Painful Relationship Grief, Too Much Suffering, Needing Support, Loneliness of Attachment Trauma
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- Опубліковано 24 січ 2024
- Painful Relationship Grief, Too Much Suffering, Needing Support, Loneliness of Attachment Trauma
Alan Robarge, Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
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I was driving home earlier and was like “I feel like a ghost” and decided to walk my dog and see if you had any videos to listen to. The universe does care about me even when I think it doesn’t.
Thanks for helping me feel I do exist, I’m not alone, and you see the pain that comes along with the journey.
You are truly a gift. Thank you for being you and for what you do seriously. It helped relieve some of my suffering this evening.
Oh thank you for sharing how much the videos resonate with you. Thank you for the kind words. You're invited to join us in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
You are a poet of the inner mind
Your comment touches me deeply. Thank you for those words. I value the poet's mind. The poet is the visionary. I consider it the highest compliment to be seen as a poet. Thank you for your kind reflection.
“It was a fine cry- long and loud- but it had no bottom and it had no top- just circles and circles of sorrow.”
Toni Morrison ‘Sula’
oh wow, amazing. that is powerful. thank you.
Beautiful, poignant. Thank you.
This is exactly how I feel
I’ve been through so much in my 52 years
It’s amazing I’m still here with all the loss and damage , I’m grateful and not so grateful 😢
I hear you. I’m reminded of our undamaged essence shining through.
I cant be the only one that simply reads the title of Alan Robarges videos and exhales while saying: thank god perfect timing😥
Every time!
Glad the videos have been helpful for you. It’s comforting to know how many people can relate.
Thank you Alan. I cried through the first 10 minutes of this video and felt very seen. I can feel this is very authentic and sincere. It's rare to feel a connection with someone through a youtube video
That’s wonderful to know you felt seen. Thank you for connecting with this video. It’s so validating when people relate.
Thank you. I love these longer videos- I often listen to them over and over again because I hear something new each time. So happy to see you uploading again 😊
That’s great to hear you get so much from the videos. I appreciate the feedback.
Wow.. I love you so much.. I don't know how you managed to find the words, or even begin to put into words, the deep unspeakable truths of this indescribable pain. I didn't think it was possible but I actually feel understood, and a little less alone in this world. Thank you
Oh that's wonderful, I'm glad to hear you connected with this video and you felt understood. Thank you.
Thank you Alan. Very much appreciate you putting words to these feelings - knowing we are not alone on this journey ❤
You’re welcome. It’s true, we’re not alone on this journey. It’s comforting to know how can relate and are going through the same thing. We learn so much from each other.
The depth of your awareness is both heartwarming, and heartrending. I can only hope the next years and decades of your life are peaceful.
I appreciate the kind comment. Thank you for connecting with and seeing the depth in this video. It’s great to know when people connect with what we share. It’s affirming.
Your expression brings profound resonance . Such precious connection.
I’m so glad to hear it brings you profound resonance and I’m glad you can relate with the video. It’s so affirming when people relate with what we have to share. Thank you for the kind feedback.
I speak similarly to you.
Hard to find the right words, but I need to name it to time it. Thank you for being your most real self. The authenticity radiates
From one real self to another. Thank you for connecting and thank you for the kind words.
Thank you for your work. After seeing my mother unalive herself when I was 9 years old, what even is this life?..😭
That sounds hard. I hear you.
It brings some comfort that another human being (Alan) actually knows how to put the painful emptiness into words like no other. His empathy is humbling.
Glad this video brings some comfort. I appreciate the kind feedback.
In opening your soul you comfort mine. Thank you.
Thank you for the comment.
I really liked how you talked about the relationship you have with your pain/wound. How suffering can turn into a sort of companion of sorts. I really relate to that.
Thank you, I’m glad you related with that. Yes, suffering as a companion. We learn about our relationship with our pain.
You speak of these things so eloquently. I wonder if youre a writer, as well? Cripple and the Starfish is definitely a favorite of mine that I'm so glad you mentioned! You not only speak of the elements of suffering but have inspired in me various ideas for art that I'd like to create. Thank you for what youve been creating with this channel. It's been very helpful to me, personally.
Thank you, yes, I’m working on a book. Thank you for sharing my work has been inspiring for you to create and I’m glad the videos are helpful.
I love that you are doing videos again. I think you are the most understanding when it comes to emotional pain. Nobody else gets it the way you do, and just listening to the videos brings hope.
Wow, that’s wonderful to hear the videos bring you hope. I really appreciate the kind feedback. Thank you for connecting with the videos.
It made perfect sense.
Glad to hear this made sense.
I felt like you were sitting with me in my pain, grief, suffering and loneliness last night and putting words to everything I felt. Thank you forever for sitting with me.
Oh thanks for sharing this video really connected with you. It's so affirming when others can understand and hear what we have to share.
Thank you for your deep and descriptive delivery. Sadness speaks truth, not THE truth but a truth. 🤔 Wow.. to arrive at this level of understanding couldn't have been an easy journey. Thank you for sharing with us..how to transverse into ourselves in an honest and kind way. To see each other's scars isnt easy, it can feel like another load we have to take on and we have our own scars to tend to. But to ignore each other's pain is to distance ourselves from what could be a connection. That connection could be the missing piece to our own healing puzzle. It takes so much courage. Thank you for pulling us closer to ourselves and each other despite our fears 🙏
Yes, it’s true it isn’t easy to see each other’s scars. But it is comforting and validating when we can relate. The connection with ourselves and others is so valuable. Thank you for the kind words.
I love you Alan. ❤
Thank you.
I’m so glad you started posting again
Thank you.
Dear Alan,
I don't know how to thank you enough for this video. This is so profound, so raw, so sincere, so true. Each of your words vibrates within me. You get it. You know it. You understand it so very well. It is as if you were just sitting there, into this very suffering place, and you were looking into our eyes to tell us that we are not alone, that you see what others don't even have a clue of what's going on. How humble, sensitive and compassionate you are!
I usually don't FEEL connection with people. But here you are, putting into words my inner world. I feel this connection. I feel this belonging with someone who might come from the same "home".
When I look at how the pain forged you, I understand its greatness, its wisdom. I see the great beauty within our dark night of the soul.
Event thought I don't know you, from your many videos, I can tell that you are one of the most amazing human beings I have ever "met".
Thank you for sharing such vulnerability with us. You are a blessing for this human world.
U r a wonderful blessing sir. Thanks to you I have hope that I can move to a more secure attachment someday
That’s wonderful to hear the videos brought you a sense of hope. Thank you for the feedback.
I love you
Thank you.
You speak so eloquently. Such a sad topic that you managed to turn into beautiful poetry 💕
Thank you for the compliment that this was like poetry. I consider that the highest compliment.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma 💕
Thank you for how you vocalize the real feelings. It's so validating and releasing!
So glad you resonated with the video. It’s great to know others can connect and relate.
Your videos are so deeply moving and impactful. What a beautiful, embodied, and honest offering. Thank you.
I appreciate you sharing the videos are so moving for you. Thank you for the kind words and it’s nice to know when others connect with what we have to share.
Thank you so much 🙏❤️
You’re welcome.
“Running with your eyes closed” you’re literally describing a reoccurring dream I’ve had my entire life.
This makes me feel ready to shift my focus away from trying to heal the pain and practice living in spite of it.
Instead of a trying to work on the relationship with suffering, refocus my attention to the relationship with my wounded self..
This made so much sense thank you.
Great insight. I’m so glad to hear this video helped you refocus your attention to the relationship with yourself. Many of us are learning how to be with the pain. Thank you for sharing your experience..
thank you, Alan
You’re welcome.
The depths of human suffering should not exist. There must be a missing element, or nonalignment with the power of love. When we find the truth, the pain that has held us prisoners will be no more. I find no value in pain. Pain is inhuman and a creepy alien thing to what our hearts truly want; to be loved, to be free, to be happy. Why do we tolerate pain as a humanity?
Pain is inevitable, we don’t tolerate it, we merely have no choice but to accept it initially but then move towards a place where we understand and accept its value.
There is no up without the down, it’s how it’s meant to be
Pain IS Human
The inhuman(e) is in-human.
Thank you so much, Alan, for sharing what you shared, and how you shared it. Your content is so thoughtful and real, and it resonates with me deeply.
Just a few hours ago, I found myself telling someone, "I'm good, I'm fine," and then took a beat to add, "but not always." This reflection was profoundly deepened by your video. Hearing you say the words, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" made me cry for the first time in a long while. I am also saying those words back to you, to us all, and to myself. This acknowledgment of our shared grief and suffering hits hard.
Your experience and wisdom on this topic have significantly influenced me, especially as I recall the last time I engaged with your videos was at the loss of yet another relationship that slipped through my fingers. You were a great help to me back then as well.
I’m glad to see you making videos again - they offer a depth of understanding I have not heard from anyone else.
Thank you again for your unique perspectives on navigating the difficult relationship with grief - and always with grace and empathy.
🙏
Oh thanks so much for sharing how deeply you resonate with this content. It's true, I know many of us need this acknowledgement. I'm glad to hear this video was helpful. Please share it with others.
Took me a couple of attempts to watch this through and so grateful I did. Thankyou once again for being honest and real Alan. It inspires courage 🔥✨
I know sometimes it’s challenging to hear. Sometimes I hang it up and say I’m not thinking about healing today! Glad though this this video was inspiring for you. Thank you for the kind words.
Thank you for sharing this with everyone. I never thought suffering could bring anything but more suffering. You have inspired me to embrace that which I have no control over.
Thank you for sharing and I'm glad this video brought some inspiration.
You’re a poet of the inner world
Thank you for the kind comment.
Thank you for your understanding of intense suffering. Not many people understand. Your sincerity shines through ❤
Thank you for the kind words. It's so affirming when others understand what we share. Thank you for connecting with this video.
I have had therapists ask me what I'm getting out of my misery. I can understand why they ask this, but at the same time resent it. Yes, I'm getting something out of it, but I don't know what. Sometimes I think it is the only thing my mother gave me: her pain. It is the only connection I have to my mom. That is what I might be getting out of it: I need her and my pain is my only connection to her. I am living her pain and my own pain of never having a healthy relationship with her. So I keep looking for in others what she didn't have to give me. I am doomed to pain as long as I expect/hope/need to be made whole through a connection to someone outside myself. How to let my mom go and do for myself the job she failed to do???? It is cruel of therapist to ask this question in the tone that blames me, to suggest that I like it and use it to get pity. I resent that. It shows they don't understand how childhood rejection from a parent damages a person and how difficult to heal from it is. If they have insight to what I am getting out of it, they should tell me.
I hear you, thank you for sharing your experience.
You verbalize what I never could. Good to know I'm not bat shit crazy.
Glad this video connected for you. It’s so affirming when others can relate.
You say so many things that resonate and are truths! It would be nice to have a magical pill to fix everything!
Glad to hear that. Thank you for connecting with the content.
It made sense. On every level.
Thanks!
Thank you for the kind donation. Glad the videos are helpful. I appreciate your support.
Thanks! 🙂
You’re welcome.
❤ thank you
You’re welcome.
Profound and poetic ❤❤❤
Thank you.
Thank you Alan❤
You’re welcome.
Thank you😊
You’re welcome.
I am grieving every day. Can't concentrate, just suffering because of the breakup. She said I dont want the same as her but it is not true. Marriage and children was my goal with her, but she insisted that I dont want it. I just wanted to have a healthy relationship before and not being blocked everywhere and being accused of being a cheater just because I have a female friend.
you are so lovely.
Thank you.
Not sure if you’re doing this, (editing yourself crying)
I think this is helpful to see you cry, for myself
But that is a personal decision I understand
Thank you. I agree, crying is cathartic.
32:32 some people burn sage ..some people listen to healing frequencys some people cleanse chakras and meditate ....I listen to Alan Robarge .
Thank you for the kind comment. I'm the videos are helpful for you. I want to share you may be interested in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank you 🙏❤️. I am now undergoing grief, a deep pain, an undercurrent so intense, so prevalent, so overwhelming and prioritary to anything else. It is a response to a deep love for a man who left. And I am going to therapy and it is slowly "healing" but it is so present and stubbornly resilient that I wonder what I should do. What else to do? Your video gives answers, it starts the discussion, in so many ways. Thanks for this 🙏❤️
Empathy to you, I know this isn’t easy. I’m glad the video offered a helpful reference point. Many of us can relate with going through the experience you shared about. It’s validating knowing we aren’t alone, that others can understand our experience.
“How was I trained to accept and not question non-relating?”
“We are conduits for suffering.”
“I have a presence; I have preferences.”
Bonnie Raitt knew.
“'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't.”
*
Now I sing this to myself: a reminder where love lives-inside me. 💝
That is such a deep song. Thanks for the share.
Can you speak on Alexithymia please? Very few videos about this on UA-cam.
Thanks for the question. I remember when we mentioned it in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It’s actually very common. We can learn so much from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
First😀
Thanks.
I don't mean to be rude but a lot of your videos are very long and a lot of the times you tend to ramble and go off topic to the title of the video.
Then don't watch them. Personally his video on gay attachment wounds is sublime! Required viewing for all people on the LGBTQ spectrum.
Yes, this is intentional, however rambling is subjective and can also be at times about processing and/or working through. This is my style. I circle the layers of the content and look for the connections. I repeat ideas not only to help the viewer perhaps sit with it longer or hear it differently but because the very nature of these areas of focus don't open up right away and require a massaging and finding an opening. This is also the experience of 22 years of sitting with clients who tell the same story over and over and over and over again, but with each telling there are opportunities for integration and perspective shifts. Each time the words and "rambling" might sound the same, but the present moment experience can be different, insightful, or meaningful. And sometimes, I am just outright unskilled and unable to be successful with the delivery. I do not make videos for viewers. I make videos to invite a lived experience of these ideas, attachment trauma, family dynamics, loneliness, longing, etc. My videos are purposefully long for those who want more than a quick sound byte or convenient download of summarized information. I understand that this style might not resonate with you or your needs or everyone.
I personally like the length. I think he’s doing just fine. You don’t have to watch if his style of content doesn’t resonate with you
😂 this is what I like about these videos, because they absolutely resonate with my ruminating grief. I am validated in my grief, I’m comforted knowing that im not “going crazy”. There is nothing like this on UA-cam. Absolutely a part of my healing.
What I truly 😊love about this man is that he gives so much of himself, he doesn’t speak in the abstract but rather of the true affairs of the heart. When he speaks the screen disappears and it’s as if he’s across the table talking to me. I’ve watched some of the great trauma healers, and his gift is very special indeed. As a gift to myself I’m going to rewatch everything, and write down the truths I’ve learnt, this notebook will be near me at all times, for those moments when no one else understands. thank you Alan you are a stellar human being. ❤️