Empowering Partners of Narcissistic Abuse
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- Narcissistic abuse is a manipulative cycle that often begins with the abuser isolating their victim from friends and family, establishing a skewed power balance in the relationship. This imbalance fosters an unhealthy sense of safety, as the victim becomes dependent on the narcissist for validation and security. Rooted in fear and control, the narcissist employs psychological tactics to maintain dominance, exploiting vulnerabilities and distorting reality to suit their needs. Understanding the core of narcissistic psychology is crucial in addressing these dynamics, especially in the context of couple therapy where the complexities of narcissism in relationships are explored. Despite the illusion of safety through control, treatment for partners of narcissists is essential to break free from the cycle of abuse, offering support and strategies to navigate the challenges of being in such a relationship. Recognizing the signs and contradictions inherent in narcissistic behavior is the first step towards reclaiming autonomy and rebuilding a healthier sense of self.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
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00:00 Introduction
00:17 Narcissistic abuse
00:37 Seclude you from others
01:07 Power balance in relationships
01:48 Unhealthy sense of safety
02:28 Narcissistic fear and control
02:42 Narcissistic psychology - core content
03:08 Couple therapy and narcissism
03:33 Narcissistic illusion of safety through control
04:27 Treatment for partners of narcissists
05:19 If you’re in a narcissistic abusive relationship
05:44 Narcissistic contradiction
Understanding on a deep level that you can survive without this person. That they don't have supreme authority of your worth. That they don't know the real truth about you that you can't see. And yes, this goes both ways. Please don't be so hard on yourselves. Not everyone develops in an environment that fosters this security in themselves. But it can always be learned later on, if you can muster the strength of facing your own pain.
Thank you for this video! I grew up with a narcissistic mother and I was very isolated and only left home to go to school. It was psychological torture. Thankfully, I'm no longer in that crazy environment!
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
It takes a strong person to see their own narcissism and their own toxic behaviors. It becomes a disorder when you cannot see it or tolerate it in yourself, and when you can't see it you can't grow past it. But narcissism is within all of us. It's actually a stage of ego development that we have to go through as we mature.
Self-awareness is truly a powerful tool for personal growth.
Hi. Narcissism that we all have needs to be grown out of by the time we are 2-3 years old or it is for life. I’m not being mean, but you don’t understand that they don’t have a developed ego. Having a developed ego means you have a self. When you have a self you know where you begin and end. You can say yes and no. You can have feelings for others but know it is not for you. Narcissists have no self. They have an idealized self that oscillates. That is why they have the compulsion to love bomb, devalue, and then discard. That discarding makes them fell for a little bit like they have self, but they have to do it again and again.
It is unfortunate, but so many people doctors or therapists or self styled gurus don’t understand that about the narcissist. Why do we pull out hair out over these people? Because we think like normal people that if we just set the right example they will get it, but because of what I just explained they will never get it.
It sucks, but it is the reason. Science would have to come up with a way to change them.
Remember, if you gave them everything they want and continued to do so and they continued to make decisions that you try and implement, you will always be beneath them and they will grow more and more mean and authoritative because they don’t have a proper self and they have to do the lovebomb , devalue, discard cycle to have that momentary feeling of separation which is done in a very mean and dangerous way.
abandon hope of changing a narcissist. If you have borderline personality traits you can not get better with a narcissist around you.
@@dime7612 Thank you for your honest and thoughtful reply! I understand how my comment can be taken many different ways. I do believe that people can grow and change over time, but it takes a lot of insight and tolerance of their own emotional experience which makes it challenging and maybe not very likely for some people, and is certainly not anyone else's job or responsibility.
Thank you Daniel for another great video. It's been 5 months since my break up with my gf who I suspect had BPD traits. She had abandonment issues (her words), struggled with the void in her life (her words), anger and rage (whenever she perceived abandonment), and rejection sensitivity (every time I tried to bring up issues so we could talk about them it would backfire and I had to apologize), plus more. Also she was trying to isolate me from my friends (even from her own kid) so I would spend all of my time with her, just like you mentioned in the video.
She was a fun, artistic, loving person and she was working hard on herself. It is sad that it did not workout between us and I still ruminate about her most of the time. Your channel has helped me to understand BPD and cluster B PDs much better and it has been part of my healing process. Thank you for helping the community.
They all say they’re working on themselves. It’s a defense mechanism to not have to change.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. It's great to hear that the channel has been helpful in your healing process.
@@RainFall2112 Very well said. That's exactly right, I've heard that a TON of times. I also like it when you tell them they're hurting you and they say "Well, I'm working on myself right now and I don't have time to deal with you!". First time I heard that, I almost fell over from the absurdity of that comment.
@@RainFall2112 She was seeing her therapist before we met and while we were dating. In the middle of our relationship her mother passed away and money became tight so she stopped.
I grew up with a narcissist mother obviously not understanding this until the last few years. The first time I can remember her losing it and giving me a bloody nose is when I decided to decorate the Christmas tree when I was around 8 while she was out carousing and apparently this triggered her demons as they weren't up to her standards. That is what I think happened to them when they were young and through trauma the demons enter. Anyways it certainly is a challenge and I look at it as a blessing in some ways because no mama's boy I'm not and don't take shit from anyone. Mother and I haven't spoken in three years and I haven't seen her in over 10 years and I call them the peaceful years.
I have information a son who is a drug addict . Along with that he is a huge narcissist, cannot tolerate contradiction, and has no regard for consequences. I am in fact a medical health practitioner with a special interest in mental health. I can say with certainty my done has a full blown narcissistic disorder with marked antisocial traits. As so many of you say, you cannot force them into therapy, and as some very worse respondents have stated, should you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, anxious etc after an interaction with these type of people, run for the hills. But this is my son... Anyway, this is also my journey, and I will plod on...
Your dedication and strength in handling this challenging situation is truly admirable.
you can’t change a narcissist! it is impossible. You would have to give them a new brain. They are emotional stunted to the age of 2 or 3. It’s a fact. Maybe 8 years old emotionally. Please. People. There is no hope that is gonna work. Go no contact.
How does CPTSD Mask and appear to be an NPD or BPD when that is not the real diagnosis and their parents were both NPD/BPD?
Understanding the complexities of psychological conditions is key to differentiation.
Can someone talk to me about this? Im in this situation but i kindof created it myself. I have been diagnosed with BPD since i was 18 years old. I broke my partners trust and i've been isolated for a few months. Now my partner is slowly letting me do my thing (sometimes sleep at family members place, going somewhere on my own) but i still dont have my own friends to hang out or even text/call with. I had to stop contact with all of them. And i agreed to it, because i want to do anything to keep them by my side. Writing this down, I realise this sounds insane. But Im just so in love and so afraid of losing this person that im willing to sacrifice so much. But im starting to resent them a tiny bit. They trigger me so much. Sarcastic remarks, playfighting that leaves me bruises on my arms and legs and genuinly hurts.
Im very confused I just want them to love me again and i want to love them but its not the same anymore. I dont know what im doing wrong. I started to get really insecure about my appearance "maybe im not pretty enough?" Even tho i always used to think i was a solid 7. With makeup and all that maybe higher. So what is happening to me? I keep comparing myself to others and i feel disgustingly ugly. But other people dont treat me like im ugly?
Please anyone comment on this i really need to talk to someone im losing my mind
I really do not know what to say, but you sound really anxious. You are not ugly, that is not the problem. Maybe if they are sarcastic, they play fight... you need to consider if these people are good for you. Isolation is hard. I hope someone can give you some advice. But you are enough. You sound disregulated and overwhelm, is there a way you can try to calm down a little (breaths, yoga, better sleep, etc...) so that it allows you to be more at ease to start with?
@@user-zy5eu1nn5o thanks for commenting. Latelt i've been smoking green a lot to silence my thoughts and anxiety. Then i try to sleep as much as i can to avoid these feelings. That helped to keep me stable.
@@user-zy5eu1nn5o i think they also love me but resent me a lot for breaking their trust. Maybe thats why they hit a little harder than you would normally when you playfight. Maybe thats why the sarcastic remarks hurt, because it doesnt sound like a joke. It sounds mean covered up as a joke. I could also just be too sensitive but yeah... idk. Im more calm now. I just lit one up.
I do cry a lot lately. For no reason at all. That confuses me.
Which one is the narcissist? Both!😂
Really, how so?
@@paulinelong9945there’s usually two abusers in a relationship.
One may be full on narc, one may have BPD with narc tendencies.
@@jordsuppok
@@RainFall2112wow, ok