Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) 💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass 🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions 🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ua-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
Like always pure gold. I guess I relate a lot to "non mutual and selfish boundaries". The more I listen to you the more I learn that I was "certainly wrong" a lot of times. Still going. Still steadfast on changing myself to a new version.
You know Geoffrey a lot of the concepts you teach are the most important and realistic piece of knowledge I ever learned. For me your videos on UA-cam made me overcome my anxiety regarding my separation. I have been learning a lot. And like I said before I'm never going to stop this transformation.
This video explains exactly how the disconnection in our marriage happened to me(us). My husband had a very clear boundary around not wanting a 2nd child and I wasn’t even allowed to discuss it openly. He only made him mad or defensive. I had no choice but to except it the and go along with his (very painful for me) decision. Now he is wondering why we are in disconnection. I am not. We are working with a therapist but it only helps a little so far. Maybe someday we will try your program. Thanks for the explanation.
Hi Vegan Goddess, So glad you took a lot of value from this new video. This was one of the most eye-opening and pivotal realizations I made when reconciling my own relationship. Let me know if i can help, and I appreciate your comment and support.
@@GeoffreySetiawan Dear Geoffrey- Unfortunately it is too late for me (us) to have another child as I entered my 50’s. I am dealing with my own complicated grief/anger/deep resentment while still trying to make sense in staying together. He knows I’m in pain but convincing himself he has done nothing wrong. It’s hard getting into his brain and somehow work on damage control. I feel that until he will realize and admit that it was wrong and unfair to me, I don’t think I can ever truly forgive him and let go of my resentment. I would love to share this video with him but he doesn’t like when I send him info like that. I feel very stuck in my resentment. I am also the kind of person that will “bring the moon” if I could to any friendship/relationship that I’m at. I’m a 💯 giver!!! This is why I am so in disbelief that it happened. I feel very unappreciated…I can go on and on… Any advice to what to do in this sticky situation? He claims that he loves me but I feel pain looking at him vs source of love and comfort 😪
1. I tended to do this a lot, spiraling and convincing myself of more and more restrictions and boundaries needed to keep safety (irony) 2. Not often, but in key times I cut contact when i could have supported 3. A lot of my boundaries ended up like this, creating a confusing and unproductive environment, creating more issues with communication, and more boundaries to fight that... etc
Been practicing changing the way I text my ex and she's still really dry lol. She even posted saying " I'm annoyed, this person's annoying, and so on" I'm not taking that directly but I've faced my first wall. She's avoiding me in a way now and it's only going to get worse. I kept my cool and even smiled. I'm glad she says what she feels even if it's not direct. I can call this one success. Thanks Geff!
This video helped me understand where I set boundaries in the wrong way, it was one of many ways the relationship broke down and led to more of the problems and issues that arose in the relationship. I have been watching your videos for a long time and would love to join the program, the only issue I have came across is my financial state; in the mean time I have been watching your videos and learning the improvements I need to start working on and it has helped mend and begin to slowly change the tension and relationship between her and myself.
Hi Storm, Great! So glad you are now able to see how are old ways of setting boundaries have really had a negative impact in many different ways. Again, boundaries are just tools, it all matters on how we use the tools. We can use them for a positive impact or we can use them and have negative impact.
Avoidance Boundaries: I definitely have done this when it's something that I don't feel like I should have to do. Given my selfish independence, it's often been about things that one might consider to be romantic, or refusing to try to intuit her needs because I believed that she should be explicit. Easy-Way-Out: These overlapped with my avoidance boundaries, because when issues came up, I would utilize avoidance boundaries AS the easy way out. Non-Mutual Boundaries: I feel like all boundaries we've had were non-mutual boundaries.
My wife separated from me but says she wants to date. There is another person involved that she still sees and talks to. She even added this person to our shared phone plan. This really hurts me deeply. At the same time, we still go out on dates, and she comes over to our house once a week to visit and see our cats. I'm struggling with controlling my emotions with her. I'm working on bettering myself. Trying to surround myself with friends and family as I had pushed everyone away before the separation. I have expressed my feelings to her that I want our marriage to work. I still love her. But it's extremely hard, knowing this other person shares our phone plan still. She has told me they are just friends now. But she has told me a lot of things now that don't seem to be the truth. Like, being out of town, but bank charges show up that are in town. I have tried not to put up boundaries with her and give her space and time. But, don't know if taking myself off the phone plan, separating bank accounts with make her think I'm done with her. When I'm not. I'm trying to fight for her, but I am being stonewalled. I'm very confused as to what I can do. When I see her, she will hug and kiss me. If I say I love her, she repeats it back. But then, when we are not around each other, I get nothing back. Feels like she is telling me what I like to hear without actually meaning it. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I don't want to loose her. But it feels like she is already lost.
Hi Scott P, Sure, you can tell yourself you lost. So you avoid making any changes and keep getting stuck in the same cycle. Or you can see the goldmine of opportunities to make meaningful changes. To one day be able to show your partner you can evolve. But think of the message you are sending your partner. When you say it's hard, there is no hope, you play the victim and give up. You are telling her she was right. You didn't have what it takes to grow and make changes. It is your choice, not mine, but what a shame it would be for you not to see the opportunities before you and give up.
Apart from the phone plan, I'm in almost exactly the same situation with my wife. My wife still lives with me, but she sees her lover twice a week and this has been going on for 5 months. She says it's not serious, but now she's asking to spend nights there occasionally. I've said no!! Is that setting a boundary? Isn't spending nights there more serious?? My wife says it isn't, but she's lied about her feelings from the start. She's tried to break up with him numerous times, but it only lasts a day or so, and then she's texting him again. I'm hoping it's just "affair fog" and her "romance" will die a natural death. She already says the gloss is wearing off, and it's getting a bit boring - so maybe that's why she wants to spend nights there?? To revitalize it?? My wife says she still loves me, and the sex has been great and often lately, but maybe she's just doing that to control me?? She tells the guy she's separated, and he doesn't know she still bangs me!! In some ways I feel like he's her boyfriend, and she cheats on him with me!! Your closing few sentences is exactly how I feel. "Feels like she is telling me what I like to hear without actually meaning it. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I don't want to loose her. But it feels like she is already lost." Let's just hang in there and see what happens??
Hi Geoff , great video. My wife and I are separated and I have a very complicated living arrangement. We live in Dubai but I work away for 4 weeks, return to Dubai for 2 weeks to see our 3 kids then spend 2 weeks in the U.K. seeing our 13 year old who moved back to live with his grandmother. My wife recently lost her job and money is tight. She spoke about getting a lodger to move into the spare room. I set this as a boundary as I don’t want a stranger living with my children and it also violates the terms of our tenancy agreement. She accused me of being controlling. But I have genuine concerns - I also have concerns that she could get a male lodger who replaces me. Am I correct to set this boundary or is it creating toxicity.
Hey Zeeshan! Thanks for the support, but back to the program. We cover this topic in greater detail and teach you how to create these healthy boundaries later on down the line in the program. You are not there yet, you are just getting started. LOL. Back to work my man!
Hi, my partner broke up with me two nights ago over me attacking her with her biggest insecurity. She said that she doesn't want to be near me or talk to me for now, and i am heart broken. I desperately want to get back with them but at the same time they said it's going to A) take a long time for her to forgive and B) as soon as someone loses her trust she can't seem to trust them again. What do i do? I desperately want to be apart of their life and desperately want to fix this
Hello goeffrey and everyone, will be seeing my ex in a couple of weeks planting the right seeds we had a really nice convo a couple of days ago and before 2 sessions of questions in which i feel like she gave out everything that bothered her. It will probably be a long talk when we see each other f2f. I have 2 questions , one should i bring up the fact that i would like to start over slow and ease into a relationship or should this come from her since she initiated the split and 2 should i show her this resourceful channel and watch a video or 2 together?
Hi Selena H, Exactly! Which is why I teach men and women how to thrive in relationships by creating and building upon this emotional connection. Like I talked about in this video. Where it is the two of us vs the problem, not us vs our partners. Any takeaways or questions from this new video on boundaries can I help you with?
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited)
💪 Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass
🎁 Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions
🎉 To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ua-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
Like always pure gold.
I guess I relate a lot to "non mutual and selfish boundaries".
The more I listen to you the more I learn that I was "certainly wrong" a lot of times.
Still going. Still steadfast on changing myself to a new version.
You know Geoffrey a lot of the concepts you teach are the most important and realistic piece of knowledge I ever learned.
For me your videos on UA-cam made me overcome my anxiety regarding my separation. I have been learning a lot. And like I said before I'm never going to stop this transformation.
This video explains exactly how the disconnection in our marriage happened to me(us). My husband had a very clear boundary around not wanting a 2nd child and I wasn’t even allowed to discuss it openly. He only made him mad or defensive. I had no choice but to except it the and go along with his (very painful for me) decision. Now he is wondering why we are in disconnection. I am not. We are working with a therapist but it only helps a little so far. Maybe someday we will try your program. Thanks for the explanation.
Hi Vegan Goddess,
So glad you took a lot of value from this new video. This was one of the most eye-opening and pivotal realizations I made when reconciling my own relationship.
Let me know if i can help, and I appreciate your comment and support.
@@GeoffreySetiawan Dear Geoffrey-
Unfortunately it is too late for me (us) to have another child as I entered my 50’s. I am dealing with my own complicated grief/anger/deep resentment while still trying to make sense in staying together. He knows I’m in pain but convincing himself he has done nothing wrong. It’s hard getting into his brain and somehow work on damage control. I feel that until he will realize and admit that it was wrong and unfair to me, I don’t think I can ever truly forgive him and let go of my resentment. I would love to share this video with him but he doesn’t like when I send him info like that. I feel very stuck in my resentment. I am also the kind of person that will “bring the moon” if I could to any friendship/relationship that I’m at. I’m a 💯 giver!!! This is why I am so in disbelief that it happened. I feel very unappreciated…I can go on and on…
Any advice to what to do in this sticky situation? He claims that he loves me but I feel pain looking at him vs source of love and comfort 😪
1. I tended to do this a lot, spiraling and convincing myself of more and more restrictions and boundaries needed to keep safety (irony)
2. Not often, but in key times I cut contact when i could have supported
3. A lot of my boundaries ended up like this, creating a confusing and unproductive environment, creating more issues with communication, and more boundaries to fight that... etc
Been practicing changing the way I text my ex and she's still really dry lol. She even posted saying " I'm annoyed, this person's annoying, and so on" I'm not taking that directly but I've faced my first wall. She's avoiding me in a way now and it's only going to get worse. I kept my cool and even smiled. I'm glad she says what she feels even if it's not direct. I can call this one success. Thanks Geff!
This video helped me understand where I set boundaries in the wrong way, it was one of many ways the relationship broke down and led to more of the problems and issues that arose in the relationship. I have been watching your videos for a long time and would love to join the program, the only issue I have came across is my financial state; in the mean time I have been watching your videos and learning the improvements I need to start working on and it has helped mend and begin to slowly change the tension and relationship between her and myself.
Hi Storm,
Great! So glad you are now able to see how are old ways of setting boundaries have really had a negative impact in many different ways.
Again, boundaries are just tools, it all matters on how we use the tools. We can use them for a positive impact or we can use them and have negative impact.
Fantastic video, Geoffrey! 😀
We have checked all 3 boxes..over a span of 23 years, 2 separations our most recent 12/21, reconciled 11/22
Avoidance Boundaries: I definitely have done this when it's something that I don't feel like I should have to do. Given my selfish independence, it's often been about things that one might consider to be romantic, or refusing to try to intuit her needs because I believed that she should be explicit.
Easy-Way-Out: These overlapped with my avoidance boundaries, because when issues came up, I would utilize avoidance boundaries AS the easy way out.
Non-Mutual Boundaries: I feel like all boundaries we've had were non-mutual boundaries.
👏👏👏 You are 🔥 and truth !!!!
My wife separated from me but says she wants to date. There is another person involved that she still sees and talks to. She even added this person to our shared phone plan. This really hurts me deeply. At the same time, we still go out on dates, and she comes over to our house once a week to visit and see our cats.
I'm struggling with controlling my emotions with her. I'm working on bettering myself. Trying to surround myself with friends and family as I had pushed everyone away before the separation. I have expressed my feelings to her that I want our marriage to work. I still love her. But it's extremely hard, knowing this other person shares our phone plan still. She has told me they are just friends now. But she has told me a lot of things now that don't seem to be the truth. Like, being out of town, but bank charges show up that are in town.
I have tried not to put up boundaries with her and give her space and time. But, don't know if taking myself off the phone plan, separating bank accounts with make her think I'm done with her. When I'm not. I'm trying to fight for her, but I am being stonewalled. I'm very confused as to what I can do. When I see her, she will hug and kiss me. If I say I love her, she repeats it back. But then, when we are not around each other, I get nothing back. Feels like she is telling me what I like to hear without actually meaning it. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I don't want to loose her. But it feels like she is already lost.
Hi Scott P,
Sure, you can tell yourself you lost. So you avoid making any changes and keep getting stuck in the same cycle.
Or you can see the goldmine of opportunities to make meaningful changes. To one day be able to show your partner you can evolve.
But think of the message you are sending your partner.
When you say it's hard, there is no hope, you play the victim and give up. You are telling her she was right. You didn't have what it takes to grow and make changes.
It is your choice, not mine, but what a shame it would be for you not to see the opportunities before you and give up.
Apart from the phone plan, I'm in almost exactly the same situation with my wife.
My wife still lives with me, but she sees her lover twice a week and this has been going on for 5 months.
She says it's not serious, but now she's asking to spend nights there occasionally.
I've said no!! Is that setting a boundary?
Isn't spending nights there more serious?? My wife says it isn't, but she's lied about her feelings from the start.
She's tried to break up with him numerous times, but it only lasts a day or so, and then she's texting him again.
I'm hoping it's just "affair fog" and her "romance" will die a natural death.
She already says the gloss is wearing off, and it's getting a bit boring - so maybe that's why she wants to spend nights there??
To revitalize it??
My wife says she still loves me, and the sex has been great and often lately, but maybe she's just doing that to control me??
She tells the guy she's separated, and he doesn't know she still bangs me!!
In some ways I feel like he's her boyfriend, and she cheats on him with me!!
Your closing few sentences is exactly how I feel.
"Feels like she is telling me what I like to hear without actually meaning it. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I don't want to loose her. But it feels like she is already lost."
Let's just hang in there and see what happens??
@@mikthe2004never quit
A healthy boundry can't exist as an excuse to not be vulnerable.
Hi Geoff , great video. My wife and I are separated and I have a very complicated living arrangement. We live in Dubai but I work away for 4 weeks, return to Dubai for 2 weeks to see our 3 kids then spend 2 weeks in the U.K. seeing our 13 year old who moved back to live with his grandmother. My wife recently lost her job and money is tight. She spoke about getting a lodger to move into the spare room. I set this as a boundary as I don’t want a stranger living with my children and it also violates the terms of our tenancy agreement. She accused me of being controlling. But I have genuine concerns - I also have concerns that she could get a male lodger who replaces me. Am I correct to set this boundary or is it creating toxicity.
Nicely explained 🙏
Hey Zeeshan!
Thanks for the support, but back to the program.
We cover this topic in greater detail and teach you how to create these healthy boundaries later on down the line in the program.
You are not there yet, you are just getting started. LOL. Back to work my man!
Hi, my partner broke up with me two nights ago over me attacking her with her biggest insecurity. She said that she doesn't want to be near me or talk to me for now, and i am heart broken. I desperately want to get back with them but at the same time they said it's going to A) take a long time for her to forgive and B) as soon as someone loses her trust she can't seem to trust them again.
What do i do? I desperately want to be apart of their life and desperately want to fix this
Hello goeffrey and everyone, will be seeing my ex in a couple of weeks planting the right seeds we had a really nice convo a couple of days ago and before 2 sessions of questions in which i feel like she gave out everything that bothered her. It will probably be a long talk when we see each other f2f. I have 2 questions , one should i bring up the fact that i would like to start over slow and ease into a relationship or should this come from her since she initiated the split and 2 should i show her this resourceful channel and watch a video or 2 together?
No man!!! Put the work in and just be the best version of yourself
, registered for MC 5pm😂
No emotional relationships when you’re married turns out bad 😢
Hi Selena H,
Exactly! Which is why I teach men and women how to thrive in relationships by creating and building upon this emotional connection.
Like I talked about in this video. Where it is the two of us vs the problem, not us vs our partners.
Any takeaways or questions from this new video on boundaries can I help you with?
@@GeoffreySetiawan Yeah you’re right thank you