How Narcissists Are Trapped Inside The False Self
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- Опубліковано 10 гру 2021
- Beginning early in life, narcissists began negotiating with themselves about how fully they should be open about who they really are. As adults, they illustrate that they decided it is too risky to be honest about the many dimensions of their lives. Instead, what they present to you is a False Self. Knowing how this happens can assist you greatly as you determine how to interact with them.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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Narcissists NEVER grow out of the no accountability phase. They are never responsible for their actions and the consequences.
There's a guy under a pseudonym Robert Torbay on Quora who says they're everyone's narcissist. Sharing is caring...just not in this case.
The narcissist thinks everyone else is false because they can’t believe there is honesty and goodness in others. They had never experienced and it is foreign to them.
It's a form of projection. A coverup. It seems very hurtful in the beginning. Then you realize the source of the toxicity comes from them.
And they can't stand it! Thus, tearing us down is their choice. But it's short lasting, and hollow. So they need to keep doing it in ever quickening cycles.
That is so true!
Omg so true ... the narcissist even accuses our 11 year old of having weird motives and believes he's lying about the strangest things (strange to a Normal/healthy minded person)🙄😒🤔💯 now I know why!
Spot on. I think they think everyone else is a snake like them. have any of you got the “you’re too nice”?
Narcissists create their own jail cell and often seek roommates aka you. Misery loves company.
I personally seen this.
Do you think try know their true selves?
✅💯✅
@Mary Carroll at least 3 narcs that I know think they are affiliated with the mafia. They are nothingness so they grasp onto entities bigger than them, to appear big and powerful to seek admiration and respect from others.
@@ennui6083 Oh, they know themselves. And they're absolutely perfect! So why on earth would they ever want/need to change.
Living with one for 40 years, and I still have to remind myself that the person I sometimes think he is, isn't. He's very good at faking himself. I need an external reality check when he's hoovering, and these videos are the only place that give me that. No one else understands, much less sees it. Thank you for the reminder.
I can't believe that anyone has stuck in there as long as I have but the only difference is that I never have to remind myself of who he is. I know for sure who he is and no longer care or intend to play the games. I know who I am and case closed. We never should have been with either one of them this long when we only have one life. I have only one God and I don't need a play one. The one I have is real and loving and eternal.
@@Alice-fr1ef Hahaha, omg
_It is so funny reading the comments made by the sort of people he is talking about._
You need to watch this video over and over and over and...
35 years and counting for me!
@@desolatenomore787 Gee, don't call yourself Desolate.
That's just a narcissistic grab for sympathy.
Love yourself in the right way.
Call yourself *BrightShiningStar369781*
Or be proud of your real name.
If you are genuine and want to heal from trauma.
My guess: you're a covert vulnerable narcissist masquerading for attention.
*Convert:* _your account is only a week old. And you are using a name that such people would like to think appropriate for a real victim._
*Vulnerable:* _the name says it all._
*False Self:* _who will you be next week?_
@@darrenwalker3986 Are you a therapist?
I've detached mentally and emotionally from my narcassist. No longer tormented. I'm free to be me and it's glorious.
Yes. The key is to no longer expect from them.
Me too. Now I'm free from the attacks and ridicule...... Thank God Almighty!🙏🏼
Same. It's been pretty liberating.
So glad for you, Ann👍
I am living through this process now. I’m getting there.
Finding out they are only a false self is like finding out the person you are in love with never existed and died at the same time.
Being raised by narcissists and being groomed to be premium supply, I learned a few things.... It was NOT safe to share who I was. I also learned that it was not safe to say out loud the things that were not OK. In fact, I was instructed to IGNORE any dysfunction, the not ok. And I was told to NOT share any of this to people outside the "Family". By word and deed, it was communicated that my needs didn't matter. I was instructed that my job was to make others feel ok, not to care about my own feelings. Such mind fuckery. I was robbed of the opportunity to develop my selfhood as instead of looking inward, I was taught to look outside of myself for security. Narcs steal other peoples energy, (supply). I think the greatest crime is taking energy from a completely innocent child. Then. later denying that happened. Run from these people. They don't change. They don't grow and they don't care.
this is my exact experience. I'm 32 now and just now learning to heal myself.
Awake and aware, much if what you say here resonates with me . To protect feeling over rationale or morale seems to be the pertinent value here for me. I was taught boundaries were intrusive to feelings. I've had to examine more closely which path to choose and why. The doc is in and he's the best I've ever seen.!!
@@christinalw19 , sounds like you come from a similar family than me. My mother used to say: " When something goes wrong, always seek the fault with yourself only" . My father was the (vulnerable) narcissist. He became 90 and abused and over demanded everyone around him all the way to the end. My childhood was awful because of close family members, trying to train me into having low self esteem.
I was also told not the share any dysfunction outside of the family. My N mother said not to trust outsiders because our family was so much better than everyone else's and she said no one but her cared about us. It was only when I visited my friend's house and met her kind, caring, and attentive mother that I realized it was all a lie.
Yes, they are sick people. I'm glad your eyes are open now, so they can't take any more years of your life. Wishing you a great rest of your life!
You just described my childhood
Emotionally underdeveloped and lacking the ability for self reflection narcissists demand a lot from others. However because they are keen observers of their environment and have a strong instinct for self protection it is almost impossible to hold them accountable, They simply do not (sincerely) care, how their actions impact others.
Agree unfortunately
They don't care and they even tell you...stay away....dangerous people...
This is my husband very much. He wasn't vulnerable, he was self absorbed in his image, and he had no empathy for me. He didn't want to grow together. He got what he needed out of me, sucked me dry, and then threw me to the curb when I wasn't good enough anymore.
They love taking notes of other people's weaknesses or past issues so they can use them against the person later on, to manipulate.
They are data gatherers. Dr. C
@Mary Carroll That's no a friend, luv. As if there was nothing nice about you in high school. It's impossible really.
So very true
Key red flag is they see themselves as perfect even if they say the old phrase "I am not perfect, no one is, blah blah blah" yet everything else is that everyone else has the problems and they never talk about their own. Ever. Run from those people. They want to make themselves look like saints and the victims of everyone else doing wrong to them and around them. They will do the same to you!
Ugh, yes! It’s true
Thank you for being so clear and insightful!
My narc mother, when challenged, would say that she 'lives in a world of her own', meaning in that world she made up her own rules and values and truths. Eventually, when I was older, I'd say "you don't live in a world of your own. There is one world that you share with 8 billion other people". She gave me the silent treatment......
You know the commonality I have noticed in these comments sections is the keen awareness, perception, understanding of psychology and a desire for truth in the people living with a narcissist. I am also amazed at their ability to articulate with such depths the insidious nature of the depraved heart. I do have hope that anyone can be transformed by our Creator. I could have been just like others consumed with themselves but I became a follower of Jesus at an early age. He changed my heart through His word. I love Truth and He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Praise be to Jesus, our Saviour!
@@sharonsmith2480 I can relate...Thank you for your insight.
Yes, my mother distroyed my life turned my kids, grandkids & into her flying monkeys. She died a few years ago but nothing changed. They are all forever flying monkeys. My brother even killed himself over her. Then she said, "why couldn't it of been you!"
@@rosykatzCATS What a hurtful thing for (your mother?) to say about your brother's suicide, Rosy. I am so sorry that it was directed at you personally.
Excellently said though! Brava!!
Love is something a Narcissist cannot feel. It takes a connection to one’s own soul and that they don’t have
Make sure you watch the video, A New Way Of Defining Narcissism. (You should find it in a YT search.). It's about their inability to love.
Yes. They have blinders on. They live superficially and don't want to self-reflect.
The most accurate explanation of a narcissist that I have ever watched. Once you realize that a narcissist just can't accept the painful truth about themselves. you will stop trying to show them the light, and simply move on.
You have no idea how helpful your videos are to me, Dr. Carter. I’m almost completely out of the relationship with the Narcissist in my life and I couldn’t be happier. And I see just that, that I can be happy. And I can stay happy by never inviting people like this in my life again. While I’m working my way out these videos keep me sane and give me amazing insight into them and myself. Keep up the wonderful work you do.
Thanks so much! Dr. C
Same
same here
thanks soooo much
you saved me, Dr. Carter
Mark very... I’m praying for you and Stay Strong and Healthy, for I’m
Healing and it’s taken more than a year ; the first 6months of Our Honeymoon was Awe, but soon as we relocated to another State,,leaving my native home on the west coast of USA : my Lindo Esposo Kenny changed from awe to a hurtful and mean husband ( I never would of thought 🥺😭😢) ... a than we separated in the new place we moved too.) / ...worst he left me for our nieghbor in the state I came from if that isn’t a SLAP IN MY FACE and I refused to divorce him because I hoped & Believe we could reconcile our marriage. He ended up with her less than 10months and what a fool I was; (for he left her our home,(about 20days before he died);..my service dog 🐕🦺 and cat 🐈⬛ which both went missing and I’m still hoping that One day my furry ~ babies return I believe in Miracles ♥️☝️♥️🕊♥️🙏🏼I lost everything and even my grown children to her an my husband turned them against me, WOW 😳 I never ever had experience such Betrayal in my Short Marriage life me 60yr& he 70yr , ( he was ill in ♥️), I still married him hoping he would Believe to live longer and see His Blessings here on earth)... I so sorry pouring out this grief and hurt; if you can walk away an cut off the narc, Than do... I wished I would of known, but I didn’t..,it been a long 2years an half years and still seen counseling from day one when I received the news he died suddenly, 3 day before my birthday... I can’t believe it ( I still ache and grief, going thru roller coaster motions 💔👩🏻🦳
@@yvonnegrijalva1047 I feel for you, am sorry for your experience, you deserve better dear. In ways. we grieve these people long before they are actually gone. We hold onto what we thought they were rather than onto what they were. I wish you peace.
When one starts directing one's choices in keeping with authenticity, one's life becomes quieter and more meditative.
In AA, the first thing they all do, is say, “My name is Joe, I’m an alcoholic.”You have to be humble enough to acknowledge what you are. If you can’t do that, there is no, “getting better.” It’s denial, and it’s safe for them to pretend they are doing just fine.
Exactly. Dr. C
AA saved my mother 36 years ago
Creatures of habits..
Won't change...love your work..thanks a Billion times..
You're very welcome
You can see how they get trapped, from listening carefully here. They are not allowed to be their authentic selves when they are children, in the formative period of their personalities. They have attachment trauma.
You get it. Dr. C
I’m staying on TEAM HEALTHY💝
Absolutely! Dr. C
The only thing narcissists love is control. Dr. Carter, your videos are my comforting library.
Thanks Dr. C. I can't count the amount of chances they are given to come clean. 🤦🏼♂️ They just keep doubling down... and end up alone and miserable.
Amazing, isn't it...in a not-so-good way. Thanks, Scott. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism I'm getting tired hearing about Dr. Les talk about his manipulative 'place of peace' idea, it's a carrot and stick falsehood that to get the supposed reward you need beaten with the stick. It's nonsense. God will come along and make the deserving winner into the undeserving loser. Dr Les appears as people say a kindly soul. Why are you targeting him they contend. Because he's a snake oil salesman and even has that southern accent to go with it. Another thing prayer doesn't get God on your side, it just keeps you hoping.
@@keplermission4947 Why are you attacking Dr. Carter?
@@keplermission4947 why are you even here? You appear to be obsessed with someone you don't like? Just go do something that's more interesting to you? No one is holding a gun to your head here, least of all Dr C 🤷♀️
@@Rubbaduckie1975 You know I don't think I could reach you supposing I tried, you've pretty much ... made up your mind before hearing my reply to your question. As they say in your place 'you've got it al sussed' haven't you? You're putting me in the wrong, aren't you? But you can't be wrong ... can you? In England there was a Doctor by the name Shipman and nobody could say a bad thing about him because uh ... he was a Doctor and all that. I mean you're immature and silly, in my view. You know, if you don't do some serious self-improvement work, you'll become a full-blown psychopath in a few years time!
They have seared hearts.
My sister is a narcissist. Her false self isn't even likable.
My mother "remembers" her false self as actual reality.
Scary how they believe their own lies.
Their behavior pretending to be larger than life comes at a cost of showing their butts which fouls up the possibility of doing anything the right ways. They create instability and chaos to feed their ego and that cause their prey to be on guard, which then makes it harder for the narc to exploit them. They're like a dumb conman or an open pursuit predator who can't sit still and keeps jumping out of the bushes indicating their intent to eat you, cheat you, lie to you, or take advantage. In terms of open ness and honesty, they're not honest with self at the core. They're refusing to even make a go of self. They're hiding that they're basically engaging in bloody mischief and war with their victims. They're hiding their disdain, their discontent, their ill will, their hard heartedness, bitterness, enmity, etc. Their false self is pretend like they're normal, so you don't catch on that their massively fake, insecure, and trying not to be revealed in what they're actually doing. In terms of humility, it would check their pride and then they might have to respect others and they don't respect self. They're very dismissive internally and they project. It's part of destroying yourself to dare devil defy others.. the more you destroy your conscience, the more you ain't shit, the more you need to defy others or get greater sacrifice from them to fix yourself in a fake fix tactic which leaves them the worse for the wear in downward spirals.
No cure for this disorder
What an awful way to live, constantly worrying about a fake persona. Very sad
Evil too.
I once happened on a discussion thread in which the now-adult children raised by narcissistic parents were bemoaning the fact that they learned early to navigate through childhood by lying. Lying was automatic, they said, to escape punishment for failing to be perfect or "good enough" for their parents.
One woman said she no longer needs to lie, but she does it anyway, which drives her crazy. Since lying was necessary, it became a habit from which she still hasn't broken free.
My husband and his siblings demonstrate this all the time. Their lies are often about stupid things, petty things, pathetic things. Any thing and every thing, inexplicably! They actually learned to live just like their narc parents - creating false worlds in which to live. "Go along to get along," I guess.
In contrast, Jesus said, "You will know truth, and truth will set you free." It does. But it's not always easy.
Thank you so much for sharing your insight and wisdom into toxic behavior. This channel has been instrumental for helping me reconcile many confusing aspects of relationships in my life. More importantly, it has helped me solidify the standards I choose to hold myself accountable to which intrinsically strengthens my boundaries. I can accept that the narcissistic behavior I've experienced has shone a spotlight on my weak boundaries. I am deeply grateful for the knowledge and understanding I have gained through these experiences. My resolve to be a better person to myself has been bestowed with purpose and indelibly strengthened. I choose truth and will not give credence to those that cannot or will not. The truth of who I am and how I can grow towards my full potential has become more important to me than understanding how I got hurt by selfish and misguided people. Thank you so much, Dr. C.
I fieel what you shared to be a very impressive example of growing and healing from surviving to THRIVING!
Jer A, perfectly stated. The hump from finding out who toxic people really are and the effect it had to now moving past that to working on "self" has been a bit difficult for me. Especially when the ruminating stage is still happening. Getting away from someone evil is the first step. Time is a great healer when that time is utilized properly for the self awareness and creating or strengthening of the boundaries we let the toxic ones invade. They won't stop unless WE say it stops! Wonderful and uplifting comment.
@@yime6631 You aren't alone. That warm comfort of the trauma bond calls me with compelling authority too. As a recovering addict I recognize the ruminations as a close cousin to the strong withdrawals I felt for a long time. I think you are right about time. My best strategy has been to be mindful and accepting that the trauma bond is a blind spot I have that others will use to abuse me if I am not vigilant. My purpose in life is not to indulge in fantasies. Especially not someone else's! I'd rather dive into my own deepest regrets alone than be "back" with a person who considers me sharing my regrets as an opportunity to relish in my suffering. I'll take it from here, thank you very much lol!
@Jer A, Love Love love what you have shared. Today someone told me I was brave and it brightened my soul. You, too, are brave.
Spot on 💯👌👍 from a recovering narcissist
I live with narcissist. It's Christmas & the gift from the Narc keeps giving. He calls me "Peggy Sue." I hate it. My name is Johanna. My feeling is if he "disassociates himself from calling me my real name" he doesn't have to think of me as his wife. Simpler explanation, if he calls all the women in his life, "Peggy Sue" he never gets anyone's name wrong. LOL
Oh lord! What a jerk! 😳
If you think about it long enough I’m sure you can give him a pet name too 😜
Hi, I am just becoming aware of narcissism. It's taken my children from me. Nacs are all about themselves, but I wish, when he calls you Peggy Sue, that it would be the message to you that are in the lyrics of the song. Maybe subconsciously??? Just looking for a glimmer of hope in him.
@@rob6115Warthog??
When he calls you 'Peggy Sue' knowing that you don't like it - simply respond with a simple "What, Jethro?" Keep that up until he starts calling you Johanna. He is: belittling you, making fun of you & dehumanizing you all at once by calling you Peggy Sue. Normally, I don't recommend a 'tit-for-tat' communication style but I truly believe that is the only thing that will work w/ your husband. By calling you a nickname you don't like, he is being very passive-aggressive.
I gave them WAY too much credit and found that they were afraid of really Everything -while pretending they weren't. Big liars. Why lie instead of just telling the truth ? Who cares what others think ? It's not life or death if someone disapproves !
Just freed myself from false narcissist “friend “ she is such a dangerous person! Very sad. This has helped me identify her completely. It was horrible and now I get it. Thank you for the insight. I’m so lucky she’s gone now !definitely not a friend and no clue she’s not.
Often it takes time for the narcissism to be revealed, but once you see it, you can't unsee it. Keep learning, Leann. Dr. C
Non- truths. Let's call it like it is.
Lies. Habitual, extensive lies.
Liars, liars liars ...
Really sad.
The first Narcissist in my life was my mother. Then I went on to attract them , I lived the Human Magnate Syndrome. I am now a widow and living narcissist free for the last 7 years .Dr Carter really helped me save myself.
Edited for a general audience, this message would benefit modern society as a whole.
We inherited the word persona from the Greek language, it actually means mask.
Their false self is acting to offend real people enough n reach out to their own demise.
I took too long growing up and had to leave my dysfunctional family of birth in order to be safe enough to actually be open and honest. It is a struggle that is getting easier as the people I love and have surrounded myself with show me love, compassion and understanding when I set aside my training and admit I am not perfect. It's really scary because of the lessons I was taught growing up but my partners are very committed to creating a safe place where we can all grow in safety.
They are stuck in a low vibration. They don't know how to be healthy and happy. What happened in their past lives that made them exist like this. It's like they are being punished and doing their time this way for now until they learn their lessons. Just an out there thought.
Excellent video. My husband went to alcohol school & presented a "false persona" during his re-hab. He shaved, got dressed up & put cologne on for the counselor that was very attractive. This is a guy that doesn't shave, shower or wash his clothes for days when he is off. He was trying to impress this counselor who was a "counselor with benefits." The false persona was that he was looking for a "sugar momma" someone to support him so he didn't have to work. He went thru 3 re-habs & he still is an alcoholic. He never owned his irresponsibilities. He blamed others for his drinking instead of truly becoming sober.
That's amazing, in a not-good direction. Dr. C
How liberating it is to get unstuck, take the mask off and admit to yourself you are like everybody else, you do not need to prove you are special as everyone is special in his own unique way. How freeing it is to live your life minding your own business the responsible way and living in the truth of being a human with its flaws and virtues, not being surprised when the fellow human beings display weaknesses and encourage their striving for improvement. Just live in love, dignity, respect and civility. Thank you so much dr Carter.
@Mary Carroll so do I.
My nark mother said recently, "I'm a delight".
My sister and I crack up over this one..🤣🤣🤣
Clueless. Dr. C
Yep.... mine says the same. 🤣🤣
The narcissists I have known do NOT have ANY insight/honesty to acknowledge ANY ‘false self’ to themselves never mind anyone else as you described in your concluding statement. 🤷🏻♀️
Plays straight*
These evil meat suits are so cruel. And the hardest thing is to walk away without anger.
I don’t know about misery loves company on that comment.. / I don’t go looking for miserable anyone. ( but watching these videos helped me to know that my husband was a narcissist and I had no clue what a narcissist was until it happened...
I wish you would go more into the incidences in a young narcissist's life that cause them to be too afraid to come out and tell the truth when they have done something wrong, or think they have done something wrong...
Rigorous honesty. It’s a requirement that I have to have to feel good in my own skin
I get so tired of hearing about a narcissist's childhood trauma and how they can't relate to this element or that element, that they're just so downhearted and broken due to what happened to them. Well, who in this life has ever had an easy time growing up? How many of us didn't come through issues that had a negative impact on us in some way? All of this empathy that these narcs hopefully gain from their whining is nothing more than a smoke screen (my opinion) - just one more way they can use to justify their bad behavior and make you believe they really can't help what they're doing. My sister is the worst narc I've ever had the displeasure of being around. Much of the things she said and did she knew what she was doing! I asked her (point blank) when she started to become violent if she had meant to hit me with the plate she threw, all she did was laugh and walk out of the room!!!!
An ancient king said, "A castle when surrounded by enemies, soon turns into a prison.". Hi, Doctor! 1606 Hours @ Olympia, Washington State USA.
imagine BOTH parents operating out of the false self. by every account, my spouse's COPIOUS friends consider him a sweet person (he has so many friends, close friends, medium-close friends & acquaintances), I am really in awe. he's not a saint or anything -- maybe awkward or inappropriate on occasion -- but fundamentally a warm hearted, kind, considerate, loving person. to be singled out for special scorn but BOTH parents (particularly in their wills) is a comment on them. but it still hurts.
A fragmented personality based on Deny..denial and deny others if everything..just deny reality, do less a possible and demand the most when regulated by superiority .and false pride
My ex always posts on social media that he’s struggling and that it’s a battle every day but the only thing that’s a battle are the situations That he is created such as a three-year no contact order just getting out of jail for domestic violence and having a warrant out for his arrest but he doesn’t tell people why he struggling he doesn’t tell people these things and they all support him
The problem is when you are in a relationship with a narcissist. Its not possible to say "im an openbook, what do want to know about me". In the honeymoon fase at the beginning of the relationship. The narcissist was mirroring you. Ones you're hooked the humiliation devaluation begins. So to protect yourself from the narcissist manipulation tactics. You have to become like an automated dust vacuum robot. Empty soul in a shelf that's made out of organic chemical materials. It's very hard to get out of there grip due to unsolved issues and a lack of self awareness, reflection. To heal from the pain is to deal with your wounds from the past. Then you will be no longer be influenced by anyone else. ❤️🇳🇱
The biggest narcissist at work can't accept that I could bring anything of value to the department. She's worked at the same company for 30 years and believes my experiences at 7 companies in that time counts for nothing and my ides should be given any credit because she can't be told how to do her job because she does everything as quick as it can possibly be done. The thing is though she does things in a really over-complicated manner and then people are fooled into thinking she is busy because she has to rush around everywhere, but in fact she is being extremely inefficient.
Going through exactly the same
This is so sad…I am an artist,open minded,open book as far as my emotions etc. Married 49 years to a military warrior..not ever going to open his heart and mind..closed, stiff, cold..so sad.
Two very different types entirely. Dr. C
be FREE; find JOY
Great words!! Dr. C
Hello Dr. Carter Hi Team Healthy and you too Gus...
Good Saturday, Vanessa! Dr. C
The title of this video fully explains how narcissists operate.
This has been my insight into their mindset/psychology. They live in a shallow world ... the super ego ... instead of looking inside at the inner human nature. It is terrible because they have an ability to take advantage of that world we see and feel, but at times cannot draw back from since we deep feelers also live in the super ego world in a way. However, we empaths must beat that system and instill conscience and conscientiousness in the world.
so there's no cure for narcissistic human beings!? ever? that's so sad
Check out the video, A 7 Part Plan For Overcoming Narcissism. Dr. C
It's pretty terrible to expose your self and then be ridiculed.
That's what they do to people around them. It tends to make
those people dishonest, they don't want to be hurt by cruel
remarks, cutting away on their essence. Feeling shame ...
As an added twist, when you then _refuse_ to disclose anything about yourself, you get shamed for that as well (and it doesn't even have to be narcissistic relationships in which that happens). Enter the infamous catch-22.
HEY GUS…HE JUST CHILLING…
When I was dating the narcissist (and consciously not recognizing that aspect of him), I kept using his refusal to improve himself as an excuse to make myself into a better person. It's not an easy path to take, though I do feel quietly grateful that he helped trigger so much growth for me. I'm also grateful to be in a much healthier relationship, with someone who supports my continued improvement without expecting or criticizing it.
Stay Free- Keep JOY- I have joy since I went NO CONTACTX with my 3 Awful relatives! ( bye, do not miss U)!
Excellent videos, Dr. Carter, I am writing you from Brazil. My brother has NPD and it is a nightmare in our family. Everything you say we see in him. Thank you for helping us understand this awful disorder.
So pleased to be with you there in Brazil, Neda. Dr. C
Thank you for this truth. WOW
This video is by the far the most comprehensive description and full embodiment of what the narcissist would need to do to be an actual rational loving normal human being.
Is it ever possible that they could do it?
I remain hopeful sometimes but I think it just cannot ever happen.
Check out a fairly recent video of mine, A 7 Part Plan For Overcoming Narcissism. Dr. C
Fascinating i get so much knowledge from your videos and i am so grateful after dealing with a few narcassists in my life. Thankyou 🙏
You're most welcome. Dr. C
Been going through the self blame in a hope to build a bridge , but they will not cross the bridge with me . I tried to take responsibility and it backfired on me. When I really know deep down that the nerve that I exposed was to hard for them to come back from otherwise they would have to admit what they did was so wrong .
They are always the Poor Victim. Forget trying to save them. Selfish, Insecure, Jealous, No Empathy for anyone. We certainly don't need to have them in our life's. This life we live is very short. Who wants to be with Toxic Narcissist.
Thank you for all of the wonderful help you give to people. It keeps us stabilized toward the narcissist.
You're welcome, Nancy. Dr. C
I might just put this video in a letter to the narcissist who dumped me like a load of crap.
Thanks Dr.Carter a WONDERFUL HEART WARMING video love and kindness is a better way to live....
This man speaks so much truth
Now that I've learned to soothe my emotions, I've finally stopped reacting... It took a while because I kept shaming myself. Then I was able to send a kind message and went no contact, now it's so peaceful without him. I am restoring my since of self and it's beautiful 😍❤️ keep going ❤️💜
Since I began my journey on Team Healthy, I still may not have gotten out of the woods of narcissists and controllers in my life, however; I have had much better strategies with how to cope and deal with them so that way I can establish my own pace, and that way I won't allow them to.
Stick around...I'm pulling for you! #TeamHealthy. Dr. C
This is a very tricky topic.
It is very difficult to understanding what really is going on. Especially if you are outside of situation.
Unfortunately narcissists win in most cases showing their victims to be idiots.
I do understand no that the only reasonable suggestion is to peacefully go away.
The worst thing that narcs are able to prove that THIS IS YOU even to your closest friends and family and they believe IT.
I am sorry, these messages are irrelevant to the topic. But I am just sharing my experience.
A narcissist once said shy people are selfish. Don't ask me how this makes sense but I was enraged but I kept my cool. I used to be shy as a child and my daughter is shy and we are not selfish. Anyway someone actually apologized to this person for being shy in the past. This person acted like she was all deserving of this apology. The audacity!
I definitely agree with you on this. There is an excellent book about the need to listen to introverts: Quiet, by Susan Cane. Dr. C
yikes they are Unhappy; always trying to " pick a fight"'
listening to the videos and realizing that everything Dr. Carter says is what I am living!! Everything! I am sooooo wasting my time with the NPD man I live with . I leave go back leave go back.it has to end! It is such a waste of time living with this person....I do try to detach, it would make life easier for sure.
Self care! Dr. C
@jc. My significant others daughter in a relationship with a narcissist and no one understands why she keeps going back. I do though. For one she has a child with him but two its because of her codependency. Alot of people that are in a relationship with a narcissist has codependency issue (although not everyone). I suggest to do some research on codependency or counseling if needed. Speaking from experience. Wish all the best.
They won’t take responsibility for the hurt Done; I seen that an found out to late./ ...unfortunately my husband has passed.., and we never got to talk about our marriage ( we were in a conservative separation at time he died ☹️😢
Sometimes I believe some young Narcs are really BPD. I thought I was a Narc, when I was a young adult, but really I probably was BPD. I believe Narcs lack in self reflection. I grew up in a Narc household and so probably adopted some of the selfish and self absorbed behaviors. But, I was mild and shy (not so much now) and so I don believe I was a narc-although I did behave in bad ways sometimes.
That dog on the couch made my day!
:D
Gus makes everyone's day! ... He's so peaceful and relaxed.
Not only do they have a false self these people host demonic spirits.
Awesome subject to focus on! Not only is it a fascinating phenomenon that seems to hijack autonomy & authenticity of the underlying Self - but getting right to this core of the disorder is probably the simplest way to put ourselves in their shoes and begin to get a more intuitive understanding of this awful condition!
Well said. It was a horrible experience, i can relate to. But i did see the uncertainty and feeling that came along with it, with them. As known, NPD grows from wounding or being spioled severely. For me, that allows me to feel deeply sad for them, aswell.
Thank you. This was perfect, everything I needed to hear.
I'm not the only one who's flawed and struggling to be a better person, but he'll never admit it.
And he's not trying to be better.
Cause he's already there!! Must be a wonderful world to be as perfect as him..
The one problem I have with this video is that I was only able to give it 1 thumbs up!👍 Thanks again Dr. Carter for your kind, thoughtful presentation of this topic. If I am ever able to have a friend someday I hope he's a lot like you.😬👍
You, me and probably another 1,200+ of us, or so. LoL ❤
Thanks, Dr. C! For all you do.
I needed this, thank you!
You're so welcome! Dr. C
Yes, dear Dr. Les, videos such as this have helped me a great deal. I could even say, you saved my life. And that of many others! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You are so welcome! Dr. C
Very helpful, grounding and soothing. Thank you sooooooooooooo much
Great video Dr Carter. Thank you for sharing.
They are stuck in their childhood trauma. Being " bad" isn't safe so they learned to create stories early on of only doing good. If they make you the bad one then by default they're always the good one.
Personally, I believe what scripture says, when they bought the lies of shame the enemy sold them they killed that unbearable person off and a demonic spirit took up residence in it's place. If they humbled themselves and turned back to God He would renew their mind and change their heart.
My x's eyes would turn black and he'd foam at the mouth and be a hairline away from killing me during narcissistic rage.
Yeah....that ain't human. Sorry. 🙏
Yeah I’ve seen that face. It’s so revealing.
That's scary, my mother is bad enough and she's terrifying too. The last time she went Vesuvius on me, she stepped forward, pointed and called me a stupid bitch. Everything about her was full of rage and hate. She was and still is a threat in more ways than one and I doubt she has ever said thankyou or apologised to anyone in her life.
I really appreciate your videos during this holiday break. Thank you
You are so welcome, Becca. Dr. C
Thanks so much for sharing..
Thank you for your videos Dr Carter, I gain so much from them. Much appreciated!
So pleased! Dr. C
I thank you for your videos. These are extremely helpful to me as I’m going no contact after 21 years together. This is a hard experience but I have to put me first for a change and I’m exhausted after all these years. I sincerely appreciate your insight on this type of personality disorder.
I'm going no contact as well after 15 years. I feel so much peace being away from him and can now pursue my dreams. We got this❤
@@realliving7340 thank you for the encouragement and we definitely have this under control and better and happier days are ahead of us! ♥️☺️
Same
Thank you for your insight
This was excellent 👏👌 Thank you. 💓