You are helping me through a difficult time I found myself, a 29 year old, creeping into the past year. I've been reading your book "Your Journey To Success" after watching one of your videos on codependency and have been learning a lot and it has been very eye opening to me and helps me understand what I'm going through. If you've got more books, I will probbly be getting them. A 9 year relationship I thought would be my forever until suddenly I was unhappy, and difficulties in my relationship with my mother. It's a lot to experience emotionally, and it really takes time...but this journey is interesting at the same time. I'm glad I found your channel.
Thank you for your vulnerability. I am so sorry you suffered so much as a child. You didn't deserve that at all. I am joyful that you have found your peace in the pain.❤❤❤❤
Dating today is a WHOLE other and additional layer and level for us with cptsd/abandonment issues with the 'smart' deVICES...texting, etc. Very good, authentic and helpful.
(CPTSD here) Currently I give myself permission to meet new people only offline. since we cannot watch them, I am sure we need access to much information initially. When all we have is texting with people, we don't really get to know them. The same worse have a different meaning sent by different people. Sometimes people define love or friendship differently, sometimes they say cute things, but since we don't know how they act, we can only build our trust on what they say, which is dangerous. The more we can use our physical sense around new people, the more we have access to our common sense as well!
What you were describing about re: fantasy and what's portrayed in 'hollywood romance' is called limerence. It is a psychological state characterized by intense, all-consuming romantic feelings for another person, including intrusive melancholic thoughts, obsessive thinking, deep desire for reciprocation, that is more of an infatuation based in fantasy, rather than an actual mutual love being demonstrated by both parties.
Thanks for the great advice born from experience. I went through childhood Trauma, neglect, abuse and deprived of having friends or anything approaching childhood normality. I'd run away from home regularly from age 8 on , left home at 18 never went back. Messed up inside , wanted freedom, hit the road travelling but also desperate to find love, family,belonging somewhere safe. I've often wondered about this idea of ' romantic love ' we're bombarded with it in songs and pop culture and I thought ' is it trying to find what you lost or never even had in childhood? I've been in therapy, learnt about attachment theory etc. Knowing stuff in your head is ok but healing is a journey and self love takes time undoing the lack of it , or that feeling you don't deserve it. I like the gas pedal analogy. Of course narcissists love bombing is foot on the floor! very easy to fool someone like me, and it did for 14 years till I began waking up and setting some boundaries and regaining some self respect and self love. Another 6 years more still doing the work but less bothered about the romantic idealism, feeling more ok inside these days. Keep up the great work. Best wishes and thanks.
The songs and musics with which we are bombarded are all 'stories' of codependency when you think about it ....really kinda sick. Yes Good observation. Agree 100%, narcissists love bomb. I'm so glad I know the terms now. Like you, childhood trauma (gang bullied by family - sensitive, scapegoat, truth teller and since no one and I mean NO ONE protected, defended or helped me which led to the same situations and patterns in school, at work, and with the healthcare system for which I worked 20+ years, who neglected me with medical care during critical illness in 2020, and that all just totally lit the match to the decades prior that damaged me so much and I didn't realize how much it did because I didn't realize how it was coming out. It landed me giving up a music scholarship for healthcare and I became a nurse - surprise surprise. I felt awesome giving what I didn't receive, anticipating needs, really giving the love and detailed care and attentiveness, but then taught dance fitness, traveled all around, etc. Adrenaline junkie! Because I didn't get involved with sex, drugs or overuse of alcohol (but did enjoy myself at parties and enjoyed the buzz....I learned that I had low dopamine, which all that activity was my drug! I had no idea. I'm learning SOOOO much). I learned it wasn't happening as much with guys, but with same sex friends. Girlfriends but they were always emotionally unavailable and always me giving and they would just "be there" which was eh and okay until I needed more. I will pray you for you on the journey, and please the same for me. It's heavy stuff, and hard. It's hard to not feel depressed that it will never stop, despite how much you're workng on it, and today/this era is a bear because of the antisocial media addictions that are turning people into non persons! I am very real, very much human and seeking humans for friendships and relationships but I'm a minority. You've progressed, be proud of that! My favorite quote: "our wounds are usually not our fault, but healing is always our responsibility." I pray all the best for you, and all of us, and myself.
@@Jennifer-gr7hnso you mean minority as in too young? Or the other minority? It does make a difference. Either was u sound like a very intuitive smart minded gal. Keep drumming it up girl!!!
@Jennifer-gr7hn Thanks for your kind comments and sharing your experiences. Going through traumas both ultimately strengthens the soul but short term grooms one to be susceptible to narcissistic types until we've learnt to validate ourselves instead of seeking it from others. Because humans are tribal at heart needing true connection is hard wired into us and the only way humans survived. I do think in general machines are becoming more like humans while humans more like machines? I guess we should honour our ' wounds' because they surely force us to dig deeper for resources, tools to cope that we may otherwise never have found. You sound a very genuine soul, talented and self aware.I remember you in my prayers and wish you every happiness ahead.
That was DEFINITELY me.. I dont know if this video would have resonated with me then...i was charging ahead with all the craze, including my hormones! SO grateful for grey hairs and age 😅 Thank You.. During my crazy times there was no UA-cam and such amazing content.. Thank You.. I am sure this is helping a lot today who really need it...
Excellent and important for friends (same sex) because if you are like this with lovers, you are like this with friends. problem is, most are not like me who wait for marriage, so we have more experience with more people, and I'm thankful for this because it helped me get to the roots of my childhood (into adulthood) wounds. Excellent, thank you!
har splitting ....same. Can't like with out respect. The people pleasing kind of 'like' is not what he's saying. He's more so saying like vs love and lust.
There's nothing perfect about imperfection. Word coding oneself with that idea is an unhealthy program . It may sound like a neat exoression or play on words to say perfectly imperfect but its not a healthy code for self programming as that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. We must be very careful what we say to ourselves especially after the God given I AM to include only positive words and Affirmations with positive intent. Anything negative following the I AM literally creates a negative reality. Gods Divine Love is perfect and we are created in that perfect love, so we need to work on our own I AM Presence connection to God within, and love God and yourself first genuinely, deeply and truly, as only then can one expand and extend the authentic self and genuine love to others, from there 💜🎶🙏🏼😇🕊💫
I have been listening to you so much. Healing and growing along the way. And when you said you are ready to date again…….🫣 I would love to have the opportunity to go on one date with you. Every time I listen to you, I was always saying, wow, he is someone I would love to hang out with. Let me know what you think. Either way. You are one terrific guy💗
You are helping me through a difficult time I found myself, a 29 year old, creeping into the past year. I've been reading your book "Your Journey To Success" after watching one of your videos on codependency and have been learning a lot and it has been very eye opening to me and helps me understand what I'm going through.
If you've got more books, I will probbly be getting them.
A 9 year relationship I thought would be my forever until suddenly I was unhappy, and difficulties in my relationship with my mother. It's a lot to experience emotionally, and it really takes time...but this journey is interesting at the same time. I'm glad I found your channel.
Thank you for your vulnerability. I am so sorry you suffered so much as a child. You didn't deserve that at all. I am joyful that you have found your peace in the pain.❤❤❤❤
Dating today is a WHOLE other and additional layer and level for us with cptsd/abandonment issues with the 'smart' deVICES...texting, etc. Very good, authentic and helpful.
(CPTSD here) Currently I give myself permission to meet new people only offline. since we cannot watch them, I am sure we need access to much information initially. When all we have is texting with people, we don't really get to know them. The same worse have a different meaning sent by different people. Sometimes people define love or friendship differently, sometimes they say cute things, but since we don't know how they act, we can only build our trust on what they say, which is dangerous.
The more we can use our physical sense around new people, the more we have access to our common sense as well!
Yes actions speak louder than words ! Actions need to match the words or the words are meaningless !
What you were describing about re: fantasy and what's portrayed in 'hollywood romance' is called limerence. It is a psychological state characterized by intense, all-consuming romantic feelings for another person, including intrusive melancholic thoughts, obsessive thinking, deep desire for reciprocation, that is more of an infatuation based in fantasy, rather than an actual mutual love being demonstrated by both parties.
Thanks for the great advice born from experience. I went through childhood Trauma, neglect, abuse and deprived of having friends or anything approaching childhood normality. I'd run away from home regularly from age 8 on , left home at 18 never went back. Messed up inside , wanted freedom, hit the road travelling but also desperate to find love, family,belonging somewhere safe. I've often wondered about this idea of ' romantic love ' we're bombarded with it in songs and pop culture and I thought ' is it trying to find what you lost or never even had in childhood? I've been in therapy, learnt about attachment theory etc. Knowing stuff in your head is ok but healing is a journey and self love takes time undoing the lack of it , or that feeling you don't deserve it. I like the gas pedal analogy. Of course narcissists love bombing is foot on the floor! very easy to fool someone like me, and it did for 14 years till I began waking up and setting some boundaries and regaining some self respect and self love. Another 6 years more still doing the work but less bothered about the romantic idealism, feeling more ok inside these days. Keep up the great work. Best wishes and thanks.
The songs and musics with which we are bombarded are all 'stories' of codependency when you think about it ....really kinda sick. Yes Good observation. Agree 100%, narcissists love bomb. I'm so glad I know the terms now. Like you, childhood trauma (gang bullied by family - sensitive, scapegoat, truth teller and since no one and I mean NO ONE protected, defended or helped me which led to the same situations and patterns in school, at work, and with the healthcare system for which I worked 20+ years, who neglected me with medical care during critical illness in 2020, and that all just totally lit the match to the decades prior that damaged me so much and I didn't realize how much it did because I didn't realize how it was coming out. It landed me giving up a music scholarship for healthcare and I became a nurse - surprise surprise. I felt awesome giving what I didn't receive, anticipating needs, really giving the love and detailed care and attentiveness, but then taught dance fitness, traveled all around, etc. Adrenaline junkie! Because I didn't get involved with sex, drugs or overuse of alcohol (but did enjoy myself at parties and enjoyed the buzz....I learned that I had low dopamine, which all that activity was my drug! I had no idea. I'm learning SOOOO much). I learned it wasn't happening as much with guys, but with same sex friends. Girlfriends but they were always emotionally unavailable and always me giving and they would just "be there" which was eh and okay until I needed more. I will pray you for you on the journey, and please the same for me. It's heavy stuff, and hard. It's hard to not feel depressed that it will never stop, despite how much you're workng on it, and today/this era is a bear because of the antisocial media addictions that are turning people into non persons! I am very real, very much human and seeking humans for friendships and relationships but I'm a minority. You've progressed, be proud of that! My favorite quote: "our wounds are usually not our fault, but healing is always our responsibility." I pray all the best for you, and all of us, and myself.
@@Jennifer-gr7hnso you mean minority as in too young? Or the other minority? It does make a difference. Either was u sound like a very intuitive smart minded gal. Keep drumming it up girl!!!
@Jennifer-gr7hn Thanks for your kind comments and sharing your experiences. Going through traumas both ultimately strengthens the soul but short term grooms one to be susceptible to narcissistic types until we've learnt to validate ourselves instead of seeking it from others. Because humans are tribal at heart needing true connection is hard wired into us and the only way humans survived. I do think in general machines are becoming more like humans while humans more like machines? I guess we should honour our ' wounds' because they surely force us to dig deeper for resources, tools to cope that we may otherwise never have found. You sound a very genuine soul, talented and self aware.I remember you in my prayers and wish you every happiness ahead.
Great information, Kenny. New subscriber. I love that you have boundaries in your relationships, yet no boundaries in your attire. 😶 I respect that
That was DEFINITELY me..
I dont know if this video would have resonated with me then...i was charging ahead with all the craze, including my hormones! SO grateful for grey hairs and age 😅
Thank You..
During my crazy times there was no UA-cam and such amazing content..
Thank You..
I am sure this is helping a lot today who really need it...
Thanks for sharing the very complex trauma you felt with your Mom. So brave of you to first process it and then break it down for your viewers...
Excellent and important for friends (same sex) because if you are like this with lovers, you are like this with friends. problem is, most are not like me who wait for marriage, so we have more experience with more people, and I'm thankful for this because it helped me get to the roots of my childhood (into adulthood) wounds. Excellent, thank you!
Kenny, thank you for your wise words ❤
This is pure GOLD
What about to be respected instead of liked? All my life I’ve been trying to get everyone to like me. Trying to break that
har splitting ....same. Can't like with out respect. The people pleasing kind of 'like' is not what he's saying. He's more so saying like vs love and lust.
No...
You have to 'like'...
It's about you and what you want..
Not about how the other person is treating yourself...
Hope that helps
I agree, I think respect is a better word. :) It by definition implies resonating with a person's boundaries and upholding them (and vice versa).
Thanks for posting helpful content.
If you give too much in a relationship - and little is given in return - there is an imbalance 🥺....i call it , "Emotional bonding deficits"....🧐
@@karldunne5595 love that term!!! I have emotional bonding deficits!!!
thank you
Good video. 👍
Glad you enjoyed it
Appreciate your vulnerability
Thank you.
You're welcome!
Thanks for sharing, I feel better, and looking forward to saying NO etc. omg 8 years for me is a long time to find who Iam. thank you for the videos
You got this!
❤
There's nothing perfect about imperfection. Word coding oneself with that idea is an unhealthy program . It may sound like a neat exoression or play on words to say perfectly imperfect but its not a healthy code for self programming as that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. We must be very careful what we say to ourselves especially after the God given I AM to include only positive words and Affirmations with positive intent. Anything negative following the I AM literally creates a negative reality.
Gods Divine Love is perfect and we are created in that perfect love, so we need to work on our own I AM Presence connection to God within, and love God and yourself first genuinely, deeply and truly, as only then can one expand and extend the authentic self and genuine love to others, from there 💜🎶🙏🏼😇🕊💫
What mbti type are you?
Psicólogo sigma pigs Tatá radio pigs same tease liers pigs same tease liers thanks Dr
I have been listening to you so much. Healing and growing along the way. And when you said you are ready to date again…….🫣 I would love to have the opportunity to go on one date with you. Every time I listen to you, I was always saying, wow, he is someone I would love to hang out with. Let me know what you think. Either way. You are one terrific guy💗