The Dangers Of Being Too Nice | Dr. Gabor Maté
Вставка
- Опубліковано 28 лют 2022
- In this video Gabor Mate tells us how we all have this sense of betraying ourselves when we are not truly who we are , we know if we are being ourselves or not. Some people have this voice or feeling inside that they are betraying them selves. Thats why the body also speaks to us when we are not being authentic. The body whispers , talks and then screams for you to stop. The "blocks" we have on our way are the most loving part of ourselves telling us that is not the way, this makes us return to our true selves.
CREDITS:
Dr. Gabor Mate's Original Site: drgabormate.com
Dr. Gabor's Book:
drgabormate.com/book/the-myth...
When The Body Says No: amzn.to/3sQiU3p
Footage Licensed From StoryBlocks: www.storyblocks.com/member/yo...
Music Licensed from EpidemicSound: www.epidemicsound.com/policy/...
Thank you for watching Way Of Thinking: The Dangers Of Being Too Nice | Dr. Gabor Maté
FAIR USE NOTICE: This video may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for educational purposes only. This constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 106A-117 of the US Copyright Law.
--- For business inquiries : officialwayofthinking@gmail.com
#gabormate #wayofthinking #awakening
#beyourself #love #selflove #socialmedia #authenticity
to give love despite the noise and barbs of another's mind, to give love without any hint of "its too much" or "what about me", to give love because you know the cisterns of love will never empty, to give love because the response if any does not matter, to give love because you know there is "no me" lies towards the end of your journey....it is ok and wise to step away from perceived harm to find your true self first before embarking on giving the pure love that is still hidden and still waiting to flow from your heart...if it hurts, you are not ready yet
Wow
@@WayOfThinkingYT,Agree !
Well that was really well said,I'm going to write some of that down,thank you.
Great ❤
If it hurts you are ready. Your mistakes show youre not ready either. Absolute contradiction of a statement. How does love exist when all there is in the world arrogance and hate to survival instinct and competition for pride love doesnt exist but selfishness and the devils cry wins in its torment and anger. No love no creativity and complete insane tyranny of the devil. The only love on this planet is merely an illusion of pride and disgusting illness and disease. This is the truth my freind your reality is based on dellusion and youre very unlikely to ever experience love of any extent maybe the slight whisp a decade for 5 seconds the times are changing and the world is becoming more and more poisoned and flooded with noise there will be no room for love.
I was well into my twenties before I realized how being labelled "nice" had become somewhat of a prison. I dared not do or say anything that belied that label. Nice people with poor boundaries end up being taking advantage of, as well as taken for granted. I had to learn there's a healthy way to be "nice" AND have your wishes respected. But beware, when you first begin to make this change, there are others in your life who won't like it, but persist anyway, you deserve it!
Plus you will attract people that respect you and your boundaries. Those flakey friends who don’t like the new you is because you’re no longer a yes guy. They never have been an authentic friend in your life. It’s sad to be taken advantage of but just love yourself more
@mala X I Really relate to that and very well said!! I am nearly 60 and still learning to do that and be authentic and true to myself 🙏💚
Very true Mala
I used to try to please everyone all my life, it left me depressed annoyed and I didn't really like myself because I was giving to much off myself away to others, then I decided no more I started to put myself first not in a selfish way but a way that cared for my needs first, I lost some people but the one,s that cared for me stayed,its never to late to change ❤
@@lizquinn3568 true...you must love yourself. The funny thing is you help/be nice to so many ppl and the moment you can't be there or help out you see that expression on their faces even though they may not say anything (because they know deep down inside how you've been to them)...the nerve some ppl have! The next thing is, most of them would never do things ppl have done for them😒
A snake, it is said, only knows its shape when it's put in a box. In spite of our best intentions, we find ourselves in jobs, relationships and circumstances where we don't belong. We learn our shape. It is then our responsibility to leave, change or modify the circumstances to fit our shape. Easier said than done, but it is the only way forward.
True…😮💨
This is so well said.
Circumstances SHAPE us, as well.
We all have a slimy reptilian side.
Indo like this analogy.
Love ❤️
Removing yourself from toxic people sometimes means you are completely and utterly alone.
Hang in there, I’ve been through that stage too. I trust it’ll get better and better with time and we now have all the space and energy for the right people to come in.
You need to make a serious self assessment before calling people toxic, because the toxic one could be you.
@@dwightschrute7021 False
So be it then. I'd rather be alone
You have yourself lovely.There is a song I often listen to that helps me to remain strong it's by Miley Cyrus she wrote it after she split from her partner.(A section of the Lyrics) I can buy myself flowers-Write my name in the sand-Talk to myself for hours- Say things you don't understand-I can take myself dancing- And I can hold my own hand- Yeah I can love me better than you can.------- Don't isolate yourself fill your life by doing and learning new things. Enjoy the beauty of creation and starry nights learn to love the life you have, most important learn to love yourself, when you free yourself from the need of other people, they tend to gravitate towards you. x
Oprah Winfrey once said "If you betray yourself, you are no different from the people who hurt you." And I felt that.
Wise words...
I'm not sure I understand this. Could you explain?
Like both use people for their own egos?
@@amyitis no its like: you put other people First and your own interests second, maybe to be „nice“. So you betray yourself. You hurt yourself. And then you are not better than people which dont care about being nice and just Look After themselfs and maybe hurt you with their actions.
@@jogurtbecher7779 exactly 💯
@@jogurtbecher7779 omg hit me....hurt ourselves
Start saying no when you need to. If they react negatively, then you know they dont care about you.
I like it when people have boundaries. That way, I don't worry about if they are over-giving or lying to be nice. I want people to love themselves enough to be genuine.
@@PersisP Yes to love and compassion!
That Rules!
i recently started two reflect on how messy of a person i am. it's very liberating, being able to recognize that nagging sense of self betrayal when i want to say yes to something I actually want to say no to and i agree, it's been hard-wired into my habits and thought patterns. setting up healthy boundaries is a rough journey for someone who's not used to doing it, but it's worth it in the long run. i have a good friend who told me i was being too nice and not in a good way. it was a wake up call.
@@rainiplaysgames3545 I would say I would think about doing something, when what I meant was "I will be busy thinking of ways to get out of it." I have to not do that again.
Smart , Lady 🌿🐞🌿
I wrote this many years ago.
When you're very young they tell you 'You are very special"
As an adult they tell you "What makes you think you are so special"
When you leave this world you are remembered as 'Someone special'.
So true. Would have liked to make your like count to 28 but 27 is my fav #. Talk abt being authentic ;)
At the end, there’s nothing special about ‘being special’. It’s all fake.
Lol...for real. Only God who really genuinely thinks we're special
Imaginary friends think and say anything we want them to.
We do not like the word "special". It is associated with "Special Ed." and the "Special Olympics. You sound special, Corpus. LOL
Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.💯
to true robert thats what people tend to think
Happends often to me :/
That's the spirit. Does not mean you have to stop being "too kind." No need to set boundaries.
Stand firm and you'll know when to hit the brakes; intuitively. You'll know how to react; instinctively. Without having to hurt or dissapoint anyone in the process; including yourself.
No good deed goes unpunished!😎
Ever since a teen I learn that lesson from my teachers Robert.
Being too nice killed my Mom.
I told off my dad after she died. I wish I had done it years ago. I knew it would upset her, so I didn’t.
I miss you Mom.
You deserved better.
%100 same story
Yes I too have an evil father
and I have warned my mother not to please him if he asks for too much relentlessly
Sounds like the fruit didn’t fall too far from the tree. You waited until after she died to stand up for her to spare her feelings (aka being too “nice”) when it didn’t matter anymore. She might’ve been upset but it could have changed conditions for the better and she eventually would’ve gotten over it and enjoyed the “better” you say she deserved.
My partners mother has the kind of husband who laughs at her dead relatives and asks her "how long does it take to heal a broken arm"? He financially abuses everyone and spends all the money on weed. And much more .. I just cant believe the way some people are ...
One of the most best pieces of knowledge I learned was that people don't respect people who are too easily accessible.
Making others earn access to your time makes people respect you more. If you're nice to everyone all of the time, you become their carpet to step all over.
It's better to be seen as a jerk for not giving easy access than it is to be always there to be stepped on.
I've begun to understand the difference between being kind and being nice. Being kind emerges from strength, while being nice emerges from weakness.
Thank you for that. I have to read it multiple times.
So true 👍
It's the same word dude. What he's saying is be nice/kind without comprising yourself.
@@violent_bebop9687 The root of the word kindness is family, the root of the word nice is ignorant/stupid. They only masquerade as co-equals.
@@violent_bebop9687 they’re not quite the same. Niceness is doing something that is pleasing or agreeable. By contrast, kindness is doing something that is helpful to others, or that comes from a place of benevolence.
You can be both nice and kind. But you could also be nice but not kind (ie. not ending a relationship you’re unhappy in because you don’t want to be disagreeable. Or being agreeable in order to get something in return.)
Likewise you could be a grumpy old fart (not “nice”) but do many kind acts for others
This is true🙏🙏 I was always a quiet child and growing up I was treated badly by family members , I let them get away with it as I didn't understand why they were mean to me and was programmed to believe you always forgive family. But now I'm older I don't see any of them and i m still a good person but I realised it doesen t mean your bad if you have boundaries and don't allow people to take advantage of your kindness!!!💙💙 I am sensitive to other people's energy and I feel drained if I'm around people too long!!! I make time for myself to be in my own space and I like being by myself and meditating now I'm in my 50s 🙏🙏💙💙 we have to take our power back and realise that it's ok to say no and stand up for our selves!!🎆🙏💙🙏💙🎆💜
Same childhood here!!
Me too...same here...I think we maybe empaths or highly sensitive persons hsp. I'm 42 and stuck livjng with parents as I'm ill with chronic illness,I really want to get better so I can get away from them all and live my own life so I can breathe again, god bless you
I get it. I noticed you said you don't see any of them. My siblings had no problem ignoring my parents, because I was there. They didn't have any issue to hold out their hands either, when my parents died. I changed in a certain way after my father died (my mother passed first). I stopped letting them be their narcistic selves and let all my feelings out. They deserved that, in my mind. Then I blocked them. I didn't need them for all the years they neglected my parents and I don't need them now. They won't change and I don't have to "be there". Sometimes I want to have contact, but then I remember how it was. It isn't going to be like that anymore. We get these romantic feelings of how our family should be. Unfortunately that's all it will be.
I' m Very like you, can't stay too long near of many people, relatives they're The worses, always making us fell guilty when we are not, The best thing is stay own your own, in peace.
@@trishr.3986 So true. My situation is so similar to yours.
I am Learning to Set boundaries healthy boundaries and stop being a people pleaser at age 56 after ending 18 years of marriage and having people walk all over me. Doris the doormat. My eyes are starting to open and I’m having a hard time standing on my own with my boundary setting slowly and strongly I will get there. What an awesome video. 🌻
I just hit 44 and cut two life long “friends” out of my life after being their emotional football since grade school. Triad friendships never work, and this time (I won’t even get into it, it’s just been the same pattern for years), I just walked away. No cursing, mean texts, trying to explain how bad they make me feel., Nope just walked away. I’m old enough to now recognize who is genuine and has my best interests at heart. If these women are still sniping, gas lighting, and talking inane nonsense about my looks, decisions, whatever, then they are never ever going to change so I have too. It’s sad I wasted decades of my life trying so hard to get affection from two humans who will never give me that, but I finally learned. Stay strong Mary!
@@ObliterateAllLizards Please, don't dwell to much on what you've missed, okay? Those years of betraying yourself were needed to come to the place where you are now. I've experienced a similar path in life. You can be a valuable presence in life now, for you've tasted both sides of the coin, and that's how experiences in our lives bring us wisdom and insights. Enjoy your life to the full in the freedom that you've gained for yourself, by your own doing. So many people don't arrive at that threshold, dying in their self-made prison.
We will get there Mary!!🙏💚
@@ObliterateAllLizards good on ya! Being true to yourself 🙏💚
Yes! ;D
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, very important. I saw a picture with the writing "you can be a very kind person and still say 'f** *ff' to some people in your lives". That's the extreme version, but nails it down. Some people may not like you if you say a clear "no", but then it's time to reconsider how much they belong in your life.
Another good thing I read is "no is a full sentence". We don't need to explain a no. It's enough to say it.
When I was a child growing up in the 60's and early 70's 'NO' was basically a bad word as was 'I don't know". 'No' would get the wrath of adults in my life and the other? Well why DON"T you know? You must not have been paying attention. I learned not to use either of those words very often, to my detriment for most of my life. I am just now learning to use those words in my 60's and they feel powerful. It's ok to NOT know and its ok to say NO....PERIOD.
@@debbietodd8547 I'm 54 and just learning to use boundaries. All I can say is, I'm so grateful to learn. Period. No matter how off-course my life has gone in the past, I'm here now, and am learning now. xo
You must have read The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. :-) I just ordered a copy. Can't wait to read it.
Like it!🙏
Absolutely, because when we say yes to something, we automatically are saying no to other things. And when someone doesn't like our nos, we get to decide what their reaction to our nos mean about us, and to decide what we want to do next
When I am authentic, it seems to offend people, so I just don't go around too many people any more. I am not lonely at all. I only go around the few authentic friends and family members that I do have, and that seems to be enough for me, for now, since I need to work long hours to get out of poverty right now anyways. Most people are a drain on my meager resources and don't seem to understand that I need to survive too. I don't miss these people as much as I thought I would. The more I only hang out with a few great people, the more, I seem to attract, better people into my life anyways.
very good
I concure peace ✌ ☯️ ❤ .
This really resonated with me. In between homes, trying to earn enough money to get my own place, then keep going, with or without attachments.
Let them get offended then the world is full of fake people betraying themselves & are too weak to be there true self, they arnt worth anything
I love this.
Wishing you success and health..
I'm in my 40s and finally stopped being so nice recently. I have a neighbour who is a bully I finally told to "f" off lately. I felt kind if shaken but it also felt good! I wish I had done this earlier and more often! Gabor is right - have been ill for many years as a result of putting my needs last.
Good for you, Blessings 🤗
Same! I actually had no boundaries and was so ‘nice’ that I had no clue who I was. To the point of being diagnosed with leukemia in 2018. I’m 42 now and have learned that if I want to survive. I have got to step up and stand up for myself. So here we go!
@@heathers.here. so sorry you had this-that must've been so hard.I thought about what Dr Mate was saying and all the people I know who have had cancer,have indeed been nice and lovely people.
@@LATOYABANK44 thank you.
@@heathers.here. More power to you. x
A counselor once told me that when someone says "oh, you're too nice" they're actually telling you that you are a doormat.
Exactly, not only in your country, is in our DNA.😅
I think being a people pleaser or having a “too nice personality” have definitely rooted from childhood. I’ve always put myself in my moms situations and felt like I needed to help her out since I was the oldest and she was a single parent mom. She used to always have “the talk” with me about needing to substitute the dad role since I’m the oldest so I didn’t have much of an childhood.
It also didn’t help I was super lonely growing up, being abused sexually/physically, not having a place to stay, bullied, etc.
But being too nice have led me to a lot of trauma from being used and mistreated from people. I used to enjoy giving away my lunch to a bully at lunch if it means they liked me but now I realized how wrong this was. Having poor boundaries is like a prison. I blame the abusers but I literally am still going through this as an adult… I realized it is also a me problem and learning to say no or this is not ok was a challenge.
I grew up depressed and severe anxiety which is why I have major health issues now at a young age. I’m killing myself slowly. Basically life is too short to have someone dismiss you and treat you less than as a person. It took me being in/out of the hospital this year for me to realize that…
Sending love and light your way. I know of people, including my most recent gf, who endured some of your same struggles. While I can’t relate from experience, I can tell you
I understand and have seen the pain up close. Similar anyway...
This video has made me realize how often I have been a yes man in my 37 years and how detrimental it has been. Trying to step up recently, even before this video.
Love and light to you fellow human...
Struggling to live without being close to other people should not be attempted.People need people
@@mindleft-buddy999 thank you so much! I’m wishing the best for you as well, everyone has a story. I’m just trying to heal from mine except I don’t have anyone but my siblings to be there for me. I salute you for being understanding towards your girlfriend. Not much people want to deal with the trauma of others. But that shows that you love her. Wishing for the best for both of you guys. Sending love and light your way 🥹💗
@@lauramiller7502 well people do not seem to need me lol. Only my siblings are understanding but we were raised together. And I have come to accept that… Be blessed you have people that care for you 🙂
❤
Tears, running down my face.....sadly, this is the story of my life. So my parents wouldn't be mad at me, so I would stay out of trouble in school, to keep friends, to keep my spouse and on and on. The nice person. So much so that I don't have the first idea who my authentic self is so that I can honour and nurture her.....Wow! this hit home like a ton of bricks🥺
Same here
Did you make progress? Are working on it? There is never to late
You know recently we lost a friend at the age of 51 to cancer- she was so nice. Gabor mentions this about half way through this video. I’ve been guilty of being too nice and getting taken advantage of. I appreciate this teaching of his, so much.
Wow, i jus managed to say no, a few weeks ago. And felt jus great. We had to learn to be more assertive.🤔🙌🏻👑✝️⚖
Wow, i got soo exhausted jus by being too carin. Thats was really risky, bad for my health.🥺
Too nice
Never have to ask twice
Always willing to please
Might as well
Be on your knees
What do you hope to gain
What are you trying to prove
Over and over again
Do you never get anything
In return
Maybe that's a bridge
You should burn
It's ok to say no
You don't always have to
Go with the flow
Is it really about wanting
Everyone to like you
When you need to
Like yourself too
Save your compassion
For those who cannot
Help themselves
Those in need
Or resentment
It will breed
Though noble it is
To care for the weak
But not if only
Attention you seek
Be pure in your desire
To truly help others
Born in your heart
In the open
Not covered
Dont hide your intentions
By being nice
Opportunity may only
Come once
Not twice
It's not good
To always be there
Too available
After a while
Who cares
And you become
Furniture
Reflect on the reasons
You are always pleasing
Never will you get
Any respect
If safe and sound
Is all you project
Take a risk
Have no fear
Even if
The way is not clear
Be confident
In who you are
What you want
Raise the bar
Be careful not lose yourself
And be too rough
Know when to be tender
And when to be tough
Everyone prefers certainty
Over the unknown
Have an opinion
Be bold
The only rejection
you can control
Is your own
Directly hit my Heart. So relevant to my Personality. It's Enlightening. Trying very hard to stop being a "People Pleaser." THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Love it
Are you the author of this? Brilliant
@ yes, I am
@ thank you
This has been my life long problem. He’s totally right the feeling of betrayal of self , you’re really killing yourself!
@Kit Kat And if we are not 'nice 'to such people we may end up being sacked , black-listed or get into some sort of trouble as a result ?
Same here
@Kit Kat people are just crap in general. I think no one is to me the way I am to everyone.
Nima, whatever you do. there will be some problem. In my experience, most people are nice. There is little wrong with being nice. If you are nasty (not nice), you will have to learn new skills.
It's because it's cowardly .
I've ruined my mental health by being too nice.
It took me a long time to realise that you have to love yourself first. I was too nice and had my kind deeds thrown back in my face. That was a bad time. But now I’m different. I don’t do things for others and put myself second. And how different people treat me. I value my own happiness first, and they can deal with their own happiness.
@Zee Aye this! Yes being appreciated for being kind is devalued today. This is why being an empath in 2022 can and will lead to constant heartbreak and betrayal. I had to learn the hard way. Now I don't even easily do nice things for family. Everyone is just out for themselves nowadays.
@@Blissedx
Everyone does need to be "out for themselves" to a degree, but obviously self-love is different from selfishness. Don't give up on everyone though, that's often a belief rooted in abandonment trauma.
Me too, people just take a plate and go.
use me and when I treat them nice they treat me bad in return happens every single time. I'm selfless and they're selfish
@@HisaLight2mypath
Maybe you should look in to why that pattern is reoccurring. As a heads up, the truth will not be satisfying. Not initially anyway.
I am learning this with my 4 year old. My mother had always scolded me or given me advice to do something that I adopted it as my own internal voice. I then would try to "teach" my daughter how to do things in the same manner and I found myself suppressing her goofiness and curiosity. I saw in her reactions a reluctantance to express herself out of fear of me not being pleased with it.
Fuuuuck. I don't do that anymore. I want her to grow up authentic without trying to mold her identity to receive my love. I have to be willing to accept her as is without trying to boss her around the way my mom did to me.
I find that trying to do better for your kids entails being a better version of yourself. That uncovers the past with startling clarity, and inevitably leads to both pain and healing.
Both pain and healing. You got that right. Life is tough. But wondrous
I applaud you on becoming aware of this. That is key to breaking its pattern to future generations. Don’t be hard on yourself, you didn’t choose to be programmed that way. you can provide so much healing by changing your ways and talking it out with her. My mom was like this with me too and raged a lot at me for health stuff even. I was too young to get. I know healing from that crap is damn hard but you will be free and stop the damage the best you can 🙏😊
Bravo! I relate to this.
@@Ikr2025 When you say she can't "stand" for you to have an opinion on her looks, I sense resentment in her part. Like she's developed enough of a will to stand up for her own views, but not enough wisdom to be able to communicate with you openly about why it pisses her off.
Ahh, communication. Such a simple idea yet incredibly hard in practice. I wish you the best, I'm sure your daughter knows you are coming from a good place.
She will outgrow the dislike for you I promise and even the dislike for being “pretty” that seemed so important to you. Sometimes they just like to do the opposite to show they are in independent of us. It’s good that you took such good care of her and made sure she was cared for and clean and loved, she will appreciate it later, maybe say 25. Hang in there ♥️ Good job Mama!
Had enough of people saying that I'm "different"...I tried to fit in all my life, but they can sense no matter of what...so, I don't care anymore about what people say or think I am
This video is speaking to ME! May those who are struggling to be AUTHENTIC, hang in there! Stand on your boundaries without wavering!
☮
Thank you. I needed that.
@@PersisP same thing but they are not speaking on that directly.
❤
This almost hurt me to watch. I have been a people pleaser all my life. Was condition that way through my mom. She was very toxic and had a strong personality. Most of my family does. But I was very meek and soft spoken. I grew to become more of an aggressive talker but not an assertive one. I have a had fight but that usually came from a blow up. Because I internalize everything! I'm in therapy now. In my early 30's and have had serious health issues because I bottle in my tur feelings. We my therapist finally made the connection between my childhood trauma till now. Made a whole hell of a difference. I still get scared to say no. But I will push with all my might. I realize no matter what happened to that little girl... I matter now. And I should speak up for myself. Peace and Blessings to you all
This very much resonates with me. It also explains that inward wince when people say how 'nice' you are, and you think "no, I'm not nice, I am just saying what you want to hear and painfully contorting myself to fit with what I see as your needs/expectations for fear you will hate me otherwise". And of course you hate yourself a little bit more each time.
I became a super nice person in my teens. I was never told I was loved or shown affection. So I thought I was ugly; monster ugly. So, I thought maybe if I’m super nice people will over look my ugliness. As an adult with children, I wanted to do better for them. That was when I realized I needed to fix myself. It was a long hard journey filled with anger, tears, and understanding. What kept me going was that I saw a photo of myself taken 20 years prior. I saw the beauty that I wasn’t able to see in my youth. My kids say I was a babe, lol. That was 15 years ago. The journey continues and I hope it never ends. I am nice but not overly so. If you disrespect me I will let you know, sometimes in a mean way, but mostly with respect.
I had that moment too, of seeing an old school photo and not really recognising it. All my life I thought I was hideously ugly.
I learned this the hard way,😒 My Mom went over and beyond to please people(except for those who mattered the most) When she passed away the same ones she bent over backwards for, talked about her like a dog,👿
I had to learn how to set boundaries and have discernment with whom I share my kindness and generosity,💯 Be careful of your energy, Blessings 🤗💓🥰
Wow
Being a detached person is a blessing.No efforts to put up boundaries…they are always in place.
I think this is why I'm a loner. I have a habit of choosing people who don't belong in my life and I've realized that I can't trust my own judgment or protect myself the way I should, so now I allow no one in.
@@brianna094 Me too!! I don't trust myself
Someone told me years ago being called nice was not a compliment. It was a derogatory & powerless affirmation that one would literally betray themselves just to be liked and not rock the boat about what others wanted. Nice is giving up your own power. And I believe it is fear based. If you're not "nice" people won't like you. You'll be alone.
My whole life.
@@kathyporcelli9265 Good for you. Alone is nice.
Giving up your power ??
Ok then all nice people start being horrible ….
Be yourself ..
Never heard so much Shyte in all my life
Nah. I like being me, and if I get called nice for what I am, then that means I'm just being a good person and not being a prick. You can be nice with boundaries.
Yes. 🙏
you are right. and by the way, this is exactly what the movie Fight Club is all about. getting ill, because of not listening to his inner voice, his fundamental needs. he needed to let go of the wrong attachments, which only fed his ego. such as Ikea, Gucci, or being a good-looking successful "man" driving fancy cars, etc. he did not listen to his fundamental needs, therefore became ill. he identified with the role he was playing in society, the roles that society was expecting from him. the resulting illness (depression and psychosis, being sleepless for months) is part of an unconscious awakening process due to suffering. Tyler Durden is the manifestation of his inner voice, a hallucination, showing him, what he needs to change in his life, to become a happy person again. and it worked out. in the end, he can sleep again, and became awakened. even the physical injury at the end (he shot himself into his mouth in order to kill the hallucination) is nothing in comparison to the mental suffering before. now that he is free and awakened, even that injury doesn't even matter. this is the last scene of Fight Club. but people think the movie is about toxic manliness. nope. manliness is, what he needed. and he needed to let go of the wrong attachments, which again, only fed his ego. such as Ikea, Gucci, or being a good-looking successful "man" etc. he did not listen to his fundamental needs, and therefore became ill.
Authenticity can lead to chaos if you don’t have goals, and if you’re not particularly conscientious. So here’s a thought: aim at the highest good that you can, live authentically and conscientiously in service of that, and have a strong “yes” to move towards. It’s a lot easier to have boundaries and say “no” when you know what your yes is. The better you get at this, the less likely you are to be taken advantage of. The snakes prey on people who don’t have goals or personal power of their own, and who live for the approval of others. But if you do have clear aims and you orient yourself according to principles that serve those aims (living for your own self-approval), the snakes seem to almost instinctively know not to mess with you. Aim high and stay true to your path. 👊🏻
Amen amen
Absolutely! I’m 42 years old, have lived in a sort of chaos all of my adult life, but was always thought of as ‘the nice one’. After a leukemia diagnosis and a lot of soul searching, I realized I sacrificed so much of myself and literally ‘niced’ my way into a fatal illness.
@@heathers.here. wow, that must've been a very difficult realization to swallow. I wish you strength and healing on your journey. 🙏
Some peoples good intentions are another person's worse nightmare. Tread carefully
Right On Jon, and I have literally endured significant crimes (felonys) against myself when I let my guard DOWN. I am probably lucky to be alive this very day. Excellent Comment.
My mother did regret having me, but I don't regret being in this world, on this planet, living this life. I love the adventure I call my life. Thank you Universe for this experience and the lessons I learn everyday and the tests that made me resilient.
My parents were angry with me because I wasn't 'myself '. But at the same time they told me how to be and how to act and how to talk and walk and even how to feel.
It's not their fault. They can't give what they don't have. They have their own limitations and their priorities were not in raising a child. They had their own 'grown up' problems and coping strategies and their need to prove something to the world born out of their own childhood trauma.
Don't b hurry. You will
don't let her define you.When she fill herself with so much hatred,you being happy within yourself is her karma
I'm not really understanding the need for attachment. 😐 I have spent the last 10 yrs detaching from most of the people in my life and have never been happier??? I spent a lifetime clinging to selfish and cruel people...terrified of being alone...finally I realized being alone couldn't possibly be worse!!😉 I have returned to my natural state of peace and love.👼💝...most of the time!! 🙄
If you betray yourself, your no different from the people who hurt you. I do concur with the message in this video. We realise too late after being too nice. Even so, it’s better late than never to love yourself and put yourself first and live your best life
So true 👍
Trying to be bad or trying to be someone we're not, changing ourselves superficially for another person or the prefered sex, is like putting on a mask, being toxic and inauthentic. Im a nice guy and i treat women nice, because that is me. If i were born a bad guy, maybe i would have a different life, but i learn to appreciate myself the way I am. So I encourage you to be nice or whatever way you are. The right person will appreciate you in the way you are, after you appreciate yourself the way you are. All this "Don't be too nice to women." is false indoctrination to hurt women. Please dont. You are only weak if you hurt others and not strong.
I am so proud of myself- this might sound cocky but I truly am. I don’t let people walk all over me. I stand up and I say enough and have no problem cutting people out of my life if they cross a boundary - I had someone try to get physical with me and will never speak to them again. I learned boundaries myself. This wasn’t modeled to me by anyone in my life I have always had dignity and high self worth i just didn’t realize it. These videos are confirmation that I did the right thing and I will continue to speak my mind and everyone else can be mad or walk away from me if they chose- I have myself and that’s all that matters.
@Adam 1111
How right you are
Yes yes.
U sound mentally healthy. Have you read? Melodies Beadie's (Sp?) "CO DEPENDENT NO MORE"? you score a bull's eye!!! Bravo! Gregg Oreo long Beach Ca
I’m in the same boat with you, however still a work in progress😊👍🏻
I am in awe of you. I am still trying. It's so hard to change who you fundamentally are. Long road for me but i am aware...that's the all important step. Thanks for your story.
this rings a bell. When I was a kid my mum was always depressed and angry after work and I always used to blame myself for it, turns out it was because my mum and dad were having marriage issues but I didn’t know that at the time so I spent years trying to behave and be the best child to not make her more depressed when in fact it wasn’t even me all along. I wish I had known otherwise I don’t think I would have become such a people pleaser that I am today and it’s not even a choice it’s like my brain shifts to it automatically without me even noticing
How about we take the word 'nice' out of our dialogue. Have good intentions always and call people out in a kind way if they are not valuing you. Respect is KEY. Can't go wrong.
😁👍🙌
Love your comment.
Thank you Barbara.
For me its sometimes difficult to know when to be authentic and when to suppress myself. Because sometimes you need to do sacrifices, especially when dealing with people who have power over us. But Im getting to the point where i'm starting to care less about the possible consequences of resisting what I truly feel. Because I feel i'll be alright no matter what.
I have been expected to be nice, seen but never heard.
I'm a woman who has been abused and silenced. I just want to be heard and validated and supported.
Being overly nice hasn't really gotten me any happiness in life.
@Nurture With Noelle Thank you for validating my words and please know that I hear you, I see you and what you have been through is significant. 🤟🙏🫂💝
If you wanna talk about it then I will listen, I'm the same that I give too much and be nice too much, they all hate that when you project neediness I guess.
👍🐝🌺
D. Crawford I'm in the same shoes)))))
@@bobitabird I've gotten better at setting boundaries and have stopped giving my all to those who don't appreciate or reciprocate it. Wishing you a happy 2023 🫂💞
Thats really interesting about the notion of when you are too nice you feel shame because you are not being true to yourself.
This is insanely profound and otherwise excellent. In my summarizing words: "The real tension is between attachment and authenticity. If I expressed my authentic self back in the day, I would have lost my attachment." Word. So good. Here is what is weird. The attachment that was being offered then was always an illusion. It was the carrot, but the carrot was always false. My favorite things in the human experience are love, laughter, and authenticity in no particular order. My 22 year-old daughter sent me a T-Shirt yesterday of The Who, which is my favorite band of all time because they do not cotton to a lot of BS, and they, to me, invented punk. If you do not eventually rebel to whatever degree from your primary conditioning, you are quite literally F***ed. My therapist who says that she had nothing to rebel from says that she had to figure out how to rebel to gain her own autonomy and authenticity. I love Gabor Mate. Thank you. : )
it is really good Kimber, hearing this helps a lot
@@WayOfThinkingYT I am very happy to hear that. I really think the stuff you choose to post and the way that you choose to post it is very meaningful. My therapist says that Besel van der Kolk changed the world with his book The Body Keeps the Score. The idea that we can carry around trauma in our bodies that our minds are unaware of was a real paradigm shifter for me. While working toward a PhD in 19th-Century English Literature back in the day, my "subject position," meaning my critical lense, was psychoanalytic criticism. As a result, I have read most of the major works of psychology's heavy hitters, including Freud, Jung, Klein, Laing, Kristeva, and many others. I am also a big fan of great philosophers like Nietzche, Kierkegard, Plato, Socrates, Kant, Hume, Heraclitus, and many others. My point here is that I obviously have been an ardent believer in the powers of the mind. I also believe in the value of talk therapy because it has helped me immensely. Having said that, my perspective on mental health therapy has evolved a great deal since reading The Body Keeps the Score. The body carries the history of everything we have ever experienced for good and ill. If it was traumatized, the person can get stuck at level 2 of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, which is primarily concerned with personal safety. If you get stuck there, you miss out on the upper 3 levels, which is where all of the "good stuff" about being a human takes place. This is also true for animals. My daughter used to volunteer for a no-kill animal shelter, and the owner kept all of the dogs that she and her husband affectionately referred to as "the criminals," which are dogs who will probably never recover from, say, their owner intentionally throwing them down a flight of stairs. So tragic. Finally, I have recently been grateful to people like Dr. Mate who seem to me to have taken the body trauma idea and ran with it to great benefit. I think that the work of van der Kolk and Mate is greatly enhanced by their own personal journies in attempting to recover from childhood trauma. It is not possible for me to express my gratitude to these two men. I also really appreciate this channel. Thank you. : )
@@kimberknutson831 I adore Maslow and I resonate with what you speak of about getting stuck (been at that stage for 23 years) and yes, I have a traumatic past as a single parent.
Beautiful, isn’t he the best 🤍
the Who contains pedophiles
Being too nice becomes a pattern to others, where all along they have been controlling us
Absolutely true. Being toooo nice is costly. Emotionally / financially. . I' m hanging on the cliff after being a too nice a mom to my own children.
I was brought up a Catholic. We were told that it was our religious duty to put others first. I now prefer Aristotle. He said if someone is horrible to you once, accept it, but if they try it on again, stand up for yourself. Much more healthy from a psychological point of view I think.
Once you understand that you can't please all the people all the time.....then u know you have mastered the right strategy of wisdom.
Find Balance. Don't be too overly righteous and don't be too evil. This means, find the right Balance between Compassion and Wisdom. 💯
Bring too aggressive can kill you too. I agreed finding balance is the key.
I'm not being or doing evil at all. Sorry, not sorry
What if evil is your authentic self?
This is so short sighted ....
Not you - just the video in general - it's so ... shallow.
Is there anything on this guy that isn't trite?
@@sonnyfong9462 Be assertive when need be, but not overly aggressive. There is a clear difference between the two.
@@Kalleesto sounds more like no identity yet. When u let ur shadow self define yourself completely
When pleasing you is killing me
So painfully relatable! Kindness spread only to others but yourself can be deadly...
the thing is for those who are nice, genuine, hardworking, thoughtful are always recognised by those that are the polar opposite & therefore sadly get taken advantage of.. period
True. It's like you have a sign on your forehead. That's why good people must learn to say no.
yes
Yes, and the minute you set some boundaries they are all horrified...
Unfortunately "kindness" true genuine kindness is seen as a weakness . I have been abused, mistreated as a result of being a kind person. It's in my DNA to be kind. Yet I'm the one who has been used and then dumped, years of therapy has done nothing but make me feel worse. PTSD, childhood abuse, trauma etc has destroyed every attempt to have love, unconditional love and emotional connection..
How's it going. Being kind is attractive ;
Same. I'm so sorry. We all deserve better.
When you stop being kind, another sickening thing happens. 'They' will start calling you mad, a-hole, psycho and so on. You will lose most if not all of your contacts and 'friends'. Exchanging one suffering for another. There's no escape. Depressing really. One thing that helps, if you cannot be alone in this world, is finding a soulmate. An equally kind person.
In the long run, I feel you will win. I was always a "nice guy" and there were a lot of benefits and of course, many
mistook it for weakness, which in ways it was. The later being the sense that I was slow and rusty to
realize I'm being betrayed or insulted. I got much better in turning on a dime, if pushed. Yes, I've had PTSD and
it makes you feel "lesser than." Count on the brain fine tuning its GPS as the years come forward.
I've never been this happy---
I changed my G. You will start a rébellion. Everyone will hate. Your family, your so called friends because they cannot tolerate that a weak person is on the way to become strong. And a weak person who becomes strong will be far more great and powerful than they'll ever be. Push through it. While you were nice, they took advantage of you. Belittling you. Once I realised all of this was a scam, I became ruthless while still remembering myself that I'm a good G. You will be alone for a while but you always were lonely even with people around you, just admit it. I found peace and solace. I'm energetic and more successfull in all domains that I coulďnt even realise. You've got this ! ❤
Unfortunately it's human nature to take too much kindness for a weakness.
Being kind depends on who you are dealing with. There's some nasty people out there that do not deserve kindness.
All my life I've been kind to people and all they did was use me and take advantage of me it happens every single time men and women so now I'm going to stop this with immediate effect
How I wish I had known this many years ago, my life would have been so different. Such a wise man, children need to hear this explained to them.
How's it going ;
Thinking that giving is a prerequisite to love leaves little room for human experience, as relationships with humans require the flexibility that comes with disappointments, mistakes, along with pleasurable occurrences. So sometimes you turn off the faucet, of giving, to not waste the water that can overflow and maybe run out and not be available or appreciated when necessary.
my attachment need died long ago my wake up call came when I realized that a lot of people use other people to further their own agenda. I advocate for myself and live for myself. I do not need others to validate myself.
Gabor Mate says some of the most powerful things a human being can hear. I identify with attachment and authenticity as I was growing up as a young boy. I was so lost sometimes I just wish I had the right frame work from the start.
That is the simplest explanation for complex problems in our lives that I have ever heard. Thank you.
I was betrayed too many times that killed me the same amount of times. And I survived. But the best part is that I decided to break that pattern of giving too much. Future is bright.
This guy has done a lot of work to understand the needs as children through to adulthood.
Though I don’t know his work thoroughly. What I regret are my choices in my 30-40’s as a parent . Not truely seeing my own self and not understanding my growing child’s self.
The body is amazingly made.
A useful step, imo, is to start saying, 'I disagree' in conversation. Can be over anything really.
It really helps me.
And, also funnily enough I've found it helps conversation go more smoothly.
His voice is so soothing, one of my favorite mentors. I wish I had the honor to meet him. I admire him and love him so much! He was very present on my last ayahuasca ceremony. The first night of the ceremony, I saw the people on the trains going to the gas chambers.... so much suffering, so much pain. I wondered why the medicine was showing me that... on the second night, this vision was related to him, to Gabor because he is a survivor of the holocaust, and imagine the pain of his ancestors.... of his grandparents, we Carry that trauma within ourselves... yet he is a beacon of light coming from the deep darkness that the holocaust represents in the history of human kind. Thanks for sharing ❣️
I have a teacher, whom I haven’t seen in years, but I never forget him, who told his students (me included) a story. Another student came to him and complained about his health. He has so much pain. It prevented him from doing things he enjoyed. His life was not happy. Our teacher said this is good! Good, the hurting student asked?! Yes, good, the teacher replied. You are not dead. Pain tells you you are not dead. You can still do something about this.
It is what Dr. Gabor Mate is saying: you body is talking to you with love. You still have time. Pain is not dead; it is the voice of the body yelling at you to wake up and do something. Another teacher, Caroline Myss, also touches on this. Healing v cures. No everyone gets a cure, but you have a chance to heal what ails you, to face the fear, the past event, whatever, and to let go. That Freedom is healing. The burden is lifted and life, however much is left, is a joy. I had a client who was dying. She had let go, forgiven others and herself, and was a joy to be around. She was living fully with everyone who visited her, and I tell you many visited her. Her funeral was standing room only. She never married, never had children, but was so giving, kind, so interested in others and had the best humor. I have been blessed by so many wonderful people in my life, my mentors and living examples of how to live better. I try to be a grateful student and do better with my life, and forgive myself when I feel less successful in this attempt.
I got goosebumps reading this! Thank you for sharing!
I had just heard this concept before seeing this. Unfortunately, it is the story of my life. Thank you, Mr. Mate for your incredible clarity, as well as for sharing your wisdom.
I'm grateful for Gabor Maté in our present time, helpful and using common sense, without false sentiments and sugaring his listeners. I believe integrity is understood well by him.
I need to learn this majorly right now .. my kindness is literally killing me right now.. I am genuinely a nice kind person but see I neglect myself too much and now physically it’s showing 🖤🙏🏼
On what things you neglect yourselves?
Stop being kind.. I'm stopping.
@@HisaLight2mypath why so?
The sort of parent who cant get angry at there child is a great example.
Truly deep, eye opening. I almost feel like I woke up from a deep spiritual slumber, after making some huge mistakes and bad moves most of my adult life.
Brings tears into my eyes. So much wisdom and empathy. His voice... He's brilliant.
Mixing up niceness with warmth of being/some people have greatly developed warmth of being, learning to manage your warmth of being and keeping it well developed for top quality relationships that work for you/developing your warmth of being is not a dysfunctional thing to do/ not projecting it onto others that dont have that great wide breadth of warmth of being /when they are limited in warmth of being is where the trouble is., knowing that you are rare and your rules are not average about how you work, some people naturally fall along the lines of greatly developed warmth, warmth is a great asset when you know understand its a great yet rare tool in life, there is a place for it and you can corner the market with there being a market for warmth, dont look for like minded/look for rare and great warmth if you want to love some one/look for some rare other some one who also has developed an unusual amount of warmth!
Hi ; warm
Wow, this makes me realize that probably no one you know or meet is actually authentic and their true selves...puts a very new perspective on everyone from now on...instead of superficial acquaintances, must look a little deeper with a genuine sense of compassion...will make people much more interesting...thank you!!!!
Truely strong people are nice, it comes with confidence. If you are not nice you have a problem. Some people are nice by nature which is good. Being "nice " to please others is a mistake. Being nice, and Love are the nature of God. Some people, those that are spiritually unconscious mistake niceness for weakness. That is their mistake and error 😁😁.
Well said
SUSTAINED BROTHER! SOOO PROFOUNDLY AND POWERFULLY SAID!
👍💜
Truth Exposed
Strong people are nice they also have human values so they have peace.
So so grateful to be in the world where we can hear your compassionate wisdom. Getting back to the authentic self is so empowering and yes we may end up disappointing a lot of people but the cost analysis is that we end up appointing ourselves to returst our own true self.
Growing up with abuse, I have to say, thank you for sharing, this is all hitting home. I fell ill with mental disorder and physically. Because betraying your own parents is very difficult to do when you're young and reliant on them, no matter what pain they cause you.
You always find yourself respecting people with boundaries even of it kinda bites .
Be your authentic self because that will help you build authentic relationships, which will help you live authentic lives, which will help you live happier lives. And know that if someone doesn't like you for being you, it isn't because there is something wrong with you, it just means you are not right for them.
Being able to set and keep healthy boundaries is also going to help you not get sucked into people's problems while making sure you are taken cared of.
Trying to be bad or trying to be someone we're not, changing ourselves superficially for another person or the prefered sex, is like putting on a mask, being toxic and inauthentic. Im a nice guy and i treat women nice, because that is me. If i were born a bad guy, maybe i would have a different life, but i learn to appreciate myself the way I am. So I encourage you to be nice or whatever way you are. The right person will appreciate you in the way you are, after you appreciate yourself the way you are. All this "Don't be too nice to women." is false indoctrination to hurt women. Please dont. You are only weak if you hurt others and not strong.
😇Sometimes we just need to know there is another human being who understands what we go thru on the deepest of levels. Some people can just live on being shallow, and being blown in the wind not by choice. But yeah, empaths really suffer thru a lot. Dr. Mate hits it right where it lives.
Do you think that "being shallow" could possibly be a defence mechanism or coping strategy? Same goes for level or lack of empathy.
@@Badpenny13 No I don’t think they realise they are shallow, in fact I’ve even met shallow people who think they are deep thinkers but they covet material things and don’t have meaningful relationships. Just an observation.
How's life going ;
well said
Nice people: if you haven't learned how to recognize narcissists stop now and learn. They love to snack on nice people but if you learn what they are like you'll be able to see them coming. Dr Ramani has videos on this. I wish this type of stuff was taught in high school. It would have saved me a lot of hurt.
Gabor Mate, thank you for sharing your wisdom!
This knowledge is priceless…. Understanding this and experiencing this … Wow…. This is the first time I’ve heard anyone explain it … It’s a gift , although being honest with myself can be emotionally draining at times, I’m grateful at 51 years old to continue to learn about me… thank you
Very true and the one thing that is being actively destroyed at present. Both attachment and authenticity. I 100% relate
Thank you for voicing this out loud.
Gabor, and his son Aaron Mate, are awesome folks. More people like them would rapidly improve this world
This video is gold and it really resonates with me and my life. I believe I'm learning to be closer to my authentic self despite all the internal trauma that I went through. It's incredibly amazing to feel that I can choose myself even if the world is going against my ideas or my way of living.
Literally you don't have to fit anywhere or live the way others expect you to live. You are the only one that is going to be truly there for you, people can help you but NO ONE can be you.
Remember that you can love yourself the way you deserve because you are amazing and you are meant to show your own light and essence to the world and to yourself over anything else. Love will naturally come in the process, love you mate:)
I learned that being a good person and being nice a very different. The power of saying "no" after reflecting, is protecting yourself from being overwhelmed and obligated. Someone had a seizure 15 ft away from me. The response team acted quickly, as a nurse I wanted to help, but had to take my ego out of the equation. So, I got outta the way and listened for any help needed. They needed a pillow. I reacted immediately for what was needed, then let the team handle the rest. I stayed in my lane. Being too nice (self inflicted obligation) very well could have hindered the team's care to the patient.
you can't live other peoples lives for them, and of course, youngsters never want to listen, because they think that they know it all. but, as long as you have tried, then you did the right thing. unfortunately there are people out there, that will take advantage of your easy going nature, or your naivety, because you tend to see the world, by your own experience and actions on how you would behave. unfortunately some people, will see this as a weakness and try to take advantage of your kindness. but, only people, who understand themselves, and are self confident, will be prepared to show others kindness, but kindness isn't a weakness in strong people. as those that try to abuse your kindness will soon find out. the abuser needs your generosity, but you can take back what was yours to give in the first place. and a strong person, won't judge the next person out of fear, of being, their normal nice self, and end up being paranoid and mistrusting everyone. being kind, doesn't mean being stupid , gullible, or a weak person. one shouldn't be, self first self last, that's a sad way to live and think
SUSTAINED!
True story. People don’t see it as an attribute they see it as something they can take advantage of and it’s sad.
YES INDEEDY! TRULY SAD...
As a child, I was mocked for never smiling.I panicked and imagined that everyone would find out why I was so unhappy. I had to keep the secrets my abusers warned me that if I told anyone they, and my parents would go to prison, and I would be put into a home for bad children, because everything was my fault, and I was told never to forget that, I believed them. So as often as I could, I practiced smiling,and being extra nice to everyone. It didn't take long for people to start calling me smiler.
I was so relieved.It was around this time that my mother began calling me awful names. "look at you with your big flirty eyes smiling at men, to get their attention." ."You are nothing but a little whore man mad slut." I was only 10. There was no point in me protesting,because she was in control.
I can laugh at this now and reason on how pathetic my mother was.(I actually feel sorry for my parents) They should never had children I know I was not ,and I am not ,what she called me. I don't need or crave her love anymore.
I love myself, and I have love in my life.I believe that I am a good person
The past often invades my dreams and certain smells take me right back to my abusers.
I am living my life now and understand myself and others better.
I still at times feel empty,and need to be alone. I'm fine with that.
I'm a survivor.
I wrote this not to get sympathy but to hopefully give the abused the courage to reclaim their lives, and to open the hearts and minds of some parents so they will take better care of how they speak to and treat their children.
So sorry that your mom hurt you with bad words. My parents too used to insult me and hurt me in front of others. Though we can forgive them but we can never forget those incidents.
All makes sense - except -
I think authenticity is more than just a practical need for survival (Being in touch with your needs) . To me, it feels more existential / spiritual. And I think this is also depicted in the final section of this video.
For me it seems to be about a return to our true self which is love. I had an NDE that was very profound. I was shown and remembered, that love is who we all truly are, our true beings. We are all made of the same stuff, love without conditions. I was shown that my challenge in this life was to remember who I really am and also to remember who we all are, especially those who who seem to cause the worst hurts or where "evil" is happening. I was shown that evil is not ultimately real, that it happens when people are disconnected from themselves and source, which is actually impossible but it can feel so very real. People can have empathy turned right off and they can be full of rage, fear, superiority etc. Evil behaviour comes from a very confused and lost, state of mind. When we die, there is help for all of us to come out of any confused state so we can remember who we really are. I was shown there is no external supreme God that judges or punishes us in any way. If we experience such a thing, which is possible, it is an inside job, a state of mind. We all eventually remember, nobody is left behind. Ever. Again, this love that we are is without judgements, opinions, beliefs, gender, conditions of any kind. It is whole, completely accepting, and compassionate and has total clarity. "I AM" and am being made more and more aware, that "I AM" is love while here, embodied in the physical world. Perhaps that's the point. To be who we really are, to shine that light fully, that love into the world, while we are human.
Why isn't this being taught in schools? We'd have far less messed up society.
Definitely! The powers that be, however, rely on a society that hasn't awoken & sleep walks through life.
This was my precise thought. Skip so many subjects and teach emotional strength through things like this.
This has to be one of the most important videos on the internet. There should be classes in school on this. What we are taught in school is. Ridiculous. Amazing. Video thank u
Let me tell you something your potential as a baby child has been completely stripped by society, if you had been brought up in a world of love and of the bible a world of openness and less suppression where everybody cared for themselves and others nobody would suffer disease or mental illness. You would be at bliss yet 90% of people on earth will never achieve bliss because of their circumstances not even up to there choice but there environment. What you are now is not your true self but a hollow shell a coping mechanism for the horrendous world you live in. And to try break outside of that is the hardest thing anybody can do and all it does is get punished by the society so nobody does it or very few.
Indeed, one can make even a bad medical decision for themselves because of being too nice and caving into pressure, instead of listening to ones inner conscious and what I've learned is that some Doctors will take advantage of that and "sell" services in cases where one doesn't need them.
The heart will always be true. Never forego your heart for social concepts of how you should be, learn to listen to it, it is not a fairy tail but is a true friend. Everyone is unique. By just being and feeling we are already a success.
SUSTAINED BROTHER! I LOVE IT!
The clarity and wisdom is so on point ! thankyou for sharing your teachings..👍
I'll tell people this from my recent experiences of being too nice and not setting proper boundaries. There are certain individuals that you'll be open and really nice to that won't respect you. In fact they will openly disrespect you if they feel you're not living up to their standards. It's bizarre because you'd imagine being genuinely nice and kind to people and having an open ear to for them to vent to that they'd appreciate it but there are certain individuals that don't really care what you provide they are just all about themselves. These toxic individuals will test your boundaries or outright not respect your boundaries because they feel that too nice is weak and they'll try and exploit it out of their own insecurites or predatory behavior. Like I said it's bizarre. For example, today we were EXTREMELY slow at work and I was asked by this guy if our crew wanted some work to do to stay busy. I obliged and this co-worker next to me immediately gets this weird attitude while rolling his eyes and angrily walking away saying, "we didn't ask you to get work for us", turning that conversation between me and the other guy into me giving him more work to do instead of me taking all the work(which I did and didn't mi d doing) or handing the work out in equal shares. I've been super nice to this dude while others have been weary of him and his toxicity but because I didn't set the proper boundaries on this dude he has targeted me as someone he can passive aggressively let his frustrations out on. It's so bizarre and he just has the weirdest mindset it doesn't even compute logically to me sometimes lol. One day he was kind of joking but also serious saying he found it weird that when he did a certain job function he feels like we've/I conspired to make it where he has to do more work on those days. I looked at him and asked him like are you serious and he was serious but smiling in that kind of trying to present his seriousness in a jokingly acceptable way saying, "I'm just saying, I get handed a lot more work than the other guys", and then I was direct with him and asked him again if he was serious and he just said no I'm joking but I'm just thinking like dude first it's a terrible joke that came randomly out of left field that had zero humor and second why even say or put something like that out there? I think because I've been so nice that he can't help but try to take advantage of me lol. Psychologically he's admitted to being messed up and on pills. The most important things I've learned is first setting healthy boundaries but even more so when these situations happen to you absoloutely don't exchange hate or evil with these individuals. I've done it in the past and it's like wrestling with a pig. You do it and you're gonna get dirty and it not only metaphysically tarnishes your spirit and light but it makes you look immature and of low quality if you're battling with these toxic low level individuals especially in the workplace. So just be wise and realize you 100% don't need to battle with these individuals AT ALL. They are making their bed and creating their path in real time and their bed is extremely sloppy and their path is chaos and people see it and are weary and these toxic individuals feel and bear the burden of their own crap so there's no need to take revenge. It may be hard to percieve but deep down they are suffering, miserable, weak, and afraid and in pain because of it. The verse in the Bible rings so true "Vengence is mine", and these indivudals walk around cursed and feeling every single ounce of it so no need to wrestle with pigs. So be simple and kind to these individuals not revealing too much but keep it simple and kind in your good energy with yes's and no's and focus on the positive while removing all your attention from them when they start to gossip, manipulate, get toxic essentially teaching them you're giving them zero energy/spirit if they aren't behaving well.
Wise words of wisdom. It is true that dealing with toxic people is like wrestling with a pig 👍
Dr Mate I respect and enjoy listening to your teachings. The clarity and wisdom you bring to me and your entire audience is remarkable. You have become my favorite teacher and mentor. I wish that entire world would listen to what you have to say. I practice what I can and treat it like a none diet, it has to be a lifestyle for it to penetrate every cell of my body to become a 100% effective. Consistency is the key word until it becomes a habit without consciously being aware. Your pleasant and soothing voice allows me to pay attention to you from start to finish and often I listen to your teachings over again. There is something really unique about you delivering your wisdom. I can tell that you feel what you say like only a small amount of people in the world have that way to touch me in the same manner. I hope that you don’t mind me mentioning one other person who is feeling what he is saying and that is Eckhart Tolle, I am sure you know who he is ?
He was born and raised in Germany ,I was born and raised in Bavaria Germany. I have lived in the USA for quite a number of years but I do visit my family and friends once a year. I was born after world war ll in my city that was destroyed by 89% and us innocent people had to suffer so much because of what that mad man Hitler did. Little to no food and little wood and pine cones to keep us from freezing to death. Yes my family survived barely. It was terrifying way to live. Many people where hiding Jewish people with sympathy. What a terrible shame it brought to my country and the Jewish population will never stop bringing it up after 70 years. I am sorry for your losses but we are all remembered as the bad Germans. When I lived in Southern California for many years I was not treated respectful and I cried so much of the way I was treated each time I said that I was German, I then lied and said that I was from Austria. It wasn’t easy. I would love to see a time to come when the past will stay where it belongs ..in the past. I wish to see that the entire world would work towards love and not hate, that would be the happiest time of my life. I hope that I have not offended you by any means. I am a humanitarian and welcome every of any ethnicity around the world ! I have a deep faith in God and in my opinion we are all born equal, no one above and no one bellow since are all of the human race and are all the same on the inside. Yes I will continue to pray for world peace ✌️ until that happens there cannot and will not be peace. Only love can drive out evil. The world is in bad shape now and getting worse because of hate and greed. The United States is a perfect example. It is such a shame to see what is going on from the East coast to the west. I can’t even watch the news anymore to see how far down the once so great country where so many people wanted to live in the land of opportunity. I could see it coming when my friends said that since I wasn’t born in the US I didn’t know what the hell i was talking about and if I didn’t like it I should move back to Germany. Now some of say that I was right.
Please forgive me for letting my feelings be known on your comment space. I don’t mean any harm by it. Thank you 🙏 I will continue to listen to you every chance I get.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Viktoria. I know that many ordinary German citizens also suffered greatly at the hands of Hitler. The whole of Germany were not Nazis - it was a political party which started out helping the country out of the depression of the 30’s. And we now know, funded by the USA, because it was in their interests to have a strong Germany to shield against Russia. And then fear and control became the agenda. How can that have happened? - we ask now. And yet, exactly the same thing is happening now in all the western democracies - lies and propaganda being dished out on a daily basis by our politicians, aided by a sold out media, corrupt medical and judicial system, to destroy our democracies and bring in the New World Order. Citizens in all democracies around the world need to be on full alert, and keep speaking the truth, and supporting those who are putting everything at risk to fight this “ silent” war.
Hi ,,,regarding Germans being evil for allowing Hitler to do what he did ,,,,I have often thought that ,,,had I had the misfortune to live in Germany during the Hitler years ,I would have behaved exactly like the German people ,,so the way I see it is that it's a human problem not a German problem ,,It's nothing to do with being German ,,,it's to do with being human .
I’ve surpressed my own needs since I could think back.. just recently for the past year and a half I’ve been on my own and realizing how strong my attachment was to needing that feeling of approval. I think friendships and love are necessary but like he said.. in an authentic way.. this is where it’s dangerous bc people can become dependent on the wrong things.. smh addiction is now what I deal with. Wow, how does he know this.. well it’s because he understands the dynamic. Well as much as I hate myself for not being as authentic to myself as I should have been most of my life.. I think it’s ok that I’m finding it now.. atleast I see it now and I am aware of my own worth.. for me it’s taken 20 yrs, idk about anybody else but I try not to get stuck on that fact.. it’s been a long time however the breakthrough that I’m going through is worth the wait❤️🌸🌺 wishing everyone love, joy, strength and courage to be vulnerable to yourself and others. No one can rewind time for us nor will they be there to make it better, so fuck their feelings.. think about your self🙏🏻🦋
SUSTAINED SISTER! I LOVE IT!
That’s what got us in this sad predicament in the first place , parents dismissing our emotional needs(ie basically inferring “fuck your feeling) and so the world is not evolving on a wheel of ignorance “ignore ance” that is too shallow to see that we all are one . We are not different in that we all need respect and not diss each other as was done to us. We need to be the change, the wisdom to do better than was done to us! We can! But only through understanding, but an immature, ignorant one will just throw their hands up and say “fuck you” , how childish and I unevolved , and so the world continues to war on.
@@bridgethunt7836I don’t mean it that way towards just everyone. It wasn’t a reference towards what we should all do when feeling offended or hurt, it’s more of a moment of realization Ide say… after we ourselves have learned to suppress our own feelings and constantly become suppressed. For me, It’s been the frustration of meekly putting aside my basic needs for someone else on a daily, until the “normal” became the abnormal.. putting your rights aside as human being results in a person not only feeling ignored but truly being “ignored”. This video was about realizing that you are also important, that each one of us has value and that living a happy, loving, healthy and peaceful life doesn’t mean we shouldn’t recognize when we are being abused or molded to suppress our self worth and dignity (to not “offend” or spare someone else’s feelings that don’t even care about yours). I do speak fluent sarcasm and if I offended you, I’m sorry. It’s not about disrespecting others…. But… I’ve learned that releasing and forgiving is part of my journey. So as much as I’ve forgiven those who have wronged me, I’ve learned to release in my own way. Sometimes it looks peaceful, my feelings and my thoughts cry out saying god forgive them as I wish to be forgiven and that all around is what I truly wish but other days it may be watching a sunset, a fav movie or rocking out to a song that conveys what I feel.. and I may say f** that.. I should have never been made to feel that way in the first place. So with all respect.. I understand what your saying, but that’s not what I was trying to convey.. it’s just that sometimes no one will love us more than we love ourselves. We can either keep our boats floating in the ocean or let that ocean of problems sink us. Yes we are capable of doing so much more as people.. so I will say in terms of saying fuck they’re feelings, I’ll just say instead… that is their own opinion and everyone is entitled to their own. I respect their point of view but I can learn to disagree without agreeing. May life treat them with the same kindness they give to others. I forgive them and take the lesson I’ve learned with appreciation because I can now put it in my pocket. It only makes us wiser.. and better human beings when we acknowledge our feelings and the pain that we may have caused others❤️🌸🌺🌸🌺🌻
@@prettydalila 👍, I definitely understand what you’re saying! Actually I applaud you! Thanks 😊you learned faster than me
Thank you for that message. Very helpful. ❤️
I liked the explanation of the fundamental needs of attachment and authenticity, and the importance of staying true to yourself!
This came up on my recommendations. I must say that self-knowledge is the only way out of pain. It won't be found here watching this video. But that realization is a relief in itself.
A lot of people labeled too nice are really naturally warm hearted and the are widely miss-read/misunderstood, because its a rare form of moxie/and will take another rare person with abundant sense of open warm heartedness to know what its benefits /its incredible majesty of heart and being is really going on /they will tell you to set boundaries and limit yourself from this extra healthy way of being /when learning to wield your warm heartedness and that you can see the limitedness of others hardline ways of being and learn to free flow around those hard-lines /it may be rare but for a few its about learning to manage your free flow /manage living in your softest softness then conventional boundary setting is not needed/ when you've learned how to not get entangled in the messes and still keep having an extra amount of love in you , learn to value your warmth more and it will keep you free, be with warm hearts not like minds!