Is This The WORST Way to Tell Somebody You Are Autistic?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 30 бер 2024
- 🐌 Become a snail! If you'd like, you can support the creation of these videos on Patreon! You can get 2 exclusive videos a month, access to the Discord server, podcast episodes, and more! 🐌:
/ imautisticnowwhat
📸 Instagram 📸 : / imautisticnowwhat
💛WATCH NEXT💛:
She Diagnosed Herself as Autistic after ONE TIKTOK?! r/AmITheA**hole: • She Diagnosed Herself ...
Redditor Destroys Wife's Emotional Support Squishmallows and I am MAD!: • Redditor Destroys Wife...
📹 My Videos mentioned 📹:
You're Not Autistic, You're Just Different.: • You're Not Autistic, Y...
Gen Z, This Term for Autism is NOT OKAY.: • Gen Z, This Term for A...
📒 Sources 📒:
Reddit Posts: / aita_for_how_i_reveale...
/ aita_for_forcing_my_ki...
📖 *Books I'd Recommend about Autism 📖 :
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price:
amzn.to/3LhMV3j
*These are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you; any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment!
DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.
Can’t wait to hear your verdicts. Is mango person the a-hole? Re-watching the edit, I wonder if I was a bit easy on him! Maybe I’m underestimating how much NOT being pressured into eating things I didn’t like has contributed to me having a relatively good relationship with food now, despite still having sensory stuff.
The other AiTA videos I mentioned:
A heart-warming tale of ducks & peas: ua-cam.com/video/G2YKe35z9f0/v-deo.html
Squishmallows in the Bath?: ua-cam.com/video/EdByHssKrgA/v-deo.html
Thank you for watching! Happy Easter! 💛
happy easter meg, genuinely so grateful for ur content and how much ive been able to learn about myself even through ur vids and i thank u so so much for that fr
Happy Easter
I think mango guy's kid has ARFID. It's an eating disorder and that's probably what his wife is referring to with regards to therapy.
I think Mango will stop being an asshole and didn't mean to be but will learn and grow.
Mango person is absolutely the asshole. Feels like a total lack of empathy on their part, like how would they feel if they were being forced to eat stuff they hate? It's just so unnecessary
plot twist- if you know your kid can't or won't eat a food and you keep cooking it for them, they aren't wasting the food, you are.
Yep
My mom will add stuff she knows I dont like to food then get mad at me when I make my own meal… we both know potatoes feel like sand and eggplant feels like slug im not eating that shit ill have my spaghetti
also, junk food is literally engineered to appeal to our biology and even be addictive, so why aren't parents up in arms against those companies? there's really a lot of broken shit in the food industry, and it's not just the US.
on a lighter note... maybe folks who enjoy pushing food onto others are like... food autistic? they can't read the social cues about people with food preferences and simply happen to have preferences that square with a broader range of socially enjoyed foods?
there's also perhaps a more evolutionary biology explanation... our ancestors probably had to deal with food scarcity and had to force their children to eat whatever they could find just to keep them alive, so perhaps some parents are stuck with this "ancient instinct"... and then they feel really bad when they get rejected?
just some weird thoughts lmao
And the parents don't eat things THEY don't like.
Why do they think children are different?
Teach children to try things again every few years to see if their tastes have changed. I've done that all my life.
But trying to force them to eat what they can't stand? That's nuts, and not the fun kind.
While I was going through my Autism diagnosis earlier this year, someone I know commented "why do you need a diagnosis, you're a functioning adult so there's no need" - he didn't take the time to understand how much effort it takes every day to appear functional.
Tell them to read my book 'Living with Autism Undiagnosed '
This, absolutely. People don't generally see the aftermath of trying to do what is expected of you as an adult.
For me it helped. Everything make sense for my entire life up to that point I believed I was a demon not helping. That is the fact that my schizophrenic mother believed I was a demon and abused me accordingly before I was taken away from her at the age of 3 but up until the age of 19. I believed my mother was right all along because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't do anything right I couldn't fit in. I did my absolute best and I failed every time I was constantly accused of being lazy or rude or manipulative or stupid (they aren't wrong about that last one though I'm not the smartest but sometimes I wonder if I would be a bit smarter if the world made sense to me at an early age due to getting accommodations and assistance that I actually needed instead of being pushed to the side and punished for things, I couldn't control) when I got diagnosed at the age of 19, It took a while to set in but suddenly the world made sense to me and over time I've learned to hate myself less so that's why getting a diagnosis is important at any age.
I mean, he's kind of right, though. Getting a medical evaluation won't change the way that you already function. I have brain damage, it takes me a lot of effort to function normally too. I don't need a doctor to tell me what I already know. You're already doing it regardless of whether or not you get diagnosed. If you think that you have autism, then you can find a way to mitigate that without a diagnosis from a professional.
@@Hollyucinogen unfortunately for me it has become debilitating to the point that I can't provide for myself anymore. But to be accepted for welfare with an exempt to applying for future jobs - they want to test you. They want a lil paper stating that you are indeed, mentally incapable to keep up the way they want you to.
I wholeheartedly believe I am on the spectrum. I am there each day for the stress of change, for the difficulty of reading people, for the collapsing on the floor as soon as I get home because it took all of me.
Whether I get the diagnosis or not, I know I have it.
Unfortunately my livelihood is demanding the piece of paper.
And for a lot of people it's so validating to have a third party affirm them. That all of their struggles weren't because they were worse at something than everyone else - that they were always fighting harder.
To each their own.
When my neurotypical mom tried to convince me (undiagnosed autistic) to make my son (diagnosed autistic) to eat everything, I made a point by making only food she hate, every time when she visited us. She finally understood and stopped guilt tripping me about my sons diet.
Well done good for you
omg I love this
I'm definitely keeping this in mind because I have some less emotionally intelligent family members.
Who says she's NT? 😉
@@MelissaThompson432 I know for sure that my mother is the autistic parent neither of them have been assessed sometimes there's a vibe
You can be abusive to your child without meaning to. You can traumatise your child without meaning to. Intent is irrelevant for that.
For sure!
Absolutely! I feel like I'm the poster child for it.
Amen to that
Yes there is a difference between abuse and being an abuser. It’s a pattern that establishes an abuser. Instances of abuse can occur due to inexperience or from behaviors learned through their own abuse. Our job is to recognize the abuse and change behaviour.
@@viralynn8120 that’s not what I was saying, if you thought that. Parents can also be an abuser without meaning to. They can follow a pattern without meaning to because of their own trauma, while thinking they are doing what’s best but the only thing they achieve is to further the cycle of generational trauma.
So... they're saying she was supposed to just sit there and listen to them spreading misinformation about her allllllll night, and THEN, after they had embarrassed themselves EVEN MORE, she was supposed to call them up and find ANOTHER time to meet up just for some sort of special private super-awkard coming-out meeting afterwards just to tell them she was autistic?? Who on earth would actually feel better about that meeting? How would that be better? For anyone? Talk about lying to themselves :(
Yes, it's not as if she planned this situation and decided in advance that this was the way she wanted to disclose. But when you're sitting there listening to hurtful ignorance being shared as truth, how do you just bite your tongue and not say anything? Especially if (as happens with many autistics) autism has become one of her special interests and she knows how knowledgeable she really is.
Not me imagining the spongebon "WAAIIT, DON'T TELL ME-" scene
I think "I don't want to hear it now" always means "I don't want to hear it."
I mean, I do the same thing in other contexts-thinking some chore will be more appealling later but, nope, if I don't want to do it now odds are I don't want to do it later, either. In an interpersonal context, I assume it's related to conflict avoidance. They know that an interaction will be unpleasant (and probably don't realize / accept that their own behavior is *why* it'll be unpleasant) and coming up with some excuse not to do it now is a very common way of rationalizing avoidance. It's not necessarily deliberately dishonest, they might believe it. It's still very unlikely to be true.
@@aspidoscelistigris yep I agree, that's exactly why I said they were lying to themselves (instead of only lying to OP).
I feel like they would've gotten upset with her either way, it really wouldn't have mattered. Her existence and honesty (instead of feeling ashamed of her autism and hiding it) threaten their way of looking at the world.
I was talking to one autistic person, we both knew the other was autistic, but didnt know we knew. For weeks we were talking in hints "oh well I'm very...logical" "Ah, you see, I have trouble reading people a lot" " well I was watching this thing on UA-cam about autism" (the last one was from your channel)
Description of every time I make a new friendship haha
I did the exact same thing with my friend but replace autism with transgender
😂😂😂😂 love it
Somehow at university i’ve managed to make friends with the cool autistic nonbinary people (tm) and i’ve tentatively introduced that i’m on the spectrum and they’re like ‘no way!! Same!!’ and then the exact same thing has happened with coming out as nb to them. Autistic people of a feather always seem to find each other!
I do this with my best friend. We are both autistic and we know that the other person knows. We have both told each other previously that we are autistic but we "pretend" we have forgotten. We talk in hints as well and it's hilarious.
It's wild to me that there are grown adults who think that disgust is something people have conscious control over. Like, surely on some level they must understand disgust is a visceral reaction, right? This is why I feel I need to use turd analogies so often to describe food issues. If I put a turd on your plate and told you to just eat it and learn to enjoy it, or told you to pick around the turd parts, or told you to ignore the fact that I used the turd knife to butter your bread, everyone would understand why that's an issue.
OMG, this is a great analogy! Thank you for sharing.
I feel like those types of people are the same who don’t understand sexuality too
Like “why do you like this and not that? You need to like that, everyone does”
Well yes but disgust is probably not the best word to use because disgust is learned. People aren't born being disgusted by gay people and yet seeing two men kiss is simply disgusting for many because they've learned that response from the people around them (and possibly reinforced in within themselves too). Disgust is an emotional response, not a reflex. I have also genuinely WANTED to try to eat food and yet when I gag its because I'm repulsed, but I don't think thats the same thing as disgust.
Sorry if I'm nitpicking because I do generally agree with what you're saying. I'm just particular about some words I guess
Obviously they're talking more about SENSORY wise because turds/ poop smells and that can cause a automatic emotional reaction (disgust). @@kj_H65f
I just love the fact that the way that family thought this person should handle telling them she is autistic is THE BEST indicator that they have 0 clue what autism is 😂
I was thinking the same thing!! 🤣
The only thing I could think is theyre worried about it being inherited by kids but at that point I think you just run from them as fast as you can its giving eugenics
14:23 I remember, as adults, my sister commenting "Think of all the starving children in Ethiopia" which, unbeknown to her, triggered my specific interest trap card- so I replied with "Well, can you count to 10 in Amharic?" I was disappointed when she didn't even know Amharic was a language, let alone where it is spoken.
"think of the starving children"
Why are you force feeding me when there are people who actually need this food out there? Give it to them!
I can't imagine what kind of idiot came up with this line
I would have taken said food as a kid. Gotten an envelope wrote Ethiopia on it and shoved the food dish into the envelope
@@oleonard7319 Yes, unfortunately we can't teleport the food to where it is needed.
And that saying may have contributed to people in the USA overeating and being obese.
As a Konami certified duelist, that's a pretty strong trap card you got there
@@amazinggrapes3045 I had to really teach myself to unlearn a lot of the forced guilt, but I just... _donate_ food I don't want if it's still in shape to be donated.
Sometimes, "sitting them down and having a serious conversation" is what makes it feel so serious and "horrible". Being autistic isn't terrible. I don't think they would be very supportive even with a serious conversation.
I was just thinking that that kind of lines up with how they view autism, so that's prob why they requested a dramatic sit down to drop the terrible news 😂
Its either overshare or never mention I can't seem to do any difference.
SAME!!!
Too real 😭
for real I used to tell everyone I met I lived in germany for 7 years and now I keep being surprised when people I've known for years don't know about it
Stop calling me out 😭
Fr NTs do not do a good job at explaining what that middle ground of an appropriate level of detail is. They just expect us to know intuitively & I can't figure it out!
If my parents forced me to eat foods that made me feel like vomiting or caused me a headache or to start sweating and my throat to be sore, I would definitely question their intentions. I am not going to eat foods that make me feel sick no matter how many times you reference starving kids.
Since having kids I learned that some of this may be undiagnosed food allergies given one of my kids is allergic to foods like peanuts that I would avoid.
Honestly the whole " there are kids in a foreign country that are starving right now, so you'd better eat up" never made sense to me cuz like if they are starving and I don't wanna finish my food why not send my uneaten food to them since it sounds like they would appreciate it a lot more than I would
I just tell people I'm autistic sometimes. Sometimes I meet someone with like 14 different signs of autism and they don't seem to notice I have those signs too and I have to try my best to not be blunt about it. There are definitely more people who don't know they're autistic than autistic people. Especially in terms of women.
Preach. Having an entire conversation with an autistic colleague and she told me "wow i can never talk with anyone around her. They make fun of me but you reason in the same way as me". And i had no idea i was autistic too. This happened 2 yrs ago. 😂
I know what you want to say and I agree.
But there is a tiny thing i have to point out.
" ... more people who don't know they're autistic than autistic people."
This cannot be what you want to say, because it cant be true.
The sum of "autistics who dont know..." cant be greater than the sum of "all autistics"
I know u want to say the "...more people who don't know they're autistic than autistic people who know that..."
but im still writing that comment...
Yeah.... ok where is the door? :3 i must go
@@MrGemaxos dont worry. We get you
I hate it when people say acoustic. Like are you talking about a guitar?! Also when people say that someone is "special" -ech-
@@stooglesgoogles7246 sometimes I say I am slow. It doesn't have anything to do with being stupid (not in my language, at least, plus I am also "gifted"), it just means I take a long time with some mental stuff (problem solving, speaking, processing other people's words...)
Until Meg explained “acoustic,” I’d never heard of it, and would have assumed they meant it literally in some way I didn’t understand. I also dislike it now.
I sometimes say I’m a “slow processor,” but just to my family. This is something I’ve said very recently. Sometimes I’m very fast, and I pick up on inconsistencies in someone’s story very very quickly, before everyone else. Other times I need time to process the words, the situation, the emotions. Don’t expect an answer right away and/or give me time to adjust to the new information or new situation or new plans.
IKR! I hate when people use acoustic. I also hate when people they're slow or calls someone else slow. There is so much ableism in the world it feels too big to dismantle it
I use slow a lot because it wasn't made to be a euphemism for stupid, at least in my family. All of us have differently functioning brains with different strengths and weaknesses and sometimes you just have to say "sorry I'm a bit slow today" or "yeah my brain is really slow in processing stuff like that sometimes" or "they can be a bit slow to pick up on things like that" but it was usually used as a means to understand, not belittle.
That being said I also understand that most people don't see it that way so I just use it for myself. I do think there's a hint of self loathing when I describe my shortcomings at times but that seems to be something I must deal with regardless. Even calling it a shortcoming I suppose indicates how I feel about it. But its useful too, because I am slow at times. Sometimes I'm super quick. It just depends.
They say "acoustic" because it's a way to mock autism while keeping plausible deniability. Same as people using the word "restarted" in a similar way.
People hate being caught out as ignorant, and the immediate response is generally to go on the attack. The response here is classic gaslighting, as are many AITA posts.
23:34 Societal norms can be, and often are, abusive, is the thing. The ideas that "only Bad People abuse others" and "abuse is something you can only ever do intentionally" are two of the strongest myths about abuse in enabling it
Yeah, been trying to sort some stuff out with a family member but even when I'm trying to be totally gentle, they assume I'm "calling them out for being a bad person" when they just made a mistake. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, etc etc.
Facing bad things or mistakes you made but being able to address them afterward takes a lot of maturity.
@@AschenDog Strong agree, this is part of why I tend to view concepts like "bad people" (and, to a lesser extent and by extension, "good people") with suspicion. I think good and bad are, questions of subjectivity aside, things we DO rather than things we ARE
While the whole "bad person" anxiety is probably the one that affects me most, it's something I _usually_ succeed in tempering. Prolly my biggest single step forward in maturity was internalizing the wisdom that causing unintentional harm on occasion is pretty much unavoidable, and the only way to do it less is by accepting responsibility when it _does_ happen so you can learn from it
Aside from all that, very very best of luck with your family member. I imagine it's been, and still is, quite difficult to handle
"aRe YoU aCoUsTiC?"
Me: "I most certainly am NOT a guitar!"
u could be a drumset
@@bohansolo 😂😂😂 NAW
ARFID!!! My daughter has avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. Her brain tells her that a lot of foods are poisonous as she’s about to eat them. Intellectually she knows they’re not but that doesn’t stop her from gagging if she tries to put them in her mouth. My autistic eldest has food restrictions but not like arfid. That was a whole new thing for me to learn about. Luckily, being autistic myself I was able to deep dive research and find out how I should and shouldn’t be approaching this.
Learning about ARFID blew my mind. It didn't exist as a diagnosis when I was a child, but I'm certain I would have been diagnosed with it if it had. My mom used to say that I wouldn't eat anything that wasn't white, brown, or yellow (and not all of those things), and she was mostly right.
Are there any drinkable food substitutes anyone has found palatable.... I'm losing foods my body / senses won't reject 😭
@@kitcat8308 I think when you’re reaching the point of a mainly liquid diet, you really need the support of your country’s eating disorders services. You have to retrain your brain to be able to tolerate an adequate enough diet, one food at a time. Very hard work I know, but it is achievable. Hang on to everything you can eat now and I wish you all the support you need 🤗🤗🤗
arfid fkn sucks sry
@@kitcat8308 Ensure is liquid nutrition but I agree with the other comment. Talk to professionals. It could be dangerous.
spitting your food out is a symptom of an ED. that child needs compassion and someone to make sure its not bigger than it seems. sounds like it is.
It is, often related to not wanting to consume calories. I only spit out food if I bite into something and it has a bad taste or texture, and usually that's either me trying something new that didn't agree with me or eating something I do enjoy and I got a bad piece. It's visceral and if I don't quickly spit it into a napkin and have a sip of water then I might gag and vomit. But this doesn't happen too often, so I don't think it's an eating disorder for me, just part of my sensory issues. But you're right, check it out with a doctor if it's something else for sure.
that father could have given her an ed with his shit if she has one it's probably his fault
@@ZhovtoBlakytniy If I spit something out its because I feel like I might choke. I can't make my body swallow if something gives me the icky and I have no choice. I feel like that father probably did a number on the daughters relationship with food.
I'm 34 now but when i was 8 my babysitter made me eat chili(which I already hated) and wouldn't let me get up till I ate it. I cried and threw up and to this day I can't eat anything with beans or chili spices. Thankfully my mom never tried to force me to eat anything and after that the babysitter didn't either lol
@@ZhovtoBlakytniythis reminds me of the time me and my family were eating a meal outside ( It was a cheese sandwich or something) and my step sister sneezed right next to me
( now I have a thing about not eating food if someone has "contaminated" it by like coughing or sneezing too close to me while I'm eating because even if my food wasn't directly in the blast radius, also it's worse if the ting I'm eating is white or has a similar color to snoot )
And I just couldn't bring myself to finish the sandwich because I felt like the sneeze had gotten to the sandwich, but my step mom being the b_tchy a__hole she was back then forced me to eat it despite my attempts to explain to her why I couldn't eat it, but like 10 minutes later I puked in her car so I'm sure she regretted her decision
P.s I haven't been in that much contact with my step mom for a while but from what I hear she's mellowed out a bit but I still got a lotta resentment towards her, though I don't feel like diving into all my grievances with her today
Relate to the person in the first story who said she thought the struggled with OCD but never fit the diagnostic criteria.
As an autistic person, a lot of people were convinced i had OCD when i was younger, when in reality it was undiagnosed autism and needing to stick with habits/ routine.
I wonder how many (especially AFAB’s ) were diagnosed with something else because doctors didn’t see/ think of autism.
When I was a kid I was diagnosed with autism and was in denial and thought I had OCD anyway lol. Also AFAB.
I kinda wish I was that way, I’m stuck with both. Not fun!
Autism wasn't a "thing" when I was growing up, especially for girls. People thought I was "hyperactive (or hyperreactive) and OCD. I may have a slight case of ADHD, but I am definitely not OCD. However, autism checks all the boxes with me.
Yup when i was a kid my dad used to say I was OCD because I lined things up & wanted things organized in a very specific way. I had a lot of misconceptions about OCD until I met someone with OCD due to a lot of my autism traits being categorized as a quirky organizational disorder.
AFAB, missdiagnosed twice, as PMDD (after an attempt) and BPD (during extreme burnout and meltdown in college). Now recently diagnosed as AuDHD, and all I can think about is how did it get misdiagnosed in two different extremes.
After taking a lot of online tests I told my friend, "Hey dude, I am probably autistic. No official diagnosis but I am likely to have it."
He replied, "No shit. Pretty obvious."
I love him. So blatant. Great friend, love ye Ty. ❤
Birthday was a couple weeks ago, and I organized a few friends to get together for some tabletop games on the weekend. Afterwards, I was out with the one I'd known the longest and he comments "Everyone at that table looked neurodivergent" and I was like "Well... honestly, I've been starting to question that about myself" (done like all kinds of as-official-as-I-can-find tests, and most them give me extremely high likelihoods of autism) and his look of pure disapointment and follow up of "Ya think?" was... yeah, I guess I probably do have something going on.
I have to admit it was strange, scary but also somewhat validating. Even if I'm not sure what I want to do with that information.
I love the "there are people starving" logic (thankfully, my mom never said that to me) because i would just think If that's the case, just give the food to them then!
Fr! 😂 As a kid I used to always think that I'd be more than happy to ship the green beans on my plate off to starving children in Africa (bc it was always specified to be African kids back in the early 2000s for some reason).
I still dont understand why the fact other people have less access to food means that I need to eat things I hate and not that I need to share food off my plate with the hungry.
I got it a lot.
My parents used to say that exact line and I actually said "Well, then mail it to them!" in response, when I was a child. 😂
NAW I did this too! I wanted the starving kids to have the food I didn't like because I didn't wanna eat it and they needed it more.
This is kind of a tangentially related silly story, but I remember as a kid watching the movie A Christmas Story and there was this one part where the main character's younger brother didn't want to eat his food and the mom told him there are starving people in China, and nobody ever told me that, probably because I didn't really have issues with food like that, so I didn't really get the reasoning behind that line, so for a really long time what I thought was going on with that part of the movie was that the family was going to some kind of charity drive to help starving people in China and they were running late so the mom was trying to get her kid to hurry up and eat his food so they could get out the door and go there.
i can't imagine cooking for someone without checking first what their allergies/intolerances/preferences are
There was one time I was working in an old people's home where a resident was showing me her family photos and said "that's my grandson, he's autistic, which is tragic" I opted to let that comment slide... because it was the resident's 103rd birthday.
i would’ve been so mean 💔
to the elder ofc
hope ur ok!! autism is not tragic, my grandma was this way too smh. like no grandma i really like fnaf and my hands flap
@alexiiconner I thought she was doing pretty well, considering that she grew up in an era where being left-handed was considered "tragic"
@@laurencewinch-furness9450 omg
i have arfid and frankly forcing me to eat food i couldn’t tolerate tramatized me and gave me a even worse relationship with food so i never suggest to force foods on a child ever
I’m surprised that my coworkers don’t question me about being autistic… I have one of those signs on my car that is supposed to warn first responders that says “Occupant with autism… may not respond to verbal commands”. I consider it a “don’t-f**k-with-me” card directed at police (who collectively have had negative interactions with persons on the spectrum here in the USA).
Ooh I need that sticker just for my every day life. I could just keep a small sign that I hold up when needed, not trying to make light but I legit will not follow verbal instructions if they don’t make sense no matter how important it is that I do it that moment.
Where did you get that sticker from?
Where’d you get the sticker?
@@dannileigh6426 believe it or not, I got the sticker from my local police department… kind of ironic, again because collectively we on the spectrum have had mostly negative interactions with law enforcement.
Well, you know, instant obedience makes the police feel warm and fuzzy. But if they can interfere with that by shouting contradictory orders at vulnerable people, they can get out their physical aggression too.
As someone who's family has a genetic predisposition to Autism (as well as ADHD, Autoimmune disorders, high amounts of creativity and awesomeness, lol) we have been living with and loving people on the spectrum for over half a century.I have seen the multiple ways in which Autism can present, including my oldest daughter, who upon initial diagnosis seemed like she would need a significant amount support her entire life. She is now about to graduate from a very intense Musical Theatre program in a few months. She not only has the voice of an angel and is very much talented in acting, but also writes wonderfully, and has aspirations of being a director. Early intervention is key, but this idea that 'your life is ruined' if your kid has Autism is so ugly. The day I became her mother was the day, at least for me, that my life finally had meaning, and even when her Autism was at its peak, and she was nonverbal, and didn't interact with other children, she brought so much joy and happiness to my life. Autism is 'terrible' only if you have the mindset from the beginning and focus on the child you didn't get to have, rather than the one you've been blessed with.
Dang where do I sign up to join your family... your daughter sounds like she has a great supportive parent!
Check for genetic disorders such as MTHFR. Fairly simple dietary tweaks could make a difference in health outcomes. And it's actually pretty common.
@@MelissaThompson432 those small studies haven’t been reproduced, and if you’re talking about the disorder linked to that gene, it’s rarely severe and mostly involves folate deficiency. Nothing has proven its linked to autoimmunity or autism.
yooo autoimmune family history (potentially one of my own) and autism here too 💪💪💪
@@Eosinophyllis you have one set of facts; I obviously have a different set.
A few things about mangos:
1) They actually have the same chemical in their skins as is in poison ivy (at a much lower concentration), and some people are sensitive enough to it that it can cause them trouble if they eat the skins.
2) The texture and flavor vary a ton with ripeness. I've had really tasty mangos and mangos I couldn't stand.
3) A lot of the places that they grow and are heavily consumed have a history of food insecurity, which probably increases the probability that this father has either personal or cultural memories of starvation that influence his attitude toward making children eat *everything*. If you're spending 90% of your income on food, you don't have room in your budget for your kids to be picky.
I love mango but I absolutely welt up if I don't wash up immediately after eating it.
With mango I sometimes find its flavor to have an aspect that reminds me of durian, which I like in small quantities, but I would not be surprised if others noticed this and were really put off. Mango can be a challenging fruit.
Wait is this why I think Im allergic to mangos omg
I love mangos when they are ripe but I don't eat the peel. Most the mangos in the USA nowadays are not good.
"I wish fruit was more consistent" absolutely!
The whole "clean your plate" thing is so upsetting when you don't let kids plate their own meals. I didn't love all of my parents' parenting for sure, but I was also a picky eater and it's one thing where, thinking back, I actually appreciated their tactic... they made me try things but it was literally the tiniest amount possible to slowly get used to it and I never had to eat any more than that tiny amount. Generally if the gross/sick feeling continued after eating it I don't remember them making me eat it again. But if it seemed that I was mostly just scared of touching it because it was weird and new, and I seemed to be okay *after* eating it, they'd continue to make me eat the tiny-tiny amount sometimes - but I think the important thing to me was that I mostly had control over the amount I had to try - it could be ridiculously tiny and I never had to move up to eating more than that tiny amount if I didn't want to, and if it didn't get better after a few few times they would give up and not be upset about it or make me feel like I was being punished. If I had thrown up they definitely wouldn't have tried to make me eat it again, or I think at least they'd wait a long time before bringing it up again just to see if anything had changed. They didn't just plate out unmanageable portions and make me eat it, or double the amount each time or clean my plate or anything. I think because I got to have control over the amount I tried it managed to stay within my window of tolerance, so that's why I was able to stop being scared of some of the foods - but sometimes I didn't and that was also fine. I think basically they wanted me to make me less scared to try new things, and hoped that I would like more things, but also they weren't mad if I ended up not liking them and that was important.
I think my mother has a bad memory of sitting in front of a plate of peas for a whole hour or so after dinner because she wasn't allowed to leave the table until she was finished her plate so they decided they weren't ever going to do that, and I'm so glad they found a better balance ^^;;
(I used to be scared of pretty much all sauces, so if we had pasta I would put butter and salt on it... and my parents would put pasta sauce on like one piece of pasta, because I could manage that much. Eventually I actually started liking it and asked for more. But for salad dressing I'd just baaarely touch a piece of lettuce into it and that was it LOL. I never started liking salad dressing and they gave up after awhile because it was clear that my tolerance wasn't changing at all. But I'm still glad that they made me try things because even though I'm definitely still a picky eater (with extra allergies/dietary intolerances) I think I eat a lot more things than I would if I hadn't had to learn that it's safe to try a tiny amount and that I'm allowed to stop if I don't like it; somehow both parts were important. I really like pasta sauce now and I can see myself just avoiding it forever if I hadn't tried it LOL.)
Yes my parents used this same tactic for me! I think I could have ended up with AFRID cause the sensation of eating more than a tiny amount of most things made me sick as a young child, but over time I became what I consider pretty adventurous eater cause I was encouraged to explore, but never forced to make myself sick
I knew when I started reading this that there were green peas in the story somewhere. I am 65 years old and green peas are STILL disgusting. I really don't understand people eating them. Fortunately, I was never made to.
Bless all the parents who understood. 🙏💙
@@MelissaThompson432 YES! I hate peas, they taste bad, but it's the texture and way they pop in your mouth. Nothing worse than finding peas in your food, I will take the top of a meat pie off and take out all the peas if it I find any peas in it but won't enjoy it as much as always worried about ones Ive missed and if there's to many I will just throw it away.
@@BrickNewton I totally relate. 🤢
And it's like prepared dishes must always have peas, or peas and carrots, and little rubbery nubs of tasteless carrot are almost more depressing than everlasting peas....
@@MelissaThompson432 you have made me smile knowing I'm not the only one, and yes the carrots! I like carrots but not those ones. I have a real pet peave with people putting peas in bacon and egg pies with out telling you, it's not bacon, egg and pea pie!!!!!
The food one is insane and ridiculous... Parents can have a 'good' intent, which in this case was a selfish intent in trying to feel like a perfect parent by policing all of your child's 'flaws', and regardless of intent still have an abusive result. That's 100% child abuse in that situation and the fact it's been so consistent a problem and nobody has taken the time to really understand what's going on (such as researching sensory sensitivity) is so baffling to me. Guilt tripping your children for years into doing things they hate... makes no sense.
The food stuff is likely a hangover from early human civilisation, if your child is wasting perfectly good calories that are expensive to replace, that is a direct threat to the survival of the rest of the family. Rich people could have a lot more choice of what they wanted, but most people have been and will be poor
@@crimsonvale7337 I agree, it doesn't make sense when we have too much food but when there is a shortage it does make sense.
wtaf about the first family being so weird about the person disclosing their autism. That timing was a completely reasonable time to inform them of her diagnosis, since she was trying to give them an example of someone who challenged their preconceptions about what kinds of life experiences autistic people can have. They were the ones who were being horrid to start, and then just got worse. I'm glad the boyfriend is so supportive
oh, i should mention I saw waterproof pool squishmallows at Walmart recently.
...what Walmart does this happen to be...
😂 That's great for the other day's video!
I tip my hat to the boyfriend in that first scenario. It's good to see such support.
Had a similar moment when I mentioned casually that I was Trans to someone online, after having a perfectly normal convo with them prior. They thought I was too Blazee, about it. That I must be lying or faking because I wasn't being serious enough. Granted, this was at least a decade ago so.
Like, do people think that we sit around being ashamed all the time, and constantly thinking about our autism and how it limits us or something? We're just regular people with normal lives, not constantly suffering charity cases.
That's something that's always been bizarre to me. Doesn't matter if i mention being ace, being non binary, being autistic, a DV survivor, etc. Everyone has this different, overly specific idea of how I should bring the topic up and if I don't read their mind and say it how they want me to, that's somehow proof that I'm lying?
weird behaviour from them.
When i first got my ASD dx (at age 34) i was super excited to tell my family and friends about it. It explained why i'd had major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder for over 20 years- from all tge masking, trying to fit in, failing, and then feeling like a person who is lesser than literally everyone else around me. I only received one positive reaction when disclosing my dx- from a friend at work- and the others (including my father, managers at work, and HR at work) literally said "oh, ok" and that's it. None have shown any interest in discussing what the dx means for me and my mental wellbeing. As time goes on, and i learn more and more about how rare it is for a non autistic person to understand what autism really is, i realize that few people i told actually believed me when i told them. I'm bad at reading social cues and it took me awhile to understand why they reacted the way they did. I'm a very polite and non-confrontational person and it's now clear to me they simply didnt want to call me a faker or a liar to my face, but they were clearly thinking it.
I'm approaching middle age. Right now i have no friends and live alone (unless you count my 3 plushie best friends on my bed rn). I was working but my managers and HR at work (H0me Dep0t) dont take my diagnosis nor my request for accommodations seriously (they cant even be bothered to turn down the volume of the radio they blast over my department for 10 hours a day). I only have 2 family members i'm still in contact with, only one of which is supporrive of me and (mostly) understands my struggles. I've stopped telling people i'm autistic because it only leads to more problems- like people thinking i'm lying about having a disability, or faking to get sympathy points and manipulate them into treating me nicely or something. My self worth is zero. I want to love myself but it's so hard when the world thinks so little of me. I still struggle with major depressive disorder (treatment resistant) and s--cidal (censored for youtube comment filters) ideation every day. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital 5 times in 2023 alone, with stays ranging from 5 to 29 days. I also underwent 16 rounds of ECT last year, which is a whole other story in itself that doesnt have a happy ending...
I've hit a wall with my therapist who only understands CBT (which has never worked for me). He's also my 4th therapist in 15 years. I dont know where i'm going with this... I guess my point is to be careful who disclose your diagnosis to. It may feel good to do so at first but in the long run you will only find yourself more ostracized and isolated.
I also harbor deep resentment for autistic people who have supportive family and friends. Just thought i should add that. I recommend establishing a strong support network before disclosing your autism to them, not after (like i did). Given a choice, most people dont want anything to do with someone on the spectrum. The real world is not nearly as accepting of someone on the spectrum as the people in the wonderful ASD support communities i've encountered online. It will take a long time for that to change and i just hope i'm still around in a few decades when it does.
i just wanna send you a whole lot of love ❤ i'm so sorry to hear this is how things have gone for you. a lot of your feelings/experiences feel very familiar to me. i'm 34 and i've only told the people who know me best, only fairly recently. i feel like i've masked so heavily with everyone else (and that they have such a narrow understanding) that they will dismiss/question it, and i can't handle feeling like i need to argue for something so innate and personal. it feels like i have to fully expose myself for people to accept it, and i've trained myself to hide so that's super uncomfortable. but then i think, i've spent so much of my life suppressing my autistic traits because i DIDN'T want people to see them, so how can i be upset that it worked? but i am. so.
i just wish that people could recognise that they actually aren't the authority on autism, they can't always know, and you know yourself far better than they ever will. it feels like a weird ego thing in a way, they can't accept that their perception of you (and of autism) isn't correct.
i'm so sorry you've encountered so many people like this and i just wanna say it's not your fault the world has treated you this way. just existing in a world not built for us is hard enough, it's so much worse when everyone around you dismisses your experience. it feels like blaming and shaming you when society is the problem. tbh i really don't think you need people who refuse to understand you and make you feel worse about yourself. i completely understand why you'd shut down, but i really hope you've been able to at least find a sense of support and community online. (also! fuck cbt! it just made me feel even more like everything "wrong" with me was my fault, that it was just my failure to try harder, it completely disregards that your brain doesn't work that way. again it's just more blame and shame, i hate it. i know it's probably easier said than done but i do hope you can find a better therapist who understands autism at some point, because that sounds SO unhelpful and invalidating.)
sorry for rambling lol, seeing this brought up a lot of feelings in me and i just wanted you to know your story and your life has worth, and there are people who will care. sharing experiences like this is so valuable i think and i'm glad you did. i hope your situation improves asap even just a little bit, but even if it doesn't, i hope you can spend time with things that bring you joy and be more okay with yourself. ❤
I too have had sooo much CBT and I couldn’t understand why it all just seemed so useless and to never work for me no matter what professional I was seeing. Then I saw something about how useless CBT is for most people with Autism and it all made sense. I can’t remember what the article said about the type of therapy that was supposed to be helpful if you are Autism (it was another three letter acronym) but may be worth a google! Since seeing that article I actually decided to move from seeing my CBT psychologist every month to every 3-4 months because I found myself just getting frustrated that our sessions weren’t ever really going anywhere or seemed to be actually helping me and the stress of paying for, attending and then feeling like I was failing at therapy and improving my mental health was actually stressing me out more than not going to a session. Once I have some more funds (who knows when that’ll be) I would like to look into types of therapy that are supposed to work well with Autistic individuals and substitute my current CBT with that. My current psychologist is fabulous and super nice and we both get on so well but I feel as though seeking at a therapist who works specifically with an Autism focus, will be able to give me a lot more coping strategies and help in my everyday life - things that will actually help and apply to me!
Teaching autistic kids they HAVE to finish their food is a great way for them to develop an overeating habit.
Or under-eating where food is more about power and control than being a neutral task.
One thing I remember reading that resonated with me is that a lot of young adults find out they aren't the picky eaters, that they are actually "culinarily brave". The parents just happened to be the ones controlling what their kids eat, and rarely will they buy foods they (the parents) don't like (ironically making the parents the "picky" ones)
When my parents said "there's people starving in the world." I'd tell them to send the food to those people.
You can't force me to eat something, it won't stay down, I _will_ vomit it back up.
2:42 in 2 minutes in and there are already two Taylor Swift references 😫 somebody’s got a special interest!
😂
when i saw the hand heart i immediately thought of Fearless and then theres Mary's song ❤❤😭
I don't have kids, but i do have a dog who is a very picky eater. When i adopted him, he rejected almost everything despite being significantly under weight. My first reaponse was to wonder why he wasn't eating, not get annoyed that he refused what he was given.
It took about a year to get his weight up and I did, indeed, find several things that upset his digestion. But now we're on a good path and his weight has held constant for four years.
I can't imagine hiw much worse the outcome might have been if I had tried to force him to eat what I first got.
Living things generally want to eat, so if they aren't, there's probably a reason.
Knowing someone researched about your disability/disorder is such a encouraging feeling. Most of my friends are under the impression treating me the exact same and not acknowledging it is the respectful way to go about it even after i explain the fallacy of that. They tell me I'm wrong about it....
Yes, disabled people need accommodations so we have equal opportunity, not being "treated the same".
People don't actually understand the whole "don't treat disabled people differently."
It means, "Don't ostracize or treat disabled people as lesser than or odd"
Treat us like you treat other abled people... WITH RESPECT and like we're actually living human beings.
I have a pretty awful memory as a child of my older sister taking pork and rubbing it on my teeth until i would eat it. I didn't eat it and i was forced to just sit there for a while. My sister would later brag that she is so good with kids and getting them to eat....
Important note: Abuse does not require intent to harm in order to be classified as abuse. The term is applied based on the affect the actions had on the victim/recipient, not on the intent of the perpetrator. I absolutely agree that forcing someone to eat something they don't want to eat is abusive. Even if you aren't physically placing it into their mouth and forcing them to chew or swallow, if you are coercing them into it through emotional manipulation (threats, shaming, yelling, etc), then it's abusive.
I'm glad this dad went online get other opinions, but the way he wrote it sounds like he was looking for people who agree with him so he could "prove" to his wife that he was right, not that he actually wanted to learn. I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.
OMG the bell peppers!!! I LOATHE bell peppers. One of my worst sensory nightmares. My mom used to try and hide them in different meals in an attempt to make me eat them, but I could always tell they were there. Even if I remove the peppers I still taste the residual flavor, and it's dreadful. Idek why she wanted me to like them so bad, I literally like essentially every other vegetable
11:00 how to give your child a bad relationship with food as an adult 101. they should teach a class!
14:08 just a side note, and I do think the parents went about it in a bad way, but generally yeah, we should be teaching kids not to say "ew" or call certain foods disgusting even if they don't like them. I myself had huge sensory issues that caused me to cut out entire food groups as a kid which *did* cause malnutrition issues, that I am trying to fix as an adult. but as a 2nd gen asian kid, you have no clue how many time people will just call your cultural food dogshit to your face and then excuse it by saying "omg sorry it just grosses me out". you *can* dislike a food, the problem is calling it disgusting. and I've had friends with ADHD come over and try things my mom made that they didn't like because of the texture, extreme reactions included (literally having people spit things out on the floor/sink and one time I had a girl beg to try a seaweed snack I had and she spit it back out onto my face). all you really need to say is "thanks for sharing but that really isn't for me" or "I have sensory issues that _ is really triggering right now". even if you do happen to gag or even throw up that is fine because its uncontrollable due to your sensory issues. but you don't even have to apologize, simply just saying "I tried it, I didn't like it". there's no universe in which calling an ethnic group's food unedible, gross, cat food, etc should be ok. & I'm not saying you said this at all, it's just something I think should be talked ab more. tofu is the #1 victim of this 😭
I grew up eating tofu and I still dislike it but you are right. Being rude is uncalled for. You can just say that you don't like it. I do like some types of seaweed.
My parents would make my siblings and I take “thank you bites”- one bite to try it, if you don’t like it then you don’t need to finish it. Mom would make sure to give us options, and there was a time where I just *could not* handle meat. What Mom would do is make sure there were other options. Mom would also do things like melt avocado into our taco meat so we’d get that good fat and nutrients. She always did that so normal meat made without it tastes off to me.
My nephew is a "picky eater," but there are many new things he tries with me that he decides if he likes it or not. The way I like to do it is that we get one plate with his safe foods and one with new foods. He tries the new food, and if he likes it, he eats the rest. If he doesn't like it, we trade it for a familiar food. Learning new foods is easier while safe ones are right there as a backup. His mom claims he never tries new food, which makes me wonder what she does.
I also always praise him for just trying. Even if he didn't actually even taste it, just adding to the 'taste test' plate is enough. It can be hard to learn new textures and flavors, but I am always so happy when I find a new food that I love.
He knows that I don't like things that he likes, and I like things he doesn't. He recently learned that he likes spiced cake even though he hates spicy food, which makes sense because spiced cake isn't spicy like he was worried it was! Talk about confusing language!
The mango parent sounds like they could've been my parents many years ago!!! Mealtimes were torture in our house - my mother convinced herself I was a "fussy eater" & used to grind up mushrooms & peppers into what she was cooking "to see if I'd still notice". Guess what? I noticed & then got in trouble for gagging!! I'm surprised I never developed a serious eating disorder tbh but I don't allow them any control over my food since I became independent
Most people in my life have tried this same thing with mustard. And even if I couldn't taste it (which I typically can), the joy with which they gloat that they 'tricked' me into eating something I told them I don't like is such an overstep of my boundaries. I just don't understand why they felt the need to do that, you know?
@@emisformakerthat’s so fking weird that they were so fixated on you liking one relatively uncommon ingredients Is mustard even a normal ingredient in most things?? I mean I like it but I never cook with it, and I like to think I’m a pretty adventurous eater
@@emisformakerUgggh no Seriously. The way my dad gloated and laughed at me when him and my family tricked me into eating moose meat STILL haunts me. I got serious trust issues from it.
Granted, I wasn't eating it because the idea of it made me feel uncomfortable, not because I didn't like the way it tasted. It just made me feel uneasy. And the bastard was so happy he broke my trust. For YEARS _any_ food that was served/came from my aunt's place, I had a hard time eating without being paranoid. My older brother, God love him, had to use his dad voice to ask them for sure that they weren't giving me moose for me to feel even a little bit comfortable.
And I was 14 when they did this. I was by NO means a picky eater. I was a trash disposal. The only things I wouldn't eat were pickles, and wild game (moose, rabbit, etc.) Anything else I would at least try. I was old enough to be making my own choices about being uncomfortable eating certain foods.
@@LGrian Lots of salad dressings use it as an emulsifier, and dishes like macaroni and cheese use it to 'enhance' the cheesiness.
I get by without it just fine, but the people in my life were deeply bothered by my distaste for it. Still are I guess, but I don't speak to them any longer.
oooo hate it hate it hate it!! I HATE any tampering with food.
It's mainly the dishonesty for me.
Thanks for another great video! The picky food thing is interesting because it seems to take some energy and effort for loved ones to understand why some foods won’t work for other people. I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and after 10 years he has mastered making spaghetti exactly the way I like it to taste, he says that he has done so after, “a lot of trial and error and feedback (from me).” I feel so loved knowing that he cares to make my favorite meal perfectly because he enjoys making me happy.
It's a tough choice on whether to tell someone you are. In my experience, once I tell someone, they generally treat me pretty differently, so I tend to keep it to myself.
I've been treated better cause now they know why I'm such hard work
5:13 it’s funny because I’m trying to develop an autistic character who’s a school counselor..,,.,.,he is extremely empathetic and he really likes solving problems
In my autism group the most common occupation is teaching.
The amount of time my mother’s said to me I “couldn’t pick apart or say I don’t like the food in other people’s house”, and so I HATED eating in other people’s house and tried so hard to avoid it, my friends would invite me to sleep over and I remember agonizing over “oooh I want to but then I’ll have to have dinner there and what if they make food with this and that?”
Oh my, the second one reminds me of sitting at the table for hours not wanting to eat the peas... I hate eating at people's houses. My grandma said, "Either don't be picky or don't let it show." I choose not to let it show.
I actually had a similar (albeit not as strong) reaction from some sort-of friends when I told them. They reacted with the typical "No, you're not" and were annoyed at how I'd dropped it on them, complaining about how I hadn't softened it for their feeling. I just pointed out that...that's kind of an autistic thing, isn't it? There was an awkward silence (which I _didn't_ want to fill, for once), and...and then one of them laughed and said, "Yep, fair point". We actually went on to have a reasonable discussion about it after that, for which I'm fairly grateful.
“Food extrovert” 😂
my brothers and I have different symptoms of autism. for example, I have higher support needs in terms of sensory processing and daily living skills, but I am doing fairly well academically. My brothers have different sensory needs that are mostly in the social skills and academic senses. Growing up, (probably because of an ADHD hype fixation and autism special interest) I quickly learnt this but because it was the early to mid 2010's, it was incredibly difficult to get people to understand that not all people with autism have the same support needs. these stories are fairly good examples of how one person with autistic person is one autistic person. we have different support needs and that is ok. In my mind, forcing an Autistic person to take support that isn't appropriate for them would be about as dumb as giving an EpiPen to someone who needs CPR.
so many fruits that everyone says is too sweet i find too sour or bitter, as a kid i'd only eat oranges with a ton of sugar on them
I was the opposite, my mom says when I was like 2 I would suck on lemon slices like they were oranges, Idk why I was like that as a kid LOL
It's funny that you mentioned brussel sprouts as a hated food! That was like a universally hated food for kids in my generation (x). But eventually I learned it's because our parents really didn't know how to cook them right. They always boiled them whole and they were SO BITTER. I was persuaded to give them another chance, when they're roasted and in halves and a little bit crispy, and I discovered that they're actually pretty good.
Just in case you're a fellow victim of poorly cooked brussel sprouts, I wanted to let you know! It obviously could be that you just don't like them regardless. I'm that way with mushrooms. I've tried them in various different contexts, and over the years in case my tastes have changed, but they're still awful!
They've also selectively bred them since then to decrease the bitterness. I still haven't been brave enough to try them, though.
I have tried them roasted and they are much improved but I still don't really like them.
@@Catlily5 Sure, they're not for everybody. But at least you know. :)
I love how when people feel guilty through their own actions, they're quick to try and dodge ownership by getting angry at the person who (often unintentionally) made them become aware of their problematic behaviour/words/etc.
I also find it quite fascinating how quickly and vehemently people will reject factual information just because it doesn't sit nicely in their view of the world and instead of just owning up to not being omniscient and being like "huh, I didn't know that." they go full aggro and sometimes get offended?
Re: the food one. Thanks to the whole "you have to eat everything on your plate" thing I now have issues I'm still struggling to resolve in my 30s where I have to eat everything on my plate, even if it makes me miserable and I'm too full (which is saying something considering it takes ages for my brain to realise I'm full).
I wonder how many overweight people are still trying to force themselves to clear their plates due to trauma?
I really want to mention the fact that I absolutely LOVE being autistic. Yes, when I realised I'm autistic I cried for months and months. Yes, I struggle so, so much to interact with others and to regulate my own emotions when I get upset or overwhelmed, and yes I have so many other issues which are far too many to mention. But the way my brain works brings me so much joy - I can talk and laugh with myself in such a pure, joyous way, I completely sink into my interests so that I feel like I'm in heaven, and I'm also able to understand complex ideas very easily and quickly, e.g. in maths, science. These are just amongst the things which are why I secretly love myself in amongst the self-annoyance. Does anybody else feel like this?
To be clear, I cried when I realised I'm autistic not because I thought it was bad, but because I was sooo scared. Either I was being attention seeking and faking it, which would be terrifying. Or I was actually autistic and I'd never known and had to tell people which would be terrifying.
Why would you enjoy being autistic?
I did feel like this when I was younger. My brain entertained me so well. I enjoyed it despite other problems. But I have been depressed and/or in burnout for several years and my special interests aren't as fun right now. I hope that I come out of it soon.
I made my kids try (a small bite) of everything twice. Because I wanted to make sure they developed healthy eating patterns. After that if they still disliked it, I tried something else.
I told them, “You never know when you’re going to find a new favorite food!”
I also would make a bid deal about how delicious I found something in front of them- happy hums and an excited wiggle when I took a bite. It made them curious enough to try.
I DID say the people are starving line a few times, but it was more about them putting a bunch on their plate and then refusing to eat it. Growing up, I was in a food deficit household due to family income so it was practically a sin to waste food.🤷🏻♀️
I remember times when people have made me out to be intolerant of other cultures because I didn't like a certain foreign foods, but there are plenty of Indian people who don't like Curry and plenty of Chinese people who don't like Dumplings and Pot Stickers.
Not to mention how India and China are the two most populated countries in the world and how their cuisines have a ton of regional variations
I am American and I think American food is some of the worst. But there are good foods and bad foods in every culture in my experience.
The food thing reminds me of the time my dad forced me to eat his potato salad. I sat at the able for 3 hours until it was practically forced down my throat, and then I vomited it up because it was so offensive to me. My dad was pretty upset, but potato salad is the pinnacle of gross food to me.
LOL. Had the exact thing with my dad with canned peas. We stared eachother down until I finally took a bite and puked it up on the table along with my milk.
@@user-hg2uj6hc3q Oof, canned peas and milk... Of all the canned stuff, peas really transform into something vile when canned. I'm not a huge fan of peas, but they go from a fresh leafy green to a sort scummy pigment, so I understand.
My dad was always very proud of his potato salad. I think my rejection of the food felt like a personal affront for him, so he just sorta lost it, lol. He was even more upset when it came back up!
Well, sorry for your experience, and thanks for sharing!
Was the potato salad mostly vinegar or mostly mayonnaise flavored? Or was it all just a texture thing?
@@fsfredrikson It's the general combo itself, and the texture and taste. Sorry to potato salad enthusiasts, but I don't understand why this food option exists. I feel a little sick whenever I'm even near it. It's the garlic to my vampire.
@@Ophmar4 That’s understandable, because potato salad tends to have hard-boiled eggs in it, and I used to really detest eating eggs of any kind. It took me a good chunk of my life until I could actually stomach eating eggs, and even then they either had to be scrambled or hard-fried. It’s just fairly recently that I started eating softer boiled and fried eggs, but I never want to have them too runny.
I only asked about what the potato salad tasted like because my family has a funny story regarding it. In short, one of my dad’s friends won an award for his potato salad recipe, and apparently no one in our group touched it because it tasted too much like mayonnaise.
saw this in the corner of my eye as i was 'listening' to a new band called 'youth sector'. i'm forgoing food for the meantime to watch this. worth it
That second one is so relatable (from the daughter's side). My parents were like that too and made dinner time a _nightmare_ when I was a kid. They hated it, I hated it, and yet they didn't think "hmm maybe I should make some _different_ food if this particular food is making my child quite literally gag." Extra frustrating because, as an adult, I've figured out ways to eat healthy foods (particularly vegetables) that _don't_ make me want to gag through my own experimentation, but do you think the thought of experimentation ever crossed their tiny minds?
Regarding the food bit, my mom was "Take one bite to taste. If you don't like it, don't eat more." that's what I live by, except with some very specific things like garlic food and cilantro. It helped me find new foods I never thought I would like but now I love. But it is a very good thing, to take one tiny bite (or smell, because some food stuff I will not even go near)
Like Baskin Robbins ice cream autism has many different flavours, it's disappointing that family had such a narrow mind view of it.
The SMELL THING is so RELATABLE. And probably the reason I don’t drink because the smell of whine makes me feel extremely nauseous and sick.
Yeah. As a teen, I lived in a semi-duplex with my family downstairs and my aunt upstairs, and I would suddenly feel sick for no reason and it was always when my aunt opened a bottle of wine upstairs. The vents were circulating air around the house which is how I smelled it from downstairs, even though no one else could
Re fussy eating - some people are what’s called “super tasters” and have significantly more tastebuds than is typical, particularly bitter tastebuds. It means they can be a lot more fussy with food cos bitter flavours are much more intense
Absolutely nothing wrong with the way they came out. The only reason they're mad is because, as you said, they got caught. Someone coming out as trans in front of a bunch of transphobes would have had the same reaction.
These are all pretty obvious examples of people being intolerant of food sensitivities, but I can also understand the frustration of someone not eating what you made them.
I LOVE food and cooking. I especially love trying fun new foods and interesting recipes. And I used to get very defensive when I would make something cool and my step dad and his family would be weird about it.
I had to teach a group of adults the concept of a "thank you bite". It was frustrating.
That was years ago and basically I just don't cook for them anymore. Which looking back, does make me sad. But that's how it has to be.
My current issue with them is my birthday meals. It's the one time of year that I get to have the meal of my dreams. But sometimes it's a real fight with my step dad. They act like "oh okay, I'll make one portion of this weird thing for you, and THE REST of us will eat the REAL meal".
And it's not just that he knows his family won't eat it, he assumes no one will eat it. Including people he's never met like my best friend and her family. It's insulting.
An example, last year I wanted my dessert to be grilled bananas foster shortcakes. Grilled bananas in caramel sauce on top of sweet cake. Who could hate that?
But my mom said that my stepdad will hear the word "shortcake" and insist on having strawberry shortcake instead. I told her to just not use that word and call it "cake topped with grilled bananas foster" or something. But she didn't. I insisted that we don't need two desserts just because my stepdad gets caught up on a word. And knowing him he'll view the strawberry as the main dessert and the bananas foster as a side dessert.
Well I was right. I made the shortcakes myself but my mom got the store bought kind for him because "he won't like it if it's different".
He made us make him a lot of strawberry topping but only grilled 3 bananas for the 10 people who were coming to the event.
All my work and excitement tossed aside because "it's different" I was furious. And it's MY birthday.
I texted all the guests letting them know that if they wanted to give me a birthday present then they'll not eat his strawberry shortcake. They all agreed and were supportive, but since my stepdad barely made any of the dessert I wanted they were forced to have his strawberry topping on top of the shortcakes I made.
I don't know where I was going with this. I guess I was just thinking that yes you need to be understanding of other people's food sensitivities. But there is room for give and take on both sides. Or something.
I think talking about amta just made me want to vent about my food based family complaints lol
It sounds like your step-dad was likely autistic, just never got diagnosed and insisted on forcing his personal tastes on everyone around him. Either that or he's just xenophobic.
If it is your birthday why not ask to have it somewhere else? Or at least bring extra bananas so you can grill them.
You are setting yourself up for disappointment on your birthday.
I saved my siblings from the horrors of the “finish everything on your plate” argument because i’ve got ARFID and when i was 4 my mom tried to make me eat some squash which i attempted and my stomach immediately rejected, forcing me to vomit all over the dinner table. it’s not a fun eating disorder, you absolutely feel guilty for having to say no to food when it’s offered because your brain has decided most foods are poison. I can’t imagine how much more traumatic my childhood would’ve been if i had been forced to eat everything put on my plate
I had a doctor recommend to see if I was on the spectrum.
Things added up so much. I struggle with some stuff.
I don’t have a job and feel like I never will. I’ve tried over and over but it is so hard. I also have migraines including a learning disorder.
I know I can’t work but would love too. I plan on volunteering soon.
My friend’s mom said “You don’t look autistic.” That pissed me off.
to be honest being autistic an employed at least in the uk is not too difficult for some of us, we just need effective communication with our employers and the need for reasonable adjustments to be taken seriously, for me all i needed was for my employer to understand that when i question everything I'm not trying to be argumentative just trying to understand. i work in what is for a lot of people a stressful job ( I'm a scrub nurse) but somehow i don't find it stressful. maybe its that focused attention on one thing at a time that makes it ideal for me. Anyhoo all you fellow auties out there you can do it, don't give up.
ps theres no way she's the ahole!!
My sister flipped from being super fussy to trying everything when she hit about 17. Before that she genuinely would have dropped dead rather than eat something she didn't like. If my mum had said that there were starving children in the world she'd have probably stuffed it in an envelope and sent it off before eating it.
that one at 22:56 about the food is how i feel about speaking. as a child i would talk to/around select ppl i was comfortable with and not a word around anyone i didnt know well. eventually i pressured myself into trying to talk as well, and now im p much entirely nonverbal even alone at home. it just feels repulsive and throws me into a meltdown quickly. i wonder if i hadnt been pressured to speak if id still be comfortable doing it sometimes. the good news is, im in a safe place now where i know my boundaries and wont force myself to do smth im uncomfortable with. and im so much more comfortable and happy living nonverbally!
To be fair, food is sacred in all cultures in some way or another. I mean even the Sunday Dinners are basically a food-based ritual, so is birthday cake. There is a whole subfield of anthropology dedicated to food and how it is treated, prepared, eaten, grown, and perceived in various cultures. The history surrounding something as commonplace as sugar, or beliefs surrounding something as basic as water will blow your mind, let alone the kinds of food taboos and reasons behind them. That's not even getting into special foods that are only eaten on very very special occasions.
True, but it doesn't help you eat something that you find absolutely disgusting.
I have autism and some people understand it and some people don't. Some people say if you just pretend you don't have autism you might be able to live a normal life. I think my life is pretty normal. I went to the boys brigade when i was younger and i wrote a published book about my time there and what i did and the badges and awards i got. I wanted to write the book because i wanted people to know that just because you have autism doesn't mean you can't do what people without autism can do. It might be trickier but it doesn't mean someone with autism can't do it. You can learn alot from someone with autism.
The mango one was driving me nuts, like yeah, you failed as a parent because you won’t listen to your child! It really shows how some people don’t actually see their children as individual people outside of themselves but some kind of object that’s an extension of them :1
To the second story (the Mr. Mango one): I am autistic and have some problems like that too.
Not too long ago, when with some neighbours like every saturday, I got (in the last bite!) a piece of aubergine in my mouth that I somehow had managed to avoid during the whole meal. It seems to be something I absolutely cannot eat, because it immediately made me gag and spit it out again, which of course was extremely embarassing to me because I didn't want to make them think I hated the food they cooked. Luckily they took it easy and it wasn't a big problem.
Even if my parents suck in so many ways, they never forced me to eat anything and I'm grateful for that as the few things I still to this day don't eat and can't be near, are the very things other people have forced me to eat.
It's olives, celery, green peas, any type of mash that isn't mashed potatoes, soups with the vegetables cut into squares and cooked meats with bones.
And for the first story, it's never wrong to highlight that ableists are idiots. If it makes them feel stupid, it's probably because they are. Just swap it around. If the same people sat in a room without light and that person said similar stuff about black people, would anyone even think that OP were in the wrong for saying that she was black?
I absolutely cannot endure any sort of melon - there's an undertaste that i find vile- and I constantly struggle with well-meaning people offering me melons with great enthusiasm. Usually something like:
What about watermelon?
No thank you
Sweet melon?
Really I'm fine, thank you though.
Papaya?
No, no melon at all, thanks.
I also hate mangos! But I love anything tart so plums, apricots, green apples, and lemon slices! Yum
Papaya's a melon? I didn't know that. I knew cucumber was. I like several types of melons, but no matter how I try I can't handle cucumber. It just tastes like bland watermelon, so you'd think that it'd be ok, but nope. Note: After googling, papayas are not melons, and cucumbers are related but not technically melons. Melons and cucumbers are both pepos, however, and all three are berries (genetics special interest).
I love almost all fruits!
I totally understand that. I already disliked many foods when I was a child and I became even more difficult as I grew up. At least, I didn't have Mango parents (by the way, mango is one of the fruits I prefer). My parents both made efforts to cook meals I can tolerate and my grand-parents always ask me what I would like to eat when I come to visit them.
my biggest blessing in my life is my boomer mom that was so enlightened so she never force me to eat food I didn't want. I remember when I was a child I had very sensitive taste buds and I was bothered by strong smells. I ate my first eggplant when I was like 24, fermented cabbage when I was even older and now the older I get more I can appreciate different food, flavors and textures
He is probably going to blame feminism for his daughter going no contact once she figures out that is an option.
Just because a behavior is "normal" doesn't mean it isn't abusive.
I've had 2 people now come to me and ask if i was diagnosed with autism and i heavily relate to the girl whos sensitive around food. Certain food textures like raw tonatoes make me throw up and smelling things like Cheerios makes me nauseous. My mom was just like her mother 😩 I am diagnosed with adhd and am putting off getting an autistic diagnosis because im afraid my family (whos not even supportive of my adhd) will bully me. 💔
Ugh, what is it about Cheerios? I think they taste like pee smells.
If your child being disabled to the point of being unable to support themselves would "ruin your life"
Don't have a child
If you're only ready for a perfectly normal, perfectly healthy child, you shouldn't roll the dice
I love hearing stories about such great boyfriends ❤
Happy trans day of visibility 🏳️⚧️
🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
About the second one I HATE fruits orages, grapes everyone of them I feel like Im going to throw up just if I see someone else eat them and I hate them touching me afterwards and it just genuenly discausts me its not about the people its THE FRUITS. ThE EvIL FruITs😂.
TBF I get the impression that, to varying degrees, failing as a parent in some aspect is pretty normal. Parents have like 5000 jobs. Yes, talk through the issues, but probably cut them some slack if they make a small handful of mistakes every month.
😂 my mum (who was lovely really) lost it with me one time and forced a whole raw tomato in my mouth. Did it make me realise raw tomatoes were OK? No, it made me reslise they were even more gross than i had imagined. Do I eat raw tomatoes now? No. It achieves nothing!
I came for the tea and stayed for the Taylor Swift references
Happy Easter I love your earrings. I am not autistic I am curious and enjoy hearing your perspective. I just wanted to say I too can’t stand peppers it absolutely trashes the entire dish. I don’t like onions but that is a texture thing because I do like the flavor but not the feel.
Your outtro song for your video has become a part of my life and my heart. Your videos warm me up like a bonfire in the winter of this landscape.
You've heard of Mr Mango and Mrs Mango. Now prepare for.... MX MANGO!!!! MANGO TO THE MaX!!!!!!!
Mr Mango is extremely lucky that his poor daughter doesn't now have anorexia or bulimia as a result of the barbaric way he forced her to engage with foods she couldn't stand (and guilt tripped her about starving children in Africa). And she absolutely shouldn't have to be around people who are eating foods she can't bear the smell of.
As for people washing their hands after handling particular foods...yes!!
I have a lot of VERY strong aversions to certain food smells and if someone handles these foods and then touches me or my possessions, I get almost hysterical, because I will be smelling those smells for DAYS afterwards on said items. I even have to sniff plates etc after I've washed them up, just to be sure that there is no trace of food smells left (and often, there are!).
I don't choose people based on their ability to accept me. I choose them for their ability to love me. I stopped caring about what others will think of me if I tell them what I am and what I feel. Honestly, I'm only here because I liked you. You speak without pauses in your sentences. You gesture a lot with your hands. You have a lot of enthusiasm in your ideas. Maybe that's why your thoughts are so beautiful. Enjoy the song, you are very similar...
ua-cam.com/video/kJV9fGjrwDs/v-deo.html