Nope, autistic people do NOT have to 'grow up' | r/AITA
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
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00:00 My family bullied my autistic daughter for getting toys for Christmas
10:00 Should we say 'mental age'?
13:00 AITA for removing limited edition Doctor Who sets from packaging?
19:10 What does reddit think?
21:30 The battle of the autistic Christmas trees
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I had a comment on a video a while back from someone concerned that their special interest was too childish and therefore contributing to the infantilisation of autistic people. They wondered if they should take a step back from it.
Monitoring how socially acceptable your interests are is another form of masking, which can be deeply harmful for your mental health. Our interests can be lifesaving. And I know soo many adults who are not autistic who love things that could be considered ‘age inappropriate’. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, carrying on enjoying whatever you enjoy!! We can’t fight for autism acceptance by hiding who we are. Anyone who has an issue with that needs to grow up.
I’m so glad Eve’s mum had the courage to stand up to her ableist family. What are your thoughts on the Doctor Who situation? Should we be taking collector’s items out of their packaging? If you get someone a gift, do you have a say on what they do with it?
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Wishing you all lots of time on your special interests this Sunday! 💛
this was a hot topic on tiktok recently after a video of someone watching bluey and stimming seemed to get a lot of attention from not only allistics trying to claim they were faking, but also LSN autistics trying to claim they're "infantilising autism" and it really annoyed me, because autism is a spectrum and that includes HSN autistics too! and also, its literally a well known, common trait that autistic people often have "childish" interests (in the eyes of allistics) so i really don't understand why these people have this sentiment. Internalised ableism i suppose. But in reality, its the allistics who are the ones infantilising autistic people, not autistic people just existing and having interests.
I'm finding myself struggling with this very thing. I always wanted to keep playing with dolls, animals and other toys like the ones talked about in the video, but it feels embarrassing. I do have a decent collection of Lego sets I've embrassed as an adult, but some toys still fee "off limits". Thanks for all the work you do. Your content has been very helpful in my unmasking journey as an adult. ❤
I'm so glad I could help a little 💛 I'm going through this journey myself a little too. I definitely pressured myself to dress and present myself as more 'grown up' and my autism diagnosis has helped me to give less of a damn about societal expectations and think more about what I actually want. Soo many adults, autistic and allistic, love all of the things you've listed, so you're not alone! My step dad LOVES Lego and super heroes etc. I think many people have been trained to hide it.
Aaaa that was my comment!!!
I love your videos!!!
I've actually been struggling with this a lot. I am autistic and I really get into tv shows for kids or kids growing into adults. Avatar the Last Airbender, Legend of Korra, and lately I am completely in love with The Owl House. All of those tv shows are good-to-fantastic in their own ways and very enjoyable but I get super into them. I feel embarrassed when I talk about how much these shows felt so fun or good to watch, how I feel actually seen by the characters too. I can actively feel myself panic a bit at typing all of this up. Owl House especially helped me remember something from when I was just a child, the idea that magic is real. Not the typical magician stuff or whatever but the idea that magic (witches, mages, wizards, etc.) is out there somewhere that humanity wrote about from the past. It's just something I believe in and not like I'm expecting magic to fix all of my problems, of which there are many. For now I am still trying to get used to saying that I am autistic, around childhood I remember the other kids who often made fun of autistic people and it's hard to detach the term from how they used it. Most of the time in a derogatory way and as such I was afraid of being called that or considered that, I could've been diagnosed much earlier in my life as it was offered but I felt the social pressures at my school and just never tried to get back to them.
Hot (maybe not hot) take: No one is ever too old for anything, autistic or not. As long as what you are doing is fun for you and not harmful in some way, then you might as well do it. Watch Bluey, collect Squishmallows, play DnD, collect Funko pops etc, because it shouldn't matter if other people care or not. We only get our one chance at life, so we might as well do the things that make us happy.
facts!!!
Yess!! And Bluey is soo cute!!
Yes!
dnd is gatekept as a kid thing?
@@Gabriel_Blair according to my family it is 😵💫🫠
being bothered by other people's enjoyment of harmless things like toys is the pinnacle of immaturity. anyone peeved by someone's healthy happiness needs to grow up
@@ancientgear7192id say mindlessly following what society wants you to conform too is (in my opinnion) pretty immature.
@@ville__shush
Ikr?? I've always comforted myself by thinking about that quote by C.S. Lewis, "When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
@@ville__ My foster parent would specifically use that Bible quote about putting away childish things against me when I wanted My Little Pony’s for my birthday and stuff like that (she got them anyway but I suspect only so she could let her toddler great grandchildren wreck them). She was a lesbian though so she shouldn’t be throwing stones in such a glass house...
@@nuclearcatbaby1131 dont reply its spam
There's a CS Lewis quote that never stops being relevant to discussions about maturity:
"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
I LOVE THAT!!!!!!
CS Lewis was a genius, in several ways.
That is great.
Thank you for posting this in here! Bestie, I stg I repeat this quote to myself in my head sometimes when I'm anxious about being judged for my special interests like it's the litany against fear from dune lmao
Quite comforting considering my dad, a christian himself, will usually use the first part (a quote from the. Bible) to say I shouldnt do X or Y bc it is childish (like watching cartoons or fiddling with stuff)
I should not have to remind my 20 something Autistic Sister in Law that she is allowed to spend her hard earned money on toys and games and things she loves despite what other people tell her.
Indeed 😊
🫶🏿💪🏿
I feel for her. It was crazy realizing nobody gave a crap if I wore a Sonic the Hedgehog tee in college.
There was a lot of bullying in my high-school and not much more support at home for my interests.
Maybe she could start small with some framed prints or posters? A throw blanket? A dedicated storage ottoman so she can put them out of sight if she doesn't want strangers seeing anything?
Its good that you are supporting her. Some other families are not very supportive of the "black sheep" among them.
@@affsteak3530I'm almost 40 and still love wearing anime, gaming and cartoon tees because it's an easy ice breaker when I meet another fan and have made friends that way.
“growing old happens, growing up is optional.”
-my grandpa
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too … that’s a shame
hey. don’t say that. they can have their own fun.
@@brownbrownbrown2938 I’ve seen this exact comment on other channels 🤨
Also… it is fine? I genuinely don’t see the issue with jumping in a bouncy house 😭
@@brownbrownbrown2938 WHY IS IT NOT OKAY?! LOL 😭
Genuine question.
@@iwbfejcbwufbjsdb8856TEENS MUST NOT BOUNCE OR ELSE THEY GET THE WHIP AGAIN
I like how the mom stood up for their daughter. I've been criticized by family for "not being normal" and being chubby. As a kid, it would have meant a lot to me if my parents told these people not to talk about me like that. Especially in front of me. People suck.
Indeed they do
@@ville__and nobody didn't ask for that + you're just a stupid bot.
@@ville__ You have no content dude
I wish my mom stood up for me too. The mom in this post is awesome
@@Sonicfan-cc1teI'm not entirely sure why they've chosen to post that here specifically, or why it's so detailed, but I think it's some kind of weird parody of those random spam posts where people try and poach viewers to their channels in other people's comments, usually without any relevance to the video.
Allistic people don't have to be "grown up" either (though they probably face fewer social repercussions). Having interests your age and not having fun is just a socialatle problem.
You're so right!
Yeah, but the internalized social shame is too crippling to not just abandon my childhood joys. I’m a pretty empathetic person, so often I admire the unbridled passion that a lot of autistic people have for their interests, but I’m far too self-conscious to enjoy them anymore myself. I think a lot of allistic people are the same way. It’s not that we grow out of our interests, it’s that we get shamed out of them.
this :(@@lif6737
It's been shown in research that all adults should play in some way, but social stigma and a lack of free time gets in the way. It's honestly really sad that as you get older you can't enjoy things the way you used to, constantly being aware of the subtle and unspoken social pressure is definitely damaging but most likely not as traumatic as being unaware of what's going unsaid until people throw it in your face for being neurodivergent. I can't imagine how frustrating it is to find out all of a sudden because people can't just say what they mean straight away instead of throwing judgy looks to eachother or just leaving people alone.
That’s it, I’m gonna keep playing Spyro for the rest of my life 😎
Not just autistic people, it’s okay to have “childish” interests if you are neurotypical aswell! Don’t let other people control what you like so long as your love for it isn’t hurting yourself or others!
What if I'm not diagnosed with any of those? : I
Neurotypical just means that you aren't neurodivergent! basically what i'm saying is its okay for your interests to be childish! like what you like as long as its not hurtful! :)
Yikes so neurotypicals can own a bounce house, play in the snow, eat ketchup with their food, and play checkers by your logic?? Yikes.. that should NOT be allowed EVER
@@spide2424 You didn't had to cut me out
@@brownbrownbrown2938 Yeah! i think so!
The whole "too old for dolls" or toys or whatever thing really upsets me. When I was 12 my mum thought I shouldn't still be playing with dolls and started giving them away. It crushed me but I felt she was probably right and didn't protest. I'm 54 and my mum is long gone but I still feel resentment for this.
My grandma did the same thing to my mom when she was in 4th grade. She still resents it too.
Ouch
My mom gave my book collection to my HS as soon as I graduated because "they need it more". She didn't even ask me which books can I keep or which ones I should give. Care to mention that they were old editions and I bet they're now collecting dust in the small library because... Internet. I still resent my mom for this too.
My grandma did that to my mom. And then my mom told me about how her grandma did that to her and how it made her feel, and then she went on to do the same thing to me anyway. I literally have nightmares about it to this day even though I just turned thirty. It left me traumatized and I will never forgive her for that.
How can you say something hurt you when you were younger and then go on to do the sane thing to your own child?
Awe this makes me really sad. My stepdad tried doing this to me and my sibling.he tried to make me get rid of my beloved Barbie house but my mother fiercely protected our right to play with them and bought Barbie’s and dolls for me to play with all throughout my adolescence, even older teens. I’m sorry to hear that
"There is no point growing up if you cant be childish sometimes" The Doctor (Tom Baker) This really resonated with me as a young adult. The one truely great thing about being autistic is not following society's arbitary conventions and rules unless they make sense to you.
💙💙
The irony of the Doctor themself being the one saying this is just poetic
@@hcxpl1 No irony there, he said it with his whole chest. :-) One of my favorite DW quotes.
@@InAHollowTree oh no, I mean the irony of the father not wanting his son to play with DW toys bc it's childish
Tom Baker is the goat tbh 🥹 He was and is my favorite doctor
NORMALIZE TOYS!
Not just for autistic people, for everyone! Everyone had a toy they couldn't get as a child. Let people enjoy things they want to enjoy!
I wanted the Buzz Lightyear toy.
As someone who adores stuffed animals and soft baby sensory stuff, we absolutely need to normalize toys. It’s so therapeutic to play, play is good for us.
i am going to go bankrup from buying plushies as soon as i become 18 and get a job
Best part about being an adult is having access to adult money and the decision to buy things for yourself. Want that 40 dollar stuffy from the toy store? Well guess what, your parents can’t really say no anymore lol!
One of the reasons I support the concept of a library econ TBH. Not only would it be more environmentally sustainable, but if we standardized public toy libraries, for example, it would make it easier for adults to play with toys, and meet people with similar interests.
As an autistic collector of Doctor Who figures, the idea that they aren't toys is simply silly. Of course they are. Personally I don't play with mine but I still always release them from their plastic prisons because them being in the box takes up space and also isn't as fun for me. Sounds like the dad wants to keep them pristine in a box so they can be more hypothetically valuable in the future. And like, if it's yours and that makes you happy, cool. But once a gift is given you have no say in how it is used, because it isn't yours anymore. Nobody is ever too old to enjoy what they enjoy how they enjoy it. Read picture books, play with toys. To quote the Doctor, "There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes."
Plastic prisons hahaha I love that! I keep my DC figures in their plastic prisons... I hope they don't mind.
As a figure collecter too, I can’t stand them being in their ‘plastic prisons’ as you said, I have to put them in a pose or something on my desk, I want to be able to see them in all their posable glory!
No adult should ever have to justify themselves to another adult over what they like if what they like doesn't harm anybody.
i always take my figures and things out of box cuz i feel bad leaving them in there 😂 makes me feel like they are in plastic prison
Don’t feel too bad for your Doctor Who figures. The plastic prisons are larger on the inside! :)
As an autistic Gen Z with “childish” interests (Squishmallows, Care Bears, Hello Kitty, etc), I feel sad for this generation of kids. Kids these days care a lot more about “looking grown” and getting skin care that they don’t even need and isn’t even made for their skin. I just wish kids were more like kids these days and didn’t want to rush the aging process.
If it helps I’m 59 and I’m still not trying to rush the aging process. The only time I go to Build-A-Bear it’s for me. 😊
I encourage young people, Including teenagers to take care of their skin and everyone should wear sunscreen regardless of age, but it is certainly a problem when it's excessive and completely unneeded, and possibly even harmful.
@@DanaTheInsane By your logic, students with high functioning nero- divergences should still be allowed to go to a school to learn chemistry too..
@@hello-sz7hp anyone can potentially learn chemistry if they get accepted into a program. enough said.
These people. They haven't grown out of the phase where they're so insecure about their adulthood that fun, childlike things make them feel threatened. They haven't grown out of BULLYING, for God's sake! And they tell other people to grow up!
Also, what is this business of needing to keep things in their packaging? Think about it! The idea is that the packaging will keep them nice so that... so that what? So that the person who eventually does take them out of their packaging will have pristine toys to enjoy, except that's never going to happen because they're never ever going to be taken out of their packaging? It's like the businessman in The Little Prince, who is obsessed with owning the stars but will never even look at them! Toys are for taking out of their packaging and playing with!
I feel the same way! But I also get that collecting is kind of its own hobby, and some people really just enjoy admiring their collections. They do it for different reasons. I don’t relate, but I’ve seen enough of it to accept that it makes some people happy to just collect. 🤷🏻♀️
The original reason to keep collectibles in their packaging is because if you sell them later the pristine quality makes them worth more. I think it's pretty awful to buy someone who likes them as toys collectible items and then force them to keep them in the packaging.
"Toys are for (...) and playing with!"
Not if you prefer not to!
Oh no…In the context of the story in the video, wow, my comment is way off base. I 100% believe the receiver of the gift owns it and can do whatever they want with it. I have a bad habit of reading the comments in the middle of watching the video; I shall work on said bad habit! 😬
Love your comment❤ beautifully said.
I'm 40. I was one of those that wasn't "smothered"; I was forces to "grow up". Guess what... still autistic. And parents are frustrated that I'm "still a burden".
And academics mean nothing. I have multiple higher degrees in science and have been published. I'm still unemployed and barely functional. I have a lovely husband that doesn't mind providing for me though.
I fully believe there is a connection between special interest gatekeeping and my current condition. My struggle isn't really the autism, the ADHD, or the other myriad health issues. It's cPTSD.
I've never gotten over the impulse to apologize for existing, the constant people pleasing to be worthy of that existence, or the miasma of anxiety about exposure. I hate leaving the the house, talking on the phone, or basically anything where my behavior can be judged. I'll never even know if I would have gone into a different degree field. I'm currently (technically) a chemist, but was always interested in being an OB or licensed nurse midwife. It was just way too taboo to even say out loud as a child.
I feel you. Been there,done that.
We (neurodiverse) are all born with PTSD and the bumps in the road of life and forced and failed socialisations does not really help out healing it.
My parents wanted to be sure their kids would become independent so they quit looking after us after a certain age. Of course, still providing the basics but if I asked my mom for help, she'd tell me it was no longer her job. It's like birds kicking out fledglings from the nest to fly or something. At least we flew.
In regards to the last bit; I hope you get the chance to try your passion. I can imagine it would be difficult with the struggles you mention (as OBs/midwives tend to need to be around people to do the things 😅), but I wish for you that you get to experience it even if it doesn't end up being a "real" (according to capitalism) job/career. 💕
I will never understand why people give collector’s items to children and then get surprised when children play with them. My family used to do this with me and my sister all the time. Don’t give a child a toy and then expect that toy to stay in the box.
Depends on the kid, honestly. I kept vintage collector hot wheels in their packages for years as a kid cause I was told they could be worth a lot more in the future if they stayed in it and I thought they made for cool shelving decor. I wasn’t told I had to, but I liked thinking about how rare they might be in the future, it made them special. Anyway, one day a younger cousin was over, he came into my room, and he saw those collectibles. Well, he excitedly opened them up to play with them and my collector items were ruined, but that’s just how some things go.
This really makes me feel great I’m a doll collector, and my special interests are “for kids” I luckily have family that celebrates my special interests but the rest of the world isn’t the same thx for bringing attention to this issue!
Dolls are the coolest!!
@@imautisticnowwhat I'm physically disabled and autistic. I'm also working on being a radio scriptwriter and have a Masters Degree. A few years ago, I developed a special interest in collecting- and playing with- Build-a-Bear teddies. I live alone. and the bears bring me so much peace and joy but the amount of snark I get from my parents and carers is RIDICULOUS.
@@cubbymumma3941ouch
@@cubbymumma3941im glad the bears bring you Joy! ❤❤❤😊
It turns out that my dad (passed away at 95), my 2 siblings (ages 64 and 70) and I (56), all buy stuffed animals for ourselves. The only one who doesn’t is my Mom, who is strongly governed by societal expectations and wouldn’t buy such things, even if she wanted to.
As someone who was forced to do things even when overwhelmed, it causes you to not listen to your feelings and can damage your self worth. I know I hated my self because I'm always told to fix myself, but no one could tell me how. Don't do this to your kids
I'm autistic and physically disabled and I've been looking into diy aids for various tasks. I'm finding the most helpful things (like writing aids to help with hand pain) are aimed at people teaching small children. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way. I'm 37 and my disability will only worsen with age, but that doesn't make me a child. I'm planning on reworking some resources I found so disabled adults have more resources that don't infantalize us.
Feel free to give me resources that already do this sort of thing, if anyone has any. ❤
This is a GREAT idea. Thank you.
I recently started to use a fountain pen for fun and environmental reasons. I have discovered it has helped my hand pain tremendously. I craft for a living, doing crochet, machine, and lots of hand sewing, I am a writer, and do fine repetitive scissors movements. Sometimes my hand and wrist pain gets so bad I can’t even pull up my own sock.
I love to write in my journals but my hand cramps almost immediately for years now. I am 43. I got a TWSBI Eco fountain pen and it has made a huge difference in my hand pain while writing (not an ad, just my recommendation based on research for beginner 🙂)
I hope this is a bit of helpful jumbled in with my personal stuff.🤪 the fountain pen helps because the ink flows out without having to press down on the paper to get the ink out like ball and gel point pens.
I know that isn’t really an assist device, but if you write or plan a lot, it can be and it definitely makes this 43 year old feel mature and scholarly, almost Shakespearean…or maybe Wollstonecraftian.🙂😆
@@jenraffiasco3598I love my Lamy Safari collection! They're inexpensive, durable as heck 🪖, so ✨pretty✨, and I don't have to push nearly as hard when I write! (Sorry, but fountain pens are a minor special interest of mine 😸)
Somewhere in a catalog, I remember seeing a shoehorn with a long handle, so you could use it standing up. Is this the sort of thing you mean?
Yes indeed
Okay, I'm autistic and have some feelings I need to share!
1st story: I (21F) was forced to grow up quickly and its been traumatic for me. I was cooking and cleaning for my whole family from the age of 11 years old with no help whatsoever. At 17 years old I ran away from home for good and my dad took me in (parents have been separated forever, dw about it) it took me over 6 months to even leave my room for anything other than the toilet due to the serious fear of adults that'd been instilled into me due to my prior experiences. Forcing people (autistic or not) to do things they're not ready for is TRAUMATIC AF!!!
✨ Crystal ✨
✨🫂🫂🫂✨
💫✨🌟❤️🌟✨💫
My abusive foster parent harassed me whenever I ate at the table so now I can only eat on my bed.
Hey, I went through basically the EXACT same thing! My autism was not accomodated, I was forced to grow up even earlier than my allistic peers, became the family maid at around age 11, and when I moved out (18 for me, not 17), I struggled to leave my room to even use the bathroom for many months.
I just want to assure you as someone who has been free for just under 8 years now that it will continue to get easier and easier with time. You will continue to develop more coping strategies and methods to make your life easier that you should've been given the space to develop as a child. You'll pick up skills you never thought you could accomplish because you now have the space to learn as slowly as you need to without shame. I still definitely struggle quite a bit more than my peers in life, but I grow more confident and independent with each passing year.
@@ville__so why are you cyber bullying this content creator by spamming her comments with your bragging?
I've been there myself. My parents separated when I was 11 and the divorce was ugly. Even after my mom and Dad were divorced, he still managed to make my mom's life miserable. And when he got custody of me and my siblings (after manipulating the court to make things go his way) the abuse was focused on me because I didn't conform to his idea of normal. I didn't fall in line and do what he wanted (mostly the wrong thing) because I thought it was a bad idea. My Dad and I fought because he had ideas and views that I just couldn't understand nor agree with. And now, I no longer have contact with him.
If the dad didn’t want his son playing with expensive collectibles, he shouldn’t have gifted them to him. He was told by the mother what would happen, he said he understood, yet he didn’t listen and got upset that they had been opened so he’s only got himself to blame. And seeing as he’s only recently come back into his son’s life, he really has no right to tell the mom she has to punish the kid for “ruining” his expensive gift when he was specifically told not to buy him expensive collectors items. Like my guy, be for real
IKR? It's not like the guy wasn't warned that anything he brought _would_ be opened and played with.
I've never been officially diagnosed, but this reminds me of when I was 17, and I took a box of my old toys from the attic, and unironically just... played with them for an hour. I had a whole fictional story played out, between Mr. Incredible and Fender from Robots. It kinda surprised me how naturally I took to it, after all that time.
exactly! my dad wanted my goal of cleaning my room to be possibly getting a TV (which i don't really want or need), but actually i want enough space to act out some really cool crossover between Paw Patrol, Minecraft, Pokémon, and My Little Pony with some other stuff in the mix
honestly some people just try to call autistic people childish for anything and it SUCKS. like. my special interests are a music artist and rodents, which i?? don’t see as particularly childish??? i don’t really understand why people are like this
Yes, I think some people will always look for a reason no matter what. So there's no point trying to change ourselves! Rodents is such a cool interest!!
Indeed😊
rodents are epic i agree. ive had 11 hamsters
Some people are so irony poisoned that they see any enthusiasm as childish.
You should leave out seeds and nuts, you'll get chipmunks and squirrels everyday! Works for my house.
I've always found it ironic how in the UK the number 1 "adult" hobby of the people who criticise others for being too childish tends to be drinking excessively and then behaving like a toddler. That's never struck me as particularly mature tbh. I think these people are mostly just insecure and feel threatened by the fact other people choose to live their lives in a way they see as outside of the norm, so they try to exert peer pressure to force you to conform.
There's a weird prevailing opinion in society that the most popular path must be the correct one and that anything which differs from the norm is wrong, and frankly it's nonsense. Your life is not a democracy, and treating it like it is will only lead to misery. Other people may disagree with your idea of fun or the way you live your life but their opinions are functionally irrelevant, you're only responsible for your own happiness, not other people's. As long as you aren't harming anyone just ignore the haters and continue to do whatever it is you love. You only get 1 life, don't let anyone else tell you how you're allowed to live it.
Yes indeed
Excellent points there.
FACTS!!!
Great point about drinking lol. Idk if it has to do with my autism or if it's just a me thing but I've always disliked drinking and people when they're drunk. Drinking and then behaving immaturely, even to the point where it's a detriment to those around you, is very normalized and many don't even bat an eye at it
When drinkers tell you you’re immature and babyish, just remember: they’re the ones drinking out of a bottle.
Actually I think that the son should be celebrated for always putting the figuruine perfectly back after using it. He sounds like he's trying really hard, and it'll be good practice for him and he'll get better at stuff like that :)
20:51 The dad literally said "I would have kept them for myself" he got himself a gift for himself.
This is so nice. I am 26 and every year my family asked for a Christmas wishlist of ideas. I would always put mostly dolls and some sensory toys and stuffed animals like squishmallows on my list. My family always ridiculed me for it. My grandma always says that she supposes it is better than me doing drugs. My sister told me to stop talking about dolls as no one likes it. My mom told me I need to grow up if I ever want to get married, and I'll have to get rid of all my dolls and toys when I move out of her house someday.
I'm so so sorry!! 😩 I've heard a few other people say they've been told similar. It's ridiculous! The right person is going to accept all of you. And they may very well have a collection of their own!
@@imautisticnowwhat Thank you! It's so hard to have self-confidence when you have been told a certain thing all your life. My mom and dad are against going to therapy and against getting help for anything. When I go to the doctor, my mom tells me to lie on the papers so they don't know about my anxiety and depression and challenges. It's just hard, and I feel stuck in life, but I appreciate your videos so much! I'm a teacher, so I see how people think it is crazy how I struggle to make my own meals, have anxiety, and still like toys.
@@Tiara_Princess7I'm so sorry you're in this situation, you shouldn't be made to lie about how you're really doing, especially not by your own parents. You deserve to be heard and to get the support you need. I really hope that things start looking up for you, hang in there, okay?
@@aliendeathrocker Thank you 🌼
@@Tiara_Princess7your parents are literally against you being happy, if they want you to lie to your doctor about your mental health. You don't always have to obey them. At 26, your health is your responsibility, not theirs.
I am a 24-year-old young woman on the autism spectrum. I’m also part of the LGBTQ community. I find it very frustrating to function as not autistic in a society where I’m expected to fend for myself and that is unfortunately due to the fact I live in New York City New York City does have great private services and fortunately, my mom is helping me hook into them, but in general, I find it really upsetting that people see me as exaggerating my disability just because I have a good vocabulary. Even though society has come along way, in terms of providing services and spreading awareness, I do think that many times people tend to penalize certain people with autism or other developmental disabilities for not conforming with certain productive expectations. It can be really difficult because my parents always complain that they’re not always going to be there to look after me. They’re right but I just think that they are forgetting how long it took me to develop certain skills to get where I am now.
People in this world just want those of us who have hobbies that are considered "childish" to suffer just much as they do. Misery loves company i guess.
@megzarie I think its one of the few situations where "they're all just jealous" is actually accurate! And it really burns some folks up that there are adults (like me) who love to read YA fiction. It's sad how enjoying something that doesn't hurt anyone can bother someone else so much.
As an autistic adult who's main special interest is Doctor Who, I still feel like the dad is in the wrong.
I get that it can be a bummer to see someone open a limited edition figure, thus losing a lot of its value - But you're right that it's the son's call. Once he got given them as a gift, it became his choice, and I for one think it's adorable that he loves and enjoys them as toys. I care for my own action figure collection very much, but I'd never be upset with a child (autistic or not) who loves them so much and decides to open the box in order to play with them.. Especially when he didn't even do it without permission, as his mom did say it was okay!
Plus, a fourteen year old is still a kid. You gave a kid a toy for something they are very interested in. They are gonna (most likely) play with it.
My dad and I both like Doctor Who. I don't get my dad DVD boxsets of Doctor Who because he'll want to keep them in the packaging as a cool thing on the shelf. So instead, I get myself the box sets so I can actually watch it. I got my dad the fifth Doctor serial, pretty sure called Revolution of the Daleks. He never touched it because he thinks it's cooler on the shelf. Learned my lesson for sure. Box sets are gifts for me, not for my father.
@ElizabethMidfordHatesCops That makes sense! I mean, I usually watch the show on streaming even though I own many of the boxsets, so arguably I do the same thing as your dad (I feel like they still have value, if them sitting on the shelf brings you joy! Either for collection purposes, or even if you just like the way they look).. But if it bothers you that he doesn't actually use them as intended, then it's entirely fair to decide not to get them for him anymore. There's always plenty of other merchandise you can get him if you want, which he'll probably be more likely to actually use, or which are meant to be displayed as a cool thing on the shelf in the first place :)
Its just stupid to me because as someone who collects smash bros amiibo including rare ones like Marth Joker Sephiroth. They gave me the gifts and I choose to open them because I want to keep them and not sell them. If you don’t want the son to mess up things then don’t give that gift to him.
I say it’s the dad’s own fault anyway. His ex specifically told him not to buy expensive figures for their son since he was just gonna play with them, and yet he did so anyway. He should’ve listened if it was gonna bother him so much.
Thank you!
I’m not even autistic but I’m sick and tired of people telling me I’m too old for the stuff I like (dolls, cartoons, etc.) People should mind their own businesses sometimes.
Plus this attitude goes way beyond ableism, it also has to do with ageism, the way we think that stuff made for children are inherently inferior.
Ya know, I hadn't thought about that specific factor of ageism, stuff made for children being inferior, good point! And, now that I think about it it, the idea that stuff "made for children" is inferior to stuff "made for grownups", is a bit of an absurd idea because, for instance, how many kindergartners are running toy factories?
@@scottfw7169"how many kindergartners are running toy factories?"
None whatsoever, but how is that supposed to be relevant?
"the way we (...) are inherently inferior."
Maybe that's because they actually are inferior - have you considered that?
@@knrdvmmlbkkn It means that those things, those toys, are considered worthy enough by grownups for grownups to expend their time, money, resources, in imagining then, designing them, producing them, distributing them, and promoting them. Or maybe it's merely that some grownups consider other grownups such as parents, as well as their children, to be an exploitable commodity from which to extract money. Or maybe it could be a bit of both.
I run into that all the time people say animation is childish (I'm a big fan of animation) but also those would-be protectors of animation that go "No, look here, Bakshi does animation for adults, with drugs and sex and whatnot!" When to me the point always was that just bc something is made for kids doesnt mean it needs to be infantilizing or even if it is silly, doesnt mean it is lesser
Honestly, the idea that collectable figures aren't toys and need to stay in their packaging is ridiculous.
Staying in packaging is not the purpose of these items. Collectors who are like that are just like dragons hoarding treasure, they don't even enjoy the things they have, they just line them up on a shelf and look at them.
Wydm? Most collectibles are meant to be kept in the package? That's why their collectables. If someone spent their money on something their allowed to do whatever they want with it, whether that be open it or not and display it on the shelf it's both the purpose of the collectibles. it's not that deep, lmao 😂
Some people think they gain value that way. I have my old figures on a shelf and barely "play" with them any more, but they're not in boxes.
There's nothing wrong with that though, a lot of autistic ppl themselves are this type of collector who only displays things like figures and dosen't play with them. Its only a problem if you're trying to impose that rule onto others like the dad was doing.
I’m autistic, I play with toys, and I’m happy. So if I’m happy… and not at all harming you.. then why should you care? 😭
Jealousy...
They are NOT happy
because they are afraid to admite and dont have any courage so and some of them dont know any better then what they have learned too.And ofcourse scared or feeling uncomfortable that others arent doing their standard OF being normal :).
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too ..,
@@brownbrownbrown2938 You mean poster or me ?
People are so judgemental & insensitive to others. I'm autistic & 42. I'm still childish at heart. They will get a mouthful🤬 from me if they try to suppress my freedom.
Yes indded😂😂😂 hahhaa
You have to outgrow childhood outfits, but you don't have to outgrow childhood interests.
When I was in first grade, we had a buddy reading time with the sixth graders. Which meant that the older kids would come to our classroom to help us read.
I don’t remember what book I chose but I will never forget what my buddy reader told me because it sent me home in tears. She told me that soon I would be too old for stuffed animals and throw them all away like she did.
I told my mom and she took me into her closet to show me her collection of stuffed animals, some that were from when she was a child. And she told me that I would never be too old for what I loved.
I am really happy that I have the mom I have. And I feel really sorry for that girl who thought growing up meant throwing away all her toys. If it was by choice, then okay. But it seemed to me that she felt it was something everyone had to do.
As a adult I still have many stuffed animals and toys I love. :) Never too old.
Your mom sounds like a lovely person
This really helped me. I have a special interest in MLP and recently my mom has been dragging me down for liking ponies. She literally told me yesterday "Sometimes I look at you and I see a 5 year old" I've told her I suspect that I'm autistic... but she doesn't listen very well.
Your mom might be like my mom. When I bring up Autism with my mom (even though I have a diagnosed Autistic nephew, a niece with ADHD, brother with ADD and a sister who suspects she has ADHD) my mom can't/ won't take me seriously because I'm "too smart and too normal" even though growing up I was constantly told I was weird and my family would berate me to make me change my behaviors.
@@ArgyleDinosaur 'Too normal'? Since when has anyone been normal? I know serval kids with ADHD (I suspect I have ADHD too.) And they all look normal if you don't know them well, but once you get to know them, their treasure box that has things you never expected or seen before.
I’m 43 and have an army of MLP figures- both the OG ones from the 80s and the ones from the FiM series.
Like what you like, and screw everyone else 🦄🌈✨
Aw, that sucks. I adore MLP and have some applejack and Derpy merch. It’s such an awesome series, and I love the lore of the world and the Different Pony races. Sorry Tour Family don’t Support you, mlp is awesome
one of my brother's cats recently knocked one of my MLP figures into the void, i haven't found it yet (it's one of the little mini figures). i happily display my favorite ones next to monster trucks, hot wheels, dinosaurs, Pokémon, and Paw Patrol toys. and i have Baby Shark sheets. keep enjoying the things that make you happy!
Im a direct care professional. I work with adults that have intellectual disabilities and mental illness. Your channel is teaching me alot to understand the people i care for and build trust. Thank you
My uncle is pretty similar to the people from the first story. My sister and I are both autistic(and also have other health issues), so we recure a bit more help. My mom and dad are great, and always try their best. I am right now in a autistic burnout, together with some other stuff which means I have very little energy and quickly get overstimulated, so my dad drives me pretty much everywhere, and my mom takes over most administrative chores.
And then, on my moms birthday(!) my uncle called her up to congratulate and then right after started saying how she was babying us and how she was keeping us small, it was all her fault and he could come by and explain all the things she did wrong if my mom would want it.
I can’t believe how people can ever think that something like this is normal or right to say to someone.
Whoa, that uncle seriously needs karma, god, to give him a life enhancing educational experience.
This is so heartbreaking. And even though none of my friends or family have told me I need to grow up/out of my childlike whimsy, I’ve felt a lot of shame and a sense of inner humiliation about how I dress and decorate my room.
The colorful and cozy aesthetic I’ve settled into makes me really happy, and since realizing I may be autistic, the shame is starting to dissipate. Videos like this have been incredibly valuable on the bumpy road to self-acceptance. ❤
Imma be real with you i think your room sounds very pleasant and safe to occupy and very nap worthy as well
Sounds like you’ve internalized societal expectations around “childish” things. Glad to hear you’re gradually letting go of it and being more accepting of yourself.
One of the other commenters posted a CS Lewis quote that you may find helpful: "When I became a man, I put away childish things - including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
Meg: "Let's jump into the AITA subreddit" My brain: "I don't think 'jump into' and 'a-hole' should be used in the same sentence, ever" 😂 Also, entire world would be a better place if everyone realised just how important play was, for all ages!
😂 and yes!
I'm glad that Eve has such a kind and supportive family, but I feel so bad for her for having to put up with rude relatives on Christmas day.
As a therapist, i really wish there was a better understanding of autistic adults range of functioning that doesn't compare them to children, but i doubt it will go away any time soon for several reasons. As far as the mental age thing, i think a lot of therapists slip up and use the age related measure as shorthand for level of functioning with adults. Unfortunately a lot of the tests that are best for measuring functional impairment are normed based on age..... it would be more appropriate to use a score normed on similar adults, but due to the large sample sizes that's just not how it works in practice. Try to remember that the parents have been working with therapists since their child was diagnosed as an actual child. Even if the therapist discontinues speaking about functioning based on age, the parent will likely continue speaking that way because they were told the age based development when their adult child was young and they know what level they achieved in any particular area. Also, age based level of functioning is a useful shorthand for letting people know reasonable accommodations. It's unfortunate but true that without the age based language, a lot of people expect behaviors that might be inappropriate for that particular autistic adult. I wish there was an easier way to communicate expectations, but in a lot of situations a parent is just trying their best to communicate and create a supportive environment.
It's awesome that you're doing these videos and spreading awareness, this world is still full off ignorant people it seems... and it's such a shame
Thank you so much for saying that 💛 I'm hopeful that overall things are improving...it's just a bit slow
Thanks for this. I am an adult doll collector, as well as I also collect my little ponies and some plush. When I was at Christmas, I brought some of my Barbies + my new rerooted Clawdeen Wolf with me because I wanted to take pictures in front of the tree. Since I didn’t have my tree up this year at home. My Tia gave me some very nasty looks. As well as my mom said you’re irritating me. Which is ridiculous, because my Tia and Uncle who’s home it was had no problem with it.... my cousin who lives there when she’s home from college, also didn’t have an issue with it. It really just hurt that they were being so mean. Especially since I used to struggle with drugs, it’s like geez I’m actually doing some thing that’s healthy and giving me dope meaning you’re still mad?
+I feel sometimes like the only reason they’re supportive sometimes is because I make my living selling restored dolls. My mom also got me a doll last year, and my Tia (The Same one who was glaring at me) was looking at me like I was insane when my mom gave me a doll. I was so excited, because I really wanted the Barbie cutie reveal reindeer. 😢 Frustrating.
I’m also 28 for context.
Won’t let me edit. I mean dopamine not dope 😅
@@xdani_thethinkingnekoI'm 30 and I love plushies and calico critters as gifts. I also love certain dolls. I really like the monster high ones because I like spooky things, but they're still cute and I like their size.
Dolls are awesome. And frankly, taking pictures of them in front of the tree sounds cute and makes me happy. They can take a long walk off a short pier. You're not hurting anyone.
I am 30 and on my birthday I took my favorite g3 Draculaura (Gore-Ganizer Drac) to the beach with me to watch the sunset and take pictures of her. If other people are bothered by your happiness that is their problem. Age is just a number when it comes to many things, including hobbies. Toys exist because adults love them enough to create them! Especially dolls you can see how much the creators care about their dolls with all the details they put into the lore and the doll designs. Keep doing what makes you happy and I hope your family comes around.
@@ArgyleDinosaur Directly! Especially since I used to have very unhealthy coping skills where I used to do drugs, like heroin. I’ve been clean for a little over five years. I don’t understand why they would be upset, when they know about my past history. It’s absolutely asinine. My Tia was the type though when I was a kid, and I was chewing too loud she would pinch me. It’s a good thing she didn’t have kids TBH.
@@ArgyleDinosaur **exactly
One of the perks of being an adult is that my interests and recreational activities aren't subject to others' approval.
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too ..
It’s actually really nice to see so many good parents! They seem to care a lot about their kids needs and wants and that’s amazing!
It's so refreshing! Particularly on reddit!
People who say "you are to old for this" are either just yealous that you are able to enjoy it regardles of what others may think of it or lost their ability to have fun
I’m jealous that young people still get to jump in bounce houses but that doesn’t mean I should be allowed to buy a bounce house for myself to use.
I’m jealous that young people still get to jump in bounce houses but that doesn’t mean I should be allowed to buy a bounce house for myself to use.
14:49 if I was this lady, I would’ve told him “You shouldn’t be mad. You didn’t listen. If you’re unhappy that’s too bad, you’re the one who gave him the collectible after I told you not to.”
The last story bothers me a bit as someone who likes collecting things. I have a few figures and dolls (both old porcelain ones and newer toys), and I think the idea that you HAVE to keep them in boxes is strange, especially considering a lot of more expensive figures are intended to be displayed out of box. Sure, the dad could also be autistic and him wanted in it to stay in the box could stem from that, but you can’t force someone to do things your way. For example, my brother likes to collect Lego, but also likes to take apart old sets he doesn’t use or have space for and breaks them apart. I don’t personally like when he does it, I prefer to keep things as they are and display them as they are, but I’m not going to tell him he can’t do that nor am I going to get mad at him for it. It’s his property. The same applies with the son and his dad. It’s the sons property now and he can do what he likes with it, no matter what his dad wants him to do with it. Also wanting the son to be punished for this is taking it too far, you can’t punish someone for using a gift you got them.
Indeed
I’m 27 and I collect toys. I recently read about how autistic people tend to connect with objects and I couldn’t agree more. In school I got picked on and I’ve gotten some comments from family but over all no one actually cares that I have toys and people generally even think they’re cool. As long as you’re not putting yourself or others in financial trouble to buy toys I don’t see why it’s an issue what someone else does with their spare time. ALSO I hear many parents saying they love their kids toys too and would buy them for themselves if it was socially acceptable. All the horrible things happening in the world, why care that an adult wants to own a doll.😭
Also I wrote this after the first comments. I hate it that people say collectibles have to stay in the boxes. My parents luckily never did this but I had friends whose parents didn’t let them play with bratz dolls or Barbie’s because of the value. That’s stupid, it’s a toy and I always say I don’t own things to resell them for value anyway. I own them because I love them.
@@Katesaprincess i used to collect lots of stuff because i was really interested in them then it kinda turned into an obsession but it wasnt hurting anyone so i kept collecting, i still collect those items but not as often, im just happy that i have all the stuff i have because i love them. and i 100% agree, collectibles definitely dont have to stay in boxes but if people want to keep them in boxes they can do that... but i wont be leaving them in boxes lol
Story1: “you should try to make yourself pretty” is really THE LAST thing that is gonna motivate someone to “grow up”
Coming from the lady who’d been told several times as FIFTH GRADER that she needs to start makeup and stop with “those cartoons”
Still dunno how to use makeup at 23 bc I had a severe not like the other girls phase as a reaction.
Some odds I do learn eyeliner though, that’s still adorable
I'm 43 and finally let myself buy dolls. I don't care what other people think anymore, they make me happy. I remember distinctly being around 10 and being told I'm too old to play with dolls. I listened to that for too long but I'm not listening anymore.
also nowadays i dont feel like kids are childish ENOUGH… i seen 5 year olds swearing and uhhh thats not good….
And the 'tween girl' stage has just been erased entirely by social media. I'm 18 and there are 13-16 year olds that look older than me!
Now that's forcing those kids to grow up too fast!
"If you think that it's too childish, you kinda need to grow up." I love it! So true! 😂❤
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too ,;,,,
I'm 50 years old and autistic. I have very low support needs so I was never diagnosed before. I love love love toys, especially dolls like Barbie, Monster High, Disney dolls, toy horses, unicorns. And I collect stickers, like coloring, and playing games including video games. I watch animated movies and shows. And, you know what? I don't care how anyone else feels about all of that. In fact, there are studies that show adults should engage in play for our mental health. I find joy and comfort in the "childish" things I collect and play with. Playing with toys isn't harmful regardless of physical age. That poor girl, being made to feel less because of how she finds joy. Play! There's nothing wrong with it. Eve's parents are doing the right thing by supporting and embracing her interests. Oof. I have such strong feelings about that one.
Regarding B and taking the figures out... I think there's nothing wrong with that! I have so many collector's dolls that aren't meant to be played with. I take them out to look at them, touch them, and fully enjoy them. I do put them back in their boxes for storage and, sometimes, for display. Once you give someone a gift, it belongs to them. You cannot dictate how they will enjoy the gift. And, the experience of touching and exploring the collectible from all sides is amazing! The designers are artists and they designed the thing to be three dimensional. How sad that so many collectibles are only ever seen from one angle through a plastic film.
I agree with you on this 1,000,000,000%! 👍👍👍👍👍👍💯💯💯💯💯💯
"When I was a man I put away childish things, including the fear of what is considered childish" C.S. Lewis
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too
interesting how so often ageism and ableism are correlated together. I've been shamed for not knowing how to cook desptie being an adult, ive also been shamed for never driving a car before, for struggling with showering, and for not knowing how to do laundry. I cant cook not just due to autism comprehension issues but also due to dyscalculia as I cant process numbers properly. I also cant cook due to ocd death phobias i have this huge fear of fire so i cant go near a turned on stove or oven. I also cant cook due to sensory issues since i only eat plain foods so theres no point in cooking some big meal im not gonna eat. I also have adhd which makes it even harder cuz of executive dysfunction. I cant drive due to ocd fear of car crashing and adhd forgetting the instructions. I struggle with showering due to sensory issues with water, water to me feels like hail. Its also hard with adhd executive dysfunction ontop of that. And I have never been taught how to do laundry but due to executive dysfunction, its extremely hard to learn it.
I think people expect adults to know how to be grownups and to know how to care for themselves without parents. But they completely forget adults that are autistic, have adhd, are mentally ill, have ocd, have a weird childhood, have an unclean house, are hoarders, have dyslcaulia/ dyslexia/ dyspraxia and so on. A lot of us can't handle being alone, a lot of us cant comprehend instructions, a lot of us have irrational severe phobias that stem from ocd and theres so many other things as well that contribute this. Hell, a lot of us regress too, or a lot of us have had weird childhoods where we were babied our whole life and never taught a thing, maybe even abused for trying to help. I'm sick of being told to grow up and im sick of people constantly mocking those that struggle being an adult.
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too ,;,.
18:15 Yes! I used to get so mad about others not taking "good care" of stuff, especially mine, but I've gained some perspective and chilled out a little bit as an adult in my forties. This is the first time I remember hearing about this trait from others, and I'm glad to learn it. ❤️ Cute earrings, btw, and the son who loves Doctor Who absolutely should not be shamed and punished. It sounds like he is interested in rules, too, because he asked his mom if he could play with his own stuff. Autistic or no, if the ex wants to re-enter his son's life, it shouldn't be with ridiculous, self-centered demands that make life harder for his kid.
I got the results of my autism evaluation yesterday and I’m autistic!
Thanks to this channel for helping me through the evaluation process!!!!
Now considering whether to go for official diagnosis or not :)
(Likely will)
I'm confused and curious.
If you got evaluated as Autistic, wouldn't that also be a diagnosis? I suspect I am Autistic and I'm just wondering if there's yet another step that I'll have to go through now. I thought the evaluation and the diagnosis were the same step, essentially.
@@ArgyleDinosaur it all depends on the county (if ur in England like I am) or state your in if there’s more steps. For me I had to go through an evaluation to be given a professional opinion and then I can go for a full diagnosis if I choose to :)
When I was 8 I had a special interest in swap cards. My mother noticed this and bought me a special set of Disney cards, which were exquisite. She told me not to swap them, or even take them to school. I took them out of the packet, went through them, sniffed them (they were lovely), put them back, and felt confused about the whole episode. I still do. She did not understand that I was not a collector but a swapper. That's all I have to say about that. Thanks Meg.
I am autistic and have well over 100 stuffed animals currently sitting in my basement, and I absolutely agree with you! As long as we are not harming ourselves or the people around us, the world can be free to grow up whenever they want! Thank you for this video.
I think allowing yourself and other people to indulge their childish interests actually shows greater maturity than believing people should stop having those interests at some predetermined point. It seems to me like those people are stuck with a childish concept of what it means to be mature.
Putting away the childish things, including the notion of having become very grown up.
Wow some people take themselves way too seriously. I understand it from the teenagers, but it's sad when adults have that much judgment. I think a lot of teenagers go through this "too cool" stage where they sacrifice their interests for more socially appropriate interests..... it's directly related to lack of self confidence and search for identity. Once you become an adult though, i always hope that you can let go of that anxiety about fitting in, find your tribe and love what you love without embarrassment. I like that recently a lot of adults, both autistic and neurotypical, are far more willing to let go of this social pressure and be confident to enjoy what they enjoy. Enthusiasm and passion are always age appropriate, no matter the subject. People need to relax and let people enjoy what they want.
Nobody has to 'grow up' , people can be interested in anything and can act themselves without being called "childish". Me and one of my friends are constantly called "childish" or "weird" so we both just have to act like completely different people and just do what others do but still people think were "weird" or "annoying" , we dont even know what weve done wrong and its so stressful. I love your videos though, happy new year! 💛
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping inside a bounce house sometimes is okay too ,
@@brownbrownbrown2938 let people do as they please, whats wrong with a bounce house :/
I'm never tired of remembering how on graduation from kindergarten they made us sing a song that NOW we are too old for toys. I was never a doll person but I was upset. Till my elder sister said she played dolls until high school - it felt much fun for her to sew their dresses!
I still like reading literature for children (schoolchildren too). Also, like with toys, it doesn't feel like doing it while you're a child - you see how the author tries to get to the reader and to express some message, and it's usually a kind of magic )) Meanwhile many authors of books for grown-ups try to express only their doubtful ego.
Besides, all that cord-cutters, when they say "hardships will teach them to survive" must always add "or not". That's the way nature works - if you don't learn, you just don't survive. But we aren't in wild nature and more likely we stay alive. In my opinion, hardships sometimes motivate, but don't teach anything. Something or someone must reach one's brain to explain how to do this or that. And yes, sometimes it's harder and slower than average.
This reminds me of two things related to Spongebob Squarepants:
1. A song he and Patrick Star were singing in one of the Spongebob movies called "Now that we're men", in which they "prided" on being "grown up", leaving "childish" things behind.
2. An episode in which Spongebob was tired of being "smothered" by his grandmother. When she started giving him "overtly adult" treatment, he would later realize that he missed the "childish" (or "childlike") stuff he received from her (cookies, baby bottles, etc.). I found it quite funny (even though I watched this as an adult)
While some cartoons take it to extremes (sometimes exaggeration is the basis of cartoon humor), it isn't less true that if a person likes things deemed "for kids", let them enjoy them. I won't criticize
Oh, you've mentioned Monster High. My little sister was into it some years ago, and I've heard my mom talk to other parents about it. They had the opinion that kids shouldn't like this show because the characters were so ugly and they should watch shows where characters are actually beautiful. I thought: "... what the heck did I just listen to? 😐 Yeah, let's force beauty ideals into kid's brains. Awesome idea! /s" Do parents elsewhere also have this kind of opinion about it? 😧
Wasn't one of the main lessons of the Monster High franchise tolerance of others no matter what they look like?
I don't think Monster High dolls are ugly. They are beautiful in their own way, like the old song says. I like a collection of characters named UglyDolls (not kidding, they do exist and there is a 2019 animated movie to prove it) and they try (like the Monster High dolls do) to teach about tolerance of physical appearance
@@arkbien9303 Yep. Sadly, most adults are really prejudiced or they don't give a f about their children 's interests, specially series or shows because "these are kid shows, they don't have any message or dept"
I'm not autistic (at least I don't think so) but it's frustrating having to constantly tell my mom that NO i don't want to get rid of my dolls and I don't care if I haven't played with them in months. It's also annoying when she's telling my 4 yr old cousin that I could maybe give her one of my dolls. They provided me comfort when my mother failed to and I'm not giving them away just for some kids to destroy them!
Sounds like your mother has issues with boundaries... It is your life, not hers.
@@laurensa.1803 The frustrating part is whenever I used to take my dolls anywhere I was expected to let any little girl that was with us play with them. I remember my mom and step sister watched my step niece take the clothes off my dolls and I was annoyed because I told them NOT TO. Keep in mind that the girls ages ranged from 3-6 and if you've been around little girls you know how they treat their dolls.
I’m an autistic adult. The amount of neurotypical adults that complain about how boring adult life is is kind of sad. I’m like what’s stopping you from doing what you actually find fun? They genuinely care more about “fitting in” because not being perceived as different or weird is more important than enjoying your life authentically. We only have one life, why waste it putting on an act just because other miserable people want you to stay miserable with them?
I used to care a lot about what other people thought about me, now I don’t care. If they don’t like who I am and what brings me happiness, I don’t want to be around someone like that anyways.
If you think having fun should have no limits, then by your logic, adults should have their own bounce houses and jump in them, or even play in the snow when it falls on their yard
My mom also heard people saying she needs to "push me harder". That doesn't work, yelling at me never worked, trying to force me to do things I can't do never worked. I know that, because a LOT of people tried, including her at times. Thankfully she's more aware now.
Huh. When I was in fourth grade (I had already been diagnosed) I was tested and told I had the reading level/vocabulary of a 21 year old (I was very proud of that and told people for years). I wonder if that's a reverse of the age autism thing. I thought the rest of my class took it, but I don't actually know...
I am hyperlexic and tested as an adult in language and science areas but I was socially awkward and not athletically gifted at all. A veritable clutz
There was a toy I threw out because I thought I was getting too old for it. I still sort of regret it.
I wish I still had so many of my old things!! I got really into minimalism as a teen and got rid of so much 😩
@@imautisticnowwhatI’m the opposite,I can’t just throw stuff away,I get it if it’s broken or something,but I still keep even things with minor defects,like a dinosaur with a missing leg I saved out of the garbage,many things like that I can’t get rid of,my folks call me a hoarder,but I don’t collect garbage or actual junk or have rotten food every where.
Most collectors of figurines/action figures would not think that taking something out of the box is a huge deal, unless it was incredibly rare or fragile. most of the time It only matters if you're intending on re-selling them at some point. In fact a lot of action figures are sought out, not because of their rarity, but because of their quality.
Believe it or not, most collectable toys are built with the idea someone is going to play with it.
I'll give you an example.
I'm a real freaking HUGE fan of a Japanese franchise called Kamen Rider. The big collectable gimmick is the various belts the various Rider wear. You can buy very expensive and show prop authentic replicas and they all have their sound and other various effects and gimmicks. If they were designed to never leave the box, why would they have the ability to play sound or light up?
well if anything they are the childish ones in this scenario.
people have different interests were they autistic or not.
them not acknowledging this fact makes them look dumb, childish, and kinda snobby as well.
but their parents defending this behavior definitely shows they arent going to grow out of this mindset that usually would be only a phase between childhood and adulthood, the "oh I dont play with toys anymore, they are for little kids and Im not little kid anymore," instead they turn into perpetual bullies unable to reflect on their behavior in order to fix it.
I love these mothers. I would love to have had these kinds of people in my life. I'm autistic, diagnosed when 39. My relatives have always called me childish and weird. Even now that they know about my diagnosis there are negative comments. My aunt keeps saying I wasn't allowed to speak when I was a child, no matter how many times I tell her I just couldn't speak, it was too overwhelming. She thinks my autism was somehow caused by how I was treated. My other aunt has made it her mission to tell me every insult,every mean/judgemental thing people say about me.
Oh oki
Damn...
How are you doing now?
@@berrysnowyboy5251 Not so good, trying to concentrate on things I enjoy. Hopefully things will get better.
I gifted my dad a toy car, looking exactly like his first car, for Christmas. Bought it six months ago after he looked at it for over ten minutes and then said he was too old to get a toy, so I got it for him. He was overjoyed, kept talking about how he would build a whole scene for it out of wood and stuff like that.
No one is ever to old for anything. It's okay to keep your inner child alive.
I started playing with my hobby horses again in 2020, and even though I did stop again I am not ashamed that I did enjoy it.
Just be yourself. Be a 62 years old probably neurotypical man who enjoys toy cars, discover your old childhood hobbies back as an adult - anything as long as it makes you happy.
Maybe your dad feared being judged if he got that toy car for himself, but you gave him a judgement free space to be himself, and he was clearly overjoyed! That’s incredibly heartwarming
A 'gift' with conditions is not a gift, it's a transaction.
I'm a huge Doctor Who fan and have a large collection. I'm 33 and was only diagnosed as Autistic late last year. I'm VERY good at masking. But I've been shy to let anyone know that I collect Doctor Who toys/statues/magazines etc. making a point of NEVER letting anyone into the room I keep them all in and never, ever mentioning it to friends. Living in mortal fear that, if my friends knew how much I love those things, they'd hate me. Then, recently, I gained a friend who's autistic and passionate about Doctor Who and he asked if I had a collection. Well, erm, I, uh... "Because I have a huge collection," he said. And we got chatting. And the shame, the stupid, stupid shame, was just gone. I'm still fighting that embarrassment of how 'childish' a lot of my interests are (I still feel excited whenever I see action figures of a film I love). But I'm now realising that shame is a bad thing... and rather than hiding my loves, the real thing I should be fighting, instead, is that sense of embarrassment.
I collect some toys called sylvanian families and I have even had friends come look at them in the shops with me. I’m lucky they understand me and think they are cute and fun too and they even buy me some for my birthday. I’m turning 26 this year and will happily collect them for as long as I like! 😊💕 (I hope this encourages other autistics, younger or older than me!)
Awee I have a few! There so cute
It seems a little explanation of "collector's items" might help. They are things that you pay too much for, leave in an unbroken-sealed box, and hope they will increase in value. It doesn't matter what item is inside (theoretically the box could be full of "collectable air"), as soon as the seal is broken, it loses value. It doesn't matter if the son was careful &/or put it back. What mattered was if the dad wanted a collector's item, he should have given it to a climate-controlled vault, not a person. The dad is just proving he cares more about $$$$ than bringing the son joy.
I just got myself a Transformers action figure for my own 51st birthday, 36 years after I bought my last one.
That sounds awesome!! I hope you've been enjoying it! :D
Man, that first story burned my soul, and I don't even HAVE children! What the heck? If I was Eve's mother in that situation, I... would probably say some certain choice words that I wouldn't be proud of to my family. :/
As the generation that was raised with ‘mental age’, I want to thank you for the perspective of why that is harmful in its own. I will stop using that with my family member. That is if my AuDHD brain can remember. I just had to message my sister with a phone call she had with my mother about when we would start to dog sit her dog. It slipped both of our minds immediately.
As I grew up I let go of childish fears. Like the fear of being perceived as childish.
I'm not fully "qualified" to speak on the topic as I collect toys and prefer them unboxed, but, whilst I admittedly scream internally when I see retired or very limited toys unboxed or played with roughly, it is ultimately not my business what others do with their stuff. Do what makes *you* happy.
Also, I despise the entire sentiment of somebody being "too old" for toys. Let people have fun and own what brings them joy.
Amazing video!
Generally speaking, I think that when a person judges your interests as childish and then proceeds to characterize you a kid for them, they are the ones being immature because imagine being so quick to shame and judge people because they enjoy something you don't. Why would they care so much about what makes another person happy? Why do they have to label it in front of you as childish? They earn nothing from this. In fact, they make you feel shitty and you might even stop enjoying your interest like you did before! That's extremely bad...
I think it’s usually past hurt. They judge you harshly because they’ve been judged before just the same. If they don’t properly examine that experience, rather than realizing that pain was undeserved and unjustifiable, they interpret it as necessary tough-love that every child has to experience. They probably think they’re doing you a favour, that they’re saving you from harsher judgement that’s out there in the world, but again that judgement stems from other’s own pain. It’s a cycle of hurt. Rather than becoming hardened to it by giving up what makes us happy, the proper course of action is to collectively heal that pain to stop inflicting it in the first place.
@@lif6737 I don't disagree, there are situations where that's the reason behind their behavior. Maybe sometimes they think that they are doing a right thing, yes. After all, many people who do harmful stuff might do them out of love. But the reason doesn't matter when they inflict pain on others. In the sense that it doesn't erase what they made the other person experience through their actions or words. Hopefully they can judge the reasons behind their behavior sometime and not do it again but the harm could remain..
I am of course rooting for every person to find their flaws and change into a better person but the truth is that sometimes past mistakes can cause irredeemable harm to others. And no matter how much you end up regretting them the deed is done..
I got rid of all my toys a few years ago purely because of the pressure I got of “ you’re too old for toys” that was one of the biggest regrets I have, I got rid of all my sylvanians and Barbie’s and I missed them so much that recently I bought a bundle of sylvanians on eBay and I’m so happy to have some of them back, I didn’t even play with the toys like most kids did where they make a story and a family I just loved decorating the houses, I would spend hours doing that just to be told to put them away at the end because if I left them out my brother (also autistic) would pick them up and chew them so I never got to finish setting them up
I completely agree with you on these AITA topics.
I find that people are so miserable that they “feel better” when they attempt to control others. If you like something, that’s wonderful. If I’m not into it, I can be happy for you and like my own things.
Life is too short to be controlling others.
If they’re not hurting themselves or others, it’s not my place to judge.
It doesn't surprise me that Dr. Who dad who didn't listen to the kid's mom is divorced. If he was capable of listening they might still be married.
I buy things to use them, not to “store” them, which to my mind is what you do when you buy things and just leave them in an unopened box. My Doctor Who stuff is out of their packaging and doing whatever it is it is supposed to do. I wear my hat, I use my blankets, I put things in my DW TARDIS cookie jar. I might leave the tags on my squishmallow, but it doesn’t stop me from hugging or squeezing it.
I will say this.... I had a security blanket from my crib.... into my 30s. I went with my mother on a road trip to Maine about 6 years back. When I leave a place (the hotel in this case), I go through a list of my things in my head, so I don't forget things.... well my mother likes to blurt things out from my list to "help", but all it does is panic me and shuffle my ordered list.
Long story short I lost my blanket.
I needed it to sleep... but I have to say, I've come a long way since I lost it.
I'm 32 years old, autistic and I started collecting dolls during the pandemic (along with getting some pet arachnids). I believe very strongly that the belief that dolls are exclusively childish is partially rooted in misogyny and queerphobia. Nobody really cares for instance when men collect and paint Warhammer. They might think it's a bit nerdy or even cringe but it definitely doesn't carry the same level of social stigma, despite the fact it caters to the exact same creative/collector urges but for a different type of person with a different set of interests.
You are right. What are considered feminine "childish" hobbies are far more criticized than what are considered gender neutral or masculine "childish" hobbies. You can even look at a 1v1 situation between dolls and action figures. While both can be criticized for being childish, action figures are overall more socially acceptable than dolls for adult collectors. I collect both action figures and dolls and have seen it first hand and have confirmed that experience with fellow collectors.
Reminds me of back when I was a kid and the whole “boy toys” vs “girl toys” crap and how only boys were allowed to play with dragons and robots and girls were only allowed to play with Barbies and baby dolls.
I remember feeling nervous of wanting to buy the so-called “boys toys” like Slime with insect toys, robot dragon figurines, dinosaurs etc. I used to get looks in the store for the toys I enjoyed but my mum never judged me and knew exactly what I loved.
Just thinking about how it was stigmatized for a little girl to buy and play with bionicals and for a little boy to play with Barbies. The whole thing was utterly insane and pointless and I’m glad kids these days are more likely to go for their favourite toys without feeling judged.
I remember looking in a toy catalogue, and seeing that they labeled one category as ‘Dolls and other girl stuff’. It sounded even more denigrating in my language. Like ‘boy toys are cool, girl toys are inferior’.
@TinyGhosty Tbh even the term action figure kind of carries the stigma. They used to be called dolls as well until marketing companies changed it to make them seem more appealing to boys and collectors. When you get right down to it what even is the difference? Like plastic moulded hair? Articulation? There are dolls that have those things as well, it's totally arbitrary depending on who they're being marketed to
@@CosmicPersephone Fully agree. I believe it was the G.I.Joe that first used the term action figure to help with marketing and separate from the term doll.
The idea of figures "not being for play" is utterly stupid. That people want to collect them that is a choice that is fine, but objectively "stranger" than taking it out of the packaging and enjoying it.
As for taking care of things, I read physical books with no more than a right angle bend in the spine so as to not have the spine develop creases. But that is my choice.
Exactly,.why spend your money on a figure of Matt Smith if you're gonna keep it in a state where you can't kiss him on his Matt Smith lips. Make it make sense 🙄
You really want to let adults who collect bounce houses to be allowed to use them?
I kept most of my Barbie's in their boxes as a teen, but I just couldn't resist opening my Bedtime Barbie so I could see if she really did have a soft body.
Collectors' edition toys/ coins/ whatever- I feel like if it's marketed as 'collectors' edition', it isn't going to be that collectable in the long run. Because everyone will be keeping them in pristine condition, so the value won't increase as much as a regular toy that was actually played with, and later on just one of a few of the 'non-collectable' items that is rare, therefore more valuable.
I have a lot of collectible figures, and I think the son is absolutely in the right to open his figures. In fact, he shouldn't have to be careful with them if he doesn't want to. My father is a Star Wars toy collector with a massive collection, and he keeps most things in the box. The reality is, he has found that most things don't hold their value as much as he thought they would when he started his collection. Various pieces do, but not the majority of his collection. He keeps them in boxes because he prefers to, but he's never gotten onto me for opening my own belongings, no matter how valuable. Maybe those Doctor Who figures will hold their value as collectibles, but the reality is the person who is going to find them most valuable is the son, especially if he gets to enjoy them in whatever way he wants.
Oh, that closing statement about the son finding the value in using them how he enjoys them, right on!
As someone who collects funko pops, I do take some of them out of the boxes, but i also keep the boxes and figures in good condition so they can go right back in with no damage done to them. The son is not in the wrong for wanting to play with the figures. He seems to be taking care of them
Once again, this is another video that is so damn helpful in fighting off the internal accusations of being lazy or childish. Especially as gaming is viewed as childish by a shrinking group of people. I did used to sleep with a cuddly toy and got bullied over it, tearing off the poor penguin's flippers.
I stopped because of the whole "You must grow up." stuff i was told and sleeping, for years, has been difficult. I think he's still around and I'm going to experiment to see if this improves my sleeping or not.
4:45 SO TRUE!!!! I definitely had a spiky profile growing up, I was in all honors classes except was in intensive math and everyone wondered why I was “so smart” in other areas but was severely behind my peers in math. Also, not being able to tie my shoes until I was 13 even though I had a college reading level 🥲 but just getting called “stupid” and “needing to go back to kindergarten” since I have poor motor skills and didn’t know how to tie my shoes, even though I was on the same knowledge level of my peers in everything (except math lol)