Another sign I notice if someone is not asking questions to get to know who you are from the start, they don’t feel the need to invest in who you are. They do not ask because they genuinely don’t care.
A guy who at first asked me a lot of questions suddenly turned cold and never asks me serious deep questions after the third day chatting on the phone. Waited 2 weeks in silence before meeting. I really like him but he friendzoned me after first meet up :(
@@jiayichan6159they date many at once. That’s why. Always ask right away. Make a joke about people who talk to many at once. See how they react. They will always waste your time. It’s just a numbers game to them. Looking for as many sex partners as possible. I am more blunt now. Weird people out there. No point in wasting time. “It was great meeting you.” Then Let them know you are too busy in life to play. Be nice. Pray they leave you alone. Bc they aren’t normal people.
1. Inconsistency in communication and energy. 2. unwilling to project into the future. You only exist in then now. 3. You get the sense that you are standing still. I don’t know what we are and where we are going. Do they like me? It’s the wrong question. Do I see genuine progress? This is the better question. Create your own relationship culture. What do I say in early dating? How do I deal with my energy ?
Another set of questions that needsto be asked and answered is, "Do I like them?" "Would I want them as a good, close, reliable friend for decades?" "Do I truly trust them?" We tend to focus on how the person we are attracted to feels about us without questioning how we truly feel about them. Hold on to your power to make sure you actually want this person in your life long-term. Take the warm fuzzies of physical attraction out of the equation.
I believe in no one because my ex talked about our future and kids and blabla but it was because he was creating my "soulmate" so I would fall for him and when I did he used me and abused me with his mother and sister and when he got bored because he already took what he wanted from me he broke up with me but still talked to me and had me as a friend with benefits while he was with the woman he cheated on me with and she knew he cheated on her with me afterwards but she didnt care (I didnt know he cheated and was with that persona after me I just found out weels ago after being with him for 6 months after our break up in secret but he told me it was bc his family hated whihc I believe bc is true and because he is 35 and consults everything with his mom and she treats him like a child and take all of his money and if she says "i dont like this woman you should leave her" he does it
consciously we can make good choices, but it's the subconscious mind that keeps us in the familiar. We need to reprogram our subconscious minds. Subconscious mind wins 10/10.
My speech! Don’t give power away for the direction. Human species are in general indecisive in general, so if they want you it means they have chemistry with you. It can mean only physical interaction. Never listen to their word, watch their actions. Messages are nothing….
@@I_love_all_the_animals I mean in which direction it goes with a man , you have to say what you want and lead the direction. Human are indecisive by nature so say what you want and a person who decides to want the same is good with it. Don’t let the men lead the direction. If he gets sex for free and just hanging around it’s comfortable …
When you meet the right person, it’s actually so easy to be with them because they want to be with you, too. Your heart is at peace instead of flipping about. The body knows. The soul absolutely knows. 💙💙💙
I thought I met my husband , he was consistent then after he told me everything I wanted to hear he decided to end it bc of the distance . He said bc he is an entrepreneur and works extremely long hours he doesn’t have the time for a long distance relationship
@@emilyc5625What he meant because he's rich from being an entrepreneur, he has options. So he probably find someone hotter, or someone docile and provide him with constant sex (aka. the short distance part).
It may seem weird that I am 72 years old, happily married for decades, and follow Mathew. It's because much of what he says about dating is really talking about who we are as humans, and the work we all have to do to understand, accept and stand up for ourselves. Also, he is a great communicator and teacher. I learn from every video and from every comment. Thanks to this community
"Someone can like you and not be capable of having a commited, strong relationship" My recent experiences with women. I couldn't sigh any more heavily.
That's strange...usually women are the ones who want the commitment, and men not so keen. Ever more so now, when choices are just overwhelmingly easy to access.
Recently dated someone from online dating, they showed interest and messaged every day, but I noticed after a few weeks/dates they were not matching my energy or initiating dates. So I lowered my energy too, and I’ve now moved on
This hurts, right? I wonder if you think you went in too deep? Do you think now you would have done things more slowly in order to avoid the pain from it?
@@claudiap.6838 No, because it would've happened sooner or later. As you get to know someone and learn who they really are, you either realize you are compatible or not. Doesn't matter how slow you take it. Taking it slow only wastes more of YOUR time.
@@claudiap.6838 I don’t think I got myself too invested this time. In the past I’ve avoided dating because it made me anxious and I worried about if they like me etc, but I’ve grown to realise I’ve carved out a great life for myself, and if I’m going to let someone in they’re going to have to be pretty amazing. Even if I like someone, they at the very least need to match the effort I’m putting in to progress things, otherwise I’ll just move on.
I so felt this way in my last relationship. I was trained not to ask abt the future. Trained not to ask where things are going. I was forced to focus on the now. I ended things after 2 months when nothing was progressing. Cut him off so fast because nothing was built, nothing was deepening and it just didnt matter that much.
Yes, the problem is often not "does he like me" because if he's in your life and talking to you, he's definitely interested and likes you. But just because someone likes you, doesn't mean they have any intentions with you to make it into something real. When they want to *be* with you, you will know, it will be easy and progress easily for the both of you.
#2 ruined my last relationship. Despite his age, he didn't know what he wanted and he never planned his future. He couldn't commit. He wasn't honest with himself so all this came out months later. I did everything right. He treated me superbly until he sabotaged it with poor mental health and now we broke up and he's going to figure himself out... hopefully.
I had exactly the same situation ! Despite I know I am the type of woman he is really into, which he could present to his mom… He used to say I was the woman of his life but got scared. Too hard to project. Now he is alone at 31…
I think the other side of the spectrum from sign #2 is also a telling sign: if they are unable to live in the now and is always projecting into the future. If someone wants your future version instead of what they have in front of them … run. They are wanting the experience of feeling good by projecting their fantasies into you.
This! My ex kept projecting 'us' in the future, but was never willing to take steps for creating that future in the now. It took me far too long (really- far toooooo long!) to realise that it was always just going to be a fantasy for them and that it was never going to happen.
Absolutely. It’s like living with plastic mask covering you head to toe but it’s invisible to you and very real to them. The rescuer mentality. I even said to my ex that “he liked the birds with the broken wings” and he agreed. And this was the truth for me, with much more than just a broken wing. Now I couldn’t bare the thought of committing to a relationship in that state (or any relationship at all now) but I genuinely thought I’d found the one. So much so that it was the first time I’d made a genuine commitment first internally to myself and later to him, first time ever being so completely raw & vulnerable with anybody, that I was going to un-break myself. It became apparent eventually that no amount of change would ever be enough and that the expectation of the change process to be fast, efficient and sustainable were unrealistic. I had needs that couldn’t be met or problems solved by providing financial security alone. Being the person I am it actually made me even worse. I best describe it as a government program throwing money at a chronic issue without any long term planning.
OK, long story short, ex was showing all these signs yet we stayed together out of convenience. No need to put the blame on him or me. I was consciously playing down each and every sign. Finally we broke up after 7 years. 3 years later I met my love. The man that never made me wonder. The man that I met his friends asap and his parents 2 months in the relationship . The person that is really interested in you, man or a woman, they just show it. They prove it with every action every day. As soon as a person makes you wonder if they are really into you....just run
I just ended a situationship with someone whom I realised when things became stagnant. He says his good mornings and good nights to me everyday but I can't help but wonder where this is going. So we had the converation and it ended with a lack of spark and things being just routine where we will meet every 1-2 weeks instead of really being in each others' life like Matt mentioned. Now it's back to looking a better one and hopefully the one.
Cut it off straight away... you listen to your intuition don't listen to meaningless words by text. Doesn't mean anything and tech has destroyed real communication.
The flashbacks this brings back! I think a lot of it is a lack of self-esteem. We stay on a dead end, road with a person because deep down inside we don’t think we can find a new person to be interested in us. There is better out there and you have to believe you are worthy of it.
That #1 is honestly one of the biggest and easiest signs. I think even more for women from men. Men will go out of their way to make sure they communicate with you daily, somehow someway, when they truly like you.
@@ftr911drvr It may be true, but not in all cases. If the girl reciprocate then yes. If she never initiate anything at all and he does all the work then no.
Scarcity mindset, that is the one word that sticks out from this video. If you believe that you cannot find a better partner, you are at risk of being stuck with the wrong person. If you however put the energy into yourself, self improvement and go out to explore options, or go out to enjoy the night to meet new people, you may surprise yourself and end up finding a good partner and lift your expectations, I know this because I did this and so glad I did. You are only here in this life for a short time so go find the people who will love you and keep away from the people that don’t know what they want , because when those people find it, if they ever do, they will be gone from your life so fast So make sure you hold your expectations and find a person who shares your values and can love you
Just recently ditched a guy who treated me like this. After the first date I knew he wasn't genuine about getting to know me. He also has a daughter, and I'm sure if a man treated his daughter the way he's treated me, he would be furious. Unfortunately narcissist can never put themselves in someone else's shoes and see through a different set of lens. I told him he doesn't deserve my respect and goodbye. 👋
Spot on with these 3 points. I dated a guy I thought was going to be the one, but I started noticing that after the first month, he couldn't keep up with his mask. Everything started to feel different, hot and cold, confusing, inconsistent, and vague after that first month. I learned that he never really had long term relationships before and he didn't really know what to do with me after impressing me in the beginning. He started to pull away and I tried to be patient, but couldn't help but check in with him. He dismissed what I noticed. Later, I found out he has a drinking problem and he was trying to hide it from me. He admitted one time he had a headache for several days when he tried to stop, but quickly switched topics. He then became more avoidant and showed mood swings. Then he decided to end things with me. At one point I asked if he was looking for a serious relationship and he couldn't even keep straight eye contact with me and mumbled yeah. Looking back, he had a lot of issues that made it difficult for him to commit. I need more than what he initially showered me and I guess he realized that it wasn't going anywhere if his struggles continue to get in the way. So yes, these 3 points definitely nailed it. My gut feeling was right!
Maybe that was intentional. Guy comes on with all he has, to get laid. After that, who cares? The more annoying he is, the faster she leaves and makes it possible to get the next one.
Summary: Signs that tell you that the current relationship is headed to noman's land: 1) Inconsistent energy/communication from the other person 2) No progression or longingness to take it to the next level with you. 3) Not much of an integration of that person in your life or vice versa. Predictably atomic interactions that don't take it to the next level of integration, but just deliver fun at that moment. For e.g having a good time once every week, without him/her being able to plan anything in the future with you, be it a bucket-list vacay or meeting a family member. You satisfy their need for now, but they are not invested enough to think long term or into the future with you or them wanting to meet you outside of the regular schedule of meeting. 4) You feel no other surity about the other person apart from this that they like you. Liking is not an indicator of a forthcoming relationship, it is an indicator of just that , that they like us, but that does not make them capable of a relationship with us and wanting to invest in a future with us. Hence, them liking us is not good enough after a point of time in the relationship. HTH when trying to revise what you learnt from MH😊
The second one, no progression, just looks that way to women. Most guys take time to vet a woman. It might a few years to figure out if the irritating aspects of her outweigh the positives of having her.
I just simply stopped caring. Worrying about relationships and who's doing what and who's not doing this is a waste of time and energy. I focus on the now and the guarantees not filling my mind with silly thoughts of destiny, romance, love at first sight, my person bs because at the end of the day, people can put on a mask and be who they want to be and they'll love bomb and pretend to be interested for however long they choose to.
*Sometimes we may overlook the signs that someone is not serious about us, and it's important to have these reminders. By being aware of these signs, we can have more honest conversations with our partners or make the decision to move on and find someone who values and prioritizes us.*
There are so many people who "like" me. But none of them "want" me (in the totalistic sense of the world.) I'm so tired. I've spent so many years working on myself to be in a much better place and a better relational partner. But I can't make the outside world more attracted to me. I think some people are just too much to commit to, and I have to make sense of what that means in my life and find meaning elsewhere. But at least I won't waste my time or be used anymore. That's a plus.
I was with a guy that did meet me only once a week...it went for 6 weeks and he prefers to do his own things, never was spontaneous for any plans during the week..but I had the talk the other day and told him from the beginning what I thought I deserve and all in the Nutshell..he wants to be just Friends..so I knew he's emotional standards weren't aligned with mine,so a lesson to be learned and moving on to a Person who fully understands me. Thanks for your support!
Most of the available men out there AREN'T AVAILABLE!! And 90% of the OTHERS are just plain tossers!! So I'm just going to give up on men! Just going to focus on my gardening, cooking, craft work and MYSELF!! ❤❤❤ GO ME!! Just ME - MYSELF - I.
I felt like you in the past. So I find out that I was a anxious relationship type. Always on the run and chasing men who wasn't available. Which by the way are avoiding relationship types. Then I really failured by falling for a guy who lied and cheated on me. Then I realized that I must work on myself and find out what's going on. Shortly after I found my now husband, we are more than 4 years happy together and he was and is a rock in my life. So, my advice is to work on yourself. Find out what's your pattern. There are still good men but we tend to look for the bad guys and chase them. It was so exhausting and only in Hollywood movies it's possible to change this guys... Take your time and focus on you, find out why you think that all men are bad, or are only the guys bad, which are unavailable? In the beginning I was totally confused with my man, because his words and actions aligned. And we made baby steps towards each other. (He was also mistreated in the past by women). But now it's beautiful and he's also my best friend. But still we must work on ourselves. I still once in the while things happen and trigger me, because deep down I guess I wasn't lovable and need to prove my love. It's unconscious but now I see it 🙂
@@natashatwine7818 that's your opinion, you have a right to it and I have a right to mine. Be kind to everyone. Only God has the power and right to judge.
You need to come down to earth. Why would heterosexual women be interested in other women? Just bring some logic into your reasoning 🤣 All this shit is by design to not have successful connections and raise healthy families.
I had a situationship with a guy who had all these 3 signs. The best thing I've done recently is blocking him from all my social media. I don't want to know what he's been up to and he doesn't deserve to have an insight of my life either. He can go and live his boring meaningless and vapid life somewhere else. I'm not coming back to that.
Iam also passing through this now Iam really so confused one day he is here other day he is not and i really don’t know if i should take a decision now or wait to meet him so i can be more able to have decision
Good points.. don't ask does he like me but rather.. do I like him? Another sign is if he offers to do something/take you somewhere; you agree, get excited and then he reneges with a flimsy excuse. Ugh, that hurts but it also shows you're overly invested, try to date other guys if possible to lighten things up. MH is right, inconsistency in actions show he's conflicted. Don't let yourself get attached to a non-starter; is very painful, you'll ruminate and self-blame. It's not your job to figure someone out or win him over, let life unfold.
I've spent years watching and following these relationship videos. It seems that the solution is for women to return to old-fashion courtship. The reason why we are here today is because modern dating requires us to invest ourselves and have non-committed relationships with men. When I say non-committed relationship, I mean anything outside of marriage. I don't care how much you think you love each other, spend time together, even take leaps and bounds together. If you are doing those things outside of marriage then you risk confusing yourself, blurring lines, etc. Someone is going to get hurt and feel like they were misled and used. Once that happens, you're jaded and spiral downward, taking more and more away from any other relationship down the road. Court each other to find out if your lifestyles and temperament are compatible. At the end of 3-6 months you need to know if you can marry each other. If you're unsure than you must lessen contact and stop misleading each other. But before you feel like you've misled each other, during that 3-6 month period you should only be courting each other like finding out compatibility - NOT spending time together creating memories, giving gifts to each other, sharing intimate details, etc. In other words, don't create attachment.
In the movie 'he's just not that into you' one guy says 'if a guy likes you he will let you really know, you don't have to do anything!' ........... Actually lol I just rewatched the scene he said precisely at 1.26 'if a guy wants to date you he will make it happen ok, he will ask you out!'
I've dated a few powerful and wealthy gents... my partners set dates and events months in advance... I was clearly apart of their future. They took me shopping for gowns for black tie events. They also told me they wanted to get married. I'm the one who broke it off... didn't want to get married.
Don't be done.. just write down what you want... and become those things. And, you'll run right into your man or woman. Be the things you want. Expect to attract like energy.
I just have to say I’ve been watching Hussey videos on and off since 2015. And after many attempts at relationships and forgetting a lot of what Hussey professes and making a lot of mistakes, I finally got it right. Just had a third date and communicated my standards, and it’s all still very new but I’m not projecting too much into the future, I’m getting exactly what I need and want and he is truly investing a lot of time and effort and energy into me, and he is being consistent with communication etc etc etc. Just feels so good. Thank you Love Life team. I love both my career and relationship life right now.
Players ( men/women) are never been serious to anyone they've met until bad karma strikes them hard and knocked them down, then they realized their evil deeds.
(4 primary/core UNHEALTHY reasons relationships break down: 1. Contempt 2. Criticism 3. Stonewalling 4. Defensiveness) Over four months of this horrific terror. The PTSD is severe and intense. The man whom I called my best friend, ended up raping my soul... PANIC AND TERROR ALMOST CONSTANTLY FLOOD ME. I am paralyzed and traumatized and debilitated and breathless, with almost-constant panic attacks. I desperately pray for healing. In February of this year (2023), the man who I thought was my best friend... Discarded me like garbage. Replaced me for another. In doing so... He gave me SEVERE PTSD. We're in June, now... It's been over 4 months... I MUST GET OVER THIS and MOVE ON... Please, help me, God! God, you have has blessed me to be a writer...🙌🏾 I humbly thank you and bow before you. I pray to make use of this talent/blessing/gift! Perhaps I write my way to healing? I also want/pray to make myself ready, with your miraculous help, oh God... I want to be healed and purified, that I may finally meet and spend my life with, my twin-flame. Here's what my trust is in: I don’t have to date. I don't have to do those God-forsaken dating apps! My kingdom spouse will locate me, he will come for me! 💍👰♀ Him, my twin-flame and I, are ordained to be together. We are magnetized to one another: NOW, ALWAYS, ALL WAYS. Maktub. It is written. It is God's will. Praise be to God! Let me remind myself of how loving sex/intimacy can actually be. (Because up until now, it's only been trauma for me...) 14 GENTLE URGENT REMINDERS, REAL/HEALTHY LOVE/SEX MEANS: 1) He also always (all ways) says he loves you outside the bedroom... 2) He looks DEEP into your eyes, into your soul, during sex/intimacy... 3) During sex: he wants full body contact... Hugs, caressing, hands all over your body 4) Spending quality intimate time together, both: before and after sex 5) Being intimate afterwards: cuddling, pillow-talk, playing, sleeping together closely 6) He prioritizes your pleasure, and attends to your needs and the things that you like 7) He pulls you in, super close and super intimate during sex 8) He compliments your personality, your character, your soul etc... 9) He kisses you with love and intimacy and passion 10) Slow seductive sensual lovemaking 11) He's open/vulnerable, he shows you his body, his insecurities, his fantasies (without fear of judgement from you...) 12) He wants to meet your needs and he wants you to be satisfied 13) He understands when you don’t want sex and he doesn’t push or pressure 14) It’s not just about sex, he's interested in conversation and outings and connecting: outside the bedroom AND PLEASE, GOD, LET ME ALSO ALWAYS REMEMBER: The gift of rejection positions me for MY purpose! The gift of rejection reveals what his role was/is: in my healing/destiny (THIS IS ALCHEMY)! The gift of rejection draws me nearer to you, oh God! (As well as to my own soul!) Rejection is redirection!🎉
When the “in love” veil is on (infatuation), we all get amnesia and all the red flags and warnings that we’ve learned to look for, get tossed out the window. That’s when we second guess ourselves and the person we like, when they blatantly throw these red flags in our face and we take risks that goes against what we learned to look for as bad signs in the other person when we first get to know them. That’s when we fall into danger and risk our hearts going down a reckless path just because we are blinded by their looks, charisma, charm, words, and personality. Try your hardest to not be fooled.
I broke up with a man who I had been in a relationship with for 2 years. It was great for the first year, then it got to the point of stagnation. I hadn’t met his kids and when I bought it up he wasn’t happy. He only wanted a woman around to fill in his time while he didn’t have his kids. I’m pissed at myself because I didn’t listen to my gut. Anyway a day after we split he was straight onto Tinder. I catfished him and he said he had only been with me for a year and he had been single for a month. He also said I was resentful of the time he spent with his kids. Was a real eye opener. Anyway sent him on a date with a person that didn’t exist. He deserved it
Haha I love how you played him... I came across my ex on chat room and the stories he told me about his ex (me) were so surreal.... Now I keep that in mind while visiting tinder and talk to someone who starts to moan about his crazy ex 😅
There are so many losers like that in this era of bullshit dating apps and broken homes. Funny thing is they will end up miserable in the end. You can only play that game for so long. Age gets you in the end 💀
Texting should not be a sign, my best friend who is married now she had her boyfriend stayed an hour away from each other, he was working hard and they would only see each other every 2 weeks or so and he only used texting to set up a date , they have a daughter now..I would say follow what is right for you, matthew hussey gives great advise but don't think that someone's behaviors is inconsistent when someone on the internet says it, you women might lose out on a relationship
In your example, there’s a context behind it, and Matthew’s advice is based on his work experience, so it’s impossible to him access every situation, but I agree with you that we don’t have to believe everything we see on the internet; we need to filter and look at our reality.
Texting is based off of consistency. With avoidants, they lovebomb you in the beginning. Texting you non-stop all day and night, every day and night. Then all of a sudden, it stops.
You're so right because I lived that with a guy for a long time! Pay attention to these signs people and please leave! Although you feel a big attraction or whatever leave before you get stuck and hurt because it's going to end sooner or later!
Unfortunately the heart wants what the heart wants. And sometimes not good for us. So great advice but most just follow their heart which is often a painful road. Romance is not a business deal
i think as a woman i projected my love and caring onto this man hoping to get it back. I kept hoping and believing in what he promised for years. in my head I created the ideal man for me. he went ghosting and gaslighting .. slowly I realized : he is not that nice with me .. he uses me .. we don't have a relationship but a situationship …very difficult when you have invested years to let go.. and not feal angry I lost those years .. 😢 heartbroken
Me too! Mine was a highly accomplished and wealthy entrepreneur. I was acting with a scarcity mindset so I poured 4 years of love into him but eventually the spell broke and I saw him without the rose tinted glasses, no progression or advancement after 4 years. A time waster if ever there was...thank goodness I listened to Matthew before I lost another 4 years of my precious life to the wrong man.
I have gone from 'do they like me?' To do i like them enough to continue this. Wasted so much time with my ex who was never able to commit and turned our to be a narcissist. The drama and toxicicity was horrendous, it feels like it took me 18 months to get away.
Yeah we were dating on and off.. he'd break up with me then come back around. Anyway, I bought us a Travel book for different places in the US to travel to for one Christmas, he didn't say one word about it or even a thank you. It was like a slap in the face, It really hurt. We're of course broken up now and it's for good, been over three years now. When I hear these types of videos though, I think of him. I'm much happier now.
Unfortunately I am in this kind of situationship. Together 6 years. Haven't been invited to his place. Haven't met his kids. When his Dad died, he still had his supposedly divorced wife's name on the obituary. Knowing all these facts, I am still seeing him. I know that I deserve better. Oh my 💔
I've found a strange tendency. I live in a new country alone and every man asks me whether I live alone or with my family. And when I say I am alone, they are deliriously happy. There's something wrong with nowadays men.
Zero intimate relationships so far. I have low self esteem and suffer from anxiety. There are a LOT of times i stop interacting with people i like hanging out with instead of going "all in" because i look at myself as an hindrance or bring nothing good to their life. So i have to say 1st point is 💯 accurate...
Where can I get advice about a 30 yr relationship that has been through every thing good and bad,and ended a few years ago,but we keep getting back together.the last separation has been 16 months of us not living together but I want us back together and evolving together so we can stop breaking up. He keeps saying we will but..I haven't seen any progress on his end,and I need to know if i should just move on
Also if you Just approach good looking women you May miss a women that has a great personality remember sex does not make a relationship and good looking is not the same as being sexy
when you are with the right person, you don't need much of dating strategies...everything comes naturally and you will feel it... of course you have to make some efforts but it is not like when you are with the wrong one, making you second guess all the time.
It is interesting how we need to be told these things without realising that many of us acting literally similar way with people we do like but we don’t see a future with them but we like them 😊. If we would pay more attention to our behaviour we would maybe understand people more…. But not all of us are the same 😊
Thanks, Matthew, for this video. What you teach is so beneficial. Creating the culture is so important but we must be accepting that it may take quite awhile for someone to match up to that culture. Moving on is not the difficult part for me, it’s the realization that the men I’ve met don’t seem to be emotionally available and just want things casual. Where is the man who can connect emotionally, be vulnerable, commit, and be truly caring and crazy about the woman he’s with?
Thank you for always looking out for us 🤗 Big elephant was I started feeling like a stranger looking in… I would never know the “busy” schedule until he was there…like Superman! He’d send me pictures & my heart would wrench… yes! Like you said! I wanted to do this & that & felt like I was standing still.. He just said the L word- mind you, we were never intimate…but backed off soon after. I then asked that q: do I see this “progress?” “Do I see my entire summer going this way?” To be honest- just left a 20+ yr marriage with a man who was allergic to holidays and fun… you know I am not ready to waste another 3 min, never mind 3 months on this… thank you 🙏
Great analysis, Matt. While I understand this is in the context of a budding relationship, I think you can also apply these concepts very early on as a microcosm. For example, with online dating, you can better screen someone's interest levels with this advice to save you a lot of time.
I liked that you mentioned Morocco as a potential Destination. You faithful follower from Morocco 😊. You are amazingly talented and all your advices are straight forward …
This is gold! I dated a guy a couple of times who did exactly this. He was engaging at dinner and we talked for hours. He talked about wanting to travel but not with me necessarily. He would text me after to thank me for the date and then radio silence. After a month, he reached out again and said he loved talking to me, we had such a connection. I said I would go out with him again and we went to dinner and closed down the restaurant. Again, the text message but then radio silence for months. He popped up again after a very long time to say he was busy. He said he wanted to see me again but I said no. It didn’t seem to be going anywhere and I didn’t need another friend.
People also can give off a lot of mixed signals before it gets serious and something real which can be really hard to deal with when feeling like you're needs aren't being met.
This is right on as recently I had an old fling appear with effort put forward to communicate ,then only to put forth the suggestion that he was up for( IT ) if I was ..this person had always been inconsistent, I was hoping.that this time may be different but no,but the thing that was different was I didn't give myself over to the temptation of the physical attraction. While I wandered for a short time, if I should have gone there ,it quickly followed with relief that I knew I'd done right thing by me.which I was absolutely fine with as I know I would have regretted it big time.
Same situation. Long story short, mine reappeared and express interest to rekindle but actions don’t match up. No progressive efforts, he occasionally love bomb some crumbs here and there. And one day out of the blue he posted on his social media he had a new gf. 🤡
You are a life saver Matthew. I’ve just now concluded watching the FREE lecture you had linked on here. It was most impactful. I’m definitely signing up ❤. Thank you ❤.
Exactly when I needed it. Just blocked someone for the 6th time. In all places... he keeps on with the cycle. 6 years, we've been talking and not met. He does things like prioritise playing a computer game, over talking to me, a message every 20 mins, isn't a conversation, it's fitting me in. I have my values and my needs. He made these grand gestures, in words, saying he'd do anything to win me back. A day later, reverted to type. Uncaring, not supportive, lacking effective communication or listeninf, no empathy then stomping off. He came back trying to say I was trying to control him and that I had mood swings. Really? Me showing my values and telling you what irks me, is mood swings.... gaslighting 101. I'm not doing it, I'd rather be single and concentrate on myself than deal with someone who only seems to need an ego boost and to make the effort, when he fancies. Tata 👋
You also have to figure out what it is about you that would make you go back to someone who has shown you 6 times that they don't care. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different outcome Address this issue so you don't waste your time for another 6 years with someone else
Communication is 110% consistent. Its a distant relationship but he's quick to temper and shows it, he tells me things and seek my opinion and we been dating for a year plus we talk about the future alot but he has refused me speaking any member until we meet when we initially started dating. Recently we have been back and forth for a month now and I asked after we settled that I would like to speak with his family member but he said when we are a lot stable. I don't know what to do.
A year is a bit much. Ramp it up to seeing each other more, go on a long holiday, go on a roadtrip, think about moving closer or who should. It can't be long distance forever or you will miss out on other opportunities and friendships.
Im kind of in a similar situation. I met this guy on a dating app. He reached out and we texted for over a month and finally decided to meet a couple weeks ago. Date seemed to go very well and i could feel good chemistry between us. We are supposedly meeting again this weekend. However, it seems like I'm always the one initiating contact. He does respond and his responses are nice but its hard to tell where i stand if im the one initiating. Im willing to give it more time and be patient but i feel it shouldnt take this much "effort.".
I get the second part that sometimes people are not able to project you in to their future but there are also people who always say something like "not right now but we can do something later on" and that's also kinda putting you on the hold and makes you be in the future and not in the now at all.
I recently broke up with a girl and I just found out she was doing all these 3 things. It was very hard to realize what was wrong, but I felt something wasn't working out, fortunately was a couple of months, but still hard to remove those feelings. Thanks Matthew
Oh yeah, not just dates, but friends as well. Gotta love it, when - in both cases- they tell you: "Oh, I would REALLY REALLY want to do this with you. I'm just currently VERY busy at the moment, I'll come back to you later!" Then you wait half a year and they're like "whoops I forgot". It's not even, that you can claim to have been ghosted. It's almost something worse than that. Because they actually "ask" for space in your mind. So you can't be like "whatever" and move on if they didn't answer for 2 weeks.
What happens if a guy is 5'4" 112 lbs. but with perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect job, perfect wealth, perfect health, perfect photos, perfect spelled words and perfect dating profile? Would he get any responses or dates after 5 years on any dating site?
There is no such thing as perfect but I will say I love short men. My best friend teases me about it but I don't care. It's my preference. Prince was the hottest man alive😊 and my ex was 5'6" .
I e been seeing a guy like this, once a week sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks on end. Developed feelings and got it in my head we were going to be something. Turns out he has done this with 20 or more women at the same time, and was exposed online. I’ve never felt like such an idiot before in my life. But your videos and these insights you have are so spot on. I wish o saw this video sooner. I hope this video finds more people sooner before they are lead on for so long only to find out they’re used as a piece of meat.
Finally let go of my 5year rekstionship. He hasn't met my family or child in 5 years, i met all his family or friends, no progress at all with him, im never allowed to leave anything in his house, i only see him once a week I told him im tired of hoping,
I don't know why bad thing happen to good people I pray I find someone that matches my love energy and love me half as I love her Mine was busy dating my friend and fooling me😢😭
If they are only willing to commit to future things that *they* plan/suggest but will not make any commitment to something you want, look for other signs that they may be a narcissist.
Very well said. If they are only pushing their agenda and it's either their way or the highway, always choose the latter. A healthy person will be happy to explore your world.
Matthew, I love your videos. I recently watched the video about the lovely Scottish woman who got married, after attending your seminar. She also told a lovely story about your mum. I’m getting a lot of clarity about things that have happened to me. I thought I was going mad. Thank you for teaching me.
We have a long distance relationship which is fine and we see each other as best they can. We have been together a while (18 months) and I've still not met his children. I've asked but I get excuses like "I'm a private person and want to keep things that way". I feel like a secret. We get on well together, talk, laugh but I've no idea what we (he says we are in a relationship) or where we are going.
I'm a guy and I've been in LDR twice. Being a stranger, I cannot give you proper advice. If you were my sister, I would advise you to start this conversation with him about the future. If he's not planning to be very serious as of today(!) and not making plans to close the distance, this relationship is not what you think. If he gives you foggy answers and still hasn't came up with a plan how you two will live happily ever after, he isn't serious about you. Don't accept half-a**ed answers either. After 18 months if he doesn't commit, he won't ever. Very important not to take personally what he is doing. You're a valuable person, give your energy only to those who deserve.
@Snowleopard_CH thank you. I appreciate your advice. We have talked about me moving down and are putting a deposit (he is paying) on a flat for me. He will live 20 minutes away. He's had past relationships where it hasn't worked his family have seen him hurt. But then so have I and so have my family. I'm a good, kind loving, supportive woman and I wouldn't hurt him for the world
Listen to your intuition... Not meeting someones children is a huge red flag... Its one of the most important hurdles you need to get over if the relationship will progress.
Another sign I notice if someone is not asking questions to get to know who you are from the start, they don’t feel the need to invest in who you are. They do not ask because they genuinely don’t care.
Hahaha this is so true. People who only want small talks on a date only want a casual relationship and a time waster.
Truth
A guy who at first asked me a lot of questions suddenly turned cold and never asks me serious deep questions after the third day chatting on the phone. Waited 2 weeks in silence before meeting. I really like him but he friendzoned me after first meet up :(
@@jiayichan6159they date many at once. That’s why. Always ask right away. Make a joke about people who talk to many at once. See how they react. They will always waste your time. It’s just a numbers game to them. Looking for as many sex partners as possible.
I am more blunt now. Weird people out there. No point in wasting time. “It was great meeting you.” Then Let them know you are too busy in life to play. Be nice. Pray they leave you alone. Bc they aren’t normal people.
100%!
1. Inconsistency in communication and energy.
2. unwilling to project into the future. You only exist in then now.
3. You get the sense that you are standing still. I don’t know what we are and where we are going.
Do they like me? It’s the wrong question.
Do I see genuine progress? This is the better question.
Create your own relationship culture. What do I say in early dating? How do I deal with my energy ?
I hate beating around the bush so I just asked the guy about his intention haha
Thanks for the summary 🙏🏻💙
Another set of questions that needsto be asked and answered is, "Do I like them?" "Would I want them as a good, close, reliable friend for decades?" "Do I truly trust them?"
We tend to focus on how the person we are attracted to feels about us without questioning how we truly feel about them. Hold on to your power to make sure you actually want this person in your life long-term. Take the warm fuzzies of physical attraction out of the equation.
I believe in no one because my ex talked about our future and kids and blabla but it was because he was creating my "soulmate" so I would fall for him and when I did he used me and abused me with his mother and sister and when he got bored because he already took what he wanted from me he broke up with me but still talked to me and had me as a friend with benefits while he was with the woman he cheated on me with and she knew he cheated on her with me afterwards but she didnt care (I didnt know he cheated and was with that persona after me I just found out weels ago after being with him for 6 months after our break up in secret but he told me it was bc his family hated whihc I believe bc is true and because he is 35 and consults everything with his mom and she treats him like a child and take all of his money and if she says "i dont like this woman you should leave her" he does it
what was his response?@@daisydd1709
It's so obvious but the heart doesn't often want to hear it. Ladies we need to make better choices
consciously we can make good choices, but it's the subconscious mind that keeps us in the familiar. We need to reprogram our subconscious minds. Subconscious mind wins 10/10.
My speech! Don’t give power away for the direction. Human species are in general indecisive in general, so if they want you it means they have chemistry with you. It can mean only physical interaction. Never listen to their word, watch their actions. Messages are nothing….
Oh gosh yes girl! You hit the nail on the head! I'm here for it! 😊✊
@@meli7315what do you mean by, "Don't give power away for the direction?" I don't get that sentence. 🤔
@@I_love_all_the_animals I mean in which direction it goes with a man , you have to say what you want and lead the direction. Human are indecisive by nature so say what you want and a person who decides to want the same is good with it. Don’t let the men lead the direction. If he gets sex for free and just hanging around it’s comfortable …
When you meet the right person, it’s actually so easy to be with them because they want to be with you, too. Your heart is at peace instead of flipping about. The body knows. The soul absolutely knows. 💙💙💙
so true♥
True that!❤
Sorry hon, but I wasted 10 years on someone I was sure of. He was unfaithful the whole time.
I thought I met my husband , he was consistent then after he told me everything I wanted to hear he decided to end it bc of the distance . He said bc he is an entrepreneur and works extremely long hours he doesn’t have the time for a long distance relationship
@@emilyc5625What he meant because he's rich from being an entrepreneur, he has options. So he probably find someone hotter, or someone docile and provide him with constant sex (aka. the short distance part).
It may seem weird that I am 72 years old, happily married for decades, and follow Mathew. It's because much of what he says about dating is really talking about who we are as humans, and the work we all have to do to understand, accept and stand up for ourselves.
Also, he is a great communicator and teacher. I learn from every video and from every comment.
Thanks to this community
That's awesome! Teachers come in all shapes and forms
You’re right, he’s very relatable.
😊
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchoolĥ7fif xdvq
I wish we had men who gave this information to women back in our day
"Someone can like you and not be capable of having a commited, strong relationship"
My recent experiences with women. I couldn't sigh any more heavily.
It impressed me that “not be capable”...
I am only meeting such persons. 😔😔😔
I don't give a flying fig if he likes me its investment and consistency and reliability.
@@christinarichie6171a man who doesn’t like you won’t do any of that tho
That's strange...usually women are the ones who want the commitment, and men not so keen. Ever more so now, when choices are just overwhelmingly easy to access.
If someone never discusses their intentions in dating and just wants to "go with the flow"
In my last relationship, the person was actually clear about his intentions, but was way too inconsistent in his communication. Go figure
Recently dated someone from online dating, they showed interest and messaged every day, but I noticed after a few weeks/dates they were not matching my energy or initiating dates. So I lowered my energy too, and I’ve now moved on
This hurts, right? I wonder if you think you went in too deep? Do you think now you would have done things more slowly in order to avoid the pain from it?
@@claudiap.6838 No, because it would've happened sooner or later. As you get to know someone and learn who they really are, you either realize you are compatible or not. Doesn't matter how slow you take it. Taking it slow only wastes more of YOUR time.
@@claudiap.6838 I don’t think I got myself too invested this time. In the past I’ve avoided dating because it made me anxious and I worried about if they like me etc, but I’ve grown to realise I’ve carved out a great life for myself, and if I’m going to let someone in they’re going to have to be pretty amazing.
Even if I like someone, they at the very least need to match the effort I’m putting in to progress things, otherwise I’ll just move on.
It shouldn't hurt... you need to become far stronger. That wasn't a real connection it was just a distraction..
Better off alone .
if your going on a date and they always on their phone its already a RED Flag.
I so felt this way in my last relationship. I was trained not to ask abt the future. Trained not to ask where things are going. I was forced to focus on the now. I ended things after 2 months when nothing was progressing. Cut him off so fast because nothing was built, nothing was deepening and it just didnt matter that much.
Yes, the problem is often not "does he like me" because if he's in your life and talking to you, he's definitely interested and likes you. But just because someone likes you, doesn't mean they have any intentions with you to make it into something real. When they want to *be* with you, you will know, it will be easy and progress easily for the both of you.
#2 ruined my last relationship. Despite his age, he didn't know what he wanted and he never planned his future. He couldn't commit. He wasn't honest with himself so all this came out months later. I did everything right. He treated me superbly until he sabotaged it with poor mental health and now we broke up and he's going to figure himself out... hopefully.
I had exactly the same situation ! Despite I know I am the type of woman he is really into, which he could present to his mom… He used to say I was the woman of his life but got scared. Too hard to project. Now he is alone at 31…
I'm the same, he's not sure what he wants, he loves me but not in love with me 😢 like I love him 6 years still having this with the same person
I'm confident all you wonderful ladies had red flags in the beginning... you ignored them.
I think the other side of the spectrum from sign #2 is also a telling sign: if they are unable to live in the now and is always projecting into the future. If someone wants your future version instead of what they have in front of them … run. They are wanting the experience of feeling good by projecting their fantasies into you.
This! My ex kept projecting 'us' in the future, but was never willing to take steps for creating that future in the now. It took me far too long (really- far toooooo long!) to realise that it was always just going to be a fantasy for them and that it was never going to happen.
Absolutely. It’s like living with plastic mask covering you head to toe but it’s invisible to you and very real to them. The rescuer mentality.
I even said to my ex that “he liked the birds with the broken wings” and he agreed. And this was the truth for me, with much more than just a broken wing.
Now I couldn’t bare the thought of committing to a relationship in that state (or any relationship at all now) but I genuinely thought I’d found the one.
So much so that it was the first time I’d made a genuine commitment first internally to myself and later to him, first time ever being so completely raw & vulnerable with anybody, that I was going to un-break myself.
It became apparent eventually that no amount of change would ever be enough and that the expectation of the change process to be fast, efficient and sustainable were unrealistic.
I had needs that couldn’t be met or problems solved by providing financial security alone.
Being the person I am it actually made me even worse.
I best describe it as a government program throwing money at a chronic issue without any long term planning.
"Enjoying the experience" is a nice way to say "they just enjoy your attention" 😅
It’s bad anyway 😂
He'll put up with it as long as she keeps giving him sex.
OK, long story short, ex was showing all these signs yet we stayed together out of convenience. No need to put the blame on him or me. I was consciously playing down each and every sign. Finally we broke up after 7 years. 3 years later I met my love. The man that never made me wonder. The man that I met his friends asap and his parents 2 months in the relationship . The person that is really interested in you, man or a woman, they just show it. They prove it with every action every day. As soon as a person makes you wonder if they are really into you....just run
I just ended a situationship with someone whom I realised when things became stagnant. He says his good mornings and good nights to me everyday but I can't help but wonder where this is going. So we had the converation and it ended with a lack of spark and things being just routine where we will meet every 1-2 weeks instead of really being in each others' life like Matt mentioned. Now it's back to looking a better one and hopefully the one.
Me too, after on and off for 17months😢
You just described my exact situationship. Its so frustrating
This is me 😢6 and a half years for him to go cold and end it and just
Like nothing says let’s live our own lives now 😢
My current too
Cut it off straight away... you listen to your intuition don't listen to meaningless words by text. Doesn't mean anything and tech has destroyed real communication.
The flashbacks this brings back! I think a lot of it is a lack of self-esteem. We stay on a dead end, road with a person because deep down inside we don’t think we can find a new person to be interested in us. There is better out there and you have to believe you are worthy of it.
Exactly
That #1 is honestly one of the biggest and easiest signs. I think even more for women from men. Men will go out of their way to make sure they communicate with you daily, somehow someway, when they truly like you.
Not true
@@Didi-fr5icit is
@@ftr911drvr It may be true, but not in all cases. If the girl reciprocate then yes. If she never initiate anything at all and he does all the work then no.
My ex really liked me. He used to communicate daily but then he would have 1-3 days where he would go quiet sometimes.
Depends on attachment style but yes true
Scarcity mindset, that is the one word that sticks out from this video. If you believe that you cannot find a better partner, you are at risk of being stuck with the wrong person. If you however put the energy into yourself, self improvement and go out to explore options, or go out to enjoy the night to meet new people, you may surprise yourself and end up finding a good partner and lift your expectations, I know this because I did this and so glad I did. You are only here in this life for a short time so go find the people who will love you and keep away from the people that don’t know what they want , because when those people find it, if they ever do, they will be gone from your life so fast
So make sure you hold your expectations and find a person who shares your values and can love you
I needed this 🙏
Bingo!!
❤❤
Just recently ditched a guy who treated me like this. After the first date I knew he wasn't genuine about getting to know me. He also has a daughter, and I'm sure if a man treated his daughter the way he's treated me, he would be furious. Unfortunately narcissist can never put themselves in someone else's shoes and see through a different set of lens.
I told him he doesn't deserve my respect and goodbye. 👋
Not everyone who treats you unfairly is a narcissist
@@nodiggity8746 They didn’t say that. She was talking about that one particular person in her experience.
You'd be surprised how many men would allow their daughters to be mistreated by others.
@@natalieh8023 Thank you lol
@@swiftkarma4436really so, my dad said Lots of women live alone, why are u crying after the divorce 🤦
Spot on with these 3 points. I dated a guy I thought was going to be the one, but I started noticing that after the first month, he couldn't keep up with his mask. Everything started to feel different, hot and cold, confusing, inconsistent, and vague after that first month. I learned that he never really had long term relationships before and he didn't really know what to do with me after impressing me in the beginning. He started to pull away and I tried to be patient, but couldn't help but check in with him. He dismissed what I noticed. Later, I found out he has a drinking problem and he was trying to hide it from me. He admitted one time he had a headache for several days when he tried to stop, but quickly switched topics. He then became more avoidant and showed mood swings. Then he decided to end things with me. At one point I asked if he was looking for a serious relationship and he couldn't even keep straight eye contact with me and mumbled yeah. Looking back, he had a lot of issues that made it difficult for him to commit. I need more than what he initially showered me and I guess he realized that it wasn't going anywhere if his struggles continue to get in the way. So yes, these 3 points definitely nailed it. My gut feeling was right!
Sadly this may be what I'm starting to experience.
@@akhilat trust your gut. Take care.
Maybe that was intentional. Guy comes on with all he has, to get laid. After that, who cares? The more annoying he is, the faster she leaves and makes it possible to get the next one.
Summary:
Signs that tell you that the current relationship is headed to noman's land:
1) Inconsistent energy/communication from the other person
2) No progression or longingness to take it to the next level with you.
3) Not much of an integration of that person in your life or vice versa. Predictably atomic interactions that don't take it to the next level of integration, but just deliver fun at that moment. For e.g having a good time once every week, without him/her being able to plan anything in the future with you, be it a bucket-list vacay or meeting a family member. You satisfy their need for now, but they are not invested enough to think long term or into the future with you or them wanting to meet you outside of the regular schedule of meeting.
4) You feel no other surity about the other person apart from this that they like you. Liking is not an indicator of a forthcoming relationship, it is an indicator of just that , that they like us, but that does not make them capable of a relationship with us and wanting to invest in a future with us. Hence, them liking us is not good enough after a point of time in the relationship.
HTH when trying to revise what you learnt from MH😊
5. Vomits when you enter the room
The second one, no progression, just looks that way to women. Most guys take time to vet a woman. It might a few years to figure out if the irritating aspects of her outweigh the positives of having her.
I just simply stopped caring. Worrying about relationships and who's doing what and who's not doing this is a waste of time and energy. I focus on the now and the guarantees not filling my mind with silly thoughts of destiny, romance, love at first sight, my person bs because at the end of the day, people can put on a mask and be who they want to be and they'll love bomb and pretend to be interested for however long they choose to.
💯
Couldn’t have said it better myself
*Sometimes we may overlook the signs that someone is not serious about us, and it's important to have these reminders. By being aware of these signs, we can have more honest conversations with our partners or make the decision to move on and find someone who values and prioritizes us.*
There are so many people who "like" me. But none of them "want" me (in the totalistic sense of the world.)
I'm so tired.
I've spent so many years working on myself to be in a much better place and a better relational partner. But I can't make the outside world more attracted to me. I think some people are just too much to commit to, and I have to make sense of what that means in my life and find meaning elsewhere.
But at least I won't waste my time or be used anymore. That's a plus.
Probably 90-95% of all men feel thus way.
I was with a guy that did meet me only once a week...it went for 6 weeks and he prefers to do his own things, never was spontaneous for any plans during the week..but I had the talk the other day and told him from the beginning what I thought I deserve and all in the Nutshell..he wants to be just Friends..so I knew he's emotional standards weren't aligned with mine,so a lesson to be learned and moving on to a Person who fully understands me.
Thanks for your support!
This is exactly what I was going to through. Oh my god, it's frustrating
Most of the available men out there AREN'T AVAILABLE!! And 90% of the OTHERS are just plain tossers!! So I'm just going to give up on men! Just going to focus on my gardening, cooking, craft work and MYSELF!! ❤❤❤ GO ME!! Just ME - MYSELF - I.
Consider dating women… that’s what I’m going to do next. After all, we’re all just souls and women are amazing.
I felt like you in the past. So I find out that I was a anxious relationship type. Always on the run and chasing men who wasn't available. Which by the way are avoiding relationship types. Then I really failured by falling for a guy who lied and cheated on me. Then I realized that I must work on myself and find out what's going on. Shortly after I found my now husband, we are more than 4 years happy together and he was and is a rock in my life. So, my advice is to work on yourself. Find out what's your pattern. There are still good men but we tend to look for the bad guys and chase them. It was so exhausting and only in Hollywood movies it's possible to change this guys... Take your time and focus on you, find out why you think that all men are bad, or are only the guys bad, which are unavailable? In the beginning I was totally confused with my man, because his words and actions aligned. And we made baby steps towards each other. (He was also mistreated in the past by women). But now it's beautiful and he's also my best friend. But still we must work on ourselves. I still once in the while things happen and trigger me, because deep down I guess I wasn't lovable and need to prove my love. It's unconscious but now I see it 🙂
@@jenniekeoghNo ma'am, God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.
@@natashatwine7818 that's your opinion, you have a right to it and I have a right to mine. Be kind to everyone. Only God has the power and right to judge.
You need to come down to earth. Why would heterosexual women be interested in other women? Just bring some logic into your reasoning 🤣 All this shit is by design to not have successful connections and raise healthy families.
I had a situationship with a guy who had all these 3 signs. The best thing I've done recently is blocking him from all my social media. I don't want to know what he's been up to and he doesn't deserve to have an insight of my life either. He can go and live his boring meaningless and vapid life somewhere else. I'm not coming back to that.
Same here! My only regrets are that i didn't do it earlier and that i'll never get back my wasted time on him
Iam also passing through this now Iam really so confused one day he is here other day he is not and i really don’t know if i should take a decision now or wait to meet him so i can be more able to have decision
I like this
Good points.. don't ask does he like me but rather.. do I like him? Another sign is if he offers to do something/take you somewhere; you agree, get excited and then he reneges with a flimsy excuse. Ugh, that hurts but it also shows you're overly invested, try to date other guys if possible to lighten things up.
MH is right, inconsistency in actions show he's conflicted. Don't let yourself get attached to a non-starter; is very painful, you'll ruminate and self-blame. It's not your job to figure someone out or win him over, let life unfold.
Thank you for clearing up my last so called "relationship".
I hope you find someone amazing for your next relationship ❤
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool thanks again..I hope so too!
I've spent years watching and following these relationship videos. It seems that the solution is for women to return to old-fashion courtship. The reason why we are here today is because modern dating requires us to invest ourselves and have non-committed relationships with men. When I say non-committed relationship, I mean anything outside of marriage. I don't care how much you think you love each other, spend time together, even take leaps and bounds together. If you are doing those things outside of marriage then you risk confusing yourself, blurring lines, etc. Someone is going to get hurt and feel like they were misled and used. Once that happens, you're jaded and spiral downward, taking more and more away from any other relationship down the road. Court each other to find out if your lifestyles and temperament are compatible. At the end of 3-6 months you need to know if you can marry each other. If you're unsure than you must lessen contact and stop misleading each other. But before you feel like you've misled each other, during that 3-6 month period you should only be courting each other like finding out compatibility - NOT spending time together creating memories, giving gifts to each other, sharing intimate details, etc. In other words, don't create attachment.
Wtf is courtship over 3-6 months then if you're saying "don't make memories"??
I've spoken to so many women lately who have had relationships and kids with awful men, and they can't give a reason why.
In the movie 'he's just not that into you' one guy says 'if a guy likes you he will let you really know, you don't have to do anything!' ...........
Actually lol I just rewatched the scene he said precisely at 1.26 'if a guy wants to date you he will make it happen ok, he will ask you out!'
I've dated a few powerful and wealthy gents... my partners set dates and events months in advance... I was clearly apart of their future. They took me shopping for gowns for black tie events. They also told me they wanted to get married. I'm the one who broke it off... didn't want to get married.
I'm honestly done with relationships at this point
I know it's all.to.freaken much. Ridiculous 😂
Don't be done.. just write down what you want... and become those things. And, you'll run right into your man or woman. Be the things you want. Expect to attract like energy.
I just have to say I’ve been watching Hussey videos on and off since 2015. And after many attempts at relationships and forgetting a lot of what Hussey professes and making a lot of mistakes, I finally got it right. Just had a third date and communicated my standards, and it’s all still very new but I’m not projecting too much into the future, I’m getting exactly what I need and want and he is truly investing a lot of time and effort and energy into me, and he is being consistent with communication etc etc etc. Just feels so good. Thank you Love Life team. I love both my career and relationship life right now.
Players ( men/women) are never been serious to anyone they've met until bad karma strikes them hard and knocked them down, then they realized their evil deeds.
Agreed
In my experience, sometimes players never see the consequences. They've learned to charm their way out of tricky situations.
(4 primary/core UNHEALTHY reasons relationships break down:
1. Contempt
2. Criticism
3. Stonewalling
4. Defensiveness)
Over four months of this horrific terror.
The PTSD is severe and intense.
The man whom I called my best friend,
ended up raping my soul...
PANIC AND TERROR
ALMOST CONSTANTLY FLOOD ME.
I am paralyzed and traumatized
and debilitated and breathless,
with almost-constant panic attacks.
I desperately pray for healing.
In February of this year (2023),
the man who I thought was my best friend...
Discarded me like garbage.
Replaced me for another.
In doing so...
He gave me SEVERE PTSD.
We're in June, now...
It's been over 4 months...
I MUST GET OVER THIS and MOVE ON...
Please, help me, God!
God, you have has blessed me to be a writer...🙌🏾
I humbly thank you and bow before you.
I pray to make use of this talent/blessing/gift!
Perhaps I write my way to healing?
I also want/pray to make myself ready,
with your miraculous help, oh God...
I want to be healed and purified,
that I may finally meet and spend my life with,
my twin-flame.
Here's what my trust is in: I don’t have to date.
I don't have to do those God-forsaken dating apps!
My kingdom spouse will locate me, he will come for me! 💍👰♀
Him, my twin-flame and I, are ordained to be together.
We are magnetized to one another: NOW, ALWAYS, ALL WAYS.
Maktub. It is written. It is God's will. Praise be to God!
Let me remind myself of how loving sex/intimacy can actually be.
(Because up until now, it's only been trauma for me...)
14 GENTLE URGENT REMINDERS, REAL/HEALTHY LOVE/SEX MEANS:
1) He also always (all ways) says he loves you outside the bedroom...
2) He looks DEEP into your eyes, into your soul, during sex/intimacy...
3) During sex: he wants full body contact... Hugs, caressing, hands all over your body
4) Spending quality intimate time together, both: before and after sex
5) Being intimate afterwards: cuddling, pillow-talk, playing, sleeping together closely
6) He prioritizes your pleasure, and attends to your needs and the things that you like
7) He pulls you in, super close and super intimate during sex
8) He compliments your personality, your character, your soul etc...
9) He kisses you with love and intimacy and passion
10) Slow seductive sensual lovemaking
11) He's open/vulnerable, he shows you his body, his insecurities, his fantasies
(without fear of judgement from you...)
12) He wants to meet your needs and he wants you to be satisfied
13) He understands when you don’t want sex and he doesn’t push or pressure
14) It’s not just about sex,
he's interested in conversation and outings and connecting:
outside the bedroom
AND PLEASE, GOD, LET ME ALSO ALWAYS REMEMBER:
The gift of rejection positions me for MY purpose!
The gift of rejection reveals what his role was/is: in my healing/destiny (THIS IS ALCHEMY)!
The gift of rejection draws me nearer to you, oh God! (As well as to my own soul!)
Rejection is redirection!🎉
When the “in love” veil is on (infatuation), we all get amnesia and all the red flags and warnings that we’ve learned to look for, get tossed out the window. That’s when we second guess ourselves and the person we like, when they blatantly throw these red flags in our face and we take risks that goes against what we learned to look for as bad signs in the other person when we first get to know them. That’s when we fall into danger and risk our hearts going down a reckless path just because we are blinded by their looks, charisma, charm, words, and personality. Try your hardest to not be fooled.
Well stated. 🌸
I broke up with a man who I had been in a relationship with for 2 years. It was great for the first year, then it got to the point of stagnation. I hadn’t met his kids and when I bought it up he wasn’t happy. He only wanted a woman around to fill in his time while he didn’t have his kids. I’m pissed at myself because I didn’t listen to my gut. Anyway a day after we split he was straight onto Tinder. I catfished him and he said he had only been with me for a year and he had been single for a month. He also said I was resentful of the time he spent with his kids. Was a real eye opener. Anyway sent him on a date with a person that didn’t exist. He deserved it
Good girl , next time listen to your gut sooner and don’t waste your time . Good Luck 😊
😂
😂😂😂 omg I love it. Interesting to see how they twist the truth smh
Haha I love how you played him... I came across my ex on chat room and the stories he told me about his ex (me) were so surreal.... Now I keep that in mind while visiting tinder and talk to someone who starts to moan about his crazy ex 😅
There are so many losers like that in this era of bullshit dating apps and broken homes. Funny thing is they will end up miserable in the end. You can only play that game for so long. Age gets you in the end 💀
I recently asked where it was going. He said he couldn’t see a long term relationship. I broke it off. End scene.
Texting should not be a sign, my best friend who is married now she had her boyfriend stayed an hour away from each other, he was working hard and they would only see each other every 2 weeks or so and he only used texting to set up a date , they have a daughter now..I would say follow what is right for you, matthew hussey gives great advise but don't think that someone's behaviors is inconsistent when someone on the internet says it, you women might lose out on a relationship
Doesn't change the fact that he's still a shitty communicator. He's not Mr. Perfect just because they are married with a kid.
In your example, there’s a context behind it, and Matthew’s advice is based on his work experience, so it’s impossible to him access every situation, but I agree with you that we don’t have to believe everything we see on the internet; we need to filter and look at our reality.
Texting is based off of consistency. With avoidants, they lovebomb you in the beginning. Texting you non-stop all day and night, every day and night. Then all of a sudden, it stops.
You're so right because I lived that with a guy for a long time! Pay attention to these signs people and please leave! Although you feel a big attraction or whatever leave before you get stuck and hurt because it's going to end sooner or later!
Let's take this relationship to the previous level....😂
Unfortunately the heart wants what the heart wants. And sometimes not good for us. So great advice but most just follow their heart which is often a painful road. Romance is not a business deal
i think as a woman i projected my love and caring onto this man hoping to get it back. I kept hoping and believing in what he promised for years.
in my head I created the ideal man for me.
he went ghosting and gaslighting .. slowly I realized : he is not that nice with me .. he uses me .. we don't have a relationship but a situationship …very difficult when you have invested years to let go.. and not feal angry I lost those years .. 😢 heartbroken
Me too! Mine was a highly accomplished and wealthy entrepreneur. I was acting with a scarcity mindset so I poured 4 years of love into him but eventually the spell broke and I saw him without the rose tinted glasses, no progression or advancement after 4 years. A time waster if ever there was...thank goodness I listened to Matthew before I lost another 4 years of my precious life to the wrong man.
I have been guilty of projecting me love onto man in hopes of loving him through his pasts hurts. I learned I am no therapist.
I have gone from 'do they like me?' To do i like them enough to continue this.
Wasted so much time with my ex who was never able to commit and turned our to be a narcissist. The drama and toxicicity was horrendous, it feels like it took me 18 months to get away.
Yeah we were dating on and off.. he'd break up with me then come back around. Anyway, I bought us a Travel book for different places in the US to travel to for one Christmas, he didn't say one word about it or even a thank you. It was like a slap in the face, It really hurt. We're of course broken up now and it's for good, been over three years now. When I hear these types of videos though, I think of him. I'm much happier now.
The “do they like me part” is ultimately all we need
I am 39. Times already wasted. Now I have stop wanting to get married and have kids. Just want not to cry.
Me too I’m done
Unfortunately I am in this kind of situationship. Together 6 years.
Haven't been invited to his place. Haven't met his kids.
When his Dad died, he still had his supposedly divorced wife's name on the obituary.
Knowing all these facts, I am still seeing him.
I know that I deserve better.
Oh my 💔
RUN 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♀️
Break up now. Your soul is dying.
I've found a strange tendency. I live in a new country alone and every man asks me whether I live alone or with my family. And when I say I am alone, they are deliriously happy. There's something wrong with nowadays men.
Zero intimate relationships so far.
I have low self esteem and suffer from anxiety.
There are a LOT of times i stop interacting with people i like hanging out with instead of going "all in" because i look at myself as an hindrance or bring nothing good to their life.
So i have to say 1st point is 💯 accurate...
There is a fantastic book named " The Journey" by Meredith Miller. It's a game changer !
Where can I get advice about a 30 yr relationship that has been through every thing good and bad,and ended a few years ago,but we keep getting back together.the last separation has been 16 months of us not living together but I want us back together and evolving together so we can stop breaking up. He keeps saying we will but..I haven't seen any progress on his end,and I need to know if i should just move on
@@jessylowman2515 Try getting information online about the avoidant attachment style and codependence in relationships. It might help.
Also if you Just approach good looking women you May miss a women that has a great personality remember sex does not make a relationship and good looking is not the same as being sexy
Yes!!!!
when you are with the right person, you don't need much of dating strategies...everything comes naturally and you will feel it... of course you have to make some efforts but it is not like when you are with the wrong one, making you second guess all the time.
Never felt disappointed watching your videos! Thank you so much!
❤
I‘m excited to hear more about building your own culture in dating!! Thank you Matthew
It is interesting how we need to be told these things without realising that many of us acting literally similar way with people we do like but we don’t see a future with them but we like them 😊. If we would pay more attention to our behaviour we would maybe understand people more…. But not all of us are the same 😊
So.. so.. true.
Thanks, Matthew, for this video. What you teach is so beneficial. Creating the culture is so important but we must be accepting that it may take quite awhile for someone to match up to that culture. Moving on is not the difficult part for me, it’s the realization that the men I’ve met don’t seem to be emotionally available and just want things casual. Where is the man who can connect emotionally, be vulnerable, commit, and be truly caring and crazy about the woman he’s with?
Thanks Mathew you are always my wake up call ❤
Thank you for always looking out for us 🤗 Big elephant was I started feeling like a stranger looking in… I would never know the “busy” schedule until he was there…like Superman! He’d send me pictures & my heart would wrench… yes! Like you said! I wanted to do this & that & felt like I was standing still.. He just said the L word- mind you, we were never intimate…but backed off soon after. I then asked that q: do I see this “progress?” “Do I see my entire summer going this way?” To be honest- just left a 20+ yr marriage with a man who was allergic to holidays and fun… you know I am not ready to waste another 3 min, never mind 3 months on this… thank you 🙏
Stop looking for ❤ you already have it within he is in you and will not leave you nor forsake you 🌌
Great analysis, Matt.
While I understand this is in the context of a budding relationship, I think you can also apply these concepts very early on as a microcosm.
For example, with online dating, you can better screen someone's interest levels with this advice to save you a lot of time.
I liked that you mentioned Morocco as a potential Destination. You faithful follower from Morocco 😊. You are amazingly talented and all your advices are straight forward …
Every MH video is a slap on my face and I love it
This is gold! I dated a guy a couple of times who did exactly this. He was engaging at dinner and we talked for hours. He talked about wanting to travel but not with me necessarily. He would text me after to thank me for the date and then radio silence. After a month, he reached out again and said he loved talking to me, we had such a connection. I said I would go out with him again and we went to dinner and closed down the restaurant. Again, the text message but then radio silence for months. He popped up again after a very long time to say he was busy. He said he wanted to see me again but I said no. It didn’t seem to be going anywhere and I didn’t need another friend.
Hello Matthew, I found your videos useful, I have been married for 4 years plus. 👍
Congrats on 4 years! ❤
People also can give off a lot of mixed signals before it gets serious and something real which can be really hard to deal with when feeling like you're needs aren't being met.
So smart. It's very rare that someone is genuine. They usually want something.
This is right on as recently I had an old fling appear with effort put forward to communicate ,then only to put forth the suggestion that he was up for( IT ) if I was ..this person had always been inconsistent, I was hoping.that this time may be different but no,but the thing that was different was I didn't give myself over to the temptation of the physical attraction. While I wandered for a short time, if I should have gone there ,it quickly followed with relief that I knew I'd done right thing by me.which I was absolutely fine with as I know I would have regretted it big time.
Same situation. Long story short, mine reappeared and express interest to rekindle but actions don’t match up. No progressive efforts, he occasionally love bomb some crumbs here and there. And one day out of the blue he posted on his social media he had a new gf. 🤡
You are a life saver Matthew. I’ve just now concluded watching the FREE lecture you had linked on here. It was most impactful. I’m definitely signing up ❤. Thank you ❤.
And P.S.! LOVE YOURSELF, LIKE YOURSELF and LIVE LIFE FOR YOU!! NOT HIM! YOU!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
Groundhog dating! 😂 I love it! Yup, been there!
OMG…..So thankful for this video…..especially if you are with a dismissive avoidant!
Absolutely brilliant Matthew, in every way! I see why you have almost 3 million subscribers.
Exactly when I needed it. Just blocked someone for the 6th time. In all places... he keeps on with the cycle. 6 years, we've been talking and not met. He does things like prioritise playing a computer game, over talking to me, a message every 20 mins, isn't a conversation, it's fitting me in. I have my values and my needs. He made these grand gestures, in words, saying he'd do anything to win me back. A day later, reverted to type. Uncaring, not supportive, lacking effective communication or listeninf, no empathy then stomping off. He came back trying to say I was trying to control him and that I had mood swings. Really? Me showing my values and telling you what irks me, is mood swings.... gaslighting 101. I'm not doing it, I'd rather be single and concentrate on myself than deal with someone who only seems to need an ego boost and to make the effort, when he fancies. Tata 👋
You also have to figure out what it is about you that would make you go back to someone who has shown you 6 times that they don't care. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different outcome
Address this issue so you don't waste your time for another 6 years with someone else
Make no mistake you made the right decision, he sounds more like a 16 year old to me, run and don’t look back.
Communication is 110% consistent. Its a distant relationship but he's quick to temper and shows it, he tells me things and seek my opinion and we been dating for a year plus we talk about the future alot but he has refused me speaking any member until we meet when we initially started dating. Recently we have been back and forth for a month now and I asked after we settled that I would like to speak with his family member but he said when we are a lot stable. I don't know what to do.
A year is a bit much. Ramp it up to seeing each other more, go on a long holiday, go on a roadtrip, think about moving closer or who should. It can't be long distance forever or you will miss out on other opportunities and friendships.
It's a scammer
Run
Im kind of in a similar situation. I met this guy on a dating app. He reached out and we texted for over a month and finally decided to meet a couple weeks ago. Date seemed to go very well and i could feel good chemistry between us. We are supposedly meeting again this weekend. However, it seems like I'm always the one initiating contact. He does respond and his responses are nice but its hard to tell where i stand if im the one initiating. Im willing to give it more time and be patient but i feel it shouldnt take this much "effort.".
Great timing!! Just watching 'He's just not that into you' 😅❤
Get the book! it's for better and far entertaining as well
@@radwaibrahim9276 ❤
I get the second part that sometimes people are not able to project you in to their future but there are also people who always say something like "not right now but we can do something later on" and that's also kinda putting you on the hold and makes you be in the future and not in the now at all.
I recently broke up with a girl and I just found out she was doing all these 3 things. It was very hard to realize what was wrong, but I felt something wasn't working out, fortunately was a couple of months, but still hard to remove those feelings. Thanks Matthew
Oh yeah, not just dates, but friends as well.
Gotta love it, when - in both cases- they tell you: "Oh, I would REALLY REALLY want to do this with you. I'm just currently VERY busy at the moment, I'll come back to you later!"
Then you wait half a year and they're like "whoops I forgot".
It's not even, that you can claim to have been ghosted. It's almost something worse than that. Because they actually "ask" for space in your mind. So you can't be like "whatever" and move on if they didn't answer for 2 weeks.
What happens if a guy is 5'4" 112 lbs. but with perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect job, perfect wealth, perfect health, perfect photos, perfect spelled words and perfect dating profile? Would he get any responses or dates after 5 years on any dating site?
There is no such thing as perfect but I will say I love short men. My best friend teases me about it but I don't care. It's my preference. Prince was the hottest man alive😊 and my ex was 5'6" .
Thank you again for putting this subject into prospective..This is a fabulous reminder of what i needed to hear..Thank you Mathew..
I am so broken over my stupidity over a man like this I can't even have another relationship. I know I was used but he is in my thoughts daily.
I have to be honest, this happens a lot with normal friendships in my experience and it's just ugly.
Yeah it really happens in many friendships too. People just ghost you or don't make any effort to see you. It stands completely still.
This is such an eye opener.Thanks a million.
❤
I e been seeing a guy like this, once a week sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for weeks on end. Developed feelings and got it in my head we were going to be something. Turns out he has done this with 20 or more women at the same time, and was exposed online. I’ve never felt like such an idiot before in my life. But your videos and these insights you have are so spot on. I wish o saw this video sooner. I hope this video finds more people sooner before they are lead on for so long only to find out they’re used as a piece of meat.
lmao Watching this video I realized that I'm the one who is not serious!! 😂😂
I am devastated, I was just an experience.
Finally let go of my 5year rekstionship. He hasn't met my family or child in 5 years, i met all his family or friends, no progress at all with him, im never allowed to leave anything in his house, i only see him once a week
I told him im tired of hoping,
I don't know why bad thing happen to good people
I pray I find someone that matches my love energy and love me half as I love her
Mine was busy dating my friend and fooling me😢😭
Your videos have really helped me during my break up. ❤
Extremely good video, Matthew. One of the best.
If they are only willing to commit to future things that *they* plan/suggest but will not make any commitment to something you want, look for other signs that they may be a narcissist.
Very well said. If they are only pushing their agenda and it's either their way or the highway, always choose the latter. A healthy person will be happy to explore your world.
Can you please talk about being in a relationship with someone who has depression?
Think with your brain, not your fearful little shaking heart. Be strong ,bold & brave. Release yourself from breadcrumbs
Such amazing work that you and your team do. Solid practical advice.
So true. I am leaving him after 1.5 years
Matthew, I love your videos. I recently watched the video about the lovely Scottish woman who got married, after attending your seminar.
She also told a lovely story about your mum.
I’m getting a lot of clarity about things that have happened to me. I thought I was going mad.
Thank you for teaching me.
I have been with this guy and I can say anything. One day I said something and he right away for offended suggested we be regular friends
I keep watching this guy's videos even though I gave up on dating.
He makes sense, but the dating scene is atrocious.
We have a long distance relationship which is fine and we see each other as best they can.
We have been together a while (18 months) and I've still not met his children. I've asked but I get excuses like "I'm a private person and want to keep things that way".
I feel like a secret. We get on well together, talk, laugh but I've no idea what we (he says we are in a relationship) or where we are going.
I'm a guy and I've been in LDR twice. Being a stranger, I cannot give you proper advice.
If you were my sister, I would advise you to start this conversation with him about the future. If he's not planning to be very serious as of today(!) and not making plans to close the distance, this relationship is not what you think.
If he gives you foggy answers and still hasn't came up with a plan how you two will live happily ever after, he isn't serious about you. Don't accept half-a**ed answers either. After 18 months if he doesn't commit, he won't ever. Very important not to take personally what he is doing. You're a valuable person, give your energy only to those who deserve.
@Snowleopard_CH thank you. I appreciate your advice. We have talked about me moving down and are putting a deposit (he is paying) on a flat for me. He will live 20 minutes away. He's had past relationships where it hasn't worked his family have seen him hurt. But then so have I and so have my family. I'm a good, kind loving, supportive woman and I wouldn't hurt him for the world
Something is wrong. Still married , ??
Listen to your intuition... Not meeting someones children is a huge red flag... Its one of the most important hurdles you need to get over if the relationship will progress.
@lynngarza3489 he close to his ex wife. I did suspect he had another woman