Emotionally Unavailable Men: 4 Signs It's Time To Leave
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
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Navigating relationships with emotionally unavailable men can be a challenging journey, often leaving one questioning whether to stay or leave. It's a precarious balance between hoping he's genuinely trying to change and recognizing when he's merely offering the bare minimum to keep you tethered. The first sign that it's time to walk away from such a relationship is when communication feels like an uphill battle. If conversations consistently skim the surface or he evades discussing deeper emotions, it's a red flag signaling his emotional unavailability.
Another indicator is inconsistency. Emotionally unavailable men may show intermittent bursts of affection or effort, only to retreat into their shell shortly after. This rollercoaster of attention can leave you feeling confused and emotionally drained. Pay attention to patterns rather than isolated incidents. If his behavior follows a predictable cycle of withdrawal and sporadic engagement, it's a clear sign that he's not emotionally available for a committed relationship.
Ultimately, setting boundaries becomes imperative. Recognizing that waiting for an emotionally unavailable man to change can lead to years of frustration is the first step towards empowerment. Trust your instincts and prioritize your emotional well-being. If you find yourself constantly questioning his intentions or feeling unfulfilled in the relationship, it may be time to muster the courage to walk away. Remember, a healthy relationship requires mutual respect, open communication, and emotional availability from both partners. Don't settle for less.
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Doing the bare minimum to keep you in the relationship - hits a nerve
Defo! The hardest part is understanding that I stayed for the time I did with dust not even CRUMBS!
It's called 'believing in 💕 love' - our heart wants to love - so as long as we love, rational thinking would be killing the love we have for the person
Yes
@@jayalanger It did for me
Yup!!!
I was in a trauma bond. Bare minimum effort. I was made to feel bad for having needs and wanting reciprocation.
I'm so sorry to hear that - it is so hard being in a trauma bond ❤️
Same. The father of my children and 20 years of marriage, 10 of them in trauma bond.
One thing you don't mention in point 3 about your needs not being met is. Have you communicated this needs to your partner and is he willing to meet them. Your partner cannot be a mind reader .. we as women just hope our partners instinctively know... But they might not be aware. Having an open and honest communication is crucial.
Me too!
Same. Major panic attacks after almost 2 years of crumbs and gaslighting
I was told "you have a lot of needs"....i just wanted physical affection and to feel seen
At least you knew you valued those very normal needs - next!!!! Hugs x
I like that, "You are only as needy as your unmet needs."
I agree!
Would love to share that
Same!
CONSISTENCY is now a top shelf deal-breaker in any relationship I will form - with lovers and friends!!!
Yes!
I think what's funny with emotionally unavailable men is once you start pulling away, he starts to panic and chase you like crazy.
So, I always remain aloof and mysterious with men in general but I'm not looking for a relationship so I'm fine with these types going away. Its peaceful without them.
Power to you . Agreed. Freedom of choice to walk away is liberating and emancipating. ❤
Aloof and mysterious won't allow for healthy and connected intimacy with the right person though ❤️
Women are notorious for doing the exact same thing. Men and women arent as polar opposite as people think.
@@LoveByDesign There is no right person. I am done with love.
@@LoveByDesignI’m so glad you pointed this out lovingly… some of us are really trying to heal. 🙏🏼💖
Yes extremely consistent, consistently inconsistent!!!! 😂
😂
It can be hard to let them go!
🤣 well that's consistency I guess!!
@@LoveByDesignvery hard because we are human and just bc they may be selfish manipulative etc. it still doesn't mean there is no connection or click.
I thought I wouldnt meet another chemistry and mind connection again soon this os ofcourse the illusion: what connection lol. A one sided one only when it suits the other person.
These types will make us feel like a book which they put back on a shelf when they are occupied and not thinking about us.
I learned my lesson to never date a divorced man who hasn't been divorced well over a year or two.
I’d go further than that. That year or two needs to be without using a woman for s*x or distraction. They have to be alone and self reflect.
I so needed this reminder ❤
Or isn't done with his divorce trauma. Been there, done that.
I’d say more so don’t date a divorced man till he’s dealt with his baggage . Some still carry it decades later and you cop their bad behaviour due to unresolved anger bitterness etc. and get the avoidant traits. I stupidly put up with breadcrumbs thinking he needed time to realise I wasn’t the ex wife I didnt need to be punished I was loving caring patient and kind but sadly they come on so strong to get you to trust them then the hurtful signs become glaring that you try to ignore. DONT
Mine isn’t even divorced yet after 1 1/2 years
Still talks about wife all the time! Hate that !
Won’t talk about stuff unless he’s drunk
Avoidant & alcoholic
I just broke up with him for 3rd time ! Too much drama
This is AMAZING! U just saved me a lot of heartbreak thank you!! I rather be alone than lonely with the wrong person! I trust myself to find someone who doesn't leave me confused
I met a man recently like this. It’s strange how easily he attracts women, like we all have issues and need men like this in our lives to make it uncomfortable and crappy. The women who fawn over him are all attractive too but he clearly has a low sense of himself based on what he revealed over the course of this past year. You would think that attractive women would seek out better men but it seems the more attractive the girl, the lower her sense of self worth 🤷♀️
I think that's because attractive women know that men usually want them for their looks, they don't get valued for their personality or character so their self esteem gets rooted in their appearance. They then have to ask themselves, if I looked different, would there be anything about me that a partner would want?
I had similar experience, except I believe the guy was living a double life. A lot of women liked him in the environment that we socialize in, but I suspected something. He decided to slander me, he had the power and authority so my reputation is ruined. It has been 24 years of true nightmare. I fight this battle solo, cost me everything education ,opportunities everything I said about him he is accusing me of. Things I clearly outlined, what gets me is people lie for him. I am turned off. I am, because scheming is evil. The person who is scheming with him, she likes someone she hopes he can set her up with. I have seen him work, he sees this person as desperate so he is waiting for the right time. 24 years I know him. He gets people to lie then sets them up. He is as loyal as wolf in a hen house. He is Future faking her, so she will give him what he wants me to leave but in the meantime I am slandered. Can't warn people, they don't believe me anyway. The truth cost me everything maybe my life or my freedom
My needs weren’t met. I wanted a relationship with a title n commitment. He didn’t see the point in having titles/labels. I wanted him to plan, initiate n at times pay for a dates. I had no problems planning, initiating & paying for dates. The majority of the dates we had was bc I planned , initiating n paying for the dates. He never wanted to take pics together let alone to post on social media. So in reality I didn’t lose much of anything as we have no memories lol 😂….. he claimed it was bc he didn’t like taking pics but he had pics on his social media n would take pics with other people. He claimed he didn’t do social media yet stayed on Facebook, Instagram n Twitter/X. He claimed he didn’t know how to do dates yet could go out to eat with other people. Just a lot of blatant games n wasting my time.
I'm sorry that happened to you ❤️
Bs excuses lies. You deserve better.
Usually we withdraw because we are dealing with something personal. Plus more often than not our vulnerability gets used against us at some point.
I really wanted to forget about him, but he kept ringing in my heart. He put the efforts in the beginning, and later on, he definitely turned off, and I can't control him. He ignored me, had no calls, no message, and no more any dates from him
I’m sorry this happened to you ❤️
Wow, this could be my list😮
Positive bias. Wow! That hit home. Great perspective. Loved this entire video. THANK YOU!
You are so welcome! 🙏
Thank you! I now know that my relationship is worth fighting for❤
Wow I'm so glad you got clarity like that from this video!!
This is me in the current situation. Thank you 🙏🏻
You are welcome 🙏
if you are involved with this type person, ditch them now because they never change, never. They don't know how and won't.
On all spectrums of intimacy, got none. Talking about anything “he did” ends with him cleaning the house. (His only version of communication or apology)
He’s a victim, won’t sincerely listen to most conversations regarding anything he’s done. He won’t take accountability. Has no empathy for any of the trauma I’ve been thru with him. He just sweeps everything under the rug. We go to sleep with no communication or reconciliation. Generally just turns into the next day us discussing normal life needs. Like oh do I have money for gas.. like the most bland surface level stuff. Honestly, Married 15yrs.
I can relate...I left 10 years ago...
This is my life. Add some alcohol and ptsd. And voila you have my life. I completely lost myself and my life was completely upside down.
@@lacrews10 yes he’s been an alcoholic last 6-7 years. Didn’t add that part. He almost died basically so now he’s cut back. But sad I still see cans laying around randomly
@@lacrews10 was? Is it different now?
I love him, but he doesn't love me anymore like he used to!! I really want to forget him and let god bless me with the better one 😢
This video will help you take steps to move on: ua-cam.com/video/sLQQAS7GPlE/v-deo.html
Beautiful video for a man, who is developing himself to be open to his future partner.
unavailable men are so boring to me. eww
Yess
Women are the same way with men
Awesome talk, Namaste Beautiful Soul!
🙏
Wow. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
I should have known when my now ex husband said foreplay was too much work 😮
Wow 😮
Thank you ❤❤❤❤
You are so welcome ❤️
Yea, a guy I was considering dating, drank a lot so, it really was hard to believe anything he ever said, even when it was very nice and complimentary. Then he invited me over to his house for a casual get together then proceeded to be not completely nice to me because I was late even though it was described to me as just a casual thing, it just got worse as the day progressed.
Last two slides i thank youuu for them❤
Excellent
Thank you ❤️
Those list are bery relatable of how i feel. I even feel the most ugliest after i left the relationship i didn’t understand why this happem all of the sudden
Even a 1:5 yay:nay mos are too dodgy on an ongoing basis. Nasty narcy, toxic relationship often consist of 90% great/fun... to 10% horrible but the bad is REALLY BAD... I'm not putting up with anything other than the very occasional difficult/sad moment, with lovers or fiends, moving forward! Just don't get emotionally involved (trauma bonded if it's toxic) too soon, so it's easier to exit with no/minimal trauma - can take 6 months to a year (Or more) for pro hustlers' masks to drop! 🎭
I was always pointing out to my ex that his words and actions never lined up, how inconsistent he was. I was his second marriage, second divorce. For someone who spent no time with me, or talked with me, he's all about it now. Unfortunately for him I'm pretty solid and am walking away from this with confidence and no stress.
I'm so glad to hear this!
Told I was too needy
I’m so sorry ❤️
Can emotional unavailability also manifest like their words sounding hollow? Like you are saying the words, but it sounds like there is no depth to them/ they maybe don't actually feel them? My ex-husband said two things over the course of our relationship where I got the distinct feeling they were either not genuine or "hollow". They were related to loving me and about then much later about loving our child. After he left, like many, I thought it was narcissism, but I'm not so sure if it's that ( at least i really hope not for our future co-parenting) or if it is emotional unavailability. Any thoughts?
Once he saw me standing on the street waiting for buss and he driving his car avoided me to take me with him , after saying excuses about it …
We’ve been chatting for a while just via messenger.. is it normal ?
How did that make you feel? Listen to your body - if it were me I’d feel rejected by that action 💔
@@LoveByDesign yes , I felt bad about myself, confused and frustrated. My confidence went down….
It wasn’t even once , the second time he avoided my at the buss .. I saw him from the distance , he grabbed his phone and pretended to be calling someone 😂
What about someone who calls and texts often but makes no effort to spend time together? This is after 6 years of on and off. He’s also an alcoholic, so not sure how much of this behavior is due to addiction vs attachment style. In the last year I have distanced and now our contact is more of a friendship although he continues to tell me how much he loves me. I know, sounds pretty messed up,
Keep it friendship, you don't need a man like this. These people have problems, deep seated that you can not change.
If there is no effort to spend time together it sounds like they just want a pen pal with no expectations/responsibility. Love shows up in full. It might be their version of love but it doesn’t sound like it matches yours ❤️
Move on and don't get caught up in toxic hope..❤
Well...but...i sometimes don't do anything to work on a connection because i don't have clarity if It Is reciprocal and i don't want to get hurt. If i think about It, the other person can go through a similar feeling if both people are like that.
No needs met except for the need of space 😅 like the
"happy no birthday" of Alice in wonderland that is a happy "no relationship" ahahaha everyone is safer that way
That is really interesting! Does having space give you clarity on if things are reciprocal?
@@LoveByDesign to have space and give space to think and process situations seems healthy to me and distance sometimes helps on that matter, but then if we are totally unavailable to be there for the other person is hardly possible we can express reciprocity. So i guess is not black and white but is more about how much time and if we can develop good communication to express needs and create a safe relationship to get both, space and also reassurance of reciprocity if there is that will.
It can be happening consistently in the 5D transfer of sexual and loving energetically but with nothing in the 3D. This is a very confusing state. I was on a high at first then felt very lonely. Felt his toxic energy and cut my soul tie with him. He is trying to get back onto my energy. I get it in my head but it was a heart connection.
I don't fully understand this comment but what I'm hearing from you is that this video resonated in some way, which I'm glad 😌
This person is speaking in terms of spiritualism.
Basically in the negative aspect it's like saying his demons attach to you in order to syphon energy from you and keep you attached and addicted to them. They can even send out "spirit spouses " to attack you at night. (Incubus/succubus spirits)
A healthy soul-tie is possible, however it's more rare. Usually it occurs only in an equally yoked partnership/marriage where the two people do not fester with demonic attachments
If you feel like crap then leave
lol i’m dying alone
i see these women say they hate emotionally unavailable men but every relationship ended because i showed genuine interest lol wtf
He is showing up, available, talking, messaging..we both are going through divorce. But his side there is a situation where wife wants to return now. He love his kids and some family pressure. So don't see commitment. He is saying, he will speak to his wife. What should be my action? Am i being fooled
Going through divorce is not a good time to start a new relationship. For exactly the reasons you’ve mentioned!
You should run. Run far and fast. NEVER deal with a married man. Your doing yourself a diservice. I went through this myself. I was talking to a guy who was still married claiming he was going to get a divorce. Only to find out that he decided to move to the state she moved to and into the same home. He would call me complaining as he would lay next to her. It was so disrespectful. The only difference between you and I dear is that I too was on the verge of a divorce so he and I were in the same boat. Neither one of us are divorced and that was two years ago. I had a baby with my husband after we got back together from our separation. My husband was told all about him as I told my husband the truth and that man's wife knows all about me. Don't settle dear. We married folks made a promise to that person and to God and even a piece of paper can't really break that promise no matter what. It's best to just get a new man who's never been married. I tell you this too save you the heart ache and pain. It's not worth being number two. It's not worth having to ask strangers on the internet question that you already know the answer to. You didn't need nobody to tell you what your soul has been SCREAMING. RUN FAR AWAY FROM THAT MAN
It's time me to leave my home
You’re only as needy as your unmet need? That’s not always true.
:) :) :)❤
Ex broke up with me 5/3 after finally making the decision that she could no longer take my emotional unavailability towards her. Yes, this is my fault. I never made her feel secure, I was never loving towards her, I never showed her commitment, I never showed her the support she needed, I wasn't the go-to person when she had tough times, I never shared her on socials, never involved her with my family and friends (I was ashamed of doing so). We broke up 3 or 4 times for the same reason, every time I'd beg her and promised her I'd change. I didn't. This last time was a real life reflection for me. As a 40 year old man, it made me realize what a shitty person I really was. Every time she'd remind me of all the terrible things I've done to her, it made me disgusted, almost threw up. During this relationship, I was aware that I was trying to change, but it felt like I was strapped down and could not escape. I wanted to, but never got the right resources and help. I knew I had a problem. She finally had enough. I will never go back to the old version of myself and I am committed to prove the saying that says nobody changes - people do. I now have a weekly counselor and doing daily reading on how to change, also starting therapy. I am currently doing NC, but hope she comes back. I will not permit my old self to continue to damage. has anyone else been in my situation and gotten back together?
No, don’t get back together with her, you have done enough harm already. You need to heal yourself and move on. If you do your work, you will be able to find another good partner in the future.
Let her be. She wasn’t the one or you would’ve never put yourself in a position to lose her. I keep praying for the day when the one who’s been stringing me along stays out of my life. That’s what she really needs from you. This is a very painful position to be in
I disagree. I think that IF you are willing to change and she is willing to meet you halfway I totally believe you can have a deeper relationship. Please make sure she wants to give contact with you and do baby steps. But God can do all things with humility.
You're sick
It's really the best time to focus on healing your own emotional unavailability so this doesn't happen again with another person. Please watch this video: 3 Steps to BECOME Emotionally Available: ua-cam.com/video/VjCs5rASzi4/v-deo.html
Im going back to him cause unfortunately I don't have plenty choices. When I blocked him in the beginning it was relieving but soon started getting bored, so id rather being painful than having no will or inspiration to improve my life. Cause he was making me want to improve. You need to have luck in relationships i never had plus getting older and uglier so i have to accept it. Sucks really
You do not have to accept it!! It's really that simple. Someone will love you better. The best.
We stay because we are addicted to hope and there is no hope with them...but there is peace on the other side.
But does this apply to someone you’re in early stages with? Like still talking and occasional dating
Just be cautious if you notice him lovebombing you for the first few months of you knowing him... lovebombing is a tactic to hook you onto him, then after a few months he could start pulling back his energy and start acting cold to you, he may then completely discard you, ghost you, etc. Just a word of warning that emotionally unavailable people sometimes wear a mask, posturing as if they're super charming, loving, open, and charismatic in the beginning. But it's a false persona. Hopefully your situation is not like this 😊❤❤ ♡♡♡♡♡
P.s.- research "future-faking" too.
It absolutely does!!
What if I'm in a long distance relationship
Everything here still applies 😌
Recently my ex just broke up with me but he wanted to stay friends and I tried finding my way back to his heart and we still were intimate but suddenly he stopped the intimacy because he claimed he wanted to work on himself and claimed he wanted self control but just now I saw he had a hicky on his neck and he said he was unavailable. But you know what I think he just was unavailable for me but he’s ready for another, somehow I knew he was lying and seeing that proved that and I’m very disappointed in him
She doesn't understand men very well. She is trying to equate mens emotional behavior patterns with women's emotional patterns. 'Men are from mars and women are from venus'
This is a channel for women, not men. The advice is for women, not men. Please move along.
She understands how men damage women. What else do we need to understand about you? How to tolerate and settle and live miserably. No thanks. If this is what men really are, we’re better off without them.
Yall dontt even understand yourself. Your words don't matter and yall don't have feelings.
Not all women are cold nor are they overly emotional- so stop putting women into cut and dry categories
Are all men cold and unemotional? I think not.
What we are dealing with in the current year is men who may fall into a Asperger’s or High Functioning Autistic category.
Those men are unaware of their emotions to a large extent. It is often difficult for them to emotionally relate to women.
Biggest problem is: They do not understand what is causing this. It is simply easier to blame women than it is to look within yourself and attempt to understand “ why “ this happens again and again with certain men.
I am a female , married for over 36 yrs and have been told by a neurologist that I certainly fall into a High Functioning Asperger’s type syndrome.
I am pragmatic as hell, and withhold most emotions until I completely have the chap in question analyzed to death!
I am an extrovert, so most people mistake me for something else, such as someone who is highly intelligent but a bit socially awkward
Works in my favor on many, many ways… have actually been able to write a publish a few studies/ papers regarding my experiences.
She's just pandering to women, telling them what they want to hear...