Argument Engineer | Don McMillan Comedy
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2024
- What career do you fall into?
#career #funny #standupcomedy
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🤓Don’s Bio🤓
America's #1 Nerdy Comedian
What do you get when you cross an Engineer with a stand-up comedian? You get Don McMillan. This former chip designer has been doing his one-of-a-kind, PowerPoint-Driven comedy show for audiences for over 20 years. In his show packed with graphs & charts, Don will show you the funny side of your world that has been sitting right in front of you - you are just too busy working to notice. Don graduated from Stanford University with a Master’s Degree in Electrical Engineering. He then went to work at AT&T Bell Labs where he was part of the team that designed the world’s first 32-bit microprocessor. He then moved to Silicon Valley where he helped launch the start-up company, VLSI Technology. Then after 15 years in the tech world, Don quit his job to become a stand-up comedian. That year he won $100,000 as the Comedy Grand Champion on “Star Search”. Don’s been seen on “The Tonight Show”, “HBO”, and the “Comedy Central”. These days, Don spends most of his time writing and performing customized corporate comedy shows for companies like Google, Apple, Amazon, Microsoft, Ford Motors, and Exxon/Mobil. Don has performed more than 800 corporate shows in the last 20 years and he was named the #1 Corporate Comedian by the CBS Business Network.
"No, I'm not calling you dumb; I'm saying that the categorization of celestial bodies has been reconsidered by an internationally-recognized organization since you learned that Pluto was a planet in school years ago."
"Are you calling me old?"
"GOD-"
Ya know how when your comment is longer than a few sentences it says "see more"?
Somehow I KNEW what was coming!🤣
@@longbowshooter5291 Goofy got down on Dis-ney to touch his Plu-toe.
Is this a David Mitchell rant i missed somewhere?
You left out complimenting her on having good memory and having been attentive in school. Most people don't even remember this info at the end of the schoolday or schoolyear.
You're on the sofa.
Married 31 years today and I've won three arguments. Sooo crushing it!
I'm coming up on 10 years and have earned a total of two "sorries."
@@GoatsAndChickens123 Were you hospitalized by her those 2 times?
@@GoatsAndChickens123 Didn't know you could die twice. How did you manage to do that ?
You win every argument you don't participate in.
@@realmothbuterflithey got some good paramedics where he lives!
“This is a trap.”
Truer words never spoken.
I'm an engineer. I was able to replicate this result.
Taking one for the team. chad engineer
When I learned the term, "replication crisis", I thought it was about failure to replicate. In fact, I see here that the true crisis is *successful* replication.
Passes all regression tests
Had tears in my eyes. I have argued with my wife over the one argument that I have won and yes i lost the argument about the argument. 😂
Same, it's been less than a year since I won that argument, but somehow the history changed and it seems that I never won one
I remember hearing an interview on the radio with a man who'd been married something like 75 years and when asked about the secret of a happy marriage he (almost) immediately answered "Two words - Yes dear."
Sounds like Pluto saved Uranus...After 46 years, I don't argue. God gave me a limited number of breaths;
Thanks, now I'm counting each breath and trying to figure out how many I have left :)
Didn’t even bring up that the kids will usually side with mom and tag team you in the argument 🤣
Great routine.
The other arguing option is "I am not playing these games" and walk away. The couch is very comfy. I made sure of that.
Or, "I refuse to answer questions for which there is no answer you will find acceptable".
Also results in the couch 😁
@@BurtonShottonHas anyone ever actually been sent to sleep on the couch, I wonder? It feels like a sit-com thing.
Put it this way. Pluto is so important that they had to create a whole new category of planet. First dwarf planet. Don't think of it as a downgrade rather than an upgrade to our science. Pluto is such an underdog that it won the fight and science had to change to fit around how amazing Pluto is
Who would have thought a Power Point presentation would be hilariously funny
Even the way he holds the microphone is hilarious.
Going on 12 year married here; yet to win one but I am still holding on to some hope
If ya win one ya gonna wish ya didn't 'cause it's gonna cost ya : )
my A+ tactic is (when the bullshitting happens) you say "I am confused, can we backtrack? I want to understand your point of view but I feel like we've moved on to an entirely different course and I'm still stuck on the first one. Be patient with me, please?" be sure to make the please sound as pitiable as possible without being wimpy. Total disarmment, it forces them go either go back to the point, or be the aggressor and you the victim.
Report back with your findings to brainstorm once she adapts
I used to be married to a woman who was the only person I knew that could start an argument in an empty room 😂
What’s remarkable is how accurate this guy is while not realizing the discovery that he’s already made. He’s not avoiding traps; he’s already been trapped. She let him think she would be reasonable long enough to catch him in a legally binding contract whereby 50% of his assets and 20% of his future income…plus whatever child support is in his state for 18 years… is the price for winning just one more argument. Marriage is a bad contract…he just wasn’t smart enough to recognize the first trap.
Funniest dang powerpoint presentation I have ever seen in my life. 🤣🤣🤣
A dwarf planet is still a planet.
Also, my wife is annoyed with how often I'm right in arguments.
That's what I said when he said it was a dwarf planet, "well then it's still a planet". 😂
So, how comfortable is your couch? 😂
In that case, you'd better add a few more "planets" to the mobile. Ceres & Eris at the least, and several others probably. But the IAU says a dwarf planet isn't a planet. Just like a tiger shark isn't a tiger. ;D
No, it's not a planet, just like a killer whale is not a whale - it's a dolphin. Names can be misleading. A dwarf planet is a sub-planetary object that is in orbit around the sun, it's massive enough for its gravity to make it spherical, but isn't able to dominate its orbit.
@@Reignspike but a tiger shark is a shark.
The IAU's definition is silly. It excludes Neptune.
Brilliant on many levels! Love it, Don
I was a STEM teacher, years ago. I wish I had this guys material for my classes back then.
My best funny was...
All of the kids were issued chromebooks and we actually had a pretty good Wi-Fi network and I put that to good use. However, being rather rural, the power would flicker off for a second or so, and then all the servers had to reset, which took a few minutes.
This happens one fine day, and one of the kids in the back row, in frustration, yells, "WHAT is WRONG with the internet!"
Sotto voce, I said "You can't get away from the porn."
The kids up front heard and began to giggle. It quickly spread to the back.
😂😂
Sometimes im really glad im not married. I have no tolerance for manipulation.
Then find a spouse who won't manipulate you. They do exist. Trust me. I married a woman who won't manipulate.
First time in a long while I’ve had a good laugh. A married engineer.
Yeah this makes me want to stay single. "Are you saying I'm dumb?" is a manipulative statement that unpacks to "If you maintain your assertion, I will interpret it in a way that will result in you being punished." Of course, the whole thing was a joke, but if you're in a relationship where that happens, consider counseling because that person is not healthy.
The problem with me is if/when they use that statement I already know what they’re trying to pull and I don’t give a damn; I’ll tell them “you said it” and give them a look as if to say ‘do you want to try that again’? 🤨
Most women aren't healthy.
of course ypu can say anything to the wife, the question is, will you stay married?
The feminists were right about marriage being a form of slavery. But man were they wrong about who the slave was.
0:55 I immediately think of Gene Wilder in Mel Brooks' "The Producers", as the eccentric accountant who always needs his security blanket.
My Account missus loved this, DEFINITELY saw herself! 😂
I had a shirt made that says “Pluto doesn’t give a fuck”. Because it doesn’t care that it has a category, it doesn’t even care that it has a name, and because it’s a rock it doesn’t care about stupid human arguments. But also, my favorite planet. 🤩
Are you trying to tell us that planets (of all types) don't care about your feelings? How cold, how hard, how dark, how small. Wait a minute; that sounds exactly like Pluto.
"center of the universe" jajajajajajajaja
Management and people skills? Show me that manager. Problem solving and people skills is like an arbitrator.
Also there's like the funniest meme picture where a woman asks a man "how did you get so fit" and the man replies "exercise and reducing calories" and the woman replies with a chuckle "no, really, what's your secret!" People really, really don't want their problems solved, they just want them to disappear.
The problem with engineers arguing with women is that they play by different rules. How could you win when you're not even playing the same game and the other party has all the unbalanced cheat codes and trump cards that are like "immediately go to jail without passing the start". Also the worst thing you CAN do is to win one of those arguments with a woman. That's when you're in real trouble. There's another meme about that: on a forum someone says "my wife just said I'm right, what should I do?!" to which someone else replied "say that you're sorry".
My husband says men want to figure out why something doesn't work. Women just want it to work. I think our position makes more sense. It should work. 😀
The number of people say Earth is flat doesn't seem so odd now.
I like how human resources is as far away as possible from people skills.
Hilarious stuff!! In truth though if this is a typical fight, the divorce option should have been chosen very early days.
Pluto is actually upgraded to a planet again, from what I recently heard.
my new fav comedian
😆😆😆👏👏👏 yay vein diagram
Don't let bullies like Neil deGrasse Tyson disrespect Pluto like that. Pluto will always be a planet in my heart and also in the diagram on my old elementary school's corridor because everyone's too lazy to update that 😌
Well, I identify Pluto as a planet. What are you? A Plutophobe? You bigot!
Did they at least add Ceres in there? 😄
@@AdamFuqua This ain't Final Fantasy 6 😆
@@Wecoc1if Pluto should be considered a planet then Ceres, which orbits between Mars and Jupiter, should also be considered a planet. Also beyond Pluto there are other "planets", like Haumea, Eris, Makemake and so on. So let's keep Pluto a dwarf planet or it's getting ridiculous.
It might be laziness, but I'm not so sure. If you tell a bunch of little kids that Pluto, that tiny little planet on the outside, is not a planet anymore, there is bound to be dozens of crying children and angry parents.
I'm married and the argument ratio is still 50/50. We're nerds, we care about the facts. I've won many bets due to memory.
special, very special comedy, thank you
Moral lesson of this story is that never give ultimate power to anybody over you ;)
This made my day,lol.
The beauty of this is I am a retired 15R from the army who loves to drink. I also play and judge magic the gathering and am good at talking to people. I am now a life, health, and property insurance agent.
and this is why I have chosen to remain single.
I see nothing strange about an engineer becoming a comedian. As an engineer myself (whose superpower is sarcasm), I find most of the companies I worked for required I have varying amounts of tolerance for the farcical things I was expected to achieve within fairytale timelines, and the miracles I was expected to perform with insufficient resources. Since the Jesus job is taken that only left me with developing a sense of humour in order to survive.
In fact a lot of the engineers I know have developed the same traits in order to survive in the current work environment. I can totally relate to the stuff Don is talking about. Even in my non-professional life, Excel is my friend. 😁
Compromise.
Eris is the new planet that's bigger / heaver than Pluto. I'll hang Pluto, if you let me hang Eris.
"But Eris is too new, I only want the old planets."
Ceres was the planet between Mars and Jupiter in the 1800s. It's an old planet. It got demoted to asteroid, and has now been promoted to dwarf planet. Can I add that one too? How about Sedna or Makemake or Gonggong? And the dwarf planet Haumea sounds like it came from a disney movie. Haumea matata means no worries for the rest of your days. It's our problem-free philosophy. Haumea matata. Isn't that a fun planet? Why don't you like fun planets?
If compromise doesn't work, you need to learn how to set your own emotional traps.
Ceres was never considered a planet by the general population. It's always been an asteroid.
oldy, but still so good.
Thanks! It's like you've been spying on my life. 😅. I'm a EE.
Pluto is Grandfathered in as a planet, no matter what they say.
Rowan Atkinson is an engineer, too.
And very much alive!
As an engineer, I don’t argue with my wife. But I do spend way too much time trying to explain why I’m always right.
I've been married for just over a year now and I must say this is the most difficult thing I've ever tried to teach myself. The back of my head is screaming at me to shut up by my genius mouth says something like "that's illogical", or "that's not how this works".
Just married 2.5 years ago. I need to take notes and start winning with these arguments 😅
In my marriage arguments are backed by facts, like The Credible Hulk.
When she said "Do you think I'm dumb?" just answer with "Did I say that you're dumb?"
"That wasn't what you said, but you meant it!"
"No, dear. The scientific community has downgraded Pluto. That has nothing to do with you."
"Sleep on the couch!"
*best night sleep ever*
"Does he know I'm not talking to him?"
"Hm. No wonder it's peaceful. No arguments. No flipping the reverse card because you want to. No blame. No traps. It was just peaceful. What you call the silent treatment is a vacation."
Pluto is a planet. And we have a picture of Pluto over our bed. Lol
Pluto is a dwarf planet which is a kind of planet, Pluto is a planet QED.
If you ever think Big Bang Theory is "geek humor", it's fuckin not.
It's insulting to geeks. It makes fun of them. It laughs at them, not with them.
But Don? Don gets geek humor.
Don IS geek humor.
I've never (and this 100% honest) laughed at an episode of Big Bang Theory. Not once in the dozen episodes I've had to endure watching.
Don, on the other hand, had me wiping tears away from my eyes in less than 5 minutes of stand up.
I love geek humor so much.
There are multiple reasons why TBBT is garbage.
1. Laugh Track
There is an episode of The Shammy without the laugh track. The jokes aren’t funny but the laugh track manipulates you into thinking they are
2. Written by non nerds who pretend they understand nerds.
3. Wisecrack had a good analysis: The jokes are bad because they refer to an object instead of being about the object themselves. IIRC they called it *Second Order of Representation.*
4. Jokes are dumb.
@@MichaelPohoreski Every single point you made is completely valid and accurate IMO. It was a truly horrible show and it sickens me it went on as long as it did.
Accurate.
Lets make Pluto great again!
😂
I can think of the perfect person to send there and be president. 🟠
Better to lose a spouse than to be bullied.. But, I mean, marriage is bat-shit crazy anyway, lol
Hear about Pluto, that’s messed up. -Burton Guster.
Good comedy
I've Been Married 33 Years, I Haven't Won Any 'Discussions ' I'm a Happy Happy Man !
Subscribed
There's a video out there of the leading expert on Pluto and Neil Degrass Tyson having the same argument. Pluto really should be a planet (as should at least most of the rest of the dwarf planets).
Not really. I mean, it is not important first of all - scientists use those classifications (and that's all they are) just so they would have a bit more orderly lists. There is no real scientific reason behind those, because they highly depend on the definition. There are probably more similarities between Pluto and Mercury than Jupiter and Pluto or any other rocky planet. Important distinction is between stars and other orbiting bodies. But between various non-star objects that orbit around a star? Not really.
There is no different science involved - therefore it is scientifically not important. It is just about easier data maintenance. If there is a significant difference, it is between objects that turn spherical due to the effect of their own mass, and those that don't. There is some scientific difference going on there. But between other round objects orbiting a star? Nope.
Should Pluto be a planet? As much as Jupiter should be a dwarf planet. It is just a class division for objects. You can go either way. Scientists really don't care as long as you get the rest of the science right. Those classifications are just there to save us some time - nothing more.
And in case of Pluto, it does save you time if you call it Dwarf Planet and not a Planet. Because if you say it is a Planet, you need to add a few other parameters to fully explain its position and characteristics. While a definition of a Dwarf Planet fits it much better and you have less explaining to do to fully characterize Pluto. And that is the whole point of those astronomical classifications - putting objects into defined groups so they are easier to find and explain, without using more time than it is necessary.
And, frankly, the only people who got their panties in a twist about Pluto are certain Americans. The rest of the world does not care, we are completely fine with the scientific division as it is now. Americans care because Pluto is the only "planet" found by an American. Pure nationalism, has nothing to do with science. Same with using imperial system over metric and many other things. Because 'Murica!
He isn't the leasing expert on anything but talking about science on talk shows. Here's the reality of it, astronomers didn't want to have to admit that after saying they know all about all the planets that there are like three times as many and they don't know jack about most of them.
Pluto is still a planet. It is a dwarf planet... 😁
The only time you win is when it's JUST FINE.
If Pluto is a planet, then our solar system would technically have had hundreds of planets, which is why the new category was defined. But I also do not want to sleep on a couch, so...
Imagine if there's intelligent life on Pluto that's about as technologically advanced as our medieval period. From their perspective it is the centre of the solar system. The sun and the rest of the planets is a frivolous God that likes to dance around Pluto and tell it how pretty it is.
Kudos to your wife for standing up for Pluto. I recognize Pluto as a planet too. Being a dwarf doesn't mean you are not human, likewise being a dwarf planet doesn't mean you are not a planet.
As an engineer I'm now starting to wonder where you've bugged my Marital home?
this guy always reminds me of Ben from Viva LaDirt
He is hilarious. I scheme and plan for the things to say to win an argument. In the end it's all for naught. Let's not even go near Venus and Mars...
Ah yes, Plutocentrism
With a huge engineer population in India...he'd be an instant hit...😁
😂😂
I can’t take my eyes off the weird, Vulcan grip he has on the microphone
His holding the remote for the PowerPoint
Pluto is a dwarf... what? Planet, correct!
Pluto is the best planet :)
We solve problems! I went from accounting to math (computer science) to engineering to accoutning-econ (dual major) before finally realizing that after 4 years of college, at this rate i would never graduate and since I had the most units in accounting, I'd do that.
I just got out of UA-cam commenting JAIL!!!! And I don't even know why I was put in jail to start with. I asked but UA-cam will not tell me!!!
Pluto has been reclassified as a planet, as it should.
Joined back in 2015 to the Marine Corps
Put a * on Pluto, so to you it's a footnote that: if i == Pluto, dwarfplanet = planet, print("you're right, this looks better")
Welp I'm missing the drinking part
And that makes sense
Heartless and people skills = sarcasm
Some funny shit.
Funny stuff, though that was an Euler diagramm not a Venn.
Pluto is a planet. In our house we are all agreed except for one teacher who my son called an idiot which required a meeting. I made him state his case. Pluto does indeed have moons and orbits our sun and by the time he was done she was convinced I’m an idiot and he still got detention but now she wears a shirt that says never forget with a picture of Pluto on it so I realize no man can tell her it’s not. I won somehow but I don’t know how
Married 16 years, beautiful loving wife. I win 98% of arguments. Here would be my flow diagram of an argument about Pluto being a dwarf planet.
Pluto is a dwarf planet -> No it isn't, we learned it was a planet at school -> Me too, but Tyson down graded it to a dwarf planet. See look -> Do you think I'm dumb -> Of course not, I think you're amazing and intelligent. You know that. I just think you didn't hear about the change. No big deal -> I don't like Tyson -> Me either, he's a sellout. Want to hang out after I'm finished hanging Neptune? -> Sure. What should we do..
And that gentlemen is how you beat a woman at her own game.
If you are good at solving problems you do a prenup so hard that divorce is not an option for her.
Engineers are great at solving problems....on paper
Don, what do you get when you cross an elephant with a tiger? …. Elephant tiger sine theta
Feel like I’ve seen another comedian do this sketch before
My rule for planets, are they the largest object in their orbit, and are they at least twice the size of the next largest object that shares their orbit?
Wait, am I an engineer?
I know it’s funny, but this is too close to home to make me laugh. That last argument chart is exactly how it happens .
Pluto is a planet, their ruling was dumb. (Yes I'm an engineer)
If a dwarf mongoose is a mongoose, shouldn’t a dwarf planet be a planet?
It’s not that there isn’t a solution to the problem of “I’m fat” it’s that you need to actually understand the problem that needs solving…just like in engineering…not all problems are as easy as they seem…:-D. The easier the problem seems, the harder it actually is…do not provide an obvious solution…ask questions first…as any good scientist does…🤔😊😁🤣🤣🤣
That flowchart would be more funny if it weren't entirely true.
Resistance is futile.
If Pluto is a “dwarf planet”, then it’s a planet, just like a “white cat” is still a cat…
No, it's not a planet, just like a killer whale is not a whale - it's a dolphin. Names can be misleading. A dwarf planet is a sub-planetary object that is in orbit around the sun, it's massive enough for its gravity to make it spherical, but isn't able to dominate its orbit.
I think it's more how a bobcat is NOT a cat, or how a red panda is NOT a panda.
@@alder2460 Killer whales are whales and Pluto is a planet. "Dolphins" and "whales" are not mutually exclusive. Everything you said is BS.
The correct response is Pluto is a dog. Always pivot the argument with a stupid joke. Then change the subject.