Attachment Injuries, Codependency, and Love Addiction
Вставка
- Опубліковано 16 кві 2016
- Hello. Thanks for checking out my UA-cam channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology
Subscribe to my channel to be notified every time I upload a new video.
When you like a video, please click the like button, it helps show support for my channel.
Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
__________
Attachment Injuries, Codependency, and Love Addiction
In this video, I talk about the link between attachment injuries and codependency. The development of the self is compromised when coming from a family system where the child does not feel fully seen, known, heard, and understood.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
__________
☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
☑️ Learn about The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course: www.healingattachmenttrauma.c...
☑️ Learn about Improve Your Relationships Community:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
☑️ Learn about Grieving and Pet Loss Course: Coming Soon
www.healingattachmenttrauma.c...
☑️ Learn about Healing Heartbreak Course: Coming Soon
☑️ Learn about my new book: Coming Soon
☑️ Follow me on Instagram:
@alan_robarge_psychotherapist
/ alan_robarge_psychothe...
☑️ Check out my website:
www.alanrobarge.com
☑️ Want to learn more about relationships? Then, sign up for the Everyday Relating Questionnaire.
www.alanrobarge.com/everydayr...
__________
Attachment Injuries, Codependency, and Love Addiction
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
My parents had a saying, `children were meant to be seen, not heard`. Enough said.
Unbelievable.....this is it!!! Finally....an answer to my wreckage!!! Thank you so much!
Wooo!!
Theres a lot of information about attachment trauma, but I rarely see it formulated in such a practical and easy to understand way. Thank you!
thank you for this video. my wife sent this to me. our nearly 20 year marriage is collapsing due to my being emotionally unavailable, oblivious and drunk for most of it. I have been sober for two years now and really have only just begun to deal with all the issues that I was drinking for most of my life to escape. I want to change. I want to be a better husband and father even if my wife can never love me again. I just always seem to get it wrong. even as I type this message I feel im doing the wrong thing. I know I have hurt my wife over and over but I really want to break this cycle. when I called her to talk about this video, I just made it worse. I am lost and for some reason don't know how to put my own feelings aside and think of hers. I am seeing a therapist and hope to save my marriage. I will not give up and you have helped me at least begin to sort this out. thank you.
How did everything go with you?
This is brilliant. your really healing me with this knowledge
Great. Good to know. Thank you for the comment.
I feel codependency with everyone not just partner. I mean I walk down the street and think what she things about me, what he feels, do they will not accept my negative emotions ? how I look ? Madnees😁 Feels like extreme attachment trauma.
Travaltino haha it’s true me to
I wonder if you are just more self-aware and realize that people tend to judge others very quickly. They say that Abe Lincoln was like this. But an Abe Lincoln's case he learned to always come off with a good impression or to entertain people. I think bad traits have some good features just like some good traits can have bad features. During my youth I tended to be something of a workaholic this had good and bad effects luckily I was able to stop before it affected my family. There's so much to learn about ourselves and our life and how to cope
Read untethered soul by micheal singer
my heart melts upon hearing this....it reminds me of my childhood....until i became adult....
Thank you. This was so helpful and gave so much clarity. And yes, incredibly painful. I cried so hard I thought my heart wouldn't be able to stand it. Watching your videos helped me see how much grief I am actually holding inside. Thank you so much for the work that you do and for sharing this information via UA-cam, so that anyone could have access to it. This is much needed.
Someone who has done the work. Went through the healing path & can explain it to help the rest of us. The best gift you can give anyone. Thank you❤️❤️
Hi Alan, I am so impressed with the way you articulate these concepts with such in-depth and insight. You are helping me making sense of how childhood trauma has overshadowed my adult relationships. :-( I am working the 12 steps programme in Coda, & more than happy to suggest your videos to others Namaste Px
Thank you! This is a frustrating thing to really grasp, and you explained it in a way I could take notes on and track really well. Fortunately I married a highly attuned guy, but now I see my resistance to his interest and valuing me has been a recurring theme over 23 years. It clearly is due to inner child grief that I feel incapable of receiving that healthy interest, and due to coping without it that I believe it is not necessary - which mystifies him. Following the rage is also interesting because I fear it, like it will control me and make me a monster if I try and reckon with it. But this is valuable to remember that feelings pass, and they often mask important things we need to grieve and grow from, and then release.
This is brilliant. I have suspected an attachment issue for quite some time
I did his 8 week course. I highly recommend it. Changed my relationship habits for the better! Thank you Alan!
Good to see you Charlie. Thanks for the kind words. Glad the Improve Your Relationships Community Program was helpful for you.
Alan, I want to thank you for bring so many awesome videos to the world. I am working on my attatchment issues when I came across your channel. I been watching them like non-stop. keep it up!!! You are gonna help a lot of people around the world!! Again, thank you so much!!
So yeah you just told the story of my life!!! I'm grieving immensely but I'm healing!!! I've actually found myself and I love myself!!! Life is beautiful now!!!
Thank you so much Dr. Alan. I know now, that it's a lifelong process and no longer look for what i need from other partners.God bless you!
+Hiba Mamila Glad this video resonates. FYI, I'm not a Dr. Thanks for valuing what I do.
Brilliant! I’m working to be aware and intentional with how I engage with my 7 yr old.
Codependency- A byproduct of Early Attachment Injuries.... Very well explained sir.
Good insight, Anindya. Those kind of thoughtful reflections are sparking conversations daily amongst the kind, supportive folks in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. If you haven't already, consider joining us and sharing your unique perspectives on this topic and many more here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thanks for your support!
Thank you Alan. This video was very healing.
Alan is a genius !!! No joke. Great stuff.
The best outline I've seen ... super clarity.
THANK YOU!!! From all of my heart.
Ok this is incredibly helpful.
Thank you so so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.
Big hug!
Right on. Thank you Alan! I'm so happy to have found your videos. Awareness is key!
You are a wonderful, kind person. Your videos have helped me SO MUCH.
Thankyou Alan! 👏🏻👏🏻Your videos are so healing. You’re brilliant! Your advice is much appreciated ❤️🤗
Thank you for this profound video and education!
Wow, this is so acuratly articulated. Bringing up by a mon that would not ask my emotion, i felt hard to express emitons and I had been working on for the past years and I'm changing in a more and more positive way. Thank you so much!
"You need to give yourself what you never received." Powerful!!!
Thanks.
Thank you so much! Alan, This video helped make clear the struggle I've carried into my adult life. My childhood need of touch was unmet. I pick partners that were emotionally and physically unavailable. I live out of touch with reality, more in tune with fantasy and longing that the person I am with will voluntarily touch me. Instead of living whole and secure I place my projection of unmet childhood needs to my partner. I even realized that it has now stretched to any person I come in contact with. I really hope I can reign in this and learn compassion for myself. My questions are, how can I give myself loving touch? Hugging myself?. I am very afraid to reach out and touch others platonically. I want to know why touch is overwhelmingly powerful to me not just mentally from my wounded experiences, but from the actual physical sensation. I automatically cry and my mind fogs and it's always a sensory overload.
Would love to know the answer to this also.
Me too love. Me too. 18 years of being somebodies queen. To be dropped on my ass by me so called (life partner) when he was once so loving, hands on and gave me strength I lost as a child due to neglect and drugs. I need this touch.. i need to be wanted... thrown away from ur twinflame is heart wrenching
I cant thank you enough for this. 😭
Love your work . God bless you . You should be happy and proud for healing so much people
You are a star Alan! This is fantastic information, I've never come across anyone online or in person who has your talent for explaining this stuff.
Who gives these videos a thumbs down? I can’t imagine. Love your videos, Alan.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been trying to figure out and heal my attachment injury for a while now and I’ve gone round in circles getting so confused and upset. Nobody has ever spoken about this in the precise detail that I really needed and I’m in tears at how much this spoke directly to me. Thank you so so much this has been really valuable.
Such wonderful information ... thank you soooo much ...
extremely helpful... have been in therapy off and on for 40 years, this is the most helpful info ive ever heard, thnx so much,, my sis has been seeing the same shrink for the past 14 , and, has made no progress with her issues with her BPD, THNX SO MUCH.........YOU ARE BRILLIANT IN YOUR INFO DELIVERENCE.......SO CLEAR...
All of your videos, so far, have offered me a clear and logical view of what i m feeling inside. You ve described so clearly what i can not name with words. Thank you very much! Keep doing the same work!
You are absolutely amazing!! Thank you so much !!!
Hi Alan,
Thank you so much for sharing all your psychological knowledge with me. You explain the subject in a way that is concise & easy to understand. I am thrilled that I found your site.
Understandably, it hit a nerve and I was able to release a lot of emotion & my tear ducts got a cleansing in the process!LOL Seriously, you enabled me to bring up deep seeded feelings of inadequacy, sadness.
And I finally received a confirmation of why I feel this way, In the past, I had visited a therapist. Unfortunately, I was not able to get clarification about my issues. She said, "You're an intelligent professional person & yet you continue to choose abusive partners."
I feel that I am a product of a childhood whose needs were not fully met. I will look to my inner self and attempt to rectify my feelings & not project my needs on a partner who I now know cannot satisfy them. You provided me with much insight.
Hi Alan, I love your videos. Great information and insight. Your presentation is great. Perfect pace, clear voice and intonation. Thank you so much. With your information, I understand a lot more on what's going on with my life and my behaviour and failed relationship patterns. I will seek your professional consultation.
Thank you for what you do. I feel grateful for your videos. You have an exquisit, fully understandable way of communicating profound and complicated concepts. I would love to join your therapy group when I am able to. Thank you again. Much love from Greece!
Thank you . So smart . I have been looking for such clear explanations for so long :) Thank you
Kinga, I also appreciate clarity. Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If this informationis of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
So grateful for what you do! Thank you!
Again, thanks
I’m crying a lot after this one
I really needed this perspective you brought out.
Glad this was emotionally moving for you. I hear you. Thanks for the feedback.
Alan, I just have to tell you how saving and healing it has been for me to find your videos and your help and understanding, your profound understanding of the many issues you talk about. I first found your videos on grieving and , why I can't stop crying ! I cried every day for two months over a difficult relationship , was having counselling, and I think even my therapist couldn't understand it, the only thing I could describe it as was deep grief at loosing the person that I felt attached to, as if my closest relative had died. You made it make sense to me ( and I am 64 and have been aware of issues in my life a long time , been in CODA etc etc and thought I had kind of dealt with things, before this issue was feeling very well balanced and reasonably happy ) EXCEPT ! that I had had enough of feeling lonely and after a long time alone decided it was time to find a partner, well big mistake in a way and what seemed like another disaster, but maybe not as I have learned so much over the past few months from avidly reading etc culminating in finding your videos, thank you so much, I love you !...lol still a way to go, the said person is still hovering about in my life and me struggling but now I have a direction and understanding and am working really hard on this journey, thank you x
Touched by your response and hope your understanding is growing, watching the above video has turned on a light for me.
This is terrific. I feel like I am growing by leaps and bounds with every video I watch of yours. I feel like such a heavy burden is being lifted from my shoulders. Do you or will you have content on PTSD /CPTSD and healing from assault? That is a frontier that I find terrifying to explore and in my heart I know I must. 🙏
Thank you so much i need this information
So very well explained - thank you.
Very helpful! Thanks
You are one of the most precious souls. Thank you so much for your content.
Thanks for the supportive comment and for valuing my videos. It's good to know how impactful this one is for you. I am glad to hear you receive benefit from my work. Please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution, checking out my course, and/or joining us in the Community. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality content. Click on the links to learn more:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
I never heard of this before and I suffer from it this is amazing thank you for your making me aware of this.
Love this video. No one out there gets this stuff like a Alan does. I am glad he talked about the rage which I’ve never heard anyone talk about. ❤
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for valuing my effort. Glad this video spoke to you.
Since you like this video you may also be interested in taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank You Alan!! This video is a great roadmap on this subject. Of all the videos on this - this is so step by step of a healthier person❤thanks for yr thought ful breakdown.
I appreciate the kind feedback. Glad this video is helpful.
If this video is helpful then you may also like getting in on our conversations on this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Again concise and real. Thank you
Thank you so much for your work! You have helped me so much and I feel really empowered
So nice to hear this content is empowering for you. Thank you for valuing my work. Please also share this video with friends who may find it helpful. Help me spread the word.
This has been incredibly helpful and insightful! Thank you!
Anna, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information in my videos is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you so much for this video, so much helpful information and advice!
You are so welcome Robin! Codependency and attachment are a few of the topics we talk about in the membership community. How to learn new skills to navigate our healing and explore mutually supportive relationships is our focus. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Wow, invalidation, abandonment and loneliness, that's how I grew. This is painful!
I cannot believe I just found this video! You are talking about me! 100% this makes so much sense to me!
Glad this speaks to you. Thank you for valuing my efforts to offer quality content.
This content evolves out of the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I invite you joining us. Learn more here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Hi Alan, this video has been so enlightening. My father and I stopped speaking to each other at the age of 16, I’m from a divorced home. We haven’t really spoken since and I used to have horrible nightmares about him leaving me. This fear has leaked into my relationships and I am now divorced because I expected too much from my ex husband. I could feel that it stemmed from my relationship with my father. Currently I am dating and I am so scared that this could happen again. I find myself very anxious when I meet someone and I end it because I am scared that I will get hurt. Your videos are helping me to identify the problem and I hope that I can begin my healing process before I mess up yet another relationship.
Excellent video ...going to watch again ❤
Thank you.
Well said - can relate to everysingle word start to finish. Thankyou.
Glad this video speaks to you. Thank you for valuing my efforts.
Since this video resonates you may also like the Relationship Quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
This is laid out extremely well, I have been working with my psychotherapist on my issues for over a year now. This is where he has led/been leading me the entire time.
I fully grasp the idea of meeting and comforting your inner child, have done it a couple of times, either through guided meditation on UA-cam or through the use of psychedelics
I would be on the emotionally avoidant unavailable side, so psychedelics do help me break that barrier as a male. Although I have gotten better at allowing things to come forth without mind altering substances
Was a bit disappointed to hear this is a life long process and there is no quick fix or shortcut that takes a year or 3 - this was also something that my own councilor told me that I didn't want to hear
Ty for this informative video. Was in my feelings as this applied to me and my life. It at least gives me hope that I can heal. Ty!
Thank you for the supportive comment. I'm glad to hear this video was helpful to you and inspired hope on your healing journey. There is always support to be found in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships, as well. Consider becoming a part of our group of kind, thoughtful folks and sharing your voice. And if you'd like to learn more about attachment styles, I invite you to check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses quiz as well. Here are the links:
The Community
www.alanrobarge.com/community
The Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Alan, a home run video, again. yes this content is extremely painful and very difficult especially for those of us who suffered from c PTSD from childhood. my healing has just begun and i am going through the grief process now. it is the most difficult life work and i know I will have to continue working on my reparenting. but sitting with your wounds is truly the beginning!
Hissi, it sounds like you are doing good work.
this man is a treasure trove way more people should listen to him and start their healing journey!!
Thanks for the kind words and for valuing my work. Glad it offers benefit.
Also, since you like this content, you may also be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Learn more by taking the quiz:
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thank you for this piece, too! I have been listening/watching several of these videos, at the moment the earlier ones from approximately seven years ago are being more helpful than the most recent videos. Perhaps the topics seem more straightforward to me in the earlier videos, especially the ideas of projection of dysfunction in the family-of-origin between the partners and lack of appropriate skillset of each to deal with the other.
Thank you for the feedback about what videos you connect with and that are helpful for you.
Please take the UA-cam link and post it elsewhere such as other social media sites. It really helps me spread the word about these topics. Thanks for your help and I appreciate the feedback.
Lovely video
I am so grateful to you
Thank you for this. Can you make a video like a guided meditation how to sit with myself with compassion , going through the relevant ages, please.
Totally agree with you my girlfriend brokeup with me b/c she's feels this way
Bingo....100%right on
Gosh your so smart!
This makes me so sad. Not just for myself but for my son, I did exactly the same as my own parents. My heartbreaks for my adult child the more I learn about my own trauma.
I hear you. Many of us can relate. I'm reminded how we need gentleness for ourselves.
Amazing useful information!
Thanks for feedback and valuing my work. Please also share this video with others.
Wow this was so helpful
I have been going crazy trying to understand what's going on with me, thank for the explanation
Bijou, many of us feel crazy when working through this kind of attachment issue. Glad you posted your comment here. These are the types of things we explore in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. You are invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Amazing message this helped me understand my own suffering in the midst of it. I scheduled w my counselor but this has helped
Glad this content offers benefit. Thanks for letting me know.
This content evolves out of our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. Learn more about the Community: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Damn. This was deep and upsetting. But I see now. Heartfelt thanks.
I hear you. Thank you for sharing this deeply resonated.
So this is why I'm fucked up. I'm pretty sure that I'll not be able to have a healthy sexual/loving balanced relationship
YES you can!!! don't tell yourself you can't....if you do, your brain will follow suit and manifest what you believe....its called self fulfilling prophesy....i fixed myself after a horrific childhood by doing just what he says....you need to start with believing you can do it and don't give up no matter how difficult...good luck xo
Donna Perry I know , Donna. Thank you for the comment. I'm working on it. I've been working on it since the age of twenty. There are so many layers of trauma from my childhood that it's taken me well into my forties to understand and heal. I've been chipping away getting healthier year by year.
Mark that's awesome!!! never give up on yourself! you are worth all the long, pain-staking effort to heal and be content! all the best.....xo
Donna Perry I really had a bad run in my last relationship. My heart was ripped out. I think that's why I was so negative when I posted the original post. I'm still in a dark place but I know there's hope because I'm seeing things a little clearer and facing my fears
Mark i can totally relate!! i have associated with narc types all of my life. they taught me a lot about myself and what i needed see in self and work on. it all takes time to work through the layers, fear is so prevalent and the driving force behind most of our self sabotaging behaviors, eh!! lol....you will get to where you want to be someday....but in the meantime enjoy the journey because the journey is short....lol
Definitely have attachment injury and project in my relationships. Don't know how to heal that and stop.
Ouch! Powerful truth. And, yes, it still gets you. Even when you are aware. It still bites you. And you go, "OK, I know this tune, but what am I going to do about it, Paula?
Realizing I put the final nail in the coffin when I expressed all my needs and insecurities, asking for more validation and reassurance from my partner. Feeling guilty still that I pushed her away but understanding that it’s not all my fault is comforting.
Thank you for the meaningful comment and for sharing your experience. Glad this video is helpful.
Thank you for your tenderness, care and compassion Sir ✨💜🔥
Your love are shining worldwide and I share mine with you too from here Africa 🤠⚡️❤️💜🙏
Thank you for the kind words, Ismail. I appreciate you being so engaged with my content. I'm glad that you find it helpful and beneficial for you.
Attachment injuries can play a huge role in the way that we interact both with ourselves and with others. Healing is something all of us deserve to do, and I want to share with a few resources that I want to recommend looking into.
1. The Four Attachment Distress Responses course - www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
2. The Improve Your Relationships Community - www.alanrobarge.com/community
Both of these can provide you with content, Self-Directed Healing Work, and the opportunity to learn, grow, explore, and heal from your attachment injuries.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma thank you for your response and generosity 😇🙏❤️
This is really helpful
I'm glad to hear that - thank you for watching. I'm happy to know that this resonated with you.
Since this information was beneficial, I want to recommend you check out a couple of my different resources.
The first being The Four Attachment Distress Responses course, in which I discuss the different ways we respond to distress in relationships based on attachment injuries or traumas. Understanding the how and why of these behaviors allow us to learn, grow, and heal toward better and more effective relating. Take the quiz now: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Along with this, my online Community, Improve Your Relationships, could be something that you find helpful. I created this online membership community in order to allow people from all over come to explore, discuss, learn, grow, and heal from their attachment wounds. Having a support system of people who understand your feelings and experiences can be incredibly beneficial in your healing journey. This isn't a therapy group, but rather a learning community. All of the members are kind and encouraging, and we would love for you to join in on the conversation. www.alanrobarge.com/community
💖👍🌟👏thank you so much!
You're welcome. Glad this is helpful.
It is complex.
And we must be kind and patient as we heal.
Excellent explanations about complex issues. I've been working with my therapist using Internal Family Systems, and you've explained well why this all takes time and that we most probably picked partners with attachment problems as well. Unfortunately relationships don't always survive one delving into their problems and the other still in denial. :(
Deb, thank you for the feedback. Good for you for investing in your healing work and educating yourself. I hear you on the one-sided relationships. We go in depth and unpack what is going on and why we find ourselves in these dead-end relationships in the learning community I created, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to come check it out: www.alanrobarge.com/community
That is true how we sometimes rely on denial, which can be a way to cope with relationship stress. I created a course on this in which I map out a blueprint for how most of us respond to attachment distress. Which of these describe your relationships?
Do you fight and yell and demand attention?
Do you withdraw, isolate, and keep others at “arm’s length”?
Do you stand silent with “big eyes” and go inside yourself?
Do you quickly smooth things over, cover up your hurt, and appear agreeable?
When our attachment bonds are compromised, distress shows up as fear and anxiety. Many of us will default to one of the Four Responses to manage this distress, specifically our Fight reaction becomes Poking, Flight becomes Running, Freeze becomes Hiding, and Fawn becomes Submitting.
Here is the link to the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Great content 👍
Very helpful video's. Could you clarify one point? @18:08 you said that we should be sitting and "Feeling the rage, feeling the anger". How does one do that? I mean, don't we have to express anger/rage on some pillow or something in order to Feel it, instead of just sit with it and Feel it. Is the later even possible? Thanks again!
Thank you ❤
You're welcome. Glad you like this one.
To dive deeper into these attachment dynamics you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Alan I’ve been binge watching your videos for the past few days. This video is indeed painful - hearing how childhood pattern of relating affects our lives and our choice of partners is plain depressing. One feels like there is no way out of this cycle.
Maybe there is hope. Maybe it is possible to work on these issues. Who knows?
thank you
Yes it is painful and sobering. And I do see that I picked people who are at that prehistoric level of relating, can't really respond emotionally and that's why the wheels fell off.
21:55 @alanrobarge you really are the bees knees. There are so many details in here on how to recover from codependency . Thank you
Thank you so much, so much helpful informations, do you think one can recover from codependency?
What would we be working on using the grief process?
resonate