My 19-Year-Old is Unmotivated, Should I Kick Him Out?
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- Опубліковано 8 тра 2021
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“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
-Fredrick Douglass
Great
Hel yeh
Exactly. You instill these values/responsibilities at a young age. If you give your child everything he wants from a young age, don't be surprised when he grows up to become a lazy entitled loser.
Sounds like some bad parenting took place to get to here.
So how do you build a strong child?
At 19 I wasn’t ready for adulthood - thank God my parents were patient.
Hahaha. I’m 20 and I’m not ready to live on my own. Luckily my parents want me out once I’m ready
Ikr, I was thinking the same. They seem too impatient. If he was like 21+ this conversation would make more sense.
Same I didn’t figure out until until after moving out and moving back in for a while
I thought like that too…then i turned 30…..dont make the same mistake kid
@@mlandrew6288 They don't accept any responsibility, they didn't prepare him for adulthood and life, but it's his fault he isn't motivated or doing anything.
My worry is that an unmotivated teenager likely won't become motivated when you kick him out of the house. He just becomes a financially unstable unmotivated teenager. He needs guidance
Not just guidance, but opportunities and purpose are harder to come by than for previous generations.
Well as Dave said, it's not a complete cut off, it's a push into responsibility. 19 is not 15, he's more than old enough to learn
@@davidrader1856 previous generations 19 year olds went to the service, or college.
Sometimes the best lessons are the hard ones.
@@davidrader1856 That is not true
Exactly the point needed to be pointed out
This doesn't make the situation better
They need to sit an have some serious conversation with they son
Easy to blame the teenager. Parents take responsibility for not teaching him to save money and be responsible from a young age.
Just because you teach them, doesn't mean they'll listen.
There's a difference between a 19 year old who is working to save up and a 19 year old who is working without any plans and blowing their money.
The biggest difference is 18 years of active parenting.
@@robedmund9948 you assume there wasn't active parenting. It amazes me when people say that, but if the mother had said you can't go out and came with other rules, they'd say he's grown. Which one is it?
@@thy6889 so basically what you're saying is this 19 year old shouldn't be held accountable for his actions? ALL the blame falls on the parents?
@@MoonMoon-fx1op I would say the earlier the better for the kid to realize he's gonna have to shape up.
But I would agree the parents probably didn't pay enough attention to teaching him anything about life or money
@@MoonMoon-fx1op I’m 19 and all I have to say my parents have had no role in how motivated and the $ I have now. It’s a personal thing, the parents can have an impact but it’s all up to the certain individual.
behind every spoiled child, there is a parent that enabled the behavior.
Agreed
Indeed, as soon as they walk. You need to start teaching them chores. Pay them a Dollar a week so they know they have to earn it. If they don't do the jobs assigned, they don't get their money, of course as they get older you can increase the pay. To a 6 year old that candy bar is like a car, teach them they have to save to get it.
Shut up. It’s really not that simple. People are individuals and have the capability of making decisions one way or the other regardless of their upbringing.
@@rosedewittbukater5763 yes. It is that simple. Yes people make their own decisions, but the decisions they make are affected by how they were raised. Simple
All roads lead back to somewhere
I never understood why so many Americans want to kick out their kids so quickly. I’m Mexican and we tend to live with our parents until we get married/find a long term partner. I didn’t move out until I was 25 and never felt any pressure to do so. I was exactly the same at 19 but now I own two homes at 30.
Its a difference of cultures
agreed. americans hate letting kids build weatlh
Depends on the parents though mine were ok with me living with them as long as I was working or going to school full time. Me and my husband then moved in a year after we married to save for a house
Our son lived at home until he got married. He was in college & had a job.
@@OneMinuteReviewer424 he is clearly not trying to build wealth if he is out partying and spending all the time and has no money saved.
I was told I was ‘unmotivated’ until I was 28 and then I got an ADHD diagnosis. Now I have a first class honours degree and a masters with distinction in construction and property development. As soon as I got the help I needed and was able to understand my own behaviour I managed to pull myself up. I’m not saying this kid has a learning disability, maybe he does maybe he doesn’t, but unmotivated people often have issues like this or mental health issues they need to address.
how did you find help
Exactly what I was thinking as I listened to this caller!!!
@@crystalt9817 at university I went to see somebody because I was struggling to keep up. I was on track to fail before that to be honest. They screened me and said the results suggested that I might have a learning disability such as ADHD. They sent me for a diagnostic assessment with an educational psychologist, which I was lucky enough to not have to pay for because the university funded it, and I came away with a diagnosis of ADHD and dyslexia.
I agree, I was listening if they would mention checking in to see if he had any learning disabilities or something that required therapy but nothing like that was mentioned.
Excuses
A good question would've been: "What have you tried?"
Nothing from the sounds of it, most parents these days think saying "don't get fired from your job, go work" is all the coaching needed and if they have to do more than that they can't believe the ridiculousness of the situation.
He is freaking 19 years old. Sometimes people need a couple more years of guidance to figure things out. You kick the kid out, good luck having him go to you if he ever have any problems out on his own. I was a total f*ck up until I turned 21. Almost failed high school. Now, I make 250k a year. My parents never kicked me out. They always encouraged me to do better.
I agree, everyone has their own pace, I am not for this one.
I need help im 20? What do i do
The great irony? Thirty years from now, her son will look back on his times living with his five friends in a cramped apartment in the bad section of town as the best time of his life.....
He needs to stop partying and he needs to get his money up!
It sounds like fun.
So true. He's 19. Better he find out what couch-surfing is like now, than in his mid-20s.
What is this Boomer radio?
It sounds like a better story than the guys that get involved with single moms paying for chad and tyrones kids
Feels like dave cares more about the situation than the parent does 😂
Dave cares about that mother, who calls, because that's the person who suffers the most.
@@chessmatica8242 how is she the one suffering the most. The son is the one getting kicked out the house
@@ALsn-xz9ix ...Emotionally! Being kicked out of the house for a 19-year old freeloader is nothing, compared to what she feels. Why would SHE call Dave? Ask any normal mother...
@@chessmatica8242 Yeah right.
I wish Dave was my dad. Because my dad just want me to grab many jobs and he does not motivate me to study. My father does not care. I do not blame my dad. But, I have a strong feeling I need my fathers motivational words. My mom is great. But, deep inside I am just scared.
19 years! Show me a 19 year old who has it all figured out and I will show you I will show you 100 who are like this young man. Please Candace, give the young man more time and grace.
By 19 I had a degree, a job and my life together. Sorry, but there’s something wrong if that’s not the case by that time
@@EmmaEmzynski im 19 and i have to get major surgery and dont have a degree and live with my parents at the moment while i pay my medical bills off, and with the recovery process i wont be able to work until im 20. I dont know exactly what im gonna go to school for yet and what career path im gonna take but i know myself and i know im well set in whatever i choose, because ive been through tough stuff in my life. your being too close minded, not everyone has the same expieriences in life and people learn at different paces. I know someone who worked as a janitor until she was 48 and got her real estate license and she now is making 500k a year. just because your privliged enough to have a degree and a job and know exactly what you wish to do at 19 doesnt mean everyone is like you. your way ahead of the curve, which is an amazing thing dont get me wrong. but sometimes in life people learn at different paces, everyone is wired different.
@@EmmaEmzynski😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@EmmaEmzynski😂
@@EmmaEmzynski Lmao you must be Jimmy Neutron
Kicking him out isn’t going to magically make him more motivated. In fact, for most, it’ll have the opposite effect. You need to sit him down, work with him and encourage him to focus and build something for himself. There’s 30 year olds who are lost in life. 19 is still a kid. They need guidance and love.
Sounds like every 19 year old to me lol. Mom is expecting him to be 30 already.
My son is the same age and holding a full time job and living on his own. What is wrong with high expectation?
@@tdgdbs1 There are things to be considered. There might be trauma involved. Everyone's different.
@@tdgdbs1 sounds like he Got a full time job... doesnt have a degree. This mother probably dont have a job either and just focused on the son.
I started medical school at 19.
@@tdgdbs1 I didn’t know what I wanted to do until I was 21. It took me almost dying from a motorcycle accident to realize I wanted to get into healthcare. Now I’m extremely motivated but I’m also dealing with trauma from that as well so having high expectations is good but being realistic is also a good thing. 19 years old is such a young age. I personally don’t think people should waste time in college until they know 100% what they want to do
Motivation doesn’t get better with the feeling of rejection from your parents. If you’re tossed out like trash, you feel like you deserve to be treated like trash.
Exactly!
Adults that make decisions to have children need to check themselves BEFORE having kids...THERE IS A POTENTIAL of kids not being motivated...kicking a kid out IS NOT the way to handle a young person...
At 19 I was lost not knowing what to do , thank God I have two older brothers that lived in Dallas and invited me to come stay with them and helped me out, today I’m self employed and loving life, TYJ 🙏🏼💯
Amens's Lords's
Self employed?? What do you do?
@@prettyboishah2898 HAVCR SERVICE PROVIDER
I wasn’t ready at 19 for adulting. Even college for that matter… i had no drive. Couldn’t see the path it would lay for me.
Attempted to live off min wage and quickly realized it’s not possible. My mother never kicked me out. Joined the Army at 23 and came out as a grown man who knows how to work hard and prioritize wants vs needs.
Nice! What do u do now if y don’t mind me asking?
@G E T R E K T also in a wheelchair too
This 19 year old needs to learn structure, his parents never taught him, but joining the military corrupts the soul. No way should you want your son learning the “values” of todays military.
@@LoantakaBrookso what is one to do then?
I'm 19 and make minimum wage, still living at home, I don't have any motivation either. I don't know what I want to do. I would join the army, because I wanted to in high school, but I got turned down for medical reasons.
I was guilty of all of those things. Now I own a successful small business… And watch every single Dave Ramsey video.
Wes Watson will help. Very intense but very good knowledge
Moving out can be harsh and lead to despair, drug use or who knows what else. I say stay where the love is. The parents can help him explore options or help him find/finance a new place. A lot of people don’t meet such a brutal challenge without concrete support. The ‘sink or swim’ approach often leads to drowning.
That's awesome ❤️
Maureen Brown agreed.
At what age did you decide to change the direction of your life?
Appreciate your kid. Help him, don't ruin him by pushing him out. Compassion. Boundaries.
sometimes kicking him out is the compassionate way to help.
all depends on if the parents have already tried to help and exhausted their options.
@@britt3196 wrong
@@caribbeanbound8357 literally he will go homeless
@@avapilsen sometimes that's the loving thing to do. If you don't understand that, you either aren't a parent or you are one who doesn't care enough about them to teach hard lessons that improve their life.
@@moneyman_2004 if you've already tried to motivate your kid and they are now using you while doing nothing, then yes kicking them out is the right thing to do. And if they don't do drugs now, then why would they start? Sounds like you don't have a good grasp on kids, parenting or psychology in general. Have fun raising a loser
Sounds like parents don't understand their kid he's 19 years old. Kids at that age don't have life figured out. At least he has a job making some kind of money is a start. I wouldn't kick him out but try to understand what he wants out of life.
I didn’t realize what I wanted to do until I was 21. It took a lot of jumping around and a near death experience to realize I wanted to get into healthcare in order to help people. I agree with everything you said :)
Yes I agree, the parents need to be patient no 19 year old has life figured out at that age.
Agree. Im 25 and still live with my mom but i pay rent and work hard and save. I do have plans to progress myself like im studying day and night when im not working, but i know i dont have the money yet to even move out even if i wanted to (which, i honestly dont because i care to be with my family and it might be a culture thing-- i never was like my friends who wanted to rush to get their drivers license or move out but thats just me ig). But still im not doing NOTHING. And i hope this mom tries harder to understand her kid thats all. 19 is so young and we all go at different paces, it feels cold af to be expecting her son to got it all sorted this age when he could honestly just be exploring his environment and getting better details on what he really wants out of life.
The parents should definitely support and encourage him, but only if he's showing signs of effort and hope to be self sufficient and successful in life. That's obviously not the case, it's ridiculous to be 19 and not have a clue what you want to do. People should've went over it prior to graduating high-school.
Losers make excuses
I had a friend like this. He was sitting at home playing online poker all day. His Dad marched him down to the military recruiter and he joined the Army. It helped him on his way, but it destroyed his relationship with his Dad.
Adversity can be good fuel. Soft life, everyone gets a trophy and ice cream can be bad fuel. As long as you are above ground and healthy you can alter your course.
Wes Watson will help
@@ugabuga1361 I just checked out his web site. I agree with his bullet points, not enough to pay any fees for his encouragement but would not discourage others from doing so.
So how do i face my fear of talking with people. I have no social skills. In this world, people do not care to help you. Sadly, we unconfident people are not taken seriously. SAdly if you do not have a degree. You're a nobody. I am tired of that . A degree does not anything if you do not go out of the way to help people overcome fear. If i ever get out of my fear zone. I will go out to motivate the youth. Because it sucks being a fearful ADULT. That's who I am . I always want to crawl into a little hole. Whats wrong with me?
A lot of people aren't used to adversity or the word no. They need coping skills that come from setbacks and choices.
Something is off-putting with this story. I get wanting him to do more at 19 but $1200 a month sounds good to me. Something is missing in this story.
Yea I definitely wasn’t making $1200 a month at the age of 19.
@@hiimniasha I mean when you live in Sacramento and the average 864sqft house costs around 1300-1500 to rent a month 1200$ which is a full time job working at 15$ and hour before taxes really is not that much
@@donnyj5805 Your math is wrong. He’s working part-time, 20 hours a week at $15/hr. So if he were working full-time, he could rent a room at least.
Don’t abandon your son! He might be depressed or have emotional issues. Be there for him! As parents, listen to him and try to help him. A 19 year old is really not an adult. Just love your boy
Yall need to guide him through this transition kicking him out is not the answer
I agree wholeheartedly
The streets are dangerous especially in that area
@@DR-om9ce exactly. Ppl act like homelessness isn’t on the rise for literally this exact reason. “Tough love” in areas where the cost to have a decent standard of living is enormous will pretty much always result in young ppl on the street in 2021z
Exactly
This is old now…hope the young man is doing well. Couldn’t imagine calling a radio show and asking a stranger if I should put my child out the house.
Yeah, and a finance show at that…strange parents
They are religious fanatics. They get all their advice from Chaplains and religious freaks like Dave. They wanna do how the cult suggests.
When he has to pay his own way he won't be so quick to quit or get fired. I've been out since 17 and never been fired from a job or quit a job without having a new one lined up. Losing a job should scare him and it doesn't.
Where did u work at 17?
Or he will end up homeless, doing harder drugs, and in and out of jail
I live on my own and I'm not scared of losing a job. The job is as replaceable to me as I am to them
Our entire American culture needs to change on how we raise our children. I lost count of the number of children that told me they never had any chores, never paid for anything themselves, or be punished for poor behavior.
The language and tone of the mom is very concerning! He’s 19! My goodness. Don’t give up on your kid!
I don't think she's giving up. I think she and her husband are trying to help him grow up.
I think like many parents they had a expectation of what their kids would be doing and by this “X” time, etc. But when that doesn’t happen then what? I understand not enabling but it seemed like they focused more on the bad and not the good the son had done (i.e. job, how much he was making, going out with his friends, and potential career). From outside perspective I think they need to all sit down with open minds and talk it out and get the best plan for him.
I went through a year or two where i was motivated...but nothing i tried really worked. So, i slept a lot and literally living in my moms basement. She swears i was depressed, but I think I just felt defeated, and not depressed. It took a couple years, but things eventually started falling into place which helped my self esteem, and now, twelve years later, I’m doing really well with my career, and made some huge steps in my finances the past couple years.
Patience, in my mind, is the answer here. And encouragement instead of discouragement.
So....you are saying that you sat in the basement for 12 years? When you're mom could have allowed you into functioning on a daily basis. I've been that person laying around in my room, feeling lost. What helped was planning my escape. I had a career choice laid out and was about to start applying. Then something else happened that got me out.
@@sackettfamily4685 no. For like a year and a half or two. I was still working, but that’s about it. Hence the “it took a couple years”...
@@sackettfamily4685 and hence the “i went through a year or two where i was motivated...but nothing i tried really worked.”
@@tlwofford100 I wasn't sure of how Long you were implying.
Thank you for your story. Many teens go thru what you did in their teens, such a hard stage of life for too many, even with supportive family.
Sounds like my son. I’ve found you have to have the hard conversations about real life continuously as they’re growing up.
This makes me very grateful for my mom. She’s like you she told me realities of life as a kid while I grew up which helped me avoid so many mistakes. Wishing prosperity your way 🤞
So sorry that you decided to waste your time, money, energy on children. You should be living your best lives. Sorry guys!
@@dopenough2smoke if everyone took that stance humans would become extinct rather quickly
@@dopenough2smoke so sorry your parents decided to waste their time, money and energy on you. Now you're out here wasting ressources other human beings could better use.
@@dopenough2smoke pretty happy to be a father actually, and I would be considered fairly successful.
Imagine your parents not guiding you. Just telling you to do something
What does family even mean anymore? My mom always warned me that other families typically kick their kids out at 18 and used that as my fear for them supporting me until my 20s and making sure I study hard and do well in college.
Yet ANOTHER call that needa a followup call.
I cant see the problem here. They've asked him to prepare to move out, and he's done that. He has a job. He's only 19. Like another commenter said, living with his friends sounds great!!!
Don’t kick him out. Teach him shit. He’s gonna grow out of it. I got kicked out at 18 and it did not help me at all.
physical labor might help this kid. A construction job or landscaping job might help him. It is hard work but getting your muscles moving does more than you'd think.
You think so? Why would it help? I’m a 19 year old too
@@EthanEsquivel956 construction trades are very well paying. It’s a skill set you can earn up 20, 30, $40. I didn’t go to school and decided to get in to construction. And now I work for myself. If you don’t know what to do. You should try it out
Or truck driving. My husband has no college degree and makes $100k driving and is home every night and has 1-2 days off a week (not over the road)
Agreed. I kinda b.s.'d through a few jobs early on but my first construction based job (construction debris removal company) built lots of my work ethic. I now work for myself, but that construction clean up job taught me what a true hard day's work is and taught me to be self motivated. I'll also say that sports were a big help growing up. Sports teach kids accountability and discipline, and also help kids be more confident, all things that are major difference makers as an adult.
For Ethan, construction or any kind of physical labor is good for us just like exercise. We were made to do hard things and we feel good after completing them. Plus if your talents lie elsewhere it will make you appreciate an air conditioned office with a comfy chair! No disrespect to office workers.
at 17, i was gone and never looked back. I'm 70 now.
I love Dave’s response to this, because it really heartbreaking situation.
What happened between this kid being born and then all of the sudden he’s a 19 year old with zero direction?
I find it hard to believe the parents were involved with this kids development as he grew like they claim to be now.
There are plenty of good parents who have kids who don't follow what they were taught. It's heartbreaking.
When I was 19 I didn't know what to do.
@@dawnmichelle4403no, there aren’t. There are plenty of abusive and overbearing parents who just want their children to behave in a way that looks good to the rest of society.
If they're not working at all they are probably severely depressed or scared they dont know what they want to do with their lives help them
I wonder what happened. My guess would be that if they did kick him out, he probably went his own way and didn't want anything to do with them after that. What is this nonsense about writing a letter about how much "value" he has? He's going to end up sleeping on a couch in a bad side of town? The parents just can't be bothered is what it comes down too.
When my son was growing up, I used to wedge in whenever I could discussions of money, saving, investing, benefits, paying bills-reality of life. He was interested, but he did lack motivation for studying, however, he always worked, and I always encouraged him to find a better paying job. I tried not to be judgmental, angry, or impatient. He has a lot of fear, fear of failure, but these kids need to know this is the time to make the mistakes.
Sometimes patience is all you need. A lot of people come into their own at their own time. I think the best thing is for them to keep trying new things because most times they just haven’t found something they are passionate about.
My husband was kicked out of his parents' house at 21 despite the fact he was working full time because he dropped out of college (because he couldn't afford tuition). Just make sure if you do take a hardline approach it isn't for arbitrary reasons and you do continue to have a relationship with your kid after they move out. He did feel abandoned and the younger siblings weren't treated the same way as his younger siblings who they helped pay for college and let them live at home until their mid twenties.
He was the Scapegoat, they were the golden child.
The mom sounds horrible
I'm "unmotivated" but I have PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I wonder if she should take a different route and find the root of his "unmotivation". Its not easy when it's related to mental health.
Talked to a therapist first. The pandemic caused many young people trauma and they are in freeze mode. Hope he gets the help he needs.
There isn't enough information here on her part re: parenting tactics, has she taught him the skills necessary to be successful?
A lot of people seem to think parenting is popping out a kid, prividing food and a roof over their heads, and expecting them to magically grow up and be responsible with a set of life skills that have come from.....where??? It is our job as parents to nurture them as they're growing up, model and teach behaviours such as emotional regulation, responsibility, empathy etc. We're the primary care givers and their first point of learning.
Hes depressed don't u see it???? Theres something wrong kicking him out w jo money hes not going make it.. sbd what if these ppl party do drugs.... n getd worst... HES 19 hes still so young. Im Asian our families r different from American families. Im 34 unmarried still home.. a girl . Wow poor guy hes 19 let him be
I am south asian too ...i don't think its relatable to us in anyway its too western for us ...so i am not judging
I'm Asian as well but sorry, this kid needs to learn life's harsh lessons.
Let him go out into the real world, let him fail, failures are the best teaching tool.
Coddling him and paying for him isn't teaching him anything.
He's gonna turn 30 years old and still lives with mom with no jobs.
I was his age and living at home and had mental health issues. But I didn't have any bad habits and did want to move out. In contrast my sister is now 28 and still at home. No mental health issues at all, but verbally abusive in anger and likes to break their rules. Parents who enable by not forcing a move out aren't helping. They create monsters!
I agree, I'm african and we live with our family until we get married, his 19 year old the mum should give him a break. Let him be at home. If he leaves home he may come in the company of bad people.
Why wasn’t their oldest mowing the lawn, washing cars, other chores? If he’s organically lazy you gotta let him go be a ‘prodigal son’.
He was fired from his third job and crossed other boundaries. What sounded like he would have done the tasks that you mentioned?
@@meshaerobinson8316 Domestic chores under parental direction allows family members to mentor, educate, etc. ‘Baby steps’ mentoring might (or might not) have benefitted everyone.
@@JimzAuto Okay, I'm operating under the assumption that those efforts were attempted prior to this call and that Ken and Dave assumed that ignoring or otherwise rebelling against those chores and mentorship(s) were a part of "crossing boundaries". I agree that at this point he should be pushed out although not with anywhere near the money that the prodigal son was given.
I got kicked out at 19 and moved two hours away for two and a half years. I learned how to pay rent, pay bills, work, cook and learned other essential life lessons.
thats sucks all that is easy to learn and you will learn, they just delayed your success
Lol moved out at 23 and bought a house and living the life! Right on for making it 👏👌. Too many people I know got hooked on addictions when given complete freedom at 19.
@@datapatch7381 I wish I could say I didn't deserve to get kicked out, and I also wish I could say I wasn't doing dumb stuff. But it's what needed to be done.
I was a hot mess at 19 but luckily my drive to move out was 100X more powerful than my moms willingness to have me stay as long as I needed, thank god for growing up in a patient Mexican American household. I have my own house, car and able to take all 14 of my family members to Disney but I wasn’t ready until I was 25 when I had saved enough money and became a nurse.
A lot of mexican boys are immature for a really long time bc their parents BABY them.
A lot of mexican women are mature hard workers early bc their parents demand it.
Gee a wonder what the problem is? Maybe the GIGANTIC double standard.
When you provide everything for someone, how can you expect them to be self-motivated?
exactly what the govt wants...........problem is....where is the $ going to come from?????
Well I mean he's only 19. Lots of people don't know what to do at that age.
Straight to the comment section on this one 😂
From the beginning of high school, I told my daughter after graduation she got to choose between one or more of the 4 E's... Education, Employment, Enlistment, or Eviction. She chose Education and Employment, and is now moving out on her own with money in the bank, a useful degree, and a job waiting. But you need to set the expectations early, not just surprise them on cap & gown day.
I like the four E's; very useful to set them up for the future. It's their choice!
I like this! I’m going to borrow this.
Love the no music intro just get straight to the question
Especially when viewing many of these short clips in a row
Dun nun nun nah! Nun nah!!!
Yeah man, I remember when I was younger. I thought I was hot stuff, got into stocks, and absolutely failed. Learned my lesson. Moved on to safer investments, such as playing at the casino.
Same. Vegas here i come!
The army has plenty of rooms and free food.
@@2busywinning sink or swim.
Some people need the shot of reality to snap out of childhood.
My 16 year old son is also pretty lazy and hard to motivate.
But one way or the next he will be adulting come 18.
@@goalie2998 what are his interests ? My father army I'm navy and it all boil down to interests
He probably does have a marijuana addiction as well that she didn’t talk about. The army will rehab him.
I wouldn’t want to fight for a country that takes father’s kids away and splits up families.
@@krisangel7080 I know right I been there
This is more than likely not going to end well.
I dont really get why theyre expecting him to have his stuff figured out by 19??? Is this just typical American culture or what. Im asian idk whats normal or not but like hispanic friends of mine, families generally keep their "children" even grown adult at home naturally until they get married or otherwise wanna move out. And its not like i dont earn money and save or try to think of what im gonna do to be more independent. In the end i still pay rent to my mom and do my chores, its like roommates to me though. But tbh from what im hearing i think this mom isnt sharing enough info or refusing to understand her own son more. If she wants to tell him out of care to stop partying and give suggestions on how to better spend his time then she can do that along with her husband but expecting him to move out at 19 seems a bit rushed. Again, not my culture perhaps. The title of this video upsets me more than anything shes mentined.
She mentioned that he got fired from his job in February (3rd time I believe). That set the plan in motion to move on by June1. And I believe she also stated he hasn't found another job and/or saved any since then.
I dont really care if a person let's their kids stay with them forever, but this mom is right to want her son to start showing some effort IMO. And they clearly aren't planning on abandoning him.
He’s not making progress- so what happens is he is stuck in neutral and the parents are the reason why. In America, getting kicked out of the house is almost a rite of passage
There is a huge difference between you and maybe your culture is that you are saving your money, paying rent and helping with chores. So many American children seem to think that is unreasonable. I personally think our entire culture on how to raise children is messed up.
@@elaine1743 I agree. The way family is raised in America is very dysfunctional
Dont these kids become what you teach them through their childhood years? Maybe the kid was never talked to about working for his money or any life values.
YEP!
Lol too little too late mama
Not necessarily. My husband and I taught our boys to work and save and budget. Do they? Nope. We are responsible for teaching them but not for their following what they were taught.
Start charging him rent, at least... it becomes a business choice at this point. He’s making a decision by not heeding your advice. Time for him to learn in the school of hard knocks. Love that advice about the letter and keeping in touch weekly.
They were/are charging him rent. I agree that June 1st is the new deadline while checking in with him weekly.
If you kick your kids out don't expect to live anywhere other than a retirement home.
I asked my YA soon one time, "Why can't you learn from advice and believe me when I tell you something?" Him: "I'm an experiential learner."
Stupid choice dont kick him out he will ended up making bad choices get into bad company might get depressed ended up on drugs theres so many things that can go wrong with this could ended jail might trying to make fast money I dont think they should do this if he's broke no financial literacy
What makes you think he can't make bad choices and end up on drugs now? He clearly doesn't listen to his parents. I think throwing him out at 19 is a little early but at some point he needs to take initiative of his own life. As a parent you need to support them and have their back but there comes a point where you need to use tough love and make them open their eyes. Or else they will be living off you and your retirement forever.
@@GamerGianni
How can we know he doesnt listen to his parents?
It only sounds like the mother is upset the kid doesnt have some grandiose Job, and is working fast food instead.
She never said he doesnt listen to them, just that he doesnt save money.
You are talking about my 21 year old son! He got fired from his first job, quit his second job, and doesn't go to school. I pay his cell phone, uses my car, stays on the phone all day, and stays in his room. I am thinking of kicking him out because every idea that me or his Dad suggest is shot down. I'm at a loss myself and I don't know what to do!
Sounds like he might have depression🤔
My parents never did it to me , but personally I'd set a date he's gunna need a job to pay for his phone and such . Learn how to change ur wifi password and cut him off after 9pm . He can always use y'all's phone to call potential employers and set up interviews :) . He has to supply his basic needs.
Any update on your son?
My wife and I were married and bought a house before we turned 20! That would be hard to do in this word today. Jobs usually aren’t permanent anymore. My wife and I were both middle kids that wanted to own our own home and be our caretakers. We walked in a similar path so we were and still our very Lucky to have found one another. We’re in our 60s now and the thought of people doing that today is hard to believe. My kids weren’t out at 21 but they worked and were respectful!
Really great advice and covers multiple angles. Allowing your children to experience the consequences of their choices is one of the two hardest parts of parenting (lack of sleep is the other ;-). Our experience with "tough love" (and I do agree with the term, because, man, it's tough to do this!) resulted in a lot of maturity and/or humility very quickly. It's enabled our challenging children to experience real life as it is - that which we spend our parenting years hopefully preparing them for - but, as Dave and Ken expressed, with a parachute. Thanks, Dave and Ken, for sharing your advice, experience, and compassion for both parents and children!
I grew up in a small country town and was desperate to move hours away and live in a big city. I never imagined how much it made me grow up and take responsibility for my life. There was no back up, if I didn't pay rent I'd be on the street, couldn't move back. I couldn't afford to be fired, worked hard and was responsible with my money. If I didn't look after myself, nobody else would.
Sounds like this parent doesn't want to address her shortcomings as a parent that allowed her kid to get to this point.
Bingo.
You can not blame everything on the parents.
Some kids are just disappointments. No amount of good parenting can save them. Just wired and born different.
No parent is perfect and some parents didn't have good parents themselves. What good does blame do and how do you know she doesn't blame herself every day??..still how does that help this 19 year old today? Blaming his parents is probably part of his problem.
@@Amexblackcard, any ‘parent’ willing to make their child homeless is hardly much of a parent. Your brain doesn’t even fully develop until you’re like twenty five. I highly doubt she raised him with the tools and mindset to succeed. By her own admission, she has an “office” in her home, I’m assuming that she was probably too busy with work and left the raising to day care and the school system, basically throwing the kid to the wolves, then wondering why he’s lost.
If he's working and paying them rent then they need to get off his back. These sound like classic overbearing parents. I left my house under similar circumstances at 18 and haven't picked up my parent's phone calls in 10 years. I hope this doesn't happen to your son.
Sounds like a failure of parenting. Children end up how their parents raised them.
Doubt that. I've seen plenty of families with kids raised in the household turning out differently. This is more likely the kid's innate character.
Don’t go back to people that give up on you ever
don’t kick him out, help him, guide him
I guess every parent has to know their child. My mom has babied all of us and it has enabled us all to make terrible decisions. I feel like I’ve finally learned from mine at 23 which is much later than this kid. I was spending recklessly although I was making good money and still got myself into debt. My oldest brother is 35 sleeping on our couch because things went south and he got a divorce and he’s just been drinking himself away everyday. I keep telling my mom in that case he needs tough love but she won’t give it to him. In the past when she’s kicked him out he’s gotten his life together and done well but when he knows he has mommy as a crutch he won’t be motivated to do anything. Nothing motivates more than living in the street and wanting to get a home again.
He’s 19….. What is their problem?!?!?
I struggled with the same thing. It was my extreme anxiety and depression and a lack of direction, I'm 24 and still don't know what I want to do with my life. I feel like a loser making 16$ an hr..
You're still young with plenty of time and chances ahead of you. Stop calling yourself a loser and start doing something about it. I know change won't come overnight, but baby steps can take u far.
tons of people make way less that $16/hour. set little goals and do what you have to do to achieve them. next thing you know you're in a payed for place. i just payed off a 20 year mortgage in 14.5 years. I have no debt and i drive for a living. All the jobs I have ever had you can out of high school and do. I have money in the bank...payed off condo....3 retirement accounts going and no debt. Those little goals over the years brought me here. AND DONT take yourself/life too seriously. AND most important. DONT watch the "news".
I moved out at 16 and started working , had a roomate etc. Different times now. High rent out there.
Honestly I wouldn’t kick him out.he does have issues but for A 19 year old it’s normal.also for a 19 year old he will only get retail or food jobs.maybe get him back into college so he can start earning a degree 📜
At 20 Im going to say going to college was one of the stupidest things Ive done in my life. I didnt need it to get where I'm at and it doesnt really help me today and I still have to pay for it
@@chickenfixn4439 depends if u want to be doctor or a lawyer of course u need schooling
Many construction laborer jobs available starting at $15 hour or $600 a week gross.
Exactly!
@@cruisen6725 I went to school to work on cars, dropped out after how the school handle corona, now Im a tech makin 800 a week
"The partying," is concerning. If he's dependant on drugs or alcohol, then it's the first thing that needs handling.
My mom kicked me out when I was 14 because I was just being a terrible kid and she decided to let me experience real life. I got a job real fast. It teaches you to get a grip on reality bc your gonna be there eventually. Kick them out, let them experience something hard for once. Stop coddling your children im 19 now and he shoulda been out a while ago.
Sorry darlin but sounds like you just had a shitty mom. For one thing, its literally illegal to boot your child out at 18 and leave them no place to go, let alone 14 when you're still a minor. Realistically, CPS should have took you and put you in a home. Just because you were dealt a bad hand and came out in with an ace doesn't mean thats the way to go. Cos now all that happens is, presumably, if you have kids then you're just going to repeat the cycle and do the same to them, no? Which is not sustainable and is not the way to go. I mean whats the point in raising a child if you're just gonna boot them out as soon as they legally become an adult, or in your case when you're still a literal child.
The best thing that every happened to me involved me being asked to move out when I was 17. I was a terrible kid in high school and that move probably saved me.
Right after college I found a job and moved back to live with my mom. Most kids would do that to save money but instead I lived with her to help pay the bills so she can quit her second job. A year later I got married and moved out a few states away. It’s hard starting to be an adult. Props to these parents who’s surviving on minimum wage and still able to care for their children.
People are so ridiculous. You really except someone to have everything figured out by age 19. When theres 45 year old men going in debt.
Agree fully. This mom is not very intelligent.
She has not been a great role model.
Strange Culture parents kick their children out at 19 and then the same kids will put parents in old people homes
Great channel. Lots of compassion.
Personally, I am not hearing anything about her son that would make me think the best move forward is to kick him out. Step up, guide him and assist him to move upward.
Ok so PLEASE TEACH THIS KID RIGHT NOW ABOUT HARD LOVE! MY exhusband enabled our eldest child, and he (son) IS 29 and WOULDNT ACCEPT $100 to come help me for 30 minutes yesterday, wouldn’t even look away from his little anime video game. I walked away in tears. No more. Happy Mother’s Day to all you beautiful mom’s.
It's not tough love. Its just love.
Your son probably is depressed.
As a 20-something myself maybe try to look besides money, maybe he has more reasons to not want to deal with y'all, just speaking from experience
Can’t even give them a good old spanking
If you or your ex husband have to pay your son to help you then chances are you and your husband did a poor job raising your kid, just saying...
Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated for this life.
Being forced to make your own way is good enough motivation for anyone
@Andrew H I can't roll my eyes hard enough
@@jacques1260 you’ve obviously never had something like clinical depression.
When I was 19 years old I was 2200 miles from home, a third class petty officer in the Navy, living in a box not much bigger than a coffin, working 18-hour days in an engine room where it was 100 degrees and 140 decibels including operating very finnicky piece of machinery that distilled 25 gallons of freshwater per minute.
Unlucky for you
Nice. At 19. I was doing 22 mile road marches after jumping out of a c130…
this mom thinks this 19 year old kid has the maturity of a 39 year old 😭
I'm not a parent yet, but I will say if I was I would engrain from the time they can comprehend words that I am preparing them for the world, and there's a timeline, and we both need to be ready when that day comes because.... that's my responsibility to them in the world. And it will then be their responsibility to carry on with their own life.
You need to learn to write proper English before you parent anyone.
"I'm not a parent yet, but I will write that if I was, I would ingrain into them, from the time they can understand, that I am preparing them for the world. There will be a timeline and we both need to be ready when that day comes. It is my responsibility to them. It is then on them to carry on with their own life."
I disagree with this notion, I think anyone that plans on kicking their kid out at 18-19, just shouldnt have kids.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist they are an adult. They need to find their own way in life. If they were prepared correctly there wouldn't be any kicking out to begin with. They would be beginning the start of their own life. And should be excited to do so. Trophy parenting is not parenting, and you're only holding them back.
@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist Of course, for you to write that, you need to be pulling in the income and actually feel the strain when you have to pay their expenses. I do not think it is right to kick them out that soon either, but....different perspectives.
@@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 5/9/21.....GRAMMAR POLICE?
I moved out a couple of times in my 20s but always came back to my parents after being made redundant a couple of times. Finally moved out this year for good after buying my own place, I'm 30 now and I was lucky to have supportive parents, but then again I'm not a bad person and I imagine if I was a drain on my parents emotionally they probably would have kicked me out too. I hope the kid and his parents have a better relationship in the future.
The letter is a great idea!! Good advise!
I got one word for y'all "military" that was the best thing that ever happened to me. It taught me responsibility, respect and honor.
Im 32.
I didn't move out till 29.
But I did pay off my wedding (35k).
I did save 20%for a house here in SoCal.
Did help with the bills.
Respected house rules.
I refused to move into apartment to pay rent.
Currently paying off wife's student debt. (We owe 40k out of 75k)
classic betabuxx
I wasn’t working at 19. It was a Recession and 15% unemployment rate. We’re just coming out of a pandemic. Let the world become normal before you put pressure on him.
I worked through the whole pandemic at 19 and got a raise, pressure him all they want
@@Zacon2mlg totaly agree with you!
Again.....women don't make men. Men make Men.
I went in the USAF…never looked back. I am now retired and doing well.
If he’s unmotivated it maybe your fault for giving him everything and not requiring him to work for it. Just keep praying and loving him and hopefully in time he will get his life together. Sometimes boys mature later than girls. He’s probably a good kid bc you are a good person yourself.
That's true to a degree.. you gotta start small when they're like 7-8.. little things to teach money values and responsibility.
My girlfriend and her husband kept loving their son and now he’s 35, still living at home.
That’s what I was thinking.
@@CarnivoreStork There's a difference between love and enabling.