This so summarizes life as a parent! I love holding and nursing my babies. But I suck at the rest I so want to homeschool but I know I am not disciplined enough.
Speaking as one of 10 kids: our parents were always stressed, exhausted, and angry. The only attention given to us kids was yelling and punishment, so the best you could hope for was neglect. Dad reminded us periodically how good his life would have been if we hadn't been born. I love my sibs, especially the sister--17 months older than me--who actually mothered me. But being born in a big family ruins your life.
People have different experiences. Your parents had twice as many as mine but they had their problems. Less angry it sounds like and I do have a lot of love for them but even with five, particularly if you end up with largely intelligent kids with some neurodivergences, it's fucking hard. My life, as the youngest, is pretty shit because it's kind of the inverse for me -- my siblings kind of kicked each other down and us girls (my brother is eldest but he's generally always been in employment, even if maybe not had the measurable success of my eldest sister) were horrible to each other, including sexual abuse (doesn't sound like that happened in your household but is more common between siblings in larger families than smaller families). I want a kid but I really don't think I want more than that.
I am so sorry that those are your feelings and experiences so far. Have you ever thought about why your soul chose to be born into a such a big family? What lessons or experiences you might have desired for yourself? My family situation was similar to yours but with fewer children and it took me years to understand the lessons of self love and self worth I had come here to learn. Life is a holodeck or an rpg game but most people don't realize it, once you do and you realize there was a reason for all the insanity and you begin to look within to understand those reasons, light and healing will flood your world and give you a new lease on life. Good luck friend!
Having a lot of kids is hard. But it's possible your parents would have been the same if they'd had two kids. I'm one of seven and it was absolutely the most positive thing.
@@love__and__hope__ All women have the right to make whatever decisions they want in regards to their own body, be they selfish or otherwise, so long as it's not hurting anyone.
@Rvards Kammanuuzvardu In my country it’s the same case, but guess what, I still plan on not having any children at all. Why? Because there are other ways to save the system without me trashing away my whole life for kids, like immigration. I hate being around kids, I hate listening to kids, I hate having to interact with a kid. It‘s ok if others want to have them, but I will pass, thanks. And I am not the only one. There are a lot of woman like me, but most are surpressing their feelings to conform and become what we call „a loving but unhappy mother“. Many regret having kids at all, and that is ok. Point blank.
@@unhappyoption5910 I am exactly the same way as you describe. Not every woman is maternal, or should be expected to be maternal or crazy about babies and kids. I am female but I cannot even stand the sight of kids. I can't stand their wretched stupid voices or anything to do with them. And to give birth to them is "horrific" and "disgusting". The whole business/ensemble with them is just so, so horrible!!! It's worse than a curse. Give me "animals" any day.
I wanted 10 children. I did not have a supportive husband but we were blessed with 4 children. I had two miscarriages and I still grieve them at times but now 30 years later God has blessed me with 6 grandchildren to love and care for so you see, I have my ten children.
...and to Mayim’s point that’s probably when you were meant to be that mom of ten. This is a beautiful share and I’m glad you got your ten. I’ve had multiple losses even with the two that got to stay and it’s nice to think that one day I may be a mother to seven after all. Ty.
@@brothertn708 The reality isn't "bad." S means that BEFORE we have kids, we "know" exactly what kind of parent we'll be & how they'll turn out. Once the 1st baby is born, all plans go out the window! As the great Lori Borgman once said, I was a better parent before I had kids."
I had a perfect baby. Almost never cried, slept good, ate good. Not very demanding for attention. She was as chill as chill can be. Now shes a 6 yearold child and still the most lovable child you can imagine. Very sweet, caring and generally almost always happy. Shes the reason why i didnt want more kids. Shes perfect and another kid could never top that off
Wow! I feel the same way about my kid! I also worried I would favour one child over the other, if I had another one, because that's the experience I had, growing up (and even into adulthood, my parents do not treat all their kids the same).
Please have more. Not only is our country dying because of lack of births but also like it sounds like she was pretty easy goin. U might get lucky twice or three times 🤷♂️
@@LucasFernandez-fk8se nooooo. Because 1, we are overpopulated AS A WORLD. and 2, however many children or none feels is good for them is all that matters.
As the oldest of 11 children, I really want to commend you for loving your children enough to stop when you felt that your attention was stretched far enough. We can pose pretty for pictures and be on our best behavior, but behind closed doors, we were starved for love. I raised my siblings and my mom was overwhelmed to the point of severe mental breakdown. Nearly every big family I've ever known was like this. I decided to stop at 3 because I didn't want that life for my kids. Every mother should do what you did and evaluate what she honestly can handle. I wonder what my daughter would look like too, but I also thank God I can put all my babies in the same room and afford to enter them in sports and activities I never was able to enjoy growing up because there were just so many of us. ♡♡♡
Kaytie Buckhalt, Same here. I was the live in house keeper and nanny for my mother and I resented it terribly!! Flash forward to now, I have two kids and that's it. They are getting their childhoods!
I totally agree. One of six and looking back I never felt listened to. I've stopped at 3! I just would not be able to meet the needs of any more children and they need me!
I used to envy the big families 7-10 kids each, roughly. All the nice pictures, pretty smiles, the large well kept homes.... it always looked like a dream to me. I have 5 siblings, but I was raised as an only child because I was born when they were teenagers. I felt like I had missed out on so much. But after I became a mother, I started asking myself HOW IN THE WORLD those moms could handle 7,8, 10 kids when I felt I was losing sanity with my second and third, who are not twins, but basically are emotionally. It’s SO HARD. I live in a constant state of guilt because I feel like they both need more of me than there is to go around. I feel they don’t get enough attention. I could not imagine adding even one more to this mix! With all of that said, I found out recently that one of those big families I envied had a little secret- the 2 eldest males were under so much pressure in their household, that they had both considered suicide. The father of the family, who now has 12 kids (and might still have more) developed Addison’s disease from the stress... this family looks like something you’d see in a magazine, but they are DYING inside!
I honestly don't know why people feel they need to justify choices of having children or not having children. It is YOUR choice and no one else's business.
I was thinking this. But for those of us who wanted a lot of children and then decided it wasn't for us and chose not to have more than a few often face A LOT of harassment. My youngest is almost 10 and I still have to hear about all the reasons I was wrong to ever say I wanted more. As a celebrity, I can only imagine she faces that at a higher level than someone like I do.
We know it's our choice. She wasn't talkin about it being our choice or somebody else's. She's talking about battling your heart and your ability on this matter. Please pay attention
When the time came around I finally wanted kids I wanted 4. Found out I couldn't have kids. After 6 miscarriages I found a new doctor and she helped me battle through my pregnancy, 17 hours of labour which turned into a c-section and my daughter was born and she filled my heart and tolerance.
Only ever wanted one child, preferably a daughter. That happened and I've never, ever wanted another child. She's brilliant and perfect, despite her parents!
As an only child, I'd say unless your parents are balanced people having siblings is always preferable. The loneliness can get to you, and you're less used to being with your peers. Also, having to take care of your aging parents by yourself is not the best. But hey, if your daughter is perfect, I'm happy for you.
@@anitalouise8595 I only have one and that was enough I was able to afford my time my money me and all my energy and to my child who just graduating Medical school I would never have been able to do these things as a young person as my parents could not afford anything for us they didn't encourage education because there was no money for college or any extracurricular activity an extracurricular activities at school so I chose just one and I was able to do all those things I'm a very proud mother
@Mary Irby Children these days have too much. You don't need to give them everything. The new generation, life is too easy and they have a poor worth ethic. Marshmallow society we have raised.
Motherhood is a much bigger and more important job than most people realize or will admit. Absolutely nothing can take the place of a good mother in the life of a child.
Actually research disagrees. Its the father that makes the difference. Dont believe me? Look at the american black population. Whos raising them? Mothers. Whos absent? Fathers.
@@elvinrosetes31 not really since then your baby will grow up spoiled and won't learn how to compete in the real world as well as people who have siblings. Jordan Peterson gave an excellent talk about this confirming it
My wife had to get off TikTok/Instagram. Constant comparison to fake Utah mom influencers was making her miserable. With a 6 and 4 year old whose sole purpose on this earth seems to be to destroy the house on an hourly basis and with a never off washing machine it seemed impossible to meet the ridiculous standards of these influencers. All of whom seemed to have immaculate houses, quiet and understanding statues of husbands, and seemingly always quiet kids. I grew up with 6 siblings and my wife was basically a single child. We thought 4 was a good middle number. Nope, we’re done at 2.
Those insta /youtube/ pintrest moms are hiding dirty stuff somewere for reals..or are making enough money for l housekeeping people to clean their lovely white homes behind the scenes
I wanted so badly to be a mother but I stopped trying after 10 years and was diagnosed with infertility. My addicted homeless sister had 3. 2 live with their fathers and when she became pregnant with her last child she asked us to adopt him. So I became a mom via kinship foster care (cps came on day 2 after birth because she did not remain clean during her pregnancy😔) his adoption was final last year. Our son is the sweetest and most loving little boy on this planet. Before him I used to be so bitter. It made me endlessly mad and question my worth when she kept having children and having them taken away and I did everything I could right and was never able to conceive. I can see now that everything comes in God's timing and in His way. We tried to get my sister help many many times I've the years but she doesn't want it and won't accept it. I wish there were ways to make them get clean but that's just not how it works sadly.
I hear you. I did not get any kids. Yet I had to stand by and watch a totally useless person have 3. I have to tell the truth- I am still very angry at G-d over this.
@@gingerjones111 I'm sorry you feel angry with G-d. All I know is His word is perfect and all His ways are just. Maybe he has greater plans for you. You won't see that till you forgive Him and surrender. I pray you find His peacevand purpose. ❤
Husband wanted 9 kids, I wanted 4. We found that 2 was the perfect number for us. It amazes me how many people are incapable of understanding my comment. We did not have nine children. We found that having two children was the perfect number for us, which means that we had two children. Stop attacking me for having too many children.
People in my family have been having only 2 kind for the past coupple generations. I think 2 is the best number. My partner is also one of 2 and if we have kids, we'll probably try for 2.
I understand where you’re coming from. It really depends on who you are as a person and your perspective on challenges and life. Doesn’t make you any less of a good parent. It just matters how you execute your feelings. My mom is a natural worry-wart. Anxiety is her middle name. She struggled with nervousness since she was a little girl and of course, having children did not make her feelings any better. My mom has 3 kids and was what they call a “helicopter mom”. She was sometimes overbearing. She did her best and tried to make us all as happy as she could, no matter how nervous she got. No matter what, she tried. And she loved us fiercely. However, she opened up to me when I became an adult and she explained how she is in constant fear as a mom. She always thought the very worst would happen and thought how she couldn’t live if anything happened to any of us. She was in hell. But we are her world. She was also in heaven. Her youngest is 21 and she still panics sometimes. So I get your perspective and I validate it.
My mother was such a nightmare that I was done with being a mother myself. I'd rather not have children than do to them what she did pretending "it's all for thr best, you're just too stupid and selfish to understand it". I applaud all mothers and fathers who see their limits.
It's wonderful to see people considering child welfare more. It seems like most of us had parents who were bringing new life into the world to give their life meaning, they wanted to be a parent, or some other self serving reason.
@@solofemaletravelerme I know for sure that if I had had children my mother would have displayed the role "most wonderful grandmother on Earth" to perfection before them and influenced them to her sole advantage. A woman I know has suffered both through her mother and her daughter, who was influenced and bribed by her grandmother since childhood. If you do have children as a child of a narcissist, keep your distance or you will live to regret it.
My sister told me, after our mother died, that she (mum) didn’t want kids. I hadn’t realised it. I think she had them out of guilt. Back then, you were told you are selfish if you don’t have children. Think of those women who want children and can’t have them.
My mother always said that motherhood for her was overrated. Growing up I saw that same thing and decided not to go the mom route. Never regretted it for one second and am almost 60. Being a mother is not for everyone and unless you are ready to make that lifelong commitment don't do it!
thenitenurse22 As the eldest of five who had enormous responsibilities from the age 12 until I left home at 18, I never wanted any either. I wanted to wander around the world and eventually live abroad, which I did-less wandering than I had anticipated and I lived in a place I never thought about when I was young, but I’m really glad I made these things come true. I still hope to wander more, but I’m contented to live out the rest of my life in California.
I call it glamourized. People think their child will be perfect never have issues never hate them and so on but truth is you sacrifice your life for them and they can hurt you more than anyone in the world. Or you can hurt for them.
Kim Davies sad? Or honest? Saying that motherhood is overrated is not the same thing as saying she doesn't love her kids. The fact that they had the conversation shows that they are close enough for honesty.
My mother always tell me, that being a parent is the worst and the best thing ever happened to her. You're always worried even though they're 40, but also they're your biggest reason to be happy
@@amcjap There is a saying, "Having children is giving hostages to fate." but I try to trust in God instead but it is very difficult not to worry. I have gotten better about it.
I am sixty and never wanted them either part of it was the state of the world environment as well as sadness I witnessed with all the disappointed elders I worked with waiting for their kids who NEVER visited or rarely showed up.
Similar club! "a constant struggle between who you think you are and who you actually have the ability to be." - applies to LIFE not exclusive to parenting
As a member of 8 siblings household. Big family have their challenges, but they have so many benefits that i can look on today. We still close my brothers and sister. We have lost 3 so far and we feel that every day. My parents never made it seem to any of us that their lives were ruined for being their parents. In fact, before my father passed away, he thanked us for letting him be his father. He said, it was the greatest joy of his life.. no eye in that room was dry. I am the father of 4 of my own. It was challenging, but i wouldn't trade it for nothing in the world. My six grandkids. Big family have so many good things. Like my brother born a year apart.. always had someone to play. And as we got older, always someone to talk to about anything.
I think most families are more dysfunctional than yours. I'm close to being an antinatalist and wish people would consider adoption first, but it's always refreshing to come across people with good parents. The world is in great need of those imo.
@@AgeismGoesBothWaysthat's why I'd only have kids of my own if I was certain the person I'm with was the right one. If not, I'm going to adopt if possible. No need to bring to the world new people just to make them suffer.
Being a Dad is way less work than being the one who has the carry the child , birth it, breastfeed and do most all of the childcare. Even if the man is a stay at home dad - the toll of pregnancy delivery and breastfeeding is massive . It completely changes you and your body and I’m not talking superficially. Your body looks the same eventually but it’s definitely not.
If i wanted a child i would adopt one any time. But i dont. No man needed, no pregnancy just for the sake of being blood related. I could just walk into any orphanage and look around. But i dont.
@Mikael B what are you saying? Orphanages dont exist where you're from coz you never seen one? Or do you mean you dont know how to get there? In every country ppl dont tend to keep the babies they make. You just dont see it around you and conclude it's in no ones lives... It's pretty ignorant of you to assume your inviroment is based on your experience
I have no maternal feelings at all. Found out when I was 55 I have a heart defect and labor probably would have killed me. So for me it worked out. Was somebody looking out for me? I never had any energy to begin with, could not have dealt with kids.
@Mikael B we call them by a different name here, called care homes and they're rough places. Lots of kids getting involved with drugs and crime. Adopting is also very hard as a single parent, unfortunately.
My mother was an abusive mother... it took me all my emotional/physical strength NOT to be like her so my kids didn’t carry it on... the emotional turmoil is still within me... but thankfully my kids, grown up now; are a blank slate with their kids, and so on.......
I’m a new mom who wanted 6 kids.. my first born son was stillborn, 4 years later we welcomed a healthy baby girl annnnnd I think I’m done 😓lol. This video brought the clarity that my mind needed!!
I'm very sorry, Kimmie. That's very sad to hear you lost your first son, but happy you can have him in your heart while taking care of his little sister
I have a beautiful son. I would like to have another child deep down in my mind but I'm done as well:). I had a very traumatic second pregnancy where I lost 2 twin girls and my marriage broke down. Plus I want more time for myself and I'm not ashamed to say that. I'm absolutely happy with one child!
My husband wanted 6 children. I was 5 years older than him, closing in on 30. We had 3 children, and my last one was born when I was 39. That is what my body and my emotional self could handle, and that’s ok. Mayim, I know this video was created 4 years ago, but I just wanted to let you know that I really admire your strength, intelligence and moral character. Cherish those children. They are an heritage of the Lord.
I knew when I was 8 years old, I did NOT want kids. I was so afraid that I would be the same parent as my father, and I did not want the possibility of any of my "children" be verbally and emotionally abused as my siblings and myself as we were. My brother and sister became our father with their children. Now 50 years later, I know that I made the right decision. I stopped the abuse cycle on my end.
I came from a violent and abusive family. I hurt and cried alot. I ETCHED the parenting I experienced in the front of my brain and avoided it at all costs. My daughter never was hit. Always supported. Taught to be a free thinker and responsible for herself. In other words I love her and I show it. Shes awesome. Shes the only grandchild. My siblings didnt want any.
You still could’ve stopped the cycle even if you had kids. However you don’t need to have kids to brake the cycle. I didn’t start with you but it’s also on your end to grow and heal from your trauma. I hope you innerstand everything I just typed and have a nice life.
My Mom had 3 miscarriages before she and Dad adopted my brother and I. I can't comprehend the pain you have gone through. I'm so happy that you were able to adopt!
I have a daughter who is 29 that has disabilities. I juggled going to school and raising her while she attended special education classes as a single mom with very little help for her father. Now all these years later it’s just the two of us and I am happy with it and don’t regret not having more kids. She now has a little brother on her dad’s side that she enjoys being a big sister to. So I honestly think that everything worked out the way it was supposed to.
You honestly think your ex-husband's abandonment of the two of you (or the equal part of you both selfishly failing your marriage--whatever may be the case), causing your child to be robbed of having the constant influence of a father in her life, resulting in a constant struggle for you to not only keep your sanity but also to even trust another man like you put your trust in him... you think that it was supposed to be that way? No. Admitting your own mistakes and wrongdoings as well as calling out others' mistakes and wrongdoings is crucial in moving toward the way things closer to how the ACTUALLY are supposed to be.
I wanted six. And boy did I try. My first, I was on bed rest for 6 months. Had a terrible time trying to hang on to her. We both almost didn't make it. But I had a beautiful daughter...and so I wanted another. My second and third. I just couldn't keep them inside me. One came at six months and the other at five. Horrific . Awful guilt. Why did my babies die before they even left my body. So. I was going to be the mother of one. We resigned ourselves to it. Loved our daughter . She was enough. Then God gave me my second child. We weren't trying. We were actively not trying. Using birth control... Again hard pregnancy. In bed. She came at 31 weeks. But she was healthy. Just tiny. We decided then, that was all. We had two lovely wonderful amazing daughters. They were enough. Now they are 39 and 34 and they are everything a mama could ask for. I'm blessed.
Pregnancy is a huge strain on the body. It can cause temporary issues even lifelong issues. Some hormone issues, maybe even thyroid issues. Low thyroid hormone leads to miscarriages. You're working for double and sometimes that's too much. Whoever says pregnancy is nothing on a woman to sacrifice is full of it.
My mother was the 4th of 10 kids. She hated it. The older kids always had to sacrifice everything for the younger ones and be caretakers instead of regular teenagers. My grandmother did not want my mother to go to school so she could help out more at home. Their family was too poor, so no one could have anything other than the bare, bare necessities, since if one kid got something, all 10 had to get it too. My mom always told herself she'd never have more than two kids. I'm so sorry to hear that your initial dreams weren't realized, but I think you've found a better dream on your journey. Yes, your kids can't make up a football team, but they'll have parents who had the ability to have and raise them. Thanks for sharing this video, Mayim :)
This can happen no matter how many children there are in the family. A selfish mother is a selfish mother. I had a friend who was an only child but her Mum sat around the house all day and made her to do the work. I was the eldest of 3 and never made my bed till I left home. I have 5 children and do most of the work but everyone contributes to the house as they should. It's not about the number of children but I the heart of the mother.
Many many families of many have not had this happen. The children go on to have their own many children. Becuz large families have so much going for them, than not going for them. Its the heart of the parents, as stated above.
I was an only child. My daughter was an only child, who said she wanted more than one. She had 4. I’ve learned so much about babies, children and families watching them grow. My daughter has the patience of a saint and loves them more than anything. Each child is a unique person from the moment they are conceived. They are born with their own personality. No one is completely like another. Do what you can and love each and every one.
I have 4. I wanted my children to have brothers and sisters. I have a few friends who are only children themselves and always wished they'd have siblings. One of my friends that I grew up with was always at my house to experience the noisy fun house.
This is so cute. As a little kid, I wanted 4 boys...and name them after the ninja turtles. I just turned 36, not married and no children. I couldn’t be happier. I have my friends and family. People forget that some things are not meant to be. And after years of trying with relationships...I realize not everyone was meant to find a husband or children. So I stopped trying, now I live each day, work, pay bills, and travel as much as possible. I know people are going to give false encouragements and crap like don’t give up. I’m not, I’m just moving on.
I also wanted to have more than 2 but also had 2. But seeing the planet as it is, is it really a responsible choice to have so many? Our planet is burdened with so many humans and its not getting better. I fear for my grandchildren and the depletion of resources. I think it’s something we really need to be mindful of.
This is really great to read. I'm 50 and my two daughters are young adults now. I am a patient and kind mom now, but I was completely overwhelmed when they were little. I just didn't have my act together and having kids was not a solution. My brother is single with no kids and he's super happy living in a small condo in a big city.
I got married but it was awful because the person I married just wanted a green card and citizenship..... You are lucky to be able to travel, my son is in the autistic spectrum, I would love to travel, not sure I'll be able to, Be happy where you are.....Life is too short.... I've been recovering from a car accident that happened almost 2 years ago.... Life is short grab happiness with both hands...
Hello, I am a dad of a 5-year old girl, an Indonesian who stays in Singapore. I just stumbled upon this video and my first reaction was a mere "Oh, it's that actress from the Big Bang Theory." What you've shared is a blessing for me. Sorry for being 4 years late. From what I see in a glance, you are still doing parenting talk and podcast. Hope you continue doing that. I am confident that it can help parents everywhere, if not now, maybe years later.
I have two children 7 years apart and I thought this would some how make it easier to have two kids ! WRONG 2 kids is 2 kids regardless of how far you space them out 😩
Pretty Fair!! I have 2 kids too, actually, 2 under 2...most part of the time it's much easier than I thought...but there's always a moment when you think "man, why?"😂😂both of them weren't "planned", although I got amazed when finding out the pregnancies...well, raising kids is not for everyone!!!😂😂😂😂😂
@@paulapazyamor4893 Thanks for sharing this! We had always planned to have five years or more between our kiddos, but baby #2 was a suprise so there's only 2 years and 8 months between them. I was plagued by guilt that I deprived my eldest of the focus and dedication I should have been able to give her in her toddler years, especially because I was bedridden with morning sickness for most of my pregnancy and at five weeks the baby wound up in hospital with a minor heart condition. I always felt like if we'd just been more careful, and stuck to the five year plan, everything would have somehow magically been perfect... It's... reassuring to hear that having an age gap between them doesn't somehow solve all the woes of having two kids. Two kids are TOUGH! Whether you have them a decade apart or a year, you really need a support network around you.
Queen Jasz There was 7 1/2 years between my sister and myself. It felt too much. We weren’t close at all. We li e on different continents and have done so for the last 50 years. We communicate, but I wish I had had a sibling closer to my own age. There are only the two of us. Unfortunately the large gap was just down to nature. Mum tried for years before she was able to fall pregnant a second time whereas I was an accidental baby. I don’t think a big age gap is beneficial, from my own experience.
I had one! It was the best 21 years (so far) of my life! We’ve travelled, he’s played piano for 12 year.... we had toooooo much fun! He’s a great kid and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.
Heather Iviney My daughter did the same thing! I thought something was wrong with her lol 😂 I don't regret that being a first time mother and my experiences on this journey made decide that one is my limit. I'm eternally grateful for the experience and love I've gained and given to my offspring. To each its own. Hats off to those who have more than one. 🍻!
I stopped having kids even before having any :D I was growing up convinced that as a young adult I would get married and have a baby by 18 or 20. When I started living on my own at 20 and realized just how much energy it takes to do all the chores and make sure I have finances to cover your needs, I thought that I could not add more stress and responsibility than I already had. At 36, still in the same situation and loving living childfree. I don't think I will ever want a child.
Seems to me that people regret or don’t really want kids...it’s a societal pressure and people then screw up their kids because they didn’t want them in the first place.
I agree! But I think society drills us to thinking marriage then 2.5 kids is the dream. So you aspire to be a mom bc that’s what you’re supposed to want! Then you have a kid and it’s soooooo hard. I have no regrets but I wish I would have chosen for myself and not by the pressure of everyone around me.
Totally agree. A. Additional reason kids get treated inappropriately, or outright abused, is the oblivious lack of discipline or care around unprotected sex. I know SO many people who --whoops-- got pregnant and were in NO WAY sufficiently prepared for it at ALL...the poor, poor kids. A recent example : 41-year old told me recently, "I want to have a baby, you know, because I want to be a kid again...and yu know, I can be a kid with a kid..." Here's another: a neighbor had a baby with a little who-knows-what (her fifth baby from 5 different guys) , and said, I am not going to really pay any attention to it until it can talk and stuff, because they really won't know whether or not if I am even there." Here's another: A friend was bamboozled into marrying a young tramp who lied to him (he had just tragically lost his young brother and was completely vulnerable -- super easy prey). Even though she lied from the beginning, and further played him (economically and being unfaithful) he woke up and they divorced. Well, his family still says, "Even though she is a horrid sleazeball, we wish that she might get pregnant, because we love babies and need more girls in the family, perhaps she'd have a girl! I mean, we could take care if it and stuff..." I have so many more stories, one as bad as the next. Disturbing. Yep, i am talking about all these types, and there are millions upon millions. Perhaps people reading this come from such a mismatch, poor choice of stupid "parents (they don't even deserve the title)." So many people should wear chastity belts and weiner-holders ( or whatever is the equivalent male apparatus!)!
The idea of having kids is alot different then the reality of it all. I thought having kids would make my life better but it made it much worse. Now I have no time to work on myself or my passions in life. Now I live a life of regret. I love my kids but hey, just a 24 year old being honest here. You simply have no time for anything anymore, even simple self care.
I can't relate at all.. I waited till I was 26 to have my first and I had my second at 29. My husband and I were married 6 years before we had our first as well so we really got to sow our wild oats, travel and have fun. I was a sophomore in college when we got married and finished school. We were ready for children when they came and since I spaced them 4 years apart I never felt overwhelmed. I joined a fun playgroup and we would take the children to water parks, amusement parks, children's museum, etc several times a week and it was never boring. I joined a junior league with all my friends, and had fun with that as well. Those years were the most fun of my life. I was young, healthy and beautiful and the center of my children's and my husband's universe. I had a beautiful house and everything I wanted. I would say careful planning is key and I knew I didn't want children till we were really ready.
Having kids is very stressful, especially having to work and not much support system. As they get older and more self sufficient it gets easier. My teen doesn't want much to do with me these days and now it feels like it went by so fast, but I remember almost always feeling overwhelmed and guilty. The best times were when we connected with other moms and kids and got out of the house and did fun things. Let all the little stuff go and don't hold yourself to the same standards as before you had kids, dont't let anyone else's standards or judgements be yours, make yourself happy and kids will be happy. If I could go back to my daughter being little and asking me to play with her, I would put aside the chores and to do lists and just be in the moment with her, it's gone and I will never get it back. You will still be so young when your kids won't need you so much and you will get your life back, I promise. Coffee, wine, and deep breathing got me through. Some parents get up early to exercise and have me time but I never managed that.
@@openyourmind3763 That is so true. My youngest used to ask me to play this game I made up and I never wanted to play. Now I would give anything to go back and play that game with her. But so I don't have regrets with my grand children I play with them till I drop of exhaustion.
Oof. I’m a mom of 5. I got divorced when my youngest was a baby. I wanted six children and I always feel like someone is missing and then sometimes I wonder if I did a disservice to my kids by having as many as I did. But I’m incredibly close with all five of my children and I do know that they are loved unconditionally and completely. I cried watching this video because there is so much regret, and also so much joy, it’s hard and it’s beautiful. Thank you for this. It’s always helpful to know that we aren’t alone.
I NEVER wanted to be a mother. So I took the pill. Now I'm finally menopausal, and I'm not a mother. World is overpopulated enough. If you're happy with your choice to have (1-3-9-14) children, you made the right choice. If you are happy with 0, you also made the right choice. :)
Who pays for my rent? No one. What do you mean? And as I said, is Walkerbaits610 happy with her choice? So it was the right choice for her. Where do you see "rude"?
My retirement money comes from what I set aside for retirement since I started working 31 years ago, no one is paying for my retirement, I did. I'm almost 51, I started working at 20 and I still have 12 to 17 years to work. So my retirement money is mine, no "other families with children" gave it for me. You think unplanned children are a good thing? You're free to believe it. I think they are not. I think you should decide when to have a child, not "let it happen". Are you right? Am I right? Who knows.
That should have been placed under the video and not under Walkerbait610's comment. She did obviously the right thing for her life and doesn't need to be shamed. Absolutely ok with me, my mistake. Not meant to be rude in any way, and of course I wasn't shaming anyone.
I wanted 3, had a vasectomy after the first because my now ex wife thought that it was OK for a woman to hit a man. Sadly, most of you, society, agree with this.
"As a clinical perfectionist, I feel like I failed at being the mom that I wanted to be. I couldn't bring myself to have more children when my boys still needed so much love and affection. And also my sanity was kind of questionable to begin with." I'd say you succeeded as a mom if what you wanted to be was a sane, sensitive mother who cared about meeting the needs of her children and preserving her sanity. The universe/God gave you fertility, but it also gave you a brain and a heart to craft the best family for your unique self. Mad props, Mayim.
Lauren, well said. Non-mother that I am, I am worry about how much I take care of the people around me, and I don't have the responsibility of motherhood. What you share is beautifully, and compassionately articulated. Thank you!
I wanted two! I just had my first in December and I’m obsessed with him. But pregnancy is awful and I can’t risk having another bad one. Babies are so much work, I am in awe of women who have them back to back.
In awe of our bravery and stupidity! 😂 I'm 2 weeks away from having my third so we will have a 3 yr old, an 18m old and a newborn! Brave yes, but also stupid 😂😂
Same. Didn't much like pregnancy. Although I do want a second one but I'm scared of having a newborn and a toddler. I never expected breastfeeding to be so difficult, especially when he doesn't latch and I have to pump. The constant pumping and anxiety about milk drying up is driving me nuts! I have so much respect for women with multiple young children too!
I wanted 2. One of each. Had my awesome daughter, now 6 years old. Still secretly want a second, but as a full time working mom who wants to have the energy for the one child she has, I just can't do it. I'd rather be a good mom to one, than a frazzled mom to two.
I always wanted two or more. That plan didn't work for us. We've tried and lost. First one is 6 and talks about his 'brother or sister' who will likely never come. I'm slowly accepting that I want him to have the attention, financial security, and energy from us he deserves and has become accustomed to. Best laid plans...
Thank you for this. I have 2 kids and I am a single parent and I am pregnant with my 3rd 😭😭😭 My baby is due in 4 weeks and I am choosing adoption because I don't think I can handle anymore and I don't even have it in me to try too. I know what I am capable of handling....and there's ALOT of demand. Your video just totally made me feel ok with what I have to do to SURVIVE...and I am placing a baby into the arms of a woman who has been waiting for her whole life to hold her baby...it's tragic and beautiful...
Being a parent in this day and age is the hardest job ever! There are alarming percentages of children with anxiety/depression and committing suicide as young as 8. Our lives have gotten busier and busier and the world more complex to handle all the issues we need to face as parents. Definitely not a decision to take lightly.
Being a mom is so fulfilling and draining at the same time. I always wanted 1 child and I have one. But when I had her, I wanted more. Then you figure out how hard it can be, raising a child. Then life happens. I am still figuring out how to accept having no more kids, but it definitely helps seeing you speak about your journey of accepting to stop having children.
Mom of four boys here. I LOVE my sons and NO we were not "trying for a girl" when we had our sons. But now that we have reached that stage of being done I have had to mourn the idea of having a daughter. I would not change any of my sons from exactly who they are...but I did always hold on to that idea of having a little girl. I understand that period of needing to say goodbye to a picture you had in your head while still being very happy and content with the life you have.
@@susansmith493 same. I'm pregnant with my second boy and plan to have one more, which I hope is also a boy. But I will be happy if it is a girl too. Just always saw myself as a boy mom.
I love your authentic and honest videos about motherhood. We need more of these! You let overwhelmed mothers feel that there is nothing wrong with them. Thank you.
@@c.hanley1423 that pretty much sums up everyone if you think about it weather its kids or your partner you never know what kind of person they will turn out to be the only difference is you cant get rid of your kids like you can a friend or even a spouse
I always wanted to have two children, until I started seeing all of my friends having their children and also having their lives completely changed and getting almost crazy (I really mean it!) so I realised that I love sleeping, I love my individuality, I love travelling way too much, I love going to bed late at night, I love meditating, I love keeping my house always neat and tidy, I would hate dealing with the smell of poop of my child for years (how long does it takes to have your child pooping and wiping his butt really independently?!) and so many other things. Finally the world has changed a lot.... children addicted to mobiles and watching ticktock videos... I would go nuts during the pandemic if I had kids 24hrs at home, plus I would totally hate interacting with other kids parents... go to birthday parties..... raise my kids as vegans coz I am a vegan and I would have to make their friends respect my kids diet because their parents certainly would not. The world has too many people already! Well... I will be just fine with no kids! Hehe
" children addicted to mobiles and watching ticktock videos " what are you talking about? it would be your choice to give your kids a phone, there is no law saying you have to give a child 1 hour of tictoc videos a day. some of your reasoning makes sense, but this is just silly.
i feel the same too, my brother have a 3 years old son, and the impression is that is a nightmare that you cant wake up. :x And i dont like children (mostly small kids, babies and toddles) , dont have any interest in them, dont want to interact with them, and dont even think they are cute. Have to babysit two times and i was counting the seconds until they come back to get him (The problem is the constant need to watch them and be around.... ) i dont know, maybe adoption isn't a bad option, maybe a 5 or 6 year old kid.
@@ellie-oaks My opinion is very different, but I still can understand and respect your point of view. As long as humans are not an endangered species, no one should be pressured to have kids. On the contrary, we are way too many as it is. So, be happy with your life without kids, don't let anyone pressure you on that.
Comments: Please don't judge people for the amount of children they did or did not have. A lot, few, none, it really doesn't matter and is a very personal decision. If you must judge, please at least keep it to yourself and don't say it outloud. Why is there a need to make a comment?
@@jameswasilchen7903 if you looks at Chinese and Japanese populations they are on a fast track to a population decline. When you bother to do research that is..
I don't understand why people judge others based children. If you have kids, they judge you for being a mom (especially if you work!), if you don't have kids they say you're selfish. If you have one or eleven, it isn't others right to judge. The world would be so amazing without judgement. You are a good mom for doing your best and being there for the kids you have.❤️ You're blunt honesty is refreshing about how parenting is a constant struggle. ❤️❤️
Umm... You are judging those who judge... Lol... We need judgment... We just need righteous judgment. Would you not judge a mom who let her child play in the middle of an interstate? Of course! That is good judgment. We just need to seek to ha e the right kind of judgment. Don't throw good judgment out with the bathwater! This world would be in even worse shape!
"It's a constant struggle between who you think you are & who you actually have the ability to be". Self acceptance. Something I also struggle with daily. Thank you so much for sharing.
I'm a single mom of 7 children. My husband left me when our 7th was 3. I didn't plan to do this alone. I love my kids so I'd go through this struggle again and again. However, it has nearly broken me. I hope my kids have a mind like yours. I will support them and love every grand child they bring into this world. But for their sanity and well being, I hope they decide on 2. Because that is difficult but doable. 7 alone sometimes feels like I might not make it through it. It feels like I can't be the mother I wanted to be because I'm struggling so much for us all to survive. Btw, I love your podcast and I think you are a lovely intelligent soul.
My both grandmas were left by their husbands as they had 7 and 5 children... I admire them for their strength, but all my aunts and uncles were practically neglected and my both parents really tried their best with me (only child) but as a couple, they were so horribly immature 😅
I wanted four. I needed four. I would have four, and start no later than 25. I worked in childcare, was a nanny, worked with kids with special needs, I have 20 nieces and nephews, and I'm the baby whisperer. I adore children. I was THE babysitter for all my siblings kids. THE AUNT. I am 33. I am unmarried. I have two cats and a dog. I want ONE child. Maybe. At around 40. Probably not by birth. I DON'T want any more than one and the thought of four children makes me overwhelmed to even think it, but I mourn that plan falling through even though it isn't even what I want now. Brains are weird.
It is not VERY unlikely. People need to stop promoting this myth. For one, my family history is my mother having me at 43, and my dad's mother having my uncle at 44. We have a history of 40 year old women having healthy kids on both sides. Fertility does lower with age but it is not WAY less likely, certainly not just flat out unlikely, and the rate of chromosomal problems does increase, but is still very small. This country wants women to crank em out early and often, and has used skewed numbers for years. Your information is incomplete, and harmful. Please look into it, and stop spreading that information. It's toxic for women to have a clock hanging over them as a group saying, "Tick tick tick, better do it now or else. Forget work, forget financial stability!" Watch this video for a few high points, and pleaaase look further into this. ua-cam.com/video/g9ryP0UyO5U/v-deo.html
Melanie Akeley They always try scaring you into having kids by 35. Although most women in my family have had all their children in their 20's to early 30's, I have an aunt who waited until she was 34 and 37 to have her kids, she had no trouble at all, got pregnant the very first time for each one. Yet it took me 5 months of actively trying to get pregnant when I was 27, before getting on fertility pills to get pregnant. Now that I'm into my early 30's I do feel pressure to hurry and have another, but it's just because it took awhile the first time. Truth is, there are many many women who can easily get pregnant throughout their 30's into their 40's, but then there are some women who have trouble getting pregnant in their 20's. I don't think it has as much to do with the age, as it has to do with the individual woman.
Good for you. I understand mourning the plan failing but it isnt a failure. You know what you really want. I feel badly for the mothers who have children and regret it but feel like they can never actually talk about it. You know all the work it takes to have children and your making the best decision for yourself. And I agree, 40 is fine. My mum had me at 40 and was a better mother for it imo.
It’s not a myth. 1 in 6 couple struggle to conceive. Men’s sperm counts are going down globally. I’m doing ivf and started my journey at 26 now still trying at 29. My whole family have loads of kids and late too. No judgement if you want a baby at 40 but your egg quality is lower and that is a fact.
In my teens I wanted between 7 and 9 children. In my twenties I reduced that number to three. In my thirties I said one child...maybe. I am forty now and I am content with none. I thank God for knowing what I had the patience and sanity for: none. I have helped raise three children who are all grown now. But having a bunch of kids of my own was a pie in the sky fantasy that years of growth and maturity brought into focus. If I had seven or more children they would probably be in foster care, and I in mental institution.
Your initial journey sounds like mine. I wanted 7-8 in my teens. Little by little, in my 20s I though 5, and then 3. In my 30's I thought 1 and then I wanted none. I got married and God gave me 2 and I'm soooo thankful!
I never wanted children. I hated them. Untill my sisters gave birth. I have now 2, but I appreciate everyone who doesn't want children. Earth is small, resources are limited. More space for my breed :D Every parent should love people who don't take away the resources for their children.
I wanted four children, two pricey C-sections later, we decided our budget, my body, and the husband's emotional well-being couldn't purposely plan for more children
If you are a committed and loving parent to your child, it's a full-time job. Some parents can take care of more than others. Knowing your own limits shows what commitment is possible.
I have been embodied in a bubble energy having just listened to Mayim ! ! ! I'm a gay 65 year old man that has never even had a whisper of a desire to have children. BUT even though it would seem this video has absolutely nothing to relate to for me - Mayim's wisdom she shares in this if insight and prospective is profound. These words don't simply apply to birthing kids, it's about our prospective as we journey through life!
Good for you for knowing your limits. I didn't care how many, just knew I wanted to be a mom. After 3 years of infertility and lots of prayer (and climbing on tables and getting stuck and having surgery) at 31 I had twins, then 3 more. It wasn't about a number or even a gender, it was about being done with that part of my life. I might have had more if my husband hadn't said that minivans only hold 7 people. They're all girls, they're incredibly close, all in their 20's now, and fortunately I didn't lose my mind. I always say our house sounded like the bird section of the pet store. The twins were 4 when the youngest was born.
My mom had 6 kids and all of us are 4 years apart which I think is perfect, not for us but for her own sanity, but again it wasn’t her choice because she too had to have fertility treatments to get pregnant, but it as for the best at the end. First 4 she had to have fertility treatments, 5th she used nothing to get pregnant, 6th she had an IUD 😂😂
@@cuteONE22 my kids are all 4 years apart but i have 3. I honestly wish they had been closer together because i have been mom to at least one teen for 11 years now and still 4 more years to go! If i had them 2 years apart, the youngest would be 20 now. I'd be officially done with the teen years. At the same time, as a single mom for a majority of the time, i sometimes think it is better this way. By the time a kid is 4 they can better handle being independent which is what i needed when the next one was born. Just the teen years are really difficult. I think the teen years are more difficult, tbh. So yeah, i think it would have been better to have them closer together. The grass is always greener, it seems.
The thing about having them close together, tho, is that when they leave they all leave at once. I went from crazy mom of 5 in 5 to crazy empty nester in nothing flat.
notebookluvr it depends on everyone’s situation I guess. In my country we have to pay for college and there is no such thing as student loan, also part time opportunities for college kids are not very popular. my father can barely pay for one kid, let alone 2 or 3 at a time. Our relatives who had their kids very close together can’t pay for all of them and sometimes a kid has to wait a year before going to college because they can’t afford more than one or two in college at a time.
Not at all! My second was a velcro baby, and now at age 5 she's found her independence, but she's also my most empathetic, giving, and loving child so far. It gets better. ❤️
I have had 3 Velcro babies (though I always said they were allergic to the floor). You can do it! Its super hard but dangit when the oldest brings home that Vday card saying "I love my Mom" you know it was just all worth it....
My mother always wanted 4 children, but after 3 c-sections be pregnant again would be risky. She's 71 years old now and said she always missed her 4th child.
I had three biological boys while I was existing in my own silent lifelong depression. I loved my sons to distraction, but postpartum was supremely difficult. I protected them as best I could. Then I found a doctor who helped me with medication so that I became "normal." We decided to adopt a child who needed us more than we needed them and brought home a little girl from another country. At that point, I had a tubal ligation. The morning after she arrived, our house felt balanced. She and my third son were nearly the same toddler age. 10 years later when my youngest were nearly out of the house, I thought that all I knew how to do was be a mom, so we adopted another little girl from the same country. She had a cleft lip and palate and has had 11 surgeries since she came home. She is the light of my life. My husband changed his mind about raising a child at age 60, so he left, but he took care of her financially until her 18th birthday. I love all my children. They are my best friends. One son says that we are the most functional dysfunctional family he's ever seen. They love each other and the spouses who've joined us. If I had been healthy and my marriage was "solid-er", I would have adopted more, but for me, 5 is just right. I have 3 children-in-laws and 6 grandchildren. I am blest. (Side note: I never played with dolls or loved babies when I was young. I don't really like other people's children. I do, however, love teens for some reason.)
I had 3 when my marriage failed, remarried and add two bonus kids! I love all 5! They are all adults now but I really miss the teenage stage! Our house was always loud and busy but so much fun! I’ve often thought about fostering but my husband’s heart isn’t in it
It's interesting how some people know from a tender age that they want children, and others know that's one thing they do NOT want. I have a nephew and took care of him all day, every day, on my own, for a while when I was 17 so I know for a fact that I could take care of children, but 14 years laters I still feel absolutely no need to have a child. I was actually told a few years ago I might be sterile, and I am so not interested that I didn't even bother getting tested to be sure. I honestly don't care if I am.
francesco lops this would make me laugh if it wasn’t serious. As a serious post it scares me. Wow. I am a happy, loving individual with a wonderful husband and a full life. I have no desire to have children, and I am now in my 50’s. Never wanted them, and have never regretted it. I feel sorry for you that the rest of your life is so empty that you MUST have children (and must judge others’ choices) in order to make it fulfilling. Sad.
@francesco lops You don't know what you are talking about. Someday when you are a woman, we'll sit down and talk and compare notes you jerk. Worry about running your own damn life and keep your idiotic opinions to yourself.
I never wanted kids as well, but when I found out I was pregnant, I simply fell in love with that reality...you're right, everyone is different, and Im glad I changed my mind soon!
I never wanted kids and thought I’d live in solitude but someone special bumped into my life and changed all my aspirations. Now we’re happily married and going on 11 years and we have 3 beautiful kids and want another. Patience was the perfect word and it’s ok if fate has a different plan than what you were expecting.
I'm not even a mom, nor do I want to, and still this video speaks to me. Because, as you said, it's the same with every aspect of life: We have those beautiful pictures in our head about how our life should be and sometimes just can't live up to it. And that can be so hard. Being a woman and not wanting kids makes you kind of an alien. I don't know why it's so hard for people to live with that. I mean, it's not like I'm mean to kids or try to talk people out of having them. But still, most people have a really hard time accepting my opinion. When a young girl who didn't even hit puberty walks around and talks about all the babies she's going to have, no one questions that. But when I, being 29, say I DON'T want kids, people be like "you'll change your mind, you can't know that". Can I think and decide for myself, please?! It's just always been this way, I don't know it any different. And no, it's not like I hate kids. I'm going to be an aunt and I'm so happy. But of course, having own kids would be different and that's not for me. Just like a mother can't really explain where her wish came from, I can't explain why I don't have it. It's just not there. Even when I was very young, I knew I don't want kids and it hasn't changed since. Call that selfish if you will. Yep, I want my time and money and energy to myself. But that's not the whole truth. I also find it extremely irresponsible to have kids without really wanting them, just because "everybody has kids". My non-existing kids deserve better than a mom who doesn't even want them, who wouldn't give them her everything.
Well said! I think it's easy for a lot of people to see a female who doesn't want kids as "immature." Which is insulting, and usually not true. I think it's more socially acceptable for a man to not want kids. But if a woman feels that way, then she's defective. Personally, I think it's very damaging to pressure someone into squashing their owns dreams to live a life that other people have decided for them.
Yeah right?! And most of those people who do the pressuring would judge you but not lift a finger to help if you had a baby and it wouldn't work out. You're also right about that men/women thing. I'm German, and there are people who judge our Bundeskanzlerin by saying "she doesn't have children but decides for ours". I never, ever heard someone complain about lack of children when it came to a male politician. We really should be further. Those people's point usually is "but this is what life is all about" - well, we're really in no danger of extinction anytime soon ^^ Maybe that's why. It's just a theory, I can't prove it, but maybe women like us are nature's answer to overpopulation.
SamChaucer I think women who KNOW they don't want children and don't have them are GREAT people. It is wrong to bring a baby into the world you don't want. You are a very kind and caring person to NOT bring a child into your life when you don't want one. Good for you.
I can remember, from a really young age, knowing that I didn't want any kids. As I grew up people kept saying I would change my mind. Now, I'm almost 30 and I still haven't changed my mind nor regret not having any. I love kids and have respect for (some) mother's, but I don't want any kids myself.
I stumbled upon this video today and I'm so glad I did and saw your comment because my 18 year old daughter has said that she wants no children since she was in elementary school. Other people think that she will change her mind but I don't and frankly I am proud of her for being sure of herself. No child should have a mom who isn't over the moon excited about having one and furthermore has the resources and maturity to be a mother and provide a good home in my opinion. Thank you for posting!
@MilkTeaSprinkles I hope no one misunderstood my post. I promise I was not criticizing anyone who wants or has children. And you are absolutely right, it's sad that women are put down way too often about life decisions. I hope everyone can find peace with their life decisions, no matter what path you walk.
@@iamajoyous1 stay a proud Mom! My mom's pride helps me everyday. Her support lifts me more than she'll every know. And I'm sure it's the same for her.
I decided not to have kids after being a doctor for 4 years. I know what lack of sleep can do to a person and it really affected my mental health. Raging hormones on top of that for everyday for years, nope.
Thank you. I needed to hear this tonight. After one kid, I was done. Career, plus no help with housework, cooking, or bedtimes, and being one those Moms who was up every two hours for 16 months. It’s too much. It leaves me a pretty cranky mom and it’s overwhelming. Thank you for your honesty. It helps me to feel like I’m not alone, and that it’s actually okay to be struggling.
I wanted a dozen children. I was able to have one. As if this was some kind of cosmic trade-off, my one child is like the absolute best of both my ex-husband and me. To the extent that I regret the eleven I didn't get to have, it's mostly because I think my son would have been a terrific big brother, and would have loved having siblings to play with and instruct and commune with. I look at my son, and feel lucky.
I had the same experience!!!!! I had a Velcro baby and then I thought that baby two was going to be so easy too and he was even WORST!!! He was perfect and adorable but it was fucking exhausting. The moms that seem to have it altogether either have much easier babies or are lying. You’re a great mom. I am done at 2 also. ❤️
I felt the exact same way but now I'm expecting baby #4. It honestly does get easier the more you have. The more your patience grows, the more your love grows, and the more people there are to love each other. When it's just 1 or 2 all the attention giving falls on you and it's difficult to juggle. With more, they play with each other and keep each other company and like they're alone time.
Totally agree with you, husband and I just had our second child and parenting actually got easier as opposed to just one child...we now are planning on having four or five kids. We can't wait and our oldest is loving it.
This is such a reassuring comment, we have 2 for now and it's rough sometimes... But I personally would love to add one more to our family but I'm constantly worrying about there being enough love and us not having more than 4 hands so who would be left out...
@@larbakatariina1912 Even with one child you will feel like you are never giving enough of yourself. It would never matter how many kids we have, it stretches us as mothers and fathers, and we will always wish we could give more! It is simply a part of loving children.
I have watched this many times. It really helps validate my feelings of probably stopping at 2 kids even though I want 3. The way you word things is amazing.
It's surprising how people want to have more than 2 kids. Or even 2 kids, as a matter of fact. Most of us end up being terrible parents, and maybe a lot many of us should consider that first!
My parents were pretty awesome! My husband is a wonderful parent. I've done my very best. I have 3 kids, 17 yo, 15 yo and my youngest died in January at 12 years old. I admit to some bias, but I don't think I'm a terrible parent. I have given my children my very best and I hope that's enough.
@RunningFromABear Haha I totally get that I guess. I find that a superhuman skill, which is why we can't even blame anyone. Most of us try to do our best. So that's enough. 🖖😄
I’m just the opposite. After babysitting other siblings and other people’s kids for 10 years I NEVER wanted kids. 0. Both my sisters had kids young and I was a young aunt. I watched their kids while they went out, went to college, worked...and when people asked how many I wanted I always said 0. Both sisters were stay at home moms and I couldn’t imagine that life. I wanted to be a successful tax accountant that traveled and shopped. At 25 I had my oldest and was a single mom. For 8 months. My ex cheated on me and I wasn’t going to put my son in the middle of a bad relationship. So at 6 months pregnant we broke up. I met my now hubby when my son was 8 months old. He loved him from the first day and has always been his dad. We have been together 16 years and have had 4 kids together, along with my oldest. The woman who never wanted kids has 5...more than both my sisters. And I’m not a successful tax accountant. I didn’t even finish college. My hubby works his butt off everyday so I can stay home. Our first child together is autistic, the second dyslexic, the 3rd is also in special ed at school for speech and writing, and our last is a little genius who learns sign language and can speak Spanish a little. Our lives are never what we envision them to be, but we have to make them our own. And I can guarantee those magazines with the 5 and 6 kids are a lie! I have the most patience if anyone I know, and even I get frustrated and lose my temper from time to time. Never at my kids, but I too get frustrated. It’s normal.
E...ok be sure to check out vaxxed, organic nascent iodine is a usefful as well to get the toxins out of the system long term. I got a brain tumor after a vaccine in my early 20's. Took 10 years out of my life.
Cat lady - Keep your judgements to yourself. If you believe in God then you would know that things are timed according to what He decides; not according to random people’s ideas (random people here being you). You could have thought that she went out, some guy approached her, they had a pleasant conversation, and clicked. Nothing ‘trampy’ about it. If you’re going to assume, assume something nice. If you’re a Christian, then remember that even the Christian Bible says, ‘ do unto others as you would like them to do unto you ‘ - you wouldn’t want people to be nosey about you, so don’t do it to others.
I thought I will be a mom before 30. I'm nearing 34 and I'm finaly pregnant with my first. I thought that pregnancy will be happy joyful time for me. I have hyperemesis gravidarum, basicaly throwing up all the time. I always wanted two kids. Right now I'm not so sure. But I learnt that you can make plans and life will surely change them for you. And the best thing you can do for you is to accept and adapt.
We saw you speak in Orlando last APRIL! You were wonderful and so genuine! My daughter who is just like you truly enjoyed the evening. We love our girls and they are so special. It was truly meant to be.
Thank you for mentioning infertility. I was feeling a little alone. It's a difficult conversation when people ask why we've been married so long with no kids. They expect "we didn't choose to." Not "because biology says I can't." Before they drop the topic like a hot potato. We aren't financially able to adopt, so it's probably good we couldn't have kids. But we still hope to someday own a home big enough to foster,...and maybe someday, we will be able to adopt. So happy you were able to be parents, despite the barriers.
Dear CJ.We spent every penny we had and went into serious debt to make this happen. It was not the best choice but one we made. It was very difficult I agree. I would walk into a room and people would stop talking about their kids, pregnancies, etc. because I walked in. Some even mocked me for my infertility. There are dark times but then there are brighter ones ahead. Big hugs for us! Fighting the good fight!
Thank you for sharing your stories! People truly don't understand the hurts we suffer in silence when they ask questions, "don't you want to have children?" You want to scream, have you not seen my pillow at all the tears I've cried? Yet coming to terms with it and moving through the hurt to the other side and finding the joy your life was meant for has helped me see that motherhood takes on many forms.
40, i just want chocolate and puppies. So glad i never pretended i was selfless that much , have kids young while your head hasnt recognised how good being alone is yet.
@The bearded guy ive got s younger sister and cousins, the parents will be dead presumably & my dementia will keep me non the wiser - or medication. We cant be everything ,for forever either.
I'm not a woman or a mother, but something about this really resonates with me. I think it's the common theme that we all have created certain expectations in our lives. But that doesn't always align with reality.
I NEEDED THIS!! I am a 30 yr old mom of two boys. Oldest is two youngest is 10 weeks. In the recovery room after my second c-section my husband and I looked at each other and decided no more kids. I have some guilt and sadness and what ifs especially wanting a girl but you have to see the balance and know what you can handle and we agree we are content with our two blessings but I want it to be well with my soul and in due time it will💙
You're my twin. I have 2 boys and battling whether I should try for a girl as a third. But childbirth and taking care of them takes a toll. I live a day at a time and try to seek that balance. For now an not sure but so far an happy with the 2
The Lord Jesus Christ Himself said that there will come a day when those who don't have children will be the ones who are considered blessed. He said this knowing how evil the world would become in the end times. We are in the end times. Luke 23:29 (KJV) For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.
@@lovemydaughterhatebeingamo8932 women like you really get to me, if someone dies it was God's plan if your barren it's God's plan give me a FUCKING break!!!! there's a time and place for your quotes and that's at church of your denomination Very arrogant of you to assume. Not everyone in this thread is Christian and not everyone believes in God.
I remember hitting 45 and being sad about not having any kids but now I look at our current social economic trends and I am so glad I didn't have any. Current kids have a very bleak future ahead of them. Many of today's youth have or are giving up knowing their chances of a stable future are dwindling away.
Parenting is "a constant struggle between who you think you are and who you actually have the ability to be." FREAKING NAILED IT!
Yup... clinical perfectionists unite!
LoL I know, it's neverending!!
Agreed!! I wanted 4, but 4 days after baby 1 was born, we scaled that dream down to 2. I very quickly became a realist!
I can't LOVE this enough.
This so summarizes life as a parent! I love holding and nursing my babies. But I suck at the rest I so want to homeschool but I know I am not disciplined enough.
It always amazes me how some women are so so certain they want kids, while others (like me) can feel absolutely nothing.
I think it's a you love your own thing and hate all other kids.
I know what's how I feel 🤣
May I ask, how old you are?
@@froggreen2067 34🙊
@@katherinetutschek4757, I'm almost 55 and to this day, I have no longing for kids.
I have 4 kids and im happy. my two aunts never wanted or had children. They are in their 60s now and happy. Everyone is different.
Single, never married, no kids. I'm 68 now and have not regretted those three decisions for a second.
How did you take the decision?
How did you spent your time instead? That’d be interesting!
How can you when you have no idea what you’ve missed out on?
@@loreleigoldman2460 You simply have more freetime.
@@dhamariisSX Without getting into specifics - rotten childhood. Had me wanting to stay away from my family, or creating a family. No regrets.
Speaking as one of 10 kids: our parents were always stressed, exhausted, and angry. The only attention given to us kids was yelling and punishment, so the best you could hope for was neglect. Dad reminded us periodically how good his life would have been if we hadn't been born. I love my sibs, especially the sister--17 months older than me--who actually mothered me. But being born in a big family ruins your life.
People have different experiences. Your parents had twice as many as mine but they had their problems. Less angry it sounds like and I do have a lot of love for them but even with five, particularly if you end up with largely intelligent kids with some neurodivergences, it's fucking hard. My life, as the youngest, is pretty shit because it's kind of the inverse for me -- my siblings kind of kicked each other down and us girls (my brother is eldest but he's generally always been in employment, even if maybe not had the measurable success of my eldest sister) were horrible to each other, including sexual abuse (doesn't sound like that happened in your household but is more common between siblings in larger families than smaller families).
I want a kid but I really don't think I want more than that.
I am so sorry that those are your feelings and experiences so far. Have you ever thought about why your soul chose to be born into a such a big family? What lessons or experiences you might have desired for yourself? My family situation was similar to yours but with fewer children and it took me years to understand the lessons of self love and self worth I had come here to learn. Life is a holodeck or an rpg game but most people don't realize it, once you do and you realize there was a reason for all the insanity and you begin to look within to understand those reasons, light and healing will flood your world and give you a new lease on life. Good luck friend!
I’m one of 9 kids; my parents were much better than yours. It’s definitely not the size of your family; it was your parents.
Having a lot of kids is hard. But it's possible your parents would have been the same if they'd had two kids. I'm one of seven and it was absolutely the most positive thing.
My father suffered the same. They were 8. The majority were totaly neglected, except for the 2 favourite ones.
All I can think is that we are enormously privileged to live in a world and a time where women can make that choice. I'm very grateful.
And mostly they commit selfish decisions. In my country pension system is near collapse as too few women have 2 or more kids.
@@love__and__hope__ All women have the right to make whatever decisions they want in regards to their own body, be they selfish or otherwise, so long as it's not hurting anyone.
@@autisticscreechling4950 It is hurting! Pension system in my country in going to collapse within few decades.
@Rvards Kammanuuzvardu
In my country it’s the same case, but guess what, I still plan on not having any children at all.
Why?
Because there are other ways to save the system without me trashing away my whole life for kids, like immigration.
I hate being around kids, I hate listening to kids, I hate having to interact with a kid. It‘s ok if others want to have them, but I will pass, thanks.
And I am not the only one. There are a lot of woman like me, but most are surpressing their feelings to conform and become what we call „a loving but unhappy mother“.
Many regret having kids at all, and that is ok.
Point blank.
@@unhappyoption5910
I am exactly the same way as you describe. Not every woman is maternal, or should be expected to be maternal or crazy about babies and kids. I am female but I cannot even stand the sight of kids. I can't stand their wretched stupid voices or anything to do with them. And to give birth to them is "horrific" and "disgusting". The whole business/ensemble with them is just so, so horrible!!! It's worse than a curse. Give me "animals" any day.
I wanted 10 children. I did not have a supportive husband but we were blessed with 4 children. I had two miscarriages and I still grieve them at times but now 30 years later God has blessed me with 6 grandchildren to love and care for so you see, I have my ten children.
Melinda Banning reading this put me in tears.
How lovely! Always looking at the positive, sunny side 🤗🤗
Love this! ❤️❤️
...and to Mayim’s point that’s probably when you were meant to be that mom of ten. This is a beautiful share and I’m glad you got your ten. I’ve had multiple losses even with the two that got to stay and it’s nice to think that one day I may be a mother to seven after all. Ty.
Yes isaw that as i read it and two Angles watching over all of you.
The idea of children is entirely different than the reality
This should be on a billboard somewhere
Sara G never truer words.
S I don’t have children yet but I’m in the process of baby dancing... please explain you’re comment... how bad is reality 😬😬😬
@@brothertn708 The reality isn't "bad." S means that BEFORE we have kids, we "know" exactly what kind of parent we'll be & how they'll turn out. Once the 1st baby is born, all plans go out the window! As the great Lori Borgman once said, I was a better parent before I had kids."
I needed to hear this as we contemplate a third. Thank you.
I had a perfect baby. Almost never cried, slept good, ate good. Not very demanding for attention. She was as chill as chill can be. Now shes a 6 yearold child and still the most lovable child you can imagine. Very sweet, caring and generally almost always happy.
Shes the reason why i didnt want more kids. Shes perfect and another kid could never top that off
Wow! I feel the same way about my kid! I also worried I would favour one child over the other, if I had another one, because that's the experience I had, growing up (and even into adulthood, my parents do not treat all their kids the same).
She must feel very loved. I'm very happy for her
Please have more. Not only is our country dying because of lack of births but also like it sounds like she was pretty easy goin. U might get lucky twice or three times 🤷♂️
@@LucasFernandez-fk8se nooooo. Because 1, we are overpopulated AS A WORLD. and 2, however many children or none feels is good for them is all that matters.
That should sound sweet, but it actually kind of sounds like you would love her less if she wasn't "perfect"
As the oldest of 11 children, I really want to commend you for loving your children enough to stop when you felt that your attention was stretched far enough. We can pose pretty for pictures and be on our best behavior, but behind closed doors, we were starved for love. I raised my siblings and my mom was overwhelmed to the point of severe mental breakdown. Nearly every big family I've ever known was like this.
I decided to stop at 3 because I didn't want that life for my kids. Every mother should do what you did and evaluate what she honestly can handle.
I wonder what my daughter would look like too, but I also thank God I can put all my babies in the same room and afford to enter them in sports and activities I never was able to enjoy growing up because there were just so many of us. ♡♡♡
Kaytie Buckhalt, Same here. I was the live in house keeper and nanny for my mother and I resented it terribly!! Flash forward to now, I have two kids and that's it. They are getting their childhoods!
Same. Grew up in a family of 12 kids...its was a figjt to the death for attention from our parents.
I totally agree. One of six and looking back I never felt listened to. I've stopped at 3! I just would not be able to meet the needs of any more children and they need me!
I think I have seldomly read a comment that made me sad in so many ways...
I used to envy the big families 7-10 kids each, roughly. All the nice pictures, pretty smiles, the large well kept homes.... it always looked like a dream to me. I have 5 siblings, but I was raised as an only child because I was born when they were teenagers. I felt like I had missed out on so much.
But after I became a mother, I started asking myself HOW IN THE WORLD those moms could handle 7,8, 10 kids when I felt I was losing sanity with my second and third, who are not twins, but basically are emotionally. It’s SO HARD. I live in a constant state of guilt because I feel like they both need more of me than there is to go around. I feel they don’t get enough attention. I could not imagine adding even one more to this mix!
With all of that said, I found out recently that one of those big families I envied had a little secret- the 2 eldest males were under so much pressure in their household, that they had both considered suicide. The father of the family, who now has 12 kids (and might still have more) developed Addison’s disease from the stress... this family looks like something you’d see in a magazine, but they are DYING inside!
I honestly don't know why people feel they need to justify choices of having children or not having children. It is YOUR choice and no one else's business.
Thank you 😊
I was thinking this. But for those of us who wanted a lot of children and then decided it wasn't for us and chose not to have more than a few often face A LOT of harassment. My youngest is almost 10 and I still have to hear about all the reasons I was wrong to ever say I wanted more. As a celebrity, I can only imagine she faces that at a higher level than someone like I do.
Exactly.
Or maybe it's not justification but just sharing as a way of supporting others
We know it's our choice. She wasn't talkin about it being our choice or somebody else's. She's talking about battling your heart and your ability on this matter. Please pay attention
When the time came around I finally wanted kids I wanted 4. Found out I couldn't have kids. After 6 miscarriages I found a new doctor and she helped me battle through my pregnancy, 17 hours of labour which turned into a c-section and my daughter was born and she filled my heart and tolerance.
That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you. I’d like to have children too in the future. May Allah protect you and your lovely daughter🤲🏻
💗❤🧡💛
Respect.
Wow!!!
Did you ever stop and think maybe you weren't meant to have kids and just let God lead the way?
Only ever wanted one child, preferably a daughter. That happened and I've never, ever wanted another child. She's brilliant and perfect, despite her parents!
Same! All that but with my son! Always wanted a boy, had one, I’m almost 37..probably won’t happen, open to it, but happy
As an only child, I'd say unless your parents are balanced people having siblings is always preferable. The loneliness can get to you, and you're less used to being with your peers. Also, having to take care of your aging parents by yourself is not the best. But hey, if your daughter is perfect, I'm happy for you.
@connaeris8230 As an only child, I agree completely!
Same. I have 1 kid and I don’t desire more kids at all. I miss my freedom.
As one child out of 9 children take it from me, No one person can take care of all needs of all those kids!
@@anitalouise8595 I only have one and that was enough I was able to afford my time my money me and all my energy and to my child who just graduating Medical school I would never have been able to do these things as a young person as my parents could not afford anything for us they didn't encourage education because there was no money for college or any extracurricular activity an extracurricular activities at school so I chose just one and I was able to do all those things I'm a very proud mother
I agree. Not sure why some people have so many.
@Mary Irby Children these days have too much. You don't need to give them everything. The new generation, life is too easy and they have a poor worth ethic. Marshmallow society we have raised.
@@dh5549 lmfao
yes, it would take a large extended family (and a village)
Motherhood is a much bigger and more important job than most people realize or will admit. Absolutely nothing can take the place of a good mother in the life of a child.
Agreed...I have one and it was enough
You are wrong.
Except a good father.
Actually research disagrees. Its the father that makes the difference. Dont believe me? Look at the american black population. Whos raising them? Mothers. Whos absent? Fathers.
@dd Tell that to the women in Ukraine.
These days, just one child is a lot of work. And money.
@Jo C and yet families have less and less time to deal with said work.
and worry.
Practical & best attention if you only have one
@@elvinrosetes31 not really since then your baby will grow up spoiled and won't learn how to compete in the real world as well as people who have siblings. Jordan Peterson gave an excellent talk about this confirming it
It was a lot of work always, but nowadays mostly we have no live-in family members to help.
My wife had to get off TikTok/Instagram. Constant comparison to fake Utah mom influencers was making her miserable. With a 6 and 4 year old whose sole purpose on this earth seems to be to destroy the house on an hourly basis and with a never off washing machine it seemed impossible to meet the ridiculous standards of these influencers. All of whom seemed to have immaculate houses, quiet and understanding statues of husbands, and seemingly always quiet kids. I grew up with 6 siblings and my wife was basically a single child. We thought 4 was a good middle number. Nope, we’re done at 2.
Those insta /youtube/ pintrest moms are hiding dirty stuff somewere for reals..or are making enough money for l housekeeping people to clean their lovely white homes behind the scenes
I wanted 9 children and at 30 years old, I stopped after 1. I 100% feel this.
same, stopped after 1. Thought I would have 2 or 3.
@lavidavi my mom has 3 children and she’s 8 months pregnant- 🧍🏻♀️
@lavidavi she’s 37 lol 🧍🏻♀️ and I think she’s fine with 4 atm I don’t think she wants more
@lavidavi 4 kids is a lot today when you consider the majority of couples only want one at most, and a good portion is choosing to remain childless
I have three children, 47, 39 , 22 years
I wanted 12. At 40, I started adopting and stopped with 2. ❤️
I'm curious, how come you wanted 12 at first?
@@somehandle I grew up in a foster home with tons of kids and it was fun.
We’re considering adoption, may be there are any books or information sites you would recommend? Thank you.
@@annab9994 i think about adoption as well and i want to get notified if someone responds
I'm glad you did. Adopting kids who already need better lives is a good thing. 12 is an absurd number.
I, too, have stopped having kids. I currently have 0.
Kyle same here.
Same LMAO
ahaha
I feel ya sista!
🙋
I wanted so badly to be a mother but I stopped trying after 10 years and was diagnosed with infertility. My addicted homeless sister had 3. 2 live with their fathers and when she became pregnant with her last child she asked us to adopt him. So I became a mom via kinship foster care (cps came on day 2 after birth because she did not remain clean during her pregnancy😔) his adoption was final last year. Our son is the sweetest and most loving little boy on this planet.
Before him I used to be so bitter. It made me endlessly mad and question my worth when she kept having children and having them taken away and I did everything I could right and was never able to conceive. I can see now that everything comes in God's timing and in His way.
We tried to get my sister help many many times I've the years but she doesn't want it and won't accept it. I wish there were ways to make them get clean but that's just not how it works sadly.
You could have avoided CPS if she signed him over to you before he was born.
I hear you. I did not get any kids. Yet I had to stand by and watch a totally useless person have 3. I have to tell the truth- I am still very angry at G-d over this.
You sound like my sister-in-law's aunt and uncle. They couldn't have kids yet they adopted my sister-in-law and brother-in-law.
@@gingerjones111 I'm sorry you feel angry with G-d. All I know is His word is perfect and all His ways are just. Maybe he has greater plans for you. You won't see that till you forgive Him and surrender. I pray you find His peacevand purpose. ❤
@@gingerjones111 No human being is useless. Every one plays a role in the evolution of human consciousness.
Husband wanted 9 kids, I wanted 4.
We found that 2 was the perfect number for us.
It amazes me how many people are incapable of understanding my comment. We did not have nine children. We found that having two children was the perfect number for us, which means that we had two children. Stop attacking me for having too many children.
People in my family have been having only 2 kind for the past coupple generations. I think 2 is the best number. My partner is also one of 2 and if we have kids, we'll probably try for 2.
I always wanted 12. Settled on 8 with my husband and actually ended up stopping at 5
Nine? That's disgusting. Do people know how to think about the planet? Jesus
😂😂
ahahahaha 9 wtf looool
‘It’s a balance of holding on, and letting go’ just hit me with all the feels
Having children is always one foot in the hell, one in heaven
2 feet in heaven. You're children give you the status. Not meaning rude I apologize but all in all... these children are our generation gn
@@aidenjameswithers3489 totally acceptable opinion greetings
Oh yes indeed
Never heard it put this way. I totally love having kids...but yeah, I totally get it.
I understand where you’re coming from. It really depends on who you are as a person and your perspective on challenges and life. Doesn’t make you any less of a good parent. It just matters how you execute your feelings. My mom is a natural worry-wart. Anxiety is her middle name. She struggled with nervousness since she was a little girl and of course, having children did not make her feelings any better. My mom has 3 kids and was what they call a “helicopter mom”. She was sometimes overbearing. She did her best and tried to make us all as happy as she could, no matter how nervous she got. No matter what, she tried. And she loved us fiercely. However, she opened up to me when I became an adult and she explained how she is in constant fear as a mom. She always thought the very worst would happen and thought how she couldn’t live if anything happened to any of us. She was in hell. But we are her world. She was also in heaven. Her youngest is 21 and she still panics sometimes. So I get your perspective and I validate it.
My mother was such a nightmare that I was done with being a mother myself. I'd rather not have children than do to them what she did pretending "it's all for thr best, you're just too stupid and selfish to understand it". I applaud all mothers and fathers who see their limits.
It's wonderful to see people considering child welfare more. It seems like most of us had parents who were bringing new life into the world to give their life meaning, they wanted to be a parent, or some other self serving reason.
@@solofemaletravelerme I know for sure that if I had had children my mother would have displayed the role "most wonderful grandmother on Earth" to perfection before them and influenced them to her sole advantage. A woman I know has suffered both through her mother and her daughter, who was influenced and bribed by her grandmother since childhood. If you do have children as a child of a narcissist, keep your distance or you will live to regret it.
My sister told me, after our mother died, that she (mum) didn’t want kids. I hadn’t realised it. I think she had them out of guilt. Back then, you were told you are selfish if you don’t have children. Think of those women who want children and can’t have them.
My mother always said that motherhood for her was overrated. Growing up I saw that same thing and decided not to go the mom route. Never regretted it for one second and am almost 60. Being a mother is not for everyone and unless you are ready to make that lifelong commitment don't do it!
thenitenurse22
As the eldest of five who had enormous responsibilities from the age 12 until I left home at 18, I never wanted any either. I wanted to wander around the world and eventually live abroad, which I did-less wandering than I had anticipated and I lived in a place I never thought about when I was young, but I’m really glad I made these things come true. I still hope to wander more, but I’m contented to live out the rest of my life in California.
I call it glamourized. People think their child will be perfect never have issues never hate them and so on but truth is you sacrifice your life for them and they can hurt you more than anyone in the world. Or you can hurt for them.
Mary Rose Kent My exact situation! I have a life and am glad you do too!!! 😘
That's so sad that your mom felt that motherhood was overrated and that she actually told you that. 😢
Kim Davies sad? Or honest? Saying that motherhood is overrated is not the same thing as saying she doesn't love her kids. The fact that they had the conversation shows that they are close enough for honesty.
My mother always tell me, that being a parent is the worst and the best thing ever happened to her. You're always worried even though they're 40, but also they're your biggest reason to be happy
My Mother always said the same. Worrying is the hardest part.
Your mother is a wise woman.
@@amcjap There is a saying, "Having children is giving hostages to fate." but I try to trust in God instead but it is very difficult not to worry. I have gotten better about it.
I already worry for my cats's safety and wellbeing on a daily basis, I'm glad I don't have to worry if they're ever going to college.
That is true
Never had children. Married late in life and did not want to be a single mom! No real regrets.
Me too! You GO GIRL! 😁😄😄😃😀
Me also!
i am in that situation passing the time of having. some women have a lot of kids , i really didnt want that.
I am sixty and never wanted them either part of it was the state of the world environment as well as sadness I witnessed with all the disappointed elders I worked with waiting for their kids who NEVER visited or rarely showed up.
Similar club!
"a constant struggle between who you think you are and who you actually have the ability to be." - applies to LIFE not exclusive to parenting
As a member of 8 siblings household. Big family have their challenges, but they have so many benefits that i can look on today. We still close my brothers and sister. We have lost 3 so far and we feel that every day. My parents never made it seem to any of us that their lives were ruined for being their parents. In fact, before my father passed away, he thanked us for letting him be his father. He said, it was the greatest joy of his life.. no eye in that room was dry. I am the father of 4 of my own. It was challenging, but i wouldn't trade it for nothing in the world. My six grandkids. Big family have so many good things. Like my brother born a year apart.. always had someone to play. And as we got older, always someone to talk to about anything.
I think most families are more dysfunctional than yours. I'm close to being an antinatalist and wish people would consider adoption first, but it's always refreshing to come across people with good parents. The world is in great need of those imo.
@@AgeismGoesBothWaysthat's why I'd only have kids of my own if I was certain the person I'm with was the right one. If not, I'm going to adopt if possible. No need to bring to the world new people just to make them suffer.
Being a Dad is way less work than being the one who has the carry the child , birth it, breastfeed and do most all of the childcare. Even if the man is a stay at home dad - the toll of pregnancy delivery and breastfeeding is massive . It completely changes you and your body and I’m not talking superficially. Your body looks the same eventually but it’s definitely not.
@@janiceg8120YES.
Men from a big family, with a big family, with a grateful father HAVE NO IDEA. It's *cute* when they think they took part.
I have no children.. I never had that maternal pull at my womb.. Too late now and still No regrets
If i wanted a child i would adopt one any time. But i dont. No man needed, no pregnancy just for the sake of being blood related.
I could just walk into any orphanage and look around.
But i dont.
@Mikael B what are you saying? Orphanages dont exist where you're from coz you never seen one?
Or do you mean you dont know how to get there?
In every country ppl dont tend to keep the babies they make. You just dont see it around you and conclude it's in no ones lives... It's pretty ignorant of you to assume your inviroment is based on your experience
👍
I have no maternal feelings at all. Found out when I was 55 I have a heart defect and labor probably would have killed me. So for me it worked out. Was somebody looking out for me? I never had any energy to begin with, could not have dealt with kids.
@Mikael B we call them by a different name here, called care homes and they're rough places. Lots of kids getting involved with drugs and crime. Adopting is also very hard as a single parent, unfortunately.
My mother was an abusive mother... it took me all my emotional/physical strength NOT to be like her so my kids didn’t carry it on... the emotional turmoil is still within me... but thankfully my kids, grown up now; are a blank slate with their kids, and so on.......
You did good. Congrats to changing the pattern.
I’m a new mom who wanted 6 kids.. my first born son was stillborn, 4 years later we welcomed a healthy baby girl annnnnd I think I’m done 😓lol. This video brought the clarity that my mind needed!!
I'm very sorry, Kimmie. That's very sad to hear you lost your first son, but happy you can have him in your heart while taking care of his little sister
Wanted 6. Came from 6. Had 1. At 65 still working on my mental health. Love him to death. Every thing I did he did. Payback 😊
I have a beautiful son. I would like to have another child deep down in my mind but I'm done as well:). I had a very traumatic second pregnancy where I lost 2 twin girls and my marriage broke down. Plus I want more time for myself and I'm not ashamed to say that. I'm absolutely happy with one child!
So sorry about your loss. I am glad to hear your girl is healthy.
also lost my first..and I am done
My husband wanted 6 children. I was 5 years older than him, closing in on 30. We had 3 children, and my last one was born when I was 39. That is what my body and my emotional self could handle, and that’s ok. Mayim, I know this video was created 4 years ago, but I just wanted to let you know that I really admire your strength, intelligence and moral character. Cherish those children. They are an heritage of the Lord.
6? Sounds like my worst nightmare. Glad you could stop at 3.
I can't even move beyond 1😂😂
Wanted none. Had none. No regrets. Bless you moms. My father had 16 siblings.
I'm from a family of 9 kids. It was shity.
Wanted none, have none, zero regrets here too! I have many things I want to do and having kids is nowhere close to that list.
Wanted three. Had none. No regrets. Yes! Bless the moms out there. My father has/had 12 siblings.
My dad had 8 siblings I had 3. Was enough for me I'm a cool uncle.
Many of the people I've known from huge families didn't want kids.
I knew when I was 8 years old, I did NOT want kids. I was so afraid that I would be the same parent as my father, and I did not want the possibility of any of my "children" be verbally and emotionally abused as my siblings and myself as we were. My brother and sister became our father with their children. Now 50 years later, I know that I made the right decision. I stopped the abuse cycle on my end.
I agree with you completely. At 74 years old now, I have never regretted my decision.
I came from a violent and abusive family. I hurt and cried alot. I ETCHED the parenting I experienced in the front of my brain and avoided it at all costs. My daughter never was hit. Always supported. Taught to be a free thinker and responsible for herself. In other words I love her and I show it. Shes awesome. Shes the only grandchild. My siblings didnt want any.
Just the fact that you understood it as abuse is awesome. It took me years to figure it out.
You still could’ve stopped the cycle even if you had kids. However you don’t need to have kids to brake the cycle. I didn’t start with you but it’s also on your end to grow and heal from your trauma. I hope you innerstand everything I just typed and have a nice life.
@@teacupglitterinfested1525 I stand by my 50-year-old choice. Now say, "Goodbye" and keep learning to spell and use punctuation correctly.
I wanted a cool dozen. I had six that passed before I held them in my arms. I adopted one. Thank you for this video.
I am so sorry for your loss but am glad you adopted. ❤
wow i am so so so sorry for all of your loss. congrats on your adoption you are an amazing mom
I didnt expect that. Im sorry you repeatedly experienced that kind of loss.
Sending virtual hugs to you 💞
My Mom had 3 miscarriages before she and Dad adopted my brother and I. I can't comprehend the pain you have gone through. I'm so happy that you were able to adopt!
I have a daughter who is 29 that has disabilities. I juggled going to school and raising her while she attended special education classes as a single mom with very little help for her father. Now all these years later it’s just the two of us and I am happy with it and don’t regret not having more kids. She now has a little brother on her dad’s side that she enjoys being a big sister to. So I honestly think that everything worked out the way it was supposed to.
You honestly think your ex-husband's abandonment of the two of you (or the equal part of you both selfishly failing your marriage--whatever may be the case), causing your child to be robbed of having the constant influence of a father in her life, resulting in a constant struggle for you to not only keep your sanity but also to even trust another man like you put your trust in him... you think that it was supposed to be that way? No. Admitting your own mistakes and wrongdoings as well as calling out others' mistakes and wrongdoings is crucial in moving toward the way things closer to how the ACTUALLY are supposed to be.
I wanted six. And boy did I try. My first, I was on bed rest for 6 months. Had a terrible time trying to hang on to her. We both almost didn't make it. But I had a beautiful daughter...and so I wanted another.
My second and third. I just couldn't keep them inside me. One came at six months and the other at five. Horrific . Awful guilt. Why did my babies die before they even left my body.
So. I was going to be the mother of one. We resigned ourselves to it. Loved our daughter . She was enough.
Then God gave me my second child. We weren't trying. We were actively not trying. Using birth control...
Again hard pregnancy. In bed. She came at 31 weeks. But she was healthy. Just tiny.
We decided then, that was all. We had two lovely wonderful amazing daughters. They were enough.
Now they are 39 and 34 and they are everything a mama could ask for. I'm blessed.
How old are you?????????????????/
Your daughters are a blessing. And you will meet your other babies one day :) God bless
I'm 57.
Aww this brought tears to my eyes.... so thankful that you had 2 healthy ones!
Pregnancy is a huge strain on the body. It can cause temporary issues even lifelong issues. Some hormone issues, maybe even thyroid issues. Low thyroid hormone leads to miscarriages. You're working for double and sometimes that's too much. Whoever says pregnancy is nothing on a woman to sacrifice is full of it.
Being a parent is really hard.
Not easy like what we see.
My mother was the 4th of 10 kids. She hated it. The older kids always had to sacrifice everything for the younger ones and be caretakers instead of regular teenagers. My grandmother did not want my mother to go to school so she could help out more at home. Their family was too poor, so no one could have anything other than the bare, bare necessities, since if one kid got something, all 10 had to get it too. My mom always told herself she'd never have more than two kids.
I'm so sorry to hear that your initial dreams weren't realized, but I think you've found a better dream on your journey. Yes, your kids can't make up a football team, but they'll have parents who had the ability to have and raise them. Thanks for sharing this video, Mayim :)
C Tran that’s too sad! Does your mother resent the younger siblings?
This can happen no matter how many children there are in the family. A selfish mother is a selfish mother. I had a friend who was an only child but her Mum sat around the house all day and made her to do the work. I was the eldest of 3 and never made my bed till I left home. I have 5 children and do most of the work but everyone contributes to the house as they should. It's not about the number of children but I the heart of the mother.
Many many families of many have not had this happen. The children go on to have their own many children. Becuz large families have so much going for them, than not going for them. Its the heart of the parents, as stated above.
@@YeshuaKingMessiah Most of the time with a lorry of kids in a family there's always a lack of attention and care.
B Abdullah this is a myth
I was an only child. My daughter was an only child, who said she wanted more than one. She had 4. I’ve learned so much about babies, children and families watching them grow. My daughter has the patience of a saint and loves them more than anything. Each child is a unique person from the moment they are conceived. They are born with their own personality. No one is completely like another. Do what you can and love each and every one.
My husband and I thought we'd have at least two kids. After my son was born (he, too, was a Velcro Baby), we both said "ONE AND DONE!"
But did you both get the surgery to prevent you making more babies. If not you weren't really done.
Same here haha!
I have 4. I wanted my children to have brothers and sisters. I have a few friends who are only children themselves and always wished they'd have siblings. One of my friends that I grew up with was always at my house to experience the noisy fun house.
You didn't fail at being a mom, you said yourself you had two wonderful children, time to be happy and be grateful.
💯
This is so cute. As a little kid, I wanted 4 boys...and name them after the ninja turtles. I just turned 36, not married and no children. I couldn’t be happier. I have my friends and family. People forget that some things are not meant to be. And after years of trying with relationships...I realize not everyone was meant to find a husband or children. So I stopped trying, now I live each day, work, pay bills, and travel as much as possible. I know people are going to give false encouragements and crap like don’t give up. I’m not, I’m just moving on.
You go girl!
I also wanted to have more than 2 but also had 2. But seeing the planet as it is, is it really a responsible choice to have so many? Our planet is burdened with so many humans and its not getting better. I fear for my grandchildren and the depletion of resources. I think it’s something we really need to be mindful of.
This is really great to read. I'm 50 and my two daughters are young adults now. I am a patient and kind mom now, but I was completely overwhelmed when they were little. I just didn't have my act together and having kids was not a solution. My brother is single with no kids and he's super happy living in a small condo in a big city.
I got married but it was awful because the person I married just wanted a green card and citizenship..... You are lucky to be able to travel, my son is in the autistic spectrum, I would love to travel, not sure I'll be able to, Be happy where you are.....Life is too short.... I've been recovering from a car accident that happened almost 2 years ago.... Life is short grab happiness with both hands...
Christina Mammolito you go girl!!
Hello, I am a dad of a 5-year old girl, an Indonesian who stays in Singapore. I just stumbled upon this video and my first reaction was a mere "Oh, it's that actress from the Big Bang Theory." What you've shared is a blessing for me. Sorry for being 4 years late.
From what I see in a glance, you are still doing parenting talk and podcast. Hope you continue doing that. I am confident that it can help parents everywhere, if not now, maybe years later.
I have two children 7 years apart and I thought this would some how make it easier to have two kids ! WRONG 2 kids is 2 kids regardless of how far you space them out 😩
Pretty Fair!! I have 2 kids too, actually, 2 under 2...most part of the time it's much easier than I thought...but there's always a moment when you think "man, why?"😂😂both of them weren't "planned", although I got amazed when finding out the pregnancies...well, raising kids is not for everyone!!!😂😂😂😂😂
I had the same thought having my kids 5 years apart. Lol Yeah so wrong in thinking it would be easier!
@@paulapazyamor4893 Thanks for sharing this! We had always planned to have five years or more between our kiddos, but baby #2 was a suprise so there's only 2 years and 8 months between them. I was plagued by guilt that I deprived my eldest of the focus and dedication I should have been able to give her in her toddler years, especially because I was bedridden with morning sickness for most of my pregnancy and at five weeks the baby wound up in hospital with a minor heart condition. I always felt like if we'd just been more careful, and stuck to the five year plan, everything would have somehow magically been perfect...
It's... reassuring to hear that having an age gap between them doesn't somehow solve all the woes of having two kids. Two kids are TOUGH! Whether you have them a decade apart or a year, you really need a support network around you.
It is harder to have them so far apart. You just get used to them being more independent and then you start over again.
Queen Jasz There was 7 1/2 years between my sister and myself. It felt too much. We weren’t close at all. We li e on different continents and have done so for the last 50 years. We communicate, but I wish I had had a sibling closer to my own age. There are only the two of us. Unfortunately the large gap was just down to nature. Mum tried for years before she was able to fall pregnant a second time whereas I was an accidental baby. I don’t think a big age gap is beneficial, from my own experience.
I had one! It was the best 21 years (so far) of my life! We’ve travelled, he’s played piano for 12 year.... we had toooooo much fun! He’s a great kid and it was the best thing I’ve ever done.
So why not have more? I just don't get it....
LOL YOUR PROFILE PIC IS THE BEST
To the person who asked me why OP did not have more kids, not your fucking business
Stopped at one child. She only slept 20 mins at a time and was awake 20 hours per day. Went on for 4 years. I WAS DONE.
Heather Iviney even with all that work do you regret having her? We had a problem child too but he grew out of it and I'd do it all over again.
@@mpholicx2 I don't regret her but I wouldn't put myself through that again.
My brother was like that. Mum said if she’d had him first he would have been an only child.
Heather Iviney My daughter did the same thing! I thought something was wrong with her lol 😂 I don't regret that being a first time mother and my experiences on this journey made decide that one is my limit. I'm eternally grateful for the experience and love I've gained and given to my offspring. To each its own. Hats off to those who have more than one. 🍻!
Kids are easy to take care of until you have one.
I stopped having kids even before having any :D I was growing up convinced that as a young adult I would get married and have a baby by 18 or 20. When I started living on my own at 20 and realized just how much energy it takes to do all the chores and make sure I have finances to cover your needs, I thought that I could not add more stress and responsibility than I already had. At 36, still in the same situation and loving living childfree. I don't think I will ever want a child.
My aunt ended up having only *one* kid.. after she gave birth to a *10 pound* baby.. my aunt is *only* 5 feet tall. That was *enough* for her.
I never understood why any woman would put herself through that twice-or once really. But as I said above, I never felt the urge at all.
10 pounds wtf that's like 4 something kgs
Ouch.
Lol. You know thats right! I have only one.
Seems to me that people regret or don’t really want kids...it’s a societal pressure and people then screw up their kids because they didn’t want them in the first place.
I agree! But I think society drills us to thinking marriage then 2.5 kids is the dream. So you aspire to be a mom bc that’s what you’re supposed to want! Then you have a kid and it’s soooooo hard. I have no regrets but I wish I would have chosen for myself and not by the pressure of everyone around me.
So much truth in this.
You hit it on the nail. People think they need to jumó on the baby train when they have no idea your mental state is challenged.
Totally agree.
Totally agree. A. Additional reason kids get treated inappropriately, or outright abused, is the oblivious lack of discipline or care around unprotected sex. I know SO many people who --whoops-- got pregnant and were in NO WAY sufficiently prepared for it at ALL...the poor, poor kids. A recent example : 41-year old told me recently, "I want to have a baby, you know, because I want to be a kid again...and yu know, I can be a kid with a kid..."
Here's another: a neighbor had a baby with a little who-knows-what (her fifth baby from 5 different guys) , and said, I am not going to really pay any attention to it until it can talk and stuff, because they really won't know whether or not if I am even there."
Here's another: A friend was bamboozled into marrying a young tramp who lied to him (he had just tragically lost his young brother and was completely vulnerable -- super easy prey). Even though she lied from the beginning, and further played him (economically and being unfaithful) he woke up and they divorced. Well, his family still says, "Even though she is a horrid sleazeball, we wish that she might get pregnant, because we love babies and need more girls in the family, perhaps she'd have a girl! I mean, we could take care if it and stuff..."
I have so many more stories, one as bad as the next. Disturbing.
Yep, i am talking about all these types, and there are millions upon millions. Perhaps people reading this come from such a mismatch, poor choice of stupid "parents (they don't even deserve the title)." So many people should wear chastity belts and weiner-holders ( or whatever is the equivalent male apparatus!)!
The idea of having kids is alot different then the reality of it all. I thought having kids would make my life better but it made it much worse. Now I have no time to work on myself or my passions in life. Now I live a life of regret. I love my kids but hey, just a 24 year old being honest here. You simply have no time for anything anymore, even simple self care.
Maybe you should not had stopped having children, until you had 10 to 14 children.
Same here man -- I wish I never had kids !
I can't relate at all.. I waited till I was 26 to have my first and I had my second at 29. My husband and I were married 6 years before we had our first as well so we really got to sow our wild oats, travel and have fun. I was a sophomore in college when we got married and finished school. We were ready for children when they came and since I spaced them 4 years apart I never felt overwhelmed.
I joined a fun playgroup and we would take the children to water parks, amusement parks, children's museum, etc several times a week and it was never boring. I joined a junior league with all my friends, and had fun with that as well. Those years were the most fun of my life. I was young, healthy and beautiful and the center of my children's and my husband's universe. I had a beautiful house and everything I wanted. I would say careful planning is key and I knew I didn't want children till we were really ready.
Having kids is very stressful, especially having to work and not much support system. As they get older and more self sufficient it gets easier. My teen doesn't want much to do with me these days and now it feels like it went by so fast, but I remember almost always feeling overwhelmed and guilty. The best times were when we connected with other moms and kids and got out of the house and did fun things. Let all the little stuff go and don't hold yourself to the same standards as before you had kids, dont't let anyone else's standards or judgements be yours, make yourself happy and kids will be happy. If I could go back to my daughter being little and asking me to play with her, I would put aside the chores and to do lists and just be in the moment with her, it's gone and I will never get it back. You will still be so young when your kids won't need you so much and you will get your life back, I promise. Coffee, wine, and deep breathing got me through. Some parents get up early to exercise and have me time but I never managed that.
@@openyourmind3763 That is so true. My youngest used to ask me to play this game I made up and I never wanted to play. Now I would give anything to go back and play that game with her. But so I don't have regrets with my grand children I play with them till I drop of exhaustion.
Oof. I’m a mom of 5. I got divorced when my youngest was a baby. I wanted six children and I always feel like someone is missing and then sometimes I wonder if I did a disservice to my kids by having as many as I did. But I’m incredibly close with all five of my children and I do know that they are loved unconditionally and completely. I cried watching this video because there is so much regret, and also so much joy, it’s hard and it’s beautiful. Thank you for this. It’s always helpful to know that we aren’t alone.
I NEVER wanted to be a mother. I had other plans for my life, but I ended up with 1 gorgeous daughter that is now 20yrs old.
I NEVER wanted to be a mother. So I took the pill. Now I'm finally menopausal, and I'm not a mother. World is overpopulated enough. If you're happy with your choice to have (1-3-9-14) children, you made the right choice. If you are happy with 0, you also made the right choice. :)
Who pays for my rent? No one. What do you mean?
And as I said, is Walkerbaits610 happy with her choice? So it was the right choice for her. Where do you see "rude"?
My retirement money comes from what I set aside for retirement since I started working 31 years ago, no one is paying for my retirement, I did. I'm almost 51, I started working at 20 and I still have 12 to 17 years to work. So my retirement money is mine, no "other families with children" gave it for me. You think unplanned children are a good thing? You're free to believe it. I think they are not. I think you should decide when to have a child, not "let it happen". Are you right? Am I right? Who knows.
That should have been placed under the video and not under Walkerbait610's comment. She did obviously the right thing for her life and doesn't need to be shamed. Absolutely ok with me, my mistake. Not meant to be rude in any way, and of course I wasn't shaming anyone.
Did you get fixed after having her?
I wanted 5. I have 1 and I'm done. I can't have anymore medical reason so I'm grateful for my amazing son.
Andrea Miller I would consider adoption, my best friend is an only child and she wishes her parents had another child, even if it wasn’t biological
Same. Wanted 5 have 1. I feel done right now at least.
I wanted 3, had a vasectomy after the first because my now ex wife thought that it was OK for a woman to hit a man. Sadly, most of you, society, agree with this.
@@iancarisi8342 sorry to hear that man, no it's not okay it's fucked up no matter the gender. at least you had one kid man
I'm an only child and I've always been happy 👍
"As a clinical perfectionist, I feel like I failed at being the mom that I wanted to be. I couldn't bring myself to have more children when my boys still needed so much love and affection. And also my sanity was kind of questionable to begin with." I'd say you succeeded as a mom if what you wanted to be was a sane, sensitive mother who cared about meeting the needs of her children and preserving her sanity. The universe/God gave you fertility, but it also gave you a brain and a heart to craft the best family for your unique self. Mad props, Mayim.
Lauren Potter,
Truth!
Lauren, well said. Non-mother that I am, I am worry about how much I take care of the people around me, and I don't have the responsibility of motherhood. What you share is beautifully, and compassionately articulated. Thank you!
I wanted two! I just had my first in December and I’m obsessed with him. But pregnancy is awful and I can’t risk having another bad one. Babies are so much work, I am in awe of women who have them back to back.
Even after I had my only child, I told my mom that I still wanted three. She said, “Just wait.”
In awe of our bravery and stupidity! 😂 I'm 2 weeks away from having my third so we will have a 3 yr old, an 18m old and a newborn! Brave yes, but also stupid 😂😂
Same. Didn't much like pregnancy. Although I do want a second one but I'm scared of having a newborn and a toddler. I never expected breastfeeding to be so difficult, especially when he doesn't latch and I have to pump. The constant pumping and anxiety about milk drying up is driving me nuts! I have so much respect for women with multiple young children too!
@@xxSydneyFox breastfeeding was so hard. I pumped for a while but eventually dried up. Momming is rough!
@@emsqua that’s a lot! They will be so close though and that’s what I’m sad my son will never have.
I wanted 2. One of each. Had my awesome daughter, now 6 years old. Still secretly want a second, but as a full time working mom who wants to have the energy for the one child she has, I just can't do it. I'd rather be a good mom to one, than a frazzled mom to two.
Good for you....you became wise quickly.....
Your comment is me! Full time working mom with a 9 year old and I’m still not ready for the second.
@@jessielynn Sadly for me it prob will never happen. I'm 45 now, lol.
I feel the same way!
I always wanted two or more. That plan didn't work for us. We've tried and lost. First one is 6 and talks about his 'brother or sister' who will likely never come. I'm slowly accepting that I want him to have the attention, financial security, and energy from us he deserves and has become accustomed to. Best laid plans...
Thank you for this. I have 2 kids and I am a single parent and I am pregnant with my 3rd 😭😭😭 My baby is due in 4 weeks and I am choosing adoption because I don't think I can handle anymore and I don't even have it in me to try too. I know what I am capable of handling....and there's ALOT of demand. Your video just totally made me feel ok with what I have to do to SURVIVE...and I am placing a baby into the arms of a woman who has been waiting for her whole life to hold her baby...it's tragic and beautiful...
That’s beautiful!
I was adopted... so I just want to thank you for your sacrifice.
You are right. It's your choice.
Thank you ❤️
Wishing you peace and good things
Being a parent in this day and age is the hardest job ever! There are alarming percentages of children with anxiety/depression and committing suicide as young as 8. Our lives have gotten busier and busier and the world more complex to handle all the issues we need to face as parents. Definitely not a decision to take lightly.
It’s almost like this might not be the best reality to bring life into
Gaia Barone And we wonder why so many people choose not to bring kids into this weird af world 😂
Being a mom is so fulfilling and draining at the same time. I always wanted 1 child and I have one. But when I had her, I wanted more. Then you figure out how hard it can be, raising a child. Then life happens. I am still figuring out how to accept having no more kids, but it definitely helps seeing you speak about your journey of accepting to stop having children.
Mom of four boys here. I LOVE my sons and NO we were not "trying for a girl" when we had our sons. But now that we have reached that stage of being done I have had to mourn the idea of having a daughter. I would not change any of my sons from exactly who they are...but I did always hold on to that idea of having a little girl. I understand that period of needing to say goodbye to a picture you had in your head while still being very happy and content with the life you have.
I think 90% of women think as you do .... the longing for a daughter. I wonder if most men long for sons. I'm not sure. I only ever wanted boys.
@@susansmith493 Did you get along better with boys growing up?
@@susansmith493 same. I'm pregnant with my second boy and plan to have one more, which I hope is also a boy. But I will be happy if it is a girl too. Just always saw myself as a boy mom.
@@lisafoos8976 Why do you think it is difficult raising girls? My mom used to say things like that
Same here. Took a tremendous amount of emotional work to be okay with it. Wishing you all the best!
I love your authentic and honest videos about motherhood. We need more of these! You let overwhelmed mothers feel that there is nothing wrong with them. Thank you.
Kids are like a box of chocolates- you never know what you’re going to get!
I'm going to get a chocolate..
you can say that about both men and women too if you think about it not just kids
Adopting kids is like a box of chocolates without any labeling as to what they are.
@@c.hanley1423 that pretty much sums up everyone if you think about it weather its kids or your partner you never know what kind of person they will turn out to be the only difference is you cant get rid of your kids like you can a friend or even a spouse
And if circulated you will know if you pay attention. It's your daughter. She needs to know she is apart if this world
I always wanted to have two children, until I started seeing all of my friends having their children and also having their lives completely changed and getting almost crazy (I really mean it!) so I realised that I love sleeping, I love my individuality, I love travelling way too much, I love going to bed late at night, I love meditating, I love keeping my house always neat and tidy, I would hate dealing with the smell of poop of my child for years (how long does it takes to have your child pooping and wiping his butt really independently?!) and so many other things. Finally the world has changed a lot.... children addicted to mobiles and watching ticktock videos... I would go nuts during the pandemic if I had kids 24hrs at home, plus I would totally hate interacting with other kids parents... go to birthday parties..... raise my kids as vegans coz I am a vegan and I would have to make their friends respect my kids diet because their parents certainly would not. The world has too many people already! Well... I will be just fine with no kids! Hehe
" children addicted to mobiles and watching ticktock videos " what are you talking about? it would be your choice to give your kids a phone, there is no law saying you have to give a child 1 hour of tictoc videos a day. some of your reasoning makes sense, but this is just silly.
100% feel the sme way! Especially as a vegan.
i feel the same too, my brother have a 3 years old son, and the impression is that is a nightmare that you cant wake up. :x
And i dont like children (mostly small kids, babies and toddles) , dont have any interest in them, dont want to interact with them, and dont even think they are cute.
Have to babysit two times and i was counting the seconds until they come back to get him (The problem is the constant need to watch them and be around.... )
i dont know, maybe adoption isn't a bad option, maybe a 5 or 6 year old kid.
@@ellie-oaks My opinion is very different, but I still can understand and respect your point of view. As long as humans are not an endangered species, no one should be pressured to have kids. On the contrary, we are way too many as it is. So, be happy with your life without kids, don't let anyone pressure you on that.
Comments: Please don't judge people for the amount of children they did or did not have. A lot, few, none, it really doesn't matter and is a very personal decision. If you must judge, please at least keep it to yourself and don't say it outloud. Why is there a need to make a comment?
Because population is an issue to be dealt with.
@@jameswasilchen7903 if you looks at Chinese and Japanese populations they are on a fast track to a population decline. When you bother to do research that is..
@@gracehaven5459 Your point is what?
@@jameswasilchen7903 um that you shouldn't be a judgmental ass? Seems fairly obvious
I don't understand why people judge others based children. If you have kids, they judge you for being a mom (especially if you work!), if you don't have kids they say you're selfish. If you have one or eleven, it isn't others right to judge. The world would be so amazing without judgement. You are a good mom for doing your best and being there for the kids you have.❤️
You're blunt honesty is refreshing about how parenting is a constant struggle. ❤️❤️
People will judge no matter what. But the ones who judge aren't worth your time so atleast you know who to filter out.
Sam antha exactly 😊
Umm... You are judging those who judge... Lol... We need judgment... We just need righteous judgment. Would you not judge a mom who let her child play in the middle of an interstate? Of course! That is good judgment. We just need to seek to ha e the right kind of judgment. Don't throw good judgment out with the bathwater! This world would be in even worse shape!
"It's a constant struggle between who you think you are & who you actually have the ability to be". Self acceptance. Something I also struggle with daily. Thank you so much for sharing.
I'm a single mom of 7 children. My husband left me when our 7th was 3. I didn't plan to do this alone. I love my kids so I'd go through this struggle again and again. However, it has nearly broken me. I hope my kids have a mind like yours. I will support them and love every grand child they bring into this world. But for their sanity and well being, I hope they decide on 2. Because that is difficult but doable. 7 alone sometimes feels like I might not make it through it. It feels like I can't be the mother I wanted to be because I'm struggling so much for us all to survive. Btw, I love your podcast and I think you are a lovely intelligent soul.
My both grandmas were left by their husbands as they had 7 and 5 children... I admire them for their strength, but all my aunts and uncles were practically neglected and my both parents really tried their best with me (only child) but as a couple, they were so horribly immature 😅
I wanted four. I needed four. I would have four, and start no later than 25. I worked in childcare, was a nanny, worked with kids with special needs, I have 20 nieces and nephews, and I'm the baby whisperer. I adore children. I was THE babysitter for all my siblings kids. THE AUNT. I am 33. I am unmarried. I have two cats and a dog. I want ONE child. Maybe. At around 40. Probably not by birth. I DON'T want any more than one and the thought of four children makes me overwhelmed to even think it, but I mourn that plan falling through even though it isn't even what I want now. Brains are weird.
Don't wait until you're 40 to start trying! It's very unlikely you'd conceive at 40
It is not VERY unlikely. People need to stop promoting this myth. For one, my family history is my mother having me at 43, and my dad's mother having my uncle at 44. We have a history of 40 year old women having healthy kids on both sides. Fertility does lower with age but it is not WAY less likely, certainly not just flat out unlikely, and the rate of chromosomal problems does increase, but is still very small. This country wants women to crank em out early and often, and has used skewed numbers for years. Your information is incomplete, and harmful. Please look into it, and stop spreading that information. It's toxic for women to have a clock hanging over them as a group saying, "Tick tick tick, better do it now or else. Forget work, forget financial stability!" Watch this video for a few high points, and pleaaase look further into this. ua-cam.com/video/g9ryP0UyO5U/v-deo.html
Melanie Akeley They always try scaring you into having kids by 35. Although most women in my family have had all their children in their 20's to early 30's, I have an aunt who waited until she was 34 and 37 to have her kids, she had no trouble at all, got pregnant the very first time for each one. Yet it took me 5 months of actively trying to get pregnant when I was 27, before getting on fertility pills to get pregnant. Now that I'm into my early 30's I do feel pressure to hurry and have another, but it's just because it took awhile the first time. Truth is, there are many many women who can easily get pregnant throughout their 30's into their 40's, but then there are some women who have trouble getting pregnant in their 20's. I don't think it has as much to do with the age, as it has to do with the individual woman.
Good for you. I understand mourning the plan failing but it isnt a failure. You know what you really want. I feel badly for the mothers who have children and regret it but feel like they can never actually talk about it. You know all the work it takes to have children and your making the best decision for yourself. And I agree, 40 is fine. My mum had me at 40 and was a better mother for it imo.
It’s not a myth. 1 in 6 couple struggle to conceive. Men’s sperm counts are going down globally. I’m doing ivf and started my journey at 26 now still trying at 29. My whole family have loads of kids and late too. No judgement if you want a baby at 40 but your egg quality is lower and that is a fact.
In my teens I wanted between 7 and 9 children. In my twenties I reduced that number to three. In my thirties I said one child...maybe. I am forty now and I am content with none. I thank God for knowing what I had the patience and sanity for: none. I have helped raise three children who are all grown now. But having a bunch of kids of my own was a pie in the sky fantasy that years of growth and maturity brought into focus. If I had seven or more children they would probably be in foster care, and I in mental institution.
Your initial journey sounds like mine. I wanted 7-8 in my teens. Little by little, in my 20s I though 5, and then 3. In my 30's I thought 1 and then I wanted none. I got married and God gave me 2 and I'm soooo thankful!
You are speaking from my soul right here. Everything you stated, identical to my own journey.
I never wanted children. I hated them. Untill my sisters gave birth. I have now 2, but I appreciate everyone who doesn't want children. Earth is small, resources are limited. More space for my breed :D Every parent should love people who don't take away the resources for their children.
I wanted four children, two pricey C-sections later, we decided our budget, my body, and the husband's emotional well-being couldn't purposely plan for more children
I feel this!!
If you are a committed and loving parent to your child, it's a full-time job. Some parents can take care of more than others. Knowing your own limits shows what commitment is possible.
I have been embodied in a bubble energy having just listened to Mayim ! ! ! I'm a gay 65 year old man that has never even had a whisper of a desire to have children. BUT even though it would seem this video has absolutely nothing to relate to for me - Mayim's wisdom she shares in this if insight and prospective is profound. These words don't simply apply to birthing kids, it's about our prospective as we journey through life!
Good for you for knowing your limits. I didn't care how many, just knew I wanted to be a mom. After 3 years of infertility and lots of prayer (and climbing on tables and getting stuck and having surgery) at 31 I had twins, then 3 more. It wasn't about a number or even a gender, it was about being done with that part of my life. I might have had more if my husband hadn't said that minivans only hold 7 people. They're all girls, they're incredibly close, all in their 20's now, and fortunately I didn't lose my mind. I always say our house sounded like the bird section of the pet store. The twins were 4 when the youngest was born.
Haha love this!
My mom had 6 kids and all of us are 4 years apart which I think is perfect, not for us but for her own sanity, but again it wasn’t her choice because she too had to have fertility treatments to get pregnant, but it as for the best at the end. First 4 she had to have fertility treatments, 5th she used nothing to get pregnant, 6th she had an IUD 😂😂
@@cuteONE22 my kids are all 4 years apart but i have 3. I honestly wish they had been closer together because i have been mom to at least one teen for 11 years now and still 4 more years to go! If i had them 2 years apart, the youngest would be 20 now. I'd be officially done with the teen years. At the same time, as a single mom for a majority of the time, i sometimes think it is better this way. By the time a kid is 4 they can better handle being independent which is what i needed when the next one was born. Just the teen years are really difficult. I think the teen years are more difficult, tbh. So yeah, i think it would have been better to have them closer together. The grass is always greener, it seems.
The thing about having them close together, tho, is that when they leave they all leave at once. I went from crazy mom of 5 in 5 to crazy empty nester in nothing flat.
notebookluvr it depends on everyone’s situation I guess. In my country we have to pay for college and there is no such thing as student loan, also part time opportunities for college kids are not very popular. my father can barely pay for one kid, let alone 2 or 3 at a time. Our relatives who had their kids very close together can’t pay for all of them and sometimes a kid has to wait a year before going to college because they can’t afford more than one or two in college at a time.
As a mom of a velcro baby, I'm just glad to know that I'm not alone.
Not at all! My second was a velcro baby, and now at age 5 she's found her independence, but she's also my most empathetic, giving, and loving child so far. It gets better. ❤️
I have had 3 Velcro babies (though I always said they were allergic to the floor). You can do it! Its super hard but dangit when the oldest brings home that Vday card saying "I love my Mom" you know it was just all worth it....
My mother always wanted 4 children, but after 3 c-sections be pregnant again would be risky. She's 71 years old now and said she always missed her 4th child.
I had three biological boys while I was existing in my own silent lifelong depression. I loved my sons to distraction, but postpartum was supremely difficult. I protected them as best I could. Then I found a doctor who helped me with medication so that I became "normal." We decided to adopt a child who needed us more than we needed them and brought home a little girl from another country. At that point, I had a tubal ligation. The morning after she arrived, our house felt balanced. She and my third son were nearly the same toddler age. 10 years later when my youngest were nearly out of the house, I thought that all I knew how to do was be a mom, so we adopted another little girl from the same country. She had a cleft lip and palate and has had 11 surgeries since she came home. She is the light of my life. My husband changed his mind about raising a child at age 60, so he left, but he took care of her financially until her 18th birthday. I love all my children. They are my best friends. One son says that we are the most functional dysfunctional family he's ever seen. They love each other and the spouses who've joined us. If I had been healthy and my marriage was "solid-er", I would have adopted more, but for me, 5 is just right. I have 3 children-in-laws and 6 grandchildren. I am blest. (Side note: I never played with dolls or loved babies when I was young. I don't really like other people's children. I do, however, love teens for some reason.)
Wow. you sound amazing. I am shocked at your husband's behavior though... I am glad you sound happy (not bitter)
You sound great. Thank you for adopting two children and caring for them.
I had 3 when my marriage failed, remarried and add two bonus kids! I love all 5! They are all adults now but I really miss the teenage stage! Our house was always loud and busy but so much fun! I’ve often thought about fostering but my husband’s heart isn’t in it
It's interesting how some people know from a tender age that they want children, and others know that's one thing they do NOT want. I have a nephew and took care of him all day, every day, on my own, for a while when I was 17 so I know for a fact that I could take care of children, but 14 years laters I still feel absolutely no need to have a child. I was actually told a few years ago I might be sterile, and I am so not interested that I didn't even bother getting tested to be sure. I honestly don't care if I am.
@francesco lops what the hell 🙈🤣🤣🤣... serieus !? Hahaha
@francesco lops Lol. You may mean well, but you have a very poor worldview.
francesco lops this would make me laugh if it wasn’t serious. As a serious post it scares me. Wow. I am a happy, loving individual with a wonderful husband and a full life. I have no desire to have children, and I am now in my 50’s. Never wanted them, and have never regretted it. I feel sorry for you that the rest of your life is so empty that you MUST have children (and must judge others’ choices) in order to make it fulfilling. Sad.
17... alone.... all day... everyday.... Where the hell was the kids parents... That's too much to put on a kid
@francesco lops You don't know what you are talking about. Someday when you are a woman, we'll sit down and talk and compare notes you jerk.
Worry about running your own damn life and keep your idiotic opinions to yourself.
never wanted kids, and I'm still glad I didn't. Everyone's different. Glad you actually have the insight to make the decision.
I never wanted kids as well, but when I found out I was pregnant, I simply fell in love with that reality...you're right, everyone is different, and Im glad I changed my mind soon!
UberCat9 that explains the cat picture. 😂👍
I never wanted kids either. 36 and married 18 years. My husband has a daughter but he was through with kids.
@@christins.1481 may I ask you smt? I wrote "i never wanted as well". Is it wrong? English is not my language
@@paulapazyamor4893 You're correct.
Pretty darn good grammar for English being your second language. Fooled me.
I never wanted kids and thought I’d live in solitude but someone special bumped into my life and changed all my aspirations. Now we’re happily married and going on 11 years and we have 3 beautiful kids and want another. Patience was the perfect word and it’s ok if fate has a different plan than what you were expecting.
As long as you are not "manipulated" by God or fate or whatever.
I'm not even a mom, nor do I want to, and still this video speaks to me. Because, as you said, it's the same with every aspect of life: We have those beautiful pictures in our head about how our life should be and sometimes just can't live up to it. And that can be so hard.
Being a woman and not wanting kids makes you kind of an alien. I don't know why it's so hard for people to live with that. I mean, it's not like I'm mean to kids or try to talk people out of having them. But still, most people have a really hard time accepting my opinion.
When a young girl who didn't even hit puberty walks around and talks about all the babies she's going to have, no one questions that. But when I, being 29, say I DON'T want kids, people be like "you'll change your mind, you can't know that".
Can I think and decide for myself, please?!
It's just always been this way, I don't know it any different. And no, it's not like I hate kids. I'm going to be an aunt and I'm so happy. But of course, having own kids would be different and that's not for me.
Just like a mother can't really explain where her wish came from, I can't explain why I don't have it. It's just not there. Even when I was very young, I knew I don't want kids and it hasn't changed since.
Call that selfish if you will. Yep, I want my time and money and energy to myself. But that's not the whole truth.
I also find it extremely irresponsible to have kids without really wanting them, just because "everybody has kids". My non-existing kids deserve better than a mom who doesn't even want them, who wouldn't give them her everything.
Same here. I always knew I didn't want any children and have never questioned my decision.
SamChaucer 👏👏👏
Well said! I think it's easy for a lot of people to see a female who doesn't want kids as "immature." Which is insulting, and usually not true. I think it's more socially acceptable for a man to not want kids. But if a woman feels that way, then she's defective. Personally, I think it's very damaging to pressure someone into squashing their owns dreams to live a life that other people have decided for them.
Yeah right?! And most of those people who do the pressuring would judge you but not lift a finger to help if you had a baby and it wouldn't work out.
You're also right about that men/women thing. I'm German, and there are people who judge our Bundeskanzlerin by saying "she doesn't have children but decides for ours".
I never, ever heard someone complain about lack of children when it came to a male politician. We really should be further.
Those people's point usually is "but this is what life is all about" - well, we're really in no danger of extinction anytime soon ^^
Maybe that's why. It's just a theory, I can't prove it, but maybe women like us are nature's answer to overpopulation.
SamChaucer I think women who KNOW they don't want children and don't have them are GREAT people. It is wrong to bring a baby into the world you don't want. You are a very kind and caring person to NOT bring a child into your life when you don't want one. Good for you.
Yep, I just had my first two(and definitely last) children, twin girls at 40 and, yes, questioning my sanity is a constant.
Miscellaneous Moon that’s awesome! How did you end up with twins?!
@@brothertn708 usually it stems from having 2 fertilized eggs that implant in the uterus and grow to term. .......such a weird question.....
@@mentak2593 maybe they meant identical or fraternal ?
36yrs old with a set of twin girls. God I wish I smoked pot or was a drunk. But no I’m eating to deal with my stress 🐳
I can remember, from a really young age, knowing that I didn't want any kids. As I grew up people kept saying I would change my mind. Now, I'm almost 30 and I still haven't changed my mind nor regret not having any. I love kids and have respect for (some) mother's, but I don't want any kids myself.
Sydney P. I’m 65 and still don’t regret not having children.
I had the same experience. Now I'm 70 and like you, I haven't changed my mind and I don't regret being childfree. In fact, I love it!
I stumbled upon this video today and I'm so glad I did and saw your comment because my 18 year old daughter has said that she wants no children since she was in elementary school. Other people think that she will change her mind but I don't and frankly I am proud of her for being sure of herself. No child should have a mom who isn't over the moon excited about having one and furthermore has the resources and maturity to be a mother and provide a good home in my opinion. Thank you for posting!
@MilkTeaSprinkles I hope no one misunderstood my post. I promise I was not criticizing anyone who wants or has children. And you are absolutely right, it's sad that women are put down way too often about life decisions. I hope everyone can find peace with their life decisions, no matter what path you walk.
@@iamajoyous1 stay a proud Mom! My mom's pride helps me everyday. Her support lifts me more than she'll every know. And I'm sure it's the same for her.
I decided not to have kids after being a doctor for 4 years. I know what lack of sleep can do to a person and it really affected my mental health. Raging hormones on top of that for everyday for years, nope.
Not a doctor here , but I have got the same perspective as u
Thank you. I needed to hear this tonight. After one kid, I was done. Career, plus no help with housework, cooking, or bedtimes, and being one those Moms who was up every two hours for 16 months. It’s too much. It leaves me a pretty cranky mom and it’s overwhelming. Thank you for your honesty. It helps me to feel like I’m not alone, and that it’s actually okay to be struggling.
Cathy M you are not alone. Same here. I am solo parenting in a marriage. Waking up every 2 hours. I am done.
I wanted a dozen children. I was able to have one. As if this was some kind of cosmic trade-off, my one child is like the absolute best of both my ex-husband and me. To the extent that I regret the eleven I didn't get to have, it's mostly because I think my son would have been a terrific big brother, and would have loved having siblings to play with and instruct and commune with. I look at my son, and feel lucky.
I had the same experience!!!!! I had a Velcro baby and then I thought that baby two was going to be so easy too and he was even WORST!!! He was perfect and adorable but it was fucking exhausting. The moms that seem to have it altogether either have much easier babies or are lying. You’re a great mom. I am done at 2 also. ❤️
I felt the exact same way but now I'm expecting baby #4. It honestly does get easier the more you have. The more your patience grows, the more your love grows, and the more people there are to love each other. When it's just 1 or 2 all the attention giving falls on you and it's difficult to juggle. With more, they play with each other and keep each other company and like they're alone time.
Thank you for sharing that. I've heard something similar to that said before by someone, in the area where I live, too.
Totally agree with you, husband and I just had our second child and parenting actually got easier as opposed to just one child...we now are planning on having four or five kids. We can't wait and our oldest is loving it.
Thank you for this comment.
This is such a reassuring comment, we have 2 for now and it's rough sometimes... But I personally would love to add one more to our family but I'm constantly worrying about there being enough love and us not having more than 4 hands so who would be left out...
@@larbakatariina1912 Even with one child you will feel like you are never giving enough of yourself. It would never matter how many kids we have, it stretches us as mothers and fathers, and we will always wish we could give more! It is simply a part of loving children.
I have watched this many times. It really helps validate my feelings of probably stopping at 2 kids even though I want 3. The way you word things is amazing.
Same here.
It's surprising how people want to have more than 2 kids. Or even 2 kids, as a matter of fact.
Most of us end up being terrible parents, and maybe a lot many of us should consider that first!
My parents were pretty awesome! My husband is a wonderful parent. I've done my very best. I have 3 kids, 17 yo, 15 yo and my youngest died in January at 12 years old. I admit to some bias, but I don't think I'm a terrible parent. I have given my children my very best and I hope that's enough.
@@runningfromabear8354 It's not an easy job, and I'm sure you do give your 100%! The ones who are terrible completely stand out from the crowd. 😄
@RunningFromABear Haha I totally get that I guess. I find that a superhuman skill, which is why we can't even blame anyone. Most of us try to do our best. So that's enough. 🖖😄
💯💯💯 i would be a horrible parent and that’s one of the reasons i’m not having kids
@@runningfromabear8354 sorry for your loss
I’m just the opposite. After babysitting other siblings and other people’s kids for 10 years I NEVER wanted kids. 0. Both my sisters had kids young and I was a young aunt. I watched their kids while they went out, went to college, worked...and when people asked how many I wanted I always said 0. Both sisters were stay at home moms and I couldn’t imagine that life. I wanted to be a successful tax accountant that traveled and shopped. At 25 I had my oldest and was a single mom. For 8 months. My ex cheated on me and I wasn’t going to put my son in the middle of a bad relationship. So at 6 months pregnant we broke up. I met my now hubby when my son was 8 months old. He loved him from the first day and has always been his dad. We have been together 16 years and have had 4 kids together, along with my oldest. The woman who never wanted kids has 5...more than both my sisters. And I’m not a successful tax accountant. I didn’t even finish college. My hubby works his butt off everyday so I can stay home. Our first child together is autistic, the second dyslexic, the 3rd is also in special ed at school for speech and writing, and our last is a little genius who learns sign language and can speak Spanish a little. Our lives are never what we envision them to be, but we have to make them our own. And I can guarantee those magazines with the 5 and 6 kids are a lie! I have the most patience if anyone I know, and even I get frustrated and lose my temper from time to time. Never at my kids, but I too get frustrated. It’s normal.
+ Elizabeth, honest question, did you do all the vaccines? vaxxed.com
girlonlaptop yes I did
E...ok be sure to check out vaxxed, organic nascent iodine is a usefful as well to get the toxins out of the system long term. I got a brain tumor after a vaccine in my early 20's. Took 10 years out of my life.
I can’t believe you wouldn’t just stay away men for at least a year you went and got a new man after only two months that seems trampy
Cat lady - Keep your judgements to yourself. If you believe in God then you would know that things are timed according to what He decides; not according to random people’s ideas (random people here being you). You could have thought that she went out, some guy approached her, they had a pleasant conversation, and clicked. Nothing ‘trampy’ about it. If you’re going to assume, assume something nice. If you’re a Christian, then remember that even the Christian Bible says, ‘ do unto others as you would like them to do unto you ‘ - you wouldn’t want people to be nosey about you, so don’t do it to others.
I thought I will be a mom before 30. I'm nearing 34 and I'm finaly pregnant with my first.
I thought that pregnancy will be happy joyful time for me. I have hyperemesis gravidarum, basicaly throwing up all the time.
I always wanted two kids. Right now I'm not so sure.
But I learnt that you can make plans and life will surely change them for you. And the best thing you can do for you is to accept and adapt.
I wanted a gaggle of children too! Then....INFERTILITY! We adopted 2 from Asia and we were done. Similar story. Great moms!
Oh that's so hard! But you're special people for adopting, good for you
We saw you speak in Orlando last APRIL! You were wonderful and so genuine! My daughter who is just like you truly enjoyed the evening. We love our girls and they are so special. It was truly meant to be.
Thank you for mentioning infertility. I was feeling a little alone. It's a difficult conversation when people ask why we've been married so long with no kids. They expect "we didn't choose to." Not "because biology says I can't." Before they drop the topic like a hot potato.
We aren't financially able to adopt, so it's probably good we couldn't have kids. But we still hope to someday own a home big enough to foster,...and maybe someday, we will be able to adopt.
So happy you were able to be parents, despite the barriers.
Dear CJ.We spent every penny we had and went into serious debt to make this happen. It was not the best choice but one we made. It was very difficult I agree. I would walk into a room and people would stop talking about their kids, pregnancies, etc. because I walked in. Some even mocked me for my infertility. There are dark times but then there are brighter ones ahead. Big hugs for us! Fighting the good fight!
Thank you for sharing your stories! People truly don't understand the hurts we suffer in silence when they ask questions, "don't you want to have children?" You want to scream, have you not seen my pillow at all the tears I've cried?
Yet coming to terms with it and moving through the hurt to the other side and finding the joy your life was meant for has helped me see that motherhood takes on many forms.
40, i just want chocolate and puppies. So glad i never pretended i was selfless that much , have kids young while your head hasnt recognised how good being alone is yet.
My kind of woman!
Me too. I'm 59 now and no regrets...... except we need more chocolate and puppies.
@The bearded guy, having children doesn't guarantee that you won't be alone. The care homes are full of old people, dumped there by their children.
@The bearded guy ive got s younger sister and cousins, the parents will be dead presumably & my dementia will keep me non the wiser - or medication. We cant be everything ,for forever either.
@The bearded guy Like you would know.
I'm not a woman or a mother, but something about this really resonates with me. I think it's the common theme that we all have created certain expectations in our lives. But that doesn't always align with reality.
Thank you for your vulnerability and transparency in this conversation about motherhood and childbearing. I appreciate you!
I NEEDED THIS!! I am a 30 yr old mom of two boys. Oldest is two youngest is 10 weeks. In the recovery room after my second c-section my husband and I looked at each other and decided no more kids. I have some guilt and sadness and what ifs especially wanting a girl but you have to see the balance and know what you can handle and we agree we are content with our two blessings but I want it to be well with my soul and in due time it will💙
You're my twin. I have 2 boys and battling whether I should try for a girl as a third. But childbirth and taking care of them takes a toll. I live a day at a time and try to seek that balance. For now an not sure but so far an happy with the 2
There are a lot of reasons to have however many children or no children at all...it’s totally your own decision and you don’t need to explain yourself
Cara J, absolutely!
I cried when at 23 years old, my OB/GYN said I'd never have kids. Guess you just have to be grateful for the cards you're dealt.
The Lord Jesus Christ Himself said that there will come a day when those who don't have children will be the ones who are considered blessed. He said this knowing how evil the world would become in the end times. We are in the end times.
Luke 23:29 (KJV)
For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.
Yeah, but it’s not all about you.
wildflower - Is your comment directed to me or Raven?
You always have an option to adopt
@@lovemydaughterhatebeingamo8932 women like you really get to me, if someone dies it was God's plan if your barren it's God's plan give me a FUCKING break!!!!
there's a time and place for your quotes and that's at church of your denomination
Very arrogant of you to assume.
Not everyone in this thread is Christian and not everyone believes in God.
I remember hitting 45 and being sad about not having any kids but now I look at our current social economic trends and I am so glad I didn't have any. Current kids have a very bleak future ahead of them. Many of today's youth have or are giving up knowing their chances of a stable future are dwindling away.