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I am very grateful your video popped into my feed. Holy cow! This was incredibly helpful advice and knowledge! Thank you!! I sent it to my 23 y.o. daughter with 7 mental illness diagnoses. For 10 years, I truly believe in my gut it was always ALL just CPTSD. 💕☕
This Video is so true to my experience, and I'm subscribed, because knowledge is so helpful in Context to objective truth. I'm 64. A year ago I came to the realization that I've been experiencing c-ptsd, which was a consequence of my reluctant ptsd addled parents who never wanted to have children, making a misinformed medical decision about my physical well-being that resulted in me living with severe chronic back pain for the rest of my life, which has been 51 years so far. My father was a WW II veteran who was prone to violent verbal outbursts when he consumed too much alcohol. My mother was an unwanted "depression baby", born to middle aged farmers. My mother became an overachiever and became a certified school teacher at the age of 18. At the time of "the moment" when my father told me, after trying for months to get a diagnosis for my persistent back pain, my mother was entering menopause, she also suffered dehabilitating migraine headaches. The concenus of medical professionals regarding my back pain, my father told me, "that it was all in my head." My mother was a much loved school teacher/librarian who was teaching at an elementary school, that was a feeder school for the junior high school that I was attending. I calculated that at least 400 of my peers had known my mother since they were 6 years old. At 13 years old I concluded that I could not talk about my father's alcoholism, or the fact that my mother appeared to cope with pretending that "everything was fine" in our family; pure denialism, or perhaps Stockholm Syndrome. I knew, if I talked about our family dysfunctionalities, and the negligence of my parents regarding my physical well-being, that my mother's career and social standing would be devastated. I couldn't do that to her. I took her lead, and for the rest of my teenage years I pretended that "everything was fine" and for the rest of my agonizing existence I became the greatest actor. Acting like I was "fine," when I was just a chaotic tortured mess. I fooled everyone at a distance, unless someone got to know me, then the darkness and my cynicism would come through. For the most part, for decades I edited my thoughts, suppressed my feelings and never talked about my chronic pain. I became more concerned about not being a burden to other people, or a buzz kill, and I had zero tolerance for unnecessary drama, dishonesty, drug abuse, alcoholism, bigotry, bullying, wilful ignorance, etc. I lived for many decades in a state of righteous indignation against the inequality, materialism and perceived power hungry greed surrounding me. I'm not looking for answers here. I'm in specialized therapy now and it's going very well. Before this therapy, I learned to reach out for help from qualified professionals. I managed to get admitted as an intake patient at a chronic pain center, of which the process took 2½ years. At a time when the only female interaction I had was with a lesbian coworker and my mother, I found a "pay as you can" counseling center in a humble effort to find some female friendships, I ended up finding my best friend and wife, who also has c-ptsd caused by a narcissistic mother and an enabling father, who has received years of therapy after going into a catatonic unconscious state of severe clinical depression. It was my wife who guided me, and gently triggered me to flash back to "the moment", when I was 13 years old. She told me I was experiencing c-ptsd, and I immediately recognized that I wasn't equipped to deal with it, it wasn't my Wife's roll to counsel me, so I immediately searched for an appropriate therapist. A few things my parents did that ironically helped me was the encouragement to take music lessons of which I did from 1965 to 1978 on 5 different instruments, and also the encouragement to read books. From 1975 to 1984, in an effort to figure out what the hell was happening to me I read nothing but nonfiction and I became most interested in psychology, philosophy, theology, history, anthropology and geopolitics. By the time I finished high school my back pain was so severe I couldn't envision myself going to college or university. If I sat down or stood in one place for too long, my back pain just got worse. I had to keep moving, so for the 40 years of my working window, I gravitated towards jobs my grade 12 education could get me, which were usually physically demanding, solitary, customer service related or in technical maintenance and support services. Most of these jobs were repetitive movement occupations, and some were dangerous and I accumulated another 5 chronic injuries to compliment the two deformities in my spine. As a result of my extensive reading and self education, I've been able to communicate with my therapist comprehensively. I insisted on a female therapist, who has told me she thinks I would have been identified today as a gifted student, that I challenge her intellectually. I took my Wife to meet my therapist last time and it was a very positive experience for everyone. My wife and I both know that we have difficulty cultivating friendships and maintaining them, but it might be too late for us? We are so happy together. We're both severe introverts, and enjoy being "alone which each other". I'm retired and I'm hoping that when I can process the triggers inbeded in my c-ptsd, and take the power away from those triggers, so that I can commit to volunteer some of my time for individuals who need help getting to medical and doctor appointments. I've concluded that a benefit from the decades of physical and psychological distress that I've been experiencing is; the Ability to Feel EMPATHY, for other people who have suffered. My wife is 9 years younger than me and still has 10 years minimum working as a school teacher, which she loves. We don't have children we married at ages 49 for me and 40 for her. Thanks for being there for so many people who are suffering.
I don't feel like I want anything. I'm tired of having expectations and being let down, I am just over people... I need to move to the mountains and live with animals
yeah, sounds good but I still crave human love, and....when your trauma also includes medical neglect amd now have ptsd from the as well as health issues that make me even more nervous about being alone like never before. I live in the mountains with animals....still lonely.
You are a genius, CCF. As an adult male with childhood trauma you understand me in ways that no other human has before. I’m so grateful to you and your work on UA-cam. You’re a treasure. Take care and peace be with you always. ❤
Thank you so much for reading this letter from 'Carla'. It resonated with me because in my twenties and thirties, I tried just being myself in friendships, but realized that it cost me a lot of friendships, so then I started doing the same thing she did - suppress certain parts of myself to become the ideal friend, which didn't work either. I eventually just gave up. What I appreciate most about this letter was the fact that it was from a 63-year-old woman. I feel like when it comes to trauma, therapy and healing, the voices of women over 50 seem to be non-existent. I feel like the world has this expectation and assumption that by the time you're in your 50s or 60s, you should have your sh** together and not still be battling childhood demons. Sometimes I'm embarrassed that at my age, after repeating affirmations ad nauseam, completing therapy worksheets, and writing letters to my mother that she would never read, I still have not been able to get the kind of help I need and I'm still unable to be a whole person, feel free in my body and live a fulfilling life. I wonder if there are other people out there with CPTSD in that age range who can relate.
Research Islam, it has given me a peace of mind that surpasses all the trauma I endured. Knowing that I will be compensated for my pain and losses and remembering that this world is a temporary one and much better is coming. Best wishes to you.
I'm 72 and it does get better. I'm happier and more at peace with myself and others than I have ever been. Was it hard work? Absolutely! Was it worth it? A thousand times YES! With Jesus at my side during the entire time, I'm not who I was and am still growing to be more like him.
I have alot of family, nobody asked me..I have nice crockery. I was going to cook and enjoy myself..but an old neighbour was also going to alone.so I invited him for lunch. He thanked me and said otherwise he was going to be on his own. So that made my day too. So reach out to people, even if not friends.
I also had tears for "Carla" because its so painful when we just dont understand why we are left and forgotten by people we thought we mattered to and its very hard when this happens often or even just once or twice in our lives but I hope she knows nothing is wrong with her and want to thank you Anna for always having compassion and kindness for everybody and yet give us the words and suggestions we need to hear in the most loving way.
"Carla's" letter made me weep. - This is me... right down to the "I'm too stupid to live" comment, verbatim. I either can't be real... Or I share waa-a-aay too much, waa-a-aay too soon... Or ever should? I dunno. - I don't think that "frienships" portrayed in the media help us, either. We live in a world where what is portrayed as "real" is increasingly nothing-at-all-like "real". Members of my immediate family go through the same things on repeat and I'm watching the next generation;struggle to find a "tribe" ither than the one we were born into. Interestingly, my own son is so functional and normal. - It floors me. It really does! And I'm so glad for him, but also he's got his own life and I miss him terribly. - I am definately not in his tribe. Many of my family members and friends have passed away in the last few years, some as-expected, but some traumatically and suddenly. I'm running out of people. But I still need a tribe.
Girl, the part about ur son. My son too is so normal and has a great life and I’m not part of it either. That’s mostly the relationship I grieve. Many hugs to you
I had wonderful parents. My mother was an immigrant from Italy who was orphaned at 13 and came by herself to be with her aunt and uncle. Mom was beautiful. She met my Dad here (he was also good-looking). They had 4 kids. My older brother, me, and my two younger sisters. My parents worked hard. My trouble started when I went to school. I was fairly cute as a kid, but as I got older and especially from 6th grade and later. I started getting called ugly and stupid. I didn't talk about it because I was too ashamed. It appeared my siblings, who were better-looking didn't have the same problem. As I got older, my sisters who were three and six years younger started to date. I didn't. I was shy, maybe because of the painful name-calling. I finally told my Mom who said I was just very sensitive. I wasn't expecting anyone to talk to teachers. Most times, teachers just ignored when kids were picked on. I just wanted someone to tell me how to deal with the situation. Couldn't lash out because I couldn't fight or I was just laughed at more. So I stuffed down feelings and would cry a lot. I avoided most social situations as I never got asked to dance or go out. There was no internet or cell phones growing up in the 50's and 60's. I went to nursing school. I became friends with a very nice guy at work and was friends with him and his wife. I went to church with them. I was around 24 and still not dated or married. Later, I took another kind of job from nursing. My boss was 28 years older and single. He was very nice to me and generous. He would let me call him at home. A co-worker who was divorced, tried to interfere in our friendship. I went through a very difficult time because of that conflict. In the end, before his retirement, our friendship came back 100%. I was able to talk to him about a lot of things we shared in common (politics, some TV shows world events). I am retired and active in my church. My friend passed in 2003. I moved out of state because of high rents in my former home and pay rent to live with a female friend (not a lesbian relationship). We get along very well. She is still employed. I'm still close to my family. I never had a romantic relationship with a guy. The ones I've met online are mostly scammers. Most other guys I meet are married.
I'm older & just heard Carla's story. I joined a Senior group. Find people that share your interests. You will find friends. I really resonated with this podcast. Thank you.
The light in my heart cannot be relit. After decades of hurt, rejection, abandonment from family and friends, that light is permanently snuffed out. I've tried. I've reached out and showed love and support to them. "Crickets". I think most people in our society now, I'm in my 60's, are unable to be true friends. Better by myself.
Your awareness is really amazing in unravelling the nuances that no one else speaks of. You are grounded and practical too which makes this channel a real game changer. Thank you crappy childhood fairy! ❤
I used to lash out. I used to manipulate. I constantly expected, imagined or suspect betrayal. It was exhausting; traumatic. These days, post-menopause, I care less & make less effort. It's easier that way.
Oh my goodness, you gave me a whole new perspective As I am in perimenopause and have c p t s d. 😂 oh boy.....I'll just put my sign out "beware". They won't know if it's for halloween or if it's for real 😂....❤
Where do you live? I'm in SW FL and could use real friends - my self esteem is shot & I've been very successful in life except for friends - my narc parents / sister turned every one against me
As a person who has had to deal with the symptoms of CPTSD, I find the best way to make friends is to join groups or clubs and participate in activities that I love: hiking, walking, water awrobics, cooking, qigong in the park and having people over for small parties etc
I started to think that this is my mother’s problem. Like she is the problem not everyone around her. She acts like a child. It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking to see her not being able to calm down and have these outbursts.
I think being too needy drives people away. And friends who become that way ..l will back off. If l feel lonely, l don't want to seem needy so I just face that lonely feeling. I go for a walk and I meet people at the park walking their dogs..l talk to people and make friends. Just acquaintances can cheer you up
No way, I'm a friend till death if you're real, perfect because I dont have time for fake friends which is what I've experienced more times than I'd like to admit
Somebody went off on me recently. I had no problem not getting mad nor taking it personally. I knew she wasn't "on board" to continue plans we had made. That became apparent when we both should have been making plans to get away, but as decisions that would have been best done by both of us, she started being hard to reach 2 weeks ago at least. I asked for us to get together but she didn't commit to that. Tried at least 2x with the few decisions to be made. Now she says, by text, that I'm no friend and good luck. It's very odd. I am not angry. I know this has nothing to do with me. She bit off more than she could chew. Doesn't like change, new experiences, or contributing to friendships, but rather just getting attention and knowledge from them. I was the person who reached out and continued to the past few years. I wasn't keeping track. I was glad to give info and time. Given her odd reeling out lately, I believe she didn't give enough thought to the commitment we were both entering , and she lacked confidence, courage, and interest to continue. I don't have any regret that she withdrew . Instead, I feel a huge weight has been lifted. This back out by her was nothing compared to the high maintenance she has been, but I didn't give up on her. I have no guilt. No reason to.
You said that you can be too much but that your personality is right for this platform. Well, I agree with the second part and I am grateful for who you are.
I am 65 and can relate to this. For years i have pointed my finger at my high IQ. The last 6 months i have tried to change my health by finding help on UA-cam. And I found out that i am INFJ, PTSD, ADHD, and an empath filling my life with narcissist!!. Nothing comes from the high IQ apart from the ability to adapt to anyone who lovebombs me. This crappy childhood is still controlling me even after my parents passed away.
Ikr - exactly the same for me - I mean exactly. The only thing my experience has done for me is let me stop narc relationships which is all I seem to attract
Thank you Carla. Our situations are very similar. I'm a little older than you. I probably wouldn't have written so I'm really glad that you did. I'm taking the good advice Anna gave us and trying to be more authentic and I hope to express some preferences this week. Courage to you Carla for the life ahead❤
Thank you for this!! Thank you for you! I am 51 on my 5th marriage. Yes fifth!! And we aren’t living together. You helped me understand that the little 5 year old child inside of me is the one who is reacting to situations. I have watched 3 of your videos already this morning and the connection and understanding you brought to me today has given me more hope than I have ever had. God Bless you!!!!❤
Dear Anna. I can so relate. Not having a close family I so hard. Like no family supporting you during doctors appointments. I remember once asking a casual pub acquaintance if he could come with me and he naturally said no! This is what happens when you're sick of going it alone. This lady sounds lovely and kind and a potential great wife and supporter. I think late marriage can be even more meaningful and worthwhile than at the more regular ages! So well worth pursuing whilst still taking care to protect yourself, take care of yourself and have boundaries. Not offering too much at the beginning really helps before testing out the waters. I pray that all lovely mature ladies have their relationship ambitions come true.
When I get emotionally dysregulated, I try to just bottle it and ignore it. I have found some amazing coping skills, and I’ve really been utilizing them these past few years. So the emotional dysregulation outbursts aren’t as extreme as they once were. But when I feel emotionally dysregulated, I ignore it by saying, “oh stop it. You’re just being rediculous. You have nothing to be unhappy about. Stop being a child. How old are you? Ignore those feelings because you have no right to feel that way. That’s not going to happen, now stop this silly nonsense.” And I don’t speak up to anybody because I feel like I’m just being rediculous for being emotional dysregulated when I have all these amazing coping skilss and I’m going to be fine. But the more quiet I am about my feelings, the more it seems to want to come out, and I’m fighting it, and then I start being self aggressive, mentally and physically. Luckely, it doesn’t take as long as it used to to pull myself out of it, with the help from my mom and my husband sometimes, but with me using my strategies.
I do this, too. I think, at least in part, it's because our inner monologs are often mean. Read what you wrote again. Is this something you would say to your husband or mom? Would that be something you would want them to say to you? Instead, you should try to help yourself process your emotions. "Hey, it's okay to have these feelings. You've been through a lot that got you to this point. But these feelings are too strong for the current moment. I have a support network. I love myself. I don't need to act on these feelings right now." Try that.
@@siennaprice1351 I used to say things like that to myself, internally, as well. But I think a lot of the journey comes from those internal monologues you have with yourself. I'm hoping for all the best for you! I hope peace comes one day!
@@kamicausi I feel like in many ways, I have gotten peace. Now it’s about allowing myself the freedom to express myself without the fear of judgment from others. Respecting myself for who I truly am. Music has helped me in so many ways. I LOVE the power of music. I play a wide variety of instruments, as well as singing. At times, I will find myself singing pitches in different tones or certain tempos, or even playing musical instruments in certain tempos to express my moods.
I always love hearing you speak. I write about the toxic effects of being codependent because that's me all day long. I work hard to remove triggers, so I don't respond/react like I once did anymore. My biggest pet peeve was, my trauma is way more than that, what's the big deal. That's where I need more work on my empathy. I come off condescending and non-empathetic merely because I've been through "what I judge" serious issues. When I finally remove my judgement, I know I'll be easier to get along with. Today, my codependent is being redirected as I live alone again, and I am healing again to be me as I can be thought feeling my healing sensations and embracing epic paradigm shifts. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my soul's heart. I'm worth it!
You are right on about everything you have said. Ivan relate to all if it. It’s my first time seeing and hearing you. Thank you, thank you for expressing so well what I have felt and still feel. I’ve developed alot over the years and you have verified that for me. I will continue to listen to your videos and continue to do the work necessary to be healthy. I love feeling well. ❤️
Boy moving to a new place at age 70 was a lot of work. My closest friends live in far away states. I've made friends here in AA but a few times got totally dismissed. After a year k found women l get along with. Mostly single women ten years younger or my age. Thank God for AA. I would really feel alone without it!
PS... I've lost friends from my past because I don't drink and l make them uncomfortable. If people ditch me l just have to chock it up because I know I can make new friends. It bugs me a little but l move on
10 years in CODA... and it has provided tools to see outside of myself and find those triggers within, without the shame. Shame I didn't deserve. Let go! Carla, you can learn all you need to, to be - enough -, no matter what.
Omg! It’s not someone reaffirming your unworthiness, it’s trying to get your needs met from someone who is incapable. 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 plus everything else in this video ❤❤❤
I have seen several of your videos, but haven't seen you lately and wondered why. Then you came up in my feed, so of course watched your video. I noticed I wasn't subscribed, but thought I was, so I just subscribed. Thank you. I usually get a lot out of your videos. I'll have to catch up. Thanks again.
The expression/ anger piece happened just a few weeks ago for the first time in some time; “attached” to the piece are lack of attachment/ neglect, betrayal, failed work environment, failure to thrive … not sure how to untangle said knot. In the moment, I was physically shaking, in “fight or flight” … I felt completely trapped, with nowhere to go and, typical of attachment disorder, wanted to run to an attachment, as children do, for understanding, safety, security, nurturing - being with someone who actually knows me.
This made me realize that although a mother, sister, father is present. The mothering, sistering, fathering is absent. I want to start life over without my nuclear family but it's been heard and your videos helped me to see why. I'm glad I'm learning so I will not be trapped in another abusive situation like this. It's like they are putting a show on for someone and now have a constant Influx of extended family members to feed thier narratives.
This video came at just the right time for me. I've had to end two long term friendships in the last six months, and it's tearing me apart. My best friend has serious childhood trauma -- just like I do -- but she uses me as her punching bag, though I didn't do it to her even at my worst. I set some boundaries after her last bullying attempt, and she had a meltdown. She knows she's got problems, but she won't get help. I want to grow and get better. I refuse to be miserable anymore. I have no intention of rekindling this friendship because she doesn't want to grow or get better, and I'm tired of being party to her intense self hatred and self destructive behaviors. I can't fix that, nor is it my responsibility to. Then within the last month, three friends disrespected me even after I set boundaries and told them my expectations. The expectations were NOT high (because I knew better after decades of let-downs), but even then they were apparently too much. They blew right through the boundaries and then came back with fake apologies after the damage had deliberately been done. My oldest friend in this group showed some serious narcissistic behaviors that my ex husband (and family) had done to me, so of course I was upset that a friend thought that toxic crap was okay. When I had a conversation with them about how their actions were not cool and how they were hurting me and to simply be honest about the situation, I got DARVO'd and dismissed. I can't unsee it. I don't think I want to work on this friendship with based on how poorly my friends responded to me trying to communicate. I'm not crapfitting anymore. And standing my ground and standing up for myself is making me run out of "friends." I'm trying really hard to put myself out there and leave my comfort zone. But when things like this happen after I tried to take care of me and care about myself for once, it makes me want to avoid people altogether because they're just as broken and damaged as I am. I want so much more out of the people in my life because I am willing to give more to have that reciprocal relationship. I'm tired of one-ways and cowards. Hang in there, survivors. Thank you, Anna.
I feel you! I truly believe most people are pretty shitty. But I also believe that if we heal , we can find some of the good ones. Unfortunately it's a difficult prosess, and It's really hard to navigate people 😞 I hope you will find your tribe ❤
@@B_Vea Thank you for your kind words. Navigating the people in my life these last few years has been eye opening! People who I thought understood me and who I thought could trust ended up not being either. It's heartbreaking. I hope you find your tribe too. It's lonely out here.
@@spacegirl226 Yeah, i know. People can be pretty selfish and disappointing. But just dont give ut. Better times are coming for those of us who keep working out our trauma and destructive patterns. Thank you =)
Thank you CCF, I’ve found my place here. I had a rough childhood, full of neglect, toxic family and ignored needs. I have no friends and find myself struggling with relationships. I want so badly to heal from CPTSD. I’m seeking help from a therapist but he doesn’t seem to get it like you do.
Thrift stores are great! Great video thank you. 🙏🙏 ACA makes a great psuedo family if you find a group you're comfortable with. I found myself struggling with that I had no one right before ACA found me. Sometimes when you're dealing with life, it's hard when you feel like you're *completely* alone and it can be tempting to try to recruit people just to feel supported. Oh my goodness did you say you sponsored TWELVE people at the same time?? Did you have time for yourself after all that? haha
Omg at 32 to learn this and get that aha moment is the most saddest but exciting feeling . Saddest because why didn't I know this? Exciting because I can do the work to heal. Unprogram and reprogram
My heart goes out to Carla, I can resonate so much on how I was treating my dad, my dad, at his 70, still no friends and genuine relationship, I can see why he is like that, I see him shape shift every time I try to have a conversation and I get frustrated to continue the conversation cause he is not genuine, and I lost interest in the conversation, I wish he would have the trust to be genuine with me, good bad ugly I can take it.
ive found with newly acquired body awareness my alarm systems feel really big. invalidations or a person speaking ill of another or maltreatment of others by a person makes me enact my boundaries fairly rigidly.
I appreciate this subject and responses in comments, enough to add to them. I notice much all are talking about too. I am currently shutting people out, and reaching out to my tribe with complete sincerity and at tentativeness, but I see all as included too, like a n epidemic of generational proportions. Being real is all I can feel good with, existential. When connection is made , go with it artfully, unhindered by expectation. At least being real feels ok and has integrity. No expectations?
I got a Mary Poppins shirt with Mary Poppins checking her make-up on it. Because I liked the colours🎉 Colour is definitely something I’m drawn to. As opposed to grey .
Thanks for talking about being “too much” I often think my husband is the only one that is able to be with me as I am .. no one else could handle the “too much” it’s hard being too much - hard to dial it down , it’s taken years to learn to regulate it and feels great now. So many people would react and try to “control me” or “mother me” I was giving off vibes I guess that maybe looked like I was out of control but I’m a happy wanderer with a big brain and that’s ok. When I need help I have learned how to ask. I’m happy to be independent. I’m not interested in co dependent or dependent on another , I’d rather shoot for interdependence in relationships.
Thank you so much for your channel as I have been learning so much about myself. I resonated with much of this. I have been working on myself for several years after realizing the trauma and abuse that I have allowed into my life by men and fake friends. I have chosen to remain single because I have young daughters with daddy drama. I want to connect with someone who loves me, but my focus is my children and my career as a single mom. I'm afraid to introduce another man into their lives that won't understand my situation and love me, love us!!! Men think it's baggage. I get it. I'm in my 40s, so I've chosen to not date. I've chosen me and my girls. I've chosen to heal myself, and be a better mom, sister, daughter and friend.. I do find it very hard to connect to other people and trust them after all of the betrayal. I'm Working on this and realizing not everybody is the same. We all have our issues. When you talk about Is how healthy interactions should be when we are healing, I realized I have come a really long way. I am very proud of myself for that. I would love to help people like you are, and in fact I am a psychology major. I take. One day at a time and really be authentic as possible. My slogan for the past three years is "live life in authenticity". I am who I am, I love myself and try to better myself every day. And when the time is right , I know that I can love again and choose better. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy 🧚♂️ ✨️
Carla, I think you sound like a lovely person who just wants a little friendship and love. You are not too stupid to live. You are enough. I am not the one to give advice because I have no friends. I chase them away. But I can hear in your letter that you are on your way to healing. I hope to follow you. Keep up the good work. This community loves you unconditionally.
I have lost faith in people , I am 67 and have had so many damaged relationships. in my life , were people didn't understand me , and I didn't understand why I was different to most other people.' until 2 years ago when I let my berried childhood out for the first time at therapy ,
I went opposite ....gravitated EASILY towards older friends...they at least talk, are not on the phones, etc and likely was trying to find pieces parts of parents & siblings I did not have. I just cant relate to young people. My hypothesis....
Oh my goodness! This is me. I always assumed it was because maybe I give off “mom” vibes and people don’t feel as safe if I seem weak when I share my own struggles. But this has been happening to me my entire life.
Addicted to being alone. It's peaceful. Ill be friendly to others, but having friends is overrated. If i can't do.somthing myself I pay to have it done. Peace, quiet and freedom from other people's bullshit is God like :)
Since I got told I most likely had CPTSD and then found your videos.. Im literally afraid to watch them. I keep learning things i do are because of it.. things I never gave a second thought. Im almost afraid to learn just how messed up I am in a way. Example was disregulation and becoming clumsy.. that blew me away because that exact same thing happens to me. I start to stumble when I walk a little and cant seem to control my hands properly and knock them into things.
i feel the same way ALOT - sometimes i see a video title and I think "ugh, is that for me too?!?" Sometimes i cry and think about what i would have done differently with this "disregulation" issue if i had the information earlier in my life. but i assure you that it's worth the effort. after a year and a half of facing my responsibility to address my disregulation, trying hard for emotional sobriety, and forgiving myself when I fail to do those things i can say that it is resulting in good things. and i now know that great things are possible again, for me and for you. yes it can hurt, it is *work* and it's not always a perfect result but please consider that it can make life better going forward. and when things started going better emotionally for me, it made it easier for me to accept where I had messed up in my life before... and your story is not over either.
I have CPTSD and have done a lot of work on this area. But it's the reason I've lost close relationships from their triggered behavior. I have had to walk away from people projecting hysterical emotions at me. Lashing out. I'm usually on the receiving end. My sister has this issue as well. It's ruined our relationship.
I have been binge watching your videos all day today. And will continue to do so. I’ve never felt so seen and heard before in my life. Is there any way i could reach out to you?
Not a person with CPTSD but a person with Asperger's who knows what this is like. Sadly, I recently was forced to end a friendship with someone whom I believe is a wonderful person and who definitely has CPTSD because of these behaviors, once I became the principal "villain," and after eight or nine months, I gave up/walked away to focus on other friendships and both preserve my mental health and prevent the situation from becoming more intense. I was also confusing CPTSD with Borderline, because a decade earlier, I had to end a relationship with a toxic parent for that reason... Since then, I have tuned into your channel and it has really opened my eyes and heart to try and understand the CPTSD community, as well as to get answers to that simple question: "Why?" And I also plan on getting "re regulated" on Audible. Thank you. It's helped me gradually both understand and come to terms with what was a very sad and difficult decision.
This conversation was good but notably not for everyone… some people e.g are going through abuse for years of a narcissist so this conversation may not totally be suitable for them but yes it suitable for normal situations
I just can't put myself in that place ever again; it's too much like a prison, being in my head, totally absorbed in the relationship and totally at his mercy. Friendships are OK coz I keep them at arms length. It's the intimacy of a relationship that kills me. I'm 54 next month & it's sad to think I'll never know the relationship I've always wanted.
Stop talking...start writing. You will calm & become a better communicator & soothe your emotional reactivity. This lady is right about what helps emotionally distressing experiences. Write as little or as much as you need. It is free. It is confidential. It is bringing clarity & some order into your day...or night. James Pennebaker backs this up with his expressive writing method. Writing helps. You can rip it or shred it if you need to. It is cheaper but more importantly, it is helpful because you are in control. If you had experiences where you did not have control, it helps put some back into your life. Very important when we were often at the mercy of others' behaviour.
Except I find writing tedious and stressful!! Putting my pain on paper isn’t helpful at all…DONT understand this method? Then destroy it do nobody sees it …no thanks 😢
I know what us older generation people need… We need “Golden Girls” PTSD homes and they should be out in the country where we can raise animals and do equine therapy for traumatized kids. We can raise chickens and sell eggs and live on Social Security…we can take care of each other, make wine and just live…. Live the rest of our lives in peace.
My parents didn't really have friends that lasted any length of time. As an adult I don't have any close friendships and now in my 60's after moving so many times I have no friends at all. Guess I am just used to it. Too much effort trying to develop friendships. I don't have time anyway and value my alone time. No drama life. Perhaps when I retire.
So many notes taken and on my way to understand and find my way to get better. By the way, why does things like Bing from phones drive me crazy, or when people constantly say "you know"? So sorry but I loose my concentration when hearing this then have to restart the video from different spots to make sure I actually heard what was said. Are these triggers? Feels like it... So sorry... Thanks for everything. You're amazing.
Dear Anna, you say in this video that we feel trigered even when we think that we need to leave somone. Can you pleas explain that in some video? I'm so happy that I found your chanel. Thank you a lot for everything you share. ❤
This is wonderful CCF !!! However, all geered for those who are neurotypical not neurodivergent esp late dx who have many things they are dealing with/catching up on as way way overlooked ???
@@lauriecrosby2906 I was tested and yes although certainly cptsd, dissociation, anxiety and part of it. Unfortunately should have held off my testing as was done amidst a lot of other things going on (medical/mental/spiritual). Oh well - live and learn 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞💙👊👊
Set your life free from Childhood PTSD! Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2
And if you'd like to join our Members' Book Club (where we read books about CPTSD together) become a Member here: bit.ly/CCF-Membership
Thank you ❤
Marie I agree. I wish I could find that kind
I am very grateful your video popped into my feed. Holy cow! This was incredibly helpful advice and knowledge! Thank you!! I sent it to my 23 y.o. daughter with 7 mental illness diagnoses. For 10 years, I truly believe in my gut it was always ALL just CPTSD. 💕☕
This Video is so true to my experience, and I'm subscribed, because knowledge is so helpful in Context to objective truth.
I'm 64. A year ago I came to the realization that I've been experiencing c-ptsd, which was a consequence of my reluctant ptsd addled parents who never wanted to have children, making a misinformed medical decision about my physical well-being that resulted in me living with severe chronic back pain for the rest of my life, which has been 51 years so far.
My father was a WW II veteran who was prone to violent verbal outbursts when he consumed too much alcohol. My mother was an unwanted "depression baby", born to middle aged farmers. My mother became an overachiever and became a certified school teacher at the age of 18.
At the time of "the moment" when my father told me, after trying for months to get a diagnosis for my persistent back pain, my mother was entering menopause, she also suffered dehabilitating migraine headaches. The concenus of medical professionals regarding my back pain, my father told me, "that it was all in my head."
My mother was a much loved school teacher/librarian who was teaching at an elementary school, that was a feeder school for the junior high school that I was attending. I calculated that at least 400 of my peers had known my mother since they were 6 years old.
At 13 years old I concluded that I could not talk about my father's alcoholism, or the fact that my mother appeared to cope with pretending that "everything was fine" in our family; pure denialism, or perhaps Stockholm Syndrome. I knew, if I talked about our family dysfunctionalities, and the negligence of my parents regarding my physical well-being, that my mother's career and social standing would be devastated. I couldn't do that to her. I took her lead, and for the rest of my teenage years I pretended that "everything was fine" and for the rest of my agonizing existence I became the greatest actor. Acting like I was "fine," when I was just a chaotic tortured mess.
I fooled everyone at a distance, unless someone got to know me, then the darkness and my cynicism would come through. For the most part, for decades I edited my thoughts, suppressed my feelings and never talked about my chronic pain. I became more concerned about not being a burden to other people, or a buzz kill, and I had zero tolerance for unnecessary drama, dishonesty, drug abuse, alcoholism, bigotry, bullying, wilful ignorance, etc.
I lived for many decades in a state of righteous indignation against the inequality, materialism and perceived power hungry greed surrounding me.
I'm not looking for answers here. I'm in specialized therapy now and it's going very well. Before this therapy, I learned to reach out for help from qualified professionals. I managed to get admitted as an intake patient at a chronic pain center, of which the process took 2½ years. At a time when the only female interaction I had was with a lesbian coworker and my mother, I found a "pay as you can" counseling center in a humble effort to find some female friendships, I ended up finding my best friend and wife, who also has c-ptsd caused by a narcissistic mother and an enabling father, who has received years of therapy after going into a catatonic unconscious state of severe clinical depression.
It was my wife who guided me, and gently triggered me to flash back to "the moment", when I was 13 years old. She told me I was experiencing c-ptsd, and I immediately recognized that I wasn't equipped to deal with it, it wasn't my Wife's roll to counsel me, so I immediately searched for an appropriate therapist.
A few things my parents did that ironically helped me was the encouragement to take music lessons of which I did from 1965 to 1978 on 5 different instruments, and also the encouragement to read books. From 1975 to 1984, in an effort to figure out what the hell was happening to me I read nothing but nonfiction and I became most interested in psychology, philosophy, theology, history, anthropology and geopolitics. By the time I finished high school my back pain was so severe I couldn't envision myself going to college or university. If I sat down or stood in one place for too long, my back pain just got worse. I had to keep moving, so for the 40 years of my working window, I gravitated towards jobs my grade 12 education could get me, which were usually physically demanding, solitary, customer service related or in technical maintenance and support services. Most of these jobs were repetitive movement occupations, and some were dangerous and I accumulated another 5 chronic injuries to compliment the two deformities in my spine.
As a result of my extensive reading and self education, I've been able to communicate with my therapist comprehensively. I insisted on a female therapist, who has told me she thinks I would have been identified today as a gifted student, that I challenge her intellectually. I took my Wife to meet my therapist last time and it was a very positive experience for everyone.
My wife and I both know that we have difficulty cultivating friendships and maintaining them, but it might be too late for us? We are so happy together. We're both severe introverts, and enjoy being "alone which each other".
I'm retired and I'm hoping that when I can process the triggers inbeded in my c-ptsd, and take the power away from those triggers, so that I can commit to volunteer some of my time for individuals who need help getting to medical and doctor appointments. I've concluded that a benefit from the decades of physical and psychological distress that I've been experiencing is; the Ability to Feel EMPATHY, for other people who have suffered.
My wife is 9 years younger than me and still has 10 years minimum working as a school teacher, which she loves. We don't have children we married at ages 49 for me and 40 for her.
Thanks for being there for so many people who are suffering.
I don't feel like I want anything. I'm tired of having expectations and being let down, I am just over people... I need to move to the mountains and live with animals
I can relate
Me too
yeah, sounds good but I still crave human love, and....when your trauma also includes medical neglect amd now have ptsd from the as well as health issues that make me even more nervous about being alone like never before. I live in the mountains with animals....still lonely.
I feel the same unfortunately.
I feel the same, tired and exhausted, aghasted, those you trust the most lie the most
You are a genius, CCF. As an adult male with childhood trauma you understand me in ways that no other human has before. I’m so grateful to you and your work on UA-cam. You’re a treasure. Take care and peace be with you always. ❤
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for reading this letter from 'Carla'. It resonated with me because in my twenties and thirties, I tried just being myself in friendships, but realized that it cost me a lot of friendships, so then I started doing the same thing she did - suppress certain parts of myself to become the ideal friend, which didn't work either. I eventually just gave up.
What I appreciate most about this letter was the fact that it was from a 63-year-old woman. I feel like when it comes to trauma, therapy and healing, the voices of women over 50 seem to be non-existent. I feel like the world has this expectation and assumption that by the time you're in your 50s or 60s, you should have your sh** together and not still be battling childhood demons. Sometimes I'm embarrassed that at my age, after repeating affirmations ad nauseam, completing therapy worksheets, and writing letters to my mother that she would never read, I still have not been able to get the kind of help I need and I'm still unable to be a whole person, feel free in my body and live a fulfilling life.
I wonder if there are other people out there with CPTSD in that age range who can relate.
I’m 66 and am still trying.
Some days are better than others.
Good luck to you
Research Islam, it has given me a peace of mind that surpasses all the trauma I endured. Knowing that I will be compensated for my pain and losses and remembering that this world is a temporary one and much better is coming.
Best wishes to you.
I'm 65 don't feel alone.
Gbless you.
It gets better.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I'm 72 and it does get better. I'm happier and more at peace with myself and others than I have ever been. Was it hard work? Absolutely! Was it worth it? A thousand times YES!
With Jesus at my side during the entire time, I'm not who I was and am still growing to be more like him.
There are TONS of us. 🖐️♥️
Agreed, Anna. When you find out that someone you thought was really your friend was just feigning interest , it really really is painful
Carla sounds what is happening to me,over , over again.
I've joined groups, all people in the different groups became friends, but left me out, in my teend, twenties and now I'm 67 and it's still happening.
Carla’s letter made me want to cry. I know how that feels. I’ve spent xmas and holidays all by myself wishing I had a family of my own. It’s very hard
I have alot of family, nobody asked me..I have nice crockery. I was going to cook and enjoy myself..but an old neighbour was also going to alone.so I invited him for lunch. He thanked me and said otherwise he was going to be on his own. So that made my day too. So reach out to people, even if not friends.
I also had tears for "Carla" because its so painful when we just dont understand why we are left and forgotten by people we thought we mattered to and its very hard when this happens often or even just once or twice in our lives but I hope she knows nothing is wrong with her and want to thank you Anna for always having compassion and kindness for everybody and yet give us the words and suggestions we need to hear in the most loving way.
"Carla's" letter made me weep. - This is me... right down to the "I'm too stupid to live" comment, verbatim.
I either can't be real... Or I share waa-a-aay too much, waa-a-aay too soon... Or ever should?
I dunno. - I don't think that "frienships" portrayed in the media help us, either.
We live in a world where what is portrayed as "real" is increasingly nothing-at-all-like "real".
Members of my immediate family go through the same things on repeat and I'm watching the next generation;struggle to find a "tribe" ither than the one we were born into.
Interestingly, my own son is so functional and normal. - It floors me. It really does!
And I'm so glad for him, but also he's got his own life and I miss him terribly. - I am definately not in his tribe.
Many of my family members and friends have passed away in the last few years, some as-expected, but some traumatically and suddenly. I'm running out of people.
But I still need a tribe.
I related to a lot of Carla's message too. Just about everything I watch on this channel is relatable to me and it's helping me. Grateful ❤
@@Susan-Kitty Me too.
You are loved, you are not alone ❤
Girl, the part about ur son. My son too is so normal and has a great life and I’m not part of it either. That’s mostly the relationship I grieve. Many hugs to you
I had wonderful parents. My mother was an immigrant from Italy who was orphaned at 13 and came by herself to be with her aunt and uncle. Mom was beautiful. She met my Dad here (he was also good-looking). They had 4 kids. My older brother, me, and my two younger sisters. My parents worked hard. My trouble started when I went to school. I was fairly cute as a kid, but as I got older and especially from 6th grade and later. I started getting called ugly and stupid. I didn't talk about it because I was too ashamed. It appeared my siblings, who were better-looking didn't have the same problem. As I got older, my sisters who were three and six years younger started to date. I didn't. I was shy, maybe because of the painful name-calling. I finally told my Mom who said I was just very sensitive. I wasn't expecting anyone to talk to teachers. Most times, teachers just ignored when kids were picked on. I just wanted someone to tell me how to deal with the situation. Couldn't lash out because I couldn't fight or I was just laughed at more. So I stuffed down feelings and would cry a lot. I avoided most social situations as I never got asked to dance or go out. There was no internet or cell phones growing up in the 50's and 60's. I went to nursing school. I became friends with a very nice guy at work and was friends with him and his wife. I went to church with them. I was around 24 and still not dated or married. Later, I took another kind of job from nursing. My boss was 28 years older and single. He was very nice to me and generous. He would let me call him at home. A co-worker who was divorced, tried to interfere in our friendship. I went through a very difficult time because of that conflict. In the end, before his retirement, our friendship came back 100%. I was able to talk to him about a lot of things we shared in common (politics, some TV shows world events). I am retired and active in my church. My friend passed in 2003. I moved out of state because of high rents in my former home and pay rent to live with a female friend (not a lesbian relationship). We get along very well. She is still employed. I'm still close to my family. I never had a romantic relationship with a guy. The ones I've met online are mostly scammers. Most other guys I meet are married.
I'm older & just heard Carla's story. I joined a Senior group. Find people that share your interests. You will find friends. I really resonated with this podcast. Thank you.
It's like you've had cameras on me my whole life. Unbelievably specific and accurate to me life.
Ditto
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
You were so very gentle in your comments to "Carla". Thank you for showing love to a stranger. God bless ccf and staff.
I'm able to make friends. But boyfriends really put me off balance. With men I'm so damaged.
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
You are an absolute gift to your viewers, Anna. Words fail me.
The light in my heart cannot be relit. After decades of hurt, rejection, abandonment from family and friends, that light is permanently snuffed out. I've tried. I've reached out and showed love and support to them. "Crickets". I think most people in our society now, I'm in my 60's, are unable to be true friends. Better by myself.
I pray you can find your love and light from within 😢❤
I hear you 💖 stay strong
Your awareness is really amazing in unravelling the nuances that no one else speaks of. You are grounded and practical too which makes this channel a real game changer. Thank you crappy childhood fairy! ❤
Wow, thank you
Thank you. @@CrappyChildhoodFairy
I used to lash out. I used to manipulate. I constantly expected, imagined or suspect betrayal. It was exhausting; traumatic. These days, post-menopause, I care less & make less effort. It's easier that way.
Oh my goodness, you gave me a whole new perspective As I am in perimenopause and have c p t s d. 😂 oh boy.....I'll just put my sign out "beware". They won't know if it's for halloween or if it's for real 😂....❤
I get so much out of your messages
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Me too!
Carla, I'm you! You're not alone. Please don't feel ashamed, this is such a common response to an unfair childhood, and it can be changed xxx
Me too
Where do you live? I'm in SW FL and could use real friends - my self esteem is shot & I've been very successful in life except for friends - my narc parents / sister turned every one against me
As a person who has had to deal with the symptoms of CPTSD, I find the best way to make friends is to join groups or clubs and participate in activities that I love: hiking, walking, water awrobics, cooking, qigong in the park and having people over for small parties etc
I started to think that this is my mother’s problem. Like she is the problem not everyone around her. She acts like a child. It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking to see her not being able to calm down and have these outbursts.
I think being too needy drives people away. And friends who become that way ..l will back off. If l feel lonely, l don't want to seem needy so I just face that lonely feeling. I go for a walk and I meet people at the park walking their dogs..l talk to people and make friends. Just acquaintances can cheer you up
You explain me so well fairy. Its comforting to know other people go through the same thing I go through.
You are such a wonderful, positive resource and person. Thank you for the work you do!
No way, I'm a friend till death if you're real, perfect because I dont have time for fake friends which is what I've experienced more times than I'd like to admit
Somebody went off on me recently. I had no problem not getting mad nor taking it personally. I knew she wasn't "on board" to continue plans we had made. That became apparent when we both should have been making plans to get away, but as decisions that would have been best done by both of us, she started being hard to reach 2 weeks ago at least. I asked for us to get together but she didn't commit to that. Tried at least 2x with the few decisions to be made. Now she says, by text, that I'm no friend and good luck. It's very odd. I am not angry. I know this has nothing to do with me. She bit off more than she could chew. Doesn't like change, new experiences, or contributing to friendships, but rather just getting attention and knowledge from them. I was the person who reached out and continued to the past few years. I wasn't keeping track. I was glad to give info and time. Given her odd reeling out lately, I believe she didn't give enough thought to the commitment we were both entering , and she lacked confidence, courage, and interest to continue. I don't have any regret that she withdrew . Instead, I feel a huge weight has been lifted. This back out by her was nothing compared to the high maintenance she has been, but I didn't give up on her. I have no guilt. No reason to.
You said that you can be too much but that your personality is right for this platform. Well, I agree with the second part and I am grateful for who you are.
I am 65 and can relate to this. For years i have pointed my finger at my high IQ. The last 6 months i have tried to change my health by finding help on UA-cam.
And I found out that i am INFJ, PTSD, ADHD, and an empath filling my life with narcissist!!. Nothing comes from the high IQ apart from the ability to adapt to anyone who lovebombs me. This crappy childhood is still controlling me even after my parents passed away.
Ikr - exactly the same for me - I mean exactly. The only thing my experience has done for me is let me stop narc relationships which is all I seem to attract
I always made time for friends. I get nervous when too much time goes by....telling :(
Thank you Carla. Our situations are very similar. I'm a little older than you. I probably wouldn't have written so I'm really glad that you did. I'm taking the good advice Anna gave us and trying to be more authentic and I hope to express some preferences this week.
Courage to you Carla for the life ahead❤
Thank you for this!! Thank you for you! I am 51 on my 5th marriage. Yes fifth!! And we aren’t living together. You helped me understand that the little 5 year old child inside of me is the one who is reacting to situations. I have watched 3 of your videos already this morning and the connection and understanding you brought to me today has given me more hope than I have ever had. God Bless you!!!!❤
Thank you for this compilation video. It’s much appreciated. ❤
Dear Anna. I can so relate. Not having a close family I so hard. Like no family supporting you during doctors appointments. I remember once asking a casual pub acquaintance if he could come with me and he naturally said no! This is what happens when you're sick of going it alone. This lady sounds lovely and kind and a potential great wife and supporter. I think late marriage can be even more meaningful and worthwhile than at the more regular ages! So well worth pursuing whilst still taking care to protect yourself, take care of yourself and have boundaries. Not offering too much at the beginning really helps before testing out the waters. I pray that all lovely mature ladies have their relationship ambitions come true.
When I get emotionally dysregulated, I try to just bottle it and ignore it. I have found some amazing coping skills, and I’ve really been utilizing them these past few years. So the emotional dysregulation outbursts aren’t as extreme as they once were. But when I feel emotionally dysregulated, I ignore it by saying, “oh stop it. You’re just being rediculous. You have nothing to be unhappy about. Stop being a child. How old are you? Ignore those feelings because you have no right to feel that way. That’s not going to happen, now stop this silly nonsense.” And I don’t speak up to anybody because I feel like I’m just being rediculous for being emotional dysregulated when I have all these amazing coping skilss and I’m going to be fine. But the more quiet I am about my feelings, the more it seems to want to come out, and I’m fighting it, and then I start being self aggressive, mentally and physically. Luckely, it doesn’t take as long as it used to to pull myself out of it, with the help from my mom and my husband sometimes, but with me using my strategies.
I do this, too. I think, at least in part, it's because our inner monologs are often mean. Read what you wrote again. Is this something you would say to your husband or mom? Would that be something you would want them to say to you? Instead, you should try to help yourself process your emotions. "Hey, it's okay to have these feelings. You've been through a lot that got you to this point. But these feelings are too strong for the current moment. I have a support network. I love myself. I don't need to act on these feelings right now." Try that.
Yes. I would fall into a stupor and sleep for a day. I called it, "throwing my circuit breakers."
@@kamicausi ooh! I LOVE this! Thanks so much. No, I wouldn’t ever say this stuff to my husband or my mom.
@@siennaprice1351 I used to say things like that to myself, internally, as well. But I think a lot of the journey comes from those internal monologues you have with yourself. I'm hoping for all the best for you! I hope peace comes one day!
@@kamicausi I feel like in many ways, I have gotten peace. Now it’s about allowing myself the freedom to express myself without the fear of judgment from others. Respecting myself for who I truly am. Music has helped me in so many ways. I LOVE the power of music. I play a wide variety of instruments, as well as singing. At times, I will find myself singing pitches in different tones or certain tempos, or even playing musical instruments in certain tempos to express my moods.
NOT TOO STUPID TO LIVE - YOU ARE LOVED. GOD DESIGNED YOU UNIQUE. You are not alone 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞👊
I always love hearing you speak. I write about the toxic effects of being codependent because that's me all day long. I work hard to remove triggers, so I don't respond/react like I once did anymore. My biggest pet peeve was, my trauma is way more than that, what's the big deal. That's where I need more work on my empathy. I come off condescending and non-empathetic merely because I've been through "what I judge" serious issues. When I finally remove my judgement, I know I'll be easier to get along with. Today, my codependent is being redirected as I live alone again, and I am healing again to be me as I can be thought feeling my healing sensations and embracing epic paradigm shifts. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my soul's heart. I'm worth it!
Not ruined friendships, I have a few long term friendships and lots of acquaintances…but romantic relationships were disasters…
You are right on about everything you have said. Ivan relate to all if it. It’s my first time seeing and hearing you. Thank you, thank you for expressing so well what I have felt and still feel. I’ve developed alot over the years and you have verified that for me. I will continue to listen to your videos and continue to do the work necessary to be healthy. I love feeling well. ❤️
Boy moving to a new place at age 70 was a lot of work. My closest friends live in far away states. I've made friends here in AA but a few times got totally dismissed. After a year k found women l get along with. Mostly single women ten years younger or my age. Thank God for AA. I would really feel alone without it!
PS... I've lost friends from my past because I don't drink and l make them uncomfortable. If people ditch me l just have to chock it up because I know I can make new friends. It bugs me a little but l move on
10 years in CODA... and it has provided tools to see outside of myself and find those triggers within, without the shame. Shame I didn't deserve. Let go! Carla, you can learn all you need to, to be - enough -, no matter what.
This pretty much sums up my behavior in my lifetime- glad to open this box because it’s never too late, right?
Yes! And every year of life matters! Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
If you have CPSD, ask yourself, if you have had a concussion. It doesn't have to be a knockout.
I have been told that I have a "big personality". I have no idea what that means other than that I believe it is an insult.
Thank you for helping me understand my broken perceptions 😢
Omg! It’s not someone reaffirming your unworthiness, it’s trying to get your needs met from someone who is incapable. 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 plus everything else in this video ❤❤❤
Thank you for giving me a way to stop beating myself up!
I have seen several of your videos, but haven't seen you lately and wondered why. Then you came up in my feed, so of course watched your video. I noticed I wasn't subscribed, but thought I was, so I just subscribed. Thank you. I usually get a lot out of your videos. I'll have to catch up. Thanks again.
Thank you for coming back! :)
Nika@TeamFairy
"Youg ppl....with all their beautiful skin.." Anna you were probably a hilarious comedienne ❤
I also love her laugh and sense of humor! She is the best ❤
i am not able to order stuff online. But i pray all goes well, as i can see no reason it won’t. your a lovely genuine woman very good looking as well.
The expression/ anger piece happened just a few weeks ago for the first time in some time; “attached” to the piece are lack of attachment/ neglect, betrayal, failed work environment, failure to thrive … not sure how to untangle said knot.
In the moment, I was physically shaking, in “fight or flight” … I felt completely trapped, with nowhere to go and, typical of attachment disorder, wanted to run to an attachment, as children do, for understanding, safety, security, nurturing - being with someone who actually knows me.
This made me realize that although a mother, sister, father is present. The mothering, sistering, fathering is absent. I want to start life over without my nuclear family but it's been heard and your videos helped me to see why. I'm glad I'm learning so I will not be trapped in another abusive situation like this. It's like they are putting a show on for someone and now have a constant Influx of extended family members to feed thier narratives.
This video came at just the right time for me. I've had to end two long term friendships in the last six months, and it's tearing me apart.
My best friend has serious childhood trauma -- just like I do -- but she uses me as her punching bag, though I didn't do it to her even at my worst. I set some boundaries after her last bullying attempt, and she had a meltdown. She knows she's got problems, but she won't get help. I want to grow and get better. I refuse to be miserable anymore. I have no intention of rekindling this friendship because she doesn't want to grow or get better, and I'm tired of being party to her intense self hatred and self destructive behaviors. I can't fix that, nor is it my responsibility to.
Then within the last month, three friends disrespected me even after I set boundaries and told them my expectations. The expectations were NOT high (because I knew better after decades of let-downs), but even then they were apparently too much. They blew right through the boundaries and then came back with fake apologies after the damage had deliberately been done. My oldest friend in this group showed some serious narcissistic behaviors that my ex husband (and family) had done to me, so of course I was upset that a friend thought that toxic crap was okay. When I had a conversation with them about how their actions were not cool and how they were hurting me and to simply be honest about the situation, I got DARVO'd and dismissed. I can't unsee it. I don't think I want to work on this friendship with based on how poorly my friends responded to me trying to communicate.
I'm not crapfitting anymore. And standing my ground and standing up for myself is making me run out of "friends." I'm trying really hard to put myself out there and leave my comfort zone. But when things like this happen after I tried to take care of me and care about myself for once, it makes me want to avoid people altogether because they're just as broken and damaged as I am. I want so much more out of the people in my life because I am willing to give more to have that reciprocal relationship. I'm tired of one-ways and cowards.
Hang in there, survivors. Thank you, Anna.
I feel you! I truly believe most people are pretty shitty. But I also believe that if we heal , we can find some of the good ones. Unfortunately it's a difficult prosess, and It's really hard to navigate people 😞
I hope you will find your tribe ❤
@@B_Vea Thank you for your kind words. Navigating the people in my life these last few years has been eye opening! People who I thought understood me and who I thought could trust ended up not being either. It's heartbreaking.
I hope you find your tribe too. It's lonely out here.
@@spacegirl226 Yeah, i know. People can be pretty selfish and disappointing. But just dont give ut. Better times are coming for those of us who keep working out our trauma and destructive patterns.
Thank you =)
Thank you CCF, I’ve found my place here. I had a rough childhood, full of neglect, toxic family and ignored needs. I have no friends and find myself struggling with relationships. I want so badly to heal from CPTSD. I’m seeking help from a therapist but he doesn’t seem to get it like you do.
Come try my program!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I’m looking forward to trying it!
Thrift stores are great! Great video thank you. 🙏🙏
ACA makes a great psuedo family if you find a group you're comfortable with. I found myself struggling with that I had no one right before ACA found me. Sometimes when you're dealing with life, it's hard when you feel like you're *completely* alone and it can be tempting to try to recruit people just to feel supported.
Oh my goodness did you say you sponsored TWELVE people at the same time?? Did you have time for yourself after all that? haha
Omg at 32 to learn this and get that aha moment is the most saddest but exciting feeling . Saddest because why didn't I know this? Exciting because I can do the work to heal. Unprogram and reprogram
Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
Carla I completely understand. I struggle with a lot of this myself you're not alone.
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
My heart goes out to Carla, I can resonate so much on how I was treating my dad, my dad, at his 70, still no friends and genuine relationship, I can see why he is like that, I see him shape shift every time I try to have a conversation and I get frustrated to continue the conversation cause he is not genuine, and I lost interest in the conversation, I wish he would have the trust to be genuine with me, good bad ugly I can take it.
ive found with newly acquired body awareness my alarm systems feel really big. invalidations or a person speaking ill of another or maltreatment of others by a person makes me enact my boundaries fairly rigidly.
I appreciate this subject and responses in comments, enough to add to them. I notice much all are talking about too. I am currently shutting people out, and reaching out to my tribe with complete sincerity and at tentativeness, but I see all as included too, like a n epidemic of generational proportions. Being real is all I can feel good with, existential. When connection is made , go with it artfully, unhindered by expectation. At least being real feels ok and has integrity. No expectations?
I got a Mary Poppins shirt with Mary Poppins checking her make-up on it. Because I liked the colours🎉 Colour is definitely something I’m drawn to. As opposed to grey .
That letter resembles me almost 100% and I’m 51 so I feel you in totally understand Carla
Thank you for sharing this story I’ll send you love ❤️ too We are perfect in our uniqueness ways❤
Very heartelt discussion. You're killing me. Thanks
Thanks for talking about being “too much” I often think my husband is the only one that is able to be with me as I am .. no one else could handle the “too much” it’s hard being too much - hard to dial it down , it’s taken years to learn to regulate it and feels great now. So many people would react and try to “control me” or “mother me” I was giving off vibes I guess that maybe looked like I was out of control but I’m a happy wanderer with a big brain and that’s ok. When I need help I have learned how to ask. I’m happy to be independent. I’m not interested in co dependent or dependent on another , I’d rather shoot for interdependence in relationships.
Thank you very much; coming at the right moment.
Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for your channel as I have been learning so much about myself. I resonated with much of this. I have been working on myself for several years after realizing the trauma and abuse that I have allowed into my life by men and fake friends. I have chosen to remain single because I have young daughters with daddy drama. I want to connect with someone who loves me, but my focus is my children and my career as a single mom. I'm afraid to introduce another man into their lives that won't understand my situation and love me, love us!!! Men think it's baggage. I get it. I'm in my 40s, so I've chosen to not date. I've chosen me and my girls. I've chosen to heal myself, and be a better mom, sister, daughter and friend.. I do find it very hard to connect to other people and trust them after all of the betrayal. I'm Working on this and realizing not everybody is the same. We all have our issues.
When you talk about Is how healthy interactions should be when we are healing, I realized I have come a really long way. I am very proud of myself for that. I would love to help people like you are, and in fact I am a psychology major. I take.
One day at a time and really be authentic as possible. My slogan for the past three years is "live life in authenticity". I am who I am, I love myself and try to better myself every day. And when the time is right , I know that I can love again and choose better. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy 🧚♂️ ✨️
Carla, I think you sound like a lovely person who just wants a little friendship and love. You are not too stupid to live. You are enough. I am not the one to give advice because I have no friends. I chase them away. But I can hear in your letter that you are on your way to healing. I hope to follow you. Keep up the good work. This community loves you unconditionally.
Challenging, Ana but my sincere thanks
So grateful for these. Thank you❤😊!
This is all great information but what about stored trauma in the body? To truly heal we can't think our way out of it.
I have lost faith in people , I am 67 and have had so many damaged relationships. in my life , were people didn't understand me , and I didn't understand why I was different to most other people.' until 2 years ago when I let my berried childhood out for the first time at therapy ,
This is new for me. I am evolving but not feeling comfortable in this new skin.
I went opposite ....gravitated EASILY towards older friends...they at least talk, are not on the phones, etc and likely was trying to find pieces parts of parents & siblings I did not have. I just cant relate to young people. My hypothesis....
Oh my goodness! This is me. I always assumed it was because maybe I give off “mom” vibes and people don’t feel as safe if I seem weak when I share my own struggles. But this has been happening to me my entire life.
Addicted to being alone. It's peaceful.
Ill be friendly to others, but having friends is overrated. If i can't do.somthing myself I pay to have it done.
Peace, quiet and freedom from other people's bullshit is God like :)
Since I got told I most likely had CPTSD and then found your videos.. Im literally afraid to watch them. I keep learning things i do are because of it.. things I never gave a second thought. Im almost afraid to learn just how messed up I am in a way. Example was disregulation and becoming clumsy.. that blew me away because that exact same thing happens to me. I start to stumble when I walk a little and cant seem to control my hands properly and knock them into things.
i feel the same way ALOT - sometimes i see a video title and I think "ugh, is that for me too?!?" Sometimes i cry and think about what i would have done differently with this "disregulation" issue if i had the information earlier in my life. but i assure you that it's worth the effort. after a year and a half of facing my responsibility to address my disregulation, trying hard for emotional sobriety, and forgiving myself when I fail to do those things i can say that it is resulting in good things. and i now know that great things are possible again, for me and for you. yes it can hurt, it is *work* and it's not always a perfect result but please consider that it can make life better going forward. and when things started going better emotionally for me, it made it easier for me to accept where I had messed up in my life before... and your story is not over either.
Thank you ❤
Thank you for being a part of our community :)
I have CPTSD and have done a lot of work on this area. But it's the reason I've lost close relationships from their triggered behavior. I have had to walk away from people projecting hysterical emotions at me. Lashing out. I'm usually on the receiving end. My sister has this issue as well. It's ruined our relationship.
I have been binge watching your videos all day today. And will continue to do so. I’ve never felt so seen and heard before in my life. Is there any way i could reach out to you?
Welcome to the channel! If you'd like to submit a letter for Anna to respond to on UA-cam, you can do so here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
-Calista@TeamFairy
I wish I'd found this earlier!! 🎉🎉🎉
I feel like I'm learning all of this so late. I had no one too & i feel its too late to find a new family
Not a person with CPTSD but a person with Asperger's who knows what this is like. Sadly, I recently was forced to end a friendship with someone whom I believe is a wonderful person and who definitely has CPTSD because of these behaviors, once I became the principal "villain," and after eight or nine months, I gave up/walked away to focus on other friendships and both preserve my mental health and prevent the situation from becoming more intense.
I was also confusing CPTSD with Borderline, because a decade earlier, I had to end a relationship with a toxic parent for that reason...
Since then, I have tuned into your channel and it has really opened my eyes and heart to try and understand the CPTSD community, as well as to get answers to that simple question: "Why?" And I also plan on getting "re regulated" on Audible. Thank you. It's helped me gradually both understand and come to terms with what was a very sad and difficult decision.
So glad you are here! Hope you will enjoy Anna's book. Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
This conversation was good but notably not for everyone… some people e.g are going through abuse for years of a narcissist so this conversation may not totally be suitable for them but yes it suitable for normal situations
I just can't put myself in that place ever again; it's too much like a prison, being in my head, totally absorbed in the relationship and totally at his mercy.
Friendships are OK coz I keep them at arms length. It's the intimacy of a relationship that kills me. I'm 54 next month & it's sad to think I'll never know the relationship I've always wanted.
Stop talking...start writing. You will calm & become a better communicator & soothe your emotional reactivity. This lady is right about what helps emotionally distressing experiences. Write as little or as much as you need. It is free. It is confidential. It is bringing clarity & some order into your day...or night. James Pennebaker backs this up with his expressive writing method. Writing helps. You can rip it or shred it if you need to. It is cheaper but more importantly, it is helpful because you are in control. If you had experiences where you did not have control, it helps put some back into your life. Very important when we were often at the mercy of others' behaviour.
Except I find writing tedious and stressful!! Putting my pain on paper isn’t helpful at all…DONT understand this method? Then destroy it do nobody sees it …no thanks 😢
@@delorisharrison6731 Write if it helps...not if it doesn't.
I know what us older generation people need… We need “Golden Girls” PTSD homes and they should be out in the country where we can raise animals and do equine therapy for traumatized kids. We can raise chickens and sell eggs and live on Social Security…we can take care of each other, make wine and just live…. Live the rest of our lives in peace.
yea...I damaged one yesterday and I guess today even more...I hate dysregulation...I hoped I was finally able to control it better
There are consequences to showing who you really are.
Like people laughing at you.
Thats why you just dont have friends … find a job were you dont have to deal with ppl period… cause liars in the work place are bs
Love this channel I really relate
My parents didn't really have friends that lasted any length of time. As an adult I don't have any close friendships and now in my 60's after moving so many times I have no friends at all. Guess I am just used to it. Too much effort trying to develop friendships. I don't have time anyway and value my alone time. No drama life. Perhaps when I retire.
So many notes taken and on my way to understand and find my way to get better. By the way, why does things like Bing from phones drive me crazy, or when people constantly say "you know"? So sorry but I loose my concentration when hearing this then have to restart the video from different spots to make sure I actually heard what was said. Are these triggers? Feels like it... So sorry... Thanks for everything. You're amazing.
Very well put
Dear Anna, you say in this video that we feel trigered even when we think that we need to leave somone. Can you pleas explain that in some video? I'm so happy that I found your chanel. Thank you a lot for everything you share. ❤
Thankyou❤
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I have been writing to you for months now. Please talk about my story. I will send it again.
I feel like this all the time!! I just don’t say.
Hope you will find Anna's content helpful!
Nika@TeamFairy
I could have written that letter. Thank you 🥹💖
We're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
This is why I'm staying single forever i just am staying single forever it's just not worth it anymore
Wish I could hoin but I cannot afford cost to do so. I desperately need to though. Thanks for free you tube videos Fairy!!!!❤
Take the free course! Come to the free calls!
This is wonderful CCF !!! However, all geered for those who are neurotypical not neurodivergent esp late dx who have many things they are dealing with/catching up on as way way overlooked ???
Have you been tested for ASD? I was convinced I was high functioning Asperger's. CPTSD can look just like ASD.
@@lauriecrosby2906 I was tested and yes although certainly cptsd, dissociation, anxiety and part of it. Unfortunately should have held off my testing as was done amidst a lot of other things going on (medical/mental/spiritual). Oh well - live and learn 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞💙👊👊
@thecrappychildhoodfairy can you mark re-uploads as such?
Thank you for sharing your wonderful knowledge.you have been extremely helpful with my journey.