Have you stayed too long (waiting for commitment)?
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- Опубліковано 31 січ 2019
- R G writes, “Dear Susan, I’ve heard many people say, including myself, that they stayed too long in a relationship. How long should a person give a relationship to really evaluate their partner and their future together? For example, would you agree not to give a relationship more than two years, maybe less, to seriously evaluate whether you’re on the same track for a future? Thank you for all your advice. I love your videos.”
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"Date people who want what you want, and only with you."
Not many out there...I'd rather stay single then.
Within 6 months - if he is not chatting about the future with YOU, then run. Trust that . . .
So true!!!
2 years?!?! Lol. 3 months is tops for me. I’m old enough to know what I want and know if I’m the right one for someone they will know it within 3 months.
Couldn't agree more!
Facts
100%! I don’t understand when men say they need to see if we are compatible after more than 6 months to feel comfortable to propose. If you are always spending time with them one should know pretty soon instead of wasting time ‘figuring it out’. I just want someone to be sure of me with all my flaws.
From my own experience, I have found that if a man is sincerely interested in you, and shows love towards you, I would think that at about the 2 year mark if the man or woman isn't making plans to marry you or make a long term commitment with you, then you need to move on.
Yes, he likely understands you are looking for a paycheck. You stir a memory of a widow I dated. We got along well enough and after her husband died I watched her sell her house and spend a couple years income (life insurance $) I realized she would spend as fast as I could earn it. At the two year mark, she moved on. Thirty years later she is penniless and lives in public housing and angry with the world. Me? Comfortably retired and the Benz in my driveway is paid for.
@@1Skeptik1 What???? Where out of if a relationship isn't going anywhere after two years did you get "Yes, he likely understands you are looking for a paycheck.""" I don't get your response at all !!!
@@conniewindes8830 I merely point out the obvious. She ends a "relationship" because she didn't get what? Come on girl, tell the truth. I was born at night but it wasn't last night. What was she after? $$$$$$$$ (I had a niece marry a guy older than my mother and he had what she was after. Chuckle)
@@conniewindes8830 yeah i didn’t understand the comment either.
There seem to be people who make tangential comments like these. I don’t know if this is one of the same people I saw on other posts. They seem to tell their stories regardless of what the post is. Sometimes they make assumptions about the OP. I haven’t figured out the purpose other than ranting.
Even if I don't start a family with a man, I don't want to waste time with someone who may be seeing other women or never want to be committed with me. That is not just about the family project but the emotional investment and the years lost.
There are so many con artists out there, that are so good at playing on a woman's hopes. My ex who was a covert narcissist stayed 9 years with his ex, I believe he used her for comfort, money and her caregiving. And she didn't get much in the end. Except the bitterness just like me, I only gave him months. They give just a little to keep you onboard, and neglect you enough to make you feel you are not worthy of love and you are lucky enough to have them in your life. That is how people with this conditioning and lack of self love and standards, lose so much time out of the benefit of the doubt and hope.
Sarah: A question you hope to never hear. What are the advantages of sharing life and expences with you over a room-mate buddy? (I had a room-mate for 7 years, like me he was dragged through the divorce gauntlet and drained of his savings and we paid support and got to see our kids when it was convenient for the EX. We did what we had to do.) You sound like a wannabe Princess looking to rob a friend of his free will and wallet. What is it you bring to the table? I once heard a woman say it's easier for a man to get up day after day and go to a job he hates than it is for a woman. NO, it is not. Conditioning? Good luck Cinderella.
@@1Skeptik1 I have nothing to offer you indeed as you don't interest me. I was not even talking about your specific issues of divorce and custody sharing, as I'm not in this situation at all. You seem to do a lot of projections of your experiences on other women out here. Go mgotw if you want but I suggest you do a more difficult dive into self-reflection. Good luck with that.
@@MissSarahGM Chuckle What is the difference between a foolish young man and a rich old one? (fifty years of experience) Good luck Princess.
Thing of it is a lot of women don't want to start a family until they are too old (27 yrs or older), and by this stage trying to start a family is pretty much not gonna happen. I mean sure its noble to think like that at 13 years old, but at 27 yrs old, or worse. A lot of guys give up looking for their dream babe (wife) at around 21 yrs old; furthermore, during her young years she enjoys hooking up with that con artist because he is so smooth, where as honest men are too nice. Problem is by the time its nice guys (or husband material mans) turn, he isn't mentally ill, and he has some dignity and self respect he is not interested in starting a family with grandma anymore. So many problems with her, video games are more enticing than being a workhorse slave.
@@starscream9595 Workhorse servant? Yes, pretty much. One bite of wedding cake and the first thing you lose is your free will.
"We can't get those years back" also applies to....marriage. Be careful what you wish for. Your solution may well turn out to be another problem.
Wish I'd had this advice 7 years ago. I stayed too long. Best years of my life wasted.
the best years of your life are starting NOW. Please, love yourself and forgive yourself for all the decisions you´ve made. All is well and it will be better.
Never wasted. But we have to learn our lessonss.
Same I was also in a relationship for u years and he was cheating on me for past 3 years.
@@alishatrivedi3170 Mhmmm....
Same. I was dumber and stayed for over 10 years. The time does feel wasted, but lesson learned.💔 I just thought staying would be appreciated or working on the relationship (especially since he didn’t want to break up)would make it better. It didn’t.
A year and a half or 2 is too long to wait for me haha. I'm the type that thinks if it doesn't work within the first few months, it's not gonna work. How do I do this? I acknowledge the challenges, I put them on the table, I ask if they'd be willing to work on those and create growth. If the answer is negative or wishy washy, I'm out.
I've been dealing with this guy who doesn't make me a priority. After a few dates I asked if he wanted to be exclusive; he said yes. Then I noticed patterns of avoidance. I put the issues on the table. I asked him what he could do to do to meet me half way; he said he didn't know. After that, I friend zoned him. He agreed. After that he started contacting me more often and calling. I asked him what does he want? He didn't give me a clear answer. I told him "you go with whatever I say. If I say let's be exclusive you say yes. If I say let's be friends you say yes. If I say this isn't working you agree. I want to hear you say: no! I don't want to be friends, I want you as my partner and I think we can work things out." Then I told him I need to see him making a choice for himself! I want to feel his masculine being assertive and fighting for what he wants.
He arranged to come and see me and then he cancelled because he needed to retreat. I think this is good. I have a feeling he's trying to get some clarity which hopefully he will share with me and whatever the outcome, I know what I am willing to accept and what I won't accept. The ball is in his court but I have already moved on mentally. My emotional bags are packed haha. Obviously I hope he'll come back with a strong answer for wanting to work on the issues so we can make a plan but if not, I'm good to go.
Excellent observation Susan; men tend to stay in a relationship too long when they’re friend-zoned and women tend to stay in a relationship too long when it’s romantic.
Susan. Yes self love does include having a reasonable time limit. We can't get time back and life speeds like a red Ferrari.
Totally agree. Deep down you know about 2'years if he wants something more serious or just sending you mix signals. I stayed 4'years but I should have left after 2. And yes I do regret staying and hoping or worse...trying to convince him that I am enough for him. Where did I have my brain?🤔😳
Sometimes, our heart feels different from our brain. Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us.
Same situation
@@SusanWinter same here. I'm 68 and just given up with a guy who kept me dangling for 6 years. I too wonder where was my brain. Wish I'd seen this video 4 years ago.
Who wants more? Help me here, I'm an old man (70) and as I read the comments I conclude most women are NOT looking for a true friend when they are really shopping for resources. I lost (2) good friends and miss them both. We enjoyed a "relationship" (each other's company) and were there for each other in the best and worst of times and I'm talking 50 years and I was there for them when their days were ending. We still laughed at life, spoke freely of it all (marriage, divorce, kids, work, dating, family etc.etc.) Sure there were times when we helped each other deal with the challenges of life BUT we NEVER were "looking for more" or confused a friendship with a life insurance policy or a paycheck. Let us be honest, when you drop those panties you are NOT looking for a friend, you are looking for life support, or endless paychecks and the first thing you would end is his free will. I didn't understand the game at 18 but 20 years later when my EX and her "friend" drug me through the divorce gauntlet I gained great insight as to what a relationship means to most women. $$$$$$$$$$ Fool me once shame on you fool me twice? What was it again you bring to the table?
I’ve stayed almost 4 years with a man who couldn’t stop telling me how much he loved me and wanted to stay with me for the rest of our lives, and all of his friends and family were amazed by the way he was involved. The moment I asked him to move on and get married he broke up with me straight away and totally and utterly disappeared. I gave him almost for years of my precious life. Girls, Susan is right, speak out, get a clear idea of their mindset about commitment and if they have the feeling that they are wasting your time just run away and never look back, or you will end up regretting it and resenting yourselves
Wow what an asshole he was!!! Arghhh
Did he love bomb you early in the relationship? In my experience the smooth talkers are always the bullshitters so I’ve always avoided men who seem to fall in love right away - huge red flag. I’ve been proposed to a few times by long term partners and all of these relationships took years to build and none of them moved fast, they were very quiet about their feelings and this showed me more trustworthy cus it took time to get to that point where you’re genuinely in love after you truly know a person. I am the one who chose not to marry and break it off because we had different goals. I don’t trust when men even tell me they love me in the first few months as you can’t possibly know someone that soon. The real thing takes time.
He did what you asked; what's the problem?
I am an idiot who stayed 10 years in a relationship through very tough times just for him to leave me for a girl he told me he doesn’t love and won’t marry. We loved each other but I’m 35 and it’s time for something stable.
How are you doing now?
Don't give a man sex until marriage.
It's VERY important to find out as early as possible whether your on the 'same page'. So often we are driven by hope. ASK ASK ASK. Find out what they want and know what you want. Don't be afraid to ask. It's VERY important to communicate your needs and desires, and find out what their needs and desires are. If you fall in love or have strong emotional connection it's hard to think. Listen to them and observe their behavior that will tell you everything you need to know. You could waste months, years or a good part of life with the 'wrong' person. By wrong I mean someone not meeting your needs. Dating never ends, don't get fat, stay trim, stay exciting.
What an interesting video! I am a 41 year old woman who after cancer 14 years ago, isnt able to have children. I must say iT brought me the incredible freedom to date without an end goal or agenda but just experience where everything flows. I have seen female friends struggle to find the right guy in time to start a family (they all succeeded so to say). I myself am in a long term and comitted relationship with a man i love deeply. As a cancer survivor i can tell everyone: your time is limited, dont spend iT with someone who doesnt love you enough!!!
Wise words. I think the whole time and age limit for finding a partner is detrimental because so many settle for the wrong reasons cus they’re afraid they won’t find one in time yet they’re doing themselves no favours. I have plenty of 40+ friends who are now single parents and miserable because in their twenties they rushed to find the first person who agreed to settle down but then they’re not making sure these people would make good long term partners. It’s best to take your time and not put a time limit because then even if it takes you longer, you’re going to have better chances to avoid ending up with the wrong people or become single parents which totally makes dating more difficult. Congrats on your relationship!
Susan has mentioned this once before in another video: sometimes a person gets lazy within a relationship and doesn’t want to go through the hassle of looking for someone else, so they stay way too long. That’s when a person ends up letting their window of opportunity close passively.
It’s a shame, but it happens not infrequently. And then they blame the person they stayed with too long because that’s way easier than taking ownership for your own decisions, however passive they were.
Fantastic memory, Almamater.
Almamater8888 So True
For some people, yes, they can be lazy. Others, like myself, didn't blame the other person. I tried to be patient because real chemistry doesn't come along that often. I knew what I was doing and regret it now. Susan mentions this in this video how you can stay hooked because of the accent, etc., but you have to be true to yourself for what you want.
I say.....NEVER wait!
Im sure glad Im single and very Happy!
Couples who take the time regularly to officially sit down and see how the other is feeling about different aspects of the relationship helps keep them on a healthy track. Touch on important areas of life that can easily shift out of control and lead to resentment if they're not balanced. Make a list of all the things that are important to you both, and go through it at least once a month to ensure everything is in check. Some things will be fine one month and then the next they may need more attention. It's just a good way to evaluate things and really handle everything as a partnership. - (Samantha Lefave, Redbook)
Ladies, if your dating a man for 5yrs and he's not ready to commit then you're wasting your time. You're just a booty call and a nice companion at that point. 2-3 years is plenty for a man to know if he wants you or not.
Such articulate, intelligent, compassionate advice! Next time a friend asks me for relationship timing advice I'll remember what you said here.
Another organically truthful and open video. I love you Susan. Keep them coming. A blessing they are.
Dear Suzan, you are so sweet saying: UA-cam Famili" your like a big sister that gives us girls and boys relationship advice. Thank you for all of your work. Love Mimie.
I feel like I was guided to this video. Exactly what I needed to hear! You're the best. Thank you! xx
Hi Susan - another BRILLIANT video. You are so right when you said in this video we just blow through the red flags hoping it will get better because they are good looking/funny/successful...…..etc. You also say (and you've said in other videos) the #1 predicator of a successful relationships is make sure you're 'fishing' in the right pond! Can you do a video on when we KNOW we have blown through all the red flags and we are with the wrong person, how do we detach and move forward. Thanks
Thank you for this video Susan, I myself have fallen in love with people who don't want the same things I do. I have also stayed in relationships, because I thought that i could "change" the other person. I realize now that what I desire is a long term relationship. However long that may take I don't mind waiting. Because settling is not my style.
Thank you so much for doing this video from my request. I really appreciate it.☆☆☆☆☆
That's EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Thank you for this great advice! 👍
Your home/office is so beautiful. Looks very peaceful.
Susan you are magnificent! You are the best dating coach I’ve ever listened to. Your advice is always succinct, honest and intelligent. The dating world can be so confusing but your wisdom helps put things in perspective and point us in the right direction. Thank you and God Bless.
Your advice is amazing Susan!
I literally love all of your videos! THANK YOU for your insightful commentary =)
Such an amazing video!
Thank you Susan❤️
Exactly what I needed to hear today🙏🏾
Susan i just Found your channel, thanks so much for the videos and the unbelievable truth about relations, it made me realise so much about the question Marks
Much love from Belgium
Thanks for all your video,encouraging.
Dear Susan,
Thank you for your generous insight and willingness to share your knowledge with the global community. I look forward to and appreciate all of your videos. I have been waiting/searching for a recording on this topic in particular, and I want to express my gratitude. I feel as though with a clear message in a few simple words, you've unlocked my mind, and I am able to walk away from my own confusion. In a way, you've helped me to integrate my mind and my heart. Whereas they've been competing in the past, now I see that when the capital "T" Truth comes into the picture they can function in tandem towards a primary goal of self respect and love. Holding those core values allows a person the luxury of loving with an open heart, as you've said so beautifully. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
best,
Brian
I saw a video where he said,"if you call a taxi do you get in and not tell the driver where you want to go,or let him just drive you around aimlessly",why then are we afraid to state where we want to go upfront instead of wasting time,my friend told me her dad said to her,"their is no word boyfriend in the Bible".I on the other hand has learned it's he who finds a wife, not she who finds a husband,so I'm not searching but if I'm ready knows to turn to God for my mate,females tend to get taken advantage of when we chase,I want a man who would love me as much as he loves himself,nothing less.
This is a great comment.
Thank you for that video!❤️
OMG! All 6 points you mention at 4:20 matches my girl. I really wish she would give me more than breadcrumbs. 😔 Love your channel. Real quality.
Thank you for these words.
Ok, knowing it's a different "animal" gives us a different view of the person. We can use this thinking whenever we feel like wanting to go back to that honeymoon phase but it's just not happening. Maybe because it shouldn't or couldn't go back to that anymore because it's a different person now.
Still, very timely video, thanks again Susan!
I love this woman!!!
No, I don't wait for anybody.
Omg the timing of this vid! 2 years in and about 1yr 6months of wasted time imo. I definitely wanted to believe it would get better and gave way to much benefit of the doubt. Currently trying to break away but why is it so hard when my head knows it’s for the best 😩
Love the timing synchronicity!
Susan Winter LOL yes! ☺️
Love is wonderful only
when you are lucky..
Awesome. Thank you vv much!!
At this point giving them two years is to long.... Susan, in another video you suggested in the very beginning ask if they are open to a relationship, so I feel like this tactic or way of doing things is excellent... Men know when they first lay eyes on a woman that she is the one, so I refuse to even waste two years.... I actually filter now in the very beginning and I find that I remain single, however I would rather stay single than to be with toxic breadcrumbing men... I love how you used the wording 'WAITING NONSENSE', Susan, 'Excellent Video'...
Another awesome video from Susan Winter.
Thanks Jason
For me its going on two years and I won't be staying I'm glad I've listened to this message Thanks
Gold video Ms. Susan :)
Love your advice ❤
Second! I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS SO MUCH.
Thanks Sharmeen
Yes. Don’t waste each other’s time and energies.
You're getting more beautiful, Susan! ❤️
I noticed that too.
Thanks!
A lifetime and beyond.It is family.Good Night Mother.
You are adorable..something about your personality...very likeable and trustworthy but also seem fun and charming.
Thanks!
Sagittarius. 🙌🏽
Thank you!
Gratitude 💜🖤✨
This one is the killer video. We are all going to bed tonight and thinking about this, past and present. I know I will. Thank you Susan, you are truly an amazing genius and give peace of mind to us all.
As a male watching this, why is this video compelling for you? Just curious......
@@RG-hf4et Because men go through the same things in a relationship as women do. Men are forced by society to hide their feelings more.
@@jimstevens1726 Thx for your answer. Are you saying you stayed too long in a relationship or did someone break up with you who thinks they stayed too long?
@@RG-hf4et I will answer tomorrow. Thx for writing.
@@RG-hf4et I stayed too long in a number of relationships because I did not want to hurt the women I dated. After getting "kicked in the ass" enough times by them I would find the strength to stay away and move on. Quietly, calmly, and respectfully.
July will make 10 years no ring 2 kids. I feel like I'm wasting my time he says his terms not mines. I am thinking about walking away.
An interesting book on the topic:
‘Why men marry some woman and not others’-
The title is misleading... there’s nothing wrong with the women- it’s about the guy, his history, his circumstance that affect if or when he will marry
Susan love you
Men drive this thing. If they choose a woman to make a real life with, then woman comes along in agreement. I've come to see that women have no power in this.
Absolutely in the traditional sense we don’t have power. It’s like we have to wait for the guy to be ready to get married otherwise we are pressuring him.
I've been waiting 16 years for commitment.. guess he just taken the mess!!! I have to move on alone
I personally say if you don't know where it's going don't commit to anything. Especially when the person you're dealing with never gives a straight answer. If you're looking for a long-term committed relationship that means marriage that doesn't mean you're seeing somebody. Give me the Year year-and-a-half enjoy and then move on. I will never give anyone more than that amount of time to make up their mind the welder making up their mind I still have the right to roam free.
Its so hard to do the decisions you need to make but I have been having this conversation with my bf of 7 years and he says I have a lot going on which I do but a lot of my decisions affect him but I cant wait to be able to sit down with him and go over it cus it stress me out so much! i want to have a husband, kids, be around family again and have a good life. I don't want it to be about money or just living for me because I blossom around love ones than always be on my own. I know I can do great both ways but it bugs me in what I want. I am not bashing on him but we have to think about what we want to.
and I don’t think that I can ever forgive him again for doing this to me again!
With each other......
I turned 30 yo December 2022. I met my boyfriend 13 months ago and after 6 months of dating, we decided to be in a relationship. We do not live together yet but I hope next year he will be willing to have progress in our relationship. It’s his first relationship. All my friends around (even younger than me) are getting married and having babies.
I am 6 month now in a relationship and we talk about marriage and engagement. I hope he ll pick a ring soon 🎉😮. If he would not engage me after 1 year, I think I ll be gone. 🤨🤨😬
I think staying with someone whose a cheater for 4 years like I did is to long
Who wants to win her heart
Commitment is instantaneous or it is a psedo commitment with lesser value
Good day Susan . I have been with this guy for almost 10 years and no sex and absolutely losing my mind and I feel so exhausted/broken. I have shared my feeling and he just says I love you and that it and I need to understand him more! I stayed to long and I feel so invisible please help me get out !!!
I waited 5 months for commitment, then called it quits. 5 days later in December I found out hes trying to reconcile with his ex gf, who lives in another state, she's successful close to her 40s. He's 34. I don't know if it will last or not. I was dragged into a rebound relationship without my knowledge.
how long ago was that and what you do about it
@@JJ-vp3bd November 28th the last time I saw him, then we had some arguments followed by him blocking me on social media. We exchanged a few sentences 2 weeks ago, him claiming "he does not recognize my number" , new phone. According to few memes he shared he still wants her and she does too, she was trying to gain his attention while we were together. I did nothing, I backed off completely
OMG, that's awful. Thanksfully, your gut was on point.
Good for you you knew very early on not to get too involved & walked away.
@@RG-hf4et There was lot more between us than I would like to talk about. I still have hope that he comes back, since his ex was the one who left. I fell hard, it's not easy to let go
Just saw this and keeping it 💯. Ladies..... STFU w that entitled bs - is the short answer. Its not all on the man. Many times women act up during the engagement and CREATE doubts in the man's mind. So yes..... men can change their minds too ladies. Point is that relationships are work and divorce is F**KING EXPENSIVE!!! And if you can't respect a man's anxiety enough to be patient and work it out with him AND ONLY HIM (stop listening to toxic, entitled & misinformed gfs), then you dont deserve the house note on your finger and the $50k wedding. Keep other people out of your relationships and have some empathy for the other person like you expect the other person to have for you. Nuff said! ✌🏾 🎤
Yes. Or next……
Hello 🙂 I wish if you could answer to one of my dilemmas in mind .If I walk away from a person , the person whom i loved so much , they come back after months saying they do love me back .What should be done shall I believe them or should I not . It's often seen our love blinds us in a way where we are unable to see the truth. So how can we actually know that it is the truth or just being said wanting us back just like that. Thankyou for your so true words 💕 Lots of love from India. Hope my question reaches you ❤
Hi Susan am a new subscriber and greet information on your page ,I have a issue with a older woman who I met like 2 months ago but the problem here is she has someone else who admitted she loved but he’s in prison for 14 years barring in mind she never met him in person .thing is I feel like she wounded because she keeps saying she wants me and do normal things with me like couples do but it’s frustrating having to speak to her to let go of the other guy if she really wants me ,Susan I hope you take a chance to talk on this issue .thank you
Yeah I did and I regretted too cus now he’s married. To someone else I mean that is the rudest thing that he’s ever done to me!
wow unbelievable yet again Susan.
how long does the honey moon period last
I give a man a year!
What to do? I was dating a guy for months. We never talked about what we wanted until some day I said I was getting feelings etc. He said he was confused and then I blocked him. After 6 months he came back and wanted to meet. He said he had feelings but his acts are very cold and weird and he said lastly that he has a fobi about me getting pregnant. I don't know if I wanted to have a child but thia hurted me someway. What to do in this situation?
Susan I love myy....boyfriend....we r stilll....in the honey moon stage. He's an amazing. Man to me and m yyy heart he soothes me s ooo much...i cry courageously door him.we r gonna get married because I need his love....fir my heart he's good for me I like him alot....smile thx Susan winter u helped me save my heart of love. We have loved against allll.....odds that were stacking up against us....we don't have to be together ....we want to be...we are at peace. I n love
I need help!! 5 yrs hes 50 in 47.
Never live on his own still at home.
I need more but...as I type this just answered my own question
What about he promise , we talk and he knows I won't a family, we agreed...
He ghosted me few times...
I learned I dated covert Narc , it was so hard but I didn't stop any time working on my self how much he tried to billeted me.
Then he back after 1,5 year saying sorry , I told I moved one with someone( and I didn't, I was in a good place with my self).
My thought about him started after 4 months of that conversation...
I am confused not knowing in which fast I am
I love my boyfriend of 2 years but he is a heavy drinker. This will be the 4th time I have asked him to slow it down. We have been apart for 1 month and he says he will this time. We are in our 50's... and both of us were divorced, have kids and have never felt love like this before. I feel like a teenager in love and lost my common sense to RUN since he maybe addicted to alcohol and denial. I want to lay it on the line and tell him to stop drinking 100% but the words are not coming out of my mouth yet. I need help with the words to say, creating the boundary line, and if its crossed walking away. Can you create a video?
after 15 months of dating my boyfriend asked me to marry him & then 2 weeks later changed his mind! i said he needed to decide soon what he wanted. he said he would commit and said he wanted to get married ,& have children together. bascially he yoyoed for several months. it got to 1 year & 7 months & i asked what was going on. he said he didn't think he would ever be sure & couldnt see a future. this was a week before christmas! what hurt more was that my family really liked him and he acted like a dad to my 2 year old daughter. i felt very led on. even his mother and sister were frustrated with him for not commiting to me. i couldnt stay with someone who couldnt make their mind up what they wanted. it doesnt make you feel good in yourself either. i think a man shoukd be proposing after 1 & a half - 2 years.
I wish I could say I stayed because he was this awesome guy but he really wasn't 🙈🙈🙈 it was the fear and insecurity he induced in me by the way he viewed me as this somehow not good enough person ( via passive aggression and lack of empathy which steadily got worse over time) in hindsight he just didn't really care about me and had made no plans or movement towards any sort of commitment or living together despite me being there for years (he used to say he couldn't afford yet at one time made plans to move in with his friend, all behind my back! That was a red flag I ignored as I did all the red flags. I was under his thumb like a door mat making it clear what I wanted, to live together, to get engaged, anything than just him sleeping with me down at my mum's forever more (always scared to say anything or step out of line or he would storm off and shut his phone off for days at a time) and yet when I did finally end things, he was shocked, outraged and told everyone it was all out of the blue. Maybe to him, it was, because how he had become with me was now the norm. But that didn't make it right. I ended up getting back with him, convinced myself that because he had been so upset then actually he must really care, and I just needed to give him the chance to show it. Wrong. Things went worse than ever, my mental health took a real downturn, and he eventually ghosted me for good. The thing to remember about these types of people is that they never want to make a decision on anything, they never want to be perceived as the bad guy, and they never give you clarity. If you dare to make them feel out of control, hell hath no fury and this usually plays out in the form of smear campaigns and/or lies. Even when you think the trauma is over, these people and their flying monkeys never let up. All you can do is be brave and tell the full truth, no matter how ashamed and used you felt. He categorically was not this sweet innocent lad who worshipped me and was making plans towards our future. He was the complete opposite and told me in big ways and little ways for years the level of contempt he had for me. I was extremely lucky to get away from him for good, and in a funny way, I think people know that, and that makes the bad feeling towards me worse 😮
Susan can you do an episode of female friends of your bf. I find one particular friend to be very immature n weird in the wrong way and i don't know how to tell it to my bf.
How long would you consider the typical “honeymoon period” to be? I know it varies for people
Eva L imo around 3-6 months on average.
@@kiringuyen agree.
I thought I was alone in this but apparently a lot of other women experience this
I have a son who is 40, had 2 relationships, bought them an engagement ring, never married but did fully support them, he met a women, told me within 2 months that he could see a marriage w her, n married, my late husband dated me for 3 months only n proposed n married me n was a provider, it's a game out here, they are getting sex w no responsibilities
For the best possible outcome for your truly possible candidates for you??
It all depends on what age group you are in but ladies, if you are in your 30s, don’t wait more than 6 months. If at the 6 month mark there is no conversation about engagement or marriage, cut your losses and move on. A man who genuinely wants to marry and start a family will not drag this out for 2 years. It’s only those men who still don’t know if they want a commitment. And who has time for that ? You only have 1 life to live. Don’t waste it on time wasters.
❤️
My problem is not that I don't filter at the beginning. My problem is that they don't want to lose me so they will do and say whatever it is to get and keep me. Then down the road I find that they're not on my same pace. I've had men who had no business of getting married propose to me because they didn't want to lose me. They thought they could grow to be on my pace. Wrong. Such a waste of my time.
Aguante Doc tops
Wonder if you could help.. met a girl about a year ago. She was so in to me. I liked her but was still trying to get over my ex so I wasn’t ready to date. But we still hung out. I started to get to know her and had so much fun with her. So I started actually liking her. But I told her I Wasn’t ready for dating. So things changed. I actually started chasing her. Ugh. I did that for a few month. But was exhausting.. so finally I told her I can’t Just be her friend Bc that’s what she wanted.. did I do the right thing? I do miss her but I can’t help just being her friend. Long story short. I miss her. But don’t know if I should contact her anymore. Guess I feel I need to back off. Let her figure stuff out. Good idea?? Idk? Thanks
10yearsme..formy HIGH immaturity... He wanted to just stay like this... He was away 99%..a pilot.. So he did not want anything, just me there. After10years we split.. Now im 40.. I have rage to men.. I hate them.. I cannot forgive their shitty nature... Obviously the next one left coz saw my anger...