THE TRAGEDY OF THE NARCISSIST'S FALSE SELF
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- Опубліковано 6 лип 2020
- Narcissists do not have an authentic identity. Their personality is fictional, deliberate and contrived. In this video, I discuss how the false self develops in the making of a narcissist and why you will never really know who the narcissist is.
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Psychopathy is the # 1 public threat..world wide
When I experienced the collapse I had to come to the unsettling realization that I had no idea who this person was and whoever he was, he wasn't my friend. He was an evil enemy to be avoided.
OMG why do they not teach us about this in high school. Everyone needs to understand this.
Scary and sad, like some apocalyptic horror film. They are creepy!!!
It IS like a horror film in some ways! Definitely.
yes they are creeps. Deviants too. I wouldnt trust them around Kids.
Another excellent video, you’re the best. The narcissist doesn’t even consider their pathetic lifestyle to be sad. They’re too busy looking for their next supply, like an addict. Ironically, we’re the ones feeling sadness and empathy for them.
Facts!
Ain't that much empathy in the world for a narcissist...Nothing good about them at all...
this woman is always so on point about this topic!
Outstanding description of the collapse. Yes scary and stunningly confusing. This is so accurate.
I was holding on to your every word! These narcs ain’t fooling nobody. Everybody that have experienced or know about narcissism should speak about it on some platform. Let it be know
It's just sad all around, it's a life wasted full of lies, wasted energy, running around playing make believe and leaving countless victims in their wake, a lost soul doomed to repeat this over and over, I have found myself wondering who he would have been had this not happened...so much for the wasted thought, I don't feel sorry for them though because they know what's right and wrong, why else do they try to hide their actions? The shame and disgust these people have for the true self and their misery must be something I couldn't even fathom, what a waste of the precious gift of life!
Well said. Hugs to you 💜
That's what the devaluing and discard is all about, sub consciously they mourn for the person they could have been,
You’re so right about repeating over and over. I would have never thought my ex was a covert narcissist. The more I study this, the more everything makes sense and I can see it for what it truly was. He’s a damaged Man child. He goes from person to person looking for something that will never satisfy him. He gets A Woman’s heart involved and then it’s game over. It’s like he’s on a quest to conquer and destroy. It makes him feel powerful and worthy. I told him that during the last exchange we had and also that I never want to hear from him again unless it’s an emergency related to our 7 year old. My life has been so peaceful these last few months and I’m never going back to that toxicity. I did it for almost 13 years back and forth and it nearly destroyed me!! All he does is future fake, love bomb, devalue and then throws me away like trash and uses some lame excuse as to why. Then tries to be “friends” with benefits and give false hope. Once I found out who he was and all his lies over the years, it took me another 2 years to process and fully let go. He told me things he has done, which I already felt he did but years ago he denied it and called me crazy and insecure…only to find out I was right the whole time! Smh but when I showed hurt and anger, he got upset with me for being hurt and angry and said “I should have just lied. You don’t know how uncomfortable it was for me to tell you all that stuff I did” whaatttt?!?! So if it was uncomfortable for him, imagine me on the receiving end SMH I have come to realize it’s absolutely pointless trying to reason or get your point across to a narc. They truly don’t have the capacity to relate to anything outside of their disordered way of thinking. Now he’s on this new quest of spirituality and finding his Wife 🤦♀️🤭 in July of this year he said I was his Wife. A month later he changed his mind and said he felt that because of our history, but he doesn’t know what the future holds 🤣🤣 it’s a sad cycle with him and I’m no longer sad about him. I’m focused on healing and being the best version of myself. That is my revenge and power. ❤️
I was raised by a narcissistic mother. I’ve come to realise how I can improve in so many ways, the false sense I created has damaged me for years, but I am now aware of it and am actively working to change it and stop the facade and the narcissist cycle. I’m so grateful to have learned this and can finally live my life.
You're a very extraordinary person! I can see you've lived this from the inside.
We probably should stop creating narcissists.
Yep. cancel them i reckon.
This person mean stop creating them as in stop abusing people to the point where they develop emotional disabilities. Not that we should cut these broken HUMAN BEINGS from society.
Be an individual. "We", aren't creating anything.
@@User-uw7uwThey should be exiled from society as well.
Impossible. They form too early and "gestate" until adulthood.
Narcs have true self. It is little screaming baby full of fear.
Very moving, i can see you have had first hand experience with narcissism.
The narc that I once knew would talk on the speaker of his cell phone in my presence. He literally had a completely different voice sound and personality, depending on whom he was speaking to. It was so apparent that I asked him why he switched up like that. He just ignored me. I didn't know anything about pathological narcissism at that time, but I realized early on that there was not one particular identity that I could use to describe him. He seemed to shape-shift into anyone, at anytime. It was amusing, at first. Then it became downright disturbing and indicative of his disorder!
It’s so interesting until it becomes disturbing and scary.
A child experiencing neglect by their primary caregiver(s), duel or single parents in most cases may grow up with abandonment issues. Another video articulates alcohol addiction and the behavior behind addiction by the parent(s) the root of child neglect. In the narc’s case, her parents were addicted to cigarettes and alcohol. First cigarettes then alcohol. They fought while intoxicated in the presence of the narc and her sibling.
When the narc went on a tangent and harshly criticized me, I remained calm and listened to her. It was shocking to listen to her belittle me. But I kept my cool due to my will to diffuse her rage. When I responded to her, letting her know everything is okay, her response was, “I thought you were going to leave me.” Her response was quite unusual to me when she expressed her fear to me.
Early on, we learned about each other’s parents. She said her parents had explosive arguments every day. My parents never argued in front of my siblings and I. Yes, they had their share of fights , but they carried out their differences in a private setting. Away from my siblings and I. This makes me consider how much our parents behavior during our childhood can influence our adult behavior. It does in heavy doses.
I believe parents with an addiction issue neglect the emotional and mental awareness their children need. The result of neglect carries out confusion and chaos within the child now adult mindset. As adults , without proper healing, will influence their inability to function in stable fashion throughout many facets surrounding their life. We who have been involved with those who were victims of neglect, find ourselves amidst their struggle but in the aftermath of their abuse.
Thank you for this. My dad died a couple of years ago and naturally a lot of reflection comes after someone passing away. My relationship with him was always strained. This was someone I despised, feared, and never understood. But now I know he was a covert narcissist. Destroyed my mom and me. I am a covert narcissist but on the lighter end of the spectrum. I also have avoidant personality disorder. Learning about the existence of a false self has explained everything about me and him. I never knew what was wrong with me my whole life, why I've felt so defective, empty, inept, childish, lonely, angry, immature, like I don't know how to do life. I didn't know how to do life. A child masquerading as an adult is the perfect way to describe me and him. I don't ever feel free to be myself. I have no idea what that is actually. I just know how I should act in relation to others. Without others, I am a lost sheep, struggling to keep up with the herd, unsure of why I'm here and why I live. It is true: when I don;t have others around to guide me on how to be, the mask is off and I'm just a terrified little child.
Dearest Ingrid! Thank you so much for everything you said, and the honesty and transparency and extreme candor which is so refreshingi thank you 🙏🏼
Thanks for you're honesty Ingrid.
Thank you for your honesty. You are helping so many of us. You have a purpose because you’re still here. Blessings to you.
thanks for explaining the false self
i get it now
You are welcome!
I find it fascinating that Narcissism seems to be generational many times. I listen to my landlord (when I'm forced to just to gain insight). He describes his brothers and his father as sociopaths and narcissists. And some sociopaths I've known in the past have an entire family of like-minded people. I believe that without a connection to spirit, people are more prone to environmental influence. For instance, I've been through a lot of heavy trauma (environmental influences), but I'm a nice and considerate person, and don't steal or lie. But they don't have a conscience to begin with, so trauma impacts them in a negative way without any mitigating influences to temper things, and leaving them without freedom to choose.
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Wow I saw that twice and I had no idea. One time he totaled his car after the accident and the second time couldn’t pay his tab at a cub when he couldn’t pay his tab so I paid it for him. Unbelievable!
This is such a great video!!! She explained it in a way that I've never heard it before. And it makes sense because I just don't understand why they act like that! I have a narcissistic mother and in a way I felt bad for her but she is very violent and aggressive as well. I cant understand why I didn't end up like her. This helps me understand the disorder so much better!!
I am afraid my mothers deplorable behaviour disqualified her from being shown any compassion.
You are absolutely right. It's a shame that most religions teach the opposite and set us up for more abuse.
@@theresamorello9892 Yep. It could be perceived that it gives narcissists a " how to" instruction.
Hard to process 39 years of my life was fake, all that suffering and pain. Why have kids if you are that far disconnected from reality 😕
Because they are connected with their own version of reality and can’t tell the difference. Don’t forget that you were part of that 39 years, and you are not fake. Your feelings and intentions and experiences were real, even if they were shared with someone who was pretending.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror As I was projected on, I can see and feel how awful it must be to have to maintain that false self. What a blessing to be discarded finally.
Wow! Thank you for adding to my understanding. Bless you!
Wow... . This helps me more fully understand why some people are the way they are
I’m glad it helps!
Thank you! You have explained this in the most easily understandable way I've ever heard.
Great video!❤
Watching this gave me so much sound. A sense of calmness, in moments of rage. 💕
Unbelievably helpful!! Thank you!
You should have way more subscribers than you do! You are amazing!! I’m so glad I found you!! 🙌🏼
Very good insight! I truly felt horrible when you described the narcissist as a child being horrified out of their true selves.. I feel that some of us with childhood trauma that didn't blow up to be a PD can relate to that
While I never expect anyone to feel sorry for them, it really is sad how stunted their emotional growth is. And how permanent that is.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror That's what having empathy is all about isn't it? It is permanent, cause it is hard wired in their brain development. Some self aware NPD's might be able to manage their symptoms and live more "neurotypical" lives in the surface if they choose too, but they still have the narcissistic impulses, thought patterns and behaviors.
that's me infodumbing. thank you for the great video !
Thank you for your input! And thanks for watching!
I found your reaction to seeing one collapse as very frightening. I think I saw that happen to my mother. When i was 5. Yes. They are very clever and smartlike. But they have to have admiration. And the burst of rage they can exhibit is pertrifying.
Very insightful. Thank you.
Excellent explanation with easy words and understandable examples 🙂
whenever someone’s ability to perceive their reality accurately is deliberately attacked, undermined and manipulated, that is indeed a form of emotional abuse and must be acknowledged and responsibility for the impact must be taken in order for healing to begin.
You are good at what you do . Better than many so called Professionals . Thank you for working at this and enlightening others 💕
Absolutely great work and research. The EGO the false self. Thank you
Tysm!!!! Really helped!! New sub 💚💚💚
Flower analogy is great!
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They are a dead meadow. Just dusty tumbleweeds.
Most informative on UA-cam..ty 🙂⚡
Such wisdom. Thank you! ❤
So helpful!
Your perspective is completely insightful and so relatable. I just wish that I could stop wanting to share information on the subject but the reality is that all efforts would be futile. I still love him!😔
I understand. It took a very long time for me to stop trying to think of the perfect way to explain things that would magically get through. I eventually found peace and truly accepted it. I know you can too.
Thank you.
Excellent videos! I am binge watching because I enjoy your insight so much.
Thank you! I’m happy you are enjoying them!
Same.👍
As a person who recently added up some patterns of behaviors and saw that I probably am this narrcisist you talk about, you're right, that questions 'who should I be' came to mind every morning. This is messed up when you realize that it is all fasade, way to survive in world. The worst part is that without this true self behind mask (all people wear them) what is meaning od existence? Looking for pity? Validation from people that your true self 'inner child' is terrified of? One more good dinner? Sounds like existence of animal
No love, just contracts and obligations.... *sad mask*
Good material, nice painting
this is a great video and reminds me of the educational videos the school teacher would show us on the roll in tv with vhs tape
Awesome video
Its so sad.
I dont like Narcisists. they can just go away. Peace
Excellent exlaining
Interesting perspective.
Thanks. 😊
Good take on it
Thank you!
You’re welcome. Thanks for watching!
We can only control our behaviour, not other people s behaviour towards others.
i mourn for the person my father could have been. for the sad kid that was neglected and abandoned by his parents. i am fearful of my dad as he is now. i have always been able to feel that black void in him, just an emptiness. as he ages and approaches narcissistic collapse. i wish his life turned out differently but i have to do what i can to protect myself and my family from the carnage he will cause.
Wow this video is really good!! The difference between vanity and a "true self" defense (learned in childhood).. is the missing piece for me trying to make it all make sense. These narcissists are a living nightmare to deal with, especially if you are smart enough to try to figure out what the heck is actually going on.... I have a strict no narc policy in my life meow. Keep up the great work and subscribed. #17 woot.
Good for you! And thank you very much! 😊
So clearly said. Thank you.
The flower analogy is great
Another decent narc breakdown. 👍
👍👍👍Great content
Happy to be your 15th sub great video wish you luck and everything you said is so true you know what your talking about
Thank you so much!
I've witnessed my narc ex gf lose her mind over a small series of trivial incidents that are easily solved that happened in rapid succession. Small incidents that secure people wouldn't even care about or even give 2nd thought to if they were to happen to them. After witnessing how easily her ugly side was triggered, I left and stopped speaking to her.
So if you so for instance happen to be a narcissist. Am I fucked?
I wouldn’t ever say that about someone that actually wanted to change.
Quiet brilliance, The doctors can’t really tell you the truth you did it very very well. Thank you
That was brilliant! you certainly captured the trauma tragedy, and trajectory of this unfortunate person. Again, as you rightly stated, when they collapse we see "their fragility". They could go into depression and might even kill themselves. Nevertheless, there is hope. F to F analytic or MBT psychotherapy with a caring, 'holding' and containing therapist could help recovery.
Thank you
Rafeek
Character trait aquisition.
I feel like with the Internet and social media it’s a lot harder for narcissist to collapse
Congrats. It is just you said. My father is one of them, and I have two brothers and a nasty, real nasty, half sister.
I KNOW someone who is just like this. Even changed their name to fit their persona
Never say never. Nothings impossible.
Not for an aware narcissist.
Wow.😑😑😑
My ex is a malignant Narcissist, I feel so sad for her, still struggling to forgive her but, because she was so damn cruel, but I think I'm getting there, the more I learn.
PS great video
Are they devils in disguise?
They are very demonic, souless creatures. Truly undesirable,treat them like you did before you met them...not at all..🤯🤫🤔🏃♀️
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Despite of being subscribed to your videos why did you stop to uploa them over here?
Does the child create the false self, or does it appear when they run from their true self?
I believe the false self is a construct developed through trial and error of what identity will have the best chance at getting their needs met for them.
Video request if you don't mind... Impact of COVID-19 lockdowns and isolation for a Narcissist. Are they extra dangerous right now looking for supply? What happens when daily workplace supply dries up?
Thanks for the suggestion. I will have to do some deep thinking on this. That’s an interesting angle with how the workplace may be affected when narcissists no longer have their admirers or their victims around.
I HAVE TO INTERJECT AND SAY I HAD SAME CHILDHOOD AND I'M EXTREMELY EMPATHIC, MY MOTHER WAS A PIECE OF NARCISSIST, SO WAS DAD, MY THEORY IS THAT THEY CHOOSE IT, EVEN AT AGE 5 OR 6 SHE WANTED MONEY AND WAS WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO GET IT, ITS IN THEM, BUT YES 5 IS VERY YOUNG, BUT HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN NO EMPATHY THATS NOT LEARNT, ITS IN YOU OR MAYBE I'M WRONG, ANYWAY, I THINK EVIL IS INVOLVED AND ITS PASSED ON FR THE PARENTS MAYBE, I WAS LUCKY BUT I DID NOT HAVE THAT IN ME, I'M TOO CARING. I DON'T THINK THERE IS ANYTHING NORMAL ABOUT IT BUT MAYBE AS A BABY SHE SNAPPED, SO DID MY OTHER SISTER, THEIR WAY OF THINKING IS EXCEEDINGLY STRANGE TO ME, THATS WHY I DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT FOR SO LONG BUT I SAW THE EVIL AND SO DID OTHERS IN OUR TEENS!
So if I'm understanding this correctly, you're suggesting that narcissism is an extreme defense mechanism perhaps as an alternative to associative identity disorder?
I’m not familiar with the disorder you mentioned, but I would definitely consider pathological narcissism to be an extreme defense mechanism. I would consider it to be a whole system of defense mechanisms, and even one in which the personality itself is a system of defense mechanisms.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror Associative Identity Disorder is the phenomenon that used to be called split personality. Considering the Jekyll/Hyde way in which narcissism presents (when it rears it's ugly head and becomes obvious), I was wondering if the two may be related as both are responses to extreme trauma.
Interesting. I’m not sure if this applies, but I don’t believe that narcissists experience confusion or amnesia (unless it’s comorbid). I believe the Jeckyll and Hyde phenomenon is a result of their moods changing. But I do believe that their defense mechanisms are the result of extreme trauma. I’m sure there are areas they relate.
Impossible with divorce rate this high!
Can I get rid of my false self?
Melissa Mobeck I just watched this excellent video again, then saw your recent comment and it doesn't seem right to mention other people's channels, yet it's difficult not to, especially when someone asks a question and creators don't have time to read, let alone respond, to every single person!
I want to let you know that Dr Mark Ettensohn from Heal NPD and Dr Diana Diamond have had success with people who are highly narcissistic, if you're interested.
I've noticed that many narcissism counsellors believe that none can change, no matter what, which I don't agree with, whereas others realise that it's possible with those who want to.
I'd been saying that talking therapy isn't enough though, so that might be why most aren't making much progress, then Dr Ettensohn verified that it's important to grieve and so on. 😊
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Though I agree with most of your videos that I have watched so far and they have given me a lot of understanding and validation to what I went through . I, however , have major issue with this video . First of all we all have defenses , adaptive or maladaptive . Ofcourse narcissists have maladaptive dysfunctional and toxic defenses but that does not mean that’s why they crumble , a person with adaptive defenses will also crumble without them. I think you are getting too psychoanalytic about this to the point that it may almost be reaching Freudian theory , when we did not have functional MRIs . These people are biologically driven most of the time to be non-empathic , not just because of the traumatic childhood etc. I have seen kids growing into caring human beings from the same family where narcissists also emerged . Their brains function in a different way , we cannot ever think like them , they are evil pure evil people and it’s dangerous to think about them as being scared child underneath their facade . Just my two cents since you ask about our thoughts . I do want to see a vlog on how sex felt to others when you/they were in a relationship with a narcissist , I have already shared how it felt for me in one of your other videos comment section , and wonder if that is a common experience , as well
Our authentic true selves of which their is one never left God's perfect oneness...their is nothing else including narcissists...bank robbers...govt employees...retail shoppers ...commuters...students...husbands..wife's...children...and the universe...tiny mad idea
people neeeeever fake being mean.
people do, however, fake being happy.
...unless these THINGS are not 'people'?
...these psychos ARE fake (masked).
I don"t know why, i was the only person out of 5 people who was me in the end, i did go thru addiction, alcohol, anything , went to AA, my mother was NPD and father was schizophrenic, two sisters Npd, why i remained me, i was sensitiveintrospective, i was in the wrong family, but it was a massive 💔 battle to not die to alcoholism, but i knew my sister was not real self, didnt know mother, , othersis didn't grow up with us, i didn't realise until more recently she was also npd although i saw she was acting too, wasn't until i got to know her that u realised no-one was home, strange 💔 that they tell so many lies about their whole life, very strange, why? superiority, they must be superior!😂😅
It's a really good video on narcissism, but 1.) it's not about "safety" for narcissists, it's really just about entitlement, power, control and sadism. 2.) Narcissists can be extremely dangerous, there are narcissists who have murdered/raped people. Narcissism is always an aspect of psychopathy (ASPD) and necrophilia or cannibalism, that why it's so dangerous.
The Jewish-German psychoanalyst Erich Fromm who escaped the Holocaust (and who studied narcissism before the rise of fascism in Germany) states that Hitler was a necrophiliac who was extremely narcissistic. Narcissism is dangerous because it's basically the opposite of being a healthy and loving human being who is capable of love.
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