5 Stages of Marriage Restoration (And Key Pitfalls to Avoid)
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- Опубліковано 12 лип 2024
- 5 STAGES OF MARRIAGE RESTORATION (AND KEY PITFALLS TO AVOID)
In this video, I want to show you the 5 stages you will go through during the marriage restoration process. In addition to that, I will also show you the key pitfalls that many of my clients fall into during each stage of the marriage restoration process.
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Along with prayer, you saved my marriage . Thank you
My bruv you are the GOAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going through this right now and this video pops up as soon as I open youtube!!!!!!!!!!! I know what I need to do to keep my marriage! When the going gets tough, keep going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Geoffrey, I wish I had found your videos earlier. I am trying so hard to improve to be the best husband and father for my family. There's a lot of resistance at the moment. Thanks for making these videos. I'm going to watch this one a few times so it all sinks in.
Keep your head up though good and bad. Also going through a bit of resistance atm but I'm surprised at myself that I took it like a champ!! I wasn't mad I wasn't too worried and I actually smiled from inside.
I swear you are taking directly to my Soul. This is a Top 5 important video. Thank you so much.
Thanks Geoff! Thought provoking and informative as always!
It’s very easy to make changes when things are easy.
But it’s very easy to make changes when things are hard.
This is the situation where i am in right now .
A fantastic video Geoffrey, thank you for posting it. I am still saving to join your program but have been trying to absorb as much from your videos as I can in the interim. This one really made a lot of sense and helped me smooth over a couple of major doubts that I have just not been able to shake with regards to things my wife says, then seems to soften on, before going back to her harder, "we are done, I am never taking you back" stance.
Hi James,
Love it my man. I am going to link another video that will help to explain why sometimes your partner will be a bit warm and then other times as you mention be a bit cold.
ua-cam.com/video/hwzvQEm6YAU/v-deo.html
I'm learning a lot from you sir, I thank you for the information you share and the help you offer men.
Thank you for you’re videos Gef
Yooo this is a powerful video!!! Geoffrey my Asian brother!!! I love your videos!! You are by far the best relationship/ lifestyle coach on UA-cam 💯
You did an interview with Geoff didn't you? I'm dead set on getting into the program just in a really bad place financially and digging myself out of a big hole right now
Hi Geoffrey..Thank you for this informative video clip, I am married for 40yrs we are room mates, distant,no touch no affection in our relationship. We have the empty nesters and have become comfortable with each other but I want more .I am 62yrs young and my husband 65yrs but he has settled in his comfort zone and not willing to work on our marriage..Please Help as I am not sure whether I want to stay in this loveless & unhappy marrages.
First of all, thank you very much for posting all the free content on UA-cam. I wish I could afford the program but I simply do not have the finances to do so at this time :(
If you have the time, then I would sincerely appreciate any feedback you can provide.
I have been doing my utmost best to synthesize the principles in your videos and I have noticed surprising progress over the last month. I've adopted a mindset that those who have consistently loved/cared for me always provide feedback in a genuine way (whatever they say is accurate and always worth considering). This has allowed me to take each and every tough truth with relative ease (even things such as "you were a terrible person" or "you're selfish" - i dig deeper and then make appropriate changes). In fact, I crave the tough truth as it can be very empowering. As a result, I find myself pleasantly surprised that now I feel quite "selfish" but am, according to my wife, behaving quite selflessly. It's quite the opposite of how things were before. I've practiced this with my family members as well and they confirm similar things. My personal desire is to never be selfish again (minus the noble selfishness that I seem to be embracing over time) and to always do the right/healthy thing (even when it comes at my personal expense - it was the opposite before).
I seem to have passed Stage 1 of 5 as my wife has noticed some of my changes and has indicated I've changed. Out of her curiosity, we had a sexual encounter with the "new me" but I strongly suspected that sexual passion would be impossible as the other stages hadn't been satisfied. While it was physically fantastic, it was ultimately devoid of a genuine emotional connection. She later mentioned that she had no feelings for me after the fact. I thanked her for her bravery and honesty in telling me something that difficult (and I actually enjoyed that more than the purely physical sex). We later agreed that future sex would be a bad idea for various reasons such as it wouldn't be healthy for us or help us move on. She had previously extended an offer for me to stay well past the divorce date given that I've changed. She says she's okay with me staying for some time afterwards while I find a new place, and I mentioned I would LOVE to stay, but that it would most likely be emotionally unhealthy for us to do so. As a result, I said that I should move out completely once the divorce is finalized.
As of today, we signed divorce papers which will be finalized within 3 months. I still have so much development to go through so her mind isn't likely to change within these 3 months. That being said, I'm actually relieved that I didn't crumble/barely survive when the papers were signed. In fact, my desire to continue growing hasn't ebbed in the slightest. When discussing how we felt about signing the papers, she mentioned that this was something we both wanted. I forget the exact conversation but I mentioned that it wasn't something I wanted at all but that it would insanely selfish for me to deny the divorce and would make me no better than her family who have denied her the opportunity to experiment/explore in life. I was happy that was able to do "the right thing" by giving my soon-to-be ex-wife the divorce she felt was best for her even though I didn't want it myself.
I am experiencing new challenges related to my sense of self-esteem/self-efficacy when it comes to financially-related matters such as getting a traditional job and having very little money in general (I was only a content creator) but it's something I am eager to tackle once and for all. My wife is actually trying to help me on this path as well. I'm focusing on every weakness I've had and am aiming to correct those permanently.
As mentioned in some of your other videos, encouraging my partner to seek alternatives is the way to go. She wants to be independent and has indicated she has no interest in other partners (I have jealously issues so I'm working on that). To that aim, I seek to empower her to not need me/anyone in the slightest. It actually kind of broke my heart when she stated she has to accept she'll always have to depend on someone else (to which I indicated my desire to help her move past that). So, when she extended an offer for me to stay, it definitely hit the "she just needs me but doesn't want me". It would've been convenient for us but likely quite unhealthy.
There are many more details, of course, but I figure that this massive essay would suffice for the time being. For now, I'm working on farming emotional safety to the best of my ability. I've noticed progress but I don't believe I'm at the 100% point yet. Frankly, I believe I still have considerable work before I can feel secure about my current changes.
In any case, thank you very much for your time. I sincerely appreciate it :)
You love basketball and I love it brotha!! Geoffrey is a G fasho!!
Man. You got me here. I have had some changes. Still tethered in some ways. She was coming back and then bam. I fail she leaves. Dead on. Gotta put in the work but this content is exactly how it goes
Awesome video. I wish I had the income to buy your program. You are by far the best relationship advice individual out there. You have well planned and hard working methods.
I been Brocken up with my ex for 8 months and she’s basically moved on there’s no talk about us being together whatsoever but I am seeing her this Sunday for “custody” about who gets to keep the cats. Any advice to make the dinner more enjoyable rather than just a talk about the cats ?
Hi Alejandro,
Thank you for you comment and support. I will keep providing you with the very best free relationship content out their on UA-cam and when your situation changes I would be honored to help to rise to even newer heights in your relationship and in life.
@@GeoffreySetiawan thank you sir. You are so professional and educated on this subjects it blows everyone out of the water. Honored for the reply
I wish I knew about the paradox of change earlier !
Hi Geoff, very much appreciate your videos and learning a lot from them. One question though, almost all your videos say "what we need to do" i.e. you need to change, internal shift, thriving not surviving, consistent behavior, permanent change etc. But I am not able to find your video on "how"? What do I do to change? One day I feel like I am in thriving zone but in few days, I fall back down into surviving zone. What actions do I need to make my emotions and behaviors change permanently? (I often crumble too, no matter how hard I try).
Check my latest video.
Definitely going through this resistance, me and my wife are seperated going on almost 6 months, don't know under what category of resistance this is but like we txt and she's texting me more often now more than ever, but it gets dry like she stops texting back for several hours at a time or will bypass questions for example "how was your day" or "how did work go" or "how was time with your grandmother" any of those kind of questions she won't answer she just sticks to like whatever she's telling me about making it kind of difficult to keep the Convo going and grow a connection but before this point we would txt just like this and then I'd get emotional or either get mad or start ignoring her or ask her too many emotional needy questions and I was back to square 1 however now I'm taking a genuine controlled consistent approach of positivity and patience and so far we have been txt every single day for almost 2 weeks and she's even initiating the conversation sometimes, but I can get carried away sometimes and txt more often, and I don't want to mess it up and seem needy, how do I do this in a smart way without pushing her away? Om trying to grow a connection and want her to trust me at times she vents about her day to day frustrations and I try to give her that support but because it's very awkward on her end to talk on the phone or because we have 2 babies we only see each other the days we trade em off, it's hard to make an impact even I'm person sometimes I try to make eye contact and look at her lips, but it seems like she's "meh" and don't feel i make an emotional impact on her, please give me some insight I won't lose hope I'm taking it day by day and this is the most progress I've made so far, she does tell me that she still thinks about us and having a family again and getting a home b lit also says up to now she enjoys her freedom and being able to wear whatever she wants or spending on eat she wants, how do I go about this, she hasn't mentioned divorce, still has all our pics on social media, and when I asked her if she's talking to somebody she says no and is not currently looking but as far as being intimate she wants to "try" it becsudr I'm the only man she's been with but there has to be a connecting and trust there, which hurt my feeling so deeply but I was able to keep my cool and not get emotional when she told me, help pls how do I stay in the game.
What helps me is to to talk to other people. She should messaging you more than you message her and don’t message her faster than she messages you.
The resistance you face means she doesn’t likely feel safe to discuss those things so I reccomend to not be so attached to getting rejected. Eventually she will start talking to you in these areas.
My situation with my ex-girlfriend of 4 years, we broke up at the end of March this year, is that she felt neglected in the last 4 months of the relationship, she never saw me much and the love slowly faded and she became unhappy in the relationship.
I’ve worked in myself for us and more importantly myself over the last month, but in that time she’s become involved with her ex boyfriend from high school after I gave her space and time to heal. She ended up confiding in him and he showed her emotional support.
I’ve changed for the better but now she wants me to move on and be happy, as she says she’s happy again too. Thoughts??
I am in full agreement with these processes, but how do they get to see or feel any changes when they won't stay in contact with you?
Hello geoffery I would like your program but before I do so is there any chance I can have a conversation with you
Hi ahmed shah,
Before you consider working with me and even speaking to one of my team members about applying for my program.
Be sure to first checkout my free 90 min master class to learn more about me and my program and what value we can bring.
relationshipsmastered.com/masterclass
Is it possible that her confirmation bias can come stem from maybe a previous relationship? Can't that be projected on you? And thus that would mean we need to work ten times harder to change her bias because we are not just changing it for us, but for her perception of men in general
My wife sees my changes and has acknowledged them but she says she not ready and has to work on herself..
Hi dewayne lewis,
I want to say there is a huge difference between your partner seeing your changes and your partner opening up to be able to feel your changes. Surrendering their one and only life to the new you.
When this happens there are 2 main reasons.
1) Your changes are not real, not massive, and not permanent enough
2) The Paradox of change.
I find that nearly 95% of the time it is due to #1. It is easy for someone to see some changes. It is something totally different to surrendering your one and only life to those changes.
@@GeoffreySetiawan i have changed and im all the way in 100 percent.. it wasn't my doin for the reason she left.. she fall out love with me and separated for me and had an affair.. do have any videos for guys like me
Mine was better for the last 1yr bt know we are back to stonewalling me and resistance wat shld I do
Dawood Mununule,
I have many videos on why our partners stonewall. It is quite common and something we do ourselves very subconsciously.
This is due to not wanting to share because we feel that sharing will not lead to a good result. So what do we do?
Focus on when your partner does share we can thank them for sharing and guide the conversation to a good result. Allowing them to now see that when they share good things can happen.
Feel free to watch my many videos on this topic and let me know what you think.
This is hard. My wife has left and we've separated for a second time. She left in August and came home in November. Now she's gone again. I feel like now as much as I wanted her to come home, it was to quick. A week before she came home she said she wasn't ready to come home but was ready to date again. I let my eagerness get the best of me and my changes faded causing us to become complacent. Now it's going to be harder for her to see my changes. She's been gone for two weeks but our interactions are ever so slightly become more positive. These changes no matter how subtle are like wind in my sails however I know there will come a time where she backs off and my patience and resolve will be tested. Usually that's where I break down. I want to be different , and not let her ups and downs throw me off my journey of becoming the better man. Right now I'm taking solace in the fact that she said she wanted a divorce, then conceded to a separation, and despite the fact that neither of us are ready to talk about the future when it's brought up (like living arrangements and our daughter) she still talks in ifs. Like regardless of what happens, or whatever we decide. In other words she's not talking in absolutes. Is it ok to use words like that as motivation to continue to fight and better yourself?
Hi Dag,
I would not do that if I were you. For my clients and myself we have had to source our motivation internally in order to sustain the difficulties and challenges that will arise.
Let me ask you, how motivated would you be if she choose to talk in absolutes one day instead of if's?
Would you still be motivated? Could you still be motivated if the weight scale started reading that you not only are not losing weight, that you are now gaining weight?
Why do male have to do all the work in RELATIONSHIP .. its just stupid to get into a RELATIONSHIP in the first place
I don't know about you, but in my relationship, and for the relationship of thousands of my clients, we just chose to become a leader and start first. When my relationship was in ruins, my partner did not want to try to fix the relationship at all, but because I took initiative, there is no one who is more supportive of me & this relationship than her.
If you look at any & all of my client stories, they will all tell you how much they are shocked as to how their partner's behavior changes after they begin to change theirs.
But hey, you are always free to act & think like how you've always done. But let me ask you, how has this type of victim thinking served you in life? It doesn't seem like it has served you very well - it seems like you are jaded and bitter about relationships at large.
And remember that you cannot solve your problems using the same thinking you used to create them in the first place.
Play the ego game, be proud, hold on to your old, toxic and ineffective paradigms and keep being more angry, bitter and jaded like you are now...
Or be humble, rise up, and explore new heights you've never explored before...
The choice is yours!
Just remember that you only live one life, and time is always ticking. For me, it's a shame when someone plays the victim and chooses to lower their expectations and standards when challenges arise (like how you've stopped expecting a great relationship because of your biased paradigms), rather than grow themselves into someone who can thrive through those challenges, and make the most out of their life!
What Geoffrey said was skillfully and artfully articulated. Not much else to add except for some fact points.
Its widely known that in the majority of LTRs, women do most of the work. Beyond that, generally women in marriages have worse health outcomes. The RedPill can't obfuscate that truth.
@@GeoffreySetiawan but how do you look at your partner when you are doing all the work to fix yourself and they are not? My 24 year marriage; wife started an emotional affair with a close friend of ours and although it was short lived and not physical I think she should be putting in just as much work to change her habits and behaviors to make me happy.
@@ntwdequiptrans4023you need to be the leader and start the changing process. Listen to Geoffrey.
Thank you for the video. My girlfriend broke up with me after a year and almost 3 months of relationship a month ago, due my extreme dependency on her and as consequece, losing myself throughout the relationship. I despaired a lot and honestly still am feeling it but your videos have been helping a lot to calm my nerves and are teaching me to go through this process of becoming a better person and consequently having the chance to get her back in the best way possible. About the girl that broke up with me, we are still in touch, she wants to take things as lightly as possible for now, today she said that it would be better for us to not see each other as often and to talk less "otherwise I would not improve"... usually my despair would increase and I would desperately try to not let it happen, but thanks to you I kept myself as calm as possible and just agreed with her decision because I understand it is all part of the process and also I am able to understand her intentions with this action, i know it's not everything lost and she genuinely hope, expect and is waiting for my improvement. Now I must work on myself and keep reaching out to her time by time until I gradually heal her wounds of my past empty promises to her and eventually regain her trust.
Anyway, this got quite long but I just wanted to thank you for your work so far and all the knowledge you already teached me by your videos, I'm for sure going to keep watching everything. Unfortunately it's quite impossible for me to afford the full program though I definitely would pay no mind to the price if I had the condition since my relationship is extremely precious to me and there's no value that would compare to the value I would gain by recovering it.
Thank you so much again.
Best regards.
@Israel Zacarias i mean... it would be nice but idk... but thanks
Hey man, same thing here. How are things going right now?
@@cxAdam I got huge personal growth achievements, started working on some flaws that I had in my communication skills, personality and thanks to some work I did I can manage my emotions way better now since I changed my interpretations of some situations that I understood wrongly. These are not exactly things related to me and her directly but definitely is the first step to rebuild what has been lost.
While I was working on these things I gave her some time 100% without my existence (something like 3 weeks) and briefly messaged her to understand how open she is to talk with me about stuff, as expected I found a lot of resistance ( meaning that she doesn't feel safety) and didn't try to do anything, just by recognizing my current situation was enough at the moment and I was happy that she at least responds to my messages.
From that moment on, I've been gathering more knowledge about how to create great relationships overall, practicing everything that I learn on people I know ( nice results so far) and once a month I try to have some kind of conversation with her by message because she's at Ireland for at least more 5 months and I in Brazil. When I manage to make her comfortable enough to talk with me by messages or call it will smooth the process by a lot but I m definitely not hopeful nor anything, just doing all of this because it's gonna be worth it for myself as a person at the end.