forgiven or forgotten.
terry hollands do you have any super powers now?
terry hollands 👍👍👌👌👏
And I cannot stress this enough: " women aren't after resources, they are after the factors that predict resources."
Yes. That imperss me as well. The woman is mother so she subconsciously knows she needs to feed her kids.Aa well if you are useful she will direct you to the resources till she is busy rising the kids. I now understand how I choose my husband. I used to say to him: "OMG...I can send you to Africa and you going to come beck with camille."
Haley Howell Truth!
...except for, you know, gold diggers.
How is that not ultimately the same thing?
@@masterofkaarsvet Peterson falls short in many ways, watch the clip of him being asked about Solzhenitsyn statements about the soviets being mostly jews... he got triggered and refused to discuss this fact and walked off stage- so weak! hes just a pressure valve seeking to mislead
"Speak softly, but carry a big stick." -Theodore Roosevelt
Very 😄 funny
big stick energy
My big stick is in my pants
Be fair to thw animal kingdom your fate roars.
Beat them with kindness
*Immediately goes out and become disagreeable in all the wrong ways*
"That's right, I'm a nice guy."
When "keeping it real" goes wrong.
😂😂😂
@Ork Trukk Drivah That's good disagreement. I'm proud of u.
@Ork Trukk Drivah I'm proud of you too
This is like "real talk" gender studies.
So...the opposite?
There should be such thing. But it exist then why make super gay genders? You know it is not real why aspect of life following it.
YES
This is REAL gender studies
That's right buddy
That's was me and now I am completely alone and so much better off. Agreeable people don't realize how much crap they tolerate until they're out of the situation.
Now that is the truth.
100% true. I tend to be far too agreeable, and then hold so much resentment after I remove myself from situations in which I've been taken advantage of as a result of my over agreeableness. I'm trying to learn what is normal agreeableness, and what is too much.
@@ShortGirlsClimbCounters I hope you learn sooner than I did. There again I'm a slow learner. Took me over 50 years to "Wake up". Too late.
@Benson Walker Making up for the lost time. I could now be classified as obnoxious.
No....Isolation and being alone is not the goal
I’m a female, used to be “too nice,” I realized that my empathy was attracting people that like to use that trait. Not anymore.
Guts and heart are great traits to have regardless of sex. Congratulations ma’am!
Equillizer Armtwister damn straight!
Woman! Not female! Goddammit!!!!!!
Michael J. McCall Thank you, sir!
@Jaime Ares Well, when you are super empathetic, it attracts people that use you, because you are super giving.
Don't be too agreeable, put yourself first, you'll be much happier that way.
Yes, as long as you are not exploiting others when putting yourself first.
In a relationship you can't Just put yourself first, thats so much egoistic and fit perfectly in this individualistic society. Try completly die to your ego, to your "I", spread love and compassion and you will discover that without any possessive attachment you can't be hurt at all, you will naturally attract caring people and you will naturally avoid the self centered ones.
As an useless poor man, I'd like to wish ya'll a Happy Valentines!
Spineless shit
Join Greenpeace.
@dan strong insecure wanna be alpha
I put out a challenge and instead of focusing on yourself like you should have your focusing on me... WROOOONG
You just did the same yourself + you just said 2 words without any context just to insult me so you can feel better about yourself I suppose. I won't focus on meaningless convos like yours anymore. Take care man, find your inner peace, you probably need it more than I do.
I was a doormat. I had a bad childhood, went into an abusive marriage and finally got out (18 yrs with my toxic family, 17 years in a toxic marriage). That same year I blocked and extricated my entire family. 2 years later, today, I have a healthy self esteem. In order to heal you have to cut out the toxic people in your life. It's difficult, but worth it. I'm so happy being alone, there is noone hurting me daily. It's amazing!! I love life now. I no longer have depression, agoraphobia, and anxiety. My self esteem has skyrocketed.
I am 4 years away from my toxic family Lexi. No going back now
Congratulations .i am still in the hole.
Today I called out my parents for being toxic. I’m still dependent however. At least for another year. Any tips? Any guidance? Any advice? Pls, my heart aches but I can’t take them anymore.
sirCase I tried everything and after 40 years I had to call it a day
@@iincineratee grayrock them. Don't respond when they are being toxic..
He's right, higher male status (in any community) leads to higher reproductive choices. Bad guys have a higher status in the hood than nice guys (sorry but true) so a young ex-con gang member has multiple girlfriends and baby-mamas, while a young smart nerd can't get a date in the hood, because his status is deemed low. But this changes over time. At thirty, the nerd is now has a high paying career, house, car, health and wealth, while the gang member is broke, uneducated and too old to compete against the young thugs. So now, the women in the hood are also thirty plus and would anything for a nerd to look at them, but it's too late for that, because they too can't compete with young successful women in the nerd's new community. Now, the older gang member and older woman are both resentful and spiteful, their only recourse is too spread misery to others and the next generation.
This makes sense tbf
Very true. Not to mention the fact that bad guys are respected because the cops will leave them alone and allow them to get away with their trouble.
Isn't it relative? I live in "the hood" for my town, and it seems to go both ways. SOME women lean towards the seemingly confident wannabe gang members, but there are also women out here who seem to go for the "nerds". It seems to me there are generalities, but there are also often exceptions too. If your a "nerd" in the hood, your chances of finding a mate isn't hopeless. If you're a confident "powerful" thug, you might get more chances to sleep around but it becomes a quantity over quality then. Do you want 100 women who don't really love you? Or one woman who's crazy about you??
Ah, yes. Bitter nerds who fantasize about getting women. It's probably not going to happen, young nerdlet. But good luck out there.
@@sarahrobertson634 Sarah you are projecting your insecurity and it stinks
It's good to be kind and loving. To be sympathetic and to help others when they truly need it. It is not good to be "agreeable".
"Agreeableness" here is referring to a Big 5 psychological trait. Agreeableness is neither inherently good nor bad in that context, but extremes likely are.
In conclusion, a good partner is kind and nice by choice but is capable of standing up for themselves and won't allow others to push them around.
You always have to consider social status with the occupation as well. He cited men, who are celebs as individuals, who slept with a lot of women. For instance, I know men who are local DJ's and night clubs, who are still living with their parents get more women than my other friends who work in the tech industry or are lawyers and can barely get a date. Overall. For women it's about social status not necessarily financial status
Exactly. Financial status when you're in a relationship, sure. Otherwise it's irrelevant. Cyndi Lauper could have told us that. I know guys that meet girls for the first time and start bragging about their apartment or their car, FFS they don't give a shit.
Totally correct. Women want useful men not just rich men. There is another JP video on this exact subject
I think it's a peer thing - women want to have social status with other women and they get that through their choice of partner
I think the lawyers and tech industry guys you mention may also be (unwittingly) intellectually arrogant towards women, because even well educated women often find some men condescending. Women are more interested in men who are compassionate and share their beliefs. Once they have financial security, their goals change and so the men they look for changes with the trajectory of their career. It is much easier to find a woman over 40, who looks after herself well and has a good income, than a 30 year old.
Bryan McLaughlin This is huge...
What I noticed over the years is if you are the “nice” person, most people will push and push to see how far they can get. You agree here and there to small irrelevant things and as soon as they try you with something bigger and you say no or stand up for yourself (with a good attitude about it) they seem bitter and almost angry. Not all, but a lot do.
I would think they would have respect, I mean, they don’t ask you for anything else or really bother with you, but their attitude now stinks. I even had a supervisor try to sabotage my work area. I did everything they asked and they tried to use control with me and I politely told them no, when I am finished then I will do that and it’s like they went ape shit lol
Don’t bother me anymore, but it used to a lot. Interesting to know ...
Been there...
Gotta stand up for yourself
Correct!
I. Can relate to your experience I became suicidal, mental health issues because I was being bullied at work. I kept record of events of bullying with emails, medical letters from my therapist, doctors and occupational therapy....but the investigation was rigid an I was told it's heresay and it was insufficient evidence.
@@strangercat A wise man doesn't speak due to poverty. I know I need to stand up but I have disability where I struggle with processing information, which means I'm not good at counter argument and I like to avoid negative people.
One of the most important people of our time. He will go down in the History books.
as what????
As the one who turned the tide of feministic madness.
and liberal hypocrisy and idiocy.
and for having helped so many fix their lives.
Just to add a few more obvious things that belong a very long list of thing he has done to make the world a better place.
Somehow I still don't see a history book, and there is so little history left, he is essentially irrelevant....choir members excluded, of course.
Probably not but he is definitely the man for the moment.
I have been trying to end the cycle of giving everything & getting shit on for YEARS. Thank you so much for giving me a way out!!!!! You have no idea how ecstatic I am to now understand why this has been happening to me!!!!!
It is easier to be disagreeable when you have lot of resources.
That’s a good point
That's very true
Good thought.
I could have really used this info back when I was twenty-one.
A. Soul Same.. well better late than never ..*sigh*..
When the student is ready the teacher comes. Never before
It's never too late
YES.
Im 21, what am i suppsed to do with this?
Since I realized how difficult life is for stubborn and idle people, I just wanted to make life a little easier with being gentle and generous ...little did I know...
I think you just defined socialism.
Both extremes are extreme. Find the equilibrium.
@@mrzukunft There exist no extreme for men atleast
@@boisejohnsonjr.5702 You have extremes to you bro. They might be completely unique, but you can't act like you don't got em. Maybe you just can't see them, or maybe, you've put work into yourself where you don't. :) either way, that's just my thoughts. Much love brotha
Worth listening to twice to make sure you get it all. Wish I had this 30 years ago. Great lecture.
I was both, extremely confrontational and assertive, to nice and friendly- then I had no friends and no one to help me in this life, now I have lots of friends and fun
This video should be called "Why Everything Happens"
Yes.
I can relate completely to this video. Trained from early childhood to please in order to avoid physical abuse and criticism, I felt very resentful for having to do what others demanded. I ended up with a rich, lazy, and useless man who I felt ashamed of. I'm ambitious and driven to be productive, but I feel as though my life has been wasted.
give me money then.
I can relate to this too, but slightly differently. My ex grew up in an abusive home where he was taught to be always nice, compliant, and agreeable. He resented me and thought I was "mean" for claiming the freedom to say no, not take peoples' crap, or allow them to exploit me. He is now free to be the doormat he always wanted to be.
JBP you are a voice of reason and intelligence in crazy times, thank you ♥
Imagine a society where all university professors were as wise and philosophical as JP. They wouldn’t have to agree on everything but if they were a little wiser and didn’t force their own opinions as gospel we’d have a much happier, intelligent and successful society
If only they actually prepared their students for adulthood instead of treating them like they’re tall children. Too many people leave uni without any proper exposure to the real world
When you’re too nice you show lack of competition, weakness and you can’t keep her safe.
My problem with the prospect of "safety" or comfort is that it implies that the world we live in doesn't have social contracts. My guess is that if there are any snakes in a relationship, they were there when you both met
true. when your to nice it shows your scared of confrontation. if you bolt and leave her to defend her self she will be turned off lol
Tre' Roney Bro women are equals now. They can protect themselves.
@@pthebeast2 lol not really men and women can never be equal were just not programmed to. Coming from a women.
@@pthebeast2 We women cannot protect ourselves. That's nonsense.
Genie from Aladdin says "I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else". In other words, a person can't will another person into loving them no matter how hard they try.
Unless you have burundanga
Jordan B Peterson Knowledge - should be a school subject • WORLDWIDE •
alswords absolutely
...and he talks about chaos.
Can you imagine...Italy...
CHAO...CHAO...CHAO
left-right-up-and- down
all day long...with a smile😊
I have been watching UA-cam videos since 2008 and this has to be the most stupid comment I have ever read. May god have mercy on your soul.
cultist
Fuck no. I agree with Peterson on many things, but fuck these "social sciences." That's how we got "diversity training" and "gender studies." No, fuck all that. Only hardcore practical sciences in my school, thank you.
I am told I am too nice. People do reject me, stand me up, put me off or forget about me altogether unless they can benefit from something I can do for them. If I stand up for myself I am ostracized completely. I have become a hermit-tess.
I remember a quote.... You are born alone, live alone and die alone. The less contact I have with people the better I feel.
As a general rule for a woman that is not good. I suppose you are older. Where I live older women keep themselves busy with charity work, hobbies, and social interactions. Can't you do that? For most of them what they give and receive is more or less balanced and many of them are happy. In general older men need far less interaction with other humans as their women.
Not a problem for a woman as much as a man when it comes to dating.
Make your life interesting, for yourself. So you have something interesting to do on your own.
This translates into an interesting life that others can see and get behind.
And don't get burned twice. If someone rejects you or stands you up, they better have a fucking good reason why they did so. And if they don't, they can fuck straight off.
Be who you want to be. If someone comes along, fine, if not that is fone to. You are a complete human with or without a partner, marriage. God is Love !!!! Love is the strongest of all things. !!!!!!
My friends that were elderly at church said be nice but not a door mat when I was a child decades ago. all rights reserved
The section starting at 9:52 on homicide, and revolution... explains so much, about much of the world.
Natural gene pool control.
I was much too agreeable when I was a teenager. I didn't realize how bad of quality it was until I got to college and experienced manipulation from others. I'm 25 now and feel so much more confident in what I say and what I am willing to go along with. Age and experience play a massive part into why so many young women and men are so agreeable and slightly taken advantage of when they're younger. In a simple way, you have to experience the shit in order to learn from it and begin to grow as a well-rounded person with a backbone.
The question is : since when this “manipulators” and manipulation GAME it is acceptable?!?! And why “people” that manipulate others think this is ok at all times ?!?! This only speaks to the manipulators characters..... they are the black sheep ..... and the true kind and compassionate people should be seen the most valuable PEOPLE!!!!
Amazing how much value this lectures provide!!!
Watched a few of your videos, seeing an improvement in my life already.
Love my weekly JP fix 💉😎💪💡 outstanding video! This video should be shown to everyone!
I have ADHD diagnosed in December 2020.
I find negative emotions from other people difficult to respond to.
I play the submissive try to please and change people's reactions to me.
I know what I'm doing but haven't the ability to respond.
Learn your Meyers Briggs personality type and your love languages :)
I'm an agreeable person. This happens at my work were I don't speak up so I just end up miserable or resentful because I often feel used or alone. I really need to learn to speak up more. And I need to stop hating on myself too.
I've learned through observation and personal experience that the difference between being nice and too nice to women can produce drastically different results yet require very few and subtle differences to execute.
@@Landstalker1999 i think you are absolutely right. It creates a self appointed challenge for them. Its just unfortunate that many women pass up genuinely nice guys that would treat them like queens due to this instinctual game that does not provide for an attractive quality in those men.
@@Landstalker1999 hey bro this is really interesting!
So you as a gay man, show no interesting whatsoever in the girl, and she can feel it and stuff, so you obviously don't look desperate or needy, you look abundant! And then by being nice, you're making her feel attracted to you!
That's not really what agreeable people think. They think "I am playing by the rules, why aren't you?"
@Rishabh Rajbhar thank you very much
I agree, great comment..
I liked your comment. I'm disagreeable because it's been unfairness across the board, I'm a pipsqueak, but by peoples reactions, I must be scary, something about my never back down 'tude.
That's not bragging. I pay a price for always speaking my mind and not bending,
this comment is so underrated
Everyone who expects too much from people, will easily get disappointed later. What I learned from this video is that just because we do good for others, it doesn't necessarily mean it will be reciprocated.
How to be more desirable:
1) Be useful
2) Prioritize health
Useful = Being a Doormat?
Simp. Prioritize money and ull shower with pussy
@@micheal.s6726 it means being useful in a way that benefits yourself but it should also cause a chain reaction of opportunity for others. If you understand what that means
The title of this video had nothing to do with the content of what he said...
Welcome to UA-cam. 😆
No
That's honestly the case for all of these JP videos.
It's click-bait titles for desperate men
“Extend the hand and when they go to grasp , pull ‘em in for the ‘headbutt !’ - Ghandi, Dehli, 1935
I am agreeable. I am agreeable to my family to a point. For all others, and family members who are disagreeable or manipulative, I try to be aloof and remind myself that they are trouble.
I think we can say that this is definitely happening in society more and more. Just take a look at London now. The violence just doesn't seem to be reducing at all.
Wow.. You are an absolute genius Jordan.. I could totally relate to what you are saying
9:03 You're thinking about Wilt Chamberlain. Kareem was a converted Muslim and a self described introvert. Very intelligent brother.
Finding the balance was nearly impossible for me. When I was a kid I was too agreeable - subjected to bullying. In my teens I was extremely disagreeable and very violent - I would find too much trouble and would eventually end up in prison or dead if I continued. Now I'm 25 and I have no idea where I am. I'm studying to become a prosecutor which needs for me to have an absolutely crystal clear criminal past (which I have so far). Unfortunately I cannot find a way to deal with as*holes and teach people that I'm not a joke to be pushed around lightly in a non-violent way. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I would very much like to hear your experience.
I wish good luck on your path! I was very agreeable up to early 20s. Now at 31, I discovered that when most people say "I'm joking" they are mostly testing you.
First, develop acute awareness of this, and mentally divide people into categories. Some rare people can be really good, and suffer from it. Most of people that look to good to be true, are indeed wearing a mask. Some of the "F off" people, are weary of abuse and just want to be left alone, but can sometimes become good friends. There is stupid people that think they are smart, and coward braggards and boasters, and many falsely friendly people. There is trully evil and cunning people, they will always be like that and simply say they changed just to take advantage on others. But most people (80%) aren't intrinsically good or bad, they become what opportunity, chance and influence make them (like a herd). They will take advantage given opportunity and so some immoral things when nobody is around. But they despise things like sexual assault, mistreating elders, beating wives, spanking children or torturing animals. They are not heartless, but tend to stole and do petty abuse if given opportunity. The thing they value most is their well being and of those of their close circle, meaning close family and friends. They are avengeful and they hate, after the trully evil things I mentioned earlier, breaking their trust and bond (cheating and treason within their close circle). They can be good alies if you know their limitations and earn their respect.
On earning respect. Develop acute awareness of subtle things people do or say around you, their attitudes about you, others and how they react when good or bad things happen to them. Do they have compassion, are they able to restraint themselves to not do stupid things out of emotion. How able are they to act on their own, to be serious when needed, to keep their word, to be true to an objective? By observing this things you get to know them and also improve yourself on those things. That's half about how to earn respect. The other half is how to react to "jokes" and petty abuse. First, let nothing pass unobserved. They must be aware that you are always alert and is cunning and not afraid to act. That you have not fear and will act even if you do, in the heat of the moment or afterwards. There will aways be consequences. Now, that's not to say you need to act like a psycho, plan an evil vengeance or explode on anything. All you need to demonstrate is that you are always aware, never let your guard entirely down, that trust and friendship must be earned and kept, and that you will stand up and out against abuse.
Practical exemples on how to react. If they "joke" on you, joke on them back. If it's a bit more serious "joke" say something on the lines "you are sassy, hugh?". They will respond "I'm joking!" you retort "I don't enjoy this kind of joke!", they will whine a bit but let you alone. You can say some half joking, half serious things if they keep abusing, like being serious a bit them back off just a bit. They will fear to step on you. Have real humor too, not be easily offended and joke back, if you do not feel heavy malice into something. Be brave and speak your mind sometimes, but only if needed. Only say things you can act on and always keep your word. Keep a healthy distance from 95% of people. Value and respect privacy. Do not spread rumors and gossip. Always strive for a goal to keep you focused and sane. And take life seriously enough, but not overly so not to degrade your sanity.
You will eventually develop identity, style and drive. It's your own path, it will be different from others, it's okay. Good luck!
I have to fight the strong urge to be disagreeable and combative. I actually like being disagreeable. Playing sports and working out helps tremendously.
I just stopped trying too hard, ergo I stopped caring too much. Life is inestimably better.
Though I'm sure Kareem had no shortage of options when it came to sex, the player with five-digit notoriety was Wilt Chamberlain.
There are GIVERS and TAKERS. I'm a giver and have been used for 68 years. I never learn, as I thought something would change. NOT
Yes. We are slow learners.
I'm 37. Took me a while, but one day I just snapped and decided to not be nice anymore and wow, it vastly improved my life.
Dont blame anyone but yourself
yeah there exactly two types of people, nothing inbetween
@@TheHelghast1138 Totally agree. Took me like 30 years and today I'm not "nice" anymore. Being truthful, working hard and following your inner self instead of constantly listening to others was my way out.
Very clever analysis
"Why hyper concentrate one single thing?"
I know that I am great at math and useless for just about anything else. I call it conditional value. A hammer only has value for hammering in nails. Outside of that activity, the hammer is extraneous.
Understanding this, I started earning college credits at 15, enrolled in in-person college classes at 16, and taught my first college math class at 21.
I can spend almost all my time teaching math above calculus, an activity I love and serves the single use I have. Or I can make time for things, that I usually don't want to do or don't understand where I am an extraneous unnecessary element.
That’s amazing! However I’d say don’t be so sure you’re useless for just about anything else. It’s not like you were born good at math, you had to learn it yourself at one point. The same goes for anything else. If you want to be good/useful at something, then all it takes is the time to be good/useful at it. I mean that’s fine if you don’t want to be good at anything else, but using the fact that you’re not currently good at it so you’re not gonna try to get good at it doesn’t really make sense because if that’s how you viewed math earlier in your life you never would’ve made it this far
Hammers can break rocks, pull out nails, dig holes, open like a crowbar...
Aw man you can't imagine how much I relate to this! I am the same way, as in I too hyperfocused on math (when i was around 14-15) iand haven't been able to leave it since. I do feel pretty useless sometimes outside of it, and the grind of trying to get good at non mathematical activities has been more challenging for me than my peers. Btw if your interested in connecting heres my identity online: math.stackexchange math.stackexchange.com/users/58294/frogeyedpeas, and I have some friends who you might enjoy the company of (at least they will be able to share in your experience). Feel free to reach out to sid [dot] ghoshal [at] yahoo.com. To identify yourself please include the following hash, so i can separate you from spam: 6626632648
You can do other activities that you like without being great at it.
Agreeable people begin to be resentful. Jordan Peterson just described my ex wife
@@dhfjgktdmfhfj1716 not in the slightest. She could do pretty much do whatever she wanted. I even encouraged her to have hobbies. She liked doing crafts, and baking. I even helped her bake most of the time. But, she expected me to give up things I enjoyed to be on call for her when she wanted attention. Not even to give her attention, just to be there in the same room. A person who was glued to their phone 24/7 but got angry if I lost interest one of many baking shows and checked out something on UA-cam. This included getting angry at me for going in the other room to work on a hobby while she watched a tv show that I had no interest in. I never tried to prevent her from doing what she liked until her hobbies became drinking partying, and when banging other dudes became one of her hobbies, I draw the line and cut my losses.
@@tjlastname5192 Oh wow you actually just described my last relationship except they were only agreeable in front of other people or until till they didn't get what they wanted after which they would throw fullon baby tantrums. It was suffocating and exhausting. Turns out some 'nice people' are just weak emotionally manipulative people. You're right about cutting losses
@@dhfjgktdmfhfj1716 having that experience, why did you assume I just wanted a doormat? Regardless, I’m sorry you had to go through that.
@@tjlastname5192 Because you described her as agreeable which in the context of the video was parallel to a doormat personality rather than a passive aggressive personality which isn't actually nice its actually a facade of a disagreeable people who lacks the maturity or skills to successfully communicate. Sorry you had to go through that too it sucks
@@dhfjgktdmfhfj1716 she was agreeable. I told her all the time to speak up, or don’t get mad later when things don’t turn out like she wanted.
Wilt Chamberlain not Kareem
Ice1050 well spotted bro. You're on the ball
Yeah Kareem Abdul Jabbar is not sleezy at all. It was Wilt the Stilt
Magic Johnson.
Poor Jabaar if he ever watches this he’s gonna be upset... “Hey!!!”
Did wilt give Magic aids?
“The guys in the society decide this is a stupid game and they’d rather flip the board over to see how they’d come up in the new society” reminds me of project mayhem in fight club. I suppose this was part of the ultimate motivation for project mayhem.
"I do so much for other people and they do so little for me"
-boy, I've been repeating this to myself for ages.
Yes I do try to be the best I can, agreable, help people out, and YES, I often see myself not being able to stand my ground in an argument, a discussion, anything of inportance to me that I just end up unfurling the white flag. Yes, thats me in a nutshell. The worst thing is: I dont know if I can ever stop being this way!!!
Man am I feeling depressed right now😞
I've always thought of civilized society as a way to overcome challenges that make survival less likely, or impossible, providing infrastructure that feeds, heals, medicates, and protects the masses. However, after hearing this talk I'm coming a way with that even today survival of the fittest still prevails even today, and still applies to each and every one of us because if you don't contribute by working you don't get to earn the resources you need to survive, remain in society, or at least parts of society.
Yep, it's always been survival of the fittest. This is why so many people strive to get into the best colleges, associate with people of power, do favors for the "right" people, etc. It's all about getting ahead in the world.
"More waist than hip"
Sick burn. I'mma steal that one
Fascinating. Utterly fascinating. Thanks, Dr. Peterson!
In the past year living in Japan. I have come to realize that being nice as well as being competent attracts people to you. If you just live life and take care of what needs to be taken care of and also have a bit of care left over for the people around you people like being around you. The trade off is you can’t be naive. Be aware that some people will try to manipulate you. However, if you are wise you will see through them.
I used to be " nice" and got rejected, now im not so nice and still get rejected by women. Happy I'm nice enough that the cat doesn't run away.
Dude, sameXD
Yewah, but being selfish isnt that bad either, at least I dont have to tolerate shit anymore
Being nice and being a good person are two different thing, maybe you need to learn that.lol.."nice" is just a sugar coat. Good person means a person with good intentions.
@@basicbase749 exactly. All people like good people. It shows that you can interact with others. But being to nice is just bad.
@@GouramiNatural Not ALL people like good people, at least not all the time... Sometimes, being "good" (doing the RIGHT thing) is the exact opposite of what is "expected" and "nice". In some situations it's quite inconvenient to be "good" and do the right thing, as many people (sometimes even most) don't appreciate it or want to hear it. Like, for example, telling the truth to your buddy (when asked of course) what you think about his/her abusive partner etc... not a great example perhaps, but you get the point.
not ALL want to hear the truth, even if/when it's unquestionably the truth.
Lololll
Its interesting to see people and their baggage biases skew the message.
It's safe to say that this is the one video that I'll need for the rest of my life
Informative Truth 👍👌😌
Successful team sport players, men or women, are very agreeable when working within their team. Similar effects in war where soldiers "have each others back". Hence I believe that people that have the ability of intelligence to choose to be agreeable or to be disagreeable are more successful.
I’ve somehow become extremely disagreeable and I still can’t figure out how to negotiate a salary 😅 I start hyper focusing on my flaws and how that will manifest and prove that I’m not truly worth the salary I want.
But I’ve somehow naturally got a few salary raises from my boss and I did get to demand more holiday days the last time he offered me a raise lol
You're me. I am not happy. But it's hard to change. So here we are.
Easy. If out of nowhere someone is creepily nice to you, they wants something.
Another great lesson.
Towards the end there, he pretty much summed up the theme of Fight Club
One problem with trying to fix this is that people are used to you as you are. So when you tell people you can't/wont give in to their wishes people judge you very harshly for it because it's unexpected.
You have to start somewhere though
You sometimes have to find a new set of friends that don't want to judge you and hold you back on your self improvement goals.
After watching Dr. Peterson, I took his know yourself assessment and I’ve learned things about myself I want to improve on.
Lol "and that is pretty much that! " I love it 😂🤣
I've gone from one end of spectrum to the other. I used to be over agreeable and have been walked all over. Then I recognised it and tried to change. Now I'm disagreeable have lost many friends and relationships and am lonely and sad. I don't like people as much and people fear confronting me.
Gone from victim to Bully.
I have self loathing just like before but for different reasons.
Life is complex.
Thin the herd.
It's not about being disagreeable; it's about having standards and the courage to stick by them, and speak up for them. Do that, and you will attract tbe right kinds of friends.
Don't give up
What about when you try to change from a person who is a doormat into someone who is more assertive and you are branded as "difficult" or "pushy?" Sometimes coworkers and family members will say things like, "What happened to you?" "She used to be nice."
I dont know your personal situation so I cant say that this is true in your case as it might just be that they want their doormat back but in certain cases where people go from being agreeable to assertive they take it too far and can be genuinely rude or overly difficult for no reason while believing that they are simply asserting themselves and thats what usually causes people to react in that way
Because u have to realize they were the ones who took advantage of you .... they can not do it no more when you say no !!!
Holy shit this was a good talk. So mind-opening. Really love it.
Too agreeable! So much info and yet everybody is lonely or alone! The idea everyone is in charge is wrong! You will end up alone!
I so wish I could be a student of his!
1:29 You're too agreeable, Cold blooded agression
In NY they sentence someone to 2 years in prison for shooting someone in self defense? I think that's the most shocking part of all this...
Love this
12:40 Look what happened to Seattle... that is just how they felt it over there, and they "flipped" the board over
You referring to the homeless?
happy valentines day J Man! lol
There's a major differential between who we really are and who we would like to be. So, it's not unusual for people to lie and answer questions based on values as opposed to how they really feel. I'm sure Prof Peterson knows this, which begs the question.
I so struggled with being agreeable and pissed off at the same time. Have started to say no which strangely has being changing the dialogue.. Whether it internal or external. Haha married a useful not wealthy and healthy mam at the time.. He is now just a really lovely nice guy but we're retired now😆.
I’m certain he meant Wilt Chamberlain and not Kareem Abdul-Jabar.
Always watch where your woman's at. When your being too nice, your'e taking your mind off the game.
That is a real problem.
Thank you
I needed to watch this. can someone link me more videos about how to be less agreeable? thank you
Not money per se exactly but power, status, popularity (so if you have kids they will get support even without money)
Yeah you're right I responded before watching the whole film anyway. I know from pretty extreme first hand experience. It's a minefield for guys. BEWARE !
Nah, it's power and status before money. If you get into a relationship money becomes more important but when you meet girls for the first time, or even after a few dates, it's not a factor.
I make a lot of money (relatively) but I don't have power or status. Which means that if I meet a girl, the only way to really make her aware of that is to be one of those boring cunts that brags (which I never do unless seriously drunk). Your status (job) is something that comes across naturally in conversation. The car you drive, the value of your house etc, that's unnatural. It's not something that impresses women in isolation. I mean you can invite a girl out to a nice restaurant, and I guess that's something a lot of millennials can't even afford to do, but it's hardly a guarantee that you're any sort of a catch.
Exactly, that's what I was saying. It does become important LATER, i.e. when they see they can take it with the support of the legal establishment. It seems despite JBP's evident godlike knowledge and respect he's not as conversant with men/women so called 'dating' issues as some other experts are. Maybe even a bit blue pill, just as inviting her to a meal is too. Things are changing fast and a lot of men are thankfully waking up to all this now.
I was responding to the other poster. But yeah,as a guy who has clearly been in a long-term relationship for most of his adult life, focusing on things other than dating, having probably not done any at all in the past 25-30 years, I'm sure there are a lot of people that have more expertise on this subject.
My neighbour went to prison for beating up a guy, once he got out his status increased drastically. Younger women began to like him even more for some reason, I guess that beating up someone is soooo attractive.
I am compassionate, empathetic, sensitive but I can stand for myself easily and tell anybody to fuck off if needed. All managers I ever met respected me because I always told them clearly the rules. You teach people how to treat you. So balance is a must.
To each his own. Love is blind.
12:36 I love how JBP talks so fast even he himself has to take a moment to catch up with what he's saying. LOL
nope, his logical construct was too twisted, so he reiterated ont it in his mind to say the correct conclusion. That's a darn high level of self-consciousness.
Jordan’s one of the smartest and best speakers of this generation
Red Reigns he yells all the time. Im interested in what he says, but i think he’s a bad speaker.
@@krisztinakessel6869 because there is an audience in front of him and he doesn't have a microfone.
I do listen as well there a lot of praphertion of the fact in your lecture. I like your fephence over our history. Ever through of people who want indorse pudlicly is that you're showing them up. I think you're great
Extremely agreeable people are not always nice or compassionate or compliant. Some are passive aggressive or very lethargic.