This whole video is wildly relatable! Too bad I still haven't gotten proper mental health advice going on about 30 years now. Instead, they just keep insisting I have GAD.
Or how about this one: “I’m listening. I am listening to this very important information! Go me! I’d better nod, so this person knows I am listening. Make eye contact… not too much eye contact, though, that’s weird. Or is it? Should I stop trying to look like I’m paying attention…”
All adhd symptoms are. Reason why self diagnosis is bad idea. Question is how often do you suffer because of the symptoms how often it happens? I'd advice to listen to huberman podcast or some other professionals. Nothing wrong with subjective ir as objective opinions of others as they can but I find really forcing with good reason urself to help and change one's life is the one step that has a possibility to help . It may be not one therapist but few, finding the right one is difficult.
I know the feeling of leaving the apartment late in the day to go to a coffee shop just to feel like I've done something with my day. I let the day pass by and only get motivated after most of what could have been a productive day has passed.
same thing here! got very surprised on how well I was described lol some days I'll spend like 2-3 days inside my house (I work from home) and be constantly blaming myself for not even leaving for walk. I am going thru to healing journey now, and hopefully I will get better. Hope the same for you!
I've heard that undiagnosed ADHD cause childhood trauma itself, because your inability to do basic things can cause alienation, guilt and stress. As a person with ADHD I can confirm that my memories of my school/college times are very traumatic and I even sometimes have nightmares about it.
I think a lot of my childhood trauma is due to me being unable to do certain tasks and my parents ruthlessly punishing me for it. I tended to lose items of clothing and was genuinely unable to as much as start to trace back my steps to even begin searching for them. I was inattentive in class and would regularly get kicked out for drawing or writing something unrelated. My parents were seething with me for failing to do basic tasks and it made me feel so stupid and useless. Their solution was to book me 2+ hour long tutoring sessions and becoming absolutely enraged when my tutors reported I was half falling asleep half begging to stop. They kicked me out "for my own good" and demanded I do very draining social work right after high school and expressed how disappointed they were when I couldn't cope and became physically sick from the stress. I was in the hospital with genuine health issues from stressing so hard and they still acted like I was maliciously sabotaging myself. It must all be my fault because my teachers told them I was very smart but very lazy.
Likewise. I would always forget chores, closing doors, turning lights off, always daydreaming. Always getting in trouble for it, was never quite good enough "So much potential, if only you could ...." That itself or similar themes are a common thread in upbringing if you have ADHD. Left me with self esteem issues, imposter syndrome, self hate/doubt. It snowballed over time, combined with my pursuit of dopamine - more drugs, porn, gaming. Failures snowballed along with the shame. Finally diagnosed at 45yo. Never had any serious childhood trauma beyond discipline amplified because of my ADHD.
One thing that triggers me is hearing parents yell at their kids. As a child, I was always afraid the moment it started, but most kids don't care. It's made me understand people more empathetically.
As I was watching this I was thinking about how he said that around 80% of people with ADHD have parents with ADHD; so we have an insecure adult who's dealing with the baggage of not getting the support they needed from their parent, who is themselves in all likelihood an insecure adult dealing with the baggage of not getting the support they needed! I would love a deeper dive into processing generational baggage with ADHD
@@Arachne-qw1vr I had a bipolar grandfather (maternal side), grandmother I'm certain was CPTSD from that, one daughter was bipolar, the other two daughters turned into narcs, and a son that just did weed a lot. My mother (narc) messed me up so bad, my father was a violent sexual abusing narc that scarred me for life. I've been diagnosed with bipolar2 mixed presentation rapid cycling, ADHD, Autism/Aspergers, PTSD, CPTSD... out of all of that, I'm certain that when I'm able to escape my narc husband, the bipolar, ADHD and autism with disappear. The CPTSD I'm suffering from is 28 years of verbal, emotional, financial and sexual abuse from my husband. I didn't see this until I was 48, I was diagnosed at 49. But the childhood trauma set me up to marry whom I did. I've blamed myself for decades, but through many of these YT videos have realized the abuse as a kid and 28 years with my husband, is an entire LIFETIME of abuse. 52 years of abuse - my poor 21 year old son, was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder at 2, and we finally after almost 20 years of fighting for it, got an "official" on paper diagnosis because we coughed up teh cash for a real autism psychiatrist to help us. we'd only been able to go to clinics that had NO, NONE, ZERO autism specialist to help us. They just drugged my son to the hilt (sit down and shut up) for school. I was suffering from emotional breakdowns as he grew up. He's a wreck now. He said he refuses to have children, he's going to be the one to break the chain.
My brother and mother were diagnosed with adhd and the same doctor said it wouldn’t be possible for me to have it …. Here I am 28 years old, diagnosed adhd and going to therapy and the happiest I’ve ever been.
This is absolutely brilliant. 'I'm healing CPTSD. Explains my clutter, inability to finish tasks, not paying bills when I have the money and indecisiveness.
Hi Trina, I have the same thing. What are you doing for treating it? I’m doing EMDR and taking Kratom but hard to ay if it’s working. I guess just gotta keep trying and working at it. But I would love to know if anything is working for you. Take care!
OMG. I just started the video. What you wrote sounds like me. So now I'll listen and find these connections. I get overwhelmed! And intellectually, I know what I need and want. But I get stunted because I have too much to do. Like a pinball in a pinball machine.
Often times I feel like I can't manage anything and then I get stuck in the loop. So executive function at it's finest, I can't seem to get started. It's been really hard to type my message here. I actually know I'm a writer at heart. I get too scared to respond to a text, afraid to make mistakes, I can't even come up with one letter of the alphabet in that moment my head hurts, I completely black out, my jaws and cheeks feel the blood rushing in and get all hot under my skin, my heart starts to pound faster and my hands keep sweating, then I feel nauseated afterwards and completely drained. Like a T-rex appeared out of nowhere. I'm diagnosed with depression, fibromyalgia and restless legs. I know what my truth is. I have no faith in "external" doctors. I just do my own research like I've always have since I could read, keep on reading. "They" can't diagnose me properly and don't even know how basic biology works. Talking about my personal experience about specific people whom I interacted with. I really find this channel helpful in so many ways. I came to find out this quest is forever. Much love and peace everyone 🌌💖💫
I would add one thing. Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD can be a trauma on its own. I struggled with it besides toxicity in the family. I feel like I was left alone with my struggles around Adhd as well and neglected by my parents even with severe reading difficulties. Just because I was still better in school than my brothers and had some severe "trying to make my parents proud"-patterns going on, I was still very good in school and therefor left alone with all my struggles, bullying and ADHD. It was there, still is, and I have to say that I would fit to almost all of the symptoms in both circles. I am glad to have found out about the ADHD, and to find some workarounds and coping-strategies. But I have to say, that being around my narcissistic still husband my symptoms would be much worse and being around my father too. There, around the abusive people, even the strategies that helped me in school or helped me manage my days very well, would not help much at all. After leaving that husband, I started looking into why I would fall for these kind of men again and again, and thats how I came to see the origin of the mess. Have a lot of work ahead and glad to have this help. So thanks for this inside. I sure am glad to know of both.
I'm autistic and suffered from cptsd - well, at times I'm still affected by it. But I got diagnosed as well with add. It's so frustrating to not know exactly, if I really have it or not. Because the more I heal from cptsd/childhood trauma, the more the add symptoms go away, but definitely it doesn't change my thinking, which I'd describe as autistic. It's frustrating to never really know, if one has add or not.
Its the same with me. I was so Hard on myself that I developed severe problems about my self Identity and validation from others. When I found out I have ADHD at 18 years old due to reading a article about adhd in womans, I cried so much. I wasn't sad but in the first time in my life I felt understood and not wrong.
Hello Patrick. I am 50 years old and WAS (But no longer doing so) slowly planning my suicide because you just described my life. I can't tell you how emotional I feel having heard this and feeling a sense of being understood while also judging myself to stop playing victim. I couldn't finish school because if the physical and emotional abuse at home and was sleeping on the streets. I'm so very grateful to you for the HOPE I feel 😢🙏🏽
Hi, many of the things he mentioned here are still a story of my life as well. I also know the feeling of always running short of expectations. Mostly I use others as a proxy of my own unachievable expectations. Please allow yourself some kindness and try to get help. Lower your immediate expectations, take small steps. You deserve this, because you is so much greater than this. Suicide is not an answer, just a cop out. You can only fail life by intentionally dying. Although there is not much I can do, I recognize and care for you. Keep going.
Dear person, I hope I am not too late for your to read this. Please do not do yourself in. There is a purpose for your life and there will come a time when you will find your worth. I have suffered from low self esteem, and self doubt, anger, frustration, and guilt most of my life but I have come to just learn to take inventory of the things I can do and embrace them. Take and inventory of all your strengths and nurture them. I pray that you find peace and carry on in your journey through this life. God bless you.
@@hootinouts I'm sorry to alarm you or anyone. I was explaining of how low I got and how finding Patrick's channel has helped me so much to know someone out there gets me. I appreciate your message so much. I believe true empathy can only come from people who have suffered. 🙏🏽
@@Ohne_Silikone @hootinouts I'm sorry to alarm you or anyone. I was explaining of how low I got and how finding Patrick's channel has helped me so much to know someone out there gets me. I appreciate your message so much. I believe true empathy can only come from people who have suffered. 🙏🏽
Chronic stress and anxiety as a child, desensitizes you to adrenaline. In flash high stress situations, ADHD sufferers often become clear headed, rather than 'chimping out' the way most people do with an adrenaline surge. This also makes sense of stimulants being an effective treatment for ADHD.
Oh wow! So interesting. I’ve never thought of the effects of medication that way. In severe trauma situations in the past I have always turned into the calm cool one who can make decisions while everybody else is freaking out. 🤔🤔
Stimulants make me more quiet and intent, which is typical. But if you have anxiety, you might not always get the clarity, then you space out and over-think.
wait this makes so much sense. For much of my teenage years I was high-strung and kind of a mess ~except~ in emergency situations, where I would just act and knew what to do. I was only good in emergencies. And now I have an anxiety disorder
I do great when there is an emergency. When a wheelchair battery at work exploded, I was so clear headed when I called my boss she thought I was lying.
@@666Tomato666 That's very true. This parent is still often dismissive but at least the condescending attitude I used to get as a child has seem to dissipate over the years.
I love this man. He saved my life with his free content. I cannot afford the care I need where I live and sometimes these videos were the only thing that made me feel not crazy
He is my supplemental therapist. I am fortunate to have an amazing LISCW who specializes in trauma, C-PTSD and EMDR. Seeing her weekly for over a year now has been very helpful. However, there are numerous hours in between those visits; Patrick Teahan and The Crappy Childhood Fairy get me through. Thanks Patrick!
@jonellmagicbroompitts2926 they’re in the business of profits, not people…. Look downtown of any city. Some of the largest buildings are insurance companies. This needs to change… yesterday.
Restaurants are the absolute WORST place for a person with PTSD to work. My experience was, my coworkers worked hard and played super hard. Always going out to the bar after shifts. I actually just washed dishes, couldn't even buss tables because of the contact with people. People say it's wrong to isolate, but I feel most stable and happy when I am alone, with no one triggering me. I am working on myself, obviously, I'm here, but as far as dealing with people on a regular basis, I keep that to a minimum.
Hearing the words “some kids are SO NEGLECTED they don’t see a parent til 10pm” hit me really hard bc I grew up genuinely assuming my home life was normal but in the years I’ve been away from home people have been shocked to hear my parents left me home alone as young as 5, or that I sometimes didn’t see them for weeks bc they’d always come home after I fell asleep. One of my strongest childhood memories is of getting sent home with these “agendas” we had to write our lessons and homework in and get signed by our parents, but I constantly got in trouble bc I never got mine signed. I’d never get recess and would have to do extra work and even get points taken off my grade bc NO ONE would believe or take seriously that I 1) couldn’t remember things that had just happened earlier in the day 2) didn’t see my parents every night as a 10 year old. It took me so long to realize that I was in an abusive situation, especially bc on the rare occasion stuff from my childhood gets brought up my mom tries to brush it off or gaslight me into believing it never happened…
I was the oldest of eight, four boys born in less than five years. My parents were good people and not toxic parents. But they couldn't be there for me when I was beaten senseless by my teacher, who threw me against the wall, breaking my face for the crime of looking out the window, lost in my own head and not paying attention in class. I needed my parents to be on my side and they instead said that I could not get in any more trouble in school because I was the oldest and had to set a good example for my siblings. They were overwhelmed with all the little lives they created. I think they both did the best they could with the tools they had at that time. But I was always off on the side watching chaos all around me when I needed my parents to listen to me try to explain what I was going through. Nobody ever thought I might have ADHD in the sixties. I was just left to my own devices. What I learned was never to trust anybody in authority, which impacted me for the next sixty years. I was diagnosed at age 55 when I lost my career because I could no longer keep up in a high performance environment. I was in severe physical and emotional pain from PTSD, multiple brain injuries, and a self-destructive andrenaline-seeking behavior pattern as an aging extreme sports athlete. Basically, I was slowly killing myself through risk taking because the pain of a broken bone gave me a sense of euphoria that was more powerful than the emotional pain I felt and I tempted it compulsively. I don't do that anymore because I simply am not quick and strong enough to make the moves I used to make. I am satisfied just to climb and ski at the level I can currently perform. I still don't know if my ADHD was due to trauma or if trauma just amplified it, though I do think it was the latter because I was the same distracted, hyperactive or disinterested kid before my teacher beat me as I have been ever since then. Now I'm old and retired and I don't have to deal with any authority. The awareness of what I missed out on in my development is painful. But I too have to see that I did the best with what I had and I was a lucky one who survived and made it all the way through my working life somewhat intact.
Oh. My. Fucking. God……. This happened to be in childhood too!! I was really “slow” in most of my classes especially English. My mom was a bartender from 5pm-4am most nights and slept till about 2-3pm till her next shift!!! I didn’t really understand that this wasn’t normal. I was also an only child. The agenda thing as well… I would ask her to sign but she would forget about it all the time and so I would sign it as if I was her!!! CRAZY!! I sincerely hope you are doing well. ❤
You're not alone either. I had those exact things to deal with and I'm glad to see these words from someone else because I probably wouldn't be able to get them out myself. I'm 27 years old, disabled, and my kids have been taken from me and I'm only just now feeling like I finally know what I need to do to get better.
You just described me. I'm 61, just got diagnosed with ADHD, so bitter sweet, finally my entire life makes sense! ADHD wasn't a thing back in the 60's and 70's. I look back, I was the day dreamer, the boys in my class were just considered 'naughty' because they wouldn't stay in their seats. I'm heartbroken for what might have been, what I could of done with help. I was the youngest of my family 'the mistake' and Dad was an alcoholic, I think my Mom was just trying to cope and was exhausted, I was strong willed, and obviously intelligent, so I got lost and just turned out to be the 'loser'. All my friends went to university, I didn't finish high-school. My sister has called me a flake my entire life. Just starting medication now we'll see how that goes 🤷🏻♀️🤞🇨🇦
You're not a mistake, God has ordained everyday of your entire life. You were predestined to exist according to the definite plan of God. Everyone who is in Christ by faith overcomes the world.
@@somethingwithbungalows You do realize that in the United States 65% - 75% of citizens identify themselves as Christian? Show some restraint and learn some tolerance. Your views are a very small minority. If you expect to be heard, start showing others respect.
Oh my…. You’re the male version of me!!! All my childhood I was reminded that I wasn’t planned. My mother who was 33 thought she was to old to get pregnant and therefore was conceived on a Sunday afternoon while my parents were “napping”. I wasn’t diagnosed until my early 50’s and looking back it all makes sense. All through out my school years I couldn’t focus and nothing made sense or sunk in. My solution was to pretend to be sick a lot. Even if I voiced my frustrations of not “getting it” there was no such diagnosis of ADHD in the 1970’s and am sure I would be labeled a slow learner. I left school in the 11th grade and still regret it to this day. Being diagnosed with ADHD felt relieving. I finally had an answer to the “why”. Taking medication isn’t the magic pill I thought it would be. What it does help with us slowing my brain down enough to be able to focus. For anyone who doesn’t have ADHD imagine your brain is a TV and the channels are constantly changing uncontrollably. You can’t concentrate on something for more than a few moments. That’s what it feel like. I wish you all the best my friend and work with your doctor to find the medication and concentration therapy you need.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, doctor Greg mushroom I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
The first 5 or so minutes are almost completely my experience from childhood. It's comforting to know now that there was a legitimate reason for the behavioral patterns I couldn't seem to break.
Same for me. Except, my parents knew, I have adhd as I was diagnosed when starting school. My dad has adhd, too, so I was expected to deal with it in the same way.
@@v3ru586 yep same here. Except they treated me with Adderall when diagnosed in early childhood, found out it was amphetamines and took me off it then never treated it again. I don’t blame them at all for being afraid of giving their young child speed but not treating my ADHD has caused me to pick up extremely negative habits and coping strategies. All while not knowing that my ADHD played such a huge role in why I do The things I do and instead thinking that there was something wrong with me. Im 33 now and started medication almost 2 years ago and tho it’s not a fix all, I’m making a lot of progress in breaking those habits :)
@@ScottR3389 that's encouraging to hear. Im mostly untreated so far (unless you count the discipline that was supposed to mimic military service). I have my first appointment with an adhd expert next week and I hope she can help me
@@ScottR3389 I've been trying to get help for years, however I was missing the info about my diagnosis and the small town doctors I've seen so far didn't realise as I'm not hyperactive. In fact, I was told that as the calmest student in my class, I couldn't have a condition known for turning kids into class clowns
On an Additude Podcast with Russell Barkley about emotional dysregulation in ADHD, he mentions that people who have ADHD are way more prone to getting PTSD compared to the general population. Due to ADHD's genetic factor, childhood trauma can be caused by both the child and a parent having ADHD (parent often not diagnosed yet) with both being emotionally dysregulated and impulsive, causing big blow outs. But even adults going to war who have ADHD are way more likely to come back with PTSD. There's an unofficial thing in ADHD that's labelled "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" that some people think just sounds like cptsd, and interestingly the medicine used to treat rejection sensitivity dysphoria in ADHD are also medicine's used to treat traumatized children (targetting adrenal systems): the alpha agonists Clondine and Guanfacine. For me, I believe I have both cptsd and ADHD, and the things that are primarily or only ADHD are: -Talking fast, thinking fast, interrupting people cause I can't control myself and asking lots of questions (if it's an interesting conversation) -or having to get up and do something with my hands (like putting away things or doing dishes or making a tea) if it's not an interesting conversation or isn't holding my attention. -I can hyperfocus on new hobbies, interests, go down internet rabbit holes for like 8 hours and forget to eat. But then I also drop hobbies and interests just as quickly as I pick them up. -Info dumping things that I'm excited about -Every day is very inconsistent, sometimes I have really great days and sometimes I have very bad days where I am chronically fatigued and super brain fog, etc, but it doesn't feel caused by anything or triggered by anything, except my brain having less dopamine that day. -CBT doesn't seem to help the ADHD symptoms because it's not something we can cognitively control re: our attention etc. But the ADHD medications absolutely do help those elements.
I've found that yoga,meditation and EMDR have really helped me to slow down. I can still talk to much or interrupt people if I get excited about something. I'm not of the mindset that ADD is a brain disorder. I believe it's a brain type. I believe western psychology has made it a disorder so big pharma can medicate us and make a ton of money. I don't have childhood trauma that I remember, I had a good childhood.
@Unit in Harmony yes usually, sometimes it can hit in the afternoon randomly too. I've found it often lines up with my hormonal cycle: after ovulation when progesterone goes up and estrogen drops, my brain fog and ADHD symptoms in general get much worse for that 1-2 weeks
That thing about dissociation as living in your head and being really hypervigilant about stuff really clicked for me. I'm currently taking driving lessons (I'm hoping my second attempt at the exam tomorrow will be successful) and that hypervigilance is something I really struggle with. I don't know exactly what's going on in my head, but I get way too hypervigilant about everything going on in traffic, I think about all the things at once, and then I get worried about whether I'm doing everything wrong, and then I think about how I'll never be able to drive and it goes down this spiral and meanwhile I'm gritting my teeth trying to do everything right, but when I'm not so stuck in my head, I just do and I don't make all those awful mistakes that I make when I am stuck in my head. Luckily, my driving teacher has been really awesome about this as he's not just pointed it out to me, but he strategically puts on music or involves me in conversations about topics that interest me in order for me to get out of my own head. Edit: I passed :)
I watched this video with my jaw dropped. My partner has childhood trauma and ADHD. I did not understand him at all. I have tried so hard to remain patient and tolerant. All of this makes sense now. What is difficult is staying with someone who will not seek help. As a partner I cannot do the work or help him. Thank you for helping me understand clearly what is going on with my partner. You are amazing and so helpful.
It is so nice to hear you're proactively doing a research on your partner's struggles. I hope you'll find a way to talk to him about it and change things for the better!
I hope u still focus mostly on yourself, and not too much on your partner. He needs to have the motivation to change for his own sake, and you can’t do that for him. We all need to be responsible for healing ourselves. ❤
It’s hard to realize how much of my life I wasted because of ADD symptoms as a result of CPTSD. I am 65. I keep telling myself to start where I am in healing and remember that self-forgiveness is not the same thing as making excuses. You are doing a wonderful job at giving validation. This helps create a calmer space to look at my own story and make small consistent more loving choices. EDIT I have since learned a lot about ADHD since I made this comment and now know for sure I have ADHD. Yes CPTSD have aggravated that.
You did the best you could! I was diagnosed with inattentive ADD at 51 yo. My journey didn’t end there … subsequently diagnosed with cPTSD (childhood & married to an alcoholic) I try to value every day. It is hard at times but I learned to manage many PTSD symptoms and stopped experiencing flashbacks & over-powering anxiety Life is better but I had to go through a period of grieving the difficult past
I’m 34, have a psych degree, and was raised by an extremely narcissistic and emotional abusive mother. I have been no contact for 3 years. Up until recently I never in a million years thought about me having ADHD but have ALWAYS struggled with all the symptoms. I got in trouble as a child for so many things because of my ADHD. My adult romantic relationships suffer because of it. I have my second therapy session tomorrow. 💜
Hey there. sounds like i’m in a super similar situation to yourself. i really hope your therapy session went well, I’ve also recently started therapy and i have 2 psych degrees and a job in the field. if you ever wanna talk, hmu x
I don’t know whether it’s ADHD with me or severe anxiety due to not feeling good enough for my narc parents. I’ve never felt good enough and always felt a failure unless I’m doing something, I can’t relax at all. I’m extremely hyper vigilant due to living on eggshells all my life. Thanks so much for this video. Only now after 35 years am I realising how much I’m scared of my parents. I’m grieving for a childhood lacking in emotional support. I’m scared of everyone and scared of getting things wrong so making even the simplest decisions causes severe anxiety in case I get it wrong and get rejected. This video makes me realise I’m not weird.
Yes me too. I have trouble focusing when asking directions. I am an anxious talker which annoys people. It's if I just have to let it out. I do everything at a fast pace.
I feel like this also. I’m always flustered and feel like I will make a terrible mistake. I had to very much walking on eggshells growing up with a narc alcoholic abusive father and a mother who did nothing to protect my brother and I .
I have both. Dad had major depression, high anxiety. Mom had ADHD and some place on the spectrum of narcissism. I have two grown sons. One has ADHD and the other does not. The one without it, graduated with a scholarship to college. The one with it, almost didn’t graduate from high school. But here is the good news: the one with ADHD is now a doctor. Medication and strong self will got him to where he is now. So there is hope.
The comments about finding a good trauma therapist make excellent points. Unfamiliar therapists WiLL tell you to just get over it, let it go, stop letting them take up space in your head, etc. without realizing how negatively it shoots a traumatized person down. Also, I wish therapists would quit pushing the A.A based forgiveness on trauma survivors. It always feels like gaslighting in some way.
For me, I had to get sober in order to make progress and identify the underlying issues. Then I could listen and learn, practice new responses to old problems, and become willing to put myself right sized. I hope anyone whose therapist suggests they check out a 12 Step program gives it a chance instead of contempt prior to investigation. No one tells you what to do; they share what has worked for them and offer suggestions. If someone is telling you what to do, go find someone else to talk to you until you find a good fit. It’s worked for me for over 40 years of complete abstinence. You can find a 12 Step program online or in your phone book. It’s worth a try and if you try for 90 days and it doesn’t help, you can return to using your substance of choice, no harm, no foul. Good luck.
@@sandycovey7440 not everyone is dealing with sobriety/addiction issues. A.A can be highly inappropriate for such people, especially when a therapist applies 12 step concepts in a knee jerk way.
I’m not suggesting it for everyone. I’m suggesting it might be helpful for some, especially if they’re not making progress and are numbing out to avoid dealing with their issues.
It's amazing how you pointed out what I always tell myself and the people around me: "I wish I would be living less inside my head and more in reality." This is my daily life... I am like stuck up in my head, losing track of thoughts, losing on what other people just told me, missing whole fragments of conversations, overthinking and worrying all the time and it is so annoying.
ragingly crying right now to this. im 19 and struggle with nearly everything you listed. its literally eating me away it feels like every day there’s a war going on in my head. im constantly picking at myself because i feel like i have such high ambitions and they are constantly underachieved. i feel like im not even control of myself. my dad was abusive, other stuff but no one cares lol Edit: TYSM FOR EVERYONES REPLIES THIS WARMING MY HEART FR
i agree with carolyn, try to get diagnosed to adhd! its ok to be angry at your parents, they probably went through the same thing you did but the reason why they messed you up is because they didn't get help. you're worth help, people don't take mental illness seriously enough, its so sad to see you say no one cares
Hi there mate, I am a 19 year old guy that is suffering from almost everything listed in this video. you are not Alone! Yesterday I started therapy to get to the bottom of what is wrong with me and within 1 session I felt like I better understood myself. I also relate to everything you put in your comment. Seek help and unpick what the underlying issues are and you will fine!
I can relate to all that you expressed. It is good that you haven’t wasted a lifetime not knowing. I am 61 and spent the last 49 years in alcoholism and drug addiction. At least I am beginning to understand why I am the way I am. I pray you find your way. Never give up, you are not alone.
I only recently realised my inner voice literally doesn't stop. The closest I can come to "shutting up" my internal voice is to use my internal voice to hum or hold an 'um' sound.
Hello well I'm sitting here with my jaw dropped, after listening to you speak for less than 5 mins. Wondering where someone like you had been all my life. At 60 years old and having searched hi and low to come to grips with my childhood and abuse and trauma issues . Now I sit in tears having been in " I'll call it mock therapy" for over 25 years at the state funded mental health establishment. I would like to thank you because in all 60 years I have NEVER felt understood or couldn't get out what I was trying to express . But you, you get it... thank you sir. Im just wondering what I could have accomplished in this life, had I gotten help early on, not for lack of trying.
You sound just like me! I’m 63 and still having these struggles much of the time. Thanks to my kids and these videos, I’m aware of them and trying to figure myself out.
I feel the same way about wondering what I could've accomplished in this life. My parents put me in Montessori school until 5th grade, and it was one of the best things they could've done to help with my ADHD. Too bad they didn't follow through on medication or other treatment for the rest of my life, especially when I began to struggle with public middle school, but no, instead I was punished for getting Cs, I was relentlessly bullied, I had "friends" who later said they were just my friend because they felt sorry for me, etc. I loved math and science as a little girl, but in public school I got poor grades in both. I'd like to think I might have gone into STEM, had I been fortunate enough to grow up in a supportive environment. I'm 47 now and still feel such a sense of loss. Many hugs to you.
Wow, this all hit home. I hadn’t been on this channel before and I’m looking forward to learning more! I’ve started using medical marijuana and it seems to be helping with my executive functions, like time management and getting out of the house. But now I have a whole new thing to worry about because of the stigma around drugs and addiction!
I would add that drinking and dr*g use may actually be symptoms of someone trying to manage ADHD and or PTSD. People generally treat substance use as its own problem, and sometimes it can be, but that’s a very reductionist point of view. Very good video, really made me think about my own behaviors and recognize them in different ways - thank you for all you do!
I'm starting to think that my meth use and the fact that meth really "clicked" for me as apposed to other drugs - coke etc is that I may have undiagnosed adhd
This has been very helpful! I’ve had that thought where I feel like I do have ADHD but I have never been diagnosed.. I have been to therapy and both therapist have never asked about my childhood.. I’ve mentioned a few things .. but it almost seems like they just treat the “symptoms” .. and oh wow almost every time my therapist would ask me to explain something that happened I’ve lost my train of thought and I even forget what she had asked me to begin with..!! As I watch more of your videos im being aware of my family’s disfunction.. I just hope I can learn enough and reteach my self to not pass it down to my kids..
@@monicatorres594 definitely chase an evaluation. Adult women are woefully undiagnosed since their presentation can be quite different plus there is still a lot of misinformation even among healthcare workers unless they are specialised in ADHD.
Less than 2 minutes is and this is EXTREMELY relatable, soooooo many issues with the time-space continuum. Happened me yesterday, was at my sisters and wanted to leave before it got dark and I underestimated how long it would take to get home before it actually got dark, it was like I shot myself in the foot because I should've known better and accomodate for it!
I’m always late. Always. Which causes serious arguments with my partner. Same when I plan days where I have to run errands. I completely underestimate the length of time it will take to me to drive where I need to get to - I plan way too many errands, then end up being exhausted and stressed, all because I lack time management and planning skills. In my professional life though, I have learned to be highly organised, have an extreme attention to detail and am known for my high quality and standard of my work. But I simply had to be. I had to find tools to organise my brain. Calendars, spreadsheets, reminders. Otherwise I’d forget half of the things I have to get done for my job. It’s strange, how I can be so highly organised in my professional life, then often the complete opposite in my personal life. I often think that it’s probably taking so much mental bandwidth that somethings’ gotta give - which is often the organisation and execution of my personal life and time.
@@angrygerman82 I totally do the same. Sounds like it's making you sad to be over-committed, but you're maybe less afraid to disappoint your partner than your colleagues. Could you make more realistic demands on your time and still be a good employee, so that you aren't stressed and angry? It's just that you said that you're aware that you plan too many tasks, which is a good starting point.
Oh, yes.."Time blindness," as I like to call it plagues me every minute of everyday without fail. The shame and depression of knowing I do this, but still can not keep from doing so. Is horrible. I hate this about myself with a passion. Adhd has caused me an incredible amount of sadness and trauma, top that with childhood trauma no therapist has ever been willing to recognize..ugh. I was diagnosed at 34, 2 years ago, due to similarities between my son and me. (No trauma for him!). I would really love to find this "super power" Some relate adhd too. I'm sure it's there somewhere ..but not having much luck in finding the help I need to accomplish this, in my incredibly difficult adult life. It's rough. 😔
this is me spot on. i never faced any crazy physical abuse or being abandoned by my parents but my entire childhood was an emotional warfare with constant screaming and i never felt emotionally safe. sometimes physically. the thing that makes it the most confusing is that my parents are great, understanding people now. why couldn’t they be like that when i needed it most as a child? it sometimes feels like i’m tricking myself into believing that my childhood was better than it was because things are so different now. the child in me knows better though. i still feel her feelings today. i feel her pain and urgency to escape. that’s why i run away from my feelings as an adult, because i always wanted to run away from my environment as a child. i’m constantly late everywhere i go. I am disassociating in times where listening is the most important. i feel as if my body is on fire all the time with loads of left over adrenaline pushing through me in order to keep me going. i never feel at peace and all i want to feel is at home. functioning when the inner child in you is still screaming, is really hard.
I totally understand your feelings I have the same weird idea that I must be wrong about my memories My parents today are so much nicer But I am right - they were out of control - they behaved badly - it did happen - it did traumatize me - and now they can’t do it anymore - I did MY therapy - I processed the trauma - I learned to protect myself from them ( mostly my mother) - and now I’m almost « cured » Be strong and kind ❤
The more I read about adult ADHD and came across posts of people with ADHD and their daily symptoms, the more I realized I might actually have it. As a girl, I was daydreaming constantly, but my need to get good grades for the approval probably balanced it out. But as a result, I had severe levels of anxiety when it came to school performance as a teenager. I am currently contemplating getting a diagnosis in earnest. Maybe it's something else. Maybe I just have an anxiety disorder, but something needs to happen.
Please go and get checked, I've had that feeling for YEARS and just now I'm starting to get treated and I can't put into words how much my day to day life has improved.
Here to second what the others said! I always knew it was something but I didn’t know what. Met with a trauma therapist and she diagnosed me the first session! Instant relief and healing began that day for me. It’s not that way for everyone but I’m eternally grateful and wouldn’t want you to miss this for yourself or settle for any less! You deserve to heal!
I hope you can find help! I've had a very similar experience. Currently at the verge of burning out so I'm going to the doctor regardless because talking to a counselor once every three weeks isn't enough. I have a pretty strong feeling my issues go beyond anxiety.
People who present as girls and women are frequently mis/under-diagnosed with anxiety and depression and, speaking from personal experience, the medications for those made the symptoms of my (then undiagnosed) ADHD worse, which made the symptoms of my depression and anxiety worse, which made the symptoms of my ADHD worse, which made… In short, it was a circular problem, and once I finally got past the barrier of finding a therapist who actually understood the disorder (and so, SO many of them who claim to don’t), getting diagnosed and medicated for the correct underlying disorder of ADHD improved my anxiety and depression far more effectively than the meds and therapies for anxiety and depression ever did. It’s worth a diagnosis.
My mind is blown. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at age 41 and this is the most perfect video I've ever seen that puts what I have been feeling and experience into words. I feel seen and heard. It's so disheartening knowing how many years of my life has passed without help from the result of untreated ADHD and childhood trauma / abuse.
Hi Candace. I want to share with you what I said to Ms. Abby: "Hi Ms. Abby. I am going to record a video to respond to Mr. Tehan, but I want to share my thoughts with you. ADD (the H is a scientific mistake because "hyperactivity" is related to anxiety or mood problems) is a diagnosis of exclusion. By exclusion I mean that arrive to an ADD diagnosis after discarding all other possibilities. In a case like yours, I would suspect PTSD or a mood disease. I mention the mood because many times abusive parents, if they are not using psychostimulant illegal drugs (or are plain sociopaths) could be suffering from a mental illness. Mood diseases are highly hereditary. In a person with racing thoughts that interfere with falling sleep or keeping track of a conversation, impulsivity and irritability, I will suspect a mood disease. In some cases, it could OCD. Finally, I want to emphasize that co-ocurrence of ADD with other illnesses is a well-disseminated fallacy that has been accepted by the establishment, but that lacks scientific foundation. Best of luck."
Join the club. Sucks ass thinking about how much you could have achieved and how much better life could have been because i would have been able to not party so fucking hard
I'm nearly 60, my niece recently "diagnosed" me as having ADHD 😅and listening to this I am either your long lost twin or a textbook case of childhood trauma ADHD. Thank you so much. I have learned to function by mimicry but I think it's quite nice to be able to finally forgive myself.
just listening to the first couple minutes of the video, i’ve never heard anyone just list and describe all those issues together, as if they’re connected. those exact social situations. it made me very emotional.
I think some of my trauma came from the way adults in my life responded to my ADHD. For example, I had a hard time keeping my room neat. My parent would be verbally and physically abusive over that problem. I got in trouble at school for being messy & disorganized. I lost out on participating in activities because I was always late and missing stuff.
😢 sorry that you never had anyone to help you and support you. That is awful. I hope that school systems and people in general are much more aware now and trained to spot when children need support.
A lot of my trauma comes from the fact that I have ADHD. That's the only difference from us and people without this brain disorder that experienced trauma, which makes us feel like our trauma isn't valid enough.
I had OCD and high sensitivity and I was always getting in trouble for that stuff. Amazing how a neurodivergence was seen as a personal, moral failing when we were kids. I never had the support I needed, either. I had a timer on my desk in the first grade. Sending love.
With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on UA-cam, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right
What you said regarding difficulty focusing really hit home. In my childhood home there was no praise for high marks, but yelling and hitting were guaranteed if we didn't do well. I remember sitting at the table about to do my homework and often feeling sick to my stomach, wondering exactly what perfect concoction I had to turn in in order to avoid getting in trouble. And in some ways, that old fear still turns up in my life from time to time, even though those times are long gone.
I relate to this too, but on a less intense level in some cases. I would take private lessons, and when I would practice, my coaches/instructors would yell at me and said I was doing it all wrong and that I have done more harm practicing it wrong than I would’ve if I hadn’t. So, I stopped practicing, but my mom would be mad if I didn’t practice so it was very hard and confusing for me. I also would get very little recognition for doing well, or other students would be praised in front of me instead. Because of all this, I didn’t even know I was good at the things I had lessons for until years later when I saw videos of my performances.
@@mintyhippo8125 Oh, yes, big time for me too. That kind of confusion as to what to focus on makes concentration so hard. So success became more about avoiding making someone angry than achieving and growing.
That is my E-X-A-C-T experience. My entire life feels like, I now realize, a trauma response to this dynamic. Always seeking the logic that I can follow to avoid the abuse. Hope being entirely depending on the whims of a human system I have NO understanding of and no one has ever taken a moment to help me understand. No assistance offered my actual neurological struggle, only judgement and hate directed at me, that I thought was love.
Man I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Maybe that's how they were raised idk. It's sad how cold and/or abusive and incapable too many parents are. Guess they were never taught different. It's a real shame. That's not a proper environment for a child to be raised in.
36.. Almost 37 years... of life and I have never found another human being who could sufficiently understand, let alone perfectly describe my experience. I had given up trying... This is incredible.
Wow my jaw was on the ground for the first 3 minutes of this. I can’t believe how similar I’ve felt to this and so many people and have only started hearing about it being ADHD very recently. Wow wow wow.
Grew up with 2 emotionally/mentally sick parents. Have struggled with much of what you mentioned, but not diagnosed with ADHD. Instead was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Did a lot of therapy and self help work over the years. I healed to a degree. I have been struggling my entire life and at age 72 am reluctant to continue therapy. I survived but feel I did not thrive. My own children have been affected by my lack of social skills. Important work you are doing.
Gotta add before I forget. Emotional dysregulation IS ADHD. It's basically impulsive Emotional response. You might define it differently, but it is a huge part of it. But I am SO glad you are address this! I have ADHD and there is so much overlap in so many things and aren't addressed in adults.
Yes, wanted to say the same - a lot of specialists nowadays are saying that emotional dysregulation should NOT have been left out of the diagnostic criteria, and is in fact an essential symptom. It used to be regarded as such in the early days, but it was left out in the seventies (if I remember correctly), because it is hard to measure.
@@trinap.8904 That makes things make so much more sense to me. As I am now, I am able to regulate my emotions very well and I have even been able to start allowing myself to have more emotions. (coping method from shitty dad that would get MORE mad at me if he made me cry) However, whenever I'm around my parents, my dad more so, it become a lot harder to keep my emotions under control. Knowing CPTSD causing emotional dysregulation really tells me that my childhood really fucked me up more than I recognize it did. When I am not around my parents I am in a good place though. There's still shit they caused that I am dealing with and that I still need to work to fix, but that's okay.
@@trinap.8904 Yeah, but that does not mean it is not independently an essential part of adhd (also for those with no childhood trauma). Us adhd-ers feel it's a very harmful erasure of a core symptom, sth that a lot of us struggle the most in fact, compared to attention or impulsivity problems. The channel How to ADHD has good vids about it - the youtuber herself is someone with no childhood trauma (she has often told about her very supportive family), but yet struggles a lot with dysregulation. I as someone with both, obvious adhd and some trauma from a neglectful narc mom, have a double whammy i guess, fml lol Edit: I think the way to differentiate is the positive side of the swing - which I assume ppl with only trauma don't get? Because this is one of the reasons that makes the question "would you cure yourself if you could?" tricky for me- I would jump to cure the trauma, but I would not want to cure my adhd, regardless of the struggles it causes, because I legit dunno who I would be without it. It causes a bunch of troubles, BUT it also makes me experience the kind of childish passion for things that I honestly don't see in neurotypical adults, it allows me experience the kind of creative euphoria that I wouldn't trade for anything and that's better than any drug I've tried lol, it gives me the ability to hyperfocus (getting so interested in something that you cannot pull yourself away), which has allowed me to accomplish some amazing things, it makes me all around highly creative (I used to think that other people were all embarrassed to express their ideas, which is why they didn't seem to come up with any, and which is why I stopped expressing mine, because I assumed everyone else had probably already thought of it - but it's not true, I'm actually weirdly good at all sorts of brainstorming and problem solving, which is a clear strength from being neurodiverse). Basically, I get more sad, frustrated, annoyed, angry, etc than normal people, but I also feel the positive emotions more strongly, like happiness, interest, joy, excitement, gratitude, etc... and I express and react to both without much filter, which is obviously a problem in case of the negative emotions, but not rly with the positive ones.
Thank you so much for this video. I was diagnosed with adhd at the age of 32, and I also suffered from physical and psychological abuse growing up. But here is the catch, a lot of this abuse circled around my symptoms of adhd like spilling liquids, being clumsy, getting bad grades, not “listening” when spoken to, losing things, and the list goes on. I’ve grown up into this adult who is a perfectionist, anal, double triple checker, insecure of my achievements where I almost always feel like I’m tricking people into thinking I’m smart and competent when I’m really neither of the two. Your video left me thinking a lot about the chicken and the egg. I feel like I’ve forgiven my parents, and like to think they did the best they could with what they had and what they knew. I am on medication for my adhd and I’m “self coaching” my self into a somewhat functional adult 😬 but your video made me realize that to stop all of my internal suffering, I need to process my childhood trauma further. I apologize if my grammar and punctuation are not on point and make the reading of this confusing. English is not my first language and I tried my best to best.
oh my gosh … this is literally me… especially the fooling everyone if i’m smart or not. i feel like because i work incredibly hard for my grades, im more of a hard worker that brute forces my way into excelling academically. but otherwise, i can understand concepts but half of the time i forget everything and it takes me so long to relearn everything all the time. unless its a topic i enjoy enough to hyper fixate on (now that ik i have ADHD), information just falls out my head. i’m super clumsy - always falling. i have scars & regular bruises from falling everywhere, literally. i try to plan everything out from point A to point B otherwise i won’t get it right. it’s so much in my head 😢
You literally described me on every point holy crap. Social anxiety, shy, cluttered, late on everything, memory issues, HORDING dishes, zoned out all the time, impulsivity, always wanting to practice or pick up something but never doing it, etc etc. I talked to my doctor at age 11 or 12 and talked about possibly having ADHD and my parent just passed it off as "he's just lazy. He's fine. Don't worry about it". Now I find myself as a 22 year old completely stuck and it fucking sucks. Working in the medical field (while I absolutely love it) is just so damn debilitating when you're always late, losing your scope, forgetting documentation etc. This video is giving me that push to seek help. Thank you
I have an interesting perspective. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 years old, and it definitely contributed to my childhood trauma. My parents were VERY emotionally dysregulated (narc traumatized stepdad, BPD+bipolar traumatized mother). They could not handle my hyperactivity, inattention, and all the other symptoms that made me a "difficult" child. I have no doubt that I would still be traumatized if I didn't have ADHD, but their stress tolerance was already so low, they could not tolerate my behavior. They assumed I was acting out purposefully, which led to more discipline, which added to the shame complex (why can't I just behave?). I remember in 4th grade math class, we had a folder to keep all of our work in. When I was cleaning out my backpack (which was always a mess), I accidentally threw it away. I got an F, as the teacher didn't care about my "excuses". I was terrified to show my mother, and for good reason. She proceeded to scream "Do you know what F means!? FAILED! FLUNKED! FUCKED. UP!!" and locked herself in her room for the next day. I felt SUCH shame, and thought "why couldn't I just have remembered?" That was most of my childhood. So I'd say that, at its worst, ADHD combined with a toxic home environment is a recipe for even more ACEs. I have hope that today, with more resources online for understanding these things, parents can get a better grasp on why kids behave the way they do. I've done a lot of healing (Thanks Patrick!!) but my ADHD is still a hill to go over. Oh! And on the topic of depersonalization/derealization, I went into a panic attack at 21 and was DPDR'd for YEARS. It was awful. There are still some symptoms persisting today, but I'm finally back in my body! Hooray! It gives an interesting perspective, because there were years where I had no emotion, so I saw everything very objectively. It makes me appreciate every single feeling I have now, and appreciate my brain for keeping me safe! Much love Patrick, and to everyone else out there. You got this!
You're experience sounds a lot like mine growing up (though I wouldn't be diagnosed with my ADHD and Autism until a year ago). I hope you're in a better space and I'm sending you lots of Internet Hugs, Healing and Support
I have yet to be diagnosed but pretty sure I have ADHD or possibly even autism. I remember getting a D in gym class because I was always forgetting my gym clothes. Ill never forget my dad cornering me and taunting me saying "How do you get a D in gym? You must either be stupid or just not trying? Cuz only an idiot could flunk something like gym". Im pregnant and I can never imagine being so cruel and judgemental towards my own child. Im glad we are both out of those situations we deserved better 💕
Thanks for sharing! I was familiar with everything except depersonalization/derealization so that gives me a new avenue to check out. I understand these problems all too well now, but need to switch modes from understanding to doing something about it! Thanks for the words of encouragement.
@@ThingsILove2266 you can try EMDR in a therapy session. That can help put triggering memories into long term memory stores in the brain so you feel some emotional distance from them. Also receiving energy work can help come back into the body like Reiki or Chakra balancing. Sound Baths, or meeting with a Shaman. Prayer, ritual and intention.
I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD back in December. I've struggled my whole life. Hearing you say "I just didn't feel like I could function or cope as well as others" perfectly described me. I went through some traumatic things during college but I believe I was blessed to have wonderful parents who truly did the absolute best that they could. However listening to this I had a small breakthrough...my whole life I had always assumed that when people loved you or liked you they sought you out. They made time for you. I felt as though if I had to ask to be held, to talk, or just for help I was bothering people and that would make them not like me or want to be around me. Wondering why my Mom would snuggle my younger brothers more than me. Why my Dad did more with them. I asked and they told me that they felt I was strongly independent and that I didn't need their help,when truth is I wanted nothing more. Now I'm 33 and I don't understand intimacy to levels and degrees. I honestly thought knowing this diagnosis would be freeing, but in a way I feel more isolated.
I resonate with this comment! It seemed like my sister and brother got all the attention when I wanted nothing more but attention and love.. because my siblings worked hard to be what my parents wanted them to be in their image and I didn't I got left behind in the nurturing and dragged along with my parents lives.
This. My mom died when I was 16, and even before that I was depressed and struggling with ADHD, although I didn't know that at the time. I didn't know how to form close bonds with others, and would have loved for family and friends to consistently reach out and include me. They didn't. I held them at arms length because I didn't know what was acceptable or appropriate and they left me alone, because they probably thought that's what I wanted. I felt so alone. And still to this day, at 46, I struggle immensely with relationships.
I really hear you ! I wondered why my mum didn’t love me as a baby and kid, and why corporal punishment was handed out regularly by my dad. When I eventually asked my mum, she told me I was too hard to get close to. And dad told me I always felt happy after getting a good hiding - I really needed it. HaH !
I really relate to what you said. it's very similar to how I feel and I had a great childhood with loving parents but they had marriage problems which put me and my sister in the middle. I grew up walking on eggshells afraid to ask for what I needed. always feeling like an outcast, never feeling like I belong and just feeling very lonely. but I'm choosing to look at my adhd diagnosis as an empowering thing. before I thought I was a bad person and sucky human being. now I know better. and it has completely changed my thinking. just because I can't finish a task or focus it doesn't make me a bad person. it just means I need more support. and if the people around make me feel that ways that's not my fault. that is their toxicity. emotional regulation is a big thing with us. I would say be aware of what is yours and what's not. Your parents didn't give you the support you deserved. that's not your fault. that is their failure. have compassion and forgiveness for yourself. You're going to be ok. hugs ❤
I don't relate to having loving parents, but I relate to the inability to cope as well as others do. This is why I nowadays, whenever I hear someone say they might have adhd, I ask them if they want to find out, and when they do, I just basically drive them to a psychiatrist the next day. I myself had a feeling I'm adhs for a long time, but until I actually went to see a doctor, it took me years, years in which I struggled more and failed more and thought that I'm just lazy and don't want to get things together, I was just thinking that it sucks how others make mistakes and change, but I just don't even cope anymore, and I often wonder why no one ever took me to the psychistrist and figure out what the problem is with me. Like, did my family see that I had problems yet choose to complain about it more than actually get professional help until I was in my mid 20's?
I am terrified of criticism and/or punishment when dealing with others, it keeps me paralyzed from socializing. I dont know how to get past this. I have no friends, and prefer solitude (for several reasons). Ive not always been like this but the past year it’s become intense. All my childhood trauma is surfacing and I’m doing my best to do shadow/inner child work.. I want to be better, SO much, but it’s been difficult. I am so financially poor, it’s actually poverty level, so no therapist for me (I’d LOVE to get back into therapy). I appreciate these videos; I’ve recently found your channel and it’s been quite illuminating, quite a bit of validation for things I knew, but wasn’t entirely sure of. 🤗💙
I read (most of) the book The Body Keeps the Score and over and over again had the revelation that my ADHD symptoms were almost entirely also childhood trauma symptoms. There is much of my childhood that I have no conscious recollection of but I know I was emotionally neglected and within the last year also realized that my father has been gaslighting me my entire life while both of my parents constantly invalidated me and told me I was nothing. They both suffer from their own mental illnesses along with being in what I believe to be an emotionally and financially abusive relationship. I finally got diagnosed again with ADHD and started treatment last year, and I've been working with a trauma therapist since January of 2020. I've made so much progress but still feel I have a very long way to go. These videos have been a huge huge help in addition my therapy sessions. Truly appreciate them!
You really are an empathetic genius in this genre. Belief based self sabotage is a real struggle that ADHD meds can’t correct. Childhood trauma on top of adult trauma is a real challenge! Thank you so much for your work! God bless you 🙏
I can vouch for that, because I have been through traumatic experiences as a child and as an adult. It does make living very hard on you, and many situations most people take in stride can be difficult to impossible to cope with for someone who has been through that.
Spot on. I would try and share my feelings/ issues with my Mom and she would twist it around to her. I quickly learnt from a very young age that I didn't matter and wouldn't be believed. This effects me now at 45. I go blank when I try describing something to another at work and I look stupid.
Thank you for this video. ADHD and childhood trauma is not uncommon. School is traumatic, parent or caregiver is constantly frustrated with a child they don’t understand. Child feels like they are always in trouble, misunderstood, and like they can’t do what they are capable of doing. If they have undiagnosed ADHD, they may have learning difficulties that prohibit them from progressing along with their peers. They believe that they are lazy, obstinate and stupid. Having ADHD itself sets a child up for trauma
Whoa, just finished a Vaknin video about ADHD linked to abuse and neglect as a small child and then this gets posted! I am so afraid of being late that I am chronically EARLY, but for hours up to an appointment I can't focus on anything else for fear of forgetting or being late.
Overcompensating is definitely a way we can mask symptoms like being late. Those with ADHD can also be bad at driving because of attention issues, but I've always been over cautious and described as driving like an old person 😆 It was my therapist who diagnosed me that pointed this out as being a mask for my ADHD symptoms
Now that I finished the video, ADHD is a neurological disorder. Brains are literally shaped and function different. I will say, with your video and slef reflection, I think the trauma does make some symptoms worse. When I'm stressed or during this basically solo journey of dealing with my mental health, some of my symptoms have gotten extreme. Like the forgetfulness. So yes, both treatment and therapy are needed. But you gave me hope that my life can get better. Thank you for that.
But the question remains, “does early childhood trauma create those brain changes during development?” Because the same thing can be said about many neurodivergent people and disordered thinking
@@Toxic_Femininity that is a good question. I personally think it's more genetically based or events that happen during pregnancy like gut bacteria or epigenetic factors.
I find it very suspicious that there is such a big overlap between ADHD and trauma symptoms, to then claim ADHD is a neurological problem and that that is it. Talking with a lot of people who have been traumatized, i've seen how one of the biggest complains they have about therapy is finding a trauma informed therapist. With this, I'm inclined to believe that trauma is *hugely* under-diagnosed nowadays. The symptoms of trauma often are survival mechanism to be able to cope with unhealthy dynamics and unbearable pain, just like fever is a coping mechanism to help fight off an infection. I wonder how many people in the past were diagnosed with the modern equivalent of Fever Disorder and then someone would say it's a physiological problem because scientists didn't have technology and knowledge good enough to know about viruses and bacteria. True it occurs physiologically, but it says little about the cause. I'm very inclined to believe that similar is happening nowadays - That without trauma the chances of having actual ADHD would be close to zero. Genetic problems are typically rare. They do not occur at the rates we see with ADHD (and also personality disorders if I may add, for those who defend those are also mostly genetic) and definitely do not increase at a such fast pace as we have seen ADHD increase in just a few decades. It cannot just be genetic or a neurological problem (as much as fever is a physiological one). If someone would then say "But then how come some traumatized people don't get ADHD?" - Because we're not all the same and the traumas are very different and the coping and survival mechanisms they require different. A wall breaks at the point of least resistance. If trauma is pressure, then some people break more with ADHD, others break more with BPD, others with CPTSD, with loads of overlap in between and depending on how much pressure is put. Some people will cope with constant mind distractions, others will cope with anger and acting out. Some will cope with blaming others, others will cope with blaming themselves. Some people dont numb their emotions, so their brain has to remain constantly distracted to avoid feeling the emotional pain of triggers and trauma, others are mostly numbed, so they feel constantly bored and need adventures and are thrill seekers. And so on.
Same. Videos about these topics always just make me cry and cry. I cry for a lot of reasons, but mostly I cry for my child self... the child who was judged and written off in school instead of supported.
As a girl in the 80s all they thought to do was test my hearing. That was fine, so there was nothing wrong with me. Got picked up again as a teenager in the 90s. got tested for dyslexia. It wasn't that, so nothing wrong with me. I'm 40 now and just learning about what ADHD actually is and it explains a lot of my childhood experiences. Trauma to.
Same happened to me with the hearing tests, however this relies on the patient to raise their hand when they hear the sound. I was bored!! Ended up getting diagnosed with a rare tone deafness!
My extremely controlling mother refused to get me assessed for ADHD and ridiculed my 1st-grade teacher for suggesting it. After 20 years of making limited progress with non-specialized talk therapy, I finally looked into ADHD diagnosis in my mid-30s, and a combination of medication, ADHD coaching, and inner child therapy has been helping me so so much. My parents' verbal/emotional abuse was rooted in their having absurdly unreasonable expectations that no child could ever hope to meet, and my ADHD just made it even more impossible for me to meet their ridiculous expectations. Some of my ADHD symptoms really make my life hard and I'm so glad to finally be getting treatment to help ease those things, but some things about me that are explained by ADHD are just neutral facts about me, that aren't disabling at all when I'm in an accepting and flexible environment. I'm also queer and gender-nonconforming and those are neutral facts about me that my parents used against me in their abuse. Part of what's helping me now in getting treatment and other support is figuring out what of my symptoms are a problem and what are just differences that wouldn't be a problem if the people around me made room for them. It's been so healing to finally start figuring out for myself what is and isn't reasonable to expect of me. Like, it's fair to expect me to be on time to appointments! And for me to do that, I need to start planning at least 24 hours in advance in order to be on time, so it's not fair to expect me to be on time for last-minute plans or for things that aren't a big enough deal to justify how much effort it takes me to be on time. Sharing in case it's helpful to others whose ADHD symptoms were a part of why they were targeted for childhood trauma. I would've loved to have figured this out sooner but I'm so grateful I'm figuring it out now!
I relate to a lot of this. Especially that part where you said you are finally learning what is and isn't reasonable expectation from others. Being stuffed into the "be agreeable" box for so long, I misidentify essential social dynamics when it comes to my own wellbeing. Wishing you the best with your healing journey.
So important- and so is those closest to you understanding that you are not making excuses or demanding special treatment. This is the hardest - when those around us refuse to understand. Then there’s no way to get rid of shame or guilt We don’t even know about.
This is so me. Your description of high school matches my experience so closely. I had undiagnosed ADHD inattentive subtype. I was never hyperactive. I was the loner who stared out the window. I did okay enough to get by. I got to college. Undergrad I was all over the place with grades, same as high school. Somehow scraped through into grad school. Pulled enough of myself together, got through Clinical Psychology PhD training and post training a psychiatrist diagnosed me. I’m on Concerta and it changed my life! Now as a clinician I listen very carefully to symptoms of possible ADHD in my patients.
Loved this! As Kathy brought up in another comment, growing up with ADHD in the present society is a trauma all its own, and the intersection is hard to disentangle. One thing about the gendered statistics, as you said at the beginning that it's more common in men: the more we learn about ADHD, the more we're realizing how it presents in women. Think about how boys and girls are socialized - hyperactivity in girls is just being a chatterbox, while inattentiveness is just being quiet and polite, and if these aren't disruptive (like boys' hyperactivity and inattentiveness are allowed to be) then they won't lead to a diagnosis, and you get so many girls thinking they're just a ditz or airhead when they're just not expressing these issues in a noticeable way, since it's not acceptable to behave that way.
I am a female and I almost failed high school the only time I could focus was when I was playing trumpet in band I wouldn't even go to classes usually because I thought everyone hated me and I wasn't worthy of being seen
I just did an essay on this and in my research found that since 2012, psychologists actually believe there to be parity in occurrence of ADHD between the sexes, it's just a continued problem in recognizing/diagnosing less in girls for a variety of reasons. Currently, boys are about twice as likely as girls to be diagnosed with ADHD.
I am a 65 yo woman who has had years and years of depression diagnoses etc etc. Both of my boys are ADHD, one hyperactive diagnosed at age 9, the second ADD side of things not diagnosed until his forties. Two grandchildren, both ASD and ADHD. One diagnosed when aged 4, the other not until the age of 15. I have been trying to have some sort of review and testing to confirm my status but Psychs that specialise in adult ADHD in the country/city are few and far between. I finally saw one recently who said he could see I was pretty well on the spectrum but as I had coped with it for all this time he didn't see any point in spending the money (lots) to confirm a diagnosis. I was bitterly disappointed and don't know what to do now.
Thought I was a ding dong most of my life. Got diagnosed this year. Turns out my personality traits were a brain chemical imbalance of dopamine. It really threw into perspective my life growing up. My mom called me a hyper active child, did sugar detox diets, I had to be put in special reading classes as a child. I remember constantly being in trouble for taking too many bathroom breaks during class so I could skip down the hallway to the bathroom. In middle school I didn’t play sports but I drew allllll the time, my art was constantly taken away because I wasn’t “paying attention and sitting still.” It honestly really baffles me why no one caught it because the hyperactive symptoms were there. I’m glad the adults didn’t catch it because although I always felt my childhood was really difficult and unstable, very chaotic and I used a lot of outlets to escape my home life, I learned a lot about how to work around my brain and it’s resistance to certain things.
My therapist suggested that I was exhibiting some symptoms of adhd and honestly I had never considered that as a possibility before but after watching you and reading on the subject it actually makes sense. I often zone out when I'm talking to people, it feels like I constantly have a million thoughts in my head, I constantly talk over other people even though I don't mean to. And I always wondered why the slightest thing would ruin my entire day or throw me into a fit of rage.
I have heard of people talking about dissociation before as an out of body experience, but I never really related to that. I am trapped very much IN my head a lot. For a lot of my life, I would get moments where I would zone out to the point where I was very aware that I am piloting a body, that I can see and feel things, that I eat, and exist. And it got pretty annoying because I would be too aware of it to do things lol. I noticed just yesterday how I haven’t done that in a while... I have been recovering a lot, but I still have a long way to go. That seems like a good step, though.
With my childhood trauma I spent very little time in my body because it was to painful to be in my body. I have cptsd and after 25 years of therapy and spiritual healing work I feel safe and safe in my body. Healing hurts but finally on the right path. Me, my 8 lb. doggie and All of the unconditional love from my angel's. ✌❤🎇
it felt annoying that you were existing? Was it because it felt like effort and you'd rather have just not had to experience it? in some way? i can sort of relate
@@crakhaed not really in an existential way. It is just being super aware of senses, and super aware that people know me separate from myself/have interacted with me/I control this body/I know what hungry feels like.... Like, just being super aware of being alive and being stuck in that.
So what do you call it when you have ADHD and CPTSD? When I grew up ADHD was called Hyperactivity Disorder. I was born to a narcissistic abuser, the family dynamic was argumentative and explosive at times. I am 57, life has been HELL! I've had to overcome this trauma on my own. This is why getting this info out there like you are, is so valuable. Therapy for people like myself hasn't been developed and the Medical world just wants to medicate you. Watching sessions like this one have helped immensely. Thank you.
My entire life I thought I had adhd, but the more I dive into childhood trauma and trauma work, I find that is where my symptoms truly stem from. Thank you for this video it was super informative.
ADHD is neurological, not experience-derived, but ADHDers are more prone to trauma. It's tough enough to handle the blue of thoughts and ideas, but when they are *negative* memories and self sabotage, it is a brutal combination. I haven't found any peer-reviewed, scientific articles to suggest that ADHD is caused by trauma. There isn't any doubt in my mind that trauma can be caused by parental abuse caused by their lack of understanding of ADHD and other neuro-diversity. I have indications of ADHD in my baby book.
@@stevenphillips2653 I haven’t read anything that suggests adhd is caused by trauma either. They just cause a lot of the same symptoms… that is what I meant by “stems from trauma”- the similarity in symptoms.. They overlap a lot! I think that was covered well in the video.
Kira R I'm so glad you mentioned this because I also believe that most adult ADHD stems from unhealed childhood trauma issues, which a lot of people aren't aware of, or remember yet! And it seems to be getting more complicated in regard to behaviour and the many disorders nowadays. Another important point is that I've known people who've been drinking a lot and/or smoking meth, or even drinking many cups of coffee a day for years, yet were diagnosed with ADHD, which doesn't seem right at all, because those substances cause ADHD symptoms! I know for a fact that they've all experienced extreme childhood trauma, so the psychiatrists or therapists concerned are mainly using the medical model, but that's understandable. ❤
I was ejected from my family of origin after we left my father. My assignment, after we left, was to get married, and out of my mother’s house. I had CPTSD at the time, and one therapist called me “ditzy”, and another said I had an Electra complex. As my father had sexually assaulted me, this particular misdiagnosis really made me feel it was my fault. This was in the 70s and 80s. Women tended to get stuck with pejorative diagnoses back then. Women also got committed to mental health facilities back then for little to no reason, besides behavior that upset husbands or family. Edit for dissociation. I have episodes of dissociative amnesia after traumatizing events. The first I knew about it was during my senior year, when I was up many nights trying to keep my father from beating or choking her. He brought out a gun during one of these rages, but I only know about it, because my mother mentioned it. I know of a few other episodes, and I wonder what else I’ve forgotten. Trauma was a daily thing at my house, but I still graduated high school with honors. Books were my escape.
I've never thought about how a love of books might be a form of (positive) dissociation. I can really relate to that sentiment. Thank you for sharing and I hope you can have chances to heal this year.
@@nobunnyspecial Thank you, Amelia! As bad as many of my experiences were, they’ve help me connect in a much more empathetic and compassionate way with people, whether they are afflicted or not. I’ve also had some extraordinary experiences, and it’s like the universe has wanted to let me know it’s on my side. When I’ve whistled in the dark, it’s often happened that someone I never expected would turn the light on. I hope you’re feeling the love, and having a joyful day!
The first 10 minutes of this hit home in a way that I've never heard before. Total, crippling, exhausting, anxious chaos, mood dependent thoughts, being unable to process what people are telling me due to anxiety. These problems stem from a few common sources and can be healed. Thanks for this and the hopeful message you provide
Dang. I can relate to everything he's describing in my 20s, almost exactly the same. When you don't realize you have trauma it just makes you feel really ashamed because you assume it's your fault you can't handle life, that you're simply defective. Wish I found this channel earlier in life, though I wonder if my intense self loathing would allow me to believe it wasn't entirely my fault at that time.
I learned more in this video than 2 months with a psychologist. This was free and so very helpful. I had to pause, because I was getting overwhelmed at how I felt reacting to this information... and speaking of--I hope this brand-new information really does set me free. Thank you so much! You are saving people's lives 💟🙏🏼
I felt the same way. I had to pause when he mentioned not celebrating birthdays, or milestones. Leaving house at night to get something out if what’s left of the day. Relatable.
You are completely describing my life and childhood as you explain your own. I don’t understand why I have so much hardship “adulting” and now I get it. Thank you for this video.
This is so accurate. I battle ADHD, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, and insomnia. I also plan my days depending on my mood. I’m constantly trying to motivate myself to get things done or find the energy to do it I consume a lot of caffeine and supplements that boost energy. I also take Adderall once in a while in low doses. I try to avoid it tho because of my depression/ anxiety and insomnia. I also use the gym everyday along with ice to try to wake me up and motivate me tj get work done. Also win hoff breathing technique. I do so much work just to get close to a normal life. I’ve also fallen deeply in love with the girl of my dreams, so I’m motivated to solve all my issues. But falling deeply in love also made me realize I have anxious attachment 😂 I’m such a mess from the horrible trauma of my childhood. But always trying to improve myself. Thankful I found this video
There are SO many things I want to comment on, however, I’m feeling too overwhelmed to slow down enough to do so. I’ve been in therapy pretty much my entire & I’m proud of myself to be able to say that because it takes great courage to face your fears, traumas, abuse, etc…. I was diagnosed with adult ADHD in my late 30’s & I am now in my early 50’s & I have found that as my 2 sons were getting older & our family structure/routines started changing (they were teens and had extra curricular activities & such and weren’t home as much) the more my ADHD was becoming more prevalent. Since they have been out of my home & on their own, my ADHD is absolutely hindering my life. It brings me to tears at times because of how much I am not getting done. How is it that when I had more responsibilities & very little time I accomplished SO much & now I can’t finish anything and have more than enough time to do so?? Anything you can say on this would be greatly appreciated…
Hi Ms. Abby. I am going to record a video to respond to Mr. Tehan, but I want to share my thoughts with you. ADD (the H is a scientific mistake because "hyperactivity" is related to anxiety or mood problems) is a diagnosis of exclusion. By exclusion I mean that arrive to an ADD diagnosis after discarding all other possibilities. In a case like yours, I would suspect PTSD or a mood disease. I mention the mood because many times abusive parents, if they are not using psychostimulant illegal drugs (or are plain sociopaths) could be suffering from a mental illness. Mood diseases are highly hereditary. In a person with racing thoughts that interfere with falling sleep or keeping track of a conversation, impulsivity and irritability, I will suspect a mood disease. In some cases, it could OCD. Finally, I want to emphasize that co-ocurrence of ADD with other illnesses is a well-disseminated fallacy that has been accepted by the establishment, but that lacks scientific foundation. Best of luck.
Wow, my youngest just moved out and I’m alone. I never want to leave the house and wonder where the day went every single evening. I stay up late hoping to get a second wind and redeem myself but rarely do
My abusive step mother refused to have me diagnosed with ADHD even though all my teachers believed I had it, she didn’t want it to hold me back in life, she claimed. Now I’m 32 and fighting to get diagnosed, while dealing with the left over trauma in my life. I’m barely surviving, I appreciate you so much. I just wish I knew what to do from here.
My birth mother just enrolled me in a new school every year. then only teacher I ever knew of her interacting with, was 1st grade when the teacher came to our house to discuss her concerns I'd suffered S/A. she was thrown out and we moved again. no one asked me. the only concern was the potential blemish on her own reputation and ego.
Can totally relate. It's been a slice. I recently started doing Somatic Therapy. It's a very unique approach to trauma. As trauma lives in the body and is governed by the brain stem, it doesn't speak language, It only speaks emotions. So working from the body seems to be a more meaningful and appropriate approach to mend the fences.
I love your usage of the word "feral". I find it really relatable with the way I proccess trauma too. As an adult, I'm living somewhere that triggers me surrounding my childhood. My bedroom is painted the same Robin's egg blue that both of my childhold bedrooms were (my parents being divorced). It does subtly affect me with hyper-viligant/ADHD signs and symptoms. I also I love that you encorporate lived experience in your videos. You're very personable and down to Earth with how you presented your information and yourself.
This is EXACTLY what I’m going through and it’s been a nightmare. I’ve been having panic attacks at work and getting overwhelmed. I dissociate all the time, when I wake up, when I shower, when I go to the bathroom, and when I’m getting through work. I even dissociated watching the video a few times. It’s hard to focus because so much is going on in my head that it makes me panic and become very reactive. It’s a living hell and I’ve thought about ending my life multiple times because I just feel like I can’t escape and I’m so emotionally raw. This is all because my parents were very neglectful and abusive. I really want to get better and have been obsessively watching mental health research and looking up what I could have. This is the most accurate video that I could find about how I’m feeling and it makes me feel a lot better to know I’m not alone in this. I have a therapist who is trying to help me with coping skills but maybe I need more trauma work because coping skills are only getting me so far. I tried taking medications recently like Prozac but I had an allergic reaction and got the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt and it make me dissociate really bad and feel like I was going to die. I honestly think that I feel very feral like you said all the time and that’s all I can do is talk about how I feel all the time to the people I’m close to. If you have any advice I would be really thankful since I really need help and am financially struggling because of my mental health problems. Thank you so much!
HI! You are not alone! I too am just really going through it. I left a violent marriage in 2018 and I FINALLY got my own apartment with my kiddos and I just feel like I AM FLUNKING managing everything. Do not give up yet, please!! You are only just beginning to heal, it will take time. Please hang in there, many more people than you know are going through the same. We can do it!
I wonder if it's legal in your state would you consider trying medical cannabis? It's okay if you are iffy about it, but if you're comfortable then as a veteran myself who's dealt with issues and being that I strongly believe in plant medicine, it has brought me incredible relief in many ways. So of course it may not work for you, but if it's something you think that may help, you may want to consider it.
Omg I know exactly what this young lifestyle is like to experience. I cannot talk enough about how it ruins, your self-esteem, you feel like a loser and a failure, everybody’s mad at you, and you’re in trouble all the time, the stress, the constant, worrying, the constant, hurrying, the sleep deprivation, the lack of eating and hydrating, the feeling completely alone, and the feeling like you are a failure and no one will ever love you.
Depressingly familiar cluster of symptoms for me. At the same time, always great to know someone out there who gets it, Patrick. I'm feeling like a 24 carat loser right now, and bad physical issues (severe menopause symptoms together with and chronic fatigue, fibro etc) seem to have catapulted me in to an almost constantly triggered,14 years old again, state. Feel like there's nowhere left to hide, so it's get well or die for me now, I think, and that scares me. While I was listening to you, my mind drifted back to when I (foolishly) tried to study at 6th form (year 12) college age 17, mid-breakdown. It was like acting in a play for which I had not learnt my lines. When I tried to focus on my work, it all felt so profoundly dull and irrelevant, that I it was like studying whilst trying to ignore that my sleeve was on fire. I had to quit, as I couldn't fake it anymore. I gave no f*cks about failing/ leaving either. It felt like the first positive action I'd taken in years. My brother is one of those self-reinvented, high flying, emotionally absent people that you describe, and gets away with it for the most part. He thinks he's ok, looks and acts the part in a demanding job and gets the world's approval, but leaves his wallet/phone/both behind almost everywhere he goes. He even left his wife behind a few years ago, and sloped off with his paramour! He honestly hadn't noticed that his marriage was over until his wife ditched him, though. Sounds bitchy, but that's really the way it went down. I know he's very numbed-out still, which was how I remember he survived our parents' dramas, while I was running around refereeing. I'm way more in touch with my feelings, but can't keep my executive brain 'online', as you put it so well. Feels like limbic system dominance. Think it's time for a foray in to a new form of therapy after a long time away, although I'm not sure I have the energy left for it, and I'm so tired of having to do it alone. Thanks for helping me think about it seriously again.
Just diagnosed at 53 with AADHD and starting Autism/Aspergers testing this week. Puts a whole different template up for me to view past, present and future.
I suspect I am on the spectrum (as I also believe my father is), but still undiagnosed, can't afford the therapy/testing. I've mentioned my suspicion to a couple friends who are social workers, and both their responses were, "Uh, well yeah."
I feel that I would have been diagnosed on the Spectrum had I been tested properly as a child. I'm not sure where I'd land now since I've had so many years to develop my masking and coping strategies.
ADHD does actually have severe difficultly regulating emotions so *emotional reactivity* AND *emotional dysregulation* have ALWAYS gone into the the center category
I don't think it does so for me, at all, but I was also surprised those weren't in the intersection in the center. MANY ADHDers suffer from these and I've heard stimulants (i.e. what they take FOR their ADHD) help.
I was undiagnosed with adhd until I was 30. My poor kids had to witness me going from 0 to 100 because of being overwhelmed from loud noises. After getting medicated, WOW it’s such a HUGE difference. I don’t go off the handle as often and the little things (like kids laughing really loud over loud music) doesn’t cause me to go into a fit of rage. It makes me sad to think how much I traumatized my own children just by not being properly medicated/diagnosed.
@@essennagerry I really like that you asked for clarification to that comment. I also struggle w context of text- especially when it looks like that. Was that quick, emphatic agreement or negative sarcasm? I hope we normalize asking people their meaning when we're not sure of their words.
I have adult ADHD and childhood trauma that caused Disociative identity disorder. I had dissociated so badly and ADHD hyperfocused on the deeply subjective dissociative reality, outside of reality for so long that i had learned to turn it on and off at will. I would kick it on at the beginning of my work shift to pass time and then click it off when i was at home with my family. I learned to start grounding myself back to Earth and choosing to be brave and not dissociate and take back control of my life. But my ADHD morphed into adult adhd and my executive functioning clicked off now that i feel im in a healtheir place (wtf?!) Learning that the limbic system is overactive will be enormously helpful as i continue to learn how to balance my sanity. Thank you Patrick!!! If you need any clients like me to further help yourself study this condition, id be happy to ever speak to you. Very informative and helpful, thank you!
I've had that same thought like thank goodness I ran into a therapist who asked about my childhood trauma and related it to my symptoms. My diagnosis of CPTSD was a life saver - turns out my story is normal and there's nothing inherently wrong with me. This is treatable, not just manageable.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid (treatment never worked) and C-PTSD as an adult. The C-PTSD diagnosis was a game changer! As I peel back the layers, the issues that I've always associated with ADHD get better. It's amazing to actually feel like I have my shit together more days than not.
I swear, every week you post a topic that is so relevant to what I'm going through. It's completely uncanny. Just the other day, my therapist was talking to me about the possibility that I have ADHD. I love your videos so much. Thank you for the work you do ❤
Same here!! I haven't talked about the possibility of ADHD yet, but he always posts a relevant video right before each session that is exactly what I'm going through. Patrick at this point seems like a spiritual guide.
I love this video! There is so little information on this topic. I got diagnosed with aspergers when I was 13 and at the end of the report (that my mother angrily handed at me to have me read what was wrong with me) I read that "there were concerning signs of a young teen who's developing symptoms of depression". I got diagnosed with ADD when I was 14, which was way less of a surprise to me because I struggled with a lot of symptoms of it. The symptom that I struggled most with was my very poor concentration. Practically everyone got angry at me or was judging me so often, and I tried to focus so hard. Looking back I think I might have been depressed for all my teenage years, but my mother would invalidate me. Getting a diagnosis became important to me because it felt like it would offer me validation and self awareness, but I worried that I was obsessing about getting a diagnosis for attention. I remember finally going to therapy when I was 21 and being frustrated that she didn't get me diagnosed. I was looking up a lot of info online about asd vs bpd vs cptsd vs depression vs (social) anxiety vs adhd (and the info is very contradictory/vague or limited). I got diagnosed with depression when I was 22 and got cbt. It gave me some tools for my social anxiety (which I have struggled a lot with for years) but it felt so invalidating to me that we were only focusing about my negative thoughts and not talking about my past or my parents that I was ruminating about constantly. I had disturbing intrusive OCD-like thoughts, hated myself or thought something was very wrong with me, I was pulling my hair, I had (sometimes suicidal and sh) mood swings and trust issues and kept obsessing about that and about whether I have autism or a trauma/attachment thing due to early childhood neglect/isolation (very little info on the effect of isolation on infants too). I was really trying to become self aware and make sense of everything. After 1,5 years my therapist ended up breaking up with me, accusing me of malingering, saying that "the longer she treated me the more random complaints arised". I did not function well at all, went to my gp, and got referred to get help again. After being on a waiting list for a year I managed to participate in a study where the researchers offered "treatment resistant depression patients trauma therapy and a SAM supplement". This was half a year ago. (I'm still on the waiting list.. this is the situation in the NL). I got got 6 (!) emdr sessions, and noticed how I started to feel less confused. I'm still going to weekly talk therapy sessions at that hospital. So much has changed. I went to family therapy with my parents, started actually confronting them or setting boundaries, discussions broke out, I ended up cutting ties, now my parents are "worried about me".. anyways Sometimes I still think about what's up with me. I guess it's not black or white and I'm some kind of mix between adhd, autism and adhd/autism - like symptoms caused by trauma. I'd still like to know what is what though. I'm wondering who I might have been if I hadn't been through certain traumatic or neglectful situations, but I'm also wondering what feels like the real "me": the person who I lost and have to find back again (who I could have been), or just me as I am now, shaped by nature&nurture. I'm wondering who read this essay😂
Totally understand you. It’s interesting the whole ADD/Autism/ASD/CPTSD connection… I’m still searching for what is the functional goal of me, and what is the me In now and how to get from a to z…. Or if not a possibility , how to accept this me as me and how to get others to accept it . 😂
I read this!!! And I could’ve written it myself. 🤍 Thank you for sharing. It’s helping me know that we are really ok… And how amazingly resilient, intelligent and capable we are. 🌸
Good essay. Absolutely relate. I can't explain "what is wrong with me," especially when someone asks that particular question. Maybe nothing if I believe it but I don't and I don't feel perfectly healthy or happy. Asking for help and patiently waiting for appts. Will it help, can someone please help me feel okay? Also, struggling to be worth the time and attention so I waited until I am 43 to start validating my feelings and still trying to quite gas-lighting myself. 🦋 Wishing solutions to us all...
A childhood story of dissociation: I was left alone in the kitchen to finish my dessert (grapes), I knew I had to finish quickly because my mother used to hit if we weren’t fast enough. Somehow I started dissociating/daydreaming and when I snapped out of it realized too much time had passed and I hadn’t eaten a single grape. I gobbled them all in a second to avoid punishment and started choking. I couldn’t breathe at all. At this point I was frozen, if I went out of the kitchen I knew she’d hit me, if I stayed and hadn’t finished the grapes, she’d hit me. So i stayed in place trying to figure out how to fix it myself (as usual). She ended up coming back in time but all I remember of the situation was the fear of my mother, and the surprise ending of not beating beaten (like wtf?). I practically never dream (or I don’t remember anything), but one recurring nightmare I have is gasping for air in shallow water (bathtub), unable to move, unable to breath until I wake up. Got diagnosed with adhd at 35, the treatment slightly calmed my depression, improved my sleep (I don’t wake up 3 times a night anymore) but all the rest is still here (executive functioning, dissociation, focusing trouble, 0 motivation, can’t project myself in the future…). Hopefully soon I can start therapy.
By high school I thought something might be off. I'm high functioning and fairly adapted, no one thought anything of it. One therapist told me it was normal at 19. Tens of therapists later at 50 finally someone came up with ADHD but I had a lot of traumatic and downright stupid therapy experiences. I did inner child and other stuff as well. The only thing that has helped is my own discipline and people like you on YT for free just getting familiar and validated. I agree that the diagnosis or labels aren't as important
Thank you for addressing the intersection of childhood trauma and ADHD. I recently (~1 year ago) got diagnosed with ADHD. When people are surprised by it, I joke that the fear from the childhood trauma balanced out my ADHD impulsivity. And, while I do joke, I think there's a good amount of truth to it for me. I don't think my ADHD is rooted in my trauma, especially since when I look at my family I'm pretty sure that my mom has it, and at least one of my cousins has it. What the childhood trauma did was to force me to develop defense mechanisms that have the side effect of being decent enough ADHD coping strategies. It also brought with it shame, depression, anxiety, horrid self esteem, constant self doubt, fawning, and so on. I think I finally realized that there's something else wrong besides the trauma as I worked on the trauma, and on dealing with survival strategies and defense mechanisms that no longer serve me. Because they were doing double duty, my ADHD symptoms became more and more and more apparent. The great thing, for me, about having both diagnoses is that I can now be kinder and more understanding to myself, which in turn helps me work on the trauma. "Why can't you just fucking do X?", which leads shame and self hate, has instead become "ah, my inability to do X is due to this facet of my atypical neurology. Instead of spending my energy beating myself up, which makes everything so much harder, I'm going to accept that this is where I am right now, and do another task instead." It's slow going, obviously, but I'm in a much better place now than I was 2 years ago. (Anecdote: I don't think most ADHD is rooted in trauma. The kids of one of my friend have ADHD, and she's one of the most amazing parents I know.)
Yes! I couldn’t figure out how to word this/relate the two even though I kept feeling there was a connection that led to the next downward spiraling event. I didn’t realize this term applied to what I was doing back then, but “masking” was an action that resulted from CPTSD. Also agree with being kinder to oneself with the diagnoses. There’s less self-hatred/self-condemnation and less ambiguity/wondering why the world won’t provide me answers if they mark mine as wrong.
i'm not getting proper ADHD diagnosis because i dont have the hyperactivity/impulsivity but i have as good as everything else stated here, with dysfunctional family dynamics (also assuming them also have undiagnosed atypical neurology). it wears me down so much, i feel like it means my issues aren’t real, but i experience it since ages
I really appreciate the way you pointed out that some therapists can be less than helpful. It’s about the hardest thing when you seek professional help and get the same non-help that your neglectful parents gave you. “That’s your lot, what can you do?” And you can only find out the level of compassion of your therapist by opening up and sharing your story, not always easy. Thank you for this video. I have been trying to figure out if these symptoms all come from the same place, or not. I’m 42, diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia at 23 years old. Never medicated, and never made more than $22k/year (YET!). I should probably see someone, but when they don’t listen and just want to prescribe meds, it’s not the kind of help I desire. …and it’s like so not that easy at all to find someone who you know will listen and be understanding and try to help, despite that’s the job description. Thanks again!
Trouble is with ADHD only medications work to help contain some of the symptoms. One cannot unlearn ADHD, only control some of the symptoms. What you need help with is the childhood trauma you suffered becuse of the ADHD and how no one understood it or you. Things are somewhat better now, but ADHD has got to be one of the most difficult problems parents face. It takes a special parent to bring up a child with ADHD a most likely one of them has it too, also undiagnosed.
@@ruthlehmann1037 Meds, strategies and help with tasks. By help I mean if someone takes some of the load from you, like a partner, flatmate or a social worker.
I can relate so much. Although I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD til adulthood (decade or more after TBI to frontal lobe), I have the same symptoms along with depression & anxiety. Neuropsych testing revealed a high IQ, yet none of that matters if you can't remember things, be on time 100%, perform according to society's (or your own) high standards, nor afford to pay bills - including outrageous medical & insurance fees. On top of that were the unhealthy or abusive relationships which compounded things... I've had many different jobs & a good career but it got cut short when a Rx caused/worsened medical issues at work - so much for any protection from the ADA!🙄 Now I'm on SSDI (at parents' insistence) which is below poverty level. I wish I could work but am always in fear of a medical symptom interfering (bc it ruined so many jobs I actually did well, regardless). So hard to find good docs, especially that accept my insurance. Seems like the govt (US) & society in general only wants to sustain the the rich & healthy. Grateful for UA-cam at least. Good luck to you! ❤️🙏
I'm 54 and this is so me. I can pay my bills and work full time. Then I have my mom and disabled brother on my day off. The one day I get I have laundry. I now grocery shop online. I can't make myself do things I enjoy. I think I am a mix between AD.H.D and child hatrauma. Then because that is not enough.Almost two years ago my son was killed By a man that ran red light. And I haven't been able to recover from that so I keep These youtube videos trying to find a way to Make my life work for me.
Understanding the Dopamin deficite or disregulation helps me so much to understand, why I need to feel stressed and fearful to get lots of things done. Also why I created stressful situations and functioned best in stressful work environments. Then I'd break down and burn out all the time. Right now I'm taking supplements for a natural prestate of Dopamin which stabilize me. I'm so excited, that you pick up this topic and intersection.
@@sun_buddy it's called L-Tyrosin. And I take 5-HTP for a Serotonin prestage. I take them as two different capsules, as I needed to try out, which my body deals best with. But there are also supplements that have both combined, as I saw. Wish You the best.
@@sun_buddy it's basically giving the body one essential amino acid that is needed to produce Dopamin and noradrenalin. I had taken psychiatric medication that worked on that level, which was very effective, but had heavy side effects. So a more gentle approach is what I am trying to achieve through this.
I’m 25 and I thought I’ve only struggled with SAD/GAD/ deppresion since middle school but this video describes what I’ve been going through completely, it’s a battle everyday
This video resonated a lot with me. I have a lot of thoughts, including around the intersection of disability and trauma - I have ADHD, autism, AND trauma, so it’s definitely been a triple whammy - but I’ve especially thought about the end, and honoring the client’s story. I’ve been to a lot of therapists. One of them I spent at least 5 years with, but even though it helped a little, after a while it completely stagnated. And it seemed to be roughly the same pattern. They would take the time to get to know me, I would both give a summary of my childhood and describe some stuff that happened recently, and then after a certain point they would start trying to teach me these tips and tricks, like affirmations and breathing exercises. Meanwhile, I would try to talk about what happened to me as a kid and how I think it might be connected - but while I don’t think they were trying to outright dismiss me, they seemed to want to put it off until I learned those techniques. They’d also tell me things whenever I’d describe an upsetting situation to them. I usually try to be careful when analyzing or talking about a situation - I try to avoid mischaracterizing people, and allow for human error, including my own. But even after doing that, when I’ve described the actions of someone who upset me, they’ve said things like, “have you tried looking at it from a different angle? Maybe they were just _____.” It’s happened with other things, too. When I describe certain emotional problems, they’ve occasionally suggested changes in diet, in sleep, in how I talk to others. And I do get it - stuff like that can really help. But in the context that it’s presented, it ends up feeling extremely invalidating and frustrating. I think one of the best examples was when I was in high school - I had started seeing a therapist due to depression, and one of the things we were discussing was how lonely I felt, and how I had trouble connecting to my classmates and schoolmates. She kept recommending this particular trick she called “putting a quarter in”, which was taking a piece of something the other person was talking about and reinserting it into the conversation - basically, encouraging the other person to talk about their interests and passions. But even though I had autism and ADHD, those communication skills weren’t really the problem. I was still deeply traumatized, and was scared of letting other people get close - both out of a fear of hurting them, and a fear of them hurting me. And no amount of quarters would have fixed that. By not seeing and acknowledging the pain underlying my behavior - which at the time, I needed help seeing - the experience became invalidating and set off my triggers surrounding being misunderstood. I’m currently between therapists. And some part of my mind worries that the therapists think I just couldn’t stick with it when the work got tough. Or that such a thing is the reality. In the video, you mentioned CBT - whenever I tried to talk about what I need in terms of therapy, I would say that CBT didn’t really work for me. Maybe that’s not entirely the truth - it’s hard to say. I’m just tired of feeling alone and like I’m not getting anywhere. Wish me luck in finding a better fit.
I both want to talk with someone and don’t at the same time due to the worry of being invalidated. Most of my life has been that, so I can see myself leaving feeling shattered again. Basically, I don’t have a lot of trust to give out and when I muster up the courage to do so, I get drained just thinking about betrayal/disappointment. Negative results have long lasting impact while positive ones…are kind of questionable if I’ll even remember them (especially after dissociation). On the rare, once in a blue moon, occasions that I do/have been validated, those people aren’t around long enough for the interaction to stay meaningful. Or…I self-sabotage and avoid them to keep from mucking up their life with my problems…so yea 😃
I don’t think you need more therapy. I think maybe an alternative healing modality of some kind would help you, doesn’t matter what it is, just the act of exploring other ways of healing will be helpful.
Your IQ is too high for therapy, won't work for you. I bet they also said: "You need to stop being so rigid in your thinking" or "Black and white thinking" Yes it is black and white, I can sleep or I can't there's no "Grey" area (Sorry personal thing) It helps if you talk to someone who actually understands you, feel free to drop me a line
I’m 43, in the proces of getting diagnosed. It’s answering the one and only question I’ve had since childhood: why am I like this? I went to trauma therapy for a difficult childhood, but incidentally bumped into an article about ADHD in adult women and how hard it is to diagnose and figure out. Suddenly everything clicked. I definitely also suffer from my difficult childhood, but knowing what I know now about ADHD, I can see that in a completely different light, and I feel less of a burden to the people around me. Mental health issues, self esteem issues, all the consequential damage that comes from having undiagnosed ADHD has all fallen into place. I have a lot of work to be done still, but at least now I can see clearly which direction I’m going in.
You nailed it in the first few minutes what 30 years of therapy has barely been able to figure out. I feel great comfort in knowing I’m actually so textbook. Thank you. Old dogs can still learn new tricks right?
I never realized how many daily issues i got which seem adhd related. Not being able to do tasks until the last minute or maybe never at all, being stuck in life, overwhelmed with tasks no matter how much time you got. I swear any symptom you are describing feels like you talking about me personally..
I got diagnosed as being Autistic and having ADHD a year ago (I'm in my early 30s) and I grew up in a Fundamentalist Christian environment where psychology, therapy and other scientifically-soumd tools weren't available or believed to be helpful. I also grew up low income with my mom needing a lot of care due to seizures and dealing with Emotional and Verbal Abuse in our home and bullying outside of the home. I read Patrick's Recommended book "The Highly Explosive Child" and it fit me to a T with how I acted out when I was younger because I didn't have a diagnosis. The only thing that made me "functional" was the high standards that parents and teachers placed on me up until college. Yet those standards kept eating at me (and some still do to thus day but I'm working through the childhood issues too) until I went to see a psychotherapist then a CBT therapist in my mid 20s. I eventually got my current diagnosis (where I had to go to a special clinic for those with Autism) when I also couldn't hold down a job and kept cycling through temp gigs until about two months ago when I started my first full time role in my field (10 months after my diagnosis). I've been waiting for a video about ADHD and childhood issues for awhile and THANK YOU so much for making this. I was crying during some of the points you talked about and will save this video for me to watch as a great resource. PLEASE keep up the good work you do!!
Your life is very similar to my own, minus that I got diagnosed with ADHD at 24 last year, and don't have an autism diagnosis(though I believe it's a possibility). I really hope you are able to work through those doubts that you actually have the disorder, and that therapy is useless, if you have them. I sure do.
Thanks for sharing. I am waiting for my neuropsychological results in 2 days. I am assuming I have adhd and I have thought so for a decade. Now based on Andrew huberman podcast about adhd and this one I am learning towards almost definitely. I'm wondering if it's anything else like you mentioned that's an interesting concept I've never heard about
So my question is, are you are an adult that went to a regular school but struggled? So on a scale of mild to severe autism, how bad is yours? I didn't no that was a thing? Excuse my ignorance..Having autism but being so functional that you made it to 30 years old before anyone knew something was up? Thanks for sharing in going to research that
I've thought I had ADHD for most of my adult life. I finally got tested a few years ago but they said I didn't have it. I was very confused by the lack of diagnosis because I was SURE I had it because I experienced almost all of the symptoms. Fast forward to 6 months ago I start seeing a trauma-informed therapist and get diagnosed with PTSD. This video cleared up so much and everything you said was incredibly relatable.
I always said before 32 (“diagnosed adhd”) that I felt I was in a dream. A fog of sorts. I’ve done the cptsd work, I’ve done the work u have helped guide, I’ve done my own health & healing work. & for the first time feel my version of normal! Without medication. It’s interesting how healing happens when u listen to what the universe delivers. Thank you SOOOO much for this video. You described me to a T at the beginning. Can’t wait to show my hubby & see his look of “yup. That sounds like your tendencies!” Time mgmnt is still not my strength;) Thanks again Patrick!!! Best therapist I’ve not spoken to❤️🔥
My ears feel weird, its almost a pain, tears in my eyes, chest feels tight, neck feels tight. A smile on my face. I not only needed to hear this, but I would really like to show the therapist I'm seeing. You put into words things Ive been hoplessly taking four appointments to try and talk about.
Dissociating while being told something you asked because you're thinking what the other person is thinking about you is wildly relatable
This whole video is wildly relatable! Too bad I still haven't gotten proper mental health advice going on about 30 years now. Instead, they just keep insisting I have GAD.
🤯
Or how about this one: “I’m listening. I am listening to this very important information! Go me! I’d better nod, so this person knows I am listening. Make eye contact… not too much eye contact, though, that’s weird. Or is it? Should I stop trying to look like I’m paying attention…”
All adhd symptoms are. Reason why self diagnosis is bad idea. Question is how often do you suffer because of the symptoms how often it happens? I'd advice to listen to huberman podcast or some other professionals. Nothing wrong with subjective ir as objective opinions of others as they can but I find really forcing with good reason urself to help and change one's life is the one step that has a possibility to help . It may be not one therapist but few, finding the right one is difficult.
What did you say?
I know the feeling of leaving the apartment late in the day to go to a coffee shop just to feel like I've done something with my day. I let the day pass by and only get motivated after most of what could have been a productive day has passed.
same thing here! got very surprised on how well I was described lol some days I'll spend like 2-3 days inside my house (I work from home) and be constantly blaming myself for not even leaving for walk. I am going thru to healing journey now, and hopefully I will get better. Hope the same for you!
Hello my double-self
Oh my god I feel you so much
I'm with all of you girls and guys. Such a struggle. ☮ ❤
Literally me right now
I've heard that undiagnosed ADHD cause childhood trauma itself, because your inability to do basic things can cause alienation, guilt and stress. As a person with ADHD I can confirm that my memories of my school/college times are very traumatic and I even sometimes have nightmares about it.
I think a lot of my childhood trauma is due to me being unable to do certain tasks and my parents ruthlessly punishing me for it. I tended to lose items of clothing and was genuinely unable to as much as start to trace back my steps to even begin searching for them. I was inattentive in class and would regularly get kicked out for drawing or writing something unrelated. My parents were seething with me for failing to do basic tasks and it made me feel so stupid and useless. Their solution was to book me 2+ hour long tutoring sessions and becoming absolutely enraged when my tutors reported I was half falling asleep half begging to stop. They kicked me out "for my own good" and demanded I do very draining social work right after high school and expressed how disappointed they were when I couldn't cope and became physically sick from the stress. I was in the hospital with genuine health issues from stressing so hard and they still acted like I was maliciously sabotaging myself. It must all be my fault because my teachers told them I was very smart but very lazy.
Likewise. I would always forget chores, closing doors, turning lights off, always daydreaming. Always getting in trouble for it, was never quite good enough "So much potential, if only you could ...."
That itself or similar themes are a common thread in upbringing if you have ADHD. Left me with self esteem issues, imposter syndrome, self hate/doubt. It snowballed over time, combined with my pursuit of dopamine - more drugs, porn, gaming. Failures snowballed along with the shame.
Finally diagnosed at 45yo.
Never had any serious childhood trauma beyond discipline amplified because of my ADHD.
Totally feel all of this
Diagnosed at 60 😢
I was diagnosed at 44 and bullied, abused, exploited and underestimated because of my ADHD. An early diagnosis would have made a huge difference.
So true!
One thing that triggers me is hearing parents yell at their kids.
As a child, I was always afraid the moment it started, but most kids don't care. It's made me understand people more empathetically.
SO. MUCH. I hate seeing parents in grocery stores invalidate, ignore, or get angry at their kids just…existing.
So true. Same is the case with me
As I was watching this I was thinking about how he said that around 80% of people with ADHD have parents with ADHD; so we have an insecure adult who's dealing with the baggage of not getting the support they needed from their parent, who is themselves in all likelihood an insecure adult dealing with the baggage of not getting the support they needed! I would love a deeper dive into processing generational baggage with ADHD
Am dealing with unpicking this exact issue, as a 37 yr old late diagnosed ADHD, I'm 95% sure my mum and I are codependent because of our ADHD/CPTSD
Same, turns our grand parent is being treated for bipolar. Sounds like she wasn't treated with compassion by her sisters for being 'spacy'.
@@Arachne-qw1vr I had a bipolar grandfather (maternal side), grandmother I'm certain was CPTSD from that, one daughter was bipolar, the other two daughters turned into narcs, and a son that just did weed a lot. My mother (narc) messed me up so bad, my father was a violent sexual abusing narc that scarred me for life. I've been diagnosed with bipolar2 mixed presentation rapid cycling, ADHD, Autism/Aspergers, PTSD, CPTSD... out of all of that, I'm certain that when I'm able to escape my narc husband, the bipolar, ADHD and autism with disappear. The CPTSD I'm suffering from is 28 years of verbal, emotional, financial and sexual abuse from my husband. I didn't see this until I was 48, I was diagnosed at 49. But the childhood trauma set me up to marry whom I did. I've blamed myself for decades, but through many of these YT videos have realized the abuse as a kid and 28 years with my husband, is an entire LIFETIME of abuse. 52 years of abuse - my poor 21 year old son, was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder at 2, and we finally after almost 20 years of fighting for it, got an "official" on paper diagnosis because we coughed up teh cash for a real autism psychiatrist to help us.
we'd only been able to go to clinics that had NO, NONE, ZERO autism specialist to help us. They just drugged my son to the hilt (sit down and shut up) for school. I was suffering from emotional breakdowns as he grew up. He's a wreck now. He said he refuses to have children, he's going to be the one to break the chain.
@@yarn7130 ditto. Mum killed herself and said she had to go or ruin grandkids...smh...
My brother and mother were diagnosed with adhd and the same doctor said it wouldn’t be possible for me to have it …. Here I am 28 years old, diagnosed adhd and going to therapy and the happiest I’ve ever been.
This is absolutely brilliant. 'I'm healing CPTSD. Explains my clutter, inability to finish tasks, not paying bills when I have the money and indecisiveness.
@@Nan-Elle my mom Doing that here lately to me been talking non stop and until she tired and go to bed but my head be fried.
Hi Trina, I have the same thing. What are you doing for treating it? I’m doing EMDR and taking Kratom but hard to ay if it’s working. I guess just gotta keep trying and working at it. But I would love to know if anything is working for you. Take care!
OMG. I just started the video. What you wrote sounds like me. So now I'll listen and find these connections. I get overwhelmed! And intellectually, I know what I need and want. But I get stunted because I have too much to do. Like a pinball in a pinball machine.
What’s the therapy called to fix this?
Often times I feel like I can't manage anything and then I get stuck in the loop. So executive function at it's finest, I can't seem to get started. It's been really hard to type my message here. I actually know I'm a writer at heart. I get too scared to respond to a text, afraid to make mistakes, I can't even come up with one letter of the alphabet in that moment my head hurts, I completely black out, my jaws and cheeks feel the blood rushing in and get all hot under my skin, my heart starts to pound faster and my hands keep sweating, then I feel nauseated afterwards and completely drained. Like a T-rex appeared out of nowhere. I'm diagnosed with depression, fibromyalgia and restless legs. I know what my truth is. I have no faith in "external" doctors. I just do my own research like I've always have since I could read, keep on reading. "They" can't diagnose me properly and don't even know how basic biology works. Talking about my personal experience about specific people whom I interacted with. I really find this channel helpful in so many ways. I came to find out this quest is forever. Much love and peace everyone 🌌💖💫
I would add one thing. Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD can be a trauma on its own. I struggled with it besides toxicity in the family. I feel like I was left alone with my struggles around Adhd as well and neglected by my parents even with severe reading difficulties. Just because I was still better in school than my brothers and had some severe "trying to make my parents proud"-patterns going on, I was still very good in school and therefor left alone with all my struggles, bullying and ADHD. It was there, still is, and I have to say that I would fit to almost all of the symptoms in both circles. I am glad to have found out about the ADHD, and to find some workarounds and coping-strategies. But I have to say, that being around my narcissistic still husband my symptoms would be much worse and being around my father too. There, around the abusive people, even the strategies that helped me in school or helped me manage my days very well, would not help much at all.
After leaving that husband, I started looking into why I would fall for these kind of men again and again, and thats how I came to see the origin of the mess. Have a lot of work ahead and glad to have this help. So thanks for this inside. I sure am glad to know of both.
I can relate to a lot of this ❤️ and I wish you healing
I'm autistic and suffered from cptsd - well, at times I'm still affected by it. But I got diagnosed as well with add. It's so frustrating to not know exactly, if I really have it or not. Because the more I heal from cptsd/childhood trauma, the more the add symptoms go away, but definitely it doesn't change my thinking, which I'd describe as autistic.
It's frustrating to never really know, if one has add or not.
Wit my you on this
👍👍👍😀
Its the same with me. I was so Hard on myself that I developed severe problems about my self Identity and validation from others. When I found out I have ADHD at 18 years old due to reading a article about adhd in womans, I cried so much. I wasn't sad but in the first time in my life I felt understood and not wrong.
Hello Patrick.
I am 50 years old and WAS (But no longer doing so) slowly planning my suicide because you just described my life.
I can't tell you how emotional I feel having heard this and feeling a sense of being understood while also judging myself to stop playing victim. I couldn't finish school because if the physical and emotional abuse at home and was sleeping on the streets.
I'm so very grateful to you for the HOPE I feel 😢🙏🏽
Hi, many of the things he mentioned here are still a story of my life as well. I also know the feeling of always running short of expectations. Mostly I use others as a proxy of my own unachievable expectations. Please allow yourself some kindness and try to get help. Lower your immediate expectations, take small steps. You deserve this, because you is so much greater than this. Suicide is not an answer, just a cop out. You can only fail life by intentionally dying. Although there is not much I can do, I recognize and care for you. Keep going.
Please seek help. I didn’t know what I had was ADHD, but I did know it was PTSD. The ptsd therapy has helped very much. There is hope
Dear person, I hope I am not too late for your to read this. Please do not do yourself in. There is a purpose for your life and there will come a time when you will find your worth. I have suffered from low self esteem, and self doubt, anger, frustration, and guilt most of my life but I have come to just learn to take inventory of the things I can do and embrace them. Take and inventory of all your strengths and nurture them. I pray that you find peace and carry on in your journey through this life. God bless you.
@@hootinouts I'm sorry to alarm you or anyone.
I was explaining of how low I got and how finding Patrick's channel has helped me so much to know someone out there gets me.
I appreciate your message so much.
I believe true empathy can only come from people who have suffered. 🙏🏽
@@Ohne_Silikone
@hootinouts I'm sorry to alarm you or anyone.
I was explaining of how low I got and how finding Patrick's channel has helped me so much to know someone out there gets me.
I appreciate your message so much.
I believe true empathy can only come from people who have suffered. 🙏🏽
Chronic stress and anxiety as a child, desensitizes you to adrenaline. In flash high stress situations, ADHD sufferers often become clear headed, rather than 'chimping out' the way most people do with an adrenaline surge. This also makes sense of stimulants being an effective treatment for ADHD.
Oh wow! So interesting. I’ve never thought of the effects of medication that way. In severe trauma situations in the past I have always turned into the calm cool one who can make decisions while everybody else is freaking out. 🤔🤔
Stimulants make me more quiet and intent, which is typical. But if you have anxiety, you might not always get the clarity, then you space out and over-think.
wait this makes so much sense. For much of my teenage years I was high-strung and kind of a mess ~except~ in emergency situations, where I would just act and knew what to do. I was only good in emergencies. And now I have an anxiety disorder
I do great when there is an emergency. When a wheelchair battery at work exploded, I was so clear headed when I called my boss she thought I was lying.
@@Tex604
Imbecile
Mind blown at the concept that as a child you were supposed to get practice trying to communicate things to your parents
what lmao
Felt this.
Shit, I’m 39 years old and often it still feels like talking to a brick wall trying to communicate anything substantial or important with family. 😖
@@TireSlayer55 Sometimes a brick wall is better, at least it's not dismissive...
@@666Tomato666 That's very true. This parent is still often dismissive but at least the condescending attitude I used to get as a child has seem to dissipate over the years.
I love this man. He saved my life with his free content. I cannot afford the care I need where I live and sometimes these videos were the only thing that made me feel not crazy
He is my supplemental therapist. I am fortunate to have an amazing LISCW who specializes in trauma, C-PTSD and EMDR. Seeing her weekly for over a year now has been very helpful. However, there are numerous hours in between those visits; Patrick Teahan and The Crappy Childhood Fairy get me through. Thanks Patrick!
May you be whole soon.
You tube therapy is a Godsend.
Why can’t the healthcare institution understand that we need adhd therapy to be covered by insurance, FOR REAL.
@jonellmagicbroompitts2926 they’re in the business of profits, not people…. Look downtown of any city. Some of the largest buildings are insurance companies. This needs to change… yesterday.
I’m only 5 minutes in and I feel like you’ve been explaining my life. I’m 57.
I’m 58
Restaurants are the absolute WORST place for a person with PTSD to work. My experience was, my coworkers worked hard and played super hard. Always going out to the bar after shifts. I actually just washed dishes, couldn't even buss tables because of the contact with people. People say it's wrong to isolate, but I feel most stable and happy when I am alone, with no one triggering me. I am working on myself, obviously, I'm here, but as far as dealing with people on a regular basis, I keep that to a minimum.
@Cy's Kitchen thank you. I'm completely ready to try that. Is that something a doctor does? Or... I mean any advice would be appreciated
Hearing the words “some kids are SO NEGLECTED they don’t see a parent til 10pm” hit me really hard bc I grew up genuinely assuming my home life was normal but in the years I’ve been away from home people have been shocked to hear my parents left me home alone as young as 5, or that I sometimes didn’t see them for weeks bc they’d always come home after I fell asleep.
One of my strongest childhood memories is of getting sent home with these “agendas” we had to write our lessons and homework in and get signed by our parents, but I constantly got in trouble bc I never got mine signed. I’d never get recess and would have to do extra work and even get points taken off my grade bc NO ONE would believe or take seriously that I 1) couldn’t remember things that had just happened earlier in the day 2) didn’t see my parents every night as a 10 year old.
It took me so long to realize that I was in an abusive situation, especially bc on the rare occasion stuff from my childhood gets brought up my mom tries to brush it off or gaslight me into believing it never happened…
I had the same issue. I was lucky enough to be good at art so I was able to forge my parents' signatures
I was the oldest of eight, four boys born in less than five years. My parents were good people and not toxic parents. But they couldn't be there for me when I was beaten senseless by my teacher, who threw me against the wall, breaking my face for the crime of looking out the window, lost in my own head and not paying attention in class. I needed my parents to be on my side and they instead said that I could not get in any more trouble in school because I was the oldest and had to set a good example for my siblings. They were overwhelmed with all the little lives they created. I think they both did the best they could with the tools they had at that time. But I was always off on the side watching chaos all around me when I needed my parents to listen to me try to explain what I was going through. Nobody ever thought I might have ADHD in the sixties. I was just left to my own devices.
What I learned was never to trust anybody in authority, which impacted me for the next sixty years. I was diagnosed at age 55 when I lost my career because I could no longer keep up in a high performance environment. I was in severe physical and emotional pain from PTSD, multiple brain injuries, and a self-destructive andrenaline-seeking behavior pattern as an aging extreme sports athlete. Basically, I was slowly killing myself through risk taking because the pain of a broken bone gave me a sense of euphoria that was more powerful than the emotional pain I felt and I tempted it compulsively. I don't do that anymore because I simply am not quick and strong enough to make the moves I used to make. I am satisfied just to climb and ski at the level I can currently perform.
I still don't know if my ADHD was due to trauma or if trauma just amplified it, though I do think it was the latter because I was the same distracted, hyperactive or disinterested kid before my teacher beat me as I have been ever since then. Now I'm old and retired and I don't have to deal with any authority. The awareness of what I missed out on in my development is painful. But I too have to see that I did the best with what I had and I was a lucky one who survived and made it all the way through my working life somewhat intact.
Oh. My. Fucking. God……. This happened to be in childhood too!! I was really “slow” in most of my classes especially English. My mom was a bartender from 5pm-4am most nights and slept till about 2-3pm till her next shift!!! I didn’t really understand that this wasn’t normal. I was also an only child. The agenda thing as well… I would ask her to sign but she would forget about it all the time and so I would sign it as if I was her!!! CRAZY!!
I sincerely hope you are doing well. ❤
I had my senses tested as well. Turned out my eyes would go all cockeyed when I was reading and I couldn't retain/understand the stuff I was reading
You're not alone either. I had those exact things to deal with and I'm glad to see these words from someone else because I probably wouldn't be able to get them out myself. I'm 27 years old, disabled, and my kids have been taken from me and I'm only just now feeling like I finally know what I need to do to get better.
You just described me. I'm 61, just got diagnosed with ADHD, so bitter sweet, finally my entire life makes sense! ADHD wasn't a thing back in the 60's and 70's. I look back, I was the day dreamer, the boys in my class were just considered 'naughty' because they wouldn't stay in their seats.
I'm heartbroken for what might have been, what I could of done with help. I was the youngest of my family 'the mistake' and Dad was an alcoholic, I think my Mom was just trying to cope and was exhausted, I was strong willed, and obviously intelligent, so I got lost and just turned out to be the 'loser'. All my friends went to university, I didn't finish high-school. My sister has called me a flake my entire life. Just starting medication now we'll see how that goes
🤷🏻♀️🤞🇨🇦
Praying for you. Redemption of the time…
You're not a mistake, God has ordained everyday of your entire life. You were predestined to exist according to the definite plan of God. Everyone who is in Christ by faith overcomes the world.
@@jordantheriverman6143 you know not everyone is Christian, right?
@@somethingwithbungalows You do realize that in the United States 65% - 75% of citizens identify themselves as Christian? Show some restraint and learn some tolerance. Your views are a very small minority. If you expect to be heard, start showing others respect.
Oh my…. You’re the male version of me!!!
All my childhood I was reminded that I wasn’t planned. My mother who was 33 thought she was to old to get pregnant and therefore was conceived on a Sunday afternoon while my parents were “napping”.
I wasn’t diagnosed until my early 50’s and looking back it all makes sense. All through out my school years I couldn’t focus and nothing made sense or sunk in. My solution was to pretend to be sick a lot. Even if I voiced my frustrations of not “getting it” there was no such diagnosis of ADHD in the 1970’s and am sure I would be labeled a slow learner. I left school in the 11th grade and still regret it to this day.
Being diagnosed with ADHD felt relieving. I finally had an answer to the “why”. Taking medication isn’t the magic pill I thought it would be. What it does help with us slowing my brain down enough to be able to focus.
For anyone who doesn’t have ADHD imagine your brain is a TV and the channels are constantly changing uncontrollably. You can’t concentrate on something for more than a few moments. That’s what it feel like.
I wish you all the best my friend and work with your doctor to find the medication and concentration therapy you need.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
People need to realise that people with anxiety disorders have oversensitised nerves, it's not a simple case of manning up and getting over it.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, doctor Greg mushroom I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Please, how do I reach doctor Greg?
Is he on the internet?
The first 5 or so minutes are almost completely my experience from childhood. It's comforting to know now that there was a legitimate reason for the behavioral patterns I couldn't seem to break.
Same for me. Except, my parents knew, I have adhd as I was diagnosed when starting school. My dad has adhd, too, so I was expected to deal with it in the same way.
@@v3ru586 yep same here. Except they treated me with Adderall when diagnosed in early childhood, found out it was amphetamines and took me off it then never treated it again. I don’t blame them at all for being afraid of giving their young child speed but not treating my ADHD has caused me to pick up extremely negative habits and coping strategies. All while not knowing that my ADHD played such a huge role in why I do The things I do and instead thinking that there was something wrong with me. Im 33 now and started medication almost 2 years ago and tho it’s not a fix all, I’m making a lot of progress in breaking those habits :)
@@ScottR3389 that's encouraging to hear. Im mostly untreated so far (unless you count the discipline that was supposed to mimic military service). I have my first appointment with an adhd expert next week and I hope she can help me
@@v3ru586 hell yeah glad to hear your trying to get help with it! It’s honestly one of if not the best decision I’ve ever made for myself.
@@ScottR3389 I've been trying to get help for years, however I was missing the info about my diagnosis and the small town doctors I've seen so far didn't realise as I'm not hyperactive. In fact, I was told that as the calmest student in my class, I couldn't have a condition known for turning kids into class clowns
On an Additude Podcast with Russell Barkley about emotional dysregulation in ADHD, he mentions that people who have ADHD are way more prone to getting PTSD compared to the general population. Due to ADHD's genetic factor, childhood trauma can be caused by both the child and a parent having ADHD (parent often not diagnosed yet) with both being emotionally dysregulated and impulsive, causing big blow outs. But even adults going to war who have ADHD are way more likely to come back with PTSD.
There's an unofficial thing in ADHD that's labelled "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" that some people think just sounds like cptsd, and interestingly the medicine used to treat rejection sensitivity dysphoria in ADHD are also medicine's used to treat traumatized children (targetting adrenal systems): the alpha agonists Clondine and Guanfacine.
For me, I believe I have both cptsd and ADHD, and the things that are primarily or only ADHD are:
-Talking fast, thinking fast, interrupting people cause I can't control myself and asking lots of questions (if it's an interesting conversation)
-or having to get up and do something with my hands (like putting away things or doing dishes or making a tea) if it's not an interesting conversation or isn't holding my attention.
-I can hyperfocus on new hobbies, interests, go down internet rabbit holes for like 8 hours and forget to eat. But then I also drop hobbies and interests just as quickly as I pick them up.
-Info dumping things that I'm excited about
-Every day is very inconsistent, sometimes I have really great days and sometimes I have very bad days where I am chronically fatigued and super brain fog, etc, but it doesn't feel caused by anything or triggered by anything, except my brain having less dopamine that day.
-CBT doesn't seem to help the ADHD symptoms because it's not something we can cognitively control re: our attention etc. But the ADHD medications absolutely do help those elements.
I've found that yoga,meditation and EMDR have really helped me to slow down. I can still talk to much or interrupt people if I get excited about something. I'm not of the mindset that ADD is a brain disorder. I believe it's a brain type. I believe western psychology has made it a disorder so big pharma can medicate us and make a ton of money. I don't have childhood trauma that I remember, I had a good childhood.
@@kims1912 you are right. People with ADHD are considered to be neurodivergent. This means our brains process things differently
This is so like me. In my case though I feel I haven't been always so 'disrupted' and erratic. It all started about 15 years ago .
@@thedolcetto81 mines definitely getting worse as I get older (in my early 30s now)
@Unit in Harmony yes usually, sometimes it can hit in the afternoon randomly too. I've found it often lines up with my hormonal cycle: after ovulation when progesterone goes up and estrogen drops, my brain fog and ADHD symptoms in general get much worse for that 1-2 weeks
That thing about dissociation as living in your head and being really hypervigilant about stuff really clicked for me. I'm currently taking driving lessons (I'm hoping my second attempt at the exam tomorrow will be successful) and that hypervigilance is something I really struggle with. I don't know exactly what's going on in my head, but I get way too hypervigilant about everything going on in traffic, I think about all the things at once, and then I get worried about whether I'm doing everything wrong, and then I think about how I'll never be able to drive and it goes down this spiral and meanwhile I'm gritting my teeth trying to do everything right, but when I'm not so stuck in my head, I just do and I don't make all those awful mistakes that I make when I am stuck in my head. Luckily, my driving teacher has been really awesome about this as he's not just pointed it out to me, but he strategically puts on music or involves me in conversations about topics that interest me in order for me to get out of my own head.
Edit: I passed :)
I so relate…
Same
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
@@Seeker0fTruth thank you :)
Congrats on passing!!
I watched this video with my jaw dropped. My partner has childhood trauma and ADHD. I did not understand him at all. I have tried so hard to remain patient and tolerant. All of this makes sense now. What is difficult is staying with someone who will not seek help. As a partner I cannot do the work or help him. Thank you for helping me understand clearly what is going on with my partner. You are amazing and so helpful.
It is so nice to hear you're proactively doing a research on your partner's struggles. I hope you'll find a way to talk to him about it and change things for the better!
I hope u still focus mostly on yourself, and not too much on your partner. He needs to have the motivation to change for his own sake, and you can’t do that for him. We all need to be responsible for healing ourselves. ❤
It’s hard to realize how much of my life I wasted because of ADD symptoms as a result of CPTSD. I am 65. I keep telling myself to start where I am in healing and remember that self-forgiveness is not the same thing as making excuses. You are doing a wonderful job at giving validation. This helps create a calmer space to look at my own story and make small consistent more loving choices. EDIT I have since learned a lot about ADHD since I made this comment and now know for sure I have ADHD. Yes CPTSD have aggravated that.
Same here at 61. I'm struggling with inertia without medication.
Same here. Wasn't diagnosed until 52, but at least it's making me a better mother now to my three adult kids.
Same here at 60 years old!
You did the best you could! I was diagnosed with inattentive ADD at 51 yo. My journey didn’t end there … subsequently diagnosed with cPTSD (childhood & married to an alcoholic)
I try to value every day. It is hard at times but I learned to manage many PTSD symptoms and stopped experiencing flashbacks & over-powering anxiety
Life is better but I had to go through a period of grieving the difficult past
but adhd is a fake condition so drugs can be sold to people
I’m 34, have a psych degree, and was raised by an extremely narcissistic and emotional abusive mother. I have been no contact for 3 years. Up until recently I never in a million years thought about me having ADHD but have ALWAYS struggled with all the symptoms. I got in trouble as a child for so many things because of my ADHD. My adult romantic relationships suffer because of it. I have my second therapy session tomorrow. 💜
Hey there. sounds like i’m in a super similar situation to yourself. i really hope your therapy session went well, I’ve also recently started therapy and i have 2 psych degrees and a job in the field. if you ever wanna talk, hmu x
Me too I’m also 34
Good luck 😊
We live the same life
Guys can we talk as group?
I don’t know whether it’s ADHD with me or severe anxiety due to not feeling good enough for my narc parents. I’ve never felt good enough and always felt a failure unless I’m doing something, I can’t relax at all. I’m extremely hyper vigilant due to living on eggshells all my life. Thanks so much for this video. Only now after 35 years am I realising how much I’m scared of my parents. I’m grieving for a childhood lacking in emotional support. I’m scared of everyone and scared of getting things wrong so making even the simplest decisions causes severe anxiety in case I get it wrong and get rejected. This video makes me realise I’m not weird.
Yes me too. I have trouble focusing when asking directions. I am an anxious talker which annoys people.
It's if I just have to let it out. I do everything at a fast pace.
I feel like this also. I’m always flustered and feel like I will make a terrible mistake. I had to very much walking on eggshells growing up with a narc alcoholic abusive father and a mother who did nothing to protect my brother and I .
I got diagnosed at 56. It's never too late to get help.
🙋♀️ Same. Narcissistic family
Same
I have both. Dad had major depression, high anxiety. Mom had ADHD and some place on the spectrum of narcissism. I have two grown sons. One has ADHD and the other does not. The one without it, graduated with a scholarship to college. The one with it, almost didn’t graduate from high school. But here is the good news: the one with ADHD is now a doctor. Medication and strong self will got him to where he is now. So there is hope.
The comments about finding a good trauma therapist make excellent points. Unfamiliar therapists WiLL tell you to just get over it, let it go, stop letting them take up space in your head, etc. without realizing how negatively it shoots a traumatized person down. Also, I wish therapists would quit pushing the A.A based forgiveness on trauma survivors. It always feels like gaslighting in some way.
THANK YOU. This is exactly why I stopped seeing my last two therapists. They push A.A so hard you'd think they were sponsored by it.
Yes!
For me, I had to get sober in order to make progress and identify the underlying issues. Then I could listen and learn, practice new responses to old problems, and become willing to put myself right sized. I hope anyone whose therapist suggests they check out a 12 Step program gives it a chance instead of contempt prior to investigation. No one tells you what to do; they share what has worked for them and offer suggestions. If someone is telling you what to do, go find someone else to talk to you until you find a good fit. It’s worked for me for over 40 years of complete abstinence. You can find a 12 Step program online or in your phone book. It’s worth a try and if you try for 90 days and it doesn’t help, you can return to using your substance of choice, no harm, no foul. Good luck.
@@sandycovey7440 not everyone is dealing with sobriety/addiction issues. A.A can be highly inappropriate for such people, especially when a therapist applies 12 step concepts in a knee jerk way.
I’m not suggesting it for everyone. I’m suggesting it might be helpful for some, especially if they’re not making progress and are numbing out to avoid dealing with their issues.
It's amazing how you pointed out what I always tell myself and the people around me: "I wish I would be living less inside my head and more in reality." This is my daily life... I am like stuck up in my head, losing track of thoughts, losing on what other people just told me, missing whole fragments of conversations, overthinking and worrying all the time and it is so annoying.
Same thing, same thing...
Welcome to ADHD.
11:16 no anxiety? Seems like a constant with ADHD.
I've been living in my head so long I've become convinced it's the only way to experience the truth and that reality is the lie. Very scary times
I don’t know if I have ADHD, but I do know I have been diagnosed with OCD and I can relate to this as well
ragingly crying right now to this. im 19 and struggle with nearly everything you listed. its literally eating me away it feels like every day there’s a war going on in my head. im constantly picking at myself because i feel like i have such high ambitions and they are constantly underachieved. i feel like im not even control of myself. my dad was abusive, other stuff but no one cares lol
Edit: TYSM FOR EVERYONES REPLIES THIS WARMING MY HEART FR
I care. Please check in to recovery place. There is help to be had.
i agree with carolyn, try to get diagnosed to adhd! its ok to be angry at your parents, they probably went through the same thing you did but the reason why they messed you up is because they didn't get help.
you're worth help, people don't take mental illness seriously enough, its so sad to see you say no one cares
Hi there mate, I am a 19 year old guy that is suffering from almost everything listed in this video. you are not Alone! Yesterday I started therapy to get to the bottom of what is wrong with me and within 1 session I felt like I better understood myself. I also relate to everything you put in your comment. Seek help and unpick what the underlying issues are and you will fine!
I relate so much
I can relate to all that you expressed. It is good that you haven’t wasted a lifetime not knowing. I am 61 and spent the last 49 years in alcoholism and drug addiction. At least I am beginning to understand why I am the way I am. I pray you find your way. Never give up, you are not alone.
I only recently realised my inner voice literally doesn't stop. The closest I can come to "shutting up" my internal voice is to use my internal voice to hum or hold an 'um' sound.
Hello well I'm sitting here with my jaw dropped, after listening to you speak for less than 5 mins. Wondering where someone like you had been all my life. At 60 years old and having searched hi and low to come to grips with my childhood and abuse and trauma issues . Now I sit in tears having been in " I'll call it mock therapy" for over 25 years at the state funded mental health establishment. I would like to thank you because in all 60 years I have NEVER felt understood or couldn't get out what I was trying to express . But you, you get it... thank you sir. Im just wondering what I could have accomplished in this life, had I gotten help early on, not for lack of trying.
/hugs tight/
You sound just like me! I’m 63 and still having these struggles much of the time. Thanks to my kids and these videos, I’m aware of them and trying to figure myself out.
Ditto. I listened and heard and understood. My words were in another persons mouth, bizarre .
I feel the same way about wondering what I could've accomplished in this life. My parents put me in Montessori school until 5th grade, and it was one of the best things they could've done to help with my ADHD. Too bad they didn't follow through on medication or other treatment for the rest of my life, especially when I began to struggle with public middle school, but no, instead I was punished for getting Cs, I was relentlessly bullied, I had "friends" who later said they were just my friend because they felt sorry for me, etc. I loved math and science as a little girl, but in public school I got poor grades in both. I'd like to think I might have gone into STEM, had I been fortunate enough to grow up in a supportive environment. I'm 47 now and still feel such a sense of loss. Many hugs to you.
Wow, this all hit home. I hadn’t been on this channel before and I’m looking forward to learning more!
I’ve started using medical marijuana and it seems to be helping with my executive functions, like time management and getting out of the house. But now I have a whole new thing to worry about because of the stigma around drugs and addiction!
I would add that drinking and dr*g use may actually be symptoms of someone trying to manage ADHD and or PTSD. People generally treat substance use as its own problem, and sometimes it can be, but that’s a very reductionist point of view. Very good video, really made me think about my own behaviors and recognize them in different ways - thank you for all you do!
I'm starting to think that my meth use and the fact that meth really "clicked" for me as apposed to other drugs - coke etc is that I may have undiagnosed adhd
This*^^^
This has been very helpful! I’ve had that thought where I feel like I do have ADHD but I have never been diagnosed.. I have been to therapy and both therapist have never asked about my childhood.. I’ve mentioned a few things .. but it almost seems like they just treat the “symptoms” .. and oh wow almost every time my therapist would ask me to explain something that happened I’ve lost my train of thought and I even forget what she had asked me to begin with..!! As I watch more of your videos im being aware of my family’s disfunction.. I just hope I can learn enough and reteach my self to not pass it down to my kids..
Absolutely, I agree 100%!
@@monicatorres594 definitely chase an evaluation. Adult women are woefully undiagnosed since their presentation can be quite different plus there is still a lot of misinformation even among healthcare workers unless they are specialised in ADHD.
Less than 2 minutes is and this is EXTREMELY relatable, soooooo many issues with the time-space continuum. Happened me yesterday, was at my sisters and wanted to leave before it got dark and I underestimated how long it would take to get home before it actually got dark, it was like I shot myself in the foot because I should've known better and accomodate for it!
Time blindness is an extremely common symptom of ADHD and ASD both.
I’m always late. Always. Which causes serious arguments with my partner. Same when I plan days where I have to run errands. I completely underestimate the length of time it will take to me to drive where I need to get to - I plan way too many errands, then end up being exhausted and stressed, all because I lack time management and planning skills. In my professional life though, I have learned to be highly organised, have an extreme attention to detail and am known for my high quality and standard of my work. But I simply had to be. I had to find tools to organise my brain. Calendars, spreadsheets, reminders. Otherwise I’d forget half of the things I have to get done for my job. It’s strange, how I can be so highly organised in my professional life, then often the complete opposite in my personal life. I often think that it’s probably taking so much mental bandwidth that somethings’ gotta give - which is often the organisation and execution of my personal life and time.
@@angrygerman82 I totally do the same. Sounds like it's making you sad to be over-committed, but you're maybe less afraid to disappoint your partner than your colleagues. Could you make more realistic demands on your time and still be a good employee, so that you aren't stressed and angry? It's just that you said that you're aware that you plan too many tasks, which is a good starting point.
Oh, yes.."Time blindness," as I like to call it plagues me every minute of everyday without fail. The shame and depression of knowing I do this, but still can not keep from doing so. Is horrible. I hate this about myself with a passion. Adhd has caused me an incredible amount of sadness and trauma, top that with childhood trauma no therapist has ever been willing to recognize..ugh. I was diagnosed at 34, 2 years ago, due to similarities between my son and me. (No trauma for him!). I would really love to find this "super power" Some relate adhd too. I'm sure it's there somewhere ..but not having much luck in finding the help I need to accomplish this, in my incredibly difficult adult life. It's rough. 😔
@@AwesomelyFaulted The shame, depression, sadness and trauma is so real! *hugs*
this is me spot on. i never faced any crazy physical abuse or being abandoned by my parents but my entire childhood was an emotional warfare with constant screaming and i never felt emotionally safe. sometimes physically. the thing that makes it the most confusing is that my parents are great, understanding people now. why couldn’t they be like that when i needed it most as a child? it sometimes feels like i’m tricking myself into believing that my childhood was better than it was because things are so different now. the child in me knows better though. i still feel her feelings today. i feel her pain and urgency to escape. that’s why i run away from my feelings as an adult, because i always wanted to run away from my environment as a child. i’m constantly late everywhere i go. I am disassociating in times where listening is the most important. i feel as if my body is on fire all the time with loads of left over adrenaline pushing through me in order to keep me going. i never feel at peace and all i want to feel is at home. functioning when the inner child in you is still screaming, is really hard.
I totally understand your feelings
I have the same weird idea that I must be wrong about my memories
My parents today are so much nicer
But I am right - they were out of control - they behaved badly - it did happen - it did traumatize me - and now they can’t do it anymore - I did MY therapy - I processed the trauma - I learned to protect myself from them ( mostly my mother) - and now I’m almost « cured » Be strong and kind ❤
The more I read about adult ADHD and came across posts of people with ADHD and their daily symptoms, the more I realized I might actually have it. As a girl, I was daydreaming constantly, but my need to get good grades for the approval probably balanced it out. But as a result, I had severe levels of anxiety when it came to school performance as a teenager. I am currently contemplating getting a diagnosis in earnest. Maybe it's something else. Maybe I just have an anxiety disorder, but something needs to happen.
Are you me! Get a diag and join an online support group girl!
Please go and get checked, I've had that feeling for YEARS and just now I'm starting to get treated and I can't put into words how much my day to day life has improved.
Here to second what the others said! I always knew it was something but I didn’t know what. Met with a trauma therapist and she diagnosed me the first session! Instant relief and healing began that day for me. It’s not that way for everyone but I’m eternally grateful and wouldn’t want you to miss this for yourself or settle for any less! You deserve to heal!
I hope you can find help! I've had a very similar experience. Currently at the verge of burning out so I'm going to the doctor regardless because talking to a counselor once every three weeks isn't enough. I have a pretty strong feeling my issues go beyond anxiety.
People who present as girls and women are frequently mis/under-diagnosed with anxiety and depression and, speaking from personal
experience, the medications for those made the symptoms of my (then undiagnosed) ADHD worse, which made the symptoms of my depression and anxiety worse, which made the symptoms of my ADHD worse, which made…
In short, it was a circular problem, and once I finally got past the barrier of finding a therapist who actually understood the disorder (and so, SO many of them who claim to don’t), getting diagnosed and medicated for the correct underlying disorder of ADHD improved my anxiety and depression far more effectively than the meds and therapies for anxiety and depression ever did. It’s worth a diagnosis.
My mind is blown. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at age 41 and this is the most perfect video I've ever seen that puts what I have been feeling and experience into words. I feel seen and heard. It's so disheartening knowing how many years of my life has passed without help from the result of untreated ADHD and childhood trauma / abuse.
Hi Candace. I want to share with you what I said to Ms. Abby:
"Hi Ms. Abby. I am going to record a video to respond to Mr. Tehan, but I want to share my thoughts with you. ADD (the H is a scientific mistake because "hyperactivity" is related to anxiety or mood problems) is a diagnosis of exclusion. By exclusion I mean that arrive to an ADD diagnosis after discarding all other possibilities. In a case like yours, I would suspect PTSD or a mood disease. I mention the mood because many times abusive parents, if they are not using psychostimulant illegal drugs (or are plain sociopaths) could be suffering from a mental illness. Mood diseases are highly hereditary.
In a person with racing thoughts that interfere with falling sleep or keeping track of a conversation, impulsivity and irritability, I will suspect a mood disease. In some cases, it could OCD.
Finally, I want to emphasize that co-ocurrence of ADD with other illnesses is a well-disseminated fallacy that has been accepted by the establishment, but that lacks scientific foundation.
Best of luck."
Same here!🎉😢
Join the club. Sucks ass thinking about how much you could have achieved and how much better life could have been because i would have been able to not party so fucking hard
I'm nearly 60, my niece recently "diagnosed" me as having ADHD 😅and listening to this I am either your long lost twin or a textbook case of childhood trauma ADHD. Thank you so much. I have learned to function by mimicry but I think it's quite nice to be able to finally forgive myself.
❤
💗
Woaah! Made me cry ❤
I hear you 😢. Diagnosed at 60
60, going for my first diagnostic test...hopeful!
I’m blown away at how I can relate to you. Extremely sensitive, anxiety, inability to get anywhere on time etc…
just listening to the first couple minutes of the video, i’ve never heard anyone just list and describe all those issues together, as if they’re connected. those exact social situations. it made me very emotional.
I think some of my trauma came from the way adults in my life responded to my ADHD. For example, I had a hard time keeping my room neat. My parent would be verbally and physically abusive over that problem. I got in trouble at school for being messy & disorganized. I lost out on participating in activities because I was always late and missing stuff.
😢 sorry that you never had anyone to help you and support you. That is awful. I hope that school systems and people in general are much more aware now and trained to spot when children need support.
A lot of my trauma comes from the fact that I have ADHD. That's the only difference from us and people without this brain disorder that experienced trauma, which makes us feel like our trauma isn't valid enough.
@Yvonne S Unfortunately there aren't.
I had OCD and high sensitivity and I was always getting in trouble for that stuff. Amazing how a neurodivergence was seen as a personal, moral failing when we were kids. I never had the support I needed, either. I had a timer on my desk in the first grade. Sending love.
With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on UA-cam, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right
What you said regarding difficulty focusing really hit home. In my childhood home there was no praise for high marks, but yelling and hitting were guaranteed if we didn't do well. I remember sitting at the table about to do my homework and often feeling sick to my stomach, wondering exactly what perfect concoction I had to turn in in order to avoid getting in trouble. And in some ways, that old fear still turns up in my life from time to time, even though those times are long gone.
I relate to this too, but on a less intense level in some cases.
I would take private lessons, and when I would practice, my coaches/instructors would yell at me and said I was doing it all wrong and that I have done more harm practicing it wrong than I would’ve if I hadn’t. So, I stopped practicing, but my mom would be mad if I didn’t practice so it was very hard and confusing for me. I also would get very little recognition for doing well, or other students would be praised in front of me instead. Because of all this, I didn’t even know I was good at the things I had lessons for until years later when I saw videos of my performances.
@@mintyhippo8125 Oh, yes, big time for me too. That kind of confusion as to what to focus on makes concentration so hard. So success became more about avoiding making someone angry than achieving and growing.
That is my E-X-A-C-T experience. My entire life feels like, I now realize, a trauma response to this dynamic. Always seeking the logic that I can follow to avoid the abuse. Hope being entirely depending on the whims of a human system I have NO understanding of and no one has ever taken a moment to help me understand. No assistance offered my actual neurological struggle, only judgement and hate directed at me, that I thought was love.
Man I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Maybe that's how they were raised idk.
It's sad how cold and/or abusive and incapable too many parents are. Guess they were never taught different. It's a real shame. That's not a proper environment for a child to be raised in.
36.. Almost 37 years... of life and I have never found another human being who could sufficiently understand, let alone perfectly describe my experience. I had given up trying... This is incredible.
Wow my jaw was on the ground for the first 3 minutes of this. I can’t believe how similar I’ve felt to this and so many people and have only started hearing about it being ADHD very recently. Wow wow wow.
Grew up with 2 emotionally/mentally sick parents. Have struggled with much of what you mentioned, but not diagnosed with ADHD. Instead was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Did a lot of therapy and self help work over the years. I healed to a degree. I have been struggling my entire life and at age 72 am reluctant to continue therapy. I survived but feel I did not thrive. My own children have been affected by my lack of social skills. Important work you are doing.
Thanks for the honesty friend.
The Light Of Heaven to You.
Women are unfortunately often misdiagnosed with depression instead of ADHD. It's a systemic failing.
U don't sound adhd tbh. Maybe autism
@@katsuosgrlwas just gonna say that
Gotta add before I forget. Emotional dysregulation IS ADHD. It's basically impulsive Emotional response. You might define it differently, but it is a huge part of it.
But I am SO glad you are address this! I have ADHD and there is so much overlap in so many things and aren't addressed in adults.
Emotional dysregulation also comes from CPTSD
Yes, wanted to say the same - a lot of specialists nowadays are saying that emotional dysregulation should NOT have been left out of the diagnostic criteria, and is in fact an essential symptom. It used to be regarded as such in the early days, but it was left out in the seventies (if I remember correctly), because it is hard to measure.
@@trinap.8904 That makes things make so much more sense to me. As I am now, I am able to regulate my emotions very well and I have even been able to start allowing myself to have more emotions. (coping method from shitty dad that would get MORE mad at me if he made me cry) However, whenever I'm around my parents, my dad more so, it become a lot harder to keep my emotions under control. Knowing CPTSD causing emotional dysregulation really tells me that my childhood really fucked me up more than I recognize it did.
When I am not around my parents I am in a good place though. There's still shit they caused that I am dealing with and that I still need to work to fix, but that's okay.
CPTSD triggers causing dysregulation is not the same as ADHD
@@trinap.8904 Yeah, but that does not mean it is not independently an essential part of adhd (also for those with no childhood trauma). Us adhd-ers feel it's a very harmful erasure of a core symptom, sth that a lot of us struggle the most in fact, compared to attention or impulsivity problems. The channel How to ADHD has good vids about it - the youtuber herself is someone with no childhood trauma (she has often told about her very supportive family), but yet struggles a lot with dysregulation. I as someone with both, obvious adhd and some trauma from a neglectful narc mom, have a double whammy i guess, fml lol
Edit: I think the way to differentiate is the positive side of the swing - which I assume ppl with only trauma don't get? Because this is one of the reasons that makes the question "would you cure yourself if you could?" tricky for me- I would jump to cure the trauma, but I would not want to cure my adhd, regardless of the struggles it causes, because I legit dunno who I would be without it. It causes a bunch of troubles, BUT it also makes me experience the kind of childish passion for things that I honestly don't see in neurotypical adults, it allows me experience the kind of creative euphoria that I wouldn't trade for anything and that's better than any drug I've tried lol, it gives me the ability to hyperfocus (getting so interested in something that you cannot pull yourself away), which has allowed me to accomplish some amazing things, it makes me all around highly creative (I used to think that other people were all embarrassed to express their ideas, which is why they didn't seem to come up with any, and which is why I stopped expressing mine, because I assumed everyone else had probably already thought of it - but it's not true, I'm actually weirdly good at all sorts of brainstorming and problem solving, which is a clear strength from being neurodiverse). Basically, I get more sad, frustrated, annoyed, angry, etc than normal people, but I also feel the positive emotions more strongly, like happiness, interest, joy, excitement, gratitude, etc... and I express and react to both without much filter, which is obviously a problem in case of the negative emotions, but not rly with the positive ones.
Thank you so much for this video. I was diagnosed with adhd at the age of 32, and I also suffered from physical and psychological abuse growing up. But here is the catch, a lot of this abuse circled around my symptoms of adhd like spilling liquids, being clumsy, getting bad grades, not “listening” when spoken to, losing things, and the list goes on. I’ve grown up into this adult who is a perfectionist, anal, double triple checker, insecure of my achievements where I almost always feel like I’m tricking people into thinking I’m smart and competent when I’m really neither of the two. Your video left me thinking a lot about the chicken and the egg. I feel like I’ve forgiven my parents, and like to think they did the best they could with what they had and what they knew. I am on medication for my adhd and I’m “self coaching” my self into a somewhat functional adult 😬 but your video made me realize that to stop all of my internal suffering, I need to process my childhood trauma further. I apologize if my grammar and punctuation are not on point and make the reading of this confusing. English is not my first language and I tried my best to best.
oh my gosh … this is literally me… especially the fooling everyone if i’m smart or not. i feel like because i work incredibly hard for my grades, im more of a hard worker that brute forces my way into excelling academically. but otherwise, i can understand concepts but half of the time i forget everything and it takes me so long to relearn everything all the time. unless its a topic i enjoy enough to hyper fixate on (now that ik i have ADHD), information just falls out my head. i’m super clumsy - always falling. i have scars & regular bruises from falling everywhere, literally. i try to plan everything out from point A to point B otherwise i won’t get it right. it’s so much in my head 😢
Brava for you! I feel this, too.
You spoke my life!!!😮
You literally described me on every point holy crap. Social anxiety, shy, cluttered, late on everything, memory issues, HORDING dishes, zoned out all the time, impulsivity, always wanting to practice or pick up something but never doing it, etc etc. I talked to my doctor at age 11 or 12 and talked about possibly having ADHD and my parent just passed it off as "he's just lazy. He's fine. Don't worry about it". Now I find myself as a 22 year old completely stuck and it fucking sucks. Working in the medical field (while I absolutely love it) is just so damn debilitating when you're always late, losing your scope, forgetting documentation etc.
This video is giving me that push to seek help. Thank you
You must be doing tremendously well, as you have an important role in society.
@@mercyflynn6133 yup, that’s what I thought! But it also gives me hope :)
22 is a great time to be figuring this out--if only I had been able to understand a bit of this stuff at 22
I have an interesting perspective. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 years old, and it definitely contributed to my childhood trauma. My parents were VERY emotionally dysregulated (narc traumatized stepdad, BPD+bipolar traumatized mother). They could not handle my hyperactivity, inattention, and all the other symptoms that made me a "difficult" child. I have no doubt that I would still be traumatized if I didn't have ADHD, but their stress tolerance was already so low, they could not tolerate my behavior. They assumed I was acting out purposefully, which led to more discipline, which added to the shame complex (why can't I just behave?).
I remember in 4th grade math class, we had a folder to keep all of our work in. When I was cleaning out my backpack (which was always a mess), I accidentally threw it away. I got an F, as the teacher didn't care about my "excuses". I was terrified to show my mother, and for good reason. She proceeded to scream "Do you know what F means!? FAILED! FLUNKED! FUCKED. UP!!" and locked herself in her room for the next day. I felt SUCH shame, and thought "why couldn't I just have remembered?" That was most of my childhood.
So I'd say that, at its worst, ADHD combined with a toxic home environment is a recipe for even more ACEs. I have hope that today, with more resources online for understanding these things, parents can get a better grasp on why kids behave the way they do. I've done a lot of healing (Thanks Patrick!!) but my ADHD is still a hill to go over. Oh! And on the topic of depersonalization/derealization, I went into a panic attack at 21 and was DPDR'd for YEARS. It was awful. There are still some symptoms persisting today, but I'm finally back in my body! Hooray! It gives an interesting perspective, because there were years where I had no emotion, so I saw everything very objectively. It makes me appreciate every single feeling I have now, and appreciate my brain for keeping me safe!
Much love Patrick, and to everyone else out there. You got this!
How did you manage to get back in your body?
You're experience sounds a lot like mine growing up (though I wouldn't be diagnosed with my ADHD and Autism until a year ago).
I hope you're in a better space and I'm sending you lots of Internet Hugs, Healing and Support
I have yet to be diagnosed but pretty sure I have ADHD or possibly even autism. I remember getting a D in gym class because I was always forgetting my gym clothes. Ill never forget my dad cornering me and taunting me saying "How do you get a D in gym? You must either be stupid or just not trying? Cuz only an idiot could flunk something like gym". Im pregnant and I can never imagine being so cruel and judgemental towards my own child. Im glad we are both out of those situations we deserved better 💕
Thanks for sharing! I was familiar with everything except depersonalization/derealization so that gives me a new avenue to check out. I understand these problems all too well now, but need to switch modes from understanding to doing something about it! Thanks for the words of encouragement.
@@ThingsILove2266 you can try EMDR in a therapy session. That can help put triggering memories into long term memory stores in the brain so you feel some emotional distance from them. Also receiving energy work can help come back into the body like Reiki or Chakra balancing. Sound Baths, or meeting with a Shaman. Prayer, ritual and intention.
I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD back in December. I've struggled my whole life. Hearing you say "I just didn't feel like I could function or cope as well as others" perfectly described me. I went through some traumatic things during college but I believe I was blessed to have wonderful parents who truly did the absolute best that they could. However listening to this I had a small breakthrough...my whole life I had always assumed that when people loved you or liked you they sought you out. They made time for you. I felt as though if I had to ask to be held, to talk, or just for help I was bothering people and that would make them not like me or want to be around me. Wondering why my Mom would snuggle my younger brothers more than me. Why my Dad did more with them. I asked and they told me that they felt I was strongly independent and that I didn't need their help,when truth is I wanted nothing more. Now I'm 33 and I don't understand intimacy to levels and degrees. I honestly thought knowing this diagnosis would be freeing, but in a way I feel more isolated.
I resonate with this comment! It seemed like my sister and brother got all the attention when I wanted nothing more but attention and love.. because my siblings worked hard to be what my parents wanted them to be in their image and I didn't I got left behind in the nurturing and dragged along with my parents lives.
This. My mom died when I was 16, and even before that I was depressed and struggling with ADHD, although I didn't know that at the time. I didn't know how to form close bonds with others, and would have loved for family and friends to consistently reach out and include me. They didn't. I held them at arms length because I didn't know what was acceptable or appropriate and they left me alone, because they probably thought that's what I wanted. I felt so alone. And still to this day, at 46, I struggle immensely with relationships.
I really hear you ! I wondered why my mum didn’t love me as a baby and kid, and why corporal punishment was handed out regularly by my dad. When I eventually asked my mum, she told me I was too hard to get close to. And dad told me I always felt happy after getting a good hiding - I really needed it. HaH !
I really relate to what you said. it's very similar to how I feel and I had a great childhood with loving parents but they had marriage problems which put me and my sister in the middle. I grew up walking on eggshells afraid to ask for what I needed. always feeling like an outcast, never feeling like I belong and just feeling very lonely. but I'm choosing to look at my adhd diagnosis as an empowering thing. before I thought I was a bad person and sucky human being. now I know better. and it has completely changed my thinking. just because I can't finish a task or focus it doesn't make me a bad person. it just means I need more support. and if the people around make me feel that ways that's not my fault. that is their toxicity. emotional regulation is a big thing with us. I would say be aware of what is yours and what's not. Your parents didn't give you the support you deserved. that's not your fault. that is their failure. have compassion and forgiveness for yourself. You're going to be ok. hugs ❤
I don't relate to having loving parents, but I relate to the inability to cope as well as others do.
This is why I nowadays, whenever I hear someone say they might have adhd, I ask them if they want to find out, and when they do, I just basically drive them to a psychiatrist the next day.
I myself had a feeling I'm adhs for a long time, but until I actually went to see a doctor, it took me years, years in which I struggled more and failed more and thought that I'm just lazy and don't want to get things together, I was just thinking that it sucks how others make mistakes and change, but I just don't even cope anymore, and I often wonder why no one ever took me to the psychistrist and figure out what the problem is with me.
Like, did my family see that I had problems yet choose to complain about it more than actually get professional help until I was in my mid 20's?
I am terrified of criticism and/or punishment when dealing with others, it keeps me paralyzed from socializing. I dont know how to get past this. I have no friends, and prefer solitude (for several reasons).
Ive not always been like this but the past year it’s become intense. All my childhood trauma is surfacing and I’m doing my best to do shadow/inner child work.. I want to be better, SO much, but it’s been difficult. I am so financially poor, it’s actually poverty level, so no therapist for me (I’d LOVE to get back into therapy).
I appreciate these videos; I’ve recently found your channel and it’s been quite illuminating, quite a bit of validation for things I knew, but wasn’t entirely sure of. 🤗💙
I read (most of) the book The Body Keeps the Score and over and over again had the revelation that my ADHD symptoms were almost entirely also childhood trauma symptoms. There is much of my childhood that I have no conscious recollection of but I know I was emotionally neglected and within the last year also realized that my father has been gaslighting me my entire life while both of my parents constantly invalidated me and told me I was nothing. They both suffer from their own mental illnesses along with being in what I believe to be an emotionally and financially abusive relationship. I finally got diagnosed again with ADHD and started treatment last year, and I've been working with a trauma therapist since January of 2020. I've made so much progress but still feel I have a very long way to go. These videos have been a huge huge help in addition my therapy sessions. Truly appreciate them!
You really are an empathetic genius in this genre. Belief based self sabotage is a real struggle that ADHD meds can’t correct. Childhood trauma on top of adult trauma is a real challenge! Thank you so much for your work! God bless you 🙏
I can vouch for that, because I have been through traumatic experiences as a child and as an adult. It does make living very hard on you, and many situations most people take in stride can be difficult to impossible to cope with for someone who has been through that.
Spot on. I would try and share my feelings/ issues with my Mom and she would twist it around to her. I quickly learnt from a very young age that I didn't matter and wouldn't be believed. This effects me now at 45. I go blank when I try describing something to another at work and I look stupid.
Thank you for this video. ADHD and childhood trauma is not uncommon. School is traumatic, parent or caregiver is constantly frustrated with a child they don’t understand. Child feels like they are always in trouble, misunderstood, and like they can’t do what they are capable of doing.
If they have undiagnosed ADHD, they may have learning difficulties that prohibit them from progressing along with their peers. They believe that they are lazy, obstinate and stupid.
Having ADHD itself sets a child up for trauma
I was just the opposite I used school and goals to self-disassociate. When graduated from Grad School, it forced me to go to therapy.
Whoa, just finished a Vaknin video about ADHD linked to abuse and neglect as a small child and then this gets posted!
I am so afraid of being late that I am chronically EARLY, but for hours up to an appointment I can't focus on anything else for fear of forgetting or being late.
Overcompensating is definitely a way we can mask symptoms like being late. Those with ADHD can also be bad at driving because of attention issues, but I've always been over cautious and described as driving like an old person 😆 It was my therapist who diagnosed me that pointed this out as being a mask for my ADHD symptoms
I find setting multiple alarms let's me just relax and focus on whatever else knowing the alarms will remind me
@@EverFallDownwow thats amazing awareness
Now that I finished the video, ADHD is a neurological disorder. Brains are literally shaped and function different. I will say, with your video and slef reflection, I think the trauma does make some symptoms worse. When I'm stressed or during this basically solo journey of dealing with my mental health, some of my symptoms have gotten extreme. Like the forgetfulness. So yes, both treatment and therapy are needed. But you gave me hope that my life can get better. Thank you for that.
But the question remains, “does early childhood trauma create those brain changes during development?” Because the same thing can be said about many neurodivergent people and disordered thinking
@@Toxic_Femininity that is a good question. I personally think it's more genetically based or events that happen during pregnancy like gut bacteria or epigenetic factors.
Hello @@Toxic_Femininity I think new findings in epigenetics might actually answer your question
@@isap5030 awesome 🤩 thanks 🙏
I find it very suspicious that there is such a big overlap between ADHD and trauma symptoms, to then claim ADHD is a neurological problem and that that is it. Talking with a lot of people who have been traumatized, i've seen how one of the biggest complains they have about therapy is finding a trauma informed therapist. With this, I'm inclined to believe that trauma is *hugely* under-diagnosed nowadays.
The symptoms of trauma often are survival mechanism to be able to cope with unhealthy dynamics and unbearable pain, just like fever is a coping mechanism to help fight off an infection. I wonder how many people in the past were diagnosed with the modern equivalent of Fever Disorder and then someone would say it's a physiological problem because scientists didn't have technology and knowledge good enough to know about viruses and bacteria. True it occurs physiologically, but it says little about the cause. I'm very inclined to believe that similar is happening nowadays - That without trauma the chances of having actual ADHD would be close to zero. Genetic problems are typically rare. They do not occur at the rates we see with ADHD (and also personality disorders if I may add, for those who defend those are also mostly genetic) and definitely do not increase at a such fast pace as we have seen ADHD increase in just a few decades. It cannot just be genetic or a neurological problem (as much as fever is a physiological one).
If someone would then say "But then how come some traumatized people don't get ADHD?" - Because we're not all the same and the traumas are very different and the coping and survival mechanisms they require different. A wall breaks at the point of least resistance. If trauma is pressure, then some people break more with ADHD, others break more with BPD, others with CPTSD, with loads of overlap in between and depending on how much pressure is put. Some people will cope with constant mind distractions, others will cope with anger and acting out. Some will cope with blaming others, others will cope with blaming themselves. Some people dont numb their emotions, so their brain has to remain constantly distracted to avoid feeling the emotional pain of triggers and trauma, others are mostly numbed, so they feel constantly bored and need adventures and are thrill seekers. And so on.
This entire video hit home enough that I started crying out of nowhere
Same. Videos about these topics always just make me cry and cry. I cry for a lot of reasons, but mostly I cry for my child self... the child who was judged and written off in school instead of supported.
As a girl in the 80s all they thought to do was test my hearing. That was fine, so there was nothing wrong with me. Got picked up again as a teenager in the 90s. got tested for dyslexia. It wasn't that, so nothing wrong with me. I'm 40 now and just learning about what ADHD actually is and it explains a lot of my childhood experiences. Trauma to.
Same happened to me with the hearing tests, however this relies on the patient to raise their hand when they hear the sound. I was bored!! Ended up getting diagnosed with a rare tone deafness!
SAme for me !
I hope that now that you know more about your mental truth, your healing will be plentiful
You may have Sensory Processing Disorder (specifically for auditory) and not ADHD. They are different but have overlapping symptoms.
@@Heyu7her3 I figured that out about 10 years ago, but ADHD explains a lot of other issues I have.
My extremely controlling mother refused to get me assessed for ADHD and ridiculed my 1st-grade teacher for suggesting it. After 20 years of making limited progress with non-specialized talk therapy, I finally looked into ADHD diagnosis in my mid-30s, and a combination of medication, ADHD coaching, and inner child therapy has been helping me so so much. My parents' verbal/emotional abuse was rooted in their having absurdly unreasonable expectations that no child could ever hope to meet, and my ADHD just made it even more impossible for me to meet their ridiculous expectations. Some of my ADHD symptoms really make my life hard and I'm so glad to finally be getting treatment to help ease those things, but some things about me that are explained by ADHD are just neutral facts about me, that aren't disabling at all when I'm in an accepting and flexible environment. I'm also queer and gender-nonconforming and those are neutral facts about me that my parents used against me in their abuse. Part of what's helping me now in getting treatment and other support is figuring out what of my symptoms are a problem and what are just differences that wouldn't be a problem if the people around me made room for them. It's been so healing to finally start figuring out for myself what is and isn't reasonable to expect of me. Like, it's fair to expect me to be on time to appointments! And for me to do that, I need to start planning at least 24 hours in advance in order to be on time, so it's not fair to expect me to be on time for last-minute plans or for things that aren't a big enough deal to justify how much effort it takes me to be on time. Sharing in case it's helpful to others whose ADHD symptoms were a part of why they were targeted for childhood trauma. I would've loved to have figured this out sooner but I'm so grateful I'm figuring it out now!
❤️👍 Thanks for sharing!
I relate to a lot of this. Especially that part where you said you are finally learning what is and isn't reasonable expectation from others. Being stuffed into the "be agreeable" box for so long, I misidentify essential social dynamics when it comes to my own wellbeing. Wishing you the best with your healing journey.
So important- and so is those closest to you understanding that you are not making excuses or demanding special treatment. This is the hardest - when those around us refuse to understand. Then there’s no way to get rid of shame or guilt
We don’t even know about.
This is so me. Your description of high school matches my experience so closely. I had undiagnosed ADHD inattentive subtype. I was never hyperactive. I was the loner who stared out the window. I did okay enough to get by. I got to college. Undergrad I was all over the place with grades, same as high school. Somehow scraped through into grad school. Pulled enough of myself together, got through Clinical Psychology PhD training and post training a psychiatrist diagnosed me. I’m on Concerta and it changed my life! Now as a clinician I listen very carefully to symptoms of possible ADHD in my patients.
That is a fucking inspiring story
Thank you! I think so too! 🎉
Doesn’t the meds give you more anxiety?
No. I don’t experience more anxiety. I’m very happy about that!
I have adhd and they gave me strattera, but it's not helping. Would stimulants help me out better?
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly, with his words telling my whole life
Loved this! As Kathy brought up in another comment, growing up with ADHD in the present society is a trauma all its own, and the intersection is hard to disentangle.
One thing about the gendered statistics, as you said at the beginning that it's more common in men: the more we learn about ADHD, the more we're realizing how it presents in women. Think about how boys and girls are socialized - hyperactivity in girls is just being a chatterbox, while inattentiveness is just being quiet and polite, and if these aren't disruptive (like boys' hyperactivity and inattentiveness are allowed to be) then they won't lead to a diagnosis, and you get so many girls thinking they're just a ditz or airhead when they're just not expressing these issues in a noticeable way, since it's not acceptable to behave that way.
Wow! I spent much of my life thinking I was such an airhead. I felt so embarrassed by it...if only we had help back then😏
I am a female and I almost failed high school the only time I could focus was when I was playing trumpet in band I wouldn't even go to classes usually because I thought everyone hated me and I wasn't worthy of being seen
I just did an essay on this and in my research found that since 2012, psychologists actually believe there to be parity in occurrence of ADHD between the sexes, it's just a continued problem in recognizing/diagnosing less in girls for a variety of reasons. Currently, boys are about twice as likely as girls to be diagnosed with ADHD.
I am a 65 yo woman who has had years and years of depression diagnoses etc etc. Both of my boys are ADHD, one hyperactive diagnosed at age 9, the second ADD side of things not diagnosed until his forties. Two grandchildren, both ASD and ADHD. One diagnosed when aged 4, the other not until the age of 15. I have been trying to have some sort of review and testing to confirm my status but Psychs that specialise in adult ADHD in the country/city are few and far between. I finally saw one recently who said he could see I was pretty well on the spectrum but as I had coped with it for all this time he didn't see any point in spending the money (lots) to confirm a diagnosis. I was bitterly disappointed and don't know what to do now.
Thought I was a ding dong most of my life. Got diagnosed this year.
Turns out my personality traits were a brain chemical imbalance of dopamine. It really threw into perspective my life growing up. My mom called me a hyper active child, did sugar detox diets, I had to be put in special reading classes as a child. I remember constantly being in trouble for taking too many bathroom breaks during class so I could skip down the hallway to the bathroom. In middle school I didn’t play sports but I drew allllll the time, my art was constantly taken away because I wasn’t “paying attention and sitting still.”
It honestly really baffles me why no one caught it because the hyperactive symptoms were there. I’m glad the adults didn’t catch it because although I always felt my childhood was really difficult and unstable, very chaotic and I used a lot of outlets to escape my home life, I learned a lot about how to work around my brain and it’s resistance to certain things.
My therapist suggested that I was exhibiting some symptoms of adhd and honestly I had never considered that as a possibility before but after watching you and reading on the subject it actually makes sense. I often zone out when I'm talking to people, it feels like I constantly have a million thoughts in my head, I constantly talk over other people even though I don't mean to. And I always wondered why the slightest thing would ruin my entire day or throw me into a fit of rage.
same.
Did they recommend medication
I’m 72 and know that I need help. I’m going to get help.
You need oxytocin in a pill
I have heard of people talking about dissociation before as an out of body experience, but I never really related to that. I am trapped very much IN my head a lot.
For a lot of my life, I would get moments where I would zone out to the point where I was very aware that I am piloting a body, that I can see and feel things, that I eat, and exist. And it got pretty annoying because I would be too aware of it to do things lol. I noticed just yesterday how I haven’t done that in a while... I have been recovering a lot, but I still have a long way to go. That seems like a good step, though.
With my childhood trauma I spent very little time in my body because it was to painful to be in my body.
I have cptsd and after 25 years of therapy and spiritual healing work I feel safe and safe in my body.
Healing hurts but finally on the right path.
Me, my 8 lb. doggie and
All of the unconditional love from my angel's.
✌❤🎇
Same! Do you know what this thing is called?
it felt annoying that you were existing? Was it because it felt like effort and you'd rather have just not had to experience it? in some way? i can sort of relate
@@crakhaed not really in an existential way. It is just being super aware of senses, and super aware that people know me separate from myself/have interacted with me/I control this body/I know what hungry feels like....
Like, just being super aware of being alive and being stuck in that.
I disappear in my head a lot.
So what do you call it when you have ADHD and CPTSD? When I grew up ADHD was called Hyperactivity Disorder. I was born to a narcissistic abuser, the family dynamic was argumentative and explosive at times. I am 57, life has been HELL! I've had to overcome this trauma on my own. This is why getting this info out there like you are, is so valuable. Therapy for people like myself hasn't been developed and the Medical world just wants to medicate you. Watching sessions like this one have helped immensely. Thank you.
My entire life I thought I had adhd, but the more I dive into childhood trauma and trauma work, I find that is where my symptoms truly stem from. Thank you for this video it was super informative.
ADHD and PTSD can be comorbities.
@@KyrenaH oh yes thank you. I think I struggle with both. But in my case, I believe it stems from trauma
ADHD is neurological, not experience-derived, but ADHDers are more prone to trauma. It's tough enough to handle the blue of thoughts and ideas, but when they are *negative* memories and self sabotage, it is a brutal combination. I haven't found any peer-reviewed, scientific articles to suggest that ADHD is caused by trauma. There isn't any doubt in my mind that trauma can be caused by parental abuse caused by their lack of understanding of ADHD and other neuro-diversity. I have indications of ADHD in my baby book.
@@stevenphillips2653 I haven’t read anything that suggests adhd is caused by trauma either. They just cause a lot of the same symptoms… that is what I meant by “stems from trauma”- the similarity in symptoms.. They overlap a lot! I think that was covered well in the video.
Kira R I'm so glad you mentioned this because I also believe that most adult ADHD stems from unhealed childhood trauma issues, which a lot of people aren't aware of, or remember yet! And it seems to be getting more complicated in regard to behaviour and the many disorders nowadays.
Another important point is that I've known people who've been drinking a lot and/or smoking meth, or even drinking many cups of coffee a day for years, yet were diagnosed with ADHD, which doesn't seem right at all, because those substances cause ADHD symptoms! I know for a fact that they've all experienced extreme childhood trauma, so the psychiatrists or therapists concerned are mainly using the medical model, but that's understandable. ❤
I was ejected from my family of origin after we left my father. My assignment, after we left, was to get married, and out of my mother’s house. I had CPTSD at the time, and one therapist called me “ditzy”, and another said I had an Electra complex. As my father had sexually assaulted me, this particular misdiagnosis really made me feel it was my fault.
This was in the 70s and 80s. Women tended to get stuck with pejorative diagnoses back then. Women also got committed to mental health facilities back then for little to no reason, besides behavior that upset husbands or family.
Edit for dissociation. I have episodes of dissociative amnesia after traumatizing events. The first I knew about it was during my senior year, when I was up many nights trying to keep my father from beating or choking her. He brought out a gun during one of these rages, but I only know about it, because my mother mentioned it. I know of a few other episodes, and I wonder what else I’ve forgotten. Trauma was a daily thing at my house, but I still graduated high school with honors. Books were my escape.
I've never thought about how a love of books might be a form of (positive) dissociation. I can really relate to that sentiment. Thank you for sharing and I hope you can have chances to heal this year.
@@nobunnyspecial Thank you, Amelia! As bad as many of my experiences were, they’ve help me connect in a much more empathetic and compassionate way with people, whether they are afflicted or not. I’ve also had some extraordinary experiences, and it’s like the universe has wanted to let me know it’s on my side. When I’ve whistled in the dark, it’s often happened that someone I never expected would turn the light on. I hope you’re feeling the love, and having a joyful day!
Not much has changed for women unfortunately
I see you chose Beth Moore as your username.
I hope you haven’t also been the victim of spiritual abuse.
I read a lot too. Reading saves lives
The first 10 minutes of this hit home in a way that I've never heard before.
Total, crippling, exhausting, anxious chaos, mood dependent thoughts, being unable to process what people are telling me due to anxiety.
These problems stem from a few common sources and can be healed. Thanks for this and the hopeful message you provide
Dang. I can relate to everything he's describing in my 20s, almost exactly the same. When you don't realize you have trauma it just makes you feel really ashamed because you assume it's your fault you can't handle life, that you're simply defective. Wish I found this channel earlier in life, though I wonder if my intense self loathing would allow me to believe it wasn't entirely my fault at that time.
I learned more in this video than 2 months with a psychologist.
This was free and so very helpful. I had to pause, because I was getting overwhelmed at how I felt reacting to this information... and speaking of--I hope this brand-new information really does set me free.
Thank you so much! You are saving people's lives 💟🙏🏼
i’m gonna close my lips instead of explaining why i agree with you
I felt the same way. I had to pause when he mentioned not celebrating birthdays, or milestones. Leaving house at night to get something out if what’s left of the day. Relatable.
You are completely describing my life and childhood as you explain your own. I don’t understand why I have so much hardship “adulting” and now I get it. Thank you for this video.
Ditto!
This is so accurate. I battle ADHD, depression, anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, and insomnia. I also plan my days depending on my mood. I’m constantly trying to motivate myself to get things done or find the energy to do it
I consume a lot of caffeine and supplements that boost energy. I also take Adderall once in a while in low doses. I try to avoid it tho because of my depression/ anxiety and insomnia. I also use the gym everyday along with ice to try to wake me up and motivate me tj get work done. Also win hoff breathing technique. I do so much work just to get close to a normal life.
I’ve also fallen deeply in love with the girl of my dreams, so I’m motivated to solve all my issues. But falling deeply in love also made me realize I have anxious attachment 😂
I’m such a mess from the horrible trauma of my childhood. But always trying to improve myself. Thankful I found this video
There are SO many things I want to comment on, however, I’m feeling too overwhelmed to slow down enough to do so. I’ve been in therapy pretty much my entire & I’m proud of myself to be able to say that because it takes great courage to face your fears, traumas, abuse, etc…. I was diagnosed with adult ADHD in my late 30’s & I am now in my early 50’s & I have found that as my 2 sons were getting older & our family structure/routines started changing (they were teens and had extra curricular activities & such and weren’t home as much) the more my ADHD was becoming more prevalent. Since they have been out of my home & on their own, my ADHD is absolutely hindering my life. It brings me to tears at times because of how much I am not getting done. How is it that when I had more responsibilities & very little time I accomplished SO much & now I can’t finish anything and have more than enough time to do so?? Anything you can say on this would be greatly appreciated…
Your children’s needs created urgent enough deadlines to motivate action, but your own desires and needs aren’t as urgent?
Hi Ms. Abby. I am going to record a video to respond to Mr. Tehan, but I want to share my thoughts with you. ADD (the H is a scientific mistake because "hyperactivity" is related to anxiety or mood problems) is a diagnosis of exclusion. By exclusion I mean that arrive to an ADD diagnosis after discarding all other possibilities. In a case like yours, I would suspect PTSD or a mood disease. I mention the mood because many times abusive parents, if they are not using psychostimulant illegal drugs (or are plain sociopaths) could be suffering from a mental illness. Mood diseases are highly hereditary.
In a person with racing thoughts that interfere with falling sleep or keeping track of a conversation, impulsivity and irritability, I will suspect a mood disease. In some cases, it could OCD.
Finally, I want to emphasize that co-ocurrence of ADD with other illnesses is a well-disseminated fallacy that has been accepted by the establishment, but that lacks scientific foundation.
Best of luck.
@@brosmett6127also, external structure/schedule and expectations from others can help.
Wow, my youngest just moved out and I’m alone. I never want to leave the house and wonder where the day went every single evening. I stay up late hoping to get a second wind and redeem myself but rarely do
Thank you for commenting.
My abusive step mother refused to have me diagnosed with ADHD even though all my teachers believed I had it, she didn’t want it to hold me back in life, she claimed. Now I’m 32 and fighting to get diagnosed, while dealing with the left over trauma in my life. I’m barely surviving, I appreciate you so much. I just wish I knew what to do from here.
My birth mother just enrolled me in a new school every year. then only teacher I ever knew of her interacting with, was 1st grade when the teacher came to our house to discuss her concerns I'd suffered S/A. she was thrown out and we moved again. no one asked me. the only concern was the potential blemish on her own reputation and ego.
hugs sent your way!!
good luck,, try to get a reference from your primary doctor??
I hope you’re still here and taking it day by day. You’re so strong.
Can totally relate. It's been a slice. I recently started doing Somatic Therapy. It's a very unique approach to trauma. As trauma lives in the body and is governed by the brain stem, it doesn't speak language, It only speaks emotions. So working from the body seems to be a more meaningful and appropriate approach to mend the fences.
I love your usage of the word "feral". I find it really relatable with the way I proccess trauma too. As an adult, I'm living somewhere that triggers me surrounding my childhood. My bedroom is painted the same Robin's egg blue that both of my childhold bedrooms were (my parents being divorced). It does subtly affect me with hyper-viligant/ADHD signs and symptoms. I also I love that you encorporate lived experience in your videos. You're very personable and down to Earth with how you presented your information and yourself.
This is EXACTLY what I’m going through and it’s been a nightmare. I’ve been having panic attacks at work and getting overwhelmed. I dissociate all the time, when I wake up, when I shower, when I go to the bathroom, and when I’m getting through work. I even dissociated watching the video a few times. It’s hard to focus because so much is going on in my head that it makes me panic and become very reactive. It’s a living hell and I’ve thought about ending my life multiple times because I just feel like I can’t escape and I’m so emotionally raw. This is all because my parents were very neglectful and abusive. I really want to get better and have been obsessively watching mental health research and looking up what I could have. This is the most accurate video that I could find about how I’m feeling and it makes me feel a lot better to know I’m not alone in this. I have a therapist who is trying to help me with coping skills but maybe I need more trauma work because coping skills are only getting me so far. I tried taking medications recently like Prozac but I had an allergic reaction and got the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt and it make me dissociate really bad and feel like I was going to die. I honestly think that I feel very feral like you said all the time and that’s all I can do is talk about how I feel all the time to the people I’m close to. If you have any advice I would be really thankful since I really need help and am financially struggling because of my mental health problems. Thank you so much!
Almost teared up watching the video and reading this. You're not alone
HI! You are not alone! I too am just really going through it. I left a violent marriage in 2018 and I FINALLY got my own apartment with my kiddos and I just feel like I AM FLUNKING managing everything. Do not give up yet, please!! You are only just beginning to heal, it will take time. Please hang in there, many more people than you know are going through the same. We can do it!
I wonder if it's legal in your state would you consider trying medical cannabis? It's okay if you are iffy about it, but if you're comfortable then as a veteran myself who's dealt with issues and being that I strongly believe in plant medicine, it has brought me incredible relief in many ways. So of course it may not work for you, but if it's something you think that may help, you may want to consider it.
Omg I know exactly what this young lifestyle is like to experience. I cannot talk enough about how it ruins, your self-esteem, you feel like a loser and a failure, everybody’s mad at you, and you’re in trouble all the time, the stress, the constant, worrying, the constant, hurrying, the sleep deprivation, the lack of eating and hydrating, the feeling completely alone, and the feeling like you are a failure and no one will ever love you.
Exactly. It's so difficult sometimes. Like trying to climb a mountain with no handholds.
Depressingly familiar cluster of symptoms for me. At the same time, always great to know someone out there who gets it, Patrick. I'm feeling like a 24 carat loser right now, and bad physical issues (severe menopause symptoms together with and chronic fatigue, fibro etc) seem to have catapulted me in to an almost constantly triggered,14 years old again, state. Feel like there's nowhere left to hide, so it's get well or die for me now, I think, and that scares me. While I was listening to you, my mind drifted back to when I (foolishly) tried to study at 6th form (year 12) college age 17, mid-breakdown. It was like acting in a play for which I had not learnt my lines. When I tried to focus on my work, it all felt so profoundly dull and irrelevant, that I it was like studying whilst trying to ignore that my sleeve was on fire. I had to quit, as I couldn't fake it anymore. I gave no f*cks about failing/ leaving either. It felt like the first positive action I'd taken in years. My brother is one of those self-reinvented, high flying, emotionally absent people that you describe, and gets away with it for the most part. He thinks he's ok, looks and acts the part in a demanding job and gets the world's approval, but leaves his wallet/phone/both behind almost everywhere he goes. He even left his wife behind a few years ago, and sloped off with his paramour! He honestly hadn't noticed that his marriage was over until his wife ditched him, though. Sounds bitchy, but that's really the way it went down. I know he's very numbed-out still, which was how I remember he survived our parents' dramas, while I was running around refereeing. I'm way more in touch with my feelings, but can't keep my executive brain 'online', as you put it so well. Feels like limbic system dominance. Think it's time for a foray in to a new form of therapy after a long time away, although I'm not sure I have the energy left for it, and I'm so tired of having to do it alone. Thanks for helping me think about it seriously again.
Just diagnosed at 53 with AADHD and starting Autism/Aspergers testing this week. Puts a whole different template up for me to view past, present and future.
I suspect I am on the spectrum (as I also believe my father is), but still undiagnosed, can't afford the therapy/testing. I've mentioned my suspicion to a couple friends who are social workers, and both their responses were, "Uh, well yeah."
I feel that I would have been diagnosed on the Spectrum had I been tested properly as a child. I'm not sure where I'd land now since I've had so many years to develop my masking and coping strategies.
I'm curious as to how u were navigated for autism/aspergers testing. Where, how; who?. If u don't mind sharing
If you want a quicker way to say autism/Asperger's, ASD stands for autism spectrum disorder, and you can use that.
ADHD does actually have severe difficultly regulating emotions so *emotional reactivity* AND *emotional dysregulation* have ALWAYS gone into the the center category
I don't think it does so for me, at all, but I was also surprised those weren't in the intersection in the center. MANY ADHDers suffer from these and I've heard stimulants (i.e. what they take FOR their ADHD) help.
@@essennagerry they help SOOO much lol
@@saugatbohara5404 Sorry, I can't read if you mean they help or don't help?
I was undiagnosed with adhd until I was 30. My poor kids had to witness me going from 0 to 100 because of being overwhelmed from loud noises. After getting medicated, WOW it’s such a HUGE difference. I don’t go off the handle as often and the little things (like kids laughing really loud over loud music) doesn’t cause me to go into a fit of rage. It makes me sad to think how much I traumatized my own children just by not being properly medicated/diagnosed.
@@essennagerry I really like that you asked for clarification to that comment. I also struggle w context of text- especially when it looks like that. Was that quick, emphatic agreement or negative sarcasm?
I hope we normalize asking people their meaning when we're not sure of their words.
I have adult ADHD and childhood trauma that caused Disociative identity disorder. I had dissociated so badly and ADHD hyperfocused on the deeply subjective dissociative reality, outside of reality for so long that i had learned to turn it on and off at will. I would kick it on at the beginning of my work shift to pass time and then click it off when i was at home with my family. I learned to start grounding myself back to Earth and choosing to be brave and not dissociate and take back control of my life. But my ADHD morphed into adult adhd and my executive functioning clicked off now that i feel im in a healtheir place (wtf?!) Learning that the limbic system is overactive will be enormously helpful as i continue to learn how to balance my sanity. Thank you Patrick!!! If you need any clients like me to further help yourself study this condition, id be happy to ever speak to you. Very informative and helpful, thank you!
I've had that same thought like thank goodness I ran into a therapist who asked about my childhood trauma and related it to my symptoms. My diagnosis of CPTSD was a life saver - turns out my story is normal and there's nothing inherently wrong with me. This is treatable, not just manageable.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid (treatment never worked) and C-PTSD as an adult. The C-PTSD diagnosis was a game changer! As I peel back the layers, the issues that I've always associated with ADHD get better. It's amazing to actually feel like I have my shit together more days than not.
I swear, every week you post a topic that is so relevant to what I'm going through. It's completely uncanny. Just the other day, my therapist was talking to me about the possibility that I have ADHD.
I love your videos so much. Thank you for the work you do ❤
Same here! It’s such a relief for me!
Same here!! I haven't talked about the possibility of ADHD yet, but he always posts a relevant video right before each session that is exactly what I'm going through. Patrick at this point seems like a spiritual guide.
Yes!
Agreed!
In personal relationships, do you guys feel like isolation is a response when feeling like someone is getting too close to you?
I love this video! There is so little information on this topic.
I got diagnosed with aspergers when I was 13 and at the end of the report (that my mother angrily handed at me to have me read what was wrong with me) I read that "there were concerning signs of a young teen who's developing symptoms of depression".
I got diagnosed with ADD when I was 14, which was way less of a surprise to me because I struggled with a lot of symptoms of it. The symptom that I struggled most with was my very poor concentration. Practically everyone got angry at me or was judging me so often, and I tried to focus so hard.
Looking back I think I might have been depressed for all my teenage years, but my mother would invalidate me. Getting a diagnosis became important to me because it felt like it would offer me validation and self awareness, but I worried that I was obsessing about getting a diagnosis for attention.
I remember finally going to therapy when I was 21 and being frustrated that she didn't get me diagnosed. I was looking up a lot of info online about asd vs bpd vs cptsd vs depression vs (social) anxiety vs adhd (and the info is very contradictory/vague or limited).
I got diagnosed with depression when I was 22 and got cbt. It gave me some tools for my social anxiety (which I have struggled a lot with for years) but it felt so invalidating to me that we were only focusing about my negative thoughts and not talking about my past or my parents that I was ruminating about constantly. I had disturbing intrusive OCD-like thoughts, hated myself or thought something was very wrong with me, I was pulling my hair, I had (sometimes suicidal and sh) mood swings and trust issues and kept obsessing about that and about whether I have autism or a trauma/attachment thing due to early childhood neglect/isolation (very little info on the effect of isolation on infants too). I was really trying to become self aware and make sense of everything. After 1,5 years my therapist ended up breaking up with me, accusing me of malingering, saying that "the longer she treated me the more random complaints arised".
I did not function well at all, went to my gp, and got referred to get help again. After being on a waiting list for a year I managed to participate in a study where the researchers offered "treatment resistant depression patients trauma therapy and a SAM supplement". This was half a year ago. (I'm still on the waiting list.. this is the situation in the NL). I got got 6 (!) emdr sessions, and noticed how I started to feel less confused. I'm still going to weekly talk therapy sessions at that hospital.
So much has changed. I went to family therapy with my parents, started actually confronting them or setting boundaries, discussions broke out, I ended up cutting ties, now my parents are "worried about me".. anyways
Sometimes I still think about what's up with me. I guess it's not black or white and I'm some kind of mix between adhd, autism and adhd/autism - like symptoms caused by trauma. I'd still like to know what is what though. I'm wondering who I might have been if I hadn't been through certain traumatic or neglectful situations, but I'm also wondering what feels like the real "me": the person who I lost and have to find back again (who I could have been), or just me as I am now, shaped by nature&nurture.
I'm wondering who read this essay😂
Totally understand you. It’s interesting the whole ADD/Autism/ASD/CPTSD connection… I’m still searching for what is the functional goal of me, and what is the me In now and how to get from a to z…. Or if not a possibility , how to accept this me as me and how to get others to accept it . 😂
@@visionvixxen yes finding a balance between accepting yourself and working on yourself is also tricky
I read this!!! And I could’ve written it myself. 🤍 Thank you for sharing. It’s helping me know that we are really ok… And how amazingly resilient, intelligent and capable we are. 🌸
💛
Good essay. Absolutely relate. I can't explain "what is wrong with me," especially when someone asks that particular question. Maybe nothing if I believe it but I don't and I don't feel perfectly healthy or happy. Asking for help and patiently waiting for appts. Will it help, can someone please help me feel okay? Also, struggling to be worth the time and attention so I waited until I am 43 to start validating my feelings and still trying to quite gas-lighting myself. 🦋 Wishing solutions to us all...
A childhood story of dissociation: I was left alone in the kitchen to finish my dessert (grapes), I knew I had to finish quickly because my mother used to hit if we weren’t fast enough. Somehow I started dissociating/daydreaming and when I snapped out of it realized too much time had passed and I hadn’t eaten a single grape. I gobbled them all in a second to avoid punishment and started choking. I couldn’t breathe at all. At this point I was frozen, if I went out of the kitchen I knew she’d hit me, if I stayed and hadn’t finished the grapes, she’d hit me. So i stayed in place trying to figure out how to fix it myself (as usual). She ended up coming back in time but all I remember of the situation was the fear of my mother, and the surprise ending of not beating beaten (like wtf?).
I practically never dream (or I don’t remember anything), but one recurring nightmare I have is gasping for air in shallow water (bathtub), unable to move, unable to breath until I wake up.
Got diagnosed with adhd at 35, the treatment slightly calmed my depression, improved my sleep (I don’t wake up 3 times a night anymore) but all the rest is still here (executive functioning, dissociation, focusing trouble, 0 motivation, can’t project myself in the future…). Hopefully soon I can start therapy.
By high school I thought something might be off. I'm high functioning and fairly adapted, no one thought anything of it. One therapist told me it was normal at 19. Tens of therapists later at 50 finally someone came up with ADHD but I had a lot of traumatic and downright stupid therapy experiences. I did inner child and other stuff as well. The only thing that has helped is my own discipline and people like you on YT for free just getting familiar and validated. I agree that the diagnosis or labels aren't as important
Thank you for addressing the intersection of childhood trauma and ADHD.
I recently (~1 year ago) got diagnosed with ADHD. When people are surprised by it, I joke that the fear from the childhood trauma balanced out my ADHD impulsivity. And, while I do joke, I think there's a good amount of truth to it for me.
I don't think my ADHD is rooted in my trauma, especially since when I look at my family I'm pretty sure that my mom has it, and at least one of my cousins has it. What the childhood trauma did was to force me to develop defense mechanisms that have the side effect of being decent enough ADHD coping strategies. It also brought with it shame, depression, anxiety, horrid self esteem, constant self doubt, fawning, and so on.
I think I finally realized that there's something else wrong besides the trauma as I worked on the trauma, and on dealing with survival strategies and defense mechanisms that no longer serve me. Because they were doing double duty, my ADHD symptoms became more and more and more apparent.
The great thing, for me, about having both diagnoses is that I can now be kinder and more understanding to myself, which in turn helps me work on the trauma. "Why can't you just fucking do X?", which leads shame and self hate, has instead become "ah, my inability to do X is due to this facet of my atypical neurology. Instead of spending my energy beating myself up, which makes everything so much harder, I'm going to accept that this is where I am right now, and do another task instead."
It's slow going, obviously, but I'm in a much better place now than I was 2 years ago.
(Anecdote: I don't think most ADHD is rooted in trauma. The kids of one of my friend have ADHD, and she's one of the most amazing parents I know.)
Yes! I couldn’t figure out how to word this/relate the two even though I kept feeling there was a connection that led to the next downward spiraling event. I didn’t realize this term applied to what I was doing back then, but “masking” was an action that resulted from CPTSD.
Also agree with being kinder to oneself with the diagnoses. There’s less self-hatred/self-condemnation and less ambiguity/wondering why the world won’t provide me answers if they mark mine as wrong.
This is definitely me right now. Having to start from scratch after dismantling so many coping mechanisms has been frustrating and disorienting.
Buna, cum ai reușit sa progresezi și sa depășești unele mecanisme?
i'm not getting proper ADHD diagnosis because i dont have the hyperactivity/impulsivity but i have as good as everything else stated here, with dysfunctional family dynamics (also assuming them also have undiagnosed atypical neurology). it wears me down so much, i feel like it means my issues aren’t real, but i experience it since ages
I really appreciate the way you pointed out that some therapists can be less than helpful. It’s about the hardest thing when you seek professional help and get the same non-help that your neglectful parents gave you. “That’s your lot, what can you do?” And you can only find out the level of compassion of your therapist by opening up and sharing your story, not always easy. Thank you for this video. I have been trying to figure out if these symptoms all come from the same place, or not. I’m 42, diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia at 23 years old. Never medicated, and never made more than $22k/year (YET!). I should probably see someone, but when they don’t listen and just want to prescribe meds, it’s not the kind of help I desire. …and it’s like so not that easy at all to find someone who you know will listen and be understanding and try to help, despite that’s the job description. Thanks again!
Trouble is with ADHD only medications work to help contain some of the symptoms. One cannot unlearn ADHD, only control some of the symptoms. What you need help with is the childhood trauma you suffered becuse of the ADHD and how no one understood it or you. Things are somewhat better now, but ADHD has got to be one of the most difficult problems parents face. It takes a special parent to bring up a child with ADHD a most likely one of them has it too, also undiagnosed.
@@ruthlehmann1037 Meds, strategies and help with tasks. By help I mean if someone takes some of the load from you, like a partner, flatmate or a social worker.
I can relate so much. Although I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD til adulthood (decade or more after TBI to frontal lobe), I have the same symptoms along with depression & anxiety. Neuropsych testing revealed a high IQ, yet none of that matters if you can't remember things, be on time 100%, perform according to society's (or your own) high standards, nor afford to pay bills - including outrageous medical & insurance fees. On top of that were the unhealthy or abusive relationships which compounded things... I've had many different jobs & a good career but it got cut short when a Rx caused/worsened medical issues at work - so much for any protection from the ADA!🙄 Now I'm on SSDI (at parents' insistence) which is below poverty level. I wish I could work but am always in fear of a medical symptom interfering (bc it ruined so many jobs I actually did well, regardless). So hard to find good docs, especially that accept my insurance. Seems like the govt (US) & society in general only wants to sustain the the rich & healthy. Grateful for UA-cam at least. Good luck to you! ❤️🙏
I'm 54 and this is so me. I can pay my bills and work full time. Then I have my mom and disabled brother on my day off. The one day I get I have laundry. I now grocery shop online. I can't make myself do things I enjoy. I think I am a mix between AD.H.D and child hatrauma. Then because that is not enough.Almost two years ago my son was killed By a man that ran red light. And I haven't been able to recover from that so I keep These youtube videos trying to find a way to Make my life work for me.
When a therapist says 'this might sound weird' but it in fact sounds very familiar 🙃
Understanding the Dopamin deficite or disregulation helps me so much to understand, why I need to feel stressed and fearful to get lots of things done.
Also why I created stressful situations and functioned best in stressful work environments. Then I'd break down and burn out all the time.
Right now I'm taking supplements for a natural prestate of Dopamin which stabilize me.
I'm so excited, that you pick up this topic and intersection.
what is that supplement? thanks
@@sun_buddy it's called L-Tyrosin. And I take 5-HTP for a Serotonin prestage. I take them as two different capsules, as I needed to try out, which my body deals best with. But there are also supplements that have both combined, as I saw. Wish You the best.
@@sun_buddy it's basically giving the body one essential amino acid that is needed to produce Dopamin and noradrenalin. I had taken psychiatric medication that worked on that level, which was very effective, but had heavy side effects. So a more gentle approach is what I am trying to achieve through this.
@@belonging9200 does this supplement only exist in the US?
@@vivvy_0 I'm in EU :)
The symptom separation is further complicated by childhood symptoms of ADHD sometimes leading to its own trauma.
I’m 25 and I thought I’ve only struggled with SAD/GAD/ deppresion since middle school but this video describes what I’ve been going through completely, it’s a battle everyday
This video resonated a lot with me. I have a lot of thoughts, including around the intersection of disability and trauma - I have ADHD, autism, AND trauma, so it’s definitely been a triple whammy - but I’ve especially thought about the end, and honoring the client’s story.
I’ve been to a lot of therapists. One of them I spent at least 5 years with, but even though it helped a little, after a while it completely stagnated.
And it seemed to be roughly the same pattern. They would take the time to get to know me, I would both give a summary of my childhood and describe some stuff that happened recently, and then after a certain point they would start trying to teach me these tips and tricks, like affirmations and breathing exercises. Meanwhile, I would try to talk about what happened to me as a kid and how I think it might be connected - but while I don’t think they were trying to outright dismiss me, they seemed to want to put it off until I learned those techniques.
They’d also tell me things whenever I’d describe an upsetting situation to them. I usually try to be careful when analyzing or talking about a situation - I try to avoid mischaracterizing people, and allow for human error, including my own. But even after doing that, when I’ve described the actions of someone who upset me, they’ve said things like, “have you tried looking at it from a different angle? Maybe they were just _____.”
It’s happened with other things, too. When I describe certain emotional problems, they’ve occasionally suggested changes in diet, in sleep, in how I talk to others. And I do get it - stuff like that can really help. But in the context that it’s presented, it ends up feeling extremely invalidating and frustrating.
I think one of the best examples was when I was in high school - I had started seeing a therapist due to depression, and one of the things we were discussing was how lonely I felt, and how I had trouble connecting to my classmates and schoolmates.
She kept recommending this particular trick she called “putting a quarter in”, which was taking a piece of something the other person was talking about and reinserting it into the conversation - basically, encouraging the other person to talk about their interests and passions.
But even though I had autism and ADHD, those communication skills weren’t really the problem. I was still deeply traumatized, and was scared of letting other people get close - both out of a fear of hurting them, and a fear of them hurting me. And no amount of quarters would have fixed that.
By not seeing and acknowledging the pain underlying my behavior - which at the time, I needed help seeing - the experience became invalidating and set off my triggers surrounding being misunderstood.
I’m currently between therapists. And some part of my mind worries that the therapists think I just couldn’t stick with it when the work got tough. Or that such a thing is the reality.
In the video, you mentioned CBT - whenever I tried to talk about what I need in terms of therapy, I would say that CBT didn’t really work for me. Maybe that’s not entirely the truth - it’s hard to say. I’m just tired of feeling alone and like I’m not getting anywhere.
Wish me luck in finding a better fit.
I both want to talk with someone and don’t at the same time due to the worry of being invalidated. Most of my life has been that, so I can see myself leaving feeling shattered again. Basically, I don’t have a lot of trust to give out and when I muster up the courage to do so, I get drained just thinking about betrayal/disappointment. Negative results have long lasting impact while positive ones…are kind of questionable if I’ll even remember them (especially after dissociation).
On the rare, once in a blue moon, occasions that I do/have been validated, those people aren’t around long enough for the interaction to stay meaningful. Or…I self-sabotage and avoid them to keep from mucking up their life with my problems…so yea 😃
I feel the same way. It's the childhood trauma, I lived in fear. Do we ever recover from that?? No therapist has ever helped me with that.
I have the same triple whammy. It's so exhausting
I don’t think you need more therapy. I think maybe an alternative healing modality of some kind would help you, doesn’t matter what it is, just the act of exploring other ways of healing will be helpful.
Your IQ is too high for therapy, won't work for you. I bet they also said: "You need to stop being so rigid in your thinking" or "Black and white thinking"
Yes it is black and white, I can sleep or I can't there's no "Grey" area (Sorry personal thing)
It helps if you talk to someone who actually understands you, feel free to drop me a line
I’m 43, in the proces of getting diagnosed. It’s answering the one and only question I’ve had since childhood: why am I like this? I went to trauma therapy for a difficult childhood, but incidentally bumped into an article about ADHD in adult women and how hard it is to diagnose and figure out. Suddenly everything clicked. I definitely also suffer from my difficult childhood, but knowing what I know now about ADHD, I can see that in a completely different light, and I feel less of a burden to the people around me. Mental health issues, self esteem issues, all the consequential damage that comes from having undiagnosed ADHD has all fallen into place. I have a lot of work to be done still, but at least now I can see clearly which direction I’m going in.
You nailed it in the first few minutes what 30 years of therapy has barely been able to figure out. I feel great comfort in knowing I’m actually so textbook. Thank you. Old dogs can still learn new tricks right?
👏 👏 👏 THAT.
ALL OF EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID. 💯
I never realized how many daily issues i got which seem adhd related. Not being able to do tasks until the last minute or maybe never at all, being stuck in life, overwhelmed with tasks no matter how much time you got. I swear any symptom you are describing feels like you talking about me personally..
I got diagnosed as being Autistic and having ADHD a year ago (I'm in my early 30s) and I grew up in a Fundamentalist Christian environment where psychology, therapy and other scientifically-soumd tools weren't available or believed to be helpful. I also grew up low income with my mom needing a lot of care due to seizures and dealing with Emotional and Verbal Abuse in our home and bullying outside of the home. I read Patrick's Recommended book "The Highly Explosive Child" and it fit me to a T with how I acted out when I was younger because I didn't have a diagnosis.
The only thing that made me "functional" was the high standards that parents and teachers placed on me up until college. Yet those standards kept eating at me (and some still do to thus day but I'm working through the childhood issues too) until I went to see a psychotherapist then a CBT therapist in my mid 20s. I eventually got my current diagnosis (where I had to go to a special clinic for those with Autism) when I also couldn't hold down a job and kept cycling through temp gigs until about two months ago when I started my first full time role in my field (10 months after my diagnosis).
I've been waiting for a video about ADHD and childhood issues for awhile and THANK YOU so much for making this. I was crying during some of the points you talked about and will save this video for me to watch as a great resource. PLEASE keep up the good work you do!!
Your life is very similar to my own, minus that I got diagnosed with ADHD at 24 last year, and don't have an autism diagnosis(though I believe it's a possibility).
I really hope you are able to work through those doubts that you actually have the disorder, and that therapy is useless, if you have them. I sure do.
Thanks for sharing. I am waiting for my neuropsychological results in 2 days. I am assuming I have adhd and I have thought so for a decade. Now based on Andrew huberman podcast about adhd and this one I am learning towards almost definitely. I'm wondering if it's anything else like you mentioned that's an interesting concept I've never heard about
So my question is, are you are an adult that went to a regular school but struggled? So on a scale of mild to severe autism, how bad is yours? I didn't no that was a thing? Excuse my ignorance..Having autism but being so functional that you made it to 30 years old before anyone knew something was up? Thanks for sharing in going to research that
I've thought I had ADHD for most of my adult life. I finally got tested a few years ago but they said I didn't have it. I was very confused by the lack of diagnosis because I was SURE I had it because I experienced almost all of the symptoms. Fast forward to 6 months ago I start seeing a trauma-informed therapist and get diagnosed with PTSD. This video cleared up so much and everything you said was incredibly relatable.
I always said before 32 (“diagnosed adhd”) that I felt I was in a dream. A fog of sorts. I’ve done the cptsd work, I’ve done the work u have helped guide, I’ve done my own health & healing work. & for the first time feel my version of normal! Without medication. It’s interesting how healing happens when u listen to what the universe delivers.
Thank you SOOOO much for this video. You described me to a T at the beginning. Can’t wait to show my hubby & see his look of “yup. That sounds like your tendencies!” Time mgmnt is still not my strength;)
Thanks again Patrick!!! Best therapist I’ve not spoken to❤️🔥
My ears feel weird, its almost a pain, tears in my eyes, chest feels tight, neck feels tight. A smile on my face. I not only needed to hear this, but I would really like to show the therapist I'm seeing. You put into words things Ive been hoplessly taking four appointments to try and talk about.